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Sexuality

The Bloomsbury Group held very progressive views regarding sexuality and rejected the austere strictness of Victorian society. The majority of its members were homosexual or bisexual.

Woolf had several affairs with women, the most notable being with Vita Sackville-West. The two women developed a deep connection; Vita was arguably one of the few people in Virginia's adult life that she was truly close to.

told Ethel that she only really loved three people: Leonard, Vanessa, and myself, which annoyed Ethel but pleased me – Vita Sackville-West's letter to husband Harold Nicolson, dated 28 September 1939

During their relationship, both women saw the peak of their literary careers, with the titular protagonist of Woolf's acclaimed Orlando: A Biography being inspired by Sackville-West. The pair remained lovers for a decade and stayed close friends for the rest of Woolf's life. Woolf had said to Sackville-West she disliked masculinity.

dislikes the possessiveness and love of domination in men. In fact she dislikes the quality of masculinity ; says that women stimulate her imagination, by their grace & their art of life – Vita Sackville-West's diary, dated 26 September 1928

Among her other notable affairs were those with Sibyl Colefax, Lady Ottoline Morrell, and Mary Hutchinson. Some surmise that she may have fallen in love with Madge Symonds, the wife of one of her uncles. Madge Symonds was described as one of Woolf's early loves in Sackville-West's diary. She also fell in love with Violet Dickinson, although there is some confusion as to whether the two consummated their relationship.

In regard to relationships with men, Woolf was averse to sex with them, blaming the sexual abuse perpetrated upon her and her sister by her half-brothers when they were children and teens. This is one of the reasons she initially declined marriage proposals from her future husband, Leonard. She even went as far as to tell him that she was not attracted to him, but that she did love him and finally agreed to marriage. Woolf preferred female lovers to male lovers, for the most part, based on her aversion to sex with men. This aversion to relations with men influenced her writing especially when considering her sexual abuse as a child.

I sometimes think that if I married you, I could have everything—and then—is it the sexual side of it that comes between us? As I told you brutally the other day, I feel no physical attraction in you. – Letter to Leonard from Virginia dated May 1, 1912

Leonard became the love of her life and, even though their sexual relationship was questionable, they loved each other deeply and formed a strong and supportive marriage that led to the formation of their publishing house as well as several of her writings. Neither was monogamous with the other sexually, but they were faithful in their love and respect for each other.