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Reports Anne Nonny Mouse: “Subject: Try it, Euell like it.

“I went on a group hike last night, led by a naturalist, through the pond and prairie land and orchards of the local nature center.

“At the pond, we came upon some cattails, and our leader commented that they were edible. I had an immediate ’70s flashback. Remember those old Grape-Nuts commercials where Euell Gibbons declared he was cutting himself a cattail for dinner? Euell never filled us in about what part of a cattail one would eat. This is information you or I might I need to know; you never know when your survival will be dependent upon a cattail (and you wouldn’t want to be eating the wrong end). I had to ask.

“It turns out you eat the bottom end of the stalk after peeling away the outside — it looks like the white part of a scallion. Our leader asked if anyone wanted to try it, and most of us did — especially the three little boys on the hike, who loved the idea of eating a cattail. Cattail tastes like a bitter cucumber and leaves a little bit of aftertaste for a while.

“We rugged survivalists ate some wild berries, munched on a cattail and prepared ourselves for survival off the land, in the rugged terrain in the wilds of Mendota Heights — about a mile from home, where I had just baked a loaf of banana bread, which was fortuitous, in case this surviving-off-the-land thing doesn’t work for me.”

Not exactly what he had in mind (responsorial)

The Retired Pedagogue of Arden Hills: “In Wednesday’s Bulletin Board, W.i. Fly mentioned that his grandchildren were playing hide-and-seek with toys, and that the mailman ‘found two dolls in our box.’

“As I read that, I was reminded of the items that Scout and Jem found in the knothole of the tree near their house in Chapter 7 of ‘To Kill a Mockingbird.’ What they discovered ranged from a ball of twine to a spelling medal, but the ones that were the most similar to what W.i. Fly‘s mailman found were ‘two small images carved in soap. One was the figure of a boy, the other wore a crude dress.’ [Bulletin Board notes: SPOILER ALERT! If you have never read ‘To Kill a Mockingbird,’ please stop reading this item now. Proceed to the next item; finish the paper; go find yourself a copy of ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’; read it.] The kids recognize that the figures are replicas of themselves, but don’t realize that Boo Radley had placed them in the tree.

“What a remarkable work of literature.”

Joy of Juxtaposition (& Unjuxtaposition)

Email from Donald: “Steve DiMeglio’s article about Rory McIlroy’s triumph in the British Open, accompanied by the perennial photo of the champ kissing the Claret Jug, begins on the front page of Sports in the Monday edition of USA Today. Page 2C carries the conclusion of the piece, along with a picture of McIlroy hugging his mother. DiMeglio writes: ‘This year, off-the-course issues again have challenged his psyche, especially breaking off his engagement with tennis star Caroline Wozniacki after wedding invitations were mailed out…. The week he broke it off with Wozniacki, he won the BMW PGA Championship….’

“Toward the bottom of the page on the left, the ‘IN BRIEF’ section features a picture of a woman tennis player smiling and holding a trophy aloft. The caption: ‘Caroline Wozniacki earned her first WTA Tour title of the year Sunday.’

“Breaking up may be hard to do, but it sure can improve your game.”

Then & Now

Keller G.C. Division

Marty from the Party of Maplewood: “My story goes back to 1957, when Ken Venturi came to Keller’s St. Paul Open — his first. In the pro shop, Herb Snow advised him to practice ‘with Marty here — he knows the course quite well.’ Having never seen the course before, Ken Venturi then went out and shot a 68 — four under par. What impressed me most, though, was: He had his wife, Valerie, and a young daughter with him. What an enjoyable day.

“He went on to win the St. Paul Open in his very first attempt.

:What a guy.”

Our birds, ourselves

Ask Al B Division

Kelli: “While taking a breather after some gardening at my daughter’s home in Vadnais Heights, we saw five ducks walking across the road toward her driveway. They ate something (gravel?) by the Class 5 driveway and then continued up toward us on the front steps. We noticed that two of them looked like they had chignon hairstyles, except it was made of feathers. They’re wild ducks and wouldn’t allow us to examine the unusual growth closely, but I’m wondering if this is just an anomaly that occurs sometimes, or if it might be the result of some local environmental issue. Does Uncle Al the Birdies’ Pal know the answer?”

BULLETIN BOARD SAYS: “Uncle Al the Birdies’ Pal” is, naturally enough, our Official Ornithologist, Al B of Hartland, whose reply follows:

Kelli,

“It sounds like a crested duck. This waterfowl with the interesting coiffure is like most of our domestic duck breeds in that they have descended from mallards. Mallards are known for hybridizing with other ducks. This could produce odd ducks. As an odd duck myself, I am happy for that. Thanks for noticing the ducks with the fancy featherdo.

Al B of Hartland, a.k.a. Uncle Al the Birdies’ Pal”

Our theater of seasons

Mary S.: “At times, a doe and her two fawns will visit our back yard. The other day, we saw the doe licking her fawn on its back while the fawn licked its mother on the neck. They continued this for some moments. Then mama went to dine on our apple tree while the babies chased each other around and frolicked in the yard.

“On these warm summer mornings, we like to take our coffee and newspaper out to the gazebo. As we listen to the birds singing, My Man will lean back and say: ‘I wonder what the rich folks are doing now.’ ”

Our theater of seasons

Plus: The Permanent Paternal Record

Wednesday email from LindaGrandmaSue from Burnsville: “Ah, the dewpoint dropped from 77 to 63, blessed relief — drinking my morning coffee, watching a bright yellow finch sip from the bird bath, listening to the wind chime on my front porch, reading BB.

‘Enjoyed the ‘Hay fever’ comments from the non-farm girl, Christy of Menomonie, Wis. It reminded me of my non-farm dad, who, upon seeing the round hay bales in the field, would always chuckle and remind us: ‘Those poor cows can’t get a square deal.’

“Hahaha.”

Throw the cow over the fence some hay!

Calani in Isle: “I came across this sentence in a novel by Jim Harrison: ‘The friend was a very old stooped man with a vigorous handshake named Orville.’

“It was stunning in the context of perfect language usage otherwise.”

Band Name of the Day: The Grape Nuts

Website of the Day: Euell Gibbons stalks the wild cattail, at http://tinyurl.com/eat-a-tail

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