Written by IainB
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Topics: Theft, Stationery, pen

Friday, 20 November 2009

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One of the more valuable biros

Police in Lytham St Annes are hunting the renowned pen Thief Arthur Garlic, who is believed to be at large in the Fylde area.

Detective Inspector Phil Inns of the Fylde constabulary, wants the public to help.

"Mr Garlic is a person of particular interest to us," Inns said. "After the recent high profile theft of over a dozen pens from a company's treasured Pen Museum, which they have painstakingly collected over a period of twenty years, documenting that company's history of free pens, we believe that Mr Garlic is somehow responsible, and has taken the pens back to his lair in Lytham."

Mr Garlic was unavailable to comment, but close friends are said to be shocked at the news that this unassuming pillar of the community would stoop to stealing pens worth less than a stamp, that have sentimental value only.

"It's not like him to do something like this," said Rob Bingget. "We're shocked."

Curator of the pen museum, Ian Fortek, could not believe how brazenly Garlic had been.

"He came in and said he would create a beautiful plinth to display the pens on, and I just let him take them. I think I've been duped."

It is not believed that Garlic will attempt to ransom the pens, but instead Inns believes that Garlic has taken the pens for his own private collection.

"There have been other cases of pens going missing; and not just pens, we believe that every stationery related theft over the past thirty years can be tied to this one criminal mastermind. We urge the public not to approach this man, but instead contact the police, for the pen is mightier than the sword, and they could get hurt."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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