human
Halloa, Orlando! Your very humble servant! shouted Pet, as she laughingly dashed up, touching her hat gallantly to the gentleman.
gpt
How does your imperial highness find yourself this glorious day?
human
A--pretty miserable, thank you. A--I mean I ain't very well, Miss Pet,
gpt
Not very well, eh? Why, what's the matter? Not cholera-morbus, or measles or a galloping-decline, or anything--is it? said Pet, in a tone of deepest anxiety.
human
The gods forbid anything should happen to you, Orlando, for the sake of all Judestown girls whose hearts you have broken! You do look sort of blue--a prey to 'green and yellow melancholy,' I shouldn't wonder! Make Miss Priscilla apply a mustard-poultice when you get home--it doesn't matter where--and go to bed with your feet in a tub of hot water, and I'll bet you anything you'll be as well as ever, if not considerably better, in the morning. I'm going to take in nursing some of these days, and ought to know!
gpt
Miss Pet, it's real good of you to advise me, and I'm very much obliged to you, said Mr. Toosypegs, gratefully;
human
said Mr. Toosypegs, firmly.
gpt
I'm in that state that nothing can do me any good--no, no, nothing! repeated Mr. Toosypegs, with increased firmness.
human
It's all internal, you see, Miss Pet.
gpt
Oh! is it? said Pet, puckering up her mouth as if she was going to whistle.
human
You ought to take something, then, and drive it out! Hot gin, or burnt brandy and cayenne is good--excessively good--though not so nice to take as some things I've tasted. Just you take a pint or so of hot burnt brandy and cayenne to-night, before going to bed, and you'll see it will be all out in a severe rash early to-morrow morning. I'm advising you for your good, Orlando; for I feel like a mother to you--in fact, I feel a motherly interest in all the nice young men in Judestown and the surrounding country generally, for any extent you please, and am always ready to give them no end of good advice, if they only take it.
gpt
It's real good of you, Miss Pet I'm sure, said Mr. Toosypegs, wincing, as the very thought of the hot brandy and cayenne brought tears to his eyes,
human
said Mr. Toosypegs--with a hazy idea that all ardent spirits came from that place--
gpt
Well, really, I'm afraid I'll have to give the case up, though I hate to do it. What's the symptoms, Orlando?
human
The what, Miss Pet?
gpt
The symptoms, you know--I don't exactly understand the word myself; and I forgot my dictionary when I was coming away. It means, though, the feelings or something that way--how do you feel as a general thing?
human
Well, I can't say I feel very well, said Mr. Toosypegs, mournfully.
gpt
I'm sort of restless, and can't sleep of nights!
human
Ah! that's owing to the musketoes! said Pet.
gpt
That ain't dangerous. Go on.
human
No, Miss Pet, it's not the musketoes; it's my feelings, said Mr. Toosypegs, with increased mournfulness.
gpt
I've lost my appetite!
human
Well, I'm sure I don't wonder at that, either, again interrupted Pet.
gpt
Miss Priscilla half-starves you over there--I know she does. Just you come over and dine with us two or three times a week, at Heath Hill, and you'll be astonished slightly at the way you'll find your appetite again. Oh, I don't despair of you at all!
human
Miss Pet, burst out Mr. Toosypegs, in a sort of desperation,
gpt
An attachment? exclaimed Pet.
human
Whew! that is bad. Why, Orlando, I didn't think you owed anybody anything. When was this attachment issued against you?
gpt
Oh, Miss Pet! can't you understand? My gracious! that ain't the sort of attachment I mean at all. It's not legal--
human
Then it's illegal, said Miss Pet, with a profoundly-shocked expression of countenance.
gpt
Why, Mr. Toosypegs, where do you expect to go to? I never expected to have any such confession from your lips. An illegal attachment! Mr. Toosypegs, the community generally look upon you as a highly exemplary young man, but I feel it my painful duty to announce to them immediately how they have been deceived. An illegal attachment! Oh, my stars and garters! Excuse me, Mr. Toosypegs, but after such a highly improper confession, I must bid you good-morning. No young and unsuspecting female like me can be seen with propriety in your company for the future. I am very sorry, Mr. Toosypegs, and I should never have suspected you of such shocking conduct had you not confessed it yourself.