Wikidomination Document

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

The Wikidomination Document is a recently uncovered computer file outlining the coverup of the true nature of Wikipedia and its sister projects. The document outlines that while on the surface, Wikipedia appears to be a harmless, massive attempt to create the worlds largest online encyclopedia, it is, in fact, the first step in Jimmy Wales plan to conquer and rule the Earth. We have stolen it to show you how bad Jimbo is.

Document Overview[edit]

The Wikidomination Document lays out a 4 step plan with which Jimmy Wales, his League of Advisors, and their Ninja Commando Henchmen plan to conqure the earth and then rule it like no one else in history has.

  • Step 1:

Create Wikipedia, and trick people in to supplying it with all the knowledge known to man, including information on all the well known people, celebrities, and potential leaders. As this naturally will take a long time, Wales, his associates, and his henchmen will all use secret, confidential cryogenic and cyborg based technology that will enable them to live unnaturally long lives. There is also a magic golden ring with funny symbols written on it involved.

  • Step 2:

Once all this information has been obtained, kill every important or noteworthy person listed on Wikipedia who is not affiliated with Jimmy Wales. This will be done in a quick, all-at-once assassination carried out by Wales' Ninja Commando Henchmen and WMDs that Wales' henchmen have hacked into controlling.

  • Step 3:

With everyone who might be a potential threat to the rule of Jimmy, his League of Advisors, and Ninja Commando Henchmen gone, they will be free to take over the world, as everyone will naturally flock to them as leaders because all the non-affiliated leaders, potential leaders, and otherwise charismatic noteworthy people will be dead.

  • Step 4:

Create a New World Order, headed by Jimbo Wales with the assistance of his League of Advisors, and enforced by his Ninja Commando Henchmen, based around Peter Anspach and Jack Butler Evil Overlord List, in order to ensure that no one can remove them from power.

Anti-Information Plot[edit]

As outlined in the document, there are several plans used, and still in their planning stages, meant to counteract any possible resistance to Jimbo's takeover plot. These include counterintelligence efforts, confusion tactics, and some form of mutant mind control.

The primary method of doing this is by using mutant mind control tactics on every high-up member of the Wikipedia community and its sister projects who do not join the conspiracy willingly. As stated in the document, when someone becomes an administrator on Wikipedia, Wales' Ninja Commando henchmen sneak into their house at night and use the mind control method on them so that they become a willing participant in the conspiracy. The reason they don't just do this to everyone in the first place is because it would take too much time, even for Ninja Commandos. It would also eliminate chances for Jimbo and his team to gain information and beam it directly into their brains via special cybernetic suits.

Daniel Brandt[edit]

As uncovered in the document, people like Daniel Brandt, who is known for his criticisms of Wikipedia, are really just pawns of Jimmy in his counterintelligence efforts. In reality, the real Daniel Brandt does not even know that Wikipedia exists, and there is someone else pretending to be him. This is so people think that they know what is really going on, when the truth is much scarier.

History of the Wikidomination Document[edit]

The Wikidomination Document was first created in 1999 by Jimmy Wales and his recently formed League of Advisors. The Document was created so that the organization, rapidly called EWD (Electronic World Domination), knew exactly what it was going to do. The document was then stored on a secret computer hidden in a a split level cave 12 miles below the surface of the Earth.

In order for the organization to access the document, special cybernetic suits were created that could link through the miles of rock. It is believed, but not confirmed, that stolen alien technology was involved in the creation of the suits. In 2000, it became apparent to Jimmy that there were members of his organization that were apprehensive about the plan, and thus, he created the Ninja Commando Legions, which reported directly to him, to ensure loyalty.

After Wikipedia was launched in January 2001, there was a small number that suspected what might really be going on, and they banded together to create a resistance organization, PAEWD (People Against Electronic World Domination), to prevent the possible world takeover, or, if possible, stop it.

EWD vs PAEWD[edit]

At first, PAEWD was very disorganized and was able to accomplish little. As such, they were not seen as a threat. However, as time went on, they realized that if they wanted to get anything done, they would have to know what they were doing. Thus, the PAEWD council was created, to command all PAEWD forces. As their efforts started to produce results, EWD started to see them as a threat. Ninja Commandos were dispatched, and on November 30, 2001, several leaders of PAEWD were captured, made admins of Wikipedia, and had mutant mind control tactics used on them.

Fortunetly, due to PAEWD being made up of mostly unknowns and unimportant people not worthy of being on Wikipedia due to the standards set, the people who were captured did not reveal any important information. However, the fear of having mutant mind control used on them nearly caused the remaining members of PAEWD to disband.

Super spy agent Princess Britney Sidsto, a relative unknown, was able to rally the organization like no one thought possible. Among the first of her actions was the distribution of a secret formula that worked as an antidote and vaccine against the mutant mind control tactics of the Ninja Commando Henchmen. Over the next four and a half years, Sidsto helped build the organization to a true fighting force.

Among the main goals laid out for PAEWD by Agent Princess Sidsto was the finding of the Wikidomination Document and putting it before the world, so that all would know about it. This was to be accomplished by freeing some of the Wikipedia administrators, then using their suits to hack into the file. However, they were unaware of some of the special systems that had been installed in the suits, which prevented initial success.

Another mission was planned, this time so that the file could be released on April Fools Day, 2006. Agent Sidsto snuck into one of the Admin's houses, and used the antidote on the man. She was able to access the document and retrieve it. However, due to a mole inside PAEWD (which was soon after captured), her mission was learned of by EWD, and she was captured trying to escape, though not after she was able to forward a copy to PAEWD headquarters.

As Princess Sidsto was immune to the mutant mind control tactics, Jimbo gave an ultimatum - that Princess Sidsto would be killed if the forwarded document was not handed over by a certain point in time. In reality, he planned on executing her anyway, (the reason he did not just kill her right away, as outlined in the Evil Overlord List, was that they had not conquered the world yet.) PAEWD could not allow this, as they needed to put the document on Wikipedia on April Fools Day. A rescue mission was immediately launched. While several PAEWD agents were lost, Princess Sidsto was rescued, and PAEWD lived to fight on, releasing the document on schedule.
https://uncyclopedia.com/wiki/Wikidomination_Document
uncyclopedia.com
crawl=CC-MAIN-2022-21
38922
application/http; msgtype=response
sha1:RI2JYCSN2PWYFF7UAYGFTCSSNE5H3CNW
<urn:uuid:c6bdea1e-7a02-4933-acc3-acf9dc62cbd0>
2022-05-24T15:42:27Z
198.245.51.39
text/html
sha1:MKXLZAMKRNYG4N3KJQCOXSRSWWVHV4LR
<urn:uuid:1c085178-72bb-42d2-865b-fa5270888a4f>
https://uncyclopedia.com/wiki/Wikidomination_Document
response
<urn:uuid:ca947b60-9f60-433f-8a38-4b619c50e214>
isPartOf: CC-MAIN-2022-21
publisher: Common Crawl
description: Wide crawl of the web for May 2022
operator: Common Crawl Admin (info@commoncrawl.org)
hostname: ip-10-67-67-190
software: Apache Nutch 1.18 (modified, https://github.com/commoncrawl/nutch/)
robots: checked via crawler-commons 1.3-SNAPSHOT (https://github.com/crawler-commons/crawler-commons)
format: WARC File Format 1.1
conformsTo: https://iipc.github.io/warc-specifications/specifications/warc-format/warc-1.1/