human
Yes,--I do. Hetta, say a word to me. Can it be so? Look at me for one moment so as to let me know. Her eyes had turned downwards after her work.
gpt
If Roger is dearer to you than I am, I will go at once.
human
Roger is very dear to me.
gpt
Do you love him as I would have you love me?
human
No, she said;--
gpt
Can you love me like that? He put out both his arms as though to take her to his breast should the answer be such as he longed to hear. She raised her hand towards him, as if to keep him back, and left it with him when he seized it.
human
Is it mine?
gpt
If you want it.
human
Want it! he said.
gpt
Hetta, I have never wanted anything but that with real desire. Oh, Hetta, my own. Since I first saw you this has been my only dream of happiness. And now it is my own.
human
He is as good as gold, she said,--
gpt
Better than anybody I have ever known,
human
I think he is;--but, ah, that is not everything. I suppose we ought to love the best people best; but I don't, Paul.
gpt
I do,
human
No,--you don't. You must love me best, but I won't be called good. I do not know why it has been so. Do you know, Paul, I have sometimes thought I would do as he would have me, out of sheer gratitude. I did not know how to refuse such a trifling thing to one who ought to have everything that he wants.
gpt
Where should I have been?
human
Oh, you! Somebody else would have made you happy. But do you know, Paul, I think he will never love any one else. I ought not to say so, because it seems to be making so much of myself. But I feel it. He is not so young a man, and yet I think that he never was in love before. He almost told me so once, and what he says is true. There is an unchanging way with him that is awful to think of. He said that he never could be happy unless I would do as he would have me,--and he made me almost believe even that. He speaks as though every word he says must come true in the end. Oh, Paul, I love you so dearly,--but I almost think that I ought to have obeyed him. Paul Montague of course had very much to say in answer to this. Among the holy things which did exist to gild this every-day unholy world, love was the holiest. It should be soiled by no falsehood, should know nothing of compromises, should admit no excuses, should make itself subject to no external circumstances. If Fortune had been so kind to him as to give him her heart, poor as his claim might be, she could have no right to refuse him the assurance of her love. And though his rival were an angel, he could have no shadow of a claim upon her,--seeing that he had failed to win her heart. It was very well said,--at least so Hetta thought,--and she made no attempt at argument against him. But what was to be done in reference to poor Roger? She had spoken the word now, and, whether for good or bad, she had given herself to Paul Montague. Even though Roger should have to walk disconsolate to the grave, it could not now be helped. But would it not be right that it should be told?
gpt
Do you know I almost feel that he is like a father to me,
human
Hetta, do you know, I doubt whether he will ever speak to me again.
gpt
I cannot believe that.
human
There is a sternness about him which it is very hard to understand. He has taught himself to think that as I met you in his house, and as he then wished you to be his wife, I should not have ventured to love you. How could I have known?
gpt
That would be unreasonable.
human
He is unreasonable--about that. It is not reason with him. He always goes by his feelings. Had you been engaged to him--
gpt
Oh, then, you never could have spoken to me like this.
human
But he will never look at it in that way;--and he will tell me that I have been untrue to him and ungrateful.
gpt
If you think, Paul--
human
Nay; listen to me. If it be so I must bear it. It will be a great sorrow, but it will be as nothing to that other sorrow, had that come upon me. I will write to him, and his answer will be all scorn and wrath. Then you must write to him afterwards. I think he will forgive you, but he will never forgive me.