human
Never, said Roger to himself, hitting at the stones on the beach with his stick.
gpt
Never.
human
Your friend was hardly civil; was he, Paul?
gpt
Do you mean that he should have come in? I have no doubt it was true that he had dined.
human
I am quite indifferent about his dinner,--but there are two ways of declining as there are of accepting. I suppose he is on very intimate terms with you?
gpt
Oh, yes.
human
Then his want of courtesy was the more evidently intended for me. In point of fact he disapproves of me. Is not that it? To this question Montague did not feel himself called upon to make any immediate answer.
gpt
I can well understand that it should be so. An intimate friend may like or dislike the friend of his friend, without offence. But unless there be strong reason he is bound to be civil to his friend's friend, when accident brings them together. You have told me that Mr. Carbury was your beau ideal of an English gentleman.
human
So he is.
gpt
Then why didn't he behave as such? and Mrs. Hurtle again smiled.
human
Did not you yourself feel that you were rebuked for coming here with me, when he expressed surprise at your journey? Has he authority over you?
gpt
Of course he has not. What authority could he have?
human
Nay, I do not know. He may be your guardian. In this safe-going country young men perhaps are not their own masters till they are past thirty. I should have said that he was your guardian, and that he intended to rebuke you for being in bad company. I dare say he did after I had gone.
gpt
It was nearly that,
human
It was nearly that,
gpt
Mr. Carbury did take it upon himself to rebuke you for showing yourself on the sands at Lowestoft with such a one as I am?
human
He knew of the letter which I wrote to you.
gpt
You have canvassed me between you?
human
Of course we have. Is that unnatural? Would you have had me be silent about you to the oldest and the best friend I have in the world?
gpt
No, I would not have had you be silent to your oldest and best friend. I presume you would declare your purpose. But I should not have supposed you would have asked his leave. When I was travelling with you, I thought you were a man capable of managing your own actions. I had heard that in your country girls sometimes hold themselves at the disposal of their friends,--but I did not dream that such could be the case with a man who had gone out into the world to make his fortune.
human
Of course you can say bitter things,
gpt
Is it my nature to say bitter things? Have I usually said bitter things to you? When I have hung round your neck and have sworn that you should be my God upon earth, was that bitter? I am alone and I have to fight my own battles. A woman's weapon is her tongue. Say but one word to me, Paul, as you know how to say it, and there will be soon an end to that bitterness. What shall I care for Mr. Carbury, except to make him the cause of some innocent joke, if you will speak but that one word? And think what it is I am asking. Do you remember how urgent were once your own prayers to me;--how you swore that your happiness could only be secured by one word of mine? Though I loved you, I doubted. There were considerations of money, which have now vanished. But I spoke it,--because I loved you, and because I believed you. Give me that which you swore you had given before I made my gift to you.
human
I cannot say that word.
gpt
Do you mean that, after all, I am to be thrown off like an old glove? I have had many dealings with men and have found them to be false, cruel, unworthy, and selfish. But I have met nothing like that. No man has ever dared to treat me like that. No man shall dare.
human
I wrote to you.
gpt
Wrote to me;--yes! And I was to take that as sufficient! No. I think but little of my life and have but little for which to live. But while I do live I will travel over the world's surface to face injustice and to expose it, before I will put up with it. You wrote to me! Heaven and earth;--I can hardly control myself when I hear such impudence! She clenched her fist upon the knife that lay on the table as she looked at him, and raising it, dropped it again at a further distance.
human
Wrote to me! Could any mere letter of your writing break the bond by which we were bound together? Had not the distance between us seemed to have made you safe would you have dared to write that letter? The letter must be unwritten. It has already been contradicted by your conduct to me since I have been in this country.
gpt
I am sorry to hear you say that.
human
Am I not justified in saying it?
gpt
I hope not. When I first saw you I told you everything. If I have been wrong in attending to your wishes since, I regret it.
human
This comes from your seeing your master for two minutes on the beach. You are acting now under his orders. No doubt he came with the purpose. Had you told him you were to be here?
gpt
His coming was an accident.
human
It was very opportune at any rate. Well;--what have you to say to me? Or am I to understand that you suppose yourself to have said all that is required of you? Perhaps you would prefer that I should argue the matter out with your--friend, Mr. Carbury.
gpt
What has to be said, I believe I can say myself.
human
Say it then. Or are you so ashamed of it, that the words stick in your throat?
gpt
There is some truth in that. I am ashamed of it. I must say that which will be painful, and which would not have been to be said, had I been fairly careful.
human
Don't spare me, she said.
gpt
I know what it all is as well as though it were already told. I know the lies with which they have crammed you at San Francisco. You have heard that up in Oregon--I shot a man. That is no lie. I did. I brought him down dead at my feet. Then she paused, and rose from her chair, and looked at him.
human
Do you wonder that that is a story that a woman should hesitate to tell? But not from shame. Do you suppose that the sight of that dying wretch does not haunt me? that I do not daily hear his drunken screech, and see him bound from the earth, and then fall in a heap just below my hand? But did they tell you also that it was thus alone that I could save myself,--and that had I spared him, I must afterwards have destroyed myself? If I were wrong, why did they not try me for his murder? Why did the women flock around me and kiss the very hems of my garments? In this soft civilization of yours you know nothing of such necessity. A woman here is protected,--unless it be from lies.
gpt
It was not that only,
human
No; they told you other things, she continued, still standing over him.
gpt
They told you of quarrels with my husband. I know the lies, and who made them, and why. Did I conceal from you the character of my former husband? Did I not tell you that he was a drunkard and a scoundrel? How should I not quarrel with such a one? Ah, Paul; you can hardly know what my life has been.
human
They told me that--you fought him.
gpt
Psha;--fought him! Yes;--I was always fighting him. What are you to do but to fight cruelty, and fight falsehood, and fight fraud and treachery,--when they come upon you and would overwhelm you but for fighting? You have not been fool enough to believe that fable about a duel? I did stand once, armed, and guarded my bedroom door from him, and told him that he should only enter it over my body. He went away to the tavern and I did not see him for a week afterwards. That was the duel. And they have told you that he is not dead.
human
Yes;--they have told me that.
gpt
Who has seen him alive? I never said to you that I had seen him dead. How should I?
human
There would be a certificate.
gpt
Certificate;--in the back of Texas;--five hundred miles from Galveston! And what would it matter to you? I was divorced from him according to the law of the State of Kansas. Does not the law make a woman free here to marry again,--and why not with us? I sued for a divorce on the score of cruelty and drunkenness. He made no appearance, and the Court granted it me. Am I disgraced by that?
human
I heard nothing of the divorce.
gpt
I do not remember. When we were talking of these old days before, you did not care how short I was in telling my story. You wanted to hear little or nothing then of Caradoc Hurtle. Now you have become more particular. I told you that he was dead,--as I believed myself, and do believe. Whether the other story was told or not I do not know.
human
It was not told.
gpt
Then it was your own fault,--because you would not listen. And they have made you believe I suppose that I have failed in getting back my property?
human
I have heard nothing about your property but what you yourself have said unasked. I have asked no question about your property.
gpt
You are welcome. At last I have made it again my own. And now, sir, what else is there? I think I have been open with you. Is it because I protected myself from drunken violence that I am to be rejected? Am I to be cast aside because I saved my life while in the hands of a reprobate husband, and escaped from him by means provided by law;--or because by my own energy I have secured my own property? If I am not to be condemned for these things, then say why am I condemned.
human
I do not condemn you,
gpt
At any rate, Paul, do not lie, she answered.
human
If you tell me that you will not be my husband, you do condemn me. Is it not so?
gpt
I will not lie if I can help it. I did ask you to be my wife--
human
Well;--rather. How often before I consented?
gpt
It matters little; at any rate, till you did consent. I have since satisfied myself that such a marriage would be miserable for both of us.
human
You have?
gpt
I have. Of course, you can speak of me as you please and think of me as you please. I can hardly defend myself.
human
Hardly, I think.
gpt
But, with whatever result, I know that I shall now be acting for the best in declaring that I will not become--your husband.
human
You will not?
gpt
If I speak with abruptness it is only to avoid a show of indecision. I will not.
human
Oh, God! what have I done that it should be my lot to meet man after man false and cruel as this! You tell me to my face that I am to bear it! Who is the jade that has done it? Has she money?--or rank? Or is it that you are afraid to have by your side a woman who can speak for herself,--and even act for herself if some action be necessary? Perhaps you think that I am--old. He was looking at her intently as she spoke, and it did seem to him that many years had been added to her face. It was full of lines round the mouth, and the light play of drollery was gone, and the colour was fixed,--and her eyes seemed to be deep in her head.
gpt
Speak, man,--is it that you want a younger wife?
human
You know it is not.
gpt
Know! How should any one know anything from a liar? From what you tell me I know nothing. I have to gather what I can from your character. I see that you are a coward. It is that man that came to you, and who is your master, that has forced you to this. Between me and him you tremble, and are a thing to be pitied. As for knowing what you would be at, from anything that you would say,--that is impossible. Once again I have come across a mean wretch. Oh, fool!--that men should be so vile, and think themselves masters of the world! My last word to you is, that you are--a liar. Now for the present you can go. Ten minutes since, had I had a weapon in my hand I should have shot another man.
human
I will say good-bye to you,
gpt
Say no such thing. Tell me that you have triumphed and got rid of me. Pluck up your spirits, if you have any, and show me your joy. Tell me that an Englishman has dared to ill-treat an American woman. You would,--were you not afraid to indulge yourself. He was now standing in the doorway, and before he escaped she gave him an imperative command.
human
I shall not stay here now, she said--
gpt
I shall return on Monday. I must think of what you have said, and must resolve what I myself will do. I shall not bear this without seeking a means of punishing you for your treachery. I shall expect you to come to me on Monday.
human
I do not see that it will serve any purpose.
gpt
It is for me, sir, to judge of that. I suppose you are not so much a coward that you are afraid to come to me. If so, I shall come to you; and you may be assured that I shall not be too timid to show myself and to tell my story.