THE BLOG
11/06/2013 01:51 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Just Another Goodreads Review

2013-11-06-754549639_9657c1d0ec_z.jpg

I really didn't want to like this book.

An enemy recommended it to me and everyone I hate has been raving about it and it's about a topic that's not of interest to me at all so I really thought, This book is not up my alley at all!

So of course I read it.

I really was hoping to waste some of my time and money with this book. Everything seemed like it would work out great: the cover is unattractive, the title is stupid, it's blurbed by authors I loathe, and the author's photograph makes me want to punch him in the stupid nonexistent chin.

My ideal scenario would be that I would began reading the book and would ultimately throw it across the room, unfinished, so that I could write one of my patented "COULDN'T FINISH IT" reviews. So, I sat in my least-favorite chair, the one that's not too close to the wall, so that I could really fling that sucker when the story just got too tedious and ridiculous to manage anymore. This chair is also close to my computer so I can fire off a review the second after I finish yet another disappointing book.

Things were going great so far, by which I mean terribly. The characters were contrived, the sex scenes were cringeworthy, the plot nonexistent. I rolled my eyes so hard I got a headache. I came dangerously close to writing my own novel -- one better than the one I was reading -- because I was so reverse-inspired. I was raising my arm to do you-know-what when a twist came out of nowhere that changed everything.

Suddenly, I became engrossed! I couldn't wait to see what happened next. The dialogue zipped along realistically. The details were crisp and clear yet not a single superfluous word was employed. I fell in love with each and every one of the characters. I laughed out loud and even cried a little bit at the end. Before I knew it, I had actually finished the entire book, which I've never done in my history of reviewing books. I was overwhelmed by the book.

So, I'm dismayed to say I loved this book. I really expected less of it. This book would not be better used as toilet paper. It left me feeling full inside. Reading it was an excellent use of my time. What is the opposite of "meh"? That's how I feel. Zero stars.
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