The Wii Is a Plastic Box of Death
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Thanks to the degenerate minds behind the Nintendo Wii, young gamers are being transformed into murderous, ravening beasts. Commentary by Lore Sj&#246;berg.
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Tycho:  In case you are wondering, cats apparently need regular maintenance, like cars.  And, like an oil change, this juicing process can be done (I'm told) at home, preferably with the curtains drawn and a couple inches of sawdust laid down.  That's right: you can wring out your own cat's asshole.  This is the kind of helpful information you can expect when you visit Penny Arcade.  Don't everybody run home at once.    I've been playing a lot of Prism on the DS, even though the Zelda cartridge seems to squeal as I remove it.  I understand there's some kind of Ghost Ship?  I forget all of my cares, and also the cares of Princess Zelda, once those beams begin to refract.    They've ginned up some ridonculous crap about light eating space monsters to support their gameplay, which is very solid, and requires no extraterrestrial photophiles.  It's a puzzle game.  When I put pieces of a puzzle together, I never think about how alone each piece must feel, longing only to congregate with similarly knobbed partial images.  So, discard that.  Discard also the truly nasty presentation, no doubt a result of hard time done in already the Mobile and PC Casual markets.  Part these imperfections like tall savannah grass, and gaze into the game's rich core:  the creation of sometimes very complex circuits.     Inside each puzzle grid, the player is given some combination of Light Emitting Entities, Reflective Mirrors, Splitters, or Prisms.  You must jigger the aforementioned until light of the correct colors is distributed to targets around the edge of the field.  That's it, and the fun comes from how complicated this process can become.  There are quite a few cooperative puzzles as well - where each player has access to half the grid, and they must work together to route everything.  If you try this mode - and I request that you do so, as you only need one (1) cartridge and a willing accomplice - I recommend that you each turn your DS sideways, so that the UI is along the bottom.  That will make it so that "left" and "right" and "up" and "down" all mean the same thing to each of you.  Trust me, you want this.  The game is hard enough without the horror of fully relative terms.    Prism actually taught me something fairly significant about why I play games, and I think it's because the gameplay is so clean and the presentation so spartan that I could pick up on it.  I like games that generate communication.  This is why team-based shooters, roleplaying games, and tactical games are my delight - every one of these entails a suite of custom language to describe it, they require constant dialogue, and, most importantly, all other things being equal these games can be won by the efficient use of language.  Working out puzzles together in Prism has a strong logic component, but in large part the challenge was communicating ethereal notions succinctly.    I suppose this is also why I torment you here, thrice weekly: even when playing a game by myself, I am harvesting the experience so that it may be reconstituted here.  So, thank you for reading.  You dignify my leisure hours.          The Playstation 3 in the office has been more than acceptable for playing the sometimes short, often bad games that have arrived on it - but this holiday, with the titles to prove out the claim, I had to "get mine" in the bawdy parlance of the young.  What tipped my hand wasn't the four hundred dollar system on offer, rather, it was the three hundred and seventy nine dollar model.  These are probably mostly a mail order proposition, but any of those rare twenty gig models the platform launched with got bumped down by the new price.  It's inexpensive by PS3 standards, but it's positively cheap for a Blu-Ray device.  Now fully franchised, flexing all the rich benefits of Sony citizenship, you may expect me to be even more brutal in my critique.
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A battle over next-generation disc standards could create a rift in console game storage. Which side are you on? There are few who contest the fact that the acceptance of CD-ROM and then DVD-ROM standards
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Many of the ultraviolent and sexually explicit video &quot;games&quot; on the market today deserve the revulsion and ridicule they have received.
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The Wii is quickly solidifying itself as the gadget that is perpetually making us think, "Hm, I never thought of that, but it's a cool idea." From Crave, CNET's gadgets blog.
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Tussle over next-generation DVD format could alienate consumers.
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Ingenious hacks abound for the game console's input device. Plus: The
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Readers remark on the insidious "Wii" and building better bridges. Plus: Links to our most popular blog posts.
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Like the penny, the floppy drive is hardly worth the trouble, computer makers say. -AP
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PS3 vs. Wii vs. Xbox. And the winner is: Gamestop.
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Tycho:  Mario Hoops 3-on-3 is impressive in many ways, as I've suggested: certainly as a technical showcase, it's nice to have in your bag.  As a catalogue of Japanese aggression toward gamers, it's clear now that future generations will refer to these advanced cups as a deeply scandalous exhibit.  I have seen a Goddamn ninja weave a dark circle, disappear with a burst of leaves in some strictly Hattori Hanzo type shit, and then phase back into the physical plane to haunt our mortal hoops.
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Some video game fans are puzzled over a new title for the Nintendo Wii system -- mainly because it's not really a game.
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Gaming not green enough Eco-lobbyist Greenpeace is on a mission to upset the gaming industry, because consoles are apparently upsetting the environment. Itâs ranked the Wii as the least environmentally friendly console, compared to the PS3 and Xbox 360.â¦
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Nintendo has wet my old-school whistle, yet again. I spent a majority of my earlier years plopped in front of the TV screen playing NES games, and blowing into the cartridges to get the games to work (which Nintendo, apparently, does not condone).
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Mattel will use Matrix Semiconductor&#39;s long-delayed 3-D memory chips in cartridges for its upcoming Juice Box personal media player, a $70 device aimed at children between the ages of eight and 12.
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Playing "active" computer games on consoles such as the Nintendo Wii is no substitute for playing real sports, warn experts.
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Tycho:  When I started reading articles about Senator Brownback's bill - the one that would require that the ESRB play through games in their entirety - I expected to agree with it in principle, but take issue with its execution.  The shrill phase of the site, where I would don armor and ride under the aegis of the true gamer no matter how mild the incentive, now rests in the reliquary with Xbox Controller Jokes and Jabs At User Friendly.  I had chosen a singularly poor moment to become reasonable.  Upon further examination, the Senator's plan (which I think may be rightly called a machination) is the sort of thing one might forge in the fires of Mount Doom.