Tag Archives: Tweet

Follow Friday – OMFN

6 Jan

While rewriting my Life List I noticed that many (er, most) of my new items involve food. Even most of my travel items are food-related. I’ve had food on the brain and I can’t get it off, so this week I’m featuring photos of food that is OMFN.

And now, to announce the winner of the gorgeous, Vegan-approved handmade Inez Gill bow… Congratulations, Amanda! Please email me your address and tell me the size, color, style, and backing of your choice to receive your lovely bow!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

courtney_s I remember when james franco and I were querying our respective novels and I was like james you can’t just send them your headshot.

lord_voldemort7 They are making a Twilight MUSICAL. If the world doesn’t end in 2012 on its own I am going to have to do it myself.

pourmecoffee God, I don’t mean to get in your business but maybe you are telling the wrong candidates to run. Your call, of course.

MrWordsWorth Michele Bachman Announces Candidacy For A Fox News Show.

FarrenSquare Back off, every other girl, ever. I’ve loved Ryan Gosling since Breaker High!

sushi_goat Hey lets just do all political systems at once.

dejah_thoris Fanny Friends Hemherroid Cushion ad following Daria?! WTF?!!!

taralibrara Patron wants books on self motivation. Has me look up his number and wants me to pick the books for him. You decide he sez. #storyofmylife

MmeSurly Sometimes you have to take your 2yo to the post office dressed in a blanket & pink rainboots because he is pretending to be “Princess Girl.”

floatinglush Dear Words With Friends, I’d like you a whole lot better if you forked over some vowels. N lv, FltngLsh

joe_hill Michele Bachman pledges to continue running for president as head of the new Psycho Eyes party. Steve Buschemi is her running mate.

michael_J_m00n I gave a urine sample today but my cup was half empty. They said I was negative.

TheBlackStar Quick Poll: Lightening Bolts or Skull & Crossbones? #manscaping

ohcrys The more I think I’m alone in my craziness the more I realize the rest of the world is batshit insane right along with me.

alwysabridesmd Time to transform into my detective alter ego, nosy single lady taking out the trash.

sarcasmically Just introduced my son to beatboxing because I want him… to emulate these musicians and make noise ALL THE TIME? CRAP WHAT WAS I THINKING.

InfiniteChicken OH: “Well, after I saw my dad’s I knew I had to get a pair.” #IAm12

JLYoungsma “Ooooh, a new Katherine Hiegel movie!” -no one.

steenyweeny the complete works of tears for fears is inside my brain

papersquared @exlibris I’m just going to add beads to my cat’s and crochet him a beret. #buttdreds

SpaghettiJesus Everyone was so high from 1969 to 1989 that I vote on a do over.

allisonthemeep If I were a mushroom farmer, I’d start a side project rock band and call it “Loose Morels.”

AlmightyBoob DONT LAY DOWN WHILE LISTENING TO MORRISSEY! IF YOU FALL ASLEEP YOU’LL NEVER WAKE UP AGAIN

Smethanie It’s not that I LIKE spiders, I just save my helpless card for better stuff — flat tires, hard-to-open jars, people I need killed.

MassageByTed Aamco, Maaco, and Amoco should be forced to fight to the death and the winner called Ma’amMoCo

stevesilberman From a scientist friend: “Has any savvy amphibian biologist named a new species of salamander, Lisbeth? That’d be awesome.”

pnkrcklibrarian Because *I* know when I think of British television, I totally think of Star Trek, X-Files, Gangs of New York, and The Tudors. Totally.

JLYoungsma The sound of my vacuum sucking up stale raisins is equal to my heaven.

joeinverarity The baby made an atomic fart on my leg. I am now more powerful than the Toxic Avenger.

amazinqatheis tI ate the flying spaghetti monster

JillMorris Whenever I need to cry on cue I think of skanking.

writtenper New couch means no dogs allowed if they’re wet/damp from outside. Dogs’ reaction: WHY DO YOU HATE US NOW OMG WE ARE DYING.

Athenabee If my dog barks and wakes up Zofia, I will have him drawn and quartered. #realtalk

premmeridian Dreamt last night that mice were putting on a production of ‘Les Miserables’ at my workplace. At least, I think it was a dream.

JillMorris The LA arsonist set 55 fires in four days yet I lack the productivity to mail a thank you note.

LouisPeitzman I cackle a lot for someone who has only ever ridden a broomstick recreationally.

BeTheBoy Can’t believe it’s been 30 years since the discovery of Pac-Man Fever and still no cure.

NicLewis “The Towering Inferno” reminds me of every game of The Sims I ever played.

MightyQuinn72 An apple a day keeps the doctor away. An apple in bed gets me “do you have to eat that like a goddamn horse? I’m tryin to sleep”

noshwithme When they catch the arsonist they should play a loop of siren and helicopter sounds in his jail cell at night.

JerryThomas Somehow the cat wrestled the laser pointer away from me and now I’m exhausted and he’s having my suits retailored to fit him.

sushi_goat PROTIP: DON’T EVER THINK ABOUT THINGS THEY ARE SUCH A FUCKING BUMMER

ruthakers “I was born to run.” -Diarrhea.

BeTheBoyMy wife is asleep, my New Year’s resolution to use more chloroform is a success.

LouisPeitzman “It gets better.” – what I tell depressed gay kids who have just started watching Buffy

TheNardvark What’s your favorite TV show to listen to while you stare at your phone?

Toaster_Pastry Currently wasting precious daylight guessing Tweeters underlying emotional disorders.

HouseTalkN Researching puppy training – where is the one that teaches the pup to clean my house???

wordlust New Irish curse: “May you die, then be reincarnated as a little white girl, then die again, then be exploited by Nancy Grace!”

TheMostTender  I’m worried that the soul of the man I’m supposed to marry is trapped in my friend’s cat.

inktwice  Square…if you’re going to bring elements of older FF games, how about you: 1) bring every element of FF7 2) call it FF7 3)??? 4) PROFIT

jendenbrat  If I’ve learned anything from cartoons it’s that animals and inanimate objects are struggling with the same moral dilemmas as I am.

SpaghettiJesus I will never sell out bc I’m a man of principles and I’ve always got more where that came from.

mikeleffingwell “What I want isn’t on the menu,” I said as I eyed the waitress seductively. “Oh wait, yes it is. Can I have the buffalo wings?”

Disalmanac UPDATE: Santorum is surging in Iowa. Try not to step in any. Jesus.

MightyHunter Where my gerunds at?

LaurelKS The best way to start 2012 is completely hangover-free even though I was knee walking drunk last night. Winning!

sarcasmically Woke up and kids were gone. Silent house. SANTA CAME LATE THIS YEAR, BUT HE CAME.

sawaboof This needing to eat thing is really messing with my plans to stay on the couch all day.

sushi_goat YOU ARE MOTHER IS SO UGLY THAT I WOULD NOT PUT MY REPRODUCTION MECHANISM IN HER

RaeBeta Introducing my parents to @theisb‘s Tarot reviews, because it’s not Christmas until the whole family is yelling “Your vagina is haunted!”

joeinverarity Warning to all: if someone tells you an infant had a present for you, it isn’t a nice bottle of wine. Get the hell out while you can.

joe_hill Benedict Cumberbatch is so awesome in WARHORSE, his name ought to be Benedict Cumberbigballs.

MassageByTed That, sir, is an extraordinarily well-appointed cat box.

mwilliamrice SPOILER ALERT: Caillou is going to fuck it up.

slennonharris Sisyphus walks into a bar. Sisyphus walks into a bar. Sisyphus walks into a bar. Sisyphus walks into a bar. Sisyphus walks into a bar. Sisyp

trumpetcake If your motorcycle is louder than me reciting the alphabet to a child you are a butt.

jenniferweiner I’m okay with Linny and Tuck, but Ming-Ming’s kind of an asshole.

msbellows Cool! I’ve rcd an email naming me to the International Association of Successful Individuals! #NotClickingTheLink

mrteacup Marxist restaurant reviews: “Even though they’re plunged into the icy water of egotistical calculation, the waitstaff are SO NICE!”

palinode Don’t buy grated Parmesan! Simply rub a block of fresh parm gently against Matthew McConaghey’s face. #cookingtips

MightyQuinn72 Reading a paper manual this morning I put my finger on the page and swiped it like a touch screen. This is what’s called “natural selection.”

RideOrDiePudge WARNING: The Chris Angel Ultimate Mind Freak Magic Kit may cause wives, girlfriends and other female companions to disappear.

rstevens The distance between “buy cold medication” and “lose cold medication” gets shorter every time.

TristinaWright I love that my FIL’s status on gchat is always, “COOKING BACON” – I married into a great family.

PolyesterPony Does the world still exist? Asking for a friend.

apelad  Without spoiling anything major, can someone just tell me if the war horse starts or ends the war?

DamienFahey  I dislike children but I LOVE yelling, “STOP IT!” in public…so I’m having a kid.

dr_spidermanMD  A SALAD BAR IS A BINDING LEGAL CONTRACT GUYS STOP SHARING

TheMostTender  My littlest cousin just asked me what grade I’m in. He is now my favorite human being of all time.

C_Vilela  OH: “This stuff tastes awful!! How has Tim Horton’s duped an entire nation? It’s like North Korea!”

kevingchristy  the next time someone says to you “I don’t watch television” say “what’s television?” It’s the checkmate of pretentious lies.

palinode My new goal in Skyrim is to kill every living thing in it, except for the guy who sells me my arrows.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

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Follow Friday

18 Jun


What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

tysiscoe My iPhone up and died. It was found wearing a teddy with a leather belt around its neck hanging in a closet. Thai police rule out foul play.

JerryThomas Before the invention of the Internet, primitive humans had to Google stuff by waterboarding a librarian.

happyrobot “And I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language: Apache.”

shinyinfo AMERICA! #fuckyeah

badbanana England vs USA. Loser gets New Jersey.

apelad Simply remembering your favorite things when the dog bites is not a safe alternative to medical attention.

pistolval i hope my husband doesn’t get eaten by a bear this weekend. Although, i did remind him to not get eaten by a bear. Now its just up to him.

Zaius13 Whenever we leave town for a couple of days, I worry that someone is going to take all our stuff and trade it for a buttload of catnip.

adamisacsonSmooth peanut butter is truly the “smooth jazz” of peanut butters. “Chunky jazz” is where the analogy sort of breaks down.

bookgirlsb cate blanchet is pretty like a robot alien, but not like a human mermaid kangaroo pteradactyl scorpion alien or anything.

sockington JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE BEACH please note the part of the beach is being played by litterbox OH GOD IT’S POLLUTED everyone out

FakeAPStylebook Readers appreciate exclusive online content. Demonstrate the value of yours by forcing them to navigate log-in and sign-up pages.

lilpyrogirl HOLY CRAP I FORGOT TO WEAR PANTS! oh, wait…I just forgot my phone. Without a phone in my back pocket my butt feels naked.

sween I’m always a little scared just before I squish a bug. What if they have a gun?

steve_librarian You can’t be a good librarian without a little OCD.

AFG85 Just when I think I’m sitting pretty, I arrive at a door for which I have no key. Goddam water temple.

mrlasertron me and the coven saw Troll 2 at the dundee theater last weekend. Hester couldn’t stand how innacurate it was. #tweetlikeawitchday

5tevenw If you watch the Exorcist backwards it’s about a girl who’s very sick until she eats some pea soup and gets better (via @phaemarie)

califmom Dear Victoria’s Secret: Start a matching program where my order is matched with a guy who wants the catalog/porn junk mail it generates.

lasertron for my first mother’s day I got two vaginal tears…trying to decide what to get dave for his first father’s day

karensugarpants Ugh. I feel like a bloatation device.

JerryThomas On second thought, let’s not do the Time Warp again.

michaeljnelson Just discovered that vuvuzelas sound AMAZING in a crowded elevator!

CanuckMackem VIVA MEXICO CABRONES

JerryThomas This grammar nazi owl keeps saying “whom.”

badbanana Avoided a copay by having my annual physical at Antiques Roadshow. Clean bill of health, plus I found out I’m worth $150.

wordlust When you come to a spork in the road, that’s a pretty good sign you’re fucked.

LITTLE BIG’S TWEET OF THE WEEK

JerryThomas With a margin of error of plus or minus three percent. That’s how I poll.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.
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