Read the following excerpt from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her ideas and development?
In Amy Tan's The Joy Luck Club, four Chinese American daughters and their more traditional Chinese mothers try to reconcile their cultural differences. When the daughters are young girls, they are embarrassed by their mothers and think they are strange. The mothers feel misunderstood by their daughters. As the girls grow into women, their attitudes change. Over time, the mothers and daughters develop a new appreciation for one another.
by clearly stating the main idea by removing a second main idea by including specific examples from the text
During peer review, you read and respond to a fellow student's writing. While there are many methods and strategies that you can use for reviewing a text, it is generally helpful to frame your suggestions in concrete and constructive ways and to consider the following areas for revision:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear idea and develop it with evidence, examples, or analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that they build on one another and are easy to follow?
Voice: Does the writer maintain an appropriate voice, such as a formal and objective voice in an academic essay or an engaging and expressive voice in a narrative essay?
Sentence fluency: Does the writer use sentences that vary in structure and length to create a sense of rhythm and flow within and between sentences, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer follow appropriate conventions, using accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her ideas and development by including specific examples from the text.
For example, the writer could provide specific examples and quotations from the book to illustrate the points being made in the underlined text.
In Amy Tan's The Joy Luck Club, four Chinese American daughters and their more traditional Chinese mothers try to reconcile their cultural differences. When the daughters are young girls, they are embarrassed by their mothers and think they are strange. The mothers feel misunderstood by their daughters. As the girls grow into women, their attitudes change. Over time, the mothers and daughters develop a new appreciation for one another.