human
You filled her up with a lot of bull about me being first in the class and you having religion--you!
gpt
Didn't she like it?
human
Of course she did, you fool idiot!
gpt
Then why the roar?
human
Because it's going to make a devil of a mess; that's why. Now we've got to live up to things.
gpt
That might be a good stunt, too, Bill.
human
You know as well as I do that we _can't_ live up to it--neither of us. You've filled her bean with a lot of fool notions. Oh, Lord, Pete! I had no business to bring you.
gpt
Bill, answer me this: am I making things more exciting?
human
Exciting! You're making them batty.
gpt
Did I ever fail you?
human
Oh, shut up!
gpt
Did I ever hesitate to give the best that was in me, Bill?
human
Cut out the bunk; you can't pull it on me. Didn't I have enough trouble getting through college at all? Didn't I just miss getting the razz from the faculty? Didn't they let me through for fear if they didn't I'd come back? And now you butt in and make me the president of the class and one of those magna cum laudæ guys. Why, you'll have my Aunt Caroline writing to the college to tell 'em how happy she is and how much money she's going to leave 'em!
gpt
No, she won't, Bill. I'll fix that the next time I talk to her. I'll tell her----
human
You won't tell her one damn thing. You've said plenty now. You lay off, do you hear? You--you--divinity student!
gpt
Do you know, Bill, when I did that I honestly believe I pulled off a new stunt. I doubt if it's been done before. Don't sneer, Bill, I mean it. And don't you worry about my getting away with it. I'll swing the job; you watch.
human
But why in blazes did you have to start in telling lies?
gpt
Why, I was only making things softer for you, old man. We'll assume your aunt has always been fond of you, although God knows why. Anyhow, we'll assume it. But she's more than fond of you now, Bill. She thinks you're not only a lovable man mountain, but she also thinks you're the world's leading intellect. Why? Simply because I told an innocent fib that has harmed nobody.
human
As for the rest of it, remarked Pete,
gpt
You've got to stop it, Pete. I won't stand for it. You'll ruin us.
human
Oh, I'll get by,
gpt
Will you? I think you are riding for a fall. How far will you get if she ever finds out you come from the Stearns family?
human
She doesn't like us, does she?
gpt
She thinks your whole outfit is poison. Understand, Pete; I'm only saying what _she_ thinks. I haven't any of the family prejudice myself.
human
That's nice.
gpt
As a matter of fact, I don't know what the trouble is all about, anyhow. It goes away back. It's a sort of an old family feud; I never bothered with it. It's nothing in my life--but it is in Aunt Caroline's. All you've got to do is to mention the name to her and she broadsides. Why, if she knew that I had anything to do with a Stearns I wouldn't last five minutes under this roof.
human
I won't tell her, Bill,
gpt
I'm afraid I've made a mistake in bringing you here at all, he said.
human
It's bad enough to have you a Stearns, but if she knew you had been expelled from college--well, it can't be expressed. Why did you have to insist on being my valet, anyhow? If you'd just come along as a friend, under any old name, it would have been a lot better.
gpt
No, Bill; I figured that all out. Your Aunt Caroline was suspicious of all college friends; you told me so yourself. She worried about bad company and all that sort of thing. But she won't worry about a poor young man who is working his way in the world and getting ready to reform the heathen. No; I'm better as a valet. Besides, I don't have to give any name except Peter, which is my own. That keeps you from making breaks and saves me from telling a lie.
human
We're off to a bad start, he grumbled.
gpt
I don't like it.
human
Well, let's be gay and bold about it, anyhow, said Pete.
gpt
To become practical, Bill, what sort of accommodations do I draw here? Do I room with you?
human
In your capacity as my valet I imagine you'll get a room in the servants' quarters. Aunt Caroline may put you out in the stable.
gpt
That's a pleasant way to treat a pal,
human
Take my tip and get that pal stuff out of your head. You'll forget yourself in front of my aunt some day.
gpt
Your aunt would like to see you in the library, Mr. William, if it's convenient,
human
I'll be right down.
gpt
I've got a hunch that she's tumbled to you already, he said.
human
If she has, you'd better go out by that window; it's only a twenty-foot jump.
gpt
Bet you three to one she hasn't tumbled. Now you trot along, Bill, and cheer up.