Prompt:
My husband of almost 9 yrs (who suffers from untreated anxiety and depression-m, age 36) wants us to sell our house and move our family(two sons in elementary) across the country to live in a lower cost state so he can have more land and flexibility to start his mini farm or whatever other business he fancies. It would mean leaving two good paying stable jobs, a great small community with a great school district and all of my family including my aging 70 yr old parents. And I just don't want to. His goals are noble as he wants to live debt free and find a job he is more passionate about in a state with a lower cost of living. He thinks this will make him happy but it means giving up my entire life to move to a state where the only people we know are his family. He is potentially able to work remotely in his field or get another job but my career field is harder to break into after relocation which would mean I probably wouldn't work and would be giving up my career.

And one important fact to consider is that we tried this five years ago- moving to his more affordable home state to be near his family. We ended up moving back to my home state because we weren't happy. This is where we live currently.

This disagreement in our marriage is causing major issues and he's been depressed but I still am not convinced that he would be happy even if we did move. He just isn't very nice to me which makes it hard for me to consider giving up so much on the slight chance this move would make him happy especially when he hasn't been willing to seek conventional treatment for his depession. Aita for refusing to move to try to make him happy? ######

Response:
 NTA - He's not going to be happy anywhere if he doesn't get treatment. I also have anxiety and depression and I day dream a looot about different plans on what I think will fix me but that's not how it works.
Also you shouldn't have to up and move just because that's what he wants to do. ######


Prompt:
Right now my fiance and I are living with my best friend from high school and her husband. They and my fiance have some life differences (no details but nothing major, mainly they're all bullheaded and won't listen to each other). My fiance wants to move out and get on our own. I'm all for it until he said the place he wants to move to won't allow pets and we have a 55 pound border collie mix we picked up as a stray. I refuse to move anywhere without her. She is my kid. I can't abandon her. She has no say in this at all. Everyone I've talked to is 50/50 on this.

We are under no pressure but my fiance own want to get our own place quickly. He's lived on his own before and I have not. I just can't intentionally move someplace and give up my dog if there are other options. ######

Response: NTA - he's looked at just one place? Only one place? Why not more? Why isn't he looking for a place that can accommodate a dog (i assume he is familiar with said dog)? Seems like he hasn't got your best interests at heart. Don't move without your dog. ######


Prompt:
So my son (16M) has developed this "*little habit*" of either throwing cutlery out or leaving it under his bed to go mouldy and mo matter how much you boil those of- you dont exactly want to eat off them anymore, I'm done spending and spending and spending just for them to be chucked.

So, I got him reusable  ones (they're basically made out of straw and wheat?) instead and told him to chuck them out as much as he wants, if he manages to reuse them then he can be trusted to eat off normal cutlery.

He said I was "putting him down" pulling a "power move" "degrading him" and all that etc, he's currently moody in his bedroom.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA - he's limiting the rest of the family's use of normal cutlery by throwing them out and causing a potential health hazard by leaving them to grow mouldy under his bed. If he wants to treat normal cutlery like disposable cutlery then getting him disposable cutlery is fine IMO. ######


Prompt:
I (22F) have a severely autistic brother who i intend to take care of for the rest of my life. I have very strict immigrant parents who have recently discovered that i have been dating a half-Australian, half-Vietnamese guy (22M) and my father (55M) has threatened to take my mother (51F) and brother away from me and move to another city if i don't break up with him.  At the end of the year regardless of my decision to stay or go my entire family will be moving to another city.

My father has always been very controlling, when it comes to who i'm friends with, where i go, what i study and what i wear. After 4 years he's finally agreed that i don't have to study medicine and that i'm allowed to study Radiography like i originally intended to before university.

My father has said that if i agree to do what he wants and move to Adelaide with the rest of the family then as long as i am 100% honest with him, so essentially he approves who i'm friends with, what degree i do and who i date he won't be as angry and won't be as controlling.

I don't believe that he'll change and think i'm just destined to be miserable for the rest of my life. However if i leave i'll never get to see my mother or brother again and i really don't want that, and also everyone is telling me that i would be selfish to leave because my parents raised me for 21 years and i would just be abandoning them.

So WIBTA?

TLDR:  Father doesn't like who i'm dating and is threatening to take my mum and brother away from me and never let me see them again if i don't dump my boyfriend and move to a new city with them. WIBTA if i leave? ######

Response: NTA - He will come up with another way of controlling you and will most likely try to pick your husband for you.  It may end up being someone you are not attracted to at all.  Plus if you give in then he will know your weakness and exploit it any chance he gets.  He will not change and the sooner you learn that the better things will get. ######


Prompt: Hello, i'm a 24 year old Man, and recently somethings happened, i recently moved in to a new neighborhood, and started recycling my trash, and even bought special trash bins for that, no longer after, my neighbour started saying that my "hippie trash" was appearing at his frontyard, and demanded that i payed him to clean it, or put a special blocking fence so that any racoons did the same thing again, i got confused because there were no racoons along the neighborhood, but i payed him and built the fencing, and even started to think about getting cameras, the next week my neighbour said the same thing, and said he was calling the cops if i didn't do anything, i paid him again, cleaned his frontyard and decided to instal cameras, three days after i installed the cameras, i woke up with him almost breaking my door because of trash again, i tried to calm him down while he started calling the cops, i then checked the cameras to discover that not only it wasn't racoons, but himself was taking my trash, and putting in his frontyard so i could pay him and clean, i lost almost 2,000 dollars in him, and i got furious, i knocked on his door, and asked if he had called the cops, he said he didn't did it "yet", so i called them myself, after showing the recordings and explaining the story, he was arrested and was taken away, but now i feel guilty, (i forgot to say he has a 3 year old daughter, that he takes care alone), i don't know if i did right, so, Am i the asshole? ######

Response: NTA - he was the one who chose to scam you, now he needs to pay for it ######


Prompt:
This is a short story, I live in England, born and raised, a friend of mine who I've known for years since we were in primary school once asked me if he could use my debit card to buy the DLCs for Grand Theft Auto IV on his XBOX 360, I agreed for him to do it He then returned my card to me and said he would pay be back. e didn't. He left my card details on his xbox for a couple of months making unauthorised purchases, to the point when my bank statement came in and it showed tonnes of money being poured out from my account, I then confronted him showing him the bank statements, I then went on his XBOX and I found my card details still there. I was pissed off at him for doing this as in REALLY PISSED I then removed my card, I then called up Microsoft asking them to refund my money and they kindly did, I then cutoff contact with him and never saw him again.
Last I heard of him was when I tried to contact me i then blocked him. Haven't heard of him in ages.

Am I the asshole? ######

Response:
 NTA - he was taking advantage of the trust your friendship developed, then repeatedly disregarded how his actions affected you when using your stuff.

as an xbox user, i'm very aware of any purchase i make b/c i hate spending money. I can only image the heightened awareness when using someone else card information.

also, as someone who's loaned small amounts of money to friends, i learned after the 20th or 30th time that it causes more problems than just refusing or keeping the belief that  i never have additional funds.

You made a good move to remove a person that takes advantage of relationships. ######


Prompt:
 First post, bear with me.

I don't know if I'd classify my dad as a full-on Karen, but he definitely toes the line. The classic leave-the-mess-because-it's-their-job, ask-for-the-manager-if-the-food-is-late type. What really annoys me is that he never says please or thank you. I know it's not a big deal per se, but I think it's just basic manners and I call him out on it sometimes. I don't do it in front of the waiter, so it's not like I'm publicly humiliating him or anything, but he still gets very defensive.

Most recently, I reminded him again to say please after ordering (probably not in the most respectful tone, I'll admit) and he just glared at me and said, "I don't understand why you have to criticize me on everything I do." I assume he said that because earlier in the meal I had asked him to not chew with his mouth open (which is another thing I've asked of him to not do a thousand times before, but that's a post for another day).  Am I being unreasonable? Should I just give up? AITA? ######

Response: NTA - he should definitely be showing more respect to everyone else, and needs to be called out on it. Also eating with an open mouth is disgusting. ######


Prompt: My dad's almost 50. The girl was a college cheerleader for a sports team, and the daughter of a family friend. As far as I can tell she's like 24 at most, and she could have easily passed for younger. Like, if I saw her in my high school I would have totally thought she was a senior or something. I'm 15. My dad was talking about her and was like "oh, she's hot" and was basically being really weird. I think it's kinda creepy to say things like that when there's that big of an age difference, not to mention the whole family friend thing. I told him as much. He got mad at me and said "what's the problem, we're all adults, it's not creepy at all". I personally think that that saying things like that definitely gives creepy old guy vibes at the very least, and that it's very inappropriate and disrespectful to say things like that about the daughter of a family friend. Like, life's not a porno, man, have some standards. AITA? ######

Response: NTA - he reacted like that specifically because you're right ######


Prompt: AITA? Today husband was waiting for me in the car while I took my kid in or a dr appointment. While waiting, he needed to use the bathroom and decided to use my coffee cup to relieve himself. We both have reusable cups and mine was empty and his had a small amount of old coffee that he isn’t going to drink anymore. Also, dr office is a short walk away and would let him use the bathroom if he asked. Am I unreasonable I be pissed that he used my cup to piss in?  No matter how much he cleans it, it just seems totally inconsiderate to use my stuff like that. ######

Response: NTA - He PEED in your CUP!? That is so disgusting, disrespectful, and rude. He has no regard for your things if he can just desecrate them like that. You have *every* right to be pissed off, I mean that's so gross! He's a grown man who could have gone literally anywhere else to relieve himself. He made a repulsive decision, and I sure hope you gave him a really stern talk. If it was me, I would dipped. ######


Prompt:
I grew up with an air hockey table. My parents got it for my older sister when I was 5 years old. So, I grew up playing the game. Naturally, I'm pretty decent at it and I absolutely love to play

My husband and I were at the boardwalk when we noticed a air hockey table. Of course I dragged him over so we can play.

He immediately started smack talking me. He used to play in high school, he always won in high school, he was the best player of his group, it wasn't Blah fair because he'd dominate me....BLAH BLAH

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

So, I let him win the first game. It was best out of 10 oh, so the first game didn't cost me anything and it allowed me to learn his play style

He didn't win another game oh, he didn't score another Point either

He was so upset. He says it's unfair but I didn't tell him that I was so good at it oh, he says it was unfair that I let him win so easily the first game. He still says that I cheated and rigged the table somehow. And 5 years later he still refuses to play air hockey with me

Though he did watch and laugh as I demolished his baby brother ######

Response:
 NTA - he needs to grow up. It's a game. I, for one, would be hilariously humbled and impressed at being so roundly beaten.

If I was going to get into any sort of argument, it'd be where to put the air hockey table we're gonna buy so I can practice. ######


Prompt: My dad recently laughingly told us a story about how almost 20 years ago he took a job in a different state, listed and sold the house without my moms knowledge. My mom only found out because a friend of theirs was looking for a new house in the area and her agent showed her my parents house. At the time my oldest sibling was 5, my second sibling was 3 and I was only a few months old. My mom had just quit her job because the pay was about the same as paying for childcare. My dad I guess thought that since he was the one working, it was only his decision on if the entire family moved or not. When my mom found out I guess she took me to a friends house for a few days, but ultimately went back and went along with the move. The entire time my dad is telling this story, it’s clear he thinks it’s hilarious. I thought it was upsetting, especially as I new how much my mom loved the area they lived and the friends they had-she still talks about it to this day as being some of the happiest times. It really pissed me off how funny he found it. So I said “well if I was in moms position, I would have Divorced you” Apparently I over stepped. My dad got really defensive and said that if he hadn’t done it, then he wouldn’t have eventually landed the well paying position he is in today-and that I should be grateful. I tried to explain that it wasn’t that he took the job it’s that he made all the decisions without her, and now thinks it’s funny. I do feel a little guilty as my parents are currently really rocky, but were having a good day. Now my mom is upset with him, because she heard him laughing about it. I think he took it as me taking her side with everything or just stirring up trouble. That wasn’t my intention at all- and I really don’t want to them to go back to arguing. However, I did think it was wrong- and I definitely would file for divorce if I’m every in a similar situation. Should I have just kept my mouth shut? It’s definitely starting to feel like I should have. ######

Response: NTA - He likely got defensive because it brought up some old wounds. He likely realizes you're right on the inside, but he doesn't want to acknowledge it. It seems like this pattern of disregarding your mother's wishes has been an ongoing issue in the marriage, and the fact that it's pretty clear to people outside likely makes him insecure. ######


Prompt:
Obviously I sound awful but hear me out.
I dated this man from the age of 22 until I was 29. He had a major anger problem but I didn’t know it was drug related until a few years before I ended the relationship.
I picked him up from a clinic he said was for anger management, turned out it was for his coke problem, but I didn’t know that at the time.
We had sexual relations after I had been broken up with him for about a year. and it is so frustrating because it was one time out of many months of dealing with him and to my horror and dismay I became pregnant.
I aborted the baby immediately. Left him and moved on. Have husband now that I love and neither of us want kids.
Fast forward 6-7 years. Bumped into ex locally while shopping, it was really shocking. He asked how I was, I said wonderful etc. Next thing I know he is saying how lucky and successful he is, how I (couldn’t ) bare children? He kept harping on the fact that me and my partner don’t have kids and assumed it was bc we weren’t able.. my anger grew and grew until
I said, “I aborted your first child, because you were a coke head”
My husband was shocked, everyone was shocked and I was ashamed. But my ex was so abusive and I could not hold back because he acted so smug. ######

Response: NTA - he lied to you about his coke problem, then he was rude to you for absolutely no reason when he saw you years later, as far as I’m concerned all you did was 1) correct his misinformation and 2) state facts. I’m dying to know though, after the initial shock, what was his reaction? ######


Prompt:
Some background: my family doesn't regularly eat dessert, so my daughter has to "earn" dessert by doing a good job with dinner. She's 4, so she has about a 60% success rate. In a COVID-19 world, we shop once every three weeks. The weekend before my daughter's birthday, her dad bought two 6-pack boxes of strawberry shortcake bars, and when we unloaded them, she got excited, and he said he bought them because he knows she likes them

Tonight, my daughter does a good job with dessert and asks for one of these strawberry bars, which she hasn't had yet (due to choosing other options and/or not earning dessert that night). Dad says he ate them all (he eats a lot of snacks after LO goes to bed). Daughter is upset, and I'm incredulous. He says, "It's been two weeks! What was I supposed to do?" I say, "Save one for your daughter! That's what you're supposed to do!"  Dad says super passive aggressively, "Of course. Whatever everyone else needs." I laugh a little at this and say, "What are you talking about? No one needs strawberry ice cream, but it's not very nice for you to eat it all." He leaves the table, upset. I convince daughter to happily accept a different dessert. Daughter apologizes to Dad. She comes and asks me to, and I say, "No, I am not going to apologize because he ate all of the ice cream, and I'm not really sure you should, either."

TLDR: Dad ate all of a treat that was at least superficially for our daughter. His feelings are hurt because we said he shouldn't have done that. An apology is apparently expected. ######

Response:
 NTA - He is the one that should be apologising. Dad should buy more ice-cream next time and save some for his daughter. He seems to be acting very selfish and childish here, unless there are some other underlying issues that have not been addressed.

I also think it's good that you told your daughter that you don't see why she should apologise, as women have a habit of apologising for things that are not their fault. ######


Prompt:
My brother moved in with us (me,wife,7 yr old) in mid January. He's just turned 20 a few days ago. He was in a bad situation and we agreed he could stay till he starts university in September. Doesn't cost us much extra for him to be here, mortgage, internet, water are all a fixed charge. So told him he would have to pay gas/electric when the quarterly bill arrived he can pay the difference. We've fed him until recently so it's cost him £0 for groceries since mid Jan. Since then we have obviously had the virus and at the start he went to his sister's for dinner and I told him it's not acceptable to us to risk our daughters health (she has a undiagnosed epilepsy and is on disabled register) and he has to either be sensible and isolate as much as is possible or move out. He recently started a job, even though he's currently getting furlough (around £180 a month but he literally lives for free) and since starting the job he's been out to "have a kick around" with his 1 work colleague he works with. Today, he hasn't come home and messaged to say he's at his work mates house having a few beers.

Tomorrow, he's getting told to leave and I'll be giving him his immediately needed stuff and I'll drop the rest off when I can.

I don't know if he will have anywhere to go, but I'm not risking my 7yo for him.

Am I being overly cautious? We have a very low infection rate, around 100 known cases in 60,000 ######

Response:
 NTA - He is putting your child, his neice at unnecessary risk. This is the third time he has been irresponsible, you've already talked to him twice about it, third strike and you are out imo.

But maybe give him a bit longer than a day as he needs to talk to mates or find a shelter. But agree 100% he needs to go ######


Prompt:
I (F24) live with my mom and we have a new neighbor (F45+) who moved in about 4 months ago. We do know her before she moved in and my mom is friends with her (they're both about 45+ yrs old) I actually really like her and she's pretty cool.

While we all were in quarantine (I stayed alone at home and my mom stayed with her bf) her son stayed at her place (he's 23)
They would invite me for coffee and if they baked something they would always bring me some (and vice versa) so it was pretty nice. The last neighbours had 3 screaming kids and It drove me insane so having adults that i can sit with and talk to is really nice.

The topic somehow came up and we talked about me being a tattoo artist. Her son got super excited and asked me if I could tattoo him, I said of course but once the quarantine is over. His mom got really upset and asked me not to tattoo him. She actually has 2 small tattoos and he has 1 or 2 that are kind of medium? She hates his tattoo and hers are pretty old and think she doesn't really like them anymore.(I offered her free of charge to fix one of them but she doesn't want to)

Anyway I dropped it.

Now we're here 2 months later and tattoo artists in my country got approval to tattoo again.
Yesterday he texted me he has a birthday tomorrow and he wants to drop by to get a tattoo and that he's also bringing his friends to get tattooed (which is amazing for me because I'm doing not very well financially due the quarantine)
I told him yes but I kind of feel guilty. I don't want his mom being upset with me because I really like her (I also take out her dog almost everyday) and I don't want her to be upset with me for tattooing him.

WIBTA if I tattoo him and without her knowledge? ######

Response:
 NTA - he is 23. He has to tell his mom it was a different tattoo shop though. Make sure he pays you in cash so there is no evidence you did it.

Although you aren’t TA, you are risking your relationship with that neighbor, if you like them. ######


Prompt:
He wants me to drive his family member to the airport tomorrow at 5:30 am.

Here's how that conversation went:

Me: What time does Jim leave tomorrow?

Bf: 6:45.

Me: WOW that's early.

Bf: Yeah you're going to need to get up at 5.

Me: What? Me? What are you talking about?

Bf: I have to work at 7:30, so you need to drive him.

I had no idea that any of this was going on. My boyfriend didn't ask me. He just *informed* me that this was happening. Also, maybe I'm mistaken, but if my bf went to sleep at 9:30 and woke at 5, that's 7.5 hours of sleep and totally fine. The airport is like 15 minutes away and he'd get to see his family member off.

I really don't want to do it because I'm pissed that he wouldn't even ask me. I'm big on asking permission, out of respect. If he had asked me, I'd gladly do it. I'm a person. Not an extension of himself. I'm not *obligated* to do anything for him. He doesn't think he should have asked, apparently. I told him why I was mad, and he thinks it not a big deal and I still need to do it.

So, AITA? ######

Response: NTA - he doesn’t get to volunteer you for stuff.  He just doesn’t.  His consequence for doing it this time is that he’s going to have to get up a little extra early to make good on his promise. ######


Prompt: My dad had an affair and has been with his girlfriend for about 6 months now (for context my parents are still married and my mum knows about the affair). I was talking to him on the phone today and he mentioned that he wanted me to meet his girlfriend. I told him that I didn't want to and perhaps with a little bit more time I'd be open to it. He seemed to be offended by it but I didn't waver on my answer. Am I the asshole for telling him I don't want to meet his mistress? ######

Response: NTA - he clearly has no shame. Stick to your guns, and don’t feel like you have to do something that makes you uncomfortable ######


Prompt:
Fairly confident I'm not the asshole here, but who knows, maybe I need to see it from another perspective.

Single Mum of a 1 year old boy, his father and I split very early on in his life. He has him every second weekend.

It's his weekend to have him, I have made plans that I don't really want to cancel. He's messaged me saying he's going to be hungover tomorrow (when he's due to take him) so he said he'll let me know if he can have him. I've said no, he has to take him regardless as I have plans. He's throwing a wobbly and saying that our son won't be in the best care due to him expecting to be "under the weather", and that I am acting as an unfit mother as I'm prepared to take that risk and leave him with his Dad.

He's hungover, not sick. If he was sick, understandable I'd keep him with me I don't want him getting sick. But hungover? Please! If he wants to go out prior to his designated weekend that's his decision, doesn't change his responsibilities.

So, AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA - He chose to hit booze when he knew it was his weekend, when reminded, he still chose the drink, then attempted to guilt you into taking him, regardless of premade plans.

Maybe he should try harder if he wants to be a father. The first step is putting your child before everything (including the bottle). If a hangover is too much to deal with.... 🤣 ######


Prompt:
So, for backstory, basically my cousin and aunt have come to my house because we'll be going to Florida in a few days. he's sixteen and I'm thirteen. The last time I saw him was three years ago, and we were pretty close.

So, my cousin, who was originally female, came out to me about an hour before he made it to my house, on the phone. I completely support him and his decision, and he's still my cousin no matter what.

So here's what happened. I made macaroni for my family since I love cooking, and we were all just catching up on stuff that happened in the three years. This is how it played out.

Aunt: Cute-Comb this macaroni is delicious! I didn't know you knew how to cook!

Me: thanks! I've gotten really into cooking. I remember when we were little, -cousin- would scarf down any kind of pasta haha. It was crazy how she- I'm sorry he would eat anything, as long as it was pasta.

After this, my cousin started crying at the table about how I didn't accept him as a male, which I totally do, and I apologized again for the mistake.

Now though, my family is mad at me and my cousin isn't talking to me anymore. I even apologized again, but he just ignored me. I only made this mistake once, and I've called him he and him no matter what. AITA? I don't know what to do ######

Response:
 NTA - he came out as trans for the first time shortly before arriving at the house, this was your first opportunity to use corrected pronouns, and you were referring to a memory from a time when he was presenting as female.  That isn’t “not accepting him as male,” it’s a brain fart, and a completely understandable one.  Plus you corrected yourself immediately, within three syllables of the mistake, and apologized.

If your cousin needs the whole world to never, ever,EVER make a mistake, and stops speaking to people on the first one, he’s going to end up one lonely person. ######


Prompt: So this morning my husband tells me he wants to sit in my seat at the kitchen table because the light is better in my spot and can we switch. I’ve been sitting in this spot for a decade and I’ve been working from home, using that spot for 2.5 years. He, by chance, apparently sat in my seat yesterday and now wants it to be his when he works from home (he works for home full time now since January). When I told him no, he said “how about we alternate - one week on, one week off?” I said I didn’t want to alternate, that would be like changing up the side of the bed you sleep on! He said I was rude and inflexible and didn’t know how to share. I told him he’s rude because he all of a sudden decides something is “better” and wants it for himself and when I disagree, then I’m the jerk. He also claims that people don’t have a spot at a kitchen table. Who’s right? ######

Response:
 NTA - he asked you for something and you said no.
Especially if it has been “your” spot at the table for the amount of time you have said for both work and personal.
Like you said, how would he feel if you asked to switch sides of the bed, wardrobe spaces, cars, etc.
I understand his side somewhat, but he needs to understand that you are allowed to say no. ######


Prompt:
I randomly started flirting with this acquaintance, what started as flirting progressed to sexting, nudes and to eventually hooking up multiple times etc. I was fine with it, until i saw how much of a HYPOCRITE he is.

He’s been posting so much dumb shit on snapchat about girls who send nudes, how hookups are “morally and religiously long as you should devote your body to one person only” and things along those lines. I called him out publicly on snapchat by posting the sexual texts he sends me “i want to see both views when you drop it low” and worse.

He then calls me ranting about how much of a bitch I am, and how unnecessary that was etc. His friends are telling me to delete it, so word doesn’t get around to his religious parents who might disown him because he isn’t abstinent.  I hate hypocrites, but I’m starting to feel bad. AITA? I would be willing to apologize If i’m in the wrong, i just need an unbiased perspective. ######

Response: NTA - Has he never heard of practicing what he preaches? The double standard is too real. ######


Prompt:
My sister (F19) has always wanted to dye her hair funky colors. However, our parents would never let us dye our hair as teenagers. Now that she's (relatively) grown, she asked me (F23) to bleach and dye it bubblegum pink/turquoise. Here's the tricky part: she was talking with her boyfriend about how excited she was to try something new.

 Based on the screenshots she sent me (she does this because she often feels like she's overreacting), he told her he would no longer be attracted to her if she goes through with this and that he doesn't understand why she's upset with him about it. She respects his right to have/voice his opinion, but tells him that this is something that she's wanted to do for a long time. Personally, I think this is a really weird hill for him to die on, and I think this is a bit of a red flag.

 She is coming to my house today to start the process. Her boyfriend has now told her that he doesn't want her to go to my house. I asked if she still wanted to go ahead, she told me yes. Here's the part where I might be TA. We're going to go ahead and do it anyway. I figure she's only young once and ought to try something new BEFORE she starts working for places that don't allow for unnatural hair color. So WIBTA? ######

Response:
 NTA - Hair color change is fun and it grows back.  I remember being 19 and dying it blonde for the first time. I thought my parents would be so upset but my dad didn't even notice (granted it went from brown to light brown).

I remember being a child and having a great aunt who did the hair tints for older women who had gray hair - it was a blueish purple color. That was when I realized being old could be fun if I could have purple, blue, or pink hair.  I didn't dye it a "funky" color until I turned 50. I used teal and loved it. ######


Prompt:
Context im always the quiet guy which is okay my grandmother always questions why are you so quiet are you a man? And shit i also have a younger sister who i love dearly i always have lots of convos with her and my grandmother gets annoyed saying why im always with my younger sister and why i follow her around and why i cant be a "man"

This morning a bee came inside our house through out window it got in my sisters hair and i pushed her out and the bee left her hair my sister screamed and my natural reaction was to run same as my sister and shut the door then my grandmother fucking comes in and says "aren't you ashamed to be running away from a bee aren't you a man to be scared off bees" i got so fucking pissed she was going to take a broom and shoo it away but after she questioned my "masculinity" and thousands of other shit i took my fucking shoe and i wacked the bee so hard at the window (window didnt break) threw the shoe and left and im now upstairs

AITA? ######

Response: NTA - grandma is sexist. All this "boys don't cry" BS is old. ######


Prompt:
Okay so the title sounds a little selfish but hear me out here

Im (16M) pretty much the baker of the house, my mom will occasionally, but only when I’m busy or not home. When I want to bake, or when my family is dropping hints they want something sweet, I ask my family what they want. Sometimes they give me something specific like cheesecake or cookies, sometimes they just let me have the creative freedom to make what I’m craving.

Now my sister (20F) doesn’t live with us but she does spend a lot of time at the house, she also happens to have celiacs/a gluten intolerance (I’m unsure which) and has tried to cut down on gluten. In turn she’s asked me to make gluten free desserts instead of the ones with gluten in them.

Here’s where the problem comes in, I don’t like the texture that the gluten free flours give the desserts, especially in things such as cakes. When it’s something made specifically for her, such as something specific she requests or something for her birthday, I’ll happily make it. When it’s something I want or someone else in my family wants I make it with normal flour.

My sister doesn’t like this because she can’t eat them, however whenever I ask her to make a request she only ever says something gluten free. I’m also hesitant to make her gluten free desserts freely because she doesn’t generally eat a lot of dessert because she is trying to watch her weight. And I don’t want the dessert to go waste.

So Reddit AITA for not making gluten free desserts all the time? ######

Response:
 NTA - gluten free stuff generally just doesn’t have the texture/taste of stuff with gluten, if it’s just for her you’re fully within your right to ask her to request something in advance. You’re kindly offering to make things for her, but it’s not like other food allergies where you could just not top some of the treats with the allergen, gluten has to be included or excluded from the entire batch. If it would make it go to waste then it’s fine for you not to want to.

One alternative could be freezing? If you made a gluten free cookie dough (for example) and baked off a few for her when she’s over then leave the rest of the dough in the freezer, then when she comes over you can pop a few in for her so she’s not left out? You of course don’t have to do this, it could stop tension though? ######


Prompt:
My grandfather died at the age of 83. He had like 5 or 6 brothers/sisters, so the family is quite big and almost everyone (4 generations) came to his funeral.

Everyone met at the cemetery reception/outside. There were more people than I could even count, and I didn't even know half of them. So, as people gravitated together in groups of the same age, it didn't take long to get really awkward. Imagine meeting a third cousin for the first time in such a situation.

So, with the intention of breaking the ice, I did a couple of jokes, nothing inappropriate, just enough to people crack a smile, and it did work, the tense/awkward atmosphere got way better. Except for my sister, who kept crying copiously all the time, so I left her alone, everyone did.

On the inside and during the ceremony I was totally silent. Nevertheless, after the fact, my sister called me asshole for making jokes at that time.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA - genuinely feel that old people funerals are the one type where smiles and laughter are ok at any point. If they’ve lived a long full life, you’re there to celebrate it not simply to mourn their passing. ######


Prompt:
I'm a teenager, in high school, and I just got a phone at the beginning of this year when my mom upgraded. She'd had the phone for several years, it's a 5s and in relatively good condition (no cracks, scratches, etc) but the battery drains ridiculously fast and, well, it's 7 years old. My siblings both got new phones for their first phones, but i guess my parents saw an opportunity and ran with it.
My dad said he'd get me a new phone at the end of the school year if I got good grades. Well, now that school's out, mine has decided that they're going to make all classes pass/fail. Hence they're not assigning letter grades, and he won't buy me a new phone. He  mentioned it off handedly at dinner like "oh great i wont have to buy you a new phone for another year!!"
My grades were good before we were let out. It's not my fault school was cancelled and the grading system is this way now so why should i have to wait another year?
I don't want it to come off as me being spoiled but I'm honestly tired of having such an old phone and not being able to do some of the things my friends can do on theirs, like group FTs, or getting made fun of or asked if im poor, which is the dumbest shit because this is literally the bay area. so, wibta? ######

Response: nta - from a kids point of view (19, but ya know) when I got my first phone it was based off of a deal like that so in your position I would be upset too. Just, when and if you confront him be patient, polite, and don't try to demand anything. good luck. ######


Prompt:
In December 2019, my therapist recommended I take an appointment with my doctor to be prescribed antidepressants due to how I was feeling at the time. Now, back then I was 17 so I couldn't make an appointment at my doctor's without my parents knowing. When I mentioned to my parents what the therapist recommended they didn't agree to this and told me they didn't want me taking meds. According to them, I didn't need them.

Skip to about mid-February 2020, I'm now 18 and still feeling the same due to my constant anxiety and depression. I said to myself "fuck this, I wanna get better and do what my therapist recommended". So I phone my doctor, telling my parents I wanna renew my skin treatment prescription (I actually did need one and got one at the same time of getting a prescription for my antidepressants). They give me the money and I have my medical insurance card (I live in a country where doctor appointments are mostly reimbursed by the state) and then head to get my prescription. The doctor prescribed me sertraline and I started taking 25mg of it every day for about a month and a half.

Skip to a few weeks ago where my parents found out about it during an argument I had with them. They found out and are pissed at my doctor and my therapist for not telling them I was taking antidepressants. I am considered an adult by both my therapist and doctor. I believe it's their right to not tell my parents considering I'm old enough to make my own decisions.  The sertraline was paid for by the state so my parents weren't paying for it. They believe that I disobeyed them and that I'll have to change both doctor and therapist because they both broke that trust that my parents put in them to take care of me.

I hope this all makes sense and that it's all well written. So, AITA for not telling my parents I was taking antidepressants for a month and a half? ######

Response:
 NTA - First off, your parents are not medical experts so their opinion on what you should or should not take is uninformed and ultimately harmful to you. There is a lot of misinformation around antidepressants and for the most part, people do not understand how they work. Listen to your doctor.

Not only that but as a 17 year old, if you didn't want your parents to know what happens in your doctors visit, you do not need to tell them.

You and your doctors get to decide what is best for you medically, not your parents. They are the true assholes here for trying to gatekeep you from getting the treatment you need. ######


Prompt:
My boyfriend left upset and hasn't come back since this happened. He said I was being really nosy and that it disappoints him that I can't just mind my own business. Well, if there are 5 firetrucks in our apartment block parking lot I feel like it's not a bad thing to know what's going on. All of my neighbors were also outside (spread out and most of us with masks) and I talked to them and confirmed that everybody is safe. It apparently started as a problem with HVAC and I was able to tell them that the HVAC guy who just came to check out our unit commented on the fact that all of our systems are borderline outdated. Also, I had never seen firefighters really do their thing with the hoses and ladders before. It was honestly really interesting.

My boyfriend really dislikes it when I "check stuff out" though and thinks I contribute to turning someone else's misfortune into a spectacle by doing so. I can see this perspective but that's really not what I was trying to do and the situation did not have any air of spectacle to it, just everyone on the block sizing up the problem.

TLDR does standing on your porch watching emergency vehicles do their thing make you an asshole? ######

Response:
 NTA - Firefighter here, we get plenty of bystanders. As long as you're not in our way and you're in a safe place, feel free to watch. Heck, when I'm off-duty I do the same thing.

*edited to add, please be respectful of the homeowner. Obviously this is a traumatic experience for them, maybe even the worst day of their life. Treat is as such.* ######


Prompt:
I’ve had my horse for a few months now.

He’s very young and green (green means not trained much). He’s getting ridden by many of my friends who I trust to ride him at the barn. There is a girl and her mother who are very jealous about me owning a horse.

This girl and her mother have been nothing ,but vile to me. Her daughter is a self centered bitch and her mother just lets her get away with it! Her mother asked my coach about riding my horse. Coach said ask my mother. She asked my mother about letting her daughter ride my horse. I refused because a girl who has not been nice to me cannot ride my animal. All of my buddies get to ride my horse because they have been kind to me. My mother tells her no and the mother goes off asking why not?

They’ve been giving me glares when I’m in the aisle.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA - fellow horse rider here! You are definitely not the asshole, to me horses are a big deal and especially when they’re green, every ride affects their training so I would be cautious of letting even friends ride a young horse, never mind some girl who’s rude to you. ######


Prompt:
i am a f15 and they just asked me and hour before we were meant to go.
i don’t have plans but i just finished my second week back at school and i’m exhausted- i feel bad for not wanting to do it as “ i have nothing better to do” but that’s kinda the point..
they were not planning to pay me either.
i’m not even good with kids, they just expect me to do it because i’m old enough. ######

Response:
 NTA - every person/parent/teacher/anybody ever needs to understand this - when you ask someone to do something, you need to prepare that the answer can be no.

I think it is a perfectly reasonable expectation on your part to want quiet time after school not watching kids.

If they're forcing you, then this is a good time to talk with them about some boundaries. ######


Prompt:
Yesterday my boyfriend

Now to give you some clarification, its not like I particularly dress for "unwanted" attention. I do dress nice I guess, as in, I like to wear cute flats with a blazer and pretty blouse. But I'm not the type to show my cleavage and bum, and even if a gal did, thats her prerogative. Anyways I dress for myself. And no one else.

Anyways, I was out with my BF the other day as restrictions were getting lifted. I will say, I might have looked extra polished as I spent extra time on my hair and makeup for the day.

My boyfriend got upset with me about how (according to him) guys were always checking me out and today it was "bad" and I was facilitating it. I was "enabling their pig thoughts" it got pretty heated. He said it was comparable to me being "slutty".

Here's the thing. My boyfriend checks out other women. A lot. I gneenrally don't care. So for him to be upset with other dudes checking me out? Fuck that.

I told him that if he's going to check out other women, then dont be a hypocrite and controlling douchebag and be all uppity when guys do the same to me. Its not like I'm asking for their numbers.

Either its okay to you or it isnt. You can't have it both ways.

Anyways he called me a bitch after I called him a hypocrite and now that I've cooled down, im.not sure if I went too far.

AITA. ######

Response: NTA - even if your boyfriend wasn't checking out other girls, still wouldn't make you one. Calling you slutty is a definite no-no. He sounds like the kind of guy who blames the victim. Please watch our for other red flags, because this is how controlling and emotional abusive relationships start. ######


Prompt:
I live with my parents and brother.

My dad has a habit of making jokes. He'll comment about my place being in the kitchen because I'm a girl, or joke about our animals (17 pigs (the livestock kind), 6 cats, 4 chickens, and a dog) not liking me versus another family member, just little mean jabs here and there.

This honestly hurts. I have c-ptsd from a previous abusive relationship where I was repeatedly degraded and insulted, and I hate this. But if I politely ask him to stop, I'm being too sensitive, I'm being ridiculous. It's usually met with a scoff and an eye roll.

AITA for asking my dad to quit? ######

Response:
 NTA - Even if you didn't have legitimate trauma related to this behavior, respectfully asking your Dad to cool it with the comments is completely fine and doesn't make you overly sensitive.

But you DO have trauma and the fact that he continues his degrading quips is entirely insensitive. I would suggest pulling him aside and having a conversation about your past experiences and explaining why his behavior is so upsetting.

I hope things get better, OP! ######


Prompt:
Background: Me, my husband, 2 year old, 2 dogs. Through my whole pregnancy and after I have been the one working full time to provide. In addition, I also did majority of the household duties until this past year when I finally put my foot down. I still do majority of the cooking and laundry, and am expected to be the one caring for our daughter when we're both home, even when I had to work late or work that day.

So my husband started a new part time job, at an ice cream shop, on weekends. I had a day off one night, and decided to cook dinner. I made baked chicken thighs and mashed potatoes. Now ill admit the potatoes were a disaster. They were well past their prime and i didn't realize that a good amount hadn't softened like they should which resulted in very lumpy potatoes. Whatever, they still tasted fine to me, weird texture, but definitely edible.

I baked the chicken thighs, and because I've had trouble with undercooked chicken in the past, I made sure to use the thermometer, and cooked them well past the safe temp. My daughter and I ate them and everything was good.

So he gets home, cuts into the chicken, and flips out, because the chicken was "undercooked", because there was some blood near the thigh bone. I tried to explain that that was normal, and they're cooked to temperature and safe to eat. He wasn't having any of it and threw all the food away.

I lost my cool and told him he's never appreciative of anything I do for him, and he should be more thankful, even if it was undercooked at least I tried. He maintains that he shouldn't be thankful to come home from work to undercooked chicken and potatoes that he can't even eat and have to go hungry. Which led into a bigger fight about how his job is not difficult, he only works two days a week, and i cook virtually every meal for us, and it's not fair to me for him to be such a jerk over one botched meal.

AITA for telling him he should be appreciative for undercooked chicken, and insulting his job? ######

Response: NTA - even if the chicken was somehow undercooked, you didn't do it intentionally. Your husband sounds like a child. He doesn't have to go hungry, he can eat ice cream if he doesn't appreciate your cooking and if he doesn't want to cook himself. ######


Prompt:
My sister has recently created a new instagram account that she only lets her friends follow, I thought nothing of it but one of our mutual friends sent me a screenshot of the account.  It was nothing but posts about her talking shit about me, our cousin, and a couple of her other friends.  I went to confront my sister about this and basically told her if she has a problem with me she can say it to my face.  When I showed her the screenshot she said she can saw whatever she wants about me or anyone.  I told her to take down the posts or the account, and my sister told me that she won't do any of that.

My friend recently sent me another screenshot and it was her full on her going over the full conversation we had and her talking shit about me again.  I knew I wasn't gonna do shit so I straight up told my mom that she was making fun of me on an instagram account, my mom nearly tore her head off and she had to delete the account in front of her lol.

My sister called me a "fucking snitch" and said that I had to go get mommy to deal with her issues.  I just told her to not talk shit on me and this wouldn't have to happen. ######

Response:
 NTA - Dude I thought she was like 12 or something and then I read in the comments that's she's 18??

Bruh it concerns me that people like this are legally adults.

Ignore her calling you a snitch btw, your parents are supposed to stop your siblings from being cruel to you. ######


Prompt:
English it's not my first language so I'm sorry for any mistakes.
My mom has a long history of debts, she has loans with multiple people. When my grandmother or someone gave her money to save, she always spends it.

Last year my grandma gave her to save a big amount of money and she spent it, when my grandma asked for the money she didn't have it, so she had to ask multiple loans to repay de money. Besides she owns a school but since the quarantine started a lot of parents don't want to pay even when the teachers are giving them activities. (I'm from Mexico) so she's also having a hard time paying to the teachers.
Two years ago we used to live in our own house but she lost because of the debts.

I work from home, thankfully I didn't lost my job, so I used to help her pay the rent, but she made a loan on my name(I didn't grab any of the money, it was all for her) and she isn't paying it so I'm doing it, since then I haven't been giving her money to pay the rent. But I'm helping her to buy all the groceries that we need. My sister does help her with the rent and supports her sometimes to pay a part of her debts.

With my salary sometimes I buy myself things I like, like clothes or things I see on the internet. This morning I was telling my sister I wanted to buy a curling iron, and my grandmother told me I should stop buying things, and give all that money to my mother. And I told her that I do gave her money and help her in the house.

(My grandmother it's also paying some of the loans of my mom, and in the pass she even had to mortgage her home to help her, she is still paying that mortgage)

So AITA for refusing to give my mother more money? ######

Response: NTA - Don't take money advice from your grandmother who continually is getting scammed by your mother. Take as much money as you can and save it for your future, you'll need it. ######


Prompt: So me(13f) and my dad went to the dog park so my dogs could run.  I have two 30-40 lb dogs Max and Bell.  Then this lady comes in the dog park with 2 husky mixes. They are look like they are 60lbs ish.  So my dogs go to smell her dogs butt and then her dog just attacks my dog. Not like a gentle bite but angry and my dog screamed and ran away.  I was like woah and grabbed my dogs.  She tried calling her dog over to her but it didn't listen to her.  I told her she shouldn't be bringing an dog that clearly doesn't like other dogs to a dog park and she kinda got upset and left.  I felt bad but at the same time her dog attacked Max just for smelling her.  My dad said I shouldn't have said that because Max didn't get hurt.  My reasoning was that her dog didn't like other dogs and didn't go to her when she called it, it shouldn't be in a dog park. ######

Response: NTA - Dogs can be trained to behave.  If she couldn't get her dog to obey, then she should keep them on a leash or keep them home. ######


Prompt:
I know this sounds stupid; but hear me out. My (26f) husband (26m) works over 60+ hours a week, he’s in a second step manager position (he’s like second in charge), he purposely schedules it this way so his other associates don’t have to work 12+ hour days and instead he takes those hours to be nice to them because of whatever sob story they give him.

We have two boys under 3 that are missing and needing their dad, he sees them for maybe 1.5 hours a day before he showers and leaves.

His health is starting to get bad, he’s not eating much, and I’m worried he’s going to start getting ulcers or a heart attack from how stressed he is. Plus his temperament has been really aggressive.

He promised me that in the new schedules he would take only 40 hours, and work on his health and bond with the kids. And tonight he calls me and tells me not to be mad but he has to take more hours again because it’s unfair that so and so has to do more than their 8, but it’s somehow okie doki for him to work himself to death!

So I told him that I was really upset he went back on his word, and that it makes me feel like he doesn’t respect my opinion; he said I was being jerk and he’s working to support the family.

I work too and I can easily get more hours to account for whatever he feels we’re lacking on his paycheck, plus our savings is great! We could seriously survive for a couple of months on just my paycheck alone, we’d just have to cut our junkfood, buying movies on iTunes, and Ubereats.

Am I TA here for getting upset? ######

Response:
 NTA - does your husband realize that he’s risking his relationship with his entire family because he insists on working unreasonable hours at a job he doesn’t feel passionate about just so he can say he’s a good manager? He wouldn’t be the first person who lost his partner and kids because he failed to make them a priority after he’d been explicitly asked to do so (hell, just check out the rest of Reddit if you’re after examples...)

I’m not suggesting you divorce him, but you’ve asked him to invest more time and energy in your family rather than his work and he’s immediately gone back on his word. You need to make it clear that this is seriously important to you and your sons, and that you’re not prepared to accept empty promises about changes he then fails to make. He sounds like a decent guy who just doesn’t quite understand how much effort it actually takes to have a good family life. Raising kids is work. Keeping a marriage healthy is work. And in both cases, YOU are his only coworker. He owes you at least the time, respect and consideration he shows to his other coworkers at his salaried job (and considerably more given that you are in fact his wife and the mother of his children). He needs to take you seriously and not brush off your concerns as secondary or less important than the pressures he might have from his workplace. If he’s worried about money, sit him down and work out a budget. But it sounds like this is mostly about his own self-image and his concern for how his coworkers see him - in which case, my only advice is to do what it takes to make him realize that actually, the opinions of his wife and children matter more than that of his colleagues and he needs to starting acting like it. ######


Prompt:
I'll start with a bit of background. I have been friends with my friend and her ex since high school. They were together for around 10 years and split around 12 months ago. Friend has started seeing someone else. Ex has started seeing someone within our circle recently. I am friends with both of them equally.

I am trying my best to remain impartial, so when they each moved on I did not mention it to the other out of respect - I figured this was a conversation best left to the two of them. About a week ago I got a message from my friend crucifying me for not telling her her ex had moved on. I only knew her ex was 'talking' to his new SO, not that there was anything 'official' happening. She won't hear it and keeps telling me she has a right to know and that I betrayed her by not telling her. I disagree. I am close with both of them and am happy to hear them out, but I won't take sides. Which they know.

&#x200B;

AITA? ######

Response: NTA - despite you being friends to both parties, their business really isn’t your business. You’ve done a good thing by just staying out of it. Sounds like your friend still might have some feelings for the ex though.. ######


Prompt:
Me (16f) and my girlfriend (17) have been dating for about two years. When I first came out to my family they were a little skeptical at first but have ultimately been pretty supportive of me and accepting. My gf met them about a year ago and her and my family hit it off immediately. Since then she’s been invited to many of our family functions
My grandma (79) has short term memory loss so it’s obviously not very easy for her to remember certain details. She’s met my girlfriend like 8 times at different functions and everytime she says “oh who’s this honey? You’re friend?” And I always say, no grandma she’s my girlfriend. To which her response is “oh..” it’s not always said in the most happy tone but she always kisses us both on the cheek and wishes us well.
Recently at school my friend was asking us how our relationships was going and my gf responded “good except for that homophobic grandma” and I was so confused bc like, What?She said that my grandma always ‘deliberately’ referred to her as my friend and clearly did not support us. I told her that was ridiculous because she’s never said an ill word towards the two of us and she literally c a n t remember who she is. My gf said that I could pick my grandma over her if I really wanted but, “I was being ridiculous”.
I thought there was no possible way people could think I was an asshole but all my friends took her side and said that I should’ve informed my grandma before brining my gf up or kept her away from the party.
I’m honestly shocked by this so reddit AITA? ######

Response: NTA - depending on how lucid your grandmother is, That 'Oh' of disappointment could be an 'Oh. I forgot. Again." ######


Prompt:
Throwaway as I feel this is so ridiculous and don't want it on my main account.

I recently ordered some new clothes and one of them is a top with a love heart on it. The love heart is coloured in 7 different colours making a rainbow look. I got it because it looked bright and cheerful.

Today I came downstairs wearing it and my husband asked why I'm wearing a rainbow top when I'm not gay. I told him you don't have to be gay to like rainbows but he got annoyed and said he wasn't going out with me in public wearing it as people would think I'm a lesbian. I told him if people think that then I have no problems with it and that I was wearing it whether he liked it or not. In the end he refused to come out shopping with me and has been acting like a toddler who's taken a tantrum since I got home.

He made similar comments when I got a pixie cut 3 years ago which I absolutely loved but I've grown it back since as he said he wasn't attracted to me with it. Apart from that he never makes homophobic comments and seems to have no problems with gay people. ######

Response:
 NTA - dear god, the fragility of this man...

*Nothing* about anyone's appearance is an indication of sexual orientation. You could literally be snogging a woman and it would still not mean you're a lesbian. The "worry" that people will assume you're a lesbian based on your clothing is stupid.

Secondly though, why does it bother him so much even *if* some people would think you're a lesbian - presumably people who, like him, think pixie cuts and rainbow shirts are a no-go because it will somehow be an indicator of your orientation. So what if someone would think you're gay?

I know you're saying he never makes homophobic comments outside this particular issue and that he doesn't seem to have problems with gay people, but to be honest I find it hard to believe that he doesn't based on what you've written.

Either way, your husband is an asshole, for trying to dictate what you wear, and for worrying on any level that people may assume you're gay. ######


Prompt:
Tl;dr: My private garden was partially destroyed by a landscaper not even hired by my landlord. WIBTA if I called to complain

Okay for some context: I live in the UK in a private flat in a building of council flats (these are low income/free housing provided by the local authority). Each flat has a designated section of garden. So my partner and I have a large portion of the green that we maintain and care for.

I have a greenhouse and planters and all sorts of vegetables growing. I recently transplanted my zucchini plants into the earth. I didn't bother blocking any of it off or anything because that area is only maintained by myself and my partner; we knew which plants were which.

So for the first time in the year we have lived here, the city council sends someone around to cut the grass for the other gardens. The landscaper knocks on our door and determines which sections are ours and which aren't. He then proceeds to *only* cut ours and kills all of my flowering zucchini plants with a strimmer.

I am brand new to gardening. I haven't been able to work thanks to the pandemic and have been coping in part by gardening. I spent the last month and a half to two months nurturing those plants. And surely, a landscaper should be able to tell if something is a vegetable plant and not a weed??

So reddit, WIBTA if I contacted the landscaping company to complain?

Edit: I have also just noticed that he has decimated some flowering bulbs I planted earlier this year, too. ######

Response: NTA - Complain. Complain. Complain. They had no right to do that to your plants. It would have been helpful if you warned them but i doubt they would have cared. Try to get some planters to start off where you left off on gardening while you wait for that landscaper to be reprimanded. ######


Prompt:
So this just happened last week and I want to know if I am the AH.

Me (22F) and my friend (23f) decided we wanted to lose weight we both decided to just naturally bring in healthy alternatives to our diet and exercise and we both tried fad diets and failed every time.

We started this around the new year and I’ve continued to make sure to do the little things and ended up going down from an obese bmi to a overweight bmi, I know there is more work to do but I’m pretty happy with my results and showed off to Instagram.

So here is why I might be the AH:

My friend hasn’t been doing as well with her weight loss through no fault of her own, I did know this and have been trying to help her with things I’ve found work for me. I suggested maybe seeing a doctor as she really cannot shift the weight and I do wonder if it may be medical related, she got defensive about needing a doctor so I left it at that.

Then came the photo. As I said I posted my results to Instagram and she calls me crying saying I know how hard it is for her and I shouldn’t be flaunting my success in her face. I just wanted to show off how proud I am but now I feel like an AH because I did have it in the back of my mind that she may get upset.

So reddit AITA for posting my progress picture even though I knew my friends weight struggles? ######

Response:
 NTA - Compassion and empathy are a good thing to have, and understanding your friend's struggle is great, but there needs to be an understanding of what actually happened.

You didn't post it and tag your friend and say "Hey, look how much more weight I have lost compared to you."

Showing off your own progress does not equate to rubbing it in your friend's face ######


Prompt:
My student Spotify premium plan ran out so I went to the website to buy a regular plan. I noticed that they offer a family plan and figured it would be cheaper if I chose this option and split the cost with the people I invited.

I asked around and got a few coworkers and friends to join. The plan costs $15/mo. Split evenly that equaled our to $2.50 per person. I asked for them to pay me $2.50 each month on the 15th. It’s not a whole lot of money at all, for me or them, so it kinda felt silly to ask so for so little, but made sense.

Anyways, several months go by. People pay. Sometimes two of the people forget, and I’ll charge them on the Venmo after a few days.

These last two months, however, one friend hasn’t paid for the past two months. The other paid for this month but not last month. I charged them for these missing payments on Venmo (again, very little amount, but it’s disrespectful to disregard what we agreed on) and they’ve ignored it.

I don’t talk to that coworker (I left the job) and never really talked to her to begin with. Would it be rude if I just removed her from the plan without even texting her? All I did was request on Venmo so far ######

Response: NTA - Common courtesy might be to at least send her a text if you think she might just not have noticed.  But if she's not paying, there's nothing wrong with taking her off, especially after a few months. ######


Prompt:
I’m an only child and so is my husband and we have a small house and kids. Our parents often put down our tiny, full house. My in-laws arrived shortly after we bought our house with furniture that didn’t fit in their condo even though our house is barely larger than their condo, I wasn’t consulted. My dad gave us an bunch of his furniture he didn’t want. Ok, free furniture, but there’s stuff I don’t like, like a giant chest filled with my MILs student art that must be kept and a case of ivories. I don’t want to be a person who has ivories. But now it’s starting to really irritate me. His house is at least double the square footage of mine with one person and thee unused rooms! And every time I see him he tells me to take more of my dead mom’s stuff, my dead grandma’s stuff. He pushed a big cross on me even though I’m not Christian and the gave it to my kid when I said no thanks. Today he called me and “offered” a large freestanding mirror that has been at my aunt’s house the decade+ grandma has been dead. “No thanks, I don’t have any space for it” and he gets angry. How it’s nice and “I guess she’ll give it to Goodwill”, sniff sniff. Now we have to provide homes for grandma’s stuff in other people’s houses? He has three unused rooms!
AITA for saying no and if they treasure this crap they can find room for it? ######

Response: NTA - Can your kids somehow accidentally ruin a few things. Kids can be very very clumsy. ######


Prompt:
Ever since COVID, jobs have been hard to come by, especially in my [M21] and my girlfriend's  [F20] fields.

The other day, she got a request for an interview at this decently sized company in the city we live in. She did really well on the first interview, got a second, and did fairly well on that interview as well. I have no doubts they will be contacting her with an offer or a third interview, and she is super excited.

The only problem is that with a little bit of research you find out that the company is basically a giant pyramid scheme, and that you will be a door to door or in store salesperson. From there you only make commission. This may be what some people want, but I know for a fact this is nowhere near what my girlfriend is expecting from the job. Plus, reviews online of working for the company are either horrible or obviously fake.

I know it is her life and I shouldn't interfere, but she is so excited to get another summer job that I'm worried she might throw herself into this without actually knowing what it is. I asked her what the company does the other day and she explained the same BS that the fake reviews online had. I don't want her to waste her time when I know she would have a good chance at a job elsewhere. ######

Response:
 NTA - but you’ll need to find a few negative reviews to really convince her. From sites like Glassdoor or reviews from customers.

Maybe ask her what her base salary would be and then compare it to someone just making minimum wage. Sure the commissions would be higher, but it’s probably not stacked in her favor to actually earn a decent wage. ######


Prompt:
Me & my gf of 3 years has accused me of being cheap. She has 2 children from a previous relationship. Everything in the relationship is great but money is the elephant in the room.

We both have income. For the most part it’s kept separate. Separate bank accounts etc. All bills are 50/50. Now I’ve noticed when we all go out to eat etc she expects me to pay. The bills are always higher because of the kids. I find myself not wanting to go out because it gets too expensive.

I have money saved. A mortgage from before we got together. Investments and own my own company. No debts. She is coming from a relationship where they had 30-40k debt.
Has had the ex pay it off in the divorce. She has a vehicle and wants me to help out on repairs, new tires etc. Even maybe help buy a new vehicle. I drive a 20 year old vehicle and have never owned a new one. I see it as a bad investment.

She earns more money than I do. She doesn’t work but gets payments from the ex for the kids. She says she doesn’t want anything to do with him and would rather not take his money but wants me to basically take over. I don’t have the money to do this. Also I did not expect this. Now it’s turning into “we are not a priority for you”. And you keep all your money. Meanwhile I feel like everything is fair 50/50 with her even earning more. She earns about 2x me. Now her cards are maxed out and it’s getting stressful. She wants me to buy the bday gifts, vacations etc. Now tells me that’s how her other relationship was. But my defence is I am not the father and he is still alive and making payments. So idk, she’s made me feel like I’m cheap and don’t contribute. Is this a controlling tactic to get what she wants? Does she really think this of me? I mean I spent thousands on her for her bday and Xmas. Any and all comments welcome I need some help guys thanks. ######

Response: NTA - but what do you expect??? This won’t get better dude, you will dropped for the first guy that opens up his wallet. ######


Prompt:
My son is married to a woman no one likes. The truly strange thing is he doesn't like her either, he could never give me a reason why he was going to marry her, and they have been nothing but miserable since they got married. We are all hispanic and in the hispanic community there is a valid issue of light skin being put up on a pedestal. My wife was her mom's favorite child because she was the lightest. I know how fucked up that is but it is part of our community.

Both of my wives have been light skinned, and my current wife is blonde and people are surprised when they find out she is Cuban. My DIL strikes me as being horribly insecure. She is constantly calling women sluts, talking about what other women are wearing, and according to my ex she even tried to shame her for working out. DIL constantly brings up how light skinned my wife is and implies that she isn't really part of our culture and tries to shame me for marrying "white girls"

Well last night she pissed me off when she asked why we don't have any children together (she knows my wife can't have children) and then she started bitching about how she is surprised we didn't want white, beautiful children. I told her "you're racist because you're ugly" and she went crazy, throwing dishes and screaming. Now everyone besides my wife thinks I'm the asshole. ######

Response: NTA - but the better way of phrasing it is: "You're ugly because you're racist". ✌🏻 ######


Prompt:
So I moved into my current apartment about a year ago and ever since i have had to deal with my neighbors and their constant screaming. The thing is i don't really know them, I have only seen their name on the door, but the things I hear through the walls are very concerning. Multiple times a day the kids (I think they have 2) will scream, but not like fun-scream, more like scream-crying. This will be followed by their mother screaming back even louder and sometimes it sounds like things are being thrown against our wall. This also happens in the middle of the night waking me up sometimes 5 times in one night. I can hear them screaming and sometimes talking because of the thin walls, but I don't know their launguage so i can't make out what they are saying. This is also the reason why i want to call the authorites and not talk to them myself, becuase we cant communicate. The thing that even made me make this post was yesterday when all hell went loose and both the mother and the father was screaming at the children like crazy and some big objects were thrown against the wall, so big that my bedroom actually rumbled. I started keeping count of the screaming and crying and what sounds like hitting and in the last 4 hours it have happened about 5 times. It seems it is getting worse everyday

So WIBTA if I reported them without actually knowing or talking to the parents? ######

Response: NTA - but start recording and keeping a log as proof because CPS won't be able to do much unless they have proof. ######


Prompt:
Last Thanksgiving, my mom (53F) and I (24F) got into a fight about how my aunt treats me and my younger cousin who is transgender (13M).  Side note: my mom adopted my little cousin several years ago, and he came out as transgender last year.  He prefers to be referred to as male, which I will do in this post.

My aunt is homophobic, and she has ostracized me from our family for over a decade for being a lesbian, so my mom asks me to tone down my lesbianism when we visit by not talking about girls, who I date, or anything pertaining to the LGBT community.  I have accepted this and typically do so to keep her happy.  My mom is a peacemaker and does not like to fight or upset anyone, and she thinks I should respect my Aunt and keep this to myself.  Last Thanksgiving, I felt my mom crossed a line because she told my cousin that he had to go by his dead name at my Aunt’s and by female pronouns.  This obviously made him really uncomfortable.  It was also not easy for me to do, as I didn’t want to upset him and found it difficult to revert back to his dead name and opposite pronouns suddenly after calling him the other name for months.  My mom refused to allow my cousin to tell anyone that he was transgender because “kids would be there” and that he would be grounded if he told anyone.  She was angry at me for continuing to call him by his chosen name because I refused to switch back.  I was super pissed on his behalf because I feel his coming out should be his decision, and that my mother should stand up for us more at holidays to my aunt.

WIBTA if I refuse to hide my lesbianism to placate my aunt, as well as insist she treat my younger cousin with respect to his pronouns and chosen name?  I understand that my mother doesn’t want to upset her sister, but as both a straight and cisgender woman I don’t believe she understands where my cousin and I are coming from and why we want the freedom to express ourselves freely when visiting family. ######

Response: NTA - But maybe ask your cousin what he wants since he has to live with your mom more. He may be fine going back into the closet to maintain peace, tho you can 100% be gay af in front of your aunt cause it mainly affects your relationship to her and you aren't obligated to go back into the closet for her. ######


Prompt: Mostly anxiety speaking here. I have a mentally disabled sister, physically she is an almost 40 year old woman but mentally she is about 15 months old. My parents feed her, shower her, dress her, etc. I struggle extremely with the fact that when my parents are gone, that I will have to take care of her. It kills me that she is disabled. The thought of doing all that everyday for years with disregard to my own life, I can’t handle it. There were times in my teen years that I resented her, I had to rush back home to take care of her while my parents were gone. I had no childhood. AITA for cringing at the thought of taking care of her? For not feeling anything towards her? For feeling uncomfortable at the thought of washing her? For not wanting this role? ######

Response: NTA - But if you don't want to take care of her, you need to tell your parents now, so that they can start making other arrangements. There are lawyers and agencies that focus on exactly these types of situations. ######


Prompt:
So for some reason the kids in my neighborhood have decided that they want to start playing basketball at 10pm or later. Now I’m usually pretty chill about pretty much everything but it’s gone from them just playing basketball to them yelling and screaming while playing basketball. Even then that wouldn’t be an issue if it were something that happened every now and then. I’ve been their age before and I’ve done my fair share of stupid teenage things but I’m not sure where to draw the line.

Edit: I should have said that I’ve already talked to the parents about it (seemed pretty chill , it stopped for about a week and then it started back up). In addition to this they tend to leave trash everywhere (water bottles , napkins, soda cans) ######

Response: NTA - but I would consider talking to their parents first.  Honestly the police are fairly ill equipped to hand any situation that doesn't call for an unreasonable amount of violence to be directed at citizens, I'd only involve them if you are fearing for your well being. ######


Prompt:
My (16F) sister (18F) and I have never gotten along. We have very different personalities and always argue. Today we were visiting someone else’s house and got into an argument there. I can’t even remember what started it. She said something and I got mad at her. We were yelling at each other and getting pretty intense, and then she said something that stopped the argument. It was basically “Go ahead and kill yourself, see if I care! I wish you’d just shoot yourself and get out of my freaking LIFE!” Afterwards, she looked horrified and tried to apologise but I ran up to my room.

This really upset me because our dad shot himself when we were little. He’s part of the reason for all our arguing. She feels really bad about what she said and has constantly tried to apologise to me, but I refused to listen. She’s said bad stuff to me before, but this is worse because of our dad. I don’t know if I’m in the wrong. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA - but I don’t know your sister but I’m quite sure she didn’t actually mean it like that, it sounds like you probably both say some very harsh things sometimes!

I personally know family members who have completely cut each other out of their lives over arguments, all end up regretting it but don’t patch things up because they’re too stubborn and I think that’s a shame!

You’re family, I would give yourself some time to calm down and then try to make up with your sister ######


Prompt:
Just wanna say beforehand, Im not actually the one giving it to my sister, its our dad.

Were all grown adults and are living together for lockdown. My sister is a really fussy eater, she only eats one type of food, curry. She only likes a certain brand, in a certain jar in 3 flavours. She either eats those currys or orders take out every day (either curry or fries).

My dad likes cooking and will do it for the family every night, but my sister refuses to eat anything he makes. She wont cook for herself either, will ask him to do it or will order take out.

If my dad makes her a curry, and its with rice that she hasnt had before, she wont eat it. Tonight, instead of using whatever rice shes eating right now (she used to eat microwave rice, she doesnt anymore) he used whole grain rice. She took 1 bite, said she didnt like it and left the entire bowl. This happens almost every meal if it isnt the perfect jar of sauce, perfect cut of chicken, or perfect rice.

Dad has hidden things in the home made sauces that she doesnt know about (like carrots or something) and we dont tell her, or she will refuse to eat it. We dont tell her after either, we just let her eat it and never say a word. Sometimes she will throw a tantrum about certain foods too, like we ordered take out for lunch a couple weeks ago, and refused to eat any of the food at all because she took some of my fries after being called out for it. A lot of food goes to waste because she has massive portions, but wont eat it.

Like I understand you shouldnt 'fuck' with peoples foods, but I feel like in this situation its acceptable. She has been told by doctors she needs to start eating better. Just wanna say my sister isnt autistic, she was tested and it came back negative. She does refuse to go to doctors too, and our dad cant force her since shes 24. AITA (my family) for feeding her stuff she wont eat and not telling her? ######

Response: NTA - but honestly everyone should just stop being involved with her food in any way. Don’t cook for her. Don’t get takeout for her. Nothing. If she’s not willing to cook or order her own damn food, she doesn’t deserve to eat. She’s a grown-ass adult who has been enabled in this totally asshole behavior for about two decades too long. ######


Prompt: So a little bit of backstory I (16f) have insomnia I’m up all night and some of the day but I’m almost never up at dinner time so I never get to eat with my family so I decided to do something nice and cook for them before I went to bed, I made meatballs like 50 of them and I worked my ass of for them I made them from scratch It took like 3 hours I pan fried them and burned the shit out of my arm in the process but they turned out amazing, we all had a few this morning (about 3) and my dad and brother said they were amazing but my mom said they were “only ok” which hurt my feelings but I moved on, so anyways I put them in the fridge and went to bed. Well I just got up and they had eaten all but two of them I worked my fucking ass off and they couldn’t save me more then two? Keep in mind there are only three other members of my family and They all had at least 10 and they saved me two my little brother even offered two put some of his back for me and they said not to,  I just feel like whats the point in working hard cooking for them if they’re not going to appreciate me enough to save me a portion! wibta if I tell them I’m not cooking for them anymore? I can’t tell if I’m over reacting ######

Response: NTA - but don't let other people stop you from doing things you like. If you make something next time, be sure to put it away in some Tupperware and label it clearly what's yours and what's for the family. If they keep stealing your food after that, then I wouldn't cook for them anymore, just cook for yourself. Please don't let one setback stop you from doing something you love! ######


Prompt:
Okay so I (15f) live with my mum, dad (59m) and my soon to be leaving sister (18f)

So it’s always felt like I’ve been walking on eggshells when my dad is around. I can never
tell what his mood is and wether he’ll shout at me if I do something wrong or tell a joke. When he shouts, He shouts hard. Usually while my mum isn’t home and he’s in one of his angry moods he will literally find anything to get mad about and say that we’re irresponsible, lazy, going to get fat etc. This hasn’t happened with me but he’s usually tell my sister to “fuck off” if she pissed him off about something (idk what but she always does leave the house when he says that and he gets mad) he also compares us a lot and says that I should be like my sister because she has a job n stuff, and compares my sister to me because I’m “unproblematic”.

Usually when I sleep in on a Saturday he’d usually say stuff like “you should get a job and stop being lazy” and he’d also say I quit an old Saturday club I used to be in cuz I just wanted to be a “lazy shit” (even though I left because it just wasn’t my thing)

Lastly if we say something he doesn’t really agree with he acts like the whole family gangs up on him and try’s to, in his words, “silence and oppress him”

that’s just a fraction of the stuff he literally shouts. I’ve always felt like I’m walking on eggshells when he’s around and I can’t take it, I’ve had to live with it for 15 years and I just want it to stop. WIBTA? ######

Response:
 NTA - but abusers rarely take their victims advice. I’m not sure what the best step going forward would be, but you’d probably be best with some support from outside your family to start with as a back up.

Are there any relatives, teachers or counsellors you can talk to about his behaviour? ######


Prompt:
I [27F] have been with my partner [27M] for four years, my south Asian parents who are first gen immigrants do not “allow me to date” and expect that I have an arranged marriage to a man of their choosing. I’ve explained to them multiple times that I’m not their 15 year old daughter they can “forbid” from dating.

I’m tired of the constantly being yelled at about “ruining their lives” or apparently “ruining my life” with my refusal to talk to men they’re interested in setting me up with. I’ve tried asking them about what their concerns are and that I’d be happy to address them but there is no way for me to reason with people who’s only response is “we cannot accept this.”

My parents on aren’t willing to entertain that this is a choice I’d like to make for myself. I care deeply about my partner, am immensely happy and see myself spending the rest of my life with him. WIBTA if I cut off contact with my parents over this?

tl;dr my parents disapprove of my partner due to his race and want me to have an arranged marriage, I’m not interested. WIBTA if I stop speaking to them? ######

Response: NTA - boundaries matter and people who routinely violate your boundaries earn a time out. ######


Prompt:
I have an extensive book collection. My boyfriend asked if he could lend one of my books to his friend, I said no. My boyfriend says I am being ungenerous.

My argument is that the book is a long and dense one and that it is the kind of book that people say they want to read but never actually do. People borrow books like this, they sit on a bed side table for months and you never get it back.

In general my experience with lending things like this, smaller things like books, is that they don't come back. I tend not to lend stuff that is small as I have a poor rate of return.

On the other hand if someone wants something expensive, like to borrow one of my very good dresses for an event, that's fine because expensive stuff strangely people seem more keen to take care of and return.

AITA For not lending a book? ######

Response: NTA - Books lent out often don't come back.  If you're fine with that, no problem.  If you're not fine with that, no problem. ######


Prompt:
My bf I’m tied me to stay with him for two weeks. Yesterday he decided to go to his friend and stay overnight. He told me I may not go outside and did not leave the key, I told him since I ran out of food I need to buy food. He said he’ll come back in the morning.

Today he told me he wasn’t coming back until noon so I went out. I couldn’t lock the door because I didn’t have the key and now he said I left his flat.

He is the type to never apologise and think I’m doing something bad when I’m not, but I’m really baffled that he thinks what I did was so bad. Was it really so bad? ######

Response: NTA - big red flag when he tells you not to leave the apartment you should run ######


Prompt:
AITA for wanting/insisting the new TV (that was supposed to replace the old tv in the living room) to go into the family living room instead of my husband’s man cave? He’s very insistent that we can’t use it to it’s fullest ability and it should go in his man cave but we have a toddler and he’s in school so his free time is maybe 3 hours or less a day (he routinely stays up until 2:30 am and wakes up at 5:30 to play video games.) so it wouldn’t get much use.

However we (toddler son and I) have been using a super old tv that has had color issues (everything is green tinted) for about a year now in the main family room/living room. We spend more time upstairs using that tv during the day.

AITA? He’s acting salty about it which seems ridiculous to me. ######

Response: NTA - At this point in time, his priority should be family time, not video game/ man cave time. He should be putting his effort with this new TV into creating fun and active time between the three of you, not to isolate himself away from the family dynamic ######


Prompt:
My husband and I both suffer from depression. For the past few years, I’ve been able to manage mine pretty well with medication and regular therapy. He is on meds and tried therapy once a few years ago but didn’t like his therapist so he stopped and never found a new one. His depression has just gotten worse and worse.

For the past few years, he’s just been miserable. Constantly negative, complaining, etc. I’m empathetic because I’ve been there with my own depression, but now that we’ve been stuck at home with each other and our child 24/7 for the past two months, it’s getting old. I’m frustrated and drained.

Last night, after he complained to me for over an hour about how much he hates his job, I finally got frustrated enough to tell him that he needs to find a therapist, because his constant dumping on me is exhausting. He accused me of being selfish and unsupportive and said that I should be there for him. I tried to make him understand that while I do love and support him, I just don’t have the energy or capacity to be his one and only outlet. He stormed off and hasn’t spoken to me since.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA - Asking him to go to therapy IS supportive. It's the only viable way he is going to be able to manage his depression, and asking him to do so is looking out for him. ######


Prompt: This is a pretty silly thing so I'll keep it (relatively) short, but I'd appreciate getting your advice on this. My boyfriend 'John' and I were spending time together recently and I was acting off (I was stressed, but he didn't know and I didn't tell him). He asked me if I was okay and I responded that I was, to which he responded asking me if I was on my period. I felt pretty annoyed by the question, and while I didn't say anything in the moment, I brought it up later. John explained himself further, telling me that his best friend (let's call him Paul) said that his girlfriend wouldn't get mad if Paul asked her if she was on her period because she's an objective and reasonable person. Moreover, John didn't feel like the question was offensive and was coming from a place of trying to understand why I was off. I obviously disagree, but wonder now if I'm being unreasonable and if he was just coming from a place of trying to be understanding--AITA for feeling like this was an offensive question and feeling upset about it? ######

Response: NTA - as a woman, I too get very annoyed at the question. Also him calling Paul's gf an "objective and reasonable person" sorta implies that you're not? No offense to your bf, but he's 100% the asshole here ######


Prompt:
I'm a young'un and live with my father and sister, we have two chihuahuas and I recently brought up how I was slowly teaching them the "quiet" command, where once they are barking and quiet down you give them the command "quiet" and a small treat, just to keep form excessive noise, because during the day they will bark until you intervene.

My da' is heavily against teaching them this command and says it goes against their natural instincts, he believes it's inhumane and wrong to teach them the "quiet" command, I reminded him it'd only be on command so they can still bark as a warning for intruders or knocking and such, but he insists that it's wrong to teach them. He says they "can't" be trained the command because they're too small or something along those lines. ######

Response: NTA - as a dog owner, I feel the need for the quiet command sometimes. My dog barks for attention sometimes, so teaching him to be quiet first has really helped both of us to remain calm. Many people teach their dogs this command and I don't believe it will entirely suppress their urges to bark. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway account because he'd likely see it if i posted with my main acc.

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some context- I've been doing freelance art for years and usually I charge, say, $90 per character in a piece or more depending on other stuff. My bf didn't know I drew when we started dating and didn't seem to care all that much EXCEPT occasionally when i'd draw his night elf character for him, mostly just small pics or chibis/cute stuff

But now that i'm getting a tonne more commissions (yay corona?) he's been getting insistent about me drawing for him, even mad when he sees my twitter DMs with comission requests and often snidely makes remarks about how busy i'll be in the coming days and such with "drawing stuff for OTHER people". I caved at first and drew him a few pics, practically bypassing my commission queue (the order in which I work on clients art) to get his done first so he wouldn't be mad, but he keeps asking for more, which would really mess up my income and probably piss off my clients cuz they would have to wait longer for theirs. one of our mutual friends suggested he pay like my other commissioners and he laughed at the suggestion. I never NEVER draw for free usually because i know if one person gets free comms then ten more will show up asking.

This all came to a head earlier this week when i snapped and told him to -in not so nice words- to shove it and now he;s extremely pissed. I don't play wow and never have so, but he has since early teens so I know the character has emotional significance to him, but i'd really just rather work on my other commissions and pay the bills, am I the asshole here? ######

Response: NTA - Art is a luxury, if he wants it he should pay like any other customer. No one is entitled to art. Keep on drawing and I'm glad you have so many commissions! I know it's a throw away account but I'd love to see some of your art if possible. ######


Prompt:
So  growing up I had one of the most loving mothers one could as for, maybe  even a little too much. Except for times when she had her episodes. She  has schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and some other mental ilnesess I  forgot about. But for most part, she is very normal and sane, due to her  meds. But that's the problem. She never was a very religious person,  but every year, without fault, she will have this desire to connect to  god for some reason. She then start going to church at least 3 times a  week, and it seems to give her some comfort, so I don't even mention it.  But what surprises me is that everytime she finds a church, they tell  her she doesn't seem to have any condition regarding her mental state.  And that is true, because of her meds. Some time later they'll convince  her that with god on her side, she doesn't need to keep taking those  meds that are making her get fatter and fatter. God is all powerful and  will help her get through it.

Do I  even need to say it? After a couple weeks without the meds she is  completly changed, she doesn't recognize me anymore, start hearing  voices, seeing things that are there. When she gets like this, she  thinks I'm the devil or some evil spirit.

Yesterday  I moved to another house. The bills are coming up, it's all in her  name, she doesn't have any money. Most likely she will end up on the  streets in a couple months, and I don't care. I've had enough of this  shit. Last time she got better I told her if she stopped taking her meds  I would leave her to tend for herself, and so did.

So AITA for leaving her when I know she can't take care of herself? ######

Response:
 NTA - And yeah, these situations just plain suck.

The fact is that schizophrenia simply cannot be cured, and it's SO common for sufferers to get stuck in that endless cycle of take meds, get better, quit meds, go off the deep end, get rescued, take meds, get better, etc etc etc

In my experience, when someone is in this bad a state, the only thing that will really keep them safe is to have someone taking full responsibility for their lives, for the rest of their lives. They simply cannot do it themselves, so someone's got to be in charge of that cycle.

And if you just can't be that person, then you just can't. I mean even if we set aside the years of frustration and hurt and trauma and resentment, not everyone is cut out to be responsible for a mentally ill person every single day for the rest of their lives. ######