FNAQ

It was pointed out to me that my page, All About Alice, doesn’t actually, you know, tell much of anything about Alice.  So I added this FNAQ (that’s Frankly Never Asked Questions) for the benefit of everyone who is curious about Alice.  And those who aren’t.  If you’ve heard any of this before, be a peach and pretend it’s new, like when you get the same fruitcake for Christmas twice in a row.

Yup, pretty much.

Question One: Why do you have a blog?

Answer:  I love to write, so I’m willing to do it for nothing.  I would be willing to be paid for my blogging, but so far no one has offered.

Question Two: So what is your “real” job?

Answer: I now write and take care of Things.

Question Three: Do you have any education?

Answer: I have a BA and an MA in English (I never said I used them), as well as a Master’s degree in Library Science.  One interviewer asked why I have all these degrees.  I guess I just like to collect them.

Question Four: Have these degrees helped in your career?

Answer: Oh, sure.  Employers are always pounding down my door asking for people with liberal arts degrees, because there are so few of us, and all.  And the pay?  Wow, the pay is just . . . next question

What? It’s from a prestigious university with a very fine pedigree.

Question Five: Do you have a family?

Answer: What?  Oh, yeah.  I have a husband.  He’s a mechanic, which is neat because I get someone to work on my car for free.  Well, and the price of parts.  And the price of him spending half his time lying under cars.  And the car parts in my yard and at times, even my house.  And . . . I also have children.  I have two daughters, ages 19 and 15.  I call them affectionately Thing One and Thing Two and routinely feed them nitrates.

Yeah, this is pretty much all in my front lawn.

Question Six: Do you have any pets?

Answer: Thing One and Thing Two.  We also have a stray cat Hazel who adopted us and ignores us in exchange for food.  Our former turtle, Indiana Jones, departed for the great turtle yonder, but we now have three more: Sulu: a box turtle who is also my spirit / therapy turtle, and Anakin and Padme: a couple of hingeback turtles my husband got on Black Friday special.  Not kidding.

My girls. Aren’t they cute?

Question Seven: Who the hell are Sad Pony and Squirrel?  Aren’t they just pictures of animals?  What is wrong with you?

Answer:  Hey, pretend interviewer, you are getting a bit nasty there.  Sad Pony is a depressed pony and he is so real.  Doubting Sad Pony makes him sad.  Stop that.  Squirrel is also real.  You’ve probably seen him running across telephone wires.  He’s a bit of a thrill seeker.   There’s nothing wrong with me.  My mother had me tested.

See. He's a real pony. Shun the disbelievers!

Nobody believes in me. Figures.

I'm up in your attic right now.

I’m up in your attic spying on you.

Question Eight: Do you have any other blogs to recommend?

Yes!  Check out any of the people brave enough to comment here.  I’d make a list of them, but it’s possible probable that I would leave someone out because I have ADHD and often forget what I’m doing in the middle of

Question Nine: What’s up with all the Alice in Wonderland crap?

Answer: Well, I live among constant insanity (everyone else is crazy but I’m just fine) so I figured that was pretty close to Wonderland.  We’re all mad here, you see.

Darn snarky cats.

~Alice

29 responses

  1. Very professional interviewer. Except for the part where s/he doubts Sad Pony. That made me sad.
    Thanks for following my blog! I’ll pop down your rabbit hole again soon.

    1. Hope to see you soon. I just found this comment, so I am totally with it. Sad Pony appreciates your belief. He almost smiled.

  2. love it! love your blog. how come the librarians i know didn’t have such a good sense of humour? oh wait, they were 60 years old and obsessed with silence.

    1. They’re still out there. But some of us are cool, too. Thanks!

  3. How delightfully kooky. Sadly, were we to become friends, you’d not be my first librarian friend. I have two already. One of them even drinks beer like a normal human being!

    1. You should see librarians at the state and national library conferences. Drunk librarians EVERYWHERE.

  4. […] also threatened to hurt Sad Pony, Squirrel, AND a bunch of puppies if I didn’t pass this on) Click here for the […]

  5. I look forward to reading what you’ve already posted and that which will come along down the road.

    BTW: I also have two Liberal Arts/Humanities degrees and now live and work in Japan, losing my ability to articulate myself in a meaningful way in English (or German, for that matter, another language I used to speak quite fluently). You see, my country (Canada) is all about getting rid of the things most Canadians have been proud of (socialized health care for all, taxes that pay for the welfare of all citizens) and is enjoying a fracking oil circle jerk, all of which leads to very few jobs for those of us who have studied languages and literature.

    Oh, and I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for over two decades (without really knowing it until recently), which is probably why I bailed on a Ph.D. program (which likely would have eventually led to a job that would have made real use of my two lovely degrees), a ‘wife’ (on paper; neither of us really believed in the actual institution of marriage back then) and, as I’ve mentioned already, my country.

    Nice to meet you Alice! Wonderland seems like a good fit for me.

    1. I agree, it is a good fit. That’s a shame about Canada. Now where am I going to go when we get another Republican in the White House? 😀

      1. Well, Japan continues to become more fascist all the time, so I wouldn’t recommend that particular country (I have a love/hate relationship with it, but many things cause me stress here, as I’m a very progressive person in a very conservative, right-wing country).

        I’ve enjoyed parts of SE Asia. Could highly recommend Bali, Laos, Cambodia.

        Anyway, the Harper conservatives have recently done so much unforgivable shit that they’ll be gone in the next election. So, you can head on up to Canada soon. I think many Americans are becoming disillusioned with Obama now, so good chance for a Republican pres again next time round. Barf.

      2. Don’t worry, that’ll never happen. Besides, what’s the diff?? 😉


  6. so much love, this is fantastic.
    Lorna xx

    1. Thanks again. Glad to have you.

  7. I’m so glad I went down the blogosphere’s rabbit hole and ended up here! I love this. Daughter of two young girls myself – and it’s currently all about Alice, fairies, ponies, glitter… etc… Really, I figure you just embrace it, right? Great blog!

  8. WordsFallFromMyEyes | Reply

    Awesome re Freshly Pressed! Well done 🙂

    Love your about. It’s interesting. Love no. 7 “what is wrong with you?” !

  9. I used to refer to my daughter as The Cat in the Hat, and my two sons as Thing One and Thing Two. Great minds think like.

    Oh, I once defined the requirements for a Royal Canadian Air Force library using the Connecticut State Library Planning Guide. The damn thing actually got built.

    I’ve led an exciting life, obviously.

    1. That does sound pretty interesting. I’m glad I just have two things, a cat in the hat might tip me over the edge! Although I guess you could call my husband that, he’s about that much of a mess.

  10. Isn’t that part of the standard husband job terms of reference?

  11. I like you Alice. And am now wondering why it took so long for me to pop over here… I’ve seen you on various comment threads before and always thought, ‘I must go and check her out’, but then I’d get side-tracked, usually by pornography.

    But I was just on Mr MaryMFPoppins’ site, perusing his bitterly pressed series and I simply had to come over. Wonderful About page. Carry on.

    1. Sidetracked by porn? If you want really bad porn you can check out my 50 Shades recaps.

  12. Just for the sake of my insanity, I am NOT your Squirrel. lmao! I DO totally love your blog. 😉 Google me. 🙂

  13. Allliiiice! I’m looking for a GIF -free zone, know where I can find one? Bwahahaha! You know I’ve been here before and clicked the follow button and didn’t get any of your posts. I’ll unclick and reclick. If you get notification when I follow and I keep clicking and unclicking, will you keep getting the same notification over and over? Inquiring minds want to know. Anyway, I’m gonna peek at your back posts (teehee – that sounds slightly naughty doen’t it?) and rummage around a bit. if you happen to get a comment on a post from a year ago, please don’t panic and call the wordpresspolice (and accuse them of delaying comments) it’ll just be me turning over the posts like a good compost.

    1. Hey, Paul, just found your comment. Which is not as bad as the comments I just found from 2013, which really makes my post about how you should always respond to comments look pretty bad. Ah, well. So anyhoo, would love some comments on old posts. Some of them are from the rolling tumbleweed days when the skies were all cloudy and nary a reader was in sight. Or something.

  14. Nice to finally meet ya’!

  15. You’ve got yourself one more madman here. Sorry feminists, I got it. I meant mad woman!

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