human
And is it to you that I owe this exquisite treat?
gpt
I believe you owe it more to yourself, he replied, shaking off his embarrassed air;
human
Then I owe it to your superior discrimination, that you knew I did not care for such a trifle, in comparison with a ride. It reminds me of old, happy old times--and I feel like a new being.
gpt
Ah, I used, in my old days of lofty aspiration, to look on good temper as the virtue of second rate characters, and I believed that great minds must be fickle and changeable.
human
And if you have altered your opinion, why do you not practise your new doctrine?
gpt
You allude to my getting out of temper at dinner on Saturday; but then you must own I instantly recovered myself.
human
I do not mean then only; but I often see the flash which denotes the inward storm, though no thunder follows.
gpt
What, am I to sit unmoved, and hear the best motives misjudged--self-devotion ridiculed--the mourner made to feel all the bitterness of grief--and the orphan without a friend?
human
If you speak of me, replied his companion, with a gay smile,
gpt
How?
human
By changing dependence, if it be so--but I do not like to call it that--for independence.
gpt
Then how can you remain here if you have the power to leave?
human
You will think me vain if I tell you,
gpt
No, no--tell me why? for you make me curious.
human
Well, then--I hoped Lucy had some real affection for me--and I thought I might influence her, as I hope I have done--and I was deeply interested in my uncle--for he has been so kind to me--and I like him so much. Besides, had I any right, without good cause, to cast off my aunt's protection, since it was a pledge which she had given to my dear mother. No, I should have had no right to do that, at first--and I could not, had I wished to do it--for I had not spirit then to leave the refuge of the lowest hovel, had it given me shelter. There were many discomforts here, which were yet preferable to being so entirely unprotected, as I soon shall be--we women shrink from the idea of being our own protectors. But I cannot stay much longer where I am unwelcome--a few more thoughts for Lucy--a few more efforts to make them all love me, and then I think I shall go.
gpt
But where will you go?
human
Oh, I have thought of that. There is a school friend of mine--a very dear friend, too, though I have not seen her for many years--she is now, poor thing, a widow--and, young as she is, has a family of six children, almost unprovided for, while she herself is in weak health. Now, I am thinking of offering to go, and live with her, and take charge of her children's education; for, you must know, that my aunt has more than six hundred pounds, which belong to me, the interest of which will furnish all I need, and enable me to do without a salary.
gpt
Your aunt has your money, you say--how is that?
human
Why, mamma lent it to her, at different times, when she so warmly promised a home for us; but then, unfortunately, my dear mamma lost the written promise to repay it, which she had for the money; but then, that makes no difference between relations--a debt of honor must be binding; only I am uncomfortable about asking for the money, as my aunt would find it difficult to get such a large sum, I fear. And this is another reason which has kept me so passive.
gpt
You were not once so unsuspicious, said Hargrave,
human
No; but then I had those to care for who made me feel as cautious as a man. Once more, I am a weak woman. But what do you think of my plan?
gpt
I think it a very good one, if you can get your money, but private security is always bad, and you have not even that. Do you consider to what a life you are dooming yourself.
human
Not so bad as thousands, for, remember, I shall confer, as well as receive a benefit, for my friend cannot afford a governess, and is too unwell to educate her children herself. So I shall place her under a slight obligation.
gpt
And doom yourself to a life of drudgery.
human
Be quiet, said she, raising her whip playfully,
gpt
You are a strange girl, Mabel, he said, looking steadily down upon her glowing face,
human
I am afraid you might.
gpt
Why do you think so, he returned, in a tone of pique;
human
Because, said she, almost sadly,
gpt
I should be so, if, like you, I trusted solely to my own strength.
human
I am afraid there is no one like you.
gpt
Yes, thousands, who have shewn in the world far more brilliant examples of the truth of what I believe, who have died unheeded and unrewarded on earth.
human
I wish, she said to Mabel,
gpt
How dull you are, said Caroline, in a voice which she believed only reached her ear.
human
Cannot you see that Henry wanted a _tête-à-tête_ with me; did he not say as much, though I was not going to let him have me whenever he liked.
gpt
Yes, that was true, thought Mabel,
human
She felt a choking sensation of pain,
gpt
As these quick thoughts passed through her mind, withering as they did the effects of the glad sunshine which had preceded them, she turned her eyes timidly and almost apologetically to Hargrave. There was a look of deep seated annoyance on his face.
human
Ah, he thinks I shall still refuse to take the hint