Prompt:
Some background. A few days ago (Friday) I discovered a lump in my (f/23) breast and armpit. Since it was the weekend today (Monday) was the first day I could speak to my Doctor about it. Over the weekend, the lumps grew and got more painful, leading me to start to freak out a little.

I phoned my Doctor, who is only seeing people in person if there is an emergency, about these lumps. Before I was able to tell her what was going on, she said it was a razor bump and to just leave it. I tried explaining that it was pea sized, under the skin and growing. She insisted it was an infected razor bump from shaving without taking anything else into account. Now I'm really worried about something being wrong because she dismissed what I said and decided on a diagnoses without seeing the lumps or listening to me.

Which brings me to the question. WIBTA for reporting my Doctor for inadequate care or what else should I do? ######

Response:
 NAH. Consult another physician first before concluding the first one made a mistake. If the second physician shares your concerns, you can make a complaint against the first one.

I've had a lump like this in my armpit from shaving, except it wasn't painful. ######


Prompt: I (21) finally told my mom that I'm not straight tonight after dinner with my sister (19) sitting there. Immediately after, my sister says "well, since we're admitting things, neither am I." She has severe anxiety and probably would not have said anything for several more years unless I did it first. But it's just bothering me a lot that she just hijacked my announcement when I've been working up the courage to say this for so long. Especially because we got in a fight recently because she doesn't appreciate how much emotional labor I do for her as the older sister, and now here's another situation where I'm the brave one and she just gets to ride my coat tails. AITA for being pissed? ######

Response: NAH. Coming out isn’t easy, and she has anxiety. I agree in a perfect world, you should have your own moment, but we don’t live in a perfect world. ######


Prompt:
Hey guys. I (17M) finished senior year and am picking up my cap and gown tomorrow. My parents want to have a celebration (virtually) and drag out my "accomplishment" of graduating highschool. Here's the thing, I did not have a good high school experience, at all. I was severely depressed freshman and sophomore year, and got suspended in sophomore year for attempting to take my own life. I lost two friends close to me also, high school was a fucking nightmare, and I don't want to look back. I'm also 9 days sober, which I'm kinda proud of. Looking back, my parents were not here for me in these times at all, they never listened to me. Don't get me wrong, I love them and think they are great! They have improved somewhat and are trying, but it seems all this celebrating is for themselves, and I just want to move past it. I'm looking forward to community college and continuing my hobbies of art and my (slightly all-consuming) obsession with synthesizers. I'm just trying to look forward and think  about positive things and getting healthier, but "celebrating" my high school experience just feels wrong to me. I can see why I would be the asshole, because every family around them is celebrating, and focusing on the good things, so I could be "taking away" this experience from my parents, as I am a first generation American, and they only experienced this with my sister before (who's the star child). I just need to know if I am the asshole?

Thanks. Also thank you to any healthcare/front-line/essential workers out there, you guys rock! ######

Response: NAH. But you did accomplish something. You’ve been through a lot of shit, including crippling depression and addiction, and you’re still here, and able to put this whole painful chapter behind you and look forward to the future. That in itself is worthy of celebration. If you’re willing to throw your parents a bone, ask for a small celebration with just your parents (and sister if applicable) to celebrate how far you’ve come in the past couple of years. Sure, it’s more for them than for you, but it might help them scratch that itch. ######


Prompt: My wife’s best friend died in a tragic accident at 12 years old. She still celebrates her birthday every year and I know she was important to her, of course. I absolutely empathize with that, and I hate seeing my wife still go through that pain of losing a childhood best friend when she was just a child herself. And it’s not the I hate the name itself, the name is alright. It just feels weird to me and feels like a bad omen, or bad luck. Not to say that the child herself was bad luck or anything, that probably sounds awful, but her death was very bad unfortunate luck. I also don’t really want something like that attached to my daughter. I don’t want my wife to attach her friend to our daughter in that kind of way, I’d rather her just have her own name, without the presence of someone else. ######

Response: NAH. But the name isn’t an omen of bad luck. I was named after my grandma that died before I was born (she had cancer). Obviously people that knew her will realize that’s why I have my name and say something but that’s all.  (nothing bad, typically stuff like “oh you look like her too” or “I miss her”). I don’t feel like my grandmas story/life is attached to me or anything like that. If you like the name I don’t see any reason not to name your daughter after her. ######


Prompt:
Reposted to be in compliance with sub rules.

I'm a single father with a 4 year old daughter. Currently, I live with my younger brother and his family, taking care of their son while they work. I no longer work cause I'm a disabled veteran so that's why I watch my nephew.

So moving on, today I had an argument with my brother because he or his wife left out a Sharpie that my daughter then proceeded to find and use to draw on the countertops and an empty cereal bin. When I discovered it, I scolded my daughter for doing it and sent her to her room. Later on, my brother and his wife came out of their bedroom (he was doing school work and she was helping him while I watched both kids) and asks me how I punished my daughter for what she did. I told him I scolded her and sent her to her room. I went to look for some alcohol to clean the mess up now that the kids had supervision. When I returned, my brother had cleaned up the mess with a magic eraser and then started in on me, thinking that I should have been more severe in my punishment. I countered that she received a punishment that I deemed appropriate and that he should assume some responsibility for it happening as it wouldn't have happened if he had put away the marker when he was done with it. To me, it's one thing if she had grabbed a chair to climb on and then done what she did but it's another for someone to leave something for her to reach. He followed by saying that she's drawn on other things before and that scolding is apparently not working to which I replied that she's 4 years old and toddlers are not known for their superior impulse control. He proceed to start questioning my fathering and I walked away from the argument for fear that I would lose my rapidly dwindling cool. I understand that it is his home and I'd be frustrated too if the roles were reversed but I don't think I'm in the wrong here regarding how I handled it. That's why I've come to this impartial forum. AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH. But she is four. They had to keep screwdrivers out of reach for my toddlerhood since curiosity plus a tool does not equal intact furniture.

Best to just keep all drawing stuff out of reach of the tiny human and get some mess-free art supplies for her. ######


Prompt:
My friend is 5'4 and 230 pounds and lives with a family of enablers. Her family is also all overweight and like to focus on building her up, which is super great, but they do that by just lying to her. They told her there's nothing wrong with the shape she is in, and that being thick is a good thing and guys love it.

She is also clueless about diet. She thinks that eating nandos/chipotle/wendys is healthy because it isn't KFC or Mcdonalds. I explained to her that while there are healthy ish options, they are NOT healthy, and contain much more sodium and fat than if she cooked at home.

Anyways, she recently decided to talk to me about how she is frustrated when we go out together guys never hit on her even though she knows guys want a thick girl. She said that once all this stuff is over, she can't wait to hit the clubs because she's even thicker now with all the weight shes put on being inside. I told her she shouldn't be trying to measure her worth by how much attention she receives from guys.

She is 25 now, and has never had a boyfriend. She thinks there is nothing wrong with  her weight but will not stop complaining to me about how guys want a thick girl but not her. She will send me memes on IG about guys talking about thick girls and saying "but I'm right here!!". She just doesn't get it. WIBTA for telling her there is a difference and she isn't thick, just obese?

(also her family is pretty wealthy and have a family business, so she has the time and finances necessary to get into shape, she also does not have any health conditions like PCOS) ######

Response: NAH. But prepare to lose a friend whether you are an asshole or not. Some people can’t take the truth and she sounds like one of those people. She will likely make you out to be the asshole and blame you for all her negative feelings of herself. ######


Prompt:
Ok so I have a step child that my SO and I see every other weekend. Every year on Mother's Day my MIL sends flowers or a card and signs the step child's name to the gift.

Now, MIL is a VERY kind and well intentioned person and I honestly do appreciate the gifts. My issue is that stepchild has made it clear that they like me and have no issues with me but do not wish to consider me a mother. I am 100% Ok with this, I love the kid and want to respect their feelings. They already have a mom and I feel we have a great relationship without needing that label.
Because of this I know the child does not have any part with the gifts and they are only coming from MIL as she thinks I deserve recognition on Mother's Day.

Would I be the Asshole if I sat down with her and told her that while I appreciate the gifts the child does not feel that way about me and I'd like her to stop signing them from them?? Like I said she is a VERY kind person and I'd hate to hurt her feelings. ######

Response: NAH. But I don’t think I’d ask her to stop. I think she is trying to show you her appreciation for the role you play in his life. I’d accept them in the spirit they are offered. ######


Prompt:
So, my fiancée and I were watching a light horror movie. It was The Babysitter. I’m a horror fanatic, and she suggested this movie. It’s not the best movie, but I have been trying to get her into horror.

First of all, I’ve never seen the movie before. When we were watching, I just made a comment on how the black guy is probably going to die first. She said that I was being really racist and that it wasn’t funny. It turns out that I was right. He did infact die first. I just find it to be a pretty funny trope in horror movies. Not that I agree with it, but I was making fun of it existing.

She still won’t accept my reasoning. So, AITA? ######

Response: NAH. Black guy here. Not racist, just the truth. ######


Prompt:
Today at dinner my sister (10), parents (48), and I (15) were discussing topics. Since we are from China our parents sent us to a Chinese school every weekend (we live in Denmark). It is usually not as tough as our normal school but it comes with a decent amount of homework. We've been going there for about 4 years and I feel like its a waste of my time. I've always wanted to stop and know the reason why I must go there. Usually, they just tell me that I'll need it in the future but today they straight up told me the real reason. It translates into something like this:

"Since you're from China you must learn to write, read, and speak (I could speak the Chinese pretty fluently which I thought was enough. The whole conversation was in Chinese anyway). Life isn't just about happiness. Sometimes people need to suffer. The language is like the root of a tree. The leaves are entertainments, hobbies, and school. A tree can survive without leaves but it cannot throw the root away."

It got pretty sad while listening and started to argue: "How can this be compared to a tree? I bet I could function perfectly without speaking Chinese." They simply answered with a comparison: "Your friend moved back to China and he is still learning Danish as well as Chinese. You should learn from him. We don't care what happens to you when you turn 18 but right now we know what is important." At this point, I got furious and said calmly yet annoyed: "I'm going, to be honest. This is the most bullshit logic I've ever heard in my life." Both of us have calmed down and I simply want to know if I was being the asshole. ######

Response:
 NAH. Being bilingual (or more since you speak English, Chinese, and Danish) is an incredible skill that will put you at the top of a lot of application pools and can earn you a lot more money in the future.

But, I understand not wanting to go to school another day out of the week when you’re already a full time student ######


Prompt: So i went to a gynocologist for a pelvic exam and she asked if i had any anal sex and I told her that my boyfriend and I do it regularly. She told me that I need to stop because it’s not designed for that purpose and it can cause tearing. I told her that we know what we are doing and use lots of lube and don’t have any issues. Then she goes “You don’t have to do a painful sex act to please your boyfriend” I got irritated and replied “I enjoy it as much as he does and it’s really none of your business” , she didn’t reply and the whole visit was awkward from there on. I understand there’s risks but there’s risks with every sex act. did i go too far? I just felt like she was dragging it on and i didn’t know another way to reply. AITA? ######

Response: NAH. Been to the gyno a bunch of times. Never been asked this question. I’m gonna guess she saw some damage. I’m gonna also guess if she saw damage and you claimed that was with lube and you knew what you were doing, she thought “no way that much damage with that much lube is consensual or enjoyable.”  Was that they wrong assumption, yeah, but I guarantee that for every one person with visible damage who enjoys it, there are 9 who don’t and don’t know they can say no. She was playing the odds and you were offended but I’d rather one person get offended and 9 people hear something that may be useful to them than the other way around. Consider yourself lucky that you can get offended and not be terrified that the question was asked. ######


Prompt:
My sons 3 and 9 years old bathe together almost every night.

My oldest helps him since I’m always busy at night and they generally play around in the tub. The other day was my oldest’s 9th birthday and I told him that he was getting too old to be in the tub with his brother.

I said that they can still hang out during bath time but I didn’t want them in the tub together. My husband thinks that they should still be allowed to bathe together as long as they are comfortable with it. This sparked an argument and I’m curious AITA ######

Response:
 NAH. At some point you need to set boundaries for them. Your 9 year old can still help the little one without being naked in the tub at the same time.

OTOH, why are you so unable to take a break from your evening chores that you can't stop and bathe your 3 year old yourself? That's *your* job as his parent, not your 9 year old's. ######


Prompt:
I have always had an admiration for tattoos and piercings but had never got any myself because of work and family being against.

Last year we made the decision that I will become a stay home mum and I am no longer working. This change in lifestyle got me thinking that I no longer need to meet the corporate stereotype in terms of appearance and I could now look how I want. I therefore celebrated my new found freedom by getting my nose pierced and a small tattoo on my wrist.

My husband wasn't happy with these small alterations to my appearance and was concerned about what others would think and the example I would set for our daughter. I had raised with my husband that I had actually been considering further tattoos and piercings which just stirred him up more.

I am thinking that once things in the world return to normal I would like commence getting a sleeve tattooed and several piercings including on my face. I also have longer term plans to get other parts of my body tattooed.

I have shared my plans with husband and he is totally freaking out. Also sensing he is very anxious about what his family and friend will think. I will be the only person in our extended family with large visible tattoos and piercings. It is something I have wanted for a long time but WIBTA if I do this without my husband on board? ######

Response: NAH. Are you willing to stake your relationship on it if it comes down to it though? And what about when you go back to work? ######


Prompt:
So I told the people at work that my birthday was tomorrow and they said they were gonna get a cake,  but personally I'm not too into cake and I'm pretty sure my Mum will have already cooked something for it before I go to work anyway. I said this tonight to the two people I know will be there on my birthday and they said it was totally fine, I'm just not sure if that'll make me the asshole or if anyone else there will think of me as one. Don't get me wrong I appreciate their effort a lot and I'm absolutely thankful, but I've told them beforehand that I probably won't have any if they get one, so surely they can't really get mad at me if I don't?

So, reddit - WIBTA for not eating a birthday cake?

&#x200B;

EDIT: They aren't baking the cake they're just picking one up from the grocery store. My shift ends at 10:00pm when I'd usually be asleep. I told them beforehand that I would be SUPER grateful but I'm not too into cake, so they really don't need to get one. That's why I'm still wondering whether I'm TA if I told them beforehand not to get one. ######

Response: Nah. Accept it but don’t eat it, or cut it an serve it to them and said you are so full you can’t eat dessert . They probably feel bad coming empty handed besides making you a cake. ######


Prompt:
We are already separated. We have a few kids. Great kids. I love being a mom. It's the best feeling in the world. I love hearing them call me "Mom" or "Mommy" and doing things for school my little Rugrats. At the same time, I am tired of always being the one that does all of this. Their father is amazing. Don't misunderstand me. He is a great dad. It's just given a choice between who to turn to when there is a "boo-boo" when we are doing a family event or athletic program, they coming running to me. It's always Mom. Before we separated, same thing. I would be on my way out the door to a meeting, and the kids would ask for a sandwich or a refill on a drink. Not something I would mind doing. But if I'm running out of the house ask your father. "Well can you just -" "Go ask your father, I'm late hunny." "Well can you open this?" "Holy hell. I'm late!"

I just get so overwhelmed with the day to day constant barrage of things to do for them, with them, keep them entertained, etc. Especially now during all of this Covid stuff.

I agree, I knew what we were getting into when we had children. I also expected to be married, with a partner to handle half the responsibility. I didn't plan on a pandemic (who did?). We share split custody, that's a plus. My ex is very considerate and hands-on when it comes to the kids and has no problem taking over when needed.

If you look at society as a whole, typically divorced men are only able to see their children on the weekends and have been able to "live" their lives a little more. Even the ones who have more custodial arrangements for their children.

My question is, AITA for wanting to let my ex have the kids for a while? I just don't want to be "responsible mom" any longer. Dad can have that title. I don't want to party. I just want a break. ######

Response: NAH. Absolutely in no way an asshole thing to do: Ask him to have them for a while. Get a breather. We all need one! It’s always better to get that break rather than get strung out! ######


Prompt:
Made a throwaway account because a lot of people who follow my main account know me personally, and this would wreck my life if it became public information.

Also, english is not my first language, so please forgive me if I make any mistakes.

My wife and I have been married for 5 years, together for 11. I love her more than my life. She always wanted to have a kid between us, not through adoption or other medical procedures. While I was not against those ideas, I understood where she came from since she was adopted into a broken household and does not like the idea of it. Having a child who was biologically ours meant everything to her.

Last week, I came to know that I had developed an extremely rare and painful disease, and one of its side effects is infertility. I was honestly devastated. As an indian man, I have been brought up in a positive household, and encouraged to make mountains collide for the happiness of the people close to me. The fact that I couldn't grant my wife something so personal to her devastated me.

I genuinely tried my best to tell her, but each time, I would just break down crying, but I got closer to confessing each time. I had planned to tell her the news by today, and wrote a letter just in case, as a way to ensure that the news gets out even if I wimp out somehow.

Unfortunately, she came to know about it through medical reports 2 days ago.

Obviously, I knew we were going to divorce....but I wanted to end on a less worse note. I have never seen a person as disgusted and disappointed in me, as I saw my wife. It made me very upset. She thought I would never confess to her, but I only wanted some time to let it out, I promise.

Sorry if things comes across as jumbled, I can't really think a lot and my eyes get blurry if I try to proofread. ######

Response:
 NAH. A week or two to figure out how to break some bad, non time-sensitive news isn't too much to ask.

On the other hand, she has no proof that your were going to tell her eventually and it's normal for her to be upset.

At any rate, I'm sorry this happened to you. ######


Prompt:
My brother (20M) flunked out of college last year and has since been home. My dad was understandably pissed at the wasted money and I am as well. He's diagnosed with asperger's syndrome, dyslexia, and adhd which makes it difficult for him to learn, but throughout college it seems like he didn't even try.

Since he's been home my parents have been pressuring him to get a job, however he doesnt apply unless someone sits on him and makes him do it. Even when he does apply he puts in minimum effort and doesnt understand the line between lying on an application and exaggerating. For a pet store application he straight up put "I hate cats." He doesnt check his email or voicemail, and when we do check it theres month old interview offers.

It pisses me off. While we aren't rich we're well off and he's had every resource he could possibly want, tutors, special accommodations, counselors.

My parents have sort of given up and let him do whatever he wants. I keep suggesting we take away the TV remotes and his phone(which he spends all day on) to motivate him but it never happens. He watches TV all day and isnt even trying to find a job.

Reasons why I might be the asshole

As I said before, he's autistic. He cant work in customer service jobs and he cant count money. So I can understand how it's difficult for him to find a job, especially now. Really all he can do is stocking and working in the back. my parents are tired of sitting on him whenever he does applications to make sure he does everything right. Theres also the aforementioned learning disabilities which make it hard for him to sit down and fill out the application.

I understand why this might be biased. He has had all the help he could want and I'm jealous of that. I'm jealous of the freedom that he has. He could move out right now which is what I've always wanted. I love my brother and I want the best for him, it's just hard motivating him to help himself. ######

Response:
 NAH. A lot of autistic people have difficulty with executive dysfunction and need to be verbally prompted to do something. They'll do it once you've helped them get started, but the getting started is the problem. That's not laziness, it's an actual cognitive issue. Obviously I don't know your brother and autism manifests in tons of different ways, but I'd hazard a guess this is something your brother is struggling with. He may not ever be able to totally do it on his own.

All that said, you're not wrong to be frustrated. Caring for and supervising someone who needs that kind of help is work, and you're one person with two hands and 24 hours in a day. There are some kinds of adaptive tech that can be helpful by giving the person audible reminders or helping to talk them through a specific task, but they can be tricky to find.

I'm not sure what the solution here is, but it sounds like everyone's getting the shit end of the stick in some way and I'm sorry it's happening this way. ######


Prompt:
I give my daughter a lot of compliments. Great writer, very funny, selfless, smart, great artist, etc. I'll also tell her she is beautiful every now and then. My daughter is 16.

She had recenly gotten some new clothes shipped to our house. She changed into her new clothes and I told her she looked beautiful. She thanked me and gave me a hug.

Later my wife berated me for calling her beautiful and noted she had heard me call her beautiful before. She says it will make her worry too much about her looks and her fashion. She said its sexist. She said this might reinforce her into thinking buying new clothes is how she will get compliments/be beautiful. We are still arguing about this. Am I the crazy one?? Am I the asshole?? ######

Response:
 NAH.

You’re NTA for calling your daughter beautiful (obviously, you know this).

BUT. Do not compliment her only when she gets new clothes and makeup. I think this is what your wife is saying. She’s not mad that you’re complimenting her, it’s just WHEN you’re complimenting her. Your wife doesn’t want your daughter to feel like she needs to be looking perfect all the time, and that’s ok. ######


Prompt:
Due to current events, I appreciate that normal routine doesn’t really exist anymore. However, my children (twins 15m) have been waking up very late (12-1pm) and they’re up until about 3-4am. I know this because I found them playing FIFA when I went to get some water last night.

I’m not happy with this, as in my view it would be beneficial if they kept some semblance of discipline. By this I mean waking up in time to be at the breakfast table in time for 9am which I feel is pretty reasonable; certainly it’s later than they’d have to be up for school. I’ve also said that on weekdays, until 3pm, they need to be doing something productive (with breaks and an hour for lunch). By this I mean exercise, doing schoolwork, household chores, practising a skill such as their instrument etc. Luckily, space isn’t an issue as we have a large garden with a football net. We also have a gym in the attic with weights, a treadmill and rowing machine.

After 3pm I’ve said they’re free to relax and enjoy their time. On weekends they can choose how to spend their day, but they still have to be up by 9. So far I’ve not set a bed time (I feel they’re too old) but I’ve said as long as you’re at breakfast at 9 I’ll leave it to you.

So far I’ve been met with reluctant compliance but also many complaints. For example, they said their friend J, who’s parents I am also friends with, had no such restrictions and he was spending all day relaxing. To this I replied that it was none of my concern what other children were doing, and that J’s parents were doing what they thought was good for him and I’m doing what was good for you. However, when I spoke to J’s dad who I’ve known for 40 odd years, he said that I may being a touch heavy handed. ######

Response:
 NAH.

They are 15, and naturally they want to game all night and sleep all day.

Personally, I think your requirements are absolutely more than reasonable, and it *is* good for them to have a semi-formal routine.

Not to mention it will teach them valuable skills for later on in life. I’m mystified at the amount of grown ass adults on this site that get called out by their partners because they can’t wake up on time for work.

I think, *maybe* you could allow a little for a little more time for sleeping in on the weekend? But honestly, your kids, your rules, and I think you are being more than fair.

From my understanding, technically school is still in session in many areas. They aren’t on summer break. ######


Prompt:
I live in an apartment complex. There is a long sidewalk that leads to my apartment, and my Hindu next door neighbor’s apartment.

Every couple of days there are swastikas drawn on the sidewalk leading to their apartment.

I politely asked my neighbor is she and her husband could put the symbol in front of their door, and not the entire sidewalk from the parking lot.

She said, “I’m sorry, but this symbol is deeply tied to my religion. I understand it has certain connotations in the west, but the symbol is thousands of years old.”

I politely stressed to her that as a Jewish-American it is unsettling, regardless of intent, to see a sidewalk full of swastikas each day, whether or not they are pointed in a certain direction.

She slammed the door in my face.

As a Jewish-American, with great grandparents who died in camps, I am taken aback when I see a row of them and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to limit the chalk drawings to in front of your apartment.

I am not an easily offended person, but I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. ######

Response:
 NAH.

The symbol predates Hitler and IS used by well over a billion people world wide- it represents good luck and prosperity in Hindu and Buddhist communities. They shouldn’t have to sensor themselves because a white man bastardized the symbol.

Your feelings are also valid, and come from a real place of hurt following the painful history of the Holocaust. The only weird thing is them drawing the symbol on the sidewalk (unless it’s Diwali or something and they’re making Rangolis) because honestly anyone drawing religious symboled as sidewalk chalk art is odd.

I’d suggest letting your apartment building know and maybe they can enforce rules about chalk art? Ie no religious symbols? ######


Prompt:
I always had a bit of a weird family, especially my father side. Lots of mental health issues, too.

My dad died almost 3 years ago. It was cancer, so prolonged hospital stays - people had plenty of time to visit him in hospital in the last months of his life.

Obviously, when I knew the end was coming, I contacted his closest relatives. Most did not come.

My Aunt showed up in hospital for literally 10 minutes, said she's switching meds and "can't mentally handle it" and that was the last time I saw her.  My Uncle said he'd come, through a proxy, but was a no-show. Apparently he "did not want to see his big brother like that".

Now, I was never super close to that side of the family, but this ticked me off. I also suffer from depression and anxiety - yet, somehow, I had to bury my dad. Such is life.

I have not really reached out to them since. And really, they have not done do either. There was talk of doing a "celebration of my father's life" somewhere in a park, but it never materialized.

Recently I heard from another relative that my Aunt's husband has cancer. Terminal,  so the're kind of trying to make the most of the last  months/years.

Yet even hearing this I feel no desire to reach out to her. I feel...nothing. I don't feel like I need to support her while I've had zero support from her.

I've even been thinking of cutting legal ties as much as possible.

AITA if I just cut most of my dads family out because I feel like they cared zero shits about my dad and me and I don't feel I need them in my life? ######

Response:
 NAH.

People grieve in their own way. I don't necessarily think your relatives are assholes for not visiting your dying father, nor are you an asshole for not reaching out to them. ######


Prompt:
Approx 4 years ago I split with my ex. We were engaged and he had a close friend of mine design the ring. My friend knows me well and spent months searching for the perfect stone. It was my dream ring.. too bad it wasn’t my dream guy.

When we split he insisted I keep the ring, and I’ve pretty much had it hidden away since then not knowing what I wanted to do with it. It’s quite valuable so I’ve considered selling it, but I do think it is beautiful (especially the stone) and also carries a lot of life lessons with it - our relationship essentially ended because I decided that I was worthy of love and deserved better, so I feel that it somewhat represents my strength and self love more than it represents him or the relationship.

I feel now that I would like to have the stone made into a pendant/necklace and sell the setting. I’m a bit on the fence and don’t want to upset my current SO by wearing part of my engagement ring from my ex. WIBTA if I did this? ######

Response:
 NAH.

just make sure you talk to your current SO to see how he feels about it. ######


Prompt:
My sister is a single mom, and is also unemployed. She has a 1 month old and just before she gave birth she asked to move in with me because she couldn’t pay her rent anymore and her landlord wasn’t going to let her renew her lease. Now I don’t really like my sister, she’s always gotten preferential treatment by our parents, she had her college tuition paid by them, I had to get a loan, they paid her rent until she was 25, I got a job like a normal human being. Now my mother can’t let her move in because when our dad died she moved into one of those assisted living places. She doesn’t need assistance but it’s kind of like a college dorm for old people I guess. But I’m not a monster so I said okay and let her move in, can’t have a newborn living on the street.

But holy hell its so annoying. All he does is cry all day. I’m trying to work in my office and I just hear him crying away. And then whenever I leave to use the bathroom she’s breastfeeding on the sofa. I’m sick of it. I’d kick her out today if she didn’t have a kid.

I told her yesterday to go upstairs when he cries or she’s going to feed him. I don’t want to see her breastfeeding, and I don’t want to hear crying all day. She got mad and said she doesn’t want to lock herself in her bedroom all day, and I reminded her that she’s living in my house rent free. But then today when I called my mom for Mother’s Day she told me off for making her stay upstairs, saying I can’t lock my sister in her room. Apparently my sister complained to her.

AITA?

Edit: I know what newborns do, but that doesn’t mean she has to do it in the main rooms all the time. I didn’t really have a choice letting her move in. ######

Response:
 NAH.

It's reasonable to want noise minimized when you're working, even from a baby.  It's also reasonable for your sister to want to spend time outside of her room or to talk with your mom about the current situation. I don't think any of these wants or behaviors arise to "asshole" status. Your mom berating you when you called her for Mother's Day was assholish, but it's Mother's Day so I'd let that one slide.

If there is a bathroom upstairs, consider swapping her bedroom and your office so there's a more natural separation of space.

Your sister always has the option of finding somewhere else to live, even if those places aren't as nice as staying with you for free. ######


Prompt:
Hi. Throwaway since my siblings are on reddit.

We are four siblings in our 40s. For the last two years, me and my SO have been taking care of my father, after he had a medical incident. We shop for him, clean his house, dishes, clothes, toilet, you name it, we clean it. Including him when he needs that. We get him to his appointments, make sure he eats healthy and takes his meds, etc.

Since his lifethreatening incident, not one of them has visited him or helped. They are very good at telling us what to do however, without having a good grasp on the actual situation, despite being told. My father has mentioned that he would like the money left after him to go to me and SO, since the others never visit, and he feels abandoned by them. WIBTA if I accepted? In my area, this is legal, so I'm just thinking about the morals of the situation.

I do want it to be fair to the other siblings, but at the same time, I don't feel it would be fair for them to get anything. WIBTA if I accepted my fathers proposal, reddit? ######

Response:
 NAH.

It's his money, he can do as he wishes with it. That being said, it needs to be his decision and not influenced by you. He is also the one who would need to reach out to the lawyer, without you or your SO's involvement, and change his will.

Not only would this relieve you of any guilt, it would also help repair your relationship with your family in the future. ######


Prompt:
My husbands grandpa passed away about 9 months ago. He was 97 years old and aside from typical aging, he had a fairly healthy and happy life. My husband was extremely sad when he passed away. He has never had a relative pass away in his life, so this is really his first time grieving and going through this process.

I have been trying to comfort him, but he has been frustrating me with some of his comments lately. The biggest issue has been that he keeps comparing his grandpas death to my dads death and his grief to my grief years ago.

My dad died when I was 22. He was in his 60s and had a long list of health problems for as long as I had been alive. When he finally passed away, he was in a hospital unable to speak to us for weeks. He was hooked up to all kinds of tubes and dialysis machines. He was DNR but the process for him to pass away took a long time.  I was by his side when he passed away and I can never get that image out of my mind.

He passed away a few months before my wedding, so he didn’t get to be there for that big moment in my life. It still hurts me very deeply that he’s gone. My life changed forever when he passed away. It took me a while to move past it and be able to talk about him again without breaking down.

It actually really hurts when my husband compares his grandpa and my dad. As much as I don’t want to “rank” our grief, I don’t think you can compare the loss of a grandparent who lived to be 97 to the loss of your father in a very formative time in your life.

I told my husband the things he was saying were insensitive and that he can’t really understand how I feel because both of his parents are still here and it’s just a different relationship than grandparents. I asked him to stop comparing their deaths and what we went through because it just wasn’t the same. He got really pissed at me and told me I’m not being supportive of him. I’m trying to be supportive but it’s honestly hurtful when he says some of these things. ######

Response:
 NAH.

INFO. I thought long and hard here, and I think I need to know more of what he said to make a judgment.

Edit: judgement changed to NAH, explanation in comment below. ######


Prompt:
I think I already know the answer but thought I’d ask.

I’m a clinical psychologist and have been working in trauma for the last decade. Shortly after I got my license, an opportunity came up for me to provide my services in a hostile environment overseas.

It’s an organization similar to Doctors Without Borders, but not exactly the same.

While going through the application process I found out I was pregnant. We (husband and I) decided to withdraw my application because obviously it would’ve just been too risky.

I now have an 8 year old daughter who I’m very close to. I love our life together, but all these years I’ve also secretly pined for that opportunity that got away.

Recently, another one has come up. It’s a similar position, providing crisis response / trauma services in a former war zone to survivors of the conflict. I would need to start in January if everything goes to plan.

It would be an incredible opportunity career wise, it’s something I’ve always dreamed of doing and people I’ve always wanted to help, and everything in me is desperate to go.

But of course I have my child to think about. It’s a 6 month contract and because it’s a former conflict area, she wouldn’t be able to visit, nor would I be able to go home. We could communicate via emails and phones when possible.

I’ve been assured it’s a safe as they can guarantee, but of course nothing is 100%.

My daughter would be in the care of my husband and he’s encouraging me to go, but only because he knows how much I want it and wanted it years ago. I’m not sure that he ever really understood or agreed with my desire to do this kind of work, but he’s supportive.

I don’t know what to do. Am I a total monster for even considering it? These contracts don’t come up very often where I am and I’m scared it’ll be another 8 years or longer if I pass this up. But I also don’t know what impact me being away for 6 months will have on my daughter. And I’d miss her terribly too. ######

Response:
 NAH.

If you go, you'll be able to come back to your daughter and she'll have a cool story about her parent to tell her friends and more importantly something more to look up to

If you don't, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

The choice is pretty clear. ######


Prompt:
I feel so awkward I’m new to this office and quite younger (recent grad) than my boss and coworkers- they are mid 30s I’m 22. The boss said our team should bond and have a team lunch - so we all meet up there and it’s a place where you build your own bowl.

My boss is in the middle of us and tells the workers to just put everything on her card. Fast forward - we all eat lunch (6 of us) and at the end I was the only one to say thank you for lunch and everyone looked and she looked a little surprised and said “you’re welcome”.

Now I am realizing I think she probably just put it on her card to make it faster and was expecting us all to pay her back via cash or Venmo. I feel really stupid. She never said it was her treat so I should have known better and now I’m wondering do I apologize days later or let it go but if I let it go AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH.

If I’m in a group and someone offers to put everything on their card, especially the person who organized and invited me to the get together in the first place, I would also assume that means that person is paying for lunch. If your boss didn’t intend to treat people, she could’ve easily said “let’s put it on my card and divvy it up later when we’re back at the office.”

Personally, given her odd reaction to you thanking her, I’d simply approach her and say you assumed she was buying when she offered to put everything on her card, but when you thought about it later you really weren’t sure and wanted to offer to reimburse her. Then, in the future, ask if you’re at all unsure. ######


Prompt:
I always thought my neighbor, we'll call him Dave was a great guy. He's retired even though he's in his fifties and oftentimes when I get home he'll be sitting in a lawn chair in his front yard drinking scotch. We'd usually shoot the shit for a while and he started bringing out an extra glass for me.

Anyway, I knew he was married but I never met his wife until recently, which is kind of strange now that I think about it. Like it seems she never leaves the house. Anyhow, the other day he invited me in for a glass and I gladly obliged. When I met his wife it was kind of a shock, because she was young, like must have been 30 years younger than him.

Not only that, but she looked about 12 years old. I mean, she was under 5 feet and maybe 80 lbs, and she  didn't seem to speak hardly any English, which I thought was kind of odd. Dave told me he met her on a trip to Thailand a couple years back. I asked how they communicated and Dave said that he was fluent in Thai. But the whole time he never said anything to her in Thai, just broken little English sentences like you would use with a baby.

The whole thing was awkward as hell and after a few glasses I made an excuse and ducked out. Well, I rescinded Dave's offer to the BBQ I'm having this coming friday via facebook. I have teenage daughters and I just kind of feel he might be a pervert since he's dating someone who literally has a body like my twelve year old.

My wife says I'm overreacting and that Dave is harmless. And that I'm an asshole for revoking his invitation, especially since he'll be right next door. Also, when he asked me why I told him the truth, which my wife called "undiplomatic." So who is in the right here, me or my wife? ######

Response:
 NAH.

I'm Asian and I look 15, when I'm 22. For reference, I'm South Asian. The only reason I'm going with NAH is because you've right to protect your children and if you view Dave as potential threat, then the call is yours.

This situation is tricky because even with the relationship being between consenting adults, to OP the neighbour's wife look 12, so OBVIOUSLY OP's going to stress about Dave being close to his daughters.

Maybe just keep your distance without being an AH about it. ######


Prompt:
I know this is a weird and somewhat gross post, but it's 100% serious. I'll try to keep it short.

My husband, who I love more than anything, hates wearing pajamas to bed. If he ever wears any clothes at all, he might wear a T-shirt but no pants or underwear. My husband has fairly good hygiene and showers every day (typically in the morning), but has a little body odor.

What I absolutely cannot stand though is that he doesn't wear underwear in our bed. I think it's completely gross. Almost every night before we go to bed, we watch TV for a little bit. He sits upright in the bed, so his butt is usually right where his head would be if he were sleeping. I asked him to please not sit with his naked butt right where we put our faces. I said it's gross-- especially if you don't shower right before getting in bed, since he's sitting right where the pillows are.

He told me I was being ridiculous and that it doesn't matter because he's sitting on his side of the bed and not mine. I told him it's still gross, and I don't like having to wash the sheets more than once a week because he sweats a lot and it makes our sheets smell like body odor. I explained that he should wear pajamas to bed -- one, so that he's not sitting with his naked ass near our pillows and two, so that his pajamas get sweaty and not our sheets.

I could tell he was slightly pissed but I don't think this is an unfair request. AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH.

I get what you you're saying, but sleeping naked is amazing (and pretty normal). Also, sleeping naked after showering is even more amazing. Maybe compromise and have him shower before bed? ######


Prompt:
He would give the sperm, and his sisters wife would give the egg and carry the baby. This way both Moms are related.

What is really happening for me as the gf is internal rage that he is having his first kid, but not with me, even though he explicitly told me he wouldn’t raise the kid because it would be the child of his sister and her wife. He would be more like the friendly uncle and the kid would know everything of course.

And I feel like it’s not fair for me to be mad, because he is doing this as an act of genuine love for his sister, and it’s a weird loophole where it’s not infidelity at all, but it’s him doing a humungous milestone that I would’ve liked to do together.

At the same time, we aren’t super super serious yet, but we also aren’t casual...it’s been about 7 months, but we have discussed how we are here for a real relationship. He is 31 and I am 30.

So needless to say I am conflicted. I have guilt for being upset but also frustration around this even happening. Share your thoughts. ######

Response:
 NAH.

He’s not an asshole, because like you said, he’s doing this out of pure love. His intentions are very clear and in no way he’s trying to make you feel bad.

You’re not an asshole, because you’re entitled to your feelings. This is not an easy situation, and I understand where you’re coming from.

That being said, I think you need to make an effort and be more understanding. He won’t be the father of the child. He’s just donating his sperm, and not to a random stranger but to his family. You’ve been going out for 7 months, that’s not a lot of time and you’re already freaking out because you “won’t be the mother of his first child.” If he’s been reassuring you, and has been clear about his intentions since the beginning, you don’t need to worry as much.

I wish you both good luck. ######


Prompt:
So the other day I had some friends over and my half brother stopped by (by surprise) and brought me a cake because my birthday was a while ago but I don’t really celebrate it. I introduced them and later after they left he complained why I always tell people he’s my half brother (and not brother)  and I said that’s because he is.

Then he complained why they never even heard of me before and I said it’s because it never came up. Idk why he was so angry but he ended up leaving ######

Response:
 NAH.

* You feel like half-brother is just fact, which is understandable.
* He feels like 'half-brother' unnecessarily emphasizes the fact that he's not your full brother. He may feel like you're purposely calling him 'half-brother' as way of pushing him away or rejecting him, so his feelings are hurt. That's also understandable.

It might be worth considering that even though you don't feel close to your half-brother, your half-brother might want to feel closer to you. ######


Prompt:
This happened all the way back in February, and she's still mad at me. I'd like an opinion on this.

&#x200B;

I'm a sophomore in college, and right now I'm not really interested in all at a relationship. However, I have a 'fuckbuddy' type thing going with a girl at my college, Jenna. The way Jenna and I define a fuckbuddy relationship is this: sex, and that's it. We fuck and then leave. No conversations, no watching Netflix together, no couple-y things unless both of us agree to it.

&#x200B;

One day in February, she came over, but she didn't seem into it, so I asked her if she really wanted to have sex. She said she didn't, so I politely told her she should leave then. She did, but later called me and yelled at me for 'not caring about her feelings'. I admittedly don't care about her feelings, because I don't *know* her: outside of sex, we never talk about anything , as we both agreed to, so I do't really see her as a girlfriend or even a friend. And I don't think that's wrong: we both agreed to just have sex and nothing else, so it's unfair of her for me to expect to break that agreement. She did agree to it, after all, so if she's disappointed, that's as much her fault as mine. ######

Response: NAH. .... kay, so you both agreed, that's what you're saying. All this was known on both sides, not just yours... so, you're NTA. However... this is your red flag, that's she's caught feels. Which doesn't make her an A either... but it does mean you have to stop and reassess.... if you still feel the same as day 1, that's fine. But if shes wants more than you want, this will no longer work and needs to end. You need a new fbuddy.... sorry. But that's gonna be the gamble in this situation. Theres nothing wrong with this... but you gotta be able to notice if their wants shift, and to stay NTA, call it out and cut ties if its going in opposite directions. Otherwise, shes hanging on in Hope's you'll get feels too... and it's just gonna go downhill. If you have no feels, trading buddies shouldn't be an issue for you.... if it is.... maybe you gots some feels after all... anyhow... so far, you're okay... but there is a time limit. Time to have a talk with her. ######


Prompt:
When we first started dating it was only with the car volume. She’d lose her shit if I changed the volume and it landed on an odd number like 21 or 27 or something. I let it go cuz shit everyone including me’s got their things that don’t make sense to everyone. But it’s gotten a lot worse lately. Idk if it’s always been like this but maybe it’s cause we’re spending a lot more time at home. Examples: I wanted to make some bacon, I put 3 strips for each of us and she topped it up with 1 more strip apiece because that’s an odd number. She unnecessarily bought more shoes solely because she has 9 pairs of shoes, an odd number. She replaced our kitchen knife set because it has only 7 pairs of knives, solely because it’s an odd number.

Today she brought back a box of chocolates from work and I took one. She’s like you’re not gonna take 2? I declined then she said take another one please in a really pleading voice. I asked why and she said in an embarrassed voice “so it can be even”.  I was 100% flabbergasted and I laughed and said that’s a little weird don’t ya think? And she got really sad and I apologized but the damage was already done because she said I know I’m weird but you don’t have to be an asshole about it. Idk I want to suggest her to go see a therapist but I don’t wanna be insensitive or armchair diagnose... ######

Response: NAH.  Your comment was insensitive but I don't think you rise to the level of being an asshole.  Sounds like your GF may have some form of OCD or autism.  Even if that's true, so what?  If the only way its affecting her life is her insisting on two slices of bacon who cares? ######


Prompt:
My sister is married to a very nice woman. They want to have kids, but my sister is infertile. Her wife has no problem with being the birth mom. They want to have their own "bio" child and the closest thing is my sperm (she and I are twins). They would make wonderful parents it's just I am uneasy. I have two boys and they are my world. I couldn't imagine siring another child and not being their parent.  It's not the same as being an uncle. Also, I think it starts to look weird being the bio dad of my sister's child and my sons being half-siblings/cousins.

I just don't think I can not stand back and not be a dad and let someone else raise my kid. ######

Response: NAH.  You're allowed to say no.  I get why they asked, as you'd be the closest to giving a 'biological' child of both parents.  However, you shouldn't feel bad that you cannot go through with it.  You're right, being an uncle is different and the idea that your children would have half siblings being raised by their aunt is a weird idea.  I'd express your feelings and hopefully they understand. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway because everyone involved knows my main. I am on mobile and fat fingered so forgive grammer spelling and formatting mistakes.

I dont feel comfortable  putting too much detail in this so I will keep it short. If you need more info ask.

With that out of the way, lets begin. So i recently proposed to my girlfriend and we are getting married sometime next year. My fiance has gone into full planning mode. While we were talking about guests I brought up my friend who we will call leah. Leah has known my since we were children and has been one of my closest friends for many years. I obviously wanted her to be there.

Only problem is that she and I tried dating in university and slept together. It didnt work out and after a period of awkwardness we got back to where we used to be. She came out as lesbian a year afterwards and admitted that she had only slept with me becausr she was unsure of her feelings.

I told my fiance about this sometime earlier and eversince things have been ice between her and leah. She is now adamant not to have leah at the wedding. I really want her to be there but i also want respect my fiances wishes so here I am asking you. AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH.  You are never the AH for wanting something.  You are only the AH for things you do.

Privately talk to Leah and let her know your fiance is uncomfortable with her presence and why.  It will be an awkward conversation, but still, better than just not inviting her which will have to be seen as a snub. ######


Prompt:
My dad wants to marry someone my sister and I don’t know, 10 months after our mum died.

Our dad told us on Tuesday of his plans to marry someone in November. Our mum, his wife of 43 years died in July 2019.

My (34f) and my sister (36f) had our dad tell us he is going to marry someone he ‘reconnected’ with in November. We live in Australia and the person he is going to marry lives in England (where he and my mum were from).

My parents moved to Australia 42 years ago, when they married at 19/20. My sister and I have only ever lived in Aus, with just brief time in England when we were young and in our early 20s. We don’t know our aunties and uncles, except for Facebook, and the brief reunions when were all in England.

Our mum died in July last year after a 6 month battle with ovarian cancer. Our dad told us in January that he had reconnected with an old childhood friend of theirs and some feelings were developing. He initially told us that nothing would happen for 2 years because that was when he was planning on retiring. He told us that on his already planned trip to France/UK in July, that he would be spending some time with her to see if they clicked in person. He then told us 3 days after mums birthday (Feb 23) that he was going there for two weeks in March. Because of rona, he was there until 6th May. He’s now back in aus but in isolation at a hotel. He called us on Tuesday (2 days after Mother’s Day) to tell us that they are getting married in the UK in November, and he will spend Christmas there, then him and his ‘wife’ will come to aus in Jan, until April when he will retire and then go back to England.

My sister and I are absolutely devastated, not only that he would marry a stranger (to us) but that he would also abandon us and our families so soon after our mum died.

We have told him if he marries this stranger, that she will not be welcome in our lives, or our children’s lives.

Are we the a hole? ######

Response:
 NAH.  studies show that happily married people are most likely to remarry quickly. He'S not at an age where an extended courtship is appropriate. I get that this feels like a betrayal to your Mother but it is not.

when my fil died my mil met a neighbor and they fell for each other. They married. It has been the best thing for both of them although the one daughter had a hard time warming up to it. Otoh,when my dad died, my mother became a living tombstone for him...for 30 lonely years. You do not want this for your father.

 If you love your father (it seems you do), be kind. He deserves a happy retirement and I promise he misses your mom. ######


Prompt:
So my gf has been talking for some days about how pretty shaved hair is for girls and about how much she want to do it. (She don’t want people to think she’s a lesbian)
I don’t think it would look good on her, I tried to tell her that, and she got disappointed.
Even though I told her I will still accept her and love her as she is.
I am supportive of her decision and acknowledging that it’s her decision after all.
AITA for saying that to her? ######

Response: NAH.  She is allowed to get whatever haircut she wants and you are allowed to like or not like it. ######


Prompt:
I know the title makes me sound entitled, but hear me out first before making a judgement, please.
When I was born, my mom put my first name, 2 middle, and 2 last names on my birth certificate. Back then, you had to register separately for a social security number.
In between the time I was born and her registering for my social security number, she decided to break up with her husband (who is not my biological father. She was 18 and heavily pregnant and scared. Not a good combination).
HIS last name was one of the 2 listed on my birth certificate.
When it came time to register for my social security card, she put in my first name, 1 middle name, and 1 last name.
This has already made a few things complicated in my life.
Examples would be getting registered for school, getting my state ID, driver's license, etc.
I really want to get it changed so it isn't such a challenge to prove my identity.
So, that being said, would I be the asshole? ######

Response: NAH.  She didn't mess up your name out of malice.  It's not entitled to want one name on all of your documents. ######


Prompt:
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We are quite serious- saving for a house, talking about timelines for an engagement, etc.

Since I have known him he has always been a smoker. He smokes about a pack a day, everyday. It averages to $460 a month in cigarettes. I smoke pot regularly (a few times a week) which costs me at the very most 50$ a month.

We met at work on the afternoon shift and would mostly see each other after work where he would have a smoke or occasionally two before he would head home. Now we live together and he is heading out for his forth smoke since he got home 3.5 hours ago.

I am laid off because of current world situations and it is now becoming more noticeable. He always has the lingering smell of smoke and most times I can’t even stomach kissing him.

We’ve talked about him cutting back or quitting a few times but nothing comes of it. He says he will look into effective methods of quitting or decreasing and he hasn’t. He always says his job is too stressful to quit smoking right now (not because of the stuff going on this was the narrative long before this).

Obviously he will think I’m an AH for bringing it up and having it be a deal breaker NOW when this has been something he’s done since I’ve known him. I don’t want to continue nagging someone who won’t change so AITA for deciding this is a dealbreaker now? ######

Response: NAH.  Quitting really *is* rocket science, but you don't owe him or anybody a romantic relationship.  Just because it wasn't a deal-breaker for you last year doesn't mean you're not allowed to change your mind and decide it's a deal-breaker now. ######


Prompt:
My girlfriend is a physician assistant. She makes good money and she is satisfied with her job. She does feel regret about going into PA though. She hated school and chose to do PA since it had less schooling than medicine. So her heart wasn’t in it to begin with, which is her fault. It’s been a few years and she wants to find a new career. She told me a few days ago that she wants to open a boba/shaved ice shop. Her parents run a convenience store and a small restaurant in our city so she’s already been interested in that. She helped her parents run the business while she was young so I do feel like she’ll excel. But I think she’s throwing away something good that she already has. She makes 90k at age 27. She doesn’t hate her job. We live a good life and I don’t want to make sacrifices for this. If she hated her job, I would agree and would even invest in it. But she herself has told me that she likes her job. She’s also really good at it. Her parents suggested that she can run the restaurant and offer new products while still working as a PA part time. But she doesn’t want that. She doesn’t want to work under her parents. If she went with this route, I would also support her because her parents are established and have a clientele. I’m trying to compromise. I don’t want my life style to change and we were going to try for kids soon. Clearly we can’t anymore.

Edit: also this means she’s going to quit her job and we will live on a one salary (mine) ######

Response: NAH.  Not supporting your girlfriend's choice would infer that you told her that she cannot do it.  In this circumstance, she asked you for your opinion and you gave it.  You can still support her choice while giving her your opinion, the two are not mutually exclusive.  How you act once she has made her choice is what determines if you WBTA, but as of now, nothing that you have written says that you have been. ######


Prompt:
My husband and I live in an area that has tons of cougars. I do shift work, and about 10 times per month, I work at 5:30AM.

A couple of weeks ago I had a terrifying encounter with a cougar. We moved recently, and the layout of our front yard is such that I have to walk through a dense, bushy, enclosed area to access my vehicle.

On this particular morning, I left for work, then realized I forgot my cigarettes at home. I drove back, and as I walked up to my front door, I heard a cougar on the street. It was making awful, aggressive noises and it was quickly getting closer. I was shaking so badly, I could barely get the key in the door. It was a very close call - judging by the noise levels, it was right behind the bush when I finally unlocked the door.

A week later, district workers posted a 1 block away from our house which reads “CAUTION COUGAR IN AREA.” I didn’t report the incident, so I assume there was another encounter near my home.

So now I’m way too scared to walk to my car at 5:00AM alone. It’s dark, and it’s their prime hunting hours. At least the sun’s been rising a bit earlier, but it’s still prime time for an encounter, not to mention there is a warning posted one block from our home. **I want him to get up at 5:00 and walk me out to the car.**

My husband doesn’t work right now (self-employed, covid related). He gets up at 6:30am and shoots the shit until our son wakes up, who is 5 and pretty low maintenance. Hubby goes to bed around midnight, so if we adjust our bedtime to 11, his sleep is mostly unaffected.

He is LIVID that I would request this. He thinks I’m being totally unreasonable and that I should just take the chance. Something about “I didn’t fucking choose to work a job at 5:30am.” I wasn’t particularly stoked on the 5:30am shifts either lol but someone’s gotta pay the bills.

So am I the asshole? Should I suck it up and walk to the car alone in the dark every morning? ######

Response: NAH.  I understand why you're nervous and would like company, but I'm honestly not sure that his presence would make that much of a difference if a cougar actually does show up.  Especially one that's already bold/desperate enough to be stalking humans in the first place.  You might be better served working on some self-defense strategies so you're not caught off guard and have a plan. ######


Prompt:
So I'm in my early twenties and volunteer at my old high school to help students who are struggling with science (physics and chemistry) as a tutor. One of the more constant students who come to my sessions is the 16 year old girl. She's really nice. A bit quiet but once she's comfortable she'll talk up a storm.

Earlier this year she came to one of my sessions like usual but she looked upset. I asked what's wrong and she just aaid she was swamped at school. I didn't want to push it so I just carried on helping with her work. At the end she kind of lingered around my 'office' so I asked again what's up and she said she found out she was pregnant. Completely broke into tears. I did get told by the schooo to try my best to keep things absolutely professional between the student and I but I felt bad so I hugged and comforted her for the next few minutes. She apologized and said that she was supposed go get the pill after school with her boyfriend but he broke up with her just before and now she had no one to go with. I felt for her so I offered to take her there and she agreed. The whole way there I was trying to talk her out of it but she'd spent three weeks thinking about it and was convinced. I paid for the pills, dropped her off at her house and that was that.

Now I just got a call from the principal telling me that this girl's parents have found out she got an abortion and that I was the one who helped her (they went through her phone). He said I should've directed her to the counselor or at least alerted her parents or him (principal). Then he *suggested* that I don't come back to tutor when they're opened (basically fired). AITA? ######

Response: NAH.  I think you acted from good motives.  But you also overstepped your bounds.  This sort of thing should have gone to the school counselor or you should have suggested she talk to her doctor or other health professional. ######


Prompt:
I’ll try and keep the backstory as short and to the point as I can because I’m in a real turmoil at the moment.

I was estranged from my dad until my mum died early last year. He came back into my life at her funeral.
He lives in a different country from me with a family I haven’t seen or spoken to in years.
He asked me if there was a way we could have a relationship. I was emotionally distraught after my mum died because she has no living family so I was in a sense on my own. I was working a shit job I hated so when the opportunity came to leave I said yes.

Living with him has been fine. He works a lot and we spend time together whenever we can. ‘My’ family have been very welcoming to me, inviting me out and helping me adjust to a new country and lifestyle.
After a few months I noticed my dad was unwell, gradually getting worse. I questioned him about it and he told me not to worry.  Then I found the letters from the hospital.

The letter I found was from the hospital saying my dad had missed another chemo appointment for his cancer. I decided to confront him when he got home.

He sat at the kitchen table, smoking a cigarette, and told me he knew he had cancer and he knew that it was likely terminal and he wasn’t gonna spend whatever time he had left hooked up to machines ok the off chance it worked.

I’m not proud but I lost my shit. I had just lost my mother and to all extents and purposes I had no father. He comes back into my life to forge some kind of relationship with me to tell me I might have to watch my father die the same year I lost her.

I told him he has to go to his chemotherapy or I’m leaving.

Am I the asshole here? ######

Response: NAH.  I know this is hard one you with the loss of your mother but if your fathers diagnosis is terminal then he should be spending the time how he sees fit.   Any chemo he goes through will be devastating on him and if he wants to spend the remaining time he has in some decent health then that’s up to him.   Sorry you’re going through this. ######


Prompt:
For context I'm Scottish and from a working class background. Most of my family come from Glasgow and as a result my grandparents and dad have quite strong accents.

I 18m, don't have quite as strong an accent due to my mum when I was younger punishing me for pronouncing words "incorrectly" and "not speaking properly", this caused me a few problems when I was younger like being ostracised at school for talking weird. Eventually I started only speaking this way with her as it was extra effort to constantly think about how I spoke.

When I found out she was doing the same with my younger brother (12) this year I wasn't happy at all. We had quite a big argument over it.

Her argument is that the way she is teaching him makes him sound nicer and will make it easier on him when it comes to job interviews and later life.

I personally think this is stupid as it just sounds odd and forced as well as pretentious at times.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NAH.  I get where you're coming from. I'm also from Glasgow and I also got comments at school for not speaking in as broad an accent.

The fact is, I have worked with Weegies that have never had to adapt their accents and people not from the area can't understand them. Not even joking - I had to interpret for a colleague from London because he just couldn't understand one of the glaswegian Project Managers. Most people use dialects in different situations across the UK and like you it's only a good thing for your brother to know how to speak in different dialects.

People seem to attach class to accents a little less now but it's still an issue in some parts of society. Being able to speak close to RP english will only help. Also - do not underestimate just how inpenetrable some people find Glaswegian. My accent was soft but when I moved down to England I still found some people could not understand me. ######


Prompt:
Title probably sounds bad without context but here it goes.

Also this is a throwaway because people know my main account

&#x200B;

Me (27 M) and my Fiancee (29 F) have been together for about 4 years now.

Back when we first met, she told me that she was engaged to someone else only a year prior, but he unfortunately passed away (by something I'd rather not say)

Now when we first started dating she was still grieving, and seeing help for it, which I fully understand, and I tried to support her as much as I could.

She would always have pictures of her and him up in her appartment, and I've always been fine with it, considering her grief and that we didn't live together yet.

Recently we've decided to move in together however, and she wants to put up those pictures in our new appartment, now this is something I'm quite uncomfortable with.

I told her about it and when she asked if i was telling her to throw them away, I said something like "I'd never ask that of you, I'd just not rather have someone I've never really known on the wall hugging/kissing my fiancee"

now she's upset with me, and I don't know if I'm in the wrong

AITA for asking her not to put the pictures up? ######

Response:
 NAH:

No, you are  not TAH, but neither is she. Both sides are completely understandable. Is this a deal breaker for you? Would you end the relationship over it? If no, continue to discuss from time to time and try to find a compromise. Maybe she can keep the photos to a particular part of the flat so you don't have to see them so much. Or maybe you can buy her a nice album where she can view her photos in privacy. ######


Prompt:
Me(15m) my sister(15f)

This is a throwaway account because my sister knows my main.
My sister has been transitioning for about a year at this point. I have tried my best to be supportive of her in any way I can , for eg I call her by her new name and I have introduced her to some of my female friends cause I guess she'll need their support.
However , my sister has recently been very upset with me because I no longer share my private info with her. So for example, I don't tell her my crushes . I also refuse to roughhouse with her. This is something my parents support( when I was younger , my dad used to get upset if I roughhoused with my girl cousins). This has also extended to my friends. Now that she is a girl , we no longer feel comfortable telling her about how hot a friend looks.etc. what I don't understand about her being upset is that when she was a boy , she would not have said those things to a girl either! I do think she is being hypocritical.
My closest female friend (who is now close to my sis ) has told me that she thinks I am punishing my sis . I think that is bs , cause it is not as if I tell those things to any other girl.
So aita for no longer being comfortable with telling my sis somethings? ######

Response:
 NAH: you're treating her like you would any other girl.

You should talk to her about this though because from her perspective you're pulling away and she might see that as you secretly hating her for being herself.

Also I'd say there's no issue with roughhousing, or talking about girls you like. Women make excellent wingmen. ######


Prompt:
Yesterday my girlfriend asks me for my opinion as a man in his twenties, why her best friend Katy, a women in her twenties, is never approached or asked out. I guess they had been talking recently and my girlfriend doesn’t understand why Katy can’t get a date but wants to give her advice. We aren’t in lockdown anymore in our country by the way.

Her reasoning is that Katy is very pretty, I would say 8/10, has a really nice personality and a great career. I’ve hung out with her quite a bit since I started dating GF and completely agree with her that Katy is a catch for sure.

My opinion, which I think is pretty spot on, is that despite all those things, Katy is super intimidating. She is like 6 feet tall, fit and is in the military. I think she is a Major or something. When she isn’t smiling or laughing she has this super intense resting face where she just looks like you shouldn’t mess with her.

My girlfriend gets all offended and starts going on about how men are easily emasculated and its sad that if Katy was a man, women would be crawling all over her for those same qualities.

I just said that’s just reality and if Katy wanted guys to approach her she should work on having a more pleasant resting face and not talk so much about her career.

Girlfriend got super offended and called me an asshole.

I personally don’t think I am an asshole for saying the truth. Yeah it’s a sucky truth but its still the truth and she asked for my opinion.

So AITA?

TLDR: I tell girlfriend her bestfriend can’t get a date because shes intimidating and get called an asshole. AITA? ######

Response: NAH: You were asked and answered. She shouldn’t have to change, that’s a strong woman, only strong dudes can handle that ######


Prompt:
I’ve been a stay at home mom for 12 years, and because of that most of the domestic duty falls to me, though my husband does lend a hand on occasion.

He’s a wonderful cook, and cooks dinner probably two to three times a month. While I cook, he’s usually on his phone in the garage or watching a show. Which is fine, he’s worked a long day and deserves to relax.

Now, when he does cook, he often asks me to do little things to help, like chop an onion. Again, I don’t mind. But, when my part is done, I’ll stand around a bit but if he doesn’t seem to need anything else, I’ll go sit down.
It never fails, as soon as my butt hits the couch I hear “honey? Where’d you disappear to?” And I go back in and stand around some more. He doesn’t like me to interfere with his cooking, and he’s more than a capable cook, so he doesn’t need me to.
I feel awkward standing around doing nothing, essentially being in the way. Also, I feel like if he’s cooking, it’s my night off and I should be able to relax. If I’m going to be on my feet in the kitchen, I might as well have cooked dinner.

Am I the asshole for leaving the room and sitting down while he’s cooking? ######

Response: Nah: get yourself a high stool and a glass of wine and relax while he cooks. But he wants to talk to you or enjoy your company while he’s cooking. ######


Prompt:
I want to start off by saying that my husband and I aren’t broke, but we also aren’t flushed with cash. We work hard but we have bills to pay, three kids, etc.

When our eldest daughter started looking at colleges, she really wanted to go to a school out of state that would require her and us to fly there and back (an over 20 hour drive). It’s not something we could afford to do often. We didn’t tell her it was impossible to go there, but we told her if she went there, she would have to work a part time job to save up for her plane tickets home and decide which holidays and breaks were important to her. We wouldn’t be upset at all and would understand. Sure enough, she chose the school and has been doing so. We did make one exception and that was when all this crazy stuff happened. She had to leave ASAP and fly home, obviously couldn’t afford it on no notice. We dipped into savings to help her.

Since then she’s been home, doing distance schooling and recently finished for the semester. She did admit she was debating transferring and said it was because of the costs of flying home and that we don’t help her. She pointed out that we probably could a few more holidays a year. I said yes, but it would cut into her younger siblings being able to participate in sporting activities and other extras. That’s not fair to them, as they are minors (13 and 15). We made it clear to her that she is an adult and we can’t afford to help her with this. She said on top of loans for school, she was just stressed and said we should help her more. She said it was our fault she may not be able to go to her dream school anymore.

Are we being assholes here? ######

Response: NAH: college is horrifically expensive these days. And the fact that she wants to come home more is evidence that y’all provide a loving home. It’s probably hard for her to accept that the money just isn’t there to do what she wants. Let her be upset about it, but know that you’re not being cruel or an asshole. You drew a reasonable boundary. ######


Prompt:
I'd like to start by saying that both of my parents are very much still in my life. Their divorce happened when I was about 12 and from what I remember, it wasn't very messy, but I know that they really talk much outside of stuff about me like when to drop me off or whatever. I'm 16, so I still live with them, alternating weeks, if that makes sense. But that's been on hold since quarantine.

My mom started dating this guy, my now stepdad, about two years after the divorce and he's really nice, we get along pretty well most of the time. He tries really hard to be a part of my life too, he goes to a lot of my softball games and we have a tradition of going out for ice cream afterwards. About a week ago we were watching TV while my mom was at the grocery store and he said something along the lines of "You know you can call me dad I wouldn't get mad." I thought it was really weird because he said it out of the blue and he said it kinda jokingly. I didn't know how to really respond so I basically said, "Sorry, you're really awesome and I appreciate everything you do for me and mom but you'll never replace my dad."

After that, he didn't say anything and seemed kinda upset, to the point where when my mom got home she asked what happened. And since then, it feels like he's been avoiding me and when he talks to me, it's only one or two words. I feel bad, like I know I could have phrased everything better, but the thing is I don't see him as a dad. Like, he does a lot of things in a "fatherly" way, but he didn't raise me and I don't like to think of him as a replacement of my real dad. Like I said earlier, I still see my dad and we have a good relationship. AITA for feeling this way and refusing to call him dad? ######

Response:
 NAH, you're not an asshole for not seeing him as a dad and not wanting to call him that. If he keeps it up for too long or starts to use it to manipulate you into calling him dad then yes he'd be TA. But it sounds like he got his hopes up a bit and feels a bit crushed. Give him some time! Maybe let him know he's still important to you even if he's not your dad!

What I do want to say is, you can have two dads! Having another dad doesn't replace or lessen the relationship with your bio dad, they're two very separate relationships. Having multiple friends doesn't mean you're replacing them after all! This of course is only something to think about. If you just don't see him that way at all completely disregard this part, but if the only reason is because it feels like replacing your dad take some time to think it over! ######


Prompt:
I [18M] have a friend [19F] who invited me over to her house a couple months ago. We had been friends for 3 months before that but this was our first time hanging out 1 on 1 after texting each other a lot.

She suggested going in her hot tub so after we got our swim suits on we went in. After sitting, she took her top off while saying "I hope you don't mind, its more relaxing this way". I told her I didn't mind and she looked nice causing her to giggle and thank me. After we just talked for a while and then she scooted over to put her arm around me for a few minutes. When we got out theres literally no way she didn't notice my tent.

She went into the shower. Then she called out to me asking me to bring her a wash cloth. Up until this point I was debating if she was trying to get me to make a move on her and at this point I was just convinced. So I walked in with the wash cloth naked saying I need a shower too. She told me to get out so I did.

When she came out I apologized and said I misread her intentions. She called me a pervert and kicked me out. ######

Response: NAH, you just misread a signal that I think a lot of people would’ve, but ya know, next time there should a step in-between trying to read a signal and walking to her naked. ######


Prompt: A about year ago I knitted my friend a scarf for her birthday. It was one of my first projects without any mistakes and it took me probably 30 hours to make. I’m still really proud of it. It’s a light yellow color, her favorite. She recently has been into tye dying and has dyed most of her wardrobe. She wants to dye the scarf I gave her. I understand it’s not mine anymore, but I am very attached to it and I don’t think the dye will hold well with the type of yarn I used. It’s acrylic. It’s a man made yarn, and basically a plastic. The dye wiIl have nothing to stick to. I think she’ll just ruin it. She still wears it all the time. I offered to make her a new scarf in the same pattern. I offered either white or another light yellow with a yarn I know will hold dye, or I could even use a multi colored yarn so it would have a dye tyed look. I’m much faster now and making a new scarf would take me way less time, I could have it done over the weekend. I thought this was a great solution, this way she would still be able to wear the original yellow one and have a new colorful one. I just don’t want to see one of the best things I’ve made get destroyed. I don’t want to sound selfish and I think I might be coming off that way, but I’m a very sentimental person. She’s waiting on more dye to be delivered to her so I’ve got about a week before she tries it. AITA? ######

Response: NAH, you don’t want a gift you have to be ruined by the dye there NAHs here ######


Prompt: My wife’s best friend died in a tragic accident at 12 years old. She still celebrates her birthday every year and I know she was important to her, of course. I absolutely empathize with that, and I hate seeing my wife still go through that pain of losing a childhood best friend when she was just a child herself. And it’s not the I hate the name itself, the name is alright. It just feels weird to me and feels like a bad omen, or bad luck. Not to say that the child herself was bad luck or anything, that probably sounds awful, but her death was very bad unfortunate luck. I also don’t really want something like that attached to my daughter. I don’t want my wife to attach her friend to our daughter in that kind of way, I’d rather her just have her own name, without the presence of someone else. ######

Response: NAH, you both have sound reasoning for wanting or not wanting the name, maybe it could be a middle name? ######


Prompt:
My wife and I have been married for 8 years. We met in university and we both had similar professional careers post graduation in accounting.

5 years ago my wife left her job when we had our first daughter. It was her original plan to become a stay home mom. With no longer having to fulfil the traditional corporate stereo type my wife had made drastic changes to her appearance. She built up a massive collection of piercings (nose, septum, tongue, lip\*3, 10 in each ear), got a several tattoos and started dying her hair lots of different bright colours. I was not in favour of my wife changes but with her sacrificing her career I accepted it. It seem to make her happy and was not causing any harm.

With my daughter about to start school, my wife has decided to re-enter the workforce. Yesterday she attended her first interview for an accounting role. I was expecting my wife to tone down her appearance and return back to her old conservative corporate self. Instead she came out ready for the interview with overly heavy makeup, all her piercings in tact, bright red hair and wearing short sleeve blouse that displayed her half sleeve tattoo. It was not exactly the look I would consider normal for an accountant attending a job interview.

I told my wife that she should tone down her appearance for the interview and then make a decision after getting the job as to whether she can get away with such an unconventional look. I said she should remove her facial piercings, wear her hair down to cover hear earrings and cover up her tattoos. She took offence in my advice and said that this has nothing to do with her work ability and should not matter. I admitted that is true but continued to advise that not all work places look favourably on this sort of thing and best to play it safe. AITA here as my wife did not seem to appreciate my advise and said I was just being old fashioned? ######

Response:
 NAH, what you said is reasonable. However rocking up like that is the fastest way to find a workplace that will let your wife be herself.

That said if after a few interviews she's getting the cold shoulder it may be worth revisiting.

So I would advise for now letting your wife know that you support her.

Edit:  post Covid i would also expect a lot of this to change, i know my work went from business wear to activewear fairly quickly and i hope it holds through once we start to go back to normal ######


Prompt:
I was supposed to get married this September, and as an early wedding gift our friend group decided to buy us tickets to a music festival (Shambhala -we’ve gone the past two years but knew with wedding expenses we probably wouldn’t be able to make it work.) I was so excited about the wedding gift I started crying !

Fast forward to choosing vacation in a department I was recently promoted to. We are a small team so vacation time can be tricky, ideally there would be no overlap of people taking time off. My manager is of the mindset that as adults we can figure conflicts out ourselves.

A coworker and I were requesting the same time off. 4 days of overlap. Me for the music festival, and her for family camping. She has done this camping trip with her kids for the past 6 years so I can appreciate that they all look forward to it. Due to corona virus the festival  was postponed to the same week the following year. So now we know over a year in advance that we will both be requesting the same week again.

So reddit, am I the asshole for wanting to book the week of the festival even though my coworker wants it ? I can’t exactly be flexible, these tickets were a really lovely gift. ######

Response: NAH, this is a common problem, but they can definitely postpone the camping trip or take it a bit early since you have a specific date you need for an event. ######


Prompt:
So me and my step sister are both 17 and graduate this year, my grandparents on my dad's side got me about 600 in cash for me to use.  They didn't get my step sister anything cause its my dad's parents and my mom was the one who remarried, her parents died before I was even born.  The grandparents on her dad's side aren't the richest and got her little necklace for her graduation gift.

I don't know how but the topic of our gifts came up and she (I still can't tell if she meant it or was joking) said that it was unfair I got a more expensive present than her.  I told her that it may not be fair but that she shouldn't have expected my dad's parents to get her anything cause they have never met her.

My step sister agreed with me but my mom told me to quit it with that cause we are all "family" and that "nonsense" I was saying is wrong.  AITA? ######

Response: NAH, since it seems like your stepsis dropped the issue pretty quickly. Of course you have no control over the gifts your grandparents get and it doesn't seem like you were bragging about it. They've never met her! I don't even know why your mom got involved here. ######


Prompt:
In my grad program, a fellow student announced they were having a baby. I am an avid crocheter and decided I would make a unisex baby Afghan and stuffed toy since they didn’t learn the sex until after the birth.

I participated in buying a mommy wellness gift as well. I also reached out to the dad twice asking for their baby registry to get them cheaper baby things that no one else bought.

I was very excited as this was the first friends of mine having a baby (I’m in my early 20s). I’m not exactly close w the parents but there is only 10 of us, so we’ve naturally gotten close.

I am moving as a result of the current state of the world and have withdrawn from my grad program for personal mental health reasons. I provided no real explanation to the class only a few individuals.

I just reached out to the new father asking for his address so I can mail the gift and he hasn’t responded but it notified me he read it. They are in a different state right now so I can’t exactly leave it outside their house.

I have reached out several times to no avail as he never follows up with me either before or after the birth. I understand they are busy and new parents but they have talked non stop about how easy the pregnancy, birth, and raising the baby has been - “a complete breeze”

So the entire thing is irritating when they aren’t being very nice or appreciative of them wanting a classmate/friend(?) to help where they can for this baby.

WIBTA if I stop trying to reach out and save it for another couple to get pregnant that I’m closer with and could appreciate it more? ######

Response: NAH, really.  You have already been generous.  Don't mention again and save your lovely gift for the next friend. ######


Prompt:
I'm a musician. I play guitar in a well-known rock band. Please, please, respect my choice to stay anonymous. Thank you.

I'm in my mid 30's, and I transitioned from female to male when I was in my late teens. A few years later, I joined the band, and we made it big. I get asked by fans every once and a while whether or not I'm trans, because, in all honesty, my voice isn't that masculine. Even though I've been on testosterone injections for 12+ years and my voice has lowered, I still have some feminine traits to my voice. Every time someone asks me about it, I deny it. I feel really bad, because I know that a lot of my fans are members of the LGBTQ+ community, but I don't feel comfortable telling the truth. My only worry is that if I come out, I a) won't be as successful in the future because of hateful people and b) some of my fans will dislike me for lying. What do you think, Reddit? Am I the asshole? ######

Response: NAH, it's absolutely your choice to decide how you present and who you tell. If you are happy keeping it hidden then cool, it's your life, you get to choose what to do and live it how you feel comfortable. Life as a trans man is tough enough, you live it exactly as you want to. The fact is, though, as a trans man who has made it in the music biz, you could be a role model for other trans men. That absolutely doesn't mean you have to, or that you're an A if you don't. Not everyone wants to be a spokesperson, and that's absolutely fine. You do have the opportunity, but you definitely don't have the responsibility. Whatever you decide to do is fine. Your life, your choice. ######


Prompt:
My daughter (30F) currently lives with me (54F) just for the lockdown period so that we weren't isolated entirely alone. She announced to me a few days ago that she's been dating a woman online and plans to meet up with her and keep dating after lockdown is done. To be honest, I'd suspected that she was seeing someone because she had recently begun talking about a new 'friend' almost every day, and I've heard her using Skype a lot. I didn't know that it was a woman, though. She has only dated men up to this point. In retrospect, I can't say that I'm very surprised. Nearly every single one of my daughter's friends are gay and I've always told her that people's sexuality literally doesn't mean anything to me. It doesn't affect how I view anyone, I just don't consider it at all. It's none of my business as far as I'm concerned.

After she told me, my response was to ask about her name and what she did for a living and try and show some interest in her, and that was it. Then she changed the subject. I thought I was helping by not making a big deal of it, but for the past few days she's been very quiet with me and has barely made eye contact with me. Did I somehow act like a huge asshole in how I responded? Should I have made a bigger deal of her coming out to me? ######

Response:
 NAH, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. Maybe it was something she's just feeling nervous about, and asking questions may not have given her the reassurance she was hoping for. Have you been quiet with her as well? She may have gotten in her head that you were just playing nice but actually don't like it.

You might benefit from sitting down with her and just reassuring her :) ######


Prompt: I (21) finally told my mom that I'm not straight tonight after dinner with my sister (19) sitting there. Immediately after, my sister says "well, since we're admitting things, neither am I." She has severe anxiety and probably would not have said anything for several more years unless I did it first. But it's just bothering me a lot that she just hijacked my announcement when I've been working up the courage to say this for so long. Especially because we got in a fight recently because she doesn't appreciate how much emotional labor I do for her as the older sister, and now here's another situation where I'm the brave one and she just gets to ride my coat tails. AITA for being pissed? ######

Response:
 NAH, I'm sorry it didn't go the way you planned, but I really don't think your sister hijacked your announcement or was trying to ride your coattails, she felt empowered to come out to your mom because she saw you do it - that's HUGE. it doesn't sound like her motivation was to steal the spotlight, and honestly there is enough spotlight to go around when it comes to sexuality.

I would also push back on the idea that you were the brave one here. It sounds like she was also incredibly brave, as you say she has anxiety. I really think this is a situation where someone else doing the same thing as you doesn't take anything away from you and might only add to your experience.

I hear you that you do a lot of emotional labour in the relationship, but it seems like this just isn't one of those times and shouldn't be equated with, for example, being the first in line when a parent has an issue, or being the first child to move out of the house, or something like that. Coming out is a whole other thing. ######