human
Years went by, and we grew richer and richer; all we put our hands to prospered. Money seemed to grow for us on every tree. I could give my one child all that wealth could suggest. She grew up unsullied by what was eating into me as a canker. She was beautiful alike in mind and body; she was and is the one pure and lovely thing left to me. She became engaged to a good and honorable man. He had, it is true, neither money nor position, but I had learned, through all these long years of pain, to value such things at their true worth. Charlotte should marry where her heart was. I gave her leave to engage herself to Hinton. Shortly after that engagement, Jasper, my brother, returned from Australia. His presence, reminding me, as it did, day and night, of my crime, but added to my misery of soul. I was surprised, too, to see how easily what was dragging me to the very gate of hell seemed to rest on him. I could never discover, narrowly as I watched him, that he was anything but a happy man. One evening, after spending some hours in his presence, I fainted away quite suddenly. I was alone when this fainting fit overtook me. I believe I was unconscious for many hours. The next day I went to consult a doctor. Then and there, in that great physician's consulting-room, I learned that I am the victim of an incurable complaint; a complaint that must end my life, must end it soon, and suddenly. In short, the doctor said to me, not in words, but by look, by manner, by significant hand pressure, and that silent sympathy which speaks a terrible fact. 'Prepare to meet thy God.' Since the morning I left the doctor's presence I have been trying to prepare; but between God and me stands my sin. I cannot get a glimpse of God. I wait, and wait, but I only see the awful sin of my youth. In short, sir, I am in the far country where God is not.
gpt
To die so would be terrible,
human
To die so will be terrible, sir; in, short, it will be hell.
gpt
Do not put it in the future tense, Mr. Harman, for you that day is past.
human
What do you mean?
gpt
I mean that even now, though you know it not, you are no longer in the far country. You are the prodigal son if you like, but you are on the road back to the Father. You are on the homeward road, and the Father is looking out for you. When you come to die you will not be alone, the hand of God will hold yours, and the smile of a forgiving God will say to you, as the blessed Jesus said once to a poor sinful woman, who yet was not _half_ as great a sinner as you are, 'Thy sins, which are many, are forgiven thee.'
human
You believe then in the greatness of my sin?
gpt
I believe, I _know_ that your sin was enormous; but so also is your repentance.
human
God knows I repent,
gpt
Yes; when you asked me to visit you, and when you poured out that story in my ears, your long repentance and anguish of heart were beginning to find vent.
human
What do you mean?
gpt
I mean that you will make reparation.
human
Ay, indeed I am more than willing. Zacchæus restored fourfold.
gpt
Yes, the road for you, straight to the bosom of the Father, is very prickly and full of sharp thorns. You have held a high character for honor and respectability. You have a child who loves you, who has thought you perfect. You must step down from your high pedestal. You must renounce the place you have held in your child's heart. In short, you must let your only child, and also the cold, censorious world, see you as God has seen you for so long.
human
I don't mind the world, but--my child--my only child, said Mr. Harman, and now he put up his trembling hands and covered his face.
gpt
That is a very hard road,
human
There is no other back to the Father,
gpt
Well, I will take it then, for I _must_ get back to Him. You are a man of God. I put myself in your hands. What am I to do?
human
You put yourself not into my hands, sir, but into the loving and merciful hands of my Lord Christ. The course before you is plain. You must find out those you have robbed; you must restore all, and ask these wronged ones' forgiveness. When they forgive, the peace of God will shine into your heart.
gpt
You mean the widow and the child. But I do not know anything of them; I have shut my eyes to their fate.
human
The widow is dead, but the child lives; I happen to know her; I can bring her to you.
gpt
Can you? How soon?
human
In an hour and a half from now if you like. I should wish you to rest in that peace I spoke of before morning. Shall I bring her to-night?
gpt
Yes, I will see her; but first, first, will you pray with me?