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The Complete Guide to #BlackBaltimoreTwitter

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First up, the Public Service Tweeters:

Respect goes to this group, they work hard to keep us informed of local happy hours, parties, companies, boutiques, shoe releases, speed traps and everything else important in the city. Personally, I wouldn’t tell ya’ll a damn thing but the masses must be informed.

The 9 to 5 Tweeters:

Mostly made up of people with desk jobs, 9 to 5 tweeters are only interested in #BlackBaltimoreTwitter while they’re at work and couldn’t tell you anything else about their TL after work hours because their life is much more exciting once they log off.

Itinerary Tweeters:

I’m breathing, driving, workflow, lunch flow, break time, snack time. We get it, but we don’t care dawg, you’re satisfying basic human needs.

Kitchen Tweeters:

Females who tweet during sporting events who have no clue whats going on. They just wanna fit in. Example (Why is my TL so pumped, did Flacco hit a home run or something) Please log off, back away from the phone, enter the kitchen, make a sandwich.

Bandwagon Tweeters:

A.K.A. One Nation Under Melo A.K.A. Been A Clippers Fans Since Day One A.K.A. I know every athlete coming out of Bmore A.K.A. The Heat Been My Team Since Rony Seikaly    F***. OUTTA. HERE.

I get it, there’s a lot of loyal fans out there but let’s be real. It’s “cool” be associated with what the majority of twitter says is “cool”.

Hypebeast Tweeters:

Whatever the trend, event, or release is, it’s bound to be killed by these tweeters. They are responsible for the untimely passing of Sneaker Releases, Hookah, Wine in the Woods, Chipotle, and Rita’s Italian Ice.

The Cool or Well-Rounded Tweeters:

Essential to #BlackBaltimoreTweeter, these tweeters know a little bit about a lot of things, provide timely comedic tweets, distribute public service tweets, while contributing to the slander, fun, and productive days on twitter. They refrain from twitter beef as they realize that either they’re too old for twitter beef, or realize that internet thuggin’ is pointless.

Humble Tweeters:

They stay in their lane, everyday is a good day, and every tweet is a positive tweet. They want no trouble.

Un-Humble Tweeters:

The Dame Dash (94-04) of tweeters, they possess no traces of chill.  They talk their sh!t as long as someone’s willing to RT them. It’s only effective when the tweeters claims are substantiated.

Remedial Tweeters:

Nothing grinds my gears worse than ya’ll Rev. Run holier than thou, good morning inspiration tweets and you hit “send tweet” before “spell check” but i’m suppose to take you seriously huh sugarfoot? FOH.

Single Black Female Tweeters:

We all follow about 400 of them, they male-bashing in the daytime, yet thirst-trapping by nightfall.

The MLK Tweeters:

Tough Tonya or Tommy with the 140 characters, these tweeters preach peace, love, and harmony when faced with a fade request online, or in-person.

Soooooooo, that’s it. Our Twitter Utopia, where the only way out is to create another twitter page and join #WhiteColumbiaTwitter but isn’t it just best to #TweetThroughIt

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