Read the following excerpt from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her word choice?
Skiing is the most exhilarating sport in the world. I learned to ski when I was three years old and started to ski competitively when I was nine. The beginning of a ski race is the most tense. I hear the sound of the start gates opening and feel the air as I start down the course. Then I am rushing down the hill. When the finish line is in sight, I push myself harder. When I win, I feel triumphant!
by including more figurative language by using words with more appropriate connotations by fixing misused words
During peer review, you read and respond to a fellow student's writing. While there are many methods and strategies that you can use for reviewing a text, it is generally helpful to frame your suggestions in concrete and constructive ways and to consider the following areas for revision:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear idea and develop it with evidence, examples, or analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that they build on one another and are easy to follow?
Voice: Does the writer maintain an appropriate voice, such as a formal and objective voice in an academic essay or an engaging and expressive voice in a narrative essay?
Sentence fluency: Does the writer use sentences that vary in structure and length to create a sense of rhythm and flow within and between sentences, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer follow appropriate conventions, using accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her word choice by including more figurative language.
For example, the writer could make the writing more vivid and engaging by replacing the underlined phrases with these figurative expressions: buzzes with intensity, the thud of, feel the wind like a smack in the face, flying down the hill like a hawk, and rev my engines.
Skiing is the most exhilarating sport in the world. I learned to ski when I was three years old and started to ski competitively when I was nine. The beginning of a ski race is the most tense. I hear the sound of the start gates opening and feel the air as I start down the course. Then I am rushing down the hill. When the finish line is in sight, I push myself harder. When I win, I feel triumphant!