Read the following excerpt from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her word choice?
I saw a movie called Blob Invasion. It was really good. It was about a weird guy who was into science. He worked on bugs and small animals. He made a machine that did things to the bugs and the animals. They became big weird things. One day he transformed himself by accident. He became a big blob! He went around doing bad things to the city. In the end, a boy figured out how to change the blob back into a man. I would recommend this movie to everyone who likes fun science movies.
by using more specific language by reducing repetitive language
During peer review, you read and respond to a fellow student's writing. While there are many methods and strategies that you can use for reviewing a text, it is generally helpful to frame your suggestions in concrete and constructive ways and to consider the following areas for revision:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear idea and develop it with evidence, examples, or analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that they build on one another and are easy to follow?
Voice: Does the writer maintain an appropriate voice, such as a formal and objective voice in an academic essay or an engaging and expressive voice in a narrative essay?
Sentence fluency: Does the writer use sentences that vary in structure and length to create a sense of rhythm and flow within and between sentences, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer follow appropriate conventions, using accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her word choice by using more specific language.
For example, the writer could replace the underlined text with more specific language, such as incredibly entertaining, strange scientist, experimented, invented, transformed, giant slimy blobs, morphed into, giant, oozed, horrible, and all science fiction fans.
I saw a movie called Blob Invasion. It was really good. It was about a weird guy who was into science. He worked on bugs and small animals. He made a machine that did things to the bugs and the animals. They became big weird things. One day he transformed himself by accident. He became a big blob! He went around doing bad things to the city. In the end, a boy figured out how to change the blob back into a man. I would recommend this movie to everyone who likes fun science movies.