human
If it is not so, he asked, with a peculiar, mellow change in his voice,
gpt
I don't know.
human
You do know, but you won't speak. All must be locked up in yourself.
gpt
Because it is not worth sharing.
human
Because nobody can give the high price you require for your confidence. Nobody is rich enough to purchase it. Nobody has the honour, the intellect, the power you demand in your adviser. There is not a shoulder in England on which you would rest your hand for support, far less a bosom which you would permit to pillow your head. Of course you must live alone.
gpt
I _can_ live alone, if need be. But the question is not how to live, but how to die alone. That strikes me in a more grisly light.
human
You apprehend the effects of the virus? You anticipate an indefinitely threatening, dreadful doom?
gpt
You are very nervous and womanish.
human
You complimented me two minutes since on my powerful mind.
gpt
You are very womanish. If the whole affair were coolly examined and discussed, I feel assured it would turn out that there is no danger of your dying at all.
human
Amen! I am very willing to live, if it please God. I have felt life sweet.
gpt
How can it be otherwise than sweet with your endowments and nature? Do you truly expect that you will be seized with hydrophobia, and die raving mad?
human
I _expect_ it, and have _feared_ it. Just now I fear nothing.
gpt
Nor do I, on your account. I doubt whether the smallest particle of virus mingled with your blood; and if it did, let me assure you that, young, healthy, faultlessly sound as you are, no harm will ensue. For the rest, I shall inquire whether the dog was really mad. I hold she was not mad.
human
Tell nobody that she bit me.
gpt
Why should I, when I believe the bite innocuous as a cut of this penknife? Make yourself easy. _I_ am easy, though I value your life as much as I do my own chance of happiness in eternity. Look up.
human
Why, Mr. Moore?
gpt
I wish to see if you are cheered. Put your work down; raise your head.
human
There----
gpt
Look at me. Thank you. And is the cloud broken?
human
I fear nothing.
gpt
Is your mind restored to its own natural sunny clime?
human
I am very content; but I want your promise.
gpt
Dictate.
human
You know, in case the worst I _have_ feared should happen, they will smother me. You need not smile. They will; they always do. My uncle will be full of horror, weakness, precipitation; and that is the only expedient which will suggest itself to him. Nobody in the house will be self-possessed but you. Now promise to befriend me--to keep Mr. Sympson away from me, not to let Henry come near, lest I should hurt him. Mind--_mind_ that you take care of yourself too. But I shall not injure you; I know I shall not. Lock the chamber door against the surgeons; turn them out if they get in. Let neither the young nor the old MacTurk lay a finger on me; nor Mr. Greaves, their colleague; and lastly, if I give trouble, with your own hand administer to me a strong narcotic--such a sure dose of laudanum as shall leave no mistake. _Promise to do this._
gpt
I promise all you ask--without comment, without reservation.
human
If female help is needed, call in my housekeeper, Mrs. Gill. Let her lay me out if I die. She is attached to me. She wronged me again and again, and again and again I forgave her. She now loves me, and would not defraud me of a pin. Confidence has made her honest; forbearance has made her kind-hearted. At this day I can trust both her integrity, her courage, and her affection. Call her; but keep my good aunt and my timid cousins away. Once more, promise.
gpt
I promise.
human
That is good in you,
gpt
Is it good? Does it comfort?
human
Very much.
gpt
I will be with you--I and Mrs. Gill only--in any, in every extremity where calm and fidelity are needed. No rash or coward hand shall meddle.
human
Yet you think me childish?
gpt
I do.
human
Ah! you despise me.
gpt
Do we despise children?
human
In fact, I am neither so strong, nor have I such pride in my strength, as people think, Mr. Moore; nor am I so regardless of sympathy. But when I have any grief, I fear to impart it to those I love, lest it should pain them; and to those whom I view with indifference I cannot condescend to complain. After all, you should not taunt me with being childish, for if you were as unhappy as I have been for the last three weeks, you too would want some friend.
gpt
We all want a friend, do we not?
human
All of us that have anything good in our natures.
gpt
Well, you have Caroline Helstone.
human
Yes. And you have Mr. Hall.
gpt
Yes. Mrs. Pryor is a wise, good woman. She can counsel you when you need counsel.
human
For your part, you have your brother Robert.
gpt
For any right-hand defections, there is the Rev. Matthewson Helstone, M.A., to lean upon; for any left-hand fallings-off there is Hiram Yorke, Esq. Both elders pay you homage.
human
I never saw Mrs. Yorke so motherly to any young man as she is to you. I don't know how you have won her heart, but she is more tender to you than she is to her own sons. You have, besides, your sister Hortense.
gpt
It appears we are both well provided.
human
It appears so.
gpt
How thankful we ought to be!
human
Yes.
gpt
How contented!
human
Yes.
gpt
For my part, I am almost contented just now, and very thankful. Gratitude is a divine emotion. It fills the heart, but not to bursting; it warms it, but not to fever. I like to taste leisurely of bliss. Devoured in haste, I do not know its flavour.
human
Is the shadow _quite_ gone?
gpt
Wholly. As I _was_ two hours since, and as I _am_ now, are two different states of existence. I believe, Mr. Moore, griefs and fears nursed in silence grow like Titan infants.
human
You will cherish such feelings no more in silence?
gpt
Not if I dare speak.
human
In using the word '_dare_,' to whom do you allude?
gpt
To you.
human
How is it applicable to me?
gpt
On account of your austerity and shyness.
human
Why am I austere and shy?
gpt
Because you are proud.
human
Why am I proud?
gpt
I should like to know. Will you be good enough to tell me?
human
Perhaps, because I am poor, for one reason. Poverty and pride often go together.
gpt
That is such a nice reason. I should be charmed to discover another that would pair with it. Mate that turtle, Mr. Moore.
human
Immediately. What do you think of marrying to sober Poverty many-tinted Caprice?
gpt
Are you capricious?
human
A libel. I am steady as a rock, fixed as the polar star.
gpt
I look out at some early hour of the day, and see a fine, perfect rainbow, bright with promise, gloriously spanning the beclouded welkin of life. An hour afterwards I look again: half the arch is gone, and the rest is faded. Still later, the stern sky denies that it ever wore so benign a symbol of hope.
human
Well, Mr. Moore, you should contend against these changeful humours. They are your besetting sin. One never knows where to have you.
gpt
Miss Keeldar, I had once, for two years, a pupil who grew very dear to me. Henry is dear, but she was dearer. Henry never gives me trouble; she--well, she did. I think she vexed me twenty-three hours out of the twenty-four----
human
She was never with you above three hours, or at the most six at a time.
gpt
She sometimes spilled the draught from my cup, and stole the food from my plate; and when she had kept me unfed for a day (and that did not suit me, for I am a man accustomed to take my meals with reasonable relish, and to ascribe due importance to the rational enjoyment of creature comforts)----
human
I know you do. I can tell what sort of dinners you like best--perfectly well. I know precisely the dishes you prefer----
gpt
She robbed these dishes of flavour, and made a fool of me besides. I like to sleep well. In my quiet days, when I was my own man, I never quarrelled with the night for being long, nor cursed my bed for its thorns. She changed all this.
human
Mr. Moore----
gpt
And having taken from me peace of mind and ease of life, she took from me herself--quite coolly, just as if, when she was gone, the world would be all the same to me. I knew I should see her again at some time. At the end of two years, it fell out that we encountered again under her own roof, where she was mistress. How do you think she bore herself towards me, Miss Keeldar?
human
Like one who had profited well by lessons learned from yourself.
gpt
She received me haughtily. She meted out a wide space between us, and kept me aloof by the reserved gesture, the rare and alienated glance, the word calmly civil.
human
She was an excellent pupil! Having seen you distant, she at once learned to withdraw. Pray, sir, admire in her _hauteur_ a careful improvement on your own coolness.
gpt
Conscience, and honour, and the most despotic necessity dragged me apart from her, and kept me sundered with ponderous fetters. She was free: she might have been clement.
human
Never free to compromise her self-respect, to seek where she had been shunned.
gpt
Then she was inconsistent; she tantalized as before. When I thought I had made up my mind to seeing in her only a lofty stranger, she would suddenly show me such a glimpse of loving simplicity--she would warm me with such a beam of reviving sympathy, she would gladden an hour with converse so gentle, gay, and kindly--that I could no more shut my heart on her image than I could close that door against her presence. Explain why she distressed me so.
human
She could not bear to be quite outcast; and then she would sometimes get a notion into her head, on a cold, wet day, that the schoolroom was no cheerful place, and feel it incumbent on her to go and see if you and Henry kept up a good fire; and once there, she liked to stay.
gpt
But she should not be changeful. If she came at all, she should come oftener.
human
There is such a thing as intrusion.
gpt
To-morrow you will not be as you are to-day.
human
I don't know. Will you?
gpt
I am not mad, most noble Berenice! We may give one day to dreaming, but the next we must awake; and I shall awake to purpose the morning you are married to Sir Philip Nunnely. The fire shines on you and me, and shows us very clearly in the glass, Miss Keeldar; and I have been gazing on the picture all the time I have been talking. Look up! What a difference between your head and mine! I look old for thirty!
human
You are so grave; you have such a square brow; and your face is sallow. I never regard you as a young man, nor as Robert's junior.
gpt
Don't you? I thought not. Imagine Robert's clear-cut, handsome face looking over my shoulder. Does not the apparition make vividly manifest the obtuse mould of my heavy traits? There! (he started),
human
I have been expecting that wire to vibrate this last half-hour.
gpt
Mr. Moore, she said, as she gathered up her silks,
human
He talks of returning; but what has caused his long absence I cannot tell. To speak the truth, I thought none in Yorkshire knew better than yourself why he was reluctant to come home.
gpt
Write to him and urge him to come, she said.
human
I know there has been no impolicy in protracting his absence thus far. It is good to let the mill stand, while trade is so bad; but he must not abandon the county.
gpt
I am aware, said Louis,
human
Do not say _I_ advise his return, but that his return is advisable.