Buddhism - If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam - If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism - Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Catholicism - Shit happens because you're bad.
Hare Krishna - Shit happens rama rama ding dong.
T.V. Evangelism - Send more shit.
Jehova's Witness - Knock knock, shit happens.
Christian Science - Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism - Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Existentialism - What is shit anyway?
Stoicism - This shit doesn't bother me.