human
I did think so certainly. What more can I say?
gpt
Oh, nothing; clearly nothing. Her voice was very low.
human
Why should a gentleman trouble himself to say any more,--than that he has changed his mind? Why make a fuss about such little things as a woman's life, or a woman's heart? Then she paused.
gpt
And having come, in consequence of my unreasonable request, of course you are wise to hold your peace.
human
I came because I promised.
gpt
But you did not promise to speak;--did you?
human
What would you have me say?
gpt
Ah what! Am I to be so weak as to tell you now what I would have you say? Suppose you were to say, 'I am a gentleman, and a man of my word, and I repent me of my intended perfidy,' do you not think you might get your release that way? Might it not be possible that I should reply that as your heart was gone from me, your hand might go after it;--that I scorned to be the wife of a man who did not want me?
human
You might indeed,
gpt
But I should not. I at least will be true. I should take you, Paul,--still take you; with a confidence that I should yet win you to me by my devotion. I have still some kindness of feeling towards you,--none to that woman who is I suppose younger than I, and gentler, and a maid. She still looked as though she expected a reply, but there was nothing to be said in answer to this.
human
Now that you are going to leave me, Paul, is there any advice you can give me, as to what I shall do next? I have given up every friend in the world for you. I have no home. Mrs. Pipkin's room here is more my home than any other spot on the earth. I have all the world to choose from, but no reason whatever for a choice. I have my property. What shall I do with it, Paul? If I could die and be no more heard of, you should be welcome to it. There was no answer possible to all this. The questions were asked because there was no answer possible.
gpt
You might at any rate advise me. Paul, you are in some degree responsible,--are you not,--for my loneliness?
human
I am. But you know that I cannot answer your questions.
gpt
You cannot wonder that I should be somewhat in doubt as to my future life. As far as I can see, I had better remain here. I do good at any rate to Mrs. Pipkin. She went into hysterics yesterday when I spoke of leaving her. That woman, Paul, would starve in our country, and I shall be desolate in this. Then she paused, and there was absolute silence for a minute.
human
You thought my letter very short; did you not?
gpt
It said, I suppose, all you had to say.
human
No, indeed. I did have much more to say. That was the third letter I wrote. Now you shall see the other two. I wrote three, and had to choose which I would send you. I fancy that yours to me was easier written than either one of mine. You had no doubts, you know. I had many doubts. I could not send them all by post, together. But you may see them all now. There is one. You may read that first. While I was writing it, I was determined that that should go.
gpt
I am glad you did not send that,
human
I meant it.
gpt
But you have changed your mind?
human
Is there anything in it that seems to you to be unreasonable? Speak out and tell me.
gpt
I am thinking of you, not of myself.
human
Think of me, then. Is there anything said there which the usage to which I have been subjected does not justify?
gpt
You ask me questions which I cannot answer. I do not think that under any provocation a woman should use a horsewhip.
human
It is certainly more comfortable for gentlemen,--who amuse themselves,--that women should have that opinion. But, upon my word, I don't know what to say about that. As long as there are men to fight for women, it may be well to leave the fighting to the men. But when a woman has no one to help her, is she to bear everything without turning upon those who ill-use her? Shall a woman be flayed alive because it is unfeminine in her to fight for her own skin? What is the good of being--feminine, as you call it? Have you asked yourself that? That men may be attracted, I should say. But if a woman finds that men only take advantage of her assumed weakness, shall she not throw it off? If she be treated as prey, shall she not fight as a beast of prey? Oh, no;--it is so unfeminine! I also, Paul, had thought of that. The charm of womanly weakness presented itself to my mind in a soft moment,--and then I wrote this other letter. You may as well see them all.
gpt
I have not sent it, you know, she said.
human
I only show it you that you may see how my mind has been at work.
gpt
It hurts me more than the other,
human
Nay, I would not hurt you,--not at this moment. Sometimes I feel that I could tear you limb from limb, so great is my disappointment, so ungovernable my rage! Why,--why should I be such a victim? Why should life be an utter blank to me, while you have everything before you? There, you have seen them all. Which will you have?
gpt
I cannot now take that other as the expression of your mind.
human
But it will be when you have left me;--and was when you were with me at the sea-side. And it was so I felt when I got your first letter in San Francisco. Why should you kneel there? You do not love me. A man should kneel to a woman for love, not for pardon. But though she spoke thus, she put her hand upon his forehead, and pushed back his hair, and looked into his face.
gpt
I wonder whether that other woman loves you. I do not want an answer, Paul. I suppose you had better go. She took his hand and pressed it to her breast.
human
Tell me one thing. When you spoke of--compensation, did you mean--money?
gpt
No; indeed no.
human
I hope not;--I hope not that. Well, there;--go. You shall be troubled no more with Winifrid Hurtle.
gpt
And am I to keep the other?
human
No. For what purpose would you have it? To prove my weakness? That also shall be destroyed.
gpt
Good-bye, my friend,
human
Nay! This parting will not bear a farewell. Go, and let there be no other word spoken.
gpt
Mrs. Pipkin, she said, as soon as the woman had entered the room;
human
Lord a' mercy,
gpt
As I have told you that I was to be married to him, I think it right now to tell you that I'm not going to be married to him.
human
And why not?--and he such a nice young man,--and quiet too.
gpt
As to the why not, I don't know that I am prepared to speak about that. But it is so. I was engaged to him.
human
I'm well sure of that, Mrs. Hurtle.
gpt
And now I'm no longer engaged to him. That's all.
human
Dearie me! and you going down to Lowestoft with him, and all.
gpt
We did go down to Lowestoft together, and we both came back,--not together. And there's an end of it.
human
I'm sure it's not your fault, Mrs. Hurtle. When a marriage is to be, and doesn't come off, it never is the lady's fault.
gpt
There's an end of it, Mrs. Pipkin. If you please, we won't say anything more about it.
human
And are you going to leave, ma'am?