human
I'm afraid it hasn't been much of a success; but I think you were right all the same.
gpt
Right in what? he asked.
human
In having a _pukka_ wedding?
gpt
I didn't mean that, but I think you were right there, too. It showed, anyhow, that _you_ weren't ashamed of it.
human
It was rather tiresome to have them all turning up their noses at him, he said.
gpt
It reflected on Caroline, and I felt it because of that. For myself I don't mind much. I took my own line long ago, and I've no reason to regret it. If you've done what you think is right, you're not much affected by the opinion of other people, especially when they don't judge by your standards. Do you think my poor little Caroline noticed it?
human
Noticed the sort of atmosphere of disapproval, do you mean?
gpt
She can hardly have helped noticing it. Did she mind?
human
I expect she would rather not have had him subjected to that test. It's the worst he'll ever have to go through, poor boy. But she would look upon it in the same way as you do--only more so. She would know that they couldn't judge him as she does. I expect it would make her feel all the more tender towards him. What he is is for her alone.
gpt
Then I don't think we need worry. And it's all over for her now. All over for me, too. Ella, I'm feeling it damnably. I came out to get myself straight. As you've come with me you must allow me to be purely egoistic. I want to go back rather happier than I came out. You helped me before; I believe you can help me now.
human
I'll try, she said.
gpt
I expect I know something about it.
human
I don't think you can know much, my dear. It will be a good many years yet before you have to face the fact that you're getting old.
gpt
If that's what's the matter with you, she said,
human
I can sweep the trouble away altogether. You've always seemed to me about as young as any of us, and you'll go on being young till you die. It isn't a question of years. I thought it was the reaction of the last few months.
gpt
Well, I suppose it is. But what do you mean by that?
human
I think you've behaved most awfully well, she said.
gpt
I've admired you very much for it, and I'm glad I can say so.
human
Oh, you mean about accepting Maurice. But that's all over long ago. It was a bit difficult at first, but it hasn't been difficult lately. No, it isn't that, except that the late performance hasn't cheered me up exactly. I think I should feel just the same if Caroline had married somebody that all the world would have accepted as suited to her. It has brought my life as I've lived it to an end. That's what's the matter with me, Ella. I've got to rearrange it for myself, and it's rather a bleak prospect.
gpt
Tell me about it, she said.
human
I don't quite see.
gpt
Well, I suppose most men of my sort, who have work that suits them, and enough money to get all the pleasures they want, are more or less content with that when they get to my age, even if their children mean a good deal to them. But I'm not. Family life has been the best thing I've had, and I don't know what I shall do without it.
human
You haven't lost them all, have you? And when you come down here you'll have Caroline almost as much as before.
gpt
Ah, but it won't be the same. That came simply rushing over me as she drove away. She's been the dearest daughter to me. She's centred herself on me. I suppose she's made me selfish. She's given me all that she could of what her mother would have given me. I've never valued her half enough. I think I loved B better than her when they were both children. Not much better, but perhaps enough to make her feel the difference. That's rather a bad memory just now. I may have done it in ways that I haven't meant to, that may have hurt her.
human
I'm sure you needn't trouble yourself about that, dear Mr. Grafton, she said, with some earnestness.
gpt
She is devoted to you, in a way she couldn't be if you hadn't been just as much to her as she has to you. It has been lovely to see you together. And what you've been able to do lately has cemented it all as nothing else could have done. I know she's felt it deeply, because she's told me so. She's full of gratitude and love for you. And I think you've earned it all. Oh, _please_ don't trouble yourself in that way. I'm sure you needn't.
human
Well, perhaps I needn't. There can't have been much wrong, or she wouldn't have been able to give me what she has. I don't think it's that, either, that is descending on me now. Things are right between me and all my children. I've only lost what every man must lose when he gets to my age; only, like Mrs. Gummidge, I feel it more. They have been my chosen companions. They've kept me young between them. It isn't only that I love them. I've liked doing things with them better than with anybody else. I get on with other men as well as most people. Perhaps before the children grew up I enjoyed myself going about and amusing myself with my friends as much as any man could. But for the last few years, and especially since we came to live here, I've liked being with them better than anybody--I never knew how much better until just now. When I've been up in London I've been looking forward all the week to getting down here again. I tell you, it's a bleak prospect to go back to the sort of life I found pleasant enough ten years ago. I think I've outgrown it. It's just passing the time. There's nothing left to make it worth while.
gpt
You know, your case and mine aren't so very different. Until you all came to live here, and took me in so happily, I was really only passing the time. It has made a lot of difference to me getting all the companionship and affection I have had here. I feel the break up of your family, too. It has been a delightful bit of life, and I feel it hasn't lasted half long enough. Still, it isn't really all over, though it has altered. Caroline will be here, and Barbara by and bye. Beatrix and Bunting, too, sometimes; and I count for a little, don't I, Mr. Grafton? You've let me think myself almost one of your family.
human
Oh, my dear child, you've made yourself part of it as nobody else has. I couldn't talk like this to anybody but you--not even to the Dragon, who has an indulgent eye for my weaknesses. It is weak, I suppose, to grouse as I'm doing. The children are happy, and I've helped to make them so. It's only myself I'm thinking of, and I shan't inflict my troubles on anybody after this. You've caught me just at the time.
gpt
I'm very glad I have, she said.
human
Perhaps I can do something for you in return for all you've done for me. One of the last things Caroline said to me, upstairs, was, 'Take care of my darling old Daddy, while I'm away.' So you see _she_ was thinking of you, left alone, up to the last; and she treats me as one of the family. I know I can't take her place, or B's; but I can do something if you'll let me. You've been awfully good to me. You've always given me help when I've wanted it, and it hasn't been altogether easy to behave myself as a responsible person, when I'm still young enough to prefer to be looked after.
gpt
All women want looking after, he said.
human
But you've shown yourself remarkably capable.
gpt
I try to be, she said.
human
But I don't always feel it. It has been a great comfort to know I could apply to you in my difficulties. You'll let me make some return now, won't you? Caroline entrusted me to you, you know.
gpt
The dear child! Well, my dear, you've done me good already. I thought you would. Yes, you've made yourself one of us, Ella. It won't be so desolating to come down here, if you're about. I shall be bringing people down, but they won't make up to me for the loss of my girls. You will; so I shall hope to see you over here as much as ever.
human
Dad, I've been looking for you everywhere, she said.
gpt
Where ever have you both been?
human
For a little walk to clear our brains, he said.
gpt
Now we're ready to take up our duties again. What do you want, darling?