quality:corruption, information:highlighting, information:classification, structural:expansion
Personal life and personality

extrovert nature conceals a private, introvert side that needs space and regular periods of quiet; his jocularity runs alongside a deep seriousness; his occasional bursts of apparent arrogance mask a genuine humility before God and his fellow men. He is a true son of Africa who can move easily in European and American circles, a man of the people who enjoys ritual and episcopal splendour, a member of an established Church, in some ways a traditionalist, who takes a radical, provocative and fearless stand against authority if he sees it to be unjust. It is usually the most spiritual who can rejoice in all created things and Tutu has no problem in reconciling the sacred and the secular, but critics note a conflict between his socialist ideology and his desire to live comfortably, dress well and lead a life that, while unexceptional in Europe or America, is considered affluent, tainted with capitalism, in the eyes of the deprived black community of South Africa.

— Shirley du Boulay on Tutu's personality

Shirley Du Boulay noted that Tutu was "a man of many layers" and "contradictory tensions". His personality has been described as warm, exuberant, and outgoing. Du Boulay noted that his "typical African warmth and a spontaneous lack of inhibition" proved shocking to many of the "reticent English" whom he encountered when in England, but that it also meant that he had the "ability to endear himself to virtually everyone who actually meets him".

Du Boulay noted that as a child, Tutu had been hard-working and "unusually intelligent". She added that he had a "gentle, caring temperament and would have nothing to do with anything that hurt others", commenting on how he had "a quicksilver mind, a disarming honesty". Tutu was rarely angry in his personal contacts with others, although could become so if he felt that his integrity was being challenged. He had a tendency to be highly trusting, something which some of those close to him sometimes believed was unwise in various situations. He was also reportedly bad at managing finances and prone to overspending, resulting in accusations of irresponsibility and extravagance.

Tutu had a passion for preserving African traditions of courtesy. He could be offended by discourteous behaviour and careless language, as well as by swearing and ethnic slurs. He could get very upset if a member of his staff forgot to thank him or did not apologise for being late to a prayer session. He also disliked gossip and discouraged it among his staff. He was very punctual, and insisted on punctuality among those in his employ. Du Boulay noted that "his attention to the detail of people's lives is remarkable", for he would be meticulous in recording and noting people's birthdays and anniversaries. He was attentive to his parishioners, making an effort to visit and spend time with them regularly; this included making an effort to visit parishioners who disliked him.

According to Du Boulay, Tutu had "a deep need to be loved", a facet that he recognised about himself and referred to as a "horrible weakness". Tutu has also been described as being sensitive, and very easily hurt, an aspect of his personality which he concealed from the public eye; Du Boulay noted that he "reacts to emotional pain" in an "almost childlike way". He never denied being ambitious, and acknowledged that he enjoyed the limelight which his position gave him, something that his wife often teased him about. He was, according to Du Boulay, "a man of passionate emotions" who was quick to both laugh and cry.

As well as English, Tutu could speak Zulu, Sotho, Tswana, and Xhosa. He was often praised for his public speaking abilities; Du Boulay noted that his "star quality enables him to hold an audience spellbound". Gish noted that "Tutu's voice and manner could light up an audience; he never sounded puritanical or humourless". Quick witted, he used humour to try and win over audiences. He had a talent for mimicry, according to Du Boulay, "his humour has none of the cool acerbity that makes for real wit". His application of humour included jokes that made a point about apartheid; "the whites think the black people want to drive them into the sea. What they forget is, with apartheid on the beaches – we can't even go to the sea". In a speech made at the Sixth Assembly of the World Council of Churches in Vancouver he drew laughs from the audience for referring to South Africa as having a "few local problems".

Tutu had a lifelong love of literature and reading, and was a fan of cricket. To relax, he enjoyed listening to classical music and reading books on politics or religion. His favourite foods included samosas, marshmallows, fat cakes, and Yogi Sip. When hosts asked what his culinary tastes were, his wife responded: "think of a five-year old". Tutu woke at 4 am every morning, before engaging in an early morning walk, prayers, and the Eucharist. On Fridays, he fasted until supper.

Tutu was a committed Christian from boyhood. Prayer was a big part of his life; he often spent an hour in prayer at the start of each day, and would ensure that every meeting or interview that he was part of was preceded by a short prayer. He was even known to often pray while driving. He read the Bible every day and recommended that people read it as a collection of books, not a single constitutional document: "You have to understand that the Bible is really a library of books and it has different categories of material", he said. "There are certain parts which you have to say no to. The Bible accepted slavery. St. Paul said women should not speak in church at all and there are people who have used that to say women should not be ordained. There are many things that you shouldn't accept."

On 2 July 1955, Tutu married Nomalizo Leah Shenxane, a teacher whom he had met while at college. They had four children: Trevor Thamsanqa, Theresa Thandeka, Naomi Nontombi and Mpho Andrea, all of whom attended the Waterford Kamhlaba School in Swaziland. Du Boulay referred to him as "a loving and concerned father", while Allen described him as a "loving but strict father" to his children.