human
Can you write me a poem about nature and goblin?
assistant
Sure, here's a poem about nature and goblin:
  A humorous tale,
in verse.
successors to
successors to
Our tale is a true one, from which may be taught
A maxim for youth, with utility fraught;--
_If terrors assail you, examine the cause,
And all will be well_;--for, by NATURE'S kind laws,
Nor Goblins nor Spectres on earth have a station,--
These phantoms are all of ideal creation.
A _Monkey_, that comical tricks would be at,
His frolics one morning began with the _Cat_;
He chatter'd, as much as to say _How d' ye do?_
And _Puss_ look'd her thanks, and politely cried _Mew_!
_Pug_ then shook her paw, and they sat down together,
_Puss_ washing her face, indicating wet weather.
But, mischief the _Monkey_ inclining to harbour,
His skill he resolved now to try as a _Barber_.--
A soap-box conveniently lay in the room,
"Miss _Puss_," he exclaim'd, "you'll be shaved, I presume?"
Then scraping and bowing with grin and grimace,
Despite of resistance, he lather'd her face.
Now _Pug_ could not find either razor or knife,
So _Puss_ ran no hazard of losing her life;--
Yet razor or knife though they could not be had,
_Pug_ found what the terrified _Cat_ thought as bad;
A knife made of ivory, in use to cut paper,
With which Barber _Pug_ now proceeded to scrape her.
But _Puss_ on a sudden deserted her station,
Disliking (no wonder) the strange operation,
And ran round the room without means of escaping;
While _Pug_, still determined to give her a scraping,
Pursued, and, regardless of struggle or prayer,
Fast bound her, at last, to the back of a chair.
When, tucking a napkin close under her chin,
Each mew of dismay he return'd with a grin;
And yelling and chattering they raised such a clatter,
That _Susan_ rush'd in to learn what was the matter;
When _Pug_, overturning the chair midst the clack,
The sight was to _Susan_ so curious, that faster
She ran _out_ than _in_, to tell _Mistress_ and _Master_;
But, when they came up, neither _Puss_ nor the _Shaver_
Was there, to account for improper behaviour;--
For _Pug_ had contrived, amid _Susan's_ alarms,
To reach the house-top, with Miss _Puss_ in his arms.
Now fearing that _Pug_ or Miss _Puss_ might be maim'd,
"Go, fetch a long ladder," the _Master_ exclaim'd;
"And bring them down quickly both _Barber_ and _Cat_."
The ladder was climb'd by a servant so valiant,
But _Pug_ with loose tiles soon repulsed the assailant.
Against all manoeuvre apparently proof,
_Pug_ chatter'd and paced to and fro on the roof,
And fondled the _Cat_, and next, pitying her case,
He wiped with the napkin the suds from her face;
As nurse would a child, then he held her out _so_,
While all the spectators kept laughing below.
Now seeing him thus to good humour inclined,
They thought he might prove more pacific of mind,
So mounted the ladder another assailer;
When _Pug_, of loose tiles now perceiving a failure,
Eluded the grasp of pursuit with a hop,
And gained an adjacent and tall chimney-pot.
It chanced that the vent of this same chimney led
Direct to a chamber, confined to his bed
Where lay an old gentleman, ill with the gout,
_And wishing some bad fate might thence drag him out!_
_Pug_, missing his footing, 'midst vapour and fume,
That instant with _Puss_ tumbled into the room.
Grimed over with soot, they kick'd up such a rout,
And caper'd the sick man's apartment about,
And chatter'd and squall'd in a manner so hideous,
Like young imps of darkness, that, not to be tedious,
The sufferer forgot both his gout and his prayers,
And scamper'd, pursued by these phantoms, down stairs!
There sat in the parlour a medical man,
And thither _pursued_ and _pursuers_ now ran;--
And _Puss_ and the _Monkey_ grown fiercer and bolder,
Physician and Patient seized each by his shoulder,
Who raised such a yell, that the _chorus_ resembled
A legion of mad-caps from Bedlam assembled!
The tumult each wonder-struck inmate alarm'd;
At length on assistance they ventured, well arm'd,
And entered the scene of dismay and despair,--
When, lo! no invaders of quiet were there!
But Doctor and Patient lay stretch'd on the floor,
Not wotting of terror a forthcoming cure.
The incident soon was of mystery clear'd,--
The owner of _Pug_ and _Grimalkin_ appear'd;--
"My _Monkey_ and _Cat_ have created alarm;
I hope," he observed, "you have not taken harm:"--
Then cautiously peering the chamber about,
He dragg'd, from the Chimney, both intruders out.
Alarm now gave way to good humour and fun,--
"Much harm to my friend," said the Patient, "is done;
Your _Ape_ pill and potion has put to the rout,
And cured me, I thank him, at once of the _Gout_."
He then to the _Monkey_ made reverence profound,
Who _salam'd_ politely the company round.
The _Doctor_ a lesson thus learn'd, that, despite
Of physic, the Gout may be cured by a _fright_:
And, since this affair, now and then on the sly
In similar cases same means he will try.--
To show that no malice or envy he knew,
He shook hands with _Pug_, and each party withdrew.
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