Acronymphomaniac, Banned Book Betty and the Thing on the Library Carpet
April 8, 2014 3:24 PM   Subscribe

 
Oh, man, not entirely safe for work.
posted by Michele in California at 3:30 PM on April 8, 2014


These are funny.

Oh, man, not entirely safe for work.
Yeah, imagine trying to explain "But, but these are library jokes!"
posted by carter at 3:31 PM on April 8, 2014


Nice. 'The Library Supervisor's Guide to Effective Employee Reviews' explains so much about the libraries I have worked in.
posted by Pink Frost at 3:33 PM on April 8, 2014


Does anyone know the real name of the book with the donut machine? Because I had that book as a kid!
And ... I am totally going to look at my librarian differently now...
posted by SyraCarol at 3:42 PM on April 8, 2014


This seems like a good place to link to Douglas Coupland's collection of books the local library probably doesn’t carry (via The AV Club).
posted by furtive at 3:54 PM on April 8, 2014


I dunno, these are pretty funny, but they don't hold a candle to the quite real Bang the Librarian Hard, a pron novel with only a passing familiarity with the English language and a disturbing way with metaphor....
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:54 PM on April 8, 2014


Does anyone know the real name of the book with the donut machine? Because I had that book as a kid!

As did I and still do. "Homer Price" by Robert McCloskey
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 3:59 PM on April 8, 2014 [1 favorite]


And it may be over a year since I had gainful Library employment (I am now firmly entrenched as a stay-at-home dad), but all of these are so, so familiar.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 4:00 PM on April 8, 2014


And I haven't worked in a library since the '90s, but "Dynamic Cultural Programming For the Community to Ignore" (subtitle: Enriching Events That Inspire Apathy) is just dead on.
posted by Iris Gambol at 4:31 PM on April 8, 2014 [5 favorites]


These are spot on, and I can't wait to show my husband when he comes home from work at the Flophouse WIth Books.
posted by Catch at 4:43 PM on April 8, 2014 [1 favorite]


I missed the noms des plumes for the first bit, that's some Disney gravestone quality humor right there.
posted by angerbot at 5:07 PM on April 8, 2014


I love Talent-Free Community Art Exhibitions in the Library: A "Humor the Taxpayers" Guide for Librarians.

Are tutors a notorious scourge of librarians?
posted by winna at 5:43 PM on April 8, 2014


Tutor Shooter
A True Story from the ALA P.D.
Helen Lowered Their Voices... Forever!

posted by XMLicious at 5:49 PM on April 8, 2014 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I wondered if that was a universal annoyance of all librarians from reading that.
posted by winna at 6:35 PM on April 8, 2014


Your Future In Librarianship: A 'Such As It Is' Vocational Guide

LOL, specifically the deep, painful laughter that signifies bitter regret.
posted by Daily Alice at 6:43 PM on April 8, 2014


Are tutors a notorious scourge of librarians?

They can be, when they set up shop at the same prime table every busy afternoon, talk loudly with their customers for hours on end, and otherwise make a loud and distracting production of Doing Their Job in the Library. For some reason, it's the ones who are cheap enough to use the library study space rather than a community room or an office elsewhere who are especially obnoxious (I was once a tutor myself! I know not all tutors are obnoxious).

There were a couple of good zingers in this. The one about the annual architecture issue was funny (yes, non librarians, we have a library magazine in which every year there is an issue with pictures of the newest pretty libraries. A not insignificant number of them are in fact pretty hideous), blinking the lights doesn't really make them go away but I gave a little sob of recognition anyway, and the mystery of who will cover [the reference desk over] lunch is never resolved amicably let me assure you.

Finally, using the same banner as Smart Bitches Trashy Books is weird. I'm sure the author came up with this on her own rather than snagging theirs but it's still throwing me off.
posted by librarylis at 7:36 PM on April 8, 2014 [1 favorite]


Tutors and study groups, especially the ones with a group project or who want to practice their foreign language. It's more a volume control issue than anything related to what they're actually doing, unless they're taking over all the catalogue computers so no one else can use them and give you resentful death glares when you try to tell them that of course no one wants to use them because they are monopolising them and people are generally too polite to ask others to leave.

My favourites - which actually got belly laughs - were:
"For some librarians there is... NO ESCAPE FROM GENEALOGY", "The Reference Question That Would Not End" and, best of all, "Your Blood Runs Cold When You Hear... It's The Patron That Always Asks For YOU!" But there are many close runners-up. Gold.
posted by Athanassiel at 8:03 PM on April 8, 2014


Okay, they got me with SUDOC: The New Star Trek Novel.
posted by Hadroed at 8:14 PM on April 8, 2014 [1 favorite]


I was looking forward to showing this to my husband when he gets home from his evening reference shift, but as he's a member of the snarky internet library cabal, I imagine he's seen it.

It's very hard to show a librarian with an iPad anything new.
posted by bibliowench at 8:24 PM on April 8, 2014 [2 favorites]


Are "circ girls" the people that you present books to when you want to check them out? The books, I mean.
posted by Joe in Australia at 8:39 PM on April 8, 2014 [1 favorite]


I like her Library Poster Session, too.
posted by Joe in Australia at 8:50 PM on April 8, 2014


These are funny. I've semi-shelved my MLIS, but my ages in libraries and love of librarians ain't gone nowhere.

I don't know about generals, more like Gunnery Sergeants*, but: Librarians Are Generals in the War on Ignorance.


*Don't call me sir, I work for a living; AKA where the rubber meets the road.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:54 PM on April 8, 2014 [1 favorite]


As a vendor, I'm glad not to have been entirely left out. I guess.
posted by wotsac at 9:04 PM on April 8, 2014


Excellent! Can't wait to add these to our professional library shelf...
posted by Lynsey at 9:31 PM on April 8, 2014 [1 favorite]


As a corporate librarian, I don't have to face most of these (the vendors, though, we still get those). Every once in a while, I get the notion that I'd like to work in a public library...until I talk to one of my public librarian friends for five minutes and hear their horror stories.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:40 PM on April 8, 2014


Oh my God, Jessamyn West, your photos do not do you justice.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 10:00 PM on April 8, 2014


I don't think this is worth an FPP, but for all you librarians and reference-reading people out there, the OUP will be giving free online access to its resources for Library Week, if you're in the USA or Canada. Enjoy!
posted by Joe in Australia at 5:30 AM on April 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


The Star Trek one is John Ford's The Final Reflection, if you wondering.
posted by Chrysostom at 5:47 AM on April 9, 2014


I am a corporate librarian so I don't deal with the public, but oh, wow, "Your Blood Runs Cold When You Hear... It's The Patron That Always Asks For YOU!" - that's possibly even more true when your patrons are lawyers.
posted by marginaliana at 6:06 AM on April 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Sigh. I wish.
posted by Zalzidrax at 6:48 AM on April 9, 2014


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