Prompt:
I (22F) have a severely autistic brother who i intend to take care of for the rest of my life. I have very strict immigrant parents who have recently discovered that i have been dating a half-Australian, half-Vietnamese guy (22M) and my father (55M) has threatened to take my mother (51F) and brother away from me and move to another city if i don't break up with him.  At the end of the year regardless of my decision to stay or go my entire family will be moving to another city.

My father has always been very controlling, when it comes to who i'm friends with, where i go, what i study and what i wear. After 4 years he's finally agreed that i don't have to study medicine and that i'm allowed to study Radiography like i originally intended to before university.

My father has said that if i agree to do what he wants and move to Adelaide with the rest of the family then as long as i am 100% honest with him, so essentially he approves who i'm friends with, what degree i do and who i date he won't be as angry and won't be as controlling.

I don't believe that he'll change and think i'm just destined to be miserable for the rest of my life. However if i leave i'll never get to see my mother or brother again and i really don't want that, and also everyone is telling me that i would be selfish to leave because my parents raised me for 21 years and i would just be abandoning them.

So WIBTA?

TLDR:  Father doesn't like who i'm dating and is threatening to take my mum and brother away from me and never let me see them again if i don't dump my boyfriend and move to a new city with them. WIBTA if i leave? ######

Response: NTA you have to take care of youself first. His behaviour is just toxic. You are old enough to decide for yourself, it is not like you are a dumb teenager dating some 40ish predator ######


Prompt:
Throwaway account for privacy reasons. Also, english is not my first language so I want to apologize in advance for any mistakes.

For context, I’m 18F and he’s 20M. We have been together almost a year now, and from time to time we disagree on how frequent we should be having sex. This happens because he has a much higher libido than mine. He wants to do it every day if he can when I’m good with 1-2 times per week.

The issue was this morning. We were sleeping together in my bed, and he wakes up and starts to kiss me, like a shower of kisses! And I was really happy, because that is a nice way to wake up, feeling so so loved. It started taking a turn when he began taking of my shirt, groping me, etc.

I started to feel a little uneasy, because I thought he was just kissing me to show me he loves me, but instead it was to turn me on so we could have sex. So politely, I said to him: “Hey, I haven’t even woken up, I don’t want that”. He told me to relax and lifted my shirt (i was laying on my stomach) and began kissing my back and reallyyyyyy rubbing himself against me.

I tried to relax, because I know if I reacted badly it would really hurt him, so I played along. That was until he asked me if he could make love to me. I told him no, not harshly, just no.

Right then, he laid besides me and looked really sad. At first he started pouting (literally), and after a couple times of Me asking him what was wrong, he told me that I never want it, and that it makes him feel bad because he feels like he’s doing something wrong when we do it and that he feels like he should apologize for even trying.

I told him that that is not true and tried to make him feel better. It didn’t work, he just asked me to take him to the door (we don’t live together) and that was that.

So now I’m wondering if I should have just went along with it or what I could have done to make him feel better. WITA for rejecting him? ######

Response:
 NTA you have the right to reject sex at any time. Sometimes you just don’t feel like it and that’s fine. He’s being childish to pout and then walk off because there’s no sex.

Talk to him about it. It’s not like you guys don’t have sex at all. ######


Prompt:
So for the last 7 or so years, my two brothers and I have always shared a GameStop pro rewards account because it's just cheaper to do it like that. To make it fair, we rotate who pays the approx $20/year for it. This year it came time for renewal and my middle brother noticed that it really had been just him and I paying for it and my youngest brother never paid for it. I paid for it every two years and my middle brother paid for it the other years. So the youngest has been skipping out, but has been using the account.

We confronted him and told him that he needed to start paying his share. We let him know what day it was due and how much it was. Now in his defense, he does have a small child to take care of, but he always seems to have money to spend on other frivolous things like marijuana, paraphernalia, take out, etc so his excuse was kinda tossed out the windows. We told him pay his share or we're changing the number.

Last week, when the account came due (about a month later), I went in to get middle brother a gift for getting a promotion and they informed me that the program needs to be renewed within the next couple of days or it would cancel out. Rather than to risk it, I paid for it to renew it and changed the number. I called middle brother and informed him what the number was changed to so he could continue accessing it. Today I received a phone call from my parents fussing at me about how I shouldn't have changed the number and how he was going to pay me, and I should've just been more patient.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA You have him fair warning, he could afford to pay his share. Crying to Mommy and Daddy about it takes the whole thing to even higher a-hole levels. ######


Prompt:
So, I definitely do not think I am an asshole, but my stepsister sure does. So some history: My mom married my stepdad when I was in my last year of high school. Step sis, let's call her, "Penny", attended a different school, and only visited on weekends. We didn't get to know each other that well, and just had a polite relationship.

For college, Penny lived full time with her mom, and I stayed with my mom and stepdad. I dated "Phil" during this time. Penny knew him somewhat, from when she would visit. Anyway, Phil and I ended up breaking up maybe a year before we graduated because he was cheating on me. I was super pissed at the time, but it's literally been almost 10 years so I'm over it. Penny didn't get to know about the cheating because I'm pretty private about these things, and didn't really advertise why we broke up.

Well fast forward to last year, Penny and Phil started dating. Whatever, idc. This is where I was probably an asshole, because I thought about telling her about the cheating, but then I decided not to, because it was a college relationship, neither of us were very mature, and people can change. Well sadly, Phil cheated on Penny A LOT. She found out over lock down when she went through his phone. She asked me if he had ever cheated on me, and I was honest and told her yes, that's why we broke up. She got SO upset, and flipped out at me, saying she could've avoided a ton of heartbreak. I feel bad, but I don't think it was my place? So reddit, AITA for not giving my stepsister a heads up about this guy? ######

Response: NTA You had no business in their relationship. Did she ask you for advice when they started seeing each other? I guess not. Did she directly ask you why you guys broke up? I guess not. ######


Prompt:
My gf and I moved out of state in with my dad a few months ago so we can get settled before we move out on our own again. We have a three month old baby.

My baby hasn't been sleeping very good the past few days. She's been colicky. This afternoon, i finally got her to nap while laying on my chest. My dad put left over pizza in the oven for himself for lunch. He said he was going to go shower and asked if I could get it out from the oven if the timer went off before he got out. I told him, "No, I can't because I have the baby sleeping on me." He hesitated, but then he said, "I'll be out in time."

He went to shower. He wasn't out in time and the timer went off. I called for him a few times but he didn't hear me. The baby woke up from me yelling for him but went back to sleep within a few moments. I did not get his pizza from the oven.

He came out about 5 minutes later. He was mad that the timer was going off. He asked me why I was letting it go off. I said that I told him I wasn't going to get it. He pulled his pizza out and it was kind of burned. Not black burned but it smelled a little toasty.

He saying I was being lazy and rude. I don't think I was because I told him straight up I wasn't going to get his pizza and he said he would be out in time. My dad also told my older brother about it who agrees with my dad.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA you had a baby ON TOP OF YOU FINALLY SLEEPING. And you told him before he went in you weren't going to be able to get it. ######


Prompt:
She says her $40k+ trust fund is for her future. Makes me feel like my income from work is not for us. The whole 'your money is ours, but mine is mine.'

And I am steadily paying for more and more, without any help (aside from TrumpBucks, which are already gone) because her paycheck has been cut by more than 80%, as she teaches private lessons for various musical instruments, and demand is LOW.

I could afford to cover all expenses/bills, but not indefinitely, and she is doing nothing to generate extra income. I also foot a $300/month weed habit for us, of which she smokes roughly 75% of, outside of current/past bill contribution, which is roughly 50/50. I also drink fairly heavily, and this habit is one I may have to curtail, as affording all this will get tricky quick-like.

On top of that, she is also getting pissed at me for doing less than half of the house chores, while she stays home all day, every day. What little work she is doing is done over Zoom/Skype.

Also, last week she said she would take some money out of the trust to help out, but refused to do so today after she called me at work and started yelling at me about bills and chores. I sent her a a few hundred to cover the gaps and she is still acting like I do nothing of worth for "us."

Called me a POS today because I forgot to take the garbage to the curb before I left for work this morning, which is one of the things I usually take care of, along with the kitty litter boxes.

Also of note, she has been threatening to move back in with her parents, as they "actually care about her," which, given everything else, is also highly hurtful to hear.

I realize there is a level of toxicity here, but I guess I want some validation that I'm not fucking crazy and that this is abusive, disrespectful, and entitled behavior. ######

Response: NTA you gotta get her out of your life before she sucks you dry. ######


Prompt:
I (38F) have a doctorate in Ancient History (so not a medical doctor), awarded in 2014. Whenever someone asks me for my title, as in 'is it Miss or Mrs _____,' I always say 'it's Dr,' because I worked hard on my PhD for 6 years and I earnt that title, so I'm going to use it. I'm never rude or pushy about it, I just always put it as my preferred title on forms and admin etc and introduce myself as Dr ____.

My wife and I got married in 2012, when I was still working on my PhD, and this problem has arisen in the past year or so. She told me recently that she finds it upsetting when I tell people that I'm a Dr, not a Mrs, because to her view, they're asking me if I'm married or not when they ask me for my title, and by answering Dr, I'm erasing her role in my life. She says it feels almost like I'm ashamed of being a Mrs. She says it also comes across as patronising to remind people that I have a PhD.

This seems ridiculous to me. I haven't told her this, but to me her objection seems rooted in insecurity that I don't feel is justified. I always introduce her as my wife. To my mind, that PhD took a hell of a lot of hard work, and although my career is not currently directly related to my doctorate, I still earnt it and the right to use that title. I'm also not a condescending dick about it, imo; I don't get angry if people call me Mrs, just politely say that my title is Dr.

I told my wife that I was going to keep going by Dr and she's still bringing it up every few weeks. I'm not going to break on this; I suppose it's the hill I've chosen to die on. Am I TA for not caving? Part of me thinks it's not worth arguing about but the rest of me just wants to use the title I earnt. ######

Response: NTA you get to decide what you’re called. Guys get to go by Mr. or Dr. and it still doesn’t reveal their marital status, so using Dr isn’t hiding her. I’d talk to her, though, to find out if something else is making her insecure. ######


Prompt:
I'm the oldest daughter of 3 children and have always given my parents money. My parents are both retired. They have savings, private pensions (which I helped organise) and a state pension. The mortgage is paid so they have no major expenses now.

My mum has always relied on my to contribute to the household since I started working. My Dad has not always had a steady income.  The additional has kept the dept collectors away many times.

The money is now a significant amount of my income which has meant I've not done things I want to do like travelling as I can't afford it.

I have told both parents I can't keep helping out and in 2019 I started to reduce my monthly transfers. Towards the end of each month I would get a call requesting money for essentials as they have run out which isn't making sense. They should have enough. I officially stopped transfers in December 2019.

In February I had my second child and want a year away from work to enjoy my family. My parents are happy about my growing family as they love their grandchildren but they still make requests for me to buy them things as if nothing has changed. They don't request cash but groceries, ask me to pay a bill online, amazon items etc. It all adds up to a few hundred which is less than I have previously paid.

Today my mum called me with her latest request, I said she would need to send me money to cover it and she said as her oldest child I need to look after my parents. I stuck to my guns and said I would need the money as I'm not working and she told me to forget it hung up. Now my folks aren't picking up the phone or responding to messages. I've been helping out for the last 15 years. I just can't afford it anymore.

AITA for no longer financially supporting my parents? ######

Response: NTA you gave them plenty of warning, and your priority is your immediate family: your kids and partner. Not your parents. ######


Prompt:
I should give a little backstory here: growing up, my parents were extremely wealthy. I watched my dad blow his money on a mansion, sports cars, and unnecessary purchases he made to show off his wealth. He owned a very successful and stable business, but decided to gamble it all away when he sold the company to start a new one that completely failed. We lost everything.
We moved out of the mansion and for the rest of my childhood and adolescence, we were so poor that we barely had money for food. I got made fun of in school for having old clothes that didn't fit me. My parents still would have cleaning people come over and clean our house and I would watch them pay them in cash as I sat there hungry. They did everything they could to keep up with their appearances while neglecting my needs.
Now on to today, their financial situation has improved thankfully, and I make a significant amount of money: more than they are making. My dad keeps making comments about how he is so glad I'll be able to take care of them now financially as I don't  think they have anything setup for retirement. They keep making frivolous purchases and are still being irresponsible with their money. I have a lot of financial goals I want to achieve and I have not factored in paying for their living expenses in their old age. I am bitter that they blew all of their money and the money that they did have, they did not use to take care of me growing up. I have worked hard for my wealth and I do not feel as though they deserve a significant share of it. AITA for not planning to support them? ######

Response: NTA You dont owe your parents anything. If you're feeling so bold you can even tell them straight up you dont owe them anything. Of course they'll probably call you names but really? It's their own fault they dont have enough savings and you dont need to bail them out ######


Prompt:
AITA for telling my friend to see a therapist instead of coming to me with her mental health problems?

My childhood friend has been struggling from mental health issues for the past 2-3 years. She refused to see a therapist (even had a fight with her parents about it), but she’s comfortable talking with me, so I’ve taken on the role of unofficial therapist.

We normally talked at my house after school, but I was working on college applications at the time and dealing with mental health issues and family troubles of my own, so I told her that I didn’t have time anymore.

We still talked at school, and she seemed okay with that, but after a few weeks she started calling me late at night and showing up unannounced. Whenever I said I was busy, she‘d wait at my doorstep until I let her in out of guilt.

I eventually told her to talk to her parents and find a real therapist, but she said that she hates her parents and doesn’t trust therapists. She also didn’t want to speak to her other friends because “she didn’t want to bother them”.

Then I snapped and told her if she didn’t want to bother her friends, then why was I the exception? I said that I had my own problems and responsibilities to handle, and I couldn’t manage her mental state when my own wasn’t even stable.

She cut off all connections with me. Later her boyfriend messaged me and said that I shouldn’t have abandoned my friend when her problems became “too inconvenient” for me. I told him that I was never qualified to be a therapist in the first place, and that being one had made my own mental health problems worse. He said I was just making excuses. ######

Response: NTA you don’t owe her therapy sessions, especially when you have your own problems. you did the right thing telling her to get a therapist, it’s not your fault you snapped. ######


Prompt:
My mum has always been pretty dramatic, she is a severe alcoholic and I would have cut her out of my life completely already if it weren’t for me trying to stay in contact with my two step sisters (aged 9 & 10) who still live with her. I (24f) don’t live with them.

She has caused a major string of events this year already which has taken a major strain on my mental health. My dad and other sister (30f) who refuse to speak with my mum keep reminding me how she’ll never change and she’ll only continue to make me feel worse about myself.

I tried begging my mother to give up the alcohol for a while and hopefully rekindle our relationship, and I was really proud of her 26 day achievement.. but then she relapsed hardcore.

This time she was vulgar and rude, she degraded me in ways which I took really personally. She mentioned how I failed to do certain things in the past and perhaps I should try harder in the future..

I stopped talking to her, I blocked and deleted her.
Fast forward-
I had her children (my step-sisters) over on Saturday.. mum called off sisters phone.. mum was drunk again at 11am demanding to talk to me.
I was reluctant but had no choice to talk to her, she was curious as to why I have blocked her.. she does not remember any of the drunkenly rude things she said to me and more importantly, she said “well I’m not gonna apologise for something I don’t remember saying” “you’re the one with issues, we’re family, I thought we were friends”

I hung up and blocked her. I was upset with her response and felt it was unfair.

I’m tired of having to ‘forgive and forget’.. I’m tired of the fact that she makes me feel like garbage about myself.

basically.. AITA for not giving my mum an explanation for why I no longer want to speak to her? ######

Response: NTA you don’t owe anyone an apology for not associating with them when they treat you like shit. Your mother obviously doesn’t want help, or isn’t ready to get help and if you find it’s best for you to not be in contact with her, you’re better off not speaking to her. Hopefully your step sisters can get somewhere safe. The system is flawed, but don’t give up on your siblings. ######


Prompt:
My husband (30m) and I (30f) are expecting our first child, a girl. I'm 30 weeks along, and we're very excited, as are our families. I've always gotten along with my Mother In Law, so this was pretty surprising.

Unfortunately, his grandma passed away recently, and his family is understandably devastated. My MIL (Grandma's only daughter) asked us if we would consider naming the baby after Grandma. We haven't fully picked out a name yet, so ordinarily we'd consider it, but there's one big issue with the name: His grandma's first name was Hermione. In case anyone doesn't know, Hermione is a main character in the Harry Potter series and it's a pretty uncommon name, so anyone who met our daughter would assume she's named after that Hermione (who I have nothing against, I do like the books and movies). Harry Potter is so popular that I'm positive that she'd be teased for it.

MIL called us again last night, asking about the name, and we said we didn't want to name her after Grandma. MIL asked why, and we said that since Harry Potter is so popular, she'd be teased about it and asked questions about it her whole life. MIL got upset, and was crying a little. She said "we cared more about some books and movies than her dead mother" and that we were "dishonoring" Grandma and proved that we didn't care about her or MIL.

We've since been getting texts from FIL and SIL saying that we were breaking MIL's heart and ruining Grandma's memory. I was talking with my sister about it, and she said we should at least consider it as a middle name and shouldn't have been so negative with MIL.

I'm feeling guilty, since Grandma was a very kind person and I'd like to honor her memory somehow, and maybe we should have compromised somehow? AITA? ######

Response: NTA You don’t have to name your daughter anything you don’t want to and to think that your in laws feel entitled enough to make your daughter for you is a major red flag. You need to make boundaries now before they take it too far ######


Prompt:
So I get a snap from him, saying he “missed me”. I admit, I shouldn’t have been so rude because I said, “Miss me? You never talked to me and when you did you were insulting me or my appearance” And he said “I’m sorry if I hurt you” which is one of my pet peeves. And he kept pressing me asking me to forgive him and how he’s trying to be a better person. So I just proceeded to write a big ass paragraph about how I never wanted to be associated with him and I told him to never reach out to me again, then I promptly blocked him. I know this was high school, but shit like bullying sticks with you. My self-esteem was at an all time low when he picked on me. He was one of the main reasons I had to switch schools in the first place. So AITA?

Edit: fuck it I got more to say. When I left that school I graduated with straight A’s, got involved in local theatre productions and I’m happy with the way I turned out. I’m not about to bring that guy back in my life

Edit 2: Ngl, this ordeal reminds me of that Tom and Jerry episode where Tom can’t go to heaven unless Jerry forgives him. ######

Response: NTA you don't owe people forgiveness just because they ask for it. ######


Prompt:
Brother and Sister in law are between buying and selling houses. It appears as though the dates of closings aren’t lining up and they are short what they need for the deposit on new place. Brother has asked if I can give them a short term loan of approx 30k for their down payment which they will payback as soon as the other houses closes as they are under contract on both properties.

I said yes, but to have his lawyer draw up a contract stating the terms of the loan. Which are none just that I am loaning X amount of dollars to be repaid by X date.

My brother got all outraged saying “I can’t believe you would ask that, I’m your brother. I didn’t want to borrow money from you because I knew you were going to do this.” Hung up and now is pissed off at me.

Am I the asshole? ######

Response: NTA you don't need a lawyer to draw up a simple promissory note (online templates), but you do need a promissory note before lending 30k to anyone - especially someone who yells at you for daring to insist on documentation of the loan. ######


Prompt: I was at a party with my friends and everyone was either drunk or high. It was a good time, one thing led to another and a lot of us girls were topless. There is a male friend in our group who takes candid pictures of us everytime we hang out because he likes to capture the moment. And that's what he did when we were topless. I think I was the only one who noticed so I went up to him later in the night and asked him to delete them. He was not sober at all so he says he doesnt remember this conversation. Basically, I asked him to delete the photos and he straight up said no. I'm not a confrontational person so I let it go. He went to bed and while i was sitting with everyone else, I told them what had happened. They got absolutely enraged and grabbed his phone while he was asleep to delete the pictures off of it. The next day, the guy who took the pictures found out what had happened and messaged me and basically told me that I should have asked him directly instead of making a huge deal out of it. I told him that I did and he said he didnt remember and I should've waited till he was sober and asked him again before dragging his name through the mad. I feel absolutely horrible because maybe he's right and I made a big deal about it for no reason. In the moment, I just wanted the photos deleted because it was stressing me out and as a girl, something like that could ruin my life. Am I the asshole for not asking him a second time and going directly to my friends? ######

Response: NTA you didn't overreact. you didn't consent to those photos being taken, even if you did you reserve the right to change your mind and request deletion. you did and was met with a no, so you took matters into your hands. your friend needs to get over it. if it was just as easy for you to ask him to get rid of it you would have. not your fault he can't remember being an asshole about it. ######


Prompt:
So for contexts I(26f) watch this elder lady(81f) while her son and daughter in law are at work

So they have a pool that is fenced off so unless you go threw the house or the back gate you can’t get it it. Well while I was watching her these kids came up and asked to go swim and I told them no as I didn’t want to watch them swim and try to keep an eye on the person I’m being paid to watch. Well the mom came over and told me that they had permission to swim whenever they wanted as long as someone was home( the kids were maybe 10 and 14) but the home owners never told me of this so I told the mother that I couldn’t watch the kids.

Well the next day as I was telling the homeowners what happened the day before she told me I was ruining her relationship with her neighbors and I should of just let the kids going swimming.

I’m paid to watch the older lady not the kids and if anything were to happen I know I would be held responsible. ######

Response:
 NTA you did the smart thing. Pools are a huge liability.

Make it known, that you are only paid to watch the mother and maybe they should invest in backyard cameras because if anything happens your responsibility begins and ends with a call to 911.

They are putting you in a sticky spot. Don't ever say yes to these kids. Tell their mother to manage the pool relationship directly with the homeowners ######


Prompt:
 My (22m) dad (49m) just got home with his girlfriend. As soon as they walk in all I hear is him yelling and calling her some fucked up names. Then they start arguing out in the front yard. Fyi my dad was 100% the aggressor and his girlfriend was just crying and trying to talk to him while he was screaming at her.

 He came inside and locked the door leaving her outside. I heard her saying she needs her keys. (She doesn't live with us). My dad told her she wasn't getting them. This is when I decide to step in.

 I confronted my dad and we got into a heated argument. He said I'm a bastard for getting into his business and a traitor for taking her side. I told him that I watched him treat my mom like shit for their entire marriage and I wasn't about to watch him verbally abuse another woman. That really pissed him off. He bowed up to me then told me I "wasn't worth it" then went into his bedroom.

 I saw his girlfriend's purse on the table and walked out front and gave it to her and she left. My dad found out I helped her and told me to get out of his house because I took her side. Really though I just wanted her to be able to leave. I took nobody's side.

Am I the asshole for helping her because now I feel like I betrayed him. ######

Response: NTA you did right and justice is served ######


Prompt:
Background: After moving in with my then gf, now wife, I started renting out my old house to college kids (it abuts campus). I live ~2 hours away, but have good friends and family nearby the house.

Last fall, I got a call from one of my tenants that they turned on the heat and nothing happened. For most things, I'll take a weekend and drive over to fix an issue and see people. Heat though needs to be solved ASAP. I found a local HVAC company that could come out the next day (for a roll truck fee) and see what was up. I told them it was a rental, and they said they were used to that, and that no work would be done without my authorization.

The next day, I get a text from my renter that the guy came out, that the thermostat was wired wrong (previous renter had put on a Nest, and I didn't test heat when he moved out, just AC. My mistake), and that he fixed it. Cool. Sounds like 5minutes of work, so I guess it was included in the diagnostic.

Then I get a credit card charge for $270. I call to see what's up, and the office thought the tech had called me and I authorized the work. Nope. I never would have paid $270 for fixing the wiring on a thermostat. I could have had a friend pop over for a 6-pack of beer.

The office puts me on with the tech, and he gives me two choices, pay the fee, or he's going back and unwiring the thermostat. I tell him, no. I didn't authorize the repair, the charge is ridiculous, and he's not allowed back in my house. (I can't trust him not to break things worse). After some back and forth, we come to an agreement. He'll refund the charge, but they'll never work for me again. Cool with me, as I don't want to work with extortionists.

I call the office to close the loop and let them know what their tech did, and find out he's the owner of the company. Eesh.

So, AITA for not paying the fee or letting him back in to undo what he did? ######

Response: NTA you did not authorize it and under no circumstances should simply changing wires on a thermostat be $270 that’s ridiculous. Do you guys have anyone you can report them to there? ######


Prompt:
My sister and I are both engaged. My fiancé and I (21f and 24m) have been engaged a year and have been slowly planning, finally setting on a date in October.

My sister and her fiancé (24f and 26m) are planning on getting married in August. I think I had my date set first but it was pretty close time frame so we decided around the same time.

While talking to my mom about what we decided my sister asked “Oh October of next year?” And I said no, October this year. She looked at me and was like “You can’t get married in October because I’m getting married in August. It’s too close together. I think there should be a year between our weddings.” I told her that’s silly and we can get married in the same year and expecting me to wait another year is silly. She told me since she’s older she should get married first, she should get the attention and I should wait. My mom said it does make sense that she’s older she should get her time first.

I think that’s silly and so does my fiancé but our whole family pretty much agrees I should wait until next year so she can have her time.

AITA for thinking it’s silly and not wanting to wait another year?

Info to add: my fiancé and I have been together since I was 19, live together and are independent so it’s not a matter of “You’re too young to get married” (at least I don’t think. That was never brought up. Just that she’s older so she should get to go first) ######

Response:
 NTA you could have the wedding a week after there's it doesn't matter its your wedding.

A wedding isn't just a day where you get all the attention you want, by the sounds of this that's all your sister and even mother seem to care about. ######


Prompt:
I live in a 4 bedroom apartment with 3 other guys. I haven’t had any issues with any of them up until now when the roommate on my side started dating this girl and she basically moved. This doesn’t particularly bother me but her kid is living here now. He didn’t ask any of us if this was okay (obviously I would’ve said hell no regardless). Kids are, by nature, noisy. She’s like 6, so she’s gonna play and be a kid. However, I didn’t sign up to live with a kid.

I was going to talk to him about it and let him know that it wasn’t cool that the kid lives here. But I think I’m just going to report it to the leasing office. He didn’t give us the decency of asking, so I figure why should I?

For God sakes, he doesn’t know any of us that well and they leave her to sleep in the living room (our common space) and all of her stuff is out there. I would be worried for my kids safety and be super uncomfortable with that - you never know what kind of people you’re around.

Am I the asshole here if I report him? ######

Response: NTA you could all get evicted if your landlord finds out. better to be ahead of it. ######


Prompt:
AITA

Two years ago some friends (a couple) approached me and asked me if I would be willing to clean their apt in exchange for a headshot session.  The husband was a photographer, I’d seen his work, I was fine with this agreement.  I spent about 20hrs cleaning their apt (I have videos of progress using my steam cleaner, before and after pics, etc.). They moved away, but the husband promised he’d be back at least once a month for other photography gigs, so our headshot session “would get done.”  He never came back.  They moved out of state.  I reached out several times asking to come to an agreement on a $ amount instead.  I was ignored.  Now, they got divorced and don’t speak to one another.  The wife is now telling me she had nothing to do with it and I should have said something sooner.  Am I the asshole here?! I’m pretty sure they are!  And I’d freaking sue if I had their new addresses.  But seriously, is it possible I’m the asshole?!? ######

Response: NTA you clearly aren’t the asshole. But next time take money upfront. ######


Prompt:
This is a really dumb problem but I need an outside opinion.

Ok so back with Pokemon sun and moon came out, my husband(29) and I (28) decided to surprise out kids(6m 8f) with switches. To make this clear, we bought 3 switch lites, 1 normal switch( we wanted 1 to connect to the tv for family games), 2 copies of sun, 2 copies of moon then a copy of mario party. As you can imagine, this cost us a pretty penny but for us it was worth it.

Anyway, when we gave them to the kids, we told them the rules for them. This is their first systen that's solely theirs so we made sure they knew if they broke the rules or they werent taking care of them, we would take them and they would have to earn them back. One of the big rules is we dont take someone else's switch or games without permission, including mom and dads. Everyone has their own so theres no reason to. So far I've only had to take them a few times(they thought games were more important than homework and one got thrown once)

That leads us to a few days ago. I caught my son hiding my switch in his room so he could play online without permission(this is a rule for all the game systems). I confronted him about it and told him he was losing gaming privileges for 3 days and took his switch. I thought I was being fair but my friend messaged me asking if my son wanted to get on and play a game with her son. When I told her he was grounded from it but would have it back in a few days, she said I was being unreasonable and I couldnt expect a 6 year old to follow rules like that. I told her I was sorry she thinks that but I laid out the rules and he broke 2 of them, his age is not an excuse. We argued about it before I hung up.

AITA here? I think in being reasonable but our mom group seems to think I'm being an ass about it. ######

Response: NTA you certainly can expect a 6 year old to follow rules like that. She probably just wants him to be able to entertain her kid. ######


Prompt: We've been together for 16 years and have always had multiple dogs. We currently have 4--2 Akitas, a Rottweiler and a Westie. About a year ago, her grandson was bitten by his dog (at his home) and ever since then my wife has become increasingly hostile to our dogs (No lasting damage to the boy). Now she has them barricaded in the back yard and a small section of the kitchen whenever she is home. She was the driving force in buying each of these dogs. She picked out every one of them. She named them. I love them all like crazy. I don't like seeing them treated differently. She says it is not because of her grandson being bitten by another dog--rather, they are just dogs and she is tired of fur/sweeping/cleaning. I told her the time to have figured that out is before you got 'em and now they are members of the family (And have been for 8 years, 7, 6 and 2...so not a new situation). She thinks I am picking the dogs over her. Hell, maybe I am. But, problems and all, they are total love. AITA? ######

Response: NTA you can’t just throw them away like they’re products these are living beings and they deserve to be treated well ######


Prompt:
I've always hated my name because it's really uncommon and my teachers and even some of my friends pronounce it incorrectly (even after several corrections). I eventually got sick of it and researched legal name changes and the procedures and decided to save up for a name change after asking my mum and dad (to which they answered yes).

Last week I told my parents that I'd saved up $300 from chores and my birthday money. I told them that it's more than enough for the name change with post, handling etc. and they told me how proud they were about me being able to handle money like that.

Beginning of this week, I gathered up almost all the ID that I needed and put it in a folder. I couldn't find the envelope with my money so I started asking my parents and they told me they hadn't seen it. I looked all around the house and couldn't find the money. The entire time, my parents just sat there watching me and didn't help look for it when I asked. In the end I just gave up and thought it would turn up some time or another.

This morning my parents took me aside and told me that they needed to tell me something. They said that we'd be going to a ski resort in a few week's time, and that they'd used my money to pay for some of it because "we all need to do our bit because we're a bit tight on money right now". I was furious. I started shouting at them for taking my savings without telling me and using it for something that we didn't even need. They argued that I'm an ungrateful bitch for wanting to change my name that they'd chosen for their little girl and that I'd grown up with it and never complained until now. I left the room and took a walk, during which my parents proceeded to text all our relatives and friends about the incident.

I came back to find my phone blowing up with 200+ messages from my aunts and uncles telling me I should apologise for being so petty and thankless. I have no idea what to do and I haven't talked to my parents since then. So reddit, AITA? ######

Response: NTA You can eventually change your name, but they will not change the fact that they deserve your mistrust. Keep saving and don't tell them, it might take longer than you wanted but you will get there. They can also go alone to ski, I doubt it's something you would enjoy being reminded, that they made you pay for it when you didn't want it. I can imagine how "creative" your parents feel choosing your name, but probably not as creative as Elon Musk, maybe you can start requesting people to address you by your chosen name as a nick name for the time being. ######


Prompt:
Hey everyone,

&#x200B;

now I am in a bit of a tricky situation and don’t know how to handle it. My GF borrowed my almost new drone, because she wanted to make some short videos of her new sport activities for me.

I had previously given her a very detailed instruction on what to do and what NEVER to do at all like disabling the automated Anti-Crash system. Well, she disabled it, because with it on the drone will never go lover then 0,5m and she needed it to follow low.

While following her, the drone hit a bench at Full Speed, repair impossible, about 3.200€ to replace it.
Now here is the thing: She is not included in my drone Insurance and has non herself so she has to pay it from her own money. While her Job is not bad, that Money would take her savings of almost 2 years while my job pays way better and I save the sum up in 2-3 month depending on Workload.

I feel bad for having her loose all her hard earned money while it’s kinda nothing for me to pay it but on the other hand I don’t feel like I should have to pay for the damage I did not do.

I will probably decide by your answers what to do. ######

Response: NTA you break it you pay for it ######


Prompt:
Hi

I just got asked on the train if I was willing to move or move my sons to the other side of the isle thereby going from travelling forward to backward in the train by a mother with a young girl, roughly age five, maybe six. The question was asked politely and the reason for it was travelling sickness. After I said no the daughter started crying and the mum said -"I'm so sorry but a no is a no." and -"I understand that you don't want to puke.". She was able to switch later and her parting comment was -"Some people are really nice.".

I sympathies with both mother and daughter, both sons have been suffering from travelling sickness and I've been washing the cars plenty times when they were younger. My reason now for not changing is that I booked the tickets in April to get good and cheap seats since I really want to have a smooth ride. We're spending 12 hours on trains today and even though they don't get travel sick the same way they did when younger neither of us can sit and use screens when going the "wrong" way.

So AITA since I choose to keep the good seats so that we have an easier trip despite the fact that getting really sick of course is worse? Basically saying that our boredom is more of an issue then her daughter puking. ######

Response: NTA you booked seats that were best for your needs.  The other mother had the same options to book specific seats ######


Prompt:
My mother has this habit of asking me questions with no context behind them and then getting mad at me when I give her what she deems as the wrong answer. For example, she asked me this morning if I wanted to come to the grocery store with her, to which I said no. She then got annoyed because she didn’t want to go alone and wanted help with the shopping - something she never mentioned in her question.

I decided to confront her about it because I normally don’t and this happens way too often, and I said that she shouldn’t have given me a choice, and when I said no, it was unfair of her to get mad. She should have said something like “would you come to the store with me because I’d like help with the groceries?” I told her this and she just shut me down again saying that she can never get anything right and that she can never win.

Am I the asshole for thinking she’s being stupid and am I the asshole for finally calling her out? ######

Response: NTA you asked her to be more direct. That's totally fine. ######


Prompt:
I'm a white person (20F), although some people have called my country equivalent of the n-word before because i look somewhat racially ambiguous.

Now i was playing games with my friend (22M) when he casually called me the n-word, not in the use of friend, but "you fucking n-word". I asked him to please not call ME that and he went quiet for a bit before he left the call. Then i found out he had wrote to a friend of ours, that was in the call, saying i was policing his speech. Some friends said i'm right and it was a small request to not be called something, and it shouldn't have mattered.

Some friends said that I'm white and therefore shouldn't be uncomfortable with being called it.

Btw for the record, i wasnt a dick about it or got angry the first time he said it, i calmy said "please would you mind not calling me that". ######

Response:
 NTA you aren’t policing his speech you are just asking him not to call you something.
I‘m trans yet I don’t call my friends trannys just cause I reclaimed the slur for myself ######


Prompt:
First post here and I know the title is ridiculous but I’m being yelled at for it by my roommates.

Most of the time we’ve all lived together, we have ordered out. We have had a few home cooked meals. And earlier tonight was one of those times. They made me do the dishes used to cook the food, which I was ok with.

But they tried making me do their dishes and our friends that were over dishes and tried to say they do that for me all the time which is not true bc I haven’t forgotten to wash them once.

I know this is a silly thing but like I mtired of being ridiculed and yelled at for things that only my roommates do and they know it.

AITA for not wanting to keep doing others dishes they purposely leave and try to make me do? ######

Response: NTA you aren't their dishwasher lol ######


Prompt: So, my (23f) sisters (22f, 20f, 18f) are all home from college right now. So there are a lot of girls in the house and a lot of periods. I mostly use cloth pads, but when I have to use a disposable (mainly if I'm traveling or out of the house for a whole day, I hate carrying used pads in my purse) I have to use an expensive natural brand (7th Generation) because I have sensitive skin. If I try to use Always or store brands... it's not good. My sisters keep taking my expensive pads. I've asked them nicely 1-3 times each to please not take my pads. They said okay, sorry and continued to take them. So today when I was at the dollar store for groceries I went ahead and picked up some of the cheapest pads. 10 for a buck. These are one of the few cheap brands I can use and they work just fine, they are just bulky so I would rather not. I went ahead and hid my pads in my room. I put the pads in a basket that said "PADS FOR MOOCHERS". When my middle sister saw it she got mad. She said the sign was insulting and the pads I got were "horrific garbage". My other sisters and mom agreed. They want me to put my pads back in the bathroom because I "don't use them that much anyway". I said sure if they chip in for the cost but they said no because their student jobs closed down when the colleges did. So for some reason I should have to pay for their pads even though my job is closed too. I do have some savings but my parents were able to keep working from home and would gladly give them a bit of spending money if they asked nicely. I think maybe I should have just put the pads out without a sign but was I really the asshole here? ######

Response: NTA you aren't even obligated to buy them shitty pads. They should be thanking you. ######


Prompt:
I recently just started going to the gym because I am unhappy with my weight. I’m working with a personal trainer and doing a program that requires I do meal preparation from a specific cookbook. I now have to prepare seperate lunch and dinner from my wife, who refuses to eat what I’m cooking. This means that I buy my own individual groceries, while my wife orders from those companies that deliver fresh meals in individual bags that you cook yourself. These bags take up almost the entire fridge. I rearranged the fridge, and gave myself a single shelf so that I could keep my groceries and meals in a single place.
When I told my wife I’d like her to leave that shelf for me she got really pissed at me, and called me selfish. She said she didn’t want to have to think about where she’s putting things in the fridge.
This blew over, but today I saw a new tub of butter sitting on my shelf. I thanked my wife for buying it for me. She acted surprised and said she just bought butter it wasn’t especially for me. I mentioned it was on my shelf and she’s said “I forgot.” This really pissed me off, especially after the big fight. Am I the Asshole? ######

Response: NTA you are working on your health and your partner should be more supportive. One shelf compared to the rest of the fridge is not asking too much especially if you now have a unique diet. Also fridge organization is important. Certain sections of the fridge can make food last or spoil depending on levels of humidity. A lot of fridge space is wasted due to being unorganized causing food lose. ######


Prompt:
I’ve had my horse for a few months now.

He’s very young and green (green means not trained much). He’s getting ridden by many of my friends who I trust to ride him at the barn. There is a girl and her mother who are very jealous about me owning a horse.

This girl and her mother have been nothing ,but vile to me. Her daughter is a self centered bitch and her mother just lets her get away with it! Her mother asked my coach about riding my horse. Coach said ask my mother. She asked my mother about letting her daughter ride my horse. I refused because a girl who has not been nice to me cannot ride my animal. All of my buddies get to ride my horse because they have been kind to me. My mother tells her no and the mother goes off asking why not?

They’ve been giving me glares when I’m in the aisle.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA You are under no obligation to let her ride your horse. You should not let someone you don't trust interact with your animals for the well being of your animals. And I suspect there is potential legal liability if she got hurt riding your horse, so it makes no sense to let her ride your horse no matter how you look at it. ######


Prompt:
So a little back ground. My BIL and SIL son (16m) lives with me and has since February. I have temporary legal guardianship of him. My food stamps recently came up for renewal and I added him on yesterday (4/27) I messaged them today to let them know and they lost their shit on me. They have been claiming him for cash aid and food stamps even though he no longer lives with them. I have 2 children of my own who I also take care and provide for. They are demanding I take him off the application so they can get more money (they don’t have jobs) so they can move out of my father in law’s apartment.

1) I can’t do that. It was an online app and it can not be deleted
2) I have never lied on my application and refuse to do so. I will not be one of those assholes who abuses the system.

Because I have done this the state will now find out they have been lying for 3 months and do a investigation and find that they also weren’t claiming the money their son was making for 6 months (he had a job at the time) this is not the first time they have been caught lying to welfare.

Now I’m being called an asshole cuz I refuse to lie to the state so they can get more money. My head is spinning around this how thing. Help. ######

Response: NTA You are under no obligation to help them commit fraud. And if he’s under your care he’s your dependent not theirs. ######


Prompt:
My mom (55F) raised me by herself.

I (25M) was always told that my dad (57M) never loved me and ran out on me, that he left us. Well it turns out that I have been lied to for a long time.

For the first time in over 20 years, my bio dad found me last year and contacted me. I was filled with rage but also curiosity so I met up with him and he explained his side of the story. He said that he wanted custody of me and that my mom had lied about why he left, that it was her who cheated on him and left him for a guy (this guy was in my life for the first few years but I only heard stories of him. Mom told me he was a good guy and they met through mutual friends).

I didn't know what to make of it until I confronted my mom in rage and she admitted that it was true, my dad did try and get custody and that it was her who cheated on him.

Anyway I was shown proof that this man is 100% my bio dad and we got closer... as I got closer to him over the year, it became apparent that my mom had outright lied about everything and filled my head with nonsense about him.

As I attended therapy this year I have finally been able to somewhat process this and have decided that I had enough of my mom and her pack of lies. When I met with her I said to her that I can't forgive her and that I want nothing to do with her. I said its over and she began crying and breaking down but I said it is what it is and got out.

Then my aunt showed up at my door and called me asshile and how could I do this to my mother. But how could she do this to me? AITA? ######

Response: NTA you are processing a lifetime. Stay in therapy and consider that someday you may want to have your mom back. For now, give yourself permission to do want you need for you. ######


Prompt:
I’m 21 years old. I live with my parents and work at a fast food place while I’m going to a community college. I work hard for the money I earn, even though my family says I don’t need to work.

A high school friend of mine (21f) and I started messaging again through social media. We used to be very close, but we stopped talking for multiple reasons.

One thing that kind of irritates me now is that when we hang out she can’t help with the bill because she has no money. I don’t mind treating her to drinks or dinner every once in a while. However, our mutual friend is coming back to the states and we all want to have fun and go places (once quarantine allows us).

Our friend that’s coming back (21f) will have money from her parents to cover her, but the other friend won’t because she doesn’t work. Even though she’s able-bodied, has a car, and a bachelors degree; she won’t get a job or apply for any services to help her. Yet she feels “sorry” for me because of the job that I have, and she looks down on her dad’s pregnant girlfriend for getting government aid to feed her children.

My mom says I should be more understanding because her family situation is rough and she’s my friend. It’s just hard to sympathize when we ALL want to go out and have fun and do things that cost money, yet I’m the only one who’d be able to cover her because I’m the only one working. Not to mention that I work as a MINIMUM WAGE FAST FOOD EMPLOYEE, and the fact that she’s a grown adult who is capable of working too.

Yes, I have my parents to back me up, but they already give me a roof over my head and a car to drive. I’m not going to ask my parents to give me an allowance or some cash because I want to go shopping with my friends. I have a savings and my job pays well for what I need, but I don’t want to spend it all on someone who wants to have fun but won’t work. ######

Response:
 NTA you are NOT selfish with money, that other one is a mooch and they will keep on mooching till you say no.

I wholy support you saying no since she doesnt sound very respectful either ######


Prompt:
Basically, my bf has a friend or two over about once a week. When they come over, these guys will drink a full case of beer and eat so much (like what one of them eats for one meal would be three meals for me). I don’t mind them eating and drinking all this but me and my bf split groceries 50/50. My bf’s friends never pay for anything - they don’t even bring over a 6pack when they hang out. I’m sick of buying a 24 case of beer for it to be gone in two days because of my bf’s friends and for buying a weeks worth of groceries only for half of it to disappear in one night.

So WIBTA if I tell my bf that he has to pay for the alcohol and food that him and his friends consume? ######

Response:
 NTA You are never the asshole for having a conversation with a partner and telling them how you feel about a situation. I wouldn't start with "I refuse to buy..." but rather just open a dialog. Explain why it seems unfair and solicit his opinion on what he thinks would be a fair solution. Maybe you keep food 50-50 for yourselves and when *either of you* have guests you buy things specifically for sharing with guests. Maybe if you give things (food/drinks) to guests, the person responsible for inviting the guests is responsible for replacing what is eaten. Maybe he pays 60% to your 40% to make up for the extra amount the guests are consuming. Maybe he starts asking his guests to contribute to bringing snacks and beer when they come over or having a potluck.

There are lots of possible solutions, just start the dialog and be open and honest and collaborate with your partner on a solution. As it stands, you haven't even told him yet that the problem exists. Start there. ######


Prompt: Ok from the title it seems like I \[18M\] wouldn't, but I'm still not sure. She \[18F\] has been hitting on me for a few days, giving me obvious hints that she wants to have sex with me. She has done something similar a few years ago and I told her that I wasn't interested because she doesn't attract me. Yes, yes I know, personality > physical appearance, but at least I admit that I do care about appearance. She and some of my friends started calling me out, telling me that I should've at least gave her a chance. I actually lost one friendship because of that lmao, she was good with my friend. I don't like to hurt people. If I give her a chance now, she will get what she wants, she might get attached to me and I might not, which might hurt her even more. I recently got out of a relationship, I don't feel like getting in something else for now. I still miss ex a lot, but that's a story for another time. I don't enjoy talking to her. I am very insecure, and I don't like when some of my friends start talking about what I should have done and what I should have not done. That's why I'm asking you because I told some of them and they are telling me that I would be an idiot if I miss this opportunity and asshole because I will hurt her. So.. WIBTA? ######

Response: NTA you are never a bad or mean person for not being attracted to someone and you don't owe anyone any romantic attention ever. You don't need to give her a chance. Just tell her nicely that you're not interested and if she persists after that consider if you want to be around her anymore or not. Don't feel bad for not being attracted to someone, just be nice and she'll just have to move on. ######


Prompt:
My friend gave me his old Nintendo switch. I know my daughter, Jessie, has been wanting a regular switch for awhile. She just has a switch lite.

Right away her eyes lit up and said she would give her old switch to her cousin, Kelsie. Kelsie had to share one with her brother so the girls weren’t able to play online together often. Giving the switch to Kelsie made a lot of sense to me because she and Jessie are best friends and now they don’t get to hang out together at all.

So we thought it all worked out great, except my brother. He thinks by letting my daughter choose who to give the switch to I am helping the girls exclude his new stepdaughter.

My brother got married last summer and his wife had a little girl named Rachel. Rachel is a nice, but sometimes Jessie and Kelsie prefer to play alone just the two of them. My brother doesn’t like that. He wants them to be as close with Rachel as they are with each other. He would try to get them to do activities together and have play dates all the time.

When the lock down happened he was pretty bummed out because we had to cancel all that, but he tried to keep everyone in contact with phone calls and that’s how Rachel found out about the switches and that they were still playing without her.

He says that unlike Kelsie Rachel doesn’t have access to a switch at all since they are sold out everywhere. He thinks I really should have thought of Rachel right away and encouraged my daughter to give her old switch to her so she could play and be included.

Then he went into how I am setting up my daughter to make these choices that exclude because our other sister (Kelsies mom) and I do the exact same thing with his wife. He said she’s very disappointed we don’t invite her out with us more often. If I’m being honest my sister and I also prefer to hang out just the two of us most of the time, but we do invite our sil out sometimes.

￼ ######

Response: NTA you are allowed to be close to whoever you want. So is your daughter. The kids will maybe develop a friendship over time but you can't force them. That will only create resentment amongst them. ######


Prompt:
I’m at a loss here, and wondering if I’m being gaslit or if I’m a total asshole.

My sister is 16 and I’m 19. When my sister was 7 she begged for a dog, and my parents got her one. When he was no longer little and cute, she wanted nothing to do with him.

I’m not even a dog person, but I stepped up to care for him. He became my best friend. I went through serious bouts of depression and he was there for me. Long story short, I took care of him entirely by myself, my sister was only there for the occasional play time and belly rub.

When he got sick a few months ago, and I learned that he would have to be put down, I saved money to get some cremation jewelry made. I got a necklace and an anklet.

I am having extremely difficult time dealing with his passing, I’m still raw about it.

My sister, who never cared about him, is walking around moping, and crying and being attention seeking. She’s posting all about it on social media, and everyone is falling over themselves to comfort her. She is demanding some of the cremation jewelry. I feel like she just wants to show it off online.

I have told her no, and she went to our parents. They are saying that I have to give her the jewelry. They gave me a long speech guilting me about it. They said that he was technically her dog, she has a right to the jewelry and to remember him. I’m being called selfish for not giving her one of the pieces.

My family and I have been fighting about this. My parents point out my sisters crying, and “depressed behavior” to try to guilt me into giving her either the necklace or the anklet. I want both of them. I paid for them. I see my sister being sad and I can’t tell if I’m being gaslit or if I’m denying her closure by not giving her the jewelry. AITA here? ######

Response:
 NTA you are 19 and therefore an adult. You paid for this jewelry eith your own money and your sister had no right to it.

You're not denying her closure. She's just being a selfish teenager.

 If you wanted to be *really* nice you could offer her a collar or toy or something that you still have. ######


Prompt:
My SIL has never liked me. She had always tried to one up me. We were both pregnant at the same time. Her due date was 6 days after mine but her girl came early so she gave birth roughly 2 weeks before me. We had already announced our name because MIL wanted to make a blanket with baby's name in it.

SIL said their name was a secret. Well turns out they named their daughter the name we chose and announced. She thought she had won and I decided it wasn't worth arguing with her. I gave birth and we simply went ahead with our name choice. It's a generic name like Sara or Anna but it's was also my mum's name which is why we chose it. So technically SIL could have planned for this name all along but I doubt it.

Well, she's not happy at all that the two cousins now share a name. I told her tough luck and why did she think we'd change our name? ######

Response: Nta you announced your name and she could’ve brought up any quarrels before you both gave birth ######


Prompt:
This happened a while ago, before the virus. We were on a college study abroad, and this one girl (21) who ill call M, repeatedly grabbed my (19) butt. It took me raising my voice slightly after telling her to stop multiple times for her to actually stop.

Towards the end of the trip, M told the group that our bus driver had grabbed *her* butt. She was saying how uncomfortable it made her, and tbh that bothered me. I of course understand why it would bother her. And im sorry it happened to her. It was wrong of the bus driver to do that, full stop. However, during this conversation I said "now you know how I felt the other day," in reference to when she had done the same to me.

She was very angry i said that, and tried to say that it wasnt the same thing at all. But in my eyes, it was literally the exact some thing she did to me, after i asked her to stop until she could tell I was angry.

So, AITA for saying that? I feel like my point stands, but I can see how maybe that wasnt the time to say it. Thoughts? ######

Response: NTA yeah just because the genders are reversed does not make it any different. The bus driver sexually assaulted her and she sexually assaulted you they are both AHs ######


Prompt: So, this happened way last year, but it's still been on my mind, and some clarification would be nice so I can make up my mind and tell them "I'm sorry' and whatnot. When I (16m at the time, 17m now) lived with my parents, they'd constantly peg me to clean the entire house for them, do their laundry, and even go as far as to make me watch my 3 very little siblings (3f, 2m, 1m) almost every day while they went out on dates. Sometimes, they'd force me to watch them even as soon as I came home from school while they sat down and watched netflix. I'd say things like "I have plans with friends," or "I need to do my homework," but they didnt even care. This eventually lead to my grades dropping, considering I had no time at home to myself to do work I needed. The only time I would be able to work, would be late at night, but even then I would probably be putting my siblings to sleep as my parents were too busy watching movies or going out on dates. Because of my grades dropping, they'd take away my phone, my ps4 and PC, and even my TV, and use it as an opprotunity to make me do whatever they wanted, using 'You're not doing anything, anyways' as an excuse. This took a heavy toll on me, as I not only stopped being able to take on large amounts of stress, but I often found myself pulling off numerous attempts to off my own life, only to no avail, and just staring at the roof crying late at night. Eventually i was pushed too far, and I snapped at my mother, which she said 'I gave birth to you' and I replied "You shouldn't have.", and I felt abit like TA here. Things got too heated there, and I ended up moving away and back to my Grandparents, who've been the nicest people I've known in my teenage years, but I'd just like to know if I was TA in this situation, so I could apologize to my mother for all the things I said when I snapped. ######

Response: NTA x100. Your parents are abusive and manipulative. Don't apologize for anything. ######


Prompt:
yea yea i know we’re all sick of leg shaving posts here but i need a second opinion.

i’m currently living with my dad for various reasons after not living with him for a few years. he’s been dropping hints the past day or two that he wants me to shave my legs (ex. commenting on it, offering me a fresh razor) but i don’t want to for various reasons like razor burn. and also we’re not going anywhere where i’d show my legs so why does it matter?

today when i got out of the shower he asked me if i finally shaved my legs and i said no. he said that he thought my legs were “unsightly” (i have dark thick hair and pale skin so i admit the hair does show up quite a bit). i told him about razor burn and ingrown hairs. he replied that “i’ve never met a woman before who didn’t shave their legs”. i answered that most women do not shave their legs when they don’t need to for the aforementioned reasons. he just repeated the same thing. then i started to get mad and i said “i don’t like seeing your arm hair but i don’t ask you to shave it so why do you keep asking me” and he said “don’t get on my case”.

i was really upset at this point, because it felt like he was valuing his aesthetic preference over my comfort. i told him that and once again he said i’m the only girl he’s ever seen who doesn’t shave my legs. i went to my room and now i’m sitting here alone, and i wonder if i was too harsh on him or could i have explained it better. he sounded really exasperated which admittedly made me more upset so i was yelling a bit. maybe i am an asshole but i think he’s one too for not listening to me. i even said “go look online about reasons why women don’t like constantly shaving their legs” and he said “i’m not doing that.” or maybe i’m just making excuses. i don’t know, i’m so frustrated. that’s why i want second opinion(s).

so reddit AITA? and what do i do if i am or am not? ######

Response: NTA x100. It’s your body to do as you please. The fact that your father is so invested in your body hair is icky. ######


Prompt:
My so called friends won’t invite me to their houses or to parties because I don’t drink. I don’t drink alcohol because my father used to be an alcoholic and I have a lot of health problems. I’ve told my friends multiple times that I don’t care if they drink, but I won’t. They will not invite me places because of this and they make up lies saying “I’m scared of alcohol”. I have no desire to drink alcohol, but I would like to be invited to social occasions.

Am I the asshole? ######

Response:
 NTA x a million

Your friends are assholes, and boring ones at that. Anyone who desperately needs everyone present at a party to be drunk is throwing a really lame party.

I don't drink either (I used to have a bit of a drinking problem myself but I've been sober for coming up 10 years!), and none of my friends even think about it anymore. I'm sorry about your dad, but good on you for breaking the cycle!

There are people out there who will respect your decision (and not ask you to jeopardise your health?!) and they will have far more fun social occasions for you to join. ######


Prompt:
I (15F) lost my grandma to coronavirus in the early hours of this morning. We were super close as for 2 years she was bearly able to walk to I came every day after school to cook and clean with my mum going on weekends when she didnt work.

My mum was in pieces with my dad trying to make her feel better in any way possible and I had decided not to make it any harder on him because he NEVER cries but did today. I messaged my boyfriend that im gonna call "B". Because B usually makes me feel better about everything that's happened. Well B talked to me for 15 minutes before saying he had to go for 10 minutes.  well 5 hours later B came back.

When I asked B how he was (I didnt care he was gone for so long) then B had a massive rant at me explaining how he was going through a lot more than me right now and that I should just get over that she dies because old people die every day so its no big deal. I couldn't help but cry. Then B said "my grandad has cancer for the second time that's a lot worse than your grandma dieing"

My usual calmness was IMMEDIATELY yeeted out the window at this point. I blew up at B saying things like "at least he isn't f\*\*\*ing dead in a hospital" and "why cant you look on the bright side even though he has cancer at least he isn't dead" and to top it off "id rather my grandma have cancer than be dead right now" I feel like a piece of shit for saying those things.

AMTA? ######

Response: NTA Wow. Your grandma died TODAY and he thinks you should be over her death? ######


Prompt:
Background on me: I'm a 16 year old trans guy. I'm on testosterone, the medication in this scenario.What's going on:I have a T shot every Sunday at 7. I was late because I wasn't paying attention to time, no big deal since I do it myself right? I go downstairs to get my stuff to do my shot and everything is there *except* for my actual testosterone vial. I ask about it, cause you know; it's medication. My mom tells me that if I want to take my shot I have to do chores that I normally do before bed. I got pissed and went to my bedroom because that shit isn't cool. My dad comes up a little later and asked me if I knew she meant I had to do my chores and not an essay that she also brought up. I said yeah and he called me unreasonable for saying I was just gonna be super late and or miss my shot this week.
EDIT: Yes, I know I should do chores, I'm not an idiot. The issue is the fact that it was never a requirement before and that has suddenly changed. Chores don't get done til right before bed because if I don't do them then or as soon as I wake up I forget to. My mom gets pissed if I forget to do them and it ends with me not being able to do things like get a job and such. ######

Response: NTA withholding medication is child abuse. Tell your school nurse what’s going on if you want this investigated. ######


Prompt:
I am 22 and a dude, my coworker who is retiring is 67 and a woman. I’ve been working for my current company for around eight months now, she’s done such a great job of mentoring me and giving me the tools, and the mentality, to succeed in my career.  We’ve never had any sort of relationship that could even remotely be considered inappropriate, if you go through my texts we only communicate on work related matters and I’ve never even seen her outside of work or work related events. Today was her last day of work, she’s got around a year of PTO built up and so she’s taking it all starting today. I admittedly procrastinated on getting her a retirement gift, I was always planning on getting her a nice bottle of red wine and a card because wine’s her favorite thing in the world.

So I was gonna leave early before work so I could stop by the liquor store, my girlfriend asked where I was going, I told her I was going to the winery and I said it’s Dianne’s last day cause she’s retiring and I was gonna get her some wine. She questioned that and said it’s not appropriate and I asked why not, and she said she’s just not comfortable with it. Again I asked why not, and she said that that’s supposed to be a gift for lovers or close relations and not coworkers. I just shrugged and said that’s your opinion but I don’t feel that way and neither does anyone at my workplace. She said she’s uncomfortable with it and I said I get that, and I understand your fears and you’re entitled to feel that way but I’m still going to do it regardless.

I got her the wine, and for what it’s worth my gift paled in comparison to everyone else’s so it was definitely appropriate, but my girlfriend is mad and is refusing to speak to me, which is a bit childish because I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong. ######

Response: Nta wine is not a gift for just lovers, in fact 90% its the generic i dont know what to get this person and might not even know their name safe gift to bring ######


Prompt: My father who I haven’t seen since I was 3 recently died.  My sister who had been having some troubles moved in with him about a year ago after burning bridges with all of my mom’s family after she got pregnant and ran away from home.  She’s only 15.  I recently turned 18 and my dads family is looking to me to be involved in his estate and funeral. I don’t have any interest.  There may be some life insurance and they keep asking me about that to pay for his funeral and asking what I can pitch in even if there is no life insurance.  I don’t feel any real connection to this man. Hadn’t spoken to him for years before his death and he paid no child support while I was growing up. If there is life insurance I intend to split the money with my sister. I made it clear to my aunt, that life insurance or not, I’m not paying for the funeral.  His family think I have an obligation to and that I’m being a jerk. AITA? ######

Response: NTA why would you pay for his funeral? He played no part in your life. No deal. ######


Prompt:
Been debating posting this in case my girlfriend sees so I made a throw away.

My (26M) girlfriend (25F) has been complaining for absolutely ages about her phone, it’s an IPhone 5.

So for her birthday I upgraded her phone to the latest iPhone, it’s an expensive contract (£80 a month) I’d rather not have spent that much but she uses her phone a lot, we have two children (6F & 4F) so she takes a ton of photos and the children are always on her phone, it’s just an overall improvement?

She was really excited about it, but a week later I found out she had posted it on FB marketplace and had sold it to someone (person hadn’t collected)

So now I’m left footing £80 a month for an iPhone 5.

I told her to get a job, I’m not going to pay that off forever because I was only willing to pay it for a decent phone.

She’s upset because being a SAHM is a job and she would’ve never agreed to £80 a month phone so just because I did something stupid doesn’t mean she should have to pay for it, she didn’t need such a good phone.

I’m at work so we haven’t really spoken about it, but she’s incredibly upset and has been adding up everything she does for me.

(I do the ironing, garden work, DIY, walk the dog, cooking, bathe the children, work out our finances for the month and go to work from 5am-6pm, including travel time, so  50/50?)

AITA?

**Also, before I get told  “you shouldn’t have had two children before marriage, we only have one together and I’m considering proposing soon** ######

Response:
 NTA why sell the phone? You were going to pay the contract, her justification makes no sense.
If she didn’t want it you could have sent it back and cancelled the contract. She sounds awful. ######


Prompt: I watched my sisters kids yesterday so that she could go to what she called a 'hot tub party' I dont have kids of my own so im not 100% certain of what to do and she didn't leave me a list. She didnt answer any of my calls or texts and she payed me 5 dollars for 2pm to 11pm. I dont want to sound shallow because I'm fine with watching her kids for free but she said she'd pay me $30. The biggest problem is that i dont want to enable her. I think that if you have kids, that the part of your life where you have no cares and act like a college girl, should be over. And she does this all the time. At the same time, if shes going to do it, then someone needs to be there to watch the kids because it isnt their fault. ######

Response: NTA why is she out while everyone is supposed to be self distancing? ######


Prompt:
So my fiancé and I have a large wealth discrepancy. My grandparents gave me and my sister a large amount of money when they died, and I have a much higher paying job than him. He works just as hard as me, he just gets paid less.

The way our finances work right now is I pay most of our day to day expenses but he gets me nice birthday and Christmas presents. Last Christmas he got me a really beautiful necklace that he wouldn’t have been able to afford if I made him pay rent on the apartment. So he contributes just as much as he normally would if he paid rent, but this makes me feel better. The rent doesn’t suddenly cost more because he lives here, I was paying it by myself anyway.

My parents pestered me and pestered me to explain to them how he was paying half the rent on our apartment with his job, because he shouldn’t get paid enough to afford it while also buying everything else he does. I finally told them a few months ago that he doesn’t pay the rent. They basically had a meltdown over it and told me to break up with him, don’t go through with the wedding, etc.

I called them over Mother’s Day, and they spent the whole time asking if I have started making my fiancé pay rent. I finally got sick of it and told them no, to butt out and if they kept pestering me about our personal finances that they couldn’t come to the wedding. They had another meltdown and said that I was horrible for even bringing up the possibility that I wouldn’t invite them to the wedding.

Was that threat too far? My mom called me crying today apologizing and basically groveling to come and now I feel like shit. AITA? ######

Response: NTA why do they think it’s okay for them to say horrible things like you should break up with him but it’s not okay for you to tell them they won’t be invited to a wedding they clearly disapprove of? I wouldn’t want someone who clearly isn’t happy for me to be at my wedding either. If you’re happy in that arrangement, they have absolutely NOTHING to say. ######


Prompt:
For the last year my (26f)  roommate (26m)  has been leaving poop on the seat whenever he goes to the bathroom. Me and my wife have had several discussions asking him to please clean it and countless "I'll make sure to double check" in response. Usually I'm the one that cleans it up and I politely ask him to please be more mindful.

Here's where I might be the asshole. Today I went into the bathroom and saw poop smeared everywhere. It took me a ridiculous amount of time to clean and I got pretty mad. So after I cleaned it I yelled at him and said "seriously you have to be the most inconsiderate dickhole in the entire world. I'm so sick of cleaning up your disgusting messes. There's no way you're doing this by accident anymore."

I thought I was in the right but he started crying and told my wife that I'm making it up and trying to ruin their friendship. He said he's at the end of his rope and I'm a horrible person. I feel really guilty now. AITA? ######

Response: NTA why are you cleaning his shit up? How is he getting shit everywhere? So many questions ######


Prompt:
So this happened last year. I got engaged back in 2018, and chose my wedding party, 3 of my closest friends, and my fiancé chose his brother and 2 of his friends. Growing up, I was not close to my younger sister (then brother). There wasn't any bad blood or anything, we just don't have a lot in common and barely speak.

About 2 months before my wedding, my sister came out as a trans woman. I was happy for her that she's finally living her true life. Shortly after, she approached me and asked to be one of my bridesmaids, saying that it would basically be a sort of milestone for her in her new life as a woman. I told her no, because we already had everything planned out and the wedding was just a few weeks away. I told her I fully supported her if she wanted to wear a dress to the wedding, but it would be hard to include her at that last minute. She said she understood and didn't bring it up again. She ended up not attending the wedding, despite RSVPing yes. My parents and I tried reaching out several times over last year to see if she was okay, but she kept telling us she was fine and that she needed to be alone.

We finally talked recently and she told me she 'boycotted' my wedding because she knew the reason that I didn't want her as a bridesmaid was that she looked very masculine still. That isn't true at all. She insists that if I didn't find the way she looked objectionable, I would have included her. AITA? ######

Response: NTA who invites themselves into the bridal party two months before the wedding? ######


Prompt:
Background

I'm 13 f and i have JIA (arthritis for kids)

This happened when I was 11 and has been bugging me ever since

The actual event

My "best friend" had been singling me out after my diagnosis. She had stopped inviting me to her house and when my friend group went out she would "forget" to tell me. One day I faceTimed her and told her that she needed to stop with this. She told me that she was just playing. I was so mad as this was all intentional. I lost all my friends because of this. I had cried every night because of this. At that point I snapped and told her to "fuck off and get out of my life" I didn't talk to her for a month. We have since made amends but she still tells me that I was an asshole.

So Reddit, Am I The Asshole? ######

Response: NTA While what you said was not worded nicely, she'd been treating you badly for a while. Although given that you are all so young,, I'd say she's obnoxious and immature more than being an asshole. At her age, she may not really be able to fully understand her own actions and how awful they were. Especially since kids mature at different rates. So, I hope she becomes a better person as she grows up. ######


Prompt:
A few weeks ago I (M16) took the online AP Physics 1 test, at home due to quarantine. My parents were both out at the time. While I was in the middle of the test, around the start of it, my brother (M19) decided to go into a room across the hallway and play a video of rock guitar music at full blast even though I made sure to remind everyone that I would be taking a test today. With a raised voice, I asked, “Can you turn it down?” And he doesn’t respond. I then ask yelling, “Please, turn it down!” And he says, “Shut up, I’m already in another room!” And then I say, “(brother’s name) FUCKING TURN IT DOWN! PLEASE!” And he doesn’t. I’m sitting in front of my computer with the timer still ticking and on top of being stressed and nervous from the test, I am agitated from my brother not listening to me, distracted by the loud guitar music, and increasingly agitated by the situation and the music a constant reminder of my brother not giving a fuck. After the test is done I’m more relieved than angry that the test is done, I’m in shock but glad that it’s over with. I chose not to confront him about it. Later that day he happily showed me the video he was watching, Tender Surrender by Steve Vai. I remarked on how that video was more important to him than my test (also silently judging him) but I was too tired to get angry. He shrugs it off, and I’m annoyed that he doesn’t apologize or show remorse.
Fast forward to two days ago I got the test results and I failed the physics test. I told my brother, “remember when I was taking an AP test and you were playing that loudass guitar music and asked you to turn it down? I failed that test and I hope you’re happy.” Later that day I tell my dad about it (imagine Candice tattletaling style ig) while my brother is in the room. My brother says that I’m whining and bitching and that it’s not his fault that I’m stupid and retarded. AITA? ######

Response: NTA While it might not be the direct cause of you failing the test I would expect your brother to show at least a modicum of respect for other members of the household. ######


Prompt:
Bit of info - My children see my mother in law a handful of times a year. She lives in a village an hour or 2 bus ride away depending which on route you take. She doesnt come to ours even though she has a lodger who drives her other places and tbh shes a little flaky when we make plans so we just go to hers when we are able to.

I call and facetime her atleast once a week so the kids can keep a good relationship with her but as you can probably tell already it's very much one sided but I do it because my kids have a great relationship with my side and I want the same with them and her.

The issue - mother in law called yesterday and asked if we had plans to go round when lockdown is over as she has something for the kids. I told her as soon as we can we will be over when its allowed. She asked to speak to the kids and told them the surprise. She had gotten a dog!

2/3 were excited the middle one just burst into tears.  The middle one is severely allergic to animals with fur. I'm talking 2/3 x meds a day, and has to carry an epi pen where ever she goes allergic.

Mother in law knows this and just shrugs and says oh well I guess the other 2 will just have to come and she stays at home.

I told my husband that I'm sorry but none of the children will be going as it's not fair on middle, they will be be bringing fur into the house when they return and that I think his mother did it on purpose as the other 2 always says about how they would love a dog but cant because of middle  whenever she asks why we dont have a dog like other families.

Husband thinks ITA because I'm stopping her seeing all kids over one thing but to me it's a big thing as it's dangerous to middle and she knew that.

So WIBTA if I stopped visits? ######

Response: NTA when your child could fucking die from exposure to animal hair. That is beyond ridiculous that your husband is not supporting you on this. He needs to talk to an allergy specialist so that it can be hammered into his stupid head that allergies that require an epipen can, out of nowhere, become very serious very quickly. There are the big reactions and then there are silent reactions both can lead to death. Your other children need to be educated properly on this also so that they can be vigilant for the signs of anaphylaxis (but not in a scary way). As for your MIL fuck her for putting your child at risk, creating division in your family and gifting an animal because what kind of inconsiderate asshole does that? ######


Prompt:
So I bought a pair of shoes that cost £120, when they arrived they had black marks on them (they're red shoes). The shoes normally come with a card that has the shoemaker sign them as a quality control measure. This pair did not come with that so I imagine this process was skipped, or they were shipped hoping no-one would notice.

I emailed the company straight away no response. I emailed them again a few days later. No response. I emailed them the week later again no response. I finally opened a PayPal case. I suggested a further discount to account for the defect. Now they finally replied to my email roughly 3 weeks later and stated that their email system was done. They suggested that they could collect the shoes and offer me a replacement. However this was only if the shoes were still in a salable condition, however I had tried the shoes on a few times in the house and the bottom of the shoes weren't in a salable condition (I've not worn these outside but there were still marks on the sole). Again they stopped replying when I showed them a picture of the sole.

Now fast forward to today, turns out they didn't respond to PayPal either. The case closed in my favour and I got a full refund. No instructions to return the shoes either. Just a full refund. Something I didn't ask for, I only suggested to PayPal that they give a partial refund.

My brother and gf are telling me to keep the shoes and the refund, and say that I shouldnt waste more time in emails etc. I was thinking of emailing the business and returning part of the refund.

WIBTA if I keep the shoes and the refund without trying to give some payment back? ######

Response: NTA when PayPal sends you an email you respond. Businesses have a period to respond and if they didn't then it's on them ######


Prompt:
Basically my sister (14F) and I (20F) wanted a Nintendo Switch, but it costs a lot of money to get one so we decided to split the cost. Overall the switch + games + accessories cost about $420 (ayyy) and as I have a job and I’m older, I agreed to paying for most of it ($300).

We gave ourselves about 3 months to save up money, but by the end of it, my sister didn’t have enough for her $120 share (she was always spending money and hanging out with her friends.)

But I still wanted a Switch so I said I would cover her as long as she paid me back via artwork and drawings. She’s a great artist and she does do commissions, so we agreed that I would pay for her and in exchange, she would create 3-4 drawings for me.

So we bought the switch back in January and we both use it. Anyhow, I asked her to draw me a portrait of my friend for her birthday, nothing too strenuous, asked her 3 weeks in advance and gave her all the info she needed. She never delivered and i was angry, but I just bought my friend another present last minute so I wasn’t too upset.

Anyhow fast forward to February and she did the same thing. Then more recently, I asked if she could draw a character I liked from a TV show and she just straight up told me that she didn’t want to, that she never wanted to, that she didn’t know why I kept asking her to draw shit and that I was not entitled to her drawings.

I reminded her that her drawing for me was literally apart of the deal we had on the Nintendo switch but she said it’s been months since we got it so we should just drop it.

So I did just that and now I’m refusing to let her play the switch, of course she’s angry but I said it was technically my Switch now since I paid for it 100%. I brought it up to my mom and she said I need to be the bigger person here (figuratively and literally) and share it with my sister. AITA in this situation? ######

Response: NTA when I was 14 and wanted a PS3, I had to have my pocket and birthday money for it. 14 is old enough to learn about saving money for bigger things you want. You made a very good deal for her with her paintings and she didn't follow up. She has to learn, that she is not entiteld to stuff she didn't do shit for. ######


Prompt:
My father (52M) has been divorced from my mother for 11 years now. Ever since then he has been in a countless number of meaningless relationships that never go anywhere despite him thinking they will.

My father has a type. He likes younger women. His last 3 girlfriends were all under 30 and his most recent ex girlfriend was 25 years old (just a year older then me). My father loves to complain about how he doesn't understand what he is doing wrong. One of the things might be the huge age gap. Obviously with girlfriends pretty much half his age priorities are usually very different and most of his relationships end because of this.

Ever since the divorce he's been in a endless cycle of falling in love with a woman much younger then him and then breaking up wich always leaves him very depressed until he finds another young girlfriend.

Yesterday, me and my brother's were over at his house and he was going over one of his rants about how he doesn't know what he is doing wrong and he thinks he's just very unlucky. I suggested to him that he may want to find a girlfriend closer to his age so they can be at the same stage in life and their priorities and goals can be  more similar. This got him very uncomfortable and for the rest of the night he didn't say another word. I think I said what was best for him to hear. AITA ? ######

Response: NTA when he always says "whAt aM i doInG wRonG" then you can give a response ######


Prompt:
A few days ago, my SIL and brother had a kid. They wanted me and my mom to visit, (we social distanced and stayed outside). My mom brought a bag of presents and I bought one of those rattle toys.

My SIL was really mad because she felt like I didn’t get my nephew enough things, she also said the rattle looked cheap. My brother and I never got along and he stayed silent the whole time.

I’ve been saving for college and thought it was a nice thing to do but that was clearly not understood.

She never liked me and called me ‘child-hating’. She honestly really hurt me and I don’t think I’ll be visiting them again any time soon.

My mother also thought I was ‘way out of line’ for getting her something that wasn’t very expensive. We aren’t rich and just wanted to do a nice thing.

SIL said that it’s basic etiquette to bring nice things for a newborn and I clearly don’t understand that.

I’m starting to feel like shit, I don’t want the kid to grow up hating me because his parents don’t like me.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA what's " proper etiquette" is to say thank you for the things your given big, small, one or two not go on and on that what you gave isn't enough. r/choosingbeggars ######


Prompt:
Last year me (34m) and my wife (31f) visited her family in South Africa, as we live in the UK but try and her family visit annually. This time I took hundreds of photos with my new camera as where her family lives is beautiful, but i only had one micro sd card with me as my old camera took the bigger sd cards. So after a few days i needed another micro sd card, her mother give me a handful of micro sd cards that have been rattling in her kitchen draw for ages.

This years trip to see her family is cancelled due to Covid Virus, i thought it would be nice to go through all the photos from last years visit and put her family ones on are digital photo frame. One sd cards her mother had give me was full (24GB) of nude/sexual photos of my wife's mother with a few different men.

I wasn't sure what to do, i didn't tell my wife as i didn't think she would want to know/see her mother is that way. I messaged her mother to ask her if i should wipe the SD card or send it back to her. Her mother wanted the SD card back so popped it in the mail back to her mother.

Yesterday my wife found out from her mother's friend (how or why i don't know)and went nuts with me. My wife says i should have told her or just deleted them and said nothing. My defense is what if the photos although they were sexual met a lot to her mother or what if her mother was worried the photos might fall into the wrong hands.

AITA for not deleting the mother inlaw's nudes and not telling my wife i sent them back to her mother ? ######

Response: NTA What you did was respectful. If your wife would have been okay with not being told if you had deleted them, what is the difference with her not being told and you sending them back to her mother? Either way, you got rid of them and kept them secure. But her mother's friend seems likely to be an asshole, as I am having trouble thinking of a non-asshole way this was brought up with your wife. ######