UnNews:Wikipedia is on Blackout!

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18 January 2012

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JimboWalesEnergyBall

Jimmy Wales preparing for his onslaught against the U.S. Congress in the Battle of SOAP

WIKIPEDIA, The Internet - Evil overlord Jimbo Wales announced that he will cut off Wikipedia's electricity supply today as a protest against the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOAP). Inside the Wikimedia Cabal, the online senators took their votes to cut off the electricity supply, which will cut off Wikipedia from the rest of the world. A similar vote was done in Wikipedia's Italian sector in October, 2011, when the Italian Parliament wanted to destroy copyrighted content stashed inside Wikipedia.

The Overlord Jimbo Wales stated that:

Cquote1 I'm all in favor of it, and I think it would be great if we could act quickly to coordinate with Reddit. I'd like to talk to our government affairs advisor to see if they agree on this as useful timing, but assuming that's a greenlight, I think that matching what Reddit does (but in our own way of course) per the emerging consensus on how to do it, is a good idea. But that means we need to move forward quickly on a concrete proposal and vote - we don't have the luxury of time that we usually have, in terms of negotiating with each other for weeks about what's exactly the best possible thing to do. As I understand it, the Foundation is talking to people about how we can geolocate and guide people to their Congressperson, etc. Geoff will know about that. Cquote2

The motion was passed, with 400 supported and 228 opposed. Wikipedia will proceed to cut off their electricity supply and blank all their articles, including copyrighted images, pictures, diagrams and any of the sentences plagiarised, and will then attack the U.S. Congress. As a result, the war on Uncyclopedia was placed on hold with a truce for 24 hours, whilst preparations to attack SOPA's army begin. After the voting was finished, the Cabal refused to be interviewed as they denied their existence.

Many people oppose this blackout. An unnamed student (name withheld for security reasons) said, "I have an essay tomorrow, and if Wikipedia cuts our electricity how am I going to finish it? But I am still against Stop Online Piracy Act". Professor Stavros Notapotofpissinos of Wikiversity stated, "This man Jimbo, he gone up my jimmies again! Where can I put up my concise information now? And it definitely will not go up on Uncyclopedia!" Many people jumped off to their deaths when the blackout went in effect.

Pwned Congressman Lamar Smith refused to reply when UnNews called his office to get his opinion on the blackout. We kept calling, and he kept hanging up, and this went on for hours.

Uncyclopedia today will cut off their own electricity supply as protest against the Wikipedia blackout, but still condemn SOPA and PIPA. The Uncyclopedia Cabal, upon hearing the news of the blackout, replied to UnNews via a letter with the words printed,

Cquote1 Jimbo, turn your dumb site back on or you will not hear our dick jokes anymore. Remember that we do not exist. Cquote2

The planned blackout went ahead, but one aspiring 2 month old infant discovered how to block en.wikipedia.org in the Javascript settings of Google Chrome. Soon, sheep, goats and frogs joined the succession to ridicule the big bad Jimbo by disabling Java in their browser. Others maintain it was actually Bill Gates using the No-Script plug-in for the Firefox browser. The truth is that the blackout ended abruptly by a single crocodile clip which restored Wikipedia's electricity supply in some areas. This had caused Washington DC to have a power surge and melt the servers at Congress, causing the blackout in DC instead for 24 hours.

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