Read the following text from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her sentence fluency?
If I became student council president, I would make significant changes at my school. I would help my fellow students by being the voice of the student body and communicating openly and effectively with the principal, board of education, school faculty and staff, and parents. For example, I would make every effort to represent students' interests on issues such as mobile phones in the classroom, healthy lunch options in the cafeteria, and improved showers and lockers in our gymnasium. In addition, I would focus on organizing more social events for students, including talent shows, sports tournaments, fashion shows, dances with exciting themes, and battle of the band competitions.
by varying sentence length by combining sentences containing related information
When you review a fellow student's writing, try to make your feedback clear and specific. You can use questions such as the following to guide your feedback:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear main idea and develop it with evidence, examples, and analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that the ideas build on one another and are easy to follow?
Sentence fluency: Do the writer's sentences vary in structure and length, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely, avoiding excessive repetition or inappropriate language to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer use accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her sentence fluency by varying sentence length.
For example, the writer could shorten the underlined sentences to make the text read more smoothly.
If I became student council president, I would make significant changes at my school. I would help my fellow students by being the voice of the student body and communicating openly and effectively with the principal, board of education, school faculty and staff, and parents. For example, I would make every effort to represent students' interests on issues such as mobile phones in the classroom, healthy lunch options in the cafeteria, and improved showers and lockers in our gymnasium. In addition, I would focus on organizing more social events for students, including talent shows, sports tournaments, fashion shows, dances with exciting themes, and battle of the band competitions.