John Carter, Email Addresses, and Beanbags

Josh WolfordLife

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Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

95% of High School students could not find Uganda on a map. When shown the map, 65% of them tried to change the channel.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Peyton Manning meeting with Broncos. If this leads to Skip Bayless spontaneously combusting, John Elway should win a Nobel Prize(image) 14 minutes ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

PUTIN RETURN TO JOB NO ONE WANT HIM TO HAVE! HE LIKE RUSSIA VERSION OF JAY LENO!(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Bad news: "Disco Inferno" signer James Ellis died at age 74. Worse news: Disco Inferno, the wrestler, is still alive.(image) 7 hours ago via txt ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

No one's best day ever started or ended in a beanbag chair.(image) 55 minutes ago via Favstar.FM ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I hope there's a scene in JOHN CARTER where Tim Riggins brushes back his bangs, cracks a beer and says "Mars forever, QB1. Mars forever."(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

No, I won't see John Carter ever. Nothing against the film, just bitter that Hollywood rejected my Carter-based action film, "Billy".(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Have you heard Mitt Romney's new campaign slogan? Romney 2012: meh(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The 'Family Size' bag of Doritos is probably the meanest way to taunt an orphan in a grocery store.(image) 30 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Someone should tell old couples that email addresses are free, they can each have their own.(image) 2 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

It's slightly harder to stream copyrighted material than it was before Megavideo shut down. #FirstWorldProblems(image) 2 hours ago via iTweet for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

We have enough breakfast items for the toaster now, food scientists. Move on to the car heater vent.(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Sure my Facebook relationship says "It's complicated". That's only because my girlfriend was written with C++ and Java(image) 4 hours ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

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Josh Wolford
Josh Wolford is a writer for WebProNews. He likes beer, Japanese food, and movies that make him feel weird afterward. Mostly beer. Follow him on Twitter: @joshgwolf Instagram: @joshgwolf Google+: Joshua Wolford StumbleUpon: joshgwolf
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