human
Of course, then, observed Miss Keeldar,
gpt
Shirley, men and women are so different; they are in such a different position. Women have so few things to think about, men so many. You may have a friendship for a man, while he is almost indifferent to you. Much of what cheers your life may be dependent on him, while not a feeling or interest of moment in his eyes may have reference to you. Robert used to be in the habit of going to London, sometimes for a week or a fortnight together. Well, while he was away, I found his absence a void. There was something wanting; Briarfield was duller. Of course, I had my usual occupations; still I missed him. As I sat by myself in the evenings, I used to feel a strange certainty of conviction I cannot describe, that if a magician or a genius had, at that moment, offered me Prince Ali's tube (you remember it in the 'Arabian Nights'?), and if, with its aid, I had been enabled to take a view of Robert--to see where he was, how occupied--I should have learned, in a startling manner, the width of the chasm which gaped between such as he and such as I. I knew that, however my thoughts might adhere to him, his were effectually sundered from me.
human
Caroline, demanded Miss Keeldar abruptly,
gpt
I wish it fifty times a day. As it is, I often wonder what I came into the world for. I long to have something absorbing and compulsory to fill my head and hands and to occupy my thoughts.
human
Can labour alone make a human being happy?
gpt
No; but it can give varieties of pain, and prevent us from breaking our hearts with a single tyrant master-torture. Besides, successful labour has its recompense; a vacant, weary, lonely, hopeless life has none.
human
But hard labour and learned professions, they say, make women masculine, coarse, unwomanly.
gpt
And what does it signify whether unmarried and never-to-be-married women are unattractive and inelegant or not? Provided only they are decent, decorous, and neat, it is enough. The utmost which ought to be required of old maids, in the way of appearance, is that they should not absolutely offend men's eyes as they pass them in the street; for the rest, they should be allowed, without too much scorn, to be as absorbed, grave, plain-looking, and plain-dressed as they please.
human
You might be an old maid yourself, Caroline, you speak so earnestly.
gpt
I shall be one. It is my destiny. I will never marry a Malone or a Sykes; and no one else will ever marry me.
human
Lina--did not Moore call you Lina sometimes?
gpt
Yes. It is sometimes used as the abbreviation of Caroline in his native country.
human
Well, Lina, do you remember my one day noticing an inequality in your hair--a curl wanting on that right side--and your telling me that it was Robert's fault, as he had once cut therefrom a long lock?
gpt
Yes.
human
If he is, and always was, as indifferent to you as you say, why did he steal your hair?
gpt
I don't know--yes, I do. It was my doing, not his. Everything of that sort always was my doing. He was going from home--to London, as usual; and the night before he went, I had found in his sister's workbox a lock of black hair--a short, round curl. Hortense told me it was her brother's, and a keepsake. He was sitting near the table. I looked at his head. He has plenty of hair; on the temples were many such round curls. I thought he could spare me one. I knew I should like to have it, and I asked for it. He said, on condition that he might have his choice of a tress from my head. So he got one of my long locks of hair, and I got one of his short ones. I keep his, but I dare say he has lost mine. It was my doing, and one of those silly deeds it distresses the heart and sets the face on fire to think of; one of those small but sharp recollections that return, lacerating your self-respect like tiny penknives, and forcing from your lips, as you sit alone, sudden, insane-sounding interjections.
human
Caroline!
gpt
I _do_ think myself a fool, Shirley, in some respects; I _do_ despise myself. But I said I would not make you my confessor, for you cannot reciprocate foible for foible; you are not weak. How steadily you watch me now! Turn aside your clear, strong, she-eagle eye; it is an insult to fix it on me thus.
human
What a study of character you are--weak, certainly, but not in the sense you think!--Come in!
gpt
From Mr. Moore, ma'am.
human
Bring candles,
gpt
A communication on business,