It seems that so many individuals are
unsatisfied with their relationship with their parents. During
adolescence I heard from many of my friends the frustrations they
were feeling towards their parents. Sometimes they felt annoyed,
other times they felt over-controlled by them. I've also talked to
older individuals who still have problems with their parents. They
say that they just don't get along anymore, or they reflect on
resentment that they felt towards them in their younger years. What
is it that makes parent-child relationships so difficult? I mean,
they are our own flesh and blood.
I have always had a hard time relating to people when they talk about their issues with their parents. To me, my family is the most important part of my life, and therefore I do everything I can to cherish that relationship. Maybe I see the parent child relationship a little bit differently, or maybe my parents really aren't difficult to get along with, it's hard to say. Regardless, I have always tried to recognize that they are real people too, and I truly do appreciate all the time and money they've spent on me. I also understand that a relationship is a two way street.
Regardless, it has been shown that the relationship we have with our parents can affect the life an personality of their children. First off, several studies have been conducted on parenting styles. The most popular being the model created by Diana Baumrind. She created four different parenting styles depending on the amount of demanding-ness and responsiveness they expressed. Authoritative parenting style, which was high in both of those domains, has been shown to have the best outcome in children.
Parent relationships also affect their children in other ways. It has been shown that children whose parents don't supervise them as much engage in greater adolescence risk taking. This seems to be especially true in regards to adolescence alcohol use. The reverse relationship is also true, as adolescent alcohol use has actually been shown to predict less effective parenting supervision. This could be because children who choose to engage in that sort of behavior resist parenting supervision, or it could be because the children use alcohol because their parents didn't supervise them in the first place. (Clark, 2008).
This phenomenon stems further than
just alcohol use though. Parenting style and the relationship with
ones parents can affect psychological aspects of an individuals life
as well. Those with authoritarian parents tend to be less confident
and show sign of depression. The indulgent parenting style tends to
create individuals who are under appreciative and self-entitled.
(Baumrind, 1991). To make things more confusing, the structure of
one's family can actually predict adolescence outcomes as well. It
has been shown that in father only households, adolescence are most
likely to engage in alcohol use. (Hoffman & Johnson, 1998).
So, what can be done about all this? I believe that it is important to educate parents about the importance of a specific parenting style. Since many adults don't go out of their way to seek this knowledge, it should be presented to them when they are receiving their education. Children play a part in this too, which is why they should be taught effective communication skills during their adolescence. I believe a more modern approach should be taken in our school systems. Our youth spends so much of their time in school, which means there is so much opportunity for them to gain valuable life information.
Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. The Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1), 56-95. Retrieved from www.sagepub.org
Clark, D. (2008). Parental supervision and alcohol use in adolescence: developmentally specific interactions. Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics, 29(4), 285-292. Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18562983
Hoffmann, J., & Johnson, R. (1998). A national portrait of family structure and adolescent drug use. Journal of Marriage and Family, 60(3), 633-645.