human
I knew, she sobbed,
gpt
Get me a little cold water, Stephen, she said.
human
Let me have a little cold water on my face. I've got my courage now again. Just then,--I was down too low. Yes--cold water. Because I want to tell you--things you will be glad to hear.
gpt
You see, Stephen, she said--and now all her self-possession had returned;
human
Needn't be?
gpt
No.
human
What do you mean?
gpt
I can stop it.
human
But how?
gpt
I can stop it. I can manage---- I can make a bargain.... It's very sweet, dear Stephen, to be here talking to you again.
human
Sit at your desk, my dear, she said.
gpt
I'm all right now. That water was good. How good cold things can be! Sit down at your desk and let me sit here. And then I will talk to you. I've had such a time, my dear. Ah!
human
We've both been having a time, she said.
gpt
This odd little world,--it's battered us with its fists. For such a little. And we were both so ridiculously happy. Do you remember it, the rocks and the sunshine and all those twisted and tangled little plants? And how the boat leaked and you baled it out! And the parting, and how you trudged up that winding path away from me! A grey figure that stopped and waved--a little figure--such a virtuous figure! And then, this storm! this _awful_ hullabaloo! Lawyers, curses, threats----. And Stella Summersley Satchel like a Fury of denunciation. What hatred that woman has hidden from me! It must have accumulated.... It's terrible to think, Stephen, how much I must have tried her.... Oh! how far away those Alps are now, Stephen! Like something in another life.... And here we are!--among the consequences.
human
But,--you were saying we could stop the divorce.
gpt
Yes. We can. I can. But I wanted to see you,--before I did. Somehow I don't feel lonely with you. I had to see you.... It's good to see you.
human
Have you thought, she asked,
gpt
I mean to fight every bit of it.
human
They'll beat you.
gpt
We'll see that.
human
But they will. And then?
gpt
Why should one meet disaster half way?
human
Stephen! she said;
gpt
And think of me, she said.
human
Stripped I shall be and outcast.
gpt
Not while I live!
human
But what can you do for me? You will have Rachel. How can you stand by me? You can't be cruel to Rachel. You know you can't be cruel to Rachel. Look me in the face, Stephen; tell me. Yes.... Then how can you stand by me?
gpt
Somehow!
human
They'll use me to break your back with costs and damages. There'll be those children of yours to think of....
gpt
My God! I cried aloud.
human
Why do you torment me? Haven't I thought enough of those things?... Haven't I seen the ruin and the shame, the hopeless trap, men's trust in me gone, my work scattered and ended again, my children growing up to hear this and that exaggeration of our story. And you----. All the bravery of your life scattered and wasted. The thing will pursue us all, cling to us. It will be all the rest of our lives for us....
gpt
I wouldn't have you, Stephen--I wouldn't have you be cruel to Rachel.... I just wanted to know--something.... But we're wandering. We're talking nonsense. Because as I said, there need be no divorce. There will be no divorce at all. That's what I came to tell you. I shall have to pay--in a way, Stephen.... Not impossibly. Don't think it is anything impossible....
human
My dear, I whispered,
gpt
You love those little children of yours, she said.
human
And that trusting girl-wife.... Of course you love them. They're yours. Oh! they're so deeply--yours.... Yours....
gpt
Oh my dear! don't torture me! I do love them. But I love you too.
human
No, she said,
gpt
No, she said, whitely radiant with a serenity I had never seen before in her face.
human
You love me with your brain. With your soul if you like. I _know_, my poor bleeding Stephen!--Aren't those tears there? Don't mind my seeing them, Stephen.... Poor dear! Poor dear!.... You love _them_ with your inmost heart. Why should you mind that I see you do?... All my life I've been wrong, Stephen, and now I know too late. It's the things we own we love, the things we buy with our lives.... Always I have been hard, I've been a little hard.... Stephen, my dear, I loved you, always I have loved you, and always I have tried to keep myself.... It's too late.... I don't know why I am talking like this.... But you see I can make a bargain now--it's not an impossible bargain--and save you and save your wife and save your children----
gpt
But how?
human
Never mind how, Stephen. Don't ask me how now. Nothing very difficult. Easy. But I shall write you no more letters--see you--no more. Never. And that's why I had to come, you see, why I was able to come to you, just to see you and say good-bye to you, and take leave of you, dear Love that I threw away and loved too late....
gpt
You can stop this divorce? I said,
human
But how, Mary?
gpt
No, don't ask me how. At a price. It's a bargain. No, no! Don't think that,--a bargain with Justin, but not degrading. Don't, my dear, let the thought of it distress you. I have to give earnests.... Never, dear, never through all the dusty rest of life again will you and I speak together. Never! Even if we come face to face once more--no word....
human
Mary, I said,
gpt
No! do not ask me that.... Tell me--you see we've so much to talk about, Stephen--tell me of all you are going to do. Everything. Because I've got to make a great vow of renunciation--of you. Not to think again--not even to think of you again.... No, no. I'm not even to look for you in the papers any more. There's to be no tricks this time. And so you see I want to fill up my mind with you. To store myself with you. Tell me your work is worth it--that it's not like the work of everyone. Tell me, Stephen--_that_. I want to believe that--tremendously. Don't be modest now. That will be cruel. I want to believe that I am at last to do something that is worth doing, something not fruitless....
human
Are you to go into seclusion, I asked suddenly,
gpt
It is something like that, she said;
human
But where? I cried.
gpt
What years of waiting?
human
In a lonely place, my dear--among mountains. High and away. Very beautiful, but lonely. A lake. Great rocks.... Yes,--like that place. So odd.... I shall have so much time to think, and I shall have no papers--no news. I mustn't talk to you of that. Don't let me talk to you of that. I want to hear about this world, this world I am going to leave, and how you think you are going on fighting in the hot and dusty struggle--to make the world cool and kind and reasonable, to train minds better, to broaden ideas ... all those things you believe in. All those things you believe in and stick to--even when they are dull. Now I am leaving it, I begin to see how fine it is--to fight as you want to fight. A tiresome inglorious lifelong fight.... You really believe, Stephen?
gpt
Mary, I cried, and stood up and laid my hand upon her arm,
human
Tell me what is it you mean to do. What do you mean to do?
gpt
Mary,
human
You are wrong,
gpt
I must go, Stephen, she said.
human
I did not see how the time was slipping by.
gpt
You don't understand, she said,
human
But, I said, stupid and persistent,
gpt
I've told you. Stephen. I've told you. As much as I can tell you. And you think--this foolish thing. As though I could do that! Stephen, if I promise, will you let me go?...