human
My darling, surely you do not imagine--that I am thinking ... of leaving you?
gpt
No, and for the first time Louise, as she uttered the word, looked up straight into Dering's face.
human
No, it was not of you that I was thinking--but of myself....
gpt
Let us sit down. Dering's voice was so changed, so uneager, so cold, that Louise, for the first time during their long partnership, felt as if she was with a stranger.
human
I want to thoroughly understand your point of view. Do you mean to say that when we first arranged matters you intended our--our marriage to be, in any case, only a temporary union?
gpt
Please tell me, he said again,
human
I think you owe me the truth, and I really wish to know.
gpt
Yes, Philip, I will tell you the truth, though I fear you will not like to hear it. When I first accepted the proposal you made to me, I felt convinced that, as regarded myself, the feeling which brought us together would be eternal, but I as fully believed that with you that same feeling would be only temporary. I was ready to remain with you as long as you would have me do so; but I felt sure that you would grow tired of me some day, and I told myself--secretly, of course, for I could not have insulted you or myself by saying such a thing to you then--I told myself, I say, that when that day came, the day of your weariness of me, I would go away, and make no further demand upon you.
human
You really believed that I should grow tired of you,--that I should wish to leave you?
gpt
Certainly I did so. How could I divine that you alone would be different from all the men of whom I had ever heard? Still, I loved you so well--ah, Philip, I did love you so--that I would have come to you on any terms, as indeed I did come on terms very injurious to myself. But what matters now what I then thought? I see that I was wrong--you have been faithful to me in word, thought, and deed----
human
Yes, said Dering fiercely,
gpt
I also have been faithful to you---- she hesitated.
human
Yes, I think I may truly say it, in thought, word, and deed,----
gpt
But I have realised, and that for some time past, that the day would come when I should no longer wish to be so--when I should wish to be free. I have gradually regained possession of myself, and, though I know I must fulfil all my obligations to you for the time I promised, I long for the moment of release, for the moment when I shall at last have the right to forget, as much as such things can ever be forgotten, these ten years of my life.