2018-11-02 04:49:24 (Ohio) What would happen if a minor went to the ER about suicidal ideation?
2018-11-02 07:50:28 I can't face the truth that my mother have mentally abused me my entire life.
2018-11-02 08:27:06 Just told my mom about my suicidal thoughts. All she did was yell at me and say I'm not suicidal in an aggressive way.
2018-11-02 11:23:41 My mom is not supporting me at all. Should CPS get involved?
2018-11-02 15:34:12 Am I being emotionally abused by my mother? Would I be taken away if I told CPS?
2018-11-02 16:13:01 (Ohio) I think I'm being emotionally abused by my mother. Should CPS get involved?
2018-11-02 09:56:56 Am i being emotionally abused? Should CPS get involved?
2018-11-03 08:16:59 If my mom smokes pot and I go to the ER about suicide, will CPS take me away?
2018-11-04 14:04:45 My mom is a horrible parent to me, but I cant bring myself to call CPS.
2018-11-05 16:40:42 How do I learn basic skills for when I become an adult if my N-mom never has/will?
2018-12-01 07:44:58 My mom honestly isn't that bad now that I think about it.
I am a minor (14 years old). This experience will be completely different if you're over 18.
I'm from the United States, and I live in Ohio. This experience may/will be completely different if you aren't from Ohio and/or the United States.
Basically, I went to the police station by myself and told them I was suicidal. They asked my age and took me into a room with another police officer. They asked me questions about how I would do it and if there was any underlying issues and eventually they called my mother. They asked her if she could take me, or if the ambulance could take me. My mother decided taking me (if your guardian doesn't allow you to go, the police officer will tell you they'll let CPS and your local mental hospital know and you'll be forced to go in 1-2 days) and we had to wait in a waiting room for like 15-20 minutes. When I got into a room, a physician asked me if I had a plan and if I wanted to stay at the hospital. I said I wanted to stay, and I didn't want to tell him I had a plan because my mom was in the room with me and I felt uncomfortable. He brushed off the fact I wanted to stay and said he'll boost my appointment to Monday. This lady then comes in with some sort of hotline specialist and he didn't really help at all, basically just repeated the same things the physician said. Kept saying "uhm" and "err" whenever I said stuff like I was bothering him. Talked to my mother and basically said she was speaking for me when she said "he wants to go home." So we basically just went home. It's almost as if it all was for nothing, I wasn't diagnosed, I wasn't treated, I didn't speak to a social worker AND/OR a psychologist, and they treated me like a child who stubbed his toe.
I'm looking forward to Monday for sure. If you didn't already have a therapist scheduled then they'll get you one immedietely (1-2 days). All they did for me was move my appointment to this Monday. Even though my experience didn't go as planned, that doesn't mean if you're in a crisis you still shouldn't go. Please stay safe. I'm still looking for some advice as my mother has been emotionally abusing me and I think that it should be dealt with in some way.
EDIT (IMPORTANT): The appointment this Monday was actually a checkup from the ER. I met with my caseworker and she asked if I was okay and all that stuff. She talked to me about what I would like to do when I get my therapist and I said "I would like to get on medication, possible group therapy, and y'know- therapy." I also asked her if "someone could call me every week until November 21st to just checkup on me weekly." I don't really answer the calls since I'm taking a break from it, but I told my case manager that.
Basically, I went to the police station and told them I was suicidal. They asked my age and took me into a room with another police officer. They asked me questions about how I would do it and if there was any underlying issues and eventually they called my mother. They asked her if she could take me, or if the ambulance could take me. My mother decided taking me (if your guardian doesn't allow you to go, the police officer will tell you they'll let CPS and your local mental hospital know and you'll be forced to go in 1-2 days) and we had to wait in a waiting room for like 15-20 minutes. When I got into a room, a physician asked me if I had a plan and if I wanted to stay at the hospital. I said I wanted to stay, and I didn't want to tell him I had a plan because my mom was in the room with me and I felt uncomfortable. He brushed off the fact I wanted to stay and said he'll boost my appointment to Monday. This lady then comes in with some sort of hotline specialist and he didn't really help at all, basically just repeated the same things the physician said. Kept saying "uhm" and "err" whenever I said stuff like I was bothering him. Talked to my mother and basically said she was speaking for me when she said "he wants to go home." So we basically just went home. It's almost as if it all was for nothing, I wasn't diagnosed, I wasn't treated, I didn't speak to a social worker AND/OR a psychologist, and they treated me like a child who stubbed his toe.
I'm looking forward to Monday for sure. If you didn't already have a therapist scheduled then they'll get you one immedietely (1-2 days). All they did for me was move my appointment to this Monday. Even though my experience didn't go as planned, that doesn't mean if you're in a crisis you still shouldn't report it. Please stay safe. I'm still looking for some advice as my mother has been emotionally abusing me and I think that it should be dealt with in some way.
Firstly I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this and I'm glad your talking the first steps to getting help for your situation and reaching out. Although you are a minor you still have a right to patient confidentiality which means that you have the right to ask your mother to leave the room, I'm actually kind of surprised that the Dr didn't pick up on this and ask to speak with you privately. Also it is important that you speak honestly to health care providers so they can help you or at least try to understand the full picture and / or severity of the situation. This means if you do in fact have a plan in place to harm yourself it changes how health care providers would respond and assist you, and if you were to disclose that you were trying to get distance from your mother hopefully be able to provide resources and suggest solutions instead of releasing you back into her care.
Please, if you have a plan in place to hurt yourself activate 911. Ask for privacy away from your mother when police and paramedics arrive and be as honest as you can with them so they can do everything they can to assist you. I can't imagine how difficult this might be for you but talking about it here is a good start.
First of all yes, good advice, but I have never heard someone say activate 911. I like it.
You have a lot of self awareness and I’m glad you went to seek help for yourself. I’m sorry they were NOT helpful at all it seems but hopefully Monday you will get a great therapist to speak to who can advocate for you. You’re doing the right thing by reaching out for help. You should be proud of yourself. I didn’t talk to a therapist until I was 20 and going through an eating disorder. I didn’t know I was abused by my narcissist dad, or even what narcissism was, until I was 27. With your self awareness and resourcefulness, you will surely find help and healing a lot sooner than someone like me. Sending you lots of strength. Thank you again for reaching out. Life will get better for you from here on out.
You HAVE to tell them you have a plan. I’ve worked in the mental health field and they won’t really do anything if you just say you’ve had suicidal thoughts. A lot of people have these thoughts, especially young people, but don’t act on them or will never kill them selves. Same thing with teens who cut themselves.
I know it’s so hard especially at your age :( and if you have a trusting adult in your life (teacher, grandparent, school counselor, etc) you should tell them and they can get you help.
As a patient watch guard, the hospital often doesn’t have a choice, they have to let your parents in unless you give them a reason not to. Unfortunately you need to speak up, if the goal is to be taken seriously, you have to tell them your plans, if you have one. Then they take you seriously. Otherwise they let you hang around the ED then discharge you with outpatient care.
Could a reason not to let your parents in be that you ask to not have your parents there? I'm just trying to find the action OP can take to get his mom out of the room.
Hi there. I am not a psychologist, but I do have a psych degree, and I have been to emergency twice for suicide, both times I was over 18, the most recent was three months ago. I can tell you that, at least in Australia (which as far as I know, is generally better than America), my experience for me was not very different from yours. They ask you about a plan because they want to know how "at risk" you are, but their job is not to be your therapist, it's biased by whether you're an immediate medical threat. It is very unfortunate, but unless you are literally about to kill yourself, if you go to the emergency room thinking "i think I will do this very soon", they can brush you off, regardless of your age. Like you, I agree that people should still seek emergency help when in a crisis, BUT you should also understand that the mindset and training of the emergency room is based around making sure you don't die "now". I am so sorry that you weren't helped properly, I wasn't either. It was a really brave and selfless thing you did, calling that number and turning yourself in. You didn't do it for yourself, you did it for the people around you. I am sorry that it ended up draining you of emotional energy, when the purpose was to do the opposite. I hope that you can keep fighting, and sign up to see a psychologist or social worker longer-term. They will be able to pick up up and sort all this shit out, the way the emergency room should have. It is a gamble, you may get a psychologist/social worker who doesn't work for you. Dump them, and keep trying, because one of them will not only save your life, they'll make it worth living, and even enjoyable. It won't happen instantly, you won't even know it's happening. But one day you'll be giving tacky advice to a stranger on the internet and realise "holy shit, it worked! I've come so far!". I really do hope you find a way to feel less pain, and feel more happiness.
It's so great to see that you went for help - seriously, that is something to be proud of yourself for doing. You knew you needed help, and you sought it out.
But... it's so sad to hear the way you were treated. I always wondered what happened when these types of things occur, especially with a minor. It sounds like your police system was not well equipped to deal with this, or maybe this is a universal problem - maybe this is what always happens, and this is why the self harm and suicide rates in teenagers are going up. That's extremely disappointing to hear... it's all very frustrating. It's like half the time they did all the wrong things.
As someone else said, you can ask your mom to leave the room, this knowledge might come in handy once Monday comes.
I'm sorry that all happened, I've heard a few similar stories, doesn't seem like the health care system knows what to do which sucks.
Please make it to therapy and go in solo so you can be candid and start to get help. Please also keep in mind that not all therapist are going to understand and be right for you, so you may need to try a few to find a connection. Please don't give up, there is hope and help out there.
TW: Cutting. If there’s anything else, let me know and I’ll put that up too, but there shouldn’t be.
Go again. They can’t ignore you coming in twice in the same week. There’s so many red flags with it.
I went in multiple times as a minor (as so many times as an adult I’ve honestly lost count at this point). Here’s where you went wrong, you didn’t tell them your plan. If they think you aren’t a danger to yourself or anyone around you, they’ll automatically send you home.
Ask to speak to a phycologist without your mother present. Don’t worry, your perfectly allowed to do that, and I’m fairly certain that denying you the right to at least speak to you, with or without your parent present, is against the law, it baffles me that they didn’t have you speak to one before.
I know what you mean about being released and having it be like nothing ever happened. I go into shock every time I’m released. I think for me it’s the wind. It sounds stupid, but the wind on my face when I step outside just punches me in the face when all you’ve been smelling for the last few hours is hand sanitizer and beeping monitors.
Anyway. Here’s what’ll happen next, you tell them your plan. They ask you a bit more about it and then they’ll ask for your mothers side. (You can tell them that your mother emotionally abuses you and give off some examples of the things she’s said or done that hurt you. Again, they can’t ignore that.) They’ll take her on another room to do that, for fear of ‘triggering the patient into distress’. If she’s narcissistic, be prepared for a whole lot of ‘I had no idea’ and ‘Well he said he was fine, how was I supposed to know?’ and ‘Well I knew he was depressed, I just didn’t think it was that bad’ (aka the narcissists prayer, go look that up if any of this resonates with you). But she isn’t the one going through this. You are. Ultimately, once you’re in their care they make the decision. But you have to really push to be admitted. Don’t lose your voice because everything is new and scary, I did that and I ended up with a whole lot of nothing. In fact, I’ve done this so many times I can pretty much get out of a hospitalization no matter what, I know exactly what to say and do. There are times where I just need to be held for a few hours, and there are times where I really should go, but I just get cold feet and go back to lying about everything to get out of it. I think it’s really brave of you to go.
Anyway. Once they admit you, they have your parents choose a hospital under their insurance. There are only 6 places in my state that hold minors and there are even less in others. Let’s see, when I got admitted when I was 17, there was I think 12 or 14 beds in the whole place. If you’re not counting, the lack of teen mental wards in severely limited (haha what’s government funding). I had to wait a whole day in my special little room be transferred to the hospital. They’ll do this via ambulance btw, so I asked a TON of questions thinking I’d never have to be in one again and I wouldn’t get another chance (to be young again) so if you have anything you wanna ask them, go for it. I was one of the lucky ones. I know that there have been people who had to wait up to 72 hours for a bed (which I’m pretty sure is the maximum amount of time they can hold you).
Once you’re where your going to be staying, depending on how late you get there, you’ll either get assessed when you get there or the morning after. THIS IS WHERE YOU GET DIAGNOSED. ANSWER THE QUESTIONS HONESTLY AND OPENLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE AT THIS POINT AND THIS IS IT KID. THIS IS YOUR SHOT AT GETTING THE RIGHT KIND OF HELP SPECIALIZED FOR YOU. You’ll be assigned a doctor (I didn’t like mine) who will then review your answers and talk with you about them. If you don’t like what she or he tells you, ask to be reassessed or for another doctor. (The hospital I stayed at completely missed my Borderline Personality Disorder and my c-PTSD from my abuse. If they had caught it, I would’ve had the right kind of treatment 2 years sooner. It’s a very real thing that happens, my mom was one of the reasons I went too, and my doctor basically shamed me and told me I needed family therapy, not to be in the hospital. I’m NOT a racist, but she was Indian and I’m white, and I kinda got the impression she thought I had no reason to be there because of it. You know, the whole white privilege thing? Hopefully you’ll have better luck. My husband got admitted this time last year and he had a great doctor who diagnosed him with BPD immediately, so I hope you’ll get luckier then I was.) After that, it’s pretty specific to you and your case. They might decide to release you in a couple of days or they might decide your so depressed or whatever (I don’t mean that harshly there’s just a lot of mental disorders out there that go hand and hand with depression and anxiety, the two most fucking misdiagnosed mental illnesses out there. Doctors never seem to learn that they go hand and hand with other mental disorders, but maybe I’m biased because of my own shitty experience) and they let you stay awhile. I was in for a week before I was allowed an outside visit. Remember how I said the wind makes it all real for me? Well, it was raining the next day. I cried legit tears when the water hit my face and idk it just felt good to be alive to feel that. Your experience may be completely different, I, by medical diagnosis, am a traumatized, emotional train wreck who will have mood swings like like a fish breathes water when I’m off (and sometimes on) my meds so. Yeah.
Basically after they release you they set you up with a physiatrist and a therapist who will then take what the doctor gave them and give you additional help from there.
And that is what happens when you tell them you have a plan, everyone.
Now, I don’t know if you guys were keeping up (because I hope more people then just you can read this and learn from this) but all that happens is you get diagnosed and they set you up with a physiatrist and a therapist.
Now. SHOULD YOU DO IT?
If you’re at risk of harming yourself, it depends. I know I shouldn’t say that but hear me out. I am a chronic cutter. I have been since 16 (4 years) now, technically a few little paper cut scratches is self harm and you can be admitted for that (not to the mental ward the ER can just hold you for 72 hours as mentioned above) . I know myself and I know that I don’t need to be admitted for that. It’s silly. But I know my limits and so do you. You may not want to go, but you may need to go. But you’ll probably know in your head which is which. Same goes with being at risk of harming other people. Go. Just go.
Now, are you at risk for suicide right that moment? Stop and think for a second. Personally, I think the only reason I would go to the hospital is for the diagnosis part. If you feel like there’s a bigger piece to the puzzle than depression and anxiety, then I’d say go and I’d say that to anyone who will listen (once your in the mental ward because if you say that to someone in the ER they’ll assign you a therapist and boot you out the door).
Now, if you don’t think that there might be something else going on, if it might be more then anxiety or depression, and you aren’t suicidal or at risk, then no. I wouldn’t go. Because at the end of the day, they take days (and days and days and days and days) do what could take you could do in 20 minutes yourself. Seek out therapy. Talk to your doctor about medication. It absolutely baffles me how many (edgy, sorry guys, I was there a mere 4 years ago) teenagers I see who are totally headstrong and then they get to the hospital and just clam up. Advocate for yourself! I know you don’t think you’re worth it, and thats why you’re there! You can do this, all of you (because if someone who can try to stab someone else during a psychotic break and try and hit someone with their car so they don’t leave them can do it, you bet you can do it too).
All of this. Great advice, especially where you NEED to be honest when they are starting to diagnose.
Thanks for giving this advice. How are you doing now?
I have my rough days. Technically I’m not a diagnosed c-PTSD, so that’s left untreated and that can screw me up pretty bad some days. My mood swings were a bitch and a half to get sorted out, and most of the time I can stop them from coming, but I have no coping skills or anything that can help the people around me (because I’m more of a danger to them than I am to me) when they actually happen.
It’s confusing. You feel good about how your doing and your progress and then there are days like that where you fall right back into your old ways. Sometimes I don’t even know where I’m at. And I’ve just had to accept that that’s okay.
My last ER visit was sometime around July.
Please, please don't do it. Keep going to them. If it has to be make a scene. Fight for the help you deserve. It's hard but don't let them win. It will be your life entirely in a couple of years. Don't miss it. Don't miss the freedom of choosing on your own what makes you happy. Please keep fighting.
First off, I’m sorry you have to go through this. My first suicide attempt at 14 I was sent off to a facility and had to stay for two weeks. I’m my experience, I didn’t get much help, just access to different meds. It started a whole new addiction instead of self harming. My mother was/is emotionally abusive for most of my childhood. In my case, I didn’t receive the help that I thought I was going to get, instead, once I turned 21, I believe, I had suicidal thoughts again. Self harming, and rage fits. So, my husband and mother took me to the hospital because a doctor recommended this to my mom, so I can get health insurance and help. She was WRONG. I was talked down on by a nurse, then doctor, then was transferred by ambulance to the same hospital I was cooped up in at 14, except this time in the adult wing. I was alone, away from my child and family for days. It made it worse, I didn’t get the help once again I needed, I was put on meds and then once I got home, got put into therapy. Which didn’t help because I didn’t have a backbone then, I let my mother do the speaking for me (bad idea, this is before I realized she was a narcissist) and I got out on heavy SSRI’s. It didn’t help, just numbed me. I am still dealing with suicidal thoughts daily, I’m slowly trying to find the right therapist to help me, without drugging me out. Once again, I’m so sorry that you’re going trough this. You’re so young, I remember being that age so well, and that was almost 10 years ago. I know they say it gets better, and it does, you just gotta put forth the effort and stop worrying about hurting others if you’re hurting so bad to the point you’re thinking of suicide. If you need anyone to talk to, you can message me.
Sorry if this seems like rambling, I’m on mobile. & I’m from Arkansas if that helps, maybe each state or country treats patients differently?
ETA: my experience was pretty similar to yours with the questions about the planning. No one really ever asked me about my past or home life. Just how I was feeling in the moment. I was too scared to tell doctors how I felt due to thinking they would tell my mom. I still do this as an adult. Don’t make that mistake, tell doctors or a psychiatrist beforehand, if you are truly scared of the repercussions from your mother. It’s scary, but it’s a big relief to get those feelings out to a professional. It’s hard being on that line to where you don’t wanna hurt your mother, even though she’s hurt you. You can’t keep it yourself, it only makes it worse, believe me.
You’re getting great advice on this post, I hope you get the help you want.
Just a question: Normally, if an infant or child needs comforting, the mother offers hugs, food, reassuring words and such. If an abused child only knows abuse from Mom, then during times of stress, does the abused child/teen/adult revert to self abuse as strangly comforting cause that’s what Mom doled out in times of need? The normally raised child who goes back and imitates Moms way of stress-release (self nuture, self reassure). Whereas, the unlucky child reverts to bad mom’s stress reliever recipe for stress-release (self-harm, self-deprecate). Q: Can a suicidal teen/adult ever learn to self-soothe normally as release from anxiety /stress? If they can, does it feel not as satisfying as self-harming, self recrimination?
Normally, if an infant or child needs comforting, the mother offers hugs, food, reassuring words and such. If an abused child only knows abuse from Mom, then during times of stress, does the abused child/teen/adult revert to self abuse as strangly comforting cause that’s what Mom doled out in times of need?
I would say in my case, yes.
Q: Can a suicidal teen/adult ever learn to self-soothe normally as release from anxiety /stress? If they can, does it feel not as satisfying as self-harming, self recrimination?
I believe they could if they take the right steps to get help, get a hobby you love, meditate, exercises and treat yourself with love instead of hate. Definitely get therapy. Sometimes you gotta speak up and say if you don’t like a hero sit and find a new one. It’s a hard thing to figure out, but it’s worth it. I had a great therapist when I was adolescent, but as a adult it’s becoming a bit harder to find but I know I’ll find it. It’s hope for things to get better is what keeps me going. I’d say anything that doesn’t cause you pain is better than self harming. I wish I never did it as a way to cope, I wish I found healthier ways to express my feelings. I can only speak for myself though.
I remember being 14 and feeling how you're feeling. At 12 I swallowed a bottle of codeine. At 16 I went to CPS but they couldn't do anything for me. My mother -- supposedly a champion of teen mental health -- completely ignored me. It's so hard. My mom emotionally abused me for years, along with my step-father and father, and I have now cut them all out of my life, and I've never felt better.
You’re very brave for going to the police station and I’m sorry they didn’t treat you with more dignity. I hope the therapy appointment will help you so you can become the best person you can be. We’re all rooting for you!
Edit: I have my own experience with depression. I have ADHD, which comes with depression and anxiety, but was undiagnosed until I was 18 and took myself to a doctor. My parents were very neglectful and abusive. My school would have to threaten them with CPS regularly for not taking me to the doctor simply because they didn’t feel like it. I became very depressed at 15 years old and attempted suicide, but didn’t tell my parents. I confided in someone I thought was my friend, who told my parents and then stopped speaking to me. My parents told me I was going to hell for being suicidal and I wasn’t really depressed and just wanted the attention. My Nmom was just going to make me talk to someone at my church, but some people pressured her into taking me to a counselor. She told me she wasn’t taking me to a counselor after insurance stops paying “so you better hurry up and get over yourself.” I got 3 sessions in total. At the same time, my Nmom told me that if I didn’t see a counselor, she was going to lock me up in the hospital. The only “nice” thing she did during that time was take me to the grocery store and let me pick out some meals because I was also suffering from anorexia triggered by emotional stress. The only other time my mental health was discussed was when my parents found out I was smoking weed when I was 17 and I broke down about my depression. I was taken to a cognitive behavioral therapist who was terrible. I think my Nmom talked to her first and painted me as an attention seeker. The therapist was demeaning towards me because I didn’t tell my parents when I tried to kill my self when I was 15. Then she told me if I was so unhappy at home, I needed to drop out of school (I had 1 year left at my early college program) and move into a homeless shelter and “I’m not going to help you if you’re not willing to help yourself.” She also told me if I really wanted to die then I needed to try harder next time I try to kill myself. From that point on, I refused to speak to her and would spend the entire session just staring at her. I didn’t make another appointment and my Nmom didn’t believe me when I told her what the therapist said.
Holy shit that therapist should lose her license!
I often think about reporting her, but I would want to do so anonymously. I don’t want to be involved with her ever again.
A similar thing happened to me at your age. I wish I would have had the guts to ask to speak to the doctors in private. No mom right outside, either. The only other advice I can give you, is when you feel like you have to do it, put it off. Don't do it today, wait for tomorrow. If you can't wait for tomorrow, wait for an hour. And if you make it one hour, wait for 2. Take a nap, make some food, go for a walk. Make a list of things you want to do before you leave us. Not everybody gets to control what happens before they die. Take that opportunity to do something you really like. It might change your mind. Good luck.
I dont know what time it is with you so I hope I posted in time to help. I tried getting help when I was younger, even when I was over 18, and I wasn't taken seriously either. In my experience, healthcare professionals don't like to read between the lines and they don't like to act unless they're 100% sure they need to. This might be because they're worried a "negative" mental health record will follow you and cause you problems later on. This is just my experience/opinion. So while we hope you get someone really understanding and qualified in your appointment, in my opinion, it's best to prepare as though you will have someone who isn't so great. However, even a terrible professional will have to take you seriously if you use the right language.
I'm assuming you want outside help with the abuse, if you're posting here. If you don't want it reported, then you'll want to skip this advice.
Firstly, make sure you talk to them alone - give your mum some excuse if you're worried about fallout (like being embarrassed). As soon as you express your desire, the professional should take over and make sure you get alone time. If not, insist you need to be alone.
Secondly, before going, make a bullet list of specific examples of abuse. Even though they are supposed to take it seriously and recognise the signs, they might not be able to/want to. Using specific examples will remove any grey areas and they will have to take it seriously. You can write this down and have them read it, if you don't want to say it out loud.
Thirdly, talk about your feelings as accurately as possible. It's hard to talk when it hurts, but try and name the feelings as accurately as possible. If you're scared of going home, tell them. If you're worried you'll be punished, tell them. If you feel trapped, tell them. Even if it's just two or three words. If you can't talk about it, you can write it down before you go, too. Or take a pen and paper with you and write it down while you're there.
Finally, if you have any pictures of abuse marks, abusive texts, emails, notes, photos, if you have self harm marks, etc, you need to take as much evidence as you possibly can (usb stick perhaps) and show them in your appointment. It adds another layer of "authenticity" to what you're telling them. If you have a suicide plan, you need to share it with them. If you've written any short stories/poetry or created any artwork or something similar, about how you feel, you can show that stuff too, if it helps you talk about your situation.
Don't forget, if this doesn't work out how you expected, and the abuse is unbearable, you CAN call CPS yourself, or you can tell a teacher at school that you're being abused, and they will report it for you. Prepare for that in the same way I listed above. You can also go back to the ER. In my experience, the more times you go back, the more seriously they will take it, particularly if you can prepare like above.
I'm sorry you're experiencing this. You're doing a really good job. Make sure you get help, if it gets worse. Everyone always says this but hang on in there. It will get better.
As a nurse, we use a scale to determine suicidality. If you say you don't have a plan, you're ranked lower on the scale and determined to not be in as much immediate danger. That said, I understand why you didn't say you had a plan because of your mom being present. Your mother should have been asked to leave the room while they talked to you. Did they ask if you had means to commit suicide, like access to a firearm or pills? That's another thing that factors into the scale.
I’m so sorry you feel suicidal. It clearly reflects how trapped you feel.
I had a similar experience when I was your age. I decided I should run away from home. I ended up staying with my grandparents for a while. They were shocked that I was going through shit at home because it was kept so tightly under covers.
I’m not saying you should run away but do you have any family members or trusted friends you could stay with for a while?
Keep fighting! Please keep showing yourself the compassion you deserve.
I had a similar experience when I was 15. I’d recommend telling a school counselor instead of going to the police and let them know how serious you are. They’ll likely call police or an ambulance to take you, and let them know you how you feel towards your mom to see if they’ll take you straight to the hospital. I don’t know what state you’re in, but I’m sure it’s the same everywhere. I did that through my school and I feel like things went pretty smooth. They may take you to your house in case there’s anything you feel you need to take, but that’s not 100%. Try to see if you can get your insurance card and mom’s contact info before you go. When I did all of that I was put on a 72 hour hold in the hospital while they evaluated me and decided what to do. Afterwards I was transferred to a mental health facility (you’d go to an adolescent unit of some sort) where you’d stay until they feel you’re stable. Hope this helps!
Edit: also, if they speak to you with your mom around, you can ask for her to go into another room and usually the doctor will allow it. If it makes you more comfortable expressing your feelings then do it. You were very brave to go to the police on your own though! It’s good that you could recognize when you need help and went to get it!
It’s kind of amazing what happens to your will to live once you get out of an abusive situation. It comes back. I hope your appointment goes well and please remember to hold nothing back. Tell them everything, no matter how embarrassing or humiliating it feels to say. It’s their job to help you but they can’t do their job if they don’t know everything.
I’m so proud of you for seeking help! I’m sorry it didn’t go as planned but man that took guts! I wish you all the best you brave brave soul.
First of all - your instincts are correct. You are not in a emotionally safe environment at home. You are doing the right thing to seek care and help. Good job. Keep going. Trust yourself. You have more self awareness than most which is rare for someone at your age especially in your situation. Use it to your advantage to get the help you need.
Second - there are a lot of good comments here. So I won’t go on. But know we care. There is a group of internet friends out here wanting you to get the help you need. We are on your side.
You can try to call and inform yourself if there's any chance you may have that consultation alone on monday, without your mother being there in the room, informing them in advance. As in, once there, they'll be the ones telling your mother that you're going in alone, and not you which you could not feel capable of doing at that moment.
It makes no sense to have help available and you not being able to present your case properly because your abuser is in the room. Putting yourself in this situation will fuel your feelings of desperation, because that's sort of the last resource for help, and yet you can't speak to them. You've got to break that. They're professionals and know what's up.
Alternatively, and if you don't think you'll be able to make that call and inform yourself about that, just ask for it once there, that you'd rather be alone with the doctor. Make an excuse up, if you have to, if you believe she'll sense it's about her. Say it's "intimate things", or something like that. Then you can tell them what's really up.
If nothing of that seems plausible, bring a printed/written paper, try to make it schematic, succint, about what's up in your life and specially with your abusive mother. You can then give that paper to them. A simple "my mother abuses me" would suffice, but I think that the thread you link does that better.
Do have simple examples like the ones you explain there to be told, sort those out in your mind, memorise them. She: (1) yells at you consantly; (2) name calls you regularly [name them names]; (3) makes you feel worthless; (4) neglects your mental health situation when you present it —ignoring that you're feeling suicidal; (5) you're afraid of her; (6) you've never felt loved in your life. Things like that. They need to know them to provide you with the help you need.
Remember the sub is here for you to help you monitor whatever advances or changes happen in your life. Never stop reaching.
You can try and call and inform yourself if there's any chance you may have that consultation alone on monday, without your mother being there in the room, in advance. As in, once there, they'll be the ones telling your mother that you're going in alone.
The first time I ever sought help I was turned away too, my mother was in the room and I didn't want to talk about how I was really feeling. But it's important to be honest. I was in and out of the hospital from 12-18 (i mean, almost every 2 months i was back, and i was usually in for a month or two every time.) for suicidal ideation, breakdowns and actual attempts. When I moved out, I became more stable and haven't been back in 2 years. Here's what I think- If you can stay out of the psych ward, definitely do. It's good for keeping yourself safe, but the care I received 9/10 times wasn't what I needed. I went to a few outpatient programs that lasted 2 weeks, and those seemed to be more useful. Find a therapist you trust. Don't lie to them. I used to lie a lot because I was worried about what they thought of me. Don't be. This is their job. I kept my self harm a secret for 5 years. I wish I hadn't, I never got to work on it and though I don't do it as I used to, the urge is always there, and I do slip up. I think the most important thing is to have a place that you can feel safe. A friend's house, a spot in the woods, a coffee shop or book store you really like, anywhere that you can feel safe and comfortable.
I’m so sorry it turned out this way. Even though it seems like the system failed you today please know your needs and life matter. I wish someone had told me this when I was your age!
This is really sad to hear, there is a lot of helpful comments already, I just wanna say one thing,make sure you tell them you don't want your parents in the same room. They're idiots for thinking that doesn't influence your responses. It may make the situation more tense and awkward but it has to be done, its no good if your afraid to say something and hold back. All the best.
I am actually blowed away at your bravery, you are amazing to go to your local station. I only hope you get the help and support you deserve.
The fact that you have the frame of mind to advocate for your own mental health well being is extraordinary.
Ask to speak without your mother present, when you go for your appointment.
Things wont always be bad, you can get away from abusive parents and form healthy loving relationships, have your own family and a career you want. Although it seems so difficult now, dont give up , you deserve to life a happy healthy life.
You're 14 and more responsible and mature than I'll ever be.
I'm glad that your appointment was bumped up. I'm sad they didn't take the rest of it to heart. I went as an adult and the only thing different was they kept me in the psychiatric ward over the weekend until they could have a psychologist see me, then I was let go. I think they hope that since you have a guardian this is a safety net for you. Unfortunately a lot of hospital staff don't realise this is a wrong assumption for many of us.
I hope you keep safe. Remember we care about you and you deserve a great life. Stick it out. Once you're out of your parents house it's a whole new world. You can do it <3 it gets better!
Thank you for still encouraging people to go. I’m sorry you’re in a tough spot, but a positive outlook and willingness for treatment is so important. I’ve spent months in psychiatric care and not every day was something the medical practice may be proud of, and so often people used that against me or as a reason to not seek help.
You did the right thing, even if it didn't go as you expected. Please don't let the assholes win. Your life will get better. Keep reaching out to others until someone listens.
You did a great job, and I'm so glad you had the courage to go to the ER in the first place. If you start feeling worse, please come back and read all these comments. We want you to take good care of yourself, and we are all happy you're around.
You will very likely be able to get time with the therapist alone, away from your mom, and I think it's important that you do it, even if it causes fights. I would suggest trying to hint to the therapist that you'd like to see them without your mom (maybe pass them a small note on your way out of the first visit, or call the office to ask for a note to be made about it). If the therapist asks if you want counseling without your mom in the room, unless you're going to be physically unsafe because of her response, say yes. Even if it causes anger from your mom, the therapist offered you privacy and you are allowed to want privacy (which is something you can repeat to your mom).
You likely already know this, but therapists must make reports if a patient gives them certain information that could endanger them or someone else (In Canada, the three mandatory report rules are threat to self, threat to others, threat to a child). As you are a minor, it's a good idea to straight-up ask the therapist what they will and won't tell your parents or the police.
Last of all, you can ask the therapist what to say to your family about therapy. Then, when you go back to therapy, you can report back about their responses and that'll help you show your therapist how your family deals with stuff.
You are making the right choice for getting help, and you're gonna make it out of there. When I was 14, I wanted to go away too - but I am 23 now and those feelings are mostly a memory. I got away from my family, I have a boyfriend who loves me, and I have lots of freedom.
Could you maybe tell us your plan?
I have been in contact with a few diffrent orginsations where I life (Holland). I want to know if your plan is realistic and worth trying agian (if you dont mind).
Since I have counselling tomorrow I'm not planning to do anything. My plan was to jump off a bridge if the plan didn't go as planned, but since I was told my appointment was being boosted I didn't do it. If it wasn't boosted then I would have killed myself.
That really sucks. I hope you have a nice session tommorow and the feelings of hopelessnes and despair will clam down a litle.
What country are you in? I’m guessing the US and I’m not so sure about the rules there when it comes to emotional abuse but it might be an idea to get your therapist to organise something where you can talk to a doctor without your mother present?
Hey, Op. Mom of a 17 year old high school Sophomore here. I read your previous post before answering.
First, you did the right thing by going to the police station and telling them you were suicidal. That was REALLY SMART and absolutely the right thing to do.
Second, that ER doctor REALLY FUCKED UP. Royally. You were his patient and he didn't treat you, he let your mother be your gatekeeper and control the situation. So I am going to give you a plan for Monday, when you meet the new therapist, so that you can at least, hopefully, get one truth through the "screening " your mother does.
It's an old trick for getting tables at expensive restaurants while cutting ahead of the line waiting... palming a folded tip to the Maitre'd and handing it off by shaking their hand and asking nicely in a friendly way how soon you can be seated. Very subtle.
For you, it's as simple as taking a piece of paper the size of a post it note, write neatly and clearly, PRIVATE SESSION NEEDED, fold it small and flat, the size of a larger postage stamp and put it in the right hand pocket of your pants you wear Monday. When you walk in, palm it when you first greet them, shake their hand... they will feel it and should discreetly palm it themselves. They might not be able to read it instantly. They might have already planned a private session. But it will signal them that you are "getting a message through" that you can't say out loud in front of your mother.
A decent therapist is there FOR YOU. Now, there are stupid, bad therapists, same as that ER doctor... so I am hoping and praying that's not the bad luck you get tomorrow. But the police did the right thing and you did the right thing.
So please, please, do not carry out the plan. There is SUCH a better life waiting, and while 18 seems a million miles away at 14, I promise, each year as you get older goes faster. You have ti.e to build a great escape plan. You will have control of your life in a very short time... this situation is temporary, death is permanent and irrevocable. Don't let depression -especially situational depression brought on by neglect and abuse - deprive you of the life and joys and love you deserve, that are waiting in your future.
Edit: Mistook a comment for on my comment.
In my case, I would say yes.
With my children, I would say that it’s definitely a eye opener on how I would’ve wanted to be treated at their ages. I do catch myself at times thinking I’m an awful mother, for maybe being a little too loud, too mean, too tough on them. I have a great fear now of failing them, or being deemed “abusive” in any form. I don’t want them to grow up with mental illnesses due to poor parenting.
It’s frustrating to learn how to be a great parent whenever you didn’t have it, but I’m trying.
I know I’m late to the tread here but I had to say something. I was 14 last year when I decided I was going to kill my self. I didn’t tell anybody what I was thinking, and I doubt anyone knew I was even depressed. But after some consideration I wanted to try my hand at life one more time. I convinced my mom to take me out of public school (which was a huge source of depression as well as anxiety and I knew not being there would help greatly) with the condition I went to therapy. At the assessment of my mental health to determine how much help I needed I got a private session with the counselor and just broke. Apparently it was bad enough that I was immediately sent to inpatient treatment. Now, this will vary for each person but I absolutely loved being in the hospital. I got ten days away from my family and that was, ironically, I think the happiest I had been in a long time. The therapists there were awful, as were many of the others I’ve met. But that break away was enough the reset my mental state. So much so I accidentally on purpose went back a month later but that’s another story.
But you’re doing the right thing by reaching out for help. Don’t be afraid to say, “I would have an easier time talking about this if I was alone” if the therapist doesn’t already insist on it. They will also probably want to talk to your mom so be prepared for that to happen. Don’t try to make it better than it is. If anything, make it seem worse so you’re taken more seriously. Though that may lead to hospitalization, sometimes that’s for the best. I really hope things turn out well for you tomorrow and you can get to the point where suicide isn’t your only option.
When I was 15 and said I wanted to kill myself, my Mom just drove me PAST the hospital, kind of like she was threatening to take me, cried and then we went home.
I wish I knew what to tell you. I wish I could help so much because 14 and 15 is when it all came crashing down for me. I hope this isn’t weird to say but I care about your well being and I care about what happens to you.
It is not your fault what is happening and my suggestion would be to continue to go back and tell them you are wanting to kill your self. In the world of adulthood they call it, making a nuisance of yourself and it’s surprisingly not a bad thing. You keep going back, eventually they’re going to have to do something about it.
Don’t know what area of Ohio you are in, but I’ve been to the an emergency room in Ohio for suicidal ideation. I was over 18, but was taken seriously (I didn’t have a plan) but I knew I need intervention. Scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life- and also the best. I was lucky enough to be sent to a truly excellent facility and I was in patient for about 6 days. I was not an easy thing to go through, but all the sudden there were a team of people there to baby step me through getting better. I could not do it on my own. It was so brave of you to take the steps you did. And I am living proof of how far someone can come. It was about a year and a half ago and my life now is unrecognizable from what it was. Next time, if you’re able, to straight to the ER, it will give you a chance to speak to someone without your parent there. It will take a lot of work but it can get so much better.
PM me and I will answer any questions you have. And if I can provide resources I will!
I'm so sorry. When you're a juvenile, it's so hard to reach out and get help, especially if your parents don't have your back. Next time, call 911 and tell them you're suicidal. Even better, try to make it to the local ED and tell them why you're there. They should let you talk to them without your parents being there, but it might be illegal some places, so try to answer the questions honestly even if they're there. The doctor will be telling them everything you say anyway, because of your age.
Good luck to you. If you can't wait until Monday, call 911. In four years you can get away from your parents. Always keep that in your mind.
I’m hoping I’m not late to the thread. Firstly well done for reaching out for helps, people don’t realise how hard the first step can be. It’s sucks that weren’t helpful but at least you have an appointment to see a therapist which is big step forward. This kinda reminded me of when I tried to reach out for help because I was at the wits ends, I slashed my arms so badly that I needed stitches and all I got was a psychiatric nurse asking me few question and that’s about it however, they did tell my doctor which prompted him to give my higher dosage of antidepressants and I also jumped the queue for my therapy because I was desperate need of it.
My daughter was having self harm thoughts (at 9, sometimes still does). We took her to the ER three times before they admitted her to a facility. We are thankful she did go. When she was there, they treated her for her thoughts and started counseling services and medications. It was stressful and expensive for our family, but worth every penny.
She now gets counseling twice a week and continues medications. We were taught more about her unique brain and ways to help. SHE was also taught more about her own brain and ways to cope.
Even if you have to walk the path alone, it's an important one to walk.
I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself! Keep fighting!
Be prepared for that as an adult too. Unless you've actually been restrained by police or attempted your life and taken to hospital, it'll be difficult for you to get into hospital. There's no resources for adult mentally ill patients and there's a lot less for young people. Even worse if you're male.
I had suicide attempts from 15 and nothing was done about it. It was seen as a "teenaged angst" thing and that was even said by a psychologist who had one appt with me and sent me on my way when I was covered in fresh scars from self harming as well. Took another 15 years when I had the police break into my house to take me to hospital to get seen by a crisis team who then said if I didn't take a stay in hospital voluntarily after 6 weeks with them, I was being sectioned. 3 months after that hospital stay I was back in because I walked into ER after a failed OD on 80 cocodamols. Honestly had to fight with myself to stay in the hospital to get the transfer because I was so intent. But afterwards I was helped enormously. Counselling helped me more than hospital, meds and psychology.
Seriously see about counselling where you can get all your thoughts and feelings out and get new perspectives on things. I've finally been validated about the years of abuse that's made me who I am today. I've even seen neurology about my sleep who've told me that I've years of counselling with them to get better because of chikdhood to adult abuse. They said it's an extremely common thing they see with people with anxiety, PTSD etc. Adverse childhood experiences make you more prone to these things. But you can be resilient. See if you can speak to your school and doctor about resilience therapy. It's a pretty big deal in education these days (I'm a college lecturer and it's all our training is on right now from babies to young adults).
You need anti-depressants. SSRIs will make living with your mother more bearable and let you focus on your education, which is the foundation of your adult life. Without that you're going to struggle and have more reasons to be depressed and anxious.
There is a path out of the situation you're in, but it will take time. Good luck.