Prompt:
My husband and I have been together for more than 10 years. He is an alcoholic that has only recently admitted his problem and stopped drinking.

For years he would not acknowledge the problem. He went to rehab once, one state away. He came home early because he "didn't actually have a problem ". Years of him passing out, puking everywhere, hiding vodka around the house, lying about drinking lead to him spending the night in his car after I kicked him out.

About three months ago, he didn't come home from work. I called and texted and got no response. I grabbed the kids and drove to the store to get dinner, and happened to find him. Dear hubby was parked on the side of the road, car running, passed out in the driver's seat, with 4 bottles of open alcohol in the seat next to him. After waking him up and taking him home, I left to my parents house with the kids.

He started going to AA. He looked into getting a sponsor. He stopped drinking. He apologized. The kids and I moved back home. Coronavirus happened. AA is shut down. He came home from work today, and he smelled (slightly) of alcohol.

I told him he smelled like alcohol and asked why. He began yelling at me. He called me names, told me I was trying to control him. He called me fat, and told me he didn't live me. When I started to cry, he asked if he hurt my feelings and I said yes. He responded "Good. I want you to feel the way I do."

I don't know if ITA. On one hand he has lied to me about 10,000 about drinking, so my question may be justified. On the other hand, he has been doing great with not drinking during isolation. He made it sound like I broke his heart when I asked why he smelled like alcohol. He felt accused and distrusted . I feel terrible for causing him to feel that way, but at the same time, u feel like my question was justified given his history. AITA for not trusting him? ######

Response:
 NTA, you’re in a very shitty situation and you have every right to be concerned.

I recommend getting you and your children somewhere safer. He sounds emotionally unstable and your children deserve to be raised in a healthy environment. ######


Prompt: So, this is the story. I (17M) have a girlfriend (17F), we have been together for 2 years now. Since we started dating my mom has always had some things she dislikes, for example, me going to her house (while her parents were there) because she doesnt approve that. And I respect her opinion and have said to her she can have her opinion but I dont have to do it the way she wants me to do it. Recently I suggested going to the seaside with my friends and she supported it until I said my girlfriend might also go with us when she made a scene and forbid me to go if she goes. Today I told my mom I will invite my girlfriend to celebrate my name day and she went crazy, saying its not normal to go to someones house before marrying them, asking do her parents know (of course they know) and stuff like that. She attacked me and I said that she doesnt need to involve herself in my relationship as I do not in her marriage. Im on no speaking terms with my mom now and honestly, Im not sorry. Just dont know what to do anymore. Our relationship is awesome, my girlfriend is the most loving, caring person I know and I dont want to lose her. ######

Response: NTA, you’re handling this well, your mom’s a whole different story. Of COURSE it’s normal to visit her house with parents present before marriage?? She’s acting like you’re planning orgies over there. ######


Prompt:
My 19 year old daughter rescued a stray cat outside that has been following her around the house from the outside. The little bastard had been jumping on the roof and running around on the extension to try and meow for attention from her because she kept feeding it bacon.

This was a coupe months ago. She took the cat to the vet and it was given anti flea anti fungal and anti worm and all the rest of it treatments including being neutered which the darling girl of mine stuck the cost of onto daddy’s debit card because of course she did.

Imagine my surprise when she returned from the vet and announced she was keeping the bloody thing.

Now I hate little animals, I’m deeply allergic to cats and in general I’m just not a cat bloke.

It roams around the house like it owns the gaff and it bloody pisses against everything it takes a liking to but my wife and girl are absolutely enthralled with it and it’s very very content to steal the sofas to scratch and sleep on.

It keeps trying to rub up against me and I refuse to let it touch me. I’ve had to ask the pharmacist to give me fexofenadine which is the only thing stopping me from scratching my eyeballs out.

My wife actually got into a mardy with me and snapped at me cuz I refused to stroke the cat and she called me a miserable bastard. My daughter joined in and said the cat only wants to be friends but frankly I don’t care and I don’t want to be friends.

Anyway my darling wife told my darling mother and now she keeps bringing it up everytime she calls me calling me a misery guts.

Am I the arsehole or are they for trying to force me to stroke the cat? ######

Response: NTA, you’re allergic. But it’s not the cat’s fault, you don’t need to be mean or aggressive to it, just stay away from it. ######


Prompt: To start I posed a story about this same aunt before so I'll give a quick summary and move on to the issue at hand.  Long story short my aunt,uncle, and cousin lost their house to a fire and moved in with me for a while.  My aunt accused me of snooping in her things when all I did was accidentally knock it over and tried telling me I couldn't go into the basement of my home, so I told her it was my house and I could go in the basement if I wanted and if she doesn't like it then leave.  Now to the problem at hand. My aunt and uncle are getting evicted from there place because 1 it's very dirty, 2 the smell is just horrible they don't clean the litter boxs,my aunt smokes at least 2 packs a day, and the list goes on.  They called me earlier and asked me if they can move in with me and I said no.  My wife is 2 months pregnant and I'm ahasmaic so neither of us should be around smoke.  And I forgot to mention my aunt smoked in my house after I asked her to the first time she was with me.  I told her no because of how she treated me before and thought she could do whatever she wanted to.  My aunt called me an ungrateful spoiled brat and said I had to let them stay or they would be homeless.  I snapped and told her that it's not my problem you smoke like a pig or the fact you can't get your fucking lazy ass up to clean the litter boxes or even clean the house.   All this is your problem not mine so be an adult for once and don't bug me again.  I might have gone overboard but my aunt literally relays on others and refuses to work and she did this herself not me.  So was I the asshole? ######

Response: NTA, you've learnt your lesson.  Once bitten, twice shy!  I'd suggest any family member attempts to persuade you to take them in, you tell them that you'll tell your aunt they will accommodate them. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway for obvious reasons.

So, I was a sperm donor, and now 20 years later, someone reached out and told me that I'm their father, and they want to be in contact with me.
I said no, I thought that was it.

But she keeps contacting me, she really wants to be in contact with me, get to know her father, etc.

I think I said no about 7 or 8 times now.

My wife thinks I'm being mean because she clearly wont stop asking, so this must be really important to her.

The thing is... as mean and rude as this sounds... I just dont care about this girl, I dont see her as my daughter, I dont want to be her father. And as crude as this sounds... I didn't jizz in a bottle to become a father (bit without responsiblity) so that the child turns up later and *then* I'll be a dad, I did it to make money. I knew that the possibility for some kid turning up at my doorstep was there, but I just thought I could say no and that's it.

My Wife thinks I'm TA because this girl clearly wants a father, or atleast to know me, she says I should atleast meet up with her.

I would be okay with that after she asked a second time or something, but she asked 8 times now, im afraid that if I say yes, then this girl will see something in that, that is just not there, because the reality is, I just dont care about her, she's a stranger to me.

So AITA? ######

Response: NTA, you're not her father, you're just a sperm donor. I get that she wants to meet you, but I think that if it'll happen she would get her hopes up and wouldn't leave you alone. She should respect your decision and let go. ######


Prompt:
For reference I'm 21 years old and currently reside in the north east (US). My parents are mid 50s.

This summer my parents decided to take off and spend the majority of their summer house shopping in Florida, as they're looking to retire soon. I was left home alone for that entire time to take care of the house and dogs. I was working a virtual internship at home and being paid enough to easily support myself living alone (my own food/gas while they still paid the actual bills) in my parents house.

My internship has finished up so my parents want me to fly down to Florida and see the house they just made an offer for. I bought my own round trip ticket (ridiculously cheap cause no one is flying right now) to see my parents and spend the weekend playing golf and hanging out.

Today my dad sprung on me that I should forgo flying home and instead drive with them 5 days later. The drive is about 16 hours and they want to leave 5 days later than I would be on my flight. I don't have much time before returning to school, so I was looking forward to having those last few days to relax at home. Not to mention my school is in the south and I drive, so I'd basically be driving home with them to turn around and drive back the way I came a few days later.  After explaining to my dad that I didn't want to drive back with them as that wasn't the original plan, the limited time I have until I return to school, and the fact that I paid for a flight he freaked out calling me entitled, saying that they needed my help to drive back. I refused and said I'll be taking the flights I paid for and then he said "enjoy your flight, don't plan on staying with us if you won't come back with us" and hung up.

AITA here for not wanting to drive 16 hours? ######

Response:
 NTA, you're not a 10 year old, but it seems like your Dad is behaving like one.

You've already made a major effort to come look at their house as a favor to them, I think he needs to cut you some slack.  I'm in my mid 50s not exceptionally fit (not unfit, either), and as much as I wouldn't enjoy a 16 hour trip, my wife and I could handle it.  Get a room on the way back, or sleep in the car.  Your party, your cleanup. ######


Prompt:
So as this isn’t a relationships subreddit I’ll keep this part brief, I’m specifically asking whether I’m the asshole for ‘blackmailing’ (her words) or ‘giving an ultimatum’ (my words) to my friend.

She lost her job and made an onlyfans. Her fiancé doesn’t know. She knows he would consider that cheating and her fiancé is a very close friend of mine and I know it would destroy him.

My friend has not been discreet about this and is telling all of our friends for the clout because she’s got a lot of ‘yaaassss girl you get that coin’ sort of messages to the few people she opened up to and now word has spread and *guys we mutually know including her fiancé* are aware and paying for her content.

I told her she needs to tell him or I will. She considers this blackmail. I’m trying to protect my friend who I know is a very good person and who would be devastated.

My own best friend has told me to stay out of all of this and to mind my business. My best friend doesn’t know these people at all so she is not invested emotionally. I am autistic and think it’s very clear I need to tell my friends fiancé but she is saying that if my friend lost her job she needs to do what she needs to do to survive. ######

Response: Nta, you're friends with him too. If I was in his shoes that's exactly what I'd want you to do. What's the alternative? He finds out and then finds out you knew and didn't do anything? Id feel like I'd lost friends on top of SO. ######


Prompt:
We’re both in our early 20s. I’m an undergrad student, living with my parents (they cover all of my living expenses) and I have an internship that pays me 40% of the minimum wage where I live. It’s not much, but it’s the money I use for clothes, products, nights out, take out, anything that isn’t strictly necessary for me to survive. Also worth noting I grew up poor so I’m fully in control of what I spend. I’m the first to admit I can be cheap.

My bf, on the other hand, grew up rich in a family that overspends. They earn a lot of money, but spend just as much, so they don’t have a lot to their names or many savings. My boyfriend’s parents cover all of his living expenses + pay him an allowance that is 2,5x bigger than my internship salary.

Now the asshole part — being cheap has allowed me to save some money. I never asked him if he had savings, he never asked me either, but he assumed I would have none since I’m always saying I’m outta money. The thing is, every month I save 30% of what I make. When I say I’m out of money I mean that, in my monthly plan, I have already spent the amount I separated for spending, not including what I always save.

This is where he gets mad at me, saying I’m always refusing to go out to eat somewhere fancier, or trade more expensive gifts because I’m ‘out of money’ when I actually have savings and he has nothing/goes into overdraft every other month. I do say I’m out of money a lot, but I didn’t realize that me saying I was out of money necessarily implied that I didn’t have a dime to my name. I didn’t know that was what he thought was going on.

AITA for saying I’m out of money when I actually have savings?

TL;DR — I tell my bf I’m out of money but I actually save 30% of what I make every month and have savings. He says that was misleading and he thought I had no money at all, and is upset because I say that and we do not go to fancy restaurants or trade expensive gifts. ######

Response: NTA, you're budgeting and sticking to it, that's a good thing. If you were saying you were out of money so your BF would pay for things then you'd be an asshole, but that doesn't sound like it's the case. ######


Prompt:
This isn’t such a big deal but it’s a constant argument between my father and I, almost a daily thing. My father is always saying how he’s just an affectionate man he likes to hug and just hold onto people but I don’t fucking like it. I don’t like being touched all the time to me it’s just annoying and feels restrictive. Every time he holds onto me and i get annoyed he thinks it’s some sort of game and will do it more to annoy me on purpose and the only way to make him stop is to raise my voice. I’m over it enough of these pointless arguments and being made to feel guilty because I don’t like being touched.

So I’m just wondering, AITA? ######

Response: NTA, you're allowed to set personal boundaries. He's the only one in the wrong here. ######


Prompt:
I (18F) was talking with my sister (21F) about relationships, and she asked if I wanted to have kids one day. I said no, and gave a couple reasons as to why. Mostly because I don't want to put my body through the turmoil of being pregnant, and I also just don't really want to be a mom. I said I'd consider fostering or maybe adopting, but it's unlikely. I also said I don't want kids because I want to be someone's favourite person, and a child would end up being my partner's favourite.

My sister said that's a shitty reason to not want kids, and that I'm an asshole for even saying that. She said I'm selfish and manipulative, and should never get married if that's the mindset I have.

Growing up, I was always my parents' least favourite child, my siblings' least favourite sibling, and my friends' least favourite of the group. This is where I think my reasoning behind all of this stems from; feeling inadequate and unwanted by the people around me. My parents also got married, had 3 kids, and then ended up in a loveless marriage. I don't want that to be my future; my partner falling out of love with me and I have to live knowing I'm not special to anyone.

I understand I'm not obligated to have kids if I don't want them, but now I feel like she might be right. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA, you're allowed to not want kids for whatever reason(as long as you're up front about not wanting kids with any potential partners).

That said, seek counciling because you have serious attachment issues to work through. ######


Prompt:
I have a 6 year old yorkiepoo who is, in my opinion, the cutest thing in the world. I used to only dress him for weather, like a jacket and boots if it was cold and a thunder shirt to help him with anxiety during storms, but I noticed that he seemed to really like the clothes I put on him. He would wag his tail and get excited when I took them out and he would pull away when I tried to take his coat off, so I started dressing him in little outfits pretty often. If he cried or seemed upset about it I wouldn't, but he seems to like it some days and other days he seems pretty apathetic and unbothered by it, and I think it's cute. He even waits by his basket of clothes in the morning for me to pick out an outfit for him.

My partner doesn't like that I dress the dog up. He thinks it makes me look like a "crazy dog person" and like "one of those high maintenance people who treat their dogs like accessories." People around town also know that we are partners, so my partner worries that people will think this about them by association. My partner told me I need to stop dressing my dog up but I said no. I think my partner is overreacting and it isn't fair to make this demand. AITA for continuing to dress up the dog even if my partner told me not to? ######

Response:
 NTA, you would be the AH if your dog didn’t like it but it sounds like he actually does. I do kind of understand where your boyfriend comes from with saying that people will judge the both of you for it, because there are many people out there who dislike the thought of dressing up animals. HOWEVER he might have a problem of being a people pleaser if he lets that paranoia of being judged get in the way of things for him.

I would just tell him that the dog enjoys it, you enjoy it, and that if it’s not physically hurting the dog you don’t see the point in stopping. He is the asshole for deciding instead of communicating rationally to insult you. ######


Prompt:
So every wednesday I Hoover/wash the floors in my house (I'm 14M)

I like to leave my dog outside while I'm washing the floors because he has a habit of "leaving feces" on the wet floor. Dont know why he does it.

We have a neighbouring family directly across the street from us and the eldest child has autism (not sure what type, but I know he cant bare loud or high pitched noises)

So today when I let my dog out for approx 20 minutes while I washed the floor, he began to bark after about 10ish minutes, not sure why because he never usually barks but he decided to do that today.

So i wash the floors, let the dog back in and I began to put the hoover/mop back in the cupboard when I hear a knock on my door and to my surprise the police are at the door, so I open it and I'm informed that the neighbour called the cops because of my dog, I basically apologise and the cop scolds me because apparently " I made the neighbours son have a mental breakdown because I refused to take care of my dog"

After the cop leaves I'm just left flabbergasted, because I doubt my dog barking for 10ish minutes forced her son to have a mental breakdown, even though there house is a good 150 feet from our back garden.

So I'm sat on the sofa thinking if putting my dog outside was an a-hole move or not, but I'll let you judge that.

So reddit, was I the A-Hole? ######

Response: NTA, you weren’t being intentionally malicious, and if loud sounds are that big of an issue, I assume the person with autism would have some noise canceling headphones or something. ######


Prompt:
So I’m a 20 year old girl. My best friends brother (16y/o turning 17) has always had a little crush on me growing up. Obviously I care about him and have seen him turn into the person he is and going to be. Three weeks ago we were all hanging out and he pulled a stunt where he bet me something and if I lost I kiss him on the cheek...

when this happened he turned his head making me kiss him on the lips. We all laughed and geeked but since then he will message me some nights begging me to come over with him and that his sister doesn’t have to know. I would tell his sister when he would message me but I wouldn’t tell her the extent to which he would ask. I have religiously told him “no” “that would be bad for you mentally” “you need to have your own experiences with people your age” and he continues on with “I’m past the age of consent” “nobody has to know” he would even try to pull me in and kiss me sometimes, where i would push away and insist no. But i didn’t wanna tear him down either or be real bitchy...

Last night we were all drinking, I went outside and he followed, started with his asking and pulling me in. I continued to chant “no” “this isn’t good” “you need to go to bed” but he kept persisting, so I snapped for a second and kissed him for a couple seconds, thinking “fine! This is all you get”.. but his sister/my best friend came busting out shortly later ordering it to stop. We haven’t talked about it yet and idk what to say, I feel awful that I let it go that far but I was really trying to make him understand why it’s a bad idea without dragging him down. And i guess i just snapped for a second and gave in to get him off my back. Looking back i see I should have been more stern with him. I’m worried my friend thinks more happened than what did and she claims she didn’t hear anything that was said, just saw through a window. Like ive had a pit in my stomach since and I keep wondering if something is wrong with me. ######

Response:
 NTA, you were sexually harassed and assaulted.

He kept badgering you and coercing you multiple times, that is not okay and it’s not your fault. ######


Prompt: So school is online at the moment so we use zoom. We have to have our webcam and microphone on at all times unless we ask to turn it off. Well I(15M) was in class and I had my door open. Well my sister(20F) walks by my door in  short shorts and a sports bra. She is in her own house no big deal. Well she was in the frame of my camera for a second and my friends being them dmed me on zoom heart eye emojis. So I just played it off like nothing happened well then she walks right into my door frame and was about to ask me a question but I slammed the door on her face and locked it. Once I got out of class I apologized saying I was trying not to get 20 15 years olds to see you dressed like that. She was still really mad at me. ######

Response: NTA, you were legitimately trying to protect her. That’s being a good sibling ######


Prompt:
This is relatively short, but here goes. I'm on mobile so apologies for the formatting.

So I (23 genderqueer) have always have a... turbulent relationship with my mother (48f) to say the least. Not that she was outright abusive, but she's definitely dancing on the fringes of Karendom. To give you the scope, she is the type to believe that the cause of economic downfall is solely "foreigners stealing our jobs", something I was heavily against. She used to bully me a LOT for my views, even once called me a terrorist sympathiser for not thinking every Muslim person was bad and that hijabs weren't a big deal.

I may be bias in this description, but it's all I can do.

My relationship with her has semi-cooled in the last month or so, and I went around today to sort out through some old items. I was telling her about my post univeristy plans and maybe applying to study in this abroad program, which had an option to study in Poland, which I said I would not be doing.

Mom: Well, why not?

Me: Poland has some really strong anti-LGBT attitudes there. I wouldn't feel safe.

Mom: Ugh.

Me: What?

Mom: You can't paint every Polish person with the same brush.

Me: I'm not. Their /governmental policies/ make me feel unsafe. Besides, you're not exactly one to talk.

Mom: What do you mean?

Me: You and Stepdad literally have a history of hating Polish people.

Mom: No we don't! We have Polish friends.

Me: You literally both used to blame Polish people for stealing jobs. I remember you guys complaining listening to the news.

Mom: You can't bring up stuff like that from the past. I'm not getting into politics.

I felt justified at the time, but I feel bad reflecting on it. AITA? ######

Response: NTA, you were correct and it doesn't seem you were overly rude or incendiary in the delivery. I wouldn't worry about this small interaction. ######


Prompt:
Basically I recently moved to America from Ireland in the last few months working in an IT. Now despite always finding Americans who say they're Irish or "plastic paddies" as we call them back in Ireland annoying, I knew when people say that in America, they just mean their heritage so "when in Rome, do as Romans do". So on occasion, when I tell people i'm Irish, i'd get the odd American saying "Oh cool i'm Irish too cause my great great great granddaddy was from Ireland" followed by cringey questions like "did you know we Irish were slaves too?" I'd let this slide, smile and nod and just to try to change the subject as soon as possible.

Now in the IT where I work, there's this woman (lets call her Julie) who claims to be Irish because of a grandparent I think and she was basically the plastic paddy stereotype e.g. "I have an Irish temper" and "I had too many Irish car bombs last night". Once again, I let it go because when in Rome. Then one day during a group meeting, when people asked me what its like in Ireland, she kept interrupting me and basically took over the conversation about what its like in Ireland despite admitting to never being. It got to the point where I was becoming visibly irritated but once again said nothing because when in Rome. Then when she went to the bathroom, people started laughing saying "you looked so annoyed there" and I made one comment saying to them "just because your great great grandfather once had a Guinness in Cork doesn't make you Irish" which all but one woman laughed at. That one woman turned out to be one of her closest friends.

Then Julie confronted me about mocking her because obviously her friend grassed. I then just told her straight up she's not Irish and to not speak over me when it comes to experiences in Ireland, and to "stay in your lane". She then went off in a huff and hasn't talked to me since. AITA? ######

Response: nta, you were biting your tongue and someone mentioned it to you specifically. She clearly made a boar of herself and you've unintentionally done her a professional favor by letting her know. I'm surprised no one else called her out before she left the room. ######


Prompt:
For reference I’m black and he’s white.

A couple weeks ago I confronted an acquaintance (we’ll call him M) of mine over his constant use of the n word. In the past I would just ignore because he’s a friend of a good friend of mine and we never hung out much, except occasionally with our mutual friend.

He would say things like “Look what these n****s are doing over there.” and “This n**** is getting on my nerves.” or “My n****!”.

No one else really had a problem with it and I didn’t want to be that one person who bitches over everything so I would usually just let it slide, even though it really bothered me.

Well, that is, until a couple weeks ago. My friend was throwing a get together and M was there. He was playing a video game against someone and he lost. He yelled out “Fucking n****r!”. I got really mad and screamed :

“You don’t just get to say that. You’ve constantly said that in the past and I’ve never said anything before, but now you’re really pushing it. I don’t know who told you it was okay to say it. Don’t ever fucking say that word again.”

The room got really quiet and everyone was staring at me weirdly. I got my bag and left to go home.

So, AITA? ######

Response: NTA, you were absolutely right in correcting Ms behavior  and I'm honestly shocked nobody else did ######


Prompt:
This happened about 5 years ago, but my mom has brought it up recently and renewed the debate.

A bit of background: my parents got divorced when I was 4 (17 now) and they VERY strongly dislike each other. The only reason they act somewhat civil is because of me. They have shared custody, so I live with each for half the week. My mom never remarried, so I remain her only child. My dad remarried to my step mom when I was 6 and she already had 2 daughters, one who is only a few months older than me.

Anyways, I started asking to get my ears pierced the summer before 7th grade. My parents said I was too young to take care of them myself, but they were starting to consider it. Since I am my mom's only child (and therefore only daughter), she strongly believes she should be the one to experience all the girl things with me for the first time. She was very upset she didn't get to help me with my first period, as I was on vacation with my dad's family. She was almost resentful towards my step mom for helping me. She insisted on being the one to teach me how to shave, even though she refused to teach me, even when I started to look like Cousin It.

Getting my ears pierced was also a "rite of passage" she wanted to go through with me. I kept asking, but she would always put it off. One day, my dad went to take my sister out to get her ears pierced, and asked if I wanted to go, too. I said yes, and we went to the typical place where little girls get their ears pierced.

I sent my mom a picture and she was ENRAGED. She was very upset with me for "going behind her back" to do a "feminine rite of passage" with my dad and not with her. She told me she was going to take me and she was... she just never made time for it. She was also mad at my dad for not telling her beforehand.

Maybe I should have at least told her in advance that I was going to get my ears pierced, but I was 11 and wanted them pierced lol. AITA? ######

Response: NTA, you were a kid. Your dad sucks a bit because he knew your mum wanted to experience this milestone with you. Your mum sucks a bit too, since she seems to think she can claim milestones and do absolutely nothing with/about them. ######


Prompt:
On mobile.

I'm currently breastfeeding my month old daughter. I do it wherever I happen to be in the house but mainly in my chair in the living room. Before my daughter was even born, I had chats with my 6 year old son and almost 4 year old step daughter. I explained what breasts were, what they're for, why daughter would be sucking and eating from them, how it's natural and not shameful, and it isn't something for them to stare at and make a huge deal out of. I had to have several repeat conversations with step daughter because she would stare and seemed to make a big deal of it. I answered all questions she had and I thought all was well.

Today my fiance came to me and told me I need to breastfeed in our bedroom only. I told him it wasn't happening. He then told me his daughter tried breastfeeding on her mother and her mom is now throwing a fit because I do it in front of her daughter. AITA if I refuse to breastfeed in the bedroom? It leaves the kids mostly to their own devices. They wouldn't have someone to talk to, feed them, play with them, supervise them, etc. ######

Response: NTA, you went about it in a very thoughtful way, and it's not something you should have to hide especially if you wouldn't be able to supervise the other two. Your husband should have backed you up on this. ######


Prompt:
My husband of almost 9 yrs (who suffers from untreated anxiety and depression-m, age 36) wants us to sell our house and move our family(two sons in elementary) across the country to live in a lower cost state so he can have more land and flexibility to start his mini farm or whatever other business he fancies. It would mean leaving two good paying stable jobs, a great small community with a great school district and all of my family including my aging 70 yr old parents. And I just don't want to. His goals are noble as he wants to live debt free and find a job he is more passionate about in a state with a lower cost of living. He thinks this will make him happy but it means giving up my entire life to move to a state where the only people we know are his family. He is potentially able to work remotely in his field or get another job but my career field is harder to break into after relocation which would mean I probably wouldn't work and would be giving up my career.

And one important fact to consider is that we tried this five years ago- moving to his more affordable home state to be near his family. We ended up moving back to my home state because we weren't happy. This is where we live currently.

This disagreement in our marriage is causing major issues and he's been depressed but I still am not convinced that he would be happy even if we did move. He just isn't very nice to me which makes it hard for me to consider giving up so much on the slight chance this move would make him happy especially when he hasn't been willing to seek conventional treatment for his depession. Aita for refusing to move to try to make him happy? ######

Response:
 NTA, you tried this ‘solution’ once and it didn’t work. There’s no point in sacrificing the stable life you have and upheaving the kids from their friends and school to give it another try.

You mentioned your husband has *untreated* depression and anxiety. I think if he wants to be happy he needs to address that in itself. Moving somewhere else won’t change how he feels. He needs to tackle this head on and see a doctor who can help him move forward - possibly with medication and a referral for the appropriate therapy. ######


Prompt:
I'm 21M, and got a really good job a few months before lockdown, around the same time we both got a puppy together. I've been busy with work through lockdown, whereas my partner deffered study because A. she hates her degree anyway and B. she can't study online.

I've been arguably busier than ever, whereas she's been left to her own devices a lot more recently. Lately she's been getting upset that I'm not paying enough attention to her/spending enough time with her. We go to the park with our puppy twice a day for 1-2 hours each time, I cook her dinner and we watch a movie together every night. We go to a drive in theatre that's still open once a week, and have an average sex life.

I also start work at 6am every morning to maintain the lifestyle we have, because I was finishing too late most days when I worked 9-5 (I work from home full time.)

I decided to talk to her about this, because I personally feel like I dedicate a lot to our relationship. She basically said that she feels like dead weight around the house and has been putting more effort than ever into our relationship, basically all her focus. I, on the other hand, have been working really hard to have a diverse life of interests. So she's felt that on the evenings when I'm worn out from work, that I'm not giving her enough.

She said that she feels like she has to prove her value to me, to make herself feel like she has value. I told her that no matter how hard she tries to show me that she has value, she's never going to believe me when I tell her that she already has it. The only person that can make her feel like she has value is herself, it's unreasonable to expect that from me and makes me withdraw emotionally because it's stressful.

She spent the afternoon crying and hasn't really talked to me since. She got kind of mad at me for saying it? AITA? Is there an asshole here? I don't know. ######

Response: NTA, you stated a truth that she needs to hear. It's fine to put focus in your relationship but ALL of it is very unhealthy ######


Prompt:
This happened a while back but I’m bored so here goes-

 I had mentioned to my neighbour across the street that I was going to buy a sofa bed for our office to use for overnight guests. She offered us a small one she had in her basement that she never used. It was old but in good shape but the mattress had to be replaced. Said great, thanks, and I bought a new mattress for it (she knew I was putting money into it).

So after a year and a half or so I sold the couch and I had also listed a bunch of other stuff on FB because we were changing up the house and moving the guest room and getting a queen bed for it. The couch wasn’t worth anything, there are tons of free couches like it listed on kijiji, FB etc but I wanted to get back what I could from the mattress purchase (it was a $200 mattress and had been slept on once). I ended up selling it for $75.

Neighbour saw my FB ads and she comments on one of the pics saying that if I’m getting rid of the sofa bed she wants it back.

I didn’t respond and then that night she sends me a FB message, “As per my comment, blah blah want the sofa bed back if you are getting rid of it”.

I responded that i no longer needed it so I sold it to recoup some of the cost of the new mattress.

She then blocked me on FB.

Was I TA here by selling it and not offering it back to her first? I had tossed the original mattress. It literally did not occur to me at all to ask her if she wanted it back. ######

Response: NTA, you spent $200 on it! ######


Prompt:
I’m cis but some people around me insist I’m trans. AITA for being mad?

I’m a cisgender woman, I’m a lesbian and have a pretty butch look (short hair, tall, broad-shouldered) but I solidly identify as female. Repeatedly throughout my life, I have been told by multiple people that I may be trans or am in denial about it, and it has gotten extremely frustrating for me because it has gotten to a pretty far point where I’m nearly living my life as a male even though I’m not male and I don’t want to be. In my group home when I was around 14 I was called by a male name instead of my female name assigned at birth, and was told by multiple peers (including trans friends) that I was trans like them. I know they didn’t mean any harm, but it made me feel a little uncomfortable, because I’m not male and being misgendered all the time made me start questioning my identity even though previously I had no issue with it. I came out to my mom a couple years ago and she told me she thought I was trans and not gay. My mom told me she believes I have the spirit of a boy and I may be confused (she’s both homophobic and transphobic, so I’m not sure why she would care either, but I think it would be easier for her to accept that I am trans rather than having an extremely masculine daughter).

When she made a joke about me being male recently, I got angry and told her that she and everyone else who’s said the same thing is misrepresenting who I am. We got in a fight about it and I argued that I want her to stop talking about it and she explained that she believes butch lesbian and trans are the same thing, and I’m just trying to be a boy. I’m not sure if she misunderstands or if she’s saying that to spite me. I’ve been sort of afraid to say anything back to these people because I don’t want to come off as transphobic and I acknowledge I should’ve set boundaries at the beginning.  AITA for getting mad at her comments? ######

Response: NTA, you shouldn’t have to continue to explain to people why you want to be referred to as your preferred name and gender. It’s a lack of boundaries and lack of respect issue if people who know you continue to misgender you. I can’t imagine why they can’t understand that you’re comfortable with who you are, and in the body you have. ######


Prompt:
So here's the thing. We're out of quarantine but the rules are still strict. If you enter transportation without a mask you'll get fined. Another way to distance each other in buses, methods etc. is that they forbid us from sitting next to each other. They have put a sign on every two seats to remind people.

Another problem is that is young people stay in home to protect the elderly, yet in my country the elderly refuse to stay home and it's extremely annoying.

Today I had a group meeting with some other students to talk about a team project. I had to carry many things with me, like A1 papers and my designer.

When I finally sat on the bus, my back and hands ached like crazy. It didn't help the fact that today we had a heatwave. I managed to let my backpack to the seat next to me.

Now she enters. An old entitled Lady (around 60 or so). She is loud and she's not wearing a mask which is illegal. She comes to me(I was close to the door) and tells me to pick up my bag so she can see. I showed her the sign and told her that she can't sit here.

She responded, that I'm a rude bitch, I don't respect the elderpy, I steal all the space etc.

Once again I told her she's not allowed to sit next to anyone. She then proceeds to call me an asshole.
The thing that got me was that other people in the bus told me I was rude and didn't respect the elderly.  I really didn't want to be a Karen, but I was tired, achy and followed the law.

I'm writing this from my phone, and on the bus. Please tell me if I made any mistakes (English is not my first language)

AITA? ######

Response: NTA, you shouldn't be pressured into letting anyone come within a safe distance of you during a pandemic. Usually you should give your seat to the elderly but in this case if you were sore from a days work you weren't in the wrong. ######


Prompt:
I lost a lot of weight (over 100lbs) in a short period of time, I understand it can take some getting used to, but I'm very tired of the comments.

I am a 24 year old guy, this kind of shit doesn't usually bother me but I can't seem to go a single day at work without some comment about my weight loss. It's been non stop since we reopened after lockdown.

Here are some of the rumours about me: I have cancer, I have aids, I'm on drugs.

I'm tired of it. Yes I'm quite skinny now, but no one was "concerned" about me when I was fat! It's all fake, they don't actually care, it's just gossip to them. There are plenty other people at work that are my weight or thinner, and no one cares!

A couple of coworkers seem legitimately concerned, but they were more polite. Even then I still get annoyed because my weight is quite frankly nobody's business but mine. People will bring me food from the vending machines and stare at me when I eat and it makes me nervous. I'm on a strict diet because obviously I have to MAINTAIN my weight loss, I can't just eat chocolate bars.

Yesterday one of the more gossipy ones, an older lady in her 50s, approached me in front of everyone telling me she was concerned I wasn't healthy and I wasn't able to do my job.

I'm perfectly able to do my job. I angrily told her it was none of her business and that if there were issues with how I was doing the job someone higher up would tell me. She then asked me straight up if I was using drugs. I yelled at her "I'm not on drugs and I don't have cancer either. Is a fat person losing weight really this shocking to you?" I then I turned to everyone watching and said if they make one more comment I'm going to HR.

Since then people have been kind of avoiding me and I wonder if I dealt with it too harshly. My only friend left at work said that people felt a bit uneasy around me and they thought I was overly aggressive.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA, you should go to HR.  If they were talking about your weight loss with admiration that's one thing, but this sounds a lot more like defamatory accusations.

edit- I'm not going to creep through your post history but based on numerous comments please look out for your health and see a doctor to make sure you're losing weight safely. ######


Prompt:
So I’m still working (grocery/retail store) with the whole COVID pandemic going on, except now I’m working long hours almost everyday of the week (I’ve worked 12 days in a row with no day off). I get pretty annoyed with my job as I often deal with shitty management and rude customers regardless of the situation that’s going on.

Every time I try to complain to my family about work they just say, “well at least you’re working”, “you’re getting paid stop complaining”, etc.

I understand that I’m lucky I’m still employed while others are struggling to meet ends meet but I just want people to sympathize with me that my job isn’t all that great either.

I feel as though I have a right to complain. I have to deal with rude customers who are constantly getting angry from long lineups, less product in the store for their choosing, prices, and set limits for certain supplies. All while these people are surrounding me constantly when you’re supposed to be social distancing. Not to mention the little to no paid PPE from my job (I have to pay for my own PPE).

I go to work and expose myself everyday to this virus so that people can buy the things they need. I’m just sick of people saying I’m lucky because I have a job meanwhile I’m putting myself and my family at risk at all times with no benefit except for a minimum wage pay check.

AITA for complaining about being employed while others are seriously struggling. ######

Response: NTA, you should be grateful you’re working but that doesn’t mean you can’t be upset with your situation. I’m in the same boat man hope this all blows over soon. ######


Prompt:
Hey all, I’m a college cheer coach, and when I recruited a school I noticed that their coach wasn’t exactly the best. She seemed very rude to the team, and in general. (Which isn’t why I’m posting, just a bit about her). She didn’t care for safety, as she would have the girls throw baskets when they practiced under a low ceiling, and the girls would subsequently crash into the ceiling but she would tell them to suck it up or get taken out. That in itself is a major safety violation, and she does blatantly. I called her out on it, but she laughed and said it doesn’t matter. I wrote an email to the AD, but never got a response.

Now the same coach is making the team fundraise for her and two girls to go to Hawaii for a cheer camp. Which I don’t think the whole team should have to fundraise. But the real kicker is that she plans on taking her family as well, and that her family is included in the team fundraising. I feel like that’s a big no no, and pretty unethical.

So Reddit. Would I be the asshole if I reported this coach for her blatant safety disregards and now this fundraising stunt to her ADs? I would get in contact with the other assistant ADs for this happen. I feel like I should step in as I also coach this sport and don’t want to see other people get hurt because of this coach. Thanks all! ######

Response: NTA, you should *absolutely* be reporting her for breaking safety violations. As an ex-cheerleader I almost wanted to say Y T A for not having reported her as soon as she had her team doing something as dangerous as basket tosses under a low ceiling. ######


Prompt: I pay for my own Hulu account and I let my mom watch tv on it which is fine because that’s my mom. I was at my boyfriends and signed in on my account on the tv in his room, but his sister took the tv into her room and has been using my account. I found out because I was looking at my watch history and there were a bunch of shows I don’t watch on it. I asked my boyfriend and he said she took the tv today. Am I the asshole for removing the tv from my device history? She’s been complaining and texting me to let her use it again. Calling me selfish and how she just wants to watch tv because she’s bored. Mind you she’s 17 with no job and always is asking me for favors. I don’t feel bad but she texted me a long message about how the tv went out while she was in the middle of the show. This happened once before on the downstairs tv and his mom wanted me to sign in for her so she could finish her show because she didn’t want to pay for her own account...I didn’t. I don’t feel like an asshole and my boyfriend said it’s not a big deal, but she keeps bugging me to let her back on. I don’t think I’m selfish or stingy. I work my own job and can afford it. ######

Response: NTA, you pay for it with your own money and therefore you decide who gets to use it. It would be different if she was sliding you a few bucks a month for it, but kinda rude of her to keep insisting on you giving it to her. ######


Prompt:
She has started doing this thing where when we order food she will tell me she doesn't want something I am getting, a milkshake for example. We get our food and then she'll ask for a bite. No problem. But it never is just one bite or even half of my food. She'll finish all of it. After this kept happening, I thought I could just order two of whatever I was getting and that would work. Wrong. If I order an extra for her after she tells me no she never eats it, so it goes to waste.

The same thing happens if I cook. I eat meat and she does not and has not for years, but she recently started wanting some of it and then would eat it all herself the same way she was doing with our takeout. If I ask her if she wants me to fix a portion for her, she says no because "she doesn't eat meat" and will even get upset at me for asking because I am "trying to get her to eat meat."

I do meal prep for myself, and the story is the same for that too. She eats the meals I have prepared for lunch.

This happens all the time now, at almost every meal. It never matters what I do or how I try to plan ahead because the result is always the same. I finally got so fed up with having to always find something else for myself and started refusing to give her any of my food. I told her if she wants her own then let me know and I will get it but otherwise she can't have any of mine. I tried to be reasonable and compromise, but she has given me no choice.

She thinks I am an ogre for refusing to share food with her since she is having my child and I need to support her, but all I am asking for is for her to stop taking all of my food after I have given her every chance to have her own! AITA? ######

Response: NTA, you offered to prepare her an extra portion so you could have yours and she could eat as well. Next time, prepare the extra, stick it somewhere it'll keep warm, and when she's done eating yours, bring it out and finish your dinner. When she asks what's going on, tell her you made the extra b/c you knew she was going to eat most of your food. ######


Prompt:
I have been noticing this for a while. Back before we had out daughter, everything on her Instagram was about our son (6). Nothing strange about that. She loved showing him off and taking pictures between them, but as soon as our daughter (3) was born, I noticed the shift.

Out of the \~71 photos she has posted since January 1, I saw one of just her and our son. It was one she posted on his birthday, and it wasn't even a new photo of him. She has \~32 photos of her and our daughter or our daughter by herself. The rest are family photos. This is basically the pattern you see if you go all the way back to when our daughter was born.

If our son hated taking pictures, I could understand. He doesn't. My wife just seems to be obsessed with our daughter and particularly doing  matching outfit photos of the two of them. I could feel she was more excited about her pregnancy with our daughter than our son, and this has only continued.

I'm not saying my wife is a bad mother to our son, but I see the favoritism.

I sat her down and told her that she is favoring our daughter and someday our son is going to see this and wonder why she loves him less than our daughter. She took offense to this and cried because she said I was telling her she was a bad mother. She denied that she is favoring our daughter but to me the proof is in the photos.

AITA for what I said? ######

Response: Nta, you noticed the favoritism early on and called it out. I am the oldest of 3 other brothers and the "baby" of the family is definitely the favorite, at first the favorite was my 2nd brother but then 7 years later mom had another kid and he became the favorite. It's fucked up psychology but in the US I think it's natural because my high school friends went through similar shits. My dad always called it out though so you should definitely be that dad because your boy will hopefully remember you sticking up for his ass too. ######


Prompt:
I (29f) am German. I'm married to an Australian. For the last 5 years we have been living in Australia but I have always been very clear about the fact that I would eventually want to move back to Germany, especially when it was time to have kids. My husband was on board and last year we started looking for jobs in Germany. I got one pretty much straight away. My husband had some more trouble but eventually he found something too. We were set to move in September. My parents organised a nice house for us and everything looked great.

Unfortunately due to certain events I have been furloughed and am on jobseeker's. My husband is still working luckily. We figured since we're moving to Germany soon I could come off birth control. We'll apparently I'm very fertile because I got pregnant pretty much straight away. At first we were both overjoyed but then a few days later my husband basically broke down and said he didn't want to leave Australia and he wants his child to grow up here.

I was absolutely gobsmacked because he never said anything that would have made me think that he wasn't on board with Germany. I told him that pretty much from day 1 I had been very clear about where I eventually wanted to live and that I I still felt the same. It escalated into a huge fight and eventually we broke up. I'm devastated but also feel betrayed in a way. This happened 7 weeks ago. 3 days ago I arrived in Germany. I had to get away since he basically kicked me out of our house and I didn't see why I would look for a place in Australia when I will start my new job in September.

My (ex) husband thinks I should have stayed in Australia since the baby was conceived there. He thinks I stole the baby from him and accused me of fleeing the country. ######

Response: NTA, you made it very clear from the beginning that you wanted to move to Germany and he agreed. You both made plans to move and you did. You're not "fleeing the country", you just did what you (both!) had planned. He should have told you from the beginning how he felt if he didnt feel like moving to Germany. ######


Prompt:
Hi, so today, I(16M) and my family was talking about something that can't be mentioned in this subreddit. I said that I wanted to say what I thought about that subject, and my sister started giggling about how I was going to say something stupid probably taken from a youtube video. My dad laughed with her and insinuated that I was going to say something dumb, and my mom said how she was going to see if I was her son, insinuating that she is smart. I really got offended since my whole family was saying that I was dumb, and I really don't think so. I have really bad grades since I started studying in Switzerland (in German), and that's my 4th language, so I get 3 and 4 out of 6 regularly. After that, I took my dishes, cleaned them and came to my room (I had already finished my dinner). Everyone says that I should come back and that was being rude. I am now in my room and I wonder, AITA here? P.S.: sorry for grammar errors, I'm not a native speaker.

&#x200B;

Edit: 30 min later, my mom knocked and apologised, my sister was embarrassed and my dad didnt say anything. Thank you all for the advice!  ######

Response:
 NTA, you made an intelligent choice by removing yourself when you were upset. Even if they were only joking, they still hurt you and once they saw how they made you feel they should have reached out to apologise.
        Regardless though, being able to remove yourself from a situation rather than escalating it and getting into a fight shows a lot of maturity.
Well done on your grades - most people struggle to get decent grades in their first language, let alone their fourth! ######


Prompt: A few months ago I found a pair of Birkenstock’s at a thrift store. The exact style and size I wanted, perfect condition, for $17. I couldn’t believe it! I have been searching for some for years. I lent them to my sister so she could wear them to the beach yesterday. She comes in the house barefoot and I don’t think much of it, they’re probably in her car or bag. I ask her later that night for them as I was heading out and she realizes she forgot them at the beach. She said they started to hurt her feet so she opted to go barefoot and must have left them on accident. She goes back to check but they were no where to be found. I’m upset, of course, but she didn’t mean it on purpose. They’re shoes and can be replaced. These shoes are $100 new. I told her she could give me money, or she could buy a new pair herself. She said it wasn’t fair that I only paid $17 and she’d have to pay so much more. The ones she lost were real leather, and I wanted her to buy the vegan leather as a replacement, as I don’t buy new leather. This is already saving her 30 to 40 bucks. I told her I’d be fine with a second hand pair in good condition, and told her of a few websites were she could find some. Even those were around $50-60 dollars and she didn’t want to pay it. I loved those sandals and barely even got a chance to wear them because it was still cold when I found them. AITA for making her pay for new sandals? ######

Response: NTA, you lose someone’s stuff, you replace it. ######


Prompt:
I'm a 22 year old dude.

So I was in the emergency room last night, and they ended up diagnosing me with something called Epiploic Appendagitis, which I will spare you specific details but roughly once a month a lot of blood comes out and I get extremely bad stomach pain.  The stomach pain was bad enough that I felt the need to go to the ER during a pandemic yesterday, to give some sense of scale.

My family followed me to the hospital, and were waiting outside in the car for five hours while they ran various scans on me.

After I got discharged and I was talking with my family about how there wasn't really any treatment plan for it (it's not actually a super serious condition) and I'd probably just have to deal with it, I said something along the lines of "it can't be worse than having a period once a month"

My sister, 19, called me insensitive, my mom found it hilarious, and my dad said I probably shouldn't talk about things I don't know much about.

My sister is still kind of pissed at me, but I honestly don't think I was making light of periods or anything.  I mean I was in the hospital with enough pain that they were talking about giving me the good stuff (which I turned down, but it was offered). And it seems that unless I get my nutrition just right, I'm going to be in that amount of pain at random points for the rest of my life.

But also my dad is right and I genuinely don't know what I'm talking about.  I mean I did grow up with a little sister and good parents who explained everything so I'm not ignorant on periods at all but I might be missing something.

I probably wouldn't tell anyone outside my family that I even have this at all, so I don't really have to worry about whether I make this joke in front of others, but I kind of want to know if it is a dick thing to say. ######

Response: NTA, you literally made light of your issue by saying it's not as bad as a period. ######


Prompt:
I (15M) live with my little sister (11F) and mother.

My mother and little sister argue A LOT. My little sister does show some problems with anger and will start yelling very easily.

One of the most recent very bad arguments was about her bed time. I was not present as it happened in my mom’s room, but I could most definitely hear both of them screaming at each other.
After, my little sister told me she had been pinned against the bed. Though I didn’t see it, so I can’t confirm that, it is very possible that could have happened.

I went into my mother’s room, and this conversation followed:

Me: “Can I say something that you might not like? About arguing with [my littler sister]?”

Mother: “Yes”

Me: “I think it would be better if you tried to keep your cool more. She’s never gonna learn to regulate emotions if her role model for that is yelling a lot too”

Mother (now annoyed): “Just get out, [my name]”

She was cold to me for the rest of the day and when I brought it up to my aunt I was also told I was an asshole for “disrespecting my own mother”.
However, I really tried to do it respectfully and didn’t think I came off as rude.

Am I the asshole? ######

Response: Nta, you just pointed that out politely ######


Prompt:
Backstory: me and my bf have been together for just over two years and he recently got his own place. lived with me for 8/9 months till he got his place

So my bf recently got his first flat. while not the best out there it's not too bad for a first place to live ny yourself. i couldn't move in with him as it was off the local council as he grew up in care. now when he lived with me he was a bit messy but it was never too bad. normally only took a few minutes to sort ot out. since he moved in just before the lock down i have only just been able to see him for the first day in ages. i went round and his flat was disgusting. he had shit every where. the window was tightly closed with the curtains drawn.

His flat stank to high heaven. like I had to make sure to breathe threw my mouth for most of the time i was there. when i was leaving i told him im not coming round again till he had properly deep cleaned hia place. he started going on about how i knew he was a messy person and i knew what i was getting into. First of all there's being a messy person i will admit i am bit of a messy person i don't always put stuff away and can leave things lying out sometime and forget about it for a while. but there's being messy and being a a pig and living in a pig stye. i told him it was none negotiable and he started calling me an arse hole for the hole thing. i said im not being an arse hole for refusing to sit a dirty flat with the window and curtains shut stinking it up even mode. safe to say i left and refusing to go back

he decided to start messaging some friends as we share quite a few of the same friends telling tug me about what happened with some saying i was and others saying i was right and i should have to sit in those conditions

Guess i am asking AITA for refusing to see my bf till he sorts his flat out ######

Response: NTA, you if you don't set your boundaries, then there won't be any when it matters. Also a small thing, but if my gf is coming over i clean up everything, clothes, dishes, etc. Because despite being over 2 years i still want to impress her and not have her be in the mess i live in. If he truly cares, he will get his act together. He's just forced to act on something he knows isn't right or good, and he's lashing out like a child. Like a child who got an F in a class and gets pissed at his parents for calling him out. He doesn't like that his mistake and fuck ups were mentioned, when they should be getting fixed ######


Prompt:
Some years ago I was driving to work when I was struck by another vehicle who... let’s say the other driver (Jackass) should not have been driving at that time. I’ll always remember him laughing his fat ass off as the ambulance pulled away.

Long hospital stay, multiple surgeries, fired from my job, lots of unkind gossip; and my kids/husband/parents and I suffered.

I managed to claw my way into a good job now but went through a lot of shit first.

Although Jackass has never apologized to me, his pastor  (my dad’s stepbrother’s wife’s nephew) reached out to me to express he’s “sorry” and “in a program”. He asked me not to proceed with the lawsuit as it’s not “Biblical”.

Their “church family” harassed and bullied me a ton over the years, to the point that law encirclement & my kids’ schools have had to get involved.

I just settled the lawsuit for max $$ though I have perm scars, PTSD, and physical limitations as a result of my injuries. There are people who refuse to be around me bc of being grossed out by my scars.

Pastor called me again, reiterated Jackass is sorry, and that for his “recovery” I am somehow obligated to forgive him in front of his very large congregation. I told Pastor to go fuck himself and have let everyone know that I’m afraid of Pastor and of Jackass.

Step-uncle (whom I’ve never liked) just called to ask me to reconsider - apparently MY calling the cops and filing the lawsuit has caused both Pastor and Jackass to have trouble at their jobs. Apparently Jackass wants to get his citizenship & Pastor wants to be a foster parent and claim my refusal to forgive blocks both.

Step-uncle’s family never ONCE reached out to see how my family and I were doing. But they organized a meal train and a free lawyer for Jackass.

I maintain that IDGAF, I never heard any compassion or remorse from Jackass or his church; why should I care about their ego now.

Who’s TA here? ######

Response: NTA, you have no obligation to forgive him and based on the behavior of the involved parties after the fact, actively making it worse, there is no reason to. ######


Prompt:
Here's the situation... I recently had a baby. When I found out I was pregnant I decided to buy a house as my apartment is a 1 bedroom and much too small. I found a building with 3 seperate apartments, which I planned to move into the 3 bedroom on the bottom floor.  I closed on the house in March and informed the tenant about my plans to move in.

Because of covid I agreed to allow them to stay a few month's longer,  but now the covid in our area has subsided for the most part and business are opened back up.

I wouldn't be in such a hurry except that I've had several complaints from neighbors and my other tenants about the property.  These people have at least 8 cars parked in the front of the house at a time, most of them unregistered and no inspection.  I received an Order to Remedy Violation from the town zoning officer.  And the entire yards looks like a scrap yard with all the car parts and tires laying around. One of my good tenants told me she plans to move if they aren't gone soon because she can't stand the "ruckus" that goes on every day.

There are also repairs needed to the plumbing and windows in the basement that they are not allowing me to get to.

I feel like they are taking advantage of my kindness and my property. I know it's hard to find a place that quickly and move out but we don't have a lease and in my state I'm only required to give the 30 days. ######

Response: NTA, you have no legal requirement for a longer notice period and they are very definitely problem tenants who are likely going to cost you money (be prepared to repair the damage they have/will cause to the unit) and possibly other tenants. You will be the asshole, on the other hand, if you don't get rid of them since they are making life worse for your good tenants and your neighbors. ######


Prompt:
I don’t drink, I haven’t for nearly two years.

My dad likes to drink a lot, my brother is a straight up alcoholic in denial our family/his wife have tried to help. But he claims he’s fine.

When both of them drink they became even bigger sexist, racist assholes. They make sexist comments about women, gross homophobic jokes about the LGBT community and throw around the N Word more than they should (we’re white that word should never leave their mouths)
I am a pansexual woman.

My brother hangs out with me a couple times a week because we have a lot in common and like hanging out, but every time he comes over he brings at least two six packs of beers. He leaves empty bottles all over the place, once in the shower. My bins are in my parking lot (literally two feet from his own car) but even if I ask he won’t take them to the trash when he leaves. It thoroughly annoys me because I don’t like having any of it in my house.

Last week my brother and I planned a “sleepover” to get stoned and hang out, our usual thing. I told him please not to bring alcohol over because I didn’t want it here. The next day my brother cancelled the plans because he was “busy”

Queue videos on Snapchat of him at a mates drinking. Fine he got a better offer.
But it hurt, I know he cancelled our plans because I asked him not to bring booze but I’m also not comfortable having alcohol in my house anymore because when he starts drinking he’s an asshole and likes to start fights about issues he knows I care about i.e woman’s right, gay rights, sexism etc. He makes rude comments and when I get upset or argue against it he tells me to “calm down it’s just a joke” but I don’t find it funny.

I don’t want alcohol in my home but I’m worried it’ll hurt my relationship with him if I don’t allow him to drink at mine.
Should I hold my ground or give in and just let him drink so I can have a relationship with my brother (I’ve already been disowned by my sister for various reason) ######

Response:
 NTA, you have boundaries and your brother crosses them when he drinks. Since he obviously can’t drink in moderation, banning alcohol entirely seems like your only option so you can enjoy your time with him.

If you’re able to, maybe sit down with him and explain why you’d prefer no alcohol; but that you also don’t want to lose the relationship you have with him. ######


Prompt:
An old friend I knew from AA 15 years ago reached out  for money saying she and her husband were broke due to covid and she had already exhausted family and friends. I said I would paypal her 100 bucks. No problem.

When she got the money she then texted, thanks and by the way she was still “ bouncing” (a term meaning unable to stay clean/sober and her drugs of choice is opiates).

So of course I started texting her asking if she was ok and if she was using. I said don’t worry about the money, I just want to make sure you are ok!!!

No response.. i tried again later that night and twice the next day. No response.

I reached out to a mutual acquaintance who informed me she “got me” and was using and had almost died from an overdose last year.

I texted her one more time and said I was sending the police to do a wellness check if she didn’t respond. I was freaking out she was going to OD on money I gave her. No response.

I called the non emergency number for local police in her town and told them I was concerned about her. They asked why and I said she may have relapsed. I didn’t say on what.

So they went to her house and she was fine and then my phone blew up with indignation and threats and profanity. Blocked.

So..  AITA?? ######

Response: NTA, you have a heart of gold but I'm hoping you know this person was just taking your money for a fix. ######


Prompt:
Me and my boyfriend recently (6 months ago) moved in to our first property together, in which we have a spare bedroom that we agreed to rent out to a friend of mine who has never left home, let's call her M. For some context I have been friends with M for almost 20 years, always pretty tight and open with each other.

6 months down the line her boyfriend has asked her to move in with her, not great timing as my father has just been in a car accident which nearly took his life and I was also up for redundancy, but if this is what will make her happy then I'm fine with it. Took a couple of weeks for them to find a place and we found someone to take her room who we trust. Now all we needed to do was organise the moving date.

Now I repeatedly ask M to provide me her moving date and she first said September, then end of August and finally the beginning of August. I needed a solid date to provide my new tenant for their move, so I had a verbal agreement with M that if I wasnt provided a date by july 14th, that her moving date would be set to august the 1st. This mean i can give my new tenant a set date as they desperately need one.

Now M decides to go to france for a 2 week holiday and does not provide me with a moving date so it's set to august 1st. 3 days ago she informs me through Facebook messenger (whilst upstairs in the same house) she wont be able to move until august 8th. I tell her this isnt really acceptable, we had an agreement and the date must stay as august 1st due to commitments I have made with other people.

After calling me unfair and saying she did everything she could have done in the situation, which I feel isnt true, she has not spoken to me since. She immediately started to pack her things and move out, including taking an mattress that belongs to my mum without asking and called me pathetic when I asked for its return. AITM for expecting her to move out a week early? ######

Response:
 NTA, you had an agreement and she has to stick to that! It seems like she really didn’t care or try to sort this situation out for herself and now she has to deal with it herself, it’s not your problem at all!

P.S. try to get that mattress back, not cool M! ######


Prompt:
My husband (30m) and I (30f) are expecting our first child, a girl. I'm 30 weeks along, and we're very excited, as are our families. I've always gotten along with my Mother In Law, so this was pretty surprising.

Unfortunately, his grandma passed away recently, and his family is understandably devastated. My MIL (Grandma's only daughter) asked us if we would consider naming the baby after Grandma. We haven't fully picked out a name yet, so ordinarily we'd consider it, but there's one big issue with the name: His grandma's first name was Hermione. In case anyone doesn't know, Hermione is a main character in the Harry Potter series and it's a pretty uncommon name, so anyone who met our daughter would assume she's named after that Hermione (who I have nothing against, I do like the books and movies). Harry Potter is so popular that I'm positive that she'd be teased for it.

MIL called us again last night, asking about the name, and we said we didn't want to name her after Grandma. MIL asked why, and we said that since Harry Potter is so popular, she'd be teased about it and asked questions about it her whole life. MIL got upset, and was crying a little. She said "we cared more about some books and movies than her dead mother" and that we were "dishonoring" Grandma and proved that we didn't care about her or MIL.

We've since been getting texts from FIL and SIL saying that we were breaking MIL's heart and ruining Grandma's memory. I was talking with my sister about it, and she said we should at least consider it as a middle name and shouldn't have been so negative with MIL.

I'm feeling guilty, since Grandma was a very kind person and I'd like to honor her memory somehow, and maybe we should have compromised somehow? AITA? ######

Response: NTA, you get to choose your kids name. People can get weird about what you name your baby. If you want to make a compromise with her and still honor grandma, maybe it'd be possible to use the middle name? ######


Prompt:
Hi everybody. It’s me. Again.

I recently went to Walmart with my mom and younger siblings and my younger brother (9, autistic which is relevant because of what my mom said) was preparing for summer camp. My mom said he needed to pick a towel. He picked a pink one with pretty butterfly’s. I said,”good choice, bub.” And my mom immediately looked upset. She asked him,”don’t you want one that’s less girly?” He started crying. She was like,”fine, whatever. Get that one.” I pulled him aside and told him that it’s okay to like things that other people consider girly because objects aren’t gendered and he should just pick what he liked. My mother was fuming. He wanted to window shop in the toy aisle so we walked over there and while he was browsing, she told me that I was way out of line and he’s already autistic and she doesn’t want to give kids one more thing to pick on him for. Now I’m 19. I told her this isn’t the 90s. Kids don’t do shit like that and I was a kid a very short time ago so I should know but she berated me over and over for it and we got in another argument about it today.

TL;DR: AITA for telling my brother to like whatever he wants despite what my mom says?

So reddit, AITA here? She’s making me second guess myself. ######

Response: NTA, you gave your brother good advice. Your mother's attitude is outdated. And the fact that people might make fun of him is no reason to discourage him expressing himself authentically. That's a crap message to send to your kid. ######


Prompt:
I’m sure I’d be TA here but I wanted to double check because I’m an idiot.
I gave my girlfriends nephew $800 for his class trip. The trip cost around $2400USD & I felt generous after hearing his parents were struggling to meet the monthly payments. I gave it to him in private and really adore this kid.

Now, his class trip has been cancelled. His mother and father now have possession of the money and intend on using for their own purposes.
The money was a gift to him, not their family.

WIBTA if I asked for the money back? If not, I’m lost as to how to bring it up without coming across as a douchebag BIL.

Edit: it appears the money may be allocated towards a family vacation. Not sure how that changes people’s opinions. ######

Response:
 NTA, you gave a conditional gift. The condition was that the nephew got to go on the class trip.

You could bring it up by offering to hold on to it until the trip is rescheduled, or ask them to hold on to it for his next class trip/big event. ######


Prompt:
I am a (16f) and I work part time at Walmart to save up money for college. My parents aren’t very well off and haven’t saved any money for my education. I don’t blame them for this but it’s also been stressing me out, which is why I wanted to get a job.

My grandma lives in England and came to my house to visit more than a month ago. My mom has been begging me to give my grandma $500 because I am the first of her grandchildren to get a job and it would be a special gift. My mom also thinks that I should give her this money to show appreciation to her because my grandma has sent me money in the past. However, that was only once and my mom made me lie to my grandma and say I received the money even though my mom used it all. My mom has also been taking my money for other things and calling me selfish and ungrateful if I object.

This really bothers me because I am trying to save up money for college because my parents never did. It feels as though if my parents cared about my future they would leave my money alone and see that I am trying to better myself. I think it’s also important to mention that my grandma and I have absolutely no relationship due to distance.

I feel really bad and guilty because it’s always been ingrained in me that you’re supposed to give up anything for family and you’re not supposed to disrespect your elders. Am I the asshole for not wanting to give up a piece of my college money for my grandma? ######

Response: NTA, you earned the money- spend it on what you want. I also feel like surely your grandma would be happy you’re saving for college? The idea of giving her $500 cash as a gift seems ludicrous to me, esp at age 16 ######


Prompt:
From the age of 13-17 yo I went to a boarding school where I was bullied. Although there were many people that treated me like shit, there was this one guy who's worse than the others. From name calling to physical bullying, he did it all. I was horrified of him. Really horrified. It went to a point that I absolutely willing to do anything so just I won't have to stumble upon him.

At the age of 15 I was diagnosed with anxiety disorders and depression. Sure he wasn't the only cause of it but he sure did his fair share. I couldn't drop out of the school because I went there on scholarship. Dropping out would mean I have to pay it back. Could not really talk to any adults either because snitches get way more stitches.  In the subsequent years, I learned to make myself small so that nobody would notice my presence. Things did not get better but it's bearable.

A few days before I officially finished my highschool and went my own ways, he came to me apologizing. I asked him why he treated me horribly for all those years. He told me that there was no reason for it. Apparently I might've rub him the wrong way somehow. He asked me to forgive him because once we out of school we probably will never met again.
I told him no.

A few days ago, his wife reached out to my friend asking for my number. She called me asking if I'm willing to talk to his husband. Apparently he's not in good condition health wise and is still bothered that I didn't accept his apology. I don't know the details but my friend told me he's dying.

My therapist told me that I need to let go of my past. My boyfriend told me to be the bigger person and  I will be TA if I were to ignore him.

WIBTA if I still refuse to talk to him or accept his apology? ######

Response: NTA, you don’t have to forgive him just because he wants you to. You don’t owe him anything- he was TA from the beginning ######


Prompt:
I (18F) was talking with my sister (21F) about relationships, and she asked if I wanted to have kids one day. I said no, and gave a couple reasons as to why. Mostly because I don't want to put my body through the turmoil of being pregnant, and I also just don't really want to be a mom. I said I'd consider fostering or maybe adopting, but it's unlikely. I also said I don't want kids because I want to be someone's favourite person, and a child would end up being my partner's favourite.

My sister said that's a shitty reason to not want kids, and that I'm an asshole for even saying that. She said I'm selfish and manipulative, and should never get married if that's the mindset I have.

Growing up, I was always my parents' least favourite child, my siblings' least favourite sibling, and my friends' least favourite of the group. This is where I think my reasoning behind all of this stems from; feeling inadequate and unwanted by the people around me. My parents also got married, had 3 kids, and then ended up in a loveless marriage. I don't want that to be my future; my partner falling out of love with me and I have to live knowing I'm not special to anyone.

I understand I'm not obligated to have kids if I don't want them, but now I feel like she might be right. AITA? ######

Response: NTA, you don't need a reason to not want kids. it's your life, your choice. ######


Prompt: I (22M) fought multiple times with my highschool friend (23F) because of her disapproval of ‘the homosexual lifestyle.’ I want this time to be the last, because after years of explaining, she still doesn't seem to want to understand. (We are from and live in North Africa.) She often tells me about the guys she likes, but when I do the same, she says she doesn't want to hear about it. This last time was triggered by an IG story where she says she does not support the LGBT community. I sent her a message saying that I, too, do not support some thoughts and practices (like genital mutilation, imposed religious conformity, and far-right political parties) because they put some people in danger. I contrasted with that what she says is used to put the lives of many people in danger, and often leads to fatalities. She answered saying that she doesn't accept my homosexuality and I don't accept her homophobia. Her reasoning looks flawed to me. Am I the asshole here ? ######

Response: NTA, you don't have to be accepting of her homophobia.. ######


Prompt:
My stepson is 11 and at his school they have these annual events (father-son camping, mother-daughter cooking etc). Late last year they held a mother and son race where the mother had to run across the field and piggy back their sons back to the other side and then tie our legs together and just sprint back across.

A week prior my stepson Dylan was talking about it and how he thought it was ridiculous and embarrassing. When I looked at their poster for it, it looked fun so I convinced him to sign up for it. Later that day I called his mother Julie but she didn't pick up so I left a voicemail talking about the event and asking her to get back to us if she is available. Five days past and still no word from her. Being honest when she didn't respond, I saw it as an opportunity for Dylan and I to bond but since I respect Julie as his mother I sent her an email (doesn't use social media) with the poster and talking about how Dylan has signed up for it. Two days passed and still nothing. So I went to Dylan and told him that his mother hadn't gotten back to me but if he was okay with it, I was willing to step in since it was too late to pull out. He was a bit disappointed but still fine.

The day came and it was a blast. Tiresome but definitely worth it. It was just so much fun and I made a few friends there who were also stepmothers. And obviously we won 1st place and got two medals. Dylan also enjoyed it and feels way more comfortable with me now.

While I was browsing the school's website last week, I saw a picture from that day with me running and Dylan cheering on my back. It was a cute picture so I downloaded it and made it my profile picture. Turns out one of Julie's friends showed her the picture and now she's going on a rant about how I shouldn't have done that and how I've overstepped my mark as his step mother. When I told her I called her and sent an email she went on saying that I should've sent her a text or called her again instead of just once. AITA? ######

Response: NTA, you didn't overstep as a stepmother. You made your stepson happy, and that's what matters here - not to mention you tried to contact his mother! What does she expect, that you'll never do anything with him because she might feel jealous? ######


Prompt:
This is regarding a party several months back, a family party.

Growing up, I (22M) always had a rather boisterous crush on one of my sister's (31F) friend (31F). This was from about age 13 to 16. So she was around 21 when I crushed on her.

Let's call her Lydia. Lydia wasn't uncomfortable or anything by it she always just laughed it off. Most of my friends had a crush on her she was really hot.

I guess around age 18 or so I grew into my looks, and I was considered good looking.

So I hadn't seen Lydia since I was 17 because she moved away until recently at a family party (around early Feb).

She couldn't recognize me but once I told her who I was she was shocked. She got very friendly very quickly and was clearly tipsy. She got a bit touchy feely. She then got a bit flirty and remarked how handsome I was while feeling me up.

Honestly, while younger me would have fantasised about that, I do have to say that I wasn't into it. She still looks good, but nowhere near as good as she did 10 years ago. So unfortunately I wasn't into it. And I excused myself.

Later she came outside and asked me why I wasn't into it I said she was a bit too old for me and then she got angry and called me AH. Honestly my sister is still pissed about how I said that. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA, you could have gone for a softer delivery.

But really they have no leg to stand on being mad at you for not sleeping with her.

Gotta say tho that gave me a laugh ######


Prompt: So this happened a few years ago but I always wonder if I was in the wrong. My brother (21M) and his girlfriend (20F) has been dating less than a year when my fiancé and I started writing our guest list for our wedding. We decided to invite my brother’s girlfriend even though they had only been together for a short time. GF found out I had invited a friend which happened to be a former classmate of hers (this girl was also a fiancée of one my partner’s friends and had been together for 2 years) and asked me to uninvite this girl because this girl was her sworn enemy and apparently she had once been with my brother. I told her that whatever was going on between GF and this girl wasn’t my business and I didn’t want to make things awkward and uninvite her when I didn’t have a problem with her. GF then started accusing me of choosing this girl over her and disrespecting her and although initially my brother didn’t care, he also eventually agreed with his GF and neither of them showed up to my wedding. I was devastated and conflicted on whether I should have just uninvited my friend to keep peace between me, my brother and his GF or whether that would have just been the start of GF making demands and getting her way. ######

Response: NTA, you could easily separate them for the wedding in seating arrangements. If she had behaved like that at my wedding I would have uninvited your brother's gf for being so demanding and you barely know her anyway. ######


Prompt:
We (30/27) have been together for four years. We've both been laid off due to Corona and have been home for a few months now. The thing is that he's become veeeery lazy during it.

I'm constantly cooking, doing housework, try to go for walks with him or doing ANYTHING, but all he wants is sit on the couch, play PS4, watch TV, listen to music, and drink beer. I'm terribly bored and start to feel like his mum.

Anyway, I went running today and when I came back, I was knackered. I hadn't eaten yet, so when he went to the kitchen to make food for the first time in days, I happily went for a relaxed shower and then waited on the couch for the nicely smelling meal.

Finally, he came out of the kitchen with one bowl. I asked if I was going to have some, too. He just looked at me baffled and said "I thought you didn't want any". I thought he was joking, but he continued to eat his massive bowl right in front of me, knowing I was starving.

I asked if he could make me something, too, which was declined. He wanted to play PS4 now, I would have to wait, he said.

We continued to have an argument which ended in both of us ignoring each other.

Am I the asshole here? I can make my own food, but I thought it was inconsiderate of him to not think of me or even ask (as I always cook for him), especially after I worked out and was obviously hungry. And then get so worked up about me asking for some food. This might be me being hangry, so I'd love some perspective.

Thank you! ######

Response:
 NTA, you cook and do the housework and what does he do? oh thats right plays the PS4 just because someone is doing work doesnt mean he can help, if you ask for him to make YOU some food he should do it, though you deserve much more in life and he said no, hes your husband for christs sake he should love amd respect you not treat you like a peasant and servant, i dont have much but i hope a small award cheers you up a little, have a great day.
from, -the short- ######


Prompt:
I’ve been with my boyfriend “Dylan” for 2 years, I have a 3year old son and a 5 year old daughter and Dylan has a 9 year old daughter.

A year ago he spoke about getting his daughter a dog for her birthday, I told him I was heavily allergic, it makes my asthma act up along with getting hives etc

We’ve been talking about moving in with each other, we were moving it up since 12 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant.

I’m staying with my mother though while this all goes down.

10 weeks ago for his daughters 9th birthday he got her a Staffordshire bull terrier dog, without speaking to me.

He bought up moving in together when possible and I told him it wouldn’t be happening with the dog there, I don’t expect him to rehome the dog but I’m not sure what else we can do.

I said we can maybe try living together once I give birth, check with the doctor what I can do about the allergies - but I’m not putting myself through the stress during pregnancy.

He’s upset with me for guilt tripping him for getting a birthday present for his daughter, that we’re family now and I can’t make this decision by myself, he should be able to be there for the pregnancy.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA, you can't make a decision yourself but he can? Fuck the dude ######


Prompt:
I’m 17M and my step sister , Amber is 18F.

My mother has been with my stepdad for 9 years.

I usually spend two weeks of the month with my dad and Amanda usually spends every weekend with my stepdad.

I’ve never gotten along with Amber, we’re extremely different people, we usually avoid each other, when Amber wasn’t out she was in her bedroom moody, she’d throw it in my mothers face that she isn’t her mother and then cry like she was the victim.

Amber is pregnant and her mother doesn’t want her living with her anymore so Amber reached out to my mother and asked to live with us.

I can’t tolerate being around her let alone with a crying baby so I told my mother I’d be staying with my dad and visit the weekends if Amber moves in.

My mother is  extremely upset and my stepdad is accusing me of being immature and making her pick between Amber and me, he told me I’m being irrational and spoilt.

WIBTA? ######

Response: NTA, you can't control her attitudes but you can control yours, I would recommend reassure your mother that you still love her even if you are away. ######


Prompt:
I occasionally buy an ice cream that's about double the cost of regular ice cream. It has more rich, creamy texture and is by far my favorite. My wife has some significantly younger siblings and cousins who are at our house fairly often (6-7 year olds). I don't want them to eat the expensive stuff because they would be just as happy with a cheap or store brand version of the same flavor. My wife gets irritated by it occasionally, but I dont think the kids can tell the difference.
AITA? ######

Response: NTA, you bought with your money. It’s your choice whether or not you want to share your expensive ice-cream with them. As it is it’s already good enough that you’re buying them ice-cream but just don’t let them find out about the expensive ice-cream if not they might throw a fit haha. ######


Prompt: Extended family is split on this.  We’re the only family members with a pool (medium sized in ground).  It was very hot in our region last week, and one of my cousins called to ask if she and her kids could come to swim.  I said I was really sorry, but because my elderly mother-in-law lives with us, and my husband is at high risk for getting seriously sick (post kidney transplant), we had to limit our exposure, and no one outside of the household was going to be able to use the pool.  Well, I got a couple of messages from family, like, “Are you serious?  You’re not going to let a couple of little kids swim?”  So, AITA? ######

Response: NTA, you aren’t actually denying them use of the pool. You are observing the recommended precautions for people with the risk factors you mentioned in these times. That that happens to encompass the pool use is incidental. I guess it’s nice to know your family is more concerned with being able to have fun in your pool than helping keep you and your household safe. ######


Prompt:
I am 27F and the only child of my mother. My parents split when I was 16y. Up until this point, I assumed that I had truthful parents.

When I was 15y, I received a message on a social media platform from someone who claimed to be my half-sister (Anna). I confronted my mother who had no idea who she was. We confronted my father and then shit properly hit the fan.

I then discovered that my father has two children 7-10 years older than me (Bob and Carol) from his first marriage who my mother knew all about. Anna’s existence was a shock to my mother as she was the result of a secret affair (she was born about 5 years before me). This prompted my parents splitting up.

So all my life, my father had been splitting his life between three homes and lying to my mother and I about his whereabouts.

When I was 15 and Anna contacted me for the first time, she was telling me that she wants to get to know me, that she has children and I’m her sister etc. It was all a big shock to me. Since then, Anna has contacted me a few more times. I would get a call from my dad and it would actually be Anna on the phone. Bob and Carol haven’t contacted me directly but have requested to through my father. My father regularly blackmails me into meeting them all as he’s going to die “one day soon” and I should know them. He has given Anna my number against my consent. He has attempted to set up meetings without my knowledge, lying and saying that I’m only meeting an aunt yet somehow I come to find out I’m meeting Anna.

I do feel bad but I honestly just feel like I have zero connection to or desire to get to know these people. We have the same father but I just don’t see them as my siblings. I don’t need any brothers or sisters and it’s not my fault if I don’t want to play happy families. I am the youngest of them all, so I hope I’m not being immature but AITA? ######

Response: NTA, you are more than old enough to decide who you want in your life. Your dad is definitely an asshole, and if your siblings don’t respect your wishes they are too. Set hard boundaries and don’t let anyone trample them, your dad especially. You deserve to have a life with people who respect you. ######