Read the following excerpt from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her word choice?
One concern in sports is the risk of concussion, or brain injury. If you hit your head on the field, how do you know whether you have a concussion? Some possible signs are feeling dizzy or headachy for more than a few minutes, having blurred vision, and barfing or feeling like barfing. You might also have trouble thinking or concentrating, feel spaced out or unusually blubbery, or jabber in a way that doesn't make sense. If you have any of these symptoms, see a doctor right away.
by including more figurative language by fixing misused words by avoiding overly informal language
During peer review, you read and respond to a fellow student's writing. While there are many methods and strategies that you can use for reviewing a text, it is generally helpful to frame your suggestions in concrete and constructive ways and to consider the following areas for revision:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear idea and develop it with evidence, examples, or analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that they build on one another and are easy to follow?
Voice: Does the writer maintain an appropriate voice, such as a formal and objective voice in an academic essay or an engaging and expressive voice in a narrative essay?
Sentence fluency: Does the writer use sentences that vary in structure and length to create a sense of rhythm and flow within and between sentences, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer follow appropriate conventions, using accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her word choice by avoiding overly informal language.
For example, the writer could replace the underlined text with more formal words, such as vomiting, confused, emotional, and talk.
One concern in sports is the risk of concussion, or brain injury. If you hit your head on the field, how do you know whether you have a concussion? Some possible signs are feeling dizzy or headachy for more than a few minutes, having blurred vision, and barfing or feeling like barfing. You might also have trouble thinking or concentrating, feel spaced out or unusually blubbery, or jabber in a way that doesn't make sense. If you have any of these symptoms, see a doctor right away.