Forum » Topic: Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 Apr 2015 14:28:58 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php Golgo13 on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-169248 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 08:11:23 +0000 Golgo13 169248@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Gary. This was meant as a comment on Martin shuttlecock's output and attitude in general, with this piece taken as an example. He dumped a lot of material on the site in a short period, and some was poor. He didn't like comments and thought the one-star reviews were part of a vendetta against him. </p> <p>That said, I reckon he was a better writer than you.</p> <p>On the whole I just comment "excellent" or "like it" on the ones I like. I very rarely comment negatively on the bad ones. If you've been going through my entire history on this site, I'm sure you counted 50 positive comments for every negative one from me.</p> <p>Take a look at a few more of Martin Shuttlecock's submissions. With a little effort and an honest appraisal of your own work, I'm sure you can be as good as Martin Shuttlecock one day. </p> Gary Gonads on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-169227 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 02:34:18 +0000 Gary Gonads 169227@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>People like Golgo13 are a disgrace. He has nothing but condescending remarks to make about other people’s work and his work is mediocre at best (and always presented in a pretentious tone). </p> Gary Gonads on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-169226 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 02:31:53 +0000 Gary Gonads 169226@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You're normally the one feeding on the dick, aren't you Golgo13? </p> Martin Shuttlecock on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-138565 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 20:32:06 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 138565@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Just by way of explanation: This was just something that I thought of and churned out whilst watching a Sherlock Holmes film on late night TV. I have no desire to conform to any site 'guidelines' or ambitions to have a front page article to my credit. Thanks to the ones who were generous, and the ones who didn't like it. Makes no difference to me either way. As I've said, I have a mate who writes here so I have a look to see what he's up to. From what he's said to me, he's not exactly overly enamoured by the way things work here, and he'll probably move on to pastures new. I wish all of you the best with your writing endeavours, and hope that you'll encourage newcomers in future.</p> <p>And a special thanks to waylandsmithy for a polite and encouraging response to a PM.</p> <p>And an apology for turning up unannounced when I'd stated that I was off.</p> <p>PS - Believe it or not, I am aware that Sherlock Holmes is a fictional character, and that 221b Baker Street never actually existed, save for in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's vivid imagination. But a great many people don't appear to be aware of that. Thanks for pointing that one out to me.</p> <p>Right, can I go now?</p> <p>Regards</p> <p>Shuttlecock. </p> Yikes on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-138534 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 12:14:27 +0000 Yikes 138534@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>@ Midnight Dreary ... thanks for posting that brilliant extract!! </p> JohnA on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-138528 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 11:19:41 +0000 JohnA 138528@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I thought the sub had promise but was too long and had a weak punch line. I'd like MS to keep writing and improving </p> Golgo13 on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-138512 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 08:53:18 +0000 Golgo13 138512@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I really don't know any more. </p> <p>Maybe it was an intentional wind-up ("troll") and I'm the dick for feeding it. </p> Midnight Dreary on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-138510 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 08:42:31 +0000 Midnight Dreary 138510@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>From <em>The Strange Case of the End of Civilization as We Know It</em>, a flawed gem with a great cast - Cleese, Arthur Lowe, Connie Booth, Ron Moody, Burt Kwouk etc, but an unfortunately breathtakingly racist bit from Connie Booth, which is probably why it's never shown:</p> <p>[Watson (Arthur Lowe) is reading clues from a crossword puzzle to Holmes (John Cleese)]<br /> <strong>Watson</strong>: 1 Across. A simple source of citrus fruit, 1, 5, 4.<br /> <strong>Holmes</strong>: A lemon tree, my dear Watson.<br /> <strong>Watson</strong>: 2 Down. Conservative pays ex-wife maintenance. 7, 5.<br /> <strong>Holmes</strong>: Alimony...alimony Tory, my dear Watson.<br /> <strong>Watson</strong>: Never cease to astound me.<br /> <strong>Watson</strong>: 2 Down. Southern California style. 1, 2, 8.<br /> <strong>Holmes</strong>: A la Monterrey, my dear Watson.<br /> <strong>Watson</strong>: Really good, holmes.<br /> <strong>Watson</strong>: 4 Down. Burglar's entrance<br /> <strong>Holmes</strong>: Alarm entry, my dear Watson<br /> <strong>Watson</strong>: That's rather poor, isn't it, Holmes? Right. One to go. A cowardly fish with a sting in its tail.<br /> <strong>Holmes</strong>: Yellow manta ray, my dear Watson<br /> <strong>Watson</strong>: Brilliant, Holmes!</p> <p>I thought the sub was meant to be just a bit of a wind-up, not really trying to be funny, more trying to elicit a collective groan, or stir up some responses. </p> Anonymous on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-138505 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 08:26:12 +0000 Anonymous 138505@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I pretty much agree with Golgo's comments, but this is an idea that could work well if it's rewritten with the descendant being from someone else, and a more original punchline. </p> <p>I love the idea of a descendant of a near-mythical hero not even pretending to live up to their reputation. But it's important to follow the site guidelines, it really helps to shape stuff. </p> Golgo13 on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-138503 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 08:15:16 +0000 Golgo13 138503@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>@Yikes. I didn't think you were Shuttlecock. I saw on your profile that you were from NZ. Surely nobody would make that up. ;) </p> charlies_hat on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-138500 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 08:00:25 +0000 charlies_hat 138500@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good points Yikes. I agree, rambleHIGNFY-gate is getting everyone down. </p> Yikes on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-138499 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 07:41:37 +0000 Yikes 138499@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>hmm. I didn't make any comment at 3am, I made it at 1pm - the magic of living in New Zealand! Perhaps I was in an overly chipper mood having just come back from a lovely run in the hills gazing at the mountains and sea. I then read a sub where I liked the fact that Holmes distant relative was a bumbling work avoider. And, well, the punchline made me laugh ... probably is as old as the hills but I had never come across the pun before.</p> <p>Sure there are some style issues with the sub as pointed out ... this is a common fault with numerous subs and often the editor quietly fixes them up and uses the material. Of course getting the style issues sorted out in advance increases the chance a sub is used ...</p> <p>I accept Mr Shuttlecock has rubbed some up the wrong way but seems mild compared to the Ramblesid / Hignfy "debate"! Anyway, I try to ignore all the background noise and just comment if I like something.</p> <p>I am in agreement that it slightly grates when people immediately post something and 5 star it themselves before the minute is out. My simple solution to that issue is to not read the sub! I wouldn't be surprised if others do the same .. </p> <p>And for the record, I am barely technological enough to handle one login, let alone two(+)! </p> charlies_hat on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-138496 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 07:13:41 +0000 charlies_hat 138496@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm afraid Golgo has some valid points here, we all post some poorer stuff that we think is good at the time of writing. I've had my share of deserved no stars. At best, 3am alcohol affected sense of comedy here, at worst Golgo is right. </p> Golgo13 on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-138494 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 06:08:34 +0000 Golgo13 138494@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I've given it one star, because I thought it was poor. That is my honest opinion. I would normally ignore this sub, but I'll explain why I didn't further down. </p> <p> It seems like an unnecessarily long set up for an old pun, and all the detail (names, places etc) distract rather than add to the narrative for me. </p> <p>You have the credibility problem that Sherlock Holmes was both fictional and had no offspring. The parody news articles that work best on this site nearly always start from a credible situation that is then stretched to the absurd, so if you had to find an outlet for that pun, it would be better to start from researchers who had found a lost Sherlock Holmes manuscript, so that the pretence that this a real news story could be maintained. </p> <p>There are also several style issues that I find grating, like referring to "our reporter" and finishing with "more as we get it" that don't work for me. They don't echo how written news stories are usually presented. The stories I like best are the ones crafted to sound like an actual newspaper/news site article, and don't fall into the trap of sounding like a breathless sixth-form revue comedy skit news report.<br /> That seems to be the house style as well my own personal preference. </p> <p>Normally I just ignore stuff I don't like, or give it one star and move on<br /> but something I consider rather poor, posted at 3am, gets a five star review within an hour, followed by a message of thanks pretty soon after that? I'm afraid how that looks. </p> <p>I am not accusing anyone of anything. I've seen Yikes around for a while, he/she seems to be pretty active commenting on various other writers. Not just yours. And Yikes' voice is completely different to yours.</p> <p>But my worry is that some people might jump to the conclusion that Yikes is an alternate log-in, or a mate and that this looks like AstroTurf. And nothing attracts one-star reviews like a mediocre piece with five stars and some AstroTurf. </p> <p>Then come the tags and more 1-stars, then you and JohnA will start getting on your high horses about trolls and how NewsBiscuit is a twisted clique of bitches etc etc, when in fact there are very recent examples of new kids getting FPs first try and even the odd NiB being given (I suspect) as encouragement to other new writers who aren't quite there yet.</p> <p>On the other hand, you have to expect that not all writers new to the site will immediately find an audience. </p> <p>I'd say in your case, the style issues mentioned above, signing your name on everything, writing about feuds you have with people on other sites...and the Johnny Shlep / Stanley Stoat AstroTurf "banter" was what I found a bit annoying. Then the attitude that it was the audience's problem that you weren't appreciated.</p> <p>As I said at the top, I usually ignore stuff I don't like, but I was hoping that posting this would keep things constructive. </p> Martin Shuttlecock on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-138493 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 03:20:03 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 138493@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers Yikes. </p> Yikes on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-138492 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 02:17:57 +0000 Yikes 138492@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good - and cracking punchline! </p> Martin Shuttlecock on "Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48142#post-138491 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 01:13:38 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 138491@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A researcher working for satellite TV's 'Ancestry Channel' announced yesterday that he'd successfully identified the last remaining blood relative of legendary Baker Street sleuth, Sherlock Holmes, and that in an extraordinary twist, the gentleman in question happens to be a police officer.</p> <p>"He's a serving officer with the Metropolitan Police," the researcher, Rob Lennox told a group of agitated journalists, in the Salmon And Ball pub, in East London's trendy Bethnal Green. "Although rather disappointingly, for me at least, he isn't a DCI in the Flying Squad, or a Chief Super in the Anti-Terrorism Unit, or even a Murder Squad supersleuth. It's all a bit deflating really. He's just regular plod. A PC working out of Paddington Green nick, whose most exciting career moment came when he saw George Michael driving down Praed Street in the summer of 1992, whilst not being under the influence of anything."</p> <p>The descendant was finally revealed to be PC Jack Dixon, who when finally tracked down by the press pack at his home in Loddiges Road, Hackney, told reporters that he was: "Out for a bit, on the sick."</p> <p>"He's always off sick," a neighbour confided. "I don't think I've seen him in uniform more than half a dozen times since I moved down here five years ago. I remember during the riots last year, I pleaded with him to help, as the mob were setting wheelie bins alight, but he said he had a bad back." </p> <p>Our reporter, Reg Johnson, failed to secure a meeting with Dixon, but was able to obtain a mobile number for PC Dixon via a contact at Paddington Green, and managed to speak to Sherlock Holmes's last surviving descendant.</p> <p>"It was a brief conversation," Johnson reported. "He told me that he was off sick again, and that he was shortly to be retired from the police service on the grounds of chronic dyspepsia. Not being a medical man, I asked him if that was related to his lower back problem? He said: 'No. It's alimentary dear Johnson.'"</p> <p>More as we get it. </p>
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