human
My children, calm yourselves, I beg. And you, madam, come in quietly, please; we allow no such noises here. What is it you want?
gpt
Well, I never! you seem to take a very high tone with me, I fancy; who are you to speak to me like that?
human
I am Saint Peter; and you?
gpt
Indeed! and what if you are? Do you think you are going to have it all your own way here? Do you know that I am a Field-Marshal of the Salvation Army?
human
Madam; not so loud, pray.
gpt
Six thousand soldiers under my orders. We will see if I am to be treated anyhow. The idea! A pretty reception for a woman like me!
human
Will you listen to me a moment?
gpt
A contributor to the _War Cry_, the official gazette of the elect ... a million copies printed every week ... three-hundred thousand pounds receipts ... original inventor of the _blood-and-fire_ pomade and tooth paste ... admiral of the Salvation Fleet.
human
Can you spare a moment that I may put in....
gpt
Barracks all over England ... allies all over the world.
human
Will you allow me to....
gpt
It is easy to see that nobody reads the papers here, or you would all know who I am. Who am I indeed! (_turning to her suite_). Did you ever hear such a thing? Who am I?
human
But, once more, madam....
gpt
Wait a minute, I will just introduce you to my staff ... you will see who I am ... who we are.... Sallie, speak to the gentleman.
human
But I have no time to listen to....
gpt
I am the American tambourinist.... I rescue souls _tambour battant_.
human
I am Captain of the 4th detachment ... allow me to play you a hymn of my own composition
gpt
I am the solo-singer of Clapton Barracks; let me sing you something.
human
My good people, do you take these sacred regions for a Whitsuntide fair? Dear, dear! who sends me all these folks up here? Will you have done this moment; it's horrible!
gpt
Now then, make room for my followers, and let us be shown to the Seraphs' Hall....
human
My worthy friends, I am ready to forgive you. You have got into the wrong train: your tickets are for Bedlam.... Have the goodness to retire.
gpt
Retire! Ah! if the General were only here, we should not be treated like this. We call upon you to show us to the places that are reserved for us.
human
I do not know you.
gpt
I play the Alleluiah trombone.
human
There they are, at it again! Go to Jericho, with your Alleluiah trombone, your tambourines, your field-marshal, your captains, and blood and fire soldiers.... Those English people will drive me mad.... Once more, will you move on? You see very well that you are causing an obstruction, there are elect behind you who cannot pass in.... Upon my word, those English people look upon Paradise as a British possession. (_All at once the sweetest music is heard; the sound of harps becomes more and more audible._) My friends, have the goodness to stand quite still for a few minutes in a respectful attitude, whilst these blessed ones are passing.