human
When I first lived with him, she began,
gpt
I met a lot of well-known writers, artists, actors. He used to go out more then, and it flattered him to meet men who were famous. Well, I came to the conclusion that the greatest men are the most tragic, the most pathetically childish. I suppose you _have_ to be self-centred to succeed; and then somehow, they can't get used to the little things. You know how press-notices upset poor Hubert? Well, they're all like that about something or other. You see, you married a man of that sort and you must make allowances.
human
Oh, I do, said Helena, leaping at self-defence.
gpt
I always did. It's _him_. He won't forgive me, won't believe I'm sorry, won't let me put things right. You don't know what this week has been. I can't endure it, really.
human
And so, asked Ruth,
gpt
What do you expect me to do, otherwise? He won't allow me to see other men, won't talk to me himself. A little house like this is nothing. What am I to do? It isn't even as though I'd a child.
human
Hugh is just a child,
gpt
A child indeed? If you could have heard him this week! She suddenly grew hostile.
human
Why, she demanded passionately,
gpt
Helena, she said very gently, thrusting the name forward to make peace,
human
I'm not going to ask you to give up your career; I'm asking you to spare Hugh his illusions.
gpt
I don't see,
human
No, said the other, and then paused. Helena thought that she had finished, when she suddenly began again.
gpt
I've been alone a good deal these three years, and I have thought a lot about marriage. Oh, not for myself, no (she spoke so sadly that Helena relented for a moment);
human
And yet, swiftly interrupted Helena in triumph,
gpt
I don't. She spoke decisively.
human
I only ask you not to sacrifice Hubert's to it.
gpt
I still don't understand.
human
Hubert married you, began Ruth expansively,
gpt
What are you asking me to do then?
human
Leave him.
gpt
Leave him? cried Helena, and by a natural dramatic instinct she rose from her chair.
human
Leave him when I'm fond of him?
gpt
Leave him, she said again,
human
You cannot serve God and Mammon,
gpt
Don't break all his illusions, she heard Ruth saying, miles away.
human
Be gentle with him if you're fond of him. You know how sensitive he is. Your books, you say, sell better. How do you think he could ever endure that, he who--I tell you--is nothing but a child? It would be agony, a life-time agony; disgrace. He lives upon success, on admiration, on being the centre even of a little house. How could a man like that endure to be just Helena Brett's husband? ... Oh no, you won't do it, you can't be so brutal. No one can forbid you your career, but go away and work it out alone. _I_ will look after Hubert, if he needs me.
gpt
So that's it, she said with a bitter laugh, longing to hurt somehow.
human
You're thinking of yourself.
gpt
God knows, said Ruth solemnly,
human
I wouldn't come back willingly for half the world, fond as I am of Hugh. I've _lived_ since I got right away alone beside the sea. He always trampled on me; I lay down; I haven't got your courage. I often cried myself to sleep--and he not even guessing he had been unkind! It was hideous, I see now; hideous every day of it. But I'd go through it all again, and worse, sooner than expose him to this agony.
gpt
Leave him? she said dully.
human
Surely there's some other way? Even if he didn't mind, think of---- You talk about agony, but how can you advise me to do this, when you know how his friends----
gpt
Nothing would hurt him, said Ruth earnestly,
human
(she cried impatiently):
gpt
Must I put it in words? He thinks that _he_ is a real author, you just nobody; that _he_ has studied, he has nerves and everything an artist has, but you are just a woman. He lives upon his self-conceit.... Oh yes, I've said it now; I had to. It's not disloyalty. I'm fond of Hubert too--everybody is, because he is so thorough in it, such a perfect child. And everybody spares him too. Men of his sort are never told; everybody pities them the shock. They smile on him and like to see him so contented. They call him 'dear old Hubert.' It's half pity, yes--but also it's half love. I've seen it all so clearly since I got away. I've sometimes told myself that if I had those years again, I should let him have the whole truth; but I know that I shouldn't. And _you_ won't either, Helena. Nobody ever does. They dream on happily, and all we others seem the selfish ones to them. It's all a comedy, when you're not near enough to see the tragedy. I've thought a lot about it, and I'm so glad now I was gentle. And _you_'ll be gentle too, I know. You'll either go away or you won't write: it's not for me to settle which; but you'll be gentle. You said just now you hadn't got a child. You have. No married woman is without a child. You won't be hard, I know, will you, because your child has been a little spoilt and things have suddenly gone wrong, and--just for a little bit--he loves to hurt his toys?
human
I--I never thought of it like that, said Helena, an odd look in her eyes.
gpt
I thought him so splendid and clever, so terribly above me. It all seemed so hopeless.
human
I wish we had known each other sooner, she said.
gpt
I must go and unpack.