Prompt:
So since September 2019 I have payed for feeding, bedding, the stable box and done all the daily work an care that comes with having a horse. The owner is a sweet girl in her 20s and her parents was paying for the horse up until then.

In September she fell, the hores were injured and she got scared, her parents then approached me about the horse and asked if I were interested to treat it as my own, if I were paying everything except medical bills. Around 600 usd a month.
I did and I have, I had to nurse this animal because he had a huge gash in his leg. Then I had to slowly get him back into shape before I could ride due to it's a older horse.

So by January I could start to actually ride. I have been taking progress photos and videos and sendt the owner since I have experience in doing this from before.

So now after not seeing the horse or answering my progress updates since mid September 2019, she sends me a message saying she wants to take the horse for a summer vacation 2 hours away, I work fulltime and don't have the time or energy to go there every other day to care for the horse. (she was suggesting we had every other day) I told her that if I were expected to half care for it and paying, I would prefer the horse to stay where he is or I would consider to stop having responsibility for it. She got a bit offended that i argued with her since she is the owner and all that.

Her parents agree with me but they also sympathise with their daughters wishes, but they don't want to pay.

So I'm sitting here kind of bummed out because I have grown to care for this animal, but I also feel I should have some say in this....am I the asshole here?

Tl;dr: I care and pay for injured horse after owner falls, doesn't hear from her in 7 months and now she wants to move the horse 2 hours away for all of summer, while I still an expected to pay for feeding and come care for it every other day. ######

Response:
 NTA

You have essentially been "renting" the horse.  If they want to move the horse, then you need to stop paying.

Also, you could probably pay a much more modest fee to ride someone else's horse on an hourly basis.

These people are taking advantage.  Tell them you would no longer be paying their horse's costs. ######


Prompt:
Over the coming few weeks I've (25f) been tasks with a painting project in the house. That's fine however I have pretty bad ADHD, and not getting side tracked is really hard. On top of that I have sound sensitivity and a macaw who will screech randomly. I find that I can allow myself to stay focused and in the zone if I start quietly listening to podcasts or music with my headphones. That way it drowns out unpredictable noises but it's not so loud that I can't tell if someone is trying to talk to me.

You could say i should just put one headphone in but that splits my focus in too many directions. it also doesn't help drown out the screeching of our macaw.

Mom on the other hand likes to talk. Usually it's about a recipe she wants to make or something she found on facebook. it's rare for it to be about me or the project at hand.

I let her know that I have my headphones in and that I likely won't hear her fully but that doesn't stop her from speaking up randomly. She doesn't try to get my attention first by saying my name, so by the time I put my brush and paint down, and take out my headphones, I miss most of what she's saying and have to ask her to repeat it.

This gets her really annoyed and she tells me to take out my headphones, and to not wear them because she wants to be able to talk to me without worrying if she'll be fully heard.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

You have a challenge on your hands, though. Your mom is a "void-filler" meaning silence is psychologically disconcerting. People who have that problem cannot take being in a space without noise & chatter.

Can you play the podcast or music over a speaker? ######


Prompt:
This actually happened at Christmas, but my sister brought it up today.

We have most family dinners at my dad and step mom's house.  Just for clarification, my stepmom and I have a decent relationship.  However, she has this one rule that drives me crazy.  Any time we have a holiday dinner, she expects the girls to do the cleanup.  The men do not have to help at all.  My sister and sister-in-law have all talked about how much we hate this rule and find it unfair.

Last Christmas, my stepmom made a big dinner.  At the end of it, she announced that the girls needed to clean up and that she wouldn't be helping, as she cooked.  Then she went outside for something.  My husband started clearing the table, as he also disagrees with this rule.  I also made my teenage son help, as I didn't think it was fair to my teenage daughter.

When my stepmom came back in, she threw a fit about it and tried to make them stop helping.  My husband told her that it was okay and he didn't mind.  She wouldn't accept it and shooed them out of the kitchen.  I grabbed my teenage daughters hand and pulled her out with me.  When my stepmom demanded we come back in and help,  I calmly told her that I wasn't raising my kids that way and we all help or none of us.

Her and my dad tried arguing so we left.  Later on, my dad tried to guilt me into apologizing but I wouldn't.  After a few weeks, we all patched things up.

Today, I was talking to my sister about the pandemic and how sad it is that we aren't having a family BBQ.  She said it's probably a good thing so I won't have to argue about cleanup. She implied that I was an asshole for how I handled Christmas so that has me wondering if I am in the wrong? ######

Response:
 NTA

You handled it well and you set a good example for your daughter.  It's wonderful that your husband is on your side and is also setting a good example to your kids. ######


Prompt:
I recently finished my internship and I offered them to hire me. I enjoyed my time there and hoped I could earn some extra money over the holiday season. My boss and colleagues liked to keep me but the management insisted that they would not hire anybody.

Fast forward to this weekend. I get a message from my boss that he needed my help for 4 days( Tuesday to Friday) and that I could have somebody to help me. Details would be discussed on Monday.

Job would be simple and anybody could do it from home.

That weekend, we were sitting with our group of friends and this comes up. A friend(girl) says that she has plenty of time and can help me out. I write it down.

The next day I tell my own girlfriend that I may have some work. It would depend on what is discussed on Monday. She is kinda excited to work with me. However she also said that she has a barber appointment(1+ hour gone) on Tuesday and work on Friday.

Monday comes up and my boss tells me he needs two people for 4 days. I accepted this and asked the friend that could help for. 4days.

I called my girlfriend with the bad news and now she is sad, disappointed and angry at me.

Am I the asshole for making this choice? ######

Response:
 NTA

You had to have someone who'd be open all 4 days. If your gf wasn't available for all 4 days then she wouldn't be a good candidate. If your gf is upset over it then she needs to understand that this was just a short job that needed to be done on those scheduled 4 days. ######


Prompt:
Just to preface this, my wife is wonderful and almost never gets me upset, and I’m just making this thread to see if I did something wrong and need to apologize to her.

So I was talking with my two friends, one who just moved across the country, and we were planning a gaming night to catch up and spend time together.

My wife mentioned later that day that my family was having a birthday party for my niece, but told me she was just gonna go. Normally she’ll ask my to come, and since she said only she was going, I assumed it wasn’t a big thing and she was just going to visit her family.

So she goes to the party and has fun, and I’m getting ready for the game night. Then, about one hour before my friends and I said we were gonna play, my wife starts calling and texting me, telling me she wished I was at the party too (which is understandable because we always have fun together at parties), but then she started making me feel bad about not going, even though I already told her I was going to be with friends that day.

She called me in front of her family and they would always take her phone so they could yell at me and tell me “it’s your nieces birthday today” and “don’t play games with your friends, you’re always in your room playing games” (even though I’m not, I’m usually working in my room). And I got frustrated and started ignoring my wife’s calls because at this point it felt like she was just getting mad at me for not cancelling plans with my friends because she wanted me to be at a party with her.

Also for the record, I ALWAYS go to family parties with her and this is the first one I’ve skipped, which made me really upset that the one time I didn’t go was the biggest deal to her and my family.

TL;DR: Made plans to play games with friends, wife tells me later that there’s a family birthday party but it’s okay if I don’t go. Once she’s at the party she changes her mind and gets mad at me for not cancelling plans with my friends to go to the party with her ######

Response:
 NTA

You had plans. She had plans. She didn’t say anything until after both your plans were in place. If she wanted you to cancel she should have said something earlier. ######


Prompt:
Me and my husband are trying for a baby right now and his parents know about it. They told my sister in law I guess, we don’t have a bad relationship even tho we live far away, we still talk. She called me and brought up the baby topic, asked me if we were really trying and I told her yes. She asked “why now? There’s a huge pandemic going on and it’s kinda selfish bringing baby into all of this mess”, I told her that we have been trying for months already. She sarcastically asked why couldn’t we wait for a year or two and why was having a baby right now so fucking important. I just told her to kind her own business and hung up.

Of course 2 days later there’s a post on her Facebook about “selfish people not caring about anything other than their stupid wants and needs.” She told her parents about it too and they’re telling me that I was a bit too harsh and I need to apologize. ######

Response:
 NTA

You had every right to tell her to mind her own because spoiler alert! It's none of her fucking business. ######


Prompt:
I (F50) have two adopted siblings, Ray and Emma (20). I love them to death and since I have a significant amount of money and am child free I decided to pay for their college education. I set it up like a scholarship essentially, I would pay as long as they both kept their GPA’s at 3.0 or higher. They agreed to this along with our mother and everything’s going fine.

Ray has significantly  better grades than Emma but Emma is working hard as well. This last semester Emma received a 2.5 GPA while Ray got a 3.8. I told Emma that I wouldn’t pay for her school next semester or her summer classes and she freaked out. She said the only reason she did so poorly is because of the pandemic and working from home. While I’m sympathetic her midterms were poor as well. My mom is frustrated but understands a deal is a deal. I feel bad but at the same time she didn’t hold up her end of the deal.

AITA for not paying for my sister to go to college this semester? ######

Response:
 Nta

You had a mutual agreement and she didn't meet the conditions.
Are you going to start paying again if her grades go up? Because that could be a good incentive. ######


Prompt:
I(20f) live with my bf(24) and I’m allergic to cats

Last week I came home to find him on the couch petting a very chonky cat. He knows I am allergic but told me that his friend needed to get rid of it so he took it. The cat sheds its fur a lot and my eyes burn, I’m constantly sneezing and I break out in hives. My bf also lets the cat sleep in our bed so I can’t sleep there.

I told him that he needs to get rid of the cat as i feel like absolute shit because of my allergy. I’ve tried taking allergy medicine but it doesn’t work very well for me. WIBTA if I made him get rid of it ######

Response:
 NTA

You guys did not discuss this decision. He did it without you knowing but fully knowing you are allergic. Putting the cat on the bed is the cherry on top. Unbelievably insensitive. ######


Prompt: I am stripping the floors in my condo got association approval, during normal hours and my downstairs neighbor is banging on walls and on pipes and screaming. I am upgrading my wooden floors and changing cabinets. I tried to talk to him to tell him that this is temporary noise for the project but he yelled that "I drove him out and he called his landlord and said he is moving out in 30 days". I sorta feel guilty but I really didn't do anything wrong. Should I keep going and just ignore his rampant screams and banging? ######

Response:
 NTA

You got it approved and one can assume you’re doing it at reasonable hours. Hope he enjoys the 30 days of noise, by then you’ll probably be done lmao ######


Prompt:
I’m upset because my boyfriend and I just finally moved into our first house. I believe it’s just as much mine as it is his, but he’s treating it as if it’s only his. *He never asked me in either situation, just offered it up and then told me afterwards.* He has offered up a place to stay to his sister and her boyfriend, and now his 2 friends. None of which would be able to pay rent/pay for their own food, etc. That’s not even the biggest issue though, it’s that it’s our brand new house. It’s only been months! I just want my own place for once. I’ve been through the roommate situation so many times and it never worked out in my favour! He’s let people couch hop so many times, and “weeks” turned into years with them! AITA for not wanting this again?

*Forgot to add, 2 of these people are addicts and I’ve been sober for years. I respect them but I don’t want that around us. ######

Response:
 NTA

You get to have a say in who is living in your space with you and you get to decide how things will work financially. But realistically if he has done this before I don't know what you expected to happen now that you moved into a house. ######


Prompt:
My family lives in an apartment building. Everyone works from home at the moment so I have a lot of time to cook which is one of my passions. Our neighbours both work in a hospital, she's a doctor and he's a nurse. So I asked them if they would like some food and they said yes. So the last few weeks I always froze heaps of food and gave it to them so that every day they could just quickly heat something up. They seemed to appreciate it.

Skip to last Wednesday. It was my daughter's 16th birthday and I wanted to make her favourite cake. At 1pm I started mixing all ingredients together. Only 5 minutes later I hear someone ringing our doorbell. I was our neighbour and she seemed quite upset. She said they only just got home and wanted some rest. I apologised and explained it was my daughter's birthday. She said it's selfish of me and that right now there are other things that are more important and her sleep is one of those things.
I felt really bad and later brought them 2 slices of the cake as an apology.

But later when I talked to my husband about it he said that yes some things are different now but that doesn't mean that our daughter's birthday is not important too. I thought about it and agreed. I haven't brought them any more food since.

I do feel guilty for this and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting.

AITA for how I handle this situation ? ######

Response:
 NTA

You gave them a helping hand and they bit it. Yes, their sleep is important but so is your daughters birthday and I believe this is the case of 'sounds like a you problem'. I would understand if she complained as like 10-12 pm but she has no right to complain at 1 pm, it's your time as much as hers and she needs to suck it up. ######


Prompt: First time posting and on mobile! I (35f) have been with my SO (42m) for ten years.  I don’t plan on getting married, but we’re committed to each other.  He’s not the best with money management or adult responsibilities (making appointments, calling to repair things, paying bills on time or at all, etc). With the recent situation he has been laid off.  I nagged him for a while about filing for unemployment and was told I’m better at that type of thing so I should do it.  My response was if I do this I’m putting it into my account to pay the bills.  I work in healthcare and typically pay rent and all utilities anyway, but my hours at work have even been cut back. He agreed.  Well, I filled out the forms and got notification that his unemployment claim went through.  Now he’s calling me a thief and saying I stole his money. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

You flat out told him what would happen if you had to file for him. He agreed and now he’s shocked you’re doing what you said? That money is for bills and to feed his childish ass.

He had every chance in the world to act like an adult and do things he needed to do. You’re acting more like a mother to him than a girlfriend. ######


Prompt:
My (15M) family wants to make a "family" youtube channel. My 5-year-old sister is a huge fan of these Disney parody channels. I think its called like TotalistTv. Basically they do real-life parodies of disney highschool and superhero things. I at least think it is really cringe, but I get its aimed at kids so whatever. They get crazy amount of veiws and money, and my family wants to do it. They think with the being shut inside, we have the perfect chance to get a good start. The problem is they want the whole family to.

My first thought was hell no, for multiple reasons. 1, I dont want my face all over the internet. 2, I think its kinda dumb. 3, I dont want to give away my freetime for this. I explained this to my parents, they got mad. Haven't been grounded but I can tell they clearly arent happy, AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

you don’t have to participate in this especially because it’s very public and doesn’t suit your interests. ######


Prompt:
This happened a while back, but it’s been bothering me lately and I really want to know if I was wrong.

I (16f) work at a coffee shop. It’s a part time job and I like that I can make my own money and buy myself things without having to ask my parents.

For the most part I get along with all my coworkers. But there’s one coworker (we’ll call him J) who just makes me really uncomfortable. Whenever he walks past me he always touches my lower back. I quite honestly don’t like being touched, especially by people I’m not close with. It also makes things worse that he touches my lower back and not like my arm or my shoulder or something.

Anyways, I’ve put up with it for a couple months. I wouldn’t say anything because I was too chicken shit but I would kinda shy away from J’s touch or move away whenever he touched me.

So, in December, we had a Christmas party where all the workers were there and we were just talking about next year’s goals and having coffee. I was talking to a coworker when J showed up and put his arm around my waist. I told him, really loudly, “don’t touch me”. A couple people were looking at us so he kind of winced and removed his hand.

Later on, the coworker I was talking to told me that I was being an asshole and that I didn’t need to call J out in front of everybody like that, and that maybe he was doing it unconsciously. I brought up the fact that he had done it on multiple occasions before and she said that I didn’t have to be so loud about it, and that it was kinda dickish.

So, AITA for telling a coworker not to touch me? ######

Response:
 NTA

You don't want to get touched, then you shouldn't get touched.

My only advice for the future: Don't wait a couple of months until you speak up. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway for very obvious reasons.

I'm a guy. One of my close female friends is the type to go through "phases" of hobbies. Our friend group (a mix of guys and gals in their late twenties) has been very supportive of her interests. We bought paintings when she took up art, we ate all sorts of cupcakes when she sold baked goods, we promoted her blog when she decided she wanted to be a fashion influencer. Lately she's been talking about trying modeling and we thought she meant the Instagram kind, but it turns out she made an OnlyFans account and charges upwards of $50 for nudes. We have zero problem with her posting nude selfies online, she's very proud of her body and I respect her choice to do whatever she wants with it. But lately a lot of us have been talking because she wants us to subscribe to her and it's uncomfortable for a lot of reasons: $50 a month is a LOT of money, personally my girlfriend is very uncomfortable with me paying for nude photos of my friend, and honestly I don't want to see naked photos of someone I think of as a little sister. I had a talk with her and shared the group's concerns about her latest hobby and she lashed out, saying that we're not being supportive and accused me of objectifying her. I'm honestly stunned and a bit confused that I may have come off as an asshole with what I said. So let me have it: reddit, AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

You don't owe your friends $50 to see nudes and start a fight with your girlfriend...

If you don't want to see em (seems like the case), don't look and don't pay ######


Prompt:
I (20F) live with my parents and older brother. I’ll be honest - I do not like him. We do not get along. He’s annoying and intruding and loud and I could go on. I try to just ignore him.

For April fools day yesterday, as a “joke,” he decided to hide the pain medication I take to deal with my periods. I have horrible periods, especially the first couple days (which yesterday was) and the pain can be debilitating and make me cry if I don’t have the pain meds to help (even then, I still have pain, I’m just able to function).

I basically couldn’t find them all day yesterday then this morning he gave them to me and said “April Fools!!” His prank was hiding this on me since I “relied on them so heavily and need to see I don’t need pain meds to get through the day.” He said that’s what I get for keeping the meds in the kitchen (which I do because they need to be taken with food and/or water)

I was fucking pissed. He saw me crying and wincing in pain and hid them from me? I told him to fuck off and that this would be the last conversation we’d have for a while. I’m ignoring him but he keeps texting me like “come on really?” And giving ME dirty looks in the hallway like I’m the one who did something wrong.

My parents are staying out of it as we’re both adults. They say f how I want to deal with is by ignoring him then it is what it is.

AITA? I don’t think this was a joke. I think this is over the line. ######

Response:
 NTA

You don't fuck with another person's medication. Ever. ######


Prompt: Pretty much I’m a senior in college [22F] and have no prospects of a love interest. I have always wanted to have kids and have a family ever since I was little. My mom [50F] keeps pressuring me to find someone and have kids so I can give the family grandkids. I keep telling her that quite frankly I don’t really want to bring kids into this world because I don’t want to bring them up on a dying planet. She says that I need to stop pretending to be environmentally friendly. She thinks I am who I was in high school. She doesn’t understand that I have been away at college for 4 years growing and changing my mindset. I keep reminding her that I am more than willing to adopt kids when that time comes around because I would still love to have a family but not bring more people onto this planet. I would love to give children that don’t have a chance, a chance. She constantly gets furious and insults me and says i’m pretending to love the Earth and need to stop saying these things. At the end of the day I know it’s my own body and my own choices but I just don’t understand what her issue is. Is she really that against not having grandchildren that are blood related? Or does she really thing I’m pretending? ######

Response:
 NTA

You do you. Mother has no say in it. ######


Prompt:
I (M) have 3 kids with my ex wife. My daughter (17F), who is the second oldest, is turning 18 in November. 18 is a significant milestone, so I think that when your kid turns 18 you should get them a major gift. When my son (21M) turned 18, I got him a motorcycle.

So with all this happening, I thought it would be nice to ask my daughter what she wants now so I have plenty of time for it. She and my younger son are staying with my ex-wife for the time being, so I called her to talk about it. She said that she wants full body laser hair removal. She told me the estimated price and it was less than what I paid for my son's motorcycle a few years ago so I agreed and said I would cover it.

Later that night I get an angry call from my ex-wife. She overheard everything and didn't like it. She was saying that I shouldn't be encouraging my daughter to be "vain" or "narcissistic" and that she thought cosmetic surgery was a scam that "preys on women's insecurities". I responded that our daughter will be an adult at this point and that even then, she was being unreasonable. I explained that even if she didn't personally like it, it would make our daughter happy and that's what matters here. She wasn't swayed and said that I was being inconsiderate to her by going ahead with it.

To be honest, I'm not entirely surprised she reacted like that. My daughter has always been very girly and put a lot of effort into her appearance. My ex-wife has always bot liked this and would try and encourage her to focus less on how she looks. Personally I've never had an issue with her and I just want her to do what makes her feel good, just like my sons with their different interests.

I've already put the money aside for it and I've called my daughter again promising I'll cover it despite her mom's objections, so I'm not changing my mind. But I'm interested in getting some outside perspective. ######

Response:
 NTA

You didn't suggest it to her, it's what she wants. Good on you for being thoughtful. Your ex needs to accept that her daughter won't be a carbon copy of her and her values. ######


Prompt: This was years ago. I was a server and one of my fellow servers left his book with 100-ish dollars cash in it and forgot about it, pregnant server found it (in front of me) and decided to keep the cash and cut me in. Being friends with the server who left his book, i yanked his chain about "forgetting something" and eventually just told him what happened, and returned the money I had. I also told him about the entire situation. The pregnant server had apparently meant to keep her share for herself, and was promptly fired based on my testimony. I thought it was all in good fun, honestly. Had no intention to steal, was just messing with my friend. I definitely had no intention of having a coworker fired, but I think in some ways this is my fault. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

You didn't get her fired.  She got **herself** fired by stealing from a coworker. ######


Prompt:
For context, I bought a new cast iron skillet and still trying to get the hang of using it to cook a nice melted cheese sandwich.

I thought that I should be sweet and make my wife breakfast. I’ve did this for a number of occasions these past couple of weeks but today was the one that made me rather pissed.

She came into the kitchen and started asking why is this toast is slightly burnt; the french toast has not absorbed enough egg etc. She then proceeded to give me feedback about how I should do it. I just told her that “Look, I just wanted to make a nice breakfast and still trying to get the hang of it. I’m really not trying to be a top chef here.” AND...she got pissed with me.

This is not the first time and each time I just brush it off. But it all just got to me today but I know that if the position has been switched, I would be told off for trying to tell her what to do. ######

Response:
 NTA

You did this as a kind gesture to your wife. Just stop making her breakfast and tell her to cook herself if she wants perfection. ######


Prompt:
I (22 F) Went on a coffee date with this guy from tinder after talking for about a week. On the app it said that he was also 21.

When I got to the coffee place he looked kinda like his pictures but a little younger making me question his age. So, I decided to ask him if he wanted to get a drink later. He started acting kinda weird and looked nervous before suggesting dinner instead. This was odd to me bc he had previously said that he enjoyed drinking.

During the date he also said he worked somewhere else then he had told me via text making the whole interaction seem "off". At the end of the date I asked him to drive me home and when we were in front of my apartment I brought up the inconsistencies between what he texted me vs what he said and asked to see his ID. He started crying and apologizing and showed me his ID. He was 18. I felt really bad for making him cry esp bc I didn't plan on going on a second date.

I told my friend about it and she said I should have let it go and there was no need to embarrass the guy. So AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

You did the right thing, he could have been a minor. ######


Prompt:
So my dog is 4 years old and I just found out she has cancer.  The vet said that it was caught early and that with surgery and chemotherapy it’s very likely that she’ll have a full recovery and live a full life like she never had it.  The only thing is that she estimates it would cost between 9-10k for the treatment. I don’t have pet insurance, but instead I’ve been putting $100/week into a separate bank account just in case something like this happened.

Now when I told my gf of 2 years about my dog, she asked what I was going to do, since it’s not like she expected me to have that kind of money lying around.  And if I hadn’t been saving money specifically for my dog, I probably wouldn’t be able to afford her treatment.  When I told her about the money and that I was going to pay for the surgery, she was upset because 1. She didn’t know about the account and 2. I’d be spending so much money when she’s out of a job and struggling.  She moved in with me a few months ago and doesn’t have to pay rent.  We haven’t really discussed finances that much, but I know being laid off has hurt her.

She thinks that I shouldn’t spend it on my dog and wants me to save the money for if/when we get married or have kids.  I told her that I’m going to do it and I’m going to schedule my dogs treatment soon.  With all that’s happening, neither of us have been able to spend time away from each other, so we haven’t said much the past 24 hours and she’s still upset that I’m picking my dog over our future.  So, AITA for spending so much money on my dog? ######

Response:
 NTA

You did exactly what you should do when you get a pet and you started a savings account so that you could afford to take care of it. This is *your* money that you saved specifically for this purpose, and she's your pet.

Girlfriend should just be happy she's with someone who is capable of helping her financially while *also* taking responsibility for his pets.  Seems like that would bode well for those kids she sees herself having with you.

And really, what's the alternative here? Does she just want you to let your dog die of cancer? Fuck that. The dog's been around longer than she has.

Edit: extra letter ######


Prompt:
My (f22) boyfriend (m24) wants me to pretend to be religious and occasionally go to church with his family in the future, for fear that his mother would disapprove. He mentioned it when he found out about my atheism a few weeks after dating, and I was fine with it but now it just feels wrong.

On one hand, I understand his concern, as my own family disapprove greatly of my atheism, but on the other hand, I feel like he's ashamed of it, and I don't like that I'm once again having to hide a part of myself, for fear of what others think.

He at first claimed he wasn't that religious, but it became obvious that he is, and I've never had any problem with it. In fact, I love how strongly he feels about his religion, dispite the fact that I don't share it.

I don't want to cause him any altercations with his family, especially since he's currently having to live with them "(financial trouble), but I also don't want to pretend to be something I'm not, as it makes me feel like he doesn't fully accept me as I am. And there's also the fact that I already agreed to pretend, before I'd really thought about it.

I wouldn't mind going to church with them every now and then, but I want to be able to be open about my atheism.

So WIBTA if I refuse to lie about my religion?
Either way, I know it's something I need to discuss with him, but I still want the opinion of others. ######

Response:
 NTA

You can't be an asshole for your own beliefs, but a good amount of relationships do not last when the family doesn't like who they are dating. Just be very careful with this situation. ######


Prompt:
There's an unofficial rule in my house that if you're cooking an evening meal from scratch, you make four portions of it.

Unfortunately, this limits _everyone_ to what my dad likes. And he is _very_ limited in that regard.

No pasta, no vegetarian meals, nothing too "foreign", and nothing "unusual. Basically he'll accept stews, casseroles, roasts, chops/steaks, and sometimes a mild to medium curry from a jarred sauce. I think the most "adventurous" thing I've seen him eat is haggis, but only on Burn's Night (or as close to as possible), and even then mum has to make a separate pot of plain mash for him (he won't eat tatties and neeps, just tatties).

If left to his own devices he'll live on nuggets and chips or cheese on toast.

I'm getting fed up of this.

I want pasta. I don't want to have to put meat into everything I cook. I want to try making random non-English dishes from the multitude of cookbooks in the kitchen.

I said as much to mum earlier. I told her I'm fed up of catering to someone whose palate is as unsophisticated as a toddler's, with less willingness to explore.

She thinks I'm being selfish, and that dad will be upset if I only cook for myself. I pointed out that if I'm chucking some nuggets in the fryer or making beans on toast, I'm only feeding myself then.

AITA for not wanting to cook for a picky eater any more, so I can eat more things I actually like? ######

Response:
 NTA

You can still make enough for them but then it's up to them to eat it. You're not excluding him, he's excluding himself. ######


Prompt:
I was having lunch with a friend of mine when the topic of dating came up, I told her I wasn’t dating anyone right now and was keen to get back out there.

She mentioned that she had a friend that she thinks I would be a good match with and was also looking to start dating too. She took out her phone and showed me a picture, I was pleasantly surprised and said set it up. She said she would message her and send a picture of me to her too.

Then she said that it might not be soon as she has trouble finding a babysitter, I said oh, she has a kid? My friend said 2. I was a little disappointed and I think my friend picked up on that and she said if that was a problem? I said yes honestly, I’d prefer to date someone without kids. My friend said but you liked her picture and I said yes, she is really pretty but dating moms aren’t my thing and are more trouble than they are worth.

She looked a little offended and said you’ve told me you wanted kids one day, I said yes my own not someone else’s. She sat and look perplexed and said I was a dick for turning her down for that reason. I told her I’m sure she’s nice, just not for me. Lunch ended quickly after this. I later got a text saying I disappointed her and she would never try and set me up again. I just replied with I’m sorry you feel that way but we all have our standards.

AITA here? ######

Response:
 NTA

You can set whatever ground rules you want. Anyone can have preferences -- e.g., maybe you don't want to date someone more than 2 hours away, or someone who works night shift, or is in the military, or eats meat, or is vegan, etc.

Your preference is to find someone who doesn't have kids. That's fine. Better to establish that now than several dates in. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway because I don't want to be recognised.
Im still on vacation so this is written in mobile. Also english is my 2.nd language se excuse me for any mistakes.

Where I am from traveling is legal. So now onto the story.
I booked myself an apartment for 3 weeks. I have allredy staid here for 8 days. Neighbours came yesterday. I wanted to have extra space so I took the bigger appartment. There is a shared house but there is a wall between our appartments. If everything id devided on 3 i have 2/3 and neighbour has 1/3 of a house. This also applies for the terrace.
I am alone and my neighbour is with his wife and daughter. So they are preety tight on space.
Today he asked me if he could put some stuff on my terrace scince I had a lot of extra space. I politely refused and said that i booked bigger one because I preffer having bigger terace and more space.
He then tried convincing our landlord(if that's what you call them) and she said that he has to deal this with me.
He asked me again and I told him that if he wants extra space he should get a bigger appartnent.
But was I in the wrong? Should I let him some of my space?
Thank you. ######

Response:
 NTA

You booked the larger (and I'm guessing more expensive?) apartment. Simple as. If he'd asked once and accepted your no then it would be fine. But he tried to go over your head, and then came back to you. That is out of order.

If I book a hotel room, I don't get to march up the penthouse suite and use their facilities, because I didn't book that room. ######


Prompt:
So my bf 29 and I 25 have been together for about 5 years now. During these 5 years we had a brief breakup due to some immaturity on both ends towards the start of the relationship and infidelity on his end, however this was all worked on and we’re in a healthy relationship now.

Recently his sister had moved into the area from interstate and had been spending a lot of time in our house and specifically with my partner’s best friend who was at the time engaged. It came to our attention that she was sleeping with this friend of my BF’s despite him being engaged. My bf said it’s none of our business and I should ignore it but they were being so intimate so publicly, even inviting us out on ‘dates’ with the two of them where they were ridiculous with the PDA. I’m all for people being happy but what about the girl who’s being cheated on behind her back? I eventually privately messaged the girl and told her about the whole thing, which has angered everyone, especially my bf for interfering to the point where he almost asked me to take my thing and leave. Idk why I did it, maybe it’s because I’ve been cheated on before and it’s a touchy subject for me? Maybe I just couldn’t take the burden of knowing about this scandal? Am I an asshole for spilling the beans?

This is a pretty messy story and it’s hard to condense but I hope I can get an honest opinion from a neutral 3rd party. ######

Response:
 NTA

You bf clearly does not believe that cheating is a problem in a relationship. That should be a red flag to you. ######


Prompt: A little background, my som is almost 2 and I post very little about him on social media, not too many photos, because I don’t want his face plastered all over the internet. Anything I do post about him is all private due to my privacy settings so only the people I want to see it can. My SO and I have told all of our family members this multiple times, but for some of them it has fallen on deaf ears. My SO grandmother announced my son’s birth on Facebook with a photo before my son was even an hour old and before we even had the chance to tell everyone. And now my SO’s grandmother has my son as her profile picture and cover photo on Facebook, and after asking her to remove it several thousand times it is still up as well as several other photos of my son all with the privacy settings on public so anyone that searched her page could see them. Would I be the asshole if I reported the photos to Facebook to have them taken down? My SO thinks it would be rude of me, but I am just desperate. ######

Response:
 NTA

You asked her multiple times. She doesn’t listen. This is the only way to get her to stop. ######


Prompt:
Okay, first a little background ... I (21F) live with my boyfriend (25M) in a one bedroom apartment. We technically have a room that could be a second bedroom, but it's very small and currently being used as an office space. We both attend university in DC (undergrad and law school respectively) and have continued to live together while attending classes remotely.

My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend (23F) also happens to be attending school in DC, but because she was living in on-campus accomodations, she was forced to return home to. She and my boyfriend are still friends, and she's evidently told him how difficult she's found attending classes online with her family's shaky internet and the time difference. She's planning on driving back to DC in the next week to collect her belongings (which is understandably a really long drive). He told me that he was planning on inviting her to stay with us through the summer term. I pretty much told him I wasn't cool with that, and he got mad, telling me I was selfish. So ..... AITA?

EDIT: We split both rent and utilities 50/50!  ######

Response:
 NTA

You aren't telling him he can't remain friends with her. You are telling him you aren't cool with her as a roommate. Which is valid no matter the reason, but that she is his ex is certainly a very good reason to not want her living with you. ######


Prompt:
For some context I’m a college student currently studying from home

I was on a call to some of my friends on my laptop when a family member of mine shouted up to borrow my laptop the next day. I initially thought he meant right at that moment so ended up snapping at him but then afterwards I said about my classes which I had at the time he needed it but due to us both being annoyed it ended up in a shouting match. He left saying he wouldn’t borrow it but my family turned around and were making it seem almost as if I was acting spoilt and not sharing as I didn’t come up with a solution or compromise and instead just said no.

This isn’t the first time this has happened in relation to my laptop but it’s usually bad timing when I have some work to do. ######

Response:
 NTA

You aren't responsible for his needs. You could simply refuse to let someone else use your laptop at all, at any time. ######


Prompt:
My partner (30m) and I (33f) are buying a house, and he’s never been that great at saving money.
I’m sorting everything out and paying for a lot of things. All of the money is coming from a previous house sale of mine, but he’s chipping in here and there when he can. And he has said that he will try to save as much as he can before we move (he’s a carpenter and is currently getting about £650 a week after tax).

His finances have always been a worry to me as he spends frivolously at times and I know that’s a red flag.

However solicitors and advisors need to see our statements and so naturally I’ve seen his too. This has made him uncomfortable and annoyed. We have argued about this with me saying it’s just part of the process.

Anyway, he had 120 quid on Monday and suddenly today he’s asking me for money again. This has happened before. When he got home I asked how he’d spent 120 in two days and an argument has happened. I mean literally him blowing up like after my one question and basically screaming.

I’ve tried to explain like this situation is serious, he needs to get a handle on his finances because buying a home together isn’t a joke. I’m tied to him financially and I should be allowed to ask questions (in my opinion).

He can be pretty spiteful and childish in arguments so it’s pretty useless trying to get anything out of him. I’m a very calm person and don’t fight at all, but I’m pretty upset about this because he’s making me really worried about buying a home with him.

He earns more than I do and I’m able to save money quite well, I don’t understand how money goes through his fingers like liquid. He’s clearly very defensive of me asking anything about what he spends it on and he’s just blown up and said I’ve ruined his evening - even though I’ve had to lend him money tonight to buy food.

Anyway I want to ask AITA because maybe I am being out of line and I don’t realise? Please help! ######

Response:
 NTA

You aren't on the same page regarding finances. DO NOT PURCHASE A HOME WITH HIM. Hash out a budget (inclusive of fun things) and see if he can keep to it. ######


Prompt:
I'm writing this late at night so excuse me for any errors.

For context: I'm 14M and lately, my mom has been making my sister sleep in my bed. I value my privacy, and I've literally been babysitting her for MONTHS now. I think that's more than enough time spent together. My room is the only private space I get in the house (even the bathrooms aren't safe) and I really don't want my sister to invade it. Every time I ask why it's either she's tired, or she's sick. I call bs on both because she shows no signs of being sick, and she's quite lively, and she randomly gets up at all hours of the night to get food/drink.

 She sent my sister to my room tonight and I simply sent her out. I feel like my mom is gonna berate me tomorrow morning, so I need to know before anything happens. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

You are the child, not the parent.

Where is this kid supposed to sleep? ######


Prompt:
So my boyfriend and I are planning on moving in the next few months but we currently are in a weird financial problem. Basically his parents are both not working and we're not sure if they need to borrow money. I have money saved up in my own savings to pay for a couch from IKEA thats on sale currently but he wants to wait until we know whats going on financially. I would still be able to help his parents out if I bought it. I just don't want to miss the sale and then have to pay an extra $500 for the same couch in a couple months.

Would I be the asshole if I just bought it anyway and stored it at my parents till we moved? ######

Response:
 NTA

You are not obligated to give money to his parents. The fact that you intend to help them out with any amount of money should be enough for your boyfriend.
You can do what you want with your money... ######


Prompt:
So yesterday while i was at work my GF tipped a glass full of juice right into my PC, by accident of course. Its a build where the motherboard is "facing" upwards so it got all over there and basicly none of the parts are good anymore. Its about a 1500 dollar machine that i use everyday for school and for gaming.

She called me when i was at work and she was very nervous, scared and sorry for what had happened. After that I have been pretty cold towards her not speaking much, not because im mad at her but i dont really know what to do and im kind of stuck im my own head just thinking. So just a couple of hours ago she asked me not to be so mean to her and stop being so distant and that "she doesnt deserve this kind of treatment", and that she has said she was sorry a lot, which she has. But im not this way as punishment, i know she is sorry but honestly right now that doesnt really help. When i said i cant really focus on her right now she started crying and left the room.

AITA for acting this way? ######

Response:
 NTA

You are frustrated at the situation. You need to deal with it in your own way. I know it was an accident but has she offered to help with the replacement at all? ######


Prompt:
Okay, I'll try to keep this short.

I'm a digital artist and graphic designer. I've mostly done it for fun until recently, when a peer wanted to commission a piece. This led to a small wave of commissions, which has been great. No issues with what I charge and it's gone smoothly.

It was suggested that I try to get more visibility in our local drag scene, because there's a demand for art and graphic design and they also like to commission locally. To do this, I offered a peer who is active in the drag scene a buy-one-get-one deal. They pay for one piece (for one of their drag personas) and I would do a second logo design for free.

Well, I finished the first one. They loved it but when it came time for payment, they were dodgy and hard to contact. It ultimately took them two months to finally pay me. During those two months, though, they used the image in multiple places (mostly with no credit to me at all). I even found out through a friend that they made prints of it as an auction item without talking to me or crediting me. Again, this was all before I was even paid.

I understand that I am definitely a naive idiot for not protecting myself. There is no contract regarding terms of use and I was stupid enough to send them the art with no watermark before getting any kind of payment. That's on me, I guess. Lesson fully learned.

But regardless, they were someone I thought of as a friend and I feel very used. They're now pestering me for the free second design. WIBTA if I say no? My friends and SO are emphatically telling me not to give them free art, but I feel bad, since I did technically offer it. ######

Response:
 NTA

You are being used. Do not give away your artwork to this person. There actions in using your work without attribution and delaying their payment to you negates any agreement you had in place. ######


Prompt:
I haven't left the house in almost 3 weeks, I HATE shaving.  It is probably my biggest pet peeve cause whenever I shave I have stuble literally the next day and it pisses me off.  Since my mom and dad have forced me to stay and I'm forbidden from leaving I don't see a need to shave.  Its been 3 weeks since I've even touched my razor.  I don't grow hair fully on my cheeks but I have a full on beard at this point, it looks ugly as shit and its unkept.  I do wash it in the shower with shampoo and stuff so it doesn't smell just looks ugly.

My sister recently asked me to shave cause it looks hideous.  I told her I'm not shaving till I have to go out, and that I hate shaving.  She said that she hates looking at it and I basically told her tough luck.  AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

You are an autonomous being and as unsightly as it may be, the beard is clean. ######


Prompt:
My girlfriend and I live together. We are both pretty laid back people. Now, my girlfriend is normal weight, a little on the chubbier side but still super attractive to me. Today, she tried out a smaller dress and asked if it made her look fat.

I said she looked amazing, she said I didn't answer the question. So, I said she looked great and she said I should answer tell her the "truth". I asked if she really wanted to know the answer and she said yes.  I said the top was a little small, and not super flattering. She then got mad and said that was rude and started crying.

At this point I got annoyed, and said she shouldn’t ask trap questions if she’s going to cry about it afterwards. She claimed she wanted “support”. We’ve been fighting all day about it.

Aita? ######

Response:
 NTA

You answered. She didn't believe your answer, and asked another two times until you told her the "truth". If she didn't want an honest answer she shouldn't keep asking. I hate when people do that crap. ######


Prompt: AITA - I live in a rental house that the owners used to live in before moving so it's pretty nice. There is an in-ground pool that has a heat function, but because of electricity cost my roommate and I rarely use it. I normally swim year around at my gym, but due to the current situation I have started swimming at home using the heat pump. When I told my roommate that I wanted to start using the heat pump he complained about cost and I agreed to pay for any increases to the electrical bill (based on the average of this month last year). Since then he has been swimming every day. I told him if he was going to swim then we needed to split the bill evenly. He refused saying that whether he swims or not I would be using the pump and heating the pool and that I agreed to pay for it. I think if he's getting benefit from it, he should contribute. I'm tempted to just turn the heat off, but swimming is such a good low-impact exercise that I've relied on since injuring my knee last year. ######

Response:
 NTA

You agreed to pay for the increase in cost from **your usage** not his. It's as simple as that, and if he's abusing your paycheck because he's a cheap jerk than feel free to turn the heat off. ######


Prompt:
She’s only 20 and is pregnant. She was incredibly upset when she found out as she’s not ready for a baby and isn’t financially stable whatsoever. I felt really bad for her when she was telling me........until I asked her if she was using any protection and this is how the conversation went.

Me: Are you on birth control?

Her: No.

Me: Did you use a condom?

Her: No.

Me: Did he at the very least pull out?

Her: No.

Me: Did you take PlanB?

Her: No.

After that I told her (not in a angry tone or anything) “what did you expect? You didn’t prevent it at all it’s not really a surprise you got pregnant.” And she’s now upset with me and told me I was being incredibly rude and insensitive about the situation. I was being as comforting to her as I could but after being informed she did absolutely nothing to prevent it I got super confused as to why she was so surprised about becoming pregnant? Unprotected sex = possibly getting pregnant. I don’t think it was rude to say that as it’s a no brainer... especially since she didn’t want to get pregnant and is in no way ready? ######

Response:
 NTA

You absolutely should have called her out for being irresponsible. Pointing out that her choices lead to her current situation is the only way she might learn and correct future behavior. ######


Prompt:
33F, married, financially stable and happy with a couple cats and a senior dog

My mother (67 F) is a cancer survivor and was recently diagnosed with another, more aggressive form of tumor. Considering her history with treatment, the prognosis isn't good.

She and I aren't close. She has untreated mental health issues (I suspect BPD) that made my life hell growing up, and even in my adult years she's often tried to control my life to make it more like hers. One thing we've always disagreed on is the topic of babies. My mother *loves* babies (but not children, who have opinions) and has desperately wanted to be a grandmother from the moment she found out she was having a daughter. Unfortunately for her, I'm childfree. I like kids. I even work with babies, and I'm good with them. But I've never wanted one, and I'm an only child.

I called her after the diagnosis came in to check on her, and - in tears - she declared that now is the time that I *have* to give her a grandbaby. The doctor is giving her about a year to live, perfect timing if I get pregnant now apparently. She says this is the only thing that would make her feel better about dying.

As usual, I said no. I don't want a kid. My spouse doesn't want a kid. That's it.

Now, several of my mother's friends, who in the past had supported my decision, are calling me up to say I'm TA for refusing her dying wish. They're pointing out that my spouse and I could afford a child (true) and that we already have more space in our home than we need (sort of true), and therefore the only thing that's stopping me from popping out an infant in 9 months is, in their opinion, that I'm a horrible selfish child.

To be clear, I'm not going to change my mind. A lot of factors have gone into my decision not to have babies, and a few old people calling me a self-absorbed bitch won't change that, but I'll admit that perhaps I am, in fact, a self-absorbed bitch.

What say you, reddit? ######

Response:
 NTA

You Absolutely CANNOT bring a HUMAN into the world to placate a dying woman. Sorry, but that's just absurd.

Edit: anyone pressuring you into having a kid should raise the kid!! Oh, they don't want to do that?? Big surprise. ######


Prompt:
My “best” friend of about 8 years is pregnant for the second time. She blames all of her “mood swings” (aka her being pretty rude with words) on her pregnancy hormones. And listen, I get it. You’re more hormonal, you’re more moody, I understand. But that doesn’t give her the right to be downright rude in my eyes.

When I got my own apartment, she yelled at me and told me I was stupid and “how could I leave my mom”. When I had a pregnancy scare, she yelled at me and told me I wasn’t ready for kids. Blamed ALL of that on her hormones. But I mean, really.. it was just rude.

Now I confided in her a few days ago that I was having trouble with my mental health and wasn’t cleaning my cats litter box as much as I should have. She just threw it in my face when I told her I was taking my moms kitten, that she can’t keep. She throws it in my face and says “you can’t even keep up with one cats literal shit.” I’ve been doing a bit better and keeping up with it more but like... I trusted her to not judge me for that and to throw it in my face? And now she posted on facebook saying that she’s annoyed with someone’s actions. Which I mean, clearly is me lol.

I just wanna know if it’s wrong of me to be holding her accountable for her blatant rudeness. ######

Response:
 NTA

Yes, mood swings while pregnant are absolutely a thing, and they can be super intense.  But, that doesn’t excuse someone being an asshole. Her comments have crossed that line, and it sounds like she’s using the pregnancy as an excuse to say whatever she wants.

Even if the mood swings are entirely to blame on this, it doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. You are totally within your rights to just keep your distance for a bit, or through the rest of the pregnancy, etc.

Even if someone is “justifiably” rude, doesn’t mean you have to take it.

If this was actually due to the hormones, she’d feel bad afterward for saying something in the moment. ######


Prompt:
So first and foremost I must say my parents are amazing but their siblings and parents aren't as great as my parents are. When I was younger I had always wanted to be with my Aunt's and grandparents to spend time with them yet they would always ignore me in favor of my cousin who was a year older than me. At that point in my life it was only my cousin and I being the children in the family. Fast forward a few years and it was no longer just my cousin and I. It was My cousin, her brother, my sister, and I. I was sorta hoping that with two new additions they would no longer be able to focus on purely one person. I was right. They focused on my sister, and both my cousins always forgetting I was a part of the picture. This always lead to awkward holidays where everyone was having fun and I felt stuck like I was talking to strangers.

Now a days, my grandpa passed away and the family was devastated. all of them posting stuff on Facebook like "I've lost all ties to this family" or "My family is falling apart". It also just so happened that I had finally finished school and landed myself a nice job that lets me travel yet it's only now after I've left that they are trying to build a relationship with me. My parents asked me to please just try to talk to them and be nice but I always respond with "Why should I be there for them if they were never there for me?"

I feel like I'm justified in thinking this but I still feel a little like an asshole. Everyone tells me that I need to get over it because they are blood. But blood doesn't always mean family right?

So AITA?

TL/DR: AITA for refusing to talk to my family because they were never there for me? ######

Response:
 NTA

Yeah, never knew how many family members I had til I moved to popular destinations..

On that note, I’d give them one shot. Let them say what they have to say and to each person I’d reply why are they reaching out now when they’ve had X years to try and talk?  Just cause they need/should learn their actions had consequences. ######


Prompt:
So I actually made a reddit account because this has been on my mind a lot lately with the pandemic.  I'm currently quarantined in the house with my parents and younger sister.  I have a couple of food allergies which, while not severe (i.e. I won't go into anaphylactic shock if I accidentally eat a piece of a pecan), I'd rather avoid triggering if I can.  To that end, I usually end up buying snacks and food for myself that don't contain my allergens which I pay for myself.

I've been working from home, and had my snack mix next to me which I'd just closed up because I didn't want it to get stale when my mom comes up beside me.  I turn my head because she might have to ask me something and see her open up my jar, reach her hand in, and take a big handful of snack mix without saying a word to me.  I've always considered helping yourself to someone else's food without asking to be rude, so later, I mentioned to my mom that I wouldn't mind sharing if she at least asked me first since those are snacks that I paid for myself because they don't have my allergens in them.  She got annoyed at me, saying that she guesses she'll keep that in mind next time she does the family grocery run.  This isn't just my mom either, I'd just gotten myself some takeout and turned to grab a plate in time to see my dad open up the container and start eating the contents.  When I got upset, he slunk off pouting.

My sister thinks I'm being selfish and a jerk because I won't share, but AITA for wanting my family to ask before they take my food?

P.S. On mobile, and this is my first reddit post, so formatting may be wonky. ######

Response:
 NTA

Wtf, your mother and father are displaying enormous amounts of ignorance and rudness. I mean, your Dad literally helped himself to food you bought for yourself without asking while your back was turned. That's not normal at all. I would snap if my parents did that crap.

Unfortunately, my advice would be to hide your food from your parents. Utterly pathetic behaviour especially from your dad. Like serously, What the actual fuck? ######


Prompt:
**This happened before COVID-19**

I babysit kids age 2 to 10 since I was 14 (I'm now 16M). I sometimes babysit multiple of them at ones (max 4). Around August last year, there was a woman who asked me to babysit her 5-year-old son on a Saturday, which was alright for me. I ask details like allergies and such when she mentioned he wasn't vaccinated, I immediately refused and said that I won't babysit her son for the health of the other kids I had scheduled that day. She began to argue with me saying that I'm her only option left and that if I  refused she couldn't make her cousin's funeral (this is not a sob story, it was true, learned it from her sister). I still refused for the same reason as I said previously. She then left muttering something I couldn't understand.

I felt a bit guilty, but it was gone when I learned that she complained to the city council about my 'illegal' babysitting service. (It's not illegal since in my country you need a licence or something if you babysit 9 or more children per week and I only do it on the weekend, vacation or not.) They inspected me and they did say I should change a few things for the safety of the kids, but I was safe.

But was I the asshole back then? ######

Response:
 NTA

Wow, you so much dodged a bullet. She complained to city council?? Mate, if anything had happened to her kid, and I mean anything, as small as a stain on their shirt, she would have been at your throat and made you pay for it.

Also completely fair for you. No jab no play. her decision, her consequences to bear ######


Prompt:
Yesterday my boyfriend

Now to give you some clarification, its not like I particularly dress for "unwanted" attention. I do dress nice I guess, as in, I like to wear cute flats with a blazer and pretty blouse. But I'm not the type to show my cleavage and bum, and even if a gal did, thats her prerogative. Anyways I dress for myself. And no one else.

Anyways, I was out with my BF the other day as restrictions were getting lifted. I will say, I might have looked extra polished as I spent extra time on my hair and makeup for the day.

My boyfriend got upset with me about how (according to him) guys were always checking me out and today it was "bad" and I was facilitating it. I was "enabling their pig thoughts" it got pretty heated. He said it was comparable to me being "slutty".

Here's the thing. My boyfriend checks out other women. A lot. I gneenrally don't care. So for him to be upset with other dudes checking me out? Fuck that.

I told him that if he's going to check out other women, then dont be a hypocrite and controlling douchebag and be all uppity when guys do the same to me. Its not like I'm asking for their numbers.

Either its okay to you or it isnt. You can't have it both ways.

Anyways he called me a bitch after I called him a hypocrite and now that I've cooled down, im.not sure if I went too far.

AITA. ######

Response:
 NTA

Wow, just wow. It’s not even you checking out guys it’s you being checked out by them. You have almost no control over that, and it’s unreasonable to expect you to wear like a frumpy sweater 24/7 if that’s not you.

Maybe find someone else ######


Prompt:
Background & Context: I have a FT job in healthcare where I work a steady 45 hours weekly. Now due to recent additional stressors are work it’s more like 50-55 and I am mentally, physically exhausted after working all day and dealing with the additional stress/frustration/constant policy changes.

Years ago, prior to having our child she wanted to work and asked me to “help” her find a job. That “help” consisted of me creating her resume from scratch (she didn’t know how to) and filling out applications for her (each online application takes a good 15 mins to complete now) while at the time I was working FT and completing grad school FT in an accelerated program.

Incident: My beautiful, sweet wife is a stay at home mom. She cooks, cleans, takes care of our child. Today, she mentioned to me that she wants to earn some money by opening up a catering service. I told her that I think it’s a fantastic idea and outlined a complete business plan for her (watch YouTube videos to learn how to take quality professional photos with our DSLR camera, take photos of the food she makes, create a Facebook page, join various Facebook groups and start marketing, etc.). This was not what she had in mind, she wanted me to do all the front-end work; (take photos, create a Facebook page, market on Facebook and virtually network to our community, etc) and for her to just cook the food. When I told her “no and that I don’t have the mental/physical bandwidth for that due to already working a high-stress/high-demanding job.” Her response was “Fine, don’t help me or support me.” To which I responded, “I did help you by outlining a complete business plan for you; however, if this is something you want to do, you need to put in the hard work.” She knew I was firm in my decision, therefore, she dropped the idea and hasn’t mentioned it.

Few friends of ours side with me and a few friends feel that I could’ve pitched in more and am being TA.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Why is she so helpless? I didn’t know how to make a resume until I made one. If she can’t fill out a job application, she probably shouldn’t have a job. ######


Prompt:
My boyfriend has a tendency to spend his entire day in discord with his friends when he is home. I normally do not care that he is spending time in their with his friends unless I am spending time with him doing something. He will oftentimes join a voice chat and sit in discord while we spend time together playing video games. I have told him repeatedly that it makes me feel like the time we spend together is cheapened because he often responds to his friends and chats with them, t when this happens it makes me feel like his attention isn't all there.

&#x200B;

I have asked him to stop joining voice chats when we spend time together, or to leave them if he is in one if we are going to start playing a game without his friends. He absolutely loses his mind and goes off about how I hate his friends, that I wan't to control him and who he talks to etc. I'm not asking him to never join back, just spend the hour or two we are doing something together without joining the chat. He also uses arguments like "I said maybe two or three things to them while we played our game." when those two or three things weren't just a quick word but rather a discussion with his friends.

&#x200B;

I've told him I wouldn't expect him to be ok with me sitting on my phone and having a conversation with someone while we went on a date, or out to dinner, he say's 'it's different' the gyst of it is I can't stand when he does it so I will ask him if he is in discord and if he is to please leave. If he joins a discord channel I will ask him to leave. this is only when we are spending time together. ######

Response:
 NTA

Why is he in a relationship with you if he can't or won't spend an hour or two alone with you? It's considered rude to be on a phone call or texting other people while spending time with someone. Everyone knows that. ######


Prompt:
One of my son’s best friends has been coming to stay with us a lot since they became friends. My son loves sleepovers and I don’t have an issue with hosting (a lot of his friends can’t as they live in trailers).

This one boy, Jackson, is great. He’s a lovely kid, but his mom sends him over without pajamas and he sleeps in his birthday suit!!!! in our beds :/

I was fine with this on a one off basis, but he’s starting to come over more now and I don’t want him to set an example of my son.

WIbTa if I mentioned this to his mother. ######

Response:
 NTA

Why does he sleep in his birthday suit? Why not in underwear and a T-shirt? ######


Prompt:
Pretty sure that I'm not the asshole but want to make sure.

So my girlfriend (24f) moved in with me (26m) like 6 months ago. I have two cats I got before I met her.  Since they are my cats, I do everything to take care of them. Including scooping the litter box every day.

No problems, and then suddenly, my gf decides that I need to clean them twice daily. Because it is gross to only do it once a day. I'm not sure why she thinks so or even really cares. She never cleans the boxes and she can't even smell them.

I kinda suspected this was some sort of test and that she just wanted to see if I would do what she said. So I decided to address her stated concerns (that it is gross to only scoop once daily) by getting some self cleaning boxes.

If she was genuinely concerned about the litter boxes being too gross, self cleaning ones will (presumably) be an even better solution than she wanted. I was considering buying them anyway, and this just pushed me to do it.

She was mad when I told her. She became even more mad when I pretended not to know why she was mad and demanded an explanation.  She eventually admitted that she was pissed I came up with a "loophole" around obeying her demand. ######

Response:
 NTA

Why do you want to be with someone so awful? ######


Prompt:
Backstory: So I have 4 siblings in total 3 brothers (ages of 19, 17 and 16) and 1 sister who is 12 and I am 14.  Me and my sister share a room, and our brothers can eat enough for a small village.  Like literally nothing lasts more than a day in my house and my parents refuse to buy anything until the week is up so there is never any snacks in the house.

Me and my sister have started stock piling snacks in our room for us to share away from our brothers cause they would just eat it all.  We keep it all in a little safe in our room, it is one of those electronic ones so it takes a code.  We both came up with just 2 digits of the code and we don't tell each other so we don't hog more food for ourselves and its always fair when we get food.

We were running low and I spent about 25 bucks filing it up, while she does put her own money in too I have way more cause I'm older and can actually leave the house tot he store by myself without anyone tagging along.  I have noticed that the cabinet can barely stay full for more than 2 weeks and I am starting to lose a lot of money.

She recently asked me if she could have something out of there close to dinner time and I told her no and to wait till after dinner if she was still hunger (dinner was about in 2 or 3 hours).  She got upset and told me to just do her a favor and I refused.  I said if she really wants something ill go to the store with her and she can buy something herself.  She wasn't happy and said I'm being unreasonable.

She was all pissy for the rest of the day and didn't speak to me for almost the whole day but got over it when we were going to bed.  AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Who the asshole is? Your parents for not controlling their sons’ gluttony to the point their daughters feel the need to hoard food in a freaking safe. That’s just begging for eating disorders to develop. Snacks are great once in a while but they need to be eating more at main meals and not hogging all the snacks meant to last a week. ######


Prompt:
Hi all! I'm pretty sure I'm the asshole here but I wanted to be certain and maybe get a bit of advice on how to move

Me [20F] and my bf [20M] were eating lunch in the kitchen today. We were reading funny Reddit comments to each other and I found an interesting fact on bees and decided to share it.

This for context: "Male honey bees are called drones and their only purpose is reproduction. They don’t even have a stinger. When they succeed in mating with a queen, their genitals explode and they die. If they don’t succeed in mating with a queen, they are dragged out of the hive by the worker bees (female) before winter, and die."

I told him this pretty excitedly because I thought it was the kind of cool slightly gross fact we love to share. He didn't think so and started getting aggressive over how it's a gendered offensive comment and I should basically know better. I tried to defuse it but it didn't work.

He started talking about how it was unfair that men were getting attacked just for being male and that people are using animals to make extrapolations on men. I tried to explain it was a cool bee fact but he blamed me for reading gendered comments from shitty subreddits. He started going on about job inequalities and how women get more benefits and he stalked out of the kitchen.

Later when he walked by me he said "Hi, Slut" really angrily.
Now I'm sitting here 7 hours later and he's still furious at me.

I'm pretty sure it was my bad from the start and I should have picked better things to share, but I feel his reaction is a bit unfair as well. AIT (only) A? ######

Response:
 Nta

Who calls their SO a slut?  Assholes- thats who. ######


Prompt:
Last year, my husband and I adopted a baby boy. We have an open adoption agreement with his biological mother, meaning we send pictures and see her once a year. There will be more contact as well as he grows up, as well.

When we met her, we knew she had an Instagram and YouTube page, where she talked about her journey. We found her through an agency, but she was up front about this. At the time, she didn’t have much of a following. In the past year, she has gained a bigger one. Not huge to the point where she’s well known, but she has 4,000 followers on Instagram and is growing.

My husband and I are pretty private people and keep our social medias locked down.  We decided that since she was growing so big, we were no longer comfortable with her posting pictures of our son on social media. We sent her this request and told her that while we would still keep sending pictures, seeing her, etc , we just didn’t want him on social media. She said that was her way of sharing pictures of him with distant family and I offered her alternatives, such as her emailing them the photos. All were meant with “sure, sure, sure”.

Then today, Mother’s Day, she made a post of different types of moms and including pictures of her with him, both from his birth and then from our visit a few months ago. I texted her and said if she kept this up, I would limit pictures. She got upset and deleted the post, editing it to a post of her holding him, but his face wasn’t shown which I was fine with. But she told me that I was wrong to tell her how to “run her account”.

Am I being difficult here? ######

Response:
 NTA

While you are being "difficult", as you put it, as his legal parents you have every right to do so and she should respect it. It's not that big of an ask really. ######


Prompt:
I'm (27M) a dad to an amazing 3 year old boy, unluckily he is the result of a ONS with a girl (25F) Julie. For the first 7 months I never even knew he existed. One day I got a message on FB from Julie telling me I had a son, I think I passed out there and then on the spot.

I was living with my parents at the time and we arranged for Julie to come by in the next few days with the baby. I'm not going to lie I didn't do much talking that day I was still in shock. Through my mom and her talking it turns out her parents had pressured her into having the baby and raising it, but Julie just couldn't do it anymore and didn't want the baby anymore. After lots of talking and tears my parents and me made a plan of what to do next, lawyer, DNA test and courts. After all that and few months I end up with full time custody of our son, it wasn't easy but with the help of my parents we coped.

For about a year I had a bit of contact with Julie but she never visited, I'd send pictures when she asked how he was doing, but she gradually stopped messaging as time went on. Me and Julie never had a formal child support payment plan in place, call it ego I just didn't want to go that route and she would give me a little bit for food and diapers when she could. But that dried up when the messaging stopped.

There were times when I messaged Julie if she could help out and she always agreed, but she never came through and then stopped replying to me at all. After months of no contact my parents convinced me that I need to go back to court and get a formal order put in, which is what I did.

This is where the shit hit the fan...I just got a flood of messages from Julie telling me how I'm wrecking her life and not letting her move on, how I'm just as bad as her parents trying to force her to be a mom and how she never wanted to be a mom in the first place. I never pushed her to be a mom to our son, I just think that she needs to help out sometimes. AITA for forcing her to pay? ######

Response:
 NTA

While I have some sympathy for Julie, in the end her child wanted or not is partly her responsibility. The interests of the kid comes first in a situation like this.

She doesn’t need or have to play mum, she just needs to pay up and make sure the kid has a roof over their head and food in the fridge. ######


Prompt:
So this might be a long one but here goes. My girlfriend (F22) and I (M25) have been living together for about 2 years, during those 2 years I have been studying while at the same time working a part time job while my girlfriend has been working full time.

We have seperate accounts but we split rent, electricity and groceries evenly.

However when something has to be paid for e.g. new phone, new clothes, feeding for the guinea pigs/fish I pay, basically anything that isn't the standard things I pay for it.

My reasoning for this is: its easier to keep track of expenses this way and it doesn't matter who's account it comes out of since it is our money anyway, because whenever we discussed these types of things we both agreed it was both our money.

So now for my last year of studying I wont be able to work since I have to do like a full time intership with a thesis. Sorry I told her we could use some of the money we saved to pay for my college (about €10.000) and she told me I should save up for it on my own so I will be doing my best more (I have the money because everything that I always have left over I invest in the stockmarket).

So I have done what she said and I now only buy stuff for myself since what I thought was our money has now apparently become her money.

So today when she asked me to come with her buy more fish for the aquarium I told her since she decided to buy it without discussing it with me when I was gone, its her aquarium so I wont be helping her pick out fish nor pay for it since our finances are now apparently separate.

She's now saying I can use "our" money to use for college but I declined and said I'd rather save up for it myself and keep our finances separate.

So reddit AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

When you wanted to use your “joint” finances for college she told you to save up for it separately.

She’s only now changing her mind and saying you can use “our” money because your now not willing to pay for her to buy more fish and she’s realising she’s going to have to pay for them herself.

I think the telling things seems to be that it’s only joint money when she benefits from it as well. In other words she’s getting something she wants out of it (in this case new fish) yet when it was only going to benefit you (I.e find your college tuition) she wanted you to save separately.

I think you do need to sit down and have a proper discussion about finances. Because if this issue is coming up now whilst your in college and unable to work the hours you had been. There is a chance it will continue coming up in the future. ######


Prompt:
So I live next to a man, let's call him Cam, who's in his late 20's and is single. He is also openly gay. To express his identity, he attends the local pride parade every year, he hangs rainbow flags around his property and he has had multiple boyfriends, some of whom i've met. But for the past 6 months Cam's been single and I think he's getting rather lonely. Recently, he has started approaching me while i've been doing yardwork and joins me as I walk to get my mail every other day. We've been neighbours for almost 5 years now and he is well aware that i'm not gay. Regardless, he still makes an attempt to flirt with me. ( ie. sexual jokes, excessive winking, caresses my biceps and pecs, always inviting me for dinner) His advances have made me quite uncomfortable around him, as a result of this I have been intentionally avoiding him. I will often go back inside if he is hanging around the outside of my house, and I will go get my mail at extremely late hours. When I can't manage to avoid him, I try to ignore him or get the interaction done as quick as humanly possible. But last night he waited until 2:45 am for me to go get my mail. He ran up beside me and started asking me where i've been and why I have been ignoring him. I claimed that I had no idea what he was talking about and i've just been feeling under the weather. He didn't really buy it and kept persisting, it was that point that I did a complete 180 and sprinted back to my house. I've been locked inside for almost 24 hours now and i've seen him walk around the outside of my house a few times.

TL;DR Gay neighbour flirts with me and I locked myself inside because of it. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

When I started reading this, I thought, the guy’s just lonely, just be friendly and polite. Then it got into harassment territory. My opinion is you should try explaining that he’s making you uncomfortable.

If that doesn’t work (and it kinda sounds like it may not), then you may have to be more assertive in getting him to leave you alone (not mean or rude, just assertive). Good luck! ######


Prompt:
My dad died before I was born, and until I was about 7 it was just me and my mom.  She started dating this guy at her work, he had 4 kids of his own all around my age.  At first I liked it, cause it was nice to have a dad around and his kids were nice enough to me.  The dated for about 7 years and though they weren't really married every vacation and holiday was spent at their place or they would come over to ours.

The problems comes up when they officially got married about 10 months ago, we moved in with them cause they had a really big house.  But they also lived 6 hours away from us, so that means my childhood neighborhood was gone, my childhood house was gone, all my childhood friends were gone, my school that I went to since pre-school was gone and I had to move 6 hours.  As a result of all this I spend a lot of my time in my room, usually on face time with my friends or calling them.

Last night they were having a family movie night and they invited me but my friends were all getting on for a FaceTime call and I opted out of the movie night to talk with my friends.  After I was done talking my mom came into my room to lecture me about how I am "excluding" my new family.  I said that it was too much change and I need time to adjust, she said I can but that I'm being a jerk with how I'm acting through this whole thing.  AITA??? ######

Response:
 NTA

What you feel and what you’re doing is completely normal. I too had to move away from everything of my childhood so I have an idea of what you’re going through and I did the same thing.

You’re mom however, I have mixed feelings about. I understand that she wants you to bond because she probably wants everyone to be a happy family and all that jazz.
But the fact is that you were pulled away from basically everything you knew. You need time and forcing you to socialise isn’t always the answer. I feel like she lectured you because she was embarrassed about her son’s behaviour in front of her new family. Her step kids are paying a lot of attention as to how she deals with you because they know that she will be acting as a parent to them as well.
You just need time and the ENTIRE family needs to know that ie, her, the husband and his kids. His kids weren’t moved. YOU were. To be honest, if my own mom had forced me to socialise when I moved, I would have surely resented her. I’m not sure if you’ll have the same response but keep an eye out for it.
Furthermore, you’re 14 and though young, you’re your own person and have your own feelings. The fact is your mom signing a paper and moving in with a guy and his kids doesn’t magically make you family. It takes work on both sides.
If it is that you truly desire to have a relationship with your step siblings (healthy relationships aren’t forced), it will be in your own time, but remember to always remain respectful to them.
If she wants you to socialise that badly, EVERYONE would need to come together to figure out when would be a good time, and what would be fun for everyone to do.
I would also say that just because your mom found a guy that she’s in love with (which is totally fine) doesn’t make her entitled to dictate that you sacrifice the relationships with the people of your childhood that you want to keep in your life.
Next time just tell her to relax and that there’s enough of you to go around for everybody lolol! You have time during this pandemic after all!
Good Luck! ######


Prompt:
This happened last year around October.

I was at home, it was a Saturday around five pm and someone knocked on my door. I'd only been home from work for about an hour after having been awake since four am, and I was sitting down eating my dinner. I went and opened the door, it was a group of people and they started singing church hymns. They'd stuck a flier to my door that basically said "hi, we're from the local church and we've decided to start having Singing Saturdays where we'll go around town blessing people with hymns to encourage you to come to church and hear the word of God on Sundays."

When I realized what was going on I stepped back inside and shut the door, shut the curtains and went back to my dinner. They stayed outside until the hymn was over and then moved on down the street to my neighbors.

Later on, I was on the neighborhood Facebook page putting up an ad in search of a lawn mower for cheap and I saw the church had posted about "our amazing afternoon on \[street\] and how most people were receptive to the word of the lord but there was a couple of hold-outs they'd be paying another visit to." Most of the comments on the post were putting those couple of hold-outs on blast and one of the church members actually described my house and the houses of the other couple hold-outs. I reported it but considering my house is the only yellow house on the street it's pretty obvious who one of the hold-outs was.

Anyway, I was out on the next few Saturdays and didn't encounter them again but was called out on the Facebook page for not answering my door this time.

Was I an asshole because I didn't want to stand there awkwardly while strangers sang at me? ######

Response:
 NTA

What gall!  Your house, your property.  You didn't invite them over.  They imposed, they invaded, and now they think they have a right to bully and harass you?   Some people have anxiety disorders, and this would be considered a bloody nightmare to endure. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway bc it’s not a very common situation...

Ok so I’m not really sure how to say this, but it happened a few months ago, and everyone keeps calling me a bad person for it.

To start, I am a lesbian, from a very anti-LGBT family. One of my friends is also gay, and she is VERY open about it, like her whole life is rainbow themed (I.e. her hair, bags, phone case).
And we have been hanging out at like malls and everything, just anywhere but my house, for obvious reasons.

So one day, she suggests we should hang out at my house, since she has never been there for the 5 years we have been friends. I say that I would like her too, but if she would not act so openly gay around my family, because I:
1) don’t want to out myself
2) my family can be dickheads to anyone LGBT
3) they won’t let me be friends with her anymore

And she said that I was trying to discriminate against her and the LGBT community, and how I shouldn’t make her hide her true self. I get where she is coming from, but I have explained my situation to her.

Then, she told all my friends, and they all agree with her that I am an asshole. I can’t help but feel shitty, but I can’t change my situation, and I don’t want to make things worse.

So people of reddit, Am I The Asshole? ######

Response:
 NTA

What a weird stance for her to take!!

You absolutely don't have to come out to your family, especially while you're still living with them. And she should be more interested in your safety than in expressing her LGBT pride to a bunch of bigots who might harass one or both of you. ######


Prompt:
My GF of 5 years whom i love recently became hardcore vegan.  We live at my ranch out in the country on a few acres of land.  I own a flock of about 15 hens and a rooster as well.  I'm not a farmer or anything but these guys are my pets.  I am to emotionally attached to my hens to eat them but have no problem with eating other meat.

My girlfriend wants to get rid of them cause they give her PTSD and reminds her of how terrible chickens are treated elsehwere.  She also gets made at me for eating their eggs without their consent.  I agreed to get rid of them because I am a pushover but then changed my mind.  she said I was a liar and a backstabber and we are having a serious problem with this.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Using PTSD, a very real + horrible disorder resulting from trauma, to guilt you into getting rid of your chickens (that you treat well!) is extremely manipulative and pretty insulting to anyone who actually suffers from that IMO. ######


Prompt:
Because of covid a lot of events had to be cancelled/postponed. As it happens, my nephew (let’s call him Zack) had his first birthday delayed. And that obviously sucks, I get it: celebrating the first birthday is a great milestone.

Fast forward to now, and my in-laws are now planning to throw a delayed “quarantine party” for Zack. Cool, no problem, sounds like fun and we would love to be there. BUT here’s the kicker: my in-laws are hosting Zack’s party on MY son’s actual birthday. It’s worth noting that my son is old enough to know/understand that it’s his birthday but their grandparents, aunt and uncle will instead celebrating Zack’s birthday (who won’t even remember because he’s 15 months old). We were not asked in advance if this would be an issue for us, which it obviously is. This also means that my in-laws and my BIL/SIL are not available/not coming to my son’s birthday. They all claim this is the only weekend that will work for a birthday party that has already been delayed by five months.

Because of the obvious conflict, my husband and I declined to attend the first birthday party. Now we’re being told that we’re being difficult and unreasonable.

AITA for wanting to celebrate my son’s birthday on his actual birthday and for being pissed my son’s feelings weren’t taken into consideration at all? ######

Response:
 NTA

Until a kid is around 3, they don’t really understand birthdays. Your kid is looking forward to celebrating with you. The extended family are TAs for not being flexible about a party for a one year old. ######


Prompt:
It's always been an unspoken rule at my home that if someone buys a console everyone could use it (though the person who got it could choose where to put it and always had a right to use it first if they wanted to). Everyone agreed with that and it was really useful because we'd be able to have a wider array of consoles.

Sometimes we'd buy games with everyone's money if everyone wanted to play that specific game. A few months back, we did that, but since the digital version was less expensive we downloaded it on my brother's Switch (I also have one, but therefore can't play it on my own Switch). I also got a PS4 that I bought with my own money that I got from working part-time.

My brother has been the one who used it the most. He uses it so much that there are often times where I wait an entire evening only to realise that it's too late to play anymore. Over the last weeks I've asked him several times if I could play that game we had bought on his Switch and he just told me to play something else.

I'm honestly pretty frustrated by his attitude and want to tell him to no longer touch my PS4. However I feel like it would be a pretty asshole-ish move to single him out.

WIBTA if I told him that ?

When I asked for a ######

Response:
 NTA

Unspoken rules aren't sacrosanct, and if they're not working there's nothing wrong with changing them. Besides, your brother can't expect to deny you a \*joint purchase\* on the Switch and also get to play your PS4, which you bought solely with your own money, whenever he wants.

This is a prime opportunity to teach him that his selfishness has consequences; make it clear to him that the PS4 is yours, you bought it, and if he's going to tell you not to play a Switch game you bought together when he's not even playing it, your PS4 is now off-limits to him until you say otherwise.

Even if you don't want to go that far with it...it's your PS4. If he's on it and you want to play it, tell him his time is up and it's your turn now. If he refuses, point out that he contributed nothing to the console and he has a Switch game he can go play instead. ######


Prompt:
We're not legally married but we have been together for more than five years. He's a combat veteran. He gas lights, uses circular logic, manipulation, and insults. We had a blow up last night. He insulted me, calls me worthless screams about the things he does for me and our baby. He apologized but says that in the heat of the moment he should be allowed to get a free pass on the things he says. He doesn't give me the same pass. Besides, I have more restraint than him.

I want to work at least part time. We have a five month old. He says I can't because I would be working at an entry level position where it wouldn't be feasible or rational because child care would cost as much as I make. I ask him if there is anything wrong with him taking the baby while I work. He says he works, he owns his own business and makes his own hours.

I tell him that what he is doing to me is abuse. That if he is telling me that I can't have a job he can't hold it over my head. That he can't scream at me during an argument about how much he works and pays to take care of us. I tell him that he can't appreciate all of the work I do around the house and that I have the baby most of the time then tell me that I am worthless and don't contribute.

He says he's not stopping me from working. I try to explain to him that when he says I can't do something it does mean that he is stopping me.

He says that he isn't an abuser and that me saying that he is really hurts him. I feel bad. I didn't scream it but I did say it because I was trying to get him to stop and realize what he does. I know it's a hurtful statement. He says he deserves an apology but I don't think I need to give him one. He won't go to counseling. I know he has PTSD, I know that his training, MOS, taught him to employ some of these tactics in order to get results. ######

Response:
 NTA

Unless you count the fact that your being and asshole to yourself and your kid by putting up with this. Is this really how you want to raise your child and live the rest of your life? With a man who puts down those around him and uses leverage to manipulate the ones he should love unconditionally? ######