Read the following excerpt from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her ideas and development?
The Servicemen's Readjustment Act, also known as the G.I. Bill, gave veterans money to pay college costs and buy books and supplies. Ex-servicemen were also eligible to receive low-interest home loans so that they could afford to buy their own homes, as well as commercial loans to set up their own businesses. One of the more controversial aspects of the bill was the provision of unemployment benefits to the veterans who were unable to find jobs.
by stating the main idea clearly by removing a second main idea
During peer review, you read and respond to a fellow student's writing. While there are many methods and strategies that you can use for reviewing a text, it is generally helpful to frame your suggestions in concrete and constructive ways and to consider the following areas for revision:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear idea and develop it with evidence, examples, or analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that they build on one another and are easy to follow?
Voice: Does the writer maintain an appropriate voice, such as a formal and objective voice in an academic essay or an engaging and expressive voice in a narrative essay?
Sentence fluency: Does the writer use sentences that vary in structure and length to create a sense of rhythm and flow within and between sentences, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer follow appropriate conventions, using accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her ideas and development by stating the main idea clearly.
For example, the writer could add a main idea statement before the underlined sentence, such as The Servicemen's Readjustment Act of 1944 was a widely influential bill that helped veterans in many ways.
The Servicemen's Readjustment Act, also known as the G.I. Bill, gave veterans money to pay college costs and buy books and supplies. Ex-servicemen were also eligible to receive low-interest home loans so that they could afford to buy their own homes, as well as commercial loans to set up their own businesses. One of the more controversial aspects of the bill was the provision of unemployment benefits to the veterans who were unable to find jobs.