human
Dear father and mother, be not wroth with me, permit me to be a layman;[19] my heart does not incline to the ecclesiastical profession, I dread the responsibility, I am afraid I shall sin--doubts have taken hold upon me! Without your parental permission and blessing I shall venture on nothing--but one thing I will tell you; I am afraid of myself, for I have begun to think a great deal.
gpt
There's no use in kicking against the pricks; evidently, so it was predestined for him. What sort of a pastor would he be if he has admitted doubt to his mind?
human
Think it over well, my son Yákoff; measure ten times before you cut off once--there are great difficulties in the worldly service, cold and hunger, and scorn for our caste! And thou must know beforehand that no one will lend a hand to aid; so see to it that thou dost not repine afterward. My desire, as thou knowest, has always been that thou shouldst succeed me; but if thou really hast come to cherish doubts as to thy calling and hast become unsteady in the faith, then it is not my place to restrain thee. The Lord's will be done! Thy mother and I will not refuse thee our blessing.
gpt
Thou hast rejoiced me, dear father, said he.
human
It is my intention to devote myself to the profession of learning, and I have some protection; I shall enter the university and become a doctor, for I feel a strong bent for science. I read Yáshka's letter and became sadder than before; but I did not share my grief with any one. My old woman caught a severe cold about that time and died--from that same cold, or the Lord took her to Himself because He loved her, I know not which. I used to weep and weep because I was a lonely widower--but what help was there for that?[21] So it had to be, you know. And I would have been glad to go into the earth ... but it is hard ... it will not open. And I was expecting my son; for he had notified me:
gpt
Before I go to Moscow, he said,
human
I shall look in at home. And he did come to the parental roof, but did not remain there long. It seemed as though something were urging him on; he would have liked, apparently, to fly on wings to Moscow, to his beloved university! I began to question him as to his doubts.
gpt
What was the cause of them? I asked. But I did not get much out of him. One idea had pushed itself into his head, and that was the end of it!
human
I want to help my neighbours,