so much potential, but a big fail on the execution
359495
This could have been sooo much better. Unfortunately it skips around, flips flops between serious and silly, and generally makes you roll your eyes every 10 minutes.
4593534
Sadly, although I think this story has great potential, the execution of it led me to put down the book after reading only about a quarter of it. The writing was, to me, the main failing, both in style and in narrative structure.

The style is juvenile, cliched, and casual, possibly trying to be a reflection of natural teenage speech, but immature and depthless to my tastes. Errors in grammar also make frequent visits to the passages.

The narrative structure I thought to be poorly chosen. Quite interesting events are told, explained, as the main character's recollections, filling in the reader on things that happened in the past, when actually seeing those events unfold would have been ten times more compelling. There are some interesting and creative ideas here, but--possibly due to inexperience and lack of an editor--they are glossed over and burdened by a campy, superficial writing style that does the story no favors.

Perhaps this author's style is just not to my taste, but I think a few hundred more hours writing and reading (and a better grasp of grammar, and an editor) would be a huge benefit before sharing completed works.
2634878
I really don't know what to say:  this was a great premise for a book; the "what if you could go back in time and save Kennedy, kill Hitler, stop Pearl Harbor, or whatever"  scenario.  In King's version, Jake Epping, a 35-year English teacher has the opportunity to go back in time and attempt to avert the Kennedy assignation.  Epping is introduced to the concept of time-traveling and the prospect of saving Kennedy by Al, the proprietor of a local diner.  Apparently there is a "rabbit-hole" in the pantry of the diner that deposits anyone climbing through to September 9, 1985 (always the same date).  Al asks Epping, a man whom he only knows as a customer, to "carry on his mission" since Al is now dying.  After thinking about this for precisely one day, Epping goes back in time and lives there for five years while he concocts a plan to stop Lee Harvey Oswald.  The story starts out well enough and then it just falls apart; it is a rambling, clich ridden mess where the past is romanticized/sanitized and the protagonist develops amazing (read: unbelievable) skills (spying, shooting, planning) .  Great concept, lousy execution; this book would have benefited from a heavy editing hand, 300 less pages, and two less story lines.
786411
There was actually a pretty good book hidden in here trying to get out. Unfortunately, it failed.

First, the good things:

This was a really inventive premise. A demon escapes from Dante's Inferno, and finds himself in the real world. How does he react? How does the World react to him? He has escapades. Cool idea.

Barker's demon Jakobok, and indeed the other angels and demons in this book, in no way fit the common stereotype. Also cool.

Now the bad things:

The conceit of the book that it actually contains Jakobok's spirit, and he wants you, The Reader, to burn the book. While inventive at first, about what seems like the thousandth time you go through it this device becomes more than grating, it is irritating beyond words. I ended up skipping pages and pages at a time to get beyond it and back to the story. In what is already a short book, if this stuff were edited out, you'd have a magazine article remaining. Barker's editor deserves a swift kick in the [...].

In a book in which Gutenberg's printing press play such a pivotal role, it is beyond ironic that this book is so chock full of typographical and printing errors. Also REALLY annoying.

Because the actual story itself is so slight, most of the characterizations are, too. Almost cartoon characters.

So.... one and a half stars, which I'll round up to two because I've enjoyed Barker's past work so much. Pretty generous of me, frankly.

Don't forget to burn this review when you're done reading it.
804862
Let me start by saying that this could have been an excellent novella; key words: COULD HAVE BEEN :-{

The story begins with college student Colton as a clumsy and really depressed gay guy who has little sense of direction in life. Frankly, at that point, he's not generally very likable (though we might feel a bit sorry for him and for what he appears to be missing in his world).

For some reason however, his straight roommate Randy DOES like him. And Randy's slightly younger brother Troy, after a somewhat awkward introduction, "like likes" him. Both Randy and Troy - especially Troy - are amazing characters and they will slowly help Colton improve his outlook - but, dammit, perhaps not soon enough because Colton seemingly ruins things virtually every time he opens his mouth.

This had almost all of the makings of a 4 star - perhaps even 5 star - read.

Alas, the author - via some of the most unwieldy craftsmanship I've ever  encountered on Kindle - pretty much spoils the experience with his truly inexplicable use of wrong-gendered pronouns throughout the narrative. Randy and Troy, fairly often, are each referred to as "her." (And I don't mean in a funny, gay camp "Get Her!" kind of way). Colton's mother is sometimes referenced as "he." What's up with that? It's almost as if the author had written and published this earlier (under another pen name maybe?) as a hetero romance and then decided to turn it into a gay love story by changing a few names and descriptions here and there. But, if that was the case, replacing the pronouns seems to have been largely ignored. And these wrong-gendered pronouns are like terrible speed  bumps on what would have been an otherwise very nice "romantic journey."

Then there's the fact that cereal and toast are invariably referred to as "cereals" and "toasts" - as in "I had a bowl of cereals and a plate of toasts for breakfast." ESL maybe?

To some small degree I've become inured to the ubiquitous typos one finds in Kindle M4M romances ("there" "their" and "they're" used  interchangeably; "phase" almost always used instead of the contextually correct "faze" [as in - ugh - "his words didn't PHASE me"]) but this author is just demanding much too much of even the most indulgent reader.

And that's a shame. Because the author often does show some considerable talent and imagination. (I was totally in love with MY NEW FRIEND KIRK until the sad and disappointing last couple of chapters - which just didn't seem to "fit" at all and left me feeling really let down - even though I don't INSIST on "HEA" denouements in the books I choose to read).

Please don't give up - but DO consider re-writing YOU WERE RIGHT - and possibly even MY NEW FRIEND KIRK.
1139608
I found this book while browsing the cheap book lists for my Nook and thought that a ship that could link to the pilot to be a great idea! What made this fall flat for me was the execution. Not only was the ship connected with the pilot, the ship could also do whatever the hell it wanted! Want some private space? Done! What a brig? Done! Have any random craving for something yummy? Done!

If this was all there was, I might have been able to look past it, but the plot itself seemed to only let the main character perceiver solely because they were the main character. Even near the end when the situation was clearly designed to be impossible to get out of, everything is resolved because the main character is just so noble and just, it works out. Another thing I had a hard time accepting was that, for someone who grew up as a prisoner and knew no other life, the main character had amazing morals, overwhelming trust in strangers, and a surprising inability to stop crying at every opportunity.

Final thoughts, this style of writing may work for some people, but I find such liberal use of dues ex machina to be a deal breaker. 2.8/5 stars
209569
Magic + alternate dimensions + rebellion against a totalitarian government + kids ruling the world + love +etc. Sounds like a good combination for a great book right? I wish. You can't write a book based on a formula of things you think young adults like. You actually have to connect it all. This book and series had so much potential. It could have been soooo good. I looked forward to reading it, instead I found myself smacking my forehead in frustration and disbelief over and over again.

I don't mind the short chapters or the fact that the chapters alternate between the point of view of the two main characters. A lot of great books do that very well. What I do mind is that the two main characters are so flat and undeveloped that without the character's name being stated at the beginning of the chapter, most of the time I didn't know whose point of view I was reading: the brother's or the sister's. Almost all of the characters are completely 2-dimensional. All of the dialogue from the evil adults consists of them yelling. They're all so angry, and well, evil, which again makes them really hard to tell apart. None of the characters are realistic. And I am not talking about being able to use magic. I am talking about how people do not talk or act like this. No matter how apathetic or lazy you think teenagers are, I think they'd notice is such a completely radically and repressive government had taken over of their world. Kids have been going missing for sometime before the book starts, our two main characters notice this. But when they're abducted in the middle of the night by government agents, they have never even heard of this government. They've never even suspected that they might be different, let alone that they have any powers. And yet when they meet up with other kids, those kids know everything: about magic, about the world of the dead, about the government, about the prophecies. (Can someone tell me why the prophecies appear on the wall of an upscale department store and only there?) These two main characters will often spend a paragraph in denial insisting that they don't have powers or that they can't possibly go on/can't win, and in the very next paragraph they have complete control/knowledge of their powers and are determined and confident in what they're about to do without anything in between showing how they got from point A to point B in their thinking.

The entire book, and series, felt like the authors were feeling particularly lazy. As if they sat down over a weekend, churned these out, and had them published without any second thought. I wish I could remember any of the many pages where a character tells us that "you wouldn't believe it if I told you" and therefore they don't even bother trying to describe what they are seeing or how they moved from one city to another in a matter of seconds. Further, consider all of the consistencies. The so called "Lost Ones" in the world of the dead. At first they're described as humans who got lost in the "Shadowland" (world of the dead) for too long and began to mutate and now chase after anyone alive and wandering around Otherworld. They desperately want to go home. Later on, all of a sudden, they're actually dead people who were bad when they were alive and this is their punishment. Now they can talk, think, cook and eat humans, and work for the evil government leader. Did I miss something?

I actually like a lot of YA books, but these seemed like they were written by authors who don't remember what it's like to be a YA and therefore vastly underestimated their readers. It even seemed a bit disrespectful that they put so little effort into it. I'm not the kind of person to quit reading a book without finishing it, but every step of the way I kept wishing I was. It was definitely a page turner in the sense that I wanted it finished with as soon as possible. And unfortunately I had already bought the next two books without starting this one, otherwise I would've been able to quit after the first book. And no, the next two books don't get any better.
4542170
There is definite skill depicted within the first half of Lepucki's debut - the careful pacing and unfolding of the climate shift and post-petroleum world and the protagonists' place within it; their special skills and particular viewpoints, their histories and sorrows, both separate and collective.  Even in the place they find themselves and the others they encounter.  And their reason for seeking society once more.  But unfortunately the second half is ruined by too many undeveloped tropes, convenient coincidences, too much exposition, and sloppy pacing so that the plot can boil over in the conclusion.  Although I know publishers loath doorstoppers these days it really could have used at least another two hundred pages to do justice to the kind of story Lepucki *wanted* to tell.  It really did have such great potential.  I think they picked the wrong title for it, The Land would have been more apt - vague enough but nicely ominous, because despite what has been noted in the publicity materials, it doesn't really matter *where* this story takes place, and you certainly don't get enough atmosphere to specifically understand the geography, in my opinion.  The end is chilling in its implications, but knowing what a rushed journey it was to get there lessened its' impact all the more.  I don't regret giving this book my time and money, I'm just disappointed it couldn't have attained the promise implicit in its concept.
4502871
I liked the premise for this story, and even enjoyed some of the writing, but feel like maybe a good editor could have helped this story quite a bit. I really wanted to like this series, but I started to lose interest by the end of book 1, and totally lost it in the beginning of the second book.

Just the same, I think Christopher has some promise, and will keep checking back to see if there is a subsequent edition, or other works, available, and would totally be willing to try again if that happens.
2965527
This book has some very interesting elements. I love the concept, but the execution is lacking. Things that bothered me:

1. The relationship between the two main characters runs way too smoothly. They never have a fight. Brishen appreciates everything that Ildiko does. They get along wonderfully despite the fact that they are supposed to be from wildly different cultures and not even initially attracted to each other. It didn't ring true for me. Way to much telling us they are from different cultures--not enough showing.

2. Brishen is too affectionate for a man who is not attracted to his wife. He's a good guy, so he would treat her with respect--fair enough--but from the beginning he is touching and hugging and kissing her. Don't tell us he's not attracted and then make his act as though he is.

3. Ildiko is way too good at adapting to a culture where she is generally despised. We are told she has little understanding of the culture, but every step she makes is right. She is still learning the language, but she uses it perfectly. Is the culture really so different? Show. Don't tell.

4. Brishen's mother is supposed to be the horrible, wildly dangerous person, yet Ildiko gets away virtually unscathed with being mouthy and rude. The general impression that leaves is that the mother is just a spiteful old cat without claws. To be honest, right up until the epilogue, I couldn't see what all the fuss was about. Even her sins against Brishen did not seem sufficient to justify his hatred--his alienation, yes, but not his active hatred. Generally children are not so completely alienated that easily from their parents. I think more explanation was needed--or even better some internal conflict. Why wouldn't Brishen want to hope his mother could be better than she is?

5. Too much gratuitous description of sex. I accept that this may be a matter of taste, but having the bulk of a chapter committed to this sort of thing does not add anything to the book for me.

Overall, I wish there had been more showing of conflict and less telling of it.
2904640
Prepare yourself: my review for Alvin Atwater's novel, Fragment, isn't going to be all honey and roses. The book isn't necessarily bad, per se; the ideas Alvin plays with have great potential. The problem comes in the execution of those ideas. The writing feels juvenile at best, and failed to grab me with any sense of wonderment or excitement, which is what I believe he was attempting to elicit.

Jonas is a human swordsman who travels to Olympus to participate in a tournament, the winner of whom will acquire Zeus's power and his control over all the mythological realms. The reason he leaves his quiet home is because he stumbles upon a magical sword that endows him with special powers. With the sword, which he eventually names Fragment, Jonas is provided the means to compete against the likes of Thor as well as the evil Abaddon, who seeks the bearer of the sword in order to break the bounds of his own existence and rule the realms.

One of the major flaws I found with the story overall is the lack of character development. Alvin starts the book so far in media res, it feels like we've skipped a few chapters that would have provided more depth. Jonas is thrust into his hero's journey before we even get a taste of who he is and how he lives on his own world. The only thing we really know about him is that he doesn't want to marry his betrothed, Veronica. We're never given an opportunity to know them as individuals or as a couple to effectively convey true emotional impact. The relationship is so underdeveloped, in fact, that when we reach one of the major twists later in the book, the power it should have is dead on arrival. Not only that, once Jonas arrives in Olympus, we're introduced to a bevy of familiar characters from Greek, Norse and Christian mythologies without getting to know who they are within the context of Alvin's vision, which inadvertently leaves behind some very simple stock characters who may be mighty in stature, but are ultimately weak in execution.

Then there's the writing itself. I'm all for adding a bit of comedy or levity to a piece, or giving characters traits that we wouldn't expect them to have. However, to do this, one has to be consistent and set this style up in a way that makes sense to the overall world. We know the majority of gods are going to be, in some ways, narcissists, but when the author devolves these character traits into what amounts to a gaggle of ruffians who argue and belittle as if they are part of some high school hierarchy, it diminishes their characters more than it should.

This childish attitude comes across in both the prose and the dialogue, neither of which are very clean. There are more than a few grammatical and spelling errors, which I can normally overlook, so long as the story and the characters are strong enough to overcome them. With Fragment, the mistakes only enhance the weaknesses surrounding it. One example is Abaddon, who's abruptly introduced in the third chapter and seems really out of place. Then, with every new appearance, his character becomes much more laughable than feared. He doesn't feel at all like a character that would frighten the gods; he's just another teenager rebelling against his parents.

Where the book showed a glimmer of hope was in the tournament games. The writing improves somewhat in these sequences, and I was hoping for a lot more of this type of energy. When Jonas and his assigned team are sent to compete in a type of football, capture the flag-style game, the writing becomes more genuine, leading to moments that add character and a sense of attention the rest of the book isn't given. Especially the plot, which with no true beginning or end, telegraphs (early on) that Fragment is simply one chapter in a larger story that ultimately goes nowhere and fails to entice me to read any further.
735353
This book sounded great when I read the synopsis... so great in fact that I jumped through a few hoops to acquire the book.  I love the ideas that Mr. Francis explores, they are original and have a lot of potential to go big places.  Now here are the BUTs:

The author seems to have fallen into that cliche category of "male author who has no earthly idea how to write a female lead character with any believability."  Dakota is a male fantasy; she is 6'2" tall, beautiful, has big boobs, is witty, has a sexy profession, has connections to the BDSM scene, and the love of her life happens to be a -- wait for it -- stunningly gorgeous redheaded vampire queen.  Did I mention she's bisexual rather than outright lesbian?  That means all of the male characters whose paths she crosses throughout the book are all attracted to her and presumably have a shot at dating her.  Also, Dakota needs character flaws in order to grow throughout the trilogy the author seems to have planned for her, and so far I can't find any other than the obvious big one (her reactions after her attack).  And even here, her recovery is too quick, too perfect.  She even demonstrates her innate mothering skills and ends up with an instant family at the end of the book.  I found myself unable to relate to her or sympathize with her at all.  Maybe this is how men feel when they read romance novels?

My suggestion for Anthony Francis is to get a better critique circle.
3508058
I see some real potential here.  I really think the author could rework this into something very good.  The characters were pretty well developed and distinct in my mind.

A couple plot points were really far beyond suspension of disbelief... in the sense of the characters/nations acting in complete naivety.  I ended up having to put this book down at 42% because of this and some overly descriptive sexual content.  I was able to skip over the pointless sexual content completely the first time it occurred, but the second time was immediately following the worst of the "I need this to happen to make the plot move forward, so I'm just going to have the supposedly super-competent rulers of this realm be complete idiots for a while until the bad guy gets his way", so I didn't want to bother skipping and just put the book down.

** SPOILER ALERT **
So all the magic of each realm is pinned on a single book for each realm.
When one realm's book is stolen, they inform the main character's realm (Altura).
Instead of recognizing the incredible threat this is, Altura posts a few extra guards here and there and *surprise*, their book is stolen too.
The characters almost seem surprised that someone would try to steal their book.  Not only that, they let a complete stranger whom they know not at all (and whom turns out to be the thief) into their inner sanctum completely unguarded.  It's just too incredibly dumb of a plot point for me to accept.  Maybe the author can rewrite to show the exploits of this thief in advance, and make it clear that the magic he's using is of a kind that is completely unknown/unheard of, and that ... well, I can't find an excuse for letting the guy into the inner sanctum without guards and whatever, I'd hope the author could deal with that as well.
As is, the leaps in ignorance the characters are forced to take in order to get the plot where the author apparently wants it are just too big for me to handle.

Also, the main character in the book gets off a felony murder (in some US states, a death resulting from a felony that wasn't intended to kill anybody is a felony murder) with a quick stint on the rack and then she's let back into the good graces of her academy.
The author really must fix this.  Make this incident a mistake, not a misdemeanor/felony/murder.  In this case, the character was trying to commit a burglary and fraud and wound up killing someone, and for no good reason (ie, the intended victim wasn't doing anything at all wrong... the main character's real beef was with the parents of a friend of hers).

2-stars: I didn't like it, but I can imagine how someone else might.
1971458
Idea is really good, but execution is terrible. It is almost impossible to transform from one stage to another without instruction, but instruction is not very clear. Even you follow all steps carefully, it does not guarantee the success.
587318
'The Secret Scroll's' premise has potential, and its setting is fascinating, but unfortunately that's where the good stuff ends.

First, many of the events in this novel feel... capricious. Convenient. Whenever the main character, Josh, needs to figure something out, he gets a hunch, meditates, has a vision or dream, or realizes something by instinct. There's no tension in that, no question that the story might end in any sort of surprising manner.

Josh isn't a very likable character. I realize that part of the author's agenda is wanting us to see him as flawed and human. However, the author is very heavy-handed in terms of Josh's moral judgments of others. Josh debates and prods at others' beliefs in ways that bely his own dislike of judgmentalism and turn him into an annoying hypocrite.

Danielle, Josh's love interest... oh, you don't want to get me started on this one. She spends virtually the entire book being viewed as a sex object, being used as a sex object, and using her sexuality as her ostensible only weapon (and a poor one at that). She's supposedly an intelligent archaeologist, yet she's entirely shut out of that side of the plot and raises only a token protest. She's referred to repeatedly as being brilliant, resilient, remarkable, etc., yet she spends almost the entire book simpering, coming onto Josh in front of everyone, etc.

As for the bad guys, they're obvious, stupid beyond belief, stereotypically eeeeevil, and one-dimensionally maniacal; they act like excitable children rather than fanatical adults. They've supposedly remained a secret sect for nearly 2,000 years. Yet they have a proselytizing web page, they put out pamphlet propaganda, and they carve their 'secret' sign into blatant ritualistic killings. A five-year-old could keep a secret better than these guys. They'd be at home in a Scooby-Doo cartoon, complete with mask-removing reveal.

The premise and setting had a lot of potential, but unfortunately everything else is one-dimensional, predictable, heavy-handed, and stilted. This is clearly meant to be the first book in a series, and as a story it would be an interesting one to follow, but the writing itself is too painful for me to want to continue with it.
514464
This book had so much potential; an adorable, heart-breaking romance, interesting world-building, an epic quest, strange monsters, well done characters. Sadly, the book falls short on the writing. The perspectives switch in an untidy and often unexpected fashion which can really take you out of the world and adventure, as well as some plot points were a bit weaker. Certain things seemed too easy after the build up for an epic quest and it's difficulties. Doing my best to avoid spoilers, there's even a second quest near the end that is significantly shortened compared to the first quest, though it seems more important. I feel like with more editing and a better handle on perspectives, this book could've been outstanding. It gives me a lot of internal conflict when I do love all the potential and elements but am displeased with the presentation.
2567493
I gave this book 2 stars only because the plot was very intriguing. It's a great idea: after the media storm surrounding a sensational multiple homicide subsides, what happens to the children involved? What kind of lives do they lead? Are they ever able to overcome the past and lead fulfilling lives? However, the execution was sophmoric and pedantic, and read like the script of a Lifetime TV movie. About halfway through the book, I figured out the "surprise" ending, and only kept reading to confirm that my guess was in fact correct.

There was no character development of Polly, Marshall, or Danny. We meet them in their childhoods, and then jump ahead about 35 years to the point at which their lives intersect. How, for example, did Polly overcome her circumstances to become an accomplished English professor? How did Marshall come to be such a respected architect? How did the Woman in Red become the sad, pathetic character that we meet in the present? We are given no back story, save for a few throwaway paragraphs here and there which are evidently meant to fill in those gaps. For example, Barr very briefly (and by briefly, I mean about one sentence) implies that Polly had to make some pretty difficult choices in order to get to where she is today, and that I suppose is meant to suffice for the transition and evolution of the Polly we meet at 15 and the Polly we meet 30-odd years later.

This is the first Nevada Barr book I've ever read, and it may be the last, although most of the other reviewers have good things to say about the Anna Pigeon series. Maybe I'll give one of those a try.