Author Archives: Kelly Urich

Starbeams: Dirty Grandpa@ Cinemark Plaza, Wrong Super Bowl Bash & Village People

Bomb sniffing dogs were called to Cinemark Theater on the Plaza after a bomb threat was made.  After several hours of sniffing, dogs were only able to identify Dirty Grandpa.                     … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Broncomania, Bernie & Women’s Blue Chip Basketball

Tough week for local sports. Broncos head back to another Super Bowl.  KU loses to Iowa State. Mizzou quarterback is #CharlieSheenWinning. ******* The Chiefs are working on a plan to get their games broadcast on St. Louis television stations.  Now … Continue reading

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Star beams: The Top 10 Signs of a Bomb Threat Hoax, Breathing Life Into Harrison Ford

The FBI is looking for people who sent a hoax bomb threat to two Blue Springs schools this week… The Top 5 Signs Your Bomb Threat Might Be a Hoax: #5.  Threatens to blow up the school unless Mrs. Crabtree hands … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Santa Sells Out, ‘Gone Girl’ Lights Plaza & Getting Rich KC Style

$35 to $75 for the Santa Experience at Oak Park Mall!  Some parents are complaining this morning, but I’ve paid more to sit in someone’s lap.                             … Continue reading

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Star beams: Madonna, The Pope, Chiefs & Blood Moon

NASA confirms Mars has limited flowing water on the surface…or as we like to call it:  California.                                               … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Sipping from the Governor’s Cup & Chicken Pox Night @ The K

Is the Governor’s Cup the same cup the Governor’s son has been drinking from?  Just curious.  Go Chiefs!                                             … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Trump to Leavenworth, Ashley Madison, KC Air Show & Peyton’s Place

Guantanamo Bay prisoners could be coming to Leavenworth.  Donald Trump says we should build a wall around the prison.                                           … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Prairie Villager Makes His Mark, Rolling Roof Update & Koko

Robert Kaplan will be the president of the Federal Reserve Bank in Dallas.  He is from Prairie Village.  People in the Dallas region can expect an immediate ban on Christmas lights and Little Free Libraries.             … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Planet Starbucks, Bond v Trump, Moose Mutt

Scientists have found the most Earth-like planet, a planet called Kepler-452b.  It’s about 1,400 light years away, takes 385 days to orbit its sun, and has roughly 3,000,000 Starbucks locations.                      … Continue reading

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Starbeams: USS Kansas City, Cordish, Pussy Galore, Apple Watch & KKK

Kansas City is about to have a Navy Ship.  The USS Kansas City photo debuted at Kauffman Stadium Monday night.  All of the new stuff on the ship will be built by the Cordish Company.           … Continue reading

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Starbeams: BATS, Moose, Martha’s & Jared

The New York Stock Exchange shut down due to a computer glitch on Wednesday, but thankfully, I was able to keep trading on Lenexa-based BATS Exchange.   Just kidding!  Does anyone have any money I can borrow?       … Continue reading

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Starbeams: ‘Dewy’ Defeats Truman (Library), Mick’s Lips & Lying Brian Rides Again!

The Harry Truman Library was closed Wednesday because of air conditioner problems and miserable heat.  Dewpoint Defeats Truman!                                         ******* It’s … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Hummer Update, Royal All Stars, Google Fiber & Porn

My elderly neighbor signed up for Google Fiber because he thinks it will help him poop.                                                 … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Spelling in Olathe, Burning in Nevada

Vanya Shivashankar of Olathe advanced to the semifinals in the National Spelling Bee.  She was able to advance because she successfully spelled Shivashankar.                                       … Continue reading

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Star beams: Traffic Cone Capital, YRC CEO Pay & Mark Hamill

Kansas City ranks #2 nationwide in Glassdoor’s survey of best places to find a job.  The survey was conducted among people who enjoy placing orange traffic cones.                           … Continue reading

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Starbeams: ‘Sexting’ Scandal, Tom Brady & Ask Jeeves

John Diehl is stepping down as Missouri’s Speaker of the House after an embarrassing sexting scandal.  He is officially #unemployed and #douche.                                   ******* … Continue reading

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Starbeams: ‘No Means Bud,’ Royal Bonkings, Chiefs Feeling a Draft

Budweiser says it “Missed the mark” when labeling its ad campaign with “The perfect beer for removing the word NO from your vocabulary.” Maybe they really are unfiltered?                             … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Next Up @ The K, Fossilized Dinosaur Eggs Anyone?

Construction workers in China dug up 42 fossilized dinosaur eggs.  They’re being carefully removed and shipped to a breakfast buffet at Kauffman Stadium.                                   … Continue reading

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Star beams: Kelly Urich Returns With a Vengeance

Remember when the only reason April baseball was exciting if you made it through the month without having your favorite player traded?       ******* Remember when the Royals only got runs when they ate too much dairy?   … Continue reading

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Star beams: Fifty Shades of Kelly, Brian Williams Chopper Hopper & Upton Girl

I told my wife I wanted to work on some “Fifty Shades of Grey” stuff and she handed me my laundry. ******* My love life is a lot less like “Fifty Shades” and a lot more like “The Slap.” ******* … Continue reading

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