Written by Alex Quaeda

Friday, 13 February 2004

image for Saddam Capture: Revealed
It's Getting Hot In Here..........

Allied forces found a weapon of mass self-destruction in the form of an 8-bit video game console. Special forces units captured the former dictator of Iraq after they found him hidden in a hole playing Baseball Stars on the original Nintendo system.Hussein surrendered without a single shot fired, after pausing his game.

Special forces found Hussein playing Nintendo in his underground hideout.
According to Hussein, he had not stepped down from leadership, but instead went to try this "new game," and never came out.

"It's a great game," a haggard-looking Hussein said. "You can rename players, you can play entire seasons, you can have a payroll, create teams... it must be the pinnacle of American technology."

"The 'Great Satan' produced a great game," Hussein admitted.

Maj. Gen. Ray Odierno, who led the 4th Infantry Division for the raid on the hideout, said he "forgot all about that game."

"We dropped through the hole to see Saddam sitting in front of the television playing Nintendo," Odierno said. "I didn't even recognize the game at first. What year was that, '88? [The game was released in 1989.]"

Iraqi intelligence reported Hussein had played the game for almost seven weeks straight.

"According to records Saddam kept, Saddam had completed 18 seasons with his team, the Iraq Saddams, and was on the verge of completing another one at the time he was captured," a statement from the Iraqi Governing Council read.

Hussein named all the players on the Iraq Saddams "Saddam," and changed the names of the American Dreams players to various American leaders, including George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Tommy Franks.

Hussein lives out dreams through "Baseball Stars."
By Hussein's count, he posted a record of 1,210-1, with his only loss coming to the Lovely Ladies, the all-female team featured on the game.

"A country so blasphemous as to allow women to engage in sport, especially Amy, cannot exist in history for much longer," Hussein warned, referring to the ace of the Ladies' pitching staff.

Allied forces are offering Hussein cheat codes for Baseball Stars in return for information to find Osama bin Laden, including one that will give Hussein $60,000 to improve his team.

"Perhaps we have found new, non-violent means to capture these dangers to humanity," Secretary of State Colin Powell said.

"As of this moment, we are trying to find a way to get bin Laden a copy of Counter-Strike."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Iraq, Baseball




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