human
You are come at last,
gpt
Did you expect me before?
human
For a month, near two months, we have been very near; and I have been in sad pain, and danger, and misery, Cary.
gpt
I could not come.
human
Couldn't you? But the rectory and Briarmains are very near--not two miles apart.
gpt
When I say I could not come, I mean I could not see you; for I came with mamma the very day we heard what had happened. Mr. MacTurk then told us it was impossible to admit any stranger.
human
But afterwards--every fine afternoon these many weeks past I have waited and listened. Something here, Cary --laying his hand on his breast--
gpt
I came again, Robert; mamma and I came again.
human
Did you? Come, that is worth hearing. Since you came again, we will sit down and talk about it.
gpt
So mamma and you came again?
human
And Mrs. Yorke did treat us strangely. We asked to see you. 'No,' said she, 'not in my house. I am at present responsible for his life; it shall not be forfeited for half an hour's idle gossip.' But I must not tell you all she said; it was very disagreeable. However, we came yet again--mamma, Miss Keeldar, and I. This time we thought we should conquer, as we were three against one, and Shirley was on our side. But Mrs. Yorke opened such a battery.
gpt
What did she say?
human
Things that astonished us. Shirley laughed at last; I cried; mamma was seriously annoyed. We were all three driven from the field. Since that time I have only walked once a day past the house, just for the satisfaction of looking up at your window, which I could distinguish by the drawn curtains. I really dared not come in.
gpt
I _have_ wished for you, Caroline.
human
I did not know that; I never dreamt one instant that you thought of me. If I had but most distantly imagined such a possibility----
gpt
Mrs. Yorke would still have beaten you.
human
She would not. Stratagem should have been tried, if persuasion failed. I would have come to the kitchen door; the servants should have let me in, and I would have walked straight upstairs. In fact, it was far more the fear of intrusion--the fear of yourself--that baffled me than the fear of Mrs. Yorke.
gpt
Only last night I despaired of ever seeing you again. Weakness has wrought terrible depression in me--terrible depression.
human
And you sit alone?
gpt
Worse than alone.
human
But you must be getting better, since you can leave your bed?
gpt
I doubt whether I shall live. I see nothing for it, after such exhaustion, but decline.
human
You--you shall go home to the Hollow.
gpt
Dreariness would accompany, nothing cheerful come near me.
human
I _will_ alter this. This _shall_ be altered, were there ten Mrs. Yorkes to do battle with.
gpt
Cary, you make me smile.
human
Do smile; smile again. Shall I tell you what I should like?
gpt
Tell me anything--only keep talking. I am Saul; but for music I should perish.
human
I should like you to be brought to the rectory, and given to me and mamma.
gpt
A precious gift! I have not laughed since they shot me till now.
human
Do you suffer pain, Robert?
gpt
Not so much pain now; but I am hopelessly weak, and the state of my mind is inexpressible--dark, barren, impotent. Do you not read it all in my face? I look a mere ghost.
human
Altered; yet I should have known you anywhere. But I understand your feelings; I experienced something like it. Since we met, I too have been very ill.
gpt
I thought I should die. The tale of my life seemed told. Every night, just at midnight, I used to wake from awful dreams; and the book lay open before me at the last page, where was written 'Finis.' I had strange feelings.
human
You speak my experience.
gpt
I believed I should never see you again; and I grew so thin--as thin as you are now. I could do nothing for myself--neither rise nor lie down; and I could not eat. Yet you see I am better.
human
Comforter--sad as sweet. I am too feeble to say what I feel; but while you speak I _do_ feel.
gpt
Here I am at your side, where I thought never more to be. Here I speak to you. I see you listen to me willingly--look at me kindly. Did I count on that? I despaired.
human
May I be spared to make some atonement.
gpt
And for what?
human
We will not touch on it now, Cary; unmanned as I am, I have not the power to cope with such a topic. Was Mrs. Pryor with you during your illness?
gpt
Yes --Caroline smiled brightly--
human
I have heard--Hortense told me; but that tale too I will receive from yourself. Does she add to your happiness?
gpt
What! mamma? She is _dear_ to me; _how_ dear I cannot say. I was altogether weary, and she held me up.
human
I deserve to hear that in a moment when I can scarce lift my hand to my head. I deserve it.
gpt
It is no reproach against you.
human
It is a coal of fire heaped on my head; and so is every word you address to me, and every look that lights your sweet face. Come still nearer, Lina; and give me your hand--if my thin fingers do not scare you.