Read the following excerpt from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her sentence fluency?
Getting involved in high school sports is a great way for students to build a variety of important skills. When students play on teams, for example, they learn the importance of teamwork. Teamwork is developed when players work together to achieve success. Players have to balance schoolwork with time spent on practice and games, so they learn how to budget their time well. Sports also provide an opportunity to build confidence. When players practice diligently and see improvement, they feel a sense of accomplishment, which builds self-esteem.
by simplifying the last sentence by using longer sentences by adding a transition between two sentences
During peer review, you read and respond to a fellow student's writing. While there are many methods and strategies that you can use for reviewing a text, it is generally helpful to frame your suggestions in concrete and constructive ways and to consider the following areas for revision:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear idea and develop it with evidence, examples, or analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that they build on one another and are easy to follow?
Voice: Does the writer maintain an appropriate voice, such as a formal and objective voice in an academic essay or an engaging and expressive voice in a narrative essay?
Sentence fluency: Does the writer use sentences that vary in structure and length to create a sense of rhythm and flow within and between sentences, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer follow appropriate conventions, using accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her sentence fluency by adding a transition between two sentences.
For example, the writer could add a sentence such as Improved time management is another valuable benefit of playing sports before the underlined sentence.
Getting involved in high school sports is a great way for students to build a variety of important skills. When students play on teams, for example, they learn the importance of teamwork. Teamwork is developed when players work together to achieve success. Players have to balance schoolwork with time spent on practice and games, so they learn how to budget their time well. Sports also provide an opportunity to build confidence. When players practice diligently and see improvement, they feel a sense of accomplishment, which builds self-esteem.