human
Does my uncle know?
gpt
Your uncle knows. I told him when I first came to stay with you here.
human
Did you recognize me when we first met at Fieldhead?
gpt
How could it be otherwise? Mr. and Miss Helstone being announced, I was prepared to see my child.
human
It was that, then, which moved you. I saw you disturbed.
gpt
You saw nothing, Caroline; I can cover my feelings. You can never tell what an age of strange sensation I lived, during the two minutes that elapsed between the report of your name and your entrance. You can never tell how your look, mien, carriage, shook me.
human
Why? Were you disappointed?
gpt
What will she be like? I had asked myself; and when I saw what you were like, I could have dropped.
human
Mamma, why?
gpt
I trembled in your presence. I said, I will never own her; she shall never know me.
human
But I said and did nothing remarkable. I felt a little diffident at the thought of an introduction to strangers--that was all.
gpt
I soon saw you were diffident. That was the first thing which reassured me. Had you been rustic, clownish, awkward, I should have been content.
human
You puzzle me.
gpt
I had reason to dread a fair outside, to mistrust a popular bearing, to shudder before distinction, grace, and courtesy. Beauty and affability had come in my way when I was recluse, desolate, young, and ignorant--a toil-worn governess perishing of uncheered labour, breaking down before her time. These, Caroline, when they smiled on me, I mistook for angels. I followed them home; and when into their hands I had given without reserve my whole chance of future happiness, it was my lot to witness a transfiguration on the domestic hearth--to see the white mask lifted, the bright disguise put away, and opposite me sat down---- O God, I _have_ suffered!
human
I _have_ suffered! None saw--none knew. There was no sympathy, no redemption, no redress!
gpt
Take comfort, mother. It is over now.
human
It is over, and not fruitlessly. I tried to keep the word of His patience. He kept me in the days of my anguish. I was afraid with terror--I was troubled. Through great tribulation He brought me through to a salvation revealed in this last time. My fear had torment; He has cast it out. He has given me in its stead perfect love. But, Caroline----
gpt
Mother!
human
I charge you, when you next look on your father's monument, to respect the name chiselled there. To you he did only good. On you he conferred his whole treasure of beauties, nor added to them one dark defect. All _you_ derived from him is excellent. You owe him gratitude. Leave, between him and me, the settlement of our mutual account. Meddle not. God is the arbiter. This world's laws never came near us--never! They were powerless as a rotten bulrush to protect me--impotent as idiot babblings to restrain him! As you said, it is all over now; the grave lies between us. There he sleeps, in that church. To his dust I say this night, what I have never said before, 'James, slumber peacefully! See! your terrible debt is cancelled! Look! I wipe out the long, black account with my own hand! James, your child atones. This living likeness of you--this thing with your perfect features--this one good gift you gave me has nestled affectionately to my heart, and tenderly called me mother.
gpt
Dearest mother, that is right! Can papa's spirit hear us? Is he comforted to know that we still love him?
human
I said nothing of love. I spoke of forgiveness. Mind the truth, child; I said nothing of love! On the threshold of eternity, should he be there to see me enter, will I maintain that.
gpt
O mother, you must have suffered!
human
O child, the human heart _can_ suffer! It can hold more tears than the ocean holds waters. We never know how deep, how wide it is, till misery begins to unbind her clouds, and fill it with rushing blackness.
gpt
Mother, forget.
human
Forget! she said, with the strangest spectre of a laugh.
gpt
The north pole will rush to the south, and the headlands of Europe be locked into the bays of Australia ere I forget.
human
Hush, mother! Rest! Be at peace!