human
P. S. I am not worth loving.
gpt
Materna, he said--they were sitting at supper;
human
Materna, she certainly is perfect!
gpt
Not even you!
human
David, how could I do it? I made _fun_ of you! Do you understand? Yes; I truly did. Oh, how vile I am! And I knew I was vile all the time; that's the queer part of it. But I piled it on! And all the time it seemed as if I was just bleeding to death inside. But I kept on doing it. I loved being false. I loved to blacken myself. She drew away from him, shivering.
gpt
No; don't touch me; don't kiss me; I am not worthy. Oh, David, throw me over! Don't marry me, I am not fit-- And as he caught her in his arms, she said, her voice smothered against his breast,
human
You see, you didn't come in at Nannie's. And it looked as if--as if you didn't care. It was humiliating, David. And last night you didn't bring me the book, or even send any message; and that was sort of careless. Yes, I really think you were a little horrid, David. So I was hurt, I suppose, to start with; and you know, when I am hurt--Oh, yes; it was silly; but--
gpt
It was silly, dear.
human
Well, but listen: I am not excusing myself for this afternoon, but I do want you to understand how it started. I was provoked at your not explaining to me why you go away a whole month earlier than you need; I think any girl would be a little provoked, David. And then, on top of it, you let Blair and Nannie see that you didn't care to walk home with me, and--
gpt
But good gracious! said David, amused and tender,
human
I thought you didn't want me! And it would have been rather absurd to hang round, if I wasn't wanted.
gpt
Oh, she cried, sharply, lifting her wet face from his breast,
human
She stopped, and sighed.
gpt
After all, why should you show Nannie and Blair that you care? Why should you wait? I am not worth caring for, or waiting for, anywhere, any time! Oh, David, my temper--my dreadful temper!
human
I ought not to see you to-night, just to punish myself, she said brokenly.
gpt
You don't know how crazy I was when I was talking to Blair. I was _crazy!_ Oh, why, when I was a child, didn't they make me control my temper? I suppose I'm like--my mother, she ended in a whisper.
human
And I can't change, now; I'm too old.
gpt
You are terribly old, he said. Like everybody else, save Mrs. Richie, David accepted Elizabeth's temper as a matter of course.
human
She doesn't mean anything by it, her little world had always said; and put up with the inconvenience of her furies, with the patience of people who were themselves incapable of the irrationalities of temper.
gpt
Oh, you are a hardened sinner,
human
You do forgive me?
gpt
There is nothing I wouldn't forgive, Elizabeth.
human
But I have stabbed you?
gpt
Yes; a little; but I am yours to stab.
human
Oh, it is so wonderful, that you go on loving me, David!
gpt
You go on loving me, he rallied her;
human
Sometimes it frightens me to get so angry, she said, with a somber look.
gpt
It was just the same when I was a little girl; do you remember the time I cut off my hair? I think you had hurt my feelings; I forget now what you had done. I was always having my feelings hurt! Of course I was awfully silly. It was a relief then to spoil my body, by cutting off my hair. This afternoon it was a relief to put mud on my soul.
human
Oh, we must face it, she said;
gpt
I'll not go away in March! David interrupted her passionately;--of course it might be pleasanter for Materna to get away from old Ferguson; but what is a man's mother, compared with his girl! Elizabeth's pain was intolerable to him.
human
I won't leave you a day before I have to!
gpt
Indeed you shall; I may be wicked--oh, I am! but I am not really an idiot. Only, David, _don't_ take things so for granted, dear; and don't be so awfully sensible, David.
human
Here! Nannie! You are just the person I want--Watson's late again, and I'm in a hurry. Just take these letters and sign them 'S. Maitland per N. M.' They must be posted before five. Sit down there at the table.
gpt
S. Maitland,
human
S. Maitland. In her desire to please she discarded her own neat script, and reproduced with surprising exactness the rough signature which she knew so well. But all the while her anxious thoughts were with her brother. She wished he had not rushed off with Elizabeth. If he had only come himself into the detested dining-room, his mother would have bidden him sign the letters; he might have read them and talked them over with her, and that would have pleased her. Nannie herself had no ambition to read them; her eye caught occasional phrases:
gpt
Shears for--,
human
etc., etc. The words meant nothing to Nannie, bending her blond head and writing like a machine,
gpt
S. Maitland,
human
S. Maitland,
gpt
Mamma, she began, dipping her pen into the ink,
human
Blair has bought a rather expensive--
gpt
That's all. Now clear out, clear out! I've got a lot to do! Then her eye fell on one of the signatures, and she gave her grunt of a laugh.
human
If you hadn't put 'Per N. M.,' I shouldn't have known that I hadn't signed 'em myself ... Nannie.
gpt
Yes, Mamma?
human
Is Blair going to be at home to supper?
gpt
I think not. But he said he would be in this evening. And he wanted me to--to ask--
human
Well, perhaps I'll come over to your parlor to see him, if I get through with my work. I believe he goes East again to-morrow?
gpt
Yes, Nannie said. Mrs. Maitland, at her desk, had begun to write. Nannie wavered for a minute, then, with a despairing look at the back of her stepmother's head, slipped away to her own part of the house.
human
I'll tell her at supper, she promised herself. But in her own room, as she dressed for tea, panic fell upon her. She began to walk nervously about; once she stopped, and leaning her forehead against the window, looked absently into the dusk. At the end of the cinder path, the vast pile of the foundry rose black against the fading sky; on the left the open arches of the cast-house of the furnace glowed with molten iron that was running into pigs on the wide stretch of sand. The spur track was banked with desolate wastes of slag and rubbish; beyond them, like an enfolding arm, was the river, dark in the darkening twilight. From under half-shut dampers flat sheets of sapphire and orange flame roared out in rhythmical pulsations, and above them was the pillar of smoke shot through with flying billions of sparks; back of this monstrous and ordered confusion was the solemn circling line of hills. It was all hideous and fierce, yet in the clear winter dusk it had a beauty of its own that held Nannie Maitland, even though she was too accustomed to it to be conscious of its details. As she stared out at it with troubled eyes, there was a knock at her door; before she could say
gpt
Come in,
human
Here! Mrs. Maitland said,
gpt
There was a dull flush on her cheek, and she spoke in cross confusion.
human
Haven't you got a piece of lace, or something; I don't care what. This black dress seems-- she broke off and glanced into the mirror; she was embarrassed, but doggedly determined.
gpt
Make me look--somehow,
human
She's dressing up for Blair! She took out a piece of lace, and laid it about the gaunt shoulders; then tucked the front of the dress in, and brought the lace down on each side. The soft old thread seemed as inappropriate as it would have been if laid on a scarcely cooled steel
gpt
Well, pin it, can't you? Mrs. Maitland said sharply;
human
It doesn't just suit the dress, I'm afraid,
gpt
Nonsense! she said, and tramped out of the room. In the hall she threw back,
human
Oh, _poor_ Mamma! Nannie said. Her sympathy was hardly more than a sense of relief; if her mother was dressing up for Blair, she must be more than usually good-natured.
gpt
I'll tell her at supper,