human
I am afraid, replied Emily,
gpt
But to see us occasionally, said Mrs Herbert,
human
In time it would, replied Emily,
gpt
she added, while her pale lips quivered, and the tears rushed to her eyes,
human
But you must not think, my dear, replied Mrs Herbert,
gpt
I am afraid, said Emily, faintly.
human
I have thought before that I could give up all for Him, and yet when He required it I have shrunk from the sacrifice; and so it is now. I am not resigned as I ought to be; and I must never again put myself within reach of the temptation of loving an earthly being too well.
gpt
You are speaking, my love, under the influence of an overstrained feeling, answered Mrs Herbert.
human
I know you would not change what has happened if the power were granted you at this instant; you would not bring back that sweet child to the sufferings of a sinful world, even if it were to give yourself years of happiness.
gpt
No, no! exclaimed Emily, eagerly.
human
I can and I do thank God that she is safe with Him--not in words only, but from the very bottom of my heart; and yet I may be afraid--it has always been so. Those whom I have loved the best have ever been taken from me the first.
gpt
Only we may not presume to decide why, said Mrs Herbert.
human
It may have been for their good, quite as much as for your warning. And even now, if the loss of a darling child should be the means of bringing those whose happiness was wrapped up in her nearer to God, you would be the first to acknowledge the greatness of the blessing, and to see that the object of the trial might be principally their benefit. I do not mean to say, she added, observing that Emily continued silent,
gpt
Perhaps, said Emily,
human
I could be more resigned, if I did not at times fancy that I had been the cause of everything. If I had never left her, many moments of self-reproach would be spared me. Not that I give way to the idea, because I believe it is false: I was doing what I knew to be my duty in going to the cottage; and the event was in the hands of God: but vet the notion haunts me; and even when I turn away from it, it still remains a load on my heart.
gpt
And it will remain there, my dear, till the first misery of your feelings has worn off, and you can see things in a truer light. It is impossible to argue against it; or rather, no arguments which any person can use will entirely satisfy you; but you must, indeed, force yourself to turn away from it, or it will grow into a certainty, and then the whole energy of your mind will be destroyed. If we once allow ourselves to dwell too much upon the consequences even of our slightest actions, we shall be quite unfitted for the duties of life.
human
Then you do not think I was wrong?
gpt
No, indeed, I do not. You went on an errand of kindness, where your services were really required, and you left that dear child, as you believed, in a place of safety with those who were certainly quite old enough to have taken care of her during the few minutes of your absence. Consider what your feelings would have been if you had neglected to go to the cottage, and fatal consequences had been the result. You might have reproached yourself then, perhaps justly; but you can have no cause for it now. If any one has reason to be distressed, it is poor Margaret; and I am afraid she is suffering very much.
human
Have you seen her?
gpt
No, replied Mrs Herbert;
human
Will you say something from me, said Emily;
gpt
I hardly know what; but only let her feel that I think of her.
human
I wish it were possible to convince her how wrongly she has acted towards you, answered Mrs Herbert.
gpt
I fear that what she is suffering now will have but little real influence on her character. It is mere feeling, and will pass away; for she will soon discover that she has exaggerated her negligence, and then she will care but little about it.
human
I am very sorry for her, said Emily;
gpt
But it would be for her good, my dear; and if I attempt to comfort her by proving that she has over-estimated one fault, I shall certainly endeavour to make her sorry for having thought so little of the other. It will be useless to attempt it by and by; but now Dora says she really feels for you, and therefore there may be some hope.
human
You must not let her think that I remember it, replied Emily,
gpt
I wish she could know how entirely I have forgiven it.
human
I am not sure that I do wish it just now, replied Mrs Herbert.
gpt
To be forgiven before we have acknowledged our offences makes us think too lightly of them. When Margaret can see how utterly selfish her conduct was, and grieve heartily for it, although no evil consequences have followed, then it will be time to talk of forgiveness. And now, my dear, I must leave you; but Amy shall come to you whenever you wish it.
human
Shall I ever thank you enough?
gpt
Do not talk of thanks, interrupted Mrs Herbert;
human
And then, said Colonel Herbert, with a smile of heartfelt pleasure,
gpt
If it should please God to grant it, replied Mrs Herbert,
human
I believe it will be through Amy's means. I can see, even now, how she turns to her for comfort. She half-smiled this afternoon when Amy came into the room, and then checked herself, as if afraid to allow her thoughts to dwell upon her.
gpt
Who would not find comfort in Amy? said Colonel Herbert.
human
I have often tried to fancy what she would be like; but I could not have expected to find her so entirely simple and sincere, with a mind in many respects so far beyond her age.
gpt
It has been a great relief to me to observe how little she has been altered by the change of her life since she has been so much with her cousins, answered Mrs Herbert.
human
It was my principal fear at first; but she has had a much greater influence upon them than they have had upon her.
gpt
I suspect, replied her husband,
human
We will hope that it may be so with Amy, said Mrs Herbert.
gpt
Certainly she has begun betimes; and I think she will lead her cousins to follow her example.
human
Dora interests me very much, observed Colonel Herbert;
gpt
No; but she promises to let me go to her the first thing to-morrow. She dreads seeing her mother; and I rather think she will be glad to have me to intercede for her.
human
She need not be afraid; while Mrs Harrington remains in her present state, she will not be likely to notice anything.
gpt
To-morrow, said Mrs Herbert,
human
I shall endeavour to persuade my sister to go and look once more upon that darling child. It will be a great trial, but I think it may rouse her; and her countenance is now so exquisitely peaceful and beautiful, that I should hope it might go far towards reconciling her to her loss.
gpt
The worst trial is yet to come, I fear, said Colonel Herbert.
human
There is something still to rest upon whilst the outward form is left us, even when the spirit is fled.
gpt
I do not think that I quite agree with you. When everything is gone that belonged to this world, we are able to feel more truly that the spirit may still be with us. Perhaps the separation between ourselves and little Rose may be far slighter than we accustom ourselves to imagine.
human
It may be so, said Colonel Herbert, thoughtfully,
gpt
It does not forbid us to think so; and at times it has been an inexpressible comfort to me to feel that those whom I have loved might still be near, though I could not see them; and I have always felt it more after they were taken from my sight, and I could no longer look upon them with the intense longing that they might return to be what they once were.
human
Whether true or not, the idea is an innocent one, said Colonel Herbert;
gpt
I wish sincerely that it could be a comfort to your poor sister.
human
I think it not impossible, said Mrs Herbert,
gpt
I rather doubt it, replied her husband.
human
She is so little accustomed to be unreserved, according to your account, that I can hardly imagine she would allow any one to speak plainly, much less to comfort her.
gpt
A month ago the case would have been very different, said Mrs Herbert;
human
Amy seemed worn out when she wished me good-night, said Colonel Herbert;
gpt
She has had a very trying day; and then, real sorrow is so new to her, and she has been endeavouring so much to comfort every one, and suffering so much at times herself (for she was very fond of little Rose), that it is not strange she should look pale.
human
I must go and see if she is asleep,