human
That is a mistake, rejoined the sagacious octogenarian, who was a year older in body and a year younger in brain.
gpt
If you exhaust everything in this world, nothing will be left for you but to try the next. And I don't think you are quite prepared for that, my dear.
human
Perhaps not. I never set up for being a saint.
gpt
No. That is a pleasure you have not yet exhausted. Why not try it?
human
Because I am no hypocrite. What is the use of pretending to be goody-goody, when you are not?
gpt
Saints are holy, not goody-goody.
human
It's the same thing.
gpt
It might be with you, certainly. But you are not the sort to be canonised.
human
Well, I don't know. A sinner is the raw material out of which a saint is manufactured. You can't be really good, unless you have been really very bad.
gpt
That is useful information, said Lady Canvey, dryly;
human
Lady Canvey!
gpt
Oh, the old dame chuckled,
human
Yes, but I don't quote it to annoy other people.
gpt
Your tongue is quite clever enough to do without such aid, my dear. And don't lose your temper--I am only talking for your good.
human
Disagreeable conversations are always prefaced by that remark. Yes?
gpt
I was thinking you might begin on your saintly career by endowing a church with this coal money. They build churches very cheap nowadays. You can have one of red brick, and----
human
There are too many churches, and too few worshippers, interrupted the Duchess, with a shrug;
gpt
You must not ruin yourself, my dear, said Lady Canvey, with affectionate spite.
human
I thought that Lionel, as a married man, and the Vicar of Firmingham, had nothing to do with paupers. There are none in the parish there--at least, there were none in Pentland's time,
gpt
I suppose you mean to hint that Jim is stopping his charities and putting on the screw. Don't distress yourself, godmother; everything is as it was, save that our tenants and villagers are more gorged and much more impudent. Lionel doesn't appreciate the godliness of his heritage, because his parishioners pay their rents regularly and come to church without the whip. They are so pious that his occupation is gone.
human
That would not suit an energetic Christian like Lionel.
gpt
It doesn't. He and Joan take pleasure trips into the Lambeth slums and ask seedy ruffians to stay with them in the country. What with converted burglars and wives who assure you they haven't been beaten for weeks, the place is quite a Whitechapel Paradise. Lionel preaches to the ruffians, and Joan listens to the wives with whole skins. I believe they join forces to wash the children. Oh, they have rollicking times at Firmingham Vicarage, I assure you.
human
Very meritorious times, said Lady Canvey, reprovingly--
gpt
Less clean, I fancy, and more ungrammatical,
human
Don't mock, my dear. Lionel is a noble man.
gpt
I quite agree with you, and without mockery. Jim is also a noble man, in a different sense, if you will forgive the pun.
human
It is unworthy of your wit.
gpt
I cannot always be pyrotechnical. You need flint and steel to strike fire, and I find no flints amongst the idiots I have to entertain. Do you know, godmother, --Leah stared into the fire--
human
I often wish that Lionel had remained the Duke.
gpt
And your husband had been really a corpse? How like you!
human
Well, said the Duchess, cheerfully.
gpt
Jim might have been of some use if his,--what do you call those things?--oh, yes,--if his vortices had combined with other elements to grow into plants and sheep and cows, and generally do the sort of things which vortices are supposed to do. But as a Duke he is a failure.
human
I don't exactly know what you mean by your heathen talk of vortices, snapped Lady Canvey.
gpt
Dust we are, and unto dust shall we return.
human
Not Jim, protested Leah:
gpt
It is not original to abuse your husband.
human
I know that; but you are too old-fashioned to admire originality.
gpt
Do not be so desperately sharp, Leah; you make my head ache. By the way, I have news for you about that nice boy you treated so badly.
human
I have treated so many nice boys badly. Billy Richardson, Algy Turner, Harry Askew----
gpt
The last. He is to be married.
human
I knew that a year ago. He left before Jim came home to make some Spanish creature his wife.
gpt
Miss Mamie Mulrady does not sound like a Spanish name.
human
That girl! You don't say so? Leah looked genuinely surprised.
gpt
I suppose Señorita Fajardo would not have him. Perhaps she is waiting for Mr. Berring.
human
Who is he?
gpt
Oh--er--a friend of mine
human
I know that U.S.A. heiress--a nice girl if she did not affect the Wild West of which she knows absolutely nothing. No doubt she thinks it chic to let Europeans hear the American eagle scream in the vernacular. Fancy!--and to Askew! A good match for him. I suppose he will call pounds, shillings and pence collectively dollars now that he is brother to George Washington.
gpt
I don't think so. Mrs. Askew will probably be more English than the English.
human
She might easily be that, since the English are mostly aliens nowadays. Well, I must go. Good-bye. I have enjoyed my hour. I always do with you, godmother. Such a clever tongue!
gpt
I am not leaving you any money, my dear.
human
Please don't. Your grandson is finding that opera-dancer expensive. Give Canvey your savings, and his lady-love will dance professionally on your grave.
gpt
I am glad cats don't talk, said the old woman, addressing no one in particular.
human
One is quite enough.
gpt
Ah, they do talk then,