Eventually Has Happened!

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Summer is upon us! This means several things: 1. Major retailers will be stocking Halloween merchandise (gotta stay ahead of the competition!), 2. People that are chumps are still working and, 2. The electric companies are really enjoying the heat. As intriguing as the first and last points are, let’s focus on the middle point. I’ve decided that blogging is something I’d like to do again now that I have more time. I say “again” when I never actually stopped, I put out a weekly blog full of invisible words on thatguyisfullofsh*t.com. I really enjoyed writing the one about                             it was a riot! I got 50 or so comments (I think?). Let’s get on with it shall we? Friday was the last day of work for the employees of Sherman ISD, with the previous day being the last day for the children. As such, SUMMER IS UPON US! You might be saying to yourself, I need to take out the trash, or perhaps, he already said that. My reply to this comment is twofold: 1. Stop talking to yourself, and 2. Go to work, chump 😛

It’s 11:45 on a Sunday and the Nazis at Albertsons won’t sell me beer until 12. Good for them, I’d phone up Barack Obama right away and tell on them. Are you waiting for me to mention something substantive about the Jarrett? I’ve decided to get into all that on the next entry. Do you know why I’ve made that decision? Because it’s my blog and I can do what I want, dammit. I will leave you with this – One of my jobs at the library was to keep track of the media (read: movies) that the teachers check out. At the end of the year I sent out a list of teachers that still had movies belonging to the library. Jarrett can’t just say “the following chumps need to return media to the library”. I concocted a story that ultimately had three parts. What follows is the first part of what has become known as the “Message from the Library” saga. Enjoy!

CONGRATULATIONS (INSERT NAME)! If you are reading this, you have been specially selected to read its contents! You see, there are several of you that still have DVDs or VHS tapes checked out from the library that have not been returned. We are nearing the end of the school year, and the spreadsheet that keeps track of all the media we have in the library just hates when the “check in” column is blank. In fact, the spreadsheet got so vexed it actually spoke to me. In a voice that sounded a lot like Sir Alec Guinness, the spreadsheet said, “Send forth an e-mail to all the pedagogues of the Piner Middle School reminding them to return all media to the Wilson forthwith! This must be done that the Cherry Bomb won’t rain down upon these pedagogues with great vengeance and furious anger!” Of this peculiar occurrence I had two thoughts: 1. How was my computer talking? Furthermore, why does it sound like Obi-Wan Kenobi? 2. Who uses the word “pedagogues” anymore? These concerns aside, I did as my computer instructed me in sending the list of those of you that have media that belongs to the library (so far as my records are concerned).

If you would like to know the name and type of media that I have you listed as possessing, use magic (i.e. the Internet/e-mail) to make a message pop up on my magical box (i.e. my computer) and I will let you know. If you feel that your name is on this list in error, it is most likely NOT the Wilson’s fault – I’m sure Mrs. *Redacted* is somehow to blame. Without further stalling for time, here is the list that I was ordered to send; if your name is on the list, this indicates that you have media that needs to be returned to the library. If your name is not on the list, you…uhh…don’t have media that needs to be returned to the library –

*NAMES REDACTED*

Contact me with all due haste if your name appears on the list above! If we don’t have all the media by June 1st, that media will spend a very lonely summer in your classroom!

May the Force be with You, Jarrett

@JarrettLWilson

3 comments

  1. I once wrote such an email to my co-workers and subordinates…I received the digital version of the "deer in headlights" response. Amusing, and sad all at once.

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