human
Well, Pat, and how is that bull-pup of yours doing?
gpt
Oh, he's dead! The illigant baste wint an' swallowed a tape-measure!
human
Oh, I see! He died by inches, then?
gpt
No; begorra, he didn't! He wint round to the back of the house an' died by the yard!
human
You treat me, cried Mrs. Peck,
gpt
Oh, no! responded H. Peck,
human
One can train monkeys.
gpt
My lord, said the foreman of an Irish jury when giving in his verdict,
human
Did the fisherman have frog's legs, Bridget?
gpt
Sure I couldn't see, mum; he had his pants on.
human
A woman fell overboard from a ship yesterday and a shark came up and looked her over and went away.
gpt
He never touched her?
human
No. He was a man-eating shark.
gpt
Pat, do you like apples?
human
Sure, sor, Oi wudn't ate an apple for the world.
gpt
Why how is that?
human
Ough! didn't me ould mother die av apple plexy?
gpt
See here, sir, remonstrated the young gentleman,
human
I got up to give my seat to the lady, not to you.
gpt
Ach, dat's all right. She's my vife,
human
My son, said the good old man,
gpt
But suppose I undertake to dig a well?
human
Did you have any trouble with black ants in Ireland, Bridget?
gpt
No, ma'am, but I had some trouble onc't with a white uncle.
human
There's a young woman who makes little things count.
gpt
How does she do it?
human
Teaches arithmetic in a primary school.
gpt
It's thrue, said Paddy to Dennis one day,
human
What did you wear last night? asked the celery.
gpt
A lovely mayonnaise, replied the lettuce.
human
And you?
gpt
Never was so mortified in all my life; I wasn't dressed at all,