Written by Trinculoman
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

image for U.S. Special Forces Command Deploys Sports Illustrated Bikini Unit with Great Impact

Crimea- Through a Top Secret Ops mission, U.S. Special Forces struck a blow for Ukrainian sovereignty by landing a superbly-equipped bikini unit, composed of current and past Sports Illustrated models.

It took literally no time at all for the Russian troops to be utterly distracted from their incursion into Ukraine sovereign territory. Surveying the territories displayed by the SI model unit on the Black Sea beach, all semblance of Russki military discipline evaporated. Russian soldiers dropped their Kalashnikov rifles and ran to the sand to ogle and admire the intrepid bikini invaders.

A comment by one Private Igor Borschtnik was representative, after completing an extended Siberian wolf-whistle: "Crimea, Schmaakeea, who nids dis invasion crap when dees babes er here! Show me more skinskis , Comrades!"

Stymied by this U.S. intrepid operation, Thug-in-Chief Putin attempted to counter the impact by quickly sending a troupe of female security guards from the Kremlin to reorient his Crimean squads. Unfortunately, he underestimated the discernment of the Russian male troops when it came to appreciating Capitalist beauty. Long story short-the Russian males rearmed and refocused their attention on driving out the Kremlin hags, asserting that "Dees Ugly incursion vill not stand."

The latest dispatch indicates mass desertions from the Russian army in Crimea, opting instead to be "security consultants" embedded with the Sports Illustrated international beach photo squad.

Make Trinculoman's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 5?

1 2 15 11
88 readers are online right now!

Go to top
http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/world/119674/u-s-special-forces-command-deploys-sports-illustrated-bikini-unit-with-great-impact
www.thespoof.com
crawl=CC-MAIN-2015-32
48165
application/http; msgtype=response
sha1:GYHI2NVHI7MUPX2JVPEJSRUAAFS6XT5K
<urn:uuid:d884d2c7-8a07-4bb4-9af7-1edfed443dab>
2015-07-28T13:24:11Z
213.229.83.102
sha1:355LSQ3JUU5BGTECNSX7OCMXJBOOCBEI
<urn:uuid:1165524c-0a37-448d-a266-5acd9fc7fde1>
http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/world/119674/u-s-special-forces-command-deploys-sports-illustrated-bikini-unit-with-great-impact
length
response
<urn:uuid:8d0c4552-e554-4a25-8d59-cdea533db421>
robots: classic
hostname: ip-10-236-191-2.ec2.internal
software: Nutch 1.6 (CC)/CC WarcExport 1.0
isPartOf: CC-MAIN-2015-32
operator: CommonCrawl Admin
description: Wide crawl of the web for August 2015
publisher: CommonCrawl
format: WARC File Format 1.0
conformsTo: http://bibnum.bnf.fr/WARC/WARC_ISO_28500_version1_latestdraft.pdf