human
Come, Aunt Temperance! cried he.
gpt
Every gentleman in the land, well-nigh, doth now drink the Indian weed. 'Tis called uppovoc, picielt, petum [whence comes petunia], or tobago, and is sold for its weight in silver; men pick out their biggest shillings to lay against it, and 'tis held a favour for a gentlewoman to fill the pipe for her servant [suitor]. I have heard say some will spend three or four hundred a year after this manner, drinking it even at the table; and they that refuse be thought peevish and ill company.
human
And whither must we flee to get quit of it?
gpt
That cannot I say, Aunt. In France they have it, calling it Nicotine, from one Nicot, that did first fetch it thither; 'twas one Ralph Lane that brought it to England. Why, what think you? there are over six thousand shops in and about London, where they deal in it now.
human
Six thousand shops for that stinking stuff!
gpt
Oh, not for this alone. The apothecaries, grocers, and chandlers have it, and in every tavern you shall find the pipe handed round, even where, as in the meaner sort, it be made but of a walnut shell and a straw. Why, Aunt, 'tis wondrous wholesome and healing for divers diseases.
human
Let's hear which of them.
gpt
Well--migraines [headaches], colics, toothache, ague, colds, obstructions through wind, and fits of the mother [hysterics]; gout, epilepsy, and hydropsy [dropsy]. The brain, look you, being naturally cold and wet, all hot and dry things must be good for it.
human
I'd as soon have any of those divers distempers as _that_, solemnly announced Aunt Temperance.
gpt
I do ensure you, Aunt, thus saith Dr Barclay, one of the first physicians in London town, which useth this tobago for all these diseases. He only saith 'tis not to be touched with food, or after it, but must be took fasting. Moreover, it helps the digestion.
human
It'll not help mine. And prithee, Mr Aubrey Louvaine, which of all this list of disorders hast thou?
gpt
I, Aunt? Oh, I'm well enough.
human
Dear heart! When I am well enough, I warrant you, I take no physic.
gpt
Oh, but, Aunt, 'tis not physic only. 'Tis rare comforting and soothing.