Read the following text from a student essay. How can the writer best improve his or her ideas and development?
The Servicemen's Readjustment Act, also known as the G.I. Bill, gave veterans money to pay college costs and buy books and supplies. Ex-servicemen were also eligible to receive low-interest home loans so that they could afford to buy their own homes, as well as commercial loans to set up their own businesses. One of the more controversial aspects of the bill was the provision of unemployment benefits to the veterans who were unable to find jobs.
by stating the main idea clearly by removing a second main idea
When you review a fellow student's writing, try to make your feedback clear and specific. You can use questions such as the following to guide your feedback:
Ideas and development: Does the writer express a clear main idea and develop it with evidence, examples, and analysis?
Organization: Does the writer order ideas in a clear, logical way so that the ideas build on one another and are easy to follow?
Sentence fluency: Do the writer's sentences vary in structure and length, or does the writing sound choppy, rambling, or repetitive?
Word choice: Does the writer use words accurately and precisely, avoiding excessive repetition or inappropriate language to create clear, effective, and engaging writing?
Grammar and mechanics: Does the writer use accurate spelling, punctuation, and grammar to create writing that is correct and easy to read?
The writer could best improve his or her ideas and development by stating the main idea clearly.
For example, the writer could add a main idea statement before the underlined sentence, such as The Servicemen's Readjustment Act of 1944 was a widely influential bill that helped veterans in many ways.
The Servicemen's Readjustment Act, also known as the G.I. Bill, gave veterans money to pay college costs and buy books and supplies. Ex-servicemen were also eligible to receive low-interest home loans so that they could afford to buy their own homes, as well as commercial loans to set up their own businesses. One of the more controversial aspects of the bill was the provision of unemployment benefits to the veterans who were unable to find jobs.