human
What's the matter, Mooncalf?
gpt
Nothing, Ru--nothing. I think I'll go into Boston.
human
Oh. Reuben broke the contact; Ben had found it vaguely comforting as well as disturbing. Reuben came around the desk, and re-established nearness by placing his hands over Ben's, hands thinner and smaller, but harder, sometimes even stronger.
gpt
Would you, said Reuben presently,
human
Student of medicine for sure?
gpt
Yes, truly, and I wish you could find the same kind of certainty, Ben, because it's good. Why, I almost think, Ben, that anything could happen to me now--anything, no matter what--and though I might be hurt as much as I would have been, say a year ago, I could defend myself against my trouble, whatever it was: I could go and study another page of Vesalius' Anatomy. Or the books you bought for me. They wouldn't fade, I think. They wouldn't betray me.... Find something like that, Ben. Suppose you did change your mind about it after a while, at least you'd have it for now.
human
But when I search myself I don't find it. I only....
gpt
Only what?
human
I only wish--oh, I wish to God Uncle John would allow me to sail with _Artemis_.
gpt
You put it to him a few days ago, did you not?
human
Mm--he wouldn't say ay or no.
gpt
You know Uncle John would find it difficult to disappoint thee.
human
I am not a child.
gpt
No, said Reuben, and with nothing in his voice to contradict the word.
human
What about this afternoon, that is what's left of it?
gpt
I thought I might see Uncle John at the warehouse. Ride home with him maybe.
human
Ay, might be easier--he's a rather different man there at the office.
gpt
It--seems not wrong to you, that I wish to sail?
human
Ben--'d I ever recount to thee the story of the woodcutter's stupid son who tamed a lion?
gpt
Woodcutter's son--I don't think so. Is it from Aesop?
human
No. Well, that's nearly the whole tale already. He found it as a cub. They grew up together, played together, the lion learning not to unsheath his claws, the woodcutter's son trying to roar like a lion, but 'tis said he made only some poor squeaking sounds that carried no great distance. They were yet friends when the lion was full grown, but then the poor brute in some manner sickened, fretted, vanishing at whiles and returning unwillingly, until at length the woodcutter's stupid son did arrive at one moment of wisdom, and took his friend into the forest and said to him, 'Go thy way.'
gpt
I am no lion.
human
Marry come up, I am a shade more learned than that woodcutter's son. Ben, I'm only trying to say I don't think anyone should try to possess you, as I suppose Uncle John does, as maybe I've done--but if you wish to sail, if it's your decision and your heart in it, d'you think I'd impede you? Supposing I could?
gpt
No, I don't think you would.
human
And I will not, said Reuben, and jumped off the desk.
gpt
I'm for Mr. Welland's, by the back fields. Best change thy jacket, Ben--that one beareth the slight saffron memory of an egg which hath gone before. I'll saddle Molly for thee, meanwhile.
human
I'll go by the fields, you by the road.
gpt
Ru, what ails thee? It's not as if we were saying a good-bye.
human
No. Why, man, if you sail, I also--well, I hope it turns out as you wish. I believe Uncle John heeds what you say, more than you suppose. Why the knife, little Benjamin?
gpt
Oh, I might be in the city after dark. I rather missed it that other night, coming home.
human
Well, tuck it under your britches, can't you?--so to look less like a bloody cutthroat and more like my little brother?
gpt
Very well.... Ru, I don't know how to say this--lately I've been some-way troubled about thee.
human
Oh, why, why? Have I two heads?--but don't answer that.
gpt
As if we no longer understood each other--my fault, I think.
human
It is not. It is not even true. Reuben still held the bridle, his face stiff and white and smiling.
gpt
No cause for trouble about me. I am one of the fortunate, didn't you know?
human
I don't understand.
gpt
I own a shield. I walk in the woods. I read the _Anatomy_ of Vesalius, and the books you bought for me. And I told you, Ben--they do not fade.
human
Ay, there's that. Still, if I live to be a thousand I don't suppose I'll ever understand you.
gpt
Must you, Ben?
human
I try.
gpt
I have never understood another, and yet I think about them as much as you do.
human
But--oh, I _don't_ know how to say it--I don't think I meant that kind of understanding. There's more than one kind....
gpt
Ben, you'd best hurry a little if you're to have any time with Uncle John at the office.
human
Yes, said Ben unhappily, and was in the saddle looking down, more than ever reluctant to be going away.
gpt
I'll tell you after supper, what he says. Ru, what was that?--you started to say that if I sail, then you also--?
human
Be a good horse,