If you show someone a performance when you meet them, they will think that performance is you.

If you snag a girlfriend by constantly showering her with compliments, entertaining her, and buying her gifts, you will have snagged a girl who values a partner who does those things. She will not know you, and your chances of attracting someone who values materialistic things and a selfish attitude is higher because of what you're putting forwards. 

I would get tired of performing after a couple of months too.

Your inability to truly connect with and empathize with a woman is preventing you from attracting the kind of woman who can do that for you, unless you get exceptionally lucky. But even then, do you think you'd be able to see her for her if she entered your life anyways? I could be wrong here, but from what you've described it seems like you are so suspicious and on edge that you wouldn't easily open up in that way with someone if they showed that empathy. 

I really empathize with you, and the treatment you got in your teens was not your fault. I'm sorry it happened. Unfortunately, the only person who can change it is you. It must come from inside and it will be hard.

Why do you think you do the performance?