First of all you shouldn’t snoop unless you’re willing to deal with the consequences of doing so. This is something you have to live with now and get past; no one on this subreddit can do that for you. 


As for the libido… There was a point in my life where I turned down advances from my wife as well, it was difficult on her too. Hell it’s difficult for me when she does it. I think it’s a natural part of marriage to go through waves like this, at least in my experience. Libidos go up and down at their own pace based on life/stress/emotional health. Some years she’s spiking and I’m flatlined. We’ve never really lined up ‘perfectly’ over the last 16 years except when we were honeymooning. It’s hard not to take it personally but it gives you insight into the blowback we should all consider when we decide we are not willing to do it for our partner.