Paper Fury http://paperfury.com read. write. world domination Mon, 25 Sep 2017 09:00:28 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.7.6 https://i0.wp.com/paperfury.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/cropped-boots-circle-bio.png?fit=32%2C32 Paper Fury http://paperfury.com 32 32 79253455 #MiniReviews || Girl On The Cover Edition http://paperfury.com/minireviews-girl-on-cover-edition/ http://paperfury.com/minireviews-girl-on-cover-edition/#comments Mon, 25 Sep 2017 09:00:28 +0000 http://paperfury.com/?p=20129 Read More

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‘Tis the season of mini reviews!

Actually tis the season for salt, so I’m squashing my salty reviews together to save irritating rants. But as a permanently continual reminder — my reviews aren’t tell you what to do…they’re just to introduce a book and if it piques your interest, GO FOR IT. I also flail like a wild mushroom over one of these books so, exciting.

Thanks to Hot Keys, Allen and Unwin, Bloomsbury, and Netgalley for the review-copies!

Also RANDOM but Society6 is having 25% off which is kind of freaking amazing!??! I have tons of designs up including writerly ones so you should 100% pre-reward yourself since NaNoWriMo is in 36 days.

Mug in the above photo is one of my designs!

OKAY I’M DONE. ONTO REVIEWS.

MY NAME IS VICTORIA BY LUCY WORSLEY

published June ||| ★★☆☆☆

Goodreads  Buy  Publisher

Despite being about cool alternate-histories and queens this really…didn’t work for me. I don’t mesh with period-dramas. I just dooooon’t. And when a book stars a self-confessed BORING and PLAIN and AVERAGE girl then when am I supposed to care?! I have more emotions about cereal. Because I can eat it.

It basically follows the story of eleven-year-old princess Victoria who gets a playmate, Miss V. Miss V has the personality of a spoon and literally nothing happens in this book except talking, tea, a few carriage rides, everyone being subtly awful. I’m enthralled. Also over half the book is when Miss V is eleven, although she finishes up at 18, but the tone was really really young.

However the alternate-reality twists were cool! No spoilers, but it was a mind-bending ending. Although I have 0% what was real and what was alternate?!? I assume marrying your cousin was the real part.

Why must humans be like this.

VERDICT: A good book for people who enjoy period dramas with not a lot of drama but very nicely placed grammatical periods.

THE AMATEURS #2: FOLLOW ME BY SARA SHEPHERD

published October ||| ★★☆☆☆

Goodreads  Publisher  Review of Book #1

It’s time for some MURDER, JOHNThis is the sequel to The Amateurs which I read last year and promptly forgot 100% of what it was about. But this has a very satisfying summary on page (THANK THE BOOK HEAVENS) so I could keep up. However I rated the first book 2 stars and this was also…no. I find them too predictable and the stakes weirdly low or maybe I’ve watched too much Sherlock.

I also feel weird when these teens are tracking a suPER BAD MURDERER but they’re also worried about romance and being friendzoned. You know what you’re going to get? GRAVEZONED IF YOU DON’T PAY ATTENTION.

SMOL LIST OF DISGRUNTLED THINGS:

  • there are so many characters and my brain maxes out at two people and this is why I’ve lost track of my family
  • there are FIVE NARRATORS in a freaking 270pg book
  • Madison and Aerin literally have no point to their chapters
  • two characters are named MADISON and MADDOX and if you think I don’t get freaking confused then you are wrong, sir
  • why are the police so incompetent in YA mysteries <— the true mystery
  • where are the parents
  • why doesn’t anyone eat
  • the book is 90% tell tell tell and I was so detached due to all these info-dump conversations instead of actually witnessing ACTION.

However I liked getting more of the psychopath’s POV because that was interesting. Yes, shh, I’m a fine and normal person. And I confess I’m VERY interested to know what the psychopath’s endgame is and if these teenagers will die in the next book because no one is very competent. So very hooky.

ROYCE ROLLS BY MARGARET STOHL

published May ||| ★☆☆☆☆

Goodreads  Publisher  Buy

I confess I’d rather eat a bucket than watch reality TV so this one didn’t work for me. (Might work for those who love reality TV though?!) And 100% thought the book was called ROLLS ROYCE because I am functional. #GoCait

WHAT DIDN’T WORK FOR ME:

  • It’s a satire. So, like, yes let’s make fun of reality TV…but I don’t understand satires. If you like reality TV wouldn’t you find this offensive??? And if you hate it WHY ARE YOU READING THE BOOK? (oh wait…me)
  • Didn’t really care about the characters. They’re also all named after cars. I couldn’t tell anyone apart.
  • The two starring characters are Bent and Bach. Oh look, Cait can’t tell characters apart. AGAIN.
  • They’re trying to get a S6 of their show. But what the heck did they put in the first 5 seasons?? These people don’t even do anything and none of them are remotely exciting. Just dramatic and OTT.
  • Too many italics. When the books written with so many little emphasises, it just gets a little irritating after a while.
  • So confused at the ending. I still…what.
  • It was very slow. To the point where the first 100pgs is just them waiting to see if their show is renewed.
  • And everyone was horrible. So maybe that was the point but I just fell out a window, goodbye.

BREAKING BY DANIELLE ROLLINS

published September ||| ★★☆☆☆

Goodreads  Publisher  Review of Book 1

This was just too flippant about suicide to be an enjoyable thriller. It’s a companion to Burning, but you can read it as a standalone. And it’s like…a baording school with a dash of SCI FI or PARANORMAL and who knows what else. It’s as surprise for us all.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK FOR ME:

  • Oh a rich kids prep school? All the girls are going to be HORRIBLE AND HATE EACH OTHER. Obviously.
  • The main character is so nice and unassuming. She calls herself boring I mean???? I obviously believe her and now am turned off?? WHY DO BOOKS DO THIS.
  • Probably because she is Elle Fanning. I mean, look at that cover.
  • The boarding school cliches were in abundance. We gotcha class full of random sociopaths and conspiracy theories and creepy teachers and THAT ONE SINGLE BOY EVERYONE LOVES and suicide for the “shock” and a dark woods were they all go get drunk.
  • Lots of heavy topics = all glazed over. I am very unhappy with how the suicide theme was handled. Suicide is a huge, scary and complex topic and this is YA for freaking sakes. Please don’t treat it so flippantly and for “shocks”.
  • Random animal cruelty.
  • Again, no one eats. Why. I mean the tagline is “what makes this girl a monster” and I’m here like LOW BLOOD SUGAR PROBABLY?????

However I DO approve that it was proud to be feminine! And there was competitive fencing. Like with swords and not, um, fences to keep cows in or whatever. And I think a lot of the reason I was bored is that I’ve read a LOT and this felt overdone to me. I’ll just eat a bark chip here and sulk.

THE THINGS WE PROMISE BY J.C. BURKE

published March ||| ★☆☆☆☆

Goodreads  Publisher  Buy

This was super problematic and depressing. I’m genuinely shocked/outraged at the storyline too??

I don’t think it was “unrealistic” but it used a lot of hugely bad tropes and I can’t SEE THE POINT OF THIS BOOK.

WHAT I’M FURIOUS ABOUT

  • The language is super offensive. It’s set in the ’90s so I get it…but when you even have the protagonist justifying her problematic language because “she likes it and doesn’t see why it’s a problem” THEN YOU HAVE A NO FROM ME. (Ex. derogatory use of words like “schizo” and a sheer ton of slanderous names against lgbtqia+ people.)
  • I wouldn’t recommend this book to anyone on the lgbtqia+ spectrum. Which is ridiculous because it’s ABOUT that minority. It basically kills off, ends badly, or reduces every. single. lgbtqia+ character to a tragedy story. It’s about AIDS and while the deaths might not have been unrealistic, it is completely unnecessary to do this to 100% of a minority in your book. Seriously, if this book was about black people and everyone got shot in police violence, or about depression where every single mentally ill character committed suicide = IT WOULD NOT BE OKAY. It’s harmful and not appropriate.
  • This is basically a queer tragedy for straight people. The levels of wrong, wow.
  • Gemma cares about prom. Nothing else. I found it very hard not to stab her with a pincushion.
  • It was also very slow. Not a lot happened except tragedy for all the minorities.

Now I got bawled out on Goodreads for this review so again: I’m not saying “this stuff doesn’t happen”. I’m saying the way it was WRITTEN was harmful and problematic. I felt so depressed finishing it and I actually cared a lot about some of the secondary characters so I found the book hard to put down. But like??? I wish I’d not picked it up.

THE DEFINITIONS OF INDEFINABLE THINGS BY WHITNEY TAYLOR

published April ||| ★★★★★

Goodreads  Buy

I’ve been so so depressing in this post so QUICK LOOK AT THIS BOOK THAT IS ABSOLUTELY UNFATHOMABLY AMAZING!!! This is one of my favourites of the year!!!! It’s about depression and it is like 10/10 accurate and respectful and bitter and funny and beautiful!

I think my heart just E X P L O D E D with good feelings for this book!!

It’s actually a really honestly brutal view of depression. Depression is different for everyone, but this was pretty relatable to me so that was special. It’s pretty gut-punching though because it deals with people who think depression is fake (“just be happier! you’ll feel better!”) and there’s no romanticised picnic here. But it’s also HOPEFUL and this is the kind of book we need, OK?? Also no “love cures all.” #Bless #This #Book

I adored both Snake and Reggie. They’re both bitter and pretentious and funny and sweet with hearts of gold underneath it. They are perfectly flawed???? And I love this??? There is a love triangle but it was so well done and AMAZING and I don’t even know myself anymore.

I totally didn’t expect to love this one so much. Pain. FEELS. Laugh-out-loud wit. It’s a really brittle and sometimes caustic view of depression and sometimes it’s a bit overly philosophical, but it was heckin’ special. I love this book OK go read it.

 

have you read any of these?!?! share thoughts!! i wish to discuss!! and do you like people on the covers of books??? also are you yay or nay to reality tv?

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27 Bookworm Questions You’re Going To Regret Asking Me http://paperfury.com/bookworm-questions/ http://paperfury.com/bookworm-questions/#comments Sat, 23 Sep 2017 09:00:20 +0000 http://paperfury.com/?p=19758 Read More

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In a shocking turn of events, today I’m answering questions about books.

This is a topic I never broach, so try to keep calm.

And YES. This is a tag post! And I’m going to put it out there that I’m super bad at tags. This is partially because the same questions just repeat * and partially because I am a super slacker at fitting it in my schedule. And no don’t be ridiculous, I can’t change the schedule. Moons might fall from the sky and squash me and I won’t take that risk.

But I do actually love answering bookish questions!

So ignore the fact that I’m a huge life failure and go ahead and tag me. Also excuse me while I do like 50 tags in this post because I’m just that behind, and I’ll pick and throw questions around because I’m Loki and do what I want.

 

* MOST INVOLVING “WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE BOOK” WHICH GIVES ME HYPOTHERMIA TO TRY AND ANSWER.

Thanks Bliss Bold Beautiful and The Booknerd Diaries and Between The Pages!

1. FAVOURITE GENRE?

FANTASY. And I am quite fond of all kinds — from epic fantasy, to magical realism, to paranormal. Just please give me magic and knives and a little bit of murder.

2. PLOT YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED WRITTEN BUT ISN’T PUBLISHED YET?

Excuse me while I’m monstrously PROUD OF THIS TWEET TOO. Also someone write me this or do I have to do everything myself.

3. WHAT ARE YOUR “TURN AWAY” TROPES?

There are soooo many tropes that absolutely wither my soul. Which is frightening because it was born withered to start with and you don’t want to see me reduced to the fine hue of an avocado. But I want to take a second to shout about HARMFUL tropes. Because they’re freaking annoying and even if you beat them back with a flyswat, they keep coming back.

Petition to never read these again:

  • Love cures a mental illness or disability.
  • When the character with a disability “overcomes it” in order to be accepted by others. (This happens so freaking much in Autism books I will just be mad.)
  • Killing off ONLY minorities and nobody else.
  • Using “OCD” as a descriptor for someone who’s neat. (That isn’t even what OCD is??? Seriously.)
  • Girls having a make-over and suddenly “omg they’re beeeeautiful and 100 x better than they were before!!” (Girls are totally allowed to change and have makeovers. OBVIOUSLY. But it shouldn’t be a summary or increase of their worth.)
  • Mocking feminine women.
  • Books without cake.

 

4. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST ARC?

It was Hate Is Such a Strong Word by Sarah Ayoub in 2013, and I’M SERIOUSLY SO PROUD OF ME FOR REMEMBERING!! I have the actual worse memory honestly. I can’t remember the most basic things, like the year I was born, my street name, what type of animal my dog is, what book I just finished reading, and what a blog is.

 

5. WHAT WAS THE LAST LIE YOU TOLD?

I told my smol visiting niece she was blocking the view of my bookstagram photoshoot which is a LIE because obviously she is the view.

Does she seem related to me???? I think she seems related to me.

 

6. HOW TALL ARE YOU AND HOW TALL DO YOU WISH YOU WERE?

I am 5’1. I used to wish I was taller, but now I accept that I’m a good height for biting ankles.

7. WHAT IS ONE MOVEMENT YOU ARE REALLY PASSIONATE ABOUT?

My legs honestly. I really like moving my legs. I go for a 5.5km run in the morning and a 2.5km walk in the afternoon every day and generally spring about the house in full battle armour between times. I also quite like the movement of my fingers because TYPING.

My least favourite movement is looking right. My neck was out for like 5 years and it’s fixed now but like, I’m not used to looking right. So if you want to stab me, come at my right— WOOOOOAH. That was a massive typo. I have no weaknesses. I’m perfect.

8. WHAT IS THE BEST COMPLIMENT YOU’VE EVER RECEIVED?

Someone with a very very very important opinion said I made them cry with my book. Excellent.

9. NAME TWO WEIRD QUIRKS ABOUT YOURSELF.

(a) I have double jointed thumbs and they make my hands look like perhaps my parents were a spider and a nazgul. *
(b) I sometimes balance my iPod on my face while reading. I also sometimes can’t see the book because of this but that’s a difficulty I’m working to overcome by seeing through objects. Not, obviously, by quitting this weird habit.

 

* Can neither confirm nor deny in case a parental reads this. But if it’s true, it’d explain a lot about me.

10. NAME THE FIRST THING YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD.

My bedroom mirror — which coincidentally is covered in POSTCARDS AND POSTERS! Because I hate mirrors! That’s way too much social interaction, okay? I have Penguin Postcards and the posters are Lord of Shadows and Lady Midnight. 10/10 enjoy staring at Emma and Julian drowning.

I’m aware that’s supposed to be a A Darker Shade of Magic book hugger…but why not a wall hugger? I’m letting it be its own person. And as nice as this is…if you remember my view before I moved house…well. [INSERT HOWLING]

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE BOOK QUOTE?

So I just finished reading Ash and Quill by Rachel Caine and it contained this gem:

“I think all homes should be stuffed with books.”

So much yes.

I also have infinite love for this one just because RONAN LYNCH and aesthetic writing:

“And Ronan was everything that was left: molten eyes and a smile made for war.”

12. NAME ONE TALENT YOU HAVE.

Sometimes I do a good job at breathing.

I’m also very very good at holding grudges, hence I will take this moment to remind my older sisters OF THE TIME THEY ATE MY WILLY WONKA CHOCOLATE 11 YEARS AGO. IT WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN.

Thanks Ashley @ Bumbling About Books!

1. FAVOURITE UNDERRATED BOOK AND WHY?

I mean, I have absolutely 2 billion of these. But the most recent is Teeth by Hannah Moskowitz! It’s about a lonely island boy + queer magic fish + a tragic abused merboy and IT’S SO SWEET AND HEARTBREAKING AND I LOVE IT.

2. IF YOU COULD TELL A YOUNGER YOU ONE THING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Dear Smol Me,

IT’S NOT A PASSING PHASE. YOU’RE GOING TO BE SO OBSESSED WITH THE RAVEN BOYS IT’LL TAKE OVER YOUR WHOLE INSTAGRAM FEED.

signed,
obsessed present me

3. WHAT WAS SOMETHING THAT YOU REMEMBER SPARKING YOUR LOVE OF READING?

Oh definitely goodreads. As soon as I learned you could set goals and have major competitions with yourself — BOOM. I’M THERE. I’m so competitive with me. You can literally motivate me to do anything with stickers, cake, stat charts, and the ability to do it faster next time.

4. UNPOPULAR BOOKISH OPINION YOU STAND BY?

RON AND HERMOINE MAKE A TERRIBLE COUPLE.

WHAT’S THE POINT OF BOOKISH-FLAVOURED CANDLES.

CAN THRONE OF GLASS JUST PLEASE NO.

I DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT SIGNED BOOKS.

WHY ARE THERE NOT DRAGONS IN EVERY SINGLE BOOK.

AUTHORS CAN WRITE ABOUT BAD STUFF AND NOT BE BAD PEOPLE THEMSELVES.

Thanks Zoey @ Magiverse and Destiny @ Howling Libraries!

 

1. NAME A BOOK WHERE YOUR SHIP SANK.

I won’t be specific because of spoilers but feel free to ask in the comments!

  • The Grisha trilogy
  • Ember in the Ashes
  • Strange The Dreamer
  • Game of Thrones
  • Vicious (but I suppose there’s still time with the sequel…)
  • Clockwork Angel

2. WORST ENDING EVER?

I have 70 books on my 1-star shelf on goodreads, so we’re just going to assume they all have rather sucky endings.

MY FULL OPINON @ THESE BOOKS

3. NAME THREE AUTO-BUY AUTHORS.

(a) Maggie Stiefvater
(b) VE Schwab
(c) Cassandra Clare

 

I’M SO PREDICTABLE IT’S AMAZING.

4. AN AUTHOR YOU LIKED BETTER AFTER THEIR SECOND BOOK?

This is such a fabulous question because really like trying an author multiple times before I decide they’re not for me. Because sometimes their second book is way better for my tastes and I fall rapidly in love. I actually did a whole post on it, but who wants to go back and read that. Ha, not me.

So instead, here. Eat this nice visual illustration of my growing fondness for these authors.

This is why my TBR is ridiculous because I jut have to read everything.

5. WHAT BOOKISH WOULD WOULD YOU NOT WANT TO BE TELEPORTED TO?

All of them. Do you expect me to save the world??? I’m literally an INTJ and a Slytherin. I’d just let you all perish. 1/10 do not recommend putting me in a book.

6. WHAT CHARACTER’S SPECIAL POWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD?

In the Clockwork Angel series, Will and Tessa sit there quoting WHOLE PASSAGES OF BOOKS at each other to show that (a) they have good memories, and (b) they’re pretentious. Amazing. I’d love to be able to do that. I’d settle for just remembering titles, to be honest.

7. DO YOU PREFER ARCS OR FINISHED COPIES AND WHY?

Um, obviously finished copies!! I know some people like to collect ARCs but if it’s not photogenic for bookstagram, I am shallow enough to admit I’m not super interested.

I WANT BOOKS WITH THIS KIND OF ATTITUDE.

 

8. DO YOU HAVE ANY PHOBIAS?

  • People who eat custard with their cake. Like it makes it soggy why are you doing this. Separate bowls, please.
  • Lettuce.
  • Running out of books to read literally keeps me awake at night despite having 93894 on my TBR right now.
  • Touching like bugs or lizards or fish or anything that breathes. This is why I don’t be around humans.
  • STICKERS ON BOOK COVERS, DANGIT JIM.
  • The colour pink.
  • My own handwriting terrifies me please make it stop.
  • Christmas
  • The entire of the movie Jumunji which I watched as a very small child and honestly is why I’m a traumatised adult.
  • The word “phenomenon” because I can’t spell it.
  • Series finales of all TV shows. Seriously. I don’t watch them. I just slowly get spoiled and am salty forevermore even though it’s my fault.

9. BIGGEST CHILDHOOD CRUSH?

One time I got body-slammed with a huge exercise bouncy ball and you can still find pieces of me on the footpath to this day. To say I was crushed is an understatement.

10. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK TO MAKE YOU CRY?

The one I wrote and am coincidentally editing right now but — I ACTUALLY HAVE EMOTIONS AND SURE IT WAS JUST 1 SINGLE TEAR BUT !! I HAVE !! EMOTIONS!!! Vague ones, but wow.

wow that was exhausting for us all. feel free to yell at me in the comments about anything, but if we want to be specific, tell me: (a) one weird quirk about yourself, and (b) an author you’ve rated high AND low???

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The Last 2017 YA Book Releases (So You Can End The Year Crushed Under Your TBR Pile) http://paperfury.com/end-year-2017-ya-book-releases/ http://paperfury.com/end-year-2017-ya-book-releases/#comments Tue, 19 Sep 2017 09:00:17 +0000 http://paperfury.com/?p=20025 Read More

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In case you thought your TBR pile was safe for the rest of 2017…. HA! You sweet summer child.

Welcome to my blog which is also called MISERY because I’m about to hit you with the last YA releases of 2017 which you probably desperately definitely need. Don’t let anyone hate on your TBR pile! Hate on it yourself and yet do absolutely nothing to stop it growing because that’s what the bookworm life is all about! *

And if you’re sitting here dubiously, gnawing on a small cupcake with blue sprinkles while thinking, “Cait. I came here to have a good time and you’re just dooming my TBR and yet again,” then ok ok I hear you. I will firstly provide you with a very satisfying list of reasons it’s perfectly acceptable to have a book wishlist that stretches to Jupiter and back. Twice. Or three times. Maybe four if you have no chill. **

 

* I mean there are rumours the bookworm life is about enjoying literature, supporting art, furthering your knowledge….but like, no. It’s basically 500% about collecting books and running in overwhelmed circles.
** OH LOOK. IT ME.

  • i mean it could be worse…you could collect pinecones or ancient cursed knives instead of books.
  • (not that you shouldn’t collect ancient cursed knives…but they are considerably more expensive than books.)
  • people with goals live longer, to complete them you see? so having an impossibly long list of to-be-read novels equals you will live forever.
  • this is what Goodreads is for anyway. you need Goodreads to feel useful.
  • you don’t even have to buy all the books on your TBR wishlist!! you can use libraries, borrow from friends, use giftcards, steal from the Library of Alexandria, become a book yourself, etc. etc.
  • lists of books are aesthetically pleasing
  • you didn’t murder anyone lately so like 10/10 good job for living and you deserve to add to your TBR pile
  • if we bookworms didn’t complain about our TBRs, what would we complain about????????
  • books are prettier than you
  • the human world is a mess. collect books instead.

I’m also linking up with Top Ten Tuesday for their prompt Top Ten Books On My Fall TBR List” although I’m doing more than ten because we’ve established I can’t follow rules like a reasonable person.

It’s gotten to the point that if I actually do a TTT post 100% according to the prompt with zero Loki moments of misdemeanour or shouting “I !! do !! what !! I want !!” then you know it’s not me blogging. The dragon secretaries have finally smothered me in their sleep and taken over my blog for themselves.

Um…stop applauding that idea??? You fiends. LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM, WHICH IS ANNOYING BUT ALSO SOMETIMES AMUSING.

 

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO EXPLODE YOUR TBR FURTHER WITH…

   

  • THE GOBLINS OF BELLWATER: Ok but that cover is the prettiest thing. And also it’s a retelling of the Goblin Market which I haven’t read but goblins!!! I actually have this as an eARC so fingers crossed it’s good!
  • SATELLITE: A boy born in SPACE comes to visit the earth which seems like a bad life decision…I mean have you seen this planet.
  • MAGNUS CHASE THE SHIP OF THE DEAD: There is like ALWAYS a new Riordan book coming out but hEY I am here!! Hopefully there are plenty of dead people, which shouldn’t be hard because Magnus himself is d e a d.
  • THE LAST NAMSARA: This is a book about a girl who cuts her mouth on a knife because R U DUMB CHILD. Excuse me. I think it’s actually about dragons (!!) and kings and blood and things I’m keen for.

   

  • FAR FROM THE TREE: This is about 3 siblings adopted out separately who find each other. And I did love Emmy & Oliver so like, here I am. Come to me, little book.
  • 27 HOURS: This is like about monsters and hellhounds and queer kids battling to save the world and I just !!!!
  • WILD BEAUTY: This is about magic and girls finding a strange magical boy in their garden and I LOVE THIS AUTHOR SO MUCH.
  • FOREST OF A THOUSAND LANTERNS: I lowkey loathe this cover but like East Asian fantasy with evil queens!! Yes please.

  • ALL THE CROOKED SAINTS: ONLY THE ONLY BOOK THAT M A T T E R S IN MY LIFE BECAUSE AFJDSKALFD MY FAVOURITE AUTHOR EVER.
  • TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN: I’m so so excited for this!! John Green is amazing and also it’s about OCD and thought spirals with #ownvoices representation there.
  • DEAR MARTIN: A #BlackLivesMatter book where a boy set for Ivy League gets arrested for nO GOOD REASON and starts writing letters to Martin Luther King Jr.
  • THE MIDNIGHT DANCE: This is basically the title of my insomniac memoir but ALSO IT’S ABOUT BALLET and the cover is gorgeous so. Do I need more reasons.

   

  • THE WICKER KING: omgggg this cover. Also it’s about a boy with a degenerative hallucination disorder.
  • THE BEGINNING OF THE WORLD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT: I need a nap after that title, but heyyy the blurb says “spirits in jam jars” and it’s like a dark fairy tale short story collection and AHHHH.
  • KAT AND MEG CONQUER THE WORLD: I mean the cover kind of makes my eyeballs want to die. BUT. It’s about a girl with anxiety and a girl with ADHD and I think they have a hate-to-friendship thing happening?!?
  • KIDS LIKE US: About an autistic boy in Paris who falls in love with a girl he thinks is out of his favourite book (!!) I am so so keen.

  

  • RENEGADES: Marissa Meyer + SUPER HEROES AND VILLAINS !!! Hopefully it’s better than the dull bucket that was Heartless.
  • THE CITY OF BRASS: This has a freaking gorgeous mandala on the cover and I mean…like who even cares about anything else. COVER. (Ok fine it’s also about magic, djinns, and swindling Ottoman nobles.)
  • WHICHWOOD: So this is a companion to Furthermore which I haven’t read yet. #Shame. But this is about a girl who washes dead bodies. Quality kind of literature I need.
  • THE NOVEMBER GIRL: I’m very pleased this is coming out in November because AESTHETIC. It’s also about a boy running away from violence and I think he finds a magical girl in a lake?!? Great holiday ideas.

  

  • THE LOVE LETTERS OF ABELARD AND LILY: This is about ADHD and Autism and ahhhhhh. I’m always here for contemporaries like this. I also do have an eARC…so go read it, Cait, omg why are your procrastinating.
  • RULES OF RAIN: Another book featuring a boy with autism (!!) but I am cautious after reading the blurb because it sounds a bit like the Poor Disabled Brother Ruins Everything With Tragedy trope™ which is heckin’ harmful. But we’ll see??
  • NO SAINTS IN KANSAS: This is about murder so I’m down.

Because I’m literally the CRUELLEST here are some books coming in 2018 that I’m frEAKING excited for. And they are so far away. What? Am I crying? Don’t be ridiculous that’s just…rain. On my face.

   

  • TYLER JOHNSON WAS HERE: Boys and flowers are literally my favourite thing aafjkghihafsd. Also #ownvoices and #BlackLivesMatter!!
  • THE QUEENS OF INNIS LEAR: This is being called a “multicultural feminist Game of Thrones.” Like yes please omg.
  • MORE THAN WE CAN TELL: This is a companion to Letters To the Lost which I loved. Ahhh!!
  • #PRETTYBOY MUST DIE: This is about an undercover CIA agent who accidentally becomes an internet sensation. (Also how epic are all these POC characters on the covers?!!!)

 

  • TESS OF THE ROAD: Um dragons. I need say no more.
  • WHEN MY HEART JOINS THE THOUSAND: A atypical girl (!! I’m hoping for autism but the blurb isn’t clear?) and a boy who walks with a cane!!
  • NOT EVEN BONES: This book is about catching monsters and freaking MURDERING THEM AND SELLING THEM ONLINE?!?!? IT’s pitched as “Dexter meets This Savage Song” so like sign me the heck up.
  • YOU’LL MISS ME WHEN I’M GONE: about a viola prodigy (!!) and twins who have Huntingtons Disease running in their family.

um okay…so did i ruin your tbr pile again??? tell me if any of these are new to you or any you’re DESPERATE for?? how many books are on your goodreads “to-read” shelf??

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Genuine Fraud by E. Lockhart (And Giveaway!) + Interview + Blood, Chocolate, And Disguises http://paperfury.com/genuine-fraud-e-lockhart-review/ http://paperfury.com/genuine-fraud-e-lockhart-review/#comments Mon, 18 Sep 2017 09:00:43 +0000 http://paperfury.com/?p=20008 Read More

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In a most exciting turn of events, I’m interviewing the bestselling author, E. Lockhart!

I KNOW. I’m freaking out just a little too. Her latest book, Genuine Fraud, came out this month and so today we’re having an interview + review + a most excellently exciting giveaway! Because I mean. Just wow.

 

Thanks to Allen & Unwin!

★★★★☆

The story of a young woman whose diabolical smarts are her ticket into a charmed life. But how many times can someone reinvent themselves? You be the judge.
Imogen is a runaway heiress, an orphan, a cook, and a cheat.
Jule is a fighter, a social chameleon, and an athlete.
An intense friendship. A disappearance. A murder, or maybe two.
A bad romance, or maybe three.
Blunt objects, disguises, blood, and chocolate. The American dream, superheroes, spies, and villains.
A girl who refuses to give people what they want from her.
A girl who refuses to be the person she once was.

Goodreads  Buy  Publisher

 

Emily Lockhart is the author of eight YA novels including the bestselling We Were Liars and The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks, a Michael L. Printz Award Honor Book, a finalist for the National Book Award, and recipient of the Cybils Award for best young adult novel. She has a doctorate in English Literature from Columbia University and has taught composition, literature and creative writing. Her books have been translated into ten languages. Visit Emily online at emilylockhart.com and follow @elockhart on Twitter.

Website  Twitter

@PAPERFURY: Can you tell us how GENUINE FRAUD got its title? Did it go through any changes and how did you decide on it?

 

@ELOCKHART: The book had no joke at least 100 possible titles, but Genuine Fraud was a working title for a very long portion of my writing process – so we came back to it in the end.  I like the idea that fraudulence and genuineness can co-exist.  I think they actually do in many people.  I thought seriously about calling the novel Let Her Have It. 

 

@PAPERFURY: I’m such a huge fan of how GENUINE FRAUD is written in a fascinating non-linear style! Did you originally write the scenes in the order they appear in the book? Where did Jule’s story start in drafts for you?

 

@ELOCKHART:  Thank you.  Writing a story told backwards is really NOT EASY.  I plotted it out ahead of time.

 

@PAPERFURY: I can imagine it would be a super challenge! What’s the toughest vs the easiest parts of the writing process for you?

 

@ELOCKHART: I love rewriting – it’s the inventing things out of the ether that’s hardest for me!

 

 

@PAPERFURY: In honour of the different countries/settings visited in GENUINE FRAUD, have you travelled overseas? Where have you been or where would you love to go?

 

@ELOCKHART: The locations are fun, right?  San Francisco, Puerto Rico, Mexico, London, New York, Las Vegas… but I’m nowhere near as well-traveled as I’d like to be.  Basically, everywhere glamorous I’ve ever been is a setting in Genuine Fraud – I used all the locations I had at my disposal!  This year, though, I went to Kerala, India for two weeks. Tourism. I felt so lucky.

 

@PAPERFURY: It’s the actual best to be able to “travel” while reading, I agree! And lastly (and most importantly for sure) was any chocolate harmed in the making of this novel?

 

@ELOCKHART: There is quite a lot of chocolate in Genuine Fraud.  And makeup. Two of my favorite things.

 

@PAPERFURY: Thanks so much for stopping by my blog, Emily! I’m completely honoured to have the chance to chat with you!

Genuine Fraud is super mind twisty. My last E Lockhart read was We Were Liars back in 2014, so needless to say I was long overdue for having my mind bent. It’s best if you go in without knowing too much about it (!!) so my review will be brief and (of cooooourse) spoiler free!

It was absolutely super well written! The details are amazing and the book is really short but doesn’t feel like it. It packs a punch and it’s so cleverly constructed that by the end your brain is basically splitting into: “WOW THAT WAS SO WELL DONE” and also “WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK.” Excellent reactions. Plus it’s in 3rd person, which is my favourite.

Jules is a totally unreliable narrator. Without giving too much away: basically we’re introduced to this teen living an extravagant life and using stolen identities. But WHY. And HOW. And QUESTIONS. A cop catches up with her and she runs and then we start trawling back through her life’s story to understand WHO THE HECK IS JULES WEST WILLIAMS. The story basically is: rich messed up kidsAnd a bit o’ death on the side.

ACT CALM. BUT LIKE OMG.

 

  • dude, it’s messed up
  • girls who are proud to be feminine
  • travelling the world
  • how rich people live which is interesting because I WILL NEVER KNOW THIS
  • a lot of junk food which is relatable content
  • girls who work-out because they like to, not to impress a boy
  • feminism
  • more murder
  • so much twisted mind play that by the end you’re whispering “whhhhhhat” with your eyes open like saucers because EVERYONE’S LOGIC IS SO MESSED UP

Only very tiny things for the book didn’t work for me. Like it honestly didn’t feel YA…more NA? The characters are finished highschool and in their later teens but there are like 2% parents around and mostly everyone was just drinking and making Bad Life Decisions™. It’s also hard to care about the characters because everyone was awful…but then I don’t think you’re really MEANT to in thrillers??

BUT OVERALL: This was exciting, twisty, and extremely messed up…ergo that’s fantastic. It features complex and interesting characters, who I also do not like but ya know. These things happen. It reminded me a lot of The Female of the Species and Here Lies Daniel Tate! And I absolutely appreciate how cleverly this book fit together by the end.

OPEN TO AUSTRALIAN RESIDENTS ONLY. 3 x winners.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

tell me about the most messed-up/mind twisty book you’ve read??? and have you travelled overseas at all? is Genuine Fraud on your tbr because it should be ok.

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18 Writing Life Hacks That Will Change Your World (Or Make You Hack Up A Lung) (Not Sure) http://paperfury.com/18-writing-life-hacks/ http://paperfury.com/18-writing-life-hacks/#comments Sat, 16 Sep 2017 09:00:55 +0000 http://paperfury.com/?p=19993 Read More

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It’s time to hack up a lung…and also some tips on how to make your writing life 10000% easier.

Or maybe that’s a bit ambitious. Perhaps, 2% easier is a little more attainable. Because as they say: why aim big when you can aim small and take a nap after lunch! *

Anyway, as you may know: I am a writer. And I’ve been writing seriously for eight years so clearly I’m a terrific genius at it by now. I’ve picked up tips and tricks and hacks that have been seriously helpful and nothing has ever gone wrong while putting them into practise. Except for the writing hack that involved an actual sharpened axe and the soul of a local boy and twelve goats and–

But that’s not so important.

What’s important is today I’m sharing some writing #lifehacks that you can use everyday around the house, like lemon detergent or murderous knives. Good luck!!

And if anyone asks where you got these tips…haha…it wasn’t from me.

 

* Actually ok I’m pretty sure no one says that but I think it’s a worthwhile thing to start saying??? We would all do better with more naps.

ALSO WHILE YOU’RE HERE….other helpful #lifehack posts you might like!

LIFE HACK #1: WRITE YOUR BOOK’S SYNOPSIS BEFORE THE ACTUAL BOOK.

We all complain how heinous synopses are to write. Like how do you sum up an 80,000 word book in TWO PARAGRAPHS?!?? So easy: sum up a 0-word book in two paragraphs. It’s honestly easier to pinpoint your plot, character goals, message, and plot twists when your brain isn’t filled up with all the other cool stuff going into the novel.

It’s okay if your book deviates. But you have the BONES here!! It’s so nice to have bones lying around to work with!! *

This is also excellent practise if you intend to be traditionally published, because oftentimes you’re asked to submit pitches before you’ve written the book. Practise now! Save on all the stress chocolate you’ll have to buy later.

 

* I feel like I’m required to admit I’m talking about, um, metaphorical bones. Those actual human bones in your closet?? Yeah, keep them there. Don’t get them out.

LIFE HACK #2: WRITING A QUERY? WRITE IT LIKE YOUR CHARACTER IS SPEAKING AND THEN TWEAK IT INTO QUERY FORMAT AFTERWARDS.

This is especially if your book is in 1st person…write your query in 1st person, and then switch it to 3rd so it sounds like a blurb. Let your character’s voice shine through to make the summary extra hooky. And if your character’s voice makes the query sound boring?? BOOM. You maybe just realised your character needs work.

Double life hack.

Woah I’m good at this.

LIFE HACK #3: NOT ENOUGH TIME TO WRITE? TRY SACRIFICING YOUR COUSIN TO THE TIME DEITIES FOR EXTRA MINUTES.

Failing a cousin, you can use a sibling or a local neighbour. The annoying ones are the best to pick because we all know annoying people make time go very slow and that’s what you want!! Slowing down time! This hack is best completed at midnight. Not because the ritual works better then, but because you don’t want to be seen and people assume you’re weird.

You’re not weird, hahah, obviously.

LIFE HACK #4: FEELING UNMOTIVATED TO CREATE STORIES? YOUR CREATIVE STOMACH IS PROBABLY LOW.

Usually people say “creative tank” and then follow up with a metaphor like filling a car with petrol so you can continue moving. But I feel like “creative stomach” is MUCH more accurate. Because you need to go eat art. Eating art is very tasty. Sometimes, especially if it’s a painting, it causes death due to paint-poisoning, but don’t let little details put you off!! You need to eat all the art you can.

Consume books, TV shows, movies, music, and visuals. This is 500% a good excuse to use pinterest. If people accuse you of wasting time there — REMIND THEM YOU ARE STOCKING UP ON VISUALS FOR YOUR CREATIVE STOMACH. You neeeeeeeed to consume art if you’re going to make it.

 

LIFE HACK #5: IS YOUR PLOT BORING? USE TROPES FROM OPPOSITE GENRES.

Okay so your fantasy plot line has everything a good fantasy plot should have. It it’s still dull? I’VE GOT GOOD NEWS = shake things up by smooshing your genre + typical plotlines from other genres together. This is destined to either work really well or send your whole book up in flames. 10/10 recommend.

  • Two teens with mental health struggles fall in love (typical contemporary) ON A QUEST TO TAME DRAGONS (oh now it’s fantasy).
  • Kid wants to do art, parents want them to be a doctor (typical contemporary) IN A WORLD WHERE ART IS PUNISHABLE BY DEATH (oh now it’s dystopian).
  • Orphan prophesied to be the chosen one (typical fantasy) TAKE OUT THE MAGIC AND MAKE THEM LONELY CHILD GENIUS (oh now it’s contemporary). *

 

* Holy heck I want to write all these I came up with in like 3 seconds flat. NaNo?

LIFE HACK #6: NEED TO EDIT? CHANGE YOUR FONT / SIZE / SCREEN TYPE TO SHAKE YOUR BRAIN UP.

This beats taking your brain out of your skull and shaking it up that way, because apparently that kills. Still open to being corrected on that??? Let me know if you’ve tried it.

It’s easier to catch typos and mistakes if your brain isn’t used to the way something looks. Change your font. Make it bigger. Print it out. Stop your brain being complacent because it “thinks it knows what is coming”. Your brain can be really rude like that. Sit down, Brian, what are you doing.

LIFE HACK #7: EAT CHOCOLATE.

This is the ultimate life hack and if people aren’t giving you this advice, then you’re hanging with the wrong people.

Also put food in your books. It makes it more relatable and gives me dinner ideas. And my welfare is always your #1 priority obviously.

LIFE HACK #8: WANT TO WRITE A BOOK? INSTEAD HOW ABOUT YOU RUN FAR AWAY AND DON’T THINK ABOUT THIS AGAIN WHILE YOU RAISE SHEEP IN ICELAND SENSIBLY.

#Quality #Advice

LIFE HACK #9: MAKE YOUR WRITING MORE DIMENSIONAL BY USING TINY BUT POWERFUL DESCRIPTIONS.

Most of us writers try to describe like the whole DARN HOUSE or exactly what the character is wearing, but it packs much more of a punch if you use really pointed by small descriptions. Her dress is blue but the hem is unravelling. The house is old but there’s moss growing between the bricks.

And don’t forget the underused senses! Like textures and smells!

The aim here is to fully have your book punch your reader. Make your book become one with your reader. Absorb them. Take their soul and sell it in darkest Peru.

LIFE HACK #10: DON’T LET YOUR CHARACTERS’ NAMES ALL START WITH THE SAME LETTER.

Because reader eyeballs are lazy and we only notice the first few letters of a name. So when Molly and Miffy are in the same novel there is a 100% chance I don’t have a clue who is who. And I never know who is who anyway because names are freaking hard, man. What even is my name. I’m not even sure.

LIFE HACK #11: LEAVE YOUR LAPTOP ALONE WITH YOUR EDITING NOTES SO IT’LL GET STARTED BY ITSELF.

I’m totally sure Scrivener has this function and I’ve just yet to figure out how to activate it. But 10/10 recommend giving your laptop a chance to actually be useful in life.

No one wants a barnacle and leech on society, DO YOU HEAR THAT, MY DEAR MACBOOK?????

LIFE HACK #12: CONFUSED ABOUT WRITING?

Ya me too. We should start a club with neat matching shirts and have a stellar afternoon tea with crumpets and jam and get nothing done.

LIFE HACK #13: DON’T LET YOURSELF GET SUPER SUCKED INTO RESEARCH BEFORE YOU WRITE YOUR 1ST DRAFT.

If you’re a research fiend you’ll just end up procrastinating and tHEN you’ll try to incorporate 3989 cool facts into your book and make it about as interesting as eating porridge while sitting in a puddle. Do a small amount of research, but get the preliminary draft down NOW. Once you know the story is good = get thee onto that research in earnest. In fact, get Ernest to do it. You can take a break and eat nine cakes. You deserve it.

LIFE HACK #14: THE TERM “KILL YOUR DARLINGS” ACTUALLY MEANS CUT EXCESS WORDS…NOT MURDER ALL YOUR CHARACTERS.

I’M DISAPPOINTED TOO. I have so so many manuscripts that are confused now…

But anyway.

CUT CUT CUT. Look at each sentence and see if you can condense it. No joke, I just cut 1,000 words from a manuscript taking out silly filler words alone. (Ex: saying “he stood up” when “he stood” is enough. And putting in too many actions like “He walked to the fridge, opened the door, got the milk, poured a glass…” when you can say “HE POURED HIMSELF A GLASS OF MILK FOR GOODNESS SAKES CALM DOWN”.)

Also cut extra scenes that don’t advance the plot.

And kill some characters to ok let’s just pretend the phrase also means that because it’s fun.

LIFE HACK #15: TITLE YOUR BOOK BY CRYING OVER IT AND HOPING YOUR TEARS FORM WORDS.

Because titling is freaking hard. And if we see another book with “throne” or “bone” or “glass” or “game” or “queen” in it, we are going to lose it and burn down the moon.

You can also title your book AFTER you write it and pick out a cool phrase you use in the book. This is why my latest novel is called “CAIT IS FREAKING SCREAMING.” It’s catchy. Totally know my agent will go for it.

 

LIFE HACK #16: INSTEAD OF CHASING PLOT BUNNIES, EAT THEM.

They taste very good with a little sauce and in a little pie. Also, alternately, when you get thumped with that dying need to write something new even though you’re in the middle of a freaking other project — outline it instead.

It calms the plot bunnies. Settles them down. Sing them a sweet lullaby as you put them in a chill place to mature.

If you outline a plot bunny (even if it’s just a few pages) you (a) won’t forget it, and (b) you chill on that need to WRITE IT ALL RIGHT NOW.

LIFE HACK #17: DON’T BE A PIECE OF FUNGI. FINISH WHAT YOU STARTTTTTT.

You know how your parents said you wouldn’t grow big and strong unless you ate all your broccoli? Well they TOLD THE TRUTH. I didn’t eat my broccoli and I’m only 5’1.

Also. This also applies to writing. You CAN’T GROW AS A WRITER unless you finish that draft.

Even if it sucks and is crappy and is ugh. Finish it. You can edit a pile of limp seaweed. You can’t edit air. In fact I have tips on how to write the perfect first draft. I also have tips on how to get your dog to be your handy secretary and fetch you warm drinks and pretzels so take my advice at your own risk.

LIFE HACK #18: ALWAYS HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE OR TEA ON HAND WHILE WRITING.

This way when you set fire to your hair in frustration, you’ll be able to put yourself out. Very much recommend. Chargrilled author isn’t as pleasant as it tastes.

Um.

UM, I MEAN SOUNDS. SOUNDS. I DO NOT EAT PEOPLE HAHA.

I don’t.

Okay we’re done here, since you’re going to look at me with so much suspicious condescension. Gee.

 

that was obviously helpful. so ADD TO MY LIST! tell me some underrated “writer hacks” you’ve discovered??!? and here’s a fun question: do you title your books BEFORE or AFTER you write them?

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10 Things I Used To Love Reading About But Instead Now…No http://paperfury.com/10-things-used-love-reading/ http://paperfury.com/10-things-used-love-reading/#comments Tue, 12 Sep 2017 09:00:19 +0000 http://paperfury.com/?p=19964 Read More

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In a shocking state of normality, there are many things I’ve grown out of reading.

I had to grow out of something because I sure haven’t grown out of my clothes from when I was 14. I am vertically challenged. But I still get monstrously SHOCKED when I realise I am, in fact, not the same type of bookworm I was four years ago. Or six years ago. I’m not even the same bookworm I was twenty three years ago, mostly because I was a baby and a leech on society and just loafed around eating snacks and hating on my siblings. *

It’s always a bit scary to realise your reading tastes have changed but, IT’S REALLY OKAY!!! WE ARE ALLOWED!! I don’t see myself growing out of YA books (because that’d be heckin’ awkward considering writing them is my attempted career) but I’m totally okay with growing out of types of books. Or tropes. Or genres. OR ANYTHING. Tastes can change.

Except for cupcake tastes. If you think you’re “growing out of cupcakes” then no. You need to see a doctor and maybe lie down I don’t think you’re well.

Today I’m listing 10 types of stories I used to love but now….no. And a lot of these made up my childhood so I feel a SMOL PANG OF GUILT for not loving them anymore. But also some of them make me question Smol!Cait’s life choices so… it evens out.

 

* FUN FURY STORY TIME: Apparently all I did as a smol baby child was frown and cry at my 4 older siblings if they tried to hold me. Obviously you don’t touch The Queen without permission.

I’m linking up with Top Ten Tuesday for their prompt “Throwback Freebie” and OKAY FINE LOOK I TRIED TO JOIN IN PROPERLY BUT IT’S JUST NOT WORKING OUT FOR ME. Although to be fair after the suggested prompts of “books I used to love”, it does say “tweak it however you want.”.

I have permission to be a terrifying snarly-toothed disagreeable little prompt rebel.

So throwback to when I loved these.

(NOTE: Obviously there are exceptions to all these…if a book is well-written or by my favourite author, heck yes my standards are gone and I’ll read / love it. This is just a generalised list.)

1. DYSTOPIAN, AAAALL THE DYSTOPIAN.

Do you remember when dystopian was The Thing Of All Things™?? It’s honestly freaking impressive how popular it was. I’m pretty sure they were even selling dystopian cookbooks and socks * by the end. So I, like any other smol bookworm bean, obviously devoured not one, not even two, but 3989 MILLION OF THESE DYSTOPIAN NOVELS. Obviously I just burnt out. And this was like on the very cusp of me turning to book blogging so I didn’t really know about other genres!! I thought life was The Hunger Games alone.

BRIEF LIST OF REASONS WHY DYSTOPIAN WAS TICKING ME OFF BY THE END:

  • it all sounds the same
  • like I get that you need the super bad government and rebels but like…can we not shake things up
  • it was all narrated by girls with as much personality as a dehydrated apple
  • at least two boys
  • or maybe THREE
  • why is everyone so cleanly shaven tho
  • no one has a sense of humour
  • the boy is named after a number
  • save your family
  • OH LOOK YOUR FAMILY IS DEAD TIME YOU DID A FREAKING BAD JOB OF SAVING THEM
  • why do the rebels have no personality
  • the government sucks in 2040
  • yeah but the government sucks in 2017 and we at least aren’t eating each other

Obviously I do love some dystopians. AKA the Hunger Games to which I owe my entire love of YA! And I’m quite fond of the Disruption duology, The Giver, Blood Red Road and Shatter Me. But otherwise? If I see a dystopian these days, my #1 reaction is:

ALSO LIVE FOOTAGE OF ME @ STARRING IN MAD MAX: FURY ROAD.

 

* Starring things like: hOW TO COOK ONE RAW CARROT TO FEED FAMILY OF 6. And also: BUY ONE HOLEY SOCK, GET THE OTHER ONE NEVER…JUST LIKE IF YOU WERE IN A DYSTOPIAN SOCIETY. Omg someone put me in marketing, I’m impressing myself here.

2. KIDS TRAVELLING INTO MAGICAL WORLDS THROUGH SECRET DOORS.

Okay so full disclosure: Narnia was my LIFE as a kid. I have most utter respect for it despite the fact that CS Lewis was sexist trash. But you know!! Oblivious childhood love!!

Nowadays I just really find the “ooooh a door to a MAGIC WORLD” tedious. The people either (a) accept this magical society far too easily or (b) we waste PAGES AND PAGES of them getting infodumps.

I’m too old and tired.

So I will always love Narnia, but if you show me a book about kids and portals and adventures that all become obsolete when they go home…I just make this high pitched keening sound and fall over dead. 1/10 do not recommend killing me like so.

3. I USED TO LOVE JUST FANTASY AND NOTHING. ELSE. EVER.

This is actually a recent development of my gnarly heart but I actually read a lot more contemporary. And do you want to hear something else shocking??

WHO EVEN AM I.

Obviously fantasy is still my #1 but I write contemporary and l read contemporary and wow.

4. SLAPSTICK COMEDY.

I CAN’T STAND IT. I CAN’T EVEN SIT ON IT. I literally hate books that have the tone of “And then I ate eggs for breakfast but someone got murdered on my front porch, oh bother! My eggs will get cold!” Or satire. Or lol @ serious moments. Or anything in that strain of flu. It is a flu. Keep it away from me, please, I beg you.

Did I just get old and serious??? Possibly. I love humour, don’t get me wrong! But I prefer sarcasm, snark, self-depreciating, really bad puns, and witty comebacks.

 

5. HISTORICAL FICTION.

When I wasn’t spending my childhood in Narnia, I spent it in HISTORICAL FICTION. Which is great. I had a good childhood. I used to organise games with my sister where we would play Roman soldiers and attack each other, but you know…it was a good solid childhood and don’t worry about me at all. *

Now? I just am tired of all the sexism. I know this has the potential to sound like I want to erase that part of our history — AND I DON’T. I love it how women rise up and pave the way for us to have freedom today. But I am also just a little weary of the constant “having-to-prove-yourself” thing. And I still do love a lot of HF, I just don’t gravitate to it. At all. Same as I don’t gravitate to books about spiders or books that disagree with eating cake. **

 

* Pls worry about me.
** Heresy. Burn it.

6. REALLY BADASS FEMALE HEROINES WHO KICK EVERYONE WITHOUT EMOTIONS.

Full disclaimer: I love badass female heroines who will stab you in the left earlobe and win the war and marry the dragon. But why can’t they have EMOTIONS too??? And why do they like 90% of the time hate pretty things?!

Girls can be masculine or feminine and no shame for either one, but “strong” doesn’t have to equal emotionless stone.

 

7. MOST SUPERHEROES.

Here is my bookworm confession: I don’t actually love reading action scenes! I know. I’m ridiculous. I’m a very very visual person so I’d rather SEE a superhero movie (I love those) and watch the explosions and the fight scenes with my own eyeballs. My brain doesn’t want to create them. I’m so bad at visualising things. Particularly directions. Whenever my family tries to explain something to me, it basically plays out like this:

FAMILY: Then you’ll see lots of shops on the left *USING LOGICAL HAND GESTURES* and the road bends like so and then you walk around this park and–
ME: did u say left
ME: which is my left

Also my family is trying to sell me on ebay and get a Cait that actually works but whatever.

With great power, comes great responsibility to write action scenes that don’t leave me at the end saying, “Wow! Epic! What just happened!”

 

8. SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST TALES.

I loved Hatchet by Gary Paulsen so so much when I was a youth! I was legit going to get myself thrown into the middle of Canada to survive, which would’ve been a feat because (a) I live in Australia so that’s quite a detour, and (b) I’ve never been truly cold in my life so I’d be dead before day 1 was over, and (c) I hate fish??? C’mon, Smol!Cait, what were you thinking??? You can’t survive anywhere YOU FREAKING HATE FISH.

Now I just find survival books really boring.

Oh the look for food. Oh they step in a bear trap. Oh they nearly get rescued but don’t. Oh they sit in a rubber boat in the water and nearly die of thirst. Oh they realise humanity suck and is pointless. Surprise surprise.

Like food is obviously a great motivator for me too, but I JUST CAN’T WITH GATHERING IT BEING 90% OF THE PLOT.

New Idea: survival story but an introvert trapped in their own house with a stranger in the kitchen so the introvert can’t get to food and must go eat raw shells from the wild wild seas instead of say “please move so I can get to the fridge” because nO ONE WANTS TO DO THAT.

 

9. MYSTERIES.

I can’t even with how frustrating I find mystery books. Because I’m a Slytherin and the only option for me is (a) win or (b) WIN. And if I can’t solve the mystery before the book does (and usually you CAN’T because they don’t give you enough details) then, mate, I’m outta here like the entirely self-confessed over-achieving narcissist I am deep down inside.

My smolhood * consisted of reading 3989 Boxcar Children books. I also read the Mandy mysteries and kind of want to burn my eyes out. Smol!Cait didn’t know quality literature.

Smol!Cait has so many regrets. **

* This is the new way to say childhood as decreed by me literally 4 seconds ago. It’ll be a worldwide phenomenon soon.
** I regret reading those darn Mandy books but another of my regrets is the time I put vegemite on an orange. I don’t even know why but I think I poisoned myself and this is why I am like I am now.

 

10. BOOKS ABOUT DOGS, BY DOGS, OF DOGS, BASICALLY EVERYTHING DOGGIFIED.

Did anyone ever grow up reading things like Old Yeller and Sounder and Shiloh and Big Red? Because I did. Clearly my mother wanted the hope in my eyes to be snuffed out while I was young. I FREAKING HATE DOG BOOKS, OKAY?! They always always kill off the poor dog, who is too good, too precious, too pure for this world.

BRIEF AND HONEST SUMMARY OF EVERY DOG BOOK OF EVER:

  • boy finds dog and for some reason or other can’t keep him
  • but must have dog anyway
  • they play with the free abandon of Summer And Goodness™
  • then dIRE GLOOM comes
  • pure and precious dog inevitably dies heroically to save stupid boy
  • boy is sad
  • but totally gets over it because apparently the dog dying was his character development
  • at least 78% of readers are crying now thanks
  • the remaining 22% are freaking furious <— me

The truth of the matter is dogs > people. Let’s let a few humans die off for once, is all I’m saying. And stop killing off the ONLY GOOD CHARACTERS, AKA, THE DOGS. I honestly avoid dog books like nothing else these days. I don’t have much of a heart, it is well known, so I need to take care of the 2% I have left.

 

okay YOUR TURN: tell me about some things you used to love reading but now aren’t super keen on?? have your tastes changed much over the years? do you care if they kill the dog? and is there a genre you got burned out reading?!? (also link me to your TTTs and I’ll stop by!)

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Beautiful Mess by Claire Christian || Mental Health Done RIGHT (!!) And Adorkable Characters http://paperfury.com/beautiful-mess-claire-christian-review/ http://paperfury.com/beautiful-mess-claire-christian-review/#comments Mon, 11 Sep 2017 09:00:53 +0000 http://paperfury.com/?p=19933 Read More

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Wow this book is indeed beautiful and about messes and my entire opinion is: yes.

Actually haha to you if you thought my opinion was as simple as one line. Of course not. I’m physically unable to stop myself from writing mammoth reviews (IN LISTS, OBVIOUSLY) because I have much to say.

I had so so many feelings about this book. SO MANY. It did have a rather unsatisfying ending that made me gnash my teeth, but otherwise it’s a story about anxiety and depression and it is excellently written. It also won the Text Publishing Prize of 2016 and I CAN SEE WHY.

Also can I add I’m totally onboard with the title?! Because it’s basically my entire instagram aesthetic.

  • THE REPRESENTATION OF ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION IS SO SO WELL DONE. It’s dual narrated by Gideon and Ava, and they’re both really struggling. Gideon with severe anxiety/depression/self harm in the past, and Ava has depression after her best friend died. I related a lot to Gideon honestly. He is a soft awkward cinnamon child and you can’t help but adore him. I just really felt like this book UNDERSTOOD what life is like with depression / anxiety. It’s so refreshing not to have it (a) romanticised, (b) cured by falling in love, or (c) belittled. I just…I just…thank you.

 

  • IT HAS A VERY HEALTHY OUTLOOK ON GETTING HELP. Therapists are not evil!! Medication can help!! Talk to your parents!! Romance will not save you!! Like holy kelp where was this book when I was 17?!?? Also it underlines really really heavily that having mental health issues does NOT equal that you are a broken object. I can’t stress how important that is. There seems to be this whole push to say “mental illness equals brokenness you need to fix it” and I, personally, don’t always believe you are. You need help, support, and management to live your life the best you can. But you’re not a broken thing okay???? AND THIS IS THE TITLE OF THE BOOK, MY FIENDS. We can be messes but we are still beautiful.

“Do you know what the Japanese say about broken things?” Robbie looks at me. “Kintsukuroi they call it. They take broken pieces of porcelain and they repair cracks with gold. Making it as it was, but new again. They believe that the cracks can make something more beautiful, more valuable.”
“Is that for real?”
“Have I ever lied to you?”
“No.”
“They believe that the cracks shouldn’t be hidden, that they’re part of their history, and should be shown. If you’re going to show the cracks, why not show them beautifully.”

 

  • DO YOU SEE THAT QUOTE????? My heart is so full of love for this book, this message, this wholesome goodness.

 

  • THE CHARACTERS ARE FANTASTIC LITTLE POCKETS. I maybe loved Gideon more because he was a soft squish and quite self-depreciatingly funny. He made fun of himself, but the book didn’t make fun of his mental health issues. IMPORTANT DISTINCTION THERE. He’s super anxious but working hard to rebuild himself after a really rough 4 years. Gideon and Ava end up working at a kebab shop and they write letters because Gideon is offline. Ava was really spiky and hurting, and I loved how complex she was! She and Gideon became FRIENDS FIRST. #Nice. And then feelings. #SHIPPINGIT

 

  • OH LOOK. NICE PARENTS. Who care! Wow what is this. Ava has a single father who’s super lovely and Gideon has two mums who are 100% there for him and fantastic.

 

  • THE WRITING IS SUPER ENGAGING AND I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT IT DOWN. I loved their voices! Ava is: “I take no shenanigans and will call out the rot here.” And Gideon is all: “I am trying to live the best life I can WOW A GIRL LOOKED AT ME AND I DIDN’T DIE WOW.” He’s so adorkable and I just ajfkdlsafd.

 

  • WE GOTCHA FEELS. All the sad feels, the happy feels, the wow-Cait’s-stone-cold-heart-is-actually-beating-right-now feels.

 

  • THERE ARE LISTS!! Gideon functions in lists and I think that’s adorable and relatable. I did love their letters too! Although they petered out as the book went on? But it’s super cute writing to people, especially if you have anxiety because it can literally be the difference between making a friend and not — writing can make getting your true self and thoughts down so much easier. BLESS THIS BOOK FOR KNOWING WHAT ANXIETY IS LIKE.

 

I don’t think any of us are normal. We’ve all got shit going on, but we’re all trying to convince each other that we’re normal. I think it’s fucked. I think it would be so much better if we were all just more honest and said when things were bad, or that we weren’t okay or we were sick or we were happy or whatever.

  • I’M A LITTLE TIRED OF THE “MY BEST FRIEND JUST DIED” TROPE. Mostly because it’s like in 80% of YA contemporaries these days? I personally struggle to connect to a character who’s grieving over someone I never met on page. So it makes it like “telling vs showing” because I’m just told about this character was great blah blah etc. I’m also an insensitive turnip so sorry about that.

 

  • THAT ENDING THOUGH…NO. It felt predictable, except Gideon acted WAY out of character. And then the book just left me feeling unsatisfied. Maybe my expectations were just misplaced? But that ending totally knocked it down a full star.
SPOILERS

This is definitely a beautiful (har har TITLE PUN) book with such important words to say about mental health, love, and brokenness.

It was bittersweet and funny and absolutely ADORABLE AND CUTE at times. The slow-burn romance was my favourite. Gideon made me laugh/cry simultaneously which is a feat so well done, sir. And I am just so so pleased and heartened that this book exists, even if the ending makes me sort of want to rub lemon leaves in my eyes and growl.

I’m so glad I read this!

THANK YOU TO TEXT PUBLISHING FOR THE REVIEW COPY. Beautiful Mess by Claire Christian was published August 2017!

★★★★☆

Since Ava lost Kelly, things haven’t been going so well. Even before she gets thrown out of school for shouting at the principal, there’s the simmering rage and all the weird destructive choices. The only thing going right for Ava is her job at Magic Kebab.
Which is where she meets Gideon. Skinny, shy, anxious Gideon. A mad poet and collector of vinyl records with an aversion to social media. He lives in his head. She lives in her grief. The only people who can help them move on with their lives are each other.

 

Goodreads  Publisher  Buy Book Depository

  

 

okay tell me some of your most FAVOURED books about mental health??! and is this cover not so gorgeous. aaaaand have you read / heard of Beautiful Mess before?!

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10 Lies Bookworms Get Told All The Time (This Is Why We Have Trust Issues, Okay) http://paperfury.com/10-lies-bookworms-get-told/ http://paperfury.com/10-lies-bookworms-get-told/#comments Sat, 09 Sep 2017 09:00:16 +0000 http://paperfury.com/?p=19748 Read More

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For some unfathomable reason, everyone LOVES to lie to bookworms.

It’s completely incomprehensible. What did we do to deserve this? It’s like me, a delicate youth, being given a dairy-free cheesecake and no matter how delicious it is still not ever going to be a cheesecake due to having NO FREAKING CHEESE. One of the many reasons I’ve lost faith in humanity.

And as a bookworm? Apparently I have a sign on my back that says: LIE TO ME. THIS MIGHT BE FUN.

It is not fun. It is very not fun.

Bookworms start off as creatures of shiny-eyed and heartfelt enthusiasm who love sparkles! Shiny covers! Dragon eggs! Buried treasure! And then you all go an start LYING TO US and we turn into pithily jaded growls in the darkness.

However I’d like to think we bookworms are hard to fool after a while. All these shenanigans and the wool people like to pull over our eyes? Nonsense.

We see.

We know.

We remember.

Now I do see the question in your dead, dead eyes that sounds something a lot like “What the heck is she on about THIS TIME BECAUSE I CAN’T TAKE THE LEVEL OF MAD AROUND HERE” which is a super sweet question and I appreciate it and will answer it.

Today I’m listing 10 lies we bookworms get told ALL THE TIME. Like we haven’t gotten wise by now. HA. We have. You need to stop fooling us, humans on the earth!!! We are DONE taking this nonsense.

1. WHENEVER BOOK SELLERS SAY “IT’S THE NEXT HARRY POTTER!”

Basically any and all “it’s the next ____!!” are total and utter lies. I NO LONGER HAVE ANY BELIEF LEFT IN ME. Particularly when it seems like most sale pitches in publishing these days are just cobbling together big name titles. Like “This book is Harry Potter meets The Fault In Our Stars!!!” And I just…I cannot. *

I mean I GET why they do it. They pick titles most likely to be known by the populace. But it just sets the book up for disappointment! Can you believe I discovered The Scorpio Races on a list of books “just like The Hunger Games”???????? I’m still struggling, 4 years later, to understand HOW.

 

* Although fanfic of two terminally ill wizards falling in love could be interesting, I suppose. Especially if they use all sorts of risky magic trying to save each other–WAIT THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY BE A GOOD PLOT–

2. WHENEVER THE WORDS “THIS BOOK IS BEING MADE INTO A MOVIE” ARE USED.

See the correct words are: This book has been glanced over once by a film maker and someone has roughly summed it up in two sentences via wikipedia and now they’re making a movie using the title and 3 character names and literally nothing else at all.

See??? SO much more accurate.

They say “adaption” but I think “gutting like a worm on a fishhook” is a little more on point.

3. WHEN AUTHORS WHO SMASH FEELS AND BREAK HEARTS SAY THAT THEY’RE SORRY.

They’re not sorry. Do you know why? Because they just ARE DOING IT AGAIN. They’re probably on twitter typing out, “Sorry!” with an apologetic emoji in response to fans’ suffering while on their other laptop screen they’re literally outlining 19 more brutal character deaths and have a spreadsheet to calculate how many readers’ tears they’ll need to drink to achieve level: Evil Author Ultimate™.

I, as an author, would never do that obviously and am not speaking from inside knowledge. *

The other day I saw Adam Silvera on twitter saying he was writing a book that wasn’t as “feels destroying” as usual. I CAN SEE THE LIES RISING UPON THE MOUNTAIN TOPS. I love his books. I love them. But I’m pretty sure he exists to cause us pain.

 

* MORE LIES!! THIS POST IS FULL OF LIES!!

4. BEAUTIFUL BOOK COVERS WITH TERRIBLE INSIDES.

This is like just as BAD as the cheese-less cheesecake. It’s a despicable breach of my trust and my delicate self worth and I’m still in pain at every pretty cover that’s lied to me. Like, I cherished you??? I bought you because you were so beautiful??? I kept you safe from the evil that doesn’t sleep in Morder??? All I asked is that your beautiful cover delicately be wrapped around an amazing story.

It’s just WORSE these days since I’m on bookstagram and my #1 criteria for a book is whether (A) the spine helps fulfil my languishing rainbow arrays * and (B) whether the cover will look beautiful and photogenic. Um, yeah, I’m a shallow as a kiddie wading pool but I DON’T CARE. I need shiny gorgeous things in my life because I am a dragon.

They just also need to contain good stories inside. Please. Please. I can’t take the stabs to my soul anymore.

 

* Dude, do you realise how hard it is to find yellow naked spines??? And green for some reason?! I have 0% pink so like I just pretend that part of the rainbow doesn’t exist. IT’S RAINBOW ERASURE AND MY BOOKSTAGRAM SUFFERS FOR IT.

5. WHEN BOOKS HAVE MULTIPLE TITLES.

Just go ahead and lie to me, why don’t you, about how many books an author has. No joke, I actually once borrowed two books from the library by Cath Crowley: Chasing Charlie Duskin and a Little Wanting Song.

SURPRISE. THEY’RE THE SAME BOOK.

I still can’t understand why they change book titles. Like The Cresswell Plot is the same as In The Dark, In The Woods??? I don’t know what’s going on half the time generally, because I live in a small quiet world of delusion and grandeur. But books seem quite bent on just making it all worse.

6. BOOKS THAT LOOK SO SMALL AND INNOCENT AND SWEET.

This is like another ploy of cover designers to wreak havoc and I’ve begun to think that they’re the second-cousins of VOLDEMORT HIMSELF and just want to confuse and destroy. But I pick up books all the time that look so happy! And innocent! And kind! And full of fun! And then–

I WAS JUST STANDING HERE MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS AND NOW LOOK AT MY FEELS. THEY’RE SPLATTERED ALL OVER THE WALL. YOU’VE GIVEN ME ANXIETY. YOU’VE MADE A MESS.

I am a mess.

Thanks for nothing.

Mostly I just need books to contain small notes that say: warning, contains your demise.

7. BOOKSTORES THAT CLAIM TO BE SUPER CHEAP.

I’m not sure if this is just in Australia, but we have a bookstore chain that has a slogan of “Where you’ll never pay full price!” Yes. That is true. Because you pay freaking twice that much. I’m still salty that I can’t actually ever buy locally because I want to keep both my kidneys and not hawk them off for more books. It’s weird, my love of my own organs. I shouldn’t be so pedantic I suppose but yet. Kidneys. They seem nice.

Speaking of buying things….I also feel lied to just about by every bookish merchandise store that ever exists. Humans will be like, “Well it’s not too expensive to buy from here!” and I’ll frolic over like a wee lamb to slaughter and — BAM. Let me remind you that you’re poor and if you want both kidneys there is no affording that postage.

I think this post just turned into Struggles Of A Bookworm With No Money And A Strange Organ Attachment but you know what. Whatever. The day my blog turns sensible and orderly is the day you organise a rescue party because clearly I’ve been locked behind the moon and a fiend is running my page.

8. MY BOOKSHELF, CLAIMING IT CAN FIT MORE BOOKS IN IT.

Actually the one lying here might be me telling myself that SURE I can take out a 200pg novel and squeeeeeeze in a 500pg one in its place. What could go wrong!! But I swear my bookshelf is also to blame because I’ll leave it unattended with like several spare spots for books and then when I bring in new books….those holes are suddenly gone?

If this isn’t a giant conspiracy then WHAT IS IT.

9. BOOKS WITH “NEXT BOOK PREVIEW” AT THE BACK.

Don’t get me wrong, bonus content is rather incredibly cool. BUT NOT WHEN YOU’RE NOT WARNED BEFOREHAND, OKAY. You know when you’re reading an incredible book and it’s all tense and you’re like, “Oh great! There’s at least 3 more chapters!” and you read on with confidence, never knowing you should be savouring this last chapter. Because — LET’S HIT YOU WITH IT:

Those last pages? Preview for another book.

No no…it’s ok…these aren’t tears. It’s just raining on my entire life.

LITERALLY @ HOW IT FEELS WHEN A BOOK BETRAYS YOU BY FINISHING SOONER THAN YOU ANTICIPATED AND THROWING YOU OFF THE CLIFF BACK INTO REALITY

10. THE WORDS “RTC” ON REVIEWS ON GOODREADS.

Book bloggers have lots of little abbreviations because we’re busy creatures and have planets to destroy and wizard to eat and socialising with family to avoid. So it’s logical that we use our own language! Like “DNF” = did not finish. And “HEA” = happily ever after. And “OTP” = one true pairing.

These are all lovely and make sense!

Now “RTC” is supposed to mean “Review To Come” but what it actually means is: I READ A BOOK AND EITHER I’M BUSY OR I DON’T FEEL LIKE WRITING A REVIEW NOW OR IT’S TOO EARLY BUT I’M NEVER EVER EVER EVER COMING BACK TO WRITE THIS REVIEW SO LIKE, WHATEVER, SUFFER TOGETHER.

Which you can imagine is hard to condense into a fun acronym. So instead they LIE TO US and just say “review to come!” all perkily like we don’t know the review is never coming. I see this on books from 2013. Like, nobody remembers what they read in 2013. That review is as likely to appear now as the moon is to suddenly be made out of cheese. *

* There is a lot of dairy mentioned in this post. I guess you could say, the whole post is rather CHEESY. [insert me dying of laughter @ my own pure wit]

anymore lies to add to my list??? have you suffered at any of these lies?? do you actually LIKE book previews at the back of a novel? and tell me about a beautiful book cover with a terrible story?? I MUST KNOW.

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10 Books That Gave Me Quite A Hard Time (So Rude?? What Did I Do To Deserve This??) http://paperfury.com/10-ya-books-hard-time/ http://paperfury.com/10-ya-books-hard-time/#comments Tue, 05 Sep 2017 09:00:50 +0000 http://paperfury.com/?p=19883 Read More

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“Collect books!” they said. “It’ll be fun!” they said.

Well they lied and they’re probably laughing right now. Because honestly, when I traverse into the leafy earthy forests to gather books * amongst the roots and mushrooms, I expect to have a good time. Instead I get very attacked by the difficulties that are BOOKS THEMSELVES. They seem bent on me having a hard time. This is unreasonable??? What did I do to deserve this?? I am a good person??

I mean I’m a good person except for that one time when I couldn’t find a bookmark so I put the book open and face down on my bed. It was only for a few minutes but — I guess we’re all monsters on the inside.

Today I want to talk about books that have taken it open themselves to stress my delicate constitution. The actual physical book. Not the insides. Not the words. The rude book itself. Look I’m here to make friends, collect beautiful tomes, and fill my world with piles of books and cupcake crumbs. WHY YOU GOTTA MAKE THINGS SO HARD FOR ME. **

 

* THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT, RIGHT????
** I got called dramatic once, but some people exaggerate obviously.

I’m also linking up with Top Ten Tuesday for their prompt “books you had a hard time with” and look, people, LOOK. I’m actually genuinely doing the prompt PROPERLY!!! I’M SO EXCITED FOR ME. I also don’t really know who I am anymore right now!! Nice!!

Although to be fair, I think the prompt wanted me to talk about books I struggled with but ended up loving but I’VE DONE THAT, so check out those posts too below if you can’t get enough of me.

Which obviously you can never have enough of Paper Fury. *

 

 

* Why are you fleeing the country???? I thought we talked about this.

1. A GATHERING OF SHADOWS & A CONJURING OF LIGHT

Now I love love looooove these books SO FREAKING MUCH that I had to collect the hardcovers. Had to. The need burned my soul. Yes well apparently I can’t have nice things.

BASIC SUMMARY OF THE SITUATION.

Me: I shall buy the hardcovers even though they are very very very expensive.
Universe: Here is A Conjuring Of Light for you THE SPINE IS TOTALLY TORN.
Me: why–
Universe: And here is A Gathering of Shadows for you YOUR COPY JUST HAPPENS TO BE MISPRINTED SO IT’S NOT CENTRED.
Me: what the heck did i do to you

I at least got a replacement of ACOL but AGOS is forever in my life: UNCENTERED.

2. WONDER WOMAN: WARBRINGER

Okay but first LOOK HOW PRETTY IT IS. Some books are pretty but this book is PRETTY and if you think the all caps doesn’t make a difference — shhhh. You’re wrong. Also my copy arrived in the Illumicrate book box which I 500% RECOMMEND (I also have a discount code fyi of “CAIT10” which you can put in checkout and get 10% off — just to self promo myself there most splendidly) and has red stained pages!!!

It’s a good book, humans, it’s a very good book.

But obviously not without dramatic tragedy because HELLO. It’s me. *

So firstly, the font is super tiny. And I am apparently a 23 year old grandmother and you have me squinting at your tiny font you’re going to end up with me weeping like a piteous kitten in the background. And then, I suppose I can’t blame the book for this, but everyone kEPT INTERRUPTING ME. I literally sat down to read the book and every. single. time, I got about 2 pages and I had to put it down again.

Look cities have been burned down for less. I am the fury dragon queen. How do people not know this. **

 

* Feel free to keep singing. I won’t judge.
** TOTAL CALL OUT TO MY FAMILY, WHO I AM PUBLICLY SHAMING. Also my dog. Also the weather. Also the clock. Also my stomach that got hungry when I got to a good bit.

3. ALL MY PERCY JACKSON BOOKS OF EVER

I’ve talked about my Riordan collection woes before but like…the stars haven’t aligned to fix them yet. (This seems like bad customer service.) And I’m still frequently looking up and shouting, “WHY? JUST WHY.” Because NOTHING MATCHES. The only ones that match are my boxset of the first series but like both my Apollo books are different editions. My Magnus Chases are different sizes. My heart is in 7 pieces so heck. Why don’t I just go ahead and build a horcrux.

I’M BROKEN ANYWAY.

4. TITHE

I have so so many problems with sites that sell books + advertise a specific cover = SEND YOU SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. This was a second hand site, but excuse me, false advertising is still not okay.

So they told me I’d get the cover on the right but SENT THE ONE ON THE LEFT. Which is actually a heinous crime against humanity and an insult to eyeballs everywhere.

I actually had a lovely friend gift me the copy that would match the other two in the trilogy I already had though! After I burned my eyeballs to purge them of the sight of the older one.

5. THE WINNER’S KISS

FUN FURY STORY TIME: So I was on the blog tour for this and it was a lovely blog tour for a series I highly adore. But because the Australian Post has a vendetta against me — my copy of the finale book would. not. come.

I think the post office was reading them. The publisher ended up sending three out, and I only barely scrapped getting a single one before my tour date. And we’re talking WEEKS of books being missing.

I hope you HAD A GOOD TIME READING THEM, FREAKING POST OFFICE.

6. A GAME OF THRONES

I’ve had SUCH a difficult time with this series, I honestly am beginning to think it’s taken personal offence to me. Is it like my hair or something?? Because it’s not as fabulous as Jon Snow’s??? Well sorry. Accept me for who I am.

But let’s have a quick rundown on all the ways these books made me miserable:

  • Firstly the audio for book one had a SCRATCH IN IT. Yes. And you know in which scene? A pivotal scene where Ned Stark is deciding whether to throw away his life go serve as the King’s Hand. So one minute he’s like “Hey dear Catelyn, we need to talk about this” and then the audio was like “LOL @ YOU WANTING TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS” did a massive scene jump and then suddenly we’re off to King’s Landing????? I still haven’t a clue if they fought, were chill over it, or what made him decide.
  • Then you see my copy of Storm of Swords? It’s a library sale reject. I cannot for the LIFE OF ME get the library sticker barcode off it. I’m covering it with flowers and tears.
  • And let’s go back to complaining about the audio because the NARRATOR IS ON MY BLACK LIST. Look when you’re narrating an extremely long and complex series there are rules. And rule #1 is  = if you’re going to give people accents DO NOT FRIKKIN’ MIX THEM UP. I’m sorry I’m very worked up over this. It’s nearly been 2 years and I’m still damaged because in the finale book he swapped everyone’s accents around and I was so so so so confused. Cersei and Tyrion shared the same voice and that was heckin’ confusing. Ayra and Dany kept swapping between each other’s tones. And then he’d “swap them back to the right voice” MID-CHAPTER. I just???? I mean, do you hate me and how I have no physical book on hand, JUST the audios to go off???? DO YOU WISH ME DEAD AS A STARK.

 

7. SIMON VS THE HOMO SAPIENS AGENDA

I read this book firstly via a library audio and it was GREAT. So much enjoyment!! And then a few months later I won a copy from a blogger x a handwritten note from Becky Albertalli and Simon himself! Like SQUEEEE, right?!????

Well.

No, Cait.

Look all I’m going to say is that if you offer a giveaway — you need to send the book. It’s frustrating, disappointing, and rude otherwise! I would usually not follow up because #super #anti #confrontation but I reeeally wanted this one. Least to say it took SIX MONTHS before I got my copy and there was no handwritten note.

8. THE NAME OF THE WIND

There is no true photo of this, so just imagine a pile of wind chasing chaff through your hands: BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. I guess it’s aesthetic? But I am not here for aesthetic??? I just want a functional book, thanks??

THE FUN FURY STORY: I found a copy for $3 at a second hand story and YAY! I love this book! So I dutifully took it to the counter, paid my $3 nice dollars, turned around and

I think it was only held together by the dark magic of the store and as soon as human hands held it — GOODBYE WORLD. It literally fell apart in my hands.

Hey but at least they gave me that precious $3 back but I wanted that book. Gee.

9. THE BOOK THIEF

I read this years ago and always wanted a copy and LUCKY ME found one at a library sale. It was a red cover and not one I wanted per se, but it’s a copy!! This is great news!! Death is in my life!! *

Lucky me….hahaha…silly.

So obviously the very next week they had out another copy that was YES the edition I wanted but also YES it was falling apart in my hands because good things come to Cait perfectly never.

ME, TRYING TO GET MY LIFE TOGETHER.

 

I mean, I still bought it for 50 cents, because otherwise it probably would’ve been binned and I’m a book saviour but for goodness sakes why is it so hard for me to have nice things.

 

* I REALISE HOW THAT SOUNDS. BUT IN CONTEXT OF THE BOOK, IT’S OK.

10. JUST ALL THE BOOK TITLES OF EVER OK.

This is just going to be a last hurrah and blatant call-out to all the titles that have messed with my fragile life. I think maybe I should blame me for some of these because apparently I’m about as literate as an fruit tree. But look they gave me a hard time, so ON THE LIST THEY GO:

  • QUEEN OF GEEKS: I spent 67% of my time recommending people read “Queen Of The Geeks.” Everyone was confused. Several national tragedies occured because of it.
  • SHADOW AND BONE vs DAUGHTER OF SMOKE AND BONE: I legit picked up DOSAB thinking it was about Russia. It was not. Why do they insist on being so similar.
  • STRANGE THE DREAMER: Just put it in an acronym and you see why we have trouble.
  • DENTON LITTLE’S DEATH DATE: I swear it was Denton’s Little Death Date. Mine is cuter.
  • LEARNING TO SWEAR IN AMERICA: I thought it was Learning To Swear In American. And mine makes more sense since Americans clearly don’t speak English because they don’t even know what a bunyip is.
  • THE GIRL WITH ALL THE GIFTS: this obviously ended up as The Girl With All The GIFs for me. Nobody ever knows what I’m talking about.
  • THE GREAT LIBRARY SERIES: Which are great books and I love them but what are the titles? Ink and Paper? Fire and Quill? Ink and Ash? Ink and Quill? Firey Ink and Quill In the Paper? COULD SOMEONE MABYE DO ME UP SOME FLASHCARDS. I NEED HELP.
  • GEMINA: Okay this one is actually shout out to my mum who was helping me pack my books to move and swore the title was “Jemima” which is also the name of my sister. I’m just putting this here because it amuses me and I took 99 YEARS trying to figure out what she meant when she’s like “It’s nice you have a book named after your sister!” And I’m just….so so so confused.

 

Okay wow hopefully my family doesn’t read this post because I spent most of it mocking them.

 

 

all right tell me all your book woes. have you ever confused book titles?!? have you ever had any DIRE MISHAPS when ordering books online? has a particular book just given you a super hard time?? complain with me.

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Why You Should Read The Ink & Bone Series by Rachel Caine (Because Magical Libraries Ok??!) http://paperfury.com/ink-bone-great-library-series-rachel-caine-review/ http://paperfury.com/ink-bone-great-library-series-rachel-caine-review/#comments Mon, 04 Sep 2017 09:00:22 +0000 http://paperfury.com/?p=19864 Read More

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It’s official! I have another favourite series!

All you really have to do is say BOOK LOVE and MAGIC in the same sentence and you got me. You got me so bad. And that’s exactly what the Great Library series by Rachel Caine is all about. Usually I do reviews of books I’m besotted with, but today I’m going to give you a list of reasons why you should be devouring these books at dawn. Or, like, in the afternoon. Or even at night. I’m not going to dictate your life. *

The are actually 5 books in the series and only the first 3 are out. So it’s a good time to pop into the magical alternate dystopian reality of the Alexandrian Library and HAVE YOU HEART SHREDDED.

I mean, haha, I mean…have lots of fun and enjoyment and light frolicsome fun.

Before I throw my glorious list at you, can check out my full Goodreads reviews for the books here:

  

* THIS IS WEIRD. THIS DOESN’T SEEM LIKE ME.

NOTE: THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS IN THIS POST!

Also thank you to Berkley Books for the review copy of Ash and Quill!

Yeah my thumb scares me too but like you are what you eat and I think I ate a spider and a nazgul.

Goodreads  Buy  Publisher

★★★★★

In an exhilarating new series, New York Times bestselling author Rachel Caine rewrites history, creating a dangerous world where the Great Library of Alexandria has survived the test of time.…
Ruthless and supremely powerful, the Great Library is now a presence in every major city, governing the flow of knowledge to the masses. Alchemy allows the Library to deliver the content of the greatest works of history instantly—but the personal ownership of books is expressly forbidden.
Jess Brightwell believes in the value of the Library, but the majority of his knowledge comes from illegal books obtained by his family, who are involved in the thriving black market. Jess has been sent to be his family’s spy, but his loyalties are tested in the final months of his training to enter the Library’s service.
When his friend inadvertently commits heresy by creating a device that could change the world, Jess discovers that those who control the Great Library believe that knowledge is more valuable than any human life—and soon both heretics and books will burn…

1. DID I MENTION MAGICAL LIBRARY YET? BECAUSE MAGICAL LIBRARY.

The whole series is set in an alternate reality (I think in the not-so-distant future) where the Alexandria Library WAS NEVER DESTROYED (!!!) but it is not also, unfortunately, evil. (!! Still excited about this don’t judge me !!) And it controls what people read and basically has kept the world stuck in an early 19th century vibe, because they’re scared of change and people having their own thoughts.

Wow.

It’s like this series knows what’s up.

Anyway. Basically we have a lot of Harry Potter vibes going on with blank books that get magically written in from Obscurists in towers and automaton monsters that are “technically” mechanical but also SUPER MAGICAL and types of wizards and teleportation and SO MANY THINGS.

2. JESS BRIGHTWELL IS LITERALLY THE BEST.

He’s from London and quite a disgruntled little beast who LOVES BOOKS TO DEATH. No literally. He’d die for books. #Relatable. Also his family runs a book smuggling business because it’s freaking illegal to own original books. You can only own “blanks” which the Library can control the content of magically.

But literally, Jess #1 cause for panic attacks is when he sees a book being abused. SAME THOUGH, MATE.

3. JESS’ FAMILY ARE ALSO GREAT BECAUSE THEYR’E SO SO SO BAD.

No really, his dad like totally sells him out, left his older brother to hang for being caught smuggling books, and sends Jess as a spy to study at the library — WHERE HE WOULD DIE BRUTALLY IF HE WAS CAUGHT.

Actual Example of Jess’ Family FUN:

Jess: The Brightwell family is always there for each other.
Jess: We don’t always get along but we are FAMILY.
Jess: *DYING FOR SOME REASON*
Father: son we need to talk about you being a drain on the family resources
Jess: *LITERALLY DYING*
Father: I can help out but at what cost to me

Jess also has a super shady shifty Slytherin twin named, Brendan. Whom I love. Plus Brendan’s character development and plot twists are AMAZING. I honestly live for the unexpected secondary characters.

4. AND LOOK, SINCE I ALREADY BROUGHT UP HOGWARTS, EVERYONE HERE IS BASICALLY SLYTHERIN. OR RAVENCLAW.

It’s great! I am all for mixing Slytherin and Ravenclaws together because they’re very intelligent and fight all the time.

MY HOGWARTS HOUSE ANALYSIS FOR THE CHARACTERS:

  • Jess: Slytherin x Ravenclaw
  • Brendan: so slytherin he is literally a reptile
  • Khalila: ravenclaw
  • Dario: slytherin
  • Thomas: ravenclaw
  • Gwain: gryffindor
  • Wolffe: slytherin
  • Santi: hufflepuff, bless him
  • Morgan: slytherin

5. IT’S ALSO SUPER DIVERSE AND THIS IS SO PLEASING.

Because the whole premise is a bunch of teens coming to do the super super hard tests to get into working in the Great Library — they’ve come from ALL OVER THE WORLD. We have many ethnicity and sexuality diversity as well as a LOT of mental health rep which is so well done! One of the main characters is Muslim. One of the featuring couples is m/m. People take pride in their culture, dress, and food and this all leads me over tooooooooo

6. IT’S MOSTLY SET IN EGYPT!!

I love this!! Though throughout the series they do travel around, in the first 3 books I’d say about 70% of it takes place in Egypt surrounding the Great Library of Alexandria. So we have like culture and climate and food AND MAGIC. #Am #A #Fan.

They do go to America at one point and America is like a wasteland. I’m giggling, it’s ok, my Australian self and I will take our humour elsewhere.

7. I’VE ALSO READ INK & BONE TWICE SO, LIKE, THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING RIGHT THERE.

I actually read the first book for the 2nd time on audio! Which amused me no end as they all sit there waxing poetic about how BOOKS ARE NOT BOOKS UNLESS THEY ARE REAL AND PHYSICAL and I’m…listening to the audiobook.

OH THE IRONIES.

But the audio narration was fantastic. The narrator was amazingly British and yes I am shallow enough to admit I love an audiobook 100 x more if there are British accents.

8. THERE ARE NO “SEQUEL BLUES” BECAUSE THE WRITING IS TOP QUALITY THE WHOLE TIME. 

I’m genuinely allergic to sequels (dude, it took me 2 years to read Paper And Fire here) because they so often TASTE LIKE DEAD CHEESE ON THE BACK OF A GOAT. But no sequel blues here! The pace and plot are all exciting and well paced. I never feel like I’m “waiting for the real plot to start” because the stakes are sooooo high and the plot sooo twisty the whole time. Plus the character development never ceases to make my heart beat faster.

I’m like a pretzel of anticipation for each chapter!

9. FEELS? WE GOTCHA FEELS. WE’RE GOING TO BREAK YOUR FEELS.

I swear Ash and Quill particularly RUINED ME and if you want cliffhangers: this book has got ’em. It’s been a few weeks since I finished book #3 and I’m stilllllll not over it!!! These characters aren’t coddled! They get SLAMMED with the brutality, cruelty and all-crushing displays of power at every opportunity.

And like when I say EVIL LIBRARY, I mean it. The things they do to “rebels”….

I very much want to rescue these poor precious cinnamon children and kidnap them to safety. And by “precious cinnamon children” I 500% mean Wolfe and Santi who are probably in their 30s (since they’re like the mentor figures to the teens) AND I DON’T EVEN CARE. THEY’RE THE MOST PURE THINGS WE’VE EVER MET. THEY DESERVE HAPPINESS, TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER, AND THE AUTHOR TO STOP TORTURING THEM FOR GOODNESS SAKES.

ALSO THERE IS

  • stabbing
  • gunshots
  • poisonous snakes
  • magical ripping-you-apart-and-putting-you-back-together
  • starvation
  • prisons
  • explosions
  • mass burnings
  • heartbreak
  • your hopes and dreams on the floor at your feet

10. LASTLY, I WILL ADMIT THE BOOKS ARE JUST SO FREAKING GORGEOUS.

The colours absolutely POP and I will not apologise for how often they feature on my instagram feed. And I love how the hardcovers look like actual old books?!? Plus did I just mention THE COLOURS.

AHHHHHH.

My actual favourite covers of ever.

Now excuse me but why isn’t it 2018 yet because I need the 4th book LIKE I NEED AIR.

 

have you read this series yet?! (BECAUSE WHY NOT) and do you have a book you love that’s filled with book-appreciation? also, would you work in library like this knowing they respect/love books but also control knowledge?? or would you be a rebel from the start?

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