Want Your Marriage to Work? Be True To Yourself First
590638
I received an ARC of The Secret Lives of Wives: Women Share What It Really Takes to Stay Married, by Iris Krasnow,  a few months ago. I only just got around to reading it now, after clearing a few books off my TBR pile. I have to say I'm glad I read it.

While I'm not married, I can still appreciate the advice, and certainly the sentiments. I've been in a relationship with the same man for the last six years, and anyone who's been in a long term relationship knows that being with someone that long can feel like a marriage, even without the formality of it.

This book provides a variety of views on marriage, some happy, others, not so much. Of course there are all kinds of different marriages, some things may work for some couples, that may not work for others. For example, there is a couple in this book who are swingers. While many people would not be able to handle the thought of their spouse being with someone else, this couple seems to thrive on it, and it brings them closer together.

One of the greatest things I took away from this book was the advice on how to keep your marriage working well. These ideas deal a lot with independence and self reflection, which I feel are important life tools, not just important marriage tools.

First, have your own time and space. People who spend too much time together will get annoyed with each other. It's like those times when you have a friend stay over with you for a week in the summer as a kid. The first few days are great, but everyone gets on each others nerves eventually.

The second is to always explore your own passions. Don't let them be swept under the rug, or outdone by the activities of your spouse or children. When people have something they feel passionate about they feel better about themselves and can bring more the relationships in their lives. And added to that is the idea that one should always be exploring new things. Getting stuck in the same boring routine, can be hard on a person.

The third thing that I took away from this, is something that I want to work on myself. And that is to always continue to make new friends. It can be easy to stick with the same circle of friends, because they're familiar and safe. But if you stick with the familiar who knows what you could be missing out on?

This book, while mainly composed for women, by women, does offer some male perspective, which gives it a nice balance. If more men read books like these, they'd have some insight into women's thoughts and just might be able to make their marriages a little happier.

  This would be a nice companion to a college course on marriages and families or a course in women's studies. It has enough statistics to be informative and enough personal stories not to make you want to fall asleep reading it.

*I won a copy of this book from Goodreads First Reads program*
3322372
Relationships really need work, much so with marriage.  However difficult it is to live with another person's unique personality, we should always strive to nurture a common ground where compromise, patience and understanding are important factors. In promoting understanding, we need to communicate well and express ourselves clearly to our partner.  This book reminds us that we should be focused on re-connecting with our partner especially at times of conflict when it seems difficult. I highly recommend the tips and advice of this book.  It's like having a counsellor by your side.
723645
I've been married 21 years and I still am not the perfect wife, nor do I have the perfect husband. While it is a continual effort (and worth it), having some biblical guidance will make the effort fruitful. Reading the complimentary book I received from XXXXXXX, I have discovered some things I can do to improve myself and my marriage.  While not all of these are issues for my marriage, I do believe they are subject matters that influence many marriages.

Many couples enter marriage with unrealistic expectations, as well having worldly views of gender vs. Christ-centered gender expectations.  They may have anger issues, lack listening skills and fight discontentment. They may not know the importance of confession and forgiveness within a marriage. These issues are covered in this book which reference God's Word in regard to each one.

The part of the book that spoke to me most was the section on joy. I love my husband, my children, my life in general, yet I tend to be discontent.  Why? While I can't recite the entire book, I do have to say that I understand joy much better after having read the book. It's something I must fight for through worship, gratitude and prayer.

Whether you've been marriage a year or twenty, this book has plenty in it to cover what you may need to improve in your marriage. Be sure to open your Bible and look up the Scriptures as the book references them. The book can be read by an individual or couple and offers a study guide. Each chapter ends with some questions for deeper evaluation.
4907263
Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage is a great read. The Smalleys present great real life advice. I have been challenged by the mindset that is presented in this book. I don't know about you, but I always have room to improve my marriage. I definitely am a little selfish and forget that I am here to serve my husband.

Thanks to Tyndale for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
4404657
They say that "three is the charm". In my case, this is definitely true.
After 2 failed marriages, I am now, fortunately, in a wonderful relationship
with my husband and I treasure each and every day.  Had I known and understood everything the authors speak of in this book, perhaps it would not have taken me so long to get it right.  I  particularly love "The Marriage Bill of Rights"  the right to loyalty, protection, affection, freedom, honesty and respect.

If you or anyone out there is in a bad marriage and contemplating divorce,
please read this book and don't be afraid.  I am living proof that you can
make it on your own, and then be free to find the right and perfect soul mate.

Ilene Lander
3791712
Great read!  Get the workbook. Your marriage will grow stronger!
4606023
One of the best ways to improve your marriage is to read lots of marriage books. You can really transform your life as each book has specific details that will give you insight into your relationship. The problem with marriage is that two imperfect people are joined together and then must live in an imperfect world. This book explains many of the problems that can occur and shows how to solve them.

Gary Chapman is a counselor who has been taking great notes. He easily recognizes the cause of conflict and believes the key to a good marriage is understanding your partner. He emphasizes the importance of listening skills, briefly covers love languages, talks about the four seasons of marriage and explains how to improve in-law relationships.

Do you wish your spouse would change?
What can you do to save a marriage?
What are the secrets to a meaningful relationship?
How can you kindle desire in your spouse?

Gary Chapman answers many pertinent questions and also gets down to the heart of the matter. His discussions of how we should take responsibility and ask for forgiveness can produce profoundly positive results. If you feel that your spouse is your enemy you will especially benefit from reading this book. Gary teaches you how to get a loving response but it might take a bit of work.

One of the best sections of the book is on parenting. The idea is that if you make raising children less stressful you will have a better marriage. There is some very clever parenting advice which will solve problems fast. If you are thinking of having children or already have them the section on how children affect a marriage is well worth reading.

I disagreed with a few things in this book. I believe you should have joint and separate bank accounts.  The problem often is that one spouse is a spender and one is a saver. While Gary Chapman believes a husband and wife should be able to spend some money without always being accountable for it I think having a separate bank account would make things easier.

While this book is mostly serious there are some funny stories. This book is 5642 locations long so it is a book that is going to take quite a few days to read. The journey is however well worth it. You will learn valuable skills, especially how to make your spouse your friend again. Highly Recommended!

~The Rebecca Review
1349191
Great equal opportunity advice.  Good to give to newly married couples if you have the courage.  He will love you for it.  A friend who has been happily married for 40 years got it for her new (controlling) daughter in law.  My friend read it first to see what it was like and said she learned a few things herself.  If she learned somethings, I though I should read it too.  Whenever I might be married, I would want to have the best chance at making it work.  Learned a few things myself!
2033185
Marriage is suppose to begin the `happily ever after', well at least in the movies and fantasy it does.  The reality is that marriages can be a bumpy journey. Two come as one and the challenges begin from the start.
However way to make marriage last is to set and respect boundaries. In Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices that Make or Break Loving Relationships by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend, the authors use a series of case studies, examples and exercises to explain what is a boundary and how to apply them.
This book really talks about compromise and listening to what you partner is wants. Seems both can't get everything all the time but with good communication and working at the relationship you can have a smooth life together.
Often boundaries are not respected and they build up until it creates a break and conflict. The best means is to know the boundaries and stay within them. The book also address six type of conflicts: sin of one spouse, immaturity or brokenness of one person, hurt feelings that are no one's fault, conflicting desires, desires of one person versus the needs of the relationship, and known versus unknown problems.
This book is ideal for anyone who is single and wants to set the tone of a good relationship or even those who are in one and want to improve on what they have.
Keep the faith and read what the doctors have to say about this sacred institution of marriage.
2030905
Excellent advice for a husband and wife who want to understand each other and become intimant. Marriage is not always what we thought we signed up for.
1636109
I firmly believe that if you want a successful dating life and marriage, women should not only read this book but also apply the principals to their lives.  But you have to be willing to try.
181156
"Success in dating, like success in any area of your life, comes from identifying your weak spots and working to improve them. It's about knowing what you want and not giving up until you find it." That is the essential theme of this wonderful little book on dating and relationships. As a family life/child development major in college, I found the wise counsel in this book to be both accurate and succinct. I am happy to no longer be a part of the dating scene, but once you are married you need to keep "dating" in a sense. Often the problems in a marriage are not "Him" but "You" as well. You will enjoy this book, married or single.
Review by M.J. Evans author of The Mist Trilogy
242912
Living a life with 4 women and one man comes out in parts and not well blended as let's say in a good marriage between 20 wives and 1 man or 1 women and 1 man.
  When you have been married like I have we KNOW what each other is thinking we could finish each others sentences.  You compare your marriage as a wheel with many spokes, but did you know they are the type that have the most problems?  They often needed so much work and became obsolete.  If I would compare a good marriage it would be ONE.  You JOIN together as one and make the strongest bond that is possible in this world and out. Out of that union your kids would come and they too would be strong loved individuals.
  LOVE should never hurt ...and I feel the pain in Meri...I feel the pain in Janelle.. I feel the  pain in Christine and coloring all now the pain in Robin..who is working way to hard to make things work.  Love comes easily.  In fact reading the book was painful knowing the tears they cry from knowing someone else gets more attention, or they are not quite stable in their relationship.  If you read the book you see they blame it all own themselves.  They want to work harder on self which is very honorable.  We all could use that help. I don't see any of it as their fault.  You picked this type of life and it goes against my faith ..yes but people do not go against my heart for I love all.
  I look to Kody.
He certainly needs to take a long long time off by himself and get things worked out and a home built for all of you.  What is the very reason of living a plural marriage if you do not live together and who can keep up the pace of running back and forth?
Kody needs to have a really good paying job, also maybe more of the ladies.  As much as we women would all love to stay home and be with children we can't all stay home.
 I see this mariage as one balancing act. Kody is trying to keep plates in the air.
Yet some will fall.
You are all strong, even if you fall you won't break but life will go on and maybe even another life that you have yet to imagine.
1444733
This is a wonderful book to help with the issues of marriage.  Since most people work, and the roles are not as define as years past, this book is a must read.  It deals with all of the big issues of marriage.  Everyone struggles with "who does what."  The authors use economics to help couples divide up the workload.  Of course it is well written, with a ton of great stories and situations.  They talk about incentives and trade off.  This stuff happens in all marriages, the authors just put the information on the table.  It is better to be up front with the expectations than for them to ruin a marriage because the people just believed that everything would work out in the long run.  This approach might seem "unloving" but it will bring greater happiness to a marriage if the issues are dealt with up front.  Personally, there is stuff I hate more than my wife, and there is stuff that my wife hates more too.  If you can find that balance between these, it will lead to a happy and long marriage.
3760665
My wife and I read this book a year before getting married. We each read our own copy and then discussed the book. We then visited the authors' site and did the questionaires available online. We then went to the workshop three months before our wedding ceremony. We firmly believe that the guidelines in this book have helped us remain devoted, satisfied, and flexible throughout the ups and downs of a modern marriage.

The heirarchy of needs is so profound and, yet, so simple. If a person's needs are not fulfilled they will go somewhere to fulfill those needs. You are encouraged to do your best to fulfill your partner's needs, and vice versa. The "Love Bank" is a simple concept to use and assess the dynamics of your relationship. You make deposits (through acts of kindness and fulfilling your partner's needs) and you make withdrawals (by failing to treat your partner well or through acts of selfishness). When the love bank hits a deficit, your marriage is at risk.

This is not a book that encourages you to be a drone and merely submit to your partner's whims. Instead it is a guide that shows you how to remain a happy individual and keep your marriage alive and free from affairs.

There are alot of things in this book that people don't want to accept. For example: some women don't want to acknowledge that sex and appearances are of high importance to men. Yet, they get upset when their husbands cheat with younger, prettier women. Some men don't want to acknowledge that affection and active conversation are important to women. Yet they get upset when their wife has an affair with another man to find that affection.

The principles of this book help you learn to put aside your aversions to your partner's needs and/or make a genuine attempt to fulfill their needs.

I highly recommend this book to people that are about to get married, people that are suffering in a broken marriage, or people that are experiencing the pain from an affair.
746550
If your marriage fails, you can look back at this book and find the exact page that you and your spouse let go from your marriage. Be mindful and proactive on each little entry and you will probably have a happy marriage. Great gift for newlyweds.
4567190
Really puts marriage into perspective and my wife and I wish we read it before getting married. It could have saved us from a lot of headaches, but better late than never. Talks about our culture and how it's all about "me" and getting our personal fulfillment, but that is selfishness and can lead to destruction in a marriage.

Just read it - you will not be sorry. And it would be ideal if BOTH of you could read it together!!