human
I thought I heard you come in, Milly.
gpt
Why, what are you doing here, all dressed, in the dark?
human
Thinking. Clover laughed.
gpt
It sounds amusing, doesn’t it; but the music was pleasant and my window especially enticing. I felt rather tired when I reached home a little while before you, and meant to be asleep by this time, but here I am, you see.
human
Let me come and think too, said Mildred;
gpt
Haven’t you had a pleasant day?
human
I’ve had all sorts of a day. How has yours been?
gpt
Delightful.
human
You are my despair, Clover. Things are always delightful to you.
gpt
Oh no, she answered,
human
You take such an interest in everything, said Mildred wistfully.
gpt
It is because you have ’a heart at leisure from itself.’ I have never longed for that sort of a heart as I have to-day. For quite a while it has been slowly dawning upon me that I am more self-centred than most people; but to-day Gorham Page gave me the final blow.
human
Mr. Page? Why, you astonish me. He has a high opinion of you. He was saying to-day how much deeper and more earnest you were
gpt
For mercy’s sake, exclaimed Mildred, flushing to her ears,
human
Why? Are you too conscientious to accept a compliment when you haven’t a ’trade’?
gpt
I have plenty of ’trades.’ Jack never talks about you without using superlatives.
human
Dear Jack. He is far too appreciative, returned Clover, wishing it were light enough to see how her sister accepted this;
gpt
No, it was the truth that hurt me.
human
Mr. Page is a very good representative of that,
gpt
We were coming out of Old Vienna, and you and Jack fell behind to speak to one another, and I addressed Mr. Page. He looked at me vaguely, and answered at random. Well, it was the way that trifle affected me that made me see Mildred Bryant as I had never seen her before. I was deeply offended, yes, angry, that the important favor of a remark from my lips should be disregarded. Oh, Clover, the disgrace of it!
human
Isn’t it beautiful, she said earnestly,
gpt
The worst of it was that I knew I should have felt less injured had it not been that another woman was what was preoccupying his attention. He was thinking of you, and I resented it. I couldn’t live if I didn’t tell you. It proved to me that I was growing into a regular—oh, a regular octopus. Everything must be absorbed to feed my vanity, and especially every man.
human
Why, Mildred, I am so glad for you, said Clover simply, her cool tones falling on the other’s scornful heat and extinguishing its fire.
gpt
We have to come to these places, you know, for we mustn’t be left in our badness, and a little light is let in at a time as we can bear it.
human
But I can’t bear it, exclaimed Mildred wildly,
gpt
You won’t indulge it now.
human
Yes, I shall.
gpt
Not so carelessly as before. All this is what comes into the battle of life. One part of our dual nature loves our evils and the other hates them. You can have God’s help if you ask it, you know, and you will find how little and how deceptive the progress will be that you make without Him.
human
Your battle seems won, Clover.
gpt
I am in one of the peaceful places now, and I am very happy and grateful. I wasn’t given your tempestuous nature, dear, so our experiences always are and will be different. The Father in mercy lets us develop as irresponsibly as the plants until we get such a glimpse into our souls as you had to-day; but then responsibility begins. It is sinning against light that warps and distorts us.
human
I wonder if it would be good for me to be married, said Mildred musingly.
gpt
When girls are married, they haven’t much time to think about themselves.
human
It is good for every girl to marry when she truly loves a man who is unexceptionable, returned Clover, smiling at her own triteness.
gpt
But you remember the girl must ask herself, not Can I live with this man? but Can I live without him?
human
Then I should certainly never marry. You didn’t do that, Clover.
gpt
No; I didn’t do that. I often think of that little ignorant girl who married dear Mr. Van Tassel. I don’t know whether I did right or not; but at the time I thought I did, and that is all I have any concern with; but I was not in freedom. You are in freedom. The Can I live without him? ought to mean Can we be more useful together than we could apart?
human
Why, you don’t leave a girl any comfort in thinking about herself at all,
gpt
There isn’t much comfort in it, that is a fact, returned Clover, smiling.
human
You are tired, dear; go to bed now.
gpt
I am unhappy, Clover,
human
It is so restful, replied the other,
gpt
I like your arms around me, said Mildred.
human
Let me sleep with you to-night.