human
Caroline, you look as if you had heard good tidings,
gpt
Do I?
human
I sent for you this evening that I might be cheered; but you cheer me more than I had calculated.
gpt
I am glad of that. And I _really_ cheer you?
human
You look brightly, move buoyantly, speak musically.
gpt
It is pleasant to be here again.
human
Truly it is pleasant; I feel it so. And to see health on your cheek and hope in your eye is pleasant, Cary; but what is this hope, and what is the source of this sunshine I perceive about you?
gpt
For one thing, I am happy in mamma. I love her so much, and she loves me. Long and tenderly she nursed me. Now, when her care has made me well, I can occupy myself for and with her all the day. I say it is my turn to attend to her; and I _do_ attend to her. I am her waiting-woman as well as her child. I like--you would laugh if you knew what pleasure I have in making dresses and sewing for her. She looks so nice now, Robert; I will not let her be old-fashioned. And then, she is charming to talk to--full of wisdom, ripe in judgment, rich in information, exhaustless in stores her observant faculties have quietly amassed. Every day that I live with her I like her better, I esteem her more highly, I love her more tenderly.
human
She is not old, Robert.
gpt
Of the young lady, then.
human
She does not pretend to be young.
gpt
Well, of the matron. But you said 'mamma's' affection was _one_ thing that made you happy; now for the other thing.
human
I am glad you are better.
gpt
What besides?
human
I am glad we are friends.
gpt
You and I?
human
Yes. I once thought we never should be.
gpt
Cary, some day I mean to tell you a thing about myself that is not to my credit, and consequently will not please you.
human
Ah, don't! I cannot bear to think ill of you.
gpt
And I cannot bear that you should think better of me than I deserve.
human
Well, but I half know your 'thing;' indeed, I believe I know all about it.
gpt
You do not.
human
I believe I do.
gpt
Whom does it concern besides me?
human
Speak, Cary! Whom does it concern?
gpt
Tell me; there is none present but ourselves. Be frank.
human
But if I guess wrong?
gpt
I will forgive. Whisper, Cary.
human
Miss Keeldar spent a day at the rectory about a week since. The evening came on very wintry, and we persuaded her to stay all night.
gpt
And you and she curled your hair together?
human
How do you know that?
gpt
And then you chattered, and she told you----
human
It was not at curling-hair time, so you are not as wise as you think; and, besides, she didn't tell me.
gpt
You slept together afterwards?
human
We occupied the same room and bed. We did not sleep much; we talked the whole night through.
gpt
I'll be sworn you did! And then it all came out--_tant pis_. I would rather you had heard it from myself.
human
You are quite wrong. She did not tell me what you suspect--she is not the person to proclaim such things; but yet I inferred something from parts of her discourse. I gathered more from rumour, and I made out the rest by instinct.
gpt
But if she did not tell you that I wanted to marry her for the sake of her money, and that she refused me indignantly and scornfully (you need neither start nor blush; nor yet need you prick your trembling fingers with your needle. That is the plain truth, whether you like it or not)--if such was not the subject of her august confidences, on what point did they turn? You say you talked the whole night through; what about?
human
About things we never thoroughly discussed before, intimate friends as we have been; but you hardly expect I should tell you?
gpt
Yes, yes, Cary; you will tell me. You said we were friends, and friends should always confide in each other.
human
But you are sure you won't repeat it?
gpt
Quite sure.
human
Not to Louis?
gpt
Not even to Louis. What does Louis care for young ladies' secrets?
human
Robert, Shirley is a curious, magnanimous being.
gpt
I dare say. I can imagine there are both odd points and grand points about her.
human
I have found her chary in showing her feelings; but when they rush out, river-like, and pass full and powerful before you--almost without leave from her--you gaze, wonder; you admire, and--I think--love her.
gpt
You saw this spectacle?
human
Yes; at dead of night, when all the house was silent, and starlight and the cold reflection from the snow glimmered in our chamber, then I saw Shirley's heart.
gpt
Her heart's core? Do you think she showed you that?
human
Her heart's core.
gpt
And how was it?
human
Like a shrine, for it was holy; like snow, for it was pure; like flame, for it was warm; like death, for it was strong.
gpt
Can she love? tell me that.
human
What think you?
gpt
She has loved none that have loved her yet.
human
Who are those that have loved her?
gpt
She has loved none of these.
human
Yet some of them were worthy of a woman's affection.
gpt
Of some women's, but not of Shirley's.
human
Is she better than others of her sex?
gpt
She is peculiar, and more dangerous to take as a wife--rashly.
human
I can imagine that.
gpt
She spoke of you----
human
Oh, she did! I thought you denied it.
gpt
She did not speak in the way you fancy; but I asked her, and I would make her tell me what she thought of you, or rather how she felt towards you. I wanted to know; I had long wanted to know.
human
So had I; but let us hear. She thinks meanly, she feels contemptuously, doubtless?
gpt
She thinks of you almost as highly as a woman can think of a man. You know she can be eloquent. I yet feel in fancy the glow of the language in which her opinion was conveyed.
human
But how does she feel?
gpt
Till you shocked her (she said you had shocked her, but she would not tell me how) she felt as a sister feels towards a brother of whom she is at once fond and proud.
human
I'll shock her no more, Cary, for the shock rebounded on myself till I staggered again. But that comparison about sister and brother is all nonsense. She is too rich and proud to entertain fraternal sentiments for me.
gpt
You don't know her, Robert; and, somehow, I fancy now (I had other ideas formerly) that you cannot know her. You and she are not so constructed as to be able thoroughly to understand each other.
human
It may be so. I esteem her, I admire her; and yet my impressions concerning her are harsh--perhaps uncharitable. I believe, for instance, that she is incapable of love----
gpt
Shirley incapable of love!
human
That she will never marry. I imagine her jealous of compromising her pride, of relinquishing her power, of sharing her property.
gpt
Shirley has hurt your _amour propre_.
human
She did hurt it; though I had not an emotion of tenderness, nor a spark of passion for her.
gpt
Then, Robert, it was very wicked in you to want to marry her.
human
And very mean, my little pastor, my pretty priestess. I never wanted to kiss Miss Keeldar in my life, though she has fine lips, scarlet and round as ripe cherries; or, if I did wish it, it was the mere desire of the eye.
gpt
I doubt, now, whether you are speaking the truth. The grapes or the cherries are sour--'hung too high.'
human
She has a pretty figure, a pretty face, beautiful hair. I acknowledge all her charms and feel none of them, or only feel them in a way she would disdain. I suppose I was truly tempted by the mere gilding of the bait. Caroline, what a noble fellow your Robert is--great, good, disinterested, and then so pure!
gpt
But not perfect. He made a great blunder once, and we will hear no more about it.
human
And shall we think no more about it, Cary? Shall we not despise him in our heart--gentle but just, compassionate but upright?
gpt
Never! We will remember that with what measure we mete it shall be measured unto us, and so we will give no scorn, only affection.
human
Which won't satisfy, I warn you of that. Something besides affection--something far stronger, sweeter, warmer--will be demanded one day. Is it there to give?
gpt
Be calm, Lina, said Moore soothingly.
human
I have no intention, because I have no right, to perturb your mind now, nor for months to come. Don't look as if you would leave me. We will make no more agitating allusions; we will resume our gossip. Do not tremble; look me in the face. See what a poor, pale, grim phantom I am--more pitiable than formidable.
gpt
There is something formidable still, pale as you are,
human
To return to Shirley, pursued Moore:
gpt
She loves.
human
Platonically--theoretically--all humbug!
gpt
She loves what I call sincerely.
human
Did she say so?
gpt
I cannot affirm that she said so. No such confession as 'I love this man or that' passed her lips.
human
I thought not.
gpt
But the feeling made its way in spite of her, and I saw it. She spoke of one man in a strain not to be misunderstood. Her voice alone was sufficient testimony. Having wrung from her an opinion on your character, I demanded a second opinion of--another person about whom I had my conjectures, though they were the most tangled and puzzled conjectures in the world. I would _make_ her speak. I shook her, I chid her, I pinched her fingers when she tried to put me off with gibes and jests in her queer provoking way, and at last out it came. The voice, I say, was enough; hardly raised above a whisper, and yet such a soft vehemence in its tones. There was no confession, no confidence, in the matter. To these things she cannot condescend; but I am sure that man's happiness is dear to her as her own life.
human
Who is it?
gpt
I charged her with the fact. She did not deny, she did not avow, but looked at me. I saw her eyes by the snow-gleam. It was quite enough. I triumphed over her mercilessly.
human
What right had _you_ to triumph? Do you mean to say _you_ are fancy free?
gpt
Whatever _I_ am, Shirley is a bondswoman. Lioness, she has found her captor. Mistress she may be of all round her, but her own mistress she is not.
human
So you exulted at recognizing a fellow-slave in one so fair and imperial?
gpt
I did; Robert, you say right, in one so fair and imperial.
human
You confess it--a _fellow_-slave?
gpt
I confess nothing; but I say that haughty Shirley is no more free than was Hagar.
human
And who, pray, is the Abraham, the hero of a patriarch who has achieved such a conquest?
gpt
You still speak scornfully, and cynically, and sorely; but I will make you change your note before I have done with you.
human
We will see that. Can she marry this Cupidon?
gpt
Cupidon! he is just about as much a Cupidon as you are a Cyclops.
human
Can she marry him?
gpt
You will see.
human
I want to know his name, Cary.
gpt
Guess it.
human
Is it any one in this neighbourhood?
gpt
Yes, in Briarfield parish.
human
Then it is some person unworthy of her. I don't know a soul in Briarfield parish her equal.
gpt
Guess.
human
Impossible. I suppose she is under a delusion, and will plunge into some absurdity, after all.
gpt
Do _you_ approve the choice?
human
Quite, _quite_.
gpt
Then I _am_ puzzled; for the head which owns this bounteous fall of hazel curls is an excellent little thinking machine, most accurate in its working. It boasts a correct, steady judgment, inherited from 'mamma,' I suppose.
human
And I _quite_ approve, and mamma was charmed.
gpt
It _is_ romantic, but it is also right.
human
Tell me, Cary--tell me out of pity; I am too weak to be tantalized.
gpt
You shall be tantalized--it will do you no harm; you are not so weak as you pretend.
human
I have twice this evening had some thoughts of falling on the floor at your feet.
gpt
You had better not. I shall decline to help you up.
human
And worshipping you downright. My mother was a Roman Catholic. You look like the loveliest of her pictures of the Virgin. I think I will embrace her faith and kneel and adore.
gpt
Robert, Robert, sit still; don't be absurd. I will go to Hortense if you commit extravagances.
human
You have stolen my senses. Just now nothing will come into my mind but _les litanies de la sainte Vièrge. Rose céleste, reine des anges_!
gpt
But 'mamma' charmed--there's the puzzle.
human
I'll tell you what mamma said when I told her. 'Depend upon it, my dear, such a choice will make the happiness of Miss Keeldar's life.'
gpt
I'll guess once, and no more. It is old Helstone. She is going to be your aunt.
human
I'll tell my uncle; I'll tell Shirley! cried Caroline, laughing gleefully.
gpt
Guess again, Robert; your blunders are charming.
human
It is the parson--Hall.
gpt
Indeed, no; he is mine, if you please.
human
Yours! Ay, the whole generation of women in Briarfield seem to have made an idol of that priest. I wonder why; he is bald, sand-blind, gray-haired.
gpt
Fanny will be here to fetch me before you have solved the riddle, if you don't make haste.
human
I'll guess no more--I am tired; and then I don't care. Miss Keeldar may marry _le grand Turc_ for me.
gpt
Must I whisper?
human
That you must, and quickly. Here comes Hortense; come near, a little nearer, my own Lina. I care for the whisper more than the words.