First-draft material: If you love well-crafted writing, look elsewhere
582623
The review by A. Abbondante titled "Poorly edited, sometimes offensive" (http://www.amazon.com/review/R2KEE55A574CE2/ref=cm_cr_pr_viewpnt#R2KEE55A574CE2) is on target. I am 81 pages into the book, and I'm putting it down. I can read no more.

I teach college writing, but I'm not at all a reading snob. I pick up fun novels (for instance, Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels and Helen Fielding's Bridget Jones' Diary) and nonfiction (such as Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love). I fully enjoy them. Such works are the staple of my pleasure reading. I appreciate writing that is conversational and engaging rather than academic. I had hoped to find a treasure in this book. Yes, McKenna's work is conversational, but that strategy would be effective only if he had a command of written English or if he employed a good editor. I feel like I'm reading a rough draft of a freshman essay, and the reading is painful. Rather than just repeat Abbondante's solid critique, I'll offer a few concrete examples of the writing problems that are likely to make readers who appreciate a good book put this book in their discard piles.

Here are three short examples I pulled from many, many of the problems. "I am going to spare you all the juicy details of the illicit language in the letters" (p. 30). Does he mean explicit language? Or does he mean illegal language, which is what he has written? "Gilles de Rais was a fifteen-century French nobleman" (p. 11). An editor would have caught the need to change "fifteen" to "fifteenth," and McKenna has numerous typos throughout the work. "It was a good think for the American revolutionary caused that Adams did not have business acumen" (p. 35). Proofread, please. Pretty please.

Are you ready for a long, painful-to-read example?

"While it is so easy to look at this devastating event and say sure if I was in that position I would hold up my hands and shout as loudly as possible, 'I have had enough.' This sort of reaction seems logical when faced with the most destructive bomb ever built was just unleashed on your country and you have no way of fighting back against it. Oh heck yeah, I am throwing in the towel. That is not what happened on August 7, 8, and 9, 1945" (p. 56).

In my own classrooms, I don't critique conversational language used in discussions. Spoken English, unless it is scripted, usually isn't error free because speakers' thoughts shift mid-sentence. But I don't expect a book to read this way. I don't mind the occasional problem, the once-in-a-while typo, but I don't expect page after page of freshman mistakes.

You don't need to know the nuances of grammar--to know what a clause or modifier is--to appreciate good writing or recognize bad writing. For those who are curious, though, I'll explain one of several writing problems in the longer passage above. McKenna starts the paragraph with a dependent clause--an introductory part of the sentence that needs another part, the independent clause, to complete it--and doesn't get to the independent clause until the fifth sentence in. In other words, people usually write, "While it is easy . . . , that is not what happened . . ." all as one sentence. The second part completes the first. Imagine someone telling you a story and stopping after the "while" part. You would ask, "And then?" Also, the sentence that begins with "This sort of reaction" is awkward; I could go into why, but he's not my student, and I don't want to bore you. The poor writing is hard to follow. If you're a reader, you'll recognize it too, no matter your profession and expertise. And frankly, if someone can't write effectively, I begin to question the content.

I had hoped for more, but McKenna's work disappointed me. If you haven't already read Abbondante's review, please do: Abbondante deftly addresses other problems with the book too.

Amazon labels this book as volume 1. I hope McKenna corrects the problems for a second edition before he writes volume 2.
3572636
The first (NB: There are more.) disappointment was opening the book to find the cover advertised "seventeen all-original stories" and there were only fifteen within, unless one counts the introduction and the author biography blurbs as "stories."

After that first blow, it seemed adding injury to insult to discover that a group of authors whose work one has greatly enjoyed in the Valdemar anthologies are presenting offerings that fall far short of their already proven capabilities.  To a small extent, this is understandable.  Misty Lackey had both the physical and social Valdemarian landscape created in detail and the authors were all familiar with it.  The world of the Elemental Masters is our own, and Lackey gave her colleagues free rein to step outside the carefully constructed framework she had built within Edwardian Britain.  In addition, the EM series is newer and we are all (including the contributing authors) less familiar with it.

Unlike one of the previous reviewers, I shan't quibble about editorial shortcomings.  These occur all too frequently today, even in the scholarly nonfiction that is my usual review fodder.  I think it stems from an over-dependence on technology, such as spell- and grammar-checkers, and, while it disrupts the flow of my reading and is a major annoyance, it does not, in my opinion, seriously affect the quality of creative fiction writing in and of itself.  With non-fiction and serious research, it is another matter indeed.

The first eight stories seemed -- what is the best term?  Scraggly?  Patchy?  I was unprepared for such an "unfinished" feeling from authors whose work I had learned to admire in the Valdemar collections.  Luckily, "The Phoenix of Mulberry Street" and "Air of Mystery" were vast improvements.  Instead of making me wonder, as a reader, where the ending was or what they were trying to prove, the two named items left me, as all good fiction writing should, wishing there were more, but not feeling cheated by an inadequate product.

I have not yet finished the collection, but I am sincerely hoping that the last are the best (with the exception of the caveats noted by previous reviewer.  However, if you expect to find seventeen spell-binding stories of the Elemental Masters, you're in for a disappointment -- in more ways than one.
4130346
The story of this book is interesting enough, and as alluded to in the acknowledgments, it might even make a good movie, but only if the screenplay is written by a more skilled writer. I read a lot of books aimed at this age group, including a fair share of fantasy novels similar to what this one aspires to be, but the way this book is written, it seems like a high-school creative writing project.

One of the most consistent problems with the style (which in itself is just one level of what's wrong) is that it's often written as if the story is being related third-hand, rather than the events being described by an omniscient narrator as they are the rest of the time. Many details are given rather than (easily) shown, and events that are supposed to be happening at that moment are suddenly described as if they've already happened. I wonder if the two authors wrote sections separately and just sewed them together poorly.

I don't think of this all as nitpicking, because it was inescapable no matter what I tried. I read books like this not as literature but rather as the reading equivalent of watching TV. This book just consistently threw me right out of the story, one way or another, and long before I was halfway finished I decided to push on solely to passively study what it was about the writing that was so repellent.

I have to wonder if sections of the book were left unfinished and had to be rushed, and loose ends had to be crudely tied together throughout all levels of the story.

So, to sum up, if I were you, I would read this book only 1) if you find the idea especially compelling and you have enough time on your hands that you won't greatly miss what you've spent reading a 500-page outline of what would be an only slightly longer story if properly written, or 2) if you want a rich treasure trove of counter-examples for How To Write a Novel. Somewhere in here, there lies a decent book for this age and genre, just waiting to be made by more talented hands.
1696050
I gave this the 3-star "It's okay" rating because there are a few genuinely good pieces bobbing about in this deluge of literary flotsam. Most of the pieces are too obviously products of the creative writing workshop system that prevails in university creative writing programs. The writing tone of the stories is generally bland, as are the stories themselves. It's a lot of "typing, not [much] writing," to paraphraseand perhaps slightly abuseTruman Capote's legendary assessment of Jack Kerouac's prose style, which was infinitely more exciting than most of the prose presented herein. The poetry selections also seem to favor sort of quaint and quiet observations over startling revelations, manic speculations, of enriching epiphanies,. But there is good writing here somewhere, I'm sure, depending on one's mood and/or sensibilites you may find it in places where I didn't. Sohuzzah for the small presses and the people who anthologize from them, they're okay.
3227132
This is a hard review for me to write, because the writers of this book are young writers who need and deserve praise for writing, for stepping up and getting published; and at the same time, the quality of the book is exactly what you'd expect from such young writers.

I can't really give it less than 3 stars, as what would you expect from a book with this title, but a collection of mediocre fanfiction? Unfortunately, that is exactly what you get. However, the definite merit and saving grace of this book is the beautiful collection of various non-Western cultures, apparently all depicted by people with actual roots and connections to those cultures, and the extremely empowering and positive handling of gender and race in some of the stories.

The downside, however, is quite pronounced. The English of some non-native speaking writers is extremely choppy - to the point of being irritating, and suffers greatly from the absence of a strong editor's hand. Many of the stories are little more than bad attempts at inserting various Lovecraftian names into otherwise unrelated legends. Sometimes it gets as bad as devolving into a ridiculous roll-call of the entire pantheon of Derleth and Lovecraft, more evoking embarrassed chuckling from the reader rather than anything else ("The Serpents of Albion" definitely steps over the line of self-parody, in a rather bombastic moment of self-destruction.)

I'd go as far and state that the most powerful stories are in fact suffering greatly from the hamfisted insertion of these Lovecraftian names and Derlethian worldview. Again, it is to be expected, but barely any of the stories reach back to Lovecraft himself, or his genuine cosmicism, and rather follow the ludicruous dualist "Mythos" of Derleth and his followers, including the unfortunate flood of mediocre "Yog-Sotothery" unleashed by Chaosium in the 90s.

It's not all as horrible though as I just made it sound. It's exactly what you'd expect when buying a book like this. There ARE good moments in it. Very good ones. You can read better stories on some online fanfiction portals, but this time you get to support young writers. So yea, while it's juvenile and pretty bad overall, if you like fantasy, I'd say buy it. At least you'll get to chuckle at Merlin quoting up the entire bestiary of Derleth and Lovecraft in a ridiculously undramatic botch of monologue writing. It's Ed Wood bad. It's so bad it's good. It's so bad you want to read it.
1415846
Any good writer will tell you that writing is much more about skill than it is about having good ideas. There may be some decent ideas in this book, but the author demonstrates a complete lack of basic skills in crafting sentences and conveying ideas to the reader in a compelling way. One of the golden rules of writing is to show the reader, not tell them. The author repeatedly tells the reader what they should find important in the story rather than showing them through a narrative crafted with care.

This book had potential, but the execution was terrible. The author would do well to familiarize himself with the fundamentals of good writing and spend more time revising his work. Its more important to value quality work than it is to throw it together haphazardly. At this point I don't have high expectations for the rest of the series.

That being said, The Binding might appeal to you if you don't read often and are, therefore, unfamiliar with what good writing is, or if you are willing to spend your money on a book that was written without even a modicum of care.
3913565
I really hate to leave negative reviews as I know most authors pour their hearts and souls into their writing, but this story could really use some work.

The writing is just plain awkward. Click the cover above and check out the sample. It's pretty bad. I get the impression that this was written by either someone in middle school or someone who learned English as a second language.

Its a shame, too. The story is creative. The protagonist, Henry, gets some crazy dark powers from the shadow world and basically goes on a rampage. Then he has to hibernate until the next year's Black Friday when he will come back to life. Despite the creative concept, the pacing is bad and the ending left something to be desired, which when combined with the writing style makes for a story that has plenty of room for improvement.

To the author: I suspect you may have some creative ideas, but I suggest honing your writing skills a bit before publishing additional stories. Having someone proofread and edit your work is also recommended.
520117
Stuffing prose with adjectives and adverbs does not make it poetic. Whipsawing your readers between times, characters, points of view, etc, without explanation does not make your book deep, nor does it convincingly conjure magical realism.

A good general rule for writers is: The more complicated your ideas, the more simple and clear your prose should be. Reading this book made me long for the elegant and spare prose of Vonneguts Slaughterhouse-Five, which attempted much the same feat as this book, only it succeeded beautifully where The Vorrh stumbles anew with each confusing chapter.

I like experimental writing and Im not afraid of bizarre plots, weird characters, or alienating settings. I wanted so badly to let this book take me on a dazzling and hallucinatory journey. However, this book is more convoluted than avant-garde. Worse, the language is sloppy; Catling throws descriptors around, aiming for poetic imagery, but the images never coalsece, even if you read the sentence twice or three times. Ill leave you with this short sample from the first chapter, as its a perfect example of the writing youll encounter throughout the book:

"She had explained all this to me while I tried to serve her breakfast in bed on a rare rainy morning. The black bread and yellow butter had seemed to stare from its plate with mocking intensity, the fruit pulsating and warping into obscene ducts and ventricles. I perched on the edge of the bed, listening to her simple words glide with the rain, while my fear turned them into petrol, burning into my oxygenless, hidden core."

If you find this conjures images in your head, if you find it exalting, then ignore my negative review and buy this book. If you find it squishy, overwrought, and vague, skip The Vorrh.
4209900
I have now purchased and read the four completed books in this series, and I think 3 stars is fair. The author has a good imagination and a good story to tell. That positive element was enough to get me through the four books. However, I think that's it for me. The problem is that the imaginative story is unfortunately not backed by good craftsmanship. By that I am referring to the writing itself. Characters are one dimensional, the phrasing is incredibly repetitive, and some of the peculiarities in word choice become irritating. Despite the apparent imaginative abilities, the poor writing will mean no more books by this author for me but you may not agree. Take a look at the first book and if you are not bothered by the craftsmanship, go for it and enjoy.
3008708
WOOL isn't a major work. It is an interesting sci-fi experiment, well-told, for the most part.

Until there is one revelation that is so amateurish, so telegraphed, and far too early that it spoils my anticipation for the rest of the series...which now, I honestly do not think I will read. Yes, this error was THAT amateurish.

Do you know what foreshadowing is? There are two kinds.  1) Deft and subtle foreshadowing, where the reader has no idea what is coming and only realizes he/she's been hinted at what is to come later in the story, and 2)heavy-handed foreshadowing, where repeated, events are so obvious they insult the intelligence of the reader even before the big revelation.

Here, we are dealing with the latter. I won't spoil it for you.

I am aching to tell you of this HUGE mistake, but I cannot. If you don't recognize it, as I said, you are a noob. But that's okay...ignorance is bliss, so read on!  If you are an experienced reader/writer, you will certainly see this flaw. Read on?  Up to you.

I'm halfway through the Wool Omnibus and find it weakly satisfying. The writing, I feel, surpasses the limitations of the contrived environment and story. But I feel that it drags, is too internal rather than plot driven. Not bad, but I will look forward to this author's works in ten years.

ADDENDUM...AFTER READING ALL THE WOOL BOOKS.

I stand by my review. The same new-writer mistakes he made in the first part were continued in the past, telegraphing things to come so obviously I wanted to scream.

Instead of related the science of his fiction, he chose to relate the humanity of the situation.  Which, in fact, was mostly okay with me, because the relationships were interesting...although they mostly were not resolved, except by death, which is a coward's way out for a writer.

Still, all the raw bones of a situation are there for experienced film writers to fix. All the Wool parts are filled with way too much exposition and descrption. The big plot was broken down into tiny struggles of individuals, some of which meant nothing.

I could go on, but this is a good rough idea in the hands of a very young author (at least in experience). Kids will love this more than experienced fantasy/science fiction readers, which is a testament to its superficial/emotional appeal.

STILL, I was drawn into the personal stories and situations, and appreciated the author's research into, for instance, hypothermia.  Who Jules discovers is rather ridiculous and Peter Pan-like, but, why not.

I'll read the rest. The author deserves payment for his work, and I hope he keeps writing---and gets a better editor.
3858711
I get that in the days of self-publishing, a warehouse editor is no longer proofreading each and every work that goes to 'print'.  Even so, it would seem to me that should you have the were-withal to produce interesting characters, a pretty smooth plot and pound that out for 200+ pages, you should be able to edit your work.  It becomes an increasing issue for me when she 'striped' her wet sweater off or when she 'griped' the gun.  Really people?  You owe it to your consumers, whom you expect to pay for your work,to provide them with the respect of taking the time to re-read.  Why should people read your work when you won't?  Spell check does not account for contextual or grammatical errors and I find it insulting that authors don't seem to appreciate their work enough to edit.  I really like the plot lines and the characters are fun as well.  I understand that post-apocalyptic zombie fiction is lighthearted in itself, but it doesn't mean that the craft of writing shouldn't be regarded as just that: a craft.  I find it disappointing that as the story marches on, the errors grow more pronounced, as if written in one fell swoop and dashed to publish.  I feel like 'great' is around the corner, but not for a few more years.  Maybe I will check back in then.
3332541
I thought I was fortunate in being sent this as an advance copy by the publishers.

The high advance praise from two heavyweight literary fiction writers of craft, Kate Atkinson and Hilary Mantel, assured me (I thought) that this Victorian Gothic might be an absorbing read.

Alas.

To this reader's sensibilities, what we have is a kitchen-sink writer, where everything is tossed into the stew, the writer being unable to refine into a clearer, more dynamic narrative, with fewer characters, asides, implausibilities (within its own rules) and subplots. This weighs in at over 500 pages, and I did not find it page-turningly immersive, only wearying.

And I am not a reader who prefers `short' I have found some 800 page novels deeply absorbing. But not this one

The first 50 pages or so are a slow, meandering introduction to the two major characters, James Norbury, a would-be writer, and his sister Charlotte, living in genteel near poverty in North Yorkshire village, in the last quarter of the nineteenth century. Just as I was on the verge of believing scenes were taking far too long to set and going nowhere, there were interesting developments which appeared to suggest that the book's theme was going to be around social and sexual mores in fin-de-sicle Victorian London. And this section of the book was interesting. Unfortunately, it then took a leap away from reality into the well-worn groove of a sub-genre of Gothic horror.

Merely to say that may be too much of a spoiler, but once the major `well THIS is the REAL META THEME' burst forth, I'm afraid I sighed noisily, and with bored inevitability.

There are various holes in the plot As an example given the genre's own reality, which the author reminds us of time and time and time again a certain hidden manuscript would immediately have been retrieved from hiding as where it had been hidden would be known to all. I have a horrid feeling a franchise awaits.

An implacable and incisive red pen could have shortened the meandering progression hugely and given this some page turning value.

By the time we got to the implausible introduction of the trapeze artist in order to give a particular person some reason to have certain physical skills, I was beginning to whimper in pain. Gang warfare amongst a certain group of let-us-call-them-specific-undesirables, coincidence after implausible coincidence piling up all around, and I was really becoming more and more surprised at the praise from Atkinson and Mantel.

Lauren Owen is not a poor writer, but she is a rather plodding one. Her writing, and her characterisation are not involving, absorbing or arresting enough to take the slow pace of The Quick. She is certainly inventive, and has a sense of narrative - but there is too much which is laboured and drawn out needlessly. I had the sense of various set pieces being written - for example `How-Charlotte-Teaches-James-to Read' , `how a trapeze or carney artiste trains', - perhaps because Owen herself had ideas and research knowledge she wanted to work into the story - which didn't really do anything except add plod, rather than spring, into plot.

After a section filled with the equivalent of the inevitable belief defying shoot-out at the Okay Corral section, a certain inevitable signalling limped towards the end, with the final page hinting what I had begun to suspect was a-lurking deep in future planning, all along.

I have not given examples in this review of writing style, it is not the writing itself which is problematic, it is the overworked and tired genre, and the padding surrounding it, in this outing.
2477986
Take a careful look at this one before buying. Two stars instead of one as I did find a few pithy acronyms and stories of use, but overall, not great...content-wise as well as in writing style.

Two groups who may find it of use:

1-Leaders who have no experience at all in paying attention to employee engagement. However, if that is the case, I would strongly recommend taking a look at Gallup's&nbsp;<a data-hook="product-link-linked" class="a-link-normal" href="/12-The-Elements-of-Great-Managing/dp/159562998X/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_rvw_txt?ie=UTF8">12: The Elements of Great Managing</a>. To pin it down, "WE" takes a similar approach, yet comes across as an advertisement for Kenexa, the company led by one of the authors. "12" utilizes Gallup data, but is much more about the stories of the companies they analyze.

2-New grads and inexperienced workers trying to figure out what they want to do in their careers, and how to be happy doing it. Again though, I would suggest that Gallup books such as&nbsp;<a data-hook="product-link-linked" class="a-link-normal" href="/Now-Discover-Your-Strengths/dp/0743201140/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_rvw_txt?ie=UTF8">Now, Discover Your Strengths</a>&nbsp;are better.

Disclaimer...I have no association with Gallup nor own any stock in them. In my experience, their approach, as well as their literary skill is just superior.

Kenexa may be a great org, but the storytelling as well as the writing style in "We" is just not what I would look for in a book of this sort that has been this highly recommended by my fellow reviewers.
3258631
Compliments first: Ms. Dunn is a good writer: sharp, smart and funny. However, I wish she'd taken her book a good deal further. As is, it reads like a rapid-fire first draft.

* SPOILERS BELOW*

While I've never been a big fan of flowery description, I literally have no idea what anyone in the story might have looked like, the kinds of apartments they chose... to the point that it became intrusive. This sketchiness carried over to the rest of the novel, which was frustrating because there's so much that could have been explored.

I don't know why the heroine, Alison, fell in love with Tom. Or why she let him back in her life without question. She's something of a fallen evangelical Christian - what pulled her away from it and how far did she fall? Did it cause conflict for herself, for her family? She had two fathers, the first one leaving when she was five, and that she was largely raised in Arizona... but there's no discussion of family beyond that. And in the month or so that the story covers, there's not a single conversation about or w/ her family - not to tell them they broke up, a hi-how-are-you, or even a 'I wish I could tell them but they wouldn't understand.' They were blanks, which seemed strange in a book with religion and love as major themes.

And while the author has a really engaging voice, I felt like the author was using humor as a shield, as if she was trying to protect her narrator from suffering - which, as a reader, reduces my ability to sympathize/empathize. I also found it ironic that the style sounds a heck of a lot like Jewish female writers, including Nora Ephron, Gail Parent (Sheila Levine is Dead and Living in New York) and Jennifer Weiner. As the narrator points out, Christians don't have much in the way of a comic tradition - but as a reader, I would have loved to know where Alison's came from.
3180081
There's some good stuff in here, as well as some pretty mediocre stuff. The writing starts to get pretty predictable after a while (not just what he writes, but how he writes it).
1689177
I almost feel bad to write this review for such an obviously talented and creative writer. However, this book really let me down. The first two are among my favorite books period. I was really discouraged by the writing style. To create a series and have such a defined outline of the way it's written, then to change that with no warning, was a mistake. I lost the connection to the characters. The journal writing style made the story very personal. I appreciate the little add ins of journal entries from Kil', but it was just too little. I was also very bored with the story. When I reached 50% I really almost stopped reading. Absolutely nothing happened in those first pages. I felt as though I had just wasted my time and there was no way in the remaining 50% that the story could be turned around. I was right. Rushed, and rushed more. Maybe there was a writing deadline and we were really just given the most finished product that was possible for a few answers and some closure. I don't know. Just very dissatisfied.
693461
How often have you started reading a book in which the first several pages were beautifully written, only to notice that the prose grew progressively plainer and less interesting as you proceeded? Perhaps youve never been aware of that, but I sure have. Its a sign that the author struggled to produce lyrical and evocative language in the opening chapter that went to the agent or publisher with an outline for approval  but lapsed into pedestrian prose once the project received a green light.

That phenomenon is especially notable in genre fiction  mysteries, science fiction, romance  but you won't find it in any of the writing of Benjamin Black, a pseudonym for the Booker Prize-winning Irish author, John Banville. Banville is sometimes compared to Vladimir Nabokov  and you can see why even in his genre fiction. Holy Orders, the sixth of Banvilles novels (writing as Black) about the tortured Dublin pathologist who appears to be named only Quirke, is a textbook example of dazzling prose. Here, for example, are a few of the images Black sprinkles so generously through the pages of the story:

As he watched her, with people and cars flashing past, he experienced a sudden, swooping sensation in his chest, as it his heart had come loose for a second and dropped and bounced, like a ball attached to an elastic.
It was his experience that people always knew more than they thought they did. Things lay torpid at the bottom of their minds like fat pale fish in the depths of a muddy pond, and often, with a bit of effort, those fish could be made to swim up to the surface.
[T]he trees shivered and shook like racehorses waiting for the off, and fresh green leaves torn from their boughs whipped in wild flight down the middle of the road or plastered themselves to the pavements as if hiding their faces in terror.
After immersing myself in such glorious prose for the duration of this deeply satisfying tale, I now learn that Banville considers his crime writing to be cheap fiction and a craft as opposed to the art he brings to his other fiction. He professes to spend little time on these lesser efforts  though thats very difficult to believe!  but, then, Banville has been quoted in a British magazine trashing all his own books (I hate them all  I loathe them. Theyre all a standing embarrassment.). And this is a man who has been winning literary awards by the dozen since 1973 and is widely regarded as one of the true masters of English style.

With all this said, I must concede that any reader looking for nonstop action and sheer excitement won't find them in Holy Orders. Black is concerned more with character development and scene-setting than with the usual conventions of the mystery genre. The story involves Quirke, his daughter Phebe, and his pal Inspector Hackett of the Garda (the Dublin police) in a complex plot with Irish travelers (called tinkers in Ireland in the 1950s, when the Quirke novels are set) and a passel of very unpleasant priests and their enforcers. This is not a happy tale, but reading it youll learn a good deal about the warp and woof of life in Dublin in that difficult time in the wake of the Second World War.