Read the following excerpt from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her sentence fluency?
A 2013 study by Arizona State University's W. P. Carey School of Business examined the relationship between customers and companies in the United States. According to the study, customer satisfaction remains low. Customer satisfaction levels are on par with those reported in the 1970s. One issue is that customers often have to wait a long time to speak to a company representative about their complaint. Even when they finally do manage talk to someone, they may get neither the desired results nor an apology.
by varying how sentences begin by combining sentences that contain similar information by using shorter sentences
During peer review, you read and respond to a fellow student's writing. While there are many methods and strategies that you can use for reviewing a text, it is generally helpful to frame your suggestions in concrete and constructive ways and to consider the following areas for revision:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear idea and develop it with evidence, examples, or analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that they build on one another and are easy to follow?
Voice: Does the writer maintain an appropriate voice, such as a formal and objective voice in an academic essay or an engaging and expressive voice in a narrative essay?
Sentence fluency: Does the writer use sentences that vary in structure and length to create a sense of rhythm and flow within and between sentences, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer follow appropriate conventions, using accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her sentence fluency by combining sentences that contain similar information.
For example, the writer could turn the underlined text into one sentence, such as According to the study, customer satisfaction levels remain low, on par with those reported in the 1970 s.
A 2013 study by Arizona State University's W. P. Carey School of Business examined the relationship between customers and companies in the United States. According to the study, customer satisfaction remains low. Customer satisfaction levels are on par with those reported in the 1970 s. One issue is that customers often have to wait a long time to speak to a company representative about their complaint. Even when they finally do manage talk to someone, they may get neither the desired results nor an apology.