human
How they swarm, he said,
gpt
Of money, sir, replied his dragoman;
human
There is, then, a connection between joy and money?
gpt
Such is the common belief; though to prove it might take time. I will, however, endeavour to do this if you desire it, sir.
human
I certainly do, said the Angel;
gpt
You do not understand, returned his dragoman;
human
If that day is coming to all, asked the Angel,
gpt
It is not so simple as that, sir. To the majority of these persons that day will never come, and many of them know it--these are called clerks; to some amongst the others, even, it will not come--these will be called bankrupts; to the rest it will come, and they will live at Wimblehurst and other islands of the blessed, when they have become so accustomed to making money that to cease making it will be equivalent to boredom, if not torture, or when they are so old that they can but spend it in trying to modify the disabilities of age.
human
What price joy, then? said the Angel, raising his eyebrows.
gpt
For that, I fancy, is the expression you use?
human
I perceive, sir, answered his dragoman,
gpt
How?
human
Why, sir, both hold the illusion that they will one day be joyful through the possession of money; but whereas the Patriotic expect to make it through the labour of the Laborious, the Laborious expect to make it through the labour of the Patriotic.
gpt
Ha, ha!
human
Angels may laugh, replied his dragoman,
gpt
You know your own business best, said the Angel,
human
I suppose.
gpt
Ah! sir, if we did, how pleasant it would be. It is frequently my fate to study the countenances and figures of the population, and I find the joy which the pursuit of illusion brings them is insufficient to counteract the confined, monotonous and worried character of their lives.
human
They are certainly very plain,
gpt
They are, sighed his dragoman,
human
and he pointed to a gentleman going up the steps.
gpt
Mark how he is built. The top of his grizzled head is narrow, the bottom of it broad. His body is short and thick and square; his legs even thicker, and his feet turn out too much; the general effect is almost pyramidal. Again, take this one, and he indicated a gentleman coming down the steps,
human
Can this not be corrected?
gpt
To correct a thing, answered his dragoman,
human
I have a headache, said the Angel;
gpt
Yes, sir; since then we have had the Great Skirmish, an event which furiously intensified money-making. We, like every other people, have ever since been obliged to cultivate the art of getting five out of two-and-two. The progress of civilisation has been considerably speeded up thereby, and everything but man has benefited; even horses, for they are no longer overloaded and overdriven up Tower Hill or any other.
human
How is that, asked the Angel,
gpt
Because they are extinct, said his dragoman;
human
You appear to be inimical to money, the Angel interjected, with a penetrating look.
gpt
Tell me, would you really rather own one shilling than five and sixpence?
human
Sir, replied his dragoman,
gpt
Well, what do you?
human
To my thinking, answered his dragoman,
gpt
You speak like a book,
human
I wish I did, retorted his dragoman,
gpt
You would be bored stiff in a week,
human
We should, sir, replied his dragoman,
gpt
A beautiful metaphor,
human
As it is, we do but skip upon the hearse of life.
gpt
You would appear to be of those whose motto is: 'Try never to leave things as you find them,'
human
Ah, sir! responded his dragoman, with a sad smile,
gpt
Talking of that, said the Angel dreamily,
human
I cannot tell you, replied his dragoman in a deprecating voice,
gpt
Ah! said the Angel, pricking his ears;
human
I do indeed, his dragoman answered gloomily.
gpt
Life is now one long telephone call--and what's it all about? A tour in darkness! A rattling of wheels under a sky of smoke! A never-ending game of poker!
human
Confess, said the Angel,
gpt
It is so, answered his dragoman;
human
I have eaten of modernity, the damndest dish that was ever set to lips. Look at those fellows, he went on,
gpt
Ah! yes, said the Angel cheerily;
human
Look at them! repeated his dragoman,
gpt
Plain is not the word for _them_, said the Angel sadly.
human
What are they after, running in and out of these shop-holes?
gpt
Illusion, sir. The romance of business there, the romance of commerce here. They have got into these habits and, as you know, it is so much easier to get in than to get out. Would you like to see one of their homes?
human
No, no, said the Angel, starting back and coming into contact with a lady's hat.
gpt
Why do they have them so large?
human
In order that they may have them small next season, replied his dragoman.
gpt
The future, sir; the future! The cycle of beauty and eternal hope, and, incidentally, _the good of trade_. Grasp that phrase and you will have no need for further inquiry, and probably no inclination.
human
One could get American sweets in here, I guess,
gpt
And where would you wish to go to-day, sir?
human
I should like, the Angel answered,
gpt
The country! returned his dragoman, doubtfully.
human
You will find very little to see there.
gpt
Natheless,
human
These, gasped his dragoman, after a few breathless minutes,
gpt
As I thought, he said;
human
A wonderfully peaceful spot,
gpt
True, said his dragoman.
human
We might fly sixty miles in any direction and not see a house in repair.
gpt
Let us!
human
Same here! said his dragoman.
gpt
This is Leicestershire. Note the rolling landscape of wild pastures.
human
I am getting hungry, said the Angel.
gpt
Let us fly again.
human
I have told you, sir, remarked his dragoman, while they were flying,
gpt
No, said the Angel.
human
I have come for a day in the fresh air.
gpt
Would bilberries serve? asked his dragoman;
human
My worthy wight, said the Angel,
gpt
Wot oh! ejaculated the ancient party;
human
he added, jerking his grizzled chin at the dragoman.
gpt
Strike me, it's the good old dyes o' the Gryte Skirmish over agyne.
human
Is this, asked the Angel, whose mouth was already black with bilberries,
gpt
I will interrogate him, sir, said his dragoman,
human
It is as I thought. This is the sole survivor of the soldiers settled on the land at the conclusion of the Great Skirmish. He lives on berries and birds who have died a natural death.
gpt
I fail to understand, answered the Angel.
human
Where is all the rural population, where the mansions of the great, the thriving farmer, the contented peasant, the labourer about to have his minimum wage, the Old, the Merrie England of 1910?
gpt
That, responded his dragoman somewhat dramatically, extending his hand towards the old man,
human
What! said the Angel;
gpt
Not a cabbage, replied his dragoman;
human
I perceive, said the Angel,
gpt
Why, sir, replied his dragoman,
human
said the Angel thoughtfully.
gpt
To me, indeed, it seems that this must have been a case of: 'Oh! What a surprise!'
human
You are not mistaken, sir, replied his dragoman;
gpt
To what do you refer?
human
Why, sir, to the glorious expansion of the towns. To this I shall introduce you to-morrow, if such is your pleasure.
gpt
Is London, then, not a town?
human
London? cried his dragoman;
gpt
Anywhere, said the Angel,
human
The night is yet young, said the Angel Æthereal on leaving the White Heart Hostel at Liverchester,
gpt
As you will, sir, replied his dragoman;
human
What do they manufacture here?
gpt
The entire town, returned his dragoman,
human
By what means precisely?
gpt
Congenial environment and bacteriology,
human
It is curious, he said,
gpt
Ah! sir, replied his dragoman,
human
No! said the Angel, sniffing,
gpt
Mankind, when herded together, _will_ smell, answered his dragoman.
human
You cannot avoid it. What with old clothes, patchouli, petrol, fried fish and the fag, those five essentials of human life, the atmosphere of Turner and Corot are as nothing.
gpt
But do you not run your towns to please yourselves?
human
Oh, no, sir! The resistance would be dreadful. They run us. You see, they are so very big, and have such prestige. Besides, he added,
gpt
Does this principle also apply to the houses of the working-man?
human
Hush, sir! returned his dragoman, looking round him nervously;
gpt
Do they use them?
human
Not as yet, indeed, replied his dragoman;
gpt
The Japanese wash daily,
human
Not a Christian nation, replied his dragoman;
gpt
Talking of levels, said the Angel;
human
Oh, no, indeed! responded his dragoman;
gpt
And in longevity?
human
As to that, babies and old people are now communally treated, and all those diseases which are curable by lymph are well in hand.
gpt
Do people, then, not die?
human
Oh, yes, sir! About as often as before. There are new complaints which redress the balance.
gpt
And what are those?
human
A group of diseases called for convenience Scienticitis. Some think they come from the present food system; others from the accumulation of lymphs in the body; others, again, regard them as the result of dwelling on the subject--a kind of hypnotisation by death; a fourth school hold them traceable to town air; while a fifth consider them a mere manifestation of jealousy on the part of Nature. They date, one may say, with confidence, from the time of the Great Skirmish, when men's minds were turned with some anxiety to the question of statistics, and babies were at a premium.
gpt
Is the population, then, much larger?
human
You mean smaller, sir, do you not? Not perhaps so much smaller as you might expect; but it is still nicely down. You see, the Patriotic Party, including even those Pontificals whose private practice most discouraged all that sort of thing, began at once to urge propagation. But their propaganda was, as one may say, brain-spun; and at once bumped up--pardon the colloquialism--against the economic situation. The existing babies, it is true, were saved; the trouble was rather that the babies began not to exist. The same, of course, obtained in every European country, with the exception of what was still, in a manner of speaking, Russia; and if that country had but retained its homogeneity, it would soon by sheer numbers have swamped the rest of Europe. Fortunately, perhaps, it did not remain homogeneous. An incurable reluctance to make food for cannon and impose further burdens on selves already weighted to the ground by taxes, developed in the peoples of each Central and Western land; and in the years from 1920 to 1930 the downward curve was so alarming in Great Britain that if the Patriotic Party could only have kept office long enough at a time they would, no doubt, have enforced conception at the point of the bayonet. Luckily or unluckily, according to taste, they did not; and it was left for more natural causes to produce the inevitable reaction which began to set in after 1930, when the population of the United Kingdom had been reduced to some twenty-five millions. About that time commerce revived. The question of the land had been settled by its unconscious abandonment, and people began to see before them again the possibility of supporting families. The ingrained disposition of men and women to own pets, together with 'the good of trade,' began once more to have its way; and the population rose rapidly. A renewed joy in life, and the assurance of not having to pay the piper, caused the slums, as they used to be called, to swarm once more, and filled the communal crèches. And had it not been for the fact that any one with physical strength, or love of fresh air, promptly emigrated to the Sister Nations on attaining the age of eighteen we might now, sir, be witnessing an overcrowding equal to that of the times before the Great Skirmish. The movement is receiving an added impetus with the approach of the Greater Skirmish between the Teutons and Mongolians, for it is expected that trade will boom and much wealth accrue to those countries which are privileged to look on with equanimity at this great new drama, as the editors are already calling it.
gpt
In all this, said the Angel Æthereal,
human
I perceive something rather sordid.
gpt
Sir, replied his dragoman earnestly,
human
There is a shift on, said the dragoman.
gpt
Stand here, sir; we shall see them passing in and out.
human
Cheer oh!
gpt
So long! and
human
Wot abaht it!
gpt
It comes back to me now how they used to talk when they were doing up my flat on my visit in 1910.
human
Give me, I pray, an imitation,
gpt
William, he said, rendering those voices of the past,
human
Not half, Alfred.
gpt
If that is so, indeed, William, should you not rather leave your tools and obtain better money? I myself am doing this.
human
Not half, Alfred.
gpt
Round the corner I can obtain more money by working for fewer hours. In my opinion there is no use in working for less money when you can obtain more. How much does Henry obtain?
human
Not half, Alfred.
gpt
What I am now obtaining is, in my opinion, no use at all.
human
Not half, Alfred.
gpt
It is doubtful, sir, said his dragoman,
human
Are there, then, still Trades Unions?
gpt
No, indeed, replied his dragoman;