never felt like a victim
345863
It was refreshing to read about someone who was born into an area of hardship, and with her family's help, never felt like a victim.  Reading about someone who not only rose above the negativity, but actually thrived in her life through hard work and determination, was so uplifting.  This book sends the message that with support of family and encouragement of others, the sky is the limit!
3619132
Sexual abuse has no boundaries when it comes to taking over a victims life. No one can foresee how a victim is going to respond after having been stripped down to the bases part of themselves. Belinda had no role model. From the beginning of her life there was no one there to guide her into a future not filled with pain. Even if her mother had lived, because of the lifestyle she was living it was more probable than not that at some point in her tender early years of life she would have become the object of someone's demented life. Her life was never her own from the beginning. As a victim of sexual abuse myself, I can emphasize with her. No one can ever determine how the mind will react trying to shield itself from pain. My crazy could be someone else's normal. Belinda's abuse of her child was a manifestation of her mental instability, confusing humanity with ownership. She felt her child, since being a product of a rape, (the final straw that "broke the Camel's back") in a series of rapes was her "prize" to do whatever she wanted to do to him. As warped as it may seem, society has created this monster through constant victimization of the victim. Is there no one out there to help before it comes to this!
2141418
I am now 54.  For the last 40+ years I have felt I have never belonged. I felt like a visitor to this world.  Since my late teens I knew something wasn't right.  That started years of on-again/off-again counselling.

Never having been able to have any close (intimate) relationships and always using my work as an excuse I didn't marry until my mid-30s.  In hindsight I wanted to have a family of my own, to be a great mother and wife.

I knew somewhere in my heart I would not be like my mother. Thats all I knew!

My marriage turned out to be one of psychological and verbal abuse (unrecognised at the time as domestic violence).  When I finally left, my mother sold her house to enable me to buy in with her to provide a home for me and my children. Little did I know then, I made a deal with the devil.

My ex-husband was awarded custody of our children and during the last five years of trying desperately to protect them from him, I educated myself and had counselling - and was on my way to healing.

In my quest for further information for a friend, I came across My Parents Keeper - I ordered it, and read it and finally all the pieces were put together.

My daughter has had to be a mother/wife to her father for the last 4 years.  Unfortunately, she is still too young (17 years) to appreciate this book - but it is up there as something she needs to read and recognize.

My life was with a mother who was never there for me emotionally (and still isnt) - she is a narcissist.  My ex-husband is one too but he is an abuser.

This book put all the pieces of the jigsaw of my life together.  I believed I was no-one.  But I am lucky - I have already done a lot of the work suggested.  Now Im more determined to face my fears.

This book has helped free me and reinforced that I am someone who is worthy and deserves better.
3413255
I gave this 5 stars b/c even though I'm not a therapist and paid to listen to idiots, that doesn't mean I don't deal with my fair share, especially on the internet (particularly every time I see some idiot promote a book that helps destroy feminism and equate non submission w/ man hate. I seriously want to set those idiots on fire...) . I often feel like this poor therapist.

Anyway, the author does a good job pointing out that most people repeat situations for no other reason than it's familiar. Walking off the beaten path usually means walking alone, and very few people have the strength for that. Enter the therapist's patient Rachelleah. Pronounced Rah-shaw-lee-uh, her father was the typical abusive jerk while her mother was the typical submissive that just let things go and didn't stand up for herself or her daughter. When Rachelleah turns into an adult, she, like most people, didn't take it upon herself to change her situation. She just found someone like her father and spends his money to complain to the therapist.

See, kids, you have the power to change your life, no one else can - or will - do it for you. And if you don't change your situation or stand up for yourself, you can't really complain that you're a victim of circumstance. Don't do what's "safe". That's a sure way to know it's the wrong thing to do...
2409694
wow I don't get scared and this book didn't scare me but, left me feeling like I was on a ride for my life as I began to feel the part for Perry.
839570
I actually finished reading this book a few days ago, but I put off writing a review because I feel like nothing I say will do it justice, nor do I want to give away the story... So I'll do my very best on all accounts...

Our main character, Ellen, has spent her 24 years trying - and succeeding - in becoming invisible, because being seen means being hurt. She works nights as a cleaner at Costco, and spends her days sleeping. She has no friends, and she likes it that way. She curbs her anxiety by eating, and people-watching. She considers her neighbors her "pets", and keeps detailed notes on their activities.

Then one day, intrigued by a blind woman who can "see" - or rather, feel - her, she follows ... and her life changes. And changes quickly... and for the better, and in ways Ellen would never would have expected.

The author does a fantastic job with this book, which is told in third person but from Ellen's point of view (POV). The POV never wavers... which had to have been difficult to maintain. Also, with a topic like this, it could have been easy for the story to veer into sticky-sweet sentimentality or, even worse, downright depression at what Ellen and her neighbors and co-workers had to endure, but the author kept a perfect balance. She also included touches of humor, which were also perfect complements to the story.

Her writing is also lovely and descriptive - I often felt like I was right there, with Ellen, either cleaning or hanging out with her new friend, Temerity, the blind girl. (Isn't that a fabulous name?!??!)

I love Ellen, I love Temerity. My only negative comment is that, like another reviewer, I would have liked to have gotten to know Temerity's brother Justice a little better... but we can hope that he gets to shine in "Emerging Ellen", the sequel (per the author's blog). (Which I'm not sure I can wait for!)

Like Ellen, I spent my childhood trying to be invisible, and for much the same reasons (tho thankfully the reasons aren't as horrible as what Ellen endured). I was also horribly shy. Unlike Ellen, I was bound and determined NOT to remain invisible, and to shake off the shyness. (And today, most people don't believe me when I say I used to be shy.)  But I could relate to her story, to her desires, and to her shock when things changed for her. Yes, things kind of just happened, but she also *made* them happen, just like I did.

I cannot wait for the sequel, and I think *everyone* should read this book. Highly ~ a million stars ~ recommended.
990859
I have always been logical and practical person.  Even in my professional life, I rely on carefully developed methodologies, processes, best practices and plans.  But when it comes to my personal life and people I am emotionally connected to, I always had uncunny feeling that I knew when people around me are sincerely well meaning and caring and when they are being opportunistic and potentially dangerous and vindictive towards me.

For the last several months, I have been denying my "gut" feeling that I was being deceived by people I trusted.  I simply did not want to accept that I was being taken advantage of and that people I felt I can entrust my life to were being influenced by individuals who not only did not want me around, but wanted to make a pre-emptive strike and secure their own best interests in place even if it meant placing emotional burden and hardship on the people they supposedly were trying to protect.  Finally, my subsonscious got too fragile and vulnerable and I started feeling both emotionally and physically sick.  Like everything else in life, it only took one act and gesture to bring me to the breaking point when I knew that I had to save myself.  I retrieved and started seeking my quiet times of peace and reflection when I could examine words, actions, little clues and situations, I choose to ignore or supress for too long.  My intuition was telling me that I was putting myself in danger and had to sever certain relationships in order to regain my balance again.  My logical self (ego) wanted a proof.  Let's just say, in order to get my proof I resorted to methods I never used before (and I am not particularly proud of) because at this point, for me personally, the situation was no longer about re-establishing lost relationships with people who (I felt) were no longer trustworthy, but it was about acknowledging that I have a very strong sixth sense that I should never ignore for the rest of my life.  I got my proof that was powerful manifestation - and it gave me mixed feelings.

If I had a choice, I would be happier if I have not found the truth that would help me dismiss my nagging notions of being deceived by people close to me.  But proof was there, weeks after I had a feeling that I was being lied to.  It was a typical "Catch 22" feeling.  In spite of deep personal hurt, I have realized that I shall never dismiss my intution and I know that going forward I will not longer need a proof in order to justify my intuition.  Just a gut feeling will be good enough proof for me.  This book helped me understand how I can best nurture the gift I have that I wish no longer to ignore.  I am sure that going forward it will help me extract myself from people and situations that are detremental to my emotional and physicall well being and my overall happiness.
4494713
At the recommendations of other survivors, I read this book and found not only my husband, but my mother in law, sister in law, and my younger sister in this book. I always wondered why it was alright for other people to feel like they we're better then the rest of us and call people names and put them down, now I know for sure it is not okay and that this is actually abuse.
To all the people who think they are being to sensitive because they're partner, mother, father, relative or friends tell them they are, pick up Patricia Evans books and read and find out that your not that sensitive,and even if you are, what gives them the right to tell you how you are to feel? Read everything you can get your hands on about verbal abuse, controlling people, co-dependency. They all help.  HS
3530855
I couldn't put this book down. Though I didn't suffer from sexual abuse as a child, I was physically abused and can totally relate. I reported the abuse to a teacher who then reported it to the police. Nothing happened. One day I came home from a week long visit with a friend to find an empty house with everything gone, yet my bedroom was untouched. My mother had moved in with her boyfriend while I was gone and left my 14 year old self to fend for herself. Again, this was reported to the authorities and nothing was done because there was food in the house. By food, I mean a can of corn and a stick of butter.  When I was 19 years old, I married a man that I thought I was madly in love with. He abused me physically or nearly killed me on a weekly basis for the next three years.  I finally got the nerve to leave him the night that he threatened to kill our one-year-old daughter. If anyone that reads this book dares to say that it sounds like pure fiction, then they should first realize how blessed their life has been and then proceed to educate themselves. Thank you "Brooke" for sharing your story and continuing to raise awareness on domestic violence. It has taken me many years to let go of what happened to me and to make a happy life for me and my children, but I am proud of who I have become and will never be embarrassed to speak my mind, share my story, and be that helping hand to any child that needs it.
370378
This isn't the type of book I would normally read, but I enjoyed it so much.  I found myself identifying with the author(even though I'm female).  I wouldn't say that our lives parallel each other, other than growing up in a family that's not intact in any way.  It's a simple read but interesting.  I found myself wanting to be his playmate and friend as well as his mother!  If you've never experienced the ache of wanting a family in which to belong, maybe you won't get it.  But don't get me wrong:  There's no self-pity involved.
4139575
I'm not a WWII buff, and rarely read a story from that era, so felt no pressing need to read this book.  I avoid movies from the era, it just doesn't interest me, maybe growing up a baby boomer I had seen too many, heard too many.  This book may not be everyone's cup of tea, judging from the reviews, but it was a great read for me.  It brought the effects of war, on both a family and a community home to me.  I found the relationship between the sisters real, and the difficult decisions made by both of them all too real.  We always see our family members as the person they've always been, and frequently fail to see them as "real" people, outside the preconceived role.  I found the sister's relationship very moving , as a mother of two daughters and as a sister to four sisters.  The writing may not have been to some others standards, but it was effective in making me feel the pain of the German occupation of France, and the horror of living in constant fear.  Proves again to me, if women ruled the world, how rare war would be.
884851
So many experiences that were told in this book I have experienced myself. I never saw my past relationship as abusive; that word seemed to extreme to me. This book has helped me realize that is exactly what it was and it's ok to call it that. As unfortunate as these events are, I appreciate the opportunity to experience a different perspective to learn from the damage I have caused someone I love.
818385
I have lived a very unconventional life.  Like a mountain monk, I have lived a very spiritual existence mostly away from others.  I am psychic and remember hundreds of my past lives.  I had a very traumatic childhood.  I felt "killed" over and over throughout my childhood.  Perhaps my intuitive insights is the result of the near death experiences I felt as a child over and over and over, because I constantly feared that someone in my family was going to murder me.  Using my spiritual awareness and intuition, I have been working on resolving my childhood for over 25 years with little success from being free from the resentment I have for my family for having traumatized me so badly.  This book as helped me take leaps of change in perspective toward my family of origin.  I like how Nanci talks about that there is no "karma", but that we are here just to experience a particular experience.  Even though I have very clear memory of the agreement I made with my mother before I was born and the excitement I had for choosing my parents who would give me the experience I wanted, I neglected to pull back even more and see the even bigger picture.  I now understand that my traumatic childhood has prepared me in ways that an easy childhood would not for the transition to the next epoch.  I have peace and gratitude toward my family for helping me be on this unconventional journey of self discovery and free thinking.  Thanks Nanci for helping me understand my existence at a deeper level than I had before.
4025308
If someone is blatantly racist, at least I know where the person stands. Someone who has unconscious biases and attitudes but thinks he or she is actually helping to make a positive change can do a lot of damage.

This sentence struck me pretty hard. It hit me hard because I have to come to the realization that I probably do more damage than I could ever imagine. I like to think of myself as a well-adjusted, educated, and enlightened person that can easily identify racism  conscious or not  but in reality, my perception is probably way off.

This realization leads to fear and this fear leads to inaction which only leads me to more enabling. It is a cycle that harrowing and unwanted. It is hard to not feel powerless, even though my measurement of powerlessness is absurd. I feel this is white fragility at its core.

I wanted to read this book because I wanted to learn. I want to move forward. I want conversations to happen. I want to enhance the world I am in. This was a perfect book for me at this time. The authors of each chapter spoke with authenticity. They shared their pains, frustrations, hopes and joys. At the very least, these got me to think again about things I haven't thought about in years (obviously a sign of privilege when you can go long spans of time without thinking about your race).

Another quote from the book that hit me hard, How much will I have to give up to succeed?

It seems so counterintuitive to sacrifice something to succeed, but this is a reality for many when they enter college especially a predominantly white, private, Christian college. I have heard these stories from my students; they have talked about giving up their identity, abandoning their families, losing their heritage all in hopes of fitting in to the campus culture. Though I see and understand their frustrations, it is difficult for me to feel and empathize their loneliness.

I think this this a fantastic book. It ought to be a must read for higher education administrators.

Here are a few more quotes that I stuck with me.

When we face adversity and failure, a caring community can be a source of strength to deepen our resolve and provide the courage to continue.

Diversity work and leadership is about relationship, relationship, relationship

When we honor God by serving our institutions well, despite their imperfections, God will honor us.
3719511
I quit drinking 5 years ago for 3 months and was miserable for it. This time around (after the night sweats stopped) I feel pretty great about my prospects. I no longer feel like I'm missing out and I no longer care what the people around me think of me for not drinking. I feel empowered by the author's words and free of alcohol's grip on my life for the past 13+ years. If I make the conscious effort not to consume even one drink, the cycle can not continue.
1120794
When i started reading the novel,i did't feel like droping it.
I felt so touched that the herione of the novel could still carry on with life,and reconcile with Angel who is hypocritic about the religion he criticizes and yet practices when discovering the past of Tess who forgave him of his sin which could not be weighed with hers,but failed to do likewise.
1040931
I absolutely love Doreen Virtue and I've never met a Hayhouse book I haven't liked. As a recovering people pleaser, Assertiveness for Earth Angels: How to be Loving Instead of "Too Nice" by Doreen Virtue was the perfect choice as my latest read. This one actually screamed out to me.

Doreen describes Earth Angels as highly sensitive people with an innocence regarding love and life, believing in God's loving power, gentle, caring, seeing the best in others, trusting, optimistic and more. She digs deep into the many pitfalls of being such a sensitive being, and how to learn to be assertive without being aggressive.

For as far back as I can remember, I have found myself giving too much, and yet still feeling like it was not enough. I always had high expectations for what I needed to do for others, but never held anyone to that impossible standard. I even helped people who were quite capable of helping themselves. After reading Doreen's book, I learned that my jumping in to try and "save" them didn't really do them any favors. They have their own path, and their own lessons to learn. I also learned that giving for the wrong reasons can cause resentment, fatigue, money issues, health issues and more. Pure giving, she teaches, is not out of guilt, feeling sorry or obligation.

She discusses how to set healthy boundaries, how to handle professional victims, gossipers, martyrs, guilt trippers, toxic relationships, narcissists and sociopaths (who tend to take advantage of kind, giving people).

I was an extremely sensitive and quiet child. Although I was often bullied, it was always easier to stand up for others. I could feel their pain and I didn't want them to suffer. I remember my college years and so enjoying going out with my friends. But I also remember not liking large crowds. Trust me, we had lots of fun together, but I also remember feeling drained (not from my dear friends, just the crowd around us) and needing time by myself too. I honestly felt weird for that. Now at 48, I am more sensitive than ever. I absorb everyone's energy, whether positive or negative. It wears on me. I didn't realize that is what was happening to me, until I read Doreen's book. I thought that I wasn't a strong enough person to have my own thoughts and feelings. I felt weak. That's not what it is. I'm empathic. Picking up on the feelings of my classmates when I was a child, was because I truly could feel what they were feeling. Needing quiet time through my college years (and now too), was because the energy I was picking up was exhausting me. I feel very grateful to Doreen that I can now feel compassion towards myself for who I am, instead of criticism. There are so many ways to look at a situation, and more and more I am taking the positive view. That is what is so wonderful about reading books like this, you can find who you really are, and let go of that negative voice.

Doreen shows how how to enjoy life instead of people pleasing. She talks about following your passion and shows how we can use delay tactics instead of working on our life purpose by overeating, compulsive shopping, addictive internet surfing, substance abuse and more.

She shows us how to shield ourselves from harsh energies with crystals, angel lights, clearing, grounding and trees (yes, go hug a tree, it heals!). Also, you will learn how to have more time and energy by exercising, stretching and releasing, and eating healthfully.

There is so much wonderful information packed into this book, and what I love about Doreen, is that she is honest and caring. She guides us to be truthful with ourselves about our real intentions, and provides so many tools to live an authentic, positive, peaceful and purposeful life.

As you can probably tell by now, I highly recommend this book.

In Gratitude,

Kerri Mulhern