Read the following excerpt from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her academic voice?
Cloning has come a long way since a sheep named Dolly was successfully cloned in 1996. Now it is becoming possible to use cloning for a variety of purposes. For example, cloning technology could be used to grow stem cells from which replacement organs, such as hearts and livers, could be grown. If a person became ill and needed an organ transplant, cloning could provide the answer. With advances in technology, even cloning humans has become a distinct possibility. Scientists, bioethicists, and governments are all exploring this, even though it is clearly unnatural and unethical.
by avoiding subjective statements by avoiding first-person pronouns by including technical terms
During peer review, you read and respond to a fellow student's writing. While there are many methods and strategies that you can use for reviewing a text, it is generally helpful to frame your suggestions in concrete and constructive ways and to consider the following areas for revision:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear idea and develop it with evidence, examples, or analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that they build on one another and are easy to follow?
Voice: Does the writer maintain an appropriate voice, such as a formal and objective voice in an academic essay or an engaging and expressive voice in a narrative essay?
Sentence fluency: Does the writer use sentences that vary in structure and length to create a sense of rhythm and flow within and between sentences, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer follow appropriate conventions, using accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her academic voice by avoiding subjective statements.
For example, the writer could cut the underlined text to maintain an objective discussion of human cloning.
Cloning has come a long way since a sheep named Dolly was successfully cloned in 1996. Now it is becoming possible to use cloning for a variety of purposes. For example, cloning technology could be used to grow stem cells from which replacement organs, such as hearts and livers, could be grown. If a person became ill and needed an organ transplant, cloning could provide the answer. With advances in technology, even cloning humans has become a distinct possibility. Scientists, bioethicists, and governments are all exploring this, even though it is clearly unnatural and unethical.