Read the following excerpt from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her ideas and development?
Shade-grown coffee is better for the environment than coffee grown in full sun. Coffee naturally grows in shade. However, in the 1990s, farmers began cultivating hybrid coffee plants that grew in full sun because they produced higher yields. These sun-loving plants have harmed the environment in many ways. Now there are huge full-sun coffee plantations where small, shady farms once stood.
by including more background information on the plantations by addressing an opposing point of view by including evidence to support the claim
During peer review, you read and respond to a fellow student's writing. While there are many methods and strategies that you can use for reviewing a text, it is generally helpful to frame your suggestions in concrete and constructive ways and to consider the following areas for revision:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear idea and develop it with evidence, examples, or analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that they build on one another and are easy to follow?
Voice: Does the writer maintain an appropriate voice, such as a formal and objective voice in an academic essay or an engaging and expressive voice in a narrative essay?
Sentence fluency: Does the writer use sentences that vary in structure and length to create a sense of rhythm and flow within and between sentences, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer follow appropriate conventions, using accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her ideas and development by including evidence to support the claim.
For example, the writer could support the underlined text with examples that show how shade-grown coffee is better for the environment and sun-grown coffee is damaging.
Shade-grown coffee is better for the environment than coffee grown in full sun. Coffee naturally grows in shade. However, in the 1990 s, farmers began cultivating hybrid coffee plants that grew in full sun because they produced higher yields. These sun-loving plants have harmed the environment in many ways. Now there are huge full-sun coffee plantations where small, shady farms once stood.