Prompt:
Hey there,

First time posting. I (26f) was talking about our finances with my boyfriend (31m). He’s the only one working right now, I’m unable because of covid so I’m receiving CERB. We were going over paycheques and bills, when I noticed an extra 1000$ that wasn’t being talked about.

Backstory: his parents have lent him money recently, he also had an ex claim she was pregnant and then ran off with the child/block contact.

When I realized there was extra money not going either towards our bills, our house, or savings, I asked if he was sending money to someone this month. I just assumed he was paying back his parents, or maybe his ex had made contact and needed something for the baby. As soon as I asked he exploded with anger. Screaming at me accusing him of cheating. If it hurt his feelings and he actually thought I was accusing him, I’d have appreciated him just telling me that instead of screaming at me. He got so defensive and angry now I’m thinking there may be something sketchy going on. He was berating me of “not being happy until I get every penny out of him”, even though everything I have or make myself is put towards our house to secure a stable future together.

There’s been multiple red flags before, is this another one? Or am I the asshole? ######

Response: NTA his response would definitely raise a red flag for me. For him to jump to the conclusion that you are accusing him of cheating is VERY suspicious. Especially if there have been other red flags. ######


Prompt:
My husband (M32) and I (F27) discussed children before we got married, at that point we were both unsure of whether or not we wanted children. Last year he told me that he wanted to try for a baby and I agreed on the premise that I would get to decide the full names of our children (maybe this seems petty to some of you, but the names are very important to me). To be honest, I would have likely still had children with him even if he said no, but he said yes. We did agree that he’d get to veto any one name I chose if he hated it though.

Fast forward a year and I’m 5 months pregnant. We’ve decided to keep the baby’s gender a surprise so we’ve been working on girl and boy names. He vetoed Anastasia and talked me out of Lucianna, so for a girl we landed on Clara. For a boy, he vetoed Logan and I eventually chose Sebastian. Sorted, right? Wrong.

His mother is desperate for the baby to be named after herself, her husband and her parents (with the first name being either the baby’s great grandmother’s name or great grandfather’s name, and the middle name being baby’s grandmother or father’s name.). She’s been blowing up our phones about it but truthfully (and I feel mean saying this) I don’t like any of their names.

She’s been blowing up my husband’s phone and he’s starting to argue with me about the name. I reminded him of our deal but he told me we should honour the family and his dead grandparents (who died long before we made our deal).

I will love my baby no matter what he/she is called, but I desperately don’t want to name my baby Sharon or Nigel.

AITA for not wanting to name my baby after my husband’s dead grandparents? AITA for caring so much about the name? Does baby’s name even matter as long as we love it? Am I being selfish? ######

Response:
 NTA his mom begging you to name your baby after her is peak narcissism. And dead people don’t care if you name children after them.

Also, why do his handful of family members get priority over yours? ######


Prompt: We have been married for 7 years. The first half, at least was pretty rough. He kept several flirtationships hidden. Some went too far. We have worked on things and it’s been pretty quiet but I know I still have some lingering trust issues. A few days ago he started messaging the woman that cuts his hair to see if she would come over to our house to cut his hair. I let him know I wasn’t comfortable with that for a lot of reasons, mostly not having some stranger walking around the house. He took my objection as insecurity and let me know he talks to attractive women all the time. He then told me a funny story about his coworker betting him $20 that he couldn’t get an attractive woman’s name in 1 minute at a place they were working. He got her name, it just took a little longer than a minute. I was thrown off by that and let him know I didn’t think that was ok. He told me” I thought we were past all that”. I personally didn’t think it was a cute story but now he’s made it clear he just won’t tell me so I don’t overreact. AITA for taking issue with his bet? Or objecting to having a random person over at the house? ######

Response: NTA his behaviour is not appropriate, especially given his history. I have to ask you sincerely though, do you really believe he has changed? Or that he will? ######


Prompt: my (18) sister (23) does this thing where she’ll take the rest of the pads when there’s not much left and doesn’t tell anyone. i’m fine with her taking the pads but i just want her to tell me beforehand so that i can ask mom to buy pads. she doesn’t tell me until after i ask her where the pads are. she has done this multiple times before btw. this morning, my period decided to come early and when i asked where the pads were, my sister went into her room (the pads are supposed to stay in the bathroom) and gave me two pads. now that i have money to buy pads,  i’m thinking about going to the store tomorrow, buying pads, and hiding them. i know my sister will be mad and my mom will be on her side but it’s honestly annoying that she doesn’t say anything about the lack of pads when she knows she isn’t the only household member who gets a period. ######

Response: NTA hide your pads. I used to live with my stepmom and she would do this on purpose. To feel glorified for providing something essential to me. Whenever I'd buy my own stash she'd get upset when I put it in my room like she did in the past. So I got petty and bought the thickest tampons since she's against tampons. ######


Prompt:
A while ago I had my second child. It was while I was pregnant that I learned she was delaying vaccines for her kids because “bad science and autism”. I was honestly shocked and dismayed that I had had so many play dates without knowing she was an antivaxxer.

Anyway, I managed to brush off a handful of play dates during my second pregnancy, citing work, being tired, etc. I didn’t feel comfortable having her kids around me knowing they weren’t vaccinated while I was pregnant. So fastforward to my baby’s arrival.

I asked my pediatrician if I was being hyperbolic because I didn’t want her kids around us before my newborn was vaccinated. He strongly recommended I cancel all play dates with her until everyone is vaccinated or my kids are old enough for there to be a reduced risk of infection.

So my friend was asking if we could get together, if her kids could meet then new baby, etc. I didn’t feel right blowing her off anymore. I told her straight out that play dates and visits were on semi-permanent hold until my kids were older than two or her kids were vaccinated.

She was upset, but it’s happened before apparently, so she said she was getting used to the “hysteria-fueled rejections”. I didn’t bite but just said I wished her the best, etc. But then she said, “well I appreciate you respecting my choice”.

I corrected her and told her that I absolutely did not respect her choice whatsoever, but it is what it is. She called me a crazy hysterical person and hung up on me. Obviously that friendship is dead.

AITA ######

Response: NTA her calling you hysterical and crazy is sheer projection ######


Prompt:
I was walking into this grocery store and there was an ~18 year old guy and his girlfriend walking in in front of me. I'm 10 paces behind them when he starts scratching at his b-hole. He looks over his shoulder and makes eye contact with me, but I'm so embarrassed for him that I pretend to be looking just past him and he thinks I didn't see.

I continue walking in behind them and they grab a cart and go toward the fruit/veggie area which is unfortunately where I'm going.

Then it happens. This guy, with his girlfriend on his right, takes his left hand and puts it DOWN HIS PANTS TO THE MID FOREARM and digs in his cheeks for 3-5 seconds. And then he just takes his hand out and continues toward the beef/chicken.

I walk around the other side to make up the distance between us so that I don't have to yell across the store and I say, "Hey man, I just saw you put your hands on your pants... I just need you to wash your hands. "

To my total surprise, he pretended like I was crazy. I expected him to be completely crushed by embarrassment. He kept saying 'Dude, what's your problem?' to which I kept saying 'Dude, just go wash your hands, this is over'. The girlfriend, who I don't think actually thought her boyfriend would do that, convinced the guy to tell them manager. So I ended up having to tell the manager around everybody at checkout that this guy dug his bare hand in his cheeks in the veggie section.

TL;DR   Guy had his bare hand scratching his b-hole in grocery store and I called him out (to wash his hands) ######

Response: NTA he’s no doubt going to touch food in the store and the level of unsanitary that is is pretty much off the charts. It sounds like you were petty low key about it as well ######


Prompt:
My dad is, to put it mildly, pretty selfish when it comes to food. If there are, for example, a pepperoni and a BBQ chicken pizza in the fridge he'll eat the latter purely because he knows it's the one meant for my tea.

More than once I've gone to make myself something to eat, only to realise that my dad has eaten his way through the things we both like and only left the things I _don't_. It's deliberate.

He is, however, differently picky about food than I am. Among other things, he won't eat pasta, spinach, or anything explicitly labelled as vegetarian or vegan.

So to prevent him from eating my food before his own I often buy things I _know_ he doesn't like. Tortellini, spinach and ricotta pizza, veggie chilli, etc. This means I have a stock of "easy" foods, without having to worry if they're going to be eaten before I want them.

He then complains there's nothing to eat. The fridge, freezer, and cupboards can be rammed full...but if everything of mine is stuff he won't eat, then there's "nothing".

AITA for depriving my dad of the ability to eat everything that's meant for my meals? ######

Response: NTA he's a grown man and I presume he knows where the grocery store is? ######


Prompt: Here’s the sitch. We finally upgraded to a King mattress from a Queen. I’m thinking to myself, “Great, I’m finally going to have enough space to stretch out.” We put a blanket down the middle of the bed because he’s notorious for rolling over in the middle of the night and bumping into me. So the blanket keeps him on his side of the bed. I told him the blanket should go down the center of the bed. But he keeps INSISTING that it should be closer to my side because I’m smaller (I’m 5’ 2” and he’s 5’ 8”). So I keep pushing the blanket towards the middle and every time I do that he gets annoyed and says it should be proportional. AITA? ######

Response: NTA he's 5'8, he's not Paul Bunyun. Plus king beds are huge, how are you anywhere near each other? ######


Prompt:
This is a short story, I live in England, born and raised, a friend of mine who I've known for years since we were in primary school once asked me if he could use my debit card to buy the DLCs for Grand Theft Auto IV on his XBOX 360, I agreed for him to do it He then returned my card to me and said he would pay be back. e didn't. He left my card details on his xbox for a couple of months making unauthorised purchases, to the point when my bank statement came in and it showed tonnes of money being poured out from my account, I then confronted him showing him the bank statements, I then went on his XBOX and I found my card details still there. I was pissed off at him for doing this as in REALLY PISSED I then removed my card, I then called up Microsoft asking them to refund my money and they kindly did, I then cutoff contact with him and never saw him again.
Last I heard of him was when I tried to contact me i then blocked him. Haven't heard of him in ages.

Am I the asshole? ######

Response: NTA he was stealing from you. ######


Prompt:
I was engaging in a casual debate with one of my fiancée’s friends. He just mentioned with Hartley Sawyer situation that people should be absolutely held accountable to anything they said, even if it was long ago and during a different time.

I disagreed with him respectfully, but he just outright said that there is absolutely no exception. So, you know what I had to do.

I scoured through his entire twitter account and made a program that would detect a bunch of whitelisted words. I found one where he uses the word “faggot” to refer to one of his friends. Keep in mind, he was probably 14 when he posted that. I just sent him the message, and suddenly he got all pissed and said that I shouldn’t scour though his messages and that I’m being a pompous ass.

So, AITA? ######

Response: NTA he was pretty much asking for it when he said that and you did what most people would do, he shouldn’t have posted it in the first place ######


Prompt:
We're 21, for the reference.

I have mainly lovely classmates, but this guy (M) is something else, he's a year older (he studied abroad for a year and had to repeat the classes as our school is very strict) and you cannont imagine the level of annoyance. I'd describe him like a weird mix between a xenopfobic boomer and your constantly nagging 13 y.o. brother.

We were assigned a final project for our literature class and I was in the same group as him. Fun. It had to be my lucky day, because my period arrived.

Anyway, we were having a skype "meeting" and I wasn't well. At all. At one point M started making fun of me for looking pale and I just told him, I had my period, so if he was so kind as to shut up I'd be grateful.

Instead he continued making those clichè jests (sexist, too) about how it meant I was going to be hysterical and have a lots of pimples while crying at romcoms.

I was so fucking agry! So I started to explain him "the real" struggle. How some women have fevers, how there are horrible cramps, sensitive breasts, blood, being tired, weirds poop-routines as ovaries do some weird magic, sensitivity to smells/perfumes, feeling dirty, HOW EXPENSIVE ALL THE SHIT IS etc. Then I told him all about exhausting men who think, women just fake all those struggles so they what, have their daily dose of drama?

Long story short, it was a TED talk. Afterwards he was too shocked to say anything, and some of my girl-friends started to list their own problems. So I presume he really got scared the picture. (More like a whole gallery of pictures.)

We finished the project and called it a day.

One of my female friends wrote me how it was all unnecessary and we'd taken it too far, embarrassing him. She also told me she didn't want to know about my period.

Should I have shut it? I mean, I'm from a family where is not a taboo, so I could cross the line. However, who tf pokes fun on someone because they are pale? ######

Response: NTA he wanted to joke about your suffering then you explaining your suffering is on the table . Periods are basic bodily functions it’s not like you were sending pics of a bloody pad or something ######


Prompt:
I know I know, but hear me out.

So my neighbor (25?M) runs a prank youtube account (it's up and coming, you may have seen it) and he basically scares women to "show the struggle of women and what they go through."

So I (21F) was standing in my driveway getting ready to go for my morning run. I take my first step and all of a sudden I see a man pop up from behind my car and and tries to grab my wrist. My heart was in my goddamn throat. I screamed, took out my pepper spray, and I'm not going to lie I went a little crazy with it. That's when I see it's him, and he's obviously not happy.

He's okay, but now he's threatening legal action for the medical bills. After he got checked he told me it was just a social experiment or whatever but he was on my property without my knowledge and I just got scared. AITA? ######

Response: NTA He wanted to assault you on camera to put the encounter up online to show what women do when they're in danger to prove what? If he was on women's side in this shit he should be glad your prepared to not become a victim. You might want to file a police report against him just to cover your bases. Really, what an asshole. ######


Prompt: My older brother volunteered to babysit my 2 nephews while my other brother (his dad) and his wife work. I told them from the beginning I didn’t want to help watch them cause I work 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and the days i have off i wanna rest. Lately the brother who volunteered has been complaining that hes tired and needs help. I told him already I didnt want to cause i need to rest for work. He got mad and said i should help and said i was being lazy. I reminded him he volunteered himself to watch the kids not me so it sounds like a personal problem more or less. Starting tomorrow i work 12 hour shifts until friday  covering for someone, my mom called me and asked me to help but i said no. Now my phone is blowing up with texts saying im being an asshole. Am i though? ######

Response: NTA he shouldn't have committed to that if he couldn't handle it ######


Prompt:
My husband is a gamer through and through. Right now his game of choice is Call of Duty: Whatever version is out right now. He games 3-4 nights out of the week.

I... am not a gamer. Mostly, it makes my eyes water and I run around aimlessly. Case and point: I button-mashed my way through Tekkan as a child, and only grinded in Tony Hawk Pro-Skater. I enjoyed the way I played the game, but have never played a game to beat it.

For my birthday this year my husband bought me the game Animal Crossing: New Horizon and I have really been enjoying it. If you play, you know that the multi-player capabilities of this game are lacking, and you can only have one island per switch. I created my island, named it, and invited my husband to create a character to play.

I play two nights a week (maybe), but that is all I want to play. My husband has started playing the switch during the day and **I feel** has taken over my island. I was moving at my own pace, but he has started playing as me and hits every milestone for me. I was ACTUALLY playing this game, just in the mosey-about way I enjoy. I have alluded to him taking over my island and flat out asked him to stop playing, because he plays video games all the time, and this is the first video game that I have had interest in since Tekkan. He is still playing it daily. I know he wants us to have a game together, but I feel like my island doesn't even feel like what I wanted at all.

AITA? Should I embrace his want to connect via videogames? But how do I overcome his need to complete every part of the game obsessively? ######

Response: NTA He should not play as you. He should either play his own character, despite the gameplay being less good, or he should buy his own copy to play as his own main player. ######


Prompt: So when I moved in with my roommate it was agreed that everything would be split 50/50, rent, utilities all that. So he decided in the middle of the lease that he wanted to move out and buy a house with his gf. While we had agreed to wait until the end of the lease, two days after that conversation he announced he put a deposit down and was going to move out. This meant breaking the lease and having to pay a the penalty. While i did get blindsided I agreed that i would pay half of the fee in an effort to save what is left of our friendship of 3 years. On top of the penalty we got charged damages that were all in his bedroom because of his cats. I told him that I wasn’t going to pay for damages in his room as I wouldn’t expect him to pay for damages in mine. Now he is acting like I broke the 50/50 agreement and has an attitude because I won’t pay for his damages. Let me tell you the room is gonna have some major deep cleaning done before they can rent to apartment again. We are talking hundreds of dollars of work that needs to be done. Meanwhile I have been fronting money for the utilities, he still owes me them for May and is saying that he won’t pay for the June utilities because he moved out. AITA for not paying for damages in my exroomates bedroom? ######

Response: NTA he seems to be trying to to get you to pay for as much as he can. He hasn't even paid his part of the bills, who's to say he won't try to skip out on the cleaning and repair bill, once you've paid your "half"? You already paid half of a penalty that he caused ######


Prompt:
First time AITA poster so sorry if my formatting isn’t great!

I (21F) went to the supermarket today to get food and I parked near a trolly collecting bay, where there was a worker collecting trollies. As I pulled out of my carpark the employee (probably late 20’s M) signalled me to stop. I just assumed I had left my purse on top of my car or something silly like that and lowered my window to find out.

The employee then said hello and started asked my name, if I was single, and my age and then tried to have a short chat with me, concluding “it was worth a try” when I told him I was not single. It appeared that he may have been not fully neurotypical and aware of the uncomfortable situation he was placing me in. I shut down the conversation quickly and politely but left the shops feeling quite uncomfortable, especially the fact it was an employee who did this while he was working.

WIBTA if I reported him to his employer? I’d hate to get anyone fired or in serious trouble especially given the current economic climate and the fact he may not have known what he did was wrong, but I also worry that he may do it to someone else who was not as confident in getting themselves out of that situation. ######

Response: NTA he needs to know that's not ok and if it's the first time then he won't get fired ######


Prompt:
For starters, he uses my car because his is wrecked (not a car accident, he didn't do repairs when needed and eventually everything started failing). I only have my temps because of the lockdown, and I'm giving it another week or so until the lines are short enough for me to be willing to take the driving test. Since I cant drive as much as him, I've been letting him drive mine. Before his car ultimately died, I helped him clean it out. It was like a goddamn hoarder's house it was so disgusting. Moldy food in fast food bags, dozens if not a hundred half empty bottles of drinks, and god knows what embedded in the seat fabric. I had completely vacuumed and deep cleaned every inch of my car when I bought it (2004 grandpa-mobile so it was in need of a good clean, and I treat it like my child because I paid for it by myself as my first vehicle). Within a week of him driving it, there were crumbs on the floor and not a single cupholder was empty. Not only this, but he accidentally left a bag of buns under the seat. I told him to take it out when I found it, he left for work, and I realized it was still there weeks later because he forgot about it again. Moldy af. I had to clean everything again myself, and snapped saying that the next time I find so much as a straw wrapper left in the car he wont be allowed to drive it anymore. He is saving up for a down payment on a nice car so I've been patient with him, but he's starting to make messes again.

WIBTA if I finally stop letting him drive it? He would have to take uber everywhere which would slow down his buildup of savings. ######

Response: NTA he needs to have the decency to respect your things especially since you're doing him a favor. I wouldn't let him drive my car anymore personally because that's gross and once you've let something MOLD in my car idc who you are youre not getting in my car. ######


Prompt:
My (32f) brother (25m) was made my ward (well limited ward) when our parents died when I was 26. He has High functioning autism, I believe Level 1 is the severity of it, on the three level scale. He’s very intelligent, went to college, you know he’s mentally all there.

I was given control over many aspects of his legal self. Due to his impulsiveness, gullibility, social difficulties, and such.

Recently my brother has gotten mad over his lack of control of his life. So he asked me to relinquish guardianship entirely. The problem is he’s still just as bad with money, he’s still really bad with scheduling and stuff like that, and while he’s made strides in social interactions he still clearly has deficits. I mean he thought he was going to get married to a boy he met just a week earlier at one point.

So I told him no for his own good, now he’s been really cold to me since than. I got him  some makeup and a bunny rabbit as a gift and he’s been distracted enough by it that I think he’s forgotten for now.
But that won’t last for ever, AITA if I deny his request for relinquishment of my guardianship?

Edit: he lives in an apartment near me, across from me to be exact ######

Response: NTA he needed a guardian for a reason. Can you guys start slowly working towards him having more responsibility? An allowance that he can manage on his own, letting him run his own schedule for a week to see how it goes, etc. ######


Prompt:
My fiancé bought his first bike a week and a half ago. It’s a manual. He’s just learned how to keep from stalling. He’s had a hard on about riding everywhere we go and he’s never driven in the rain or when the roads are slick. He wanted to go to his friends house about 35 minutes away to show off the bike. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that because he’s...
1) Not experienced
2) Not licensed
3) Has NEVER driven the bike in the rain
4) Is not a responsible driver
He left with the *biggest* attitude, told me he was big enough to make his own decisions, I was being unreasonable, and took the car. I’m not very knowledgeable about bikes and bike safety and feeling a little guilty. Am I the asshole? ######

Response: NTA he is going to get himself or someone else hurt. ######


Prompt:
So my ex and I have split our custody with our son. I told him all week that I’d be really sick this weekend and wouldn’t be physically able to take care of our son. Either him or my mother would watch him. I knew I was having a medical abortion towards the weekend (now) and didn’t know how bad it’d be, but also didn’t go into detail that’s what I was doing because I didn’t feel comfortable discussing it and the current pregnancy was from my current partner.
Today I’m laying in bed and he comes in saying he finally got a job and starts tomorrow, that I would have to watch the baby. I told him I couldn’t (tomorrow is the day I take the second set of pills to the abortion and I expect a lot of pain) and that I already talked to my mother about her watching him, she said she would. I told him to call her and he was not having it (he hates calling her). After we exchanged a few more words and me finally saying I wanted to be alone because I was feeling sick he yells at me “well it’s not MY fault you went and had an abortion” and I didn’t know how to reply.
Fast forward an hour later where I text him and tell him we need space. He asked why and I gave him an explanation- that it really hurt my feelings and I was going through a lot emotionally as is. He then sends me a lengthy text saying that “You are a parent before anything and I need you to please start acting like it. Us being apart will require you to be more active in [sons name] day to day life. So think before doing something that’s gonna make you incapable of helping him. When we have a schedule, it’ll be simpler. Get your shit together and stop blaming everything for what you do to yourself.” Copied and pasted text. I then called him and he told me to stop acting like a teenager and said I was a bad parent. Now I’m laying in bed feeling guilty about letting my mother watch him over the weekend. I feel like I’m wronging my son. AITA???? ######

Response: NTA He is being completely unreasonable. Apparently because he didn't want to have to call your mother. You had a medical issue and handled it like an adult. Your child needs supervision, so you made two plans in case one fell through. He bailed on the kid and didn't make any plans for dealing with it. ######


Prompt:
My husband and I have been married for 3 years and we both agreed we were child free. I told him up front if I got pregnant I would have an abortion. He said that was fine.

Well a month ago I found out I was pregnant. I told him, and that I was going to get an abortion. He freaked out and said that I was killing his kid and couldn’t.

We fought about it for a week and then I just went anyway. He moved out and said he was going to divorce me. I haven’t heard from him since.

I’m pretty fucking pissed off, since we agreed we were child free and now he’s going back on it and freaking out. AITA? ######

Response: NTA he either changed his mind or thought you would change your mind ######


Prompt:
Me and my brother are 16 and 15, we are from a super religious family that like to push all that ‘you WILL visit your dad’ nonsense on us despite us not wanting to.

My bro and I are really close, he is autistic but has got a LOT better as he has got older (he was non verbal as a kid and had a lot of triggers, he’s verbal now and can control his triggers a lot better) anyway he still has meltdowns but i know how to look after him and deal with him.

My dad on the other hand always blew off my brother and made out that my brother could control his mental state etc and he would call my bro ‘Ralph wiggum’ as a really mean way of calling him dumb.

Anyway all my bro eats is tomato soup and grilled cheese when his routine is disrupted, I guess it’s comfort for him. I hate cooking and usually my mom makes it for my bro if we have to travel out of state or whatever but obviously he’s my brother and I’m gonna look after him.

My dad refuses to help with my brothers needs because he doesn’t believe in autism.

So I made him his grilled cheese when my stepsister (also 15) TOLD me to make one, no please or thank you, for herself. I said ask nicely and I will, so she just screeched at the top of her lungs for my dad and her mom.

They both came and started berating me saying I’m the oldest and I need to care for BOTH my siblings now and that I’m acting like a brat.

Then as a weird sort of power thing they stood over me and said ‘make her the grilled cheese’. I got pissed at being told what to do so I said no.

To make things worse my brother called her a word in front of my dad and his wife and that got us both grounded (they took our phones away) however I have my iPad in my bag so I’m on Reddit with that.

Am I the asshole cuz I didn’t make one for her? ######

Response: NTA he doesn't believe in autism? That's a new one. Wtf? No, nta, your family sounds terrible and they're raising a brat daughter who will grow up to also be terrible. ######


Prompt:
Ok backstory, this is all pre-covid. My neighbors property borders mine on 2 sides.

We did not have a fence between our yards, and both of us have dogs. I thought it might be advantageous to put one in, so my dogs could run free, without worrying about them getting out. I approached them about splitting the cost of the parts that adjoin our property, since we both would benefit, and he initially agreed.

I sought out a few quotes, and found what I thought was a good contractor, at a good price, and gave him a copy the quotes. Several days go by, and he says he no longer wants to share the cost of the fence. Just to be clear, I don't think it's a financial issue.

Ok, fine. I proceed as planned, this time I'm paying for the full cost, since this would make my dogs safe and happy.

The day of install comes, and our contractor has to reschedule. Bummer, but not the end of the world. That same day, I see a (different) contractor in my neighbors yard putting in...a gate and a few feet of fence going back to side his house.

I see this for what it is, and decide to teach wise-ass a lesson. Install day comes around again, and this time, instead of installing it on the property line, I asked the contractor to set this section back 1 foot.

This now means his gate is worthless since his dog can easily walk around it, unless he connects to the fence I paid for on my property, which he can't legally do, and I refuse to allow.

The wives are pissed at the whole thing, since previously we were all friendly, but it seems to have caused a bit of friction, mostly between the husband and I.

I humbly await your verdict. ######

Response:
 NTA He could have offered to pay you in installments but he completely backed out then tried to take advantage of YOUR fence. If he didn't want a fence, that's fine. But installing a gate as an extension off of your fence after declining to help pay for it, that's an A-hole move. The fact that he is making this into a big deal instead of just paying to fill that foot-long gap is ridiculous.

And adverse possession? Oh no, you'll lose 12 inches off your property edge! Small price to pay I say. ######


Prompt:
This story starts around February 2020,
So class finished and i told him how i felt about him. I didn’t realize that his friends were watching me from the back of the class. I think i embarrassed him and he yelled at me saying something along the lines of, “eww no.”

Later that day i got barrage of texts from him, “How could you think i would go out with you?” “You have medium length hair and are short, Also you should hit the gym.”

I was near devastated. See the problem wasn't that he wasn’t wrong as I know I could be more athletic and I am quite short. I was feeling really sad so i screenshotted the convo and sent it to my friend, asking her how to cope with it. She and I talked a lot about relationships and stuff.

Later that week she told a bunch of other people how my crush “ridiculed” me because i asked him out. The news spread around my friend circles and his friend circles so fast. Almost everyone in our grade knew about what had happened.

I got some more texts from him about how i ruined most of his friendships and how i’m a terrible person. I started to think that i might have actually ruined his personal life. A bunch of his friends started taking my side, and i just feel bad about it. His friends keep telling me it’s not my fault and i didn’t do anything wrong but I feel like i did.

So reddit AITA? ######

Response: NTA he could have nicely said he wasn't interested. Instead he body shamed you and insulted you. You deserve better. ######


Prompt:
Basically my cat is trained to use the toilet bowl, I have two bathrooms in my flat and the cat uses the guest one, it’s always up and clean because the cat uses it and knows how to flush it (sometimes he forgets it), I clean it every day and my cat been doing it for the past 6 years.

My boyfriend just moved in with me and he hates it, even if we have our own bathroom and barely uses the guest ones, he says it is disgusting and awful, last night we had a huge fight because the cat didn’t flush it’s poo and now my ex is saying that he is going to live if I don’t litter box train my cat, but I see no point doing it since the toilet is much more hygienic.

So AITA for not wanting to change my cats habits to make my boyfriend happy? ######

Response: NTA he clearly has never dealt with a litterbox if he thinks that a litterbox is more hygienic and/or less trouble than occasionally flushing cat poo when the cat forgets. I’m super impressed that you trained your cat to do this!!! I WISH my cats would use the toilet instead of a litterbox .... ######


Prompt:
My husband had an affair a year and a half ago that only lasted a few months (according to him 😬😬), but which included a trip out of town that he obviously hid from me. Within a day or two of finding out about the affair, he cane to me and said he had made a huge mistake and asked if I would try to work things out with him. I agreed, and we have been in counseling trying to recover from it since then.

My husband is a big outdoorsman, and prior to the affair, he took at least two (sometimes more) trips a year to fish, hunt, etc. since the affair, he has been on a few trips, but he has always taken one of our kids or left our home with a friend, etc. This weekend was his first trip post affair where he left our house to go meet his friends at a fishing lodge.

Before he left, I asked that he not go radio silent on me like he used to do on his trips (before the affair when our marriage was not up to par). I requested two text messages, one in the morning and one at night just to say hey etc. not asking for FaceTime, not even asking for a phone call.

He has refused to comply and is totally disregarding me. Calling me crazy and a psycho for asking for this. AITA for asking him to check in given our history and that I am trying to rebuild my trust in him? ######

Response: NTA He broke the trust. These are not complicated requests. He needs to be more than happy to attempt to rebuild and affirm your trust, based on his past. While fishing can truly be exhausting (being out on a boat for 10 hours a day can send you to bed as soon as it’s dark- Believe me I’ve seen my dad come home from fishing tournaments ready to fall out), he should WANT to FaceTime you when he’s back to the place he’s sleeping to say good night and to put your mind at ease. It’s purely rebuilding a foundation. It’s also just a nice thing to be on a trip and let her know you’re thinking about her. This shouldn’t be hard or complicated. ######


Prompt:
This is my first post on this sub, however, I'm kinda nervous about posting this, since I do know that some friends have reddit and may rat me out if they ever find this...

Anyway, today is the beginning of July, meaning that my birthday falls this month. I had everything planned out for my birthday party: dates, events (which can still work out since restrictions are at ease) and most importantly, guests.

I wanted to invite a specific group of people as they are my close friends and they have been there for me for years. But do you ever have that friend that wants to go to every outing you go to and ask why they aren't invited? Those people irk me...

One of my friends found out that my birthday was this month and asked if we were going out for drinks. I told him that he wasn't invited since everything was all planned out. Other than him not being close to me, he wants me to get super drunk one night to the point where I can't walk and my liver gets fucked and perhaps want me to embarrass myself in public.

I was pretty straightforward with telling him that he wasn't one of my guests. However, other friends just ganged up against me saying that I'm dogging them.

I just felt that it is my party and I can invite who I'd like to. I just want it to be a chill party with a small group of friends and I could perhaps have a drink or two and not something super rowdy with a large group where I just can't walk the next day.

Kind of feel like the asshole, but I feel that Reddit should debate this based on my situation...

TLDR: Planned a party, friend finds out about birthday, told him that he wasn't invited, other friends accused me of "dogging the boys" ######

Response: NTA he asked, you responded honestly. I don't see why people think they can gang up on you for having your birthday party the way you want, with the guests you want ######


Prompt:
My fiancé’s dad provided for the majority of his life: house, clothes, condo, school, everything he needed. That being said, he was a horrible father. He would beat and abuse my fiancé and restrict him of a lot of freedom growing up. Once he made my fiancé sleep outside their house as a punishment and in turn he got the flu and had to be hospitalized. He even invalidated our relationship for a long time saying that “it will pass and you’ll regret ever getting married.”

Having heard all the stories and witnessed how uncomfortable my fiancé is whenever he’s around his dad, I decided to not invite him to our wedding (with the approval of my fiancé of course.)

As we were setting up the guest list, his mom noticed his dad isn’t there. I didn’t think this would matter because they’ve been separated for a while due to him cheating and housing a “sugar baby” in a condo for years. I thought she’d rather him not be there too, but apparently not because she told me that he’s family and that he should be at his son’s wedding.

She told this to her sisters and they all agreed that my fiancé’s father should be able to see him get married after “raising him to be the man that he is.” That it’s the least we can do for him seeing as he paid for my fiancé’s entire life until he became independent.

They knew this was my initial decision because my fiancé wouldn’t be brave enough to do it so they’re now calling me selfish and not recognizing my reasons for not inviting him. I don’t owe him anything, he will just make my fiancé feel terrible the whole time, and it’s OUR day. But I’m starting to see their point so IDK if I’m an asshole here or what.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA he abused your fiance, he doesn't deserve to see you two get married. Besides, it's your wedding; why are you letting others have input in your guest list? ######


Prompt:
Quick things to remember
 •pregnant girlfriend
•we had a little scare 2 weeks ago which led to my girlfriend having to stay in the hospital for a total of 6 days regarding the baby.
•one of the doctors orders was to stay the least stressed possible

  I work night shifts so the afternoon started just like any other until about three hours into my shift. My girlfriend sends me multiple text about how horrible her mother made her feel when she reviled to her she was getting the tdap shot. So I simply sent her mother a text that stated “With all do respect I would appreciate if you wouldn’t stress ally out over something so trivial as the tdap shot. I trust that she will do what she feels is best for her and the baby and we all need to respect that. We value the opinions of medical professionals far more than anything that can be googled. “ which she responds with “ Listen she's my daughter and I will inform of what I wish . With all do respect . “ so at this point I’m pretty livid and sent a not so nice text next,using some profanity while reminding her of the incident we had just gone through. She proceeded to tell me how this is an issue that only deals with her and her daughter (my girlfriend). I remind her that the baby inside her daughter is also mine which makes this my issue, while letting her know that just because she is grandma, doesn’t mean she’s entitled to be apart of my sons life. ######

Response: NTA grandparent or not, not her baby and not her choice. ######


Prompt:
So my sister was visiting my house yesterday with her 3 1/2 year old kid. When it came to dinnertime, the kid didn't want to eat. Not unusual, but after like 10 minutes of fighting the kid asked for some water and my sister refused to give it to her until she took "3 big bites" of food. They kept fighting for like 40 minutes and it was starting to freak me out honestly cuz like... I was thirsty af, so the kid probably was too, and I wasn't gonna get water right in front of her. What if she genuinely couldn't eat cuz she was thirsty? It's not like the kid was asking for juice or milk, just water. Idk, I feel like that should never be withheld. But I also am not and never plan to be a parent, so I don't know.

*Referred to as "the kid" cuz I think stories with fake names get confusing*

So WIBTA if I told the kid she can have water any time she asks in my house? Or should I let my sister parent her way? ######

Response: NTA give the kid water. Refusing water is definitely a form of abuse. ######


Prompt:
My mom has wanted someone to come professionally deep clean our house for a long time. It’s pretty expensive, so I suggested paying my boyfriend to deep clean since he’s very good at cleaning. She agreed and named her price, but later she made a snide comment about how my boyfriend should’ve offered to clean our house for free

I got extremely pissed because my boyfriend never asked to be paid for this. Paying him to clean our house was a conversation between me and my mom. My boyfriend had no idea that we even wanted him to clean her house.

She defended herself saying she would’ve paid him more if he had never asked for money. I kept trying to explain to her that he never asked her to pay him because he didn’t even know we were thinking of hiring him until I told him. My boyfriend would have done this for free if I asked him, but I just don’t feel comfortable asking someone to clean my mom’s house without paying them.

I lost my patience and blew up on her and told her she shouldn’t expect people to do her huge favors for free all the time, even if she pays them as a thank you. I also lectured her about how cleaning your whole house isn’t a normal favor and she shouldn’t have had any expectations my boyfriend would do this for free. ######

Response: NTA give someone an inch they'll want a mile ######


Prompt: My girlfriend is really set on moving into this apartment, but the building doesn’t allow dogs and I have no close relatives to take care of my dog, who’s name is Gumby. I (24M) just recently graduated from University of Colorado and it was a huge step for me considering the rest of my family is living in Connecticut. My grandma living here was what really set it apart from other schools but when she passed away there was no other place to keep my dog but in my dorm. I also met the perfect girl here. She’s pretty, nice, funny, has a great personality, and other than this instance our relationship has been smooth. But now that we have both graduated we are planning on moving in together. She has her heart set on this 1 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment that is fully renovated for $800/month, which we could definitely pay for. The dealbreaker is, they don’t allow dogs like Gumby and this guy has helped me through some TOUGH times, and letting go of him could be one of the hardest things to do. We have gotten in multiple arguments thus far and she is so set on this place she won’t even look at other places in the same building that have an extra bedroom for a lower price. It’s started to really stress me out, and I just need the popular opinion. ######

Response: NTA Girlfriends come and go but a dog loves forever. Having to give up your dog may foster resentment in you if you didn’t want to ######


Prompt:
I (26M) am about to propose to my GF. We talked about it so she kinda expects it to happen. Still, I want to keep the surprise of when and where I would ask her.

The actual problem is that I am not really good with jewelry and style. Even in the past when I gifted some piece of clothing to her (for some bday for example), we always shopped together.

She always seems happy about it and I usually say that spending that time together is part of the gift and a treat to both of us.

Since an engagement ring would remain for life, I was thinking to propose using a "replacement ring" (for example a toy ring or a cheap one), which she can even hold on to as a memory, and ask her to buy the ring together in our first "fiancee" shopping.

I was thinking to say something along the lines of "Will you marry me? I want to be with you for the rest of our life. Starting this Saturday so I can get you the ring you deserve".

I was speaking with my sister yesterday and when I told her, she said I am TA because I am too lazy to get her an actual ring and if so don't know my GF tastes maybe I don't know her enough to marry her.  I was taken aback and left wondering... Am I TA if I follow my original plan? ######

Response:
 NTA get a silicone ring to propose with. That way she can wear it when an expensive ring doesn’t make sense.

I picked out my own ring. Honestly when we started shopping i was shocked at what I decided on. I tried on many styles and if my BF had picked what i had thought I wanted I would have hated it.  Online/window shopping is very different than seeing them on your hand. ######


Prompt:
The timeline on this one is kind of extended, sorry

October 2015 - Sister announces her engagement and sets the date for February 2017

January 2016 - my wife and I announce we're expecting a baby after 4 years of trying. We waited until after the first appointments so we could tell mother the due date - Sept 21. Now, our 6yo had been a month and a half early, and the doctor warned us it could very well be the case again, so we knew we probably wouldn't make it to the 21st. Sister immediately announces she's moved the wedding up to Sept 3rd, and the chaos ensues. My wife and I knew from the start if the wedding was so close to the due date, we probably wouldn't be able to make it. Neither Mother nor Sister handle this news well, and we argue for several months

July - mother agrees to take my daughter to the wedding and keep her over night so she can still be the flower girl.

August - Mother forgets this arrangement and says she and Dad want to party the night before so they didn't want to be responsible for a child. She told me I was expected to either stay the night, or drive out, drop her off the day of, and either drive back (4 hours round trip) or stay for the wedding. I told her my sister would unfortunately have no flower girl, as my wife is in prodromal labor and cannot make it to the bathroom without several contractions.

The week of the wedding, the entire family keeps blowing up my phone. Sister decided to make it an extended camping trip for the family and wedding party. My parents took 5 days off for the wedding, and spent that time trying a combination of yelling and guilt tripping to get me to go.

Sept 3 - the wedding proceeds and my wife and I are in the hospital (AGAIN) for a stress test because she has been having contractions for 3 hours. We hear nothing from the family.

Sept 7 - my wife is admitted into the hospital. The baby is born at 4:23am the next morning.

AITA for not attending the wedding without my wife? ######

Response:
 NTA fuck no a thousand times.

Its your wife and child , you were 100% right to choose them over your sisters wedding. ######


Prompt:
So this is my first time in this position and I have no idea if I’ve made a huge mistake and put my foot in my mouth right now.

My (23f) partner (21m) and I are looking at moving in together. My flat lease is coming up and we’re looking at somewhere a little bigger (I’m in a 2 bed but the 2nd bedroom is fairly small).

He’s only rented student places and is from a very different area so I guess he was naive about prices. He has a job lined up for September but won’t be making a huge amount. It’s a great position but pay will be low in his career. I however have a very well paid position. I’m two years older and further in my career and happen to work in a well paying field.

When looking at rents he can’t really afford much. So I suggested we look at splitting is as per salary sacrifice. So instead of 50/50 look at how much of a pay sacrifice it would take per percentage (eg my current place only costs 30% of my wages. So add say 30% of his and use that as a rent). This would enable us to afford some of the places we’ve looked at and I’d still be paying the same as I am here.

He got super offended and has now stated he’s questioning being with me overall. He said me suggesting I pay more was belittling. He doesn’t seem to think how I said it was the problem which was my though (checked I hadn’t come across sarky/annoyed) but he genuinely has a problem with my suggestion at a base level.

So reddit, was I an asshole to suggest I pay more because I earn more? Thanks in advance. ######

Response:
 NTA from my view, it makes complete sense to do it that way given you’d pay what you’re already paying.

I’d be more concerned about his attitude that it’s belittling. Does that mean he has a problem with you earning more? If that wage difference continues will it fundamentally be a problem for him? Does he equate his personal value to his monetary contributions?

I’m in a pretty similar situation as you insofar as I am older (29f) than my partner (25m) and earn abouuttt $25kpa more than him, and he’s actually said that if my career is better off than his when we have kids he will be the stay at home parent if I’m earning more. ######


Prompt: So, I'm in high school and a few of my friends are Non-binary or trans and I try to be supportive, I have a good relationship with my parents and so I tell them a lot about my friends including referring to my friend (Let's call him Fred) who asked me to use they/them pronouns by those pronouns, it confused my parents so I asked Fred if there was anything else they'd prefer to be called instead of they/them and he blew up at me saying I outed them to my parents when my parents don't even know and that I was being disrespectful, I've never had any friends like Fred before the last year and it was never explained to me how to refer to them in front of my parents. A while back Fred sent me a post with no context saying that I was a horrible person and Fred says I'm horrible when he changes his name and pronouns and I don't use them because he didn't tell me that was what changed and I feel underappreciated. I want to continue to be friends with Fred, not only because I love hanging out with that friend group but also because I enjoy hanging out with Fred, so many of my other friends are telling me that Fred is toxic and I don't know what to do. Am I the asshole here? ######

Response: NTA Fred doesn’t sound like a good friend, I would stop putting effort into it ######


Prompt:
I've been with my BF for a little over a year. He's known by those around him to be "the class clown" and into edgy humor.

The other day I was talking about how fall classes for my son (11 years old) are projected to go since Covid-19 hit. We were talking about school districts and potential liabilty issues when I said, "I'll send my son to school in a mask and if he gets sick, I can't sue the district. It's not like the teachers are trying to inject them with..."

I had a massive brainfart and meant to say "Covid", but my boyfriend then interrupted and said, "their semen?"

I know he's said sexually-charged jokes before and he's into "that's what she said" type of jokes, but this honestly creeped and grossed me out to the point where I told him I felt uncomfortable and cut our evening short.

I went straight home and he tried to call and apologize profusely, but I told him I wanted to take a few days to think and that I still felt gross and really creeped out by that comment. For what it's worth, I divulged to him my own trauma of a high school teacher I trusted who tried to groom me for sex, so I may be more sensitive on any jokes relating to that issue.

He's since sent me texts saying "I am so ashamed and embarrassed. I don't know why you'd want to be with me. Sorry for wasting your love and time." He also dropped off my stuff and my key while I was at home sleeping.

It feels like manipulation to me, but I'm having doubts now. Am I overly sensitive or too easily offended? Am I the asshole for feeling creeped out by this joke about my son? ######

Response: NTA for your reaction. It was super creepy that his mind went straight to semen joke when discussing your kid. ######


Prompt:
Long story short, i knocked up some girl and knowing i fucked up i signed away paternity rights and agreed to pay child support. I later found out after 12 years of paying 50k in child support that she fucked around 6 other dudes at that time and just chose me to be the father (not telling me about the other dudes) because i was the most financially stable. What a fucking cunt

So I’m suing her for child support. She is calling me a asshole for doing this because she has no family support and only makes 35k a year, and that since i make 110k a year i shouldn't be so mean. I told her that's her only fucking fault and i don't care, i want my fucking money back and i don't care if that financially destroys her, i had my wages garnished to pay for some child that wasn't even mine. I know for a fact that child support money wasn't even going towards that kid, it was going for her to go out partying with friends and her stupid MLMs.

A lot of people are saying she couldn't just made a mistake but i don't care, she had an obligation to find out who the real father was, and yes i am a dumbass for not getting a DNA test in the beginning, but i got one now and i have proof the child isn't mine. ######

Response: NTA for wanting your money back, but you probably wont get it, and in fact you're probably on the hook until the child is 18 or out of school. I'd talk to a lawyer ASAP. In the US people can still being obligated to pay child support for a kid proven to not be theirs because they accepted the responsibility in the past. Legally speaking, you've made yourself the father, even if its proven you're not the biological parent now. ######


Prompt: (20F) I live with 4 other girls. Due to corona virus, the 4 other girls have chosen to quarantine at either their parents house or with their significant others, which leaves me in the house by myself. We have agreed to split all the base fees for utilities 5 ways, but I am in charge of everything else on top of that. However, base fees don’t cover things like our gardeners using our hose or keeping a refrigerator plugged in at all times or the sensor lights around the front of the house, etc. normally I would pay $60 for utilities a month, but this time, they asked me to pay for $160 of the utilities bill. I understand that because I am living here alone I should be paying for most of the bill, but they haven’t taken into account that there are certain things above the base fees that we would all be paying for if nobody was here. ######

Response:
 NTA for wanting to make this fair.  A certain “base-load” of utilities are necessary, even if *no one* is home.  Like the fridge still needs to stay plugged in, the gardener is still using the water, the water heater still needs to be powered (vs being drained or worrying about legionnaires), etc.

I would suggest looking back over your last several months/year’s worth of bills and figuring out what the low-point (lowest cost month) is for each.  Or alternatively, what the cost was last year at this same time (probably a bit more fair for HVAC).  Everyone splits that amount, the same way they were splitting the utilities before (whatever split was previously agreed on).  Then you, individually, cover the remainder. ######


Prompt:
My best friend (let's call her Apple) is black, and I am white. In the area we live, we both are considered a minority of the population so theres not many people around for her to learn from to do her hair. Apple is in a smaller minority than I am, so I want to try and help her out a bit by helping her learn to do her hair because her mother doesn't know how to do it either.

Now, I have another black friend (we'll call her Blue), I asked her about it because she always shows up with cute hairstyles and knows her way around hair. I asked her if she could teach me to do hair like that and Blue called me racially insensitive.

AITA for wanting to learn how to do Apple's hair? ######

Response: NTA for wanting to help your friend who has expressed she doesn't have support in this area. Weird that Blue won't help Apple... it is not insensitive to know that there is a difference between white and black hair which would require different styling/care techniques. I would hit up youtube, there are tons of hairstyling videos available. Also maybe just double check with Apple that she would like help finding hair videos. Is Apple's family not savvy on hairstyling either to help her? ######


Prompt:
Background info
I’m 16. My dad married my stepmom like two years ago.

My step mom and I aren’t friendly but we don’t fight. We are just so-so. I’m not crazy about her. She likes to knit and make clothes and for me and my brother. They are always butt ugly.

Last school year my dad didn’t even get my brother and I back to school clothes, he just tried to make us wear her weird 1976 pilgrim clothes. I hate them. I had to beg my mom to get me a couple of outfits that I could actually wear.

My dad gave my brother and I the task of going through our clothes. We tend to give things that we can’t wear anymore to our cousins.

I was trying on clothes and posting silly Instagram stories. A lot of them were in her ugly clothes, and my friends and I had fun roasting them. Then I brought them all down to the pile for going to my cousins.

My step mom didn’t say anything about it at first, but when my dad got home for work they both confronted me about the Instagram stories the clothes.

I said that the clothes were ugly af and I didn’t want to wear them. They both started yelling at me and telling me to take down the ig stories. My dad wants me to apologize and take back the clothes. I don’t want them, so I refused.

They started calling me ungrateful, and just generally losing it. My dad has taken the rest of my clothes from my room and is demanding that I take back the ugly clothes that my stepmom made, and apologize for making fun of her on IG.

I don’t think I should be forced to wear the clothes, nor do I think my stepmom has any business sticking her nose in my social media. My brother says that I should have just put the clothes in a donation box or something to avoid trouble, and that I messed up here. He thinks I was an asshole for being so direct. AITA for trying to get rid of these clothes in her face? ######

Response: NTA for wanting to get rid of the clothes, but so YTA for how you handled getting rid of them and bullying your stepmom. She made those by hand with you in mind. obviously it was a gesture you responded rudely to. ######


Prompt: We were planning on a quiet trip, just the two of us and I told the oldest to expect us gone for the weekend. The oldest told the siblings and now the siblings and their friends want to go. SO said fine but no drama. That's impossible especially for the middle child who causes arguments every time they go. SO said they would be sent home with the other parent if the kids acted out, but has an awful track record for following through. I havent had a vacation solo with my SO in two years. I feel like I've been cheated into yet another family trip. This would be fine if that's what was expected. AITA for telling my SO I don't want them to go and was looking forward to our trip being just us? My SO just sighed and said "I know." WIBTA if I drove the kids home myself if they act out? (About 3 hours round trip) ######

Response: NTA for wanting some alone time, but need more info probably. Have you taken the kids on family trips recently? Are you married? Are they your kids? ######


Prompt:
So this happened about a month ago, but I’m still wondering if I was in the wrong here. Throwaway.

So I (22M) was bullied a lot growing up, all the way through high school, both verbally and physically. Some of the most common things I was called were things like “fag”, “faggot”, “homo”, “queer”, and I was often times beaten up in conjunction with that. When I finally got into my teen years and started to question myself, thought I might be bi,  a lot of the trauma caused internalized homophobia and made it really hard on me but in the last year or so I’ve really come to terms and started to accept who I am.

So I was using Tinder the other night, just swiping through a lot of people without paying attention. One of the people I matched with messaged me. Seeing his name and photo again I did a double take and then realized it was one the kids who used to bully me and use a lot of those same slurs, and was surprised to know he was actually gay. I asked him if he remembered me, he said yeah and I told him about what he did in the past and asked if he remembers that as well. He said it really doesn’t matter, it was a long time ago and that I should just forget about it. I told him to go fuck himself, and that I hope he never fully accepts himself like I eventually did.

I told my brother about it, and he said it was a long time ago and that while he understands my anger people do change. I get that, but did he really though? He didn’t apologize, and just pretends like it never happened. AITA for what I said? ######

Response:
 NTA for the simple fact that he blew it off when you brought it up.
Had he been a little more contrite, maybe things would be different.

Perhaps he was embarrassed and tried to downplay it, but this was a chance to put some big boy pants on and be confronted with his actions. He either failed or hasn’t changed. ######


Prompt:
Background: After moving in with my then gf, now wife, I started renting out my old house to college kids (it abuts campus). I live ~2 hours away, but have good friends and family nearby the house.

Last fall, I got a call from one of my tenants that they turned on the heat and nothing happened. For most things, I'll take a weekend and drive over to fix an issue and see people. Heat though needs to be solved ASAP. I found a local HVAC company that could come out the next day (for a roll truck fee) and see what was up. I told them it was a rental, and they said they were used to that, and that no work would be done without my authorization.

The next day, I get a text from my renter that the guy came out, that the thermostat was wired wrong (previous renter had put on a Nest, and I didn't test heat when he moved out, just AC. My mistake), and that he fixed it. Cool. Sounds like 5minutes of work, so I guess it was included in the diagnostic.

Then I get a credit card charge for $270. I call to see what's up, and the office thought the tech had called me and I authorized the work. Nope. I never would have paid $270 for fixing the wiring on a thermostat. I could have had a friend pop over for a 6-pack of beer.

The office puts me on with the tech, and he gives me two choices, pay the fee, or he's going back and unwiring the thermostat. I tell him, no. I didn't authorize the repair, the charge is ridiculous, and he's not allowed back in my house. (I can't trust him not to break things worse). After some back and forth, we come to an agreement. He'll refund the charge, but they'll never work for me again. Cool with me, as I don't want to work with extortionists.

I call the office to close the loop and let them know what their tech did, and find out he's the owner of the company. Eesh.

So, AITA for not paying the fee or letting him back in to undo what he did? ######

Response: NTA for the reasons you’ve already said. He should have called for the go ahead. His offer to go back and un-do the work was extra stupid. ######


Prompt:
Ill try to make this brief.

My grandma is in her late 60s, was diagnosed with MS 40 years ago. She has difficulty speaking and holding conversations and recently has been showing signs of deterioration.

She had 18 cats when she burned her house down and 13 passed. She had to give up 3 living ones  aland was allowed to keep 2 when she moved into government living facilities due to emotional support. This was 15 years ago.

Recently one of her cats passed away and the other has two paws in the grave. Im worried she will be close to follow since she so attached.

Anyhow the neighbor didnt spay the stray they let roam and its having kittens. After running the idea through my mom i decided to get one of the kittens, potty train it and get its shots, introduce it to my cats, and then give it to her.

She was super excited and asked what they looked like. At the time they were days old so all i could tell her was 2 grey and 1 black/white.

Every other day for weeks she has called and changed her mind from grey, to black...to grey...to black. And it takes her a good 10 minutes to spit out the reasons she wants X cat.

Anyways they are 8 weeks ajd the neigbor brought them over. He said i have first dibs, but a young couple wanted the 1 grey and his son really liked the black/white one.

Now this doesnt matter but the available grey one is my favorite. It looks like a little panther. I told him to let whoever wanted specifics to get their choices and i would give my grandma the 3rd one regardless.

I honestly couldn't remember the last color she landed on.

Well my gf got home and i told her and she said "im pretty sure last time she called she wanted the black one"

AITA for leaving it as is and giving her the darker grey one or whichever isnt chosen by the other two interested parties? ######

Response:
 NTA for the colour question at all.

BUT.

You would be a huge asshole if you gave this very elderly, ill woman a kitten who will live 10-15 years without a plan for where it will live when she passes (and the willingness to take the kitten if it is too much for her).  If you are willing to take the cat in regardless of it's behavioral or health situation at that time then that's great.

I'm sorry to be so forward with you - I used to work at an animal shelter and elderly and/or ill people were a major proportion of surrenders.  Very commonly they would have behavioral issues due to lack of training/undersocialization/separation anxiety from never being alone or medical issues if the elderly person was not financially well off.  Elderly people loving their pets is a great feel good moment.  Not so much when the person passes, the family is grieving and the animals are collateral damage.

EDIT:  I'm going to amend my post - YTA if you give her the cat at all.  Grandma cannot shower or stand, nurses aides will be expected to care for the kitten entirely meaning it wont' get enough socialization or activity.  Kittens have sharp teeth and claws and often use them, she won't be able to train this or redirect the energy properly.  Cat bites are nasty and a common source for infection - she could easily be hurt here.

Also, there is another VERY elderly cat (17) in the home who is very sick.  The kitten will absolutely harass that poor thing, the stress will significantly hasten his death.  If you say they won't be together then I wonder how you will do that with only the nurses aides caring for the cats.

Finally, there is a not cat policy.  Your grandma was probably allowed two cats because she already owned so many.  That does not mean she should get another or would even be allowed to do so.

YTA - this is a very bad idea. ######


Prompt:
So I have a somewhat good job, my sister doesn’t because of corona virus and she tends to old people so she could catch it. She is calling my dad for money, my dad says no because he told her not to get pregnant and that’s what she did. Then she calls me at work, (boss is chill and let’s me take the call) here’s what I remember from the call

M: Hello?
S: Hey can I barrow some money?
M: How much?
S: 300? I know you can spare some.
M: That’s my entire paycheck. I can’t do it sorry
S: So your gonna let your nephew starve and not get clean pampers?
M: That’s not my job to take care of your kid dude, And I know he has clean clothes because you showed me all the shit you got for your baby shower.
S: Ughh I hate you guys it hard being a first time mother!
M: It’s not my Fuckin problem dude. You opened your damn legs for a loser, you chose a baby over college, You could’ve gotten a abortion or been on birth control when you wanted to have sex. But you didn’t! Don’t blame your fuckin problems on me! I DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR FUCKING KID

I hung up and cooled off, My mom blew up my phone, saying how I should apologize and don’t talk that way to your sister and more bullshit.

My dad picked me up and my sister lied straight to his face, but he knows I didn’t and just said to me “ Show a little bit of restraint next time”

So AITA ######

Response: NTA for telling her that you won't give her money, but the delivery is a bit severe to be honest and you could have endrd the conversation firmly without being harsh (e.g. "i dont think you are being reasonable, i am not responsible for your decisions and i am not going to be part of a conversation where you abuse me for that. It was your choice to be a parent." And if she continues *click*). ######


Prompt:
So for a bit of background, one of my brothers and I have a history of being at odds with each other. As we’ve gotten older, I’ve grown tired of it, and I refuse to participate unless he pushes me to an extreme. He still makes fun of me regularly.

It’s gotten to the point that even my parents are telling me to push back at him, but I find the whole ordeal tiresome and prefer to just avoid him unless absolutely necessary.

Anyway, on to the subject of this post: a few months ago, our baby sister offered to sell me her car when she and my parents came to visit us from out of state, which is happening this week. My brother, mentioned earlier, asked me about a week ago if he could have the car she’s going to sell me, in exchange for his car. The car he’s driving now is much smaller than the one my sister is bringing, and one of the reasons I agreed to buy my sister’s car is because I don’t have much storage space in my apartment, and I want the car to make up for that. So, AITA for not wanting to make the swap? ######

Response:
 NTA for sure.

Actually, nobody is the AH here for that reason. As long as he will respect your decision, he just asked and you just answered. Your money your choices. ######


Prompt:
I am 14 and I have a 16 year old sister. My dad divorced my mom because he did not love her and I could tell there relationship was very stale. Anyway my dad found some one else and started dating when I was 10. I loved my dad and have a great relationship with him. Me and my family live in California so you can see that living expenses are really expensive.

Anyway me and my dad moved into his new wife's house and I have been staying there and like my new step mom a lot. My mom and sister are very jealous as my sister disowned my dad for being leaving his wife. Right now I am staying at my moms apartment. My dad recently bought me my first phone which is an iphone xr which is an amazing device.

My sister is stuck with a 300 dollar phone so she is jealous. Anyway I was using the restroom and then I heard a loud noise like glass shattering. I went and discovered that my sister has destroyed my phone and ruined the screen and the back as the phone has glass on the back. My sister took it out of the case. My sister then yelled fuck that bitch referring to my dad.

I was stunned I called my mom and told her what happened my mom could care less and told me to go ask dad to fix it cause he is rich. I told her that she should ground my sister. My mom refused telling me it's not sisters fault she does not get good things and that sister has every right to destroy property coming from dad. She said be glad you even got a phone to begin with and told me that I have no right to ask for my sister to be grounded. I might be the ass for asking for something that I should not be able to ask for as I am a kid not an adult. So I might not make proper decisions.  ######

Response: NTA for sure. Wasn't your sister's phone to destroy. Keep your head up man. ######


Prompt:
Ok so starting out, I have never been very maternal except with my dog. Little kids gross me out. I dont want to hold your baby. I just dont like kids. I think people who choose to be mothers are beautiful and strong but it's just not for me. My husband feels the same way and we have talked about if we wanted kids we would want to adopt and give a child a loving home when we are both emotionally/mentally mature enough for a child.

Next, I have a terrible fear of getting pregnant. It haunts me. If I were to get pregnant it would put all my dreams and ambitions on hold. I dont want to put my body through that. I'm not ready for it.

My husband and I have been thinking of me getting a bilateral salpingectomy. I am the one who came to this decision and my husband supports it. I dont want him to get a vasectomy because they can come undone and I can still get pregnant. But with this procedure I can no longer get pregnant "naturally" but I still have my ovaries, so I can be insiminated if we change our minds (doubt it).

We have been talking about adopting for 2 years if we wanted kids and my dad and his mom seem on board with that idea. But my mom just says "no no no" and "you need to start having kids asap before you find out you cant have any" and "when are you giving me a grandchild??" And then my husband's stepdad (whom I've known for 2 years) is telling me to have kids so he can have grandkids and makes all these creepy baby jokes to me. I've told them both I dont want kids and my mom has flipped out on me, calling me selfish and that I'm going to waste my life by not having kids. His stepdad just undermines my opinion and says "yes you do, you just dont know it".

A part of my feels bad because it's like I'm "cheating" them out of being grandparents but if I had a child for that reason it would be wrong and not fair to either me or the child. Would I be an a**hole to get this procedure and not have kids? Am I being "selfish"? ######

Response: NTA for sure. The only problem is that it may be hard to find a doctor to do the procedure on a young person with no children from what I hear. But you have every right to do exactly what you want and if they don’t like it, they’re just gonna have to get over it. ######


Prompt:
I (40 M) have a female friend (32) that I used to work with. We became very good friends and have ventured into possible FWB waters a few times. I didn't find out until afterwards, she was initially hired for her job by a dude based on him being a "sugar daddy." Funny thing is he claims to be this big shot former hockey player - when I got curious, I searched him. Mr. Big time played one year of college hockey in the late 70s.

When she worked for him, he refused to pay her an hourly wage, then said "well I'm paying for her apartment." He would call her into his office randomly during the day just to paw at her and grab her. He's an alcoholic and would say "yeah, let's go to lunch," then she'd text me at like 6:00 telling me they were supposed to go get lunch, and ended up at the bar all afternoon. Since he's the older rich guy, he tries to tell her who she's allowed to talk to.

Oh, and he's married. His wife is the VP of his company. She's also an alcoholic; he'll get her good and shitfaced early in the day so he can spend time with my friend. Then when his wife wakes up, he'll drop my friend off and go play hubby.

She text me maybe 30 minutes ago and tells me "hey good news, he might be hiring me back." I responded and pointed out what an asshole he is, how he treated her, and how he didn't even pay her. Am I the asshole for looking out for a friend? Or should I just say "ok" and let her make that mistake again? ######

Response: NTA for saying that to her. She's made the decision once to let him buy her company and sounds like she's ok to do it again. She's just as much as fault as the dude. ######


Prompt:
So the last month and a half I've been lead to believe I had type 2 diabetes from my doctor and the clinic I go to. At first this confused me as I'm only in my twenties and active on account of my job. Also I only went because I needed to have a work related injury looked at and was confused when they told me I needed to have a blood test done. Which I'm not sure was needed since it was a wrist injury and nothing else seemed wrong.

Anyway they said I did have type 2 and they would begin me on pills and other things I need immediately. Never did I question them as I thought they had my well-being in mind. But weeks after starting the medication I didn't feel good and I knew it was medication they had me on.

So I scheduled an appointment with my doctor and told them I didn't feel well ever since starting my new medication. Instead of lowering my dosage they raised it and told me I may need to start on insulin shots if I didn't get better. This confused me and I decided instead of going to my regular clinic I would dip into my savings and go to a different one. Low and behold they told me I didn't have type 2 or anything wrong besides my wrist.

Learning this I confronted my doctor and was simply told that they made a simple mistake and luckily nothing went wrong. So I reported my doctor and my local clinic. However I found out later that alot of people who rely on said clinic can't afford to go anyhwere else. So now I'm wondering if I was wrong to report the doctor and clinic in the middle of a pandemic and causing people to lose their only source of medical care?

So AITA for reporting my doctor and clinic and basically causing people to lose their medical care? ######

Response: Nta for reporting them but i highly doubt your complaint will cause others to lose their medical help, all your report is likely to do is make a investigation happen and then they might get a small fine. ######


Prompt:
sorry for any run on sentences and grammatical errors.  english isn't my first language and I'm doing this via mobile phone.

so my son is 16 months old (1year and 4 months) and he had immunodeficiency.  he can't get any vaccines due to this an we are constantly in and out of the hospital due to how easily he gets very very sick.

I am on a family group and my aunt posted a picture of "how to decline a vaccine legally" and a link to how Bill Gates is going to microchip everyone with the vaccine.

I tried to relay as much information I have gathered about how this isn't true and I begged them to please get the vaccine once it arrives.

note: I did say if they didn't get the vaccine due to medical reasons it would be a different situation

they (my mother, grandmother and both aunts) then proceeded to tell me they won't get the vaccine as it is "the mark of the devil".

that's when I told them that if they don't get the vaccine they won't be able to visit my son as he has a sever immunodeficiency.

that's when my family blew up and called me names and told me I was a bad mother for even considering it.

so AITA? ######

Response: NTA for protecting your child against a threat that actually exists. One of the reasons it's important to get vaccinated for infectious diseases is to provide protection to those who cannot be. Your family is a great example of the real dangers of stupidity. ######


Prompt:
So we were all at dinner once and my brother asked why we didn’t say grace, because his girlfriends family said grace.

My mom said that we could say grace if he wanted to, and so we did. Now she wants us to do it every night before dinner, but I just refuse to. She always seems annoyed when I refuse to join the family.

Just a little background - I’m not religious, I could care less if there was a god or not, I just don’t have any reason to believe there is. My parents took us to church like twice in our entire lives, and they’re somehow surprised I’m not religious.

Sorry if this is rushed, if you need more info feel free to ask :) ######

Response: NTA for not wanting to pray. Just don't be disrespectful to those who do and are. You can sit there quietly, with your own thoughts, while they do their thing. ######


Prompt:
I was born in a developing country. My parents immigrated when I was young. We were dirt poor when we moved. And I used to have nightmares about my childhood there, because we were constantly living in fear of violence. My parents made it big in our adopted country, moved back to Asia, and bought a nice home in a gated community. They now consider themselves patriots, and are constantly singing praises of the country they fled from.

I on the other hand, worked very hard to ensure I never have to move back. I became financially independent from my parents, and remigrated to Europe.

I have been pretty outspoken about my experiences, and regularly criticize my birth country for basically robbing me of my childhood. My parents don’t see it that way. They want me to move back because they feel I “belong” there. And we’ve had many arguments over this. They worry about my social media postings, because it may hurt their businesses, or I may end up in jail next time I visit.

Truth is, I still don’t feel safe whenever I visit them. The police there is still very corrupt. Healthcare standard is very low. And hate crime is still rampant. So one time when my parents tried to silence me, saying “don’t you worry you may be banned from out country if we keep posting stuff like this?”

And I just blurted out, “it’s not my country anymore; and TBH I’d rather you come to visit me in the future because I REALLY don’t want to go there.”

My mother started crying and hung up on me. I got a msg from my dad demanding that I apologize, and visit them the next chance I get.

I should also mention that they constantly worry that if I don’t go back, their estate will be taken by the government. But I honestly don’t care about that.

So AITA? ######

Response: NTA for not wanting to go there, trauma is trauma, but if it's the country I think you mean you may want to be careful about what you post anyway. They could decide to investigate or arrest your parents instead of you. Or just stop them from leaving so none of you would be able to visit each other. I have heard of that sort of thing happening, mostly to uni students. ######


Prompt:
So recently Girlfriend and I adopted her siblings and honestly I love them, I see them as mine and the youngest calls me dad which brings tears to my eyes. I’ve watched the two younger girls grow since they were babies and Carlos I’m trying with him through video games and fixing skateboards.
My mom lives with us in our Ranch style home  that we recently got due to previous posts gf posted.
Now onto the story.

My sister passed away giving birth to her newborn son on July 27th. It doesn’t phase me as I wasn’t close to her but my 4 other sisters are distraught and my mom knows and is mourning.
The problem now is that all my sisters want me to adopt her kids to keep them in the family seeing I’m financially stable and that I’m doing better than them. I threw it back at them and told them to adopt since they loved our oldest so much.
I’ve babysat my 9 year old niece in the past and it wasn’t a cakewalk, that child was spoiled rotten, given a tablet real early and needed the tv on just in case they got board of the tablet. When I would take the tablet she would break something if she didn’t get her way. I was never compensated for broken items and the child would complain how I barely fed her anything when shes obviously overweight. After babysitting only twice I told my sister and her niece to go fuck themselves and to never count on me if that was the way they were.
My niece and newborn nephews fathers aren’t in the picture. So I understand if I don’t adopt them they will be lost to the system but her doctor told her that her son was going to come with complications. She should’ve had a plan ready.
My mom tells me to not take them in as it was my sisters fault for not planning ahead or thinking of herself, gf said it’s my decision, and my sisters are saying I’m a douche/asshole for killing off her bloodline. So am I the asshole? ######

Response:
 NTA for not wanting to adopt but Dude. Duuude. Spend some time thinking about how resentful you are of a child when your real issue is with your sister. That nine year old needs a loving home and a parental figure to guide her. Not saying that should be you but cut the kid some slack. Don’t look down on her behavior when it doesn’t sound like she was taught any better.

Hopefully one of the other sisters can step up. A newborn in the foster system will likely be fine and adopted. A nine year old is going to have a much harder time and there’s no guarantee they’ll stay together. Probably have a greater chance of being separated. You’re definitely an AH for your behavior and shitty stances on all the rest of this. “I told my nine year old niece to go fuck herself because she’s fat and complained I didn’t feed her enough.” FFS. ######


Prompt:
I’m upset because my boyfriend and I just finally moved into our first house. I believe it’s just as much mine as it is his, but he’s treating it as if it’s only his. *He never asked me in either situation, just offered it up and then told me afterwards.* He has offered up a place to stay to his sister and her boyfriend, and now his 2 friends. None of which would be able to pay rent/pay for their own food, etc. That’s not even the biggest issue though, it’s that it’s our brand new house. It’s only been months! I just want my own place for once. I’ve been through the roommate situation so many times and it never worked out in my favour! He’s let people couch hop so many times, and “weeks” turned into years with them! AITA for not wanting this again?

*Forgot to add, 2 of these people are addicts and I’ve been sober for years. I respect them but I don’t want that around us. ######

Response: NTA for not wanting people freeloading in your home constantly but did you guys talk about this before buying a house together? I am assuming both of your names are on the house? If you knew he was the kind to let people stay with him for extended periods why would you not have discussed this/set this boundary before hand? ######


Prompt:
Okay, so I made a post on my private Facebook account how I booked a trip to Ireland, now my Facebook is really locked down so only a few people I approve actually get to see posts. So my sister goes and asks my parents if I told them about this trip to Ireland. I currently rent from them. I had recently broken up with my partner and moved back to their rental property. My sister lived with my parents til she was about 35, while I moved out at 17 for college. She lived rent free while her and her husband saved for a house. Mean while she is very well traveled person going to England, Spain, Italy, Australia either through school trips she chaperons or with her husband.

I saved money to go visit some friends in Ireland, and I've only been out of the country twice. Since my parents got wind of this, mainly my mother, now my parents want to start charging me rent while I tried to get myself established again. I of course get really pissed because that is BS how she and her husband lived their free for years and she lived there her entire live up until they bought a house together, free of charge. And I try to take a vacation after I split with my EX and I get the shaft from my parents and they start demanding I pay rent. So am I the asshole for cutting her out of my life until she acknowledges what she did was wrong and it wasn't her place to tell anyone my business? Oh and I forgot to mention she tried to play some mental gymnastics and say it was my fault and if I didn't put it on FB this would never happen. ######

Response: NTA for not talking to her about it.  But I can't believe that you think anything posted on facebook is private.  Even if you've got it completely locked down, all it takes is one person to take a screenshot or talk about it.  Bottom line is if you don't want anyone to know, don't post on facebook. ######


Prompt:
I run a very successful online business, it started off as a simple hobby but slowly grew to the point that I quit my job to focus on this full-time. I know earn more per month than I was asking per year and I'm really enjoying working.

I've been with my GF for about 3 years now and she never showed interest in either my my job or my business. She never knew how much I earned and never asked because I didn't exactly splash the cash around. She recently lost her job because of the current problem in the world and is struggling to pay her rent so I was forced to pay it for her.

When she asked how I managed to do that I explained that my business had taken off and I was now doing it full-time. As soon as she heard this she begged me to hire her but I said no. Firstly, there's nothing for her to do not would she be able to do anything that I'd need help with.

She's not exactly good with money and has no savings as she spends it nonstop, I suspect she'd just want to get paid for doing nothing. She got angry that I said no and is now giving me the silent treatment. ######

Response: NTA for not hiring her because there's no actual position to hire her for. That said... you don't seem to have a very high opinion of her in multiple ways; if you really think she only wants to be hired so she could be paid for doing nothing and would just waste your money, then you are also wasting time by even staying with someone who would do that. ######


Prompt:
My son(19) has been in a relationship for a few months now. He recently introduced her(19) to us and it turns he has been fucking his second cousin.

He had never met her before and they both had no idea they were second cousins. Now, obviously they should break up because this is just i*cest-lite but they want to continue their relationship.

My husband and I disagree and so does her parents but they want to continue their relationship because they think they are "distant" enough. They said we should just accept them.

Aita? ######

Response:
 NTA for not approving.

However the quickest way to get him to break up is to ignore it and let it run its course.
If you force the issue they're more likely to dig in their heels because they're "in love." ######


Prompt: Ok here it goes. My fiance and I picked a wedding date that we always dreamed of and luckily the venue was available on that day. However, once we told the family my sister in law threw a mega tantrum that our wedding day was too close to theirs (about a month and we are getting married first) and that we should change it waaaay later after them. She said that we are stealing their day and that she should get married first because she was the one to get engaged first and pick the date first. However, it was never a race for me and I only wanted the date because it was special for us. In the end we still stuck to the original date we wanted and now my sister in law won’t talk to me. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA for choosing your wedding date. We each get our own day and that’s it, a day. The world doesn’t revolve around weddings. She’s being a brat.

I’d only say YTA if you have a lot of family coming from out of town and it would put a burden on them to travel to both thus causing them to make a decision on which wedding to miss. Your SIL doesn’t seem concerned about that - only that the world should revolve around her. ######


Prompt: Yeah so my friend had exposure at work and she got tested, alright that’s the reality of life now. Fast forward 10 says later, still no test results. Well i find out a couple Tuesday’s ago that her results were actually positive- she found out on a Monday- and doesn’t  bother to tell me despite being around me and others. Her husband actually spilled the beans. I was around her during this time and my husband was leaving a couple days later to visit family, namely his Mother who is immune compromised due to chemo. I was a little upset and all I texted was “you do know you can still spread it and don’t you think you should have told me?” Her response “well I feel fine.” I did not respond further. I found out a few days later she tells a mutual friend how I “hurt her feelings.” I’m just floored at how selfish this seems and tbh it’s affecting my friendship with her because I feel her behavior is disturbing. I’m not trying to be overly dramatic but like most everyone, I have a job, a family and don’t want to get sick and infect others or miss work or God forbid face hospitalization. But now she’s pretty cold towards me. Did I handle this wrong? ######

Response: NTA for bringing it up with her, but if you knew that she'd been exposed and had a test, then you really shouldn't have been spending time around her without having it confirmed. Good on her husband for letting you know, because now you're going to have to isolate and I hope your husband didn't go to see his family just yet. ######


Prompt:
(Edit: this is a throwaway and I’m on mobile!)

I think the waiter is the butthole in this situation, but you be the judge. This happened last year but I’m still salty.

I took my boyfriend to Hawaii for his birthday weekend last year and had a whole itinerary planned to make him feel special and celebrated. For his birthday dinner (on his actual birthday) I booked a dinner at the nicest restaurant on the island at the fanciest hotel on the island overlooking the beach. It rhymes with the floor reasons.

The restaurant was aware it was his birthday and upon being seated the waiter asked “happy birthday! Would you like a glass of celebratory champagne?”
We were like aw yes we absolutely would
He was like “wonderful is [some brand I wasn’t familiar with] ok?” We said sure sounds fine (spoiler: it was not fine)

Waiter returns with a glass for each of us and we enjoy them, order some cocktails and a truly impressive spread of appetizers and entrees, and settle in to a lovely birthday dinner. My boyfriend has a great time, I’m sitting smug at being such a great girlfriend. Then the bill arrives.

The celebratory glasses of champagne were $70 each! I knew this was going to be an expensive dinner and was happy to splurge, but assumed the “celebratory” meant complimentary, especially since there was no complimentary dessert or anything offered for his literal birthday. Because I didn’t want to sour the mood I paid it but left only a 15% tip (instead of my usual 20%+).

I am still pretty upset and want to leave a review for the place as everything else was wonderful and this really put a damper on the evening. AITA for being upset I had to pay ~$200 for two glasses of “celebratory” champagne (inc tax+tip)? WIBTA if I left a review of this experience?

Some friends think it’s not that unusual I’m am being petty and cheap but I disagree. ######

Response: NTA for being upset. In future I go by the rule, if its handed to me upon arrival then I'm assuming it's free, if I am asked if I would like something I generally ask what the charge is. ######