conversations.from: human
conversations.value: What could be a title for a book about York, Times, University with the genre: Humor & Entertainment, Humor?
conversations.from: assistant
conversations.value: A title for this book could be 'Assholes Finish First'
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Do you know the first three paragraphs for this book?
conversations.from: assistant
conversations.value: Assholes Finish First
  Tucker "NOT FAIR?!? SORT OF LIKE YOU FUCKING LYING TO ME ABOUT YOUR FUCKING AGE AND PUTTING ME AT RISK FOR PRISON???"
  As I stood there watching her body heave with sobs, I briefly disassociated from my immediate emotions and began to reevaluate my life. I already knew this situation would take me months to recover from emotionally. In the meantime, there would be no more meeting girls off the internet. I was not gonna talk to girls without first carding them, even at bars, and I didn't care how much of a fucking weirdo people thought I was being. The next roommate I got would be a bouncer or work for the DMV.
  Tucker "We can debate the fairness of the law later. I can't have a 14 year old girl in my apartment. I think even this is breaking the law, I'm not sure, and I have no desire to find out. You have to go home right now."
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Add another sentence about I'd, looked.
conversations.from: assistant
conversations.value: Assholes Finish First
  Tucker "NOT FAIR?!? SORT OF LIKE YOU FUCKING LYING TO ME ABOUT YOUR FUCKING AGE AND PUTTING ME AT RISK FOR PRISON???"
  As I stood there watching her body heave with sobs, I briefly disassociated from my immediate emotions and began to reevaluate my life. I already knew this situation would take me months to recover from emotionally. In the meantime, there would be no more meeting girls off the internet. I was not gonna talk to girls without first carding them, even at bars, and I didn't care how much of a fucking weirdo people thought I was being. The next roommate I got would be a bouncer or work for the DMV. I'd have him card every girl I brought home, even if she was so old she looked like a catcher's mitt with lipstick. 
  Tucker "We can debate the fairness of the law later. I can't have a 14 year old girl in my apartment. I think even this is breaking the law, I'm not sure, and I have no desire to find out. You have to go home right now. "
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Do you know five more paragraphs?
conversations.from: assistant
conversations.value: ATMMidget "Shut up! At the LP convention there are strength contests and stuff like that, and we beat regular people all the time!"
  Tucker "Regular? You mean cripples and people with MS? Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Just because you can lift tiny little weights doesn't mean you have real strength."
  Tucker "HAHAHAHA. OK, let's have a push-up contest. Right here. I will do more than both of you COMBINED."
  We got on the ground in push-up position. ATMMidget started first, and I went movement for movement with her. I have to say, she knocked out 20 pretty fast, and then CuteMidget got right down and knocked another 20 out like it was nothing, and ATMMidget followed her right up with 20 more.
  Thankfully, they crapped out at 40 apiece, and I was able to keep going, so I won. To their credit, though, I'm in good shape, and they pushed me pretty close to the limits of my consecutive push-up ability. But, like all midgets, they came up short.
conversations.from: human
conversations.value: Do you know the last five paragraphs?
conversations.from: assistant
conversations.value: At first I wasn't sure if this dude was coming to protest me, but it turns out, he's a big fan. Even Jesus approves of Tucker Max.
  The hospital administrators asked me not to post the pictures I took with the soldiers, and trust me, you don't want to see those. War is awful. Thank a soldier.
  I do a ton of media, but one of the only things I really like doing is Loveline with Dr. Drew (and now Psycho Mike). He's such a great guy, even cooler than he is on TV/radio.
  This series of pictures still flabbergasts me. This guy asked me to sign his back during the Denver signing. So I did. And then he got my signature inked onto him. I still don't know what to say...
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