Prompt:
I (17f) get uncomfortable around my father often as he is very touchy and (in my opinion) often inappropriate. He will often playfully smack my butt if he is walking by me in the house, put his hand on my hip or butt if we are taking a picture, or pat my butt if we are hugging. He also implies that I am sexually involved with all of my male friends.

I’ve outright said to him that this makes me uncomfortable months ago but he is unrelenting with being touchy so now I just push his hand away or avoid him in the house.
Now that we are all stuck at home, it’s difficult to avoid him and if I push his hands away or move when he’s close to me he becomes upset, leaves the room and will either not speak to anyone or be rude to other members of the household.

The very few times I’ve had friends over he’s implied that I am trying to have sex with all of my male friends and it is uncomfortable for everyone involved.

My mother knows he makes me uncomfortable but thinks it’s my responsibility to make sure he doesn’t get upset and thinks I should put up with it. His presence has made me increasingly anxious and upset for about 4 years and now it’s exacerbated by the current situation.

So, AITA for not wanting to be around him when he makes me uncomfortable as it upsets him?

EDIT: Thank you all so much for the kind words and advice. I’m really happy to know that I’m not overreacting. I will try to update soon enough if I can get in contact with someone I trust. ######

Response: NTA. Your father is way out of line. Do you have anyone who isn't your mom (who is also being T A) who you trust that you can talk to about this? ######


Prompt:
I’m only 22, but my dad has mentioned numerous times that he expects me to not put him in a nursing home, and he always includes ‘wiping his ass’ as something we better be ready to do.

Personally, fuck that. I’d literally pay someone to do that before I do it myself. Hopefully by that point I’ll have kids of my own and I’ll have to wipe their ass. No way am I adding unnecessarily to that list.

And, as a last little tidbit, before he’s said something like “I wiped your ass for years” but him and my mother have stated multiple times that he maybe changed literally one diaper so that argument also falls flat.

I have no plans to ever see inside my parents pants for any reason. Am I the asshole? ######

Response: NTA. Your father is holding his ‘I raised you’ card high over your head. It is his responsibility to save and prepare for retirement, including having someone to wipe his ass. ######


Prompt:
As the daughter in my family I've taken the duties of buying the groceries, and I'm usually the one to cook. It's our dynamic and it works. I love my family too but my dad can be a jerk sometimes.

Something he has done since my childhood is burp and fart and cough whenever he wants an area to himself. It's disgusting but we've stopped reacting to it, cause if he knows it bothers us(a family full of women) he'll do it more.

He's been in a pissy mood lately and started doing it again. If I'm in the kitchen, getting a glass of water or cooking, he will burp incessantly and fart, right next to me, trying to get me to leave. I just don't respond to it. But damn it's so childish and disgusting, that I asked my mom if I could just start getting keto foods to minimize his gas (I know he does it on purpose but if he doesn't have gas to work with...)

Mom said it'd be funny and he deserves it. So I did. He's been complaining why there isn't any breads or veggies he likes (the really gassy ones.) But I mean, he's also losing his spare tire so that's good too. And I can hear him struggling to be gassy. He still coughs some but not as much as in the past because everything that's happening.

So I feel kinda mean for doing this but he seriously needs to stop burping and farting in our faces and where we eat. It's so gross. Am I being an asshole? ######

Response: NTA. Your father is disgusting. Quite frankly, you’d have every right to leave the room anytime he enters and stop cooking for him all together. ######


Prompt:
For Mother’s Day this year I decided to give my mother plane tickets to japan (her home country) for us to go on a girls trip together. I thought this was a nice gesture, since she loves going visiting japan. We never really go on girls trip and since I could actually afford to pay for it myself I thought it would be a nice experience. My mom was so overjoyed and excited to go! She hated that I spent so much money on her, but she loved the gift.

However, my dad was not happy about this.

I once mentioned my plan to give her the tickets to him prior and he said that it was a great idea. However on the day of he got extremely upset and when I confronted him about it he told me that I shouldn’t plan things with my mom without his approval. According to him, when I mentioned to him about my plans, he thought that he could go to. He was angry that he was not included in our mother-daughter girls trip. On Mother’s Day, during the confrontation he claimed “What about me? What am I going to do?”. He then claimed that it was him that married my mom and not me and then proceeded to ignore the both of us the rest of the day.

Today, I learned from my mom that my dad forbade her from going on the trip with me. When I asked my mother why she didn’t stand up to him she replied with “I really wanna go on this trip with you, but I don’t want to disobey your father”. She has decided that though she wants to go on the trip, she cannot go unless she has permission from my father.

I have a great relationship with both my parents and I’m not completely sure of why my dad is acting this way. I don’t like how my mom is treated like his property instead of his wife and needs “permission” to do the things she wants. But that’s their marriage and that’s how she decided she wanted to be treated so I can’t do anything about that.

AITA? ######

Response: NTa. Your father is an overbearing asshole. Period. Point blank. That said, if this is their marriage dynamic and your mother is content with that and wants to obey your father, there’s really nothing you can do here except accept her decision. ######


Prompt:
We are muslims and unlike them, I sorta neglect my religious tasks. Sometimes I don’t pray, and sometimes I’m not fasting in this ramadan. So basically, after each feast, my roommates go pray together, and they ask me to join them. I prayed with them before but yesterday and the day before I said nah, I’ll pray by myself (in reality I don’t want to pray cuz I’m lazy), and when I said so, they get annoyed as if I did something rude. One of them even told me that dude cmon pray so you can enter heaven, and so god doesnt punish you. Mate I get it but don’t push me like this or at least be indifferent about me, it’s my problem.

Bonus: When I was living with my family before moving to college, they didn’t enforce me to be completely religious. They told me to do it on if I’m willing to. No matter how much I skipped prayer, they never shamed me for it. ######

Response: NTA. Your faith and the practice of it is your concern and yours alone. ######


Prompt:
I've been there for about 4 years. I can handle the run-of-the-mill "are you fucking incompetent/learn to do your job/etc" side-handed shit from customers.

Several months back I answered the phone and the customer asked if "that one n***** was working because [they] wanted to make sure the food wasnt fucked with and made correctly"
With roughly 10 years of food service, I have *never* "fucked with" anyone's food (like spit or anything intentional or nasty). That shit is unacceptable to me. However, mistakes in the kitchen happen, well all make them.
Naturally, I asked them to repeat themselves cause I didnt catch it. When they did I responded (very unprofessionally) "well, that's exactly who the fuck you are talking to so come on down here and say that shit to my face." Not much happened from it, had a conversation about not talking shit to the customer bc then they can bitch and moan that I was rude, and while they understand why and would be compelled to do likewise, it just ain't worth stooping to their level. Understandable.

I said at the time something along the lines of "I agree and won't tell them off, but the next time someone refers to me or another coworker as that. I will be leaving. I'm not paid to have customers refer to me as that."

It happened again today, and they could have been referring to either myself or another coworker of mine. Either way, hung up the phone, took off my hat/uniform, tossed my money on the office desk, and left. Obviously incredibly upset.
I do feel bad for leaving them high-and-dry. But whatever shred of self-worth I have left, knows that shit is not something you could pay me enough to tolerate from a customer.

Am I the asshole for putting my friends and other coworkers in a tough spot because of it? Cause, yeah, it's an asshole move.

EDIT: My coworkers definitely understand why I quit. They are upset that I did, but they 100% have had my back for years. ######

Response:
 NTA. Your exactly right in saying that you are not paid to put up with that sort of abuse. The manager/owner, or whatever, should not be telling you that you essentially have to accept the abuse. They should be asking you to hand the situation over to them as it is part of what managers should be paid and trained to handle.

Personally I think that retailers should be able to take a harder stance against abuse of workers and refuse service and tell the customer to fuck right off. Unfortunately though this usually ends with the worker being fired. ######


Prompt:
Aita for telling people about a "closed" meeting with management?   I work for a national discount retail chain that we will call amilyfa ollarda.  My mum, who lived in europe, passed away three weeks ago from coronavirus.   Trying to give work advanced notice, I told my manager I would need 2 weeks off to go to europe, arrange and attend her funeral, and settle her estate.
   I was called in the office today and told I could only take 48 hours bereavement leave.   I explained that I can not get there and back in 48 hours.   I was told it was their policy and my job would not be held past that.
   I was upset due to the fact that I've been working hard through this pandemic to help my community, while not being given masks, proper gloves, or much in the way of ppe until the past few days.   And they want to replace me for wanting to bury my mum?
  I was told that I'm an a-hole for telling a few close friends about what was said while I was upset.   Being a fairly new immigrant, I'm unused to certain things in my new home, mainly people's aversion to personal time off.  I spoke to my spouse and a few friends to see if this is common in the us.  Aita? ######

Response: NTA. Your employer is unsympathetic, which is a separate issue. Unless you’re talking about the meeting on social media, who cares if you talk about what was discussed behind closed doors? I’m so very sorry for your loss, but please don’t stress over talking about a closed door meeting. I suppose they could argue it’s unprofessional, but you’re not an asshole at all. Focus on yourself and your family now. The rest is background noise. ######


Prompt:
I have a dog, she's 6. And very healthy. Potty trained. So she never makes any messes. Unless I'm gone for long hours which is understandable. When you gotta go, you gotta go. I clean it up. No big deal.

I walk her 3 times a day. Morning. Afternoon. Evening. So she can use the bathroom and get a lil bit of exercise.

There's a girl who runs her own dog-sitting business. I asked her to watch my dog for a 2 days while I went out of town.

I gave her paper with instructions. Its something a 10 year old could do. It said "Walk her 3 times a day, mornings, afternoons and evenings." I also left 4 small bags of her doggy food. 2 for one day, and 2 for the next day, (breakfast and dinner). Only 2 of thoe bags were used....

Fast forward to when I get back home. I come home to the scent of urine and feces. Everywhere. There's shit in the kitchen. There's shit in the bathroom. Shit in my bedroom. There's shit in the shit.  And paw prints of urine everywhere. You get the picture. Its clear and obvious that she did not walk my dog at all. Not even once.

I was mad about the urine and feces everywhere. But im even more mad at the fact that she neglected my dog. She called me to ask when she can pick up her money. I told her I'm not paying her at all for the shitty "job" she's done. Her excuse? "I was busy with homework". I hung up the phone.

I rated her website a one-star and a negative review. She tried calling me again. My friend is saying I'm being harsh, and I should at least give her some money. For what? She did nothing. How hard is it to feed and walk a dog? How lazy do you have to be?

I dont think im being harsh. I'm being fair. She didn't do the job she was *HIRED* to do.

If im TA, tell me so I can make it right.

TL;DR: Dog sitter didn't walk my dog. Urine and feces everywhere, didn't feed her well either. ######

Response: NTA. Your dog was shitting and pissing in the house because she neglected a basic thing: regular walking. She also didn't properly feed the dog. She didn't do anything right. Homework isn't a good excuse, you wouldn't be spending **all day** doing it. She doesn't deserve to be paid. ######


Prompt:
My husband and I are getting a divorce, it was pretty out of the blue, we had a fight and then he said he wanted one. He said that we didn’t have to go to court, he only wanted a small amount and just wanted it to be over with. He’s currently staying with a friend.

He was a stay at home dad for most of our daughters childhood, and only recently had gotten back to work, however he got furloughed for the quarantine.

I was talking to my parents and they asked how the divorce was going, and I told them the good news that he didn’t want much money. They were unhappy with this for some reason, and said I should volunteer to give him more money. I think that would be stupid, because 1) he’s asking for the divorce, I was perfectly happy, and 2) he specifically only asked for the amount he did.

I then was venting to a friend about this conversation because it frustrated me and then she agreed with them!

I don’t see how I’m in the wrong here, yes, if we went to court he undoubtedly would get more but he doesn’t want to, I’m talking to my lawyer and everything is going smoothly. I don’t see why I should have to give him something he didn’t ask for?

AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your divorce settlement is absolutely not the business of anyone but you and your ex. If he only wants a certain amount, and you’re comfortable with that, everyone else can mind their own business. Period. ######


Prompt:
I (37F) was recently (as in about a month ago) diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. I have since told my husband, and my close friends, but my in-laws, including my BIL and SIL, don't know. This is mostly due to COVID-19 related SIP, (I wanted to tell them in person) but also I haven't had the words to tell them via phone call or text.

As much as I love my in laws, they are...Really judgmental about mental health. Even though they are aware of my trauma filled childhood, which is what caused the DID, my MIL thinks that a "life coach and weight loss" (her words) will fix the entire situation. I want to be honest, but I also dread feeling like I am overreacting, like this is no big deal. The fear of their judgement is overpowering and triggering.

I write a blog  about auditioning and performing, and I recently wrote a post that talked about said diagnosis, and how it has been affecting my practice schedule/ emotions about performing...I was about to publish it, but then realized if my in-laws read it, they will now know about my diagnosis, and may feel  upset that I did not tell them in person. I know they don't always read my blog, but you never know...A part of me just wants to do it, and get it over with, but I also don't want to hurt their feelings/ incur their wrath and judgement.

WIBTA if I just posted the entry and wait for them to approach me? ######

Response: NTA. Your diagnosis isn't the business of your inlaws. ######


Prompt:
So I basically (17f) had been diagnosed with ADHD a year ago . I'm pretty school smart but I don't notice many Things around me and I have a problem with sitting or doing the same thing for more then 30 minutes . After I got the diagnosis from my therapist . I wanted to proceed to book other sessions to see what I can do to help minimise the issue . It started affecting my studies . My mother didn't believe me and told me I was doing this for attention and not to tell anyone about it . ( In our culture mental health is a taboo topic ) I wasn't happy about it I tried to retaliate anything . But it was no use and my father whose a doctor tried to convince her but nothing .
So suddenly today she heard one of her friends had a daughter with ADHD so she told her about and proceeded to tell all her colleagues like it's something to flaunt I guess . And now she believes I have it .
I was pretty furious since she had forbidden to go my therapist for almost half a year and continued to call me an attention seeker whenever I braught it up .
The fight was bad I was screaming at the top of my lungs in the end and shut myself in my room . Now she's acting like she's the victim and all she did was try to help .

So reddit AITA ???

Sorry for the grammar mistakes ######

Response: NTA. Your daughter's mental health issue is a serious thing, not something you pretend it's not there just to bring it up when it's convenient. ######


Prompt:
Alt account be I'm pretty sure my daughter is on reddit.

My daughter is 17. We have shared custody of her but she is at my place more often than her mom's. A lot of the times on her mom's days she just asks if she can stay home and most of the time her mom allows it. So technically we do have shared custody but my daughter is at my house 99% of the time.

My daughter had very long hair that went down to her waist. But she asked me if she could cut it to her shoulders. So i made her an appointment and drove her to the salon as soon as it opened back it. She really liked her haircut a lot and posted pictures of it on Instagram.

Her mom must have seen the pictures and called me. She was upset that I hadn't consulted her about the haircut beforehand. She said we both have custody and that a haircut is something we should both agree on. I told her that she's 17 and she is old enough to decide how she wants her hair to look. Her mom said "yeah you have to be 18 before you can technically decide anything. I still have partial custody so I get a say in things".

She also commented on my daughters post. Her comment said: WTF you've ruined your beautiful hair. My daughter told me that she knew she would be upset. Apparently my daughter had always wanted to try a shorter cut because her really long hair was hot and hard to manage but her mom told her that short hair was ugly. My daughter told me that she didn't ever cut it until now because she didn't want to upset her mother.

Should I have talked to her mother before taking her to get it cut? ######

Response: NTA. Your daughter is pretty much an adult. She chose to cut her hair. You supported her. Nothing wrong with supporting your child. She knew mom wouldn’t be happy but she’s 17. Mom shouldn’t be controlling her hairstyle. No one should but herself. ######


Prompt:
My husband is from the DR. He and I met when I traveled abroad as a nurse in my twenties. We’re still married, he’s a fantastic man.

Our 15 year old daughter, the oldest of our kids, has recently decided that she doesn’t have to respect me based on my race. We’ve raised her to be conscious of the racial issues in the US, and have made it clear that people of color face dangers that white people don’t face. In her teenage years she has decided to use this against me.

First of all, she has decided that she’s black.
My husband has always referred to himself as “brown” or “latinx” and the N word is not a word we use in the house. Our daughter has decided to “reclaim” that slur as a “black woman” and she uses it in every casual sentence.

Whenever I ask her to do something simple (load the dishwasher, clean clothes off her floor) she says “yes massah! Right away massah!” In a southern accent as if I’m behaving like a slave owner.

My husband is at a loss and so am I. Over the dinner table she kept using the N word and I firmly asked her to stop. She said “that’s rich coming from my WHITE mother.” I said “your WHITE mother is about to beat your BROWN ASS if you don’t go to your bedroom and stay there for the next twelve hours.”

She stomped up there but kept trying to come out throughout the night claiming she was starving (she hadn’t finished her dinner). Each time my husband and I gave her water and marched her right back to her room.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your daughter is exploiting real race issues to be a disrespectful little shit. Asking your kid to do the dishes is typically met with eye rolling and whining, not accusing you of enslaving her. She needs a reality check. ######


Prompt:
I have a 26 year old daughter who can be kind of a bitch. I’m not trying to insult her because I know she got it from me but she isn’t the nicest person. I met my wife when my daughter, Ava, was 14 and her daughter, Riley, was 13. They hated each other and no amount of counseling or family bonding could fix it so we broke up for a while. We saw other people on and off but kept up the sexual component of the relationship. We both agreed that the girls came first until they were 18 and then they didn’t get a say in our relationship.

We got married when Riley left for college and they still hated each other but could suck it up for holiday dinners. Ava got married two years ago than extremely wealthy man. Riley has always been jealous of Ava but that was a tipping point. Ava lives a pretty amazing life now. She doesn’t have to work and they travel a lot. Ava has invited us on some trips or to events like concerts, high end restaurants, she got my wife Hamilton tickets during the big craze when they were hard to get.

The issue is she will not invite Riley anywhere. They are civil but that’s it. I asked her one time if she would consider including Riley and she said that person is not my family, do not bring it up again. Ava is pretty cold and standoffish and when she says something like that she means it. My wife wants me to push Ava harder to include Riley because Riley is having a difficult time right now and is extremely jealous. Ava is talking about a pretty amazing trip when the pandemic is over and she invited my wife and I but my wife asked me again to broach the topic of Riley to Ava. My wife thinks I’m an asshole but I think I’m respecting my daughter. ######

Response: NTA. Your daughter is a grown woman who doesn't get along with her adult step sister, and now people think your daughter's husband needs to subsidize someone she doesn't get along with, and someone who isn't her family and didn't grow up with her? The step daughter has no right to demand to be included by being negative. The onus is on her to make the married daughter like her enough that she wants to include her. ######


Prompt:
This happened a very long time ago but I've always wondered if I handled the situation correctly.

I am not close with my dad's family; mostly because my mom never liked them and guilt tripped my sister and I when we went with my Dad to visit them. My mom was being unfair, but that's not what this post is about. My dad has a younger brother who has always given off creepy vibes. I can't explain exactly, but I've never liked being around him.

When it came time to plan our wedding, I invited my dad's parents because it felt like the right thing to do. They declined, which is fine. But I had no intention of inviting creepy uncle because a) He is creepy and b) because I didn't want my mom to feel uncomfortable at her daughter's wedding. At the end of the day, I just didn't want him there. I guess I was too much of a wimp to tell my dad that I didn't want him there so every time my dad would bring it up to me, I'd make an excuse about keeping the guest list down, not enough seating, etc.

Imagine my surprise when I was walking down the aisle and there was creepy uncle sitting in a pew. I was surprised to say the least. Turns out my dad went behind my back and invited creepy uncle. I was livid and, I am not proud of this, as soon as we left the church I went up to my dad and told him since he was not contributing to my wedding an any way, he had no say so over who I invited or didn't invite.

Apparently, creepy uncle made his way over to the O Club where the reception was being held before my husband and I got there and my dad took him aside and told him he had to leave. I later found out that my dad was upset that he had to do that and that if he could do it again, he would have left with him.

AITA?

tl;dr My dad invited my creepy uncle to my wedding behind my back and was upset he had to ask him to leave the reception. ######

Response:
 NTA. your dad went behind your back and explicit requst to not invite creepy uncle. sorry your day was ruined, but the problem wasnt you getting angry at your dad.

you set your boundaries for your day and he ignored it. he should face the consequences.

edit: also sorry for your day being ruined :/ ######


Prompt:
My dad makes a lot of promises, but never keeps them and just says “I never said that” or something similar to go back on it. A little while ago, he told me that if I did the dishes I could have my Netflix permissions back (they took away everything above tv14) so I did, but he said he didn’t remember making that promise.

Every time before I do what he wants, I clarify in the clearest way possible what our deal is. So last night, he said that if I took the dogs for a walk I could stay up an extra hour to watch the rest of a movie I was watching. I agreed, but turned on the record option on my phone.

So the conversation was basically ‘So, if I take the dogs for a walk, I can stay up an extra hour and watch my movie?’ And he (annoyed) said ‘YES. I already said that didn’t I?!’. So I went for a walk, came back and he told me to go to bed. I told him what he said and he said 'I would never agree to that’ and told me to ‘stop lying’ so I showed him the video.

He let me stay up, but he got mad and said I ‘invaded his privacy’ and that ‘I had right to record him’. They now look through my phone and delete any photos or videos they don’t approve of. I don’t think I really did anything wrong, but the rest of my family says I should’ve just let it go and not made it a big deal. AITA for recording my dad?

EDIT: I love my family, and I really don’t think my dad is abusive. I think he is just bad at keeping his word. Thank you all for your support though. Anyways, I brung up possibly signing it on paper as many of you suggested, and he got annoyed that I brung it up again and walked away. I’ll talk to him again when he’s cooled off a bit more ######

Response: NTA. Your dad was just mad that he got called out by his kid ######


Prompt:
I am 36 year old male who married a wonderful 45 year old female last year. She has a 23 year old daughter from a previous marriage. I know she was an adult but she still lived at home while finishing college and I treated her as if she were my own. Problem is somehow, my daughter and my father 55 fell in love. Apparently my daughter  has always liked older men and their ability to provide for her. She is a comedian and an aspiring YouTubed with a small following but it is growing. She has always wanted a man to be able to take care of her while she pursues her dreams and well... she chose my dad. They kept the relationship a secret and I found out about 3 months ago (pre all this crazy stuff) that they had run off to a chapel to have a secret wedding when my wife got a text from her daughter meant for her best friend asking to be a witness. I immediately went to go find this chapel and got there before the wedding had started and told my dad to stop this. He couldn’t marry my daughter, it was weird and then daughter would somehow be like a mother to me. He said that he was in love and while them getting married wasn’t up for discussion he did decide to postpone until I got used to the idea. I talked with my daughter and explained that it was a weird situation and she said that’s she agreed it was weird but she wanted a provider and he promised to provide for her. She said that she wouldn’t act like a mother to me at all but really wished that I would accept this. Idk it seems ridiculous to me, AITA for stopping the wedding?

Edit: for those confused she is legally my daughter, her father was terrible and left them when she was really young and she cut all contact. She asked me if I could be adopted as she hasn’t had a father in a really long time and likes me so yes, she is legally my daughter. We finished all the paperwork and got it signed and everything. ######

Response: NTA. Your dad wants to marry your daughter. That's fucked up lol you're definitely right in feeling the way you do. Your dad is horrible for even setting up that kind of scenario. ######


Prompt:
Okay, before you judge me please let me explain.

When I was 11(f for anyone wondering) my dad and I got into a fight. I truly don’t remember what it was about but most likely something dumb. I was a very sassy preteen and I will admit that but I still feel like his response was unwarranted.

In the heat of this argument he called me a “fucking cunt”. Again, I was 11. I started responding by saying that I was going to tell my mom and that she would be fucking pissed. He responded with,”who is she gonna believe? An 11 year old? Or her husband.”

And he was fucking right. Anytime I tried to bring it up he would gaslight me and to this day he still hasn’t apologized.

Around that same time he also told my mom,”there isn’t enough beer in the fridge to make you pretty.”

I hate him. I fucking hate him. He asked me the other day why we don’t have a good relationship and I just walked into my room and started crying.

TL;DR my dad called me a “fucking cunt” when I was 11, still mad about it

So reddit. Am I the asshole for holding an almost 9 year grudge? ######

Response: NTA. Your dad sounds like a real piece of work. My advice: show him this post. Tell him “this is why”. If he tries to fix it, good. If not, he has his answer ######


Prompt:
Okay so I made [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gw4w78/aita_for_blocking_my_dads_number_refusing_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) in here earlier, my cousin - who idolizes my dad - found it, asked if it was mine, and so I admitted to it. Which then led to him calling me an asshole and bringing up the time I tweeted a pic as a joke that ended up going viral.

It was a college grad pic, with me holding up a sign that said, “thanks mom you made this possible 2019,” and I captioned the tweet to say “~controversial grad pics to throw shade at my married, welder dad who said if I ‘really needed to go to college’ my single mom could pay for it~” and it went viral and was seen by a million and a half people.

I posted it in November and my dad never said anything about it, but my cousin just told me he told my dad when it happened and he was upset. But also go read through the other post because I think that will give you a better idea about what kind of person my dad is. ######

Response: NTA. Your dad played a stupid game and he won a stupid prize. ######


Prompt:
I'm a teenager, in high school, and I just got a phone at the beginning of this year when my mom upgraded. She'd had the phone for several years, it's a 5s and in relatively good condition (no cracks, scratches, etc) but the battery drains ridiculously fast and, well, it's 7 years old. My siblings both got new phones for their first phones, but i guess my parents saw an opportunity and ran with it.
My dad said he'd get me a new phone at the end of the school year if I got good grades. Well, now that school's out, mine has decided that they're going to make all classes pass/fail. Hence they're not assigning letter grades, and he won't buy me a new phone. He  mentioned it off handedly at dinner like "oh great i wont have to buy you a new phone for another year!!"
My grades were good before we were let out. It's not my fault school was cancelled and the grading system is this way now so why should i have to wait another year?
I don't want it to come off as me being spoiled but I'm honestly tired of having such an old phone and not being able to do some of the things my friends can do on theirs, like group FTs, or getting made fun of or asked if im poor, which is the dumbest shit because this is literally the bay area. so, wibta? ######

Response:
 NTA. Your dad is.

The way he responded, part of me thinks he was never gonna buy you a new phone.

Your phone may still run, but he knows it’s shitty and he made a promise and your school being closed is out of your control. If your grades were good before your school closed and he still refuses, he’s being an asshole. ######


Prompt: I spent a couple hours painting my mom because she always tells me she wants some art of mine to keep, so I thought this would be really nice. I showed my dad and he got pretty mad at me. He suggested I go out and get her a real card. My mom's always been super sappy for my art so I figured it was perfect? I wrote a whole paragraph on the back saying how much she means to me. AITA for not getting her a real card? [Here's the picture](http://imgur.com/gallery/bQ0fTCf) ######

Response: NTA. Your Dad is THE asshole. It is beautiful and your mom will love it ######


Prompt:
I’m (22F USA) quite embarrassed of this situation and need help finding if I’m the asshole.

I quit my full-time job about a week ago because I am pursuing my bachelors degree and cannot balance my  homework while also working more than 40 hours a week. The financial situation this has caused makes it so I can no longer afford groceries. My boyfriend also lives with me and he is being generous and still makes about 1,500 a month which almost covers everything so we are using my savings so we can keep our car and a roof over our head.

In a desperate need to get food, I started going to my local food bank. I told my dad over the phone and he called me an asshole claiming that if I was less lazy and did not quit my job I wouldn’t be stealing from the poor. Keep in mind my father works for a large corporation making hundreds of thousands a year and does not help me financially in any way since I was 18.

I am starting to feel like TA after that phone call, but my boyfriend keeps telling me he’s an ass. Reddit, AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your dad is the asshole for knowing that you need to rely on food banks and yet won’t help you out at all. Fuck that guy. ######


Prompt: I spent a couple hours painting my mom because she always tells me she wants some art of mine to keep, so I thought this would be really nice. I showed my dad and he got pretty mad at me. He suggested I go out and get her a real card. My mom's always been super sappy for my art so I figured it was perfect? I wrote a whole paragraph on the back saying how much she means to me. AITA for not getting her a real card? [Here's the picture](http://imgur.com/gallery/bQ0fTCf) ######

Response: NTA. Your dad is probably jealous. Give him a card on Father’s Day and when he asks why mom got the picture just say that by his reaction to the painting, you though he wouldn’t want one. ######


Prompt:
So my dad a weird habit of watching pervy videos from YouTube on his phone in front of us, especially while we're eating. They're usually compilations of girls in their underwear twerking or shaking their boobs. So I find this kind of innapropriate especially during family dinner and today I asked him to watch it privately next time instead of doing it in front of his daughter but he told me to fuck off. I asked him if he would be okay with me watching the same content in front of him and he said "yes you could watch literal porn and people making out for all I care". I told him are you sure?What if I do it right now? He said "go ahead I don't give a fuck" so I sat down and was watching a video of a gay couple kissing on the lips (no groping,no nudity, just two gay people kissing)
at which point he got angry, called me a piece of shit and stormed out of the room. ######

Response: NTA. your dad is kinda creepy though :/ ######


Prompt:
My dad doesn't realize his actions have killed his fatherly relationship with my brother, and Aidan (fake name) doesn't care enough to bother calling him out or if I do.

When Aidan was younger he did lots of weed in HS, then experimented with more crazy stuff his first few years in college a few times. Aidan is mildly autistic, diagnosed with ADHD in childhood and depression in high school, later also diagnosed with Bipolar. When Aidan turned 18, dad kicked Aidan out with no support and said "Good luck, kid".

Aidan still struggles but is close to getting his Master's in Math and CS, he's a hard worker and he lives on the straight and narrow, no substances or alcohol of any kind. He got into meditation as a way to improve his life, and started doing it twice a day. He applied and was accepted to a Vipassana meditation retreat for a week. Turns out a few days in Dad called them saying said Aidan had lied and had recently admitted to using hard drugs. He got kicked out because the teacher felt overwhelmed by the potential risk, despite Aidan having permission from his psychiatrist and therapist that he could be there.

Aidan told me that he hadn't used drugs recently, and he hadn't said any such thing to dad. I called dad about this and he told me that Aidan is a liar, he never stopped using, and it's sad that he'll end up failing in life but he was doing it to prevent Aidan from becoming unhinged from an intense retreat.

My dad used to be very close to both of us, then we left for college and he found a fiance, we see him once every few years, get calls every 2 months, but we aren't close, he's more like a great uncle or old family friend we see infrequently. I still care for him, and it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth to let things end like this. Am I a meddling busybody if I call him out on this and try to make him see the light? ######

Response: NTA. Your dad is actively trying to ruin your brothers life. How long is your dad planning on punishing your brother for his high school behavior. ######


Prompt:
My father and his family lost their home and had no place to live. He has a teenage son, my half brother, who is 15 and a known smoker. Because they had nowhere else to go, I offered them to stay at our other house we usually rent out to other people. The house is situated within our property, just next to our home.

Prior to my dad moving in, my mother and my sister moved in with us 6 months ago after my stepdad passed away.

We have many spare bedrooms in our home so them moving in wasn't a problem. .

This is where the conflict arises :

I don't charge rent from my mom. I don't let her cook. I cook for 5 people in our home (my husband, my mom, my toddler and my sister). It's just my way of looking out for my mom because that's what she did for me when I was young and struggling. She raised me as a single mother for years..

My dad has a problem with this because I am charging him and his wife the same rent I charge other tenants (it's a well furnished house). He thinks I'm playing favourites between parents because I don't charge my mom any money. He thinks he should pay less rent as compared to other tenants because I'm his daughter.

 Apparently, he doesn't like to be reminded of the fact that he charged me rent the one time when I was very sick and had to move in with him and his wife when I was in college. I had a part time job, and struggled to pay my bills with my illness. I wasn't shown any consideration.

He also has a problem because my husband doesn't help him out with his groceries. He is older now, 71 and thinks we should be the one getting him his groceries. We don't think so, his wife is 50 and he has a young son. They can be the ones doing the grocery shopping if he's to fragile to move around.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA. Your Dad charged you rent. Your Dad is occupying space you’d otherwise earn income on, your Mom isn’t.

Anyway, even without the above points, you’re allowed to like your Mom more or to give her more support. ######


Prompt:
So this is kinda two AITAs but the first happened a month ago and I was confident I was in the right, I'm just double checking because the two events are connected.

I practice a martial art that has weight classes, so I monitor my weight all the time, except when I'm injured or for whatever reason not competing (Christmas, my wedding etc.) when I've got a competition coming up, I'll be eating very healthily and ill be strict with it, almost everyone knows this because, when you get frequent bruises/cuts/injuries, people tend to ask about them.

I was in the canteen in work a month ago, eating chicken, couscous and broccoli with one of my coworkers, who asked why I was eating healthily and I replied "well I'm pretty fat at the moment compared to normal, and I'm competing soon!" (it got cancelled of course).

Well another coworker (ella) overheard this and complained to HR that I was fatshaming, because if I called myself fat, I must think she's fat too (she is definitely overweight, but I've never said that to her, or anyone else).

Well HR suspended me for the rest of the day, "investigated" and then basically said that unless it was being sexual, I can say whatever I want about my own body. They also told me to be a little more sensitive and watch my wording around Ella.

I instead decided to just not speak to her at all. We work in the same department but all our work is independent so we have no reason to talk. Then yesterday, she complains to HR that I'm avoiding her and that I'm making it a "hostile work environment" and they again, suspended me halfway through the day pending investigation.

I have had two suspensions thanks to her and who knows what HR will say about this one, so AITA in either scenario? ######

Response: NTA. Your coworker is overly sensitive and needs to seek some form of help if she's going to take everything everyone says personal. Times are tough right now, but I'd also consider finding a new workplace once a suitable option presents itself as your workplace seems to have a policy of punishing first and investigating later. Also, your job can't require you to be friends with anyone. This girl sounds like a headache. ######


Prompt: Hear me out... this happened yesterday. My (44F) cousin (32F) called me in a panic because she wants to call the police on her neighbor for abusing her children because "she left them outside in the heat and won't let them back indoors". Cousin states she saw the children playing and the younger boy (approx 10-11) was "too sweaty and red faced". She walked over and offered the kids a popsicle which they accepted, and then asked why they didn't go inside until the hottest part of the day was over (upper 90s with full sun). Kids told her that the mother was cleaning the house and told them to stay out until she was finished and locked the doors so they wouldn't bother her. Cousin, thinking this is just not okay, knocks on the neighbor's door to ask if this is, indeed, true. Neighbor explains that the boys  have been told to stay outside until she finishes her cleaning, as they'd been arguing amongst themselves all morning and she (neighbor) needed "a few hours of quiet before lunch'. Neighbor also said she locked the door because they were constantly coming in and out, slamming the door each time. Neighbor told cousin that both boys were fed a hearty breakfast, and sent outside with snacks, and there is a fridge in the garage that holds cold drinks. Cousin said neighbor was "pretty rude" and then asked her to leave, which upset cousin even more. I asked cousin if the kids looked sick or had asked her for help. NO. Are they playing in the street? NO. Are they disrupting your work by being outside? NO. She feels the mother should be reported for locking her children out of their own house in the summer heat, and that neighbor was unjustly rude. I told my cousin she needed to mind her own business and that being made to play outdoors instead of sitting in front of a monitor or tv all day, was not abuse and I'd probably be rude to her, too. Am I the asshole? ######

Response:
 NTA. Your cousin needs to mind her own business. It used to be normal for kids to play outside all day every day in the summer. Your cousin is old enough to remember that, surely. It’s not like the kids were toddlers and they clearly had access to shade, snacks, and cold drinks.

ETA: The hottest part of day is closer 3pm than noon. ######


Prompt:
This happened about a year ago:

I'm female artist, and my niece (6yo) absolutely loves me. One time I let her come into my bedroom when she was visiting and I forgot about the tasteful nude I had pinned to the wall behind my door. It was of a middle-aged naked woman lounging. I created it in a figure drawing class.

My niece saw it and very innocently asked. "Why is she naked?"

 I'd didn't think it was a big deal because I'm pretty desensitized to nudity, so I anwered very plainly.

*"oh yeah. That was a drawing I did. Most artists have to learn how draw naked people. Even if they're gonna wear clothes over top."*

She seemed amused by that.

Well a few weeks later my family all go to a free art musium near by. My niece and I break off and are walking around the rooms, and at one point my niece stops me at a few portraits. She has me lean in and not so quietly whispers. "did- did this artist draw these people naked too?"

I chuckle and say, "yeah, probably."
My niece chuckles with me.

At that point I hear a 'tsk' from a woman near me. I glance over and this older woman is glarring right at me. She speaks under her breath, *"That's disgusting..."* and walks away.

I felt really bad after that. Was it too soon for me to tell my niece that stuff about this aspect of art? ######

Response: NTA. Your conversation with your niece wasn’t the business of this random prudish asshole who felt it necessary to eavesdrop. ######


Prompt:
Hey!
So recently my biological dad reached out to me and explained that he is probbably going to die because of kidney falioure and he is at the bottom of the list.
Im 21 female.
I am really scared of doctors, let alone blood donation. So you can't even imagine how scared I really am to even think about this. Surgery is 10 times worse than anything else.

Recently my biological dad told me that I am probbably an approppriate donator. To me, he is just a regular stranger. I don't think I would be able to donate kidney even to my close family.
Results came back positive. I tought I won't be approppriate donator and went to test myself because my and his family were pressuring me to do so. I was wery scared. After results came back positive they told me how happy they were,... and I had a panic attack.

It was wery hard for me and I finally got the currage to tell them. They started trying to guilttrip me, saying that I will be sorry, that I will be responsible for murderer, that they will file a lawsuit,...
I really don't know what to do. So please tell me, AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA. Your choice is valid. You said you see this man as a stranger and you wouldn’t even be comfortable donating a kidney to your own close family— tbh, as much as it’s going to piss them off, I’d tell him just that.

Donating a kidney is major surgery, and you’d be well within your rights to say “no” to anyone.

I don’t know your whole life story but it’s pretty shady that he’s coming out of the woodwork when he needs your help. ######


Prompt:
My parents are both working and that leaves me in charge of my 3 younger brothers, its not that bad and my only responsibility is to basically make sure they don't burn down the house and make lunch and sometimes dinner. I was making this stew thing that was sitting in a crock pot close to all day. I made enough so that my parents could have some when they returned. I put the stew in a pot and put it on the dining table. My brother who is the oldest of the 3 is 11 and can dish them up cause I had to go back and finish my essay for school.

I finished the paper and when I was gonna go get a bowl cause I was hungry the older 2 were wrestling or something and accidentally knocked over the whole pot of stew. We have a dog so even if I could just eat the meat it had dog hair all over it. It was discouraging that all the work I put into it just for it to be knocked over cause they weren't aware of their surroundings. I think I maybe TA here: I said in a loud voice but I wasn't yelling "Are you 2 fucking serious? You guys are almost in middle school and still don't know your fucking  surroundings? Come on you both KNOW better, get out of the kitchen you'll just make it worse." They had a face that just said that they think I'm crazy for getting mad at them and that they don't feel bad.

I thought it was all done and I was in my room when my mom came home. I guess my youngest brother (9yo) didn't like me cussing and told my mom. She took away my phone for 3 days cause cussing at my little brothers is a big no-no and that I could have just cleaned it up without being mean to them. AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your brothers were fighting and being incredibly unaware of their surroundings. They needed to be more aware and responsible. Sure, you could've been a little less shouty, but after taking possibly hours making stew you have every right to be mad. Your mum should've put herself in your shoes and imagine how angry she'd have been if it were her stew. I mean, no phone for three days because you got angry with your siblings for knocking over your stew? Jeez. ######


Prompt:
Every night, my brother(16) calls his cousin and they play Call of Duty Mobile with 3 other family members. However, when he does this, he's loud as hell and ignores literally everything anyone tells him.

He yells into his mic on his earbuds and constantly is asking if the others can hear him. He also snaps at my other brother(14) and I(20) for being too loud when we're just having a normal conversation because we're butting in on his conversation.

Tonight, I finally had enough of his mess. I asked him to go in his room and play because he was too loud and his constant "can you still hear me?" every 3 minutes was annoying. He instantly got upset and pissy and told his group he was leaving. He then got after me, saying that the wifi isn't good in his room. I told him thats a lie because I get perfect wifi at the way back of our acre property. Then he decided that he didn't wanna be around me anymore, and stormed off to his room and scowled at me every time he left his room. ######

Response: NTA. Your brother is being an obnoxious brat. ######


Prompt: So I (15f) was playing the sims today when my younger brother (8m) came into the room. Since it’s pride month in a few days I was looking at the pride flags that they have in sims to find one for my sim. My brother starts asking what these flags are so I explain to him about lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders and other sexualities and genders. I don’t go too deep into these things as he is young, but I feel like he deserves to understand a bit about these things. He starts naming characters in cartoons he watches that are LGBTQ and then sits talking about these things to me. Then my dad comes in and asks what we were talking about. I explain to him that I was talking to my brother about the LGBTQ community as he was asking what this flag was in a game I was playing. My dad then gets very mad and starts saying that he doesn’t want my brother knowing about these things. At this point I am confused as a few of his friends know about these things and I learnt about them from tv shows and books when I was 8. Later I tell my mom how I’m upset that I won’t be able to go to pride this year and my dad goes very quiet and decides to go outside to eat. After dinner he explains to me that these aren’t appropriate subjects at dinner and that if I mention them again he will take my phone away from me. AITA for explaining LGBTQ to my brother? ######

Response: NTA. Your brother asked about the flags and you tried to explain them in an age appropriate way. Lying to a child to 'protect' them from harmless things such as the LGBTQ community would be much much worse than simply answering his question. Chances are, he won't give it much thought going forward anyway - kids ask loads of questions, and he'd honestly have probably been even more curious about if if you'd have avoided the subject altogether. I'm not sure what else you could really have done ######


Prompt:
I’m getting married next year. My fiancé and I were chatting about the wedding, and he asked me who my bridesmaids are going to be. So I list them off, and he just stares at me. So I ask what’s the matter and he says “well what about L(his sister)?” And I told him that she wasn’t going to be one. He gets PISSED. And he’s like “well if so and so can be a bridesmaid then L should be too! She’s going to cause a scene if she’s not one!”

Let me give you guys some background. I met this girl maybe a month after my fiancé and I started dating. She’s studying to be a cosmetologist so I was being friendly and offered to let her do my hair and she was so excited. And so she and I are sitting in a room and she’s doing my hair and she goes “it’s crazy that you guys have been together for a month, because there’s been like 10 other girls that come to the house at night, so I figured you guys weren’t serious”. So I’m thinking this girl has no reason to lie to me, and I’m cool with his brother so I ask him. He says that it’s not true and L will lie about anything to stir up some drama. Since that night that girl has lied to me about stuff from crazy nights she’s had to being the one who found my dead cousin (yeah, she’s kinda horrible). But not only is she a liar, but a theif! She steals my stuff all the time and claims that she just found it, which my fiancé believes. And the biggest thing, is she puts me down at every opportunity. She tells me that I look stupid in my new clothes or my haircut is ugly, or my makeup is shitty. Just constantly putting me down. And that’s not the energy I want around me on my big day!

I love her to death bc at the end of the day she’s my sister now. But I don’t trust her, and I don’t like her. But my fiancé is furious that his cousins can be bridesmaids but not his sister. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA. Your bridesmaids are for your support, not his. He can ask her to be a groomswoman if he wants her in the wedding that badly.

Also, you don’t have to like or love her just because she’s family. Toxic is toxic regardless of someone’s relation to you. You don’t owe her anything just because you’re marrying her brother. ######


Prompt:
So today, I got in the car from work, and brought with me, some cotton candy grapes. I offer my fiancé to try one and he refuses. He seems bothered and he said he’s nauseous because of the smell of the grapes, and my grape breath. He says they smell gross and that he can’t handle the smell.

He never eats fruits or vegetables. He won’t eat the onions in French onion soup, the carrots and peas in stir fry, he’ll pick the onions and pickles off of his burgers, he purposely avoids food with diced tomatoes, he picked off all the green onions off of orange chicken I made....don’t even go into tomatoes. He hates pineapples, strawberries, lychees, bananas, mangos, peaches, plums...

He won’t even try fruits or vegetables. He’s never had broccoli, asparagus, kale, cabbage etc etc. Adding insult to injury he now weighs 323 lbs and is 5’11”. Were both 19. I’m chubby but god damned at least I eat some plants.

He kisses me again after the flavor is out of my mouth, and says sorry he can’t handle fruits or vegetables.

AITA for eating grapes around my fiancé? ######

Response: NTA. Your boyfriend sounds like he might need medical help. ######


Prompt:
I’ve had my cat Morwen (bonus points if u know where her name is from) for about 6 years and have been dating my boyfriend for a year. Recently we’ve been talking about moving in together, since his lease is up in May and we’ve been together a while, but if we moved into my apartment he would be moving an hour away and transferring locations for work. When we got together I told him I had a cat, and he said he didn’t like cats but since then whenever he’s over he pets her and will even bring her toys and treats and he cuddles her and calls her into sleep with us when he sleeps over. I assumed he liked her and we never discussed her leaving.

A few days ago while talking about him moving in he asked what I was gonna do with Morwen and I asked him what he meant and he said “Well if I’m moving in we’re not having a cat. I told you I don’t like them.” I told him I wasn’t rehoming Morwen and he said “If you want to move in with you we all have to make sacrifices. I’m transferring jobs and moving an hour away.”

I told him I wasn’t willing to rehome my cat and it wasnt up for discussion and he essentially told me then we weren’t moving in together and that he couldn’t believe I would choose a cat over him and hung up.

My roommates boyfriend offered to take her for me but I’m just not willing to give up my cat that I had long before I started dating him.

AITA for choosing my cat over my boyfriend?

Edit: cat tax https://imgur.com/gallery/qzlDmzi

Edit #2: Morwen is a character in Skyrim.

Edit #3: https://imgur.com/gallery/H2LiKZl -chirpy meows ######

Response: NTA. Your boyfriend is treating your cat as if it was a fucking lamp or something. Not moving in with him will probably turn out to be one of the best decisions you can make. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway account because he'd likely see it if i posted with my main acc.

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some context- I've been doing freelance art for years and usually I charge, say, $90 per character in a piece or more depending on other stuff. My bf didn't know I drew when we started dating and didn't seem to care all that much EXCEPT occasionally when i'd draw his night elf character for him, mostly just small pics or chibis/cute stuff

But now that i'm getting a tonne more commissions (yay corona?) he's been getting insistent about me drawing for him, even mad when he sees my twitter DMs with comission requests and often snidely makes remarks about how busy i'll be in the coming days and such with "drawing stuff for OTHER people". I caved at first and drew him a few pics, practically bypassing my commission queue (the order in which I work on clients art) to get his done first so he wouldn't be mad, but he keeps asking for more, which would really mess up my income and probably piss off my clients cuz they would have to wait longer for theirs. one of our mutual friends suggested he pay like my other commissioners and he laughed at the suggestion. I never NEVER draw for free usually because i know if one person gets free comms then ten more will show up asking.

This all came to a head earlier this week when i snapped and told him to -in not so nice words- to shove it and now he;s extremely pissed. I don't play wow and never have so, but he has since early teens so I know the character has emotional significance to him, but i'd really just rather work on my other commissions and pay the bills, am I the asshole here? ######

Response:
 NTA. Your boyfriend is not entitled to free art. You have already been extremely generous with him.

If he wants more art he can pay, and wait in the commission line like everybody else. ######


Prompt: (TW: miscarriage) This is my third pregnancy. Multiples run very strongly in my family so I always knew there was the potential for more than one. I was shocked though when my first ultrasound revealed triplets. I wasn’t exactly thrilled as this was to be our last baby and I was going for three kids not five but I came around to the idea. However at the next ultrasound we lost two of the three triplets. Neither my SO or I were really that sad. We still had one baby, it was still very early and we both know if you miscarry there is a reason those babies were not compatible with life so we kinda just moved on. However when it came up with different family members and friends they are absolutely appalled that we are not spiraling into depression. They think it is so weird and AHish that we “don’t care”. We just figured it’s how it was meant to be and there’s nothing we could have done anyways. So AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your body, your kids/group of cells (idk how far along the pregnancy was). They should be happy that you or your husband need therapy and are depressed. As long as you are happy then that’s all that matters. ######


Prompt:
I haven't left the house in almost 3 weeks, I HATE shaving.  It is probably my biggest pet peeve cause whenever I shave I have stuble literally the next day and it pisses me off.  Since my mom and dad have forced me to stay and I'm forbidden from leaving I don't see a need to shave.  Its been 3 weeks since I've even touched my razor.  I don't grow hair fully on my cheeks but I have a full on beard at this point, it looks ugly as shit and its unkept.  I do wash it in the shower with shampoo and stuff so it doesn't smell just looks ugly.

My sister recently asked me to shave cause it looks hideous.  I told her I'm not shaving till I have to go out, and that I hate shaving.  She said that she hates looking at it and I basically told her tough luck.  AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your body, your choice. Your comfort is more important than her perception of your ugliness. ######


Prompt: I hate getting touched, and especially when I’ve already told them I hate getting touched without my permission. I only let few people touch me, and I even get annoyed with family members touching me. My grandmother constantly touches my waist and I hate it, I already told her to not touch me. Yet she did it again, I got really mad, and she got really mad and upset. Now I have to apologize. She did it so many times at the most annoying times, and I can’t stand her bullshit. ######

Response:
 NTA. Your body & you choose who touches it.

The people forcing you to apologize are AH. So is Grandma for not listening to her granddaughter. ######


Prompt: Before Christmas I fell and broke my hip, nothing extreme becsuse I'm young but still had to have a surgery and till February I only moved to perfom rehabilitative exercises. Then pandemic happened and I wasn't able to do anything. Which made me grumpy  as I'm used to at least walk a lot. Finally, 2 months ago I was allowed to start slow pilates sessions and also yoga. I don't think I gained that much weight but definitely lost some definition abs-wise as I'd been used to work out frequently. Frankly I was scared shitless of gaining weight as I had an eating disorder when I was younger and occasionally I get either concerned about my weight or concerned about being concerned about my weight. Surprisingly I'm almost proud of myself because not only I managed to get my ol' good bone moving again, but I also didn't have problems with having a bit of tummy. That was until my bf started to joke about me being a bit fluffy. He knows about my past problems with food so I assumed it was a weird slip-on. Then he did it again and again and again. Telling me I wouldn't fit into my slacks after eating an ice-cream. Or that I looked like I was preggars. Initally I told him my trousers size hadn't changed and he should google pregnant women to see how they looked like. He shrugged it off as a joke, so did I till I found myself doing some weird things I did when I was ill (playing with food instead of eating, trying to count calories, watching myself in mirror etc.) and hadn't done them for 3 years, at least. So next time he made another 'quip' I got angry and asked him to never comment on my body again even if I gained weight and had an arse of a horse he should be happy I was able to walk. He told me to calm down and that he wasn't aware "I lost my sense of humour back on the operating table". I'm now confused af, don't know whether I was being a jerk back then or it was all 'real' I even start to think about apologising. ######

Response: NTA. Your bf on the other hand is a huge, gaping one. ######


Prompt: AITA: Last night my boyfriend took it upon himself to let our friend group hanging out in discord know that I really don't send him nudes. (I've been through a lot and have ptsd, and I don't trust technology. He knows I'm uncomfortable with sending nude pictures of myself and we see each other on a decently regular basis.) Our friends then proceeded to make fun of me for it which I expected since that's just our friend group. It still really hurt though. I went to talk to my boyfriend about it, and he said that most of my problem should be with our friends and not him. The problem is I struggle to trust people and I'm uncomfortable with my body and in that instant it felt like he just didn't respect me. Am I the asshole for being upset more with him and not our friends? ######

Response:
 NTA. Your bf is trying to publicly shame you in order to get you to do something you are not comfortable with. You are 100% justified in not sending nudes if you don't want to. Your body, your choice.

He's also showing that if you *were* to send nudes, he likely won't keep his mouth shut about that either. ######


Prompt:
My husband and I are currently expecting a baby in November. I have 3 other children from a previous marriage. My husband is off work on Monday, Thursday and Friday and I’m off on the weekend so we only need a sitter for Tuesday and Wednesday while we both work.

My grandmother who raised me has always taken care of my 3 children while I work and they usually keep them one or two nights a week since they like to spend time with then kids.

My husband and I have been talking about where the baby will go while we are at work and I would rather my grandmother watch them. Or even his father would be fine to watch the baby when he wasn’t working. His dad owns a painting business so he usually makes his own hours.

Now my husbands mother wants to keep the baby and I do not want her to watch it. She’s a nice person but, she has major health problems. She has had several strokes, uses a walker, has hearing aids, has a pace maker and is on 30 different medications. Yes, 30.
My husband has to do her medication everyday because she will over take her medicine which she does a lot. She’s been hospitalized several times for “over medicating”

She just doesn’t seem capable enough to care for a young child. My husband said that she wouldn’t watch it, alone. Meaning her mother would be there as well. Now that would be all fine and good if my husbands grandmother didn’t call my husband everytime my mother in law over medicates and he has to leave to go pick his mom up and take her to the hospital and if the baby was there at that time then I would have to leave work too so I could pick the baby up.

It would just make more sense for the baby to go to my grandmothers house. WIBTA for telling her and my husband that she can’t babysit the baby? ######

Response:
 NTA. Your baby’s safety is more important than MIL’s need to watch him. She may be hurt but it just doesn’t seem safe to let her watch the baby.
Plus her lack of responsibility with her medication is even more concerning, especially as the baby gets older, mobile, and into toddlerhood ######


Prompt:
So this is going to be pretty short and simple.

As me and my partner have been starting to plan out the birth of our child I told him I want the two of us to have some time to just bond with the baby. As I have been looking up the rules due to COVID we realised this wouldn’t be a problem. I am allowed one birthing partner which will be my partner, and he is the only one allowed to visit following the rules.

At first my mum tried to insist that she would be there but quickly agreed that if I wanted my partner then that was fine. However the other day I mentioned that because of COVID we won’t be allowed visits either. She kept saying that she didn’t care and she would still be there and would wait outside to meet the baby if she isn’t allowed in. I get that she’s excited but this felt a little too far for me, as if she was expecting me to give birth and instantly go outside so she could meet her grandchild.

I love my mum to bits but this is kind of pushing me towards not telling her when I go into labour and only telling her when my baby is born (she’ll have about an hour and a half drive to get there anyway) just so I can postpone a little bit of stress. I want her to meet the baby as soon as she can, but I don’t want to be giving birth feeling stressed about it.

Will I be the asshole if I don’t tell her when I go into labour? ######

Response: NTA. Your baby, your rules. Also, the hospital is likely not going to let her in or let you out or let you two interact AT ALL for safety with the virus. She should stay put until you get home and invite her over. Call the hospital and ask to be sure, and then tell her what they say. ######


Prompt:
Earlier today, my aunt and her young (seven year old) daughter came to visit to celebrate my father's birthday, with masks and gloves and all that, and I was wearing a short sleeves shirt because it was hot out. My scars are incredibly noticeable, so I wasn't really surprised when my aunt came to me and demanded that I put on a long sleeves shirt because it was making her uncomfortable and she didn't want her daughter seeing that.

I apologized but said it was too hot for long sleeves, plus that her daughter wasn't even paying attention to me. My aunt then said that I should be "ashamed" of myself for allowing her daughter to see such a thing.

I didn't want to argue so I just walked away at that point. My aunt and her kid left not long afterwards but called my mom to complain about it. Neither of my parents blame me for it and say that she shouldn't have said what she did, but I'm curious as to whether or not she was in the wrong or if I should have just sucked it up. ######

Response: NTA. Your aunt is gross. You are allowed to have your arms and scars out, because what matters here is *your* comfort. All your aunt is going to do is teach her child to be as prejudiced as she is. This could have been a good teaching moment about tolerance (or whatever the word is) IMO. ######


Prompt:
AITA (F 26) for asking my husband (M 26) to contribute more to our savings?

He pays most of our bills, excluding some household finances and my debts (student loans, credit card, and my car). I pay for most groceries, our furniture that we financed, and the pet bills (disabled dog).

He makes roughly $4800 a month. I make $1800. I contribute about $600 a month to the savings because he pays for most of the bills. The past few months, he has taken from our savings to party with friends (one got out of the military) and he said he would replace it. He’s taken out $400 and not put anything in since February.
I asked him if he could contribute anything to our savings this month and he said no. He told me that after bills, he only gets $800 in disposable income and that’s not a lot for him. He’s now mad at me because I told him it feels one sided lately and that I feel like I’m the only one contributing and trying to save. Keep in mind, almost all my disposable income goes to our savings. AITA for getting upset?

Edit: we each pay bills according to our income. Half of his income and half of mine go to bills. Realistically, he should have more than $800 a month in disposable income. But that’s the number he likes to bring up. ######

Response:
 NTA. Your accounts are set up wrong. Each of you has an individual account for "fun" money. Then a shared account for shared expenses such as groceries, furniture, bills, savings, etc. Work out how much your expenses are, then savings, then "fun" money. There has to be a limit to "fun" money or you get lifestyle creep and it blows your budget. The rule should be to **never** take money out of savings or shared account without consulting the other, and only for emergencies. If your husband "borrowed" $400, the first thing he should have done with his next paycheck is put that $400 back in.

Edit: I saw in a lower post how you gave up your high-paying job to advance his career. You should both get the same amount of "fun" money, regardless of how much you guys make now. ######


Prompt:
It's not a big deal at all and it has been resolved since but it left me unsure if I'm in the wrong.

My girlfriend and I both had our own Spotify premium accounts to begin with, but at one point she decided she didn't want to pay for it anymore, even though she listens to music a lot.
I felt bad for her, as free Spotify has these annoying ads every so many songs.
Therefore, I gave her the login to my account, under the condition that she listens offline when I'm also using it. You can't have two people online on the same Spotify Premium account, unless you buy the family package (which I didn't have).

Now today she started saying how I should just go offline whenever she's listening, too.
By going offline though, I can't go on social media either while listening to music, as you have to turn both your wifi and data off for Spotify to see you as 'offline'. My gf on the other hand also has an iPad that she could just use to listen to music offline on while still using her phone.

So, I told her no. I'm not going to have the discomfort of not being able to use my phone for other stuff while listening to music on my account that I pay for.

Am I the asshole for that? ######

Response: NTA. Your account, your rules. Either she can open her own account or chip in on a family account you both share. ######


Prompt:
My neighbors have always been pretty rude since they moved in a few years ago. But the last year and a half have been hell.

They have:
-called CPS on me on an anonymous report saying that I do crack and lock my daughter in a closet. Disgusting lies, I've never even done crack or anything like that, and I would never do that to my kids.
-called the cops on us a few months ago saying we were "arguing loudly" when we had a few friends over for backyard camping. Argument never happened, and we had all been sleeping in our tents except for me, who couldn't sleep.
-called the cops on is for a small firepit my foance and kids were roasting marshmallows(was legal but too many stones were missing after their kids were caught messing with it)
-screamed profanities at their kids loud enough where we can hear it in detail.

Their kids(4f, 11f, 12m, 14m) used to play regularly with my kids(5f, 10m) but the older girl and the boys would bully my 5yo to the point my 10yo stood up for her and then cried to me that he was put in that position to where he felt he lost friends. (There were a few more incidents, like when I caught them knocking over my fire pit, but nothing big. The kids were usually nice.)

I told my kids they can't play with the neighbors anymore, and my son is sad but understands but my daughter is furious, because she says the 4yo neighbor is her best friend. It makes me so sad, because the little girl did nothing wrong, but the rest of the family are toxic, especially the parents.  AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your 5yo is right to be upset in losing a friend, but when it comes to this family you’re better off seeking out a lawyer in the hopes of pursuing a defamation lawsuit against them. ######


Prompt:
FYI, I come from northern India, and do not look like the stereotypical Indian in western media. Indians come in all shapes and sizes. My friend is presumed to be chinese but he is from North East India!

About two months ago, I stopped a couple of people from sexually harassing a woman on my way to get groceries and walked her home. No big deal, it's the least I could do. Said woman found me attractive and asked me out for netflix and chill since we live in the same dorm. I found her attractive, I said yes.

Relationship was going really smoothly for the most part, we even said I love you to each other. She randomly asks me where my accent is from, and I tell her it's kind of a mixture because I grew up in India but went to summer school in Chile. She looks at me and tells me she is kind of shocked because I didn't 'look' Indian. Then she asks me if I am hiding any creepy behavior from her. At first I thought she was joking, but turns out she was pretty serious.  I tell her she has no reason to doubt me, and I am also kind of hurt since she knows that I was willing to risk my life for her the first time she met, and now she is doubting me inspite of all the experiences we have had because I am Indian.

I decide to not bring up the matter again but I came to know that she dmed 2 of my close female friends, and asked them if I ever showed any problematic behavior, and they obviously seemed very confused by the whole thing. She REPEATEDLY asked them to recollect any instance, which was alarming to me. So I confronted her about it through text, and told her she was being incredibly shallow and hurtful.

I am genuinely confused by the whole thing. I really cannot see where she is coming from, so I thought asking you guys might help.

Have a wonderful day and stay strong through the virus. I am good at math, feel free to pm me your high school calc questions(only half joking) ######

Response:
 NTA. Your “girlfriend” was incredibly out of line. I don’t see why she would behave this way  (other than being racist) after two months of dating each other. There are a lot of memes/jokes about Indian men being creepy or inappropriate towards women, but obviously that’s not the majority of the population.

Does your girlfriend not see her problematic behavior?! ######


Prompt:
I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. I (38m) was about to get into the shower, but my wife (39f) told me that she was going to pick up groceries and was going to be 15 minutes. And she asked if I could shower the kids (5f, 3m) while she was gone. I said okay.

I didn’t want to shower my kids and then go into the shower myself because that seemed like a huge waste of water, and my wife showers with the kids very often, so I figured I would take them into the shower with me. I washed them and then myself, we dried off and I wrapped a towel around my waist. My daughter went to go get dressed and I went to get my son dressed.

My wife came home at this point and she came upstairs. She saw me with wet hair and my son too. She asked, “Did you shower daughter?” I told her yes. She said “That’s so fudged up!” (She didn’t want to swear in front of my son). I asked why and she said because she is a girl. I told her that our son showers with her and he’s a boy. She said that it’s different and asked that I wouldn’t shower with our daughter again. I said I wouldn’t but I was still confused. So AITA? ######

Response: NTA. You’ve done nothing wrong. She is sexualising the situation which is really fudged up on her part. ######


Prompt:
I am (22F), he is (23) and we’ve been dating for 6 months. Quite a short story.

I’m a university student and work part time. I earn a decent amount but it’s not a shit ton so I don’t exactly have thousands in savings but I’m trying to save as much as I can just for my future. I don’t even tell my mother what I save because quite frankly it’s not a lot and that’s insanely personal info.

Idk how it came up but my boyfriend has been talking a lot about savings and has started demanding to know how much I have. I told him that it’s really none of his business as it’s my money and that you can’t just ask people how much money they have.

Well, I’ve pissed him off. He has called me a bitch and says that I don’t trust him and he’s rethinking our future. Idk if I am an AH and should just apologise.

Edit; idk if it’s relevant but I’ve mentioned some of his recent behaviour in comments. He has started telling me who I can and can’t hang out with, he accused me of cheating when I went to see my brother for the first tine in months due to him having health issues. He is also messaging me a lot and he’s taking up a lot of my time. He is getting insanely protective over me and doesn’t even like it when I try to do my own thing.

Edit 2: Um okay he’s turned up at my dads house ranting and raving calling me a bitch and a whore and he appears to be armed with something. I think a lot of you are right. My dad isn’t home right now and I’m really scared.

Edit 3: my dad came home thank god and we’re waiting for the police to come

Edit 4; the police have just come and he’s been arrested!

Edit 5; I now realise I was being abused thanks to you all and mostly my dad who is currently having a long talk to me about my relationship and how I wasn’t to blame for anything ######

Response: NTA. You’ve been dating for 6 months. You’re not tied in any way financially and your bf is a gigantic Ah. It sounds like he wants to control your money or at least parr’s of you. I’d seriously consider dumping his ass if this is how he’s acting. ######


Prompt:
Last night, my (33M) 2 step-children (aged 10 and 11) were watching some funny YouTube videos on TV and since my wife (37F) was already watching, I decided to join in as well.

A clip played where a man was trying to jump from one parking pole to another. He lost his footing and landed right on his crown jewels on one of them. My step-children were laughing and I admit, it was pretty funny.

I joked "Well, he's not gonna be having children anytime soon." My 11 year old asked what I meant and I was about to explain before my wife interrupted and changed the topic smoothly.

Later that evening when the kids were asleep and it was only us two, she berated me for making inappropriate jokes like that in front of children. I mentioned that normally kids their age would be beginning to learn about these sort of things and there was nothing bad in doing so anyway.

She got mad and said that that's not how she wants to raise HER kids (strong emphasis on her) and I shouldn't even begin informing them by joking about it. I got quite angry at what she had said and I reminded her that they're MY children as well and she can't just exclude me out like that.

It went back and forth like that which led to a big, nasty argument (we exchanged a few VERY NASTY words) that ended up with her crying and me feeling like a total asshole at the end of it. I tried to apologise by making her breakfast in bed but she just completely ignored me and continued to sleep, which makes me feel even more bad.

We haven't spoken to each other since. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA. You’re raising them together. They’re *your* kids. Not just hers anymore. She can’t pull that card anytime you do something she doesn’t agree with.

And it may just be me, but 11 years old is an appropriate age to begin learning about sex ed. How long does she want to wait? Does she realize there are 10 and 11 year olds today that get pregnant? ######


Prompt:
I was jogging on a trail next to a somewhat busy public street when I saw a young girl crying on a bench. I figured it was best to avoid, but on the way back home, she was still on the same bench, crying. She was about 15. I asked her if she was OK. She said no. I asked if she wanted to talk about it, and she said yes. So, I sat on the bench next to her.

We talked for ~30 minutes. She was running away from home because she was tired of her parents telling her she wasn't allowed to hang out with her friends, or something like that. I don't really remember, but it wasn't anything that sounded dangerous or abusive. I used to teach high school, so I'd heard similar complaints before. At the end, she decided to go back home. I walked her home, which turned out to be surprisingly far, like 4 miles. I dropped her off and walked home.

At some point, she may have put her head on my shoulder while crying. I don't remember if she did, but let's assume so. I didn't touch her, hug her, put an arm around her, etc. I do remember that much.

My girlfriend says that I shouldn't have let her do that. She believes that, as I am a 30+ year old man, allowing a teenage girl that I didn't know to cry on my shoulder can be seen as creepy and molest-y, and it's unacceptable. She says that she knows my intentions were innocent, but I still shouldn't have allowed it. According to her, I shouldn't have even been close enough for the girl to put her head on my shoulder to begin with. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA. You’re not the asshole in any way here. You listened to the girl out of nothing but good intent and made the 4 mile trek back to her house to return her safely to her family. It’s not safe for a girl of that age to be running around on her own, so it’s good that you were there for her instead of someone who might have been there to harm or take advantage of her.

I understand where your gf is coming from, but this doesn’t make her right. Unfortunately, with the way the world is, people might view an older male approaching a young girl as predatory. They might get mad and throw accusations and make you out to be the bad guy when, in reality, you were only trying to help. Your girlfriend is in the wrong here because you did a good thing and she’s looking at the negative side of things. But she could just be saying that out of fear that someone may have retaliated badly, as does happen in some cases.

Regardless, OP, you did the right thing. Thank you for making sure she was safe. ######


Prompt:
I just moved to my current apartment about six months ago. It comes with its own covered parking behind the apartments which are all clearly labeled and it's common knowledge that covered parking at apartments is usually reserved.

To be honest, I hadn't used the reserved covered parking for the first two or three months because there are a lot of one way roads and I didn't have the time to try and find my way. Eventually I figured it out and started using my spot. Someone parked there once about two weeks after I started using it so I put a note that said "Please don't park here again. It's reserved." I was able to find other parking and that was it. Lately, though, it's happening more often. I leave a friendly note and go about my day.

Today, I'm pissed. I come home and my spot is taken again. I leave a note saying, "Please don't park here. Covered parking is reserved." My neighborhood is SO congested that there is almost literally nowhere else to legally park. Plus, I pay a stupid amount in rent so I should be able to have my own freaking spot. I grab my dog and we take off to the dog park for about two hours. I come back and the car is still there. The note isn't in the same spot so I know someone read it.

I've emailed my landlord about it and they just brushed it off saying "We're put of the office at 5. There's nothing we can do" but there are signs saying reserved parking your car will be towed.

So, my question. Would I be the asshole if I called to have the person towed who keeps parking in my spot? ######

Response:
 NTA. You’re not jumping the gun- you gave them multiple chances with notes. Where are you expected to park if they keep taking the spot you pay for?

If you take down the plate number, perhaps the landlady can send an email letting them know they will be towed next time. Or include that on your next note. ######


Prompt:
So basically, this blonde girl kept giving me 50% off my Subway. I wasn't sure if it was a glitch or not but I noticed whenever she served me specifically my bank statement would always show my charge as half the price of what I normally pay. I suspect she was doing this purposely and it was meant to be a sweet gesture... And because of this, I avoided mentioning it to her as I thought it would come off as tone-deaf if I pointed out that she was undercharging me (if she was doing it on purpose).

This happened for about a month. And then one day their franchise owner was in the store doing a routine checkup on his staff members. He noticed me and immediately began snapping his fingers at me while calling me buddy sternly in order to get my attention. He asked me if I had come in the day before and then accused me of not paying for my sub the day prior (in front of his staff and customers). He then said he'd let it slide this time and that I could have yesterday's sub for free, but for me not to let it happen again.

I assume he's implying that he thinks I'm a thief. I walked out and checked my bank statements (which all said I had paid). So I can only assume he's alluding to his staff member giving me 50% off.

Am I an asshole for accepting what I presume would be this girl's staff discount?... ######

Response: NTA. You’re not asking for a discount.  That was not a way to get continued business from the owner/manager. It sounds like you go in frequently so it’s odd they would attack like that. ######


Prompt:
Yesterday was my \[24f\] birthday.  My boyfriend already said he'd take me out for dinner to celebrate since last week, and I let my family know maybe 3-4 days ago. (for those of you wondering about lockdown, I live in a country where we have had restrictions relaxed as new cases have been in the low digits for a month)

Birthdays have never been big in my family.  I haven't received gifts from either of my parents since i turned 15 and the occasion never warranted much except perhaps dinner outside.  So to compensate, I suggested yesterday that we celebrate my birthday today instead.  Neither of my parents said anything.  I made the reservation earlier today, and now we're getting ready to go out.

My mum decides to tell me that my dad is not going because he's mad at me for going out for dinner yesterday with my boyfriend rather than spending it with my family.  She said I'm in the wrong for choosing to spend it with my boyfriend, and that she and my dad are not going to dinner today.  Obviously, I was confused and mildly pissed.  I don't think I'm TA for choosing who to spend my birthday with.  It's not like my dad even cares about for birthday for the past 10 years; no cards, no gifts, not even a verbal 'happy birthday' have I ever received.  That was the case yesterday too; only my mum wished me happy birthday.  So I was perplexed as to why he would suddenly be angry at me for not spending my birthday with him.  And there's the dinner today that I already told my family I've made reservations for; he's just making it worse by saying he's not going.

AITA here? ######

Response:
 NTA. You’re not a child, it isn’t a “special” birthday, and your family doesn’t appear to have made any other plans to celebrate it... so what exactly is their problem?!

Your parents are being selfish, petty and immature. ######


Prompt: I (38f, white) foster kittens with a local rescue. I usually go through the alphabet to name each new cat/kitten/group. We are on out second time around the alphabet, we are at the letter U, last time we had Ursula. I was looking for names  for 1 female and 3 male kittens. I found Uhura and thought it would be really cute to name them Uhura, Kirk, Spock, and McCoy. My mom said because the female kitten is also mostly black it wouldn't be ok. I feel like I'm not naming an animal after a black person but naming her after a beloved fictional character. But as a white person I just don't know. (Also I'm a reddit virgin, please be gentle) ######

Response: NTA. You’re naming them all together, after a group of fictional characters. If we are starting talk about race when it comes to felines, then I am starting to be concerned for human evolution. ######


Prompt:
My older sister has autism and my parents have made me her caretaker since I was around 7th grade. We were made to go to the same classes in school except language class where I chose Chinese and she chose Japanese. When younger my sister did not have any friends outside our friend circle but me so she’s very close and dependent on me to help her make friends and socialize. To this day she still wants me to answer her questions for her sometimes because she does not want to talk to some people.

I understand that my parents loves both of us but cares more about my sister. She is not independent neither was raised to be someone to care for herself. One of the reasons why I dislike my parent’s way of raising us. Finally I told them this is too much for me because I have my own life to live and I can’t take care of her if I’m not self-reliant. I told them if I can’t swim and you expect me to help another person drowning we’d both drown.

Their response was “You’re being selfish, you only think about yourself.”

AITA for telling them I have to take care of myself first before caring for her? ######

Response: NTA. You’re her sister, not her caregiver. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you’re overwhelmed and want to take care of yourself too. You’re absolutely right - can’t keep someone else afloat when you’re struggling. ######


Prompt:
We dated for 2 years, I got pregnant, and he said he wasn't ready to be a dad and left us. He came back when she was about a year old and apologised, stuck around for about 6 months, and then left again. She's now 4 and he wants back in her life.

I've said that's not happening unless we have a custody agreement. I know I can't make him show up or use his time, but he's not even on the birth certificate because he wasn't there to sign it and avoided signing it the first time he came back. If we had a custody agreement, if he took anything less than 50/50 custody he'd have to pay child support, and he says he can't afford to take any custody or pay any support, he can only afford to see her when she's at my place without going on the certificate.

I've said no. I want him on the certificate, I want a custody agreement, and anything less, to me at least, is showing a lack of commitment to our daughter. I don't want her hurt. She's 4 years old, last time he ducked out on her she was less than 2 and only saw him once a month, but if he sticks around for 6 months again and then leaves she will notice this time.

Since I said it, my ex and his new girlfriend have sent me messages. Nothing that bad, just asking me to reconsider, but there was one point where my ex called me a "bitch" and another where the girlfriend said "\[ex\] told me you'd be unreasonable. guess he was right".

I asked mum what she thinks, and she says I should let my ex see our daughter without the agreement and try again to get an agreement in a year or so, because it would be worse if my ex got custody but our daughter didn't like him or something.

AITA for wanting the agreement before my ex sees her? ######

Response: NTA. You’re handling this absolutely right. Your top priority is protecting your daughter and that’s what you’re doing here. ######


Prompt: My MIL (mother in law) is coming in 2 weeks and staying with us for 2 days while she visits the Eye Hospital...which I was completely fine with. However, she called today and wants to bring 3 of the grandchildren and extend her stay for 4 nights. We already have a 15 month old and 2 children from my husband's previous marriage that we will also have the same week. My husband is stoked but I'm not so keen. AITA for saying no? ######

Response: NTA. You’re going to have your hands full assisting her after whatever she’s doing at the hospital.  Adding extra kids is a level of extra work that is greatly unnecessary. You should be talking with your husband about the logistics of who’s going to be caring for all of the children and his mom. ######


Prompt:
This wasn't really an issue until lockdown, when friends/flatmates' bfs moved in with us and we went from 3 people (out most of the time) to 6 people (in all of the time) with only 1 bathroom.

I like long showers. Most days I'm in the bathroom for 20-25 minutes (from entering to exiting). Once a week I wash my hair, exfoliate, and shave, meaning I can be in the bathroom for up to 40 minutes. Because of this I avoid peak times (mornings and when everyone's getting ready for bed) and check if anyone needs in the bathroom before i go, either in person or a message on the group chat.

The problem is my flatmates bf has very short showers so thinks im extremely excessive. A few times now he has been out walking/running/cycling and is desperate for the toilet when he gets back. His gf has had to knock on the door and ask me to hurry up because he needs the toilet. I do then get out asap and shout that it's now free.

However they (flatmate and her bf) think I am being an AH for maintaining my "excessive showers" when there are now so many of us sharing. I really enjoy my long showers and have already stopped showering before bed to try and ease congestion. I don't think it's that unreasonable in my own flat but feel kind of bad if it's causing major problem, so AITA? ######

Response: NTA. you’re going out of your way to be considerate of people who dont even live there. i hope they’re at least helping out with the bills ######