human
Pa, has a cat got nine lives?
gpt
Yes, so we are told. Why do you ask?
human
Well, then, Mr. Brown's tabby's got eight coming to her.
gpt
What became of that girl you made love to in the hammock?
human
We fell out.
gpt
Did you hear the story about the peacock?
human
No.
gpt
It's a beautiful tale.
human
Boss, hab you got any ob dem confound cavortic pills?
gpt
Yes. Do you want them plain or coated?
human
Dunno. I want dem ones what's whitewashed.
gpt
Why is a kiss like the three graces?
human
Its faith to a girl; hope to a young woman and charity to an old maid.
gpt
Things are wrong, remarked the observer of events and things,
human
In choosing a wife, said the scanty-haired philosopher,
gpt
That's right, rejoined the very young man.
human
The homeliest girls usually have the most money.
gpt
Say, did you ever feel as if you wanted to 'hit the pipe?'
human
No, but I've often felt as if I wanted to hit the man who was smoking it.
gpt
It was this a-way, jedge: Ye see, I doled de cards, and Jim Brown he had a pah of aces and a pah of kings.
human
What did you have?
gpt
Three aces, jedge, and----
human
What did Jim do?
gpt
Jim, he drew.
human
What did he draw?
gpt
He drew a razzer, jedge.
human
Have you received last month's gas bill, dear?
gpt
Yes, husband.
human
Well, what's the charge of the light brigade?
gpt
You are absolutely certain about your statement?
human
Absolutely certain,
gpt
You swear that this is true?
human
I do.
gpt
Would you bet on it?
human
Er--well--yes, if I got the right odds.
gpt
Where did you get that hair on your coat?
human
From the head of the bed.
gpt
You won't want that new novel now that you have the new baby, will you?
human
Yes, I want them both. To have and to hold.
gpt
You say your automobile has been acting strangely all day?
human
Yes; it has stopped I don't know how many times.
gpt
And what are you putting the oil on it for?
human
To stop it stopping.
gpt
Massachusetts is noted for boots and shoes.
human
Yes and Kentucky is noted for shoots and booze.
gpt
Only the highest element in local society was invited to the ball.
human
Oh, I see! It was a high-ball.
gpt
A writer says that in order to succeed a man must be ninety-five per cent. backbone.
human
Oh, I don't know. A good many who have managed to arrive are ninety-five per cent. cheek.