human
Had a nice dip? she asked, as he sat down by her.
gpt
Oh, Toby, when we are married I shall devote my whole life to getting your hair tidy for once. Then I shall turn my face to the wall and softly expire.
human
If that's your object you'll be aiming at the impossible, remarked Toby,
gpt
Grammarian, corrected Lily,
human
Well, it does seem to be a bit above my head, said Toby, without regret.
gpt
And I bought a crab on my way up, and, oh, I love you!
human
I thought you were going to say, 'Oh, I love crab!'
gpt
And that would be true, too, said Toby.
human
What a lot of true things there are, if one only looks for them!
gpt
That's what the Christian scientists say, remarked Lily.
human
They say there is no such thing as lies or evil or pain.
gpt
Who are the Christian scientists? asked Toby.
human
And what do they make of toothache?
gpt
The Christian scientists are unsuccessful female practitioners, she observed at length.
human
And there isn't any toothache; it's only you who think so.
gpt
Seems to me it's much the same thing, said Toby.
human
And how about lies? Supposing I said I didn't love you?
gpt
Or crab?
human
Or crab, even. Would that be true, therefore?
gpt
Well, I think we've disposed of them, she said.
human
Oh dear, I wish I was a man!
gpt
I don't,
human
Why not? Oh, I see. Thanks. But I should like to be able to bathe from a breakwater, and buy crabs from fishermen, and have very short, untidy straight-up hair, and a profession, Toby.
gpt
Yes,
human
Don't say 'yes' like that. Say it as if you meant it.
gpt
Yes, so help me God!
human
That's better. Well, Toby, I want you--I really want you--to have a real profession. What is the use of your being secretary to your cousin? I don't believe you could say the names of the men in the Cabinet, and, as you once told me yourself, all you ever do there is to play stump-cricket in the secretary's room.
gpt
You should have warned me that whatever I said would be used against me, said the injured Toby.
human
But I saw after the flowers in Hyde Park last year.
gpt
The work of a life-time, said Lily.
human
I wonder they don't offer you a peerage.
gpt
You see, I'm not a brewer,
human
Beer, beerage--a very poor joke, Toby.
gpt
Very poor, and who made it? Besides, I think you are being sarcastic about the flowers in Hyde Park. If there's one thing I hate, said Toby violently,
human
Who wouldn't be sarcastic when a great tousle-headed, able-bodied, freckle-faced scion of the aristocracy tells one that he is employed--employed, mark you--in looking after the flowers in Hyde Park? asked Lily, with some warmth.
gpt
Why, you didn't even water them!
human
I did the organization, the head work of the thing, said Toby.
gpt
That's the rub.
human
Bosh!
gpt
Lily, you are really very vulgar and common in your language sometimes, said Toby.
human
I have often meant to speak to you about it; it makes me very unhappy.
gpt
Indeed! Try and cheer up. But really, Toby, and quite seriously, I wish you would settle to do something; I don't care what. Go into the Foreign Office.
human
Languages, said Toby;
gpt
I don't know any.
human
Or some other office, or buy a farm, and work it properly, and try to make it pay. Give your mind seriously to something. I hate a loafer. Besides, a profession seems to me the greatest luxury in the world.
gpt
Plain folk like me don't care for luxuries, said Toby.
human
I'm not like Kit. Kit is perfectly happy without the necessaries of life, provided she has the luxuries.
gpt
Toby, I'm afraid I don't like your sister-in-law,
human
Oh, there you make a great mistake, he said.
gpt
I allow Kit is not exactly a copy-book-virtue person, but--well, she's clever and amusing, and she is never a bore.
human
I don't trust her.
gpt
There, again, you make a mistake. I don't say that everybody should trust her, but I am sure she would never do a shabby thing to you or me, or----
human
Or? said Lily, with the straightforwardness which Kit labelled
gpt
Or anybody she really liked, said Toby.
human
Besides, Lily, I owe her something; she brought us together. As I have told you, she simply insisted on introducing me, though I didn't want to be introduced at all.
gpt
As if we shouldn't have met! she said.
human
Toby, our meeting was in better hands than hers.
gpt
Well, she hurried the better hands up, said Toby,
human
Well, I'll make an effort to like her more,
gpt
Oh, but that's no manner of use, said Toby.
human
You may hold your breath, and shut your eyes, and try with both hands, and never get a yard nearer liking anybody for all your trying. And it's the same with disliking.
gpt
Do you dislike anyone, Toby?
human
Yes,
gpt
Who is that?
human
Ted Comber,
gpt
Now why? she asked.
human
Tell me exactly why.
gpt
He ain't a man, said Toby gruffly.
human
Surely, Lily, we can talk about something pleasanter.
gpt
Yes, I'm sure we can, she replied fervently.
human
I quite share your view. Oh, Toby, promise me something!
gpt
All right,
human
Hurrah! that you will instantly get a profession of some sort. Dear Toby, how nice of you! There's the gong, and I'm simply ravenous.
gpt
If you consider that fair, he remarked,
human
I wonder at you. At least, I don't wonder, for it's extraordinary how little sense of honour women have.
gpt
I know. Isn't it terrible? said Lily.
human
Toby, it was nice of you to order that crab. I adore crab. Oh, there's mamma! I suppose she must have crossed last night. I didn't expect her till this evening.