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Updated by Kelli Wixton on Jun 22, 2017
Headline for 10 Books I'd Like To Burn In My Fireplace
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Kelli Wixton Kelli Wixton
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10 Books I'd Like To Burn In My Fireplace

Everyone loves to hear about a good book...but what about those awful books that quite possibly ruined our lives?
Here's my top 10 list of books I'd like to burn in my fireplace while roasting a big, fat marshmallow over them.

1

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley, Jr.

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley, Jr.

I'm glad Mr. Harley could write a book that would sell millions of copies, but I'm not buying it.
I'm glad that as long as I dress up for my husband and give him lots of sex, I can ensure that my marriage won't end up in shambles because my horny husband cheated on me.
Pretty good chance that his wife applies makeup at 4am every morning so he won't be disappointed when he wakes up.

2

The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown

The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown

With all the great reviews this book got, I must admit that I was excited to read it.
But when there was an old naked dead guy on the floor and Robert Langdon started getting hot chicks, I just couldn't believe the story line.
Give me some more marshmallows, will ya?

3

The Catcher In The Rye by J.D. Salinger

The Catcher In The Rye by J.D. Salinger

I read a book to escape the insanity around me, not to go into some weirdo's brain and sit around there for a little bit.
This book was dark, depressing and the hooker part was the WORST. I still don't even understand what Salinger was going for here.
All those high school teachers are going to be thrust down to Hell for exposing kids to this stuff.

9

Wicked: The Life &amp; Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire

Wicked: The Life &amp; Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire

Before you start yelling, allow me to say that I enjoy the musical...sort of. I would enjoy it more if I hadn't read this poor excuse for a book.
I'm pretty sure good old Greg has a crush on the green witch because every one of his fantasies played out in this novel.
Double Yuck. Let's bonfire.

10

The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

I don't know what's up with this dude and his strange Carolina plots but he obviously sees romance in a different light than I do.
From the most awkward sex scene in a book to some of the most gelatinous dialogue, I rate this 1-star. Where does he come up with this stuff?

Pass the chocolate and graham crackers, please.

4

The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery

The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery

I think the hatred started when I tried to pronounce the author's name and then finally gave up.
I still have no idea what this book is about except for a little blond guy wearing ugly, green bell-bottoms.
His planet's ugly too. BURN IT.

5

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

If I had to write a definition for Pride & Prejudice, it would be "a complete snooze-fest full of estrogen, ugly frou-frou dresses and boring men". YUCK.
Jane sure tried -- gotta give her that credit -- but this book could only be benefited if it was used as toilet paper while camping.

6

Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Series) by Stephenie Meyer

Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Series) by Stephenie Meyer

I'll admit that reading this book was entirely my own fault. I read the first book and got sucked into the semi-erotic joys of the teen romance novel.
I still buzz when I think of Edward sneaking into Bella's bedroom. However, Breaking Dawn -- the final installment in the series -- is a book that should have never been written.
Yes, Meyer made billions off of people that just had to know the ending to this series but I'm pretty sure she planned out the plot every time she was sitting on the can.
That bad. BURN BABY BURN!

7

My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult

My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult

I imagine that Jodi's got some pent-up frustrations by the topics that she chooses to write about. This book was depressing and was completely unbelievable.
Burn it and then fart on it!

8

The Act of Marriage by Tim &amp; Beverly LaHaye

The Act of Marriage by Tim &amp; Beverly LaHaye

This book was recommended to me before losing my virginity and I can promise you that it did not help the process.
I was fully expecting to inflate into some type of alien blimp after reading the play-by-plays in this horrid book.
I wonder if they keep a stopwatch in the bedroom to ensure that everything's working in a timely manner?
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