human
But I can't feel--I am numb. I don't know where to go, or where I am going, she went on, her voice rising.
gpt
I only know that I don't want to go back to the life I have hitherto led; but there is nothing else. The great truths--God, religion, goodness--which mean so much, so everything to you, are nothing to me. I feel no real desire to be good, and yet I want to be not wicked. One suffers for being wicked. I can get no higher than that.
human
Stick to that, dear Kit, said Lily.
gpt
I can tell you no more. Only I know--I know that, if one goes on doing the thing one believes to be best, even quite blindly, the time comes that one's eyes are slowly opened. Out of the darkness comes day. One sees from where one has come. Then one look, and on again.
human
But for ever, till the end of one's life?
gpt
Till the end of one's life. And the effort to behave decently has a great reward, which is decent behaviour.
human
And Jack--what am I to say to Jack?
gpt
All you feel.
human
Jack will think it so queer,
gpt
You did not see Jack when you were at your worst that afternoon. Oh, Kit! it is an awful thing to see the helpless anguish of a man. He will not have forgotten that.
human
Jack in anguish?
gpt
Yes; just remember that it was so. Here's Toby. I thought he was at church. What a heathen my husband is!
human
I meant to go to church, he said;
gpt
I, too, Toby,