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Saturday, 10 September 2011

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The Dorking Review? It Is Shite! A Book Burning Yesterday In Luton

HOG JAW, ARKANSAS - Outraged Mayor of Hog Jaw, Anthony Xavier Swingerton, has, according to reports, scheduled a public burning of the nearly best-selling book 'THE DORKING REVIEW' - calling the book "an abomination in the face of the eyes of the man with the world's largest scrotum."

Mayor Swingerton called the book "an outrageous blight on the wheaty goodness of the nation's breakfast," and a direct insult to the man with the world's largest scrotum.

It has been alleged that the Mayor of Hog Jaw, and several staffers at Hog Jaw City Hall were instantly consumed with hatred, prompted by 'THE DORKING REVIEW's' ambivalent attitude towards HOG JAW, ARKANSAS, and immediately contacted the CIA via email, demanding to know why HOG JAW, ARKANSAS, and the man with the world's largest scrotum, LENNY STRETCH of 259 TRACTOR FIXIN ROAD didn't even warrant a mention in the publication. Not to mention demands that Dorking, the Isle of Wight, Worthing, Burnley and Chiswick should be "Nuked all the way back to the stone age."

A returned email from the FBI, via local agent, Polly Esther, said:

"What the hell you talking about Swingerton? You freak!"

At which point, Mayor Swingerton and his staffers went completely mental and promised the local citizenry that they'd not be done down by them folks what don't recognise the world's largest scrotum when they see it, and that they demanded recognition for HOG JAW.

"It's a disgrace," Mayor Swingerton told reporters. "I can 'preciate that Lenny's bawls don't amount to a whole hill of beans, but you could shelter a whole scout troop on a wilderness expedition with that nutsack. Providin' you got enough sticks, to support the canopy. For a week if necessary. Y'all kin quote me on that. Ask the Bear Grylls fellah - he'll bear me out. He survived under that nutsack for three whole days. One time. But Lenny's nutsack don't even rate a mention in that Goddam literary pretentious Limey so-called publication. So what we're gonna do is, we're gonna gather as a community, buy up as many copies of this alleged book as we kin git our hayunds on, and burn the fuckin' thing all to hell and back. That'll show 'em."

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