Prompt:
I got a scholarship to a really good college out of high school just like my brother did, and my sister wasn't as lucky as us and would have to pay her way through college.  Our parents set an amount of money for all 3 of us for college but me and my brother didn't end up needing it.  My parents but me and my brother's halves into her half so she could go to college to, I don't know the full details but it was one of those savings accounts were the money could only be used for college.  Her first 3 and a half years were fully paid thanks to that money.

I knew about the bank account and when me and my sister were out for lunch about 2 months ago.  I jokingly said something like "Geez first you take my college money AND now I pay for lunch?"  I was clearly joking and she was laughing with me but then she asked about the money.  I thought she knew that our parents took the money out of our accounts and put it into her cause we didn't need the money.

She got upset saying that mom and dad should have told her and that I should be angry at them too.  I told her its no big deal and I'm happy she was able to go to college.  She said that she is pretty pissed that they gave her a handout at our expense and that she feels even more left out knowing that we are somehow "better" than her cause we got scholarships and she didn't but also got more help with our parents cause of it.  I kept trying to tell her its no big deal but she said she needs some time alone and left pretty abruptly when we were supposed to spend the day together.  AITA? ######

Response: NAH I agree with some of the other guys, not getting a scholarship while your other siblings did might be a touchy subject ######


Prompt:
Hey everyone, so this happened tonight and I’m not really sure what to think.
So here we go, please bear with me:
When my daughter was born a few years ago one of the things my wife would do every night is sing a bedtime lullaby to our daughter that she made up. It goes like this:

Goodnight [insert daughters name] goodnight,

Sleep tight [insert daughters name] sleep tight,

All my love to you, all my love to you,

[repeat]

Goodnight goodnight again, sleep tight sleep tight and then, I’ll see you in the morning,
[repeat verse one again]

Well it has kind of become a nightly ritual for my wife and daughter when my wife puts our daughter to bed. Recently I have been putting our daughter to bed a bit more and she’s a little older so she asks for the bedtime song and she wants to sing along with it. So I modified the song by making it a little bit more uptempo from the rhythm my wife sings it at, and also repeated a few words more so my daughter could more easily catch on and sing it too. My version goes like this:

Goodnight [insert daughters name] goodnight, night, night

Sleep tight [insert daughters name] sleep tight, tight, tight

All my love to you, you, you, all my love to you, you, you,

[repeat]

Goodnight goodnight again, sleep tight sleep tight and then, I’ll see. you. in. the. morning,
[repeat verse one again]

I only changed my wife’s goodnight song a little bit. Yet tonight I was told by my wife I’m a giant dick for ruining her goodnight song with our daughter because our daughter likes my version of the lullaby song more. My wife is genuinely pissed and said I stole something away from her by changing her song. I didn’t mean to intentionally do that, I only changed the song so our daughter could more easily participate in singing the song at bedtime. So fellow Redditors AITA??? ######

Response: NAH how about you and your wife get together one night and tell your daughter that when mom puts her to bed she should sing Mom's song and when you put her to bed she sings yours? You can turn this into a lesson about  hurt feelings and compromise.  I can be simple like " mommy is sad when you only want to sing daddy's version of the song because it is something special that you and her share. How about when mommy puts you to be you sing her song and when I put you to bed we sing the one I made up? That way you can have 2 bedtime songs and everyone will be happy" ######


Prompt:
AITA for telling my dad he’s being creepy?
So this happened before the world became weird but I just want to have some perspective on what’s going on here. It’s been bothering me a little bit.

I’m 20. My dad came to visit me in the city where I live. He spent a lot of time talking about his break-up which had happened a few months before. We also discussed my sister, who is 31 and dating a man who is 23 years her senior. We agreed to go to a nice restaurant one night and we were both looking forward to it. I got dressed nicely for the restaurant while my dad wore shorts and sandals with a Hawaiian shirt. This wasn’t the restaurant’s normal look for clientele, but I didn’t say anything because who cared.

We had our meal and it was nice. I didn’t think anything was wrong and it had been a pretty normal dinner. Then he said, “I think everyone was glaring at me because they thought we were on a date.”

I thought this was a kind of creepy thing to say and gently told him so, that they were probably just judging him for dressing so casually. I was really creeped out that the thought would even cross his mind. I’m 21 and I look younger than I am, like 13-16 according to most estimates.

My dad and I got into a big fight the next day when he kept talking to me about his relationship and his tinder activity. I told him I felt like he wasn’t respecting appropriate boundaries between a parent and child. When I try to have conversations with him about things like this, he interrupts me and says, “fine, then I won’t talk to you about anything” and sulks until I apologize.

AITA for telling my dad that it was a creepy thought to have? It felt like a gross, creepy thought to cross his mind and it made me really uncomfortable. On the other hand, I recognize that it might just have been on his mind after hearing the news about my sister. ######

Response:
 NAH here, are you sure he wasn’t projecting the conversation about your sister and her much older BF? Maybe he was trying to make a joke in that vein? I dunno, I wasn’t there, but perhaps consider other causes rather than the more you-centric (but understandable) takes you’ve thought of?

ETA: the tinder thing, he could just be trying to relate to you as an adult, rather than your dad (and failing). If one looked to positives, at least he’s not trying to still run your life? (Lots of queries in that around here).

My most optimistic takes ######


Prompt:
Ignore username, old burner account just incase.

I’ll start by saying that I am SO incredibly unaffectionate.  I’m awful at handling emotions.  I always have been.  I’m also notoriously insensitive, hence the post to see what other people think.

That said, I love my boyfriend with my whole heart.  We’ve been together for almost four years, about a year long distance currently, and are getting engaged soon.  He’s perfect for the most part, but y’all, I swear he tells me he loves me EVERY OTHER SENTENCE.  It wasn’t always like this, but ever since he moved for work and we only see each other once every few months, it’s non-stop.

He says it, and then expects me to say it back.  Every single time.  If I don’t, he gets upset, so I typically suck it up and say it back.

I get it, that part sounds awful, but I just feel like we’ve been together for long enough that I don’t need a constant verbal reminder that he loves me- I know he does, and he knows I do, too.

I confronted him about it last night.  I asked him to stop saying it so much because it bothers me, and he twisted it into me not wanting to say it ever, insinuating that he thinks I’m not in love with him anymore.  That’s definitely not it, I’m just someone who finds the constant reassurance more annoying than actually reassuring.

But, he hasn’t talked to me all day, and now I feel like I might be an asshole.  Am I?  It all feels so high school drama-esque, I can’t stand it. ######

Response:
 NAH he probably likes saying it to you and hearing it back, meanwhile you don’t really care to say it or hear it. You both love each other equally (as far as I can tell) but just like to express it in different ways.

I think a balance of your two ways might be the best option, to keep you both happy. That’s my suggestion. ######


Prompt:
MIL freak out. Potentially my fault?

So my almost MIL hates me and has told me so, as well as my fiancé. She hates me for being vaccinated, anti weirdness, and for introducing her son to modern medicine.

Anyway, she said super hurtful things about how he should “never knock her up and pass on her genes.” I was so upset that i typed up a blog post.

The post was entirely about my research on some pet projects. It did contain the line that “my fiancé and I are having family issues with a relative. It’s gonna work out because we are a team and we have always overcome these issues.” For reference, my blog is private and ten people have the link, including my fiancé’s sister but as far as I knew she didn’t read it.

On top of that, I was worried that the line was too much so I shut my laptop and went to bed, intending to edit it out. It must have published somehow.

At seven am, both my fiancé and my parents got a very long screaming phone call or long text from MIL. I had blocked her after she screamed at me for posting a picture of a book I was reading because she felt attacked by the author. I took it down immediately but now she wants to have a discussion with me (ie an apology).

I’m really not sorry and she’s so mean to me whenever she sees me. I had to block her on everything. My fiancé had me cut her off, he limited contact, and I’m only around his family if he’s in the room or video call or I will leave. AITA? I shouldn’t have posted that but it was an accident and it was true. ######

Response: nah girl you're good, fuck that lady. ######


Prompt:
AITA

A quick preface all of this is said with no vocal escalation unless otherwise indicated and my wife does know I have very high functioning aspergers we have been together since 2014 and were married in 2015. Also we both are on good terms with her mom. Her mom is 78.

Okay so tonight my wife tells me her mum has cancer, it is not terminal. So I say we need make time to go down Her response is we cannot go once she has started treatment. I ask has her mom started treatment She says no her mom hasn’t So I say I may say this wrong but we really need to try to go before your mom starts then. Then she responds this is why I didn’t tell you. So I say sry nicely and that I know I stuck my foot in my mouth some how. After that I come back a minute later or so and ask her to please tell me what I did wrong so I can learn from it in the future. She refuses So I say look I am asking because the aspergers and I genuinely don’t want to get it wrong again. To which she responds this is why I didn’t want to tell you. I finally say okay I just want you to be able to tell me things. To which she says I just needed time to process it. At which point she is upset visibly so I say sry again I leave you be At this point I apologize briefly and go hop in the shower. This is where you lot come in as I am upset that she didn’t feel she could tell me and even more concerned and confused as to what I did wrong. But rather than get a thousand opinions I simply ask Am I the asshole. ######

Response: NAH from what I can tell it just seems like you moved to practical plans to fast for her and she just needs some time to deal(like she said) before she can approach planing. ######


Prompt:
My fiancee and I are scheduled to get married next month, but for obvious reasons that's all in question right now. My state has started the process of reopening, but everything is still up in the air as to when restrictions will be fully lifted.

Now to the problem. We picked a date that has major personal significance to us. It won't occur on a weekend again for another 5 years. So we have a choice to make: give up our date or put off the wedding for another 5 years. Neither of us is keen about either of those options.

I've recently been thinking about option 3: go through with the wedding as planned, just with some changes. Weddings are still allowed to be performed as long as the only people there are the officiant, the couple, and the parents or witnesses. WIBTA if I kept my date but uninvited everyone other than our parents? I've thought about maybe setting up a live stream for everyone else and just having the reception once everything calms down. I'm feeling a lot of conflicting emotions about this whole mess and just need some objectivity. ######

Response: NAH From the title I went into this thinking you would be an AH. Uninviting everyone is the only thing to do given we are in a pandemic. In five years you can renew your wedding vows and invite all your friends and family. Congratulations to you. ######


Prompt:
I was on an international flight (12 hour flight) a few months ago that was dead empty. Maybe 10% capacity.

I was flying premium economy so I was in the seat just behind business class. I could see the entire section and no one was sitting in it, and maybe only 2 or 3 people were in premium economy with me.

The flight is about to take off and I ask the flight attendant “Hey, can I sit in one of the business class seats? I don’t care about the food or drinks.” And I point at the empty seats in front of me.

She asks “Oh, would you like to upgrade your seat?”, and I kind of got the hint she wasn’t gonna let me but I asked how much out of curiosity. She said she would check for me.

She comes back and says it would be some several thousand dollars and asked how I would be paying. I told her I wasn’t interested and then she tells me “sir we don’t just move people around for free you understand?”

I fly a lot, and this is something I try occasionally (especially on dead flights) and this is the only time I ever had a flight attendant get snarky with me about it (and it actually worked once). Is it bad mannered to ask for a seat upgrade? ######

Response: NAH Former flight attendant here. I don't think it's bad mannered but it's annoying af because it brings the cabin crew in the uncomfortable position to have to decline. It would also anger the paying business class passengers and mess up the service. ######


Prompt:
My maternal grandmother passed way because of throat cancer when I was in the seventh grade. She left all of her granddaughters a necklace that she has custom made for them (she asked us which was our favorite gem). At the time I was crazy about rubies and she actually got me a custom made necklace with rubies. It was beautiful and something that I wanted to treasure as an heirloom because it was my grandmother's last gift to me.

Fast forward a couple of years, I was in Grade 12 when my eldest cousin sister was getting married. I couldn't attend the wedding cause I live in a different country and it was too close to my final exams. My narcissistic mother however attended. After she came back, and my exams were over. I asked her what she gave my cousin for her wedding present. (I was so stressed about exams that I wasn't involved in the wedding discussions at all). She told me she gave her that ruby necklace.

She gave my cousin sister my ruby necklace without even asking me because according to her it would be a waste of money to buy something when she already had that.

I was devasted. But I couldn't do anything apart from cry and get angry.

It's been years now. And I have been thinking about asking my cousin for the necklace back after explaining the situation.

WIBTA if I demanded the necklace back? ######

Response:
 NAH except for your Mum if she knows the sentimental value of the necklace.

Also, is this your cousin or your sister? Because you keep saying "cousin sister" and that's confusing. ######


Prompt: My daughter is 18. She got pregnant and decided to keep the baby. She wants me to be in the room when she delivers her baby. I love her and want to support her but I really don't want to be in the delivery room because I don't want to see her naked. Is dads being in the delivery room for when their daughter's give birth even common/normal? My daughter is begging me to be in the room. She doesn't want her mom as they argue a lot. The father is a jerk so he won't be there. I might suck it up and go but I really don't want to. ######

Response: NAH but your daughter obviously needs you and wants you there so it’s the right thing to do. You can likely stand near her head, you may not even see all that much ######


Prompt:
This fall I(F20) should begin my last year of college, but during the previous year I realized that I don't fit in the field (business, which my mom picked) that I'm studying and will be hard to get a job where I live with that diploma.

I decided to drop out and work a year or 2 to have some money and then apply to an University in a scientific field  that I'm passionate about ( the university is in a different country, pretty far away).

The thing is, my mom is paying my tuition rn, she's against me dropping out  because I will be missing so much time and will get a diploma when I will be much older than my peers.

Plus she thinks that once I stop studying I will never be able to learn at the same capacity again and she doesn't want me to be so far from her.

It's hard because I want to work and be somewhere else than home so I can finally feel like an adult and be independent ( no more curfew (10 pm) and stuff).

So WIBTA if I dropped out and moved to another country to study what I want and be more independent?

(I will pay for my University tuition myself) ######

Response: NAH but you would be an idiot if you are that close to graduating. Finish the degree, then get a graduate or second degree in something scientific. I dropped out my senior year for a variety of reasons, including, I started to hate my major, and I am just now able to go back to school in my 40s. Life can throw some shit at you. I do NOT recommend walking away from school when you are that close to the finish line. It is SO MUCH HARDER and I do NOT recommend it. While you are waiting to go back, people view you as no smarter than someone who barely passed high school and your opportunities in life reflect that. Almost a degree is not a degree. You will have more opportunities to do something related to science or just have any decent job with a business degree while you try to establish independence. And your mom isn't an asshole either, she is just probably being overbearing because she knows what a bad idea that is. From someone who thought exactly like you, please reconsider. Its a good idea in theory but it rarely works in practice. ######


Prompt: My girlfriend is a vegetarian and wants to raise our future kids to be vegetarian. I don’t want to raise them vegetarian because I eat meat and I think it would be better to raise them in a way that they can make that decision for themselves when they are old enough. I just feel like forcing a lifestyle like vegetarianism on a child would be wrong because they can’t make that decision for themself. ######

Response: NAH But you two need to agree. Although your rationale is kind of assholish. If you raise them as omnivores, they can choose to be vegetarian when they are older. If you raise them as vegetarian, they can choose to be omnivores when they are older. You have to make a choice for a child too young to choose for themselves, but acting like your preference is somehow better makes me worry that you aren't being very reasonable towards your girlfriend. ######


Prompt:
So I was an RA for 3 years at a big state university, in a state where pot isn't legal, not even medicinally. I lived in a building of upperclassmen and freshman and you were allowed to have alcohol in your room as long as you were of age. My wing had 60 people total, so this job took A LOT out of me- especially for 3 whole years. We would do weeks of training before every semester, and the big thing they would always tell us is that we were state mandated reporters. Fancy wording for if you know about **ANY** (and I mean any) crime on campus and you don't report it you're going to jail. This could be prostitution in y building (yes it happens), drug deals happening in another building, or serving minors at the frat houses- anything. If they could prove I knew about it and I did nothing, i'm going to jail.

Since, my goals in college were to go on to grad school, I did my job to a T. Which meant every month, during our required safety checks I would go into a room that definitely had pot in it.  And I'm talking covering the smoke detectors with a bag, grinders and lighters everywhere and ash trays with half smoked blunts in them. So I would call it into campus police and they would be arrested within the hour- I never enjoyed it.

I personally don't care if people smoke, it's not for me make your own choices. But, I couldn't let those beliefs potentially hinder my chances for getting into a good school, and since everything is performed with detailed paperwork (the time and date I go into every room) there's no way I could say well I just didn't see it if maintenance goes in an hour later. The rules were also made very clear to everyone that lived there, there were required meetings twice a semester and posters everywhere reminding them to not smoke in the room.

My friends in college would always call me a narc because I had at least a dozen people arrested in my 3 years there. So finally after years of wondering am I a NARC? AITA? ######

Response: NAH but you should know that that's not what a mandated reporter is and what you described isn't real. You being arrested was never a legitimate concern. Whoever told you that it was is wrong. I'm a criminal defense attorney. ######


Prompt:
Okay I know that most stories that start with “hear me out first” end up being terrible, but genuinely hear me out.

For background when me sister was seven her mom died. My parents became her guardians because our moms were best friends. I was nine at the time and i quickly went from being an only child to having a little sister and having to share things with her. I still kinda struggle with it now when it comes to our parents attention.

My parents often focus all of their free time and energy into her. She does Rhythmic Gymnastics while I do cross country. My parents show up to all of her performances and often get upset at me if I don’t have a valid reason not to go but they barely show up to my cc meets.

Well recently my mom asked if i wanted to go to the beach with her. I was super excited because when i was younger my mom would bring me to the beach and we would pray and meditate. I’m not very religious anymore but it was our thing when i was younger and we haven’t done it in years. My mom was talking about it earlier today and she said that my sister was excited about it because she hasn’t been to the beach in a while. I told my mom that i thought it was just going to be the two of us. She told me that originally it was but my sister said she wanted to go too.

Maybe an hour or two after that conversation I told my mom that I wouldn’t be able to go because a friend wants me to help them get ready for a meet. My mom was a little disappointed but understood. I felt a little guilty but it increased when i told a friend why i‘m not going anymore. They got a little upset and said i could’ve just told my mom that i wanted it to be just the two of us instead of lying ######

Response:
 NAH but you need talk about how you want to spend some one on one time with your mom.

Edited judgment ######


Prompt:
I have 2 daughters Graelynn and Charlie. They are both 7. I never expected to adopt a kid. Adopting Graelynn was sudden and unexpected. She was one of the girls that came to my afterschool daycare that I worked at. Her parents were addicts and she was living with her grandmother who recently passed. I didn't want her to go into the system and she was one of the kindest children there who I knew I could love as my own. Her and Charlie (biological daughter) were also in the same school and were friends.

Since we have adopted Graelynn, Charlie has had a drastic change in her behavior. They used to get along well but I think Charlie is starting to resent her. They have to share a room now and I think that it's hard for Charlie to get adjusted to having a sibling.

Our family has traditions that we do every week. Game nights every Friday and movie nights every Saturday. We try to include Graelynn in the games and movies as much as possible. However, this makes Charlie even more hostile towards her. She refuses to play games if Graelynn is playing. She refuses to watch a movie.

This makes me feel like I have to chose between them. I can only play games with Graelynn because of this behavior. Charlie is choosing to not be included in game night. I understand that Charlie does need one-on-one time. However if I tell Graelynn she can't so Charlie will participate then I am purposefully excluding her from family activities. She has never really had a family to do things with so I feel like that would be really damaging.

The reason that I posted here is because I feel like an ass. I feel like I'm not being a good enough parent to Charlie. I feel like I'm letting her down. ######

Response:
 NAH but you might want to look into some kind of therapy for the girls and look for support groups of parents with both adopted and biological children.

I’ve known a few kids who were adopted into a family with biological children and it’s tough for everyone to adjust without the right help. Good luck! ######


Prompt:
I'm a musician. I play guitar in a well-known rock band. Please, please, respect my choice to stay anonymous. Thank you.

I'm in my mid 30's, and I transitioned from female to male when I was in my late teens. A few years later, I joined the band, and we made it big. I get asked by fans every once and a while whether or not I'm trans, because, in all honesty, my voice isn't that masculine. Even though I've been on testosterone injections for 12+ years and my voice has lowered, I still have some feminine traits to my voice. Every time someone asks me about it, I deny it. I feel really bad, because I know that a lot of my fans are members of the LGBTQ+ community, but I don't feel comfortable telling the truth. My only worry is that if I come out, I a) won't be as successful in the future because of hateful people and b) some of my fans will dislike me for lying. What do you think, Reddit? Am I the asshole? ######

Response:
 NAH but you might be interested in the story of Nikkie de Jager, known on YouTube as Nikkietutorials. She is a trans woman who transitioned very young and did not intend to come out. She got very famous in the YouTube beauty community, did multiple successful brand collaborations and worked as a makeup artist with stars like Lady Gaga. Then she was blackmailed by people who threatened to leak her story to the news and in January 2020 she decided to create her own video telling her story, because she didn't want her fans to feel like she couldn't be trusted. The response has been largely positive.

Right now you're in charge of your story and you have the power. But you live a high profile life and its not guaranteed that you will always be able to control the narrative. I wish we lived in a world where your choices would be respected but I don't think we do, and if your career is successful its going to eventually be a matter of coming out on your terms...or being forced out on someone else's. ######


Prompt:
My wife and I are buying a house. Closing date is in early July, and fast approaching. The house we bought has the main house and something like a studio apartment attached. We are taking the master bedroom in the main house, 2 of our roommates are taking the studio apartment, and 2 other roommates are taking a room in the main house. They each pay $150 in rent/food money, and that is it. The studio apartment doesn't have a kitchen and the bathroom is really small and shower is too small for them, so they would have to be over in the house a lot of the time.

The two taking the studio apartment want kids eventually. And by eventually, I mean fairly soon. My wife and I are both child free for various reasons. We can not handle a kid. My wife gets outbursts of anger and screaming and gets sensory overload really easily. She does not have the patience to deal with a baby in the house. I have mental issues that can possibly make me a danger to the baby, though not intentionally. I disassociate sometimes, and dont understand what I'm doing in high stress situations.

And to be straight with you, we just plain don't want kids, and are dedicated to a child-free lifestyle.

The two taking the studio apartment have part time jobs, no savings, and regularly get their phones cut off. They offered to pay half for a family premium music subscription service, but after the first time stopped paying it. If something were to happen and they couldn't afford say diapers, we could not afford to help them pay it. And even if they don't think they would need to ask us, I do believe they assume we would pick up the slack.

WIBTA if I told them not to have kids while under our roof? WIBTA if I helped them get into a place if they did get pregnant, even if they would rather stay? I wouldn't want to kick them out, and would try every option to get them somewhere safe to live. ######

Response: NAH but why are you letting these people move in in the first place? They don’t seem to reliable with payments on small things let alone rent. Also has splitting groceries with a large group of roommates ever lasted long term? I’ve seen this come up but never really understood it, like when you buy chips/snacks so you equally divide it before eating? Is it 50% vote on what you buy or is it you deciding what everyone eats? ######


Prompt:
This happened last year, but I’ve been thinking about it again.

My birthday is a few days before Christmas. I was turning 25. My family is my Mom and Dad (50’s) and my brother (then 10).

Presents for Christmas and birthdays in my family are usually quite big (not new cars levels of extravagant, but usually a new tech item, clothes, books, jewellery and random other bits). For my birthday I received what I felt was to date the least thoughtful or fancy gifts I’ve gotten - a lamp and a cookbook. For Christmas it was similar, I received new pots and pans, a print for my wall and a book. By comparison my Mom got a new iPad Pro, my brother got a new gaming laptop, my Dad got a new iPhone (and that was just the ‘big’ present for each of them, they all got 5-10 more things each). To make matters worse, they also decided to celebrate a ‘summer Christmas’ where they all got big new things in the middle of the year as well. I was left out of this, but at the time I thought it was fine.

For them, I got each person one thoughtful present, one useful present, one book and one treat. I really stretched my budget as far as I could and started saving really early in the year to get them all really nice things.

I know I’m an adult, I know you should be grateful for anything you receive (I was thankful for my gifts and never voiced any disappointment) - but I feel sort of sidelined, like an afterthought for being the only one left out of one gift giving event and for being given significantly fewer presents and less fancy ones. Most importantly, I’m upset that my gifts just seemed.... thoughtless, things I didn’t want or need that were just random items. I honestly would have been less upset if even the book I received was even a genre they know I like. Then again, a lot of people are grateful to receive anything, so maybe I’m just being a spoiled brat.

AITA for being upset/ungrateful for the gifts my family got me? ######

Response:
 NAH but omg, I wish someone would buy me a decent set of pots and pans!
I can understand why you might be disappointed if its not the usual gift you would get, but all those things you got were good practical gifts... Pots, pans and a lamp will last you for years to come, unlike an ipad or similar xxx ######


Prompt:
A couple things. I am of Indian descent, this means I am an American citizen, but both my parents were born in India. I can’t legally be an Indian citizen because India does not allow dual citizenship. My late grandparents own a lot of land in India, and since my mom and I are both only children, half of their land went to me and half went to my mom. I also recently proposed to my fiancée on our 5 year anniversary. This is why the discussion of what we own came up.

I don’t have the current estimate on my property, but it was worth about 7 crore rupees which is approximately a million dollars. The thing is, I can’t sell the land. I’m not an Indian citizen, so it’s illegal for me to sell that land. I can legally build buildings and be a landlord or a farm that land, but I can in no way sell that land. I also don’t want to use that land for rent or farming since it’s going to be difficult to invest.

I did own the land a couple months before my relationship with my fiancée started, but I didn’t think it was that important to tell her. ######

Response:
 NAH but it's crazy how you can legally own the land but can't legally sell it. Are you really "technically a millionaire" if you're just sitting on high-value assets you can't sell?

What's on the land currently? What happens if you don't want to run a farm or be a landlord? Does the property just sit there, unoccupied? What does it mean to *own* the land if you can't sell it?

Given the unusual circumstances of the whole situation, I don't think it's that significant. It's not like you were "hiding" it from your fiancée, it just doesn't seem that important. ######


Prompt:
My fiance and I have been together for 3 years, and yesterday he made dinner, and set up candles, and designed a whole romantic evening for us, and then asked me to marry him. I of course said yes. He got me a tiffany's ring, and its absolutely gorgeous. The stone is huge. It was big enough that I had to ask how much it cost, because I sent him a couple rings that I liked the style of so that he didn't go off into la la land buying a ring I wouldn't like. All of the rings I sent him had modest sized stones.

He told me it cost $20,000. I honestly didn't know what to say. That's just a ridiculous amount to spend on a ring. For him it does fall under the 2 month salary rule, but its just beyond stupid to spend that much on a ring. I'm obvious very happy that he wanted to get me something nice, but that's just irresponsible.

I told him that $20,000 was way too much to spend, and he should take it back and return it, and get something in a similar style that's 1/20 the price. He said he couldn't just return it, and that I should be happy that he was willing to spend that much. Don't get me wrong, I am, but again, its just beyond ridiculous. He's not a billionaire, there are much better things to spend money on. I gave him the ring back and told him to get his money back. Today he's seemed down all day and I suspect it was about the ring, and now I feel like an asshole. AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH but it sounds like you both need to talk about what sharing and/or combining finances means for each of you and what you envision for your future. Please avoid calling him names during this conversation.

Your boyfriend isn't TA for getting you a ring that he was willing to spend the money on and get for you.

You aren't TA for being uncomfortable with the ring. It's ultimately your ring, so you should like the ring and be comfortable wearing it together.

Try having an open conversation with him about *why* the price tag bothers you and what you were hoping you two might spend that kind of money on instead. Hopefully he can see that you're not rejecting him - you're rather wanting to actually build a future with him, and that includes having the money to do so. ######


Prompt: My fiancé of a few years and I got into a heated conversation about having a phone tracker on each other.  She says it’s for safety and to calm her if I’m late at work or she can’t reach me, or if to the extreme of if she was kidnapped.  I can see the point of the extreme but I’m very against anyone having my on a gps at any beckon time. I tried to explain this and she feels I have no trust. I have never cheated neither has she to my knowledge, and honestly I don’t go doing sketchy shit Amita? ######

Response:
 NAH but it is your choice if you want to do it or not. If she is worried about not being able to be found in the extreme situation then she can turn hers on so you can track her but you dont necessarily need to reciprocate.

True story, my son was hit by a car while riding his bike on an isolated stretch of road. It was a hit and run and he was on the side of the road unconscious for quite some time before someone passed by and stopped to help him. His wife had no idea anything had happened and when it came past due time for his "back from my ride" text she had absolutely no idea where he was or how to find him. Long story short, he was tracking his bike rides via GPS in a training app already so he then switched to an app that would allow his wife to see his location when his biking app is active..but he wasnt comfortable with general tracking.

If you dont feel like you have situations in your life where the tracking is a safety issue then honestly, her not being able to get ahold of you any time she feels like it really doesnt seem to be a good enough reason for her to be tracking your every movement. ######


Prompt:
Due to current events, I appreciate that normal routine doesn’t really exist anymore. However, my children (twins 15m) have been waking up very late (12-1pm) and they’re up until about 3-4am. I know this because I found them playing FIFA when I went to get some water last night.

I’m not happy with this, as in my view it would be beneficial if they kept some semblance of discipline. By this I mean waking up in time to be at the breakfast table in time for 9am which I feel is pretty reasonable; certainly it’s later than they’d have to be up for school. I’ve also said that on weekdays, until 3pm, they need to be doing something productive (with breaks and an hour for lunch). By this I mean exercise, doing schoolwork, household chores, practising a skill such as their instrument etc. Luckily, space isn’t an issue as we have a large garden with a football net. We also have a gym in the attic with weights, a treadmill and rowing machine.

After 3pm I’ve said they’re free to relax and enjoy their time. On weekends they can choose how to spend their day, but they still have to be up by 9. So far I’ve not set a bed time (I feel they’re too old) but I’ve said as long as you’re at breakfast at 9 I’ll leave it to you.

So far I’ve been met with reluctant compliance but also many complaints. For example, they said their friend J, who’s parents I am also friends with, had no such restrictions and he was spending all day relaxing. To this I replied that it was none of my concern what other children were doing, and that J’s parents were doing what they thought was good for him and I’m doing what was good for you. However, when I spoke to J’s dad who I’ve known for 40 odd years, he said that I may being a touch heavy handed. ######

Response: NAH but I’d absolutely drop the weekend restriction. There’s no reason for them to have to be up by 9. ######


Prompt:
I’m adopted. I was adopted by a wonderful family and I love my parents very much. They literally mean the world to me. When I was 14 they finally confirmed( my cousin had always said it but the grown ups denied it) that I was adopted. I started looking for my biological parents, with the help of my adopted parents, shortly after. About 4 years later I found my birth mother. She is a wonderful woman who gave me up because she got pregnant at 15 and her parents made her give me up. With my birth mother’s help I found my birth father. Now for the past 2 years I’ve been building a relationship with both of them. Of course we’re not as close as I am with my parents but I’m in a great place with both of them.

My issue came when my birth father let it slip that he got my birth mother pregnant. Apparently the had been messing around for a few months and it just happened. When I found out I immediately congratulated him on the baby but honestly I’m kinda hurt. It’s completely illogical because I had a great life with my adopted parents and My birth father has two other kids but I just can’t help not being ok with the pregnancy. I feel like they’re about to give this baby the life I should have had. Every time it comes up I act happy but on the inside I’m really angry and hurt. I haven’t approached them about this but I’m really not gonna be able to watch them be so happy about this baby knowing that they gave me up. ######

Response: NAH but i'd like to point out the life this baby is gonna have is not the life u would have had being raised by a 15 year old girl. That being said feelings r not always logical and you can't help how you r feeling. ######


Prompt:
My wife is Indian-American, she was born here. She grew up ‘not wanting’ to be Indian and kind of shucked that aspect of herself, until she was older. We’ve been married for 3 years and since we’ve been together she’s accepted more and more of her family culture which I love and and am so proud to be next to her in that journey.

When we were dating the topic of her ear piercings came up, she told me she hated that her parents had done it and she wished she could have made that choice which I agree with.

Anyway since the pregnancy she has changed her mind and said she’s going to pierce our daughters ears when she’s around 1 because that’s a cultural thing. She didn’t ask me just kinda told me.

I privately think it’s not fair to our child and it’s a form of body modification that she herself should control, but I don’t know if I should step out of this conversation and accept that it’s a cultural practice or if I should bring it up to my wife.

The reason why I ask on Reddit is because my wife has been pretty sad and emotional this pregnancy and I don’t want to stress her out unnecessarily. ######

Response:
 NAH but I will add that, as an Indian cultural practice, ear piercing is practiced as an acupuncture thing rather than a fashion thing. Whether or not you and your wife choose to do it for your daughter is something you both need to work out but it would be good to understand the “why” behind it.

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/health-fitness/health-news/the-science-behind-ear-piercing-and-other-traditional-beliefs/photostory/69924553.cms ######


Prompt:
I know the title makes it sound worse than it is, bear with me. Also throwaway because my partner uses reddit. Obligatory comment re: formatting because I'm on mobile etc.

I (27F) have a mild dairy allergy, it usually manifests as sniffles, I generally have a chronic runny nose or some sort of cough. I get very frequent sinus/chest infections and generally am a bunged-up, sniffly individual. I also have pretty nasty allergies and a few other autoimmune conditions that generally lead to my health not being amazing and I get sick pretty often.

All of this usually goes away during the periods where I eat vegan - I'm vegetarian and eat vegan I'd say 4 days of 7. Sometimes I'll take a notion and go vegan for a couple weeks at a time and during these periods my general sniffly-ness and infections etc go away and I usually feel great. But I love cheese and I love ice cream so here I am, sniffling and coughing away.

Anyway, my partner (29M) whom I live with has asked that I just stick with vegan to stop my sniffling/coughing/general snottiness. We live together and he says he's sick of my sniffling, going through tonnes of tissues and being sick every few weeks. I should maybe include he isn't vegan or vegetarian, but mostly eats that way because I do most of our cooking.

I can admit that I'm probably pretty disgusting and snotty to be around when I'm going through a bad spell. And someone who is sensitive to noise probably couldn't cope with me. But I've been with him 8 years and this is only now becoming an issue. I've been like this my whole life so I personally barely notice anymore, this is just my reality (I say this until I have a sinus infection next week and I'm sick in bed but anyway). Also, cheese.

So, reddit, AITA for not going vegan and stopping my general snottiness? ######

Response:
 NAH but I kinda agree with him more... having to live with someone who’s consistently sick would get pretty gross after a while

Ultimately it’s your decision but there’s some pretty amazing vegan ice creams out there if you look

(Vegan cheese is much harder to find but some are still pretty good) ######


Prompt:
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We are quite serious- saving for a house, talking about timelines for an engagement, etc.

Since I have known him he has always been a smoker. He smokes about a pack a day, everyday. It averages to $460 a month in cigarettes. I smoke pot regularly (a few times a week) which costs me at the very most 50$ a month.

We met at work on the afternoon shift and would mostly see each other after work where he would have a smoke or occasionally two before he would head home. Now we live together and he is heading out for his forth smoke since he got home 3.5 hours ago.

I am laid off because of current world situations and it is now becoming more noticeable. He always has the lingering smell of smoke and most times I can’t even stomach kissing him.

We’ve talked about him cutting back or quitting a few times but nothing comes of it. He says he will look into effective methods of quitting or decreasing and he hasn’t. He always says his job is too stressful to quit smoking right now (not because of the stuff going on this was the narrative long before this).

Obviously he will think I’m an AH for bringing it up and having it be a deal breaker NOW when this has been something he’s done since I’ve known him. I don’t want to continue nagging someone who won’t change so AITA for deciding this is a dealbreaker now? ######

Response:
 NAH but don’t surprised if he gets upset.  If my SO of 1 year were to break up with me over a trait that they had known I’ve had the entire time, I’d be pretty angry and confused.

My first question (from his perspective) would be “if smoking bothered you so much, why didn’t you end things way sooner?”  Be prepared timing answer those type of questions. ######


Prompt:
My brother and I are extremely close, he got engaged a few months back and we are all happy for him and his fiance. I am also close with his fiance, she is a sweet girl but suffers from chronic migraines at least 4 times a month (these are so bad that she literally just sleeps all day when these hit) and is very depressed.

A couple days back she learned I was hiring and reached out to me to ask if I would consider hiring her as I own a small business. I told her I would think about it but ultimately decided no as her chronic migraines would mean she would not be able to come into work at least 4 times a month meaning I would have to re-distribute her responsibilities to my other employees which is not fair to them.

I told her I would not be hiring her, and she asked me why so I was honest with her and told her that I would not be able to accommodate her for the days she is off as my current employees only get 1 sick day per month. This caused her to throw a fit and explain that her disability is none of my business and that it would not be fair to discriminate against her because of this, she also told my brother this and things have been pretty tense between us although I expect this to blow over.

Am I the asshole for not agreeing to hire her? Laws in my country are very strict to the point where if I hire her I would not be able to let her go because of her disability unless I pay her out. I would essentially be stuck with a part time employee earning full time salary which I can not afford nor do I think is fair to me or my employees. Am I wrong?

EDIT; I feel I should include that I am not just assuming that she will not be showing up to work for at least 4 days. She used to work at a different place that ended up bankrupting because of COVID-19 and throughout her career there she would never go in to work when she had her chronic migraine episodes (because she physically/mentally couldn't). ######

Response: Nah but depending on how strict your laws, and depending where you live are NOT hiring a person based on them having a disability is grounds for a lawsuit. Saying that was your reason could have been a huge mistake. ######


Prompt:
So this is an awkward one. I moved in with my sister when my college closed because our parents are insane. I’m grateful she’s letting me stay with her, but there’s a slight issue.

The walls are wafer thin and my room is right up against the master, and her bed is up against the wall. And her boyfriend and her have sex like 5 days a week. So I hear the bed banging into the wall right next to me. And her moaning. And him moaning. And everything else I really don’t want to be hearing. And I would just listen to music or go to another room but they do it at like 12 at night, when I’m going to bed. And it’s not just 5-10 minutes, it’s like 20-30(how?).

I figured they were just having a “good” week the first week(I’m shuddering that I’m saying this referring to my sister), but it’s been going on for many weeks now. A few days ago I asked if she could try being quieter or doing it another time and she said that it was gross I was listening and I shouldn’t have brought it up. I agree that it’s gross I’m listening, I don’t want to be listening.

They have however stopped since then. AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH and I'm sorry but your description is amusing lol and if sex for you is only lasting 5-10 minutes, you're doing it wrong.

She's not the A for having sex with her own boyfriend in her own place, that you're a guest in. You're not the A for not being able to help overhearing or for letting her know that you can overhear. I imagine maybe her snap response of calling you gross was a little embarrassment on her part? I hope she'd know you wouldn't *want* to bring it up, but you have to. It's an annoying situation but there's ear plugs, white noise machines, headphones, quieter sex on their part, moving the bed to a new wall, or doing it at different times of the day. Or some combo of all of the above. Good luck! ######


Prompt:
I'm a middle school teacher. Once a week there's a meeting with the principal, vice principal, special ed teacher, guidance counselor and the 4 subject matter teachers. One of the things we talk about is particular kids and how they are doing. A few years ago we had a kid who had a spectacularly horrible home life (the school was in an upper middle class area so not that many troubled homes), and she was of course failing.  We spent months trying different things to help her. After about 3/4 through the year, the principal in  our meeting said we need to do more. I said school is not her main priority or her biggest problem and helping her more than we already are is above our pay grade. We need help. Can you provide some help  for us and for the kid?  No one directly answered me but the discussion continued.

About a month later, I was in the principal's office and she was criticizing me for something, I forget what. Then she brought up that meeting and said by me saying it was above our pay grade it was obvious that I didn't want to put in the effort to help the kid, I didn't care about the kid or my job, and that it was disrespectful to her and the vice principal to say basically they needed to handle it, not the teachers. I was really surprised and I do not think I was the AH. I actually said that because everything the teachers were doing didn't help and I actually cared what happened to the kid and wanted to get her some kind of help. I'm not a fucking psychiatrist or social worker so I legit couldn't help her.

I was going to make a throwaway but fuck it. So AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH ~~NTA~~

There is wisdom in recognizing your limitations and requesting help from those who can actually handle the issue.

~~Your principle is the A here. A good leader also knows when additional resources are necessary to solve a problem.~~

---
 *Edit*:

I'm changing my vote...

"This is above my pay grade" is a well known idiom, which means I am not trained for this, and feel like we need to call in an expert. As an idiom, it does not imply an unwillingness to help. Only an inability to do so.

However, taken literally it means I am not paid enough to do this. If this is what the principal thought, then I can see why she might get upset. ######


Prompt:
tl/dr: My mom has a horrible voice and wants to online audition for a benefit concert. WIBTA if I tell her it’s for experienced singers to save her the embarrassment of having her audition tape go viral?

Long version: My mom is such a sweetheart and she loves singing. Unfortunately she’s not very good. Today she jumped in excitement when her friend emailed her an application from a reputable accapella group that is doing open auditions for a performance video they’re releasing. This is for putting a benefit concert online.

Deadline is 4/25 so pretty soon. I think they’re based in NYC and have a big following. I’m a musician and I already know they won’t accept her audition video based on vocal fundamentals she doesn’t have. Also the song choice they’re giving to sing is pretty complex if you don’t have musical experience and pull it off in a week.

My concern isn’t her getting turned down. But them having a copy of her audition and who knows where/how that’ll get shared. I’ve seen enough American Idol fail auditions to know how cruel people can be. She can’t hold a tone, she gets out of breath, she uses her head voice so it gets super shaky and because she’s nervous sometimes the timbre comes out like a frog voice. She can’t find her key and is always out of rhythm.

This audition song is heavily syncopated. I accompanied her the other day on guitar to sing Over The Rainbow and she struggled really hard. So I told her I’ll help coach her with this song, but the deadline is very soon. And she got super excited because it’ll be an other mom and daughter bonding.

WIBTA if I tell her this audition is for more experienced singers or should I continue helping coach her and film the video? She had this glimmer in her eyes when she saw the email and was so happy so I would feel so bad.
This reminded me of the scene in GTA where Michael tried to pull his daughter out of that talent show. ######

Response:
 NAH
Practice and have fun :) then maybe see if you want to submit or still think she will end up on a cringe compilation ######


Prompt:
New account for privacy.

I (39F) have been with my boyfriend (40M) for a little over two years. Recently, I have come into a significant amount of money that would allow me to quit my day job and pursue my dream career, or if saved and invested carefully, retire fully. I haven’t disclosed this information to my boyfriend.

I love him, and he says he loves me. Toward the beginning of our relationship, there was a lot of discussion about marriage and spending the rest of our lives together. Both of us are divorced and this would be a second marriage for us.

My issue is that his ex-wife and him are still very friendly. They share no children but communicate daily and even have platonic lunches and dinners together. When asked about this, he stated that there will be a part of him that always cares for her and that he needs to be there for her because she doesn’t have anyone else, especially now during the pandemic. I am trying to be understanding about this.

I haven’t told him about my recent windfall because I don’t want him to feel pressure to cut her out of his life and choose me because of the money. I also don’t want to feel obligated to help his ex financially because they are still close friends (which could be a possible conversation that comes up). I do want him, and there’s no one I’d rather share this good fortune with. Everything else in our relationship is going well, and I do feel he could be the one.

He is in a very good job that he can support himself with, although he doesn’t at all enjoy his work. I could offer him a way out of it and I feel guilty about keeping this from him. At the same time, I would like to know how he sees us moving forward before I tell him about the money. AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH

This is probably more along the lines of r/relationshipadvice versus being an asshole.

If you saw it moving forward, I wouldn’t do anything without a prenup or some sort of legal representation for your money to keep it for yourself to use at your discretion. ######


Prompt:
Hear us out. We can’t agree who the asshole is.

We have been together for a while and my boyfriend falls asleep way ahead of me. Sometimes, but not always, (if it was always then I wouldn’t do it) he takes these very shallow breathes, his chest doesn’t move, I can’t feel or hear him breathe. I panic and nudge him to see if he’s conscious and to start breathing and then he’s fine.

Well, last night it happened again (hasn’t happened in weeks) and I judged him once and he started breathing, then it happened again and I nudged him again and he snapped at me “why are you doing this just as I’m dozing off, just stop!”

I think he’s the asshole, I don’t do this to annoy him, I’m just worried and scared he might not wake up.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH

That sounds like sleep apnea. It's a serious condition that can lead to heart attacks and death if untreated. It's *usually* caused by excess weight but I know of one slender person who has it, so don't let him put you off by saying he's not far enough to have this.

Treatment is wearing a mask that pushes air down his throat while he sleeps to keep it open so he can breathe. It takes getting used to at first but once he *is* used to it he will probably find it hard to fall asleep without the familiar pressure. It gets to be comfortable after a while. There are a million masks, so there are options if he feels claustrophobic in one or two.

He needs to see a doctor and have a sleep study. He'll spend the night hooked up to a ton of wires and then if they find apnea, and they probably will, he'll do it again a week later, this time hooked up to a CPAP machine as well to find out what pressure setting he needs prescribed. It's not painful, it's annoying at worst. Honestly the hardest part was falling asleep with the wires on, because I have insomnia. My second sleep study I took a mild sedative. Most people have no trouble falling asleep with the wires.

You need to insist he does this somehow. This is a *dangerous* condition to have. It could kill him at any time, probably not too likely right now but the longer it goes untreated the higher the risk of something bad happening. My dad had a heart attack at 48 probably because of untreated sleep apnea.

Not to mention there's a lack of good quality sleep, which means he's always tired. That's a risk every time he gets behind the wheel of a car. I would have headaches when I woke up in the morning because of lack of oxygen to my brain. That's just not fun. ######


Prompt:
I've been married to my wife for about 3 months now, and we had her out first serious argument when I got angry with her for calling her mom to take her somewhere while I'm home and not doing anything. She always does things like this. Calling her parents for rides or help instead of me. My friends tell me that I should be happy, but I'm not. It's ridiculous in my opinion. We're married, we live together. ASK me before you ask your damn parents like you still live with them or something.

I work during the day and she works during the night. Why not ask me to pick you up from work? Why not ask me to take you places even if I'm not going there with you? We've never even been grocery shopping together because she always asks her dad to take her. Like wtf? What's the point of being married or living together at that at? When I tried to talk to her about it she lashes out at me telling me basically the same thing my friends did, that I should be happy that she doesn't bother me for favors or anything.

But that's the fucking problem. Why are you even referring to asking your husband for something as a fucking favor?  It's not even just giving rides. It's a variety of things in general. She gets her dad to cut our grass (I'm a grown ass man, why do you think I want your damn dad cutting our grass, for free at that?), she gets her mom to pick up things like medicine and drop it off, she'll drop our dog off at her parents so they can watch him even if I'm home. The list goes on. I'm not that macho man super masculinity type, but holy shit it's degrading.

Am I the asshole here and I should be happy? ######

Response:
 NAH

I was going to say NTA, but then you said you're both 21. It seems like she hasn't left the nest yet, even after getting married. You're looking at it thinking "we're married, we should be independent and not relying on parents" and she's thinking "I'm 21, it's totally still acceptable to get help from my parents" and you're both right.

This problem will likely fix itself in time, if it doesn't then you just need to sit down and have a frank discussion about expectations in your marriage. It's a bit late, but books about premarital counseling help you outline expectations for your marriage, including around errands and household duties. ######


Prompt:
I got a scholarship to a really good college out of high school just like my brother did, and my sister wasn't as lucky as us and would have to pay her way through college.  Our parents set an amount of money for all 3 of us for college but me and my brother didn't end up needing it.  My parents but me and my brother's halves into her half so she could go to college to, I don't know the full details but it was one of those savings accounts were the money could only be used for college.  Her first 3 and a half years were fully paid thanks to that money.

I knew about the bank account and when me and my sister were out for lunch about 2 months ago.  I jokingly said something like "Geez first you take my college money AND now I pay for lunch?"  I was clearly joking and she was laughing with me but then she asked about the money.  I thought she knew that our parents took the money out of our accounts and put it into her cause we didn't need the money.

She got upset saying that mom and dad should have told her and that I should be angry at them too.  I told her its no big deal and I'm happy she was able to go to college.  She said that she is pretty pissed that they gave her a handout at our expense and that she feels even more left out knowing that we are somehow "better" than her cause we got scholarships and she didn't but also got more help with our parents cause of it.  I kept trying to tell her its no big deal but she said she needs some time alone and left pretty abruptly when we were supposed to spend the day together.  AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH

Doesn’t sound like you were rubbing it in so you’re not the asshole.

She was obviously shocked and needed time to process so she’s not an asshole anyway. ######


Prompt:
This is me (15), my brothers (13 and 12) and my younger sister (11) writing. We’re back at our mums house now but this happened from Monday 11th May - Friday 15th May.

Our dad has a new girlfriend who’s from Japan. She’s a bit rude and we don’t really like her. She’s ok when our dad is around but when he isn’t she gets snappy and rude to us. She is pregnant with her first baby/ my dads 6th baby.

He insisted on having us this past week because he was off work and hasn’t seen us in a really long time. We didn’t want to go but our mum said we might enjoy it. Spoiler alert: we did not enjoy it.

My dads girlfriend insisted on cooking for us all. Normally we eat sausages and beans or jacket potatoes with cheese. But she makes things that are really smelly that we don’t like. She likes fish eggs and dried shrimp paste and she puts a lot of seaweed in her food.

Me and my siblings have never eaten that stuff in our lives and we don’t like the smell or the taste. We had to leave the house whenever she cooked because my youngest sister started heaving like she was going to vomit from the smell and my dad and his girlfriend just snapped at her to stop being silly.

Our dad told us we will eat his girlfriends food and enjoy it and said that people at his work (he works in central London) pay a lot of money for that sort of cuisine. We didn’t eat it and instead just ate cereal and fruit for the past week. I weigh myself a lot and I lost 4 lbs in less than a week which is mental.

We weren’t allowed to cook anything because our dad said it was disrespectful to his girlfriend. We told him her food smelled really bad and we weren’t going to eat it. He got really annoyed with us and kept saying we were ungrateful and his girlfriend definitely hates us now because she kept talking about us to our dad but would stop whenever we walked in the room.

Are we the assholes for not eating her food? ######

Response:
 NAH -I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt since you’re a child in an awkward situation. But you need to check yourself. You cannot eat jacket potatoes and baked beans all your lives. You don’t have to love it and it’s  stretch to go from the blandest diet in the world to Japanese food, but you sound as if you’re not giving it a chance. This is clearly important to your father. The mother of your half-sibling is kot going anywhere, give her and her food a chance.

Maybe do some research into Japanese food: ask her about yakitori, edamame and endless other foods that I’ve never heard off. I envy you, not everyone has a Japanese born family member that can tell them about new exciting foods. ######


Prompt:
I got a scholarship to a really good college out of high school just like my brother did, and my sister wasn't as lucky as us and would have to pay her way through college.  Our parents set an amount of money for all 3 of us for college but me and my brother didn't end up needing it.  My parents but me and my brother's halves into her half so she could go to college to, I don't know the full details but it was one of those savings accounts were the money could only be used for college.  Her first 3 and a half years were fully paid thanks to that money.

I knew about the bank account and when me and my sister were out for lunch about 2 months ago.  I jokingly said something like "Geez first you take my college money AND now I pay for lunch?"  I was clearly joking and she was laughing with me but then she asked about the money.  I thought she knew that our parents took the money out of our accounts and put it into her cause we didn't need the money.

She got upset saying that mom and dad should have told her and that I should be angry at them too.  I told her its no big deal and I'm happy she was able to go to college.  She said that she is pretty pissed that they gave her a handout at our expense and that she feels even more left out knowing that we are somehow "better" than her cause we got scholarships and she didn't but also got more help with our parents cause of it.  I kept trying to tell her its no big deal but she said she needs some time alone and left pretty abruptly when we were supposed to spend the day together.  AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH - your intention was not to offend and she was blindsided by information she didn't have.

However, parents are supposed to be FAIR not EQUAL.  This was smart on their part as it enabled all three kids to get a good education with limited funds.  They did not give her a handout at your expense, they got all their children through college without huge loans.  Your parents are rock stars.  That is totally a big deal.  In a good way.

I don't think this is a good thing to tease your sister about if you value your relationship with her, now that you know how she feels.  But perhaps you can frame it as you were all blessed to have generous parents and agree on that. ######


Prompt: My brother split with his gf about 2 months ago and he has been living with me. Before my brother moved in, it was just me and my dog. Anyway, he has three small children who I love to spend time with but he has them on his days off. They usually sleep Friday and go home Sunday. He also has them before or after work depending on the shifts he is on. Because they are at my house all the time my dog has to stay in the kitchen alot because he doesn't like kids. Also the kids have done damage to my house and my things. I recently told him that we need a schedule so that he can still have the kids over but also so I can have some time without the kids being there. I work 12 hour shifts so I want a couple of days where I can chill out with my dog and do things I can't really do when the kids are around. So I spoke to him today bout it and he is unwilling to compromise at all. He has said he wants the kids all the time which I understand because he loves them but I really need my own space. He has said he isn't willing to try the schedule and he just keeps saying he will move out. I don't want him to move out I just want some space. ######

Response:
 NAH - Your brother is going through a rough time and wants to spend more time with his kids that makes sense.  You're letting him stay in your house and his kids are causing problems, plus beggars can't be choosers.  You're NTA for wanting to compromise on the kids situation.

Your brother's not in a great situation, but you need to do what's right for you.  You've made an attempt at accommodating him.  He can either get on board or move out.  That doesn't make him or you the asshole, just means the situation needs to continue to be dealt appropriately. ######


Prompt:
My GF has been protesting frequently. I have gone with her a few times but I think it's time to stop. I want to enjoy my summer. There's other stuff I wanna do.

She asked me if I wanted to protest for pride today (were not even gay) but she has a friend who is. I said no, and this is like my third time in a row saying no to her asking me to protest with her.

I just told her that I do not want to protest with her anymore, and we should be doing other activities instead as I want to enjoy the summer. She told me that I am being selfish, and we could do stuff afterwards, and that our life isn't running away from us. Now she's just trying to force me to go with her from now on.

For real though, there's other stuff I wanna do. I don't want to protest with her 24/7. I want to have fun. ######

Response: NAH - you're free not to go, but she's also not obligated to "do other activities" if she wants to be politically involved. In the end, there might be a difference in values between you two. ######


Prompt:
For the context, i’m 17F

Last year, i went to the USA for an exchange year. It was one of the best years of my life, i quite enjoyed it, but I had to return back to my home country early. Obviously, i was sad to have to leave my host family, as well as all my friends and teachers there.

Since i got home, i noticed that i am more irritated at the sounds, and just being close to that many people at the same time.(always 3). I think a part of this is because, in America, i had the luck to be hosted by a considerably wealthy family, at least in comparison to my life. There, i had my own room, a lot bigger than one i have at home plus my own bathroom. I would spend most of my days alone, and everything was quiet and peaceful. They didn’t have any other children so most of the time, the house was empty and quiet. I feel like i have gotten used to this and now when i came back to a loud, smaller place it’s just hard.

So, naturally i spend quite some time in my room(another reason for this is because i am literally went home a few days ago, so i am at risk because i was at 4 different airports)

My mom however is not happy with this. She constantly makes comments about it like “You like them more than us” or “This is not America anymore, you have to spend time with us”. But, even when i do, she doesn’t know what to talk about or doesn’t want to, so she just looks at her phone. She’s addicted to her phone, but as soon as i want to leave the room, she says “where are you going? Sit with me” and proceeds not to talk to me.

Am i wrong for simply wanting to be alone ? ######

Response: NAH - you sound a bit like you resent the fact that you don't get to live with a wealthy family with lots of space, your mum has probably missed your for the last year but possibly is a bit annoyed if you keep going on about how great America was, making her feel inferior for not being able to give you the life you have had for the last year ######


Prompt:
So I found out from my grandma that my half brothers mom died and that he needs somewhere to live. She was telling me because she’s not physically capable of taking care of him herself. She had asked my mom and stepdad first, so that maybe he could grow up with our other siblings, but they of course didn’t want to be responsible for her ex’s child.

I kind of didn’t know what to think about the whole thing when my grandma told me, but I knew I had to discuss it with my girlfriend first.

My girlfriend was very quiet while I told her everything. Ultimately she said she understood if I needed to take him in, but said that she can’t help raise him and thinks that if thats what needs to happen we should consider breaking up.

I don’t know my half brother too well, but he’s seems like a good kid that doesn’t deserve all this at his age, but if had to choose one to live without forever in my heart it’s an easy answer. My girlfriend is the love of my life and my best friend. I feel like my life would be so much worse without her. As bad as it sounds my life without my half brother in it wouldn’t change much at all. I know though that his life is going to be very rough. It just all feels so unfair that this is all on me. ######

Response: NAH - You must chose what is right for you and you must accept that there will be some people that will not agree with your decision. They might even call you an asshole but you're not. Your GF gave you a good example, she laid out her choice for you. She understands there might be painful consequences but that is her choice. Now you need to make yours. ######


Prompt:
We were casually chatting yesterday and he brought up that he was looking at the /gonewild subs. I personally am okay with looking at porn and the general /gonewild subs, but when he was looking at specifically the Asian subs I feel extremely uncomfortable. Something about the intimacy (as opposed to porn) and the resemblance to my own body threw me off.

I do send him nudes whenever he asks for them and I feel bad knowing he’s jerking off to women who look so much like me.. but not me.

I don’t think it’s an body-insecurity thing either, i look pretty much like the more toned girls on the sub. So redditers- AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH - You have the right to discuss with your boyfriend the acceptable boundaries of your relationship.  Many people consider the viewing of pornography to be a relationship or fidelity issue. Many couples have both benefited or suffered from the porn habits of one or all partners.  It is not prudish or weird of you to ask for certain guardrails.

Your boyfriend has the right to express and indulge his sexuality and internet viewing habits as he sees fit.  He is not perverse or weird.

This is only a question of if you two can come to a mutually agreeable solution.  No one is the asshole. ######


Prompt:
My brother is 19. I'm 23. When he was 14, I asked to borrow his laptop to send an email because mine was installing updates. He said sure, so I took his laptop downstairs, opened it up, and there was a forum that my brother was posting on about being gay and trying to come to terms with it. I didn't read any of his posts but the thread title on the forum was something along those lines and it was his username. I immediately knew that this wasn't something I was supposed to see so I closed the browser, sent my email, and never mentioned to my brother that I saw it. I never pushed him into coming out or asked him about it but I did make sure from that point on to always talk about LGBT issues in a positive way around him so that he would feel supported when he did come out.

Fast forward to last week. My brother came out to our family in an email. I sent him one back saying that I was proud of him etc. He then phoned me up and we had a conversation. He said something jokey like "remember that time I loaned you my laptop? I'd been using it that morning to talk about being gay and I actually thought I'd left the browser tab open on it so that you would see it and I wouldn't have to come out, but I must have closed it by mistake, what an idiot." I then told him that I had seen it but thought he'd be embarrassed, so I never mentioned it. He got annoyed with me on the phone and said that he'd spent the last 5 years thinking that no-one knew his secret when actually I did, and so he spent all those years worried for no reason. He then hung up on me. He did text me afterwards to say he wasn't mad at me and that he appreciated that I'd always been very open about supporting LGBT rights but he needed a bit of time to soothe his bruised ego and recalculate how he felt about the past 5 years in the closet.

I feel like I inadvertently ruined his coming out. AITA for not saying I knew he was gay? ######

Response: NAH - you couldn’t have known that he wanted you to know. In fact, i would have done the same thing you did. You shouldn’t force people out of the closet, and you had no way of knowing that’s what he wanted ######


Prompt:
I (31F) am my father’s only biological child. I have an older half sister, and our mother was married to my father until she died in 2001. Later that year he met and married SM, who had three adult children (21-25). Over the years, my dad has said several times that, in the event of his and SM’s deaths, he would want to leave the majority of his assets and belongings to me. He didn’t have a will or trust written up, but I wasn’t worried about it, since most of their joint assets are in his name because of credit, and he was the primary earner in the marriage.
Well, a few days ago, SM was telling me they were going to talk to a lawyer to set up a trust, dividing all of their assets equally between me and her three children. They had the talk with the lawyer yesterday. I know that this is equal, but I feel as though it is unfair, because SM’s children didn’t even come into the picture until they were adults, and they have their own father’s estate to inherit. Not to mention, if marriage made a stepchild a full heir to the estate, then where is my half sister’s portion?
I don’t want my dad to think that I’m just waiting for him to die so that I can get his money. Any dollar amount he leaves me is money that I didn’t earn, money that won’t bring him back. I’m worried that I am a selfish and entitled brat whining about my inheritance, but I feel betrayed and less loved by my father.
WIBTA if I were to ask my father to leave me more of their joint estate than the other three stepchildren? ######

Response: NAH - you can bring up your concerns to your father, but just remember that no matter what he decides it is his money and his decision. ######


Prompt:
My (30f) stepdad was great and raised me like his own. He never had biological children of his own. We were very close and it absolutely devastated me that around my 18th birthday, he and my mom divorced and he moved out without me.

I'm grown enough to understand why he needed to leave on his own and we've tried to have some sort of relationship in my adult years. It has not been going well- especially now that he has a new girlfriend with kids/grandkids of her own.

There have been a couple (what I feel to be important) instances over the last couple years where I felt neglected. I was in the hospital due to surgery complications and he didn't pick up his phone (I'm fine now). He didn't respond to the news of his first grandson until the next day. Today, he wished me a Happy Easter... when my 30th birthday was on Friday and he had said nothing.

So I called him out about how he missed my birthday, but I'm sure he has Easter plans with his new family so don't worry about it. (Super petty, I know.) He replied that he was sorry, but I needed to cut him some slack. I'm tired of being brushed off so I got pushy and he ended the conversation, more or less calling me TA.

For the sake of both sides, he does have good moments. He loves his grandson. When we do talk, he is always expressing how happy he is to hear from me. He makes me feel wanted if I can get his attention, which unfortunately is a 20 minute phone conversation maybe every few months. I live out of state so physical visits are few and far between.

He refuses to talk to me about our issues and wants me to just get over it. Maybe I'm expecting too much from someone that owes me nothing? Maybe I'm too old to be whining for dad's attention? AITA??? ######

Response:
 NAH - you called him out on a situation you felt genuine discomfort or disappointment about. He in turn responded reasonably and apologised, asking you to cut him some slack.

I don't think you handled the aftermath of this all together well but that doesn't make you an asshole. Give each other space a while and try again. ######


Prompt:
I think I already know the answer but thought I’d ask.

I’m a clinical psychologist and have been working in trauma for the last decade. Shortly after I got my license, an opportunity came up for me to provide my services in a hostile environment overseas.

It’s an organization similar to Doctors Without Borders, but not exactly the same.

While going through the application process I found out I was pregnant. We (husband and I) decided to withdraw my application because obviously it would’ve just been too risky.

I now have an 8 year old daughter who I’m very close to. I love our life together, but all these years I’ve also secretly pined for that opportunity that got away.

Recently, another one has come up. It’s a similar position, providing crisis response / trauma services in a former war zone to survivors of the conflict. I would need to start in January if everything goes to plan.

It would be an incredible opportunity career wise, it’s something I’ve always dreamed of doing and people I’ve always wanted to help, and everything in me is desperate to go.

But of course I have my child to think about. It’s a 6 month contract and because it’s a former conflict area, she wouldn’t be able to visit, nor would I be able to go home. We could communicate via emails and phones when possible.

I’ve been assured it’s a safe as they can guarantee, but of course nothing is 100%.

My daughter would be in the care of my husband and he’s encouraging me to go, but only because he knows how much I want it and wanted it years ago. I’m not sure that he ever really understood or agreed with my desire to do this kind of work, but he’s supportive.

I don’t know what to do. Am I a total monster for even considering it? These contracts don’t come up very often where I am and I’m scared it’ll be another 8 years or longer if I pass this up. But I also don’t know what impact me being away for 6 months will have on my daughter. And I’d miss her terribly too. ######

Response:
 NAH - you are a human being in addition to being a parent, and your daughter isn't being abandoned.  People take jobs that require specialized geography all the time, and this is a time-sensitive opportunity.

It's less about AITA and more about, "If this went sideways, would my husband and daughter be ok without me and am I ok with the outcome of that?" ######


Prompt:
I graduated before my boyfriend so I've been working for 4 months drawing a decent salary while my boyfriend is finishing up his final semester in uni. We started discussing about our next chapter in life, including marriage and finances plans.
We both plan to pool a fixed amount of our income together into a joint account after marriage, which will further spilt into sub categories such as household expenses, vacation fund, kids' education fund, etc.
Now this is where the difference comes in. The money that I have left after contributing the fixed amount into the joint account and after savings, I wanted to keep the remaining as a personal expandables that I can spend on fun things that I like, for myself. My boyfriend however wanted to pool both of our expendables together, which will fund either of our 'splurge'. That essentially means I have to go through him whenever I want to splurge on myself.
It's fine if we're both frugal or equal spenders. I'm however a spender while he's frugal. I believe in treating myself for the little happiness in life, within my means, to motivate myself for work and for life. He however believes in minimizing spending and transferring the max amount he can from the expandable fund into savings at the end of every month.
If we were to pool our expandables, that is essentially pooling 100% of our income together. He views keeping our own personal money as 'drawing too thick a line' and it isn't couple-like. He wants to view us as one entity. I however foresee future problems and arguments arising from pooling 100% of our money together, due to income inequality and differences in spending habits, which can be avoided if we were to have the joint account and personal money separated.
AITA for not wanting to pool our personal expandables fund and 100% of our income together? ######

Response:
 NAH - this is a great conversation to have pre-marriage.

Relationship advice: once you’re married even if you keep your finances somewhat separate, you’re still going to be accountable for how you spend money.

Your both on the same “team” and that means discussing things like new cars, vacations, large “fun” purchases like golf clubs or designer purses.

Think about how much money you can “spend” without consulting your S/O. $100, $200, $1,000?

My husband and I pool finance 100%, anything over $300 gets mentioned before purchase, over $1,000 needs mutual agreement. ######


Prompt:
I (34f) met my husband while I was doing an exchange semester in Australia when I was 20. We later got married and I moved to Australia permanently. We have two kids 6f and 4f and I'm 4 months pregnant.

My husband passed away 3 months ago. It was and still is horrible. With my husband not being here anymore I want to move back to my home country. I think it will be good for my kids because the education system over there is heaps better but the main reason is that I need my family. My 4 year old doesn't really have an opinion on it, my 6 year old is excited because my parents have horses.

Here in Australia, my husband's parents look after our kids Monday to Friday as my husband and I both had full time jobs. So, obviously they are close. Mil and FIL are very attached to the kids and love being grandparents.

Last weekend I broke the news to them. I didn't expect them to be happy but I was hoping they'd understand. They didn't. It was ugly. They asked me how dare I taking away their grandchildren after they lost their only son. They said my husband would be disappointed and he'd want his children to grow up in Australia. I had to leave because I couldn't handle the situation.

I feel guilty because my husband did want to stay in Australia but mainly because that's where we settled. I don't think he'd be disappointed. I think he'd understand. But I feel so guilty but also angry? I feel like it was cruel of mil and FIL to say what they said.

I plan to come back to Australia regularly because I don't want to deprive my children of their heritage and it has become my home over the years.

Basically, is it wrong to move back home? ######

Response: NAH - These situations just come up when a loved one dies. You need your family, and they need theirs. I'm not going to call someone an asshole for reacting adversely during their grief, and I'm not going to call someone an asshole for wanting a support system. ######


Prompt:
I’m a 27 year old Asian guy. Half my friends are other Asian guys. My girlfriend is a 25 year old white girl.

Recently, due to intense work stress, I’ve decided to seek counseling. I believe it would help me handle the streets a lot.

I told my girlfriend this, and she was nice enough to find me a list of people she believed could help; however, I already had someone in mind (an Asian guy) recommended from a friend.

Many of the issues I’ve faced stem from being Asian. For example, I’ve faced racism as a child. More recently, I’ve been forced to eliminate White/Asian guys from an internship applicant pool due to not qualifying for diversity quotas (programs where only certain minorities and women can apply to) despite being extremely highly qualified, and people that have taken the effort to network with me while most of the diversity applicants haven’t (this isn’t to insulate that diversity candidates are necessarily less qualified, just that since the program is diversity focused, the non diversity kids that choose apply are typically high caliber non-diversity kids). There are also other Asian related issues I’d want to talk about but won’t here so as to not cause a shitstorm.

All this has led to a lot of stress from office politics that I just want to get off my chest. The problem has arisen in that when I told my girlfriend that, she said I was being racist and/or sexist for only wanting an Asian guy as a counselor. ######

Response:
 NAH - the whole point of counseling/therapy is that you seek to feel understood. It’s only natural that you feel like the easiest way for you to be understood is by talking to someone who has shared some life experiences with you. The problem comes in two ways here though:

1) Not every Asian guy is gonna see through your lens. People have entirely different life experiences, even as siblings. A therapist/counselor’s *whole career* is built on being able to relate to you and make you feel understood, no matter their background.

2) Your gf may be thinking that if you don’t feel you could be understood by someone who isn’t Asian, you’re implying she could never fill that supportive role for you. Whatever the truth is about that, she may feel slighted, even if you didn’t mean it that way.

When it comes down to it, though, the part that matters is “I appreciate your contribution Babe, but I already have someone in mind.” ######


Prompt:
Yesterday my(16) dad(42) asked me if I wanted to go out onto the lake with him on the boat.  I said no thank you, and he got upset.  At this point it's understandable.

I don't like the water, and I don't care for boating.  It's not my kinda thing.  But he's been giving me a bit of silent treatment and isn't really saying anything to me.  He seems to want space or something of the sort, so I haven't said much either.

Just a few minutes ago, my sister told me she wanted to hang out with me, -she's with my dad-.  So I say sure and head out there.  It's all chill and we start watching TV.  My dad asks me about taking care of the animals, and that's when it goes downhill.  He asked me if I knew he was upset with me, and I said yes.  He then asked why I thought that.  I assumed it was because of the refusal to go out on the boat with him.

He said it was never about the boat, it was about spending time with him.  Then, he said that it sucks that he has to make his kids spend time with him, and said that he does what I want, even if he doesn't like it, and that he does everything for me.  I can't remember any scenarios like that, I don't do much besides stay at home.  It made me feel shitty and I don't know how to really feel.

  He continued then asked me, "How do we fix this?"  I told him we could find something to do.  He then said, "What if I don't want to hang out with you?"  I said that it was fine, and that I can't force him to.  He asked if I could accept that, I said, "I guess."

He then stepped outside for some air, more upset, and I have no idea what just happened, nor what to do.  So I just went to my room.

  I love hanging out with him, but the boat isn't fun and I'm not ready for the water.  I feel like I should go, but I feel like we could do other stuff instead.  Am I the asshole? ######

Response:
 NAH - Sounds like you guys are kind of circling each other emotionally. It’s hard to tell from your post which one of you has trouble communicating or both.

You love each other. He wants to spend time with you. Just try to figure something out. Did you do anything for Father’s Day? It might not be so bad to extend the olive branch by picking something else he would like besides the boat.

I strongly suspect that you not doing much besides staying home is part of the underlying issue.

I’m also not sure what exactly is going on with you and water but these might be a separate issues you want to possibly seek professional guidance for. ######


Prompt:
A year ago I gave birth to twin girls. I work 50+ hours a week and my husband is a stay at home dad. We have a 5 year old who didn’t sleep through the night til he was 2, so I was prepared for sleepless nights. I also breastfeed and so I assumed there wouldn’t be much my husband could do. Well to my surprise, one baby would only take bottles of pumped milk. I was thrilled my husband could help.   Him, not so much.

Both girls were in our room at first. I am a much lighter sleeper so I would wake whenever either woke and they weren’t on the same schedule. By the time I could get my husband up to give a bottle I would be wide awake and just did it myself. I was a zombie at home and work.

So I moved myself and the breastfeeding baby to the nursery (has a pullout sofa). It was great!  I get so much more sleep and I only deal with her wakeups. I sleep better too because it’s cooler and no one is snoring. My husband says it’s been a year and it’s time I come back but truthfully I like how things are and I sleep better. And yes, both girls still wake up in the night. I refuse to move back and he says I’m damaging our marriage by refusing to sleep in the same bed. So AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH - Sleep deprivation can do terrible things to your mental health, and obviously to your relationship too. I think it's important that you make sure you get a good night's sleep and separate beds is sometimes the simplest solution to that.

BUT - I also think it's totally normal for your husband to want to fall asleep with you and wake up with you - it's just one of those things we grow up 'expecting' to happen when we get married, and you hear about couples who are separating sleeping in separate beds. Maybe he's lonely at night and just misses knowing you're around.

Could you compromise and have weeknights / nights when you have work in separate beds so that you're getting a practical amount of sleep for the working day, but then weekends are your couple time? ######


Prompt:
The other day, I ordered a package on Amazon. The app said it was delivered, but it wasn't outside or in my apartment complex's mailroom.

The next day the package had been left haphazardly on my doorstep without an explanation, and had been opened with a knife along the tape and the protective seal missing from the product. Obviously being upset about the situation, I exclaimed about it appearing but being opened, and then said loudly and sarcastically in the stairwell of my building, "Well I hope you enjoyed my package!"

I guess some people didn't like that because they've been loudly making fun of me in the stairwell and saying "how safe the neighborhood is" and "how trustworthy our community is" and how it wasn't okay that I was upset basically and I'm overreacting

I'd like to add that I'm the type of person to say hello to my neighbors in a friendly way but mostly I've been glared at and ignored except by a couple of people so I'm not exactly comfortable automatically assuming that my shampoo wasn't tampered with...I ended up having to return it as I've had Nair added to my stuff before and I'm not fucking with that again.

So, am I the asshole? Should I not have said anything?

TLDR: I had a missing package, it was returned to me opened and damaged, clearly misdelivered and opened by someone else. Neighbors got mad when I had a problem with it, but I don't see how it could have been anyone but someone who lives in my building. ######

Response: NAH - Not gonna be a popular verdict, I can tell. But if the neighbor who opened it had also been expecting a package, they might have thought it was theirs, opened it, realized it’s not what they ordered, and then gave it back to you. I don’t blame you for being upset about the open package, but if this is the first time this has happened, I wouldn’t be so quick to assume there was necessarily any malice behind it. ######


Prompt:
A couple things. I did “agree” to my wife that she’ll name our first kid, and the middle name will be named after my father, but I did say that I can veto names.

Recently, her dad passed away. It’s been a real tough time for her and us. She’s pregnant, it’s a very scary time.

She recently said to me that she wants to name our child after her dad. I’m a bit uneasy about that. I’m Korean, and my last name is Lee. Her dad’s name is Robert. My dad’s name is Eui-Tae.

I think you can see why this is bad. I really don’t want my kid to be made fun of. And both of us have to compromise. So, I used my veto power, and explained why. She refuses to name him anything else. I just think that’s really unfair.

So, AITA? ######

Response: NAH - May I suggest 2 middle names? My brother and I both have two middle names, and his are our maternal and paternal Grandfather's names. You could come up with a different first name and have you son be named (First Name) Robert Eui-Tae Lee. Or, (First Name) Eui-Tae Robert Lee. ######