human
Miss Fox, if we knew all the facts, we should be able to lay the blame for this trouble and your father's condition right where it belongs.
gpt
You refer to Mr. Means?
human
I do. What it is----
gpt
Mr. McGowan, if you think any man can influence my father, you do not know him. I dislike Mr. Means, maybe because he is so preachy. But he cannot influence Father.
human
I wish I could believe that!
gpt
You must believe it. You are letting your imagination color your judgment.
human
I should like to believe anything you tell me, but I can't believe anything else than that Mr. Means stands behind this whole mess. Just why, I don't know, but it looks very much as though there is a skeleton concealed in his closet, and he's afraid that I'm going to let it out.
gpt
Why did you say that?
human
I don't know. I can't see what connection I could possibly have with the man.
gpt
You are talking nonsense!
human
Perhaps, but truth sometimes masquerades in the garb of the court fool.
gpt
Just what do you mean?
human
I wish to heaven I knew!
gpt
Do you think---- She paused. She searched his face, which was dimly and fitfully lighted by the moonbeams as they broke through the phantom-like clouds that were beginning to sweep the heavens.
human
Tell me, please, just what it is you are thinking.
gpt
I dare not. But there is some reason not yet come to light, and it is sheltered in the mind of Mr. Means.
human
Perhaps he knew you before you entered the ministry?
gpt
I have no recollection of even so much as meeting him before coming before the ordaining Presbytery of which he was a member. So far as the history of my life is concerned, he may find out the whole of it, if he so wishes. It wouldn't make very interesting reading, though. Miss Fox, --his voice took on the quality of his earnestness,--
human
Why don't you go to him? He might be reasonable, and listen to you.
gpt
Didn't I go to him? Didn't I try to find out what I had done till you and the doctor forbid my coming again?
human
I don't mean Father. Why don't you go to Mr. Means?
gpt
Would you, if you were in my position?
human
But I don't like him.
gpt
Perhaps that may be my reason, too.
human
But I thought all ministers had to love everybody.
gpt
We might love the man, but not his ways.
human
There's no merit in saying a thing like that when a man and his ways are one and the same thing, as is the case with Mr. Means.
gpt
I'm honest when I say I have nothing against Mr. Means. I don't know the man well enough for that. I suppose he can't help his ways.
human
There, you've gone and spoiled it. I was beginning to think that you are like other men.
gpt
Like other men?
human
Men who love and hate. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you are really fond of that man who fought you at the Inn.
gpt
He was a good boxer,
human
And you like him?
gpt
I might if I knew him.
human
Can you fight everybody like that, and still have love for them?
gpt
Self-control is the better word. Unless a man can learn that, he had better stay out of the ring. What is true in boxing, is just as true in life.
human
But, when there are those who threaten to wreck your whole life and your work, what are you going to do?
gpt
That is the time when one needs to summon every ounce of self-control he possesses. It is when the other man is seeking to land a knock-out blow that one needs to keep his head the coolest, for unless he does he can't make his best calculations.
human
Oh, Mr. McGowan! You'll keep that way in this trouble, and not let any of them get in that kind of blow?
gpt
Yes, if you will only help me.
human
I help you? But I can't!
gpt
No one else can.
human
Oh!
gpt
Elizabeth----
human
Don't say it, please! Her fingers went to her lips in a hurt gesture.
gpt
You may spoil everything.
human
I must speak. I love you! I have loved you from the first day beneath that old elm-tree on the Captain's place.
gpt
Oh! --she sprang to her feet and faced him,--
human
Only if you say so.
gpt
I did so want to help you! You seem so alone in this trouble! I thought you were going to give me an opportunity. I thought you would tell me how!
human
Elizabeth!
gpt
Why did you say that to me?
human
Because I could not help it. I've known so little of love in my life that since this has come to me it hurts like the turning of a knife. I've never been accustomed to human care like other men. Had I been, I should have been able to hide my feelings behind the screen of pretense. You asked me a while ago why I do not love and hate like other men. I do love, and I hate! I have been schooled all my life to hide my hates, but experience neglected me with the other. Elizabeth----
gpt
I don't think I understand you, she said, her eyes widening in the light of the moon till they appeared like two shining orbs.
human
Have I given you any reason to think of me like that?
gpt
No. But I thought----
human
Forgive me, if I have!
gpt
I'm the one to be forgiven. I've never had much instruction concerning social custom. I was reared where they were little known. In school I was too busy to bother about them. I'm crude. But, Elizabeth, I love you. I see now that I've no right to tell you, but I couldn't help it. I've been driven to desperation. I have been like a caged animal for weeks past. I've been wild for just a little love and understanding in the midst of all I've gone through. But you don't love me! His breath was coming hard. He trembled as he rose.
human
You will love me some day! God will not let a man love as I do and give nothing in return!
gpt
Forgive me, he said as she came nearer.
human
I had no idea it would be like this.
gpt
I'm so sorry! But I don't understand you at all.
human
You need not try. I don't understand myself. I have never been through anything like this in all my life. I thought instinct would lead you right to me. I never questioned but that you would understand. But don't try, for I can't explain. This afternoon I had just one thought: to tell you how I love you. I thought it would make me happy. Happy! He laughed bitterly.
gpt
I didn't stop to reason. It seems I have no reason.
human
Mr. McGowan, please stop! You frighten me,
gpt
Hate! That one word was like the sharp sudden sting of a whip.
human
I hate this age of social position, where money stands above the man. I hate the shell of so-called good families, as if lineage made the man, instead of man making the lineage. I hate----
gpt
You must stop! Love that gives such torment as you have been describing to me is apt to turn out as nothing more than infatuation. I care for you, but in no such way as you have indicated to me. I want you for a friend. Don't spoil that!
human
Lean on me just as heavily as you like, she urged.
gpt
I know you think me unkind and cruel, but I do so want to help you.
human
I don't think you unkind, Miss Fox, replied the minister as he accepted her proffered assistance.
gpt
The cruel thing is this that has been burning within like fire. If you only knew----
human
Mr. McGowan, --she interrupted kindly,--
gpt
I cannot tell you as to the height of esteem in which I hold you. Nothing can ever harm that. But even if I cared for you as you ask of me, don't you see how impossible it would be for me to go back on Father? I can't help but think there must be some real reason for the attitude he has taken against you.
human
Do you honestly believe what you have just said?
gpt
Is there any reason why I should not believe it?
human
I suppose not,