human
Oh, wouldn't that be lovely!
gpt
To go with me?
human
To go with any one, of course, she said with sudden indifference.
gpt
If you'd been through half that I have and had a quarter of the suspense I've had to endure, you'd be glad too.
human
I'm glad enough, as it is. I think this beastly climate is anything but healthy for either of us just now.
gpt
Oh, to be free once more! she cried with a deep, deep sigh of longing.
human
Do you know that more than once I've been on the point of risking everything and just bolting and chancing my luck.
gpt
Which reminds me that I'd better tell you the spare wheels I've been thinking about, if these other tyres burst. I haven't had much chance of talking to you yet, you know.
human
We had one interview,
gpt
We'll try to do a bit better this time. The best thing will be old von Gratzen's scheme, if it comes off.
human
We should have to be together a long time, if it does.
gpt
Rather rotten, eh? But I could bear it, I think, if you could.
human
I should have to, naturally.
gpt
We could discuss our old grievances, at the worst.
human
And at the best?
gpt
Find fresh ones to jingle-jangle about. But you'll have to behave yourself; for I shall be a German for the first part of the trip, remember.
human
And if you don't behave yourself, I can tell people you're not one. You'll have to remember that, mind.
gpt
Behave myself? Meaning?
human
That you're not to talk nonsense then or now; so go on to the spare wheels, please.
gpt
All right. The next best will be for you to use Rosa's ticket and so on, and travel with her Oscar.
human
But Rosa said you wouldn't hear of that, and you don't imagine I'm going to let the man run that risk for me. Any more wheels?
gpt
One. That if the worst comes to the worst, we just disappear and chance the weather;
human
They're using a lot of women, but not as mechanics yet,
gpt
But you'd go as a boy, Nessa.
human
As a what?
gpt
I said boy. B-o-y. Easy word.
human
Do you know why I'm laughing?
gpt
At me, probably.
human
Not a bit of it. Because it's exactly the idea I had. I have the clothes ready for it and a set of overalls; and often and often I've locked myself in my room, dressed up, and rehearsed everything. You know how I've played a boy's part in the theatricals at home; I can shove my hands in my pockets and swagger along just like one. I make rather a good boy.
gpt
Good?
human
Good enough for a boy, anyhow,
gpt
Show me.
human
Give us a fag, mate, she said when she reached me.
gpt
That all right?
human
Rather! Ripping! Why, you managed somehow to alter the very expression. She had. The change was wonderful.
gpt
With a touch or two of make-up not a soul would spot you. But you were always a bit of a boy, you know. Perhaps that accounts for it.
human
That meant for a compliment?
gpt
Just as you take it. You were a self-willed little beggar, anyhow. Do you remember how shocked your mother was that night at the Grahams, when you came on their little stage as a boy?
human
I do, indeed. Poor mother! She must have been awfully worried by all this; and is still, of course. But Rosa has written to a friend in Switzerland and asked her to wire that I'm all right; and perhaps by this time she's had the message. It's horribly wicked, I suppose, but I declare I feel so vindictive that I could almost kill that woman Gretchen and von Erstein too, when I think of what they've made poor mother suffer by stopping my letters.
gpt
He's a low-down swine; and if I get half a chance, I'll even things up with him before we leave. But we don't want to talk about him now. If your mother's got that wire, she'll feel heaps better. Now, tell me what you think of my third wheel?
human
Shall I tell you the truth?
gpt
Of course.
human
If you will have the truth I'd--I'd like the third wheel better than either of the others.
gpt
Same here; but it wouldn't be so safe. We'll have the props with us, however, in case of mishaps. What say you?
human
Carried unanimously, she cried enthusiastically.
gpt
It would be lovely!
human
You haven't changed much, then, even with all this.
gpt
Do you mean in looks?
human
Not much there, even; but I meant in the tomboy business.
gpt
Ah, you don't know. I have changed. I've grown up, suddenly. It couldn't be otherwise, she answered very seriously.
human
At one time it looked a certainty that I should be sent to gaol, and the suspense was--well, almost unbearable. No one can tell what it meant to have to appear indifferent and confident, when I knew that any moment might be my last in freedom. That danger seemed to pass away, but only to give way to worse.
gpt
You mean this----
human
Yes, she broke in with a quick nod.
gpt
I can't bear even to hear his name mentioned. I soon knew what his real object was; he has a friend, a man like himself, who is in command of one of the concentration camps: the one at Krustadt: and--but you can guess. There was only one thing for me to do, and I prepared for it. I have the poison upstairs.
human
Nessa!
gpt
No woman can go through such an ordeal and come out unchanged. I should have made a fight for it, of course. I told Rosa, and, although she was horrified at first, she saw it afterwards, and then she got Herr Feldmann to get me an identification card as Hans Bulich, and helped me get the disguise. I should have gone by now, if you hadn't come. Oh yes, I'm changed; no one knows how much except myself.