human
It is in my blood, Beatrix. My mother was weak, and I am weaker still. I know the danger; I see it and I tell myself that I must fight shy of it. For a while I do fight shy of it, till I get off my guard and think I am quite safe. The next thing I know, it has cropped out again, and I haven't the nerve to face it and knock it over. It knocks me over, instead, and each knock is just a little harder than the one before it has been. I realize it, and I try to down it; but that's all the good it does. I am weak, Beatrix, weak and selfish. I honestly think it is harder for me to keep steady than it would be for Thayer, or even for Bobby. The taint is in me. I don't mean that it is any excuse for my making a brute of myself; but, if there is any pity in God, he must give a little bit of it to us fellows, born weak, realizing our weakness and truly meaning to fight it, and yet giving in to it again and again.
gpt
There is pity in God, Sidney, she said drearily;
human
The help of man? he asked bitterly.
gpt
Who will give it? They are too busy saving themselves.
human
There is only one man who can help you.
gpt
Thayer?
human
No; yourself. Sidney, I hate to discuss this thing, for it has come between us and spoiled life for us both; but you have no right to depend on Mr. Thayer as you do. You aren't a child, and you can fight your own way out of this.
gpt
What's the use now?
human
Use! Everything. Your whole manhood.
gpt
But in the end? What does it all amount to?
human
Surely, you aren't child enough to need a bribe?
gpt
Beatrix, ever since I turned into manhood, I have known this danger of mine, and I have tried to fight it for the sake of the woman I might love, some day. Laugh, if you will. Perhaps it is funny; but it has a certain pitiful side to it, this trying to keep one's self clean for the sake of the woman one has never yet seen. Then, last fall, I did see her. Since then, the fight has been easier; perhaps I've not lost so many battles. It all seemed more worth while. And now--
human
And now?
gpt
Now I have had it all and lost it, lost it through my own fault, and there doesn't seem to be anything left worth fighting for.
human
Sidney, she said, as she slowly held out both hands to him;
gpt
I've manufactured a new definition of happiness,
human
What now?
gpt
Think with the mob.
human
Who has rubbed you the wrong way, this time?
gpt
Everybody. I am so tired of hearing people praise Beatrix for marrying Sidney Lorimer.
human
That's where even your head is level, Sally, he said, as he resumed his stroll.
gpt
Do you want to know what I think of her?
human
If you agree with me; not otherwise. I hate arguments, and, besides, it is bad form to condemn one's dearest friend. But keeping still so long has nearly driven me to--
gpt
Tetanus, Bobby suggested.
human
Well, my impression of Beatrix is that she is a bally idiot. I don't know just what _bally_ means; but our English brethren apply it in critical cases, and so it is sure to be right. Yes, I think Beatrix is very bally indeed.
gpt
Then you don't approve, either?
human
Me? I? I have hated Lorimer from the start.
gpt
I haven't, Sally said, after a thoughtful interval.
human
I liked him at first.
gpt
You never saw him at the club,
human
What did he do there?
gpt
I don't know. He just wasn't right.
human
Bobby, you are a critical being,
gpt
Mayhap. But the event justifies me. I never have liked Lorimer, and I never shall.
human
What are you going to do about it?
gpt
There's nothing to be done. I hate to see Beatrix throw herself away; but I can't help it.
human
I wonder what her idea is, Sally said thoughtfully.
gpt
She has always been so down upon any fastness that I supposed she would cut his acquaintance entirely, after that Lloyd Avalons supper.
human
He acted an awful cad, that night. Bobby's tone was disdainful.
gpt
I helped get him home and, before he was fairly out of the dining-room, he was bragging about his family, and his money, and the Lord knows what.
human
Yes, I heard him. Beatrix heard some of it, too, before Mr. Thayer took her away. I was at her house, the next afternoon, when Mr. Lorimer called, and I was sure she would break her engagement there and then. Put not your faith in the principles of a woman in love.
gpt
Confound her principles! That's what is the matter with her, Bobby growled.
human
I had always supposed that Beatrix was a reasonable girl; but no girl in her senses would tackle the job of marrying Sidney Lorimer to reform him.
gpt
When I do it, I'll reverse things and reform the man to marry him,
human
The first time you've ever warned me that I was on probation, Sally!
gpt
I said a man, not a boy, she replied unkindly.
human
But, after all, Mr. Lorimer has been perfectly steady, all summer long.
gpt
Mm--yes, after a fashion. Of course, he would do his best, for I will do him the justice to admit that he loves Beatrix with all the manhood there is in him. To be sure, that's not saying much.
human
You aren't quite fair to him, Bobby. He must have some manhood in him, to have steadied down as much as he has done, this summer.
gpt
He is playing for high stakes, Sally, and he can afford to be careful. Any slip now would prove to be the losing of the whole game. Wait a year and see.
human
Then you think--
gpt
That his reform is skin deep, and that, like all other serpents, he sloughs his skin once a year.
human
Bobby!
gpt
Sarah Maria!
human
Don't make fun of me because I was named for a spinster aunt. I can't help my name.
gpt
No; it's past help. I'd change it, if I were you. Just think how it would sound at the altar, while the alteration was going on! 'I, Sarah Maria, take thee--'
human
But, to go back to Beatrix, if you feel in this way about Mr. Lorimer, why don't you do something about it?
gpt
Do what, for example?
human
Speak to her father, or something.
gpt
Sally, I'll give you a new proverb, one I have found useful at times. Put not thy finger into thy neighbor's pie, lest it get stuck there permanently.