human
We must get married at once?
gpt
Yes, as soon as ever we can, darling.
human
But Duco, dearest Duco, it's less possible now than ever. Don't you see that it can't be done? It's impossible, impossible. It might have been possible before, some months ago, a year ago ... perhaps, perhaps not even then. Perhaps it was never possible. It is so difficult to say. But now it can't be done, really not....
gpt
Don't you love me well enough?
human
How can you ask me such a question? How can you ask me, darling? But it's not that. It is ... it is ... it can't be, because I am not free.
gpt
Not free?
human
I am not free. I may feel free later ... or perhaps not, perhaps never.... My dearest Duco, it is impossible. I wrote to you, you know: that first meeting at the ball; it was so strange; I felt that ...
gpt
That what?
human
You see ... he has been my husband.
gpt
But you're divorced from him: not merely separated, but divorced!
human
Yes, I'm divorced; but it's not that.
gpt
What then, dearest?
human
I can't tell you, Duco.
gpt
Why not?
human
I'm ashamed.
gpt
Tell me; do you still love him?
human
No, it's not love. I love you.
gpt
But what then, my darling? Why are you ashamed?
human
I feel....
gpt
What?
human
That I am not free, although ... although I am divorced. I feel ... that I am his wife all the same.
gpt
But then you do love him and more than you love me.
human
No, no, I swear I don't!
gpt
But, darling, you're not talking sense!
human
Yes, indeed I am.
gpt
No, you're not. It's impossible!
human
It isn't. It's quite possible. And he told me so ... and I felt it....
gpt
But the fellow's hypnotizing you!
human
No, it's not hypnotism. It's not a delusion: it's a reality, deep, deep down within myself. Look here, you know me: you know how I feel. I love you and you only. That alone is love. I have never loved any one else. I am not a woman who is susceptible to.... I'm not hysterical. But with him ... No other man, no man whom I have ever met, rouses that feeling in me ... that feeling that I am not myself. That I belong to him, that I am his property, his chattel.
gpt
It is so strange.... You know me, don't you? I can be plucky and I am independent and I am never at a loss for an answer. But with him I am no longer sure of myself, I no longer have a life of my own. And I do what he tells me to.
human
But that is hypnotism: you can escape that, if you seriously wish to. I will help you.
gpt
It is not hypnotism. It is a truth, deep down inside me. It exists inside me. I know that it is so, that it has to be so.... Duco, it is impossible. I can't become your wife. I mustn't become your wife ... less now than ever. Perhaps....
human
Perhaps what?
gpt
Perhaps I always felt like that, without knowing it, that it must not be. Both for you and for me ... and for him too.... Perhaps that was what I felt, without knowing it, when I talked as I used to, about my antipathy for marriage.
human
But that antipathy arose from your marriage ... with him!
gpt
Yes, that's the strange part of it. I dislike him ... and yet....
human
Yet you're in love with him!
gpt
Yet I belong to him.
human
And you tell me that you love me!
gpt
Try to understand. It tires me so, trying to make you understand. I love you ... but I am his wife....
human
Are you forgetting what you were to me in Rome?...
gpt
I was everything to you: love, happiness, intense happiness.... There was the most intense harmony between us: I shall never forget it.... But I was not your wife.
human
Not my wife!
gpt
No, I was your mistress.... I was unfaithful to him.... Oh, don't repulse me! Pity me, pity me!
human
Let me stay like this, leaning against you. May I? I am so tired and I feel restful, leaning against you like this, my darling. My darling, my darling ... things will never be as they were. What are we to do?
gpt
I don't know, he said, in despair.
human
I want to marry you as soon as may be. You won't consent.
gpt
I can't. I mustn't.
human
Then I don't know what to do or say.
gpt
Don't be angry. Don't leave me. Help me, do, do! I love you, I love you, I love you!
human
O God, tell me what to do!