human
You are kind enough to wish to know about me; and too well bred to ask--now that the time is come. Shall I speak of myself?
gpt
Then--_It_ began in college--after my uncle died and left nothing for me to go on with. . . . I worked my way through--by my wits. . . . Up to that time it was only luck and card-sense--and luck again--the ability to hold the best cards at the best time--hold them honestly, I mean. It happens--I don't know why or what laws govern it. Some men hold them--always hold them--with intervals of bad fortune--but only intervals.
human
Yes, it is the truth. . . . And so, Fortune linked arms with me . . . and I drifted into it--gradually--not all at once . . . lower--always a little lower--until--what _you_ saw occurred.
gpt
You know nothing of such things, of course. . . . I am--on a commission basis for doing what--they threw me out of that hotel for doing. . . . Of course, a man can fall lower--but not much lower. . . . The business from which I receive commissions is not honest--a square game, as they say. Some games may be square for a while; no games are perfectly square all the time. . . . I have heard of honest gamblers; I never saw one. . . . There may be some; but I'm afraid they're like good Indians. . . . And that is the way in which Life and I are situated.
human
Could you tell me--are you--your circumstances----
gpt
I am not in want,
human
Then it is not--not necessity----
gpt
No. It is easier and more interesting than for me to earn a decent living.
human
Is that the only reason?
gpt
Yes, I think so.
human
Have you no--regrets?
gpt
Sometimes. . . . I am not immune to shame. . . . I wonder whether you know what it cost me to come here.
human
You saw me kicked out of a hotel by an Irish servant because I was not fit to be tolerated among reputable people. . . . And you did not pass by on the other side. . . . Under your clear eyes my spirit died a thousand shameful deaths while I went with you to your destination. . . . The contempt of the whole world burnt me; and your compassion drove every flame into me---- He checked himself, swallowed, forced a smile, and went on in his low, pleasant voice:
gpt
I am afraid I have been dramatic. . . . All I meant to say is that my humiliation, witnessed by you, is a heavier price to pay--a more painful reckoning with Fate, than I had really ever looked for.
human
I--I had no contempt for you,
gpt
You could not escape it; but it is kind of you to say that.
human
You don't understand. I had no contempt. I was--it--the dread of harm to you--frightened me. . . . And afterward I was only so sorry for you--and wanted to--to help----
gpt
The larger charity, he said.
human
You may read all about it there in that Bible, but--the world takes it out in reading about it. . . . I do not mean to speak bitterly. . . . There is nothing wrong with me as far as the world goes--I mean _my_ world. . . . Only--in the other and real world there is--you. . . . You, who did not pass by on the other side; and to whom the Scriptures there are merely the manual which you practice--for the sake of Christ.
gpt
You think me better--far better than I am.
human
I know what you are. I know what it cost you to even let me lean on you, there in the glare of the electric light--there where men stood leering and sneering and misjudging you!--and my blood on your pretty gown----
gpt
Oh--I did not think--care about that--or the men----
human
You cared about them. It is a growing torture to you. Even in the generous flush of mercy you thought of it; you said you would never go back to that hotel. I knew why you said it. I knew what, even then, you suffered--what of fear and shame and outraged modesty. I know what you stood for, there in the street with a half-senseless crook hanging to your arm--tugging for a weapon which would have sent two more mongrels to hell----
gpt
You shall not say that! she cried, white and trembling.
human
You did not know what you were doing----
gpt
Are you--going?
human
Yes.
gpt
Where?
human
I--want you to stay,
gpt
It is sweet and good of you; but you know it is best that I go.
human
Why?
gpt
Because--it might be that some of your friends would know me. . . . It is for your sake I am going.
human
I wish you to stay.
gpt
I know it. It makes me wonderfully happy.
human
I must not.
gpt
What are you going to do in the city?
human
The _same_?
gpt
I am afraid so.
human
Why?
gpt
What else is there?
human
Everything. . . . And I--ask it of you.
gpt
I'm afraid you don't know what you are asking----
human
I do know! I ask--your soul of God!