human
I wish I had some nuts for you, bunny, he said--and the bright eyes vanished with a furry whirl through the ferns. He picked up the empty half of a hickory-nut, and turning it over in his fingers, looked at the white grooves left by small sharp teeth.
gpt
You little beggars must get pretty hungry in the winter, bunny, he said;
human
I'll bring a bag of nuts out here for you some day. But while he was talking to the squirrel, he was wrestling with his god. It was characteristic of him that never once in that struggle to justify himself did he use the excuse of Elizabeth's consent. His code, which had allowed him to injure a woman, would not permit him to blame her--even if she deserved it. Instead, over and over he heaped up his own poor defense:
gpt
If I had waited, he might have patched it up with her. Over and over the defense crumbled before his eyes:
human
Then would come his angry retort:
gpt
That's nonsense! Besides it is better, infinitely better, for her to marry me than a poor man like him. I can give her everything,--and love her! God, how I love her. Apart from any selfish consideration, it is a thousand times better for her. For an instant his marrying her seemed actually chivalrous; and at that his god laughed. Blair reddened sharply; to recognize his hypocrisy was the
human
I wish it hadn't happened in just the way it did, he conceded;--his god was beginning to prevail!--
gpt
Then a thought stabbed him: suppose that he should lose her anyhow? Suppose that when she came to herself--the phrase was a confession! suppose she should want to leave him? It was an intolerable idea.
human
Well, she can't, he told himself, grimly,
gpt
His face was dusky with shame, yet when he said that, his lip loosened in a furtively exultant smile. Blair would have been less, or more, than a man if, at that moment, in spite of his shame, he had not exulted.
human
She's my wife! he said, through those shamed and smiling lips. Then his eyes narrowed:
gpt
And she doesn't care a damn for me.
human
But when he said that, he saw the task of his life before him--to make her care! It was like the touch of a spur; he leaped to his feet, and flung up his arms in a sort of challenge. Yes; he _had_
gpt
Yes; he ought not to have taken advantage of her anger. Yes; his honor was smirched, grant it all! grant it all!
human
I was mad, he said, stung by this intolerable self-knowledge;
gpt
I was a cur. I ought to have waited; I know it. I admit it. But what's the use of talking about it now? It's done; and by God, she shall love me yet!