Read the following text from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her organization?
In the 1800s, egrets were hunted in the United States for their long white plumes (feathers). As a result, the birds were nearly wiped out completely. Thankfully, conservation measures were put in place, and the birds were protected. In fact, in recent years, egrets have expanded their range northward, moving beyond their original habitat in the American South. The egret is a large white bird that lives near marshes, lakes, ponds, and other wetland areas.
by providing the description of egrets when they are first introduced by removing the sentence about the egrets' expanded range
When you review a fellow student's writing, try to make your feedback clear and specific. You can use questions such as the following to guide your feedback:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear main idea and develop it with evidence, examples, and analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that the ideas build on one another and are easy to follow?
Sentence fluency: Do the writer's sentences vary in structure and length, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely, avoiding excessive repetition or inappropriate language to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer use accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her organization by providing the description of egrets when they are first introduced.
For example, the writer could move the underlined text to the beginning of the paragraph.
In the 1800 s, egrets were hunted in the United States for their long white plumes (feathers). As a result, the birds were nearly wiped out completely. Thankfully, conservation measures were put in place, and the birds were protected. In fact, in recent years, egrets have expanded their range northward, moving beyond their original habitat in the American South. The egret is a large white bird that lives near marshes, lakes, ponds, and other wetland areas.