human
May I say good evening? I should like to, if I may.
gpt
I sent for you, Father. I don't know if you are aware how things are with me,
human
Yes, I know, I know. But the Lord is nearer to you to-day than He was yesterday,
gpt
I have many things to say, said Konrad, hesitatingly.
human
But I don't want to confess. I want a man to talk to.
gpt
You want to ease your heart, my poor friend,
human
You come to me because it's your duty, returned Konrad.
gpt
It's not pleasant. You have to comfort us, and don't know how to do it. There's nothing left for me.
human
Don't speak like that, said the Father.
gpt
If I understand rightly, you have not summoned me as a confessor. Only as a man, isn't that it? And I come willingly as such. I can't convert you. You must convert yourself. Imagine me to be a brother whom you haven't seen for a long time. And now he comes and finds you here, and wellnigh weeping asks you how such a thing could have happened.
human
I had a brother. If he had lived I should not be here. He was older than I.
gpt
Have you no other relatives?
human
My parents died before I was twelve years old. Quickly, one after the other. My father could not survive my mother. My mother--a poor, good woman; always cheerful, pious. In the village just outside. No one could have had a happier childhood. Ah! forgive me----
gpt
Compose yourself! counselled the priest.
human
Keep your childhood in your memory! It is a light in such days.
gpt
It is over, said Konrad, controlling his sobs.
human
Father, that memory does not comfort me; it accuses me more heavily. How can such misfortune come from such blessing? If only I dared kneel now before my God--and thank Him that she did not live to see this day.
gpt
Well, well! said the Father.
human
Other mothers had different experiences with other sons.
gpt
I would sacrifice everything too for the sake of our dear Lady,
human
That's right, returned the Father.
gpt
Now tell me more. Quite young, then, you lived among strangers, eh?
human
After the deaths of my father and mother I was apprenticed. To a joiner. That was a splendid time. Only I read a great deal too much to please the master--all sorts of things, and dreamed about them. And I didn't wish to do anything wrong, at least so I imagined. The master called me a stupid visionary, and gave me the sack. Then came a period of wandering--Munich, Cologne, Hamburg. I was two years with a master at Cologne. If only I had stayed with him! He didn't want to let me go--and there was a daughter. Then to Hamburg. That was bad luck. I was introduced into a Society for the protection of the people against traitors. To be a saviour, to risk one's life! It came to me very slowly, quite gradually, what was the misery of living under such tyranny. When a boy I once killed a dog that bit some poor people's children in the street. A dog belonging to gentlefolk! I was whipped, but it scarcely hurt--there was always in my mind; 'You freed them from the beast!' And I felt just the same about the Society. I can't tell you what went on in me. I'm all bewildered. Everything was laid bare at the trial, the whole horrible story. Only I said yes with hundreds of others, I said it and thought: it won't come to me. And it did come to me, as if our Lord had not wished it otherwise. To me, the lot fell to me, when we drew.
gpt
I know the story, my poor fellow,
human
I don't, retorted Konrad.
gpt
From the moment they took the revolver out of my hand everything has been dark. I have known nothing. I only heard to-day that he lives. And they told me----
human
What did they tell you?
gpt
That I must die. Then violently addressing the priest:
human
It was a misfortune. Is it really so great a crime? Tell me.
gpt
I don't think I need tell you that.
human
Very well, then. So it serves me right. I desired to do the deed, and they say that's the same as the accomplishment of it. Quite correct. Isn't it 'A life for a life'? It is written so in the Bible. Just that, no more. They must take mine. But--they must do it unexpectedly, suddenly. Just as I meant to do to him. Otherwise it won't be fair. Tell me, holy Father, is it cowardly to be so terrified? I am so terrified--of what is before me. There's nothing about this terror of death in the Scriptures. Those who settled my fate to-day looked like men. Then they ought to know that they are executing me a thousand times, not once. Why do I still live, I who was slain three hours ago! Quick! From behind! If only they were so merciful! One of them said to-day it was my duty to die. My God! I think I have the right to die, and they're the criminals! They haven't secured me my rights at once! It would have been over by now. O God, my God, if only it were over!