human
Why did you ask me that question? he whispered.
gpt
But I will tell you all about it. I like you, he added, after a few moments of thought, and glancing around.
human
I will not deceive you, I will tell you all, just as it was, from the beginning. He paused, and his eyes took on a strange wild appearance.
gpt
You know that I am weak in judgment, he said suddenly.
human
Yes, yes, he continued.
gpt
Anna Ivánovna has told you about it. She tells everybody that I am crazy. It isn't true, she says it for a joke; she is a good woman, but I really have not been quite well for some time. Albert paused again, and stood up, gazing with wide-opened eyes at the dark door.
human
You asked me if I had ever been in love. Yes, I have been in love, he whispered, raising his brows.
gpt
That happened long ago; it was at a time when I still had a place at the theatre. I went to play second violin at the opera, and she came into a parquet box at the left.
human
But no, said he,
gpt
How it happened I know not, but I was invited once to accompany her on my violin.... Now I was only a poor artist! he repeated, shaking his head and smiling.
human
But no, I cannot tell you, I cannot! he exclaimed, again clutching his head.
gpt
How happy I was!
human
What? did you go to her house often?
gpt
Once, only once.... But it was my own fault; I wasn't in my right mind. I was a poor artist, and she an aristocratic lady. I ought not to have spoken to her. But I lost my senses, I committed a folly. Petrof told me the truth: 'It would have been better only to have seen her at the theatre.'
human
What did you do?
gpt
Ah! wait, wait, I cannot tell you that.
human
I was late at the orchestra. Petrof and I had been drinking that evening, and I was excited. She was sitting in her box, and talking with some general. I don't know who that general was. She was sitting at the very edge of the box, with her arm resting on the rim. She wore a white dress, with pearls on her neck. She was talking with him, but she looked at me. Twice she looked at me. She had arranged her hair in such a becoming way! I stopped playing, and stood near the bass, and gazed at her. Then, for the first time, something strange took place in me. She smiled on the general, but she looked at me. I felt certain that she was talking about me; and suddenly I seemed to be not in my place in the orchestra, but was standing in her box, and seizing her hand in that place. What was the meaning of that?
gpt
A powerful imagination,
human
No, no, ... I cannot tell, said Albert frowning.
gpt
Even then I was poor. I hadn't any room; and when I went to the theatre, I sometimes used to sleep there.
human
What, in the theatre?
gpt
Ah! I am not afraid of these stupid things. Ah! just wait a moment. As soon as everybody was gone, I went to that box where she had been sitting, and slept there. That was my only pleasure. How many nights I spent there! Only once again did I have that experience. At night many things seemed to come to me. But I cannot tell you much about them. Albert contracted his brows, and looked at Delesof.
human
What did it mean?
gpt
It was strange,
human
No, wait, wait!
gpt
I kissed her hand, wept there before her, and said many things to her. I heard the fragrance of her sighs, I heard her voice. She said many things to me that one night. Then I took my violin, and began to play softly. And I played beautifully. But it became terrible to me. I am not afraid of such stupid things, and I don't believe in them, but my head felt terribly, he said, smiling sweetly, and moving his hand over his forehead.
human
It seemed terrible to me on account of my poor mind; something happened in my head. Maybe it was nothing; what do you think?
gpt
Und wenn die Wolken sie verhüllen, Die Sonne bleibt doch ewig klar._[54]
human
That is true, isn't it?
gpt
Ich auch habe gelebt und genossen.
human
Ah, old man Petrof! how this would have made things clear to you!
gpt
Do you know the Juristen waltzes?