Prompt: So last month I bought a condo in DC. As I was a nervous first time buyer, I went wayyy overboard in due diligence, reading every document through and through. I move in and I’m happy, but two of my window’s screw cranks for opening up are broken. Now the condo documents clearly state that windows and the main door are the responsibility of the building, not the owner. So I go down to the front desk and the manager gives me a price sheet and says it’ll be about $150/window. When I mention that the documents say the building is responsible, he says to email the association president with the reference and see what happens. After that, I go on the message board and see many previous posts of owners and sublettors who must’ve not been aware of the rules and payed out of pocket. I now wonder if I’d be an asshole for digging out the legalese after so many people just payed out of pocket, but I also have to think that if the situation were flipped, I wouldn’t get much of a break from them. WIBTA for not playing along? ######

Response: NTA - and they most certainly would push if the situation were reversed. ######


Prompt:
So I (26M) ate something bad last night and had to spend a majority of the evening and this morning in the bathroom because I was sick. My girlfriend (24F) came and stayed over this weekend because it had been a while since we saw each other. As I mentioned above I had to spend a majority of the morning in the bathroom because I literally cant stop going, my insides feel like they are tearing each other apart. She decided to leave earlier than planned because "she was bored" and was just "sitting around with her thumb up her ass" while I was having an exorcism out of mine. Now shes angry at me because of that and because she felt bored when I was feeling sick and had to stay in the bathroom. AITA for not sucking it up and spending time with her?

Tl;dr Girlfriend left early because she was "bored" because I had to spend the morning in the bathroom due to eating something bad. ######

Response: NTA - and I gotta say: People who only want you at your best, and aren’t there for you when you’re at your worst, don’t deserve you at all ######


Prompt:
Obligatory throwaway and such.

I have severe phobias and delusions related to things like hacking, surveillance, government monitoring, along with things like cameras and microphones. It's a legitimate phobia, I'm in therapy and am on medications.

My family has been trying to arrange many group Zoom meetings lately and they keep contacting me about joining in.

Given my issues I think that using Zoom and webcams would cause me delusions that would set my progress back. My family are old and think 'positive thinking' is enough to cure mental health, so I'm afraid to confide in them about my paranoia since I know a lot of it is truly irrational.

AITA for lying and telling them I can't join in due to computer problems instead? ######

Response: NTA - and I don’t think the other people saying ‘use Skype’ or another app understand that’s it’s not just zoom, but (from what I gather) paranoia about surveillance in general. I would recommend asking your therapist for advice on how to approach this with your family. But you know your family best and if you believe they wouldn’t accept your diagnosis then that’s up to you to if you disclose your medical information. You’re not an asshole for your mental illness ######


Prompt:
Pretty simple story.

I recently bought condoms with my face. Not exactly bought, but a friend gave me a gift card to this website. I just went to a website, submitted a photo, and voila. In 3 months I got a package of around 1000 condoms.

I didn’t know what to do with that many condoms. So, I just gave a lot of them to my friends. It doesn’t show my face in the package, so it’ll be a pleasant surprise.

When I told my fiancée about it, she got really mad. She said that it’s akin to cheating. We did talk over it, and we both apologized.

I just want to know, if I was truly in the wrong.

So, AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA - and definitely not the equivalent of cheating. It seems more like a joke, it seems pretty funny to me. If things got hot and heavy and my friend's face appeared on a condom I'd bust out in laughter

EDIT: Damn 3.4k upvotes on a post about condoms... Interesting... OP mail me one of your condoms ######


Prompt:
My cousin's birthday is coming up and she had asked me about a week ago if I'd be willing to to draw her OC's (orginal characters) for her instead of getting her a present. I normally never agree to do free work for people, because it can very quickly snowball out of control if someone heard I was doing free work, but since she's my family and it's her birthday  I agreed to do it. However, once she sent me the details of what she wanted I very quickly backed out.

Without going into too much detail she wanted some NSFW (not safe for work) art of her OC's doing some very NSFW things to each other. I let her know that I don't do NSFW stuff, but would still be willing to draw her characters as long as we kept things PG-13. No judgement or anything like that, just letting her know that I wasn't comfortable with doing NSFW stuff. She didn't take it well and this led into several days worth of angry texts and phone calls between the two of us that eventually culminated in me telling her to find someone else to take the commission and her writing a melodramatic rant on her Facebook and Instagram about how I was slut shaming and kink shaming her.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA - and am I the prude here or does it seem icky to give orignal NSFW ideas to a family member to draw for you? Sharing a NSFW joke you find on the internet is one thing... this is not that. It's more like going to your cousin and saying "here's my most intimate sexual fantasies. Want to draw them for me so I can really enjoy them?" Um... some things are just not meant to be shared with family. ######


Prompt:
So I stayed at my boyfriends place (it's in a different city) for 18 days exactly so under 3 weeks and for the bills of the house it's normally £40 each for three of them each month. So £120 in total.

I did my bit and pay £30 to contribute to this bill (which is for a month and just 18 days) so I paid bills for a longer period than what I stayed for but didnt mind.

I cleaned their house on a regular basis out of gratiuted for letting me stay there, I literally transformed their bathroom, did their washing up and regularly hoovered the living room whilst no of them did any of this.

I left last Saturday and sent my boyfriend this money on the day. My boyfriend texted me today saying that his flatmates want £100 instead of £30.

I am pretty gobsmacked, this is so much money. And a cost that was not agreed with me at the beginning. During my stay my boyfriend gave lots of opportunity ies for them to give me a price to do my bit but they didn't seize the chance for us to come with a mutual agreement. They shoved it off so assumed they were just chill and weren't bother.

I'm a full time postgraduate student and depend on student finance. £100 is alot of money to me (and I'm sure it is to many people)

I said I don't want to pay the £100 they're charging me. Am I the Asshole?

TDLR: My boyfriends flatmates charged me £100 for staying at their house temporarily for 18 days and I refused. ######

Response: NTA - An amount was agreed and it sounds like you've paid most of your boyfriend's share of the bills for that period. It sounds like they're trying to retroactively get you to pay theirs as well. Additionally, it's not like you just sat there and ramped up the bills. You did the housework for them and did they thank you for it? ######


Prompt:
A little backstory:
My sister and I rent a three story house with 5 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. When we looked at the house, it was agreed that the 3rd story would be mine as I'm paying half the rent and utilities, and was witnessed by my mother and her son. I'm a very anxious person and an introvert, so the 3rd story was perfect for me. My sister, her daughter, and her son have the three bedrooms on the 2nd story.

My nephew is now 18, attending college, and lives on campus. My sister arbitrarily decided that he should move his bedroom to the 3rd story for his summer vacation and use his room for storage (which is pointless because she doesn't have anything to store). More than likely she'll rent out his room, like she's done before.

I don't want to give up my quiet safe space and my grown nephew doesn't want to move upstairs with me. She's the only one who wants this and doesn't care that I pay half the bills and purchase the majority of the household supplies and food. Plus, when my nephew does visit, he doesn't even sleep in his room, he hooks his xbox to the livingroom T.V. and sleeps on the couch (his choice). He also has his own bedroom at my mothers house.

So, am I wrong for not wanting to give up the space that I pay for and giving up my needs for my sisters wants? ######

Response: Nta - also, the “extra bedroom” is not ‘extra’ or a ‘bedroom’ It is your ‘whatever’ room and is not available. Why does your sister think she has any claim to it? If she thinks that she is just renting you a room in her house, why is she charging you half the rent and extras on top? You are being taken advantage of here. ######


Prompt:
For context, I’m a 16M and have an iPad Pro, which is quite pricy, and I don’t want to have it broken or scratched up. This is why I prefer to watch him with my tablet if he wants to use it, because I can stop him if he gets too rough. Not only that but I have personal shit on there that I don’t want to be shown to my family. It’s **PASSWORD LOCKED** for a reason!

My parents are almost always great, a little strict but never too overbearing.

What happened was that I was upstairs, playing with friends online, and I come downstairs afterwards and look for my tablet as I wanted to watch videos or just do anything on it.

To my surprise my brother was playing a dinosaur game on it, which was frustrating purely because I had not been asked if it was ok for him to do so. I saved up so much money for the tablet and it’s annoying to have it used without my permission. I ask my parents about it, and say I would have liked for them to ask first and they state:

Mum: “You must share your tablet”

Me: “I’m happy to do that but I would like to be asked beforehand so I can watch him”

Mum: “You’re being ridiculous, we bought it so we choose what to do with it.”

Me: “But thats not fair, it’s my tablet, so I choose of he can play on it”

Mum:”No, it’s to be shared, he will play on it if he wants”

This led to it being confiscated. I’ve already decided to change the password on it so only I can open the tablet.

Am I overreacting? Help me Reddit ######

Response: NTA - After your added info it is evident that rightfully it should belong to you. Calmly explain to your parents that not only was this a gift intended for you, you also contributed to buy it. You're happy to watch your brother use it just to make sure it doesn't get scratched because you can't afford to fix it or replace it yourself. (If they still say no ask for the money you contributed back as that implies it's not yours and you shouldn't have paid for it!) ######


Prompt:
I’ve always struggled at school since I was a kid, I would drift off and daydream or get distracted and fidget and forget what I was supposed to be doing, or just be really restless and it would annoy people. My teachers suggested I get tested a few times, but my parents don’t really believe in ADHD, they think it’s just a label for boys who’ve had too much sugar and not enough discipline, and that people just use it as an excuse for being lazy and just needed to try harder.

I ended up dropping out of high-school because I couldn’t keep up even though I swear I was putting in a monumental effort, and tried TAFE instead, where I failed 2 courses and barely passed one with all the additional help they offered. I really don’t think I’m dumb though, I just really struggle to sit still and concentrate long enough to get the information in my head and process it, and especially now that everything is online I’m terrible at time management and sometimes I want to start I just can’t get myself moving.
I get really overwhelmed by the work and my brain will just be like “nope” and then trying to force myself to sit there and read a paragraph is like smacking my head against a brick wall and I come away absolutely mentally exhausted and need to like sit and stare off into space for a few hours to recuperate.

I’ve just failed another course for getting too far behind, but I’ve actually moved out of home and could go to a doctor and get checked without my Mum knowing, but I feel bad about going behind their back and she’ll  probably find out anyway and be really angry. And if I did end up having ADHD, she would definitely get angry at me for trying to get treated. I just want to find out what’s wrong with my brain so I can actually study and get a job and have a life instead of constantly failing everything. ######

Response: NTA - ADHD is a very real thing and your parents are serious AHs  for making you go through your entire School career this way. ######


Prompt:
So I dated a YouTuber.

We went out for about a year and it was alright but they were so emotionally invested in their channel that they constantly neglected me and made me feel like I wasn't a priority.

Not really important why we broke up, but we broke up.

Then I get a bunch of messages from friends about 3 months later telling me to go to their channel. I'm pretty much done with them but I do and I realise they made a video about me where they claim I was emotionally abusive.

I continued to get messages from strangers telling me how awful a person I was and how they hoped I died through various means.

So I sued my ex.

It ruined them. I knew they were financially in a bad spot and they likely couldn't afford court fees but the case dragged.

They made a video about not being able to afford court costs and such and how it was going to ruin them.

After which a bunch of friends started telling me to just let it go and move on but I had sunk money into the case as well. It wasn't cheap for me either so I didn't just let it go.

Eventually the judge ruled in my favor and I received a total of nothing from my ex......

But it meant I could link to the result in the comments section of every video she tried to frame me as the bad guy because in our state, court proceedings are public record.

Suddenly her viewership dropped and she blamed me for ruining her life.

A bunch of my friends said I went too far and should've just taken the court win and left her alone.

Was I the asshole? ######

Response: NTA - Actions have consequences. Her "content" could have ruined YOUR life, but nobody thinks about that huh? ######


Prompt:
I have asked my spouse to cut off communication between themselves, my children, and my father. I've presented this same scenario to a few different people, and the response is generally the same. I'm a big ole asshole.

About a year ago, I came out to my father as transgender. I've been transitioning for much longer than that, but since I am military and away from where he lives, it was never an issue before. He took it really hard at first, but we have been working through it together. Our relationship quickly declined after that news, but I was always hoping he would be able to see past my transition and treat me like his child still. For a while, he did, but I always suspected it was so that he could remain close with my two children, whom he adores greatly.

About a monthly ago, I legally changed my name. This was the final straw for him. He will no longer speak to me, and refuses to communicate with me in any fashion. He has blocked my cell phone number, written me out of his will, blocked my e-mail address and removed me from his Facebook. However, he continues to interact with my spouse and children. It hurts me immensely to hear them talking to my father on the phone as if nothing has happened. I really wanted to remain close to my father, but it seems that is no longer an option. My spouse is aware of the emotional toll that this is taking on me, but feels that robbing our children of that same relationship is unfair. While I don't necessarily disagree, I don't enjoy seeing them interact with my father as if everything is the same as it was before. It makes me feel like my spouse doesn't really have my back and is leaving me to deal with my shit alone.

So, Reddit, AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA - absolutely not. I don't think I have to point this out but obviously your dad is the asshole here.

I completely get where your spouse is coming from. Maybe rather than it being "business as usual" for your spouse and children, you could agree with your spouse a level of communications that you both feel comfortable with, or as comfortable as you can be?

I'm really sorry your dad's being an asshole about this. ######


Prompt:
I'm (28,m) gay, and my friend, Sara (23,f) is a good friend of mine. She's pretty and quite popular etc etc and it got to a point where she had to file restraining order for TWO stalkers. I've known her for a while now and she's a good friend in general. One day she asked me about my type of man I'm attracted to. I told her that I'm attracted to people who's shorter than me, confident and funny. She said "oh! Just like me but with penis." we laughed it off for a while, but for couple of weeks, she keeps repeating that my type is basically her but as a man, and I'd totally date her if she's a man, which got me uncomfortable. I see her as my sister.

And during a dinner (this was months ago) with my other friends, we talked about our dating life and she told my friends that " OP won't be so lonely if she's a guy because I'm his type". I texted her when we got back home and told her that all of these "you're my type" thingy kinda makes me uncomfortable. She was confused and asked why, and insisted that it's true, she has all of the trait that I would get attracted to if she's a man.

I told her even if it's true its weird for you to repeat it. She said that its weird for me to get weirded out by this and asked me to stop assuming things and just see it as a joke. She later got pissy because "she can't even joke around anymore" and ended the chat.
We never speak about it again.

I talked about this with my siblings if I did something wrong and I missed it. Sister #1 told me that I'm overreacting and it left a bad taste in Sara's mouth while sister #2 agreed with me that she would feel uncomfortable too and there's a possibility Sara liked me. Sister #1 told me that I should probably apologize and just get over it if I value the friendship while sister #2 said that I did nothing wrong at all.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA - a joke is a joke, but even jokes can be pushed to the point of not being funny. Seemed you handled it well, she just didnt like the "rejection". ######


Prompt:
My (f17) sister (f34) and her husband (m37) have been staying at my parents house for a couple of months, mom absolutely loves having my sister at her home she's given her and husband a very big welcome and cooked their favorite meals everyday.

While staying at home, feeling bored I decided to do a "makeover" and give myself an at-home haircut, Honestly, I've never touched my hair before, But not being able to go to the salon has made feel depressed.

My hair was shoulder-length, now it's short, pixie style, I'd say it was a seccuss, cause while we were all sitting having dinner, Everyone started complimenting my "new haircut" eccept for my brother in law (sister's husband),
And because of him being a sarcastic asshole who doesn't mind hurting people's feelings, he had a different opinion on my haircut, and said " Honestly, It could've been worse!".

"Excuse me, I DID NOT ask for your opinion, and everybody knows why".

BIL: Because I hate lying?, unlike everybody else?

Sister started motioning him to stop, but he wanted to escelate.

Dad: We didn't lie, we like it.

BIL : seriously, don't lie about where you got your haircut, you could ruin that person's career!

I was stunned, sis told him to shut up, but he continued to harras me, So I got off my chair and went upsatirs, about a few minutes later he knocked on my door, said he wanted to apologize, what a hypocrite, he lied, he didn't "want to apologize" my sister told him to.

He put on his "sorry face" apologized and told me my hair looks fantastic. And he sounded totally fake while saying that.
I pretended to be "okay" and before he walked out he turned around and said "piece of advice, Do not take a selfie showing your friends your new haircut, they'll envy you" and he sounded...God, I'm so offended, he was very sarcastic so I knew he ment to offend me once again, I know he's an asshole, But Am I overreacting? ######

Response: NTA - a grown man bullying a young girl. Wow, what an ass. ######


Prompt:
(This happened a while ago, no big weddings during a pandemic for me, dw!)

I (24F) was the maid of honour at the wedding of my brother and his wife (my sister in law).

While we were planning the wedding, my SIL mentioned how overbearing her mom can be, and how she always feels bad asking her to stop being an attention hog. I told my SIL that on the wedding day, I'd take care of her, no matter what.

Sure enough, MIL pulls up to the wedding wearing a WHITE dress (something my SIL guessed she'd do). I saw her get out of her car and start walking towards the venue, so I pulled her aside before anyone could see her and brought her in through a side entrance.

I told her that it was inappropriate to wear white at someone else's wedding, and that if she wanted to attend, she'd have to change. I had my SIL give me some of MIL's nice dresses, so I had a few for her to chose from.

MIL flipped out on me. She told me I had no right to ask her to change and that I was being a pain in the ass on an emotional day. She started crying and went to look for her husband, so I updated SIL & she told me if MIL would rather miss her own daughter's wedding rather than just change her dress, she could miss it.

MIL ended up changing, but made a HUGE deal out of it and went home early during the reception because she "didn't feel welcome". She still maintains that I was out of line. I don't think I did anything wrong, but I do feel really shitty for potentially being the reason my SIL wasn't able to enjoy her wedding fully with her mother (even though SIL still had crazy amounts of fun). AITA? ######

Response: NTA - a fucking standing ovation to you! Holy shit that is AMAZING. Ni you are not the asshole, you are a fantastic friend and a dutiful maid of honor. You are the reason this post is here and not on one of those “how did your mom completely ruin your wedding?” threads. ######


Prompt:
I went off on my boyfriend for him mentioning his weight preferences

My boyfriend pointed out that my stomach looks a bit round in a playful manner, since I’m bloated bc of pms. I ask if he likes it and he said  that it’s cute, but he prefers a slimmer look. This doesn’t seem like a hurtful comment but this is the 5th time he’s expressed his weight preferences to me. He says “if you loose weight, you’ll be hotter, but you’re really hot now. You’ll be hotter even if you’re more fat, but I just prefer more slim” the first time it wasn’t so bad but, now it’s getting on my nerves on how often he has to address his weight preferences. I snapped at him saying “did I ask? Did I ask what you prefer? I’m on my period. Are you my personal trainer or something?” And he said he only said it because he knows I’m trying to loose the weight I gained over quarantine, and was trying to let me know that he’s supporting my fitness and not trying to make me backtrack by complimenting a squishy area. He always says weight doesn’t matter to him, but then says he wants a slim girlfriend. I’m really tired of arguing about why he should respect my sensitivity to weight conversations. Am I a jerk for snapping at him? ######

Response: NTA - “You want a slim girlfriend. I want a considerate boyfriend. Not everyone gets what they want all the time.” ######


Prompt:
So I get a snap from him, saying he “missed me”. I admit, I shouldn’t have been so rude because I said, “Miss me? You never talked to me and when you did you were insulting me or my appearance” And he said “I’m sorry if I hurt you” which is one of my pet peeves. And he kept pressing me asking me to forgive him and how he’s trying to be a better person. So I just proceeded to write a big ass paragraph about how I never wanted to be associated with him and I told him to never reach out to me again, then I promptly blocked him. I know this was high school, but shit like bullying sticks with you. My self-esteem was at an all time low when he picked on me. He was one of the main reasons I had to switch schools in the first place. So AITA?

Edit: fuck it I got more to say. When I left that school I graduated with straight A’s, got involved in local theatre productions and I’m happy with the way I turned out. I’m not about to bring that guy back in my life

Edit 2: Ngl, this ordeal reminds me of that Tom and Jerry episode where Tom can’t go to heaven unless Jerry forgives him. ######

Response: NTA - “I’m sorry if I hurt you”? What a b.s. apology. ######


Prompt:
So recently I (25M) made a post on my facebook about how my student loan debt was nearly whipped. Paid off my first one last year, and as of right now, it looks like I can get this last one paid off by the time I get out of the army at the end of this year.

So naturally I wanted to share the good news with everyone.

What I wasn't expecting was a bunch of old friends complaining and accusing me of being an asshole because they weren't even close to paying off their debt.

Look, I'ma pretty competitive guy, but if I post something sharing some good news thats happening to me, I'm not competing by saying 'Ha suck it nerds, I'm better at managing money than you.' I was simply sharing good news and what to me is a huge milestone in life. ######

Response: NTA - “Comparison is the thief of joy”. This isn’t about them. It’s about you. They should be happy for you instead of being jealous.  if you couldn’t share an accomplishment because it might upset someone else who hasn’t accomplished it.. you would literally never be able to share anything ever. ######


Prompt:
I’m (29f) going to get married this September (if a certain unnamed virus let us). For important context, I am white but my fiancée (31m) is Chinese-American. I’m going to admit that I’m one of those girls who has been planning her dream wedding since I was a girl.
My husband doesn’t care as much and told me that I could plan the entire thing to my heart’s content with one caveat - there’s an important Chinese tea ceremony wherein the bride and groom make tea for both sets of parents and then the parents give them gifts. It’s incredibly important to him and the only thing he wants on our wedding day (Okay, he also consulted on the food and he wants to marry me lol).

He’s been planning that which will happen shortly before the wedding and will be a smaller ceremony with only family and very close friends. Today, while zooming with my parents, my parents said they found the whole ritual absurd and stupid and that she was going to skip it. Well, considering they’re an integral part of it, that doesn’t work for me. They couldn’t even explain why they thought the ritual was stupid, just that it was. I basically told them that if they skipped the tea ceremony, they should skip the wedding as well.

That led to a lot of crying and arguments and now my parents aren’t talking to me and my sisters have sent me texts about how irrational I’m being, how I’m being cruel, and how I’m being a bridezilla. But...this is important to my future husband so it’s important to me. It’s the only thing he really insisted upon for this wedding. But they are my parents and I want them to beat my wedding.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA -

That's absurd. It sounds like this tea ceremony is basically part of the wedding. I'd be more understanding if they were hesitant or nervous about messing something up, but it sounds like they're just being stubborn and controlling.

I say stand your ground. They're overstepping their boundaries here and if barring them from the wedding is the only thing that will make them understand that then do it. ######


Prompt:
So first and foremost I must say my parents are amazing but their siblings and parents aren't as great as my parents are. When I was younger I had always wanted to be with my Aunt's and grandparents to spend time with them yet they would always ignore me in favor of my cousin who was a year older than me. At that point in my life it was only my cousin and I being the children in the family. Fast forward a few years and it was no longer just my cousin and I. It was My cousin, her brother, my sister, and I. I was sorta hoping that with two new additions they would no longer be able to focus on purely one person. I was right. They focused on my sister, and both my cousins always forgetting I was a part of the picture. This always lead to awkward holidays where everyone was having fun and I felt stuck like I was talking to strangers.

Now a days, my grandpa passed away and the family was devastated. all of them posting stuff on Facebook like "I've lost all ties to this family" or "My family is falling apart". It also just so happened that I had finally finished school and landed myself a nice job that lets me travel yet it's only now after I've left that they are trying to build a relationship with me. My parents asked me to please just try to talk to them and be nice but I always respond with "Why should I be there for them if they were never there for me?"

I feel like I'm justified in thinking this but I still feel a little like an asshole. Everyone tells me that I need to get over it because they are blood. But blood doesn't always mean family right?

So AITA?

TL/DR: AITA for refusing to talk to my family because they were never there for me? ######

Response:
 NTA -

> I feel like I'm justified in thinking this but I still feel a little like an asshole. Everyone tells me that I need to get over it because they are blood. But blood doesn't always mean family right?

You summed it up perfectly yourself. Whilst you aren't an asshole here in my opinion, and just because someone is blood related doesn't mean they act like family. I would suggest maybe letting the past be the past and build a relationship based upon present rather than resenting the past. ######


Prompt:
When I say every single time, I mean every single time she does it in front of me and it's becoming a problem with the family because they think I'm being disrespectful and she's old and doesn't get it. Even my husband is like "I agree with you but she won't budge so just let it go"

No I dont think I will.

My son is ftm, he realised he wasnt a girl at age 6, and from there I supported him all the way until he figured it out. He's now 19 and will medically start transitioning in a few years I'm very proud of him. Family outside of us (parents) and siblings thought he was just a tomboy all this time and he only recently made the decision to come out to everyone else. Mother-in-law who always pushed for him to be "a girly girl" and thought something was wrong with him for not being feminine like his sisters is now misgendering him at every turn, texting us and lecturing us and giving unsolicited advice about his identity THE JOURNEY OF WHICH HE CHOSE TO LEAVE HER OUT OF. She also seems to think him being trans is now my fault because since I defend his pronouns so hard, maybe I pushed them which........okay. It's gotten to the point where she'll say things over text like "maybe if you buy her dresses" and I'll say "he doesn't like dresses." Over. And over. And over. And over.

Now she thinks I'm being disrespectful but I don't know what she wants me to do? Let her misgender him? A lot of family is telling me I'm being petty for no reason, but I don't think so??? I don't think I'm being an asshole for DEFENDING MY CHILD but a lot of people seem to think so. My husband thinks straight up blocking her would be an even bigger dick move because she's "just old" but that's where I'm headed. ######

Response:
 NTA - "they're just old, they don't get it" is bullshit. It means they've lived through every major Equal Rights protest in modern history and haven't bothered to learn anything.

You're doing the right thing by advocating for your son and refusing to let someone disrespect his gender identity. His mental health is way more important than wether or not your MIL feels disrespected. Especially since she's the one being disrespectful. ######


Prompt:
For background, i have 2 horses. Both are older (mid to late 20s), but one is very old (nearing 30), small (just above pony size and just under 1000 lbs) and has some back and hip issues. She is still in great shape for her age, is very muscular, and still enjoys riding. We trail ride up the mountains near our barn, usually 1.5-2 hours a ride, and they can be difficult and steep, but she does great with me (I am taller but weigh around 115 lbs).

When I bring friends riding, they ride the smaller, older horse and I ride the younger one. This is because the younger horse is very sensitive and not beginner friendly whereas the older one is not sensitive and great for all levels of riding. Because of aforementioned issues, I am selective about who I let ride her as it’s difficult for her to carry too much weight, especially up the steep hills and for an extended period of time.

I have a friend who is well over 200 lbs, does not know anything about horses, and asked to ride with me. I said no and was honest about why, but still offered for her to come groom them and spend time with them on the ground. She went straight to the body shaming tactic, I was skinny so I don’t understand, the horse is fine if she’s always galloping around with me, bigger people deserve to ride too, she’s shorter than me so it evens out, I’m gate keeping horses, etc. I just told her my horse was an animal with limitations, not a machine, and that I’m not going to sacrifice her welfare to spare her feelings. She was furious and we haven’t spoken since. Some friends (who all re also not into horses) think one ride would be fine and I’m being an asshole about her weight. I strongly disagree, I even agreed with her that bigger people can ride, they just need a horse suitable for their size and my horse is not that. So, AITA? ######

Response: NTA -  horses are not cars.  Weight matters ######


Prompt:
My husband and I have been married for 4 years and instead of having a wedding we eloped.

My mother was completely devastated. No one else in my family really  cared, everyone was very happy that we got married. For the past 4 years my mother has been asking us to have a “real” wedding. She says it’s completely unfair we eloped and brings it up constantly.

My mother sends me photos of weddings dresses, has cried at family gatherings over the fact we won’t get married and took the dress I wore when I eloped and wore it. She mentioned multiple times that she looked better it in than I did and posted photos on social media of her in my dress.

Even though it’s been 4 years, she is adamant that we should have a “wedding” for our fifth anniversary. She wants us to have a cake that we can cut together, me to have a dance with my dad and to have a huge party with relatives. We keep saying no but she proceeds to bring it up when other family members are around. She has said she will never forget that we took away experiencing a wedding from her.

She has offered to spend ridiculous amounts of money for a wedding and we have politely declined. She has told us we won’t be getting any money from her for anything else because the offer of money was only for a wedding (we don’t care)

So AITA? My family is torn. Some people think we should have a party so my mother can get over it and some have said wta for eloping since weddings are for family. My husband and I do not want to have a wedding and are glad we eloped. I have other siblings so it isn’t like there will never be a wedding. ######

Response:
 NTA  You're not a doll for her to play dress-up with.

A marriage is the important thing. A wedding, not so much. Your priorities seem great to me.

Stealing your dress, wearing it, taking photos, showing them around, and remarking on how she looked better...wow. If you needed any proof that "your" wedding would just be all about her, there it is. Save yourself many migraines and keep saying no. ######


Prompt:
My 23 year old daughter and her husband moved in with us a few months ago. I'll call them Josh and Ashley. My husband and Josh do not get along for a lot of reasons. Some of them are valid, like Josh does not contribute financially, he is rude and ignorant, and he has allegedly cheated on our daughter. They also don't get along for a few petty reasons, such as my husband makes fun of him for wearing skinny jeans, Josh is kind of socially inept, my husband is very cold and Josh tries to do this fake affection thing to piss him off.

Well that other day I guess Josh put some makeup on him as a prank while he was sleeping. My husband went insane, called Josh some horrible names, told our daughter he is ashamed of her. He told them they both had to be out by that night or he was going to have the police throw them out. Now I think this is ridiculous, especially when he's married to me and I've certainly played dumb pranks on him, which he was able to laugh off, but I also feel like it is his house as well and I don't have the right to override him. I wouldn't be ok with him having someone I didn't want living in the house. I told my daughter I think it is an overreaction, but she needs to respect her father and now she isn't speaking to me. ######

Response: NTA  You son in law poked the wrong bear.  If he did want to start shit he should be f8cking around with the guy who lets him live there. ######


Prompt: My husband (30M) and I (26F) have been together for about 5 years but married for 2. In the early start of our relationship, I wanted to make sure my in laws be okay with my race (African American), and he assured me that they would be. Every month for the past 2 years of us being married, I have encountered a racial wtf kinda statement from his dad specifically. Two years later, I’m about fed up. I can’t deal with the racial comments anymore and since the state of our world (racial tension and division) his dad has found it easier to make these comments. My husband quickly defends me but justifies his fathers actions saying that he doesn’t know any better and that he’s just ignorant. I told my husband at first that I wanted nothing to do with his family, that the relationship with them was causing me too much distress and depression. After a few phone calls, and half assed apologies from his dad, my husband seems to forget everything like it didn’t even happen. I hate that I gave him an ultimatum but I told him to choose his dad or me. I told him I was not subjecting myself or our future kids to his fathers racial insensitivity. AITA? ######

Response: NTA  The fact that your husband has been ok with this going on for two years says quite a lot, doesn't it? Not to mention that he actually defends his father! I'm sorry your husband has failed you like this OP, at this point he actually has to make a choice. ######


Prompt:
I (f/20) am planning to move together with a friend (same age) of mine next summer, once I have graduated.

My parents do know this said friend, as we know each other since high school. At first, my parents once I confronted them about my plans, didn't say anything and were actually even happy that I won't live lonely on my own.

Later this day, my mom (with who I don't have a really good relationship, see my last post) came to me and asked me to stay with them until I turn 23. Her reasoning behind it is, that I have to pay them money (approx. About 500€, as they won't get child support from me anymore) so they're able to live themselves as they're in big debt. I'm already "used" to the fact that I have to pay them some money, as I already pay about 150€ each month to them.

I have no interest in staying any longer in my parents house as I have to, for the sake of my mental health. On the other hand, as I wouldn't live with them anymore, I wouldn't see a point of paying them money, that I have earned.

Am I thinking selfish or is my mom just trying to find a reason for me to stay? ######

Response: NTA  Phew, your parents did a number on you!  It is not okay to ask a child to continue living with you because you lose income if they leave.  Parenting is all about doing everything you can to prepare your child for adulthood.  That means leaving home when you are old enough and financially ready.  GTFO!!! ######


Prompt:
So I'm new to this sub and I apologize in advance for any formatting mistakes.

My friend (22f) texted me a video of this good looking dude she saw at a restaurant. I noticed that she seemed to be recording over someone's shoulder so  I texted her about it and she told me she was on a date with her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend (23m) is extremely caring and kind. He treats her really nicely and they've been dating for around 5 mo. He's really kind to her, nice to her friends and has good manners, keeps their apartment clean, etc. He's a really good guy and I'm really happy for her.

Anyway I texted her as a joke "did you really take this video of a handsome guy while you were on a date with BF name?" and she told me she did because he was "So fine".

So I was like "WTF?" I thought this was really disrespectful of her to do, especially right in front of her own boyfriend. So I tried to tell her that, but she told me that she only recorded it because the other guy was really hot and she wanted to show me.

So it seemed like she was dodging my questions so I just outright told her "Taking a video of a hot guy while you're on a date with your boyfriend is really disrespectful to him." She got really upset and told me that I shouldn't be meddling in their relationship and that she only took the video to show me.

AITA for doing this? ... ######

Response: NTA  Hugely disrespectful to her boyfriend, and also just creepy in general.  Filming/photographing a stranger in public because they are hot is just gross. ######


Prompt:
My dad passed away last year on my birthday, I was very close with him and am still getting through this loss. I had told my husband and family that the only thing I want for my birthday this year is to just be left alone and mourn if I need to or to relax and have some time to myself. I don’t want to fake being happy and social that day.

My brother in law and his wife are having their second child in early June and live about 1,700 miles away. My husband and his parents now want to go visit my bil the first week of July (which is when my birthday is) if all of the travel bans are lifted and if Coronavirus seems to be less of a threat.

I said I would prefer if we waited for the week after my birthday to go, or if they can’t wait, that I’m fine if they go without me and I can go at a later time. My in laws think I’m being unreasonable and that I should just push aside how I’m feeling. Also that I should use seeing the new baby and being social as a distraction to my sadness to “get over it faster.” AITA for not wanting to follow along with their travel plans? ######

Response: NTA  How incredibly rude and self-centered of your relatives, to think that they can dictate how you grieve.  Stick to your guns.  Get your husband to run interference on your behalf if they don't want to listen to you.  But don't go to please other people. ######


Prompt:
Okay so basically my mum is absolutely furious with me and thinks I’m a shit stirrer, but I’m a huge believer in consent and that people should, you know, be aware of what goes into their mouths.

My mum has been making a stew for all of us for years and years, and tbh it’s ok. It’s not amazing, it’s not vile, but it was a staple she insisted on making and like I say, it was just alright.

She recently had the butcher deliver to the house and she asked me to bring the meat in, pack it away, and put it into the freezer. So I went about doing it when I came across a rather large amount of hearts, kidney, liver, etc. I was a bit (okay very) disgusted with the smell and was like wtf maybe the butcher gave this for the dog, idk.

So I asked my mum and she looked really shifty and said yeah, it all goes into the stew and that she hasn’t told my dad because he’d never eat it if he knew. She said she purposefully waits for my dad to be out the house before making it so he doesn’t know what’s inside.

I said that was pretty unfair, especially considering my dad has a really manual job and he works super hard and my mum regularly tells him she makes that stew for his lunch because ‘it’s easy and she can’t be bothered’ but yet everyday while he’s at work she’ll treat herself to M&S or Waitrose finest food. (super fancy shops in the UK) and my poor dad will treat her to delicious fry ups on the weekends and actually put effort into making her nice food.

I texted my dad and said just so you know there’s pig hearts in your stew, when he came home he told my mum he didn’t want it anymore and that it’s disgusting that she’s made him eat that all these years.

She’s absolutely furious with me and is accusing me of favouritism, of disregarding her, and that I’m a little arsehole for snitching to my dad. ######

Response: NTA  Hmmm on the one hand there's nothing wrong with those foods but on the other hand she shouldn't be shifty about what she feeds people ######


Prompt:
I (23F) bought a house last year in a fairly well-off area (not a neighborhood though). My cousin (21F) has been living with me for the past 3 months because of financial issues: she pays a bit of rents and helps me do housework around the house. She's a really nice person in general.

On the Fourth of July, she brought her boyfriend (22M) of 9 months over. He's a really responsible, nice person that I enjoy having around. We ate dinner and then he showed my cousin fireworks that he brought over, and he said he was going to use them in the backyard. I told him no and we could do it after dinner somewhere else, because my two dogs (one is a puppy and another is an older, more frail dog) are terrified of loud noises and I didn't want him damaging the grass. While me and my cousin went to wash the dishes, the boyfriend snuck outside and used the fireworks!

When I confronted him about it, he said that he wanted to make us happy and that the dogs being scared would be OK because the fireworks were beautiful.

I got angry at him and told him that he was not welcome in our house anymore because he couldn't wait 30 minutes. He got very disappointed and went away, and my cousin got extremely mad at me because he just wanted to show us the fireworks.

Am I the asshole here? ######

Response: NTA  He was being a selfish prick. You were completely justified in telling him to leave. ######


Prompt: I was just fired from my job that ha given me a company phone. I was not given a chance to remove personal information like passwords and personal accounts off of it. It also had text messages from company contacts and workers. After 12 hours I did a remote erase of the phone being that I still had access to it via find my device. Ex employer confronted me about it and is super pissed. I brought up that the last person fired (for completely different reasons) didn't have the intelligence to erase her phone so the owner and his wife went thru all of her personal stuff on her phone and to my knowledge still do because she hasn't changed her FB password? There were a couple other things that he was acting about ( he saw me pull into a gas station, he doesn't have my new phone number) that irrelevant to this question. ######

Response: NTA  but why would you have your personal stuff on a company phone? ######


Prompt:
I work for a property management company, and today we went to do a cleanout of a house that had been evacuated by the previous tenants. Living there previously was a foster mom with six children.

We opened the garage door, and it was filled floor to ceiling with rotting trash and crap and smelled absolutely foul. We cleared out a pile of mattress  and found the carcass of a deer in a tub-I would say based on the decomposition it had been there for about three months. The floor was covered with bits of torn insulation and mice droppings. It took two entire dumpsters to clear out the garage (a neighbor mentioned that once every two years the tenants would rent a dumpster to clean out their home-maybe around the time of scheduled visits?)

The laminated flooring in the living room was so water damaged and moldy that it was coming up with my boots as I walked across it. Every single window screen was broken and the windows were almost too dirty to see through. The entire house reeked like something died inside mixed with disease and unkempt pets; we had to make several trips outside because we couldn't handle being inside for too long. The carpets were extremely stained, matted and filled with food crumbs and the ants that were attracted to them.

I could go on, but I think you get the idea.
Edit: And we haven't BEEN in the basement yet. I'm scared.

I took videos and a lot of pictures, so I can provide evidence.

Honestly I feel like I WBTA if I DON'T report it, but obviously I don't know this woman or her situation, but I just can't handle the thought of those kids living like that. I also feel somewhat conflicted as this is something I learned through access of my job, but I feel like your right to privacy goes out the window when kids are involved. What do you think?

Edit: Just made the call. Social worker will be calling me soon. Thank you for speedy NTAs! ######

Response:
 NTA  At first I was thinking "state of her home" meant clothes on the floor or messy counters.  You're talking dead deer carcass left to rot beneath a bunch of mattresses?

You would be the AH if you did not contact someone about them. ######


Prompt:
I’m (18) currently living with my parents since my college has been shut down. My older brother (20)  lives with my parents, too.

I’ve been staying in my old room while my parents have made the basement into an apartment-style room for my brother. Basically, he has a small fridge, microwave and bathroom down there.

I was getting out of the shower in the bathroom that’s connected to my bedroom when I got the feeling that someone was watching me. Since my parents are at work (they’re both essential workers) and my brother in the basement (or so I thought), I ignored the feeling and continued to dry off. However, I started to get creeped out, so I turned around (It’s hard to describe the layout of the bathroom, so I’ll just say that my back was to the door) and saw my brother in the crack of the door. It was only opened a little bit but it was enough to see his face before he ran out of my bedroom (note: I always close my bedroom door before I shower).

I quickly got dressed and ran after him, shouting that he was so fucking creepy and a huge pervert and I’m going to tell mom and dad what a creep he is.

He slammed the basement door closed in my face and locked it. I tried to jingle the door handle open while continuing to yell how creepy he is. After a few minutes, I ran back up to my room and locked my bedroom door, feeing so gross and violated.

Later, I was on FT with my friend and told her what happened. She laughed and said that he was probably just fucking around and trying to scare me. I disagreed but she’s convinced that I overreacted and should just prank him back.

So, Reddit, AITA for calling my brother creepy? ######

Response:
 NTA  as someone who is an older brother of girls, it's not funny or acceptable at all and if caught one of my brothers looking at one of my sisters, i would have threw him out in the garden and gave him a smack or two.

At his age, it is pretty serious and i would consider telling your parents very soon, it is actually grounds for serious action but that bit is your call. ######


Prompt:
So I was in a chat group with a bunch of my high school friends and some other people. We were just talking about old times and things like that.

One of them brought up how his sister who is going to the same school as us probably won’t get to have a real graduation this year.

I said that sucked.

This one girl Talia spoke up and said

“Yeah, that does suck Matt. I can’t imagine what that feels like 😒.”

So people in the chat ask what she means. Talia starts telling them how on the last week of school she found out she had a fee to pay or she couldn’t walk for graduation. She was going to pay it, but lost the money before she could take it to the office.

Talia said how she found me still at school and asked if she could borrow $60 so she could pay the fee before the deadline and I told her no and then left.

To be honest I hardly remember this interaction. But I can imagine I said no because $60 would have been quite a lot of money to me back then. While Talia was part of the same circle of friends as me she and I weren’t actually friends, so there wasn’t any guarantee I’d get the money back.

Talia then said that in the end she didn’t get to walk for graduation with the rest of us because I wouldn’t lend her $60.

One of the other girls in the group said “wtf dude? You really couldn’t have just lent her 60 bucks?” The group chat got quiet for awhile until a friend of mine brings up something totally different and people go on talking about that.

A different friend texted me later and told me not to worry about it though. ######

Response:
 NTA  $60 is a lot to a high school student.  Hell, it could be a lot for some adults.  If she was a close friend and you had the money, it would be one thing, but she was only an acquaintance.

And she had the money, but she "lost it" before she could pay her fee?  Why is that your fault?!  Are you also the only person she asked? ######


Prompt: I love kids but I want a kid free night. My family won’t stop asking if they can bring there kids and I say no kids allowed every time. My cousins are calling me an asshole and selfish for not letting them come. They said they should be allowed to bring there kids because they are well behaved and don’t want to pay for a babysitter. I don’t have kids but I don’t think I would ever assume I could bring my kids to someone else’s wedding. ######

Response: NTA  — It’s your wedding.   They don’t have to come if they don’t want to abide by the wedding rules.  Also though, and I can’t stress this enough, you don’t have any right to be upset if some people don’t come because of this rule.  But no, you’re NTA.  I hope you have an amazing wedding. ######


Prompt:
So me and my sister were jogging.......or well I was she was on her little scooter following me lol.  When we got back she was bored when I was watching tv and started to climb all over me.  I humored her and we were wrestling for a little bit (I am the tickle attack king lol).  As we were wrestling and goofing off I saw her grabbing at my bra, (I was in a sports bra and running shorts) and nearly pulled the whole thing down.

I completely got off of her and told her that taking off girl's bras are a big no no and its like a private area.  She didn't really understand what I was saying but she was giggling a whole lot.  My mom was in the kitchen and told me not to lecture or parent my sister cause thats their job.  I tried to explain the situation to my mom but she didn't want to hear it and then went to tell my sister the exact same thing I was trying to say.

My mom said next time to just call her to parent her cause "its not my job".  AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA
You weren't parenting. You were being a good big sister.
I think your mom might be overly worried that your sister might get weird ideas about sexuality. But calling her in to take care of this minor issue would make it into a much bigger deal than it was in the first place.
IMO a seven year old is plenty old enough to know about "private areas" and it seems like your mom should have had this talk with her already. ######


Prompt:
So, my daughter's Father owes a ton of back child support. Part of the outstanding balance is taken from his paychecks along with each current payment. It's not enough to pay it all back before she's 18, but it is deducted nevertheless. Anyway, he got a letter in the mail from the US Treasury Dept telling him that they've intercepted his $1200 corona stimulus check, and it will be applied to the back child support he owes. He almost immediately contacted me to tell me about the letter and how he was counting on that money. He was very upset that they would do that to him in a "it's not fair" kind of tone. I gathered that he believes that the money that is already garnished from his paychecks should have been enough to avoid additional consequences for being a former "deadbeat" Had he been keeping up with the stimulus check news then he would have known that this was going to happen. They announced that back child support debtors would not get checks a while ago. To his credit, he has been a consistent father in our daughter's life since the Attorney General's office caught up with him several years back and garnished his wages. And we have been on civil coparenting terms with few issues. But now, he has projected his frustration and bind onto me because he had already spent the stimulus money in his head that he isn't getting. I know this pandemic has hit people in the pockets, but he has not mentioned being in a bad financial situation since he is still able to work these days. I don't know what he planned on using the money for, and I don't ever ask him for extra money whenever I'm in a tight spot. AITA if I decline handing it over to him when I get it??

Le sigh... ######

Response:
 NTA
The money isn't his, never was his, and him not keeping track of the fact that he wasn't going to receive it (because he is a still technically a deadbeat with support in arrears) is entirely his own fault and not yours or your responsibility to rectify.

Take the money, take care of your kid with it as it is meant to, and don't worry about his finances. Those stopped being your problem with the two of you split. ######


Prompt:
So I (m33) met my wife (f34) 10 years ago in high school via a friend. She introduced me to Fleetwood Mac, and one of my favorite songs is "black magic woman" and as a cute nickname, i started calling her that.. She thought it was funny, and it's been a cute little inside joke between us.
She's half Colombian, Half Jamaican, but I never really thought of her skin color when I started calling her that.
Yesterday, me, her and her high school friend she hadn't seen in many years were hanging out at home. They were catching up on each other's lives, and I was just watching TV. She suddenly stood up and went to the kitchen and asked us if we wanted to have tea. I said "sure, black magic woman!" to her as she laughed a little.
When she had gone to the kitchen, her friend angry and offended accused me of racism and called me a dickhead. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA
Jesus.  Mentioning race is not the same as demeaning, belittling, insulting or otherwise being unkind to that race.  If you point to Denzel Washington and say "he's black", that isn't racist.  It's weird, but not racist.
"Magic woman" sure as shit isn't insulting.

"Black Magic" doesn't even refer to skin color, "black magic" is a type of magic.

Neither interpretation, whether she's a black, magic woman or a black-magic woman is racist.  If she doesn't mind, you're in the clear.  The friend is being knee-jerk defensive because just mentioning someone's skin color is wrong now. ######


Prompt:
Okay so long story short, I'm basically flat chested A cup. My boyfriend and I argue alot, and one of the things he constantly points out it that I don't wear a bra.

They're uncomfortable for me because they're always too big, they look and feel stupid on me and I just hate them. He commented in an argument that I wore one when we first dated. (I wore a pushup to look good in the dresses I had)
...Which I stopped wearing after he saw me naked. By then theres no point. He'd seen what I really look like.

I lack alot of confidence when it comes to my body, and every time I want to go out he demands I wear a bra, nothing low-cut, nothing tight. He makes comments about not wanting people to stare at my nipples.

I wear baggy clothing around him all the time, and he still complains.

Reddit, am I the asshole for not wearing a bra? ######

Response:
 NTA
but from the sound of it and what I read in the comments, he is manipulating you and you need to GET OUT. ######


Prompt:
My husband and I (early 30s) extended our lease for 6 months back in February, planning to buy a house between then and July. Our landlords are selling our house, so they will not extend further. Unfortunately, my husband was furloughed, so we’ve put the house hunt on hold until he’s landed a new gig.

We live in the same city as our parents. My in-laws own a few different houses/units around our city. My mother in law can be difficult, so over the last 10 years we’ve avoided living in any of their places, despite the savings potential.

When my husband was furloughed, my in-laws offered us a place to move in to for 1/2 of what we’re paying now. We thought it was very generous of them and agreed. We planned to move in July and stay there until we can buy a house. We’ve had this planned for a couple months now.

Last week my MIL called and told me that they rented the unit we were supposed to move in to. She offered to let us move in to their house instead. Their house is huge and beautiful - we would even have our own floor with a separate kitchen, etc. But as I mentioned...my MIL is very overbearing. I’m also working from home full time until at least October.

I mentioned this to my parents, who offered us up their sailboat to move to. It’s moored in the city, has enough space for us, and would be completely free except utilities and moorage. My parents normally sail over the summers, but can’t because of border restrictions, so it’s largely unused at the moment anyway. We decided this was the right option for us and would be fun. I grew up at times on a sailboat so this is not entirely out of my wheelhouse.

We let my in-laws know and they are very upset. They feel as though we “hate” them and would rather live on an old boat than with them. Which I guess is...kinda true, but we don’t hate them. I feel bad for upsetting them, and I can see how this makes us look ungrateful. AITA for living on a sailboat instead of my in-laws very nice home? ######

Response:
 NTA

You said your MIL is 'difficult' and 'overbearing' and what you tell seems you are right.
If they just offered to do you a favor, they wouldn't be upset.

It seems like they tried to catch you and control you. Be careful. Don't be too close is the right decision. ######


Prompt:
Long story short:

I had a girlfriend just short of 2 years (ended last summer, last contact in October). Things got ugly and ended on bad terms (I think). She basically destroyed me and my plans and I was left in a dark hole and on the verge of losing it completely for many months before I slowly recovered (she happily jumped to the next guy within weeks of breaking up with me).
I have since moved on to new people and at one point, recently, I received a text message from my ex telling me to stop seeing this one person she knows. Since it was my phone number she texted, I pretended that I didn't know who it was and left it at that.

A couple of weeks later (meaning this past weekend), I actually bump into her in the shop. I'm with a new intern at the company I work at and she is trying to stop me to talk, or something, but I ignore her, until I stop and tell her that I don't know her and that she's mistaken me for someone else. Intern chuckles a bit, but looks mostly confused.

She is annoyed. Upset. Angry. Something. Calls me a jerk and tells me to get my act together and stop pretending I don't know her. I think I convincingly pull off the act that she's a crazy woman who must have mistaken me for someone, since she left in a rage and my new co-worker was laughing and asking me what the hell he just witnessed (to which I pretended I was just as baffled).

I had lunch with my mother today and I mentioned this; to which she told me I was being an immature asshole.

What do you think? ######

Response:
 NTA

Owned. ######


Prompt:
Me and her (f) have been friends for a while but one day f decided to spread a malicious rumour about me. I wont go into detail but it caused me a lot of suffering in school.

F said privately to me that she felt bad about what was happening (bear in mind that this was weeks after things started escalating) and I wouldnt take her private apology for one reason. She blamed it all on her hormones. She got annoyed at me and asked what she could do to make things right. I simply told her to tell the entire school which she adamantly refused. So I made her. (I made her speak in assembly, in my school students can make important announcements if needed). She cried. A lot.

The people in my school are very mixed, most of the guys immediately apologised for everything and took my side saying it was right. (I'm a guy btw). However, most of the girls took her side and said that I had no right to do that. So reddit, AITA?

Tl:dr Theres about to be a civil war in my school because I made a girl admit to her lies. ######

Response:
 NTA

Lying for no reason is wrong, especially when it's caused you so much grief. I think you were completely justified in bringing her lies to light. Doesn't matter what gender they are or what the lie was about - The fact is that she lied, and she had no reason to really do so. Awful Rumours are not okay, even if you wronged her in some way. They can really damage lives.

Also, she doesn't sound like a friend you want to have, in my opinion. ######


Prompt:
On the last day before lock down I called in to work because I needed to get my nan an ambulance. She could only maintain consciousness for 10-15 seconds at a time. I've lived with her for 3 years and became her carer when she was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis.
My nan tested negative for the virus twice so we realised that it was a rapid decline in her health. She went into hospice care and was put on end of life.
My boss had sent me a few emails, I replied to all of them cordially, and asked him to mark any important emails as such as my nan is dying.
My nan died on 7th April this year and on the 8th, I announced it online because I have people who always had my nan's presence in their life and I said that I would be leaving social media to sort out the funeral, the estate and the likes.
I got tagged in 8 posts, 1 per day for 6 days and 2 on the last day from managers asking me to put on my uniform and hold up a sign and shout happy birthday to my boss. I saw the original post and I thought, I don't really have time and I'm not in the right mindset to do this.
One of my managers kept tagging me in posts saying "come on, you've only got a few days to send your video in. It can't be that hard." And "it'll only take 5 minutes." But they posted saying that we needed to have on clean and ironed uniform. For a 10 second video.
I'm looking to be promoted and I'm trying to make a good impression with everyone at work and I think by not doing it, I've made people feel like I'm not bothered about the team. My closest friends at work think it's perfectly understandable but management seem to have a different opinion. I just couldn't bring myself to pretend like it's business as usual when my nan's ashes are sat in my living room. ######

Response:
 NTA

I'd say that even if you weren't already going through something so difficult (I am sorry about your nan), you would still not be the asshole for not taking part in their silly activity.

That having been said, asshole or no, these goofy office practices are sadly the way people get noticed and promoted.  I *hate* that people play the "not part of the team" card just because people won't do stupid games, but, if you want promoted that might be a bullet you have to bite. ######


Prompt:
My friend was ranting to me about his tinder experience to me, how no one responds to his messages, how his he has been ghosted in the past, women on the app only swipe right on super hot guys, etc. He is generally a laid back person so I was taken aback. I said that he displaying some incel-esque tendencies and should rethink and take better pics. He called me douche and said he could trust me.

He posted this on friend group chat and now people are calling me out. "broke the bro code", "check my privilege" amoung other messages. People are saying that he was just ranting about tinder and took it too far. According to me, my friend was blaming his lack of success on "shallow tinder girls".

Aita? ######

Response:
 NTA

Fuck the "bro code" or any other code they throw at you.

You simply reminded another human being that their lack of success is from their own actions and not because girls are unfair. ######


Prompt:
I've been laid off and have spent a lot of time at home cleaning and organizing. Husband is working from home and mentioned that its nice that everything is so clean and we can actually enjoy our days off instead of always having something to do. So we tossed around the idea of hiring a cleaning service once a week or once every other week to catch up on the cleaning we miss. Mostly vacuuming, dusting, and occasional deep cleaning in the kitchen. We work opposite schedules and find it hard to do this cleaning because we either have our toddler or one of us is asleep.

Apparently this was just hypothetical to him because I did some research and he was surprised when I brought him numbers. (Any cleaning service would be after the current situation). He barely looked at the sheet, handed it back and said he thought we would just hire his mom if we ever needed.

What?

I said no, because we used to live with his parents and his mom is nosey, she has a full time job, and his family has a tendency to over stay their welcome. Husband looked taken aback and asked me to explain. I brought up all the times she would take it upon herself to do our laundry that was in our bedroom with our door closed. "Cleaned" my work spaces, and generally disregarded implied boundaries. I also tacked on that his dad follows his mom everywhere and has a similar disregard for boundaries. He agreed about his dad but seems miffed that I don't want his mom in our home, hired and unsupervised. AITA? ######

Response: NTA  - would your MIL even WANT to clean your house? This seems extremely short-sighted on your husband's behalf. Even if you had the best MIL in the world, it's awkward to have someone you know clean your space with all of your personal items. What would happen if you didn't like the work she did? It's a recipe for disaster. ######


Prompt:
So, that’s is a throwaway, the fact I’m gay has nothing to do with the story, English isn’t my native language, and I’m on my phone.

Let’s get to the actual story; and introduce the characters. Salvi is my boyfriend, mom is my mother, dad is my father, Marie is my sister, I’m 20, as is Salvi.

So, as a child, my mother was hyper-conscious about my weight. It translates into me being on diets from the age of seven. As an early teenager, I struggled with an eating disorder, and the road to recovery has been a messy one. At the age of 18, I decided to move out with my boyfriend, and we lived in our own apartment. Note: my father wasn’t really okay with the diets, but he never opposes my mother, which has causes tensions.

Okay, so my parents house is being sold, so they asked if they can stay at mine until they find a new place, and I agreed. That was two months ago.

Like three days in, my mother started commenting about how I had gained weight, and that I should eat less, and it’s been making me feel worse, and worse, and I’m starting to enter old habits. I’ve tried to tell my mother that I am an adult, I can know what to eat, to no avail.

Last night, after a certain remark, I snapped, and told my mother that she could either stop fucking remarking, or she could leave (and by extension my dad), and it escalated into a huge argument, and they both left to my sister’s.

My sister called me up to tell me that I was an asshole for how I handled the situation, and that I should apologise, and that my mother just shows love in weird ways.

Salvi will support me either way, but he prefers they don’t come here.

So Reddit !! AITA for snapping at my mom? ######

Response:
 NTA   What your mother has done to you has nothing to do with love. She has been abusing you since you were a child and your father, by being silent and not helping you, has been a part of her abuse. You have nothing to apologise for! The fact that you still tried to help them out says a lot about how nice of a person you are.

If your mother won't shut her mouth about your weight then I would seriously consider removing her permanently from my life if I were you. What she has done is so damaging, I know that from personal experience.

And seriously, your mom shows love in weird ways?? I can't stand abuse apologists. If you were to tell your mother that she was too fat, looked old and wrinkly, would that be seen as you showing her love? No, I don't think so. It sounds like it's convenient for your family that you remain the scapegoat so that neither your father nor your sister has to deal with your mother's cruelness. ######


Prompt:
Day before yesterday i was talking to my grandmother on facetime when we were talking about my cousin (F 26) having a kid. All of a sudden she starts talking about me having kids. For the context i got married at 16 (this is pretty common practice in Arabia and I live in London with my husband).  She tells me that i should start my own family and i politely told her no because me nor my husband want kids right now, we're both studying and i feel like I'm too young. But she wont stop talking about even after me trying to change the topic multiple times.  She repeated herself like a MILLION times and it made me very uncomfortable. The weirdest thing was that she wants me to carry the baby, give birth and then send my child back to my home country and she will raise it. I told her no and reminded her that her other granddaughter (my cousin) is having a kid and she should pay attention to her kid and look after them. She always complains that she has gotten very lazy while being pregnant and is making her mother help her. I don't see any issue in that as its their own matter. But after this happened  I could not stop thinking about it and haven't told anyone else yet.

So reddit am i the asshole here? ######

Response:
 NAH— it’s a culture clash. You want an education and independence and I applaud you for that. She doesn’t understand the world you live in now. What she’s suggesting was normal, a way for you to have value to your husband’s family, etc. but the world has changed. An educated mother who can support them with a career of her own is one of the best safety nets you can give your children.

My advice is say something vague and pious like “all in God’s good time”, or “when God sees fit to bless me”, It’s hard to argue with and is vague. ######


Prompt:
I was on an international flight (12 hour flight) a few months ago that was dead empty. Maybe 10% capacity.

I was flying premium economy so I was in the seat just behind business class. I could see the entire section and no one was sitting in it, and maybe only 2 or 3 people were in premium economy with me.

The flight is about to take off and I ask the flight attendant “Hey, can I sit in one of the business class seats? I don’t care about the food or drinks.” And I point at the empty seats in front of me.

She asks “Oh, would you like to upgrade your seat?”, and I kind of got the hint she wasn’t gonna let me but I asked how much out of curiosity. She said she would check for me.

She comes back and says it would be some several thousand dollars and asked how I would be paying. I told her I wasn’t interested and then she tells me “sir we don’t just move people around for free you understand?”

I fly a lot, and this is something I try occasionally (especially on dead flights) and this is the only time I ever had a flight attendant get snarky with me about it (and it actually worked once). Is it bad mannered to ask for a seat upgrade? ######

Response:
 NAH— It doesn’t hurt to ask since sometimes it does happen. But expect them to get annoyed.

They get asked ALL the time and it is super annoying. Also if someone sees you do it, they’ll want the same treatment. ######


Prompt:
My sister and I live in the same city, but our parents moved to another country for retirement. They flew us out for their anniversary. Our parents buy all of us tickets on the same flight.  My sister has two kids - a 6 month old and a 5 year old. She is currently separated from her husband so she would have to handle 2 infants by herself on a 10 hour flight. Or so I thought.

She calls me up a week or so beforehand and asks me if I will be willing to help her take care of her kids on the flight, and something about taking shifts so we can both sleep. I tell her that I wasn't comfortable with that, but she says "nephew loves you so much" so we can work something out on the flight and hangs up.

I was pissed. I didn't sign up for mid flight babysitting. I called my airline office and asked if they had any business class seats available. They said yes, and I upgraded using a mix of points + money. The upgrade cost me $50 out of pocket, the rest covered by my frequent flyer miles and it was money well spent to be able to sleep.

I get to the airport, check in and wait around for my sister to show up. She does, and I eventually tell her that I upgraded. She... didn't seem too happy. She still sends me little screenshots of how important family is and how we should care about them.

I mean, the only reason why I upgraded was because she expected me to babysit. And I didn't give her a heads up. ######

Response:
 NAH
It’s reasonable for a family to ask for help and it’s also okay to have boundaries. It would have been nice to help your sister but you were by no means required to. It was also okay for her to feel a bit disappointed with you. ######


Prompt:
I (42f) have four kids, (17f, 14m/f twins, 9m). Because of the state of the world right now, my kids have been spending a lot of time at home. They spend a few hours a day doing schoolwork (zoom classes/homework) and spend the rest of the time mostly sitting around and playing video games or reading.

As such, we decided to make a chore chart for the kids. The chores are age appropriate and mostly balanced out, except for one which has become a hot point. Vacuuming.

I intended to give the chore to one of my 14 year olds, except that neither of them want to do it. For some background information, my 14 year old daughter has recently diagnosed autism. This makes noisy chores like vacuuming hard for her to do. Her twin brother has said that he just doesn't like how long it takes.

I've put it on his chart anyway, and now he's upset because he says we're giving her special attention just because she has autism. While that is technically true, this is just one of those things she can't do.

So, AITA? And if I am, does anyone have some recommendations for a fix?

Edit: To balance her not vacuuming, she is going to sweep both the front and back porches. This is the chore that my son wants to swap. He would rather sweep than vacuum. ######

Response:
 NAH

Your son is young, so he probably doesn't have a particularly nuanced understanding of fairness.  It sounds like it might be a good idea to explain to him the difference between "equality" and "equity".  The division of chores here is unequal, which is likely what's bothering him, since to kids his age equal = fair.  You should try to find some examples where equality ends up being distinctly *un*fair, and where equity is a better fit.  This is one such example, but it's going to be hard for him to appreciate it since he's in the middle of it.

*****

~~INFO~~

~~Have you assigned different chores to your 14-year-old daughter in lieu of vacuuming?  Or did you lighten her workload at the expense of the rest of your children doing more?~~ ######


Prompt:
My daughter and her girlfriend, 19F and 20F, have been together for 8months.

My daughters girlfriend recently kicked her out, I haven't been told why but I'm sure they'd tell me if they wanted me to know.

I said that she could stay and to let me know before she got here so we could all talk.

When I got home she had arrived and they had unpacked in my daughters room.

I waited until dinner time and spoke to them together and said while I appreciated that they loved each other under my roof she will sleep in the guest room, if she is staying for a while we can decorate it a little (it's pretty basic, sofa bed, television and a book case)

She understood and moved rooms, said shes just thankful for staying here.

My exwife and daughter are very upset with me because I'm treating her like a guest instead of family, my partner is on my  side.

Neither  of them pay rent or work.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH

Your house, your rules. I assume you’d be the same if it was boy-girl not girl-girl? ######


Prompt:
So my gf has been talking for some days about how pretty shaved hair is for girls and about how much she want to do it. (She don’t want people to think she’s a lesbian)
I don’t think it would look good on her, I tried to tell her that, and she got disappointed.
Even though I told her I will still accept her and love her as she is.
I am supportive of her decision and acknowledging that it’s her decision after all.
AITA for saying that to her? ######

Response:
 NAH

You're allowed to have an opinion, she's allowed to do what she wants to her own head.

You're only the asshole if you start trying to tell her she "can't" do it and attempting to control her style choices. ######


Prompt:
When my sister and  I were in high school we had a group project where we had to set up a business and make an actual real business plan. The idea for the business was actually pretty cool and we got an A on the project.

A couple years ago I brought up actually doing the business idea, but she didn’t have any money for startup costs and she was busy with college, so I just went with the idea on my own. It’s been great. I get to work less hours and still make a good amount of money while working at home in my pajamas.

She wants in now. She wants a job she can do from home as finding someone to watch her children while she works is hard now.

But its really not like I need her help with anything anymore. I’ve already set up all the groundwork. It’s just simple tasks for a few hours a day now. If I give her some of the work it’s only taking away from my own work and this is my real job now. It’s not like we would even be making any more money together if she helped. I would just be making less.

But she and our mom think I should still include her because it was her idea too and I don’t need the money as much since I have a long term boyfriend with a good paying job (we share finances) and she doesn’t. ######

Response:
 NAH

You took all the financial risk to start it up, but it doesn't sound like there's undue pressure from your family. If they don't let up they may start to be TA. ######


Prompt:
My mother was a photographer so needless to say she enjoyed taking photos of me and my siblings. When I turned 13 we ended up having a massive fight over her not respecting my boundaries.  Finally after an hour of arguing my said I will not take your picture ever again. Apparently I was the only one who had a problem with my pictures being taking. When I turned 18 I went away to college were I meant my husband I stayed in that city and started a family. I hardly came home so I didn’t notice in tell two weeks ago.

We came to visit my parents and so they can meet their grand kids. We walk in and load and behold my mother decorated the living room with all these photos she had taking over the years. My husband and kids were amazed I was to in tell my kids ask where is mommy. I was thinking bad oh here comes the embarrassing photos. My mom said they’re mix in all over so my kids and husband started playing a game to see who can find the most mommies. After ten minutes my husband came in and said are you sure she in any of the pictures we couldn’t find any. I got up and went to see their were pictures of me before 13. I show my kids what to look for and they started finding me. I noticed mom really didn’t take any pictures of me after 13 so a lot of group pictures didn’t have me in them. But what hurts the most is I was the one behind all of this hurt I feel. My husband doesn’t think I am ass but I do. So Aita? ######

Response:
 NAH

You mother respected your wishes and you got what you wanted. You shouldn't be surprised that there aren't any photos of you after a certain point. ######


Prompt:
Okay, so I’ve (21M) been seeing the same girl (21F) for 5 years now. Only relationship I’ve ever been in. I think I started questioning my speciality for the first time about halfway through our relationship - but I figured I just be bi. I told her this, and she had zero issue with it at all. But things have been happening over time, and I figured out I must be gay.

Sex had become less and less enjoyable for me. It was always a little awkward for me but I attributed it to having a low sex drive, but I know now that’s not the case. She’s a beautiful girl, but I’m just not attracted to her at all, as much as I keep on trying to convince myself I could be. Furthermore it’s guys exclusively I’ve noticed more and more, not women at all. I knew I had to break this to my GF because I just can’t logically be together with her while holding this back. I love her, but I’m not in love with her.

So I told her back Sunday I was gay; she thoughtI was joking at first but then she realized I was serious and just simply said wait what the fuck. I tried explaining myself but then she blew up on me saying how could I do this to her, and how she’s invested everything for the last 5 years; I said I understand and I’m sorry, but I know this and it’s not fair for me to stay. There was a lot of crying and after a little while she left.

So this has essentially upended my life (obviously). Multiple friends and family of hers have basically messaged me saying I should be ashamed of myself for throwing away our relationship and wasting all these years. I get it, and I understand why she’s hurting. But I don’t know how else how I could’ve gone about this. AITA here? ######

Response:
 NAH

You have to be true to yourself and honest with your girlfriend about your sexuality.

She's probably also justified in being upset, given that it's been such a long time.

The rest of your friends should stay out of it as it's really none of their business to judge. ######


Prompt:
My husband(38M) and I(37F) have been married 17 years. We have two children, 18M and 13F. Every few years my husband gets what I lovingly call baby fever and wants to have another child. I usually respond with "the baby factory is closed" and he drops it. It tends to only happen more when friends, family, or coworkers have babies so I didn't really take his requests to seriously.

Last year he told me he wants to have another kid but unlike the other times, he hasn't let it go. It is really putting a strain on our marriage. To him there is no reason to not have another child. We are in a better state financially than we were with the first two and have better insurance. We also own our home. Why not have another?

To me, it's another 10 months of misery. My first two pregnancies were really rough on me physically and mentally and I was in my early 20s then. I can't imagine how much harder it would be now that I'm pushing 40. Then there is the months/years of diapers, breastfeeding, sleepless nights, etc. My husband is a good father but 90% of all child care from birth to about 5 years was my responsibility.

I am firmly against having another child. My husband thinks it is unfair that I keep saying no and there is nothing he can do about it.

AITA for telling my husband no to having another child? ######

Response:
 NAH

You have an 18 year old and a 13 year old. Does he really want to have a 5-10 year gap between his youngest child and oldest grand child? Also, remind him about grandchildren. ######


Prompt:
I was jogging on a trail next to a somewhat busy public street when I saw a young girl crying on a bench. I figured it was best to avoid, but on the way back home, she was still on the same bench, crying. She was about 15. I asked her if she was OK. She said no. I asked if she wanted to talk about it, and she said yes. So, I sat on the bench next to her.

We talked for ~30 minutes. She was running away from home because she was tired of her parents telling her she wasn't allowed to hang out with her friends, or something like that. I don't really remember, but it wasn't anything that sounded dangerous or abusive. I used to teach high school, so I'd heard similar complaints before. At the end, she decided to go back home. I walked her home, which turned out to be surprisingly far, like 4 miles. I dropped her off and walked home.

At some point, she may have put her head on my shoulder while crying. I don't remember if she did, but let's assume so. I didn't touch her, hug her, put an arm around her, etc. I do remember that much.

My girlfriend says that I shouldn't have let her do that. She believes that, as I am a 30+ year old man, allowing a teenage girl that I didn't know to cry on my shoulder can be seen as creepy and molest-y, and it's unacceptable. She says that she knows my intentions were innocent, but I still shouldn't have allowed it. According to her, I shouldn't have even been close enough for the girl to put her head on my shoulder to begin with. AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH

You did the right thing, but to an onlooker it might not have seemed like that. I'm sorry about the assumptions that people make, but your girlfriend is just looking out for you. But thank you for being such a good person and helping that girl. ######


Prompt:
My wife and and I have been trying for a child for months now. We’ve been through 2 miscarriages. Every time it happened it breaks her heart. I know she wants a child more then anything in the world. I do too.

A couple of days ago I learnt I will be losing my father to prostate cancer in 3 - 6 months. Her fertile window for this month is today and tomorrow. I’ve just told her I’m not up to it, because of the prognosis. And she’s absolutely devastated. She’s trying to be supportive of me. But I can see the devastation, and it’s making me feel like an ass for asking for her patience this month. ######

Response:
 NAH

You both are grieving - You your father and her a possible child

Sit down with each other and have a painful talk right now you want to focus on your dad and not divide your attention. Tell your wife you want to fully support and enjoy the pregnancy with her but not with your father’s health problems in full view.  This may lessen the blow to her

Edit:  Guys, when I say "possible child" I'm referring to a future that could have been had the miscarriage not occurred.  I'm referring to the child who would have grown up, gone to school, got a job, had friends, etc. ######


Prompt:
My \[45M\] daughter \[17F\] passed away about 8 months ago unexpectedly. My wife \[46F\] and I were completely (and still are) devastated by her passing. We have two other children \[15F\] and \[14M\] who have taken the death of their older sister very hard. I don't think we will ever fully recover from this but slowly as a family (with the help of therapy) we have started to move forwards.

Her room until now has mostly remained untouched and the door is hard to look at every time we go upstairs. Our family therapist has recommended that we start to go through her belongings when we are ready. My wife and I feel as though we have slowly reached that point and that now would be a good time to do this (as painful as it was going to be). We talked to our other kids and they both agreed that they wanted to help.

My daughter loved to write and she has religiously kept journals since about age 5 or so. When we were going through her room the other day, my wife and I came across the box full of them. We would love to be able to read through them and feel connected to her but we are both worried that it would be a huge violation of her privacy (our kids' privacy is a huge deal to us and before she passed we would have never dreamed of reading them), and an insult to her memory.

I feel like I should also add that prior to her passing, my wife and I both maintained a strong relationship with our daughter. She would generally tell us a lot about the drama of what was going on in her life and the only disagreements we would have were the typical teen moments. So reading the journals for us isn't to catch her out on things she hadn't told us but rather way to have a piece of her with us still.

WIBTA if we decided to read through them? My wife and I are at a stalemate on the decision. We have decided no matter what to keep the journals but as for if we should read through them.... ######

Response:
 NAH

You are not invading your late daughters privacy by wanting to remember her and see how she saw the world to help you cope with the loss.

HOWEVER, thats a pandoras box, you have to make sure you are prepared for.  You 100% are going to learn things, wonderful, sad, sexual, intimate and very deep stuff.  So just make sure you are ready for what your going to read.  Because its everything she would never have talked to you about.

Religious journal keepings going to have a lot of dirty stuff in it, its the safe place to put those thoughts and experiences, as well as dark stuff and possible creative writing practices.

Id talk to the therapist about it first, get professional advice not us anonymous chuckle fucks. ######


Prompt:
I'm in my 30s and almost all my friends now have babies or young kids. Every time they suggest something social it's me traveling to their place so we can chat while we walk the baby, or wait while they put the kids to bed and then we can game. If I turn them down they act put out, like I'm being flakey.

The other day I invited over one friend to mine for a change. She said 'You know I have Kayla, right?'. For most of my friends I'm also usually driving out to see them so it gets a bit tiresome. If I even mention the word 'tired' though I get an eyeroll like I don't know the meaning of the word. ######

Response:
 NAH

You are absolutely allowed to your feelings. It's understandable that you are annoyed with the relationship being more one sided during a time when they have young kids

They are absolutely allowed to put the needs of their kids first. Kids are freaking hard and when they are young trying to do anything around the needs of a child makes it impossible. ######


Prompt:
(Throwaway account, obviously)

So my brother (36) and I (18F) have always been close. We're only half siblings but he adopted me and took me in when our father died several years ago, so he's been more like a parent to me than an older brother. Recently, within the past year he's gotten engaged and I couldn't be happier. She's so kind and there's honestly nothing wrong with her, they'll be great together.

The only problem is my health. I'm not going to go into detail but basically it's a neurological issue and it lowers my life expectancy to about my 40's. Obviously, I have lots of time between now and then and I can still go to college, get a job, etc. for now as it's pretty manageable. But I'm pretty private about it (the life expectancy aspect, quite a few people know I have chronic health issues). The only people who know are immediate family, and only one other friend. Otherwise, I don't want other people knowing. It's not really about embarrassment, I just don't believe anyone else has the right to know and tbh, my brother has been really good about not talking about it.

This happened a couple days ago. I was in the kitchen with both of them when my brother mentioned it in front of her. I gave him a look that I can only describe as "WTF??" as he had clearly told me previously that he would not tell her without my permission. He tried to shrug it off and said something like "it's alright, she knows." Admittedly, I was definitely a bit of an asshole here, and I started yelling (she excused herself from the room pretty quickly). I basically told him that he had no right to tell her and it was a violation of my privacy. He responded by saying that he has every right to tell his fiance, as it's his partner and they don't hide things from each other. The argument was much longer and angrier. Eventually, I was so upset that we agreed it was best that I stayed with my other brother for a couple weeks.

AITA for believing he shouldn't have told her? ######

Response:
 NAH

Would you consider this for just a moment... first let me say I appreciate your anger over this, I appreciate your hurt also. I’m going to ask that you put it aside for one minute and consider this.

Imagine knowing you had a sibling who had issues that would lower their life expectancy. Could you imagine that that would have a mental weight on him? That he hurts. Not to compare to your hurt, it’s your life he is sad about. But can you back away for a moment and imagine he hurts about it, and he would need someone to talk to.

He may have told his partner, not because of malice to you, but because he needs to talk about it. In reality, although it has the most obvious effect on your life, others are impacted and have feelings and need to process.

I would consider that before letting your anger become a resentment. ######