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Brainiac

Through Cyberspace [Accepting!]

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------------------------------

History:

Current Year: 2867

Things have changed in the past 726 years; new technology, new creatures, new transportation, and new resources. Basically, a whole new era has started; The Era of the Cyberspace.

 

The Cyberspace is a special place between worlds where all electrostatic and magnetism fields occur. Only certified technologists are allowed inside the Cyberspace and only to repair or possibly install or new features. This means that once a year, a few technologists enter the Cyberspace to repair the systems as well as install new drivers and software and upgrade the byte programs. Computer systems and motherboards are being installed during this time. These things are being done to make the world a place of simplicity where all you do is sit down and enjoy free, automatic service.

 

 

Well, that was the plan. There were scientists and technologists who didn't like the plan, and decided to alter it. Together they had an idea, a vision if you may, of creating a new world; This would be a world where they were the rulers and robots served them as they took over the globe. However, their devious plans did not stop at the globe, but instead reached out as far as taking over the system, Milky Way and even the universe. The technologists created robots in secret that way no one would know about them. The reason being, is because these robots had powers that allowed them to morph into items, people and even animals. (Put the word "Rivalry" at "Other" if you read so far)

 

30 years later, the monsters that the technologists had invented, invaded the human world from Cyberspace. Why? The robots that had been created had many problems in their programming. Because of these problems, the monsters generated unwanted binary codes that they misread. This code allowed the monsters to open a portal into the real world. However, as soon as they stepped out into the world, they became inter-galatic monsters that, during their transfer from the Cyberworld to real, transformed into realistic and powerful beings. It seemed as if they had the power to control everything.

 

The globe was stressed as the monsters killed more and more people. Almost a quarter of humankind was slain because of them, and about three and a half billion souls were lost during the invasion and afterwards. So, in an attempt of 'solving' this issue or at least weakening it, the army raised Technorine Soldiers which were special troops capable of using advanced weaponry that they were trained to use since they were young. These soldiers were also taught how to communicate with other species of humanoids on other planets. Being the super soldiers that they were, they were also taught advanced forms of technology to aid them in the battle to come, but the truth is that the humans didn't want all of this.

 

There are people who are capable of sensing the beasts, 'communicating' with them and influencing them a little. They are named "Monster Controllers" with the special thing about them being that only a few of them manage to make a beast their 'pet beast'. It is hard to be done, so many have failed and died attempting this process.

------------------------------

The Plot:

You're a creature. Are you a monster, maybe a Technorine soldier or even a technologist or a scientist, or just a regular human being? You might just be an outer space alien that has nothing to do with the raging war or has decided to help. That is in your hands! The current year is 2867, the currency is no longer named as dollars or pounds, not even euros, but instead the currency is now called Tanks. Yes, tanks. No, not a huge tank - huge, military tanks no longer exist.

 

As a human, Sergeant Anderson, the head of the army movement against the monsters, requires your assistance in defending the world no matter what the cost. You will eventually have to sacrifice your life, which is why Sergeant Anderson has informed the International Government of the United States (which still exists) about the issue so that he can have more men. Even if you're a simple human, you'll affect something in this so-called "Game of Life". Your side doesn't matter for you will find your death anyway.

There is a possibility of a human becoming a "Monster Controller". This type of person can influence monsters and 'communicate with them', but no more. Once in a while, a Monster Controller has a pet monster. It is hard to be done, but possible. (That means that if you choose to be a Monster Controller, you must earn it later. You do not start with a monster!)

 

As a monster, on the other hand, you will probably join the C'thu'lu Quel'Thezads - These are monsters destined to bring pain and agony to the world and they use special powers to ruin and destruct.

On the other hand you might be a "good" monster which means you might use your powers to help others.

But beware, if you're to be found - you might die as a monster, too.

------------------------------

Monsters Manual

Common:

"The Beautiful Destruct"

Alchemy Beast

The Hellfire Succubus

 

Uncommon:

Deviant Hound

Cerberus

Omnidrae

 

Rare:

"The Galian"

Shadowalker

Demaim

 

Each one of these monsters are special in their own way, that won't be told as it is a secret you have to discover. You are free to create your own beasts, but you must give information about them in a private message.

The planets stay the same. The only difference is that Mars has exploded and has been replaced with the monster's homeland; C'thu'lu. It has the same shape of Mars, but C'thu'lu's colors are made up of dark mossy green and the planet has a constant glowing green aura around it. It's the only planet where the atmosphere smells like sulfur, and rotting flesh.

 

There is a way to access the Cyberspace, but its dangerous. You need to lure a beast to open it. Only they are capable of opening it besides the technologists.

------------------------------

The Rules

  • All roleplaying rules apply
  • All general forum rules apply
  • I am god - What I say goes
  • Maximum 3 characters. If you think you can handle more, private message me
  • Private message me the character sheets or post them at the OoC thread
  • This is not a cutesy-pie anime roleplay. You have to put details into your personality and appearance. If you choose to have a picture, make it something detailed and write more about it
  • "To be roleplayed" personalities and histories are not accepted by any form of means. Do not test me
  • Breaking any of these rules will result in a warning. If you break these rules too many times, I'll ban you off this roleplay.
  • Romance, blood and gore is allowed but keep it PG-13
  • No godmodding or powerplaying
  • No spamming or double-posting
  • No full OoC posts
  • The settings are Earth, no more.
  • This is an advanced semi-lit to lit roleplay - at least 5 sentences per post
  • You can't create an invincible character. Make sure he has flaws and/or weaknesses. That also means you can't create a broken character; you can't make a completely useless or weak character
  • If you read so far, add "Via Technology" to your words list to put at the "Other" section of the character sheet
  • This is an advanced semi-literate to literate roleplay. This means you are required to post at least 5 sentences (paragraph) in order to play. Description is a must and one-liners and speed-posters are forbidden here. If your grammar and spelling at English is not decent, you will not be accepted. Capital letters are recommended! (highly recommended)
------------------------------

Accepted Characters

Username:

Character's name:

Character's age (monsters: up to 850):

Character's gender:

Character's role (monster, human, scientist, technologist, Technorine soldier or monster controller):

Character's appearance:

Character's personality:

Character's history (optional for everyone but a must for monsters):

Character's powers (monsters):

Character's weaponry and equipment (Technorine soldiers & technologists):

Character's basic knowledge:

Character's IQ (keep it real. Monsters IQ are 100-500):

Character's side (monsters on the good side are allowed, but must provide a reason why):

Other:

------------------------------

Character Sheets

[FONT=Lucida Console][COLOR=purple]Username:[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]Character's name:[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]Character's age (monsters: up to 850):[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]Character's gender:[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]Character's role (monster, human, scientist, technologist, technorine soldier):[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]Character's appearance:[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]Character's personality:[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]Character's history (optional for everyone but a must for monsters):[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]Character's powers (monsters):[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]Character's weaponry and equipment (technorine soldiers & technologists):[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]Character's basic knowledge:[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]Character's IQ (keep it real. Monsters IQ are 100-500):[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]Character's side (monsters on the good side are allowed, but must provide a reason why):[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]Other:[/FONT][/COLOR]

Edited by Brainiac

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Removed my posts. And no need to bump until the RP has been in here for more than two weeks smile.gif

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No, actually. It is not automatically accepted after 2 weeks. You are allowed to PM an approver if it goes two weeks without a crit from an official approver though, and you can also RP in it, but it's not automatically moved.

 

And yes, you can bump every 24 hours.

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Ah, yes. I was confused for a moment between roleplaying in it and accepting it... My bad. So, how is it Walker?

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I can't crit the RP while a person taking the approver test is, but it's not quite ready yet. I'll let Lovelost do further critiques. If it's not approved by the time they are done testing, I'll go ahead and come in to lend a hand.

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The decision is ultimately up to me. I looked it over and think there needs to be a little work done. That's how the tests tend to work. LoveLost will have to try and find the other issues unless you decide you don't want this to be used as a test for RP testing. However, early warning, if you do, I have older RPs requiring my attention before this one, so it would probably make your wait longer if you did that.

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Brainiac, I am going to hard critique this tomorrow morning because I actually have to sleep. So be prepared either for a lot of changes, or a lot of questions. And terribly sorry about the mixup. But if you haven't posted by morning, I will edit this post.

 

EDIT:

 

I am just going to crit now...I am full of coffee and in a writing mood....my last few posts have been seriously long!

 

PLEASE don't be offended by this. They are things that I accidentally overlooked and a few things that need to be changed. And please note that some of these are totally my fault sad.gif

 

Things have changed in the past 726 years; new technology, new creatures, new transportations, and new resources. Basically, a whole new era has started: The Era of the Cyberspace.

 

transportations --> transportation

started: The --> started; The ((that follows the rules of semicolons and colons...I had to research it))

 

electrostatic fields and magnetism occurs.

electrostatic fields and magnetism occurs --> electrostatic and magnetic fields occur.

 

Only certificated technologists are allowed inside and only to repair and possibly install new programs and features.

 

certificated --> certified

inside and --> inside the Cyberworld and

and --> or

and --> and/or

features --> new features

 

That means that once a year, a couple of technologists enter the Cyberspace to repair everything, fix and install new drivers and software, promote and upgrade the byte programs.

 

This means that once a year, a few technologists enter the Cyberspace to repair the systems as well as install new drivers and software and upgrade the byte programs.

((Promote is a repeat of upgrade))

 

Computer systems and motherboards are being installed during this time in order to make the world a place of simplicity where all you do is sit down and enjoy free, automatic service.

 

These things are being done to make the world a place of simplicity where all you do is sit down and enjoy free, automatic service.

 

Well, that was the plan. There were scientists and technologists who didn't like the plan, and decided to alter it. Together the scientists and the technologists had an idea, a vision if you may, of creating a new world; a world where they were the rulers and robots served them as they took over the globe. Their plans did not stop at the globe however. They also planned to take over the system, the Milky Way and lastly, the universe. The technologists created robots in secret that way no one would know about them. The reason being, is because these robots had powers that allowed them to morph into items, people and even animals. (Put the word "Rivalry" at "Other" if you read so far)

 

the scientists and the technologists --> they

; a --> This wold be a

Their plans did not stop at the globe however --> However, their devious plans did not stop at the globe, but instead reached out as far as taking over the system, Milky Way and even the universe.

 

30 years later, the monsters that the technologists had invented, invaded he human world from Cyberspace.

 

he --> the

 

However, as soon as they stepped out into the real world, the monsters became inter-galactic monsters that, during the transfer from cyber to real, transformed into realistic and powerful monsters.

 

However, as soon as they stepped out into the world, they became inter-galatic monsters that, during their transfer from the Cyberworld to real, transformed into realistic and powerful beings.

 

The globe was stressed as the monsters slayed more and more people

 

slayed --> killed

 

raised Technorine Soldiers which were special troops capable of using advanced weaponry that they were trained to use since the age of four

 

" a young age " would sound better here because it just sounds a tad odd here.

 

These soldiers had also learned how to communicate with other species of humanoids on other plants that we would commonly consider to be aliens.

 

These soldiers were also taught

plants --> planets

that we would commonly consider.... ((Omit that part because it isn't really needed.))

 

They are named "Monster Controllers" and the special thing about them is that only a few of them manage to make a beast their 'pet beast'.

 

and the special thing about them is --> with the special thing about them being

 

As a human, Sergeant Anderson requires your assistance in defending the world no matter what the cost.

 

Sergeant Anderson --> Sergeant Anderson, the head of the army movement against the monsters,

Even if you're a simple human, you'll have an effect in this so-called "Game of Life".

affect vs. effect

verb vs. noun

 

effect --> affect

 

Your side doesn't matter, you will find your death anyway

 

Your side doesn't matter for you will find your death anyway

 

Your side doesn't matter, you will find your death anyway.

There is a possibility of a human becoming a "Monster Controller".

 

Your side doesn't matter, you will find your death anyway.

 

There is a possibility of a human becoming a "Monster Controller".

 

join the C'thu'lu Quel'Thezads - these are monsters destined

 

- th --> . Th

 

Each one of these monsters are special in their own way, that won't be told as it is a secret you have to discover

 

way, that --> way: that

 

It has the same shape of Mars, but C'thu'lu's colors are a dark mossy green and it has a constant glowing green aura around it. It's the only planet that where the atmosphere smells (and it smells bad).

 

a --> ((omit))

mossy green --> mossy greens,

(and it smells bad ) --> like sulfur, and rotting flesh

 

There is a way to access the Cyberspace, but its dangerous. You need to lure a beast to open it. Only they are capable of opening it besides the technologists.

 

its --> it's

it. Only --> it because only

 

Character's role (monster, human, scientist, technologist, technorine soldier):

Character's weaponry and equipment (technorine soldiers & technologists):

 

technorine --> Technorine

 

((Change it also in the forum at the bottom of the first post))

 

- Format -

 

The one thing that I slipped up on. Most of the time this is the thing that I harp on the most with people because it irritates the snot out of me...isn't that odd?

 

Anyways, my caffeine high is almost gone so I better get this done for ya so you can see what I mean.

 

These are examples on how to format your headers and where they go.

 

History - Goes above the entire history.

 

Plot - This would replace the sentence "Okay, so the plot goes like this:"

 

Monsters - Goes above everything dealing with monsters

 

Character Sheets - Above the character sheets

 

Rules - Above the rules

 

*yawns* Okay, now it is 15 minutes away from being one o'clock....and I'm starting to get tired. Sorry about the mix up...again. I hope this gets you approved Brainiac dear!

Edited by LoveLost

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lol sorry, I didn't explain that all to well did I? It was like 1:30 before I got off and finished with your critique. So lemme explain.

 

EFFECT is a noun whereas AFFECT is a verb. If you are going to have an affect on something you are having an action regarding that object.

 

Here is a site that explains the difference : http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/affect.html

 

With the second one, there was an added space between the two. I should have put ¶ instead to make more sense to you. Sorry. You need to have a new paragraph start between those two sentences, which you did, however they are not far enough apart like the other paragraphs so that it makes a firm distinction between the two.

 

With the last one, when I put something in double brackets, I am stating the action that needs to be done to the word that is there. I probably should have used ((you need to delete this word)) instead of 'omit'.

 

So to re-edit that sentence:

 

It has the same shape of Mars, but C'thu'lu's colors are omit mossy greens, and it has a constant glowing green aura around it. It's the only planet that where the atmosphere smells like sulfur, and rotting flesh.

 

are omit --> are made up of

it --> the planet

that --> ((take out that. It's not needed here))

 

There. Does that help ya out?

 

EDIT: Also your HTML coding is funky around the plot...

Edited by LoveLost

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I know about the </span>... It automatically adds it.. Omnomnom

 

EDIT: Changed the whole roleplay to look different cuz I feel like it.

Edited by Brainiac

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That looks really lovely dear! I can't really see anything else that even hints to needing a change.

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((Bro, your rules are WAY too strict. One rule break and your banned from all RP's and future ones? bull.))

Edited by Astrodeath311

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