human
Now, Mr. Gibb, you have been and gone and done it.
gpt
Done what, sir?
human
I think it's extremely possible that you've laid yourself open to an indictment for conspiracy.
gpt
Have I, sir?
human
You brought Miss Lindsay here?
gpt
Excuse me, sir, but if you'll remember you told me to ask her to come.
human
You put me up to it.
gpt
I merely happened to mention that she was looking for something to do, and so she is.
human
No she isn't.
gpt
Isn't she, sir?
human
No, she's found it! And that's where I'm in a position to prove conspiracy. Mr. Gibb, do you mean to tell me that Miss Lindsay has been pawning her things?
gpt
I hope you won't let it go any further, sir.
human
Do you think I'm---- What do you think I am?
gpt
I haven't thought, sir; only it happened to come to my knowledge, and it seemed to me to be a sad thing for her to have to do.
human
All I can say is that she hasn't pawned all her things.
gpt
No, sir, but she soon would have done.
human
Have you any idea of how much that dress cost which she had on? to say nothing of the hat!
gpt
Not exactly, sir, I haven't; but my sister told me that some of her things must have cost a good bit of money.
human
That dress cost every penny of five-and-twenty or thirty pounds, and I dare say the hat cost another tenner; and she's been walking about in those kind of things her whole life long, I'm sure of it.
gpt
I told you, sir, she was a lady born and bred.
human
Mr. Gibb, you see advertisements for a lady, as barmaid; when I think of that I don't want to think of Miss Lindsay as a lady; she's on a different plane; she's of heaven, not of earth.
gpt
I told you, sir, she was high as the heavens above me.
human
So she is; you were right there; although the construction of your sentence is faulty, Mr. Gibb. She's a divinity among women; a poem among girls; the ideal which a man sets up for himself of what a woman may be when God chooses.
gpt
Is she, sir?
human
Look at her! how she walks, how she moves, how she bears herself! And what a voice! had Orpheus had it he'd have needed no warbling string to aid him to draw 'iron tears down Pluto's cheek!' Then what beauty's in her face; but there's in it what not one beautiful woman in a thousand has, there's a soul! Mr. Gibb, I've only seen Miss Lindsay about twenty minutes, but I regard her as 'a perfect woman, nobly planned'; and I may add 'she was a phantom of delight, when first she gleamed upon my sight,' therefore I say you were guilty of conspiracy in luring me on to ask her to come here; because what has the result been?
gpt
What has it, sir?
human
The result has been that I've made an idiot of myself; a complete and perfect ass.
gpt
Have you, sir?
human
I don't like your tone, Mr. Gibb, it exacerbates. It is in itself enough to prove your guilt. Had you not been engaged in a conspiracy you would have been surprised beyond measure at the wholly unforeseen result. But, as it is, I put it to you, Mr. Gibb; are you surprised?
gpt
Well, sir, in a way I can't say I am, not exactly.
human
There you are! there you are! Do you know, Mr. Gibb, that I've given Miss Lindsay to understand that I've retained her services as a member of my staff?
gpt
She told me you'd engaged her, sir.
human
Oh, she did, did she? What did she tell you I'd engaged her as?
gpt
As jobbing secretary, sir.
human
And pray what is a jobbing secretary?
gpt
That's what I was wondering.
human
She asked me what a jobbing secretary was; and I explained as clearly as I could under the circumstances, and considering that I don't know myself. When you reflect on the fact that I have engaged her to be something which I never heard of before you will have grasped the initial difficulty of my position; which is complicated by the further fact that she is, what she certainly is, a divinity among women. If she'd come, say, about twelve and leave before one; or if she'd spend a few hours daily in intellectual conversation with me in here; or if she'd come out with me to enjoy the air, say on the top of an omnibus; or even if she'd go out with you, for a little pedestrian exercise, from two to six; the situation might be lightened. But she'll do none of these things; she's as good as said so. She told me, with a delicious seriousness which took all idea of resistance clean out of me, that she meant to do a man's work for a man's wage. Now, Mr. Gibb, in this office I don't see how it's going to be done.
gpt
I'm sure I don't.
human
I don't do a man's work.
gpt
No, sir, you don't.
human
You do still less.
gpt
I think, sir, I've got an idea of something you might give Miss Lindsay to do.
human
Let's have it; you know, Mr. Gibb, any pearls of wisdom which you may drop are always welcome.
gpt
You remember, sir, when I first came you gave me some papers which you said I might copy when I'd nothing else to do.
human
I have some dim recollection of something of the kind. Well, have they been copied?
gpt
No, sir, they haven't.
human
How long have you had them?
gpt
Oh, rather more than two years.
human
Then it's time they were copied. What papers are they?
gpt
I never could make out, and I don't think you could either; they're counsels' opinions, or judges' rulings, or something like that. I know when I asked you what they were you told me not to ask any questions; so I knew you didn't know.
human
Mr. Gibb, you have a way of your own of arriving at conclusions. I think I recall those papers; they were here when I came into possession; they'd been stuffed up the chimney to keep out the draught or something.
gpt
I was thinking, sir, if you could think of nothing else, that you might get Miss Lindsay to copy them.
human
There's--there's something in the idea. Could we pass them off as genuine?
gpt
As how, sir?
human
Are they of an appearance, and character, which would enable us to induce Miss Lindsay to believe that they really are papers of importance?
gpt
I should think so, sir; I know it took me ever so long before I found them out.
human
Ah; then it might take her a week. By that time we may have hit upon something else. Where are those papers?
gpt
They're in my desk.
human
Then get them out of your desk. Have them cleaned, tidied, made presentable; Miss Lindsay shall commence on them as soon as she arrives. And I tell you something else I'll do. Miss Lindsay tells me she can work a typewriter.
gpt
Can she?
human
I'll get her one. I think I should prefer to have good, clear typewritten copies of those papers, Mr. Gibb; they'll be so much more accessible for reference. I--I suppose a typewriter can be hired.
gpt
Oh yes, sir; I believe from about half-a-crown a week.
human
That doesn't seem to be a prohibitive figure; I'll hire one; I'll go out this afternoon to see about it. You see, Mr. Gibb, how one thing leads to another. I propose to increase my staff; the mere proposition adds materially to my own labours. I know no more about typewriters than I do about sewing-machines; of which I know nothing; so I foresee that my afternoon will be fully occupied. By the way, Mr. Gibb, a further point; you have found an idea which has been of assistance in one direction, perhaps you might find a second which would be of some service to me in another.
gpt
What is it, sir?
human
As you put it to me, I take it that you will allow it to go no further; but, between ourselves, I have undertaken to pay Miss Lindsay, as jobbing secretary, since she proposes to do a man's work for a man's wage, an honorarium of two guineas a week.
gpt
So she told me, sir.
human
So she told you, did she? Oh! Then I suppose she expects to get it.
gpt
I expect she does, sir.
human
Then in that case I think that, perhaps, I had better make it perfectly clear to you how, precisely, the land lies. From a drawer which he unlocked in his writing-table Mr. Hooper took three sovereigns and some silver; he displayed the coins to the best advantage on the table.
gpt
This choice, but small, collection of bullion has to last me, Mr. Gibb, to quarter day. There are still three clear weeks. I have to pay you thirty shillings; being three weeks' wages at ten shillings a week; out of the balance I have to pay Miss Lindsay six guineas, and keep myself; besides having to meet certain small liabilities which must be met. I should be glad, Mr. Gibb, if you would give me some idea of how it is to be done.
human
I think, sir, if I were you, I should let me explain to Miss Lindsay.
gpt
Explain what, Mr. Gibb?
human
What kind of gentleman you are.
gpt
And pray, in your opinion, what kind of gentleman am I?
human
Well, considering how you've gone and done it with Miss Lindsay I shouldn't think you'd want much explaining, sir.
gpt
That's true, Mr. Gibb, most true. Still, I'm curious to hear what you'd tell her.
human
I wouldn't give you away, sir.
gpt
Wouldn't you? Oh! What would you do?
human
I should simply tell her, sir, that you'd been thinking things over, and that you'd come to the conclusion that two guineas a week was too much to pay her at the start; and that you thought--should I say fifteen shillings ought to be enough at the beginning, sir?
gpt
Fifteen shillings! And I promised her two guineas!
human
Yes, sir, you promised her.
gpt
What kind of a person do you suppose she'd think I am?
human
I don't see how it matters, sir.
gpt
You don't see how it matters!
human
Well, sir, you can't pay her two guineas a week, no matter what she thinks of you; and you might manage to pay her fifteen shillings--somehow. I expect you'd find she'd sooner have fifteen shillings in cash than two guineas in promises.
gpt
Mr. Gibb, you appear to have a high opinion of me.
human
I have, sir; I couldn't have a higher.
gpt
Couldn't you? you young scoundrel! Pray when did I make a promise to you which I didn't keep, to the letter?
human
When I came, sir, you gave me six shillings a week, now you give me ten; but there's a difference between ten shillings and two guineas.
gpt
Yes, Mr. Gibb, and there's a difference between you and Miss Lindsay.
human
Don't I know it, sir? There's all the difference in the world.
gpt
As you say, there's all the difference in the world. Miss Lindsay is a divinity among women.
human
That's exactly my opinion, sir; and has been from the first.
gpt
It has been your opinion, has it, Mr. Gibb? Then allow me to inform you that when I enter into an undertaking with--with a divinity among women, to do a certain thing, I do that thing. I have undertaken to pay Miss Lindsay two guineas a week; I will pay her two guineas a week. The money shall be found; I will find it. Be so good, Mr. Gibb, as to look up those papers you spoke about, and see that they are in a presentable condition, so that Miss Lindsay can begin on them directly she arrives.