Read the following excerpt from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her sentence fluency?
Like all penguins, king penguins are mainly black and white, but they have distinctive touches of color. Adult king penguins have black feathers on their backs. Their chests are white. They have orange feathers on their ears and throats. Along the bottom part of the bill, adults also have an orange streak. Juveniles of the species look much like the adults. However, their black feathers may be tipped with gray. Yellow feathers appear on their ears. Their lower necks have grayish white color. Chicks have brown downy feathers until they molt. They molt at about eleven months of age.
by varying how sentences begin by varying sentence length by simplifying the first sentence
During peer review, you read and respond to a fellow student's writing. While there are many methods and strategies that you can use for reviewing a text, it is generally helpful to frame your suggestions in concrete and constructive ways and to consider the following areas for revision:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear idea and develop it with evidence, examples, or analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that they build on one another and are easy to follow?
Voice: Does the writer maintain an appropriate voice, such as a formal and objective voice in an academic essay or an engaging and expressive voice in a narrative essay?
Sentence fluency: Does the writer use sentences that vary in structure and length to create a sense of rhythm and flow within and between sentences, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer follow appropriate conventions, using accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her sentence fluency by varying sentence length.
For example, the writer could combine the underlined groups of short sentences to create longer ones.
Like all penguins, king penguins are mainly black and white, but they have distinctive touches of color. Adult king penguins have black feathers on their backs. Their chests are white. They have orange feathers on their ears and throats. Along the bottom part of the bill, adults also have an orange streak. Juveniles of the species look much like the adults. However, their black feathers may be tipped with gray. Yellow feathers appear on their ears. Their lower necks have grayish white color. Chicks have brown downy feathers until they molt. They molt at about eleven months of age.