human
Jorumgander the Younger is not of much use now, said the Zankiwank sorrowfully.
gpt
He chiefly aims at making a mystery of everything, but so many people not engaged in trade make a mystery of nothing every day, that he is sadly handicapped. And most sensible people hate a mystery of any kind, unless it belongs to themselves, so that he finds customers very shy. Once upon a time he would get hold of a simple story and turn it into such a gigantic mystery that all the world would be mystified. But those happy days are gone, and he thinks of turning his business into a company to sell Original Ideas, when he knows where to find them.
human
I don't see what good can come of making a mystery of anything--especially if anything is true,
gpt
But _anything_ is not true. Nor is _anything_ untrue. There is the difficulty. If anything were true, nothing would be untrue, and then where should we be?
human
Nowhere,
gpt
Exactly. That is just where we are now, and a very nice place it is. There is one thing, however, that Jorumgander the Younger--there he is with the pink eye-brows and green nose. Don't say anything about his personal appearance. What I was going to say he will say instead. It is a habit we have occasionally. He is my grandfather, you know.
human
Your grandfather! What! that young man? Why, he is not more than twenty-two and three quarters, I'm sure,
gpt
You are right. He _is_ twenty-two and three quarters. You don't quite understand our relationships. The boy, as you have no doubt heard, is father to the man. Very well. I am the man. When he was a boy on my aunt's side he was father to me. That's plain enough. He has grown older since then, though he is little more than a boy in discretion still, therefore he is my grandfather.
human
How very absurdly you do talk, Mr Zankiwank, laughed Willie;
gpt
Try my Magic Pens. They are the best in the market, because there are no others. There is no demand for them, and few folk will have them for a gift. Therefore I can highly recommend them.
human
How can you recommend your pens, when you declare that nobody will buy them?
gpt
Because they are a novelty. They are Magic Pens, you know, and of course as nobody possesses any, they must be rare. That is logic, I think.
human
Buy one, said the Zankiwank,
gpt
In what way are they Magic Pens?
human
Ah! I thought I should find a customer between Michaelmas and May Day, cried Jorumgander the Younger, quite cheerfully.
gpt
The beauty of these pens is that they never tell a story.
human
But suppose you want to write a story?
gpt
That is a different thing. If you have the ability to write a story you won't want a Magic Pen. These pens are only for every-day use. For example: if you want to write to your charwoman to tell her you have got the toothache, and you haven't got the toothache, the Magic Pen refuses to lend itself to telling a--a----
human
Crammer,
gpt
Crammer. Thank you. I don't know what it means, but crammer is the correct word. The Magic Pen will simplify the truth whether you wish to tell it or not.
human
I do not understand,
gpt
Let me try to explain, said Jorumgander the Younger politely.
human
The Magic Pen will only write exactly what you think--what is in your mind, what you ought to say, whether you wish to or not.
gpt
A very useful article, I am sure, said the Zankiwank.
human
I gave six dozen away last Christmas, but nobody used them after a few days, and I can't think why.
gpt
Ah! sighed Jorumgander the Younger,