The Goopy Ghost at Thanksgiving makes a holiday book jam of this squashed spirit displayed at 40% of viewport width.
November 2018 by V. R. Duin

HOW WRITERS AVOID
SELF-PUBLISHING HOUSE
HOLIDAY BOOK JAMS

Once the Browns had left the field,
towing home their tasty yield,
a sad and lonely goopy ghost
went in search of a friendly host.
(The Goopy Ghost at Thanksgiving)

Learn how writers avoid self-publishing house holiday book jams of ghost-like POD books to sell like mainstream books during holiday book sales.

Ghost-Like POD Books

Freewheeling? Print-on-demand is not compatible with sound business inventory management practices. Independent readers in search of unique POD books will not find incomplete formats stuck as intangible digital files.


The Round File? A file may be ready for viewing, printing or electronic transmission. Beyond courtesy supplies for the writer, the process is incomplete. Surging demand slows the completion of productions.


All Tied Up? POD orders may not be filled in time for peak selling occasions. To keep sales in-house and prevent holiday back-order jams, retailers promote top-selling titles. These are printed in advance.


Sour Orange? POD books are put last in production. They rarely are held in business inventory for sale and distribution. Purchasers have no patience for products that are not immediately available.


Kith and Kin? Virtual POD is akin to the supernatural world. Ghosts have no mass. Items of virtual reality may not become physical. POD books may never be printed. Neither advances nor book sales come with guarantees.


Ghastly or Ghostly? Some books become “ghosts” of themselves. Independent publishing houses cannot keep up with the holiday demand for individual titles printed one volume at a time for individual purchasers.


Pops of Color? The rush to release books can be scarier than a ghost. Printing and proofing errors are more likely to happen during seasons of holiday chaos. Few people slog through hasty, error-riddled text.


Combat Zone? Holidays are bad times for book launches. Printing houses are overwhelmed with anxious writers. Everyone wants to release books in time for important selling seasons. Books often remain works-in-process.


Stripe Back? Avant-garde readers may not wait for delivery. Innovative adaptations in the arts get buried beneath popular, established titles. New and struggling writers, without word-of-mouth reviews, garner paltry sales.

Self-Publishing Houses Don't Sell Books

What? Few self-publishing companies make money peddling books. They make money from packages: type formatting, composition and layout. Their job is to prepare print-ready work with which the creator can deal.


Contemplate Life? Self-published writers struggle for traction. Their materials rarely have a physical retail presence. Retailers, including Amazon, use non-compete contracts to limit where productions are merchandised.


Ho, Ho, Ho! Self-publishing houses do not make money printing individual books for the open market. They do not anticipate much of this activity. Less than one percent of these titles achieve significant market engagement.


Blech! Selling is not in self-publishing companies' job descriptions. Writers must promote their own sales from their own inventories. Readers may not take chances on unsold print stashes in remote garages or attics.


Night on the Town? Nothing is solid about Ghostly Feelings or unprinted books. Buyers expecting instant gratitude are likely to cancel special orders, printed one book at a time. Filling individual requests can take weeks.


Hurry the Wait? Singing or chanting the earworm below may scare up change for the monotonous haunts manifested in standardized inventories. Once they're “awoke”, merchants are sure to keep year-round Goopy stock.


The Goopy Ghost of Halloween,
OOO-OOO-OOO, OOO-OOO-OOO,
OOO-OOO-Yes, OOO-OOO-Yes!


And every day in between!
OOO-OOO-OOO, OOO-OOO-OOO,
OOO-OOO-Yes, OOO-OOO-Yes!


Playing with Goop is so much fun!
OOO-OOO-OOO, OOO-OOO-OOO
OOO-OOO-Yes, OOO-OOO-Yes!


Would you send him away?
OOO-OOO-OOO, OOO-OOO-OOO
OOO-OOO-No, OOO-OOO-No!


Would you let him stay?
OOO-OOO-OOO, OOO-OOO-OOO
OOO-OOO-Yes, OOO-OOO-Yes!


What would your mother say?
OOO-OOO-OOO, OOO-OOO-OOO,
OOO-OOO-OOO, OOO-OOO-OOO!


The Goopy Ghost of Halloween,
OOO-OOO-OOO, OOO-OOO-OOO,
OOO-OOO-Yes, OOO-OOO-Yes!


And every day in between,
OOO-OOO-OOO, OOO-OOO-OOO
OOO-OOO-Yes, OOO-OOO-Yes!

Sell Like Mainstream Books

Crossing Over? Surprising best sellers reach the forefront. Sales surge for mistaken purchases of books with titles and appearances of hot sellers. This intentional mimicry further disrupts the market for less popular titles.


What a Trip! Retail inventory management is based on what moves. Titles must have stellar sales' histories. Otherwise, they will not be shelved or warehoused. Rebellious readers are unlikely to find unique gems.


Golden Gut? Mainstream's incumbent authors leave little room for ground-breaking amateurs on collective shopping lists. The emphasis is on popular titles. Few writers hang around long enough to achieve brand name status.


Under the Sun? Never-before-seen titles by unfamiliar start-up originators require hard-hitting sales tactics. Readers shy away from dark pitches perceived as aggressive or desperate. There's nothing ghostly about ghastly.


Clean Slate? Traditional publishing houses anticipate demand. They print, stock and distribute in bulk to retailers. Product inventory is carefully managed to avoid frustrations with missing books or shelving errors.


Life's a Picnic? Price-fixing may improve the competitiveness of reigning titles. A handful of publishers, distributors and book sellers work in concert to protect successful books and authors. This exerts a restraint on trade.


Hill Crop? People buy what is celebrated by others. Readers are not experimental, adventurous or forward-thinking with literature. Monopolies in mainstream keep unknown writers off book lists and out of physical stores.


Black Magic? Traditional readership is a communal mentality. Sellers control the market with price-cutting, sequels and generations of market exposure. A history of buying confidence reduces promotional efforts.

Holiday Book Sales

Ready for the Yottabyte? Online is a major marketplace for the digital retail of products and services. Better opportunities exist outside bricks and mortar. Fast inventory flow allows online retailers to strike profitable bargains.


Boat Party? Shelf space is claustrophobic. Retailers make money selling products, not storing them. They buy to meet demand. Value accrues to plentiful products that are known to move. Sales are critical to businesses.


Tough Luck? It is expensive to hold an inventory of products for resale. Not many businesses are willing to accept the challenge of warehousing, marketing, advertising, promoting, wholesaling, retailing or shipping books.


Island Prime? Cost rises for better shelf positions. Stores charge promotion, advertising and stocking fees. The rapidly-shrinking number of stores puts a shorter supply of ideas on the market. Visibility matters to ghosts and writers.


Fishing Style? Chains may fill special orders for customers with independent books. Titles rarely are added to major online catalog listings. Sales often are deterred by no-return policies, bulk-order incompatibilities and slow printing.


Hasty Retreat? Friendly merchants may provide temporary free space. Their loyalty is with large publishers. If customers buy sufficient print quantities, independent titles may find permanent homes with traditional publishers.


Getting Personal? The last thing retailers want is impenetrable jams. Slotting fees charged for bricks-and-mortar shelf space range from thousands to hundreds of thousands of dollars. The cost is comfortable for top sellers.


Lean Streak? It may be a good thing for some ghosts to disappear and not reappear, whether by command or on demand. Hickamsdictum.com notes the Rise of the Machines: eBooks & POD might help tech-savvy upstarts.


At Ease? Change offers hope for survival of pioneering information. Recent trends driven by e-commerce technologies, subscription services and format innovations keep E-books in supply. Printed books may need a boost.
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