Unfortunately love cannot "cure" autism or Asperger's (if they even need ...
930620
Unfortunately love cannot "cure" autism or Asperger's (if they even need curing).  But in this book, a high functioning person, who is living out his life, changes in ways that no one who actually knows someone with Asperger's Syndrome will find believable.  I enjoyed many parts of the book, but as soon as the character starts modifying his behavior, changing his clothing, and becoming a different person, I checked out.
4764573
I remember one of my friends talking about her life after she shared her daughter's Autism diagnosis with her friends and family.  She told me, "If my daughter had cancer, people would have rallied around me with support and casseroles.  When I told people about my daughter's autism, everyone just disappeared".  Unfortunately, this is not a unique story.  Usually it is not for lack of love or caring, it is because of the fear of doing the wrong thing or simply not knowing what to do or say.

Author Ann Palmer does a wonderful job of using actual parent's stories and the stories of extended families and friends to talk about how things can go right, how they can go wrong, and real ideas of how to help and be there for each other.  This is also a great read for parents of ASD children because it explains how we can sometimes contribute to problems by not asking for help or not letting people know what is really going on in our lives.

I would recommend this book to anyone with a newly diagnosed child and to people who are already further down the road with ASD.  My son was diagnosed five years ago and our need for support has gone up and down through the years.  Reading this book I realized mistakes I have made and now know what I will do differently in the future.  I hope that other people will be able to use this book as a wonderful resource to maintain strong relationships through this lifetime journey.
2403476
I read this book in a couple of days because, in the beginning, I found interesting the description of how the marriage became stagnant and reached a crisis when the children left. Many of the author's life situations and thoughts were similar to the ones I went through when I was hit by the empty nest syndrome. However, as a psychotherapist I find it hard to believe that a year of distancing from the marriage with no mention of any kind of psychotherapy can lead a marital crisis to such a happy ending. The reader is not told how husband and wife were able to work out their issues except for the wife walking on the beach and visiting seals. Hmmmm....Really? And what about the husband? How did he suddenly turned from morose to open and friendly? If life was this easy we clinicians would be unemployed.
3501945
My nephew was diagnosed with Autism this past Spring so I put together an Autism care package for my brother and his wife.

They are young parents still trying to find their way in life and I live so far away I wanted to do something for them so this is what I came up with.  In addition to a subscription to a magazine for parents of Autistic children, I sent them these:

<a data-hook="product-link-linked" class="a-link-normal" href="/Toilet-Training-for-Individuals-with-Autism-or-Other-Developmental-Issues-2nd-Edition/dp/1932565493/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_rvw_txt?ie=UTF8">Toilet Training for Individuals with Autism or Other Developmental Issues, 2nd Edition</a>
<a data-hook="product-link-linked" class="a-link-normal" href="/Ten-Things-Every-Child-with-Autism-Wishes-You-Knew/dp/1932565302/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_rvw_txt?ie=UTF8">Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew</a>
<a data-hook="product-link-linked" class="a-link-normal" href="/1001-Great-Ideas-for-Teaching-and-Raising-Children-with-Autism-or-Asperger-s-Revised-and-Expanded-2nd-Edition/dp/1935274066/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_rvw_txt?ie=UTF8">1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism or Asperger's, Revised and Expanded 2nd Edition</a>
<a data-hook="product-link-linked" class="a-link-normal" href="/Baby-Babble-Speech-Enhancing-DVD-for-Babies-and-Toddlers/dp/B00027OI1I/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_rvw_txt?ie=UTF8">Baby Babble - Speech-Enhancing DVD for Babies and Toddlers</a>

My sister in law was very appreciative and said they were helpful.

[...]  Thanks!
2724221
I used for both children and the oldest boy has mild Aspergers and the youngest has Sensory integration issues. Coincidence, possible. They are both very smart, but is that just me being very engaged? I am not sure. But if I had it to do over again I would leave this out. Our children grow up because of us and in spite of us. But then again no one could have told me that especially with my first....
4340480
Like an old-fashioned snake-oil salesman, this book promises a cure-all for every emotional ailment, yet it seldom delivers -- unless you count the delivery of harmful "blame the victim" messages.

Depressed because your husband broke his marriage vows? It's your fault for being such a possessive witch. Come to terms with the fact that he still sees the "other woman," and you'll find inner peace.

Angry because your drug-addicted daughter neglects her own child? Worried about the grandchild's welfare, and feeling burned out because you're already caring for three other neglected grandchildren? Heck, adopt this kid too! Raise four, five or more grandchildren! (Byron Katie actually suggests this.) Never mind that you're already at the end of your rope and that this simply enables your druggie daughter to kill herself while abandoning the baby she brought into the world.

Haunted by visions of surviving as an abandoned youngster in war-ravaged Europe? Hey, it wasn't really all that bad. Get over it. (Conveniently, Katie fails to address the man's anguished memories of seeing and hearing another six-year-old, and many women, being raped. Maybe she realizes that her facile dismissal of inner pain won't stretch this far.)

There is a kernel of truth in this book: in minor matters, your attitude alters your reality. You can and should question whether fleeting thoughts are true, or whether you're simply constructing a story that fits your narrative. Psychologists call this confirmation bias; we create a hypothesis to explain a situation, and thereafter we look for evidence to support our conclusions.

But Katie applies this technique to areas of serious pain: war trauma, incest, infidelity. She has no business counseling people in these matters, and once they've walked away from the brainwashing / bullying session, they're likely to feel much, much worse.
3688078
I was dating a guy with Asperger's so reading this book prepared me for not expecting certain things. (It was his complete breakdown of both respect and decorum which ended things- and that wasn't the Asperger's- it was all him.) Talking with parents of 2 boys with Asperger's, it seems that if they're raised right, the can have the same respect and consideration for others as "neurotypical" people. So, if you can see your guy in this book, it's not that the Asperger's made him do it! He was probably raised in an insensitive way, making him severely over-protective of his self.
1675494
The premise of this book reminds me of the sign hanging above Auschwitz: "Arbeit macht frei" (work makes you free).

So modern life makes us all sick in the head, because it's broken. But we're only useful to society if we work? That's called Utilitarianism, and it's a fairly immoral and reprehensible philosophy.  Sick people need healing.

You wouldn't insult a cancer patient by telling them they needed to skip chemo and just go to work, it would take care of itself.  Why is mental illness any different?

I understand full well the burden of struggling with depression and not finding answers, having been there myself.  But this book isn't the answer.  Instead, do some analysis of what your symptoms are, and look into the substances that are responsible for those effects.  Dopamine is related to enjoyment and motivation.  Serotonin is related to self-worth and happiness.  GABA is related to calm and ability to deal with social situations.  Further research will point you in the direction of the amino acids and supplements that can help gradually boost production of what you lack, either from foods containing an abundance of these amino acids; or supplements, used appropriately in small, therapeutic doses.  I'm not a medical practitioner, so I won't say anything more than this except to use care in regards to supplements, and never, ever combine them with drugs except under the care and close supervision of a qualified and licensed medical professional. Use care, too, when combining supplements, and be sure and research any possible side effects and contraindications.

Anyone who goes on a journey to find more information on how to live a better life despite suffering from depression, anxiety, and other issues is best served by keeping in mind that Brain and Mind are two different things.  Yes, they inhabit the same physical space, but trying to fix the Brain-Mind combo by only applying repairs to the Mind side of things is not going to get very far, if, indeed it's the Brain that's the issue.  In other words, we can meditate all we want, but if the mechanism is out of kilter, we're not going to see enough of a result, and think it's not working for us.  And by obsession over mindfulness practices, gratitude, meditation, and other activities without seeing results can make one believe that one has an intrinsic flaw in one's character!  That's hardly helpful in terms of recovery.  All too often we forget to factor in the stresses of daily life that have an effect on our brain chemistry, and we also forget that we have some control over the food and fuel we provide our bodies to set those imbalances back to rights.

I hope this is helpful. Best of luck on your journey toward better mental health!
3116630
BUY INSTEAD: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski (her blog is also awesome sauce)

As a twenty-something, radical-tolerance-practicing, Unitarian Universalist, empathetic flaming liberal, this is the book you should buy if you want to relieve anxiety about your hypersexual nonmonogamous bisexuality (as the author identifies). This manifesto does nothing to comfort those coming from any other direction. So, if, for example, you feel pressure/anxiety to have more sex or more kinds of sex than you actually feel comfortable with; if you are asexual, in the gray area, or think you might be; or if you're generally skeptical that hookup culture is healthy for everyone, you will be made to feel as though you are sexually repressed rather than empowered to assert your boundaries. This is the legacy of the "sex-positive" movement (no matter what the theoretical goals): to center sex, and especially sexual hedonism, as the only way to be a complete and valuable human being. The average American teenager/young adult needs advice on how to say "no" to the sex they don't want, as well as how to gracefully receive a "no" from a potential partner, not more pressure to try anything and everything simply because they can, often at the expense of their actual boundaries with the goal of fitting in. By and large, being "sex positive" is simply a way to tastefully reinforce rape culture to anxious left-wingers because it pays so much lip service to feminism and boundaries, while in practice, the conclusion remains that asserting your boundaries "slut-shames" those with less restrictive boundaries. Give me a break. There is an unreal amount of paper dedicated to pregnancy and childbirth, how to have different kinds of sex, and safe sex methods, but very little guidance in how to figure out if any of that is your cup of tea to begin with.

I want to see a book dedicated to the reality of what sex is (a physical expression of emotion), and how young people can navigate the feelings they do have introspectively rather saying "here's how to do all the sex but you're on your own to sort out your feelings, and side note: you're only worthy if they're the 'right' feelings". Men are taught sex is physical, women are taught sex is emotional, and there is hardly anyone out there trying to reconcile that message. As a parent, this is infuriating.

TL;DR: This is a solid read if you don't know how to use the internet to figure out what kinds of sex are out there or for your kid if you are terrible at parenting. It would have been world-changing in 1950.
1678845
I saw this documentary about 3 years ago, and recommended it to a friend, who's young adult son was struggling with mental illness and addiction.

I remember thinking how a film about bi-polar disorder, made by professional documentarians about their own son, with access to a camera at a moments notice, would be so good for bringing the realities and the enigma of the illness to the public, as experienced by the family.

I found it profoundly sad, that these patients are often brilliant, as was Evan with his music, and also the eerie preoccupation with death at an age (6 ?), when most children are unable to conceptualize it at all.

I read a few years ago that 25% of manic depressives committ suicide.  I'm not sure those statistics have changed, they may even be worse, since mental health care is particularly neglected in this country, not requiring insurance companies to cover it like any other illness.

 People who have some money can get help, and very poor people have some funding (not enough), but most people have to pay a lot out of pocket for treatment, and for very expensive medications that often take a long time, and fine tuning to get the right combination, and patients often require several medications that can easily run into hundreds of dollars a month.

I really would have to watch it again, but my recollection is that the psychiatrist was not as proactive as he should have been.

And, ultimately, in a family that obviously was sophisticated, and financially able to provide the best care, they still lost their son.

I think also, Evan was severely stricken at such a young age, he had had no period of normal development to draw on, and no impulse control to prevent him from taking his young life.

My friends' son, who I mentioned earlier, has survived his illness after very rough teens and early twenties.

At one point, I didn't think he was going to make it, but he is a very smart, introspective guy, able to use counseling well,had insurance and the money to pay for many, many medication trials before getting the right combination,  and his parents did not give up on him during the really rough times with the addiction, etc.

What it takes to survive, is definitiley support, and the rest, is a combination of genes, luck,.......................I don't know. Mental illness is a terrible thing.
484946
So annoying.  It's just a bash against big business and vaccines.  Very misleading.  They say how expensive it is to educate ASD kids.  They need a special education teacher (true) they need Para professionals (true) they said you have to hire occupational therapist,  speech therapist,  physical therapist, scool nurse to give them meds...this is where it's misleading. You can't blame the cost of specialist on Autistic units, these specialists already exist in the school system for all kids with special needs.

Watching this is also visually annoying, the flashing of random statistics can give you seizures.
3054814
Just found out I have Asperger's. I'm Anthony's wife, not Anthony. It seemed really great at first but, it was a tad boring after a while and never really talked about WHAT asperger's is from a medical perspective. Just kept saying autism spectrum. It did help my husband see where I get a few(actually many) of my quirks but he couldn't get to the end of it. Neither could I. It's written in very very Layman's terms. In actuality, it was just too simple for my husband and I. It could be really eye opening for a family member or someone who doesn't like the more medical terms used.
3400203
John Brooks sadly and eloquently recounts the brief history of his only child, whom he and his wife adopted when she was just fourteen months old.  After her birth mother gave her up, the baby lived in a Polish orphanage until John and Erika signed adoption papers and took her home to America.  The couple renamed their beautiful little girl Casey, and rejoiced that they were a family at last. Unfortunately, their joy was short-lived.  John recalls how alarmed he and his wife were when Casey's behaviormarked by rage, rebelliousness, and refusal to adhere to simple rules--deteriorated over the years until, tragically, she committed suicide at the age of seventeen.

How painful it must have been for John to look back at his and Erika's futile efforts to make Casey feel loved, wanted, and appreciated.  Sadly, the daughter they cherished suffered from low self-esteem, alienation, and an inability to relax and enjoy everyday pleasures. Casey "seemed to have a never-ending reservoir of tears." Although they hoped that she was going through phases that would eventually pass, John and Erika feared that something more was going on that they could not handle themselves.  They consulted various therapists, none of whom made significant headway in changing Casey's mood and outlook.

"The Girl Behind the Door" is a cautionary tale in which the author raises the possibility that his daughter suffered from an attachment disorder stemming from emotional neglect (the staff in Eastern European orphanages did not often cuddle and comfort the infants in their care). By the time John and Erika adopted Casey, the damage may have been done. What might have helped Casey to thrive?  After researching attachment disorders, John suggests that newborns who fail to bond with their primary caregivers may need far more nurturing, reassurance, and physical contact than the average youngster.  Perhaps early intervention by specialists might have saved Casey, but there is no way of knowing what might have been.  This is a candid, informative, and heartbreaking work of non-fiction.  It shows that even well-intentioned parents may be at a loss when dealing with an at-risk child whose genetic and psychological makeup is shrouded in mystery.
1692245
Your book is truly frightening in its final chapters, while much of the initial chapters are seductively scientific, biological and, thus for me, quite compelling.  You suggest no realistic neurological mechanisms for "limbic resonance" which is offered as a means of fundamentally  communicating love, and also (by implication) as a means of therapy for the  love-dysfunctional. You suggest that such therapy may take many years.  I  find it hard to believe that we are sufficiently ill to require this degree  of intensive relations with a professional who is, after all, conducting  uncontrolled experiments with our minds (this will remain true until we  completely understand the mind).  The initial biological basis of your book  is compelling, but it falls short when you simply walk away from the  essential questions of "how" and "why."  You correctly  note that at least one side of our neocortical brain processes emotional  information, yet you totally ignore the connection that this part of the  neocortex has with its limbic foundation. This is critical if there is to  be any real hope for those who believe that "insight therapy"  (based on neocortical function) will in any way help their problems.  Your  last chapter is utterly devoid of hope for the epidemic of anxiety and  depression that, as you correctly observe, plague our modern culture.
As  an evolutionary biologist, I welcome your refreshing approach to  psychobiology, but I have three concerns about your work. (1) It ignores  the power of our recently-evolved neocortex to influence affective  disorders. Although I do not understand how this can occur, I would suggest  that more research should be done in this area.  The physical connections  between the two parts of the brain exist. Why? Truly debilitating affective  disorder did not develop with the limbic system alone (these organisms  would be extinct). Modern affective disease requires interaction with the  neocortex. We are missing something here, although I certainly lack the  expertise to tell you what it is.  You completely fail to recognize that  cultural evolution is far faster and potentially more powerful than  biological evolution, and how this might relate to the problems that you  pose. (2) You offer no mechanisms for the central feature of your theory,  "limbic resonance." It could be that we are simply not using our  neocortex to its fullest capacity to solve these problems, or perhaps, we  are failing to understand the appropriate way to communicate between the  two parts, i.e., your poorly defined "limbic resonance." (3) Your  final chapter offers no explicit solution for affectively ill individuals,  or, for that matter, our society as a whole. While much of the pathology of  modern society that you cite is without question true, your link between  the limbic brain and these ills is merely assertion, although, I admit that  the possibility of such a link is frightening in the context of our  evolutionary future.
In sum, this work should go through the peer  review process.  I would be very interested to learn what your anonymous  peer-reviewers might have to say about this book.
985127
An interesting book about the anxiety experienced by an autistic woman over the latest developments in cognitive neuroscience. This book is an attempt to expose certain habits of mind in autism before the neurosciences do, per se. Actually, there is nothing "new" about autism that the sciences and psychology do not already know and one of the main areas of scientific research is recognition and NOT exposure! However the public in general might be curious about ASD's. I can see that some autism advocacy groups are making a PR grab for public consensus for political reasons by publishing books describing certain experiences with their disorder. The author of this book tries to create a face for autism disorders through a condition called "exposure anxiety" and then tries to save face for some autistics who supposedly communicate indirectly by designating this behavior as a "style" used in facilitated communication and then discusses it's positive aspects for autism disorders.

The author discusses how she reconstructed her autism with indirect communication techniques, (which I understand as one of many variables of facilitated communication),drawing from popular culture fragments such as slogans, images, personea, jingles, etc. and then came to the belief that she has an "inside" intelligence which she was born with. Actually in this media saturated society, any child autistic or non-autistic child born into a primarily audio or visual environment will automaticly pick up gestures, poses, postures and phrases in general! This behavior isn't regarded as intelligence so much as it is a product of mentality of the person. It is very interesting to read about then, in this book, how autism is also a disorder that constructs itself "socially" and physically. I don't think autism spectrum disorders are, as a result of self-inflicted traumas and anti-social behavior, disorders to feed into and the resulting mentality is something every care manager for autism should try to help them to avoid. I would discourage the use of indirect communication techniques in this book which is another expression for facilitated communication. Other items of facilitated or "explorative" or "experimental" communication fall under these headings such as hallucinogenic and nootropic drugs, writing machines, spy devices and gadgets, etc, etc, which promise people with communication disorders quick fixes, "information" about the environment around them and dreams of advanced matriculation. There is no easy way around the processes of learning! Sorry!

I'm more inclined to study, learn from and assist people such as the Aboriginals of Australia who had a very strong self-protection response with regard to various aspects of enslavement, attacks to their communication systems,(which were very direct I might add), and disenfranchisement. They showed the volition to re-educate themselves and maintain aspects of their culture that wasn't demolished by the colonials.

One last thing about FC and indirect communication. Many people here in the U.S. are predisposed to using F.C. such as minorities and immigrants with learning and mental disabilites as well as Pdd's in the magority population for matriculation purposes. What they may not realize is that people who use these methods for quick advancement in American society often become embittered, frustrated, humiliated and resentful of society when interpersonal relationships breakdown or they "hit the glass ceiling" to say the least. It is simply understood that one does not discredit oneself with the use of these popular or creative "tools" of a rather backwards kind of learning about self.

The desparation in American society to be normal and to have the objects and smarts that other people have is enormous but not worth gambling with one's personal reputation no matter how grim the outlook may become or how other people are "getting over" in society.
3771388
Their parents told them they were loved no matter what.  Their teachers puffed up their self esteem.

But no where along the way has anybody pointed out the cold realities of life.

Because the cruel truth is that nobody loves you no matter what. Because yes, if you are a depraved serial killer even your parents will stop loving you quite as much.

Anybody out there really believe the Anthonys love their daughter Casey Anthony now as much as they once did, after she stole from them, lied to them, accused them in court of abuse, and likely killed their first grandchild?

As for all those teachers who swaddled their pupils in great lashings of self esteem, the research shows that those with the greatest self esteem tend to be  criminal sociopaths.  Those with the  least esteem tend to be A students.

Apparently it would be better to try and crush self-esteem, nip it right in the bud.

However, "GenMe's focus...is straightforward and unapologetic about our self-focus" (p 49).  It's all about their happiness.  Not sacrifice for another person.

So it's hardly surprising to read about the consequences.  The GenMe'ers are a less than happy group as they hit the adult years.  They are "likely to remain unsatisfied unless they earn heaps of money" (p 131).  Jobs unfairly involve a lot of work and not much praise.

They tend to have absurdly high expectations for a mate.  "Marriage was once seen as a practical partnership for raising children" (p 132) but the GenMe'ers expect Prince Charming or a Playboy Hottie and not the kid next door.

The trends suggest as many as 20-25% will never burden their sublime self interest by screaming needs of a baby.  Yet over 50% of the children today are born to unmarried women.  Most of these women are living with boyfriends, the baby fathers, who, research shows, will soon depart.

There are thousands of research studies showing what happens to children raised in a single parent household.  About 80% of prison inmates came from single parent houses.  Children raised in single parent homes are at dramatically higher risk  than those raised by their genetic pants to have drug and alcohol problems, fail at school, have emotional problems, and never manage to form emotional bonds later in life.

All of this was made possible only when living in the richest country in the world, at a time of unparalleled peace.

Good luck to all of them if things change.
778369
I really wanted to love this book. A story about a transgendered girl with crazy, surreal dreams who is dismissed and even threatened by her family? Yes please - my 5 year old son been talking a lot about gender rules lately, and this provides a thoughtful way to discuss these issues, and my 2 year old is obsessed with the dresses Bailey dreams up. But please, PLEASE don't tell already vulnerable transkids to put all their hopes into wandering onto strangers' porches looking for someone to recognize their true inner selves, because I guarantee you not all of their motives will be as pure as the older girl who helped construct one of Bailey's dream dresses. And there is little my children like less than a refresher course on appropriate boundaries with adults and older kids (strange and familiar) at bedtime.