opening day at washingwood�s first and only theme park may be less than year away, according to sources close to the author. i was able to �borrow� a copy of the visitor�s guide and provide you a sneak peek!  welcome to romneyland!  rides and attractions  pirates of the carribain � �yo-ho, yo-ho, a tax-pirate�s life for me!� you, the kids, and your suitcases full of cash and �investment funds� are in for the thrill of your financial life as your million-dollar, 1400 horse-power speed boat blows through the bayou at a pulse-pounding 140 mph! destination? the cayman islands! fireflies light the way � but watch out for the shenanigans of uncle sam as he tries increase your marginal rate! you go, corporate raider! hungry? stop on your way back at the bitch & moan bistro where you and your fellow �investors� scowl, bitch and moan about how much (wink-wink) income tax you all (wink-wink) pay! have fun! it�s all one big insider-trading joke! afterward, make sure you and the kids have your picture taken with some of romneyland�s most delightful characters: warren buffett�s secretary!  the haunted foreclosed mansion � prepare yourself... if you dare! enter this once happy homestead, this interior future playground of kids, grand kids, retirement and old-age... and watch out as the sub-prime elevator which takes you slowly down to toxic mortgage hell! look in the madness mirror and see ghosts? that�s you, after endless, often sleepless nights of stress and worry, self-medicating as the bailout bank forecloses on your hopes and dreams! run! not everyone in romneyland deserves to own a home... or rent one...or live in... anything with a roof over it! it�s not your problem! run!!! run to:  ron-paul-ryan�s liberty island � �cuz it�s just a hop, skip and a jump to ron-paul-ryan�s liberty island where everything�s permitted and nothing�s allowed. stroll around the island with the doctor himself and his merry band of tea-partiers! re-live the hilarity of the gop presidential debates! have yourself a good old-fashioned laugh as you and the kids yell �let �em die!� at our cast of �trauma patients with no health insurance� as they get turned away from our down-to-the-last-detail �emergency room.� hungry? thirsty? hot? want some ice-cream and lemonade? well, it�s all unavailable at the cut from the budget caf�. yes, it�s a living, breathing lord of the flies, every-man-for-himself, ayn rand world out there and it�s time the young ones know it! and they will, because you can do whatever you want on ron-paul-ryan�s liberty island (except the icky stuff you can�t do like control your reproductive rights or be within spitting distance of a gay marriage... but you don�t want to do that stuff anyway, right?). sure, it�s a bit scary and confusing! but no worries! because you�re off the island and on your way to:  mr. founding fathers wild ride � where you and the family jump aboard a zany habeas corpus cart that�ll zip you through room after room of unbelievably life-like founding fathers. what a treat as the founders explain their intentions as we now know them to be! still perplexed? here comes the unbelievably life-like justice scalia! he�ll explain it all to your frightened children! watch with pride as he firmly tells your family that the founders never intended anything except your right to carry a concealed semi-automatic weapon! and if that doesn�t do the trick, head to the romneyland revolvingtheater and watch the breath-taking, zany acrobatics of the corporations are people dancers! after the show, the kids will be so clown-shit crazy, they�ll buy just about anything! corporations are people. people are lizards. dogs are bagels. up is down. night is day... hey, folks! it�s all good! it�s mr. founding fathers wild ride!  afterward, why not gently canoe down the canals of the axis of evil global village. see a country you don�t like? set your coordinates and pick it off! yes, in romneyland it�s a small world and it�s getting smaller! finally, wind up the day with a gentle stroll down ghost town main street. check out the quaint shops. hey! there�s the butcher, the baker, and the candle-stick maker! and they�re all standing outside their quaint shops which are all quaintly closed for business! because it�s sunday? no, sir! because it�s romneyland!