Read the following excerpt from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her word choice?
If I could invent something, I would create a really nice bicycle. My bike would have a good seat and great tires so that I could ride it anywhere. It would also have a bell and special pockets for carrying things. A special top would be wonderful, so I could ride it in the rain but also enjoy the sun. I would choose a fun color to reflect my personality. Inventing a new bike would be cool.
by reducing repetitive language by using more specific language
During peer review, you read and respond to a fellow student's writing. While there are many methods and strategies that you can use for reviewing a text, it is generally helpful to frame your suggestions in concrete and constructive ways and to consider the following areas for revision:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear idea and develop it with evidence, examples, or analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that they build on one another and are easy to follow?
Voice: Does the writer maintain an appropriate voice, such as a formal and objective voice in an academic essay or an engaging and expressive voice in a narrative essay?
Sentence fluency: Does the writer use sentences that vary in structure and length to create a sense of rhythm and flow within and between sentences, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer follow appropriate conventions, using accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her word choice by using more specific language.
For example, the writer could replace the underlined text more descriptive language, such as the perfect bicycle; comfortable; durable; my cell phone, a water bottle, and a snack; foldable, umbrella-like top; unusual color like turquoise or magenta; my own custom bicycle; and thrilling.
If I could invent something, I would create a really nice bicycle. My bike would have a good seat and great tires so that I could ride it anywhere. It would also have a bell and special pockets for carrying things. A special top would be wonderful, so I could ride it in the rain but also enjoy the sun. I would choose a fun color to reflect my personality. Inventing a new bike would be cool.