human
I am not certain, she said,
gpt
Aren't you lonesome--and disgusted?
human
Disgusted? You might as well be disgusted with one thing as another. I am generally disgusted with the way things go. But, lonely? No, there is too much to do and to learn. And do you know, Philip, that people are more interesting over there, more individual, have more queer sorts of character. I begin to believe, with a lovely philanthropist I know, who had charge of female criminals, that 'wicked women are more interesting than good women.'
gpt
You have struck a rich mine of interest in New York, then.
human
Don't be cynical, Phil. There are different kinds of interest. Stuff! But I won't explain. And then, abruptly changing the subject,
gpt
Seems to me you have something on your mind lately. Is it the novel?
human
Perhaps.
gpt
The publishers haven't decided?
human
I am afraid they have.
gpt
Well, Philip, do you know that I think the best thing that could happen to you would be to have the story rejected.
human
It has been rejected several times, said Philip.
gpt
That didn't seem to do me any good.
human
But finally, so that you would stop thinking about it, stop expecting anything that way, and take up your profession in earnest.
gpt
You are a nice comforter! retorted Philip, with a sort of smirking grin and a look of keen inspection, as if he saw something new in the character of his adviser.
human
What has come over you? Suppose I should give you that sort of sympathy in the projects you set your heart on?
gpt
It does seem hard and mean, doesn't it? I knew you wouldn't like it. That is, not now. But it is for your lifetime. As for me, I've wanted so many things and I've tried so many things. And do you know, Phil, that I have about come to the conclusion that the best things for us in this world are the things we don't get.
human
You are always coming to some new conclusion.
gpt
Yes, I know. But just look at it rationally. Suppose your story is published, cast into the sea of new books, and has a very fair sale. What will you get out of it? You can reckon how many copies at ten cents a copy it will need to make as much as some writers get for a trivial magazine paper. Recognition? Yes, from a very few people. Notoriety? You would soon find what that is. Suppose you make what is called a 'hit.' If you did not better that with the next book, you would be called a failure. And you must keep at it, keep giving the public something new all the time, or you will drop out of sight. And then the anxiety and the strain of it, and the temptation, because you must live, to lower your ideal, and go down to what you conceive to be the buying public. And if your story does not take the popular fancy, where will you be then?
human
Celia, you have become a perfect materialist. You don't allow anything for the joy of creation, for the impulse of a man's mind, for the delight in fighting for a place in the world of letters.
gpt
So it seems to you now. If you have anything that must be said, of course you ought to say it, no matter what comes after. If you are looking round for something you can say in order to get the position you covet, that is another thing. People so deceive themselves about this. I know literary workers who lead a dog's life and are slaves to their pursuit, simply because they have deceived themselves in this. I want you to be free and independent, to live your own life and do what work you can in the world. There, I've said it, and of course you will go right on. I know you. And maybe I am all wrong. When I see the story I may take the other side and urge you to go on, even if you are as poor as a church-mouse, and have to be under the harrow of poverty for years.
human
Then you have some curiosity to see the story?
gpt
You know I have. And I know I shall like it. It isn't that, Phil; it is what is the happiest career for you.
human
Well, I will send it to you when it comes back.