New book! Buy it now!

I thought I’d illustrate one of the “what could possibly go wrong?” scenarios, for people who (1) don’t want to click on the nasty links and/or (2) lack imagination.

Script:

Opening shot: article about unfiltered porn on Wikipedia

Voiceover: The adult imagery is blurred in this video. Still, don’t watch it with your kids.

Man (voiceover): Wikipedia has porn? Surely not.

(switches to Wikipedia)

Man: What did he say, “fisting”? I don’t even know what that is.

(types in fisting)

Man: Oh! Boy! They have multimedia!

(clicks on magnifying glass in search box, then clicks “Multimedia”)

Man: Let’s see here… Oh my gosh. OK, yeah, well, it’s a real-life phenomenon, I guess. So that’s what fisting is. Wikipedia, you have disappointed me. How can I tell Junior to “go look it up on Wikipedia” now? But wait a second, didn’t I see once something called “Simple Wikipedia”?

(types in simple.wikipedia.org)

Man: Yeah…here we go…yeah, it says here, “The Simple English Wikipedia is for everyone! That includes children.” So Junior shouldn’t be able see any fisting in here. Oh, look at this, they have a “Schools Gateway.”

(clicks on “Schools Gateway”)

Man: Yeah, see, they wouldn’t have such a page if they feared the wrath of schools. I mean, they could get in serious trouble, if they invited schools in and also hosted adult content here. (sounding uncertain) Right? Well, whatever.

Man (turning away from microphone): Junior! C’mere!

Junior (could be same person doing voiceover, but preferably turned away from microphone and in a boy’s voice): What?

Man: Here’s a place where you can search for images for those reports you were working on!

Junior: That’s cool.

(clicks on magnifying glass icon in search box, clicks on Multimedia)

Man: it’s called “Simple English Wikipedia.” They say it’s for children, so, you could probably bookmark this one. Didn’t you make a list of things to search for? What’s the first one?

Junior: Yeah, OK. We’re growing different plants in science, and I’m growing a cucumber plant. So I need a cucumber picture for the title page of my lab report.

Man: Huh.

(types in “cucumber”; gets results)

Man: These look OK. You could use any of those.

Junior: No, I just want one cucumber by itself.

Man: Huh, well, OK.

(scrolls down; sees the nude lady)

Man: Oh my gosh.

(quickly backs up)

Junior: You didn’t see any cucumbers by themselves?

Man: Uh…no. (to himself) Well, that was probably just a fluke. It’s Wikipedia. You can’t expect perfection. (exhales) OK, so what else have you got?

Junior: In health, my group is doing a powerpoint presentation about dental hygiene. I’m supposed to find the pictures.

Man: All right, let’s get to work. What’s the first item on the list?

Junior: “Toothbrush.”

Man: Oh…kay.

(types in “toothbrush”)

Man: (not noticing the bad pic) So, there’s some toothbrushes…

Junior: What is that? Is that somebody using a toothbrush on his arm?

Man: Whoa!

(quickly backs up)

Man: Wow. OK. Well, maybe those were just flukes. Let’s just try one more.

Junior: What was that?

Man: Never mind. No more dental hygiene pictures. Anything else?

Junior: You could search for “Poseidon.” I’m supposed to write a report about him.

Man: OK, “Poseidon.” That sounds safe.

(types it in, hits enter; picture of naked lady is blurred)

Man: There we go.

Junior: Wow! Is that a naked lady?

Man: What the?

(quickly goes back)

Man: Oh, my god.

Junior: I don’t think that was Poseidon, Dad.

Man: You know what? Go away, Junior.

Junior: Whatever! I’ll just get on Mom’s computer.

Man: Wait, wait, do not do that yet. Just go play.

Junior: Good! OK, bye!

Man: (innocent-sounding encouragement) Yeah, you go have fun. (after a short pause) I wonder…

(types in “fisting”)

Man: (disgusted) Those are the same results I saw on the main Wikipedia search. Ugh. What kind of people run this website? God…

  • (Does these things, ad lib voiceover:
    goes to main page
  • clicks on “Wikipedia:Schools”
  • clicks on “talk”
  • types in: Porn on Simple English Wikipedia
  • types in: Shouldn’t you at least tell schools that you’ve got a lot of porn here, so they can make an informed decision? — Concerned Dad
  • save
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