Back from Smoko

You may have noticed that the CrunchFacts team has been silent recently. You may have attributed that to the fact that we were hard at work, thus the radio silence. You would be wrong. Neigh, it wasn’t hard work that kept these great Crunchtributors busy, but instead something far more important. We were on Smoko.…

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Horatiatic Jestings

As has been made clear by the posts of my great friend and peer who shall remain nameless, the accurate interpretation of Horatio’s existential verities eludes even those who have been blessed with the brightest of minds! It would seem that our humble outlet of information has been plagued, transforming it into a cesspool of…

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Mayor Crunch?

Further inspection of our Crunch memoirs has revealed that the good Captain once held political office. Not only that, but he held one of the more prestigious offices in the world: Mayor of Flavortown, USA. Normally, people associate celebrity food critic and chef Guy Fieri as the Mayor of Flavortown, but that has not always…

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Eucharistic Horatiatic Postmortem Impermanence

Captain Crunch exists. This is my final stand, both against myself and those around me who would think me as covetously grasping to a fiction. So quick to jump to conclusions, people are; and yet, even in the face of finite, categorical, epistemologically unchallengeable outcomes, people can deny the truth. My friends and colleagues have…

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You Are Being Lied To.

It has recently been brought to my attention that lies are being spread about what we represent and how we choose to portray ourselves as an independent information entity.  I apologize for any rash language or unsightly overtones in this update; I am simply livid. We stand for nothing short of the entire truth and…

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Why Do We Take the “Truth” as Fact? (Franklin vs. Crunch)

Few men have had the wherewithal to lead the formation of a country with very little promise or prospect.  In the same vein, the life of a navy admiral–while woeful and lonely–can also up-heave men to the highest clutches of fame and glory due to the arduous, painstaking dedication required. It has been purported many…

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Ontological Horatiatic Musings

I would advise the faint of heart to turn away now—I would rather not induce a heart attack in you, my beloved reader base. For those with thicker arterial walls and not an inkling of tachycardia, I have a bold assumption to make: Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch is not real. Certainly, he exists a la…

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