Thursday, July 8, 2010

Money, That's What I Want

Dear Lebron,

So today is the big day you're going to make your announcement. I must commend you on the exorbitant amount of hype your free agency year has managed to generate the past two years now. I mean, really - it's been a thing of awe and wonder. And all this press can only mean good things for you and the sizable, obscene contract you're likely going to get from....well, whomever.

However, that's not why I'm choosing to write to you today. No, I'm writing because I've now seen preliminary budget figures for my library's new fiscal year. I suspected that it was going to suck so bad that I'd lose fillings. Turns out I not only need to worry about my fillings, but also the two crowns I have, and the possibility of losing a couple of permanent teeth. It's pretty bad Lebron. It's not good at all.

I understand that you're from Ohio, and not California, but if you found it in your heart to throw...oh say, a million or two my library's way, we'd be most appreciative. Yes, I know it would make more sense to give Ohio libraries money, but did I mention my parents are from Ohio? I'm only one degree separated from your home state! Plus, I'm a librarian who actually likes sports and talks about them on my blog. OK, so I don't talk about basketball all the much. OK, ever. And OK, sure, you're a big Yankee fan and uh, me not so much. Oh, and you like the Dallas Cowboys, and my bile ducts start twitching when I even think about Tony Romo's smug face....

(that I need to stop thinking about right now because I have the sudden urge to punch something....)


But really, we shouldn't let any of that stand in the way of what could be a mutually beneficial relationship.

You sign big free agent contract with....whomever and then throw a million or so dollars at my library. Just think of the tax write-off! Seriously, who couldn't use a tax write-off these days? I mean, your stock portfolio can't be doing all that well. Plus, I'm sure my boss would be more than happy to fill out a donation receipt for your accountant. We'll hold a preschool story time in your honor! Invite you to sit in on one of our computer classes! If you had come to us sooner, we could have helped you fill out job applications online. Hey, and if you need help deciphering the legalese in that new contract you'll be signing, we have some books that could help you out with that. We're librarians. We're good people.

It's something to consider when you're not busy hanging with your entourage, signing huge free agent contracts, consulting whatever sports apparel company about your new shoe etc. Plus, just think of how proud your mother would be of you. The whole NBA superstar who can hold an entire fan population and sports league in limbo while he weighs his options? A mere pittance of pride compared to you tossing a million or so bucks at a California library system.

Thank you for your consideration, best of luck wherever your career takes you next and I eagerly await your reply.

Sincerely,
Wendy the Super Librarian

10 comments:

A Library Girl said...

After long-time patron of my mom's library branch died, they got word that he was friends with [a celebrity whose name I'm not sure I'm remembering right, so I won't include it]. Apparently, the long-time patron really liked my mom's library and, in his honor, Mr. Celebrity donated the money that allowed that library branch (it was stipulated that it ONLY be used for that particular branch) to build a new, larger, prettier location (which unfortunately has sound-proofing issues, but whatever). So, you never know, it could happen.

I'm never quite sure what our budget is like, because it's all indirect - first the university hurts, and then we find out how bad the hurting will be for the library in particular. I've heard that our hurting will be spread out over the next four years. Crossing my fingers for no layoffs or pay cuts, and I hope that the databases we get through our consortium don't go away. Because these are wishes, there are always enough to send to other libraries, so I'll send some your way.

Phyl said...

Word around the Buckeye state is the negative impact on Cleveland's economy should King James sign elsewhere. All that trickles down to Cleveland's library with less tax revenue. Seriously, though, it's staggering the impact 1 person (ONE PERSON!!!) can have on a local economy. Like much of the nation I will be glued to ESPN at 9 EDT.

I have to say, it's refreshing to know that a sports story in Ohio can upstage the OSU football team. Do you have any idea how rare that is?

Carly said...

He could donate the money with his state income tax savings from going with the Miami Heat! And once he's in Miami, Dwayne Wade (a Janeite!) will convince him to make library donations.

Mayberry Mom said...

It is obscene what these guys make isn't it? I mean, yeah, they are awesome at what they do and they entertain us, (and I do love watching my baseball), but at the end of the day, they are being paid gazillions to play a game. That's the bottom line.

However, that's capitalism and what makes this country so great, so while what they make seems obscene, I wouldn't change how things work.

But that ATTITUDE some of these guys have, THAT is annoying! I'm in WI and the Brett Favre, "I'm retiring, no I'm not, yes I am, no I'm not, yes I am. I won't show up at training camp because I'm not sure. Training camp is over? Oh, yes, I'm playing....." thing was enough to make a whole state hate the guy they once loved!

Bitter? Not me! LOL

lustyreader said...

haha, agree x100. if only it were that easy!

this whole "making a super team on purpose of greedy basketball players" seems a little unfair to me. don't the yankees have a copyright on that idea as a sports team already anyways?

Wendy said...

Library Girl: It's just flat-out bad all the way around - public schools/libraries/higher education. Just flat-out bad. Right now "they" are telling us that this year will "hopefully" *cross fingers* be the worst of it, and if we can make it over the hump, we should come out OK on the other side. But if the economy and real estate markets continue to slide? ::whimper::

Phyl: OSU football is like a religion, so it is a change of pace to see someone steal the spotlight. But man! I hope people in Cleveland don't lose their minds over this. My Man told me the police were readying themselves for riots (!!). I hadn't even thought of that. Of course look at L.A. Our frickin' team won a championship and morons rioted. Dumbasses.

Carly: I'm glad I was too busy during the day to respond to comments because now I won't look so silly :) After Miami signed Bosh, I figured they *wouldn't* be able to sign Lebron because of salary cap who-ha. Uh yeah. Way off base there Wendy.

Mayberry Mom: Well gird your loins, because the closer training camp gets....the closer we get to the next "exciting" installment of As Brett Farve Turns.

Lusty: Yeah, wouldn't you think Steinbrenner would have trademarked that? LOL Should be interesting times in Miami this next basketball season. The hype! The pressure! The entire state of Ohio rubbing their lucky rabbit's feet that the Heat underachieve and fall flat on their faces.....

Ann Bruce said...

James, Wade and Bosh sort of planned it this way because they all want the NBA championship, enough that they took SLIGHTLY less money than they would've made elsewhere. Of course, if they don't deliver in 2011, the Three Amigos never live it down.

And sorry, Wendy, it looks like the Boys & Girls Club got your library money.

Wendy said...

Ann: Yeah, it's kind of hard to be bitter about the Boys & Girls Club getting that cash. They do good work....

Cheryl said...

Howdy, well I am from this little town they like to call Akron, Ohio and we are ticked..that is putting it mildly..yes our libraries are in trouble..and the so-called King has not helped them out..when was first drafted by the Cavs once upon a time, he did some summer reading stuff at the Main Library in downtown Akron, but nada since then...its a shame really...but then his big ego would no longer fit thru the door..we have taken many hits here in Northeast Ohio..this is just the latest. One side note, the Cavs are super partners for the summer reading programs all over the area..yeah he could fund many libraries several times over..

Wendy said...

Cheryl: We did something similar last year - partnering with one of the MLB teams in our area for our summer reading program. I'm not on the "front lines" these days, so not sure what the feedback was like - but I do know they ended up donating scads of tickets for a "library night" they did at the ball park. Sounded like loads of fun - but then, I like going to the ballpark :)
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