Is a habit ever lost?

I have an urge to write this post and so set aside the book I was reading and then started to write. Please beware, this one’s going to be very long and read at your own risk. 🙂
As I have told you many times, my oldest and very first hobby of my life is reading. From since I was a kid, starting with little storybooks, then newspapers, magazines and books, I read everything and anything. Even a piece of paper that wrapped up something bought from the shop, caught my interest. My parents were amazed at my interest in reading and people thought I would for sure be something one day. I can remember all those days when I had to hide magazines from mum, for she thought they were not for my age group. Of course she was right. But what do I know about not suitable content at that age. I just had to read and find out what mum said wasn’t for me. I was the rule breaker. I was almost addicted to reading. I read all of my mum’s collection in no time. I even digged out old newspapers from years old bundles to read all those daily comics that I missed earlier. I read each and every column of that news papers and magazines that caught my eye.  At one point, my studies were affected with this interest of mine. While I loved languages, biology and social, I absolutely hated maths and physics. I was never interested in those 2 subjects. Physics is a bit better as I would understand it if I was explained properly. But maths wasn’t the case. While everything else came easily and naturally to me, maths never liked me. And in the education system I was in, maths was everything. Till then, my parents were happy with me doing my everyday homework and scoring well in the exams. My reading never affected what my grades as I had to put minimal effort and marks just flowed in. But it didn’t work the same way for long. Everything else was fine but maths stayed behind. Very behind that it dragged back my overall percentage reallu badly. That was when my parents sarted worrying about my reading. My mum literally had to force me to read less and concentrate more on studies. That was the very first obstacle that came in my way. But it didn’t stop me for long and I went back to being my old self very soon. I just have to score well at maths and I somehow managed to do that. And then, college happened and as I explained earlier, junior college was hell to me. I cannot even imagine how I survived 2 years of that jail like thing. I desperately hated myself for not standing up for what I believed in. It was a struggle and I had no time for any reading. That’s my second obstacle.
It was only when I entered engineering college, I started being myself. But the damage has already been done. I no more was that brilliant child from whom people expected wonders and all kinds of excellence. People around me were successful in convincing me that I was an idiot who’s good for nothing. All that only because of a few years of average performances at school and junior college. I was never a failure but I was treated like one, for I haven’t lived up to their expectations. But thank god, college happened to me. I got a chance to be away from all those people. I could see myself living again. I can see myself growing and smiling again. And then, books followed me. I was one happy girl again. I think I was the only girl who read all the non technical books my college library had to offer. Good thing is even technical things interested me. The only problem is that I had to buy books when i’m done with the library list and me being dependent on dad couldn’t waste his money on my hobby. And here’s the 3rd obstacle.
My habit only bloomed after I came to the city and joined a job. I had the freedom to buy whatever I want and I read extensively. Fiction, nonfiction, type never mattered. I just need something interesting. I even did reviews and was sent books for reviews. It continued to be the same way for a couple of years.
It was just since the last 2 years that I found a decline in the levels of my reading. And there was not even one book review since the past one year. No one’s restricting me, I was not on the brinks of depression and I can very well afford my hobby. But still there was a clear decline in the number of books that I have read. It takes a lot to take up one, read it, feel it, live with it and to complete it. Its not like I’ve stopped reading totally. I’ve been reading regularly but not like before. The only reason that I could think if is my increase of interest in other things like movies, tv shows and blog readings. But is that a real reason to read less books? I’m not sure. But one thing’s for sure. I can never stop myself from buying a book whenever I enter a bookstore. Cheap or costly, good or bad, I just have to buy one. And despite the decline, I will never cease to forget the world, think with it, live with it, feel the author’s emotions and get sad on its completion whenever I read one. That’s what books are to me all the while and will ever be that way.
And whenever I think of my life, I keep having this feeling that a lot happened and I was too old to just think about books and my hobbies and I have to think about other stages of life people are already embracing and handling very perfectly. And that may be that’s the reason why there’s a decline in my reading time. But now I think I was wrong. I kept moving away only because I was not happy with the way I’ve been living. I was losing interest or wasn’t happy with ny life and so couldn’t embrace any happy thing into my life. Books were a part of my life whenever I was st peace with myself. Only whenever I was happy. And I’m sure books and my hobby will come back to me once I find myself again. And the happy thing is that I think it’s happening now. 🙂 I am not sure, but I think so.

I was reading this book and all of a sudden all these thoughts hit me. I thought I should register amd share them, to feel them every now and then and see in what way i am progressing. And so, here I am. 🙂 Hope I didn’t bore you as much as I thought. And I hope you are enjoying a great, cold and very lazy sunday as I’m doing. Good bye for now.

Love
Sahasra

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