human
Bampton Lectures --and finally, on his invitation, went down to Oxford to see him. I found a short, stout gentleman, dressed in a cassock, looking like a comfortable monk; but keen eyes, steadfastly gazing straight into mine, told of the force and subtlety enshrined in the fine, impressive head. But the learned doctor took the wrong line of treatment; he probably saw I was anxious, shy, and nervous, and he treated me as a penitent going to confession and seeking the advice of a director, instead of as an inquirer struggling after truth, and resolute to obtain some firm standing-ground in the sea of doubt. He would not deal with the question of the Deity of Jesus as a question for argument.
gpt
You are speaking of your Judge, he retorted sternly, when I pressed a difficulty. The mere suggestion of an imperfection in the character of Jesus made him shudder, and he checked me with raised hand.
human
You are blaspheming. The very thought is a terrible sin. Would he recommend me any books that might throw light on the subject?
gpt
No, no; you have read too much already. You must pray; you must pray. When I urged that I could not believe without proof, I was told,
human
Blessed are they that have not seen and yet have believed ; and my further questioning was checked by the murmur,
gpt
O my child, how undisciplined! how impatient! Truly, he must have found in me--hot, eager, passionate in my determination to _know_, resolute not to profess belief while belief was absent--nothing of the meek, chastened, submissive spirit with which he was wont to deal in penitents seeking his counsel as their spiritual guide. In vain did he bid me pray as though I believed; in vain did he urge the duty of blind submission to the authority of the Church, of blind, unreasoning faith that questioned not. I had not trodden the thorny path of doubt to come to the point from which I had started; I needed, and would have, solid grounds ere I believed. He had no conception of the struggles of a sceptical spirit; he had evidently never felt the pangs of doubt; his own faith was solid as a rock, firm, satisfied, unshakable; he would as soon have committed suicide as have doubted of the infallibility of the
human
Universal Church.
gpt
It is not your duty to ascertain the truth, he told me, sternly.
human
It is your duty to accept and believe the truth as laid down by the Church. At your peril you reject it. The responsibility is not yours so long as you dutifully accept that which the Church has laid down for your acceptance. Did not the Lord promise that the presence of the Spirit should be ever with His Church, to guide her into all truth?
gpt
But the fact of the promise and its value are just the very points on which I am doubtful,
human
Pray, pray, he said.
gpt
Father, forgive her, for she knows not what she says.