human
Forget that, sweetheart--quick. I didn't know what I was saying. Why, liebchen--it's only you makes it bearable at all. If I did not have you I should--choose the other way.
gpt
Karl! --in an instant clinging to him wildly--
human
Oh, sweetheart--you've misunderstood. Now, dearie--don't--don't make me feel I've made you cry. All I meant, Ernestine, was that without you it would be so utterly unbearable.
gpt
Why, liebchen--do you think anything under heaven could be so bad that I should want to leave you?
human
I should hope I had not failed--quite that completely,
gpt
Failed?--_You?_ Come up here a little closer and I'll try to tell you just how far you've come from having failed.
human
Everything, liebchen; everything of joy and comfort and beauty and light--light, sweetheart--everything of light and hope and consolation that comes to me now is through you. You've done more than I would have believed in human power. You have actually made me forget, and can you fancy how supreme a thing it is to make a man forget that he is blind? You've put the beautiful things before me in their most beautiful way. Do you suppose that alone, or with any one else, I could see any beauty in anything? You've made me laugh! How did you ever do that--you wonderful little Ernestine? And, sweetheart, you've helped me with my self-respect. You've saved me in a thousand little ways from the humiliations of being blind. Why you actually must have some idea of what it is like yourself!
gpt
I have, Karl. I have imagined and thought about it and tried to--well, just trained myself, until I believe I do know something of what it is like.
human
You love me!
gpt
But if you could only know how _much._
human
I do know. I do know, dear. I wish that all the world--I'd hate to have them know, for it's just ours--but for the sake of faltering faith they ought to know what you've been to me this summer.
gpt
Then, Karl, --this after one of their precious silences--
human
I want to ask you something. It is hard to say it just right, but I'll try. You know that I love you--that we have one of those supreme loves which come at rare times--perhaps for the sake of what you call faltering faith. But, Karl--this will sound hard--but after all, doesn't it fail? Fail of being supreme? Doesn't it fail if it is not--satisfying? I don't mean that it should make up to one for such a thing as being blind, but if in spite of love like ours life seems unbearable to you without your work--why then, dear, doesn't it fail?
gpt
I see. I see how you have reasoned it out. I wonder if I can make you understand?
human
Ernestine, --the old enthusiasm had kindled in his face with the summoning of the thoughts--
gpt
Don't think I have given up--why of course I haven't. I will adjust myself in a little time--do what there is for me to do. I am going to see immediately about a secretary, a stenographer--no, Ernestine, I don't want you to do that. It's merely routine work, and I want you to do your own work. One of us must do the work it was intended we should. I could have gone on with some lecture work at the university, but I--this year I couldn't quite do that. I'll be more used to handling myself by next year, have myself better in hand in every way. I couldn't quite stand the smell from the laboratory just now. This year I shall work on those books I've told you about; just class-room books--I never could write anything that would be literature--I'm not built for that; but these things will be useful, I've felt the need of something of the sort in my own classes. I'll always make a living, Ernestine--don't you ever worry about that! And the world won't know--why should we let it know we're not satisfied? But I can't hide from you that it is the other, the creative work--the--oh, I tell you, Ernestine, the fellows up there in the far north don't have all the fun! It may be great to push one's way through icebergs--but I know something that is greater than that! They say there is a joy in standing where no man ever stood before, and I can see that, for I too have stood where no man ever stood before! But I'm ahead of them--mine's the greater joy--for I knew that my territory was worth something--that the world would follow where I had led! --The old force, fire, joyous enthusiasm had bounded into his voice. But it died away, and it was with a settling to sadness he said,
human
You see, little girl, if there was a wonderful picture you had conceived--your masterpiece, something you had reason to feel would stand as one of the world's great pictures, if you had begun on it, were in the heat of it, and then had to give it up, it would not quite satisfy you, would it, dear, to settle down and write some textbooks on art?
gpt
Karl--it's I who have been blind! I tried so hard to understand--but I--oh, Karl--can't we do something? Can't we _do_ something about it?
human
I was selfish to tell you--but it is good to have you understand.
gpt
Karl, _couldn't_ you go on with it? Isn't there some way? Can't we _find_ a way?
human
I have thought of it by the hour--gone over every side of it. But work like that takes a man's whole being. It takes more than mere eyes and hands--more than just mind. You must have the spirit right for it--all things must work together. It's not the sort of work to do under a handicap. God knows I'd start in if I could see my way--but neither the world nor myself would have anything to gain. Some one would have to be eyes for me--and so much more than eyes. It's all in how things look, dear--their appearance tells the story. An assistant could tell me what _he_ saw--but he could not bring to me what would be conveyed if I saw it myself. All that was individual in my work would be gone. Minds do not work together like that. I should be too much in the dark,