Read the following excerpt from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her sentence fluency?
Our school needs to serve better food for lunch. Our lunches should be delicious. Our lunches should be nutritious. Our lunches should be satisfying. One way to achieve this would be to have a salad bar available. Salad bars can contain far more than just lettuce. Fresh fruits can be included in a salad bar. Fresh vegetables can be included. Different kinds of meats and cheeses can be included, too. Even pasta can be stocked in a salad bar. With these healthy options, students can make their own tasty lunches.
by combining sentences containing related information by using shorter sentences
During peer review, you read and respond to a fellow student's writing. While there are many methods and strategies that you can use for reviewing a text, it is generally helpful to frame your suggestions in concrete and constructive ways and to consider the following areas for revision:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear idea and develop it with evidence, examples, or analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that they build on one another and are easy to follow?
Voice: Does the writer maintain an appropriate voice, such as a formal and objective voice in an academic essay or an engaging and expressive voice in a narrative essay?
Sentence fluency: Does the writer use sentences that vary in structure and length to create a sense of rhythm and flow within and between sentences, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer follow appropriate conventions, using accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her sentence fluency by combining sentences containing related information.
For example, the writer could combine the underlined groups of sentences into sentences like Our lunches should be delicious, nutritious, and satisfying and Fresh fruits, fresh vegetables, and different kinds of meats and cheeses can be included in a salad bar.
Our school needs to serve better food for lunch. Our lunches should be delicious. Our lunches should be nutritious. Our lunches should be satisfying. One way to achieve this would be to have a salad bar available. Salad bars can contain far more than just lettuce. Fresh fruits can be included in a salad bar. Fresh vegetables can be included. Different kinds of meats and cheeses can be included, too. Even pasta can be stocked in a salad bar. With these healthy options, students can make their own tasty lunches.