Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Saturday, 7 April 2012

image for Somali Pirates Attack Oxford Boat Crew In Annual Thames Race!
What Lurks Beneath?

The 158th annual boat race between Oxford and Cambridge was brought to a dramatic halt earlier today when the Oxford crew came under attack by a Somali Pirate submarine after it had suddenly surfaced a few yards in front of the Oxford rowing boat near part of the Thames known as the Chiswick Steps.

Tens of spectators then watched in horror as Somali pirates armed with guns rushed out from their submarine to order the Oxford crew to hand over expensive gold Rolex watches, rings and other jewellery. Simon Harlequin-Smythe 28, one of the spectators who witnessed the attack said later,

"It was absolutely tewifying, but those fwightful piwates were no match for the Oxford cwew who are all fit and vewy stwong chaps. They wefused to hand over their jewellwy and instead used their oars as weapons to defend themselves from those piwates by wepeatedly hitting them over their heads with the oars. The piwates eventually gave up and got back into their submawine after receiving several hard swipes from the oars," said a still shaking Simon.

One pirate was seen to fall overboard after receiving a swipe from one of the Oxford oars. He was later pulled from the river and arrested by police who eventually arrived at the scene, but the remainder of the pirates managed to climb back down into the submarine before it dived then disappeared beneath the water's surface.

After the race was restarted Cambridge went on to score a well deserved victory in the exciting annual event.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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