human
Of course, I know he will marry Shirley, were her first words when she rose in the morning.
gpt
And he ought to marry her. She can help him, she added firmly.
human
But I shall be forgotten when they _are_ married, was the cruel succeeding thought.
gpt
Oh! I shall be wholly forgotten! And what--_what_ shall I do when Robert is taken quite from me? Where shall I turn? _My_ Robert! I wish I could justly call him mine. But I am poverty and incapacity; Shirley is wealth and power. And she is beauty too, and love. I cannot deny it. This is no sordid suit. She loves him--not with inferior feelings. She loves, or _will_ love, as he must feel proud to be loved. Not a valid objection can be made. Let them be married, then. But afterwards I shall be nothing to him. As for being his sister, and all that stuff, I despise it. I will either be all or nothing to a man like Robert; no feeble shuffling or false cant is endurable. Once let that pair be united, and I will certainly leave them. As for lingering about, playing the hypocrite, and pretending to calm sentiments of friendship, when my soul will be wrung with other feelings, I shall not descend to such degradation. As little could I fill the place of their mutual friend as that of their deadly foe; as little could I stand between them as trample over them. Robert is a first-rate man--in my eyes. I _have_ loved, _do_ love, and _must___ love him. I would be his wife if I could; as I cannot, I must go where I shall never see him. There is but one alternative--to cleave to him as if I were a part of him, or to be sundered from him wide as the two poles of a sphere.--Sunder me then, Providence. Part us speedily.
human
What do you mean by not coming to see me this afternoon, as you promised?
gpt
I was not in the humour,
human
No, she said;
gpt
I see you are not in the humour for loving me. You are in one of your sunless, inclement moods, when one feels a fellow-creature's presence is not welcome to you. You have such moods. Are you aware of it?
human
Do you mean to stay long, Shirley?
gpt
Yes. I am come to have my tea, and must have it before I go. I shall take the liberty, then, of removing my bonnet, without being asked.
human
A pretty expression you have in your countenance, she went on, still gazing keenly, though not inimically--rather indeed pityingly--at Caroline.
gpt
Wonderfully self-supported you look, you solitude-seeking, wounded deer. Are you afraid Shirley will worry you if she discovers that you are hurt, and that you bleed?
human
I never do fear Shirley.
gpt
But sometimes you dislike her; often you avoid her. Shirley can feel when she is slighted and shunned. If you had not walked home in the company you did last night, you would have been a different girl to-day. What time did you reach the rectory?
human
By ten.
gpt
Humph! You took three-quarters of an hour to walk a mile. Was it you, or Moore, who lingered so?
human
Shirley, you talk nonsense.
gpt
You don't ask me why, she proceeded, after a pause,
human
Stuff, Shirley! Which would you have shot--me or Robert?
gpt
Neither, perhaps. Perhaps myself--more likely a bat or a tree-bough. He is a puppy, your cousin--a quiet, serious, sensible, judicious, ambitious puppy. I see him standing before me, talking his half-stern, half-gentle talk, bearing me down (as I am very conscious he does) with his fixity of purpose, etc.; and then--I have no patience with him!