"Living Like You Mean It" is like getting therapy in a ...
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"Living Like You Mean It" is like getting therapy in a book.  The writing is easy to understand, and the message is hopeful.  Dr. Frederick guides the reader in a journey of creating deep and lasting change that can result in living with true authenticity and satisfaction.  After I read it I began recommending it to friends and clients because everyone can benefit from this guidance.  Michele Lucas, LCSW, BCD
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As true to life as possible, In Treatment shows the hard work that patients and therapists alike have to put in so that A Result is achieved--but as I've experienced, The Result most of the time is not what one would expect.  And true to life, Therapists need therapy too.  Anger, denial, fantasy, transference, grief, reconciliation, surprise and intrigue, it's all here.
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When your gut is telling you one thing and he is telling you another, the confusion literally weakens your mental powers and makes you doubt yourself. You slow down at work, your creative powers diminish, your lust for life fades and you suffer all the effects of emotional abuse. Betrayal, just one of the types of lying discussed in this book, is one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse there is.

This is another no-nonsense tell-it-like-it-is book from Susan. She's keeping us all sane and on the path to maturity. When you read a book  by someone who tells you  that verbal or emotional abuse  is partly your fault or that you brought it on and that you can make changes to yourself to "fix" this relationship, that's another form of abuse. Statistics are clear - some 97% of men do not stay after being betrayed and lied to. Women tend to be slower to accept it, and suffer more emotionally and physically. Long-term, if they stay, the distrust and anger can grow and 20 years from now can cause the same problems that long-term abuse of any other kind can cause.

This author provides action plans - if you want to try to make it work - that are fair to **you**. She says it's not a good idea to forgive someone who has **done nothing to earn it.** She's made me strong again after a very abusive mother (Toxic Parents) and now, much later, a relationship characterized by lying. She keeps accountability where it belongs (not on the person who was hurt!) and provides the words you need to understand...'what just happened?'

You can not only get up and walk again when you get the truth about lying, you are much stronger and able to launch a new life. Although, I would like to see more from Susan about how to recover after all the abuse she writes about, I highly recommend this book.
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Dr. Schlessinger is a best-selling author, award winning radio therapist and a former professional licensed marriage and family therapist.  The book is a collection of documented phone calls to her radio show sprinkled with her consultations.  Given her background in marriage and family therapy, it is not surprising that this book is weighted heavily in issues, examples and discussions in these areas - and almost exclusively from a woman's perspective.  So unless you are interested in these areas, you'll find yourself skipping entire sections of the book.  That being said, I found these refreshing pearls of wisdom both from the good Doctor and from her callers:

1)  Closure isn't necessary - or sometimes even possible...most of the wish list rarely comes true.  And it is very wise to let go of a persistently rotting rope, isn't it?

2) Trying to make things be different by going over them again and again only fixates you in the past.  Letting go of that rotting rope with your hand firmly gripping a better philosopher, a wise counselor, or a loving friend or relative as a cheering squad gives you the possibility of greater peace and happiness

3) "The longer you behave in certain ways, the more it comes to define you, not only to others, but also to yourself."

4) Too much talking.  Whine less, do more. "I have learned that there is great power in taking action in directions where I have complaints or have been wronged by someone - and most of all, by taking forward steps instead of dredging up the past and displaying my suffering.

5) Perspective.  How are you doing: "Better than some and not as good as others."

6) You are what you give (to others and yourself).  You are what you do - first do good, then feel good.

7) Endure. "The point of documenting all these calls and letters is to give you enough scenarios that one might strike you as way to close to home; and better still, before it become "impossible."  For some of you, then is now.  You are already whining and feeling perpetually trapped...yet the whining state is just about the only condition you imagine is possible.  Let me repeat an important concept: enduring.  What we can't change (or fix) must be endured.  That means the whining stops because you set your mind, heart and soul to how to make the best out of a situation you'd rather not be in...but it is too late.  You must be polite, nice, helpful, positive, kind, patient; you know, some of that actually is potent salve to make the unendurable even pleasant.  And enough of that might change the situation completely and for the better."
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How To Get Anything You Want Just Like That!

I don't know anyone who doesn't want to know that little gem of info. We're all searching for something, right? Needless to say, I thought I would really like this book. My background is in the helping professions and I assumed that I would find Janet Poole's book useful and relatable. If I'm being honest, there are several excellent points in it. There were multiple times when I was scribbling in my notebook thinking, "Oh, that's good!" or "Yes. That is absolutely important to remember." The flip side of the coin, though is one that is not so relatable for me. For instance, the very first sentence starts off, "Did you know that you are entitled to have anything you want?" Perhaps this set the tone for the rest of the book for me since I completely disagree with everything about that sentence.

There were other things about this way of thinking that irked me, too. The author describes that each of us are gods (p. 7), a belief that is fundamentally against what I, as a Christian, believe. Poole discusses past lives and freely dishes out lots of feel good advice and tools toward getting what one wants out of the present life.

What did I like about the book? It's food for thought. No matter what you believe, it's important to know why you believe that. It's important to step outside of your box and expand your mind. One of my favorite quotes says:

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle

With that being said, the book also contains several key concepts that I wholeheartedly believe to be true. There's an emphasis on making changes in thinking in order to create change in life. This is absolutely something that I've found to be true in my life and in the lives of people I've worked with in a counseling setting. There's also an emphasis on loving and valuing the self which is important for self growth, in my opinion.

In addition to these pearls of wisdom, there are also summaries and exercises to accompany each chapter.
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"I know from my own experience and others' that the mind and heart can be transformed from the most miserable and abject of conditions to that of kindness, clarity, courage, openness and ease. How one might go about that is what I hope to share with my readers." This is the opening that Yuichi wrote on his Amazon bio page. In each of his three books dealing with difficult emotions (two more books to go) he does succeed in changing at least my life for the better -- precisely, by making living more spacious, less uptight, with far less dull repetitious thoughts and, more importantly, by paying as little as possible attention to my own likes and dislikes. Instead, living by worthwhile life principles (see above), this "Part Three" edition emphasizes accepting everything that living produces, good and bad, likes and dislikes, all in equal measure -- even with gratitude (which is healing). In sum, Yuichi writes that it's really not possible to feel a lack or insufficiency when
you are busy giving of yourself and living up to your worthy life principles. You feel rather a spacious sense of abundance. While his lessons are both sound and tough -- but loving --  they are easy and pleasurable to read: Yuichi Handa cares for and understands his readers. Of course I recommend this book to you.
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It's true, this book is not an "easy" read. I have been stuck at some points in the book because what he said rang so true to my life. I've had to take his ideas seriously into account and review my thinking style. Which has been quite erroneous, not due to me, but to a bad upbringing.  Also, being a human soul, I need to progress. So what do I do? I need to change the way I think to a more realistic way. "Know the truth and the truth will set you free". Thinking with God is now my #1 ambition.

I like the real life case studies he presents from his practice as a shrink. I can relate to many of these people. They are like me in many ways ( neurotic). It has given me a new perspective on my past. In my opinion, that's all that therapy can do for you, e.g., give you new framework to view your life from. I've had a little therapy, but so far, the best way I've discovered is to learn a new way of thinking about everything. That's a lot of work and many will not go there.

I like the quotes he makes from the wisdom of great thinkers. He stresses that life is complex, no way around it. No easy way of thinking either. It's not black vs white. The gray area is the reality.

He delves into the world of psycho-therapy. It's hard work to face therapy and " the truth" . Often, people live like ostriches with their heads buried up to their necks in sand to escape the truths they ought to face up to.

 His view of the purpose of life as a training ground for learning is very interesting. I'm also reading Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life" and this ties into his thinking perfectly. We are a creation of God, we live here in His power for His purposes during our time here. The creation can't out think the creator, that's for certain. Maybe all this was covered in his earlier books, I don't know because I didn't read them.

This book has been my therapist for a few weeks. It's a good thing.
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Very helpful.  Truly.  Tired of talking about your "past" which forces you to continue to live in it?  Liberate yourself and read this book.  If you are seeing a therapist - this is a useful tool to employ in your sessions.
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It is easier to give advice than to follow it. It took Doc, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and therapist into his forties to realize that he himself needed to make a change and leave the mundane Midwestern comfort he had grown accustomed to. He wanted to grow, and develop as a person, so he took a job in San Francisco, what he had wanted to do for years but was not brave enough to do it. A conflict he inherited from his parents. His mother needed stability, never seeing the purpose of wandering off on adventures, while his father couldn't wait to leave on his next journey. This was Doc's chance to find himself, a new life, and new opportunity.

There he met and influenced many patients. Yet his most introspective cases were with Walker, a man with anger issues, John who had severe social phobias, and Susan Saver who was living in an abusive marriage. Doc used his usual journaling technique with all three and encouraged them to take control of their lives and situations by doing what they could do about it now, rather than dwell in the past or fearfully anticipate the future.

The journey in this book is that of what therapy can do for people, giving insight into techniques, theories, and practices that can help us all gain some perspective. Not all of us have the severity of emotional strain as Doc's patients, but even Doc himself, needed advice at one time and looked deep inside himself. I'm sure that Mr. Martin, LCSW/DCSW, hopes that with this book, obviously written from his own reflections and experiences, his readers will do the same.
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Tells it like it is with sound advice, and most importantly a language for talking about social exchanges, feelings, relations, and how to avoid bad experiences with people.
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When therapy is getting to be so limited-this book tells how to keep on getting better and better at communicating.  It takes practice. What this book does is give you routines to incorporate into your daily life. Once you have them down it just becomes natural to always BE working on speech without even thinking about it anymore.  Lots of examples. I found it best to read in short spells and then go practice.  Not a long spell of reading because who has the time??  I use these strategies in my work as a social worker. Invaluable.
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Dr. Gribin has produced a quick, easy and funny read about therapy.  It makes seeking the help of a psychologist more accessible for the general public.  Not one person living modern westernized society is immune from the "issues" Gribin covers.  The book is easily readable because of all the humor it injects, however it also is filled with many of the brutal realities of life.  For example, Gribin walks you through what it is really like (especially what it really costs you) to get a divorce (just to be with that bimbo that you think really listens to you).
This is probably the first self-help book to buck up the reader by accepting the mediocrity of their life, instead of adding lots more stress by constantly trying to attain things they (and most everyone else), cannot have.  If you don't have the yacht, the perfectly beautiful woman, the multi-million dollar company you built on your own, etc, etc, it does not mean you are a failure.  Gribin uses logic a statistics throughout the book to make his points. This basis in reality is a comfort for the reader.  Whether you are wondering if you have the right girlfriend, or you are at the end of your emotional rope, this will book will go a long way in getting you to smartly decide on your next action.
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Very emotional book. I felt like I had been put right back in my own situation. Even though they were different, they were so much alike. I like how she hit on the point that people "overlook" verbal abuse. How you almost have to be physically abused for people to condone your reason for leaving. How people stand behind God and say, "You made a vow!" Yes, I did, but that does not mean I can be verbally attacked on a constant basis and live in fear of that verbal abuse. Society, does not understand the severity of emotional/verbal abuse. It really messes with your head and stays with you longer than the argument. The turmoil you go through when you finally realize it's over. How you "do" hurt because you don't want your spouse to hurt. It's such a warped sense of understanding, unless you have actually lived through this. Then you move out, and the peace you feel is so indescribable. The eggshells you no longer walk on, is liberating. You do go through guilt, because you wonder how you allowed yourself to be in this sitation to begin with. How did I not see it? Others did....why didn't I? You do lose friends, but were they really friends? The unexpected people who support you is the biggest surprise. There is still a lot I'm dealing with and working out, but her book really helped heal a lot of places in my heart. I think it is great for someone who is going through this, has gone through it, or knows someone who is/has gone through it. More people need to be aware of how severe verbal abuse is. Words hurt, they stick with us. Yes, we are in charge of how we let those words mess with our head, but most people are generally not that strong at first. Thank you Christi, for sharing your story with me. I'm so glad you finally found happiness and joy!
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This workbook has been so insightful, on point and thorough towards what I'm going through. It feels and sounds like my very own biography. Depersonalization is a horrible struggle but it hurts all the more when all of my doctors have been clueless and none have been willing to do any research. If you're like me and you had to go looking for answers yourself, this will help. If nothing, you will see that you are not alone. I've been so blessed to have an excellent therapist willing to learn about this and work on this with me. She's reading books too! Be your own advocate and present this in therapy.
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This book is well-written, extremely insightful, and well structured.  It is written in a tone as if the therapist is talking directly to you.

If you have lived with a narcissistic mother, you may not even realize it, or how it has affected you.  You may realize that something is wrong, but not know what or how to fix it.  If so, this book is for you.
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Reading this book makes you feel as if you are having a chat with the author. He has the knack of answering the question you have in your mind and he says such insightful things in very simple ways that sets you thinking about the life you are living and goals you are following.  The reader is likely to ask, Are they my goals? Is this the life I truly want to live or what others wanted mime to live?
I like his "blank sheet" approach to setting goals. It is like starting over with a clean sheet. You have the opportunity to write your own script for the video of your life.
Apart from the simple way he teaches you to set goals, he also makes an action request at the end of each chapter. Goal setting is not only about writing or talking it is also about doing. Get into the habit of doing what you say you will do and you are likely to achieve your goals.
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Most of the times I sat down to read this book I was at my local coffee shop; perhaps that is why I feel the way I do about Robert Taibbi's "Doing Family Therapy".  Imagine a long coffee fueled conversation with a wise and beloved counseling professor who wants nothing more than to encourage you professionally and challenge you personally.  While passing on his tried and true approach to counseling, he illustrates with rich stories of people he has worked with, punctuates those case studies with provocative maxims, pauses now and then to refer you to a good book or two he believes you'll find helpful, and, even prescribes some reflective exercises to facilitate some personal growth.  After hours of discussing theory and technique he leans in closer and in almost prayerful tones speaks of a sense of calling, of personal integrity, of faith, and of purpose and vision.

Doing Family Therapy was an assigned text for a Systems of Family Therapy course and our class poll gave the book 3.5 of five stars; I give it three of five stars.  Though one would never interrupt a sage to request research citations or linkage to evidence based practice studies, the book would be bolstered by a more obvious link to research.  I'm sure Mr. Taibbi has more than adequate credentials as a scientist, but he truly shines as a clinical artist.  I can imagine wanting to sit down and enjoy another cup of coffee with this artist sage in the future.