human
A very pretty little feast; monsieur knows how to treat the ladies.
gpt
Oh! Dodichet's very polite, said Boulotte;
human
Mon Dieu! mesdames, what is the good of money, if not to give you pleasure?
gpt
Ah! what a sweet sentiment! Monsieur deserves to be embalmed.
human
What's that! embalmed?
gpt
I meant to say, turned into a statuette.
human
Unfortunately, you've become very rare lately, Dodichet, said Rosa;
gpt
It isn't my fault! I am not my own master since my intimate friend Count Miflorès came to Paris.
human
Oh, yes! that Sicilian, who's so rich!
gpt
He doesn't know the amount of his fortune.
human
Is he a relation of yours?
gpt
No; but I rendered him an important service in Sicily; he was on the point of falling into a volcano; did you know there were volcanoes in Sicily?
human
Yes, mountains that spit fire; I saw one in a play, at La Gaieté.
gpt
My Sicilian, who is very inquisitive and very brave, had ascended Mount Ætna, and was looking into the mouth of the crater; suddenly he dropped his cane, and it fell into the fiery gulf. Count Miflorès thought a great deal of that cane, which he had inherited from his mother; he was going down into the crater to try to recover it, which would have been to go to certain destruction! Luckily, I was there--with my dog, a magnificent Newfoundland. I pointed to the hole, and to the cane, of which we could see one end, and said: 'Go, seek! go, seek!'--My dog understood me; he rushed down into the crater, and soon returned with the cane between his teeth and laid it at my feet. I gave it to the count, who was overjoyed, and who swore everlasting friendship to me from that day.
human
Ah! the brave count! no, I mean the brave dog! You ought to have given him a good dinner when you got home!
gpt
Alas! the poor beast never got home; after a minute or two, he fell dead at my feet; he was roasted, the heat of the crater had cooked him!
human
Oh! what an idea! And still he brought back the cane, roasted as he was?
gpt
His devotion sustained him.--But it seems to me, mesdames, that it is high time to attack this nougat and water it with a little alicante.
human
Yes, yes; let's attack it and water it!--Take some nougat, Putiphar.
gpt
You tempt me. I would make a fool of myself for this alicante!
human
What has your Sicilian come to Paris for?
gpt
In the first place, to see this wonderful city, which everybody aspires to know, and which no one ever wants to leave when he has once tasted its joys. Secondly, the devil of a fellow has a curious whimsey in his head: he wants to marry.
human
You call that a whimsey, monsieur? why, it's a most prevalent idea.
gpt
Look here, you'd better not talk against marriage before Putiphar, Dodichet; she'll never forgive you.
human
Oh! I'll forgive monsieur for anything--he treats the ladies so handsomely; but I would like to convert him.
gpt
Mon Dieu! madame, although I am not thinking of marriage for myself, I assure you that I have no wish to disgust others with it; and the proof is that I'm looking for a wife for my rich Sicilian.
human
A wife? You're looking for a wife for him, monsieur? Oh! in that case--I beg your pardon, a sip of alicante, if you please--I may have what you want.
gpt
Faith! madame, if you can find me somebody suited to my friend, you would give me great pleasure; for I haven't much time to give to it. I have more orders for sugar than I can handle; I am obliged to neglect my business, and I don't like it.
human
I must ask you one important question first of all, monsieur: is your count rich?
gpt
I think I have already told you that he doesn't know the amount of his fortune.
human
Then I suppose he wants his wife to be rich, too?
gpt
Not at all; he cares nothing at all for money; he has enough for two.
human
Really! he won't ask for any dowry?
gpt
A dowry! why, if the woman's father should be so ill-advised as to mention such a thing, he would be quite capable of knocking him down! He would consider it an insult.
human
Phew! what a noble-minded man!--A little more alicante, please.
gpt
And some chartreuse?
human
In a minute, Monsieur Godichet.
gpt
Dodichet.
human
That don't make any difference. For heaven's sake, what does your count want in his wife?
gpt
This: in the first place, he wants her to be young.
human
That goes without saying.
gpt
Good figure, pretty----
human
Those are mere trifles.
gpt
And--she must be really unmarried; do you understand?
human
Perfectly. I have what he wants, monsieur; I have it, and everybody can't say as much!
gpt
Are you sure? will you guarantee it?
human
Yes, monsieur; as I'm an honest woman!--A young lady, brought up in the best way by strict parents, who never goes out alone----
gpt
This seems to me to fit the case to perfection.--By the way, there's one other condition: my Sicilian is particular that she shall be a Parisian; he insists on that; he thinks that no women but the Parisians can wear hoopskirts gracefully.
human
My young lady is a Parisian, monsieur; born, I believe, on Rue du Pont-aux-Choux, the very centre of Paris.
gpt
The centre of the Marais, you mean, Putiphar.
human
That's all the same.
gpt
Yes; Miflorès doesn't insist that his future wife must have been born in the Chaussée d'Antin, especially as he never heard of it. Is the family respectable? We are particular about that, you see. A Sicilian count wouldn't want to ally himself with a dealer in rabbit skins--you can understand that.
human
Oh! it's a most respectable family, monsieur. Monsieur Mirotaine, the father, is an ex-bailiff.
gpt
You are quite sure?
human
Positive, monsieur. He don't do anything now--he lives on his income. Juliette's mother--mademoiselle's name is Juliette--is dead; Monsieur Mirotaine is married again, to a woman much younger than he is; from which you can conclude that the stepmother is in a hurry to marry off her stepdaughter.
gpt
Very good! things seem to run as smoothly as if they were on wheels.
human
Now, will you allow me to take my turn and ask you a few questions, monsieur?
gpt
I should say so! all the questions you please, Madame Joseph--I should say, Madame Putiphar! Have some chartreuse--to drink with these damsels!
human
Yes, yes, let's take a drink!--Do you like chartreuse, Putiphar?
gpt
If it's green, I'm afraid of it; it's too strong.
human
This is yellow, and that other green.
gpt
In that case, I'll let you tempt me. My word! but Monsieur Godichet can brag of knowing how to do things in good shape!
human
Will you be good enough to tell me your count's age first of all, monsieur?
gpt
Thirty-six; he looks forty, but it's his own doing.
human
The age is all right; how about his physique?
gpt
That corresponds with his age: a fine figure, noble carriage, fresh as a rose; his nose is a little large, but he will fix that all right by blowing it!
human
Faith! monsieur, everything seems to harmonize on both sides. Allow me to mention your friend to the Mirotaine family to-day; and as soon as he chooses to call----
gpt
One moment, my dear woman; we can't go so fast as that with Miflorès. He's a peculiar fellow; he is timid and, furthermore, extremely sensitive.
human
Do you want Monsieur Mirotaine to call on him?
gpt
No, indeed! that would spoil everything.
human
What are we to do, then? Look you, I believe I'll risk a little green chartreuse; we must get accustomed to everything.
gpt
You are quite right. I drink to the fair sex, of which you are a part, Madame Putiphar.
human
I have always hoped so, monsieur. Here's to yours! Hum! this is strong, and very penetrating! Well, monsieur, how are we to go to work to arrange a match between your count and my young and innocent Juliette?
gpt
Listen to me carefully: I'll set you the pace. In the first place, Miflorès will never consent to present himself right away in any family, as a marrying man; he wishes to study, to examine the young lady at his ease--to know her, in short--and I shall be very careful not to tell him that she knows that it is his intention to marry her; moreover, as my friend is very timid, he always insists on my going with him. I will invent some pretext for calling on your Mirotaines; I will tell the count that I am negotiating an important transaction with the papa, and that I need a guarantor. Then he will be perfectly willing to go with me.
human
All that is simple enough, monsieur; I will tell Monsieur Mirotaine that you have a great deal of influence over his prospective son-in-law.
gpt
And you will tell no falsehood, I beg you to believe. By the way, there's another matter: my friend is in the habit of dining wherever he goes; it's a noble habit, contracted in Sicily. If he isn't asked to dinner, he has the worst possible opinion of the people to whose house I have taken him. Moreover, he's a great gourmand; an excellent dinner, with plenty of good wine and dainty dishes, will dispose him favorably.
human
The deuce! that makes the thing rather harder, monsieur; for I must tell you that Monsieur Mirotaine is a little close in the matter of spending money--a little miserly, I may as well say it. He never gives a dinner party. If, by any chance, he does invite anyone, it's always on condition that he brings his own dishes.
gpt
I can assure you that we won't bring anything at all! If that's the case, there's nothing to be done!
human
It seems to me, said Rosa,
gpt
I should think so! cried Boulotte;
human
Yes, my dear loves, you are right. We won't give it up, Monsieur Godichet; I'll just speak to the stepmother; she'll back me up, for she'll be delighted to be allied to a count. She will make her husband listen to reason, and he'll give the dinner.
gpt
All right!
human
And if Monsieur Godichet cared to go and see Monsieur Mirotaine in the meantime?
gpt
There's no sort of need of it; I won't go till the day we're invited to dinner, and if it wasn't for the sake of obliging my friend I wouldn't go at all; but a man must sacrifice himself for his friends.
human
I must leave you, mesdames; I can't go about this business too soon.
gpt
Go, Putiphar, go; it's worth your while.
human
As soon as I've had a day fixed for the dinner, I'll write to you, Monsieur Godichet.
gpt
Dodichet, I tell you!
human
I beg your pardon--Dodichet. By the way, your address, if you please?
gpt
I live at the Grand Hôtel; but I'm never to be found there; it's so grand! Come and give these young ladies your message, and they'll send it to me at once.
human
Agreed. It may take two or three days, perhaps, to bring Monsieur Mirotaine to the point of giving a dinner party; but we'll succeed. Au revoir, Monsieur--Dodichet!--I got it right that time, eh? By the way, if the marriage comes off, as I hope, I stipulate that I am to furnish the trousseau and all the presents the bridegroom gives his bride.
gpt
You shall furnish everything, Madame Putiphar, everything; even the husband's suspenders, if he wears any that day.
human
Ah! Monsieur Dodichet, you're a very agreeable man!
gpt
Have another little glass of the green before you go?
human
You tempt me.--Mademoiselle Rosa, we'll talk about that brooch some other day.
gpt
Yes, yes, Putiphar; there's no hurry.