Prompt:
I (20F) am half Korean, half white. Most of my life, I ignored my Korean side. Lately, though, I've been trying to get more into the culture. I've been learning about different traditions, the culture, the language, and using the Korean name my grandfather gave me. My immediate family was never close to my Korean side of the family, but we were close to my grandfather.

My Korean name, for as long as I can remember, has been 지해, romanized as Jihae. I looked it up and it means sea, which I feel like suits me. I've always been drawn to the water.

Recently my sister was talking to my father and found out our names end with 혜, not 해. It's romanized "hye" instead of "hae," though it's pronounced the same (hay). Traditionally, siblings share a syllable, which is why my sister insists on me using "지혜". However, it's a tradition that's slowly dying out in younger generations.

I don't like 지혜. It doesnt feel like me, and I've been continuing to use 지해. However, the more my sister eggs me on about it, the more I worry I'm disrespecting my grandfather. I can't ask him about it since he passed years ago.

AITA for spelling my name how I always have?

Edit: The new spelling changes the meaning of the name. The new name means "wisdom." ######

Response:
 NAH. Your sister wants to feel that closeness with you and with your grandfather, and you are struggling to identify with something that is brand new to you.

Info: does the changed spelling change the meaning of your name, or is it just a stylistic difference?

I ask because, if it's just a stylistic change, it might just be strange because it is new, and will begin to feel more like it fits if you start to use it and become familiar with it. If it changes the meaning of your name, I understand even more why you would be resistant to changing it. ######


Prompt:
I (25F)have struggled with depression and eating disorders for years finally got help .i love cats of course I have one of mine own. shes very affectionate and cuddly which for me is such a wonderfully calming a thing. my therapist suggested i have my cat registered as an ESA just in case i move out to a place that doesn't allow pets

I was in the  process of getting my cat registered as an ESA  but then the lock down happened .

I have 2 roommates  22 y.o male who is currently staying with his family and a 25 y.o. female .

I've made it known to then that my cat while cute as all heck she is also my emotional support . and have asked them to stop constantly bothering her. i know were all bored but my  cat has gotten to the point several times where shes aggressive, hissing,swiping a people and avoiding us at all cost for a day or so.

the cat wont cuddle with me anymore which is a serious downer  and I'm worried my cat  might be stressed out her self .. ######

Response: NAH. Your roommates probably have nothing to do with her behaviour. She probably is not used to people being home all the time and isn't getting the sleep or alone time she needs. If your roommates are purposefully seeking her out and bothering her, they're TA, but you can't really expect your roommates to ignore her either if she's in shared spaces. ######


Prompt:
According to my partner I'm the asshole for banning him from watching YouTube, all he does when he watches TV is sit there and watch videos by the usual suspects... Trinity and Madison, the tannerites, Ryan's toy review etc.

The reason I banned it you ask?

- it's not educational

- his perception of what actual families are like is skewed. These people don't film the parts where they argue, scold/discipline their kids

- they're spoilt. It's no secret that such families have made millions from their kids and as such, every other video shows them being showered with toys and money

- huge houses. Our son seems to think that our 2 bedroom flat in England is abnormal compared to these multi million pound homes in the states.

I don't agree with these channels anyway. Nobody knows yet the repurcutions these kids face from being publicised so heavy from a young age and the embarrassment they might feel watching back on themselves acting like a bunch of loons.

I'm just scared that his belief on how good we are as parents is being challenged by these unrealistic videos. He's too young to understand that this isn't the norm. ######

Response: NAH. Your kid is 5 so obviously not TA. Your behavior makes a lot of sense for those reasons. YouTube has good stuff on it though so I recommend controlling it, allowing him to watch cartoons, etc but not rich kids unboxing stuff ######


Prompt:
I have always had an admiration for tattoos and piercings but had never got any myself because of work and family being against.

Last year we made the decision that I will become a stay home mum and I am no longer working. This change in lifestyle got me thinking that I no longer need to meet the corporate stereotype in terms of appearance and I could now look how I want. I therefore celebrated my new found freedom by getting my nose pierced and a small tattoo on my wrist.

My husband wasn't happy with these small alterations to my appearance and was concerned about what others would think and the example I would set for our daughter. I had raised with my husband that I had actually been considering further tattoos and piercings which just stirred him up more.

I am thinking that once things in the world return to normal I would like commence getting a sleeve tattooed and several piercings including on my face. I also have longer term plans to get other parts of my body tattooed.

I have shared my plans with husband and he is totally freaking out. Also sensing he is very anxious about what his family and friend will think. I will be the only person in our extended family with large visible tattoos and piercings. It is something I have wanted for a long time but WIBTA if I do this without my husband on board? ######

Response:
 NAH. your husband is allowed not too like your tatoos and find them attractive as much as you like them. It is ultimately up to you to decide as it is your body, but you cannot expect your husband to be on board automatically, especially if he doesn't like tatoos.

There seems to be two issues at hand: Does your husband find tatoos and piercings attractive and is he more concerned what others may think rather than deciding for himself if he likes it or not?

Either way you should broach this with him before getting anymore. ######


Prompt:
I know the title is confusing, but I’ll explain. My son is 14M. He was reading something on the family computer and when he went to the bathroom I looked at what he was doing. He was on a pdf of a brochure from the 90s for teens that think they’re gay. I clicked the back arrow and apparently he’d searched before that “will people still love me if I’m gay?”. My heart broke. We’d never specifically talked about that, but I didn’t think I’d ever given off that impression. I immediately went to talk to my husband about this. I told him that we needed to talk to our son, because he was clearly hurting.

My husband reacted differently than I expected. He said that we should let him come to us, because he’d think we were snooping in his life if we went to him. I understood his point, but I felt like we needed to tell our son that we love him no matter what. I told my husband that I was going to talk to our son, with or without him. But now I’m doubtful. I’m afraid my son will slip away from us if we come on too strong. Should I listen to my husband? WIBTA if I talked to him? ######

Response:
 NAH. Your husband has a point, but that doesn't mean you should be completely passive. There are ways to subtly suggest to your son that he can confide in you and your husband if there is something that is on his mind, but your husband has a point in considering how your son might perceive your newfound knowledge of him. Coming out as gay is a big step for many people and having it done for me is something that I personally would not want. Let him come to terms with himself first, but let him know you are there for him in the best of times and in the worst of times.

Regardless of what you might know now after this revelation, you won't know the exact truth until he comes to you and says it. Be vigilant and be ready to be supportive of your son when the time is right; until the time comes, be supportive in other ways without revealing something that he might not be comfortable with himself. He is still young and might not understand what he's feeling. Let him figure it out for himself. I'm sure he'll appreciate that in the long run. ######


Prompt:
So, my girlfriend is an obsessive cleaner/tidier. There’s nothing inherently wrong with having a neat residence but the issue is that she applies the same standard to our bed. Please note that the issue is not making the bed after sleeping in it. That’s never been a problem. But she’ll get mad at me for messing up the bed while I’m sleeping it. It’s completely ridiculous because I obviously can’t help it, I mean I’m sleeping for Pete’s sake. So the latest episode happened today. we went to bed at the same time and I turned over to go to sleep. She got up to pee and came back and the bed was messy because like we roll over like normal humans and the sheets aren’t perfectly placed. Note that we sleep in a queen bed and we have far more than enough bedsheet for the two of us.

She kind of started ranting about how she hates that I mess up the bed while sleeping in it and I couldn’t deal with the ridiculousness and started laughing. Hard. Till tears streamed down my eyes. I just couldn’t help it because like, it’s just completely ridiculous in my eyes. I feel like she knows it’s ridiculous as well but she just can’t accept it. Well she had a total. And I mean TOTAL breakdown. Tears started flowing, and she got real sad and asked why I can’t do something simple to make her happy. I tried to tell her that I can’t help what I do in my sleep and she said “well actually you can if you try hard enough like i do” and that sent me into a fresh round of laughter. She had enough, quickly packed a bag and left to stay with a friend. This is just ridiculous, typing this has made me realize how fucking bizarre this situation is. ######

Response:
 NAH. Your girlfriend has some serious OCD issues that have nothing to do with you.

You’ll just have to decide if you can put up with this sort of thing in the long run. It may indeed become weirder over time...I have had a similar experience. ######


Prompt:
I (29M) had a bouquet of roses delivered to my wife (33F) for our 3rd wedding anniversary with the following note:

“Happy anniversary! Thank you for blessing me with our two beautiful daughters. I love you.”

She’s now berating me and crying because I made our anniversary a “family” anniversary instead of a “wedding” anniversary.

As a side note, I also bought her the elliptical she’s been wanting as a combo Mother’s Day / Wedding Anniversary gift. It arrived a few weeks ago. I’m also limited on what I can do because coronavirus is spiking in my area and I have many high risk members in my family (i.e., I rely heavily on delivery services at the moment).

AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH. Your gifts were sweet, but I can see why your wife is upset. Your card didn't acknowledge why you loved her or married her. You summed up your marriage by basically saying you were grateful she was a baby maker.

If I were you, I would go get a separate card and write out some reasons you love her for her, or even write her a love note. She just wants to hear she's valuable to you for other reasons than kids. ######


Prompt:
So, partner has a child and they are dictating everything we do while they are with us. From demanding playtime, how they do school (since we are on lock down), what they want to eat.... All typical first grade age kid stuff right? I tend to roll my eyes and let my partner deal because they're not my kid and I can't be bothered with the hassle of them passing on to their mom that I'm being mean or whatever by telling them to stop being ridiculous.

That's before we get onto them telling me what I can't eat because it's "theirs". I pay for what I eat. I can eat what I want, when I want... But it's making me feel like I can't eat when they are around because they make out I'm eating "their" food. It can be anything... cakes, chocolate, chips, drinks... You name it, and they see me eating it? It's theirs and I'm told not to eat any more... By the kid. I'm being guilted by a kid.

It's getting to the point where I'm starting to have to bite my tongue because it's really making me angry that I pay for food and can't eat it when I want. Partner just shrugs it off and says the kid is just a kid.But it's more than that. I'm being made to feel like I can't eat stuff I've paid for when kid is around... So, AITA for being angry at this or am. I just overreacting? ######

Response: NAH. You’re overthinking this. Kids make dumb demands all the time, it’s okay for you to tell the kid he’s being rude and has to stop. By not saying anything you’re making the kid think his behavior is ok. ######


Prompt:
We have been together for nearly four years. I'm very adamantly childfree, which he knew prior to us dating, and BC doesn't seem to like me, as I've gotten pregnant on it twice already. I'm not in the US and the only doctor I found who will tie my tubes, being that I'm 23 and don't have any children, wants 17,500 of my local currency, which I can in no way afford. However, men can easily get free vasectomies here.

I've asked him (30m) to get a vasectomy since after my last abortion. He always says no, that I can get surgery on myself if I want, and if I ask why he just laughs and says "my body my choice, you can't force me". I've tried explaining that I would never force him to do anything, but that it would be a quick, nearly painless procedure he could get for free, whereas I'd have to pay a lot of cash we don't have and be laid on my ass for a week, and the most I've gotten is that he will "think about it" because he doesn't want anyone touching him "down there".

I'm currently not on BC because it didn't even work and did make me snappy and gain weight, so we haven't done much lately in the bedroom department. He also doesn't like wearing condoms, he will put one on only if one is on hand but won't get up to get one, and no matter how often I explain, he thinks pulling out is sufficient protection. I feel like an AH for continuing to bring it up, but it would really help my peace of mind so much and I can't help feeling that his refusal means he doesn't care about me as much as he says he does. I mean I'd gladly get a tubal if either of us had the means to pay for it, even if it meant I couldn't get up for a week...But he's also right, it is his body and I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do.

So, AITA? ######

Response: NAH. You’re not TA for wanting someone to do something, & he’s not TA for refusing. However, let’s suppose your suspicions are correct, that he doesn’t care about you as much as he says, or that he wants kids someday & he’s okay with the idea that it won’t be with you. Knowing that, what’s your move? ######


Prompt: So, long story short, my girlfriend [18F] and me [18M] are both stuck at home with our families. She also had to quit her job (waitressing) restaurants closed and feels she needs to keep making money for college next year (spending money, not tuition). Which I totally understand. The thing is, she wants to start camming from her room. She’s gorgeous and has a great body; I’m sure she could do really well, but I just don’t think I could handle her getting that kind of attention. So I basically gave her an ultimatum — she can either be a camgirl or my girlfriend. That Really upset her and she said she needs to think it over. AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH. You’re being honest. Like yes we live in an era where men should not feel entitled to lose their shit when another man looks at his girl, but this is a big decision. It will impact her life and therefore her partners (your) life.

I’m a former sex worker. I definitely believe that sex work can be a good option for a lot of people and that girls shouldn’t feel ashamed of it. That being said, there’s a reason I make certain to disclose that information honestly and openly to every serious partner I have.

It will impact her future in terms of whether she can ever be any form of public figure. It will cause her a lot of stress in ways she isn’t expecting that you might not know how to support her through. It will change her availability, the ways she has to compose herself, it will demand that she become the sort of girl who knows how to outright manipulate men, and it’s valid if that makes you uncomfortable.

It would be far worse if you said it was fine out of obligation but ended up treating her differently or letting the relationship drag on while you fall out of love with your future together. It’s tough for you to stomach, and I imagine it’s tough for her to not have a supporting partner. But you’re being honest about your boundaries and I get it. ######


Prompt:
Okay, so I’ve (21M) been seeing the same girl (21F) for 5 years now. Only relationship I’ve ever been in. I think I started questioning my speciality for the first time about halfway through our relationship - but I figured I just be bi. I told her this, and she had zero issue with it at all. But things have been happening over time, and I figured out I must be gay.

Sex had become less and less enjoyable for me. It was always a little awkward for me but I attributed it to having a low sex drive, but I know now that’s not the case. She’s a beautiful girl, but I’m just not attracted to her at all, as much as I keep on trying to convince myself I could be. Furthermore it’s guys exclusively I’ve noticed more and more, not women at all. I knew I had to break this to my GF because I just can’t logically be together with her while holding this back. I love her, but I’m not in love with her.

So I told her back Sunday I was gay; she thoughtI was joking at first but then she realized I was serious and just simply said wait what the fuck. I tried explaining myself but then she blew up on me saying how could I do this to her, and how she’s invested everything for the last 5 years; I said I understand and I’m sorry, but I know this and it’s not fair for me to stay. There was a lot of crying and after a little while she left.

So this has essentially upended my life (obviously). Multiple friends and family of hers have basically messaged me saying I should be ashamed of myself for throwing away our relationship and wasting all these years. I get it, and I understand why she’s hurting. But I don’t know how else how I could’ve gone about this. AITA here? ######

Response: NAH. You're not an AH for coming out. You took her feelings into consideration when you figured out that you are, in fact, gay and not bi by telling her. She's upset as anyone would be of losing her partner of 5 years. Shes hurting and lashing out. Which isn't okay, but shes been dealt a major emotional blow. ######


Prompt:
I have been living with my boyfriend and his family during lockdown. I get on with his family well and have a good rapport with his parents.

One downside of his mother though is her preparation and presentation of food. She loves to be hospitable and really enjoys making food and snacks for people, but I just wouldn’t say it was what I liked. The food is fine but is how she makes it. For example she’ll offer to make you a sandwich but will completely butcher it. I mean her way of buttering bread is atrocious. She’ll just leave a huge lump in the middle. I on the other hand prefer to have butter spread on the entirety of the bread surface, so you can see why this bothers me. It sounds weird but I’ve always had a particular way of making my food. Mostly I just grin and bear it but if I can I like to go back and redo the sandwich.

I’ve done this for a lot of food she’s made and would normally sneak away to do it, as not to hurt her feelings. Another one is love mustard but she’ll just put a pea sized amount in rather than a bigger dollop that I like.

Well yesterday she ended up seeing me redoing a sandwich and got incredibly upset. She asked if I do this for every thing she makes and I told her no but I don’t think she believed me. Anyway she’s very upset I haven’t liked her food and now thinks no one else in the house does.

My boyfriend is now annoyed at me calling me an ass for upsetting his mum when she’s been nothing but lovely and hospitable to me. He thinks I should have just turned his mum down point blank and made my own food instead of accepting her offer to make food then changing it. But I just didn’t want to seem rude for denying her but now maybe I think that’s what I should have been doing. ######

Response:
 NAH. You're both trying to be nice to the other, and no one has lashed out at the other over it. Just being upset because she's realized you don't like her food doesn't make her an AH.

That said, yes, make your own food from now on if you're constantly going back and redoing it. ######


Prompt:
My girlfriend always dressed comfortably and practically until recently; she works at a professional job, and she would usually wear jeans, sneakers, T shirts or sweaters, etc.

About a month ago, she had her friend shave both sides of her head, but leave hair on the top and back of her head. I wasn't a huge fan of it but she said she wanted it for a while, but she was too afraid of being embarrassed if it turned out badly. But now that everyone is working from home, nobody can go out, she took the chance and she loves it.

Then she bleached her brown hair to blonde. Then in a week she dyed it florescent green.

And she was buying a lot of new clothes, crop tops and tank tops, really loud patterned pants, platform sneakers that look like running shoes but have a sole that's like 3 inches tall? Just generally flashy and eccentric stuff. And whenever I ask, she says that this is more her style but she's just been more comfortable getting into it when there's less social pressure.

She's stopped wearing bras and that's also awkward because I can tell she gets stares

I asked what she's going to do when she has to go back to work, and she said she'd dress appropriately but obviously couldn't change her hair. But she didn't think that would be a problem, she'd been practically indespensable during the difficult time the company was having recently, and she couldn't see there being any trouble over hair.

I've said I also don't love her new look, and she's always like "I don't look that different, like it's still me" but honestly she does look really different.

We had a fight after I asked her a couple times to just wear normal things when we hang out together, and she got really upset with me over it, saying that she was just trying to have some fun and try something different and it was really rude of me to tell her how to dress

AITA for being annoyed with my girlfriend's change in style? ######

Response: NAH. You're allowed to not like her new look and express that (in a limited manner to get your point across and then stop). She's allowed to ignore your preference and keep wearing it. And you're both allowed to decide whether this is a dealbreaker. ######


Prompt:
For some context I am 17F and coworker (let’s say Stacey) is mid 50’sF. We both work in the checkout section of a supermarket and our whole team are quite close so share a lot of our lives with each other.

Stacey likes to engage with the younger group of our team which is great, however she likes to get a little to personal with her questions. For example, over New Years a couple of other girls were talking about the party and she said to them “remember your condoms and plan B girls!”. She also likes to comment on the physical appearance of younger male customers and it makes everyone uncomfortable.

Now, my boyfriend also works in the same supermarket, we are both Christian’s and very open about our faith and the fact that we are choosing not to have sex because as aforementioned we are a very close team so share a lot with each other.
However; Stacey likes to make very inappropriate jokes about us, I brought myself a ring a while ago and she noticed it asking if it was “from my lover”. After asking her to call him by his name, she continues to call him my lover, despite the fact that I am clearly uncomfortable as are people nearby.
She continues to ask my about my sexual preferences as well as the other girls and we have all expressed our discomfort and the fact we don’t like her to each other.

So, WIBTA if I told her that we don’t like her and that she needs to mind her own business? ######

Response:
 NAH. You're 17 so let explain something.... saying that to a co worker rather than saying something much more polite will not go well for you.

Just try; Hi Stacey, I've been meaning to talk to you about something. I feel very uncomfortable about the things you say, I am not use to people being so direct and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. Could you please refrain from speaking like that towards me?

If she doesn't then you speak to the boss. ######


Prompt:
People involved in this: me \[16M\], a friend of a friend Olivia \[16F\], the rest of our friend group \[16-17 M or F\].

So, I'm considered one of the more stylish guys at my school-- I actually put in effort and don't wear shorts/sweatpants and t-shirts every day.

Anyhow, Olivia is also pretty well-dressed, and today she was talking about how she dresses for herself and how her clothes aren't to attract guys but because she feels better when she looks good. She then turned to me and asked 'isn't that right. Don't you just dress for yourself?'. Clearly, she was expecting me to confirm her opinions.

I shrugged and said truthfully that no, I actually dress at least partially to look attractive to girls-- I do enjoy looking nice, but more than that, I like girls thinking I'm hot, so I try to dress in a way that makes them think this.

This upset her, since I didn't back her up. She asked, 'don't you believe me though when I say I only dress for myself?'. I shrugged again and told her I can't know for certain because nobody could see inside her brain but herself. And I also don't really know her that well. So there's no way to know either way whether she's telling the truth.

This really upset her, and she's angry at me for not supporting her. I don't believe I have any obligation to, and besides, when she asks me questions, she shouldn't be mad at me for answering.

AITA? ######

Response: NAH. You would benefit from learning a bit about tact, but it was also weird of her to press you to make her point for her. Just an awkward conversation you should move on from. ######


Prompt:
Some background first. My sister is a lesbian. She was closeted for most of her life and ended marrying and divorcing a man. She lived a lie for a long time and it messed her up. My son (14M) came out as gay to me a year ago. My son and I are having video calls with my parents once a week. My son told me that he was going to come out to his grandparents on the next video call.

Yesterday we had the call. My son started talking and said something like “I have something to tell you guys” but then he stopped. He then ran off from the call. I then told my parents what he was going to say. They were very kind and they wanted to speak to my son so I called him over. They started going on about how they loved him no matter what and all that. When the call was over, my son got really mad at me for telling them. He started yelling at me and saying that he wanted to say it. I thought he wanted me to say it because he left the call.

Now I think I was wrong. I’ve been up all night reading all these LGBTQ+ parent advice stuffs online. I’m trying to navigate parenting as a single mother. This is all new to me and I’m trying to figure it out and not hurt my son like my sister got hurt. Please help me but don’t be mean. Was I wrong? ######

Response: NAH. You shouldn't have told them for him, but you did that because you misunderstood his behaviour, not out of malevolence. It's hard to know how to negotiate these things -- for you and for him too. But this incident will blow over. The important thing is that you love and support him. ######


Prompt:
Using my throwaway, as a coworker knows my main.

My fiancée died in an accident a few months ago and I haven’t told my coworkers. I was off that week for unrelated reasons. I panicked and said our friend died and my fiancée’s leg got wrecked when  asked why I looked upset. In reality, what happened was the opposite. Our friend lived because my fiancée pulled them out of a burning vehicle while bleeding out. I still refer to him in present tense out of habit, and how despite everything I keep expecting him to burst in with a smile on his face. Admitting this to the people I’ve worked with for so long will somehow make this real, and I can’t handle that right now.

I've been following up on my incorrect statement by not every fixing my story.

I feel horrible because I’m lying during any interaction mentioning him during work. My coworkers are very nice, and only a few of them ever met him. I am on very good terms with all of them. A friend of mine there had jokingly asked when she’d finally meet my elusive fiancée, and I responded with a vague someday. It's probably going to come out at some point, most likely when I slip up. I can see why they'd be pissed that I've been avoiding/lying about this.

First time posting in this sub, just let me know if I need to move it elsewhere/did something wrong. ######

Response: NAH. You reveal the truth when you're most comfortable. ######


Prompt:
AITA if I tell my fiancé I don’t want to get married the same year as his sister?

Basically his sisters wedding was supposed to be this year. She just decided to move it to one year from now.... three months before my wedding is supposed to happen.

Now, I love weddings but I just feel that having weddings so close to each other WILL take some of the fun out of it for me. All the family would have just gotten together, traveled, bought gifts for her, etc....

Obviously I feel bad she had to change her date to another year, but they actually already are married (legally) since they are military. Would I be an asshole if I change my date to another year, 2022 (ugh)? Everyone would know it’s because the dates are close together. Since I wanted a summer wedding too.... ######

Response:
 NAH. You mentioned international travel in the comments. If a majority of the guests are traveling internationally you should include that in the post. I think you should talk to your fiancé about it, and honestly even ask other family members. They aren’t going to think you’re an asshole unless your motive is “I just want all the attention” and you’re afraid that’s going to come off when you talk about it. But if your concern is everyone’s comfort relating to having to spend and travel, then a “do you feel like folks would appreciate spacing it out” question shouldn’t be a big deal.

If you move forward with changing dates, I would just frame it as trying to be considerate of the guests and keep the other part... to yourself ######


Prompt:
My husband took a trip out into the county with a friend to safely go hiking for the day. I helped make sure he had all his gear, and he left. He was about an hour into his hike when I went to go grocery shopping and realized my car keys weren't in my bag. I remembered he had taken my car (a Nissan LEAF) to grab food for the trip in the morning.

I called and sure enough, my car fob was in his pocket. (I dont have a back up, as they're expensive and I've been poor since buying the car.) I was very frustrated, as I was now stuck out home unable to go grocery shopping for the week because he took my keys hiking. I decided I'd just cancel my plans for tomorrow and do it then. However, we had just had a talk about how I never really fight for what I want, and it bothers him. So I texted him and told him I really wanted my keys, as unreasonable as it sounded. At first he said he didn't want to un-hike and drive all the way back (which is understandable, I wouldn't want to either.) I said that I understood and dropped it.

30 min later, he texted me that he's on his way. He's being really cool about it, but instill feel like an asshole for choosing this as the opportunity to stick up for myself. ######

Response: NAH. You just asked and when he said no you dropped it. And he's cool about it too. You shouldn't be upset! ######


Prompt:
AITA for telling my dad he’s being creepy?
So this happened before the world became weird but I just want to have some perspective on what’s going on here. It’s been bothering me a little bit.

I’m 20. My dad came to visit me in the city where I live. He spent a lot of time talking about his break-up which had happened a few months before. We also discussed my sister, who is 31 and dating a man who is 23 years her senior. We agreed to go to a nice restaurant one night and we were both looking forward to it. I got dressed nicely for the restaurant while my dad wore shorts and sandals with a Hawaiian shirt. This wasn’t the restaurant’s normal look for clientele, but I didn’t say anything because who cared.

We had our meal and it was nice. I didn’t think anything was wrong and it had been a pretty normal dinner. Then he said, “I think everyone was glaring at me because they thought we were on a date.”

I thought this was a kind of creepy thing to say and gently told him so, that they were probably just judging him for dressing so casually. I was really creeped out that the thought would even cross his mind. I’m 21 and I look younger than I am, like 13-16 according to most estimates.

My dad and I got into a big fight the next day when he kept talking to me about his relationship and his tinder activity. I told him I felt like he wasn’t respecting appropriate boundaries between a parent and child. When I try to have conversations with him about things like this, he interrupts me and says, “fine, then I won’t talk to you about anything” and sulks until I apologize.

AITA for telling my dad that it was a creepy thought to have? It felt like a gross, creepy thought to cross his mind and it made me really uncomfortable. On the other hand, I recognize that it might just have been on his mind after hearing the news about my sister. ######

Response:
 NAH. You have your boundaries and he should respect them. That being said, it's not abnormal for an older man to be seen with younger women, and fresh off of a breakup, your dad is most likely reeling from it. Im guessing you're relatively attractive (clearly I don't know you at all) so it made your dad feel uneasy about people looking at he and his daughter in an untoward way.

Meanwhile, you were most likely correct. They weren't staring at him because of your presence, they were staring because he didn't dress nicely. ######


Prompt: I’m 19m and I’m in college, so I have been dating this girl for about 8 months now, and tonight she tells me she is pregnant over text, she even sent me a picture of the test. After reading the texts I was in shock and didn’t respond right away and after doing some thinking I realized I wasn’t ready for a child, so instead texting her I called her and asked her if she would get an abortion and she said no, so then I told her I wasn’t going to be apart of this child’s life because I’m not ready for a this kind of responsibility and that I had my future ahead of me and told her I would pay for child support. She started crying and ended the phone call, I have called her many times after that and she has not answered. AITA for not wanting to be a part of this child’s life? ######

Response: NAH. You have an ethical responsibility to pay for your child but it’s mature of you to be honest with yourself and her about not being ready. What I’m about to say might catch some flak, but you should refuse child support until a paternity test is done. It sounds like you don’t know this girl very well. Making this request, as heartless as it might seem, could shatter any romantic delusions she has about the nature of your relationship. You need to be direct, kind and patient when talking to her. Know what you want and stick to it. It’s your life. ######


Prompt:
I think I already know the answer but thought I’d ask.

I’m a clinical psychologist and have been working in trauma for the last decade. Shortly after I got my license, an opportunity came up for me to provide my services in a hostile environment overseas.

It’s an organization similar to Doctors Without Borders, but not exactly the same.

While going through the application process I found out I was pregnant. We (husband and I) decided to withdraw my application because obviously it would’ve just been too risky.

I now have an 8 year old daughter who I’m very close to. I love our life together, but all these years I’ve also secretly pined for that opportunity that got away.

Recently, another one has come up. It’s a similar position, providing crisis response / trauma services in a former war zone to survivors of the conflict. I would need to start in January if everything goes to plan.

It would be an incredible opportunity career wise, it’s something I’ve always dreamed of doing and people I’ve always wanted to help, and everything in me is desperate to go.

But of course I have my child to think about. It’s a 6 month contract and because it’s a former conflict area, she wouldn’t be able to visit, nor would I be able to go home. We could communicate via emails and phones when possible.

I’ve been assured it’s a safe as they can guarantee, but of course nothing is 100%.

My daughter would be in the care of my husband and he’s encouraging me to go, but only because he knows how much I want it and wanted it years ago. I’m not sure that he ever really understood or agreed with my desire to do this kind of work, but he’s supportive.

I don’t know what to do. Am I a total monster for even considering it? These contracts don’t come up very often where I am and I’m scared it’ll be another 8 years or longer if I pass this up. But I also don’t know what impact me being away for 6 months will have on my daughter. And I’d miss her terribly too. ######

Response:
 NAH. You have a supportive spouse and a great opportunity, now go for  it!

Think of ways to keep fun contact with your daughter. Pack a book or two so you can read them to her over Skype. Figure out games you can play together. Write her a real letter or postcard every once in a while. Send her photos and bring some toys or snacks home to get when you return. ######


Prompt:
We are already separated. We have a few kids. Great kids. I love being a mom. It's the best feeling in the world. I love hearing them call me "Mom" or "Mommy" and doing things for school my little Rugrats. At the same time, I am tired of always being the one that does all of this. Their father is amazing. Don't misunderstand me. He is a great dad. It's just given a choice between who to turn to when there is a "boo-boo" when we are doing a family event or athletic program, they coming running to me. It's always Mom. Before we separated, same thing. I would be on my way out the door to a meeting, and the kids would ask for a sandwich or a refill on a drink. Not something I would mind doing. But if I'm running out of the house ask your father. "Well can you just -" "Go ask your father, I'm late hunny." "Well can you open this?" "Holy hell. I'm late!"

I just get so overwhelmed with the day to day constant barrage of things to do for them, with them, keep them entertained, etc. Especially now during all of this Covid stuff.

I agree, I knew what we were getting into when we had children. I also expected to be married, with a partner to handle half the responsibility. I didn't plan on a pandemic (who did?). We share split custody, that's a plus. My ex is very considerate and hands-on when it comes to the kids and has no problem taking over when needed.

If you look at society as a whole, typically divorced men are only able to see their children on the weekends and have been able to "live" their lives a little more. Even the ones who have more custodial arrangements for their children.

My question is, AITA for wanting to let my ex have the kids for a while? I just don't want to be "responsible mom" any longer. Dad can have that title. I don't want to party. I just want a break. ######

Response: NAH. You deserve a break and your ex sounds like a great and responsible parent. As long as your kids are safe and healthy, you are allowed to take a break when needed. Take care of yourself, OP. ######


Prompt:
A friend of mine started dating this girl (we are both graduated college now). He told me how he was dating this girl for four months now. I told him that I knew of her he asked how, I told him on how she was used to always show up to my best friend's frat parties and that she slept with a lot of the guys there.

&#x200B;

He asked more questions I told him what I knew. I also told him too to double check everything cause rumors can form. He confronted his girlfriend turns out it was all true, and more.

She found out told all of her friends is now furious at me, that I shared her "business". I don't get it, she says there is nothing wrong with what she did, but it apparently seems like her boyfriend doesn't feel that way, and she should be mad at him for not being okay with it not me? I was just being a friend to my friend. Why am I being seen as the bad guy here? ######

Response: NAH. You decided to be honest to your friend which is sth. good. But her reaction is understandable as well. ######


Prompt:
So, I (M29) have a step son who is 6 years old. I love the little fucker. He is hilarious and very articulate for his age. Better than I am honestly. Little shit.

He speaks ALL DAY LONG. Every morning he wants waffles for breakfast. Doesn't matter what morning it is or what we have in the house. Waffles. Just waffles. So... I started fucking with him. I told him "You know... if you continue to eat waffles like you do there is a chance you will turn into a waffle". Then I get a "What do you mean?" So I just spill some bullshit about how it's some disease that is extremely difficult to get blah blah blah.

A few weeks of this goes by every morning. He never believes me and I always laugh at his. Yesterday morning however... was different. I kept looking at the back of his head and when he would quickly turn to look at me.. I'd look away with that "Yup I wasn't looking!". He kept asking me what I was looking at and I told him that the back of his head is turning into a waffle and I think he has the disease. He kept feeling his head and said no it's not and I kept saying stuff like "Okaaaay" and "Whatevvvvveeerrr". Then finally... I told him that he was eating his waffle cousins and that might be why he is turning into a waffle.

He spit the waffles out and was BAWLING HIS EYES OUT and ran to find his mom and at the time I was laughing so hard.

My wife is mad at me. AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH. You clearly care about the kid. You were joking with him, and you didn’t realize he was going to have a bad reaction. You’ve apologized. No harm done.

And I think kids are just gullible and very literal at that age. When I was six, my mom told me that she was going to eat me and I got scared. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that she’s a vegetarian . . . ######


Prompt:
My [18M] close friend [18F] is someone I have always found attractive (in addition to being fun to hangout with). I didn't think I had a chance with her and didn't want to ruin the friendship so I hadn't made any moves.

She sent me a picture of herself completely naked on snapchat captioned "I want you". I was stunned and super excited. I took a picture of myself naked. After the picture was taken but before I sent it, I saw she had sent another message to me. I sent the picture before reading the message.

The message said " Omg that was obviously meant for the girl I've been talking to". She then opened my picture. She then called me a pervert saying she didn't want to see that. She said its disrespectful. I explained I thought she wanted me but she said that picture was obviously not meant for me. Now she is mad and is "taking a step back" from the friendship. ######

Response: NAH. You both made a mistake due to a miscommunication. It’s not that big a deal and if you’re both mature enough shouldn’t cause problems. ######


Prompt: this is how she connects with music, so i hate that it bothers me. but the problem is then i cant enjoy the music if shes singing on top of it. i dont mind it for a song or 2 but then i start to get agitated. its like someone talking during a movie or something. am i the asshole??? ######

Response:
 NAH. You aren’t an asshole for being irritated and she isn’t an asshole for singing along.

Maybe listen to podcasts, talk radio or books on tape when in the car together. ######


Prompt:
My GF has been protesting frequently. I have gone with her a few times but I think it's time to stop. I want to enjoy my summer. There's other stuff I wanna do.

She asked me if I wanted to protest for pride today (were not even gay) but she has a friend who is. I said no, and this is like my third time in a row saying no to her asking me to protest with her.

I just told her that I do not want to protest with her anymore, and we should be doing other activities instead as I want to enjoy the summer. She told me that I am being selfish, and we could do stuff afterwards, and that our life isn't running away from us. Now she's just trying to force me to go with her from now on.

For real though, there's other stuff I wanna do. I don't want to protest with her 24/7. I want to have fun. ######

Response: NAH. You aren't listening to her and she's not listening to you. You aren't wrong for not wanting to continue protesting, she's not wrong for wanting to. ######


Prompt:
So my gf has been talking for some days about how pretty shaved hair is for girls and about how much she want to do it. (She don’t want people to think she’s a lesbian)
I don’t think it would look good on her, I tried to tell her that, and she got disappointed.
Even though I told her I will still accept her and love her as she is.
I am supportive of her decision and acknowledging that it’s her decision after all.
AITA for saying that to her? ######

Response: NAH. You are entitled to your opinion, and you have told her that you will accept her decision, no matter what it is. She just wants to change her hair style. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway because everyone involved knows my main. I am on mobile and fat fingered so forgive grammer spelling and formatting mistakes.

I dont feel comfortable  putting too much detail in this so I will keep it short. If you need more info ask.

With that out of the way, lets begin. So i recently proposed to my girlfriend and we are getting married sometime next year. My fiance has gone into full planning mode. While we were talking about guests I brought up my friend who we will call leah. Leah has known my since we were children and has been one of my closest friends for many years. I obviously wanted her to be there.

Only problem is that she and I tried dating in university and slept together. It didnt work out and after a period of awkwardness we got back to where we used to be. She came out as lesbian a year afterwards and admitted that she had only slept with me becausr she was unsure of her feelings.

I told my fiance about this sometime earlier and eversince things have been ice between her and leah. She is now adamant not to have leah at the wedding. I really want her to be there but i also want respect my fiances wishes so here I am asking you. AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH. You are entitled to want good friends to attend your wedding, but your fiance is also entitled to not want someone you were sexually involved with there. Neither of you are assholes here.

For the sake of getting your marriage off on the right foot, this is a situation where I think you need to respect your future wife's wishes. ######


Prompt:
I grew up in the slums of a very poor and disorganized country. I had two friends who I'll call Lara and Yasha. Lara took a long time to come home one night when she was 13, and 9 months later, she died in childbirth. I ended up taking the baby to a local hospital, but they refused to take the child into care unless I signed to being the mother. I did, and the child was then adopted by an American family.

Yasha and I ended up also getting out, and now also live in America. We are now married, and I cannot have children, not that we want them. We've thought about Lara's child often.

My opinions on what to say if the child ever tracked me down have varied over the years. At first, Yasha and I wanted to make a happier story for the kid and tell them that we were their biological parents, but that falls apart with these new DNA kits. So we decided to make up a happier version of the truth and say that Lara had been 17, had fallen in love with a local boy, and died in childbirth (and then I had to put my name on the paper to get the child adopted out). We have no paperwork for Lara as she was essentially an orphan and had made up her last name, so there's nothing I could show either way. Just a few group pictures with her in them.

The truth is that this person's father is gutter trash, and I doubt he would line up to take a DNA test. They will never realistically have any more information than what I tell them, they could only prove that we weren't their parents. We don't really like to talk about our childhoods, and we don't feel that Lara would want her/our trauma projected on a kid that would have had a normal, American life.

The adoptive parents have found us, and we gave the sanitized story, which they believed, but some of our friends think we should tell the truth. ######

Response: NAH. Why do you need to lie about the dad at all? "We don't know your father, your mom had you when she was a teenager, we never met him, he may have not even known your mom was pregnant. She died in child birth, we got you out and got ourselves out asap" ######


Prompt:
**Not sure if I'll get a lot of hate but only serious replies please.**

My wife(29f) and I (30m) went to her friends house to let our kids play together (both around 2). I'll call them Jack and Jill. I had never met them before but my wife told me their kid was a terror the last few times she saw them.

Things were going pretty well. Jack and I were at the grill when I commented, 'Your boy is so well behaved...' and I said something about how other toddlers don't like to share and throw tantrums. We joked back and forth about kids wrecking stuff until the girls came up and asked what we were laughing at. I told Jill how their kid was well behave and she blew up on me.

Quick note, my wife is white and I'm asian. Jack and Jill are black. Jill pointed out it was racist to assume her black child would not be well behaved. Being jokey/tipsy I said, 'I didn't think the terrible twos typically care about race.' Well it didn't go over well with Jill and she started screaming that I'm a 'racist republican.' Jill was super cold and implied I should go. I suggest my wife and daughter stay and I'd pick them up later. I apoligized and ended up just playing some golf until they wanted to be picked up. Jack came out to apologize for his wife. I apologized for being insensitive and if I affended them. He said no he did not think so and I thiught that was that.

My wife later said she didn't think I said anything wrong. Jill put up a facebook post about it later without pointing me out personally.

AITA here?

Side note: I'm conservative and typically voted republican (didn't vote in 16 and won't in 20). My wife likes to joke about it with friends and family. So I assume thats how Jill knew I was republican. I avoid bringing it up or talking about it because I hate talking politics when I want to have fun/relax. ######

Response: NAH. When it comes to black children, historically they are seen as older, more emotional, and less disciplined by adult figures, especially in school settings. So when you say "your toddler is so well-behaved" the idea is that they're so well-behaved for a black kid. Similar to how some people point out to  black kid, you're so well spoken \[for a black kid\]. Certain statements, in American culture to black families, carry that racist connotation because it's what people are used to hearing. That's why I say NAH, you didn't know and I'm willing to be you only made the comment strictly on age, and shes NTA because she's probably so used to that subtext that it's easy to pick it up, and well she's a mom she's gonna defend her babies fiercely. ######


Prompt:
I know this is very small stakes, but here it goes.

I have a kind of uncommon name, that if you take away the last letter becomes a very common name. Eg. Imagine my name is Vickie, where Vicki is the much more common spelling (It’s probably not as uncommon as Vickie though). I cannot count the number of times that people have misspelled my name in digital communication when my name is literally written there for them. There is no excuse for getting it wrong, and although it’s small I find it infuriating that people can’t be bothered to even read my name.

I opened a support request on a website because something was broken today (where it had my username that has my first name in it, my email address that has my name in it, and I had to explicitly state my name) and when the support person responded they left the e off the end of my name. I was having a bad day anyway, and when I saw this I was so annoyed that when I responded I left the last letter off their name in my response.

I mentioned this to a friend and they thought it was really passive aggressive and a bit of a dick move to do that, said that their finger could have slipped and that I didn’t know if they’d done it deliberately. I’m just sick and tired of people doing this to me, and thought it was a reasonable response that doesn’t make a big issue of it, but highlights to them what they’ve done. AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH. What they did was probably a mistake. What you did has almost zero chance of even being noticed. This is overall a non-event in anybody's life so nobody can really be an asshole.

I will say though as somebody whose name is constantly misspelled - you really need to stop caring so much about this stuff. Life is too short, you know? ######


Prompt:
My mom and I alternate dinner responsabilities each night.

She likes making dinner into a whole production. Like baking bread from scratch and cooking in bulk so we can freeze that food for later.

I, on the other hand, tend to go simpler. I'll cook up a steak and roasted veggies, or maybe a light soup and some croutons. Last night I was really tired so I defrosted some of the soup we weren't saving for anything and cooked up some sourdough grilled cheese sandwiches.

I thought it was nice but mom got really pissed and told me I was lazy for not coming up with something new. She said that she goes through all of this work on her nights to put together a nice dinner for us but I can only do the bare minimum for her.

I tried to argue that we don't need to make something new every time if we have leftovers, but she kept raising her voice. I then said, "if you don't want to use what you freeze then stop making so much damned food!"

She got really quiet and refused to talk to me for the rest of the night. It's the next day and she's still quiet.

AITA? Did I do something wrong? ######

Response:
 NAH. We SHOULD be utilizing all the leftovers we can, especially these days.

That said, I voted how I did because I don’t think your mom is an A - it sounds like she loves to cook and pulling out all the stops for a meal, and assumed you’d do the same.

Just talk to her and get on the same page. Maybe some of those leftovers could be your lunch instead of dinner, but you’re right to use them. ######


Prompt: I (21) finally told my mom that I'm not straight tonight after dinner with my sister (19) sitting there. Immediately after, my sister says "well, since we're admitting things, neither am I." She has severe anxiety and probably would not have said anything for several more years unless I did it first. But it's just bothering me a lot that she just hijacked my announcement when I've been working up the courage to say this for so long. Especially because we got in a fight recently because she doesn't appreciate how much emotional labor I do for her as the older sister, and now here's another situation where I'm the brave one and she just gets to ride my coat tails. AITA for being pissed? ######

Response:
 NAH. Though I think you being pissed off is a bit much, everyone's on edge lately and I can see why you might feel like that. However as you've said, your sister has severe anxiety and you coming out first probably makes her feel brave. Coming out is a big thing, and try to think of it that she's inspired by and feels braver because you did it -- rather than her "riding your coat tails". It's not really a competition.

Also, what do you mean by "emotional labour"? ######


Prompt:
My partner and I have been together many years and he’s usually wonderful. But his autism clearly causes him problems, he’s very gullible, he has very few friends which means he relies on me for a LOT of social interactions, you know you’re “normal” on the spectrum behavior.

We’ve been wanting a child for while now and I’m just not sure I wanted out kid or go through what he did when he was growing up, he’s described a quite lonely childhood to me, that I don’t want a child to have, I know he beats himself  up every time he says something insensitive and doesn’t realize till I chide him about it, I don’t want that for the child that I raise.

So I brought this up with him as sensitively as I could, and mentioned that I don’t think with his genetic predispositions involving autism that we should have a child with his genetic material. Because it would be hard on the kid and us.

He got very upset, he accused me of considering  him inferior to myself, because clearly I have  disdain for his “differences”. He cried for a bit and I said that he surely didn’t want our kid to suffer with social interactions like he does. He Became angry and said that I don’t want our kid to be like himself, that I think how he is his bad. I said that if he had a generic predisposition to Down syndrome you wouldn’t want the kid to have that.  He yelled that he have Down syndrome or schizophrenia, or anything like that all he had was some differences not a disability.

I mean am I In the wrong ?  AITA?

EDIT: okay maybe I should’ve added more detail, we’re choosing between my DNA and his, we’re both guys here, we’re choosing who’s DNA will go into the surrogate ######

Response: NAH. This one is so tricky, and I sympathize with you both. There’s a reason why we refer to autism as being on a spectrum. Many people with autism can and do contribute to society in ways that equal or exceed neurotypical people (Temple Grandin comes to mind). In a lot of ways, it can be considered a difference and not a disability. However, there are certainly cases where it results in debilitating, isolated, and dangerous situations. I don’t know enough about the science to really have a firm grasp on this, but I don’t think you’re necessarily an asshole for wanting to be cautious. You may have acted in a way that was insensitive if you actually referred to his “genetic material” in conversations with him and he also has a right to feel angry and upset by this. I don’t think there’s a clear answer here. ######


Prompt:
this happened in February. im 20 years old and in early feb I started having really bad cramps and was spotting. (my period is usually irregular and can hurt, but this was bad). after a day of suffering and my flow getting heavier by bf took me to the ER and called my mom and stepdad. the doctors confirmed i was miscarrying and told me i was around 11 wks and the remaining tissue was removed. my mom found out about the miscarriage and was really sympathetic because she'd had a lot of trouble getting/staying pregnant in the past. but my boyfriend and I don't want kids yet, and we actually have money saved in case we needed an abortion.

so now my mom, step dad, sisters, bf's mom and dad, and grandmother all know about it (idk who told who) they were all very sad and told me how its okay to grieve and mourn, but i wouldnt have kept it anyways, so now i just feel bad about making everyone else feel bad. my mom and stepdad paid for the hospital bills, and my bf's mom even told me a story of her own miscarriage and how hard it was for her.

my mom is esp upset that her "first" grandchild was lost and has been babying me when she can. i dont have the heart to tell them i dont want kids and was gonna get rid of it anyways, and that im relieved not sad. no one but my boyfriend knows about the abortion plans. even like three months later I still have people asking if im okay (mostly my mom). it just makes me feel guilty

im also kinda upset at my bf, cause if he hadnt called my mom she wouldnt know about the pregnancy at all. i get why he did it but still.

aita for being dishonest? ######

Response: NAH. This is one of those little white lies that you really shouldn't correct. All it will do is piss off your mom. Also, how you feel about the miscarriage itself is not a problem either. ######


Prompt:
So this is a really odd one but my husband is really upset about it.

I tend to have....intense periods and I never expect or ask anyone to help with them(buying tampons excluded)

A few nights ago, I had a minor accident. I took a quick shower to clean up and went to strip the bed and wash the sheets.

My husband hadn't heard me get up and went to get me for breakfast. He saw the mess and took care of it before checking on me.

He got upset when I said that I wasn't planning on asking for his help since it was just doing laundry and it was my bodily fluids.

He's really upset and says that I shouldn't hesitate to ask for his help, even with things like that. He says that I shouldn't try to do everything by myself.

I feel that I shouldn't have to ask for help with things that I don't need or want help on ######

Response: NAH. This is oddly wholesome. He should understand that you're more comfortable dealing with it on your own (I know I am too since it's ..y'know ..our own blood), but he just wants to help. At least you know he's not a jerk about it! ######


Prompt:
So my male (35) friend has a daughter (11) he isn't with her mother anymore and he gets to see his daughter maybe 4 days per fortnight.

I've stayed at his house before and noticed that his daughter insists on sleeping in the same room, or same bed as her dad. It gets to the point where she throws full on tantrums, with crying and hysterics because she claims she can't sleep unless she is sleeping with an adult. She apparently sleeps in the same bed as her mother every night.  So he generally gives in to stop her tantrums.

I find it really odd that she refuses to sleep in her own bed. I've never known another 11 year old that can't sleep in her own bed.

I've tried to talk to him about it very gently in the past but he blows off the conversation and makes excuses for her behaviour or blames it on her mother. His daughter is a very sensitive topic for him and he lashes out whenever someone comments on his daughters weird behaviour.

Would I be an asshole if I told him that it is not normal for an 11 year old to sleep in a bed with her dad and he needs to get her into therapy to address why she won't sleep in her own bed? ######

Response: NAH. This is a little conflicting. As a traumatised adult who went through some really bad mental spaces and had a lot of my trauma and mental illness suppressed by my culture and family, I WISH someone had intervened and told my parents that I seem to need therapy (because i KNOW it was noticeable). On the other hand, this also happens to be a situation where it’s not entirely your place. I went with NAH because the dad reacting badly isn’t entirely his fault, but your concern is also not entirely misplaced. ######


Prompt:
Today at dinner my sister (10), parents (48), and I (15) were discussing topics. Since we are from China our parents sent us to a Chinese school every weekend (we live in Denmark). It is usually not as tough as our normal school but it comes with a decent amount of homework. We've been going there for about 4 years and I feel like its a waste of my time. I've always wanted to stop and know the reason why I must go there. Usually, they just tell me that I'll need it in the future but today they straight up told me the real reason. It translates into something like this:

"Since you're from China you must learn to write, read, and speak (I could speak the Chinese pretty fluently which I thought was enough. The whole conversation was in Chinese anyway). Life isn't just about happiness. Sometimes people need to suffer. The language is like the root of a tree. The leaves are entertainments, hobbies, and school. A tree can survive without leaves but it cannot throw the root away."

It got pretty sad while listening and started to argue: "How can this be compared to a tree? I bet I could function perfectly without speaking Chinese." They simply answered with a comparison: "Your friend moved back to China and he is still learning Danish as well as Chinese. You should learn from him. We don't care what happens to you when you turn 18 but right now we know what is important." At this point, I got furious and said calmly yet annoyed: "I'm going, to be honest. This is the most bullshit logic I've ever heard in my life." Both of us have calmed down and I simply want to know if I was being the asshole. ######

Response:
 NAH. They want to be able to pass on their culture to their kids, and written language skills are especially important for that because being able to read a language opens up more possibilities than just speaking it. On the other hand, a kid can absolutely resent not getting to have real time off like their friends, especially when it comes out that the reason isn’t the practicalities they’ve been told. Especially when the desire to pass down their heritage is phrased in metaphors that might be typical in Chinese culture, but come off incredibly flowery in translation.

It sucks now, but please keep in mind that being multilingual and LITERATE is hella useful and also marketable. ######


Prompt:
So about 5 weeks ago, this girl and I matched on tinder, and we both really liked each other! From then on,  we have been chatting, pretty much nonstop, throughout lockdown over Instagram.

Yesterday, she told me we were too different and she wouldn't be able to date me (crushing). She did say, however, that she really wanted to remain just as close, text as often as we do, and remain friends, to the extent that we hang out irl once lockdown has ended.

Initially, I was quite hurt because I really did like her but accepted that we try and be friends. I did this because I did really like texting her.

 However, throughout the day we've been texting just as much and flirting to the same extent. Although I enjoy it, I don't think its sustainable, because I feel like shit texting her, knowing she doesn't want anything other than friendship. I get pits in my stomach texting her when I think about it.

AITA because I'm throwing away this friendship because it's not leading to something romantic (which is why I started it in the first place) ######

Response: NAH. There’s nothing wrong with her request to remain friends because she does not want to pursue a romantic interest with you. There is also nothing wrong with you being honest and telling her that you are not in a position emotionally where you see your friendship as sustainable. Not everyone is wired the same way, and that’s perfectly okay. Just be honest and tell her you have to step away from the friendship, even if at least temporarily until you can sort your feelings out. ######


Prompt:
My wife and and I have been trying for a child for months now. We’ve been through 2 miscarriages. Every time it happened it breaks her heart. I know she wants a child more then anything in the world. I do too.

A couple of days ago I learnt I will be losing my father to prostate cancer in 3 - 6 months. Her fertile window for this month is today and tomorrow. I’ve just told her I’m not up to it, because of the prognosis. And she’s absolutely devastated. She’s trying to be supportive of me. But I can see the devastation, and it’s making me feel like an ass for asking for her patience this month. ######

Response: NAH. There's grief on both sides. Honestly it probably wouldn't be the best time to conceive given both of your emotional states right now. ######


Prompt: I’m 19m and I’m in college, so I have been dating this girl for about 8 months now, and tonight she tells me she is pregnant over text, she even sent me a picture of the test. After reading the texts I was in shock and didn’t respond right away and after doing some thinking I realized I wasn’t ready for a child, so instead texting her I called her and asked her if she would get an abortion and she said no, so then I told her I wasn’t going to be apart of this child’s life because I’m not ready for a this kind of responsibility and that I had my future ahead of me and told her I would pay for child support. She started crying and ended the phone call, I have called her many times after that and she has not answered. AITA for not wanting to be a part of this child’s life? ######

Response: NAH. the way this has gone about kinda sucks on both ends, but at the end of the day, you aren't prepared to be a parent, she isn't willing to terminate the pregnancy, meaning she is willing to be a parent. a lot of comments keep implying that the child will be so worse off without a father but my unpopular opinion is that just a caring mother is better than also having a father who doesn't care or can't be a decent parent. try to be more careful in the future, and try to offer her what support you can, since giving her money for the child is the legal bare minimum anyways. ######


Prompt:
Sorry for the format I’m on mobile.

So just to preface I’m 20f and I generally wear yoga pants and cropped tops, normally without a bra (I’m a B cup so you really can’t tell). This is my casual wear, and when I go to work I’m professional, I dress more conservative with family and so on. yet around my friends I want to dress in what I feel comfortable and confident it.

Recently my best friend (20f) was moving and enlisted me and her bf (26m) to help her. I wore yoga pants, a tube top, and a cropped hoodie. As the day went on (it was 90 outside) I took off the hoodie. Everything had been fine aside from a few nasty comments from which I brought up a few days later. She told me that she finds how I dress around her makes her uncomfortable, especially around her bf. she said and I quote “you’re constantly half dressed around me, and like I’m trying not to stare but your tits are always hanging out”.

She also later said that I’m just not dressing appropriately and I’m constantly not taking in other people feelings. I tried to explain that these clothes are what I feel comfortable in and this is how I want to express my self. I don’t want to invalidate her feelings but I also want to make sure I’m not sacrificing too much. I understand where she’s coming from but I don’t think what I wear is inappropriate especially for a setting with my friends?

We hung out again and she again told me that what I was wearing was making her uncomfortable which was a tank top, a bralet, and yoga pants. I thought this was fine or at least a happy compromise however I was wrong. So WIBTA if I disregard what she’s said and continue to dress how I please? ######

Response:
 NAH. That thing where you think people can't tell your braless? You're wrong. And your friend just told you this with somewhat harsh language.

You can dress how you want, but you might lose this friendship because she's not comfortable with you constantly being minimally clothed. ######


Prompt:
I (20F) will go to university in October. I'll study in a dual system, roughly 60% of it will consist of practical working hours in my home town and 40% of taking classes at a university 3 hours away from my home.

Now, my boyfriend and I will move to the city my university is in together. The plan was (for the longest time) that I would live here with my parents and sister (17F) during work phases.

Internally I had a hard time thinking about this, because I wasn't sure about how well it would work coming back here. However, I never explicitly mentioned his to my family, because I hadn't made a decision yet.

Yesterday during lunch we talked about moving and if I would take any furniture with me or not. It was just then, that my mother told me to sell my bed and other stuff if I didn't need it, so that there would be room for a couch and stuff for my sister. My room will become her living room. Everyone acted as if this was obvious and I didn't say anything. Mom added that I could sleep on the couch, if I wanted to stay with them.

I am hurt. This room doesn't belong to me, it's not my house. But I lived there for the past 10 years and no one felt the need to inform me. All I want is communication. AITA for being angry about that? ######

Response:
 NAH. Sounds to me like there was some kind of miscommunication? You should definitely talk to your parents about it. Sounds a little bit like they think you are moving out and just coming to visit once in a while.

Similar thing happened to me btw. I was volunteering for a year and didn't even know my brother was moving into my room until I came back. I didn't mind sleeping on the couch though and just planned on moving out faster. ######


Prompt:
I recently got offered my dream job to head up a small department at a teaching hospital whilst also lecturing at my old university. My wife and I both met there but moved to the other side of the country as a family member of hers passed away and left her a house. We moved from the capital city of my country to the outskirts of a very small town. She works as a primary school teacher and as its the town where she grew up she had no difficulty finding work. On the other hand it wasn't as simple for me as I hadn't finished my residency and transferring to another hospital was a bit difficult.

This culminated with me finding work in another town which meant a 90 minute commute each day and frequently having to stay at the hospital even when not on call. We've been living here now for 8 years and have two children, thankfully things haven't been that hectic with the current situation as the population isn't that dense (both definitions of the word) and we're rather remote.

I was speaking with an old lecturer discussing the current situation and he mentioned an opening in his department and how when this all blows over the position is mine. It comes with a significant pay bump, I'd be teaching (which has always been a passion of mine), we'd be back in the city, the kids would be in better schools and it would be easy for my wife to find a new job in the area.

I tried discussing it with her but she wouldn't hear me out at all, she insisted that we're staying and that's she's always wanted to stay in the countryside and raise the kids here. AITA for thinking that's unfair and insisting we move?

Commuting isn't an option and we've followed her dream for years, why can't I follow mine? The sale of the house with what savings we have will easily give us a deposit for a house in the suburbs. ######

Response: NAH. Sounds like you have a fundamental difference in lifestyle. One of you will have to compromise and risk resenting the other and the life you’ll build. Perhaps seek out the advice of a relationship counselor or see one together. Good luck. ######


Prompt:
My girlfriend is a physician assistant. She makes good money and she is satisfied with her job. She does feel regret about going into PA though. She hated school and chose to do PA since it had less schooling than medicine. So her heart wasn’t in it to begin with, which is her fault. It’s been a few years and she wants to find a new career. She told me a few days ago that she wants to open a boba/shaved ice shop. Her parents run a convenience store and a small restaurant in our city so she’s already been interested in that. She helped her parents run the business while she was young so I do feel like she’ll excel. But I think she’s throwing away something good that she already has. She makes 90k at age 27. She doesn’t hate her job. We live a good life and I don’t want to make sacrifices for this. If she hated her job, I would agree and would even invest in it. But she herself has told me that she likes her job. She’s also really good at it. Her parents suggested that she can run the restaurant and offer new products while still working as a PA part time. But she doesn’t want that. She doesn’t want to work under her parents. If she went with this route, I would also support her because her parents are established and have a clientele. I’m trying to compromise. I don’t want my life style to change and we were going to try for kids soon. Clearly we can’t anymore.

Edit: also this means she’s going to quit her job and we will live on a one salary (mine) ######

Response:
 NAH. Some dreams are not financially feasible, especially when there's a family and (possible future) kids involved.

However spending your life in a job you don't enjoy is also not ideal.

How badly does she want this shop? From your post it sounds like she's flip flopping from job to job, and it would be unwise to invest a lot of money into a career that 1) she's uncertain about and 2) has an incredibly high failure rate. ######


Prompt:
I [18M] have a friend [19F] who invited me over to her house a couple months ago. We had been friends for 3 months before that but this was our first time hanging out 1 on 1 after texting each other a lot.

She suggested going in her hot tub so after we got our swim suits on we went in. After sitting, she took her top off while saying "I hope you don't mind, its more relaxing this way". I told her I didn't mind and she looked nice causing her to giggle and thank me. After we just talked for a while and then she scooted over to put her arm around me for a few minutes. When we got out theres literally no way she didn't notice my tent.

She went into the shower. Then she called out to me asking me to bring her a wash cloth. Up until this point I was debating if she was trying to get me to make a move on her and at this point I was just convinced. So I walked in with the wash cloth naked saying I need a shower too. She told me to get out so I did.

When she came out I apologized and said I misread her intentions. She called me a pervert and kicked me out. ######

Response: NAH. Signals are good, but just because the light turns green doesn’t mean it’s time to drag race. ######


Prompt: I (24M) have an 8 month old daughter with my fiancé (24F). Our daughter has been constipated for the last 3 days. After a lot of juice and prunes today she had an explosive bowel movement. I was napping (I work 2 jobs while my fiancé is a STAHM/Student about to graduate) when my fiancé woke me up requesting help. No problem! I helped clean up and get them through it. After it was over my fiancé asked me why I wasn’t talking much. I replied I was just annoyed with the whole situation (poop went everywhere out of the diaper). My fiancé immediately went off her hinges saying she just needed my help and next time she won’t even wake me up. I’m confused. I never once blamed her or the baby I just explicitly said it was the situation that annoyed me. I’ve never met anyone over joyed by cleaning up poop everywhere. AITA? ######

Response: NAH. She sounds stressed. Worth talking about where that was coming from and considering if she needs more support. ######


Prompt:
Quick question. My GF was sending me some nude pictures. I was complimenting her body in reponse, kind of a sexting was happening. Then I noticed the background, the room was from her previous house. So I connected the dots and thought they must've been made way before, for her previous partner. I asked about that, she said I'm right. I wrote her that it's kinda a buzzkill. The sexting and the mood died.

AITA? ######

Response: NAH. She meant no harm, and you can't help it killed your mood. No harm no foul right? ######


Prompt:
Quick question. My GF was sending me some nude pictures. I was complimenting her body in reponse, kind of a sexting was happening. Then I noticed the background, the room was from her previous house. So I connected the dots and thought they must've been made way before, for her previous partner. I asked about that, she said I'm right. I wrote her that it's kinda a buzzkill. The sexting and the mood died.

AITA? ######

Response: NAH. She made them originally for someone else so I get why you got turned off by them but she also saw them again, thought of you and wanted you to see them so I don't think there was anything wrong with what she did. ######


Prompt:
Title probably sounds bad without context but here it goes.

Also this is a throwaway because people know my main account

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Me (27 M) and my Fiancee (29 F) have been together for about 4 years now.

Back when we first met, she told me that she was engaged to someone else only a year prior, but he unfortunately passed away (by something I'd rather not say)

Now when we first started dating she was still grieving, and seeing help for it, which I fully understand, and I tried to support her as much as I could.

She would always have pictures of her and him up in her appartment, and I've always been fine with it, considering her grief and that we didn't live together yet.

Recently we've decided to move in together however, and she wants to put up those pictures in our new appartment, now this is something I'm quite uncomfortable with.

I told her about it and when she asked if i was telling her to throw them away, I said something like "I'd never ask that of you, I'd just not rather have someone I've never really known on the wall hugging/kissing my fiancee"

now she's upset with me, and I don't know if I'm in the wrong

AITA for asking her not to put the pictures up? ######

Response: NAH. She has a right to honor someone who meant a lot to her but romantic photos of the two of them maybe inappropriate. Maybe other photos would be better. ######


Prompt:
My older brother's (23M) GF, Linda (24F) has been living with us since November after her parents kicked her out. She's really nice and we normally get along. She's a huge fashion girl and wears the most beautiful clothes, and she's been a great help for fashion advice.

Me (17F) and my younger brother and sister (13F) and (11F) were playing football out in the garden, and Linda was hanging out there too. As usual she was dressed her best. The ball ended up near her and I asked her to kick it back but she was wearing designer shoes.

''I'm not touching that thing with my shoes'' she said.

The ball was not dirty at all and I thought she was being silly, so I called her a diva and said tapping a ball wouldn't ruin her shoes. She just gave me a look and went inside, and later my brother had a go at me for being ''nasty'' to Linda.

How was that nasty? I asked her to tap the ball which wasn't dirty back to me. It wouldn't have done anything to her shoes. I don't see why she made such a fuss and was being a diva about it. ######

Response: NAH. She had a totally Diva reaction. BUT, depending on what kind of shoes they were, even a small scuff could cause damage/ruin the shoe. A better response would have been to ask her to toss it back to you then. ######


Prompt: My friends are getting married next summer, two hours away on the west coast of our state. They booked a house for the entire wedding party to stay at for the weekend of the wedding, a total of 16 people for 3 nights. The house they booked ended up costing each person $352, and everyone has to pay their share. I understand them wanting everyone to be together, but my girlfriend and I feel like it's unfair to ask your wedding party to pay for a house to stay at, let alone for that much. Would I be the asshole if I tell my friend that my girlfriend and I would rather pay to stay someplace nearby and cheaper? For reference, we are both college students, as are most of the people in their wedding party. ######

Response: NAH. Of course it would be nice to have everyone at the wedding party in the same place, but if it’s too expensive and you can’t afford it it’s as simple as that. ######


Prompt:
My grandmother (86f) has been asking me to make this specific curry for the past 2 weeks or so.

To make it you need breadfruit, which I could not find anywhere. I've driven around the town trying to find it, but no dice. Instead I've been making the curry using potato. The first few times she asked what's in it, I told her truthfully that it was potato. She looked so sad, and even cried a little. She refused to eat anything those nights. Now when grandma asks what's in it, I reply "it's breadfruit". Her face absolutely lights up. She used to have this breadfruit curry as a child, but now can't really tell the difference between it and potato. She's in her 80s, I honestly think she has good memories of eating said food, but can't really remember its taste.

She's going back to a nursing home in a few weeks, and I know that "breadfruit curry" will not be a menu option. I'm still running around trying to find actual breadfruit, but until then potato it is.

She's been consistently asking for this for dinner every night, and refuses when I offer to make her something else.

My family found out what was doing and is kind of split. My sister thinks I'm being incredibly deceptive and should stop lying to her, while my cousin thinks that I'm just making grandma happy before she goes to her nursing home. ######

Response: NAH. Normally I’d say you should never lie to an adult about what’s in their food, but this isn’t about allergies or vegetarianism or anything. It’s a harmless white lie that is making your grandmother happy. ######


Prompt:
Last week my (23M) coworker (25\~M) sent me a message on Facebook and deleted it shortly after but not before I saw it that said "Honey, can you grab me some ice cream?". We normally only use Facebook to organise roster swaps and shortly after he asked me if we could swap shifts yesterday. I said not a problem, and the two shifts overlapped by half an hour so I was starting as he was finishing.

I brought in a litre of caramel ice cream and gave it to him and said "Here you go, honey." He looked pretty embarrassed and another coworker asked what the ice cream was for, and I explained the wrong text to the team. I thought it was a pretty harmless joke and my coworker got a litre of really nice ice cream out of it.

He's relatively new to the team (four-ish months) but seemed to enjoy the gentle ribbing that often occurred between others on the team (and has joined in making fun of other team members) so figured he'd be fine with a harmless joke. The team had a good laugh about it but he was obviously pretty upset with it and we dropped it until he left.

Once he'd left I asked the other two co-workers if I was too hard on him and they agreed it was just a joke, and thought he took it way too hard. AITA? ######

Response: NAH. My general rule is that jokes/pranks shouldn’t hurt anyone. Something that involves giving ice cream seems pretty safe. That being said, clearly it bothered him on some level, so for the sake of your work relationship, you may want to apologize in private and make sure he’s cool. ######


Prompt:
I (20F) am half Korean, half white. Most of my life, I ignored my Korean side. Lately, though, I've been trying to get more into the culture. I've been learning about different traditions, the culture, the language, and using the Korean name my grandfather gave me. My immediate family was never close to my Korean side of the family, but we were close to my grandfather.

My Korean name, for as long as I can remember, has been 지해, romanized as Jihae. I looked it up and it means sea, which I feel like suits me. I've always been drawn to the water.

Recently my sister was talking to my father and found out our names end with 혜, not 해. It's romanized "hye" instead of "hae," though it's pronounced the same (hay). Traditionally, siblings share a syllable, which is why my sister insists on me using "지혜". However, it's a tradition that's slowly dying out in younger generations.

I don't like 지혜. It doesnt feel like me, and I've been continuing to use 지해. However, the more my sister eggs me on about it, the more I worry I'm disrespecting my grandfather. I can't ask him about it since he passed years ago.

AITA for spelling my name how I always have?

Edit: The new spelling changes the meaning of the name. The new name means "wisdom." ######

Response: NAH. my experience isn’t exactly the same as yours, but as someone who changed her name there are names i went by that weren’t right, but still hold a special place in my heart.  it’s sort of a limbo between being my name and not being my name, and i think it’s really special. if you were to get to the point of “jihye is not my name, but it still holds a special place in my heart as something my grandfather gave me,” that could be really liberating. ######


Prompt:
I (31F) am my father’s only biological child. I have an older half sister, and our mother was married to my father until she died in 2001. Later that year he met and married SM, who had three adult children (21-25). Over the years, my dad has said several times that, in the event of his and SM’s deaths, he would want to leave the majority of his assets and belongings to me. He didn’t have a will or trust written up, but I wasn’t worried about it, since most of their joint assets are in his name because of credit, and he was the primary earner in the marriage.
Well, a few days ago, SM was telling me they were going to talk to a lawyer to set up a trust, dividing all of their assets equally between me and her three children. They had the talk with the lawyer yesterday. I know that this is equal, but I feel as though it is unfair, because SM’s children didn’t even come into the picture until they were adults, and they have their own father’s estate to inherit. Not to mention, if marriage made a stepchild a full heir to the estate, then where is my half sister’s portion?
I don’t want my dad to think that I’m just waiting for him to die so that I can get his money. Any dollar amount he leaves me is money that I didn’t earn, money that won’t bring him back. I’m worried that I am a selfish and entitled brat whining about my inheritance, but I feel betrayed and less loved by my father.
WIBTA if I were to ask my father to leave me more of their joint estate than the other three stepchildren? ######

Response: NAH. Maybe instead of asking for a larger inheritance just bring it up with him and say that you were shocked because he said you would inherit most of it, and tell him how you feel. I understand that even if it's his money and he can do whatever he wants with it, it still is a way of him helping you after he dies, and it's also kind of a way to show who matters to you and how much - at least that's what I think ######


Prompt:
So up front, I do fork over a couple hundred bucks a month for rent. My mom has a bad habit of popping into my room. She works from home so she is ALWAYS HERE. On my days off she is in here at least 3 times a day. I hear a "tap tap tap" at my door and feel my blood pressure rise. I feel like I am walking on egg shells. I try to be cordial but most of the time she is bored and just wants to tell me some pointless stuff. Worse yet she really is not listening when you talk to her. She already knows what she wants to say so what you respond to her is largely irrelevant to her.

Things blew up about an hour ago. I was out and came home to see she was out too. She got home about 10 minutes after me and within a few minutes, "tap tap tap". I was a little agitated so I said "yeah?" in maybe not the friendliest tone. Without opening the door she said "I'm sorry am I bothering you?!". I said, "No, come in". She then tells me how she found something at the grocery store I was looking for. I said "thanks" and she proceeds to go on about how I've had an attitude lately and she's sick of it and leaves my room in a huff.

Keep in mind, she's been drinking. Not wasted but she's a relatively small lady so the two beers and two glasses of wine she had is having an effect. I swallow my pride and decide to try to calm things down so I go to the kitchen and start making my dinner knowing a show we always watch is about to come on. Rather than watch it with me she hides in her room.

I'm so sick of this shit. I need my privacy and instead of respecting that she is in my room 3 - 5 times a day with some bullshit that could've waited. What's worse is the more I seem in a bad mood the more she gets in my face till shit like this happens. I always watch this show with her when I have a night off and after our little fight she just hid. ######

Response:
 NAH. Maybe I feel this way because sometimes I feel lonely and will pester my SO in a similar manner, but I think your mom just loves you and wants to be with you. Working from home is tougher than you think, and she probably needs someone to talk to once in a while.

Does that mean it’s not annoying or you don’t deserve privacy and boundaries? Of course not, but this whole situation seems more like a miss on communication rather than either of you being an ass. Tomorrow, after things have cooled down, talk to her about it. Tell her you need some more privacy, but maybe you could agree to spend more time in a common area where she can babble your ear off and have some 1 on 1 time with her kid, but she needs to keep your room as your private space so you can decompress throughout the day. ######


Prompt:
My (25F) fiancé (26M) and I have been together since our junior year of college. He was always such an insanely hard worker who was very goal oriented. Back then he’d spend pretty much all of his time chasing his career goals.

He was successful in landing his dream job which is a combination of high pay and very high hours (70-100hours per week). It was his dream for so long.

Now that we are going to get married, he wants to quit and do something more “mundane” that is just a standard 9-5 job. He says it’s because he wants to spend a lot more time with me, which obviously I understand, but he also used to tell me how his current job was his absolute dream job since middle school. I remember vividly how hard we worked to get where he is, and I don’t want him to have to give up his dreams for me.

Because of that, I’ve told him how I don’t want him to leave, and he is getting a little upset about it now. It’s really not at all about the money for me. It’s 100% because I don’t want him to leave his dream job he worked so hard for.

AITA for tell him him he should stay? ######

Response: NAH. Maybe he's burned out on the hours and realizes there is more to life than work. I think you should talk to him more about why he is ready to walk away from this job. I've known several people who discovered their childhood dream job was not a dream after all. ######


Prompt:
I know the title is confusing, but I’ll explain. My son is 14M. He was reading something on the family computer and when he went to the bathroom I looked at what he was doing. He was on a pdf of a brochure from the 90s for teens that think they’re gay. I clicked the back arrow and apparently he’d searched before that “will people still love me if I’m gay?”. My heart broke. We’d never specifically talked about that, but I didn’t think I’d ever given off that impression. I immediately went to talk to my husband about this. I told him that we needed to talk to our son, because he was clearly hurting.

My husband reacted differently than I expected. He said that we should let him come to us, because he’d think we were snooping in his life if we went to him. I understood his point, but I felt like we needed to tell our son that we love him no matter what. I told my husband that I was going to talk to our son, with or without him. But now I’m doubtful. I’m afraid my son will slip away from us if we come on too strong. Should I listen to my husband? WIBTA if I talked to him? ######

Response: NAH. Maybe drop some hints. Watch something on tv, talk positively about LGBTQ issues and culture. Give him an environment that feels safe and positive so he *knows* it’s okay. You know your son. If you think he wouldn’t be embarrassed if you approached him before he’s ready, that’s fine. But maybe your husband is picking up that he might not want a direct conversation just yet. Feel the situation out a little first. ######


Prompt:
A year ago, my grandfather passed away. He was the family patriarch and it was hard on all of us, but especially myself and my sister who he pretty much raised after our father passed.

At the funeral, I was most focused on my mom, my sister and making sure everything went as planned. I guess my sister noticed what people wore. A lot of people showed up and a few did show up in jeans. Others wore sneakers. My grandfather would not have cared. He went to church every Sunday and dressed up for grandma, but then changed as soon as we left service. Is it appropriate funeral attire? No. But it wasn’t like they wore bright colors or disrupted the service in my opinion. To my sister, it did and she feels it was the epitome of disrespect to not wear slacks and dress shoes. Everyone who went probably had nice clothes in their closet, but maybe didn’t want to wear them. Maybe they thought they were paying homage to Grandpa. I don’t know. Some are family members, some family friends.

But a year later and my sister is still pissed. She won’t talk to these family members and when before lockdown, we had my daughter’s communion. She refused to talk to these people. Recently, she went on a rant about it again. I told her she needed to get over it. She told me I was as insensitive as them and hung up. I wore a dress and stockings!

Am I being an ass by thinking she needs to let it go and that it’s no big deal? ######

Response: NAH. Looks like she hasn't dealt with grief and has become fixated on the clothes part. It's not really healthy and she probably needs help (meant in the best way possible). Ofc it's annoying to hear all that again and again for such a long time and you're not her therapist, so your actions were also completely understandable. ######