Read the following excerpt from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her academic voice?
The belly produces acid to break down food. In patients who suffer from gastroesophageal reflux disease, more commonly known as GERD or acid reflux, the acid moves backward into the eating tube. Most often, GERD occurs because the lower esophageal sphincter, the thing at the junction of the eating tube and the belly, doesn't close the way it should or opens at the wrong time.
by using unbiased language by avoiding first-person pronouns by using more technical terms
During peer review, you read and respond to a fellow student's writing. While there are many methods and strategies that you can use for reviewing a text, it is generally helpful to frame your suggestions in concrete and constructive ways and to consider the following areas for revision:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear idea and develop it with evidence, examples, or analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that they build on one another and are easy to follow?
Voice: Does the writer maintain an appropriate voice, such as a formal and objective voice in an academic essay or an engaging and expressive voice in a narrative essay?
Sentence fluency: Does the writer use sentences that vary in structure and length to create a sense of rhythm and flow within and between sentences, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer follow appropriate conventions, using accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her academic voice by using more technical terms.
For example, the writer could use technical terms for the underlined words: stomach, esophagus, and valve.
The belly produces acid to break down food. In patients who suffer from gastroesophageal reflux disease, more commonly known as GERD or acid reflux, the acid moves backward into the eating tube. Most often, GERD occurs because the lower esophageal sphincter, the thing at the junction of the eating tube and the belly, doesn't close the way it should or opens at the wrong time.