human
By the way, said Daphne,
gpt
Thank you, said her husband,
human
Don't mention it, said my sister.
gpt
But I thought you'd like to know. Heaven knows when they'll go back, so I should go easy with your stiff collars and shirts.
human
What, have the saws stopped working? said Berry.
gpt
I can't bear it.
human
What about my trousers? said I.
gpt
I've only one clean pair left.
human
What about my tablecloths?
gpt
We live in pleasant times, do not we? Almost a golden age. I wonder what the trouble is now. Probably some absent-minded _blanchisseuse_ has gone and ironed twenty socks in ten minutes instead of ten socks in twenty minutes, without thinking. And the management refuse to sack her for this grievous lapse into the slough of pre-War Industry, out of which a provident Trade Union has blackmailed her to climb.
human
I've no doubt you're right, said I.
gpt
The question is, where are we going to end? It's the same everywhere. And the mere thought of Income Tax sends my temperature up.
human
Ah, said Berry.
gpt
I had a quiet hour with the Book of the Words, issued by that Fun Palace, Somerset House, this afternoon. _Income Tax, and How to Pay it._ Commonly styled, with unconscious humour, The Income Tax Return. By the time I was through I had made out that, if I render a statement according to the printed instructions, my tax will exceed my income by one hundred and forty-four pounds. If, on the other hand, I make an incorrect return, I shall be fined fifty pounds and treble the tax payable. You really don't get a look in.
human
If you say much more, groaned Jonah,
gpt
Not piety, corrected my brother-in-law.
human
Drink. I remember you had some very bad goes about then.
gpt
What a terrible memory you have! said Adèle.
human
I feel quite uneasy.
gpt
Fear not, sweet one, was the reply.
human
Before I retail your indiscretions I shall send you a list of them, with the price of omission clearly marked against each in red ink. The writing will be all blurred with my tears. Here Adèle declined a second vegetable.
gpt
There, now. I've gone and frightened you. And marrow's wonderful for the spine. Affords instant relief. And you needn't eat the seeds. Spit them over your left shoulder. That'll bring you luck.
human
I won't have it, said Daphne.
gpt
Disgusting brute!
human
And that, said Jonah,
gpt
Take this down, somebody, said Berry.
human
The words'll scorch up the paper, but never mind. Record the blasphemy. Capital 'M' for 'mountebank.' 'Sluggard' with an 'H.' And I'm not overfed.
gpt
You're getting fatter every day,
human
That's right, said my brother-in-law.
gpt
Bay the old lion. And bring down these grey hairs in----
human
Talking of mountebanks, said I,
gpt
Adèle ought to see it, said Daphne.
human
Why don't you run her over in the car?
gpt
I will, if she'd like to go. It's a real bit of old England.
human
I agree, said Berry.
gpt
What with the cocoa-nut shies and the steam roundabouts, you'd think you were back in the Middle Ages. I think I'll come, too.
human
Then you go alone, said I.
gpt
I don't forget the last time you went.
human
What happened?
gpt
It was most unfortunate, he said.
human
You see, it was like this. B-behind a b-barrier there was a b-booth with a lot of b-bottles, at which you were b-bothered to throw b-balls. If you b-broke three b-bottles----
gpt
This nervous alliteration, interposed Adèle,
human
Nonsense, said Daphne.
gpt
You did it on purpose. You know you did. I never saw anything more deliberate in all my life.
human
Not at all, replied her husband.
gpt
I was confused. A large and critical crowd had collected to watch my prowess, and I was pardonably nervous.
human
But what happened?
gpt
Well, said I,
human
Yes, chimed in Jill.
gpt
And then he turned round and asked the man how many bottles he'd won.
human
I never was so ashamed, said Daphne.
gpt
Of course the poor man was nearly off his head.
human
And I paid for the damage,
gpt
So, if he comes with us, I said,
human
I suppose you're to be trusted,
gpt
Once past the pub, said Berry,
human
At any rate, said Adèle,
gpt
I shall have Nobby.