human
Leah --Kaimes' voice shook a trifle--
gpt
God is very good to you.
human
Very good?
gpt
We are put into this world, not for the pampering of the flesh, but that we may learn through trouble how to become more spiritual. Our souls are of God, and to God they must return, rising through much tribulation to His necessary perfection. Sorrows are sent for the flesh to bear; not as punishments, but as lessons to be learned. Of our vices, says St. Augustine, we can frame a ladder to ascend heavenward, if we but tread them beneath our feet. This you have never known.
human
And I do not know it now.
gpt
From your dreadful trouble will come the knowledge; in this way alone can humility come. God, out of loving pity for your unbending pride, which prevents the Holy Spirit from entering your heart, has beaten you to your knees. On your knees, then, ask for mercy, for light, for purification of your unclean soul. God's staff, which He gives to all in life's pilgrimage, has changed into a rod. He gave you all things, and you used His gifts to glorify the flesh. Now in His infinite love has He sent trouble----
human
I've brought that upon myself.
gpt
For your amendment it was permitted that you should do so. Out of your pleasant vices have you made whips to lash yourself. The wages of sin is death; you have sinned, and the wages--oh, Leah, Leah, bitterly cruel as it may seem to you, I rejoice that the wages should be so paid.
human
You are a Job's comforter, I must say,
gpt
Because I can see how this tribulation of the flesh can save your soul alive. God might have struck you dead in your wickedness, and with justice, for your wilful sin. Instead of doing so, He has given you a lingering disease, that you should be brought to acknowledge His power and also have time to repent.
human
There is nothing to repent of.
gpt
Shame! shame! Even from a worldly point of view you have sinned grossly; how much blacker, then, are your deeds in God's sight! But they can be made white; the past can be wiped out by sincere sorrow.
human
How can I repent, when I do not even feel sorry?
gpt
You will not ask Christ to help you. Repentance is a gift, as is Faith. He will give both, and His undying Love, if you will but confess your sin.
human
I have done so--to you.
gpt
Who am powerless. Confess it to Christ; weep as did Mary at His wounded feet. Hard as is your heart, He will melt it; soiled as is your soul, He will cleanse it. Now--now, when human aid is vain, now is the appointed time. Repent and be saved!
human
If I try to, will He--will He cure met
gpt
That question I cannot, dare not answer. His mercy is infinite.
human
You say that to me, knowing what I suffer.
gpt
I say it to you who suffer. In no other way could the Spirit have brought you to the mercy-seat.
human
He has not brought me now,
gpt
Oh, your poor, sinful soul, for which Christ died! he cried passionately;
human
Ah! And that question you declined to answer a minute or two back. Besides, you denied that miracles could take place.
gpt
I did not. No one ever came in vain to our Blessed Lord, when He walked the earth some two thousand years ago. As was His power then, so is it now. He loved in those days, He loves now. Sitting on God's right hand, He is ready to succour the vilest. His arm is not shortened, His pity is not exhausted. In mercy He may even cure you of this dreadful disease, as He cured the afflicted man we read of. Only acknowledge that God is mightier than you are; only bow to the rod, only admit your sin, only cry for pardon.
human
If He will cure me----
gpt
That you must leave to His love and wisdom. Cure you He may; permit you to suffer, He may see fit. But save your soul, He can. That much I can swear to.
human
I want this horrible thing cured,
gpt
To continue in your sins? To soil your soul anew?
human
No! no! If I repent----
gpt
Repentance includes submission. God may not see fit to cure you; it may be your punishment--and I think it is--to bear this woeful cross, which if rightly borne may lead you to the light of lights. The flesh! The flesh! You but think of the flesh, of the passing world, of the vanities of life, of the enjoyment of the senses. From these things God would lead you away to contemplate spiritual realities, and the appointed path has been made known. Bear your cross--oh, my dear, bear your cross, and endure to the end that you may be saved. Terrible as it may seem, this evil, whence good will arise, has removed you from temptation. If you live secluded----
human
Dying piecemeal, she cried, in a frenzy of anger, and wrenched away her hands.
gpt
No, no; I will not live. I will die--die. At least I can do that.
human
As did Judas! Leah, if you cannot bear your punishment in the flesh, how will you endure it in the spirit? Live for Christ, and what matters the world?
gpt
Everything! everything! I know what I am; I do not know what I may be. Here--in this tangible world--we are safe--safe!
human
From God? Can you say that, when His hand has struck you down? I tell you, poor sinner, that thus does He show His mercy. As is your crime, so must be your punishment. But Christ can pardon your iniquities, and Christ will, if you only plead for mercy and for grace.
gpt
You'll drive me mad. I don't want your spiritual life, your next world of shadows and moonshine. Give me life--life--life!