Read the following text from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her ideas and development?
Why is smoking cigarettes bad for your health? Cigarettes contain poisonous substances like carbon monoxide and tar, which can harm every part of your body. Smoking causes heart disease and damages your blood vessels. Eating a diet high in fat, sugar, and salt can also lead to heart disease. A lack of exercise contributes to heart disease, too. Smoking damages your lungs and can cause breathing problems or lung cancer. In fact, it can cause cancer in any organ in your body.
by focusing on one main idea by stating the main idea clearly
When you review a fellow student's writing, try to make your feedback clear and specific. You can use questions such as the following to guide your feedback:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear main idea and develop it with evidence, examples, and analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that the ideas build on one another and are easy to follow?
Sentence fluency: Do the writer's sentences vary in structure and length, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely, avoiding excessive repetition or inappropriate language to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer use accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her ideas and development by focusing on one main idea.
For example, the writer could remove the underlined text to focus only on the reasons why smoking cigarettes is bad for your health.
Why is smoking cigarettes bad for your health? Cigarettes contain poisonous substances like carbon monoxide and tar, which can harm every part of your body. Smoking causes heart disease and damages your blood vessels. Eating a diet high in fat, sugar, and salt can also lead to heart disease. A lack of exercise contributes to heart disease, too. Smoking damages your lungs and can cause breathing problems or lung cancer. In fact, it can cause cancer in any organ in your body.