UnNews:Wikipedia celebrates 1,500,000 articles written by monkeys

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Wikipedia celebrates 1,500,000 articles written by monkeys

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

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25 November 2006

1998915409 1999998464 monkey typewriter

A typical Wikipedian contributor

UNIVERSE -- Today, the earthling's Wikipedia celebrates 1,500,000 articles written contributed by 1000 monkeys working on a 1000 typewriters. The officials estimate that including redirects, discussion pages, image description pages, user profile pages, templates, help pages, portals, articles without links to other articles, and pages about Wikipedia administration Wikipeida hosts 6,504,239 pages.

The monkeys made 93,089,284 edits, which is an average of 14.31 reverts per page, since July 2002. In addition, the monkeys also recorded 634,861 media files.

During the press conference, Jimbo Wales was seen smacking some slacking monkey in the back of the room shouting "To Be, Or Not To Be, you stupid monkey". The monkey was not available for comment because her user account was banned for six hours. In a statement by Wikimedia officials, Jimbo Wales was not spanking the monkey, and the monkey was caught vandalizing a Shakespearean page completely written by the 1000 monkeys project publicly known as Wikipedia. The notes on the journalists attending the conference was blanked later that day by the power of WP:OFFICE.

In a counter statement, Uncyclopedian officials debunked the rumor that Wikipedia has broken the 1,500,000 record, citing that most of the pages was reverted within seconds and the consensus made by Wikipedian users aren't always the correct fact. Giving an example, the officials shown on the super beautiful extra large screen donated from wikia earlier this year, an article entitled Uncyclopedia: Funny or Stupid in which was vandalized months ago leaving what they call "cryptic" text here and there like: Stupid, not funny, idiot, dumb, and All Hail King Jimbo. Then, pointing out the consensus among Wikipedian on the article's talk page to leave the "contribution" intact. The page was locked by the power of WP:OFFICE for "unbelievable amount of recent vandalism" when many Uncyclopedian tried to make the page funny and not just stupid.

On a more serious note, the Citizendium project dipped their feet into Wikipedia today, in a move that alerted the RIAA/MPAA Joint Counter-FileSharing team when they were scanning people's internet traffic. In a telephone interview, UnNews has confirmed that Larry Sanger did indeed initiate a pre-emptive strike against Wikipedia by ripping off all articles of Wikipedia. They only managed to get 42 articles about cucumber species when the RIAA/MPAA lawyers, alerted by their Joint Counter-File Sharing team, presented them with a cease and desist court order asking 32 million dollars in damages, lost revenue and work-related stress. Faced by enormous court fees, the underfunded Citizendium immediately complied and awaits another chance to rob Wikipedia blind.

At the end of the press conference, the red-faced Jimbo Wales, wearing a silly Charlie Chaplin mustache, was seen passionately yelling the announcement of the record-breaking 1,500,000th article. Calling it a Great Leap Forward, and once all knowledge in the universe has been successfully mined, Wikipedia will proceed in what they call a Cultural Revolution. A hush-hush Final Solution project kept under wrap for the last few months.

Uncyclopedia is posting a 5 dollar reward for the capture of Jimbo Wales.

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