Silly and preposterous and needlessly gruesome.
598456
The hero, Robert, goes through twenty-four hours of the most incredibly silly and preposterous adventures, starting in the USA, through Switzerland, and ending in Italy.

As an example of the endless stream of silliness, Robert finds himself in a helicopter above Rome, Italy. There is a device in the helicopter with the explosive power of a nuclear bomb. The pilot bails out. The bomb is about to explode. The helicopter is soaring. There is no parachute. Robert's solution? There happens to be a tarpaulin sun-shade in the helicopter. So what does Robert do? Grabs the tarpaulin and jumps from the helicopter. NO, he does not pass out for lack of oxygen at this height. No, he does not freeze. No, he manages to hold on with his bare hands to the tarpaulin. He even manages to steer his "parachute" to be above the Tiber when the nuclear device explodes. No, he does not get vaporized in the explosion, just stunned. Fortunately the water of the Tiber is choppy, we are told, or he would have been killed in plunging into the water (how choppy can an inland river be?). The next day, Robert is just fine and ready to make love to the yoga-practicing woman he just met.

The silliness goes on and on and on, with an endless defiance of the laws of nature as non-sybologists know them.
106351
I'd give this piece of crap minus zero times infinity if I could. Horrible acting, disgusting gratuitous gore and not scary. I was especially turned off of it when I learned the killing and torture of animals was real.
3497454
I guess I'm getting old. I made it through 12 minutes of this drivel and couldn't watch any more. Distasteful beginning, a whole lot of gore, huge body count. I don't enjoy it. And then it's obvious the plot is ridiculous from the beginning, completely implausible. Hell, Independence Day is more plausible than this dreck.

ETA: went back and watched more of it. Still dreadful. What a load of pretentious codswallop.
1733851
I did not enjoy this novel, repetitive to the point of idiocy, full of foul, crude language, not one character has any redeeming quality.  To compare this silly, inane story of a sadistic murderer of no value to anyone, to the "Girl with the Dragon Tatoo" is bsically lying,  Am thankful the novel was a cheapie.
3722680
This is the second Jack Ketchum novel I've read.  The first one was pretty bad, but I was still curious about the author's status in the horror genre.

I read this book because of the hype about this tale being so scary.  Certainly, it's incredibly gory, but that's about it.  The story involves the mindless, relentless torture of an innocent girl.  In fact, that's the entire book.  There is no real plot, no suspense, no dramatic twists and turns; just incessant torture - where both the hapless girl and the reader plead for it to stop.

I've deleted this book, along with Ketchum's other stinker, from my Kindle.  Forget the money.  'm actually embarrassed that I took the time to read them.
3711573
This novel is about as far as you can get from Adler-Olsen's wonderful Department Q series.  It seems to have arisen from  the author's preoccupation with the Nazis in World War II, and is based on the totally preposterous concept that two downed British flyers in 1943 could have boarded a Nazi hospital train, assumed the uniforms and persona of two SS officers who were patients on the train, and were then taken to a mental hospital near Friborg near the border with occupied France, and were then able to be taken as shell-shocked SS officers until one of them managed to escape.  The story resumes thirty years later in the 1970s when one of them returns and, after going through another preposterous series of adventures, frees his remaining mate from yet another mental hospital incarceration, and killls the men who had made their lives hell in the first hospital in Friburg.  The absurdity of the basic notion, as well as the ridiculous unfolding of the plot makes this novel tiresome and pretty mucha  waste of time.  I'm sorry I bought it and still more sorry  that I read it.
819337
If you care for plastic dialogue, shallow characters, predictable events without realistic research or background, this one's for you. If you think that describing a police captain as "tougher than a three dollar steak" is clever or relevant in 2012, then you've found your authors. The initial plot line - that the most exclusive, highly skilled police team in NY needs to be out in full force because the shooting of a motion picture brings out all the most dangerous criminals - is preposterous.

If you find this to be a brilliant premise - The main character has to work the case with his old girl friend -  then you're in for a heap of excitement, especially if you're still living in 1955.

The authors apparently consider their shoddy style to be "snappy patter." In college such composition was relegated to a class called "Dumbbell English."
4562398
Maybe I took this book far too seriously, or perhaps I'm accustomed to far superior talent in the horror genre. Whatever the case may be, this book, one that has resulted in reprint after reprint, spawned 2 sequels, and garnered rave reviews, failed to impress me.

What's good in "Clickers" is good, don't get me wrong. This is the epitome of trashy, gory, unbelievably predictable and trashy 80's horror cinema. There's nothing wrong with that at all. Like a sci-fy original film, or one of those b grade films you've never heard of, "Clickers" does a great job of honoring the slash/gore fests of yesteryear. In typical fashion, the plot is cheesy, making no effort to explain why events are happening. When things do, it's a total sloppy mess, fit to bursting (literally, you will see) with all manner of sloppy, violent, and over-the-top blood and guts. It's total camp and tack as well, never once apologizing or trying to hide it's content.

As with most cheaply made horror films and novels, the whole story comes off as rushed and amateurish. I understand its homage so there won't be anything entirely too original, but cliche'd and stereotyped characters were so ridiculously cookie-cutter and predictable it got to a point where I was finally glad Gonzalez and Williams killed them all off. Seriously, you have the (oh so original) bigot and prejudiced Vietnam war veteran who just happens to be the county sheriff. Then there is Rick the author, who just happens (oh no) to pull into town right at the same time the Clickers begin their attack. There's Janice, the single mom (surprise, surprise), the county doctor who (shocker of all shockers) happens to be an amateur paleontologist, and the ever present gay couple as well.

Even that might not be enough to totally turn you off from "Clickers" and I'd understand that, but the writing is so bad, so juvenile, it's a real surprise to me that this book has had the major success it has enjoyed, let alone even getting published in the first place. I don't know who is responsible for the shoddy penmanship here, but at times it almost comes off as a joke. I don't think either Gonzalez or Williams have ever heard of a thing called a thesaurus or even the perennial "Writer's Handbook". Sentence after sentence is not only repetitive, but boring, lacking no flare or creativity. Heck, I'd go as far as to say it's lazy. Typical sentence goes something like this: "Rick went to the door. behind the door the Clickers attacked. The door would not hold. Rick watched as the door disinigrated from the Clickers attack. Suddenly the door burst open as the Clickers attacked." See what I mean?

Story wise, I gotta give "Clickers" some credit. Giant crabs and ocean people attacking a coastal town does make for solid entertainment. However, when the workmanship seems lackluster and almost uncaring, it makes you wonder why you should even try. Will I read number 2? Sure, you bet, but I definitely won't be expecting anything amazing.
4170571
If I wrote a parody entitled Harry Pooter and The Sorcerer's Bone it would be a more original rip off of Harry Potter than this book. A giant that is the school's caretaker? Check! Quirky elderly headmaster? Check! "You're a wizard Harry/Thomas"? Check! A phoenix shows up? Check! As if that wasn't lazy enough, the author drags in Atlantis (note: not underwater) and tired old Merlin! Nothing about the protagonist is relatable or interesting. His friends are just as bland. The only different bit is that imitation Hermione has been made into twins. One has no actual value and other is just grumpy.

Also, can we just agree that talking about a 13 year old wanting to "touch and feel" a grown woman is just creepy?

Also also, if I find a woman passed out in a car in my driveway, I highly doubt my response would be to wander to the park!

At almost a dollar, this book is a steal if you also hate-read books. It will not disappoint in both its lack of originality and mediocre usage of the English language. Personally, I'm about to buy the second one to see if this one actually contains any character arcs and if the author really made the grumpy twin grumpy just so she can proclaim her love for Thomas.
4198362
This a silly amalgam of unrelated sketches tied up most tenuously . I save it for those times when I can not abide anything serious or heavy .
3477237
This movie managed to be boring, pretentious, gruesome and disturbing all at the same time.  Emphasis on boring and pretentious.  Incredibly bad acting from everyone, especially the leading lady.  Several scenes were of the eye-rolling variety, such as when the police allows said leading lady to tromp all over the crime scene of her sister.

Also, Bruce Dern must have lost a bet.
4499695
Disgusting and not funny.  Also, the crazy hair, freaky chipped nail polish, and booger eating are enough to make me wonder (and hope) this character is supposed to be mentally retarded or has Asperger's Disorder.  All around disgusting and the ending is ridiculously unrealistic.  That nurse would run for the hills!
16590
Rarely do I feel the need to come here and rip into a book like this, but, simply put, "Still Life With Crows" is pure hogwash.
The Relic, Reliquary, Cabinet of Curiosities, and, finally, Still Life With Crows, all share the same protagonist - FBI Agent Pendergast. A singularly absurd character. Rich beyond measure, cultured beyond belief, dressed implacably in a six thousand dollar suit, with rather expensive culinary tastes to boot. He is also blessed with the ability to mentally reconstruct crimes scenes, a kind of mental time travel.
The plot of SLWC revolves around the dying Kansas community of Medicine Creek. Reeling from cutbacks at the local turkey slaughterhouse, the town elders are trying to make the community attractive to the likes of Kansas University geneticists, who intend to test a new crop of genetically-altered corn in either Medicine Creek or the nearby town of Deeper.
Then a wave of murders and mutilations hit. First, a young woman searching for Indian relics is found murdered and posed with 40 or so dead crows in a nearby corn field. Soon, a dog and a famous scientist are also found in a similar fashion. Is this the work of a serial killer inspired by a local legend ("The Curse of the '45's") involving the massacre of militant white folk by angry Cheyenne Indians? Or is this a ploy to affect the decision being made about the crops of genetically altered corn?
In the middle of all this is Wonder Agent Pendergast and his 18-year-old assistant, Corrie.
I'm sorry, but this Pendergast character is simply laughable. He's a latter-day Sherlock Holmes, mildly flustered by all the activity at first, but is eventually the first individual with a firm grasp on all the facts. His smugness gets tiresome real darned quick.
Every cliched red-herring is on display here. The principled reporter on the heels of the story of his career. The local sheriff who wants the FBI off the case. The disaffected goth teenager who is actually smarter than anyone else around her. Not to mention the overly Luddite tone of the book itself, taking absurd stands on the topic of gene-altered crops and the like.
I generally enjoy the books of Childs and Preston, especially "The Ice Limit" and "Mount Dragon". This one, however, I'd recommend avoiding. Its simply too absurd and laughable for its own good.
4010821
There are three problems with this book. (1) The writing is pedestrian and lacks economy - 3 words where 1 would have done better. (2) The solution is preposterous, totally beyond belief, requiring that a resident of a small village in the English countryside before widespread use of automobiles could have successfully fooled the whole village into believing that person was not one person, but two different people.. Additionally, it requires that an obvious potential witness not be questioned until just a few pages prior to the end of the book. (3) Worst of all, the entire underpinning of the protagonist's (Inspector Rutledge) personality is a total farce. He is tortured by having ordered the execution of a man for cowardice in the face of the enemy. Anyone who knows the least thing about the U.S. or British armies knows that the alleged incident is preposterous. No junior officer - or even senior officer, for that matter - can single-handedly condemn, convict and execute another soldier. There must be a formal court martial. As the incident is described in this book, the soldiers assigned to the firing squad would have refused, secure in the knowledge that the order was unlawful.

I won't be wasting my time reading any more of this series.
2254820
It's that sophomoric.

Before beginning the book, I was encouraged to read that the authors had consulted various people in law enforcement - so I thought it would be realistic.

But Deck the Halls is slapstick-silly. Inane plot, with no character development. We're supposed to believe that a limo driver (Rosita) is going to let someone she barely knows have a seat in her boss's limousine? Who then lets another friend into the vehicle, and the kidnapping is under way? So clumsy.

One of the Bad Guys, when carrying the ransom money, does something juvenile and idiotic and - oops - loses all that cash.

With Luke (funeral home owner) and Rosita kidnapped, Luke's wife (popular mystery novelist Nora) and daughter (private investigator Regan) try to hold things together back at the hospital (Nora's leg is in traction) and at home as they await directions from the kidnappers. Rosita's two little boys are being entertained by Rosita's friend Fred (they've had 2 dates together).

Oh, and did I mention it's just a few days before Christmas, with the ransom deadline Christmas Eve?

If you think this review is clunky, the book is a thousand times worse. No reason to care about any of the characters.

I had heard good things about Mary Higgins Clark, but I can't think of one reason to recommend this book to others.
1904546
A preposterous and funny story. A lot of suspension of disbelief is required - so much of it just would never really work - but it's a fun read, especially if you've read The Maltese Falcon. I think it must have been written on a dare: Write a story about a sexy dinosaur PI in modern America. Thank goodness the author can write well, because this premise could so easily be awful.
3583262
An absolutely ridiculous film, enlivened only by the infectiousness of Anthony Quinn, occupying a character with possibility that is never truly revealed.  If there is anything authentic here, I am lost to find what it is.  There is no reason for either of the main characters to have any attraction to one another, the Alan Bates character is more vacuous and simple-minded than any person you have ever met, the plot is implausible in the extreme, the dramatic climaxes beg for serious consideration and explication and are merely tossed away like chaff in the breeze.  It is insulting to the local Crete culture and is filmed in black and white, thereby rendering what one imagines as a ruggedly beautiful scape a bleak vessel. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to find joy in this senseless "don't worry be happy" vision, which supplies no basis for its optimism.

This is possibly the most absurd and overrated film I have ever seen.