Unbelievable - And I Mean That In The Worst Way
354198
I can't remember the last time I closed a book halfway through, with no intention of ever reopening it.  Baldacci has produced one of the most forgettable novels I've ever read, and in over 70 years of reading, that says a lot. As an Army careerist, with years of observations of CID investigations and investigators, it cracks me up to see the Superman image created for Agent Puller, the central character.  He apparently operates as an independent force, combating evil-doers throughout the world.  Need a reason to be involved in a case that has nothing to do with the Army?  Simple.  Just tell your headquarters that some guys with crewcuts are following you.  Any objections?  Just use the fear and respect generated by mentioning the name of your father, a retired 3-star general who is currently commanding a bed in a dementia ward.  Need some firepower?  Call a female general in CID (there must be hundreds of them) who has the hots for you and ask her to send you some automatic weapons and other toys.  Double down by having her fly out in a military aircraft to deliver them personally, and then team up with you to shoot it out with the bad guys. OMG. I could go on, but I'm trying to forget this.  I can only reason that the 5-star reviews came from the same people who avidly watch NCIS and think it bears any resemblance to reality.
4314254
I don't usually write reviews, especially of books, but this book is so awful I had to warn others!  The first two chapters are fairly promising, and the next few are passable, but from about the one-third point this book spirals into unreadability.  It should be titled "The Solitude of The Severely Emotionally Constipated."  The male character has some legitimate reason to be the way he is, but only to a much lesser degree and for a much reduced time period.  The depth and duration of his psychosis is laughable.  Get some therapy and get over yourself! The female character has absolutely NO LEGITIMATE REASON to be such a basket case, and yet we're supposed to feel her overwhelming pain and sorrow.  Her primary problem seems to be that she's a dips##t, in love with another dips##t.  They literally don't know how to engage in human conversation.  It's like they were raised by wolves....narcissistic, entitled wolves.  If you make it to the end of this book -- which I did only because I couldn't believe that neither of these emotionally constipated freaks was going to reach ANY kind of epiphany/closure/transformation -- you will want to beat them both to death. Don't waste your time, your money, or your precious brain cells.
2327501
There is no other way to say this, Enslaved by the Ocean was mortifyingly terrible. I felt like I was being trolled by the author, because there is no way someone would release EBTO as a genuine novel... but alas, I was very wrong.

This is supposed to be a MODERN day pirate romance. I repeat, MODERN. Yet the pirates talk, act, and have weapons like it's the 1800's. Even the ship had a black and who e skull/bone cross flag. I laughed when I read that, it was such an embarrassing thing to add to an already embarrassing book.

I will say that I liked the start, and the pages up until Indigo, and Eric, get onto the yacht that the h is somehow able to afford. It was briefly explained she had been fostered while she was a kid after her dad disappears and her mam dies. She lived with her abusive once foster brother/boyfriend and that's why she's on the run, to get away from him, but that's the only back story we get. No work info or anything to back it up that she can afford to pay for a PRIVATE YACHT sailing her from the UNTIED STATES to the UNITED KINGDOM. Because, you know, that's not shockingly expensive or anything. She knows NO ONE in the UK but is moving there with no preparation. Her best friend just happens to have business in the UK because he is a 'vey succesfull business man' and this is all supposed to seem legit. Just, what?

That was only the beginning to a book full of WTF moments.

Note: Spoilers ahead.

- The Hero, Hendrix, HITS the h the first time he meets her and after some pathetic internal battle, this is perfectly okay to a domestic abusive survivor on the RUN from her absive ex who beat her to within an inch of her life, because, you know, the H makes the h's girl parts tingle. What?
- In the same moment that he meets her, the H decides to sell her as a sex slave to settle a debt, though the h isn't thrilled about this, she can get passed it because the H makes her feel head over heals in love in a matter of DAYS. What?
- The h's best friend, Eric, is left to rot in a cell, while the h prances around trying to seduce the H because she's 'trying to save' her buddy... but in reality she is only trying to get some because she hasn't had sex in a year and even though the H is a physically, and verbally absuive, POS that wants to traffic her, it's okay because he's OMG SO SEXY. What?
- The H and h make a blood oath to seal the deal that she won't fight him on being trafficked in order for him to NOT murder her BEST FRIEND. A blood oath, in a modern day pirate romance. What?
- H MURDERS six sea police, and while horrified at first, this is forgotten about by the h because the H is so swoon worthy. What?
- h's dad just HAPPENS to be a pirate. WHAT? My GOD this was so poorly added to an already deplorable plot that it cracked me up.
- H's stepson also just HAPPENS to be a pirate, because, you know, family business. What?
- h's ex knows EXACTLY where to find, her EXACT LOCATION, and the EXACT time to attack her. What?

Everything about this book is WHAT? I understand why it is on Kindle Unlimited, and only 99 cents to buy. Reading it for free would still be overcharging.
4911002
I almost ran to the computer to warn others to save their money. I could go on and on about how poorly this is written and how unrealistic the plot and the characters are but suffice it to say  it is a mess.  I can't understand how anyone rated this higher than 1 star and I wouldn't have given it that if there was a zero rating.  I only rate books that are outstanding or outstandingly bad and this is certainly the latter.
1978586
I can't believe how bad this is. I should've read more reviews because so many were misleading- a middle-schooler could've written better prose than this. The beginning meanders along so boring and so filled with useless details, I felt like I was reading someone's Dear Diary. WHO CARES?

The characters are all stereotypical caricatures I couldn't muster up any interest in and the grammar was so horrific I couldn't believe anyone put their name on this, let alone an editor. You don't even have to be a grammar stickler for it to bother you- it's so bad you have to reread whole paragraphs to get what he means. I kept thinking, is this English? Is this a joke?

I love post-apocalyptic stories and thought this storyline would be a fresh take- I do hope a better writer (editor, publisher...) takes this concept and does it better because this was atrocious. I did push on and kept waiting to be interested, or for something to finally happen, until I finally just gave up. Ugh.
4351770
I do not normally leave reviews, but I felt compelled to leave a review for this book. There were so many positive reviews on the book, I thought it had to be a great read. I am through the first quarter and have to stop reading. I cannot get over the author's constant need to try and prove her childhood was more traumatic, bizarre, and messed up than everyone else's (only she says it in much more vulgar language). And the stories she tells aren't even that strange--for anyone that grew up in the country--those stories sound like everyday events. Anyone thinking about this book, I'd say pass. If you really think you are interested, get the sample first before buying. I can't believe I actually paid money for this book.
3350196
I really wanted to like this book. I was intrigued by the reviews and open to the experience.

I read this book over the course of two days, and was very disconcerted by it's unrelenting ugliness, despair, hopelessness, and horror. Despite the cover and the fact that the protagonist is a child, please be aware that this book is NOT appropriate for kids (unless you want your kids to read a vile scene in which a character cuts off a man's hand and then uses it to eat soup with while Ren--who has an amputated hand-- watches helplessly, characters who dig up and sell rotting corpses, and a cover-to-cover parade of pointless cruelty and ugliness). Need more reason not to read this book to your kids? You may not want to have to explain the incest reference, or what Benjamin means when he says that he put his hands under the skirts of BOTH elderly Mrs. Sands and a teen girl "to make them happy" (after 12 year old Ren witnesses these events). Ren comes to consider a completely remorseless killer (of dozens of people by the end of the book) a friend, simply because he has absolutely noone he can trust (the killer, incidentally, is dug up after having been buried alive-- an example of the endless convoluted and improbable horrifying details in the book). I am pretty appalled that anyone would think this is an appropriate book to read to or give a child.

Most of the characters in this book are BOTH utterly unbelievable and extremely unpleasant (although to be fair, some are only unbelievable OR unpleasant). Almost all of the characters are in a state of extreme moral decay-- the author paints a world of chronic cruelty, widespread lack of caring or empathy for others, and real horror and helplessness. Many characters with disabilities are little more than caricatures who disparaged, devalued, and belittled by the author (a deaf woman who screams every word, a dwarf who is helpless, a girl with a harelip who is considered unloveable). I question whether or not the author has ever even met a deaf person, after the ridiculous portrait she paints of Mrs. Sands. The main character is also consistently devalued and even treated as worthless due to his amputated hand. Little of this is in service of historical accuracy; instead, it feels like a carnival of stereotypes thrown together haphazardly for effect.

I am an open-minded person who loves all sorts of books. But I found this book to be grindingly, grindingly depressing and pointless. I kept reading in the hope that it would somehow improve/that there would be a point to all the awful stuff. In the final pages a twist "explains" a bit, and we have a small amount of hope that a few of the characters may have improved circumstances in their futures. But overall I felt almost abused by the author-- I can't find a better way to put how I felt after finishing it. This book had so much potential, but the constant sick (sometimes stomach-churning) twists and overall nihilism destroyed it for me.

****Those who have read the book will understand me when I say that the fate of the horse sums up this book in a nutshell for me. Pointless cruelty, ugliness, and pain.
1971879
This book is so bad in so many ways that I don't even know how to begin to explain the magnitude of it's awfulness, but I will give it a shot. Try to imagine reading a 440 page telegraph message. Better yet, imagine a book that reads like a standard-shift car that sorely needs a new clutch - being driven by a BRAND new driver - in Korea. Herky-jerky to the nth degree is the idea that I am subtly trying to convey. Alan Farley rapes the English language with such ferocity and reckless abandon that one can't help but wince throughout the entire read. Vlad the Impaler's handling of the Islamic hordes was charity compared to Farley's treatment of English.
I could go on much longer and still not feel half-satisfied that I explained Farley's (ab)use of the language, but there are other pressing matters of equal terribleness that must be warned about. Alan Farley is a dude on a serious guru head-trip. I am convinced that this guy has done a lot of acid and Trancendental Meditation in his life, and probably at the same time. I wouldn't be surprised if he's suffered from a nervous breakdown at some point - maybe it was after his pilgrimage to the Ganges in the 70's. This book is replete with spewings of cosmic debris; the gist of which is that in order to become a "Master Swing Trader", Grasshopper must merge left and right brain before "Master Pattern" will enfold like the lotus flower and release it's secrets to lowly Swing Trading aspirants.
I have a suspicion that this screed is actually a compendium of all of the notes that were taken by Master Farley's acolytes during his deep trances when he communed with the "Master Pattern". This could partially explain my third big complaint with this travesty of a book: There are literally hundreds of repetitive sentences that are written in ever so slight variation. I [kid] you not that this book could have been edited down to a 35 page pamphlet. To add insult to a swift kick in the genitals, there is NOTHING NEW that Master Farley fatuously twaddles about. I believe a goddamn cookbook could yield more knowledge about trading than this book - and be infinitely more engaging. Read Edward and Magee, read Murphy, read Rotella. DO NOT buy this book or even borrow it. It's not worth the anguish. I'll fade this review to the last scene in "Apocolypse Now". The horror...the horror...the horror........
3540535
Wow... Just as bad as I figured it would be.
4067970
I read a lot of books in this genre, always bought from an airport bookstore so I can be entertained on a cross-country flight home.

This is absolutely the worst I've ever read. Stupid, simplistic, and utterly unbelievable. There's just no way to "suspend my disbelief" with the way this guy writes. I'm amazed that the publisher would let him get away with it. The book reads like more of a POD/vanity press effort by a college kid who's a wanna be writer with no idea how to tell a credible story.

I read about 250 pages before I gave up in disgust. I left it in the seat back pocket for someone else. At least they won't have to pay good money to read it.

The only thing I can say for the author is that he's somehow managed to bamboozle some readers and probably make a nice tidy sum of money from it.
1769646
I am just astounded at the great reviews this book is getting here.  This is mediocre writing at best, and not very believable to boot, and I'm not just talking about the miracles.  C'mon, an 8-year girl who singlehandedly cooks a huge XMAS dinner, starting with a freshly butchered turkey no less?  A mother who clearly loves her child enough to endanger herself to protect the child during a tornado, but then one day inexplicably walks away from her family and is never heard from again?
And as for the miracles, I wouldn't have had a problem with the guy surviving a tornado, or even with the child believing he saw his father walking on air one night, but after a while, this miracle stuff just went way overboard.  In the end, it struck me as a bible story, and not a very good one.  Very little believable character development, a thin plot, and a completely implausible ending.
And I strongly disagree with a previous reviewer who disparaged Kent Haruf's Plainsong in comparison to this book.  If you want to read a "heartlands" novel, Plainsong is in every way the far superior novel.  If you want to read a coming-of-age book, Larry Watson's Montana 1948 leaves this one in the dust.
1348795
I have never written an Amazon review before.  I teach English, so I have to read lots of books, and I do not hesitate to say that this is the absolute worst novel I have ever read in my entire life.  I'm pretty sure that it will hold this title until the crack of doom (unless the author has a sequel in the works).  Let me start off by listing a few things I would rather have been doing than reading this piece of garbage:
1. Covering my body with hungry leeches
2. Undergoing a self-appendectomy
3. Slinging manure into my bedroom

Now, let's get down to business and talk about why this book is horrible:

1.  The plot is utterly predictable.  You know within the first few chapters that the heroine will be going off to college.  There is no drama at all over what her decision will be.
2.  The plot device of "a word a day" is not only annoying after the fifteenth time it is used, but painful in some cases.  For example, she discovers the sickened bodies of her family at home, and one of her first thoughts is how this situation reminds her of her word of the day.  Really?  The capricious choice of words (there's a vocabulary word she should learn) seems to be the work of an English major.
3.  The male characters in the novel are treated as idiots.  They are ineffectual (the heroine's father), absent (her brother and the husband of the woman giving birth), inadequate (Royal) or cruel (the poet's husband and the men who attack Weaver).  The only worthy male character is an unbelievable one, which leads to....
4.  Unbelievable characters.  Weaver is a rural African-American in upstate NY who has earned a ride to Columbia College at the turn of the century.  Oh yes, this sort of thing happened all the time in the early 1900s.  Oh, also, a rural young girl from the same town also got accepted.  Nothing coincidental there, is there?
5. The Grace Brown murder sections are so tangential to the book that it's as if the author keep a Post-It on her desk, reminding her to bring the letters up arbitrarily every few chapters.  Theodore Dreiser deserves royalties.

Look, I'm all for strong female characters in novels (and nearly every female in this book is strong), but they don't have to be created at the expense of the men in the book, and the women deserve to be in a book that offers a powerful plot and meaningful characterizations.  This book was so annoying is in its triteness that I simply could not believe that this novel received any recognition, much less awards.  I weep for the state of young adult literature -- any literature -- when tripe like this is served up half baked and the audience goes wild.
2660975
I feel terrible leaving a bad review because I thought the writing was actually well done.  However...as others have commented the abuse in this novel is sickening and the whole premise is pretty unbelievable.  It seems like these days authors are trying harder and harder to one up each other in the sick, psychologically twisted game, and this one just went too far.  I actually got numb to some of it so that at points in the book I was skimming like, "yeah, yeah.  I get it, he abused her in a different and terrible way...again."  By the end of the book I was ready for it to be over and (kinda spoiler ahead) - I was disappointed in the ending.  Hasn't the author ever heard of forensics?  It seems unlikely that the wife would get away with what she did in the real world.
4744318
This "film" is not just bad, it is demoralizingly wretched. It was so reprehensible, I literally got angry, as the stupid characters do stupid things and die off (not soon enough). Zero stars is too kind.

Basic premise - young, horny adults go into woods, get a disease, turn against each other & die. Not one original idea here. Not one good performance. Not one believable moment of people acting like real human beings. And there is one character in the group that is gratingly annoying, to the point that you wonder why he has friends, why he was invited along on this trip in the woods and why the director continually allows him to negatively steal the movie. Only two redeeming aspects are the hot brunette shows some skin, and there was a germ on an idea here - whether a commentary on the AIDS epidemic, or maybe environmental issues - all that got edited out apparently, leaving us with this mess. Also, the early use of the 'N' word, out of nowhere and for no other reason than to shock, is gratuitous and disquieting.

As a movie fan, it troubles me that people actually liked this movie, as there is nothing worthwhile about it. This is not a low-budget, straight-to-video indie, folks - this is a major Hollywood release and should be held to a higher entertainment standard. Sadly, with so much garbage being churned out nowadays, maybe people don't know what a good movie is anymore.
2952921
I have never read such a sick book and struggled all the way through - the author's mind must be completely addled to think up such rubbish.
1420374
I don't even know where to start. This book got so many five-star reviews. I feel completely misled. I felt like the main character was an entitled person with her head in the clouds that I most certainly cannot relate to. I was really excited too learned about Quaker culture but this ended up being nothing but a white people against black people fantasy land piece of poo. No one was realistic. I feel like I just lost hours of my life that I will never get back and  this book almost caused me to cancel my Kindle unlimited membership is so bad. Anyone who likes this book needs to re-examine their understanding of race relations in the United States. White people reading this : you don't get to buy your way out of bad things. That is essentially what this book tells you you can do. This book is a recipe for disaster. Horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible. I really dislike this author. This book was boring and she talked about the mundane minutia of life for pages and pages and couldn't get to a point to save her soul. When she did finally get to a point it was a horrible one. I am so annoyed that I read this book. Spoiler alert : there is no shocking twist. What you think is going to happen absolutely happens. If you don't think that was going to happen I don't know what to tell you. Read more books because this was so predictable and so so so horrible.
113520
Had some snow here so decided to pick up this book I got for Christmas;  read it in one sitting.  The characters are so one-dimensional it's hard to take this book seriously;  it has a great premise but devolved quickly.  The gross incompetence of the legal system and everyone involved in it was appalling; so the governor won't help?  Try a senator, or heck, call Dateline. Nothing in this story was plausible. This was a contrived, one-dimensional, one-sided presentation of a complex issue. Then, aside from the obvious lack of developed characters and "throw it my face death penalty bad, bad, bad", two things really bothered me, one small, and one that undermines the whole story:  1. At the beginning when he describes the victim's relationship with her mother, he goes on and on about how many times a day they talked and texted by cell phone.  Really?  In 1998?  Those kind of anachronisms make me crazy.  And 2) and maybe someone who has read this can comment here, and this may be slightly a spolier so don't read any further (although I do not recommend this book anyway), but given the little twist in the end of the book, what was Boyette's motive for coming forward?