human
It was when he went away to-night. You know I went to see him out. I think if he had gone as he did last night--just as if we weren't engaged at all--I couldn't have gone on with it, I was feeling so miserable. Perhaps I looked at him in a way that showed him; for he looked at me as he was saying good-night. I saw by his eyes how much he loved me, and he kissed me very gently, on the forehead, and called me something sweet which I won't tell you; and then he went away.
gpt
Oh, darling, I'm so glad, said Caroline.
human
I know by the way you tell me that it was what you really wanted all the time, wasn't it?
gpt
I don't know whether I did want it all the time. I know I should have been miserable if he had gone away without. And I wished when I'd gone upstairs that I'd given him something in return, some sign just to show that I didn't want him to go back to that horrid cold talk of to-day and yesterday. Do you think he will? He's not so _frightfully_ strong, after all. I'm sure he never meant to show me what he did. He couldn't keep it under.
human
Yes, he is strong, she said,
gpt
I suppose I'm frightened to let myself go, she said.
human
I did before, and it's as if something had got stopped up in me. I don't feel towards him as I did, and with _him_, though I admire and trust him a thousand times more. Will it come, Cara, dear? Can I go on, without doing him harm? He's so good and so fine, he _ought_ to have somebody who would simply worship him, and think of nobody else; not somebody who has already thought of somebody else, somebody not to be compared with him.
gpt
It's what you feel now, darling, that matters, she said.
human
I think something has been going on in you all the time that you can't recognise, because it's different from what it was.
gpt
Do you think that's it? she asked rather pathetically.
human
I hope it is. It isn't that I want all _that_ to come back, though it did make me very happy while it lasted. But I don't want to disappoint him. I don't want to give him something, just because I feel like it for the moment, and then take it away again.
gpt
If you give him something because you feel like it--well, that's just what you'll be right in doing, darling. It wouldn't be right to hold it back. If you feel like it at any time, it shows it's there. I'm sure he's worth loving, B.
human
Oh, yes, he is. I think I do love him. I know I want him to come back to-morrow.