Prompt:
Preface: This happened a couple of months ago, but I only recently told my fiancé, who acted like I was...a monster.

I had a real shit day. A lot of stressful clients, some family drama. Overall, just a lot for me to deal with. I really wanted an ice coffee and my favorite muffin from my favorite cafe.

I go inside and see that there’s only one of my favorite kind of muffins left. Luckily by the time I get to the front, it’s still there. I order my coffee and my muffin, but then I hear a “Oh wait, is that the last one, um....miss?”

I turn and see a woman and a young boy (maybe 6/7, I don’t know) standing there. She said “My son really wanted that muffin. Can you buy another so I can get that one for him?”

Any other day...I would’ve said yes. That day, I was exhausted and stressed and dealing with a lot. “I said, sorry, no.” The mom blinked several times and then told her son to pick something else while I paid. The son began to cry, throwing a fit. Again, any other day...but I just wanted to go home. I took the muffin from the cashier, along with my coffee and left.

My fiancé says he was just a kid. I argue how does she know I wasn’t getting it for one. He says I wasn’t, it was for me, I would’ve lived. He really seems disappointed in me. AITA here?? Q ######

Response:
 NAH

The mom asked, you said no. The kid is 6/7 years old and needs to learn sometimes other people want the same things as you, and they got there first. You weren’t rude about it and neither was the mom, the kid needs to learn eventually. ######


Prompt:
Note: My wife was a track athlete during high school. I guess this made her think that she was much faster than me.

We were playing a game when the topic of races came up. She mentioned that she was a track athlete in high school and a softball player. She told me that she could crush me in a 100 meter dash.

I disagreed. I never formally went to track and cross country, but I do regularly run marathons. Though marathons rely more on endurance, I still think I could beat her. So, we had a race across the block and back, which was about 110 m, and I won. I didn’t absolutely crush her, but I did win.

I don’t know why, but she became sad and mad at me for the rest of the day. She said she always thought she was the fast one, and that she feels like she has no advantage over me. I sorta understand her, but I think that’s terrible reasoning. She doesn’t have to be better than me.

Also I don’t think I did anything wrong. I wouldn’t want to throw a race just because she’s insecure.

So, AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH

She's sad, not angry, or taking it out on you or anything (at least according to the post), so she's not really TA.

You aren't TA for trying to win in a race. ######


Prompt:
I'm a trust fund child. My father is extremely well off and a complete narcissist.

My mother died when I was young. I was raised by my maternal grandparents as my father wanted nothing to do with me. He would show up for a week or two at a time, set me up with money and told me constantly how he wished I hadn't been born.

So there's that.

Anyways a year ago I was contacted by this girl in her late teens claiming to be my half-sister and that she was reaching out because she wanted to get to know me.

Now I was skeptical and asked for proof and she sent me pictures of her and my father at various ages. She seemed to have a really good childhood and if I didn't know better I'd say it wasn't even the same man.

I asked for a DNA test just to be safe and it confirmed we are related.

She kept talking about how she knew she had a sister somewhere and how amazing her childhood was and I just started to hate her.

She had a family. She got to do ballet and take voice lessons and she went to a top school for theatre. She went to a fancy private school and was captain of the girls *fencing* team. She had people do her hair and makeup for special events because she could.

My family was dirt fucking poor and I refused to touch my father's money for a long time.

Her father loved her and I got "here's a couple million, see you next year" from him.

Now she wants to meet me because we're "family" and I told her no. I told her we're not family and that we share blood and that was it. We had nothing in common and we clearly had different parents.

She's upset because I'm being cold to her and my father changed the terms of my trust so now I can't claim any more of the assets until I meet with her.

AITA? Should I meet with her?

The money isn't important at this point, I am already set for life. ######

Response:
 NAH

She needs to realise you really aren't family outside of blood. Your childhood was vastly different to hers and you don't have to let her into your life if you don't want to.

She is however allowed to feel hurt by your choice. To her, you are family and that means something to her.

She didn't get to choose the circumstance of her birth. I don't think you should punish her for having a childhood you couldn't, it's not her fault, it's your father's. ######


Prompt:
Title probably sounds bad without context but here it goes.

Also this is a throwaway because people know my main account

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Me (27 M) and my Fiancee (29 F) have been together for about 4 years now.

Back when we first met, she told me that she was engaged to someone else only a year prior, but he unfortunately passed away (by something I'd rather not say)

Now when we first started dating she was still grieving, and seeing help for it, which I fully understand, and I tried to support her as much as I could.

She would always have pictures of her and him up in her appartment, and I've always been fine with it, considering her grief and that we didn't live together yet.

Recently we've decided to move in together however, and she wants to put up those pictures in our new appartment, now this is something I'm quite uncomfortable with.

I told her about it and when she asked if i was telling her to throw them away, I said something like "I'd never ask that of you, I'd just not rather have someone I've never really known on the wall hugging/kissing my fiancee"

now she's upset with me, and I don't know if I'm in the wrong

AITA for asking her not to put the pictures up? ######

Response:
 NAH

Maybe you could suggest to make a nice photo album of them together or pictures of him, and she can keep it somewhere so she could look if she wanted. I would also be uncomfortable in your situation, hope you guys find a solution ######


Prompt:
Excuse my English, it is not my first language.

1 year ago my sister became vegan overnight after watching a documentary called Dominion, she quickly started making changes to our home, from making our parents change salad dressings, to have her own pans and a lot of stuff that personally bothered me.

What I did next I know I was the asshole, and  I am not asking about this part but it is important for context. I told my sister, that her whole vegan thing was bothering everyone in the house and from now on I was going to make sure it didn't even help animals, so I said to her "for every animal you don't eat I am going to eat three, so you being vegan is a net negative for animal welfare". So I switched overnight to a extremely meat heavy diet.

Well I didn't expect it but I feel much better eating this way, I have more energy, my skin cleared up, I have no brain fog, I actually feel amazing. My sister came crying to me the other day to stop eating the way I do and to "grow up" and eat like a normal person. I told her that no, I would keep eating the way I like to eat and I was sorry I started my new diet for a wrong reason (to piss her off) but now I mantain this diet because I like it and I feel better following it. She called me inmature and my parents are siding with her, so am I the asshole for not budging to my sister demands to change my diet? ######

Response:
 NAH

LMFAO to the "for every animal you don't eat I am going to eat three, so you being vegan is a net negative for animal welfare." When you changed your diet YTA for doing it out of spite--it's such a sister thing to do which I find funny because I have sisters.

But the fact that you like your diet you are NTA. Your sister needs to chill and not push her lifestyle choices on other people; just like she has the right to choose vaganism, you have the right to eat meat. She's passionate and excited about being vegan and I appreciate her good intentions, but she needs to chill. ######


Prompt:
Girlfriend is upset with me because I (photoshop artist) won’t photoshop “imperfections” out of her images. (Make her skinnier, remove acne, etc)

I think she is beautiful the way it is and photoshopping these images is wrong and most likely not good for her mental health. ######

Response:
 NAH

Just tell her that. Tell her she's beautiful. ######


Prompt:
When I was growing up and I took a long bath, my dad would always check to make sure I hadn't fallen asleep. This made me realize the importance of not falling asleep in the bath as you could drown.

I was alone in the house with my daughter [16F] for the day. She was in the bath for an unusually long time (4 hours) and I began to worry she had fallen asleep. I knocked on the door 2 hours into the bath, she said what, and I said just checking on you and she said ok. Another two hours later, it was now midnight making me think it was very likely she had fallen asleep. So I went and knocked on the door while shouting her name. She didn't answer. I called her phone and she didn't answer. I panicked, swung the door open, and went in to see if she had falled asleep.

She had earbuds in. She screamed and covered herself. I turned around, said sorry, and left. I explained after she got out why I went in and apologized again. I now understand she couldn't hear my knocking and shouting before because she was listening to music with her earbuds.

She is very embarrassed that I saw her naked in the bath and is mad at me for not respecting her privacy. I feel guilty, I just wanted to make sure she was ok. ######

Response:
 NAH

Its an awkward dad moment. I would be mortified of my dad did that to me when I was a teen, so I can see why she's upset. But I dont blame you for being concerned, reading your post i was thinking drowning

I would just apologize but talk to her about why she is taking long baths. Eventually the awkwardness will pass and she may laugh about it in a few years ######


Prompt:
I (M18) work at a fast food restaurant (this was about 6 weeks ago btw, but has been playing in my mind every night). The store wasn’t very busy with only a few customers seated eating their food. A young and attractive girl walked up to register to order her food, and my coworker began taking her order whilst I was left to clean the dining area.

I noticed a man seated in a stall looking a little strange, and pointing his phone towards the girl. I positioned myself behind the man and saw that he was filming the girl, zooming in on her legs/thigh area.

I immediately stood in front of the camera and asked the man if he was filming the girl. He looked up at me and angrily said “she‘s my girlfriend”. I didn’t initially believe him but then the girlfriend approached and sat down opposite the man, and called him ‘babe’. I apologised and said I was unaware and promptly left to save myself any further embarrassment.

Replaying the situation in my head since then, the man was significantly less attractive than the female and perhaps I just wrongly assumed that they weren’t together because of this? I’d hate for me to seem like a classic ‘white knight’ who thinks women need protection from men or something, I just didn’t want any creeps filming unaware girls.

AITA For stepping in too early, or was it just an honest mistake? ######

Response:
 NAH

It’s better to step in and have things turn out okay than to do nothing and risk it being more serious.

You did the right thing and even apologised when you made a mistake. You’re definitely not an asshole here. ######


Prompt: My best friend got engaged about a year and a half ago. From when she got engaged she told me I was going to be her maid of honor, however now that the actual planning is going to start, she tells me that I’m not going to be her maid of honor, but a bridesmaid instead. She said I don’t have enough wedding planning experience, and she doesn’t want me stressed about wedding planning. My best friend of 6 years knows I hate feeling like I’m not wanted and this made me feel that exact way. AITA for being upset about this? ######

Response:
 NAH

It's understandable that you're a bit upset.

But... be really happy that you aren't on the hook for the MOH responsibilities. ######


Prompt: Since I'm stuck at home I've been doing some cleaning and getting rid of a lot of stuff. Today I went through my jewelry. I'm a jewelry freak and constantly buy myself dumb trinkets but also have a few really nice pieces. I'm 25 so I was trying to clear out everything I don't/wouldn't wear to work and basically narrow it down to my really nice pieces. I was facetiming with my bf and he asked if I'd done anything fun today, and feeling sort of proud of myself I showed him my new jewelry box layout and explained it's all real gold and silver now. He pointed out that I had missed one. It's a glass bauble on a black silk string so it sticks out and clearly doesn't fit my new criteria. I replied "Oh....I'm keeping that one" He pressed on why I was just keeping that one and I was weird and evasive "It's important to me" "It's sentimental" "It's just special ok?" We've previously had fights about me keeping jewelry from exes and I've agreed to get rid of those pieces, and have, so he naturally thought this was something from an ex I was keeping. It is...and it isn't. It IS my ex. He's not here anymore. He was 21. I was 19 and real messed up by it, like, involuntarily committed messed up.  His mom very kindly offered me some of his ashes. I had them made into a piece of jewelry and wore it for two years straight. I'd like to keep it and never wear it again and never even really look at it again and also never ever explain it. I know it's ghoulish and wrong and a little disrespectful to this (btw four years) relationship. AITA for refusing to explain? ######

Response:
 NAH

It's not ghoulish or wrong to want to keep the ashes. But since you have a history with your boyfriend not wanting you to hold on to jewelry from ex's I think you should tell him the true story. Now he's just going to wonder why you're being so vague and that's not fair to him. ######


Prompt:
A friend of mine started dating this girl (we are both graduated college now). He told me how he was dating this girl for four months now. I told him that I knew of her he asked how, I told him on how she was used to always show up to my best friend's frat parties and that she slept with a lot of the guys there.

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He asked more questions I told him what I knew. I also told him too to double check everything cause rumors can form. He confronted his girlfriend turns out it was all true, and more.

She found out told all of her friends is now furious at me, that I shared her "business". I don't get it, she says there is nothing wrong with what she did, but it apparently seems like her boyfriend doesn't feel that way, and she should be mad at him for not being okay with it not me? I was just being a friend to my friend. Why am I being seen as the bad guy here? ######

Response:
 NAH

It sounds like you had a normal conversation with a friend, and you knew this information would be valuable to him. I'm sure you knew it would cause problems too, but you made sure to let him know it might not even be true, and that he should confirm it with her.

She's not an asshole either. She's only four months into her relationship with him, so she wasn't necessarily being dishonest. They needed more of a chance for this stuff to come out naturally. It's understandable that she'd be pissed and worried this will be a deal breaker before they really get to know each other. ######


Prompt:
We’re currently in the process of getting a new house. There are four younger children, myself and my older sister and my two parents. 8 people total.

We can only afford a 5 bedroom home. Mum and stepdad have theirs, my younger brother to himself and my older sister to himself.

I’ve just been told that I’m expecting to share a room with my 13 year old sister. I myself, am 20 and have had my own room and my own privacy for over 6 years after sharing with my older sister for years. Practically had to go on strike in my own home to have the study converted into a small bedroom for me to live in. This was a big issue since my sister suffered bad depression and I would take the brunt of her acting out. (We’re a lot closer now and she’s doing a lot better. But we both agree that we would never share a room with each other again).

From my point of view, I’m a 20 year old who is being forced to share with a 13 year old, and I don’t see this working out at all. Would I be the asshole if I fought my parents on this subject? I feel like I’m just being forced to put up with it because I’m the more compromising out of my siblings. ######

Response:
 NAH

It is absolutely fair that you don't want to share with a younger sister - 7 years is a huge difference at that age, which definitely makes sharing a room less than ideal.

At the same time, circumstances here means there is no ideal solution while you are all at home together and some of you have to accept the situation until you are able/willing to move out.

My only real suggestion would be that rather than just complaining to your parents, if you want a change in the room allocation, then you will need to give them a better solution that keeps everyone happier. ######


Prompt:
My friend is 5'4 and 230 pounds and lives with a family of enablers. Her family is also all overweight and like to focus on building her up, which is super great, but they do that by just lying to her. They told her there's nothing wrong with the shape she is in, and that being thick is a good thing and guys love it.

She is also clueless about diet. She thinks that eating nandos/chipotle/wendys is healthy because it isn't KFC or Mcdonalds. I explained to her that while there are healthy ish options, they are NOT healthy, and contain much more sodium and fat than if she cooked at home.

Anyways, she recently decided to talk to me about how she is frustrated when we go out together guys never hit on her even though she knows guys want a thick girl. She said that once all this stuff is over, she can't wait to hit the clubs because she's even thicker now with all the weight shes put on being inside. I told her she shouldn't be trying to measure her worth by how much attention she receives from guys.

She is 25 now, and has never had a boyfriend. She thinks there is nothing wrong with  her weight but will not stop complaining to me about how guys want a thick girl but not her. She will send me memes on IG about guys talking about thick girls and saying "but I'm right here!!". She just doesn't get it. WIBTA for telling her there is a difference and she isn't thick, just obese?

(also her family is pretty wealthy and have a family business, so she has the time and finances necessary to get into shape, she also does not have any health conditions like PCOS) ######

Response:
 NAH

It all depends on the way you tell her. But by telling her you can potentially really help her develop a healthy diet, workout routine, and change her life around. Obesity isn’t something to be proud of and I hate that the body positivity movement has warped into a movement of enabling bad eating habits and hatred towards anyone who tries to help their friends fix them (aka fat shaming, being fatphobic, etc.) ######


Prompt:
I feel like I'm probably the asshole but here we go.

So last night my fiance and me went over to his friends house who we'll call D his friend has this girlfriend who we'll call T. Now T is like everything I've ever wanted to be. Fully tattooed from neck down, a professional Instagram model, she's hung out with countless people I only dream of meeting. They have her photos all over the house. Now reasonably there's no reason why me and T can't be friends, she's smart, we had the same kind of upbringing, both went through a lot of the same struggles, we both left home at 14. So in reality we should be friends.

The issue lies in me. I recently had my first kid and while I didn't gain a ton I gained enough weight to have my old eating disorder rear his ugly little head and sink his teeth in. I've been struggling for weeks already to eat enough and not work out too much. It's a constant struggle.

After hanging out last night I really liked her, but as soon as I got in the shower all I could think about was how much I would need to throw up to look like her. How different my stomach looks from hers, how I'll never be as pretty or thin. It really fucked with me and I couldn't even look at breakfast without wanting to puke.

My fiance keeps asking me to hang out with her and she's been dming me on insta but idk what to tell them. I feel like I'm a shallow asshole for not wanting to hang out with her because of how straight up gorgeous she is.  I feel horrible but I also can't stand the thought of relapsing especially around my daughter in terrified I could pass my body issues to her. ######

Response:
 NAH

If you were a recovering alcoholic, no one would fault you for not wanting to hang out with someone casually drinking.

You need to make the choice that keeps you healthy.

EDIT: I should add, if this is that much a trigger for you, you should probably seek therapy (if not currently doing so). ######


Prompt:
I [18M] was playing a game of truth or dare with a small group of friends. One of my friends Annie [18F] is a lesbian but I have a secret crush on her. We are close. I kept my feelings and attraction towards her a secret as I know I obviously have no chance with her. She was playing this game of T or D with us.

One of my friends during the game asked me who I thought was the most beautiful and attractive person in the world after I chose truth. Since this kinda stuff is the point of the game I told the honest to god truth and said it was Annie. I said this "Honestly its Annie." I thought she'd just find it funny or be flattered and that would be that. At the time she just laughed it off.

Later she told me I made her really uncomfortable and I should have said someone else since I know I have no chance with her. I told her I wasn't trying to get with her. ######

Response:
 NAH

If you make the decision to play Truth or Dare, you have to accept that at some point a truth might come out that you don't necessarily want to hear. That's just the mechanics of the game, and if you're not prepared to handle that you shouldn't play it. Your friend was unjustified in taking this up with you afterwards since you weren't trying it on with her or doing anything but participating in the game everyone agreed to play.

That said, there can be some iffy dynamics at play when it comes to essentially admitting a crush on someone who can never feasibly return the feelings. I get why she did feel uncomfortable and that's also always a possibility when you play truth or dare with someone where you may end up having to admit a truth that involves them. ######


Prompt:
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We are quite serious- saving for a house, talking about timelines for an engagement, etc.

Since I have known him he has always been a smoker. He smokes about a pack a day, everyday. It averages to $460 a month in cigarettes. I smoke pot regularly (a few times a week) which costs me at the very most 50$ a month.

We met at work on the afternoon shift and would mostly see each other after work where he would have a smoke or occasionally two before he would head home. Now we live together and he is heading out for his forth smoke since he got home 3.5 hours ago.

I am laid off because of current world situations and it is now becoming more noticeable. He always has the lingering smell of smoke and most times I can’t even stomach kissing him.

We’ve talked about him cutting back or quitting a few times but nothing comes of it. He says he will look into effective methods of quitting or decreasing and he hasn’t. He always says his job is too stressful to quit smoking right now (not because of the stuff going on this was the narrative long before this).

Obviously he will think I’m an AH for bringing it up and having it be a deal breaker NOW when this has been something he’s done since I’ve known him. I don’t want to continue nagging someone who won’t change so AITA for deciding this is a dealbreaker now? ######

Response:
 NAH

If it's a deal breaker for you now, break up. Better now than later. ######


Prompt:
Sorry for any bad formatting, I'm on mobile, And I'm so pissed off right now.

My (M43) stepdaughter (F13) has been living with us for eight years now and she lacks a massive mount of respect for me and for everybody else.

She's so aggressive and loud and does not like being told to do anything. Especially by me.
Always reminding me that I'm not her dad
And that I have zero power over her and no right to tell her what to do.
Her behavior is totally out of control,
My 9yo does her homework, helps her mom with the kitchen, takes care of her pets...

But she, the 13yo does absolutely nothing.
She almost set the house on fire three times!!!
Either by leaving the oven on, by leaving candles near a flammable item, or by overloading oud electric outlets, maybe those were accidental, But learning that something very familiar happened when she was at her father's made me feel anxious.

Last night, she started acting out cause she did not like what was for dinner, said she didn't like the meal, my daughter said that she liked it so she lashed out on her and called her "stupid" I decided to intervene and told her to apologize to her sister, She yelled and said "she is NOT my sister" and said that her dad was right about me, and she ran to her room.

I got very pissed off, I looked at my daughter and she looked sad, wife tried everything with her, But nothing worked.
that was it, I walked in her bedroom and snatched her laptop while playing with it, She yelled for me to give it back, I told her not until you apologize to me and your sister, and your dad can keep his opinions to himself, I don't know what he said about me and I don't care.

She curled up in her bed crying, I left the room giving her sometime to think about what she said, and I'm still waiting for her to apologize, But I don't think she's gonna do it, and even if she is, she'd fake an apology just to get her laptop back. ######

Response:
 NAH

I’d look into some therapy. She’s obviously not dealing well with her parents‘ divorce.

At least have your wife and her ex-husband sit down with her and make her understand that their marriage wasn’t working anymore and WHY.

Idk if it’s the case but most times in divorces I find that parents just don’t explain their true reasons to the kids to « preserve them », but it actually does the opposite because they don’t get why the family is suddenly no longer picture perfect, and when their parents remarry it’s a shit show for the step parent that is seen as the intruder/the one that broke the family apart. When my mother came close to divorcing my father, I was 17, and I was actually pushing her to do so, because she was open with me about not loving him anymore because of his issues and I knew he was making her miserable. Your step daughter probably felt left out of the decision to separate too, in that light, which can be hard to understand at her age.

Get her a journal so she can release all her feelings and offer written communication between the two of you, so she can calmly express her feelings - it’s hard to lash out at someone in writing because you have to re-read yourself and see how harsh you are, kind of like that trick some retailers do by putting mirrors behind the registers to stop people from becoming too harsh with cashiers because they have to see their faces twisted in anger. Ask her what she really wants of you, of her mother, of her father. Make a point in communicating with her like you would with an adult, teenagers shouldn’t be talked to like kids who don’t understand anything.

Hear. Her. Out. That’s the key point. Make her feel listened and show her that her opinions are taken into account. If she doesn’t want you to step into a father’s role for now, it’s ok, don’t impose on her, just let her know the possibility is there if she wants it. If she wants you to have a certain relationship with her, adapt. Give her reasons to appreciate you for you, not for the fact that you married her mother. And even if she doesn’t want to like you, explain that you would like to have a civil relationship with her for the sake of the family.

Explain CALMLY that in a house, whatever the relationship of the inhabitants, family, roommates or total strangers, everyone should do things to make everyone’s life a little easier. Start small and show appreciation for what she actually does. Reward when she shows willingness to do things, even if it’s just a few words « thank you for picking up the toys, it’s nice of you ».

Sorry for the loooong comment, I hope it will actually be of help! ######


Prompt:
Ok so I have a step child that my SO and I see every other weekend. Every year on Mother's Day my MIL sends flowers or a card and signs the step child's name to the gift.

Now, MIL is a VERY kind and well intentioned person and I honestly do appreciate the gifts. My issue is that stepchild has made it clear that they like me and have no issues with me but do not wish to consider me a mother. I am 100% Ok with this, I love the kid and want to respect their feelings. They already have a mom and I feel we have a great relationship without needing that label.
Because of this I know the child does not have any part with the gifts and they are only coming from MIL as she thinks I deserve recognition on Mother's Day.

Would I be the Asshole if I sat down with her and told her that while I appreciate the gifts the child does not feel that way about me and I'd like her to stop signing them from them?? Like I said she is a VERY kind person and I'd hate to hurt her feelings. ######

Response:
 NAH

I’d also emphasize that you enjoy the gifts from her, and understand that it’s in appreciation for your role in that child’s life. For the sake of the kid, you want to make sure you keep the roles clear to respect his feelings though. ######


Prompt:
So about 5 weeks ago, this girl and I matched on tinder, and we both really liked each other! From then on,  we have been chatting, pretty much nonstop, throughout lockdown over Instagram.

Yesterday, she told me we were too different and she wouldn't be able to date me (crushing). She did say, however, that she really wanted to remain just as close, text as often as we do, and remain friends, to the extent that we hang out irl once lockdown has ended.

Initially, I was quite hurt because I really did like her but accepted that we try and be friends. I did this because I did really like texting her.

 However, throughout the day we've been texting just as much and flirting to the same extent. Although I enjoy it, I don't think its sustainable, because I feel like shit texting her, knowing she doesn't want anything other than friendship. I get pits in my stomach texting her when I think about it.

AITA because I'm throwing away this friendship because it's not leading to something romantic (which is why I started it in the first place) ######

Response:
 NAH

I'll never understand why or how people settle for friendship when they obviously want more.

Just tell her being friends isn't working for you right now.

Perhaps you can be friends down the line when your romantic feelings have subsided. ######


Prompt:
We are vacationing at the beach. My father in law is obsessed with getting sticky buns from the local bakery every time we are here. The last few days he has taken my son with him to try to get the delicious treats but comes back empty handed because the lines were always really really long.

Today he decides to go really early so he can get there when the bakery opens. He decides to wake up my son, and I stop him, saying it's only 6am and my son needs his sleep. My father in law gets angry, throws up his hands and storms out.

Just my luck, he had already disturbed his sleep so as soon as he left my son wakes up.  I'm so annoyed.... AITA here? ######

Response:
 NAH

I think your father in law just desperately wants to  share one of his favourite things with your son.
You only want to look out after your son and make sure he gets enough sleep.

Talk with your father in law, if he managed to get those buns this time. Maybe arrange that the next evening you put your son a bit earlier in bed so getting up at 6am won't be a problem.
I'd suggest that if it is just once, or a least not every day it could be a really special experience and memory for your son in the future. ######


Prompt:
My husbands grandpa passed away about 9 months ago. He was 97 years old and aside from typical aging, he had a fairly healthy and happy life. My husband was extremely sad when he passed away. He has never had a relative pass away in his life, so this is really his first time grieving and going through this process.

I have been trying to comfort him, but he has been frustrating me with some of his comments lately. The biggest issue has been that he keeps comparing his grandpas death to my dads death and his grief to my grief years ago.

My dad died when I was 22. He was in his 60s and had a long list of health problems for as long as I had been alive. When he finally passed away, he was in a hospital unable to speak to us for weeks. He was hooked up to all kinds of tubes and dialysis machines. He was DNR but the process for him to pass away took a long time.  I was by his side when he passed away and I can never get that image out of my mind.

He passed away a few months before my wedding, so he didn’t get to be there for that big moment in my life. It still hurts me very deeply that he’s gone. My life changed forever when he passed away. It took me a while to move past it and be able to talk about him again without breaking down.

It actually really hurts when my husband compares his grandpa and my dad. As much as I don’t want to “rank” our grief, I don’t think you can compare the loss of a grandparent who lived to be 97 to the loss of your father in a very formative time in your life.

I told my husband the things he was saying were insensitive and that he can’t really understand how I feel because both of his parents are still here and it’s just a different relationship than grandparents. I asked him to stop comparing their deaths and what we went through because it just wasn’t the same. He got really pissed at me and told me I’m not being supportive of him. I’m trying to be supportive but it’s honestly hurtful when he says some of these things. ######

Response:
 NAH

I think you have to have a bit more empathy for your husband. This is still fairly fresh for him, and it is the first death he is dealing with.

Grief is not a competition. I don't feel that you are wrong exactly, but he is not saying anything trying to hurt you, nor do I believe he is trying to trivialize your grief.

And yes, you are ranking grief, and you can compare the two, because what is being compared is not the specifics of the deceased, but the hole that was left when they passed. Again, this is the first time that he has had this hole in his life. He probably can't comprehend that when a parent passes, it is a larger hole than when a grand parent passes. Or not. For some people it may be just as big. ######


Prompt:
My dad was INSISTENT on me (22M) filling out the $1200 check application, so I did. On the form, the only tax information it asked ME about was my 2018 taxes. When I got my results back, it said I got denied because "someone else" claimed me as a dependent, which I was NOT in 2018. My dad, who makes almost $100k a year, got $800.

I asked my dad about it and he got all flustered, which made me suspicious. He said he doesn't remember if he claimed me or not, but that if he did, I can consider the $1200 I didn't get as "payback for the $1000 I loaned you to make the downpayment on your car." He gave me $200 in cash from the $800 and said he'll pay the bills on the apartment (which is my responsibility) until everything is back to normal.

Something just feels off. My gut is telling me my dad set me up, because he's truly the only person who could've possibly claimed me as a dependent, but that doesn't matter. He's forgiving the $1000 so I don't have to pay him back, and he's offering to pay all the bills until I can go back to work. I can't tell if I'm feeling grateful or selfish but either way I'm upset. So Reddit, AITA for getting mad at my dad claiming me as a dependent? ######

Response:
 NAH

I think this is an uncomfortable situation, but I don't see anyone I would call an asshole.

It still works out for you, it seems, from your own perspective.

What I would do is say "Dad, yes this worked out, but I know what you did, you know what you did, I will not allow it to happen again. Thank you for your help."

Best of both worlds response in my mind. ######


Prompt:
I live in an apartment complex. There is a long sidewalk that leads to my apartment, and my Hindu next door neighbor’s apartment.

Every couple of days there are swastikas drawn on the sidewalk leading to their apartment.

I politely asked my neighbor is she and her husband could put the symbol in front of their door, and not the entire sidewalk from the parking lot.

She said, “I’m sorry, but this symbol is deeply tied to my religion. I understand it has certain connotations in the west, but the symbol is thousands of years old.”

I politely stressed to her that as a Jewish-American it is unsettling, regardless of intent, to see a sidewalk full of swastikas each day, whether or not they are pointed in a certain direction.

She slammed the door in my face.

As a Jewish-American, with great grandparents who died in camps, I am taken aback when I see a row of them and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to limit the chalk drawings to in front of your apartment.

I am not an easily offended person, but I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. ######

Response:
 NAH

I get why you'd be offended (even though these swastikas or sauvastikas aren't drawn with ill intent) but I also understand that your neighbors are doing this out of their religious practice and not as a slight to anyone. It would be nice if they didn't do this in the common area though so I side more with you. ######


Prompt:
So my high school announced today how we are doing graduation this year with the virus, and the solution sucks. The solution is that over the course of a week all the graduating students will walk across the gym, grab their diploma from a table, and take a photo in their cap & gown. Each student will be the only one in the gym at a time, along with 4 family members, the photographer, and the principal. Students are spaced out in 10 minute intervals.

Graduation was originally going to be on my birthday so I was thinking that I do a birthday/graduation celebration then with just my family. Some of my friends have told me I'm wasting an opportunity to experience something "once in a lifetime" while other friends are telling me that I'm in the right to skip it because it's a terrible solution.

So, would I be the asshole for skipping this or no? ######

Response:
 NAH

I don’t blame you for not wanting to participate. The “once in a lifetime” experience of the graduation ceremony has already been taken from you because of the pandemic. If it makes other people happy, that’s awesome, but it sounds like you don’t care.

I didn’t attend my college graduation. There was no real reason. I just didn’t feel like doing the whole ceremony. I had a nice celebration with some friends and family and had a great time. I’ve never regretted my decision. ######


Prompt:
I am involved in a non-monogamous relationship with a couple. I am their unicorn. I have met up with them twice but its easier for me to meet him separately so he came to my house a few weeks ago.

Anyway I try to be friends with the wife outside of sex. I got insanely sick Tuesday night and spent all of Wesnesday and Thursday sleeping. Today I feel better but I started my period! And I mentally slapped myself saying "duh you haven't taken your pill in like 4 days."

So I sent a picture of my package of birth control to my metamour with the caption of "Me on Friday: wondering why my period just started."

She's currently going off on me. Saying how irresponsible I'm being and it's not something to joke about. And don't I know she has endometriosis and has been trying to get pregnant with her husband and can't?  (I actually didn't know this. If she told me before I completely forgot.)

And I'm like.... I'm not trying to get pregnant by your husband... I definitely won't be having unprotected sex with ANYONE in the next 8 days at least. I just thought it was kind of funny because I was essentially dead for two days and taking my pill was not one of my priorities?

Seriously am I an asshole or is she overreacting because of her situation? ######

Response:
 NAH

I don't think you did anything malicious here, and to you it was mostly a "duh, silly me" thing. But relationships - especially non-monogamous ones - do depend on trust and honesty.

If the assumption was that you're on birth control, and she found out you didn't take it for 4 days - yeah, I can see she's upset. That feels like a big breach of trust.

I'm guessing you getting pregnant was not part of the agreement here.

Honestly if you're non-monogamous and forget your pill for 4 days at a time, it might be time to consider other birth control options. ######


Prompt:
Context: We share all our chores and cooking and cleaning except laundry, which I’ve offered to do, but my wife says she loves doing the laundry because it’s cathartic for her. We have planned time to take our daughter for alone time and planned dates. And plan out what things we’ll do each week. She currently is a stay at home mom and I work full time. I noticed how stressed my wife lately due to a lot of factors and decided it would be nice to take the morning off work, and clean around the house and do all the dishes, clean the yard, and make things feel more clean and less cluttered. When my daughter asked why I wasn’t at work (she’s 3) I said very lovingly that I wanted to do more chores AND help mom. Mind you this was not any passive aggressive way to signal that my wife wasn’t doing her part because she more than was. My wife was mad at this because she said it implied to our daughter that 1. She can’t hack it on her own to get the things done she wants to get done, and 2. It’s her place as a woman to do all these chores.

I was frustrated and felt this was very petty and nit picking. Especially hard because it was doing this out of pure love for my wife and kid. I told her this, and she is livid. To make matters worse, this is causing serious strife and hurting our relationship very badly. ######

Response:
 NAH

I can tell you from experience, most times when my wife is stressed or frustrated with something I have learned not to try to solve the "apparent" problem and to just ask if she wants to talk/vent/rant etc and then just listen, validate her feelings, and THEN ask if I can help in some way.

If this method doesn't work, marriage counseling is a thing! ######


Prompt:
The background: when I (21f) was 7, I had a piggy bank where all my chore/birthday/Christmas money went. I had been adding to it for over a year and it had more than $100 in it. One morning, I woke up to find my bank was broken into and my money was gone. I immediately suspected my dad. At the time, he had lost his job and was really depressed, lots of drinking and neglecting his parental duties. I thought it likely that he had run out of beer money and drunkenly decided to take mine. I told both parents about it at the time, but my mother was overworked and had other concerns and my dad said he didn’t know, so I had to let it go.

Fast forward 10 years and my dad and I are in therapy for our many, many issues. I bring up the piggy bank, he insists he doesn’t remember, but that he doesn’t have many memories of that time, and he admits he’s the most likely suspect. He apologized and after a couple more therapy sessions, I forgave him.

Jump forward again to now, when we’re all together in the same house for lockdown, and my dad and I are fighting. The piggy bank gets brought up (by him) and my mom asks what we’re talking about. We explain the situation and she starts crying. She told us that she was the one who stole my money and she was so sorry, but she had been struggling to make ends meet. I immediately forgave her, which pissed my dad off. He was mad that I hadn’t been so willing to forgive him and that I should apologize for baselessly accusing him. I got angry too and said that it was still his fault in a way, because his drinking and job loss had clearly driven mom to take desperate action. We haven’t spoken to each other in two days and it’s pretty tense for everyone.
AITA for forgiving my mom more easily than my dad? ######

Response:
 NAH

Having an addict for a parent is rough, dude. To this day I can’t take a pill without shaking it first, because my mom would steal the adderal out of my pills and leave me empty capsules. That inherent trust of a parent wasn’t broken by your mother, it was broken by your father through addiction and neglect. You also had already had the time to process the betrayal and be in a forgiving mood before you found out your mother did it.

Your dad also feels hurt, because you blamed him for something he didn’t do and held that anger for a long time. Addicts are always catching blame. Most of it rightfully so, but not all of it.

My advice is that if you want to repair the relationship with your dad, you have three choices.

1. You can tell him that you’re sorry and should have forgiven him as easily as your mother. This will likely be a lie.

2. You can tell him that he broke your trust over and over, and that it was reasonable to suspect him over your mother. Depending on how mature he is, this may work.

3. You can thank him for going to therapy with you, because when he fessed up to something he didn’t do, it let you heal. Tell him that only because he was a big enough man to help you, were you able to forgive your mother so easily.

I’d go with 3, but it’s your choice. Best of luck. ######


Prompt:
So I (F18) have pretty severe arachnophobia. I’ve never been officially diagnosed, but seeing spiders can send me into what I call “cringe attacks” where I kinda spasm uncontrollably for a few minutes while physically cringing, and there have been a few cases where seeing too many spiders in one place or too close has caused me to have panic attacks. I’m not scared of them hurting me (I live in a country where they’re usually harmless) I just can’t deal with how they look or move. I can’t even look at videos or pictures of them.

I’ve dealt with this for as long as I can remember and have usually relied on my parents (mostly my dad) to get rid of spiders for me if I see them. I try my best not to be a bother but my parents usually get angry at me anyway because of what I do to avoid them. (I won’t shower if there’s one by the bath, I’ll avoid going to the toilet for as long as possible if there’s one nearby, I’ll refuse to go in areas of the house where spiders usually are, etc). There have been several occasions where I’ve gotten into trouble for trying to sleep downstairs or in the hallway because I woke up at 4/5am with a spider in my room and didn’t want to wake anyone up to make them get rid of it.

I’ve brought up therapy a few times but they both just say I’m being difficult and that I’m overreacting and need to get over it myself. I can’t set up my own appointment because I’m autistic and have social anxiety. Even if I could, I wouldn’t be able to go to an appointment now because of the current situation.

I’m not sure what else to do, but maybe they’re right? AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH

Girl, I'm a decade older than you and I still deal with this. The spasms! I'm very outdoorsy and get made fun of by my friends quite often, but there's just no helping it. I'm not even sure therapy would help. Defaulting to "Go get therapy" seems to be a tendency of this sub, and while it may work with some problems (like the other much more significant issues you mentioned), I personally don't think this specific phobia would warrant all the time, effort, cost, etc. that therapy entails.

I also don't think your parents are a-holes though. My parents used to get frustrated with me too, and I do understand that side of it, it's quite an overreaction from their perspecive. Mine always used to say "C'mon, I don't like them either, but you don't have to throw a fit. Just shoo it away." Coming from someone who's dealt with almost exactly the same situation, I know that at some point you *will* have to learn to get rid of them yourself, even if you don't move out and your parents are always around. On that note, I see you've already gotten some advice about how to "take care" of them, but I'll go ahead and add my two cents as well:

1. Get a designated spider-killing Swiffer mop thing (the basic one, a long pole with the flat swivel head at the end, you can put wet or dry wipes on it to dust or mop the floor). I like to have a specific mop for this, otherwise I feel like I'm mopping the floor with spider guts. Dumb, I know, but that's what we deal with.
2. Install wipe on mop. I prefer to use a wet wipe.
3. SMASH THAT FUCKER from a CDC-approved 6' away. (Sorry folks but there's no catch and release bs with these 8-legged devils, for me at least.)
4. Use a plastic grocery bag (or two, or three, for good measure) over your hand to very carefully remove the wipe from the mop, spider carcass and all, and turn the bag inside out so the wipe is inside, like how you pick up dog poop with a baggie. This is the worst part, because your hand has to get kinda close to it. In cases of a very large spider I have actually taken the spider guts-covered mop outside and wiped it off on the grass somewhere like a crazy lady cleaning the lawn haha.
5. Throw it away, burn it, dissolve the whole kit'n'kaboodle in sulfuric acid, whatever you need to do to make sure it doesn't come back to life to eat your face off. All done.

I also like to spray em with Lysol or whatever material-safe cleaner I can find, but sometimes they spasm or scuttle off when sprayed and it freaks me out more. But it's a solid Plan B.

Good luck and well wishes from a fellow arachnophobe. ######


Prompt:
So my boyfriend and I are planning on moving in the next few months but we currently are in a weird financial problem. Basically his parents are both not working and we're not sure if they need to borrow money. I have money saved up in my own savings to pay for a couch from IKEA thats on sale currently but he wants to wait until we know whats going on financially. I would still be able to help his parents out if I bought it. I just don't want to miss the sale and then have to pay an extra $500 for the same couch in a couple months.

Would I be the asshole if I just bought it anyway and stored it at my parents till we moved? ######

Response:
 NAH

Generally I’d say doing something behind someone’s back is not okay but IF buying it changes nothing about your current situation and will eventually mean saving some money, then do it.

I understand his thought process and why he’s worried but it also sounds like you haven’t talked to him about what your plan is, so maybe try and do that and see if he agrees? Because to me your plan makes a lot of sense and you lose virtually nothing. ######


Prompt: Recently i (16F) lost a very close friend of mine. she had an eating disorder (anorexia) and passed due to it. Now, due to everything that is happening im not sure of details about her funeral, but i was discussing this with another friend of mine, A (17M.) we were talking about the funeral and whether there would be one, things like that. we got onto the topic of my friend as a person (her music taste, favorite things, her relationships, ect.) i brought up her music taste and mentioned she had been a pretty big fan of nicole dollanganger. he said “you know, maybe we should play ‘please eat,’ it would fit the situation pretty well” and started laughing. maybe im just dramatic but i told him that her (very recent) death wasn’t something to joke about, and that it would be incredibly disrespectful to play a song like that at her funeral. he told me i was being sensitive and that i was making a big deal out of something that wasnt. so, maybe hes right, but i just want to know, AITA for saying it was disrespectful to play a song about eating disorders at a funeral for someone who died due to an eating disorder? ######

Response:
 NAH

Everyone deals with grief and death differently. what seems appropriate to you might feel awkward to him and vice versa. Although I can see the joke being sort of tasteless, it's not like anyone's actually going to play that at her funeral. The likelihood of any of you (friends) getting to be involved in the planning is slim to none and you know that. ######


Prompt:
I'm M27 and my gf is f23 and we've been together for 2 years about. When we first starting seriously dating 2 yrs ago she was a student and still is. She never really asked me how much I made and she assumed that I don't make a lot because she didn't even know my job existed before we were together and I live with my parents still, don't have a car, don't really buy nice things etc. I recently started a new job 2 months ago and this time she asked how much the pay was, I told her it was 100k. I'm in software sales so how our compensation works is we get a base salary plus an expected commission amount (quota set for you and if you hit it you get x amount of money on top of base salary).

My total compensation for this role is 200k, half being guaranteed base salary and the other 100k in expected commission. However, when my GF asked how much this role would pay I only told her about the 100k because thats the portion thats guaranteed, and the commission amount could not happen. Although all my previous roles I've always hit my quota and made my expected commission.

I printed out the offer letter and put it in my desk, my GF was looking for a leather notebook I said she could have in my desk and she found the offer letter and read it and immediately got pissed. She said I lied to her about how much money I make and how no one should like to their SO of 2 years about this and how I act like I'm poor but make so much and am so cheap towards her. I basically told her I gave her the guaranteed amount, so I wasn't technically lying.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH

But you really probably should have explained the potential. She’s already with you not knowing how much you made, she’s not here for the money. That much should be clear. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway, because said person browses reddit.

So recently my sister released her first album, and it is AMAZING. Like, I think there is a very high chance that she will make it in her genre of music. She wanted to see my reaction before she released it, and awkwardly watched me as I heard it for the first time. However, when one song in particular came on, I immediately felt a bit self conscious. The lyrics (at least to my ear) seemed to be about me. More specifically, it seemed to be a song about my depression, and how she wanted to help me, but couldn't unless I wanted to help myself.

Now, my sister is a very private person, and does not like to talk about her feelings. Never has. But art has always been a great outlet for her to express herself. I haven't asked her what any of her songs are about, because I'm afraid to put her on the spot. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable about expressing herself, and give her the impression that her songs are going to be put under a microscope by people in her life.

But I would like to know whether that song is about me. She expressed in it a desire to help someone and that person being closed off to her. If it is about me, I would like to address those feelings of me being closed off, because one of my biggest fears is that my loved ones will perceive my lack of passion or interest as a rejection of them.

That being said, the lyrics were vague enough that I could be wrong about my gut feeling. It could be that her lyrics simply resonated with me, and it could be about someone else, or no one in particular. Maybe it's none of my business what the song is about either way. If I was wrong about the song being about me, then I think I would definitely come across as a conceited, well, asshole.

WIBTA for asking whether her song is about my depression? ######

Response:
 NAH

but you could just tell her that the song she wrote about depression resonated a lot with you and bring up the topic this way. If she makes gains fans as an artist she'll get a lot of people telling her what her songs meant to them and how they made them feel. ######


Prompt:
My GF has been protesting frequently. I have gone with her a few times but I think it's time to stop. I want to enjoy my summer. There's other stuff I wanna do.

She asked me if I wanted to protest for pride today (were not even gay) but she has a friend who is. I said no, and this is like my third time in a row saying no to her asking me to protest with her.

I just told her that I do not want to protest with her anymore, and we should be doing other activities instead as I want to enjoy the summer. She told me that I am being selfish, and we could do stuff afterwards, and that our life isn't running away from us. Now she's just trying to force me to go with her from now on.

For real though, there's other stuff I wanna do. I don't want to protest with her 24/7. I want to have fun. ######

Response:
 NAH

But I hope you're prepared to be single. She clearly has different priorities than you and I suspect she's likely willing to put them over you. ######


Prompt:
Title makes me sound like an undebatable ass but here we go.
Myself (18f) and my friend (18f) are gay and both of our families are on the conservative side. I'm out to my family, she's not. She's in a pretty committed relationship with a mutual friend of ours and wants to come out to her family, so she asked for any advice I had on coming out since she knows my family and their beliefs.
I told her that my parents were against it but explaining the biological hiccup softened the blow. She asked what I meant by that, and I said I was just referring to the fact that being gay is uncontrollable and, purely in a biological sense, something went wrong in a developmental sense. But the human race has lots of "biological hiccups," it's not necessarily a bad thing. Blue eyes? Red hair? Lactose tolerance? Born with a lack of wisdom teeth? Not the same thing as being gay but none of those things were ever "supposed" to happen. For me, this helped drive to point home to my parents that I can't control this aspect of myself.
Explaining it like that to my parents worked for me, but she got really pissed that I would say that. She said I was internally homophobic and ignorant, insisted I apologize, and now isn't speaking to me. I DID apologize since obviously I hurt her feelings and she was already feeling insecure, but does it really make me an asshole to say so in this context? I would totally get it if I came up to her and called her identity a "biological hiccup" unprompted, but I feel like this is a little different. I wasn't trying to offend her by any means, I was just telling her what worked for me personally. I wouldn't have pushed it if she just told me she was uncomfortable with what I was saying.
To clarify, I'm happy with who I am and I wouldn't change myself or my friend if I could.
So, what's the verdict? ######

Response:
 NAH

A lot of what you are saying implies there is something wrong, you are probably doing this accidentally. I think you accidentally used your families homophobia to let them fill in the gaps, being gay is wrong but you can't fix it like any other genetic or developmental medical condition.

Biologically as well, there is no supposed to be. We come from billions of years of random changes. Changes are then weighed based on how useful they are and how expensive they are. A good thing that is biologically expensive is dumped just like a bad thing is, or a not very bad thing that is cheap to maintain could persist. Our jaws have been getting smaller, and the loss of wisdom teeth in some humans is actually a good thing and means our jaws are then the right size for the teeth we have. The size and character of our teeth and jaw is based on diet. Lactose intolerance is about continuing to make a mostly unnecessary enzyme, it costs the body resources to make the enzyme and dairy is not necessary for the diet so the loss of the enzyme production into adulthood persists. As for being gay, well you have now produced adults that are less likely to produce offspring and will form bonds with more types of other adults. Humans thrive as a species based on our social structures. You may never produce a biological offspring, but your presence can increase the care to the children of any siblings and cousins you have by being an additional adult providing care. The genetics in you are based on by the shared genetics of those family that do have offspring. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway, because said person browses reddit.

So recently my sister released her first album, and it is AMAZING. Like, I think there is a very high chance that she will make it in her genre of music. She wanted to see my reaction before she released it, and awkwardly watched me as I heard it for the first time. However, when one song in particular came on, I immediately felt a bit self conscious. The lyrics (at least to my ear) seemed to be about me. More specifically, it seemed to be a song about my depression, and how she wanted to help me, but couldn't unless I wanted to help myself.

Now, my sister is a very private person, and does not like to talk about her feelings. Never has. But art has always been a great outlet for her to express herself. I haven't asked her what any of her songs are about, because I'm afraid to put her on the spot. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable about expressing herself, and give her the impression that her songs are going to be put under a microscope by people in her life.

But I would like to know whether that song is about me. She expressed in it a desire to help someone and that person being closed off to her. If it is about me, I would like to address those feelings of me being closed off, because one of my biggest fears is that my loved ones will perceive my lack of passion or interest as a rejection of them.

That being said, the lyrics were vague enough that I could be wrong about my gut feeling. It could be that her lyrics simply resonated with me, and it could be about someone else, or no one in particular. Maybe it's none of my business what the song is about either way. If I was wrong about the song being about me, then I think I would definitely come across as a conceited, well, asshole.

WIBTA for asking whether her song is about my depression? ######

Response:
 NAH

"Hey sis, I listened to your album and I loved it, what a fantastic accomplishment! I'm so proud of you. 'X Song' spoke to me especially, it made me think of my struggles recently and how much I want the people close to me to know I appreciate them and their helping me. It takes a lot of talent to be able to make someone feel that way through music, well done (hug)" ######


Prompt:
I'll try to keep it short:

My husband (28M) and I (26F) have been trying to get pregnant for about a year. About a week before Father's day, I took a pregnancy test, because I started having symptoms. It tested positive. But just to be sure, I also went to see a professional that also confirmed it. By now, it was about two days before Father's day, so I decided to wait and tell my husband on Father's day, thinking nothing of it. When I did tell him, he was overjoyed and we were both really happy- until he asked me how long I knew.

When I told him I knew for about a week, he got really irritated and became incredibly snappy, saying that I should've told him as soon as I knew. I got a little annoyed and asked why it was such a problem that I waited a little bit, it's not like it was a couple of weeks, it was literally two days. I thought it would be a nice surprise, especially since it's on a day that it's celebrated for. Now, it's been a few days since the argument and I'm not sure how to feel, but I kinda feel as if he ruined a day that was supposed to be special for the both of us. AITA for not telling him as soon as I knew? ######

Response:
 NAH.
You guys have been trying for a year which isn't very long for some people and a long time for others. He is probably disappointed because he wanted to share in the initial excitement of finding out you were pregnant. I know a friend of mine was outside the door when his wife took the test and shared the moment it came up positive together.

What you did was cute and your heart was in the right place,  but now that things have cooled a little you guys can talk about why he was disappointed and why you are now hurt by it. This will pass. ######


Prompt:
my partner when they were younger had issues with some older men saying they hoped they shaved their genitals. My partner mentioned something today about how bare female genitals make them uncomfy and said anyone who wants to be with someone who shaves is a creep. I asked what purpose pubic hair served, cause I honestly didnt know, guess its hygenic or somethin' cool. My partner then began to say people shouldnt shave, and it was weird if they did. I argued that if someone wants to do something to themselves like shave they can, its the individuals choice.

This was a bad thing to say. I was being accused of supporting something very gross and accused of being one. I denied and tried to clarify that i simply supported ones choice over their own hair situation and nothing beyond that. This went back and forth for a good while. And my partner asked if i would prefer if they shaved, to which i responded "I dont care, its your choice."

Again the wrong move. I am now disgusting and dont love my partner. They asked why i didnt stand with them on this, i told them it was because theyre advovating for social norms to be that we tell people to NOT shave instead of letting them make their own choice. As of this moment in time thats where we stand.

AITA for not siding with my partner, even though I disagree with what theyre saying? ######

Response:
 NAH.
Seems like your (ex) partner experienced something pretty traumatic which they’re now projecting on things that aren’t necessarily related.

I think they should get professional help.
Sorry that it didn’t work out, hope you’re doing okay ######


Prompt:
So my wife and I have a scale in our bedroom. My wife is a little overweight, but nothing gross looking, just a little bit. I don’t know that she would even qualify as overweight by BMI, but I also don’t know her exact weight.

Last night she was weighing her self while I was petting the cat in bed, and as she stepped on the scale one of the feet broke off and it made a loud noise. I started laughing because breaking the scale is just funny, like even the scale can’t handle you. Keep in mind that I definitely weigh more than her, and so it would have broken if I had used it too, it just decided to give up.

She got mad at me and said it was rude to laugh. I apologized for laughing but that she must be able to see how the situation is funny. She yelled at me and made me sleep on the sofa.

AItA? ######

Response:
 NAH.
It’s funny but she was probably a little hurt when it broke. I had a lecture class and my chair broke one time I definitely felt fat even though I was about 118lb/54 kg. The chair would’ve broke no matter who sat on it but it was embarrassing that it was me. ######


Prompt: So, long story short, my girlfriend [18F] and me [18M] are both stuck at home with our families. She also had to quit her job (waitressing) restaurants closed and feels she needs to keep making money for college next year (spending money, not tuition). Which I totally understand. The thing is, she wants to start camming from her room. She’s gorgeous and has a great body; I’m sure she could do really well, but I just don’t think I could handle her getting that kind of attention. So I basically gave her an ultimatum — she can either be a camgirl or my girlfriend. That Really upset her and she said she needs to think it over. AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH.

You’re allowed to have boundaries, and your girlfriend wanting to be a cam girl is okay to be a dealbreaker for you. However, I’m really not going to blame her, considering the times we’re currently living in where she’s lost her job and is just desperate for some sort of income. Sex work is totally legitimate work, but it just goes to show you the lengths some people will go to when they feel they have no options and financial/government support for the most vulnerable is really shit. ######


Prompt:
I know the title sounds terrible and sorry for the formatting since I'm on mobile.

Anyway, I (M24) have a very close friend (F24) that I met in college. We can talk to each other about almost anything but something I know she is sensitive about is her body size, as she is somewhat over weight. She lives a pretty active lifestyle (she likes hiking and being outdoors, but not so much a structured workout) but she also eats more than anyone I have ever met. Just to be clear, I don't care about her body size and I don't judge her for it.

When it comes to guys, K is pretty unlucky. I have noticed a pattern over the last couple years that all of the guys she tries to date are A) Very good-looking guys, and B) Very into working out and dieting. Whenever the guys makes it clear that he isn't interested in anything romantic, she will typically blame it on the guy (i.e. he isn't ready for a relationship, he is probably gay, he's not over his ex., etc.). I'm friends with 3-4 of the guys that she has tried to date and when I ask them why it didn't work out, I always hear the same thing, "K is such an awesome girl and a great friend, but I'm just not attracted to her. If she lost weight I might give her another chance". I've never told K this because I'm afraid of how it would affect her self-esteem.

The other day, K and I were discussing guys she has tried to date and she mentioned there was a mutual friend that had been trying to take her out for a few weeks. When I asked her why she wasn't interested, she said he was nice enough but not very good-looking. After our conversation, this question had just been eating at me. Reddit, WIBTA if I sat-down with K and told her that the type of guys she goes after don't find her attractive and she either needs to focus more on her diet, try to date guys with more similar interests, or lower her dating standards? I know it sounds blunt but I feel like I owe it to her as her friend to let her know. ######

Response:
 NAH.

You're looking out for your friend, but at the same time.. it's not your place to tell her this. By the sounds of it, your friend will likely not take this information well, and with instances like that, your friend just needs to learn on their own and as a friend you just need to support them on their path.

If they ask you whether dieting is the answer, then you should agree, but there aren't many other safe avenues for you to explain this to them with a positive outcome. ######


Prompt: So, long story short, my girlfriend [18F] and me [18M] are both stuck at home with our families. She also had to quit her job (waitressing) restaurants closed and feels she needs to keep making money for college next year (spending money, not tuition). Which I totally understand. The thing is, she wants to start camming from her room. She’s gorgeous and has a great body; I’m sure she could do really well, but I just don’t think I could handle her getting that kind of attention. So I basically gave her an ultimatum — she can either be a camgirl or my girlfriend. That Really upset her and she said she needs to think it over. AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH.

You have every right to establish boundaties in your relationship and she has the right to pick being a camgirl if she wants. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway account. Please excuse any grammatical errors - English is not my native language.

So my fiancee (F31) and me (M28) was just beginning trying for a baby. My fiancee needs assistance with fertility (due to hormonal issues, non-threatening) and we were just commencing treatment since about a month back.

Then we both suddenly lost our jobs a week ago. Financial stability is very important to me. I now feel that there's just too much uncertainty in the immediate future to continue trying to have a baby at this moment. I want to postpone for a couple of months to see if we can find new jobs and some stability in our lives before going at it again.

She is devastated and feels betrayed - she says that I have let her down and fooled her. She is also worried that getting pregnant will be harder and harder with age and lower fertility. I mean, we're not talking years in plural here, but rather a couple of months to a year max. We have already postponed getting pregnant for a couple of years due to our age difference, me studying for two years and the last year due to her having some health issues. I know she is very disappointed, so am I, but I really feel I'm the one thinking logically here.

I simply want what's best for our future kid, and I'm not sure unemployment, a failing healthcare system and a society on its knees is what's best. I just want to be able to give our kid everything it needs, at least to the extent that I'm able to influence things.

AITA for denying her a pregnancy right now, given the situation? ######

Response:
 NAH.

This is something you need to discuss with the doctors from your fertility clinic.

Do not look at this like you're the "logical" one.  Her concerns are extremely valid, especially as she is in her 30's.  Fertility begins to rapidly drop, as does the ability to carry a *healthy* baby, after a certain point.  Instances of things like trisomy and other disorders begin to skyrocket. So yes, a year does matter.

If you are barely scraping by, then that's one thing; however, if you are financially stable with a lot of savings and seemingly content that you can get a job again in the next few months, then she may not be understanding your caution.  That's something you need to have a discussion about and see if she has ideas for planning. ######


Prompt:
Sorry if this is rambling, I have no idea what to do  and its stressing me out.

Long story short I did one of those DNA test to see what my genetic makeup was. However I got the results back today and it shows a parent/child relationship with a man I have never heard of. I've never had a child so that leaves the parent connection.

According my parents they dated for 3 months then accidentally ended up pregnant with me. They didn't love eachother and a baby wasn't a good enough reason to get married but they co-parented and fell in love over time. They got married when I was 4. I love both of my parents, they raised me in a house full of love and affection. All my friends tell me how cute my parents together, they simply love eachother and arent afraid to show affection. I've always joked that sometimes they act like teenagers in love.

Given the circumstances around my mom getting pregnant it's possible but I just don't want to think about that. I want the results to be wrong I wish I could take it back and never do this stupid test but I did and I can't change that. I'm in my late 20s/early 30s and an only child. I don't see how telling anyone would do anything besides cause a world of hurt and confusion in an already stressful time.

WIBTAH if I just never said anything to anyone? ######

Response:
 NAH.

They have their relationship built around whatever story they've told you. If they wanted to tell you something different, they would have. They're still your parents, DNA or no.

You're not the asshole for letting them maintain the status quo, and you don't owe them the information if they don't ask. ######


Prompt:
My girlfriend is black (I am white). We bumped into my teacher (black), recently.

It was very nice and pleasant but my teacher left me a comment the other day. I am fully on top of my workload, so I was curious as to what it could be.

It was a note saying how my relationship fills her with a lot of happiness at a time of a lot of sorrow.

I have Asperger’s syndrome so I might be misinterpreting this but I am pretty old school when it comes to teacher and student interactions (I think that they should be limited to school).

I think that as long as a student is doing all his work and following the school rules, it is none of the teacher’s business what they do.

My girlfriend isn’t a student at the school, so why is my teacher trying to get involved in our relationship? ######

Response:
 NAH.

She's just happy that there are people out there who aren't racists. She's not trying to get involved. ######


Prompt:
We just moved in to our neighborhood and our neighbors across from us have young child (around 4 years old). Every morning before the dad goes off to work he honks and horn and the little kid yells “BYE”. This happens anywhere from 7:45-8:30 every morning before work. This wakes myself and my fiancée up every single morning as our bedroom window faces their house that’s only 200 ft away from our ears. We roll our eyes and groan and then fall back asleep.

My fiancée and I had a discussion about this and while we think it’s adorable in theory it’s still super annoying. AITA if I politely confronted them or left them an anonymous letter?

TLDR; neighbors honk horn early in the morning to say bye to their kid, AITA for being annoyed? ######

Response:
 NAH.

If they were doing this routine at 5 am, they would be assholes. But at 7:45, trash trucks are coming around, kids are waiting at bus stops, and lots of people are headed to work, all of those with the associated noises. Your neighborhood's normal morning noise level might be a little lower right now because of COVID; I know mine is a lot quieter.

I get being a little annoyed. However, anonymous notes and confrontations are for assholes.

This is like dealing with the guy sitting next to you on the airplane. It's a LOT easier to deal with a negative issue if you invest some positive energy into the relationship first. Make a point of engaging in polite small talk a few times and getting to know a few things about the family. THEN you can say "hey, sometimes your horn wakes us up in the morning. would you mind honking the horn when you come home instead?" ######


Prompt:
This happened about ten years ago. Also, throwaway. My daughter is now in her twenties and I am in my forties. When my daughter was fourteen, she started developing an eating disorder. I tried my best, but she either refused to eat or threw up afterwards. She because extremely thin and pale. I also took her to many therapy sessions.

Finally, I asked the doctor what i could  do and she suggested a feeding tube. So, I told my daughter that she forced my hand and I took her to the hospital. She told me that she didn’t want it and I told her that I didn’t care. My thought process was that a child who was angry at me or hated me was better than a dead one. She had it put in. She told me that she was going to rip it out, so I hired a family member to be with her at all hours of the day. I also informed her teachers about it and said that she would need someone to accompany her to the bathroom. She was very upset at me, but she seemed to eventually calm down. She eventually started to gain weight and at seventeen, the doctor said that since she was eating on her own and was a healthy weight, we would remove it.

I thought that everything was okay, but recently I revcieved a note from my daughter telling me that I was the cause for some of her mental problems due to me forcing her to get a feeding tube and that she was cutting me off unless I went to therapy and apologized. We hadn’t spoke that much for the past few years.  I am heartbroken. Should I just apologize even though I don’t believe I did something wrong. Was I the A-hole? ######

Response:
 NAH.

I am so sorry you and your daughter went through this.

Even though your daughter may well have needed a feeding tube to survive, force-feeding is a traumatic experience. So although your decision may have saved her life, and it may have been the only option you felt was available to you, that doesn't mean it didn't cause her trauma. Parents aren't perfect, and sometimes things they do out of love are still incredibly painful and hurtful for their children. I think it is worth it to go to therapy and figure out a way to have a conversation with her about what happened in a way that recognizes her suffering. ######


Prompt:
Two other friends and I decided to go on a trip this upcoming September to Universal Studios for Halloween Horror Nights.  I've never been and have been invited the past two years but couldn't make it due to money reasons.  This trip isn't cheap, we'd be staying for a week at a hotel on site, food, plane, and park tickets.  All in all we were looking at about 1200.00 usd each.

Well i paid for my park tickets and plane ticket back in May when it was looking like the country was lowering the curve of covid-19 and I had faith by September it would be fine by then.  Well two months later Florida is the worst state at the moment with no signs of doing anything to make it better.

My friends told me that Universal is doing everything right  (according to who?) and it would be fine.  Well two weeks ago I got a refund on everything I paid for and told the other two on the trip I wasn't going.  I could tell they were upset and it just feels like there might be some animosity among them towards me.

I feel like an asshole for doing this but I feel like giving them two months to plan for being 1 person down should be enough time if they still decide to go which they probably will.  I also think I won't have as much fun as i've heard it was the past few years when they went due to guidelines and restrictions.

 So AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH.

Halloween Horror Nights was cancelled, so the question is mute. ######


Prompt:
My sons 3 and 9 years old bathe together almost every night.

My oldest helps him since I’m always busy at night and they generally play around in the tub. The other day was my oldest’s 9th birthday and I told him that he was getting too old to be in the tub with his brother.

I said that they can still hang out during bath time but I didn’t want them in the tub together. My husband thinks that they should still be allowed to bathe together as long as they are comfortable with it. This sparked an argument and I’m curious AITA ######

Response:
 NAH.

But I think your husband is correct. Have either of your boys expressed discomfort? ######


Prompt:
My friend is 5'4 and 230 pounds and lives with a family of enablers. Her family is also all overweight and like to focus on building her up, which is super great, but they do that by just lying to her. They told her there's nothing wrong with the shape she is in, and that being thick is a good thing and guys love it.

She is also clueless about diet. She thinks that eating nandos/chipotle/wendys is healthy because it isn't KFC or Mcdonalds. I explained to her that while there are healthy ish options, they are NOT healthy, and contain much more sodium and fat than if she cooked at home.

Anyways, she recently decided to talk to me about how she is frustrated when we go out together guys never hit on her even though she knows guys want a thick girl. She said that once all this stuff is over, she can't wait to hit the clubs because she's even thicker now with all the weight shes put on being inside. I told her she shouldn't be trying to measure her worth by how much attention she receives from guys.

She is 25 now, and has never had a boyfriend. She thinks there is nothing wrong with  her weight but will not stop complaining to me about how guys want a thick girl but not her. She will send me memes on IG about guys talking about thick girls and saying "but I'm right here!!". She just doesn't get it. WIBTA for telling her there is a difference and she isn't thick, just obese?

(also her family is pretty wealthy and have a family business, so she has the time and finances necessary to get into shape, she also does not have any health conditions like PCOS) ######

Response:
 NAH.

As a 5"2' woman who is 250lb, she knows she is obese and you have to be careful about how you broach the conversation with her. What she is doing is a shield to cover up her own insecurities about her weight and trying to align herself to societal beauty standards in order to fit in; I've been there, done that and got the t-shirt. If she knows the number on the scale then she knows she is obese however the hardest thing to accept is how society views you because of that. No one wants to admit that people see them as less attractive, especially when it's something they can control, so they try and soften the blow in order to feel less depressed about it.

If you come at her with: "You're obese and that is why most men don't find you as attractive." She will deny it; there will be some web she can weave in order to ignore what you're saying even if you mean well. She will only change if she wants to and accepts what she has to do to change. After all, she could find a man who likes big women and never change her weight because her insecurity about not finding love will have been solved. However, if the true insecurity is being obese then even that won't help.

My suggestion would be to support her mindset, just a little bit, and say: "Hey, men like thick women, how about we try some weight lifting to tone up? I've found this diet that helps build your booty!" Do it together, be supportive and help her to change if she wants to; honesty can be good but, if you're deeply insecure about your weight, then brutal honesty can cause a shame spiral and more denial.

However, you also have to accept that she might not want to change her weight (some obese people are happy with how they look!), and actually it's more about finding a man who loves her as she is now. But, I know you mean well so I don't think you're the asshole. ######


Prompt:
So this is an awkward one. I moved in with my sister when my college closed because our parents are insane. I’m grateful she’s letting me stay with her, but there’s a slight issue.

The walls are wafer thin and my room is right up against the master, and her bed is up against the wall. And her boyfriend and her have sex like 5 days a week. So I hear the bed banging into the wall right next to me. And her moaning. And him moaning. And everything else I really don’t want to be hearing. And I would just listen to music or go to another room but they do it at like 12 at night, when I’m going to bed. And it’s not just 5-10 minutes, it’s like 20-30(how?).

I figured they were just having a “good” week the first week(I’m shuddering that I’m saying this referring to my sister), but it’s been going on for many weeks now. A few days ago I asked if she could try being quieter or doing it another time and she said that it was gross I was listening and I shouldn’t have brought it up. I agree that it’s gross I’m listening, I don’t want to be listening.

They have however stopped since then. AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH.

>And it’s not just 5-10 minutes, it’s like 20-30(how?).

Oh honey. ######


Prompt:
So this is an awkward one. I moved in with my sister when my college closed because our parents are insane. I’m grateful she’s letting me stay with her, but there’s a slight issue.

The walls are wafer thin and my room is right up against the master, and her bed is up against the wall. And her boyfriend and her have sex like 5 days a week. So I hear the bed banging into the wall right next to me. And her moaning. And him moaning. And everything else I really don’t want to be hearing. And I would just listen to music or go to another room but they do it at like 12 at night, when I’m going to bed. And it’s not just 5-10 minutes, it’s like 20-30(how?).

I figured they were just having a “good” week the first week(I’m shuddering that I’m saying this referring to my sister), but it’s been going on for many weeks now. A few days ago I asked if she could try being quieter or doing it another time and she said that it was gross I was listening and I shouldn’t have brought it up. I agree that it’s gross I’m listening, I don’t want to be listening.

They have however stopped since then. AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH.

*It’s like 20-30(how?)*

Oh, you poor thing. ######


Prompt:
AITA if I tell my fiancé I don’t want to get married the same year as his sister?

Basically his sisters wedding was supposed to be this year. She just decided to move it to one year from now.... three months before my wedding is supposed to happen.

Now, I love weddings but I just feel that having weddings so close to each other WILL take some of the fun out of it for me. All the family would have just gotten together, traveled, bought gifts for her, etc....

Obviously I feel bad she had to change her date to another year, but they actually already are married (legally) since they are military. Would I be an asshole if I change my date to another year, 2022 (ugh)? Everyone would know it’s because the dates are close together. Since I wanted a summer wedding too.... ######

Response:
 NAH.

 International travel is expensive, and it is only going to get more expensive after the world reopens.

I don't resonate with the "fun" part, but this is actually very reasonable. Apart from travel, gifts, pre-wedding festivities, planning are all essential which take time.
Besides the groom has spoken of it to his sister.

Most importantly, OP wants to _discuss_ postponing _her own_ wedding with _her SO_ without asking anybody else to change their plans, sounds like a  reasonable person to me. ######


Prompt:
For the context, i’m 17F

Last year, i went to the USA for an exchange year. It was one of the best years of my life, i quite enjoyed it, but I had to return back to my home country early. Obviously, i was sad to have to leave my host family, as well as all my friends and teachers there.

Since i got home, i noticed that i am more irritated at the sounds, and just being close to that many people at the same time.(always 3). I think a part of this is because, in America, i had the luck to be hosted by a considerably wealthy family, at least in comparison to my life. There, i had my own room, a lot bigger than one i have at home plus my own bathroom. I would spend most of my days alone, and everything was quiet and peaceful. They didn’t have any other children so most of the time, the house was empty and quiet. I feel like i have gotten used to this and now when i came back to a loud, smaller place it’s just hard.

So, naturally i spend quite some time in my room(another reason for this is because i am literally went home a few days ago, so i am at risk because i was at 4 different airports)

My mom however is not happy with this. She constantly makes comments about it like “You like them more than us” or “This is not America anymore, you have to spend time with us”. But, even when i do, she doesn’t know what to talk about or doesn’t want to, so she just looks at her phone. She’s addicted to her phone, but as soon as i want to leave the room, she says “where are you going? Sit with me” and proceeds not to talk to me.

Am i wrong for simply wanting to be alone ? ######

Response:
 NAH.

 Everyone needs space, some more than others. If you got used to peace and quiet it's quite hard to get back to a noisy place. The problem with spending time together is that people get estranged sometimes and even though the intention of spending quality time together is there, it's just not enough to make it happen. I'd suggest to find something you can do with your mother that won't end up in her picking up her phone - try watching a movie and then go back to your room or whatever, then no one will say you're not being part of the family. So you're not really an AH for wanting to be alone, having time to yourself.

On the other hand I can understand your mother. I come from a big family and we always meet in some dates through the year and it's hard for me because a lot of people I don't really know how to interact with want me to be close all the time; families are complicated, but at least that's a sign they care for you and want to be with you.  I'd suggest you talk to her and let her know there's no preference for one family over the other and that you're just trying to chill - it's just part of who you are, you're not trying to reject anyone. ######


Prompt:
I have been with my SO for 4 years now and they have always struggled with their weight. When we first started dating, they had recently gained some weight and were pretty self conscious of it. I assured them that it didn’t matter to me but it definitely shaped our activities. They wouldn’t swim, or do anything involving other people seeing them and their weight, despite living on a beach.

Since then, they have continued to gain weight and every year they say they want to get in shape before swimming, etc.

A few days ago I snapped and said “Your weight is going to be the excuse for the next five years, let’s just go swimming” and they were very defensive and said I was being an asshole.

I’m uncertain because I have ALWAYS been supportive of their dieting, etc, and never pressured them to lose weight. Whenever we try to start new healthy activities, like jogging, they frequently skip out leaving me to do it alone (they also get upset about this, and would rather we spend time together after work). ######

Response: NAH...I definitely think you could have phrased it better and had a calmer conversation, but I definitely understand your frustration after that much time and no change in the behavior. I don’t think you can force them into doing stuff they are uncomfortable with though. I don’t think you should pressure them. If you want to go swimming, go. But don’t make them feel bad for their insecurities. ######


Prompt:
My girlfriend is black (I am white). We bumped into my teacher (black), recently.

It was very nice and pleasant but my teacher left me a comment the other day. I am fully on top of my workload, so I was curious as to what it could be.

It was a note saying how my relationship fills her with a lot of happiness at a time of a lot of sorrow.

I have Asperger’s syndrome so I might be misinterpreting this but I am pretty old school when it comes to teacher and student interactions (I think that they should be limited to school).

I think that as long as a student is doing all his work and following the school rules, it is none of the teacher’s business what they do.

My girlfriend isn’t a student at the school, so why is my teacher trying to get involved in our relationship? ######

Response: NAH. Your teacher isn't really invading your relationship. As I see it, I think they mean that it makes them happy to see a happy interracial couple in a time of so much racial strife in the world. It sounds like you're taking the comment a little too personally. ######


Prompt:
I've posted here before about my oldest brother. English is my third language and I'm on my phone, so I apologize in advance.

(Background, kind of)
My mom (43) and dad (43) broke up when I (16f) was 9. Without going into too much detail, my dad was very verbally abusive towards my mom and physically and verbally abusive towards my oldest brother. I recently learned that I have 2 new half brothers (oldest 2, youngest 8 months) and I feel the need to make sure that they live the happiest life possible and that they never witness what I had to witness.

Now, my dad married my stepmom not long after they met (only around 2 years) and even though I have no problem with my dad moving on, seeing as I don't care what he does anymore, I really dislike my stepmom as she came in to the picture the year after my mom and dad broke up and she thinks that she has a right to an opinion about the (very little) amount that she saw and heard even though I genuinely believe that she has no right to any opinion when it comes to that situation. I told her this and it turned into her treating me like I'm 2 and her saying "he's my husband, I have the right to an opinion." and me telling her that she needs to apologize if she wants contact again,she refuses to do so.

Tl;Dr My stepmom thinks she has the right to an opinion about my dad being abusive in the past, I tell her no, she treats me like a child and I want apology that she refuses to give.

Edit: To clarify, we actually had a great relationship and we spoke almost every day. ######

Response:
 NAH. Your stepmother wants to think the best of the person she's married, and it makes sense that she will defend him. He's her husband and she 100% believes his side of the story over your mum's.

However, there is no need for you to contact her. I see no issue with you cutting her off. It's pretty likely that he will start treating her the way he treated your mum, but she's too delusional to see that. ######