The real proof: The Head Problem
 This is a serious debate that threatens to tear us all
 apart, so I will attempt to give my final opinion on the
 matter in a civil manner. Firstly, because the picture
 asking the question was an edit of the original which
 changed the order of the girls, I will not be
 considering the characteristics of the Chipettes. I will
 focus solely on the Chipmunks (being Alvin, Simon,
 and Theodore.)
 Now, for the first point of contention, I would like to
 prove that the Chipmunks
 blowjobs instead of having their asses eaten as some
 people would have it.
 actually receiving
 are
 To understand this, we
 need to talk about
 perspective. Perspective
 is drawing an image so
 that it is as seen by the
 eye, adding depth to a
 two-dimensional picture.
 (The original photo. I'm sorry for
 showing you this.)
 So, what does that have to do with the heights of the
 Chipettes? Simply put, they look lower on the bodies of
 the Chipmunks than they actually are due to an angled
 perspective
 We can tell from
 these uneven
 perspective lines
 that we are not
 looking at this from
 a linear view but an
 angled view.
 The Chipettes appear lower
 than they actually are
 because the perspective is
 above the action looking
 down
 (Blue is the edges of the visible image,
 red is based on the perspective lines)
 |From a linear perspective, the Chipettes'
 mouths would be at the right height to be
 |giving the Chipmunks the head they are
 purported to have received. This confirms
 | that they are actually receiving blowjobs
 and that the original question is valid, while
 at the same time disproving the ass-eating
 theory. Now that we know that the
 Chipmunks are
 continue to discuss which chipmunk is
 getting the best head.
 truly getting head, we can
 As we can see, Alvin has his hand
 on Eleanor's head, and as one user
 suggested, this indicates that
 Alvin feels he needs to put in
 some work to improve the head
 he's getting, meaning it's not top
 quality. His grip on the couch
 does not appear particularly
 strong either due to very little
 bunching of the fabric in his hand,
 indicated by the single line.
 A
 Based on Alvin's eyes, you might assume he is in severe ecstasy,
 but in actuality his head is still forward instead of pressing back
 against the couch. The head he got was not enough to make him
 completely lose his posture, making it the weakest
 The head Theodore received was
 enough to send him into
 complete limp ecstasy. While
 some would say Theodore has
 fallen asleep due to lack of
 stimulus, the arch of his brow
 suggests a conscious (if not
 voluntary) effort. How far his
 mouth is open also supports an
 involuntary ecstatic reaction.
 It is also worth noting that Theodore, being obese, has the
 least constitution out of the chipmunks and his lack of
 endurance likely makes him run out of stamina and
 produce this reaction even if the head he receives is not as
 good.
 Simon is the one getting the best head.
 His head is forward as he crunches his
 body forwards in sheer exhiliration. The
 amount of stimulus is enough to make
 Simon try to push Brittney away as
 opposed to pulling her towards him like
 Alvin. His feet are curled long enough
 to push his shoes off, which is another
 involuntary reaction. While you may
 argue his expression is softer and
 therefore more tame, argue it
 represents pure ecstasy.
 If we look at Brittney's arm, we can see that she's using her hand to enhance
 the experience. This, however, only applies to the original, unaltered image,
 and due to the dispute over which picture to use, I will not be taking that as
 evidence. What we do know is that Simon's head is so good that he not only
 cannot maintain posture but is suffering muscle contractions due to the
 pleasure provided
 In conclusion, while I find
 Simon to be the winner,
 Theodorists have grounds
 for a solid second-place
 argument challenging
 Simon. Alvinists, go home.
 I'm gonna go kill myself now
The real proof