The Back-up Plan_2010

INT. EXAM ROOM - DAY
    We 're not exactly sure where we are . And we 're not exactly sure who 's talking . All we know is that we are looking at a foot . One bare foot with chipped red polish .
    ZOE
    ( V.O . )
    I ca n't believe I did n't get a pedicure for this. How embarrassing. Look at that.
    The toes open and then curl down as if trying to hide .
    ZOE
    ( V.O. ; CONT 'D . )
    What's wrong with me? If I were with a real guy doing this, I would've gotten a pedicure. And a wax. I'm pathetic.
    The CAMERA PANS to the other foot , which is also chipped .
    ZOE
    ( V.O. ; CONT 'D . )
    Fuck, that one's even worse. And when did my toes get so fat? No wonder I'm alone. I'm a fat - toed animal.
    Zoe lets out a sigh . She speaks out - loud now .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Sorry I did n't get a pedicure.
    DR. HARRIS
    What?
    DR. HARRIS -LRB- mid - fifties , jovial -RRB- looks up from between Zoe 's knees , the light on his head flashing right in Zoe 's eyes .
    ZOE
    My toes. sorry.
    DR. HARRIS
    I'm not looking at your toes.
    ZOE
    Right. Duh.
    Dr. Harris stands and takes off his gloves .
    DR. HARRIS
    All done.
    ZOE
    That's it?
    And now , for the first time , we see ZOE . Despite the paper gown and worried look on her face , she 's a late - 30 - something , girl - next - door type . She could be your best friend .
    DR. HARRIS
    I'll elevate your legs for ten minutes and then you're good to go.
    He sets a kitchen timer and then pushes a button to raise her legs . We hear the loud TICK TOCK of the timer .
    ZOE
    This is the first time I've heard that ticking clock sound and it does n't freak me out.
    DR. HARRIS
    Good. Just relax.
    ZOE
    I ca n't, I'm totally freaking out.
    DR. HARRIS
    Everything's going to be great. I have a feeling you and.
    ( checks empty syringe . )
    Number CRM - 101404 are going to make beautiful babies together.
    Zoe smiles . Maybe he 's right . Yeah . of course he 's right .
    BOBBY
    ( V.O . )
    Number CRM - 101404? Are you high?

INT. ZOE'S APARTMENT - DAY
    TITLE UP : FOUR WEEKS AGO BOBBY , 39 -LRB- but says he 's 33 , -RRB- gay and gorgeous , opens a file and points to a piece of paper .
    BOBBY
    Says here he has red hair and freckles.
    ZOE
    And glasses, too.
    BOBBY
    And why are we picking him?
    ZOE
    Because he's honest.
    BOBBY
    He's ugly.
    Zoe points to a stack of potential donors .
    ZOE
    You think they're all telling the truth? If they're so smart and good looking, why are they beating off into a cup?
    BOBBY
    Have you ever fucked a guy with red hair and freckles?
    ZOE
    No, and I wo n't have to.
    BOBBY
    But what about your kid? No one's going to want to fuck your kid.
    ( beat . )
    That came out wrong.
    ZOE
    Yeah. it's a good thing you're not going to be the father.

INT. WAVERLY INN   - NIGHT
    TITLE UP : EIGHT WEEKS AGO Bobby spits out a mouthful of Sauvignon Blanc .
    BOBBY
    What? I ca n't be the father!
    ZOE
    Come on, we do n't have to have sex.
    BOBBY
    Oh, Jesus, I did n't even think about that. Rewind, rewind, rewind.
    ZOE
    You're one of my best friends. Do n't you want to help me?
    BOBBY
    Yeah, but. that's too much. I'll walk your dog, tell you when you look fat, be honest about your eyebrows.
    ZOE
    Just a few sperm. Big deal. You waste billions of them every night.
    BOBBY
    You know I flee at the slightest chance of intimacy. Do you see these bags under my eyes? Ricardo slept over last night, and he wanted to hold me. I actually had to fake a seizure.
    ZOE
    Forget it. Forget the whole thing.
    Zoe sighs and puts her head in her hands .
    MONA
    ( V.O . )
    Forget the whole thing. It's just a phase.

INT. MONA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
    TITLE UP : TWELVE WEEKS AGO . Zoe and MONA , Zoe 's age but looks much older , sit at the kitchen table .
    MONA
    You do n't want kids. Trust me.
    ZOE
    Easy for you to say. You have four.
    MONA
    Yeah, and it's awful.
    Three CHILDREN run through the kitchen yelling and screaming . A beat later , a TODDLER runs after them crying .
    MONA
    ( CONT 'D . )
    They've ruined my life.
    ZOE
    Come on.
    MONA
    Have you seen my vagina?
    Zoe shakes her head .
    MONA
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Do you want to?
    Zoe shakes her head again .
    MONA
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I would do that for you. To prove to you that you do n't want to have kids, I will show you my vagina.
    ZOE
    I do n't want to see your vagina. I want a baby. My own baby.
    MONA
    Is it possible you're just a little lonely? You know, you have n't met the right guy and -
    ZOE
    It's not about a guy. I do n't need a guy. I do n't even think I want a guy at this point. I've dated a hundred guys in the last five years, and not one of them is even close to being the one. How long am I supposed to wait?
    MONA
    You never know. He could be right around the corner.
    ZOE
    Well, then he's late. And I hate people who are late. And what if he's not right around the corner? What if he's miles away?
    Zoe shakes her head . She becomes very serious .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I want to have a baby. And time is running out. I hear a clock ticking every time I close my eyes. I need it to stop.
    We hear a loud DING .

INT. EXAM ROOM - DAY
    Zoe opens her eyes . We 're back in the exam room . She looks at the timer , which just hit zero . She smiles .
    ZOE
    Ding.
    Then a tear forms in the corner of her eye . She wipes it away . She wipes a tear from the other eye . Happy tears . Then she looks at her legs high above her on the table .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    How the fuck am I supposed to get down from here?

INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE HALLWAY - LATER
    Zoe walks down the hall with her legs pressed firmly together , moving only from the knees down . Dr. Harris passes .
    DR. HARRIS
    You do n't have to walk like that.
    ZOE
    Oh. Okay.
    Zoe separates her legs an inch . And then closes them .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Should we hug? We might have just made a baby together.

INT. WAITING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
    Zoe walks through the waiting room with her legs still pressed together . She sees two PREGNANT WOMAN , touches her own stomach and smiles . She finally feels part of this exclusive baby club .
    ZOE
    Hi.
    PREGNANT WOMEN
    Hi.

INT. ELEVATOR - DAY
    Zoe enters the elevator where there is a WOMAN holding a BABY . Zoe smiles at them . Another member of the club .
    ZOE
    Hi.
    WOMAN
    Hi.
    The elevator descends . Zoe continues to stare at the baby with a big smile . She stares for an uncomfortably long time .
    WOMAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    You're starting to freak me out.
    ZOE
    Sorry.
    Zoe looks down . After a beat , she sneaks another look .
    WOMAN
    Stop it.

EXT. MADISON AVENUE - DAY
    It 's POURING outside . The kind of rain that turns umbrellas inside out . NEW YORKERS run for cover with newspapers over their heads . Despite the rain , Zoe skips out of the building with her hands in the air and twirls around . Realizing that she 's spread her legs too far apart , she snaps them back together . A WOMAN pushing a baby stroller covered in plastic runs by .
    ZOE
    Hi!
    Zoe looks uptown for a cab . Nope . Nothing . She starts to walk , still keeping her legs firmly pressed together . She rounds the corner towards the subway station and then , miraculously , spies a cab .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Taxi!
    She runs -LRB- little steps -RRB- across the street .

INT. TAXI - MOMENTS LATER
    Zoe closes the door behind her .
    ZOE
    Hallelujah!
    As soon as the word comes out of her mouth , she notices someone entering the cab from the other side . This is STAN , early 40s , but looks more like a college kid - faded jeans , t - shirt , cute , messy hair .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Uh. excuse me. This is my cab.
    STAN
    You own it?
    ZOE
    No, but I'm about to rent it.
    STAN
    Actually, if we're being technical, you kind of stole it.
    ZOE
    I do n't think so.
    STAN
    If you see someone about to get in a cab, you ca n't just run in from the other side and say it's yours.
    ZOE
    I did n't see you.
    STAN
    I saw you see me.
    ZOE
    ( to the cabbie . )
    Sir, who saw you first?
    The CABBIE picks up his paper and starts to read .
    STAN
    Maybe you're not from around here, but there's a code. It's like war, even though it's brutal and bloody, there are still certain rules we -
    ZOE
    Fine. Forget it. I'll get out.
    Zoe grabs the door handle and then turns back .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    But not because you're right, but because I am in a terrific mood, and you are ruining it.
    STAN
    No. I'll get out.
    They each get out .

EXT. TAXI - CONTINUOUS
    Zoe and Stan stand on opposite sides of the taxi in the POURING RAIN . Zoe crosses her arms .
    ZOE
    Now what?
    STAN
    I do n't know. You tell me.
    That question is answered by the cabbie , who now peels out .
    ZOE
    What? Where's he going?!
    ( waving her hands , then . )
    Come back!
    They both stand there with a taxi 's width between them .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Well, that was stupid. Why'd you get out, you, stupid - head?
    STAN
    You said you were in a great mood and I was ruining it. I felt bad.
    ( then . )
    Did you just call me stupid - head?
    Zoe storms off with her little steps .

INT. 68TH STREET SUBWAY STATION - DAY
    Stan and Zoe each swipe their Metrocards at the same time . They enter the subway platform which is jam packed with all the other NEW YORKERS who are shit - out - of - luck in the cab department . Rain droplets drip from the ceiling above .
    ZOE
    Oh, man.
    STAN
    How's your great mood now?

INT. 6 TRAIN - DAY
    A packed subway car . Zoe and Stan are back - to - back , pushed together by the crowd . Zoe tries to read her paper .
    STAN
    How ` bout now?
    ZOE
    Please stop talking to me.

INT. UNION SQUARE SUBWAY STATION - DAY
    Zoe and Stan walk up the stairs a few feet apart from each other . Zoe does her best to ignore the obvious .
    STAN
    So, why are you in such a good mood anyway?
    They reach the top of the stairs . The rain has stopped , and the sun is just starting to peek through . Everything is wet and has a magical quality .
    ZOE
    Not that it's any of your business, but. good things are happening to me.
    Stan is moved by this . What a thing to say .
    STAN
    That's nice. I hope it continues.
    ZOE
    Thanks. Well, have a nice life. Try not to steal any more cabs.
    STAN
    You do the same.
    They nod and separate .

INT. HUDSON PETS - DAY
    Hudson Pets is a small but quaint West Village pet store filled with dogs , cats and a few rabbits . Zoe enters . Her dog , NUTS , a raggedy , pug - like dog with hind legs in a WHEELCHAIR , bounds/wheels towards her , barking .
    ZOE
    Hey, Nutsy. How's it going?
    She gives Nuts a good scratch . JALISA , mid - 30s , Latina hottie , and Bobby run from the back .
    BOBBY
    Oh, my God, you're glowing.
    ( to Jalisa . )
    She's glowing, right?
    JALISA
    Glowing. Tell us everything.
    BOBBY
    Everything.
    ZOE
    There's not much to tell.
    BOBBY
    You just got shot up with a wad of red - headed - freckle sperm. There's something to tell.
    JALISA
    He had red hair and freckles?
    BOBBY
    I tried to talk her out of it.
    JALISA
    Why'd you do that, Mami?
    BOBBY
    ( to Jalisa . )
    I know, right?
    JALISA
    Red pubes. Eek.
    ZOE
    I'm never going to see his pubes!
    BOBBY
    You'll see your kid's pubes.
    ZOE
    I doubt it.
    BOBBY
    But you'll know they're there.
    ZOE
    What is wrong with you?
    JALISA
    So, what happened? Come on.
    ZOE
    I lay down, put my feet up, five minutes later it was over. I barely felt a thing.
    BOBBY
    Sounds like Ricardo.
    JALISA
    Tell me about it, Papi.
    Bobby and Jalisa high five . Bobby then turns to Zoe .
    BOBBY
    So. what happens now?
    ZOE
    Now, we wait.
    BOBBY
    That's no fun, I want to know if I'm going to be a fairy godmother.
    ZOE
    We'll just have to wait and see.
    Zoe smiles and heads for the back .

EXT. HUDSON PETS - NIGHT
    The lights in the pet store go dark . Moments later , Zoe , Bobby , Jalisa and Nuts exit .
    BOBBY
    Come on, Zoe, one drink. You can have an O'Dhouls or something.
    JALISA
    We'll go to the piano bar and get Bobby to sing some Ace of Base.
    BOBBY
    Forget it, she's not coming. I can tell by the dull look on her face.
    ZOE
    Love you.
    They all hug . Bobby and Jalisa walk away arm - in - arm , singing .
    BOBBY/JALISA
    I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign.
    Zoe turns to lock up . While her back is turned , Stan appears from the shadows .
    STAN
    Hi.
    ZOE
    Aahhh!
    Zoe screams and drops the keys . Nuts , overexcited by Zoe 's reaction , starts to run/wheel in circles and then tips over .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    You scared the hell out of me!
    STAN
    Oh, wow. Is he. okay?
    Nuts is still on the ground , his wheels spinning . Zoe sets him upright .
    ZOE
    What are you doing here?
    STAN
    I'm sorry. I did n't mean to scare you. Or hurt your dog. Do n't worry, I'm not a stalker.
    ZOE
    How'd you know I worked here?
    STAN
    I followed you after the subway.
    ( thinks , then . )
    That sounds a little stalkery, huh?
    ZOE
    Yeah.
    STAN
    I just really wanted to see you again. Almost like I had to see you again. Can I walk you home?
    ( then . )
    Is it me or does everything I say make me sound more like a stalker?
    Zoe allows a small smile .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Can I just give you my card? Here. Take my card. I'm not a freak. Really. I sell cheese.
    This hangs out there for a beat .
    ZOE
    Cheese?
    STAN
    Yeah. My family has a goat farm. We make cheese. You like cheese?
    ZOE
    I guess. I've never really thought about it.
    STAN
    Little Goat. Maybe you've seen us at the Farmer's market? Come by sometime and you can taste my cheese.
    ( then . )
    Okay, I'm going to go. This has not gone as planned.
    Stan smiles meekly and then turns to go .
    ZOE
    Bye.
    Stan lifts his hand to wave but does n't even turn around . Clearly , he feels like an idiot . Zoe watches him go .

EXT. WEST VILLAGE BROWNSTONE - MORNING
    Establishing shot of a cute brownstone with window boxes and a front stoop . We TILT UP to the third floor window .

INT. ZOE'S APARTMENT - MORNING
    Zoe is asleep with the morning sun on her face . Nuts is beside her , his two little , lame legs hanging off the pillow . Zoe opens her eyes . After a beat , she gets up and walks to the mirror . She lifts up her pajama top and looks at her stomach , sticking it out as far as it will go . It 's flat as a board .

INT. CAROL'S APARTMENT - DAY
    Seven WOMEN sit around the cramped living room of this small , East Village apartment . At least one woman is nursing a child that looks entirely too old to still be nursing . This is the SINGLE MOTHERS BY CHOICE Support Group . CAROL , 40 's , short hair , tank top and no bra , is the leader .
    CAROL
    Everyone, please say hello to Zoe.
    EVERYONE
    Hi, Zoe.
    CAROL
    Welcome to Single Mother's By Choice. As the name suggests, we are all single mothers by choice. Some of us have adopted, some conceived with a donor, every story is different, but with the same common denominator. We wanted to have a child, and we did n't need a partner to make it happen.
    The women smile and nod . They are a proud , no - nonsense , somewhat masculine bunch . LORI , pregnant with a buzz cut , turns to Zoe .
    LORI
    Are you a doer or a tryer?
    ZOE
    Excuse me?
    LORI
    Are you already a single mother or are you trying to become one?
    ZOE
    Oh, I guess I'm trying. I was just inseminated a few days ago.
    ( then . )
    Inseminated. makes me feel like a cow or something.
    CAROL
    Well, when we do n't have partners with penises, we do what we've got to do, right?
    ( then . )
    So, tell us a little bit about yourself.
    ZOE
    Okay. Let's see. um, I own a pet store on Hudson Street. Dogs, cats, rabbits. no birds, they creep me out. Before that, I worked for Google, which I completely hated. One day, I decided life was too short, and, against my accountant's advice, I quit Google, cashed out and bought the pet store. Now I'm really happy on the work front, but I still have n't found, you know, the one.
    CAROL
    Ah, yes. The elusive `` one.''
    ZOE
    I always imagined I'd be married with kids by now, but it does n't look like it's going to happen that way. So, time for Plan B.
    CAROL
    Society tells us we're supposed to find that special person to make us happy and complete. But guess what. you have to create your own happiness. You do n't need someone to complete you, some. man. You already are complete.
    LORI
    Amen, sister.
    CAROL
    If you want to have a baby, we here at Single Mothers By Choice can be your partners. We will be your emotional rocks.
    Zoe looks around at her new `` partners . '' There 's SARA , the one nursing the toddler . And TABITHA , a tall women with an even taller afro and a nose ring . BRIDGET , a young girl covered in tatoos . And several more .
    CAROL
    ( CONT 'D . )
    From inception to college graduation and everything in between. We're here for each other.
    Sara smiles and nods at her nursing child .
    SARA
    Dakota was actually born right here in this very room. Right where you're sitting, actually.
    ZOE
    ( uncomfortable . )
    Really? Right here? Imagine that.
    SARA
    Best day of my life.
    ZOE
    And how old is she now?
    Dakota looks up from the breast .
    DAKOTA
    I'm three.

INT. LE PAIN QUOTIDIEN - DAY
    Zoe and Mona are sitting by the window sharing a plate of pastries and a pot of coffee .
    MONA
    Why did you join a support group of unattractive, militant lesbians when you have me?
    ZOE
    Because you're really not that supportive.
    MONA
    Sure I am.
    ZOE
    You just told me that if I breast - feed `` my girls'' will end up looking like empty tube socks.
    MONA
    I'm just being honest. And do n't even get me started on what childbirth does to your bladder.
    ZOE
    What does it do to your bladder?
    Mona cracks up and then stops abruptly .
    MONA
    I just peed a little bit.
    ZOE
    I do n't think I'm pregnant. The doctor says it will probably take several tries. Something about frozen sperm being lazy.
    MONA
    Good. Take your time.
    Zoe takes a sip of coffee and looks out the window .
    ZOE
    So, should I call this guy? Do you think that would be weird?
    MONA
    Do I think it's weird that you're pursuing someone at the exact moment in time that you might be most unavailable? No. Because that's what you do. You sabotage.
    ZOE
    ( ignoring her . )
    He works at the Farmer's market. And it's right around the corner. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
    MONA
    I look fat and old?
    ZOE
    No.
    MONA
    Then, no.
    ZOE
    Let's go spy on him. Come on. It will be fun. Like high school.
    MONA
    I ca n't.
    ( checks watch . )
    This twenty minute breakfast concludes my `` me'' time for the week. More proof that you should not have kids.

EXT. FARMER'S MARKET - DAY
    The Farmer 's Market is crowded with people . We hear the sounds of a bluegrass band playing somewhere nearby . Zoe spies the LITTLE GOAT sign . But Stan is not there . She looks around the neighboring stalls for him , but no luck .
    ZOE
    Oh, well.
    She walks towards 14th street . We see the bluegrass band on the steps by the subway station . It 's not a big band , just a few guys with an open banjo case and a sign that reads , `` The Organics . '' The country twang of the music is in sharp contrast with the tall buildings all around . As she gets closer , she notices that Stan is in the band . He 's playing banjo . Zoe quickly ducks into the nearest food stall , OLIVIA 'S BERRIES . OLIVIA , mid - twenties , natural beauty , approaches .
    OLIVIA
    Can I help you?
    ZOE
    ( distracted . )
    No, I'm fine.
    Zoe watches Stan . She mindlessly starts eating some blueberries out of the display pint . Olivia sees that Zoe is looking at Stan .
    OLIVIA
    Tasty, huh?
    Zoe nods and takes another berry .
    OLIVIA
    ( CONT 'D . )
    All ripe and juicy. And firm, too. Bet you could just eat him up in one bite, right?
    Zoe now turns , confused .
    ZOE
    What?
    OLIVIA
    And do n't look now, but he's coming this way.
    Olivia winks and moves off . Zoe turns back and is now face - to - face with Stan , who 's smiling from ear - to - ear , his banjo slung over his shoulder .
    STAN
    A - ha! I did n't scare you away after all.
    ZOE
    ( trying to be casual . )
    I was just in the neighborhood. I thought I'd come by and get some blueberries. I'm going to make a pie.
    STAN
    I love blueberry pie.
    Stan takes two pints of blueberries and hands them to Zoe .
    ZOE
    I'm confused. I thought you made cheese or something.
    STAN
    What makes you think I do n't?
    ZOE
    I do n't know, you're over there playing the banjo.
    STAN
    Ca n't someone do both?
    ZOE
    Honestly, I did n't know anyone did either.
    Olivia returns .
    OLIVIA
    Are n't you going to introduce me to your new friend?
    STAN
    Nope.
    ( to Zoe . )
    Come on. Let me show you around.
    Stan puts his arm around Zoe and leads her away . Olivia watches them go with her arms crossed .

EXT. THE LITTLE GOAT CHEESE STAND - LATER
    Stan walks Zoe through his cheese stand .
    STAN
    This is our basic chevre, probably our best seller. The cheese that started it all, as they say. Then over here we have our surface - ripened cheeses. These are the aged/raw milk cheeses.
    ( realizing . )
    This is really boring, huh?
    ZOE
    No, not at all.
    STAN
    It's like you're in a foreign country and the only thing to watch on tv is a documentary on cheese. You do n't want to watch it, but somehow you ca n't stop.
    ZOE
    ( laughing . )
    I think it's interesting. Really.
    STAN
    All right, you asked for it.
    ( boring voice . )
    The aged/raw milk cheeses are made from raw milk and then aged for four to six months. Sometimes more. Sometimes less. Usually more. Depends on the cheese.
    FRED
    Stop. You're killing me.
    FRED , early twenties , white guy with Rasta - type dreads , looks up from behind the counter .
    STAN
    Fred, Zoe, Zoe, Fred.
    ( then . )
    She's the one I followed from the subway the other day like a total psychopath.
    FRED
    Right. I heard about you.
    ZOE
    I do n't know whether to be flattered or terrified.
    FRED
    Be afraid.
    STAN
    Do n't scare her away. I'm trying to redeem myself.
    FRED
    Then you should put down the banjo. You look like a doofus.
    STAN
    Doofus?
    ( then , to Zoe . )
    Do you think I look like a doofus?
    ZOE
    I do n't really know what a doofus looks like.
    Fred points to Stan .
    STAN
    Okay. If I put the banjo down, can I take you to lunch or something?
    ZOE
    I should really get back to work.
    STAN
    Come on, say the word and we can have a six - course tasting menu at Union Square Cafe. I know the chef.
    ZOE
    That sounds nice, but, I should probably go.
    STAN
    Well, can I call you?
    Zoe smiles .

INT. HUDSON PETS - DAY
    Zoe enters the pet store with two big bags of vegetables . As soon as she steps foot in the store , Bobby and Jalisa accost her .
    BOBBY
    Okay, spill it.
    JALISA
    Who is he? What does he do? How do we know him?
    ZOE
    What are you talking about?
    JALISA
    Stan from the Farmer's Market? He's called twice already.
    ZOE
    Really?
    BOBBY
    Is he a farmer? Because that's not okay.
    ZOE
    No. He makes cheese.
    BOBBY
    He's a pilgrim?
    ZOE
    I do n't know what he is. He's cute and different and plays the banjo.
    ( then . )
    I think I like him.
    BOBBY
    What about the, you know, bun in the oven?
    ZOE
    I really doubt I'm pregnant.
    JALISA
    You want to be pregnant. You do n't want to be pregnant. I'm confused.
    ZOE
    I want to be pregnant. Of course I want to be pregnant. I mean, I put a lot of thought into this, right?
    ( then . )
    So what did Stan say?
    BOBBY
    He says to name any restaurant you want to go to. He'll be there with bells on.
    ( then . )
    He did n't say the `` bells on'' part. I added that. Sounds a little too gay, though, so I take it back.

EXT. 8TH STREET - NIGHT
    Zoe walks down 8th street . This is the first time we 've seen her really pulled together , and she looks hot . She turns into the restaurant she 's chosen for the big date .

INT. GRAY'S PAPAYA HOT DOGS - NIGHT
    Zoe and Stan stand at the counter with an array of hot dogs in front of them . Stan looks at the hot dogs skeptically .
    STAN
    We could have gone anywhere.
    ZOE
    Just take a bite. You'll see.
    STAN
    Per Se, Jean Georges, Nobu.
    ZOE
    Gray's Papaya. Cheers.
    She clinks his dog and then they each take a bite .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Good, right?
    Stan nods , covering his mouth because the bite is so big .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    You've lived here your whole life and never been to Gray's Papaya. What's wrong with you?
    STAN
    I actually have n't lived here my whole life. We moved out of the city when my parents bought the farm. not died, but actually bought a farm and moved upstate.
    ZOE
    That must have been a nice place to grow up. On a farm.
    STAN
    What about your family?
    ZOE
    It's just me and my grandmother. She lives in a retirement community in Queens.
    ( an awkward beat . )
    My parents died when I was young.
    STAN
    I'm so sorry.
    There is a long silence . They both stare at the hot dogs .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I do n't know what to say now. I've made it all awkward and sad.
    ZOE
    It's okay.
    ( then . )
    My dad was kind of a bad guy, anyway.
    STAN
    Shit. I'm so sorry, Zoe.
    ZOE
    No, come on, we'll get all this stuff out of the way so we never have to talk about it again. Let's ask all the awkward, get - to - know - you questions right now.
    STAN
    Okay. Good idea.
    ZOE
    Let's see. are you religious?
    STAN
    Nope. What about you?
    ZOE
    No.
    STAN
    Have you ever been married?
    ZOE
    No.
    STAN
    Are n't you sick of going to weddings?
    ZOE
    If I have to listen to one more couple write their own vows.
    STAN
    I hate when they write their own vows!
    They clasp hands . Not in a high - fivey way , but in a connected , we have so much in common way . Their hands stay together , feeling the charge between them .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    What about kids?
    Zoe feels the blood rush to her cheeks . Like everyone there must now be looking at her .
    ZOE
    What about them?
    STAN
    Well, do you want them?
    ZOE
    Yeah. I want kids.
    She pulls her hand away . This has all gotten suddenly real . She looks at Stan , almost afraid to ask the next question .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Do you?
    STAN
    Yeah. Absolutely.
    Zoe nods . Slowly , she starts to breathe again .

EXT. PERRY STREET - NIGHT
    They are now walking home together , arm - in - arm .
    ZOE
    Okay, first kiss.
    STAN
    Jen Salzer. Seventh grade. She wore a head - gear. What about you?
    ZOE
    Summer camp. I think his name was -
    Stan interrupts by kissing her . And it 's a great kiss . Full of promises and answers . They linger there for a moment .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    That was way better.
    STAN
    When can I see you again?
    Zoe feels her heart jump . She kisses him again .

INT. ZOE'S APARTMENT - DAY
    Zoe is lying in bed with Nuts on the pillow next to her . The sun is shining and they are both waking up . She gets up and goes to the mirror . She lifts up her nightgown and looks at her stomach , this time with a slight look of concern on her face .

INT. EQUINOX - DAY
    Zoe and Mona are side - by - side on the elliptical machines . Zoe is going very fast , while Mona is barely moving at all .
    ZOE
    What if I'm pregnant?
    MONA
    Then you'll get fat and hormonal and I'll say, `` I told you so.''
    ZOE
    But what if this could go somewhere with Stan? Like, really go somewhere.
    MONA
    Then it will work out perfectly.
    ZOE
    What do you mean?
    MONA
    Because just when you really like him, you'll break up because you're pregnant and then you never have to put yourself out there and possibly get hurt. That's your dream.
    ZOE
    ( thinks , then . )
    I'm not pregnant.
    She gets off the machine .

INT. EQUINOX STEAM ROOM - DAY
    We are in a foggy steam room with Zoe , Mona and a few other WOMEN .
    MONA
    So, when are you seeing him again?
    ZOE
    Tonight.
    MONA
    Well, do n't have sex with him. That's the last thing we need. You get knocked up and we'll have no idea who the father is.
    A few women look over .
    MONA
    ( CONT 'D . )
    And then we'll have to do a paternity test. Is it the cheese farmer or the red - pubed bandit?
    More women look over .
    ZOE
    I'm not going to have sex with him tonight. It's too soon.
    ( for the women 's benefit . )
    I'm not a slut.
    MONA
    Well, bring condoms, just in case.
    ( thinks , then . )
    And a pregnancy test.
    ZOE
    Very funny.
    MONA
    I'm not joking.
    All of the women are now staring at Zoe .
    ZOE
    I'm really not a slut.

INT. ZOE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
    Zoe sits on the bed , holding a pregnancy test in her hands . Nuts is beside her . He looks up at her .
    ZOE
    There's no way, right?

INT. ZOE'S BATHEROOM - NIGHT
    Zoe pees on the stick . Nuts is beside her , watching with his head tilted .
    ZOE
    Stop looking at me like that. I'm not pregnant.
    Zoe finishes peeing and looks at the test . Nothing yet .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Come on, come on, come on.
    We hear the doorbell RING .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Shit.
    Zoe looks down at the test . Still nothing . We wait and watch the test . The doorbell RINGS again .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Shit!
    A faint PLUS SIGN is forming .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Shitshitshitshit.
    The plus sign then turns BRIGHT PINK . Zoe 's heart stops . There it is . Plain as day . Pregnant .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    No, shit.
    Zoe stands . Looks at herself in the mirror . And then .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Holy fucking shit!

INT. TAXI - NIGHT
    Manhattan fades into the distance , as they drive over the Brooklyn Bridge . Zoe cracks the window .
    STAN
    Are you feeling okay?
    Zoe nods . Her face looks pale .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Good, because this should really be a culinary adventure. This is an underground restaurant that moves from apartment to apartment, depending on the chef.
    Zoe nods again . Has n't heard a word he 's said . She rolls the window all the way down and hangs her head out .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    And some of the guys from the band will be there. So, we might get a little jam going. Sounds fun, right?
    ( then . )
    Zoe?
    Zoe 's POV . Headlights from passing cars whiz by , and the wind swirls her hair into her face . Brooklyn approaches like a bad dream .

INT. UNDERGROUND RESTAURANT/SMALL APARTMENT - NIGHT
    Stan walks down a long table filled with appetizers . He is making a plate for each of them . Zoe trails behind , beads of sweat on her forehead .
    STAN
    And this looks like a mache salad with grapes and feta.
    He takes some for each of them .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    And this, oh this must be white beans and lamb's tongue. You've got to have some of this. Etienne is famous for his lamb's tongue.
    Olivia approaches .
    OLIVIA
    Hey, stranger.
    STAN
    Oh, hey, Olivia. You remember Zoe.
    OLIVIA
    Right. How'd that blueberry pie turn out?
    ZOE
    What?
    OLIVIA
    You bought blueberries from me? Said you were going to make a pie?
    ZOE
    Um, can you excuse me for a second?
    Zoe hurries off . Olivia watches her go . Eyes narrowing .
    OLIVIA
    No way she knows how to bake a pie.

INT. UNDERGROUND RESTAURANT/SMALL APARTMENT - MOMENTS LATER
    Zoe hovers by the window , whispering into the phone .
    ZOE
    I'm pregnant.
    BOBBY
    ( O.S . )
    What?! Where are you? I'm on my way.
    ZOE
    Brooklyn.
    BOBBY
    ( O.S . )
    Where's that?
    Zoe hangs up the phone .

INT. UNDERGROUND RESTAURANT/SMALL APARTMENT - MOMENTS LATER
    Zoe is now on the phone with Mona .
    MONA
    ( O.S . )
    Do n't panic. Could be a false positive. Take another test.
    ZOE
    I ca n't. I'm at some underground foodie party in Brooklyn. Where am I gon na -
    Out the window and across the street , we see a drugstore .

INT. DRUGSTORE - NIGHT
    Zoe runs down the aisle and empties one , two , three . what the fuck , every pregnancy test into her basket . Her cell phone RINGS . It 's Bobby . She picks it up .
    BOBBY
    ( O.S . )
    Okay, I'm looking at a subway map. Which way is Brooklyn?
    She hangs up again .

INT. UNDERGROUND RESTAURANT/SMALL APARTMENT - NIGHT
    Zoe hurries through the living room , a packed drugstore bag hidden under her arm . Stan comes up behind her .
    STAN
    Where have you been?
    Zoe jumps and accidentally drops the bag . The tests spill out onto the floor . She quickly scoops everything back in .
    ZOE
    Sorry. You scared me.
    STAN
    Did you just go to the store?
    ZOE
    Yeah, I had a little emergency. I have a, a, um. corn, and I needed to get those little. corn pads.
    STAN
    Corn pads?
    ZOE
    I know, it's gross. Do you know where the bathroom is?
    Zoe walks off leaving him to ponder .
    STAN
    What's a corn pad?

INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT
    Zoe pees on eight sticks at once .
    ZOE
    Corn pad? What the hell is wrong with you?
    Someone KNOCKS on the door .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Corn pad. Jesus Christ.
    The knocking turns to an angry BANGING .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Relax! I'll be out in.
    ( checks box . )
    Three to five minutes.
    Zoe holds up the tests . One by one , the little windows all show PLUS SIGNS and CHECK MARKS and DOUBLE HASH MARKS .

INT. UNDERGROUND RESTAURANT/SMALL APARTMENT - NIGHT
    Zoe exits the bathroom with a wide - eyed , terrified look on her face . By the bar , she sees a PREGNANT WOMAN sipping a glass of wine . She rushes over .
    ZOE
    Excuse me, are you allowed to drink when you're.
    Zoe makes hand motions at her belly , but ca n't say the word .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    You know.
    More hand gestures .
    PREGNANT WOMAN
    Pregnant?
    ( off Zoe 's nod . )
    My doctor says one glass is -
    Zoe does n't wait for her to finish . She rushes the bar , pours a glass of wine and downs it like a frat boy funneling a beer . Outside , we hear a banjo and guitar tuning up .

EXT. BACK PATIO - SAME
    Stan , JERRY and SCOOTER are just starting to play . A small crowd gathers round . Stan starts to sing an old tune called `` Sweet Little Miss Blue Eyes . ''
    STAN
    Who makes me forget all the other girls I met, sweet, little Miss Blue Eyes. Who's sweeter to me, than she really ought to be, sweet little Miss Blue Eyes.
    Zoe appears at the door to the patio . Stan smiles at her while he sings .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Who's gon na start takin' care of my heart, she makes me realize. And it's lucky for me and I really want to be with.
    ( winks at Zoe . )
    sweet, little Miss -
    Stan 's POV as Zoe covers her mouth with two hands and bolts for the bathroom , puking .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Blue eyes?

INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT
    Zoe 's head is in the toilet . Just when we think she 's done , she pukes again . Finally , she lifts her head .
    ZOE
    Ohhhhhhhh.
    She spies an unused pregnancy test on the floor . One that must have dropped . Maybe this will be the one with the answer she 's looking for . She sits back on the toilet , mustering up all of her focus to pee again . She closes her eyes .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Please, God.
    But she ca n't pee . She tries and tries .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to.
    She doubles over and pukes between her knees . When she 's done , she holds up the test . CU of the stick , which has no pee on it but is covered in vomit . Slowly the test reveals a PLUS SIGN .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Fuck me.

EXT. PERRY STREET - NIGHT
    Stan and Zoe walk towards Zoe 's brownstone . Stan is practically holding her up . Zoe stumbles along .
    STAN
    My singing made you vomit.
    ZOE
    No. It's not that.
    STAN
    Sure, we were a little out of tune, but.
    ZOE
    I really do n't feel well.
    STAN
    Is it your corns? Hurts to walk?
    ANGLE on Carol , from Single Mother 's By Choice , approaching . Zoe 's face pales .
    CAROL
    Zoe?
    ZOE
    Wow. Hi. Hey, there.
    CAROL
    Where have you been? You have n't been coming to any -
    ZOE
    ( cutting her off . )
    Right. I know. I've been so busy. Next one, I'm there. For sure.
    ( then , awkward . )
    This is my friend, Stan.
    STAN
    Hi.
    CAROL
    ( eyeing Stan suspiciously . )
    Hello. Are you two -
    ZOE
    Late. Yes. We are. We really are.
    ( pushing Stan along . )
    I'll see you at the meeting. Bye.
    They walk on . Stan looks at Zoe .
    STAN
    An old. boyfriend?
    ZOE
    Her name is Carol. We're on a. committee together.
    They reach Zoe 's front stoop . Zoe peers over Stan 's shoulder to make sure Carol 's gone .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    All right. I have to go to bed now. I'll call you, okay?
    STAN
    Okay.
    ( then . )
    Hey, I was thinking, if you do n't have any plans this weekend, maybe you'd like to come up to the farm and get away for a few days.
    ZOE
    I'll call you tomorrow. Something's not agreeing with me.
    STAN
    Was it the lamb's tongue?
    Zoe runs inside holding her hand over her mouth . Stan stands there for a beat . He calls after her .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Okay, well. this weekend. Think about it.

INT. ZOE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
    Zoe lies in bed . Nuts sleeps beside her . Zoe stares out the window at a flickering street lamp , her face full of fear .
    ZOE
    What the hell have I done?

EXT. SHADYBROOK RETIREMENT COMMUNITY - DAY
    Establishing shot of a retirement compound in Queens .

INT. SHADYBROOK LOBBY - DAY
    The lobby is well - appointed and cheery . A young STAFF works behind a front desk area . Were it not for a scattering of PEOPLE IN WHEELCHAIRS , you might think we were at a Ramada . Zoe walks by the front desk . ANNIE , an employee , looks up .
    ANNIE
    Hi, Zoe. You look fantastic.
    ZOE
    I do n't know how that's possible.
    ANNIE
    Something's different. Did you get highlights or a spray tan? Your face looks like it's.
    ZOE
    Please do n't say glowing.
    ANNIE
    Yes! Exactly!

EXT. SHADYBROOK COURTYARD - LATER
    There is a small group of WOMEN speed walking around the courtyard . They are fully decked out in jogging suits , visors and nose shields . The ringleader is NANA , 83 , fit and fabulous . On the sidelines is ARTHUR , 87 , with his walker and big grin , as he watches the ladies exercise .
    ZOE
    Morning, Arthur.
    ARTHUR
    Hello, my dear!
    He struggles to get up .
    ZOE
    No, no, no, do n't get up.
    ARTHUR
    Good, because I ca n't get up. Came to see my lovely fiance? She's looking fine today, let me tell you. Fine.
    Nana rounds the bend and waves enthusiastically .
    ZOE
    Hi, Nana.
    NANA
    One more mile to go. Do you have a minute? Talk to Arthur.
    Zoe looks at Arthur who 's now watching Nana 's ass , nodding .
    ARTHUR
    That's what I'm talking about. Work it.
    Horrified , Zoe quickly runs after Nana .

EXT. SHADYBROOK COURTYARD - LATER
    Zoe is now speed walking with the ladies . She mimics the same strong arm movements and heel - toe foot action .
    NANA
    Do you want a nose guard? I have an extra.
    ZOE
    No, I'm fine.
    SHIRLEY
    Are you sure? Ethel Silverbeck just had another carcinoma removed from her nose.
    ZOE
    ( to Nana . )
    I kind of need to talk to you. Alone.
    Nana gives her friends a nod , and they fall back several paces . Zoe waits for them to be out of earshot .
    NANA
    Do n't worry, they ca n't hear anything anyway.
    ZOE
    I'm pregnant.
    NANA
    ( ca n't hear her . )
    What?
    ZOE
    I'm pregnant.
    NANA
    What?
    ZOE
    I'm pregnant.
    NANA
    I ca n't hear you, darling.
    SHIRLEY
    Jesus, Judy, she's pregnant. Turn your hearing aide up.
    Zoe closes her eyes . Nightmare .

INT. NANA'S ROOM - LATER
    Nana hands Zoe a cup of tea . Zoe 's eyes well with tears .
    ZOE
    What am I going to do?
    NANA
    I'm confused. Is n't this what you wanted? You bought sperm and were inseminated by your doctor. This is n't what we would call an accident.
    ZOE
    But now it's all happening so fast. Did I really think this through?
    NANA
    We talked about it for months. You said it was what you wanted more than anything in the world.
    ZOE
    But this guy, he's. special. It's all going to fall apart now.
    NANA
    What makes him so special?
    ZOE
    I do n't know. He's very. real. And funny. And different. The other guys I've been with all had their briefcases and their five - year plans and their secretaries they were fucking. Stan does n't have a five - year plan. I do n't even know if he has a plan.
    NANA
    What about a secretary?
    ZOE
    Some kid named Fred.
    ( then . )
    I like him, Nana.
    NANA
    Well, if he's the right one, he'll stay.
    ZOE
    Do you really think so?
    NANA
    Gosh, I do n't know. I hoped that would be enough to appease you.
    ZOE
    Should I still visit him for the weekend? Or should I just vanish and hope he forgets I ever existed.
    NANA
    Do n't be silly. Go up there for the weekend. Spend some time with him and see what he's really like.
    ZOE
    Yeah. You're right.
    NANA
    You might find out he's a total douchebag and then the whole thing is moot.
    Zoe looks at Nana . Douchebag ?

INT. CAR - DAY
    Zoe is in the car . We are CLOSE on her as she talks rapidly and a bit maniacally .
    ZOE
    Okay, so we'll just hope that he's a douchebag. Could happen, right?
    WIDEN to reveal Nuts in the passenger seat . He 's yawning .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I'm sorry. Am I keeping you up?
    Nuts closes his eyes and lays down .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    My whole life is falling apart and you ca n't keep your bug - eyes open?
    ( yawning . )
    Thanks. Now I'm yawning. But why am I so tired? I slept nine hours.
    ( thinks , then . )
    And I'm starving, too. What the hell is going on?
    Zoe sees a gas station and jams on the breaks .

INT. GAS STATION MINI MART - DAY
    Zoe pours a massive cup of coffee . One of those gas station Big Gulp cups . Even the TRUCKER next to her chooses a smaller cup . Then , a look crosses her face .
    ZOE
    Am I even allowed to drink coffee?
    The trucker looks at her . She looks at him .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Do you know anything about being pregnant?

EXT. CAR - LATER
    Zoe 's car is now parked on the side of a highway in the middle of nowhere .

INT. CAR - SAME
    Zoe is sound asleep with her head back and her mouth open . A small , empty coffee cup in her hand , crumpled candy bar wrappers on the floor , and an almost empty bag of Cheetos is in her lap . Her cell phone RINGS . Zoe does n't move . After the third ring , she lifts her head and looks around . It takes her a few moments to realize what 's happened . She looks at the little coffee cup .
    ZOE
    Thanks a lot, decaf.
    She picks up the phone .
    STAN
    ( O.S . )
    Where are you?
    Zoe looks around .
    ZOE
    I have no idea.

EXT. LITTLE GOAT FARM - DAY
    Zoe bumps along the winding driveway of this idyllic Hudson River farm . There are red barns in the distance and green pastures filled with goats and sheep . The house is an old carriage house with a rusty weather - vane on top . Zoe parks the car and takes in the whole scene . Stan opens the front door , with a huge smile on his face . Zoe sighs .
    ZOE
    He's so not a douchebag.

INT. HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
    They enter the front door . Zoe takes in the charming carriage house .
    ZOE
    I ca n't believe you live here. This is ridiculous.
    STAN
    I just come on weekends. My parents really live here.
    ZOE
    Oh. Where are they now?
    STAN
    In the kitchen.
    Zoe stops short .
    ZOE
    Wait, they're here? Now? Is this a `` meet the parents'' kind of thing? I was n't prepared for this.
    STAN
    No. Not at all. I mean, you'll meet them, but -
    ZOE
    When you said come up for the weekend, I assumed it was just us.
    ( then . )
    I think I need to lay down.

INT. STAN'S BEDROM - MOMENTS LATER
    Zoe lies in the small bed with the covers pulled up to her chin . Stan stands above her with an odd look on his face .
    STAN
    Are you hung - over or something?
    ZOE
    I'm just. not myself. Give me ten minutes. A ten - minute power nap and I'm good. I need to regroup.
    STAN
    Are you sure you're okay?
    ( then . )
    Zoe? Hello?
    But she 's already out . Stan gives her a little poke .

INT. KITCHEN - DAY
    Stan enters the kitchen . His parents , JOAN and EDWARD look up expectantly , as if about to meet their new daughter - in - law .
    EDWARD
    Oh. It's just you.
    STAN
    She's taking a nap.
    JOAN
    A nap? Now? She just got here.
    STAN
    Mom, I need you to not be judgemental, okay. I like this girl a lot.
    JOAN
    How can I be judgemental? We have n't even met her yet.
    We hear a SQUEAK , SQUEAK , SQUEAK coming down the hall .
    JOAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    What the heck is that?
    The SQUEAKING continues and then all eyes turn as Nuts rolls into the kitchen and stops . He tilts his head .
    STAN
    Oh. This is Nuts.
    Joan and Edward take in the raggedy/wheelchair - bound dog and then look at Stan . Stan shoots his mom a look .
    JOAN
    Who's judging?!

INT. STAN'S BEDROOM - LATER
    It 's now dark . Zoe is asleep in the exact same position . Suddenly , we hear a loud GRUMBLE . Her eyes open .
    ZOE
    What was that?
    We hear the GRUMBLE again . It 's her stomach . She puts her hands over it .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Whoa.
    Zoe gets out of bed and goes right for the Cheetos . The bag is empty . She smears her hand on the inside of the bag and then licks the orange cheese from her fingers .

INT. HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER
    Zoe peeks out of the bedroom and looks both ways .
    ZOE
    ( whispering . )
    Stan?
    No one in sight . She waits a beat and then whispers louder .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Stan!

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
    Zoe peers her head into the empty kitchen . Nuts is with her .
    ZOE
    Stan? Hello?
    Zoe stands there unsure of what to do next . Then we hear her stomach GROWL again . Her eyes turn to the stove . Something smells out of this world . She tiptoes over and opens the pot . It 's beef stew .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Oh, my God.
    She makes sure the coast is clear and then looks for a spoon . She ca n't find one . She spies a loaf of white bread . Grabs a piece , folds it and then scoops up a heaping bite of stew and devours it .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    ( mouth full . )
    Oh, my God.
    She replaces the lid on the pot . And now she just stands there . And stands there some more .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Oh, who am I kidding?
    She quickly takes two slices of bread and goes back in . This time , she uses one piece of bread as a ladle and then the other to turn it into a sandwich . She takes a huge bite .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Oh. My. God.
    Stew dribbles down her chin . She takes a third piece of bread to wipe her face and then takes a bite of that one . Nuts starts to whine and beg . Zoe uses her bread - ladle to toss some stew on the floor for him . It lands with plop . And now Joan enters . Zoe and Nuts turn , their mouths bursting . Joan does n't quite know what to do . All she knows is she 's supposed to be open - minded .
    JOAN
    Would you like a plate?
    Zoe shakes her head no . Wow . This is embarrassing .
    JOAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    A napkin?
    Zoe nods her head . Joan gives her one . Zoe holds it over her mouth as she tries in vain to swallow this inhuman bite .
    JOAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I'm Joan.
    Zoe nods . Still ca n't swallow the bite .
    JOAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    And you must be Zoe.
    Zoe nods again . She tries to shake Joan 's hand . It 's the best she can do . Unfortunately , her fingers are fluorescent orange from the Cheetos powder . Joan pulls her hand back .

INT. DINING ROOM - LATER
    The dining room is warm and lovely . There 's faded wallpaper and an old stagecoach lamp serving as a chandelier . Despite the inviting room , Zoe looks very uncomfortable .
    EDWARD
    The stew is delicious, honey.
    STAN
    Yeah, Mom, it's awesome.
    EDWARD
    ( to Zoe . )
    Have you ever in your life had stew like this? Come on, be honest.
    Zoe looks at Joan . Joan smiles . It will be their secret .
    ZOE
    Uh. no. Never.

INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER
    They are having coffee and dessert in the living room . Things seem more comfortable now . Zoe actually looks like she might be enjoying herself . Nuts sits beside her .
    JOAN
    So are all the animals in your pet store. differently abled?
    ZOE
    Oh, you can say paralyzed. He does n't mind.
    ( then . )
    No, our pets are all in great shape. Purebreads mostly, but not from puppy mills.
    JOAN
    Those puppy mills are terrible. I read about them in the paper.
    ZOE
    Well, that's actually how I ended up with Nuts. I bought him from this pet store near my house. Six months later, I had thousands of dollars in vet bills and had to put him in a wheelchair.
    EDWARD
    You should have sued that place.
    ZOE
    I thought about it, but what was that really going to do? They were still going to sell inbred dogs. So. I took the money I made when I left Google and just bought the place figuring I would do better.
    STAN
    You worked for Google?
    Zoe nods .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    How could I not know that?
    ZOE
    You never asked.
    STAN
    And you made a lot of money and then bought a pet store?
    Stan puts his arm around her and gives her a squeeze .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I love that.
    ZOE
    It's been fun. Beats brand management, that's for sure.
    JOAN
    ( to Edward . )
    That sounds like us, honey.
    EDWARD
    It's true.
    ( to Zoe . )
    When we bought this farm we just wanted to make cheese because we could n't find anything we liked in the stores. And now, twenty years later, here we are.
    JOAN
    Sometimes in life you just have to take matters into your own hands. Make things happen your own way, you know?
    Zoe forces a smile . If only they knew .

EXT. LITTLE GOAT FARM - NIGHT
    The moon is full and fireflies dot the air as Zoe and Stan walk the grounds of the farm . Nuts trots/rolls ahead of them in a different wheelchair . This one is more rugged , with mountain - bike - type wheels .
    STAN
    I ca n't believe that Nuts has an off - road wheelchair.
    ZOE
    He's got one for snow, too. With little skis on the bottom.
    Stan smiles and shakes his head .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    What?
    STAN
    You're really something.
    ZOE
    Are you making fun of me? Do you think I spoil him?
    STAN
    No, I really think you're amazing. I mean, that story you told tonight. You just quit your whole professional life because of this little dog? Started your own business, just like that?
    Zoe shrugs .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    You're very. unique.
    ZOE
    Well, you're a dime a dozen. I ca n't tell you how many banjo playing, cheese makers I've been with.
    STAN
    I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like, how can you be so perfect? Why are you even still single? I ca n't believe no one's snatched you up by now.
    ZOE
    I drive them all away, I guess.
    STAN
    Yeah, right.
    Stan takes her in his arms .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Look, I know this is all going fast. the time we're spending together, meeting my parents and everything. but, I'm okay with that. I want it to go fast.
    ZOE
    It is going fast.
    STAN
    But is n't that okay? Are n't we old enough to skip all the bullshit? What are we waiting for? I. want to be with you.
    Zoe opens her mouth . She 's got to tell him . Before this goes any further , she has to tell him .
    ZOE
    Stan.
    STAN
    Come on. There's something I want to show you.

INT. CHEESE CAVE - NIGHT
    It 's floor to ceiling wooden shelves all filled with cheese . Stan ceremoniously unwraps a wheel .
    ZOE
    What is it?
    STAN
    It's cheese.
    ZOE
    I can see that.
    STAN
    It's a new kind of goat's milk we're using. I've been developing the recipe, and now it needs to age. It'll be ready for market in several months.
    ( then , excited . )
    Want to know what it's called?
    ZOE
    Okay.
    STAN
    Zoe.
    ZOE
    You named a piece of cheese after me?
    STAN
    Not just one piece. The whole line. This will forever in history be known as the Zoe. Unless, of course, it tastes like shit, and then we'll just scrap it.
    ( with a wink . )
    But that'll never happen.
    ZOE
    How do you know?
    STAN
    Because it's going to be fantastic. Sweet and sassy and very complex. Why do you think I'm calling it Zoe?
    ZOE
    No one's ever named a piece of cheese after me before.
    Zoe stares at the cheese for a long time .
    STAN
    You're kind of hard to read right now. You're either seriously flattered or totally repulsed.
    Zoe smiles .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    What?
    ZOE
    I want to kiss you right now, but it really smells like cheese in here.

EXT. DAIRY - MOMENTS LATER
    The door to the dairy kicks open and Stan carries Zoe out . Her legs are around his waist and they are making out like crazy .

INT. HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
    Stan carries Zoe up the stairs . They are tripping and kissing and now tearing at each other 's clothes .

INT. STAN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
    Stan throws Zoe on the bed and then peels off his shirt . His body looks amazing in the shadowy moonlight . Zoe lies there , looking at him before he jumps on top of her .
    ZOE
    ( under her breath . )
    You're such a douchebag.
    STAN
    What?
    Zoe shakes her head and then melts into him .

INT. STAN'S ROOM - LATER
    They are now on their backs staring at the ceiling . They look happy and worn out Their P.O.V. Those little glow - in - the - dark star stickers are all over the ceiling . There 's barely any glow left . Stan lets out a big sigh as he looks at the `` stars '' .
    STAN
    That was amazing. I mean, like, totally and exceptionally, over - the - top, amazing.
    Zoe turns to him . Takes a deep breath .
    ZOE
    Stan.
    STAN
    Yeah.
    ZOE
    There's something I really have to tell you.
    STAN
    There's something I have to tell you, too.
    Now Stan turns to her . They are face - to - face .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Can I go first? ` Cause if we're going to say the same thing, I want to say it first.
    ZOE
    We're not going to say the same thing.
    STAN
    Well, let me go, because this is really embarrassing, and I just have to say it.
    ZOE
    Okay.
    STAN
    I've dated a lot of women. I mean, not tons, but a lot. And, the thing is, I've never. been in love before. I've never even told anyone I love them before. Because I just never felt it. But from the day we met, from the first time our backs accidentally touched in the subway, I feel this, this.
    ( he shakes his head . )
    Maybe this is too much to say right now, but. I love you, Zoe. I really do.
    Stan finishes . He looks at her and smiles . Zoe just stares at him .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    In my mind, you were supposed to say, I love you, too.
    Instead , Zoe covers her mouth and runs to the bathroom . A beat later , we hear her vomit .

INT. STAN'S BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER
    Zoe is at the sink , furiously brushing her teeth . Stan enters .
    STAN
    Zoe?
    He looks at her . Sees the tears in her eyes .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Why are you crying? Everything's perfect.
    ZOE
    It's not.
    STAN
    Sure it is.
    Zoe takes a deep breath .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    What?
    ZOE
    I'm pregnant.
    STAN
    Uh, I'm pretty sure it does n't happen that fast.
    Zoe shakes her head .
    ZOE
    I just found out.
    STAN
    Pregnant? As in you're going to have a baby?
    Zoe nods .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I do n't understand.
    ZOE
    I know. It's hard to explain.
    STAN
    Well, who's it?
    ZOE
    I do n't know.
    STAN
    What?
    ZOE
    I do n't know who the father is. I kind of know him. I just do n't know his name exactly. It was sort of anonymous.
    STAN
    Anonymous?
    ZOE
    He's a donor. From a sperm bank.
    STAN
    Seriously, what the fuck are you talking about? Sperm bank? What?
    ZOE
    I know, this is so fucked up.
    STAN
    When did all of this happen?
    ZOE
    The day we met. That same day. And I did n't tell you because I did n't think there was any way I could be pregnant.
    STAN
    But. why?
    ZOE
    Because supposedly with frozen sperm it takes a few tries and.
    STAN
    No, why would you do this?
    ZOE
    Because I wanted a baby. And I'm almost forty, and I never met the right guy. I was afraid if I waited any longer it would all pass me by, and I'd miss my chance.
    Stan just looks at her . Speechless .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I did n't know you. I would have never done it if -
    STAN
    I just told you I loved you.
    ZOE
    Well. do you not now?
    STAN
    You're pregnant.
    ZOE
    Do n't say it like that.
    STAN
    You're pregnant.
    ZOE
    Yes. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant!
    STAN
    I tell you I'm in love with you and you tell me your pregnant with some stranger's child?
    ZOE
    Do n't say it like that. You make it sound dirty.
    STAN
    I'm sorry. I. I'm stunned. I do n't know what to say. What the fuck am I supposed to say?! This is great fucking news? Congratulations?! Why did you wait so long to tell me?
    ZOE
    Because I'm freaking out, okay! I did n't know what to do. I made this big decision to do this and then I met you -
    STAN
    Well, what am I supposed to do now? This is n't how it was supposed to be. This is n't what -
    ZOE
    I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? Life is n't perfect. It's not all neat and tidy like your perfect family and your perfect farm and your bluegrass band. It's messy. It's fucked up. This is real life, okay? I'm sorry to break it to you.
    They both stand there . After the raised voices , the silence feels more pronounced .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I'm sorry.
    STAN
    Sorry? What's sorry going to do?
    Stan walks out . Zoe stands there . And stands there . And then she starts to cry .

INT. STAN'S BEDROOM - LATER
    Zoe lies in bed awake . Nuts is beside her . They are alone .

EXT. LITTLE GOAT FARM - DAY
    It 's daybreak at the farm . FARM HANDS move herds of goats from one pasture to another .

INT. GUEST ROOM - MORNING
    Stan lies awake in a small guest room . Joan enters and is startled to find him in there .
    JOAN
    Oh, I thought you were in your room. Sorry.
    ( then . )
    Everything okay?
    Stan does n't answer . Joan sits on the corner of the bed .
    JOAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Well, she seems really terrific. Dad and I both think so. She's smart and poised and.
    Next door , we hear Zoe puking again . Joan stops . Then , wanting to seem open - minded , continues .
    JOAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    And warm and gracious.
    Another very LOUD HURL .
    JOAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    And pretty and.
    Another HURL . Joan looks at Stan .
    JOAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    What the hell's going on in there?
    STAN
    She's pregnant.
    JOAN
    Oh, dear God.
    We hear the toilet FLUSH .

INT. CAR - DAY
    Zoe sits in the passenger seat with the key in the ignition . Stan leans against the car . They are both quiet .
    ZOE
    I do n't know what to say.
    Neither does Stan , who says nothing . He runs his foot back and forth in the gravel .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I guess I'd given up on meeting someone like you, and I did what I thought was best.
    Stan still does n't say anything .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    But, for what it's worth. I love you, too.
    She puts the car in gear and pulls out . Stan watches her go . His hands in his pockets .

EXT. MONA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
    Zoe stands in the hallway of Mona 's apartment building . A beat later , Mona opens the door and holds out her arms .
    MONA
    Come here.
    Zoe walks slowly into her embrace . They stand like this for a long time . Just holding each other . Until Mona 's three kids run out with wiffle - ball bats and chase each other down the hall . A beat later , the toddler runs after them crying .

INT. ZOE'S APARTMENT - DAY
    Zoe lies in bed with Nuts . She opens her eyes and stares at the ceiling . Then , with a sigh , she gets up and does her morning ritual . She pulls up her nightgown and sticks out her stomach . For the first time , we actually see a little bump .

INT. EXAM ROOM - DAY
    Zoe lies on the table with a paper gown over her lap . She looks down at her feet in the stirrups . Sadly , we notice a perfect pedicure . Dr. Harris comes in with a big smile .
    DR. HARRIS
    Congratulations! What luck to get pregnant on the first try, huh? And with frozen sperm, too. So, how are we feeling?
    ZOE
    ( unconvincing . )
    Okay.
    DR. HARRIS
    You sure about that?
    ZOE
    It's been hard. I do n't know if I was really prepared for this.
    DR. HARRIS
    Well, your hormones are n't helping, and going through this without a partner must be difficult.
    Dr. Harries readies the ultrasound wand and inserts the device . He turns the monitor so that Zoe can see .
    DR. HARRIS
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Well, the good news is everything looks great. You are now eight weeks pregnant, which is an important milestone. With a little luck, we should be able to see a heartbeat today.
    On the screen we see a small flickering dot . Dr. Harris smiles .
    ZOE
    That's it? That's. my baby?
    Saying these words out loud for the first time hits Zoe . Tears fill her eyes .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Hi, Baby.
    ( then . )
    Is it okay? Is it healthy?
    DR. HARRIS
    Everything's just.
    ( makes a face , then . )
    Wait, a minute.
    ZOE
    What? Wait a minute, what?
    DR. HARRIS
    Well. I see another heartbeat.
    ZOE
    ( freaking out . )
    It has two hearts?
    DR. HARRIS
    No. but you have two babies.
    Zoe 's mouth falls open . NT . CAROL 'S APARTMENT - DAY We 're back at Single Women By Choice . The women are sitting on the floor . Sara is still nursing Dakota . Zoe has her head in her hands .
    CAROL
    Twins! That's fantastic!
    Zoe bursts into tears .
    LORI
    Why are you crying? That's so lucky.
    ZOE
    Yup. That's me. Lucky, lucky, me.
    The women are sensing the sarcasm , but not getting it .
    CAROL
    Are you okay? Is it a financial concern? There are many programs -
    ZOE
    No. I'm fairly loaded, actually. Used to work for Google.
    ( blows nose . )
    I'm sorry. This is hard for me. I do n't know if I can talk about it yet.
    CAROL
    Take your time. When you feel like sharing, we're here for you. We're all sisters here.
    ( then , to the group . )
    Let's give Zoe some space. When she's ready to talk, we're ready to listen. Deep, cleansing breaths, Zoe.
    Carol takes a deep breath and then lets it out .
    CAROL
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Now, in the meantime, does anyone else have anything they want to discuss? Problems? Concerns?
    Tabitha , the tall woman with the nose ring , raises her hand .
    TABITHA
    I'm having a hard time. Luca keeps asking why he does n't have a daddy, and I just do n't know what -
    ZOE
    ( blurting out . )
    There's this guy. His name is Stan. And he's fantastic.
    CAROL
    I knew it!
    TABITHA
    Uh. was n't I just speaking?
    CAROL
    I knew you were with that guy!
    SARA
    What guy?
    LORI
    Zoe, this group is called Single Mother's By Choice.
    ZOE
    I know. I'm sorry -
    TABITHA
    Um, excuse me. What about Luca? He's been really, really sad.
    ZOE
    ( floodgates opening . )
    Have you ever met a guy and you get butterflies and you think this is the kind of man who could take care of me forever? The kind of guy who makes you re - examine everything? Like, maybe I can be a stay - at - home mom and be barefoot and pregnant.
    The women stare blankly at Zoe .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    He actually lives on a farm! Plays the banjo! Maybe I could learn to sew and take care of the animals. Like Laura Ingalls.
    Even Dakota stops nursing and looks over at that one .

EXT. CAROL'S APARTMENT - LATER
    The women file out . No one dares look at Zoe . It 's very awkward , although Zoe seems unaware . She turns to Carol .
    ZOE
    Carol, thank you. This has been really helpful. Just getting it all out and being with other women who -
    CAROL
    I'm going to have to ask you not to come back.
    ZOE
    What? Why?
    CAROL
    I do n't think we can help you, and, quite frankly, you're against everything we stand for.
    ZOE
    But, I thought we were all sisters.
    CAROL
    No. Not you.
    ( then . )
    Do you know how long it took me to conceive? Five years. I had three miscarriages and spent every last dime on in - vitro. And Dana? The woman with the short hair?
    ZOE
    Which one?
    CAROL
    The one with the really short hair?
    ZOE
    Yeah, that does n't really narrow it down much.
    CAROL
    She just flew to Memphis to watch her baby being born. Seconds after the birth, the birth mother changed her mind and refused to give it up.
    Zoe 's face changes . She starts to get it .
    CAROL
    ( CONT 'D . )
    So, as you can see, we are really dedicated and choosing to be single mothers, and you seem to be in a slightly different place. You're carrying two healthy babies, and you have no idea how lucky you are.
    ZOE
    ( after a beat . )
    You're right.
    CAROL
    I like you, Zoe. We all like you. But you kind of need to figure out where you are.
    Zoe nods .

EXT. SHADYBROOK RETIREMENT COMMUNITY - DAY
    Zoe and Nana are walking the loop around the courtyard . Zoe looks terrible . Like she has n't slept in days . They complete a lap . Arthur gives them the double thumbs up sign .
    NANA
    That man is obsessed with my ass.
    ZOE
    I know. It's kind of upsetting.
    NANA
    He wants to take me on a cruise so that we can finally tie the knot. But, I do n't know. What's the hurry?
    ZOE
    You've been engaged for nine years.
    NANA
    No reason to rush into anything.
    Nana looks over at Zoe . She sees the bags under her eyes .
    NANA
    ( CONT 'D . )
    You look terrible, dear.
    ZOE
    Thanks.
    NANA
    You must really love him, huh?
    ZOE
    I guess I do.
    NANA
    Honey, I'm sure he's wonderful, and I'm sure he loves you, too. But, you have put him in a really awkward position. Having a baby is a big adjustment for any couple. And you're not married. And he's not the father. And you've only been together a little while. And now you're having twins. And -
    ZOE
    Please stop.
    NANA
    I'm just saying, if he actually wanted to stay with you right now, he'd be the greatest man in the world, and, quite frankly, I do n't think any man is that great.
    They complete another lap around the courtyard . Arthur smiles at them and then `` raises the roof . ''
    NANA
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Arthur's just about the best man I know, and look at him. He's a fucking idiot.

EXT. LITTLE GOAT FARM - DAY
    Stan leans against the fence looking at the goats . He has the beginnings of a beard growing . The scruff makes him look older . Thinner . Joan approaches and stands next to him for a bit .
    JOAN
    You know, people thought we were crazy when we bought this farm. All of our friends in New York, they thought we'd lost our minds.
    Stan nods . We get the feeling he 's heard this before .
    JOAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I guess I'm saying that you may have envisioned your life going one way, but the reality is, it could go a totally different direction. You just have to be open to it.
    Stan watches a nearby goat coaxing her baby to nurse . He shrugs .
    STAN
    Having a baby with someone I barely know, someone else's baby. it's just not how I pictured it.
    JOAN
    I used to work on Wall Street. Now I wear boots covered in goat shit. This is n't how I pictured it, either. But guess what. I'm happy.
    She gives him a sympathetic hug and walks away .

INT. STAN'S BEDROM - NIGHT
    Stan lies in bed looking up at the `` stars . '' There 's even less glow now than last time . He sighs and then turns over to try and sleep . ANGLE ON Nuts ' off - road wheelchair in the corner of the room . Stan looks at it and ca n't help but smile .

INT. ZOE'S APARTMENT - DAY
    Zoe and Nuts lie in the bed . They are looking at each other on the pillow . Zoe scratches behind his ears . Zoe goes to the mirror and does her usual . The bump is growing . For the first time , we see a smile .

INT. CAROL'S APARTMENT - DAY
    The Single Mother 's By Choice women are sitting in their usual circle . Lori is passing around a list .
    LORI
    Make sure you put your numbers down. I want to have everyone's number handy in case I go into labor early.
    Zoe enters . All eyes turn . She waves sheepishly .
    ZOE
    Hi, guys.
    No one knows what to say .
    CAROL
    Hi, Zoe.
    ZOE
    I just wanted to apologize. I'm sorry I got into a relationship and was n't honest with you guys, and I'm sorry I interrupted you, Tabitha. I hope Luca is doing better.
    TABITHA
    Thanks.
    ZOE
    ( to Carol . )
    And I've thought a lot about what you said, about how lucky I am. I got into this whole situation because I wanted to have a baby. And, somehow, I lost sight of that.
    ( then . )
    Anyway, I need partners in this, and I hope you'll take me back.
    Lori smiles and hands her the piece of paper .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    What's this?
    LORI
    It's a phone tree. I'm due next month, but my midwife thinks I may go sooner. I want everyone to be there. Are you in?
    Zoe smiles .
    ZOE
    I'm in.

EXT. HUDSON STREET - DAY
    Zoe has her head held high and her cute belly pushed out as far as it will go . A WOMAN with a double stroller approaches . Zoe smiles .
    ZOE
    Hi.
    WOMAN
    Hi.
    TWIN TODDLERS
    Hi. / Hi.
    Zoe walks on . She sees her reflection in a store window and smiles . She looks like an actual pregnant person now . As she is walking and smiling to herself , we hear a familiar voice .
    STAN
    Hi.
    Her P.O.V. Stan appears next to her in the reflection . For a brief second , they look like a family . Zoe turns . They both stop . Unsure of whether to hug or what . They just stand there .
    ZOE
    Hi.
    STAN
    Hi.
    ZOE
    You said that already.
    STAN
    You. look great.
    Zoe touches her belly . Proud but protective .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    How are you feeling?
    ZOE
    Okay.
    STAN
    Good.
    A long silence .
    ZOE
    You have a beard.
    STAN
    Yeah, it's awful is n't it.
    ZOE
    No.
    STAN
    Do n't lie.
    ( then . )
    Did I tell you how pretty you look?
    Zoe nods . Another silence .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I miss you.
    A group of SCHOOL KIDS , lost in their own conversations , push up the block , separating Zoe and Stan for a moment . This separation makes the moment all the more tense .
    ZOE
    I miss you, too.
    STAN
    This whole time we've been apart, I've been trying to figure out what it is about you that I love so much. And I think that it's that a lot of people talk about doing things, but you actually do them. You're really kind of daring. How you quit your job and took over a pet store all because some asshole sold you a lame dog. You came and found me at the Farmer's Market even though the night before I acted like a total stalker.
    Zoe smiles at the memory . Stan continues .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    And now you're pregnant. Because you wanted to have a baby and did n't think you could wait any longer. Well, that's just the same kind of thing. It's. brave. And I ca n't love you for being that way but then walk away for the same reason.
    Stan takes her hands .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I love you. I've been waiting my whole life for you. And I ca n't let one little baby get in the way of that. I just. ca n't.
    ZOE
    There's something I need to tell you.
    STAN
    Okay.
    ZOE
    It's big. And you're allowed to take all of this back when I tell you.
    STAN
    What.
    ZOE
    It's not just one baby. I'm having twins.
    Stan looks at her . Is she joking ? Her look says no . He takes a beat . And then , even though it 's not a joke , he starts to laugh . A little laugh at first and then a big one . And then , Zoe starts laughing too . The whole thing is just so ridiculous .
    STAN
    This is insane.

INT. ZOE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
    It 's late . Zoe and Stan are naked in bed , lying face to face . Stan puts his hand on her stomach . He feels the little bump , new since he 's last been with her .
    STAN
    Do you feel any kicking?
    ZOE
    Sometimes.
    STAN
    What does it feel like?
    ZOE
    Like butterflies.
    Stan smiles . He likes this image . He runs his hand over her belly . Zoe moves in closer . Touches his cheek .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Are you really sure you want to do this?
    STAN
    Yeah. I'm really sure.
    They look at each other for a long time . Finally , Zoe closes her eyes and settles in for sleep , with Stan watching her as she dozes off .

INT. EXAM - ROOM
    CU of a MONITOR where we see two distinct baby shapes floating head - to - toe . Dr. Harris holds the ultrasound wand to her belly . Stan does n't say anything . He looks on in total amazement .
    ZOE
    Are you okay?
    STAN
    They're so. perfect. They look like real babies.
    DR. HARRIS
    Would you like to know the sexes?
    They look at each other . Zoe smiles . Stan shrugs . Zoe nods . Stan does , too .
    ZOE
    Yes. Tell us.
    DR. HARRIS
    You're having two healthy little girls.
    Stan gets tears in his eyes .
    STAN
    Two girls?
    ZOE
    Two girls.
    DR. HARRIS
    Congratulations.

EXT. MADISON AVENUE - DAY
    Stan and Zoe walk down Madison Avenue . All of the other NEW YORKERS are on some kind of mission - shopping , rushing to meetings , or fighting for cabs . But Zoe and Stan just walk slowly hand - in - hand . Every so often looking at each other and just smiling or laughing . Then , suddenly , Stan picks her up in the middle of the street .
    STAN
    Two girls!
    A WOMAN with a BABY in a Baby Bjorn passes by . Stan smiles . Now he 's part of this exclusive club .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Hi.
    WOMAN
    Hi.

INT. UNION SQUARE CAFE - NIGHT
    We PAN past several small plates of food on a table . A chef tells us what delectable items we are looking at .
    CHEF
    Here we have a yellowtail sashimi with ponzu sauce and pea shoots. This is carpaccio with shaved white truffles. And, finally, an heirloom tomato salad with fresh Buratta flown in from Italy this morning.
    STAN
    Thanks, Sam. It looks incredible.
    Sam tops off their champagne and exits . Stan picks up his fork and starts eating . Zoe does not .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Are n't you hungry?
    ZOE
    I ca n't eat any of this.
    STAN
    Why not?
    ZOE
    ( pointing to each dish . )
    Raw. Raw. Unpasteurized.
    ( re : champagne . )
    Alcohol.
    STAN
    Let me get Sam back. He'll make you anything you want.
    ZOE
    I do n't want to hurt his feelings. You go ahead. I'm fine.
    STAN
    Well, what are you going to eat?

INT. MCDONALD'S - NIGHT
    The CASHIER reads back Zoe 's order .
    CASHIER
    Big Mac, Quarter Pounder with cheese, four large fries, and a six piece chicken McNuggets?
    ZOE
    Make that an eight, no, ten - piece McNuggets.
    ( to Stan . )
    You'll have some, right?
    STAN
    No.
    ZOE
    ( back to the cashier . )
    Ten - piece. Someone will eat them.
    Stan stands behind Zoe with an incredulous look on his face .

INT. ZOE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
    Zoe and Stan lie in bed , each reading a copy of `` What to Expect when You 're Expecting . '' Zoe has the McNuggets box on her chest . She dips each nugget in three different sauces and then takes a bite . Stan watches with a mixture of amusement and revulsion .
    ZOE
    ( re : book . )
    Have you gotten to page 79 yet?
    STAN
    No. I stopped reading when you ripped out one of my pages and used it as a napkin.
    ZOE
    Says here many women in the second trimester experience an increased sexual appetite.
    STAN
    Really?
    Zoe smiles and then slowly triple dunks another McNugget . She takes a seductive bite .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Are you coming on to me? It's kind of hard to tell right now.
    ZOE
    Yeah. I'm coming on to you.
    Zoe throws the McNuggets on the floor and climbs on top of him . She puts his hands on her body and then starts to kiss him voraciously . After a beat , Stan stops .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    What?
    STAN
    You have chicken in your hair.

INT. EQUINOX GYM - DAY
    Zoe and Mona are on the elliptical machines . Zoe is going very fast , while Mona is barely going at all .
    MONA
    Why are you even working out? This is the one time in your life you're allowed to let it go.
    ZOE
    Because look at me. I just keep getting bigger and bigger.
    MONA
    Well, yeah. That's kind of how it goes.
    ZOE
    I'm afraid I'm going to scare him away. I'm like one of those giant bouncy castles. Soon I'm going to take over the whole back yard.
    MONA
    Come on. He loves you for you.
    ZOE
    I'm just getting kind of freaked out by everything. He asked me to go to this wedding with him. What kind of first impression am I going to make on all of his friends?
    MONA
    Well, you're knocked up with some stranger's twins. So, already you're not exactly.
    ZOE
    Not helping.
    MONA
    Do you have anything to wear at least?

INT. ZOE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
    Stan , dressed in a tux , sits on Zoe 's bed . He turns to the closet .
    STAN
    Everything okay in there?
    A cocktail dress FLIES out and hits him in the head .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Never mind.
    He waits a few beats . Another dress FLIES out .
    ZOE
    ( O.S . )
    This SUCKS!
    STAN
    Honey, whatever you wear is fine.
    ZOE
    ( O.S . )
    I do n't have anything to wear! That's the problem.
    Another dress sails through the air .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Fuuuuuuck!
    STAN
    You always look great. I've never seen you not look great.
    Stan goes to the closet . Zoe is pulling on a long black dress . She tries to smush her boobs down into the top .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    That's perfect. You look hot.
    ZOE
    Really? You think?
    Zoe turns to reveal the back . The two sides of the zipper are ten inches apart .
    STAN
    Do you have a shawl or something?
    Zoe bursts into tears .

EXT. PERRY STREET - LATER
    A cab pulls up in front of Zoe 's brownstone . Stan opens the door for Zoe who is now wearing a long silver dress . While it 's certainly hugging every curve and bump , it looks great .
    STAN
    You look smokin'.
    ZOE
    Thanks, honey.
    Zoe pauses in front of the open taxi door .
    STAN
    Let's go. We're super late.
    She tries to bend at the waist , but the dress is too tight . Then she tries to go in butt first and swing her legs around , but again , the dress is too tight .
    ZOE
    Hmmmm.
    STAN
    Why do n't you sort of go in. head first and then turn around.
    Zoe leans her head in and then has no other choice but to lie down sideways on the seat . Stan tries not to laugh .
    ZOE
    Shut up and push me.
    STAN
    Push you?
    ZOE
    Just do it.
    Stan pushes her legs , and Zoe disappears inside the cab .

INT. TAXI - CONTINUOUS
    Zoe lies down straight across the seats like a board .
    ZOE
    I hate everyone.
    She sucks in her breath and tries to sit up . As soon as she bends at the waist , we hear a horrific RIP . She bursts into tears again .

INT. ZOE'S APARTMENT - LATER
    We PAN over the coffee table . There 's a pint of melty Ben and Jerry 's , a roll of cookie dough -LRB- half eaten , -RRB- US Weekly , and The National Enquirer . Zoe and Bobby lie on the floor looking at the ceiling .
    ZOE
    Do you think he's telling everyone why I did n't go? I'm too much of a fat - ass walrus to go to the wedding?
    BOBBY
    You're not a fat ass walrus. You're pregnant.
    Zoe eyes well up with tears again .
    BOBBY
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Why are you crying? So what? You missed a stupid wedding. You got to have girls' night with me. This is way more fun.
    ZOE
    I do n't know. I'm just so emotional lately. It's the hormones.
    BOBBY
    You ca n't help it. Being pregnant sucks. You're emotional, and irrational, and you get back fat.
    ZOE
    I have back fat?
    BOBBY
    No. I'm just kidding.
    ( then . )
    Okay, yes. You have back fat.
    Zoe feels her back .
    ZOE
    How's Stan going to stay with me through this? I'm disgusting.
    BOBBY
    We'll go shopping tomorrow. We'll get some hip maternity clothes. whatever that means.
    ZOE
    Look at me, Bobby.
    BOBBY
    What?
    ZOE
    ( pinching back fat . )
    Look at me. What do you see?
    BOBBY
    I see the most amazingly wonderful person I know.
    Zoe smiles . Tears come to her eyes again .
    BOBBY
    ( CONT 'D . )
    With back fat.

INT. PUCK BUILDING - NIGHT
    Stan leans against the bar with a beer in hand . He is watching all of the Farmer 's Market girls and his co - worker , Fred , on the dance floor . Everyone looks drunk and happy . Olivia stumbles towards him with an empty glass of champagne .
    OLIVIA
    Why are n't you dancing?
    STAN
    I'm just about to go. It's late.
    OLIVIA
    Come on, one dance.
    The spaghetti strap of her dress falls over her shoulder . Stan notices . She steps in closer .
    OLIVIA
    ( CONT 'D . )
    For old time's sake.
    STAN
    I have a girlfriend, Olivia.
    OLIVIA
    Never stopped you before.
    She tries to kiss him . Stan steps away .
    STAN
    It's serious this time.
    Olivia pulls back , surprised .

INT. ZOE'S BEDROOM - LATER
    Zoe is asleep in the bed . Her bump looks very cute under the covers . Stan quietly gets ready for bed . She turns to him , half asleep .
    ZOE
    How was it?
    STAN
    Boring.
    ZOE
    Good.
    Stan gets in bed next to her . Zoe scoots into him .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I miss my old ass.
    STAN
    Excuse me?
    ZOE
    It was one of my best features.
    STAN
    You know what's weird? I never knew your old ass.
    ZOE
    It's kind of like this ass but way hotter.
    STAN
    I also do n't know what you really like to eat and what's just a craving, or when you start laughing hysterically and then crying and you say, this is n't me, if that's true because I do n't really know the real you. All I know is the pregnant you.
    ZOE
    That is weird.
    STAN
    Or like how you're horny all the time? Is that you? Or is that pregnant you?
    ZOE
    ( lying . )
    That's me.
    STAN
    When all of this is over, who will you be?
    ZOE
    Hopefully, myself again.
    STAN
    But. who is that?

INT. ZOE'S BEDROOM - LATER
    The clock by the bed says 2:30 a.m. Stan is snoring slightly . Nuts is on the pillow beside him . Zoe 's side is empty .

INT. ZOE'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
    Zoe sits on the floor of the living room sifting through a box of photographs . We FOLLOW her back into the bedroom and onto the bed . As Stan slowly opens his eyes , she holds up a photograph . His P.O.V. It 's a picture of a woman 's ass .
    ZOE
    This is my old ass.
    Stan blinks a few times . His eyes adjusting .
    STAN
    Why do you have a picture of your ass?
    ZOE
    My college boyfriend took it. So, I guess in fairness, my ass does n't look exactly like this anymore, but it's pretty close. It's held up.
    STAN
    It's a nice ass.
    ZOE
    You said you do n't know the real me, so I thought I'd show you.
    She picks up another photograph . This one is of Zoe at twelve and at her most awkward - short hair , braces and acne .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    This is me in seventh grade.
    Stan props himself up in one elbow .
    STAN
    Wow.
    ZOE
    I know.
    STAN
    You look like Anthony Michael Hall.
    ZOE
    This period, as horrible as it was, made me who I am. I think every person should go through a hideously ugly phase. It builds character.
    ( then . )
    It also taught me that I should never, under any circumstances, have short hair and a perm again.
    She picks up another picture . It 's Zoe in a bathing cap and Speedo . She 's holding up a yellow ribbon and has her arm around Nana .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    This is one of my favorites because look how happy I am. I do n't even know what place yellow is, but I'm sure it's not good.
    STAN
    Fifth place.
    ZOE
    But I still look super happy, right? That's all because of Nana. Whatever I did, she thought it was the best.
    The next picture is a Halloween shot of Bobby , Mona and Zoe . Bobby is all in green , Zoe is all in yellow and Mona is in regular clothes .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    These are my best friends, Bobby and Mona. Mona and I met in high school and Bobby passed out on my couch in college and never left. You have n't met them yet because they might scare you away.
    STAN
    Why are you dressed like that?
    ZOE
    Halloween. We were supposed to be a traffic light but Mona bagged out at the last minute and so Bobby and I just look like idiots. That's typical Mona, by the way.
    Zoe puts the picture down and picks up another . It 's a woman in a hospital bed . She 's giving the thumbs up sign .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    This is my mom.
    Stan takes the picture and studies it .
    STAN
    You look just like her.
    ZOE
    This is the last picture of her that I have. She lived for a few more years, but we never took any pictures because she did n't want us to remember her like that. I was eight when she died.
    STAN
    I. ca n't imagine.
    ZOE
    She had a great laugh. And really soft hands. She used to rub my back before I went to sleep.
    Zoe puts the picture on the bedside table , propping it up next to her clock .
    STAN
    Do you have any pictures of your dad?
    Zoe does n't say anything .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I'm sorry. If you do n't want to talk about it.
    ZOE
    My mother was in a coma for two years before the end. That's when my dad left her.
    STAN
    Oh.
    ZOE
    So. that's when he died. To us, anyway.
    STAN
    God, Zoe. I'm so sorry.
    ZOE
    ( after a beat . )
    It's okay. It was an important lesson. That's when I realized that nothing lasts forever.
    This sad statement hangs in the air for a few moments .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    So, that's my story. That's the real me.
    STAN
    Things can last forever, you know.
    ZOE
    Not for me they ca n't.
    Stan takes her hand , and they stay like that for a while . Just holding hands on the floor of her moonlit room . Finally , the silence is broken by the telephone RINGING .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    That's weird.

INT. LORI'S APARTMENT BUILDING LOBBY - NIGHT
    Zoe and Stan enter the lobby of an old building in Tribeca .
    STAN
    I'm confused. Why did you say you would come witness this birth in the first place?
    ZOE
    I do n't know. Seemed like a good idea at the time. I was trying to get back in their good graces. Go home. I'll meet you there. I do n't want them to see you anyway.
    STAN
    It's four in the morning. I'm not letting you walk home alone.
    ZOE
    Fine. I'll just pop in, show my face and leave. Ten minutes, tops.

INT. LORI'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
    There are candles everywhere and a table of food and drinks . Kind of like a birthing cocktail party . Zoe eats a brownie . Carol approaches with Lori , who is wearing a caftan and rubbing her large stomach . They all hug .
    CAROL
    Zoe, it's so nice of you to come, especially at this crazy hour.
    LORI
    You're really one of us now.
    ZOE
    Are you sure you're in labor? You're so calm.
    LORI
    Oh, I'm sure.
    ZOE
    Well, I just wanted to come and say a quick hi and good luck.
    LORI
    You're not staying?
    CAROL
    You have to stay. Lori wants us all to be together for this.
    ZOE
    Well, I really want to be here but. um, the truth is. actually I've been wanting to tell you guys for a while but, the truth is.
    Lori drops her head on Zoe 's shoulder and lets out a giant MOAN . It 's long and it 's awkward .
    CAROL
    ( whispering . )
    She's having a contraction.
    Zoe nods . This is weird . Lori breathes through it .
    LORI
    Okay. What was it you were saying?
    ZOE
    I'm back with Stan.
    LORI
    Stan who?
    CAROL
    The farmer?
    ZOE
    Actually, he makes cheese. He named a cheese after me. Is n't that romantic? Sort of?
    ( off their blank stares . )
    Well, anyway, I'm not technically a single mother by choice anymore. So, if you want me to leave right now, I totally understand. I'll just walk out the door and -
    LORI
    No, I really want you to stay.
    ZOE
    ( bummed . )
    Oh.
    CAROL
    Listen, Zoe, if you're happy, we're happy. We'd love to meet him. Bring him to group any time.
    ZOE
    Well, actually, he's downstairs, so I should probably get back to -
    LORI
    Great. Invite him up.
    ZOE
    Oh, no, no, no.
    LORI
    I'm not shy. I've been through this before. It's quite beautiful, really.
    Zoe stands there trying to come up with another excuse . After a few moments , it 's clear that she can not .

INT. LORI'S APARTMENT BUILDING LOBBY - MOMENTS LATER
    Stan looks up from the Hunan Lotus take - out menu he 's been reading to pass the time .
    STAN
    Excuse me?
    ZOE
    Just a few minutes.
    STAN
    I do n't know, Zoe.
    ZOE
    You have to come up. They begged me. And truthfully, I'm kind of scared of them. Please?

INT. LORI'S APARTMENT - LATER
    Zoe and Stan hover over the dessert table . They both eat brownies and keep their eyes down . Sara is next to them nursing Dakota .
    STAN
    This is weird.
    ZOE
    Good brownies, though. This one has peanut butter in it.
    Carol walks by with a little DRUM , which she bangs rhythmically .
    CAROL
    Come on everybody, it's time. She's getting into the water.
    STAN
    The what?
    CAROL
    Oh, it's a water birth. Did n't Zoe tell you?
    Carol starts banging the drum again and moves off .
    STAN
    What's a water birth?
    ZOE
    I do n't know. But just so we're clear, this.
    ( re .
    the whole scene . )
    Is not the real me.
    STAN
    I'll wait here.
    Zoe grabs another brownie and exits .

INT. LORI'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
    In the middle of this very small , very cramped living room is an inflatable baby pool . And in this baby pool is Lori , who is now naked and pushing . Zoe watches , horrified , the brownie still in her hand . Carol is beside her , playing the drum and chanting .
    CAROL
    Hi - ya - ya - hi - ya - ya - hi - ya - hi - ya - ya.
    ZOE
    ( eyes wide . )
    Wow. Wow. Wow.
    CAROL
    I know. It's amazing how the body can open up like that.
    Zoe covers her mouth . It looks like she is going to throw up . She stumbles for the door .
    ZOE
    I'm just going to get some air. I'm feeling a little.
    LORI
    Do n't move, Zoe, you're my focal point.
    Lori then GRUNTS through another big contraction .
    MIDWIFE
    Push, Lori. Push.
    While Lori 's eyes are closed , Zoe tries to sneak out . Carol chases after , still beating the drum .
    CAROL
    You ca n't leave. You're her focal point.
    ZOE
    Ca n't she use someone else?
    CAROL
    She's in labor. You want to argue with her now?

INT. LORI'S LIVING ROOM - LATER
    Carol beats the drum faster now . Some of the other Single Mothers by Choicers join her in the chant .
    CAROL
    Hi - ya - ya - hi - ya - ya - hi - ya - hi - ya - ya.
    Lori lets out a SCREAM as Tabitha and the MIDWIFE pull her legs back . Zoe watches with both hands over her mouth .
    ZOE
    Oh, Jesus.
    ( then . )
    What is. that?
    CAROL
    Sssshh. It's perfectly natural. Sometimes the bowels just let go.
    ( then , back to chanting . )
    Hi - ya - ya - hi - ya - ya - hi - ya - hi - ya - ya.
    The midwife fishes out the poop with a plastic bag . Zoe turns away , gagging . She drops her brownie .
    LORI
    ( yelling . )
    Do n't move, Zoe, I need you! You're my focal point.
    ZOE
    What does that even mean?
    Zoe turns back . Her face white as a sheet . Lori lets out another WAIL .
    LORI
    I need to turn over. Please!
    JESSIE
    Do it, Lori. We're here for you. We're all here for you.
    Carol beats the drum faster as Lori gets on all fours . The midwife lifts Lori 's leg up to the side . Lori lets out a loud , WHALE - LIKE MOAN .
    CAROL
    ( excited . )
    Here comes the head.
    Lori 's moan turns into a DONKEY - LIKE BRAY .
    JESSIE
    We can see the head, Lori.
    CAROL
    There's so much hair!
    ZOE
    ( woozy , afraid . )
    I do n't think that's the baby's hair.
    LORI
    I want to see the head. Get me a mirror. It's in the bedroom.
    ZOE
    I'll get it.
    Zoe makes a desperate attempt to run from the room .
    LORI
    GOD DAMN IT ZOE, DO N'T MOVE!

INT. LORI'S FOYER - SAME
    Out in the foyer , Stan is paralyzed . Next to him is Dakota , who is crying . Through the hallway mirror , he can see what 's going on in the living room : a hefty woman on all fours in a dirty inflatable swimming pool with a hairy head coming out of a hairy vag .
    CAROL
    ( O.S . )
    Stan, get the mirror!

INT. LORI'S LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
    Stan , walks backwards with his head down , holding a mirror .
    STAN
    Excuse me. Hello. I'm Stan. Excuse me. Hi. I'm Stan.
    Carol grabs the mirror and holds it under Lori . Lori lifts her leg like a dog taking a piss and then starts to cry .
    LORI
    Look at all that wet, curly hair.
    Stan steals a look , starts to dry heave and rushes to Zoe .
    STAN
    ( freaking out . )
    Let's get the hell out of here.
    ZOE
    I ca n't. I'm her focal point.
    STAN
    What does that mean?
    ZOE
    I do n't know.
    Suddenly , we hear a huge SCREAM . Zoe and Stan turn just in time to see the baby emerge and plop into the water . CU of the baby in the dirty water still attached to the umbilical cord . CU of Zoe and Stan 's horrified faces . Zoe 's eyes roll back and we : FADE TO BLACK . OVER BLACK we hear silence . Blessed silence . No drums . No chants . No screams . Nothing . Until , we hear the SPLASH .

INT. LORI'S LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
    We are CLOSE on Zoe 's face . She opens her eyes . Blinks a few times .
    STAN
    Are you okay?
    ZOE
    I do n't know. Why am I wet?
    WIDEN to reveal that Zoe is lying in the inflatable pool . Her eyes go from side to side . The horror of the situation becoming clear . A spongy , purple thing floats by .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    What is that?
    STAN
    ( afraid . )
    I think it's the placenta.
    Zoe 's eyes roll back again and we . FADE TO BLACK .

EXT. 14TH STREET - DAY
    14th street is just coming to life as the FARMERS start to unload their wares . Zoe and Stan head up the street slowly , wearily , like soldiers back from battle .
    ZOE
    Wow. We really should n't have seen that.
    STAN
    No.
    ZOE
    I did mention that I barely know those people, right?
    STAN
    Like forty times.
    ZOE
    I feel the need to say it again.
    They turn into the Farmer 's Market . ANGLE ON Fred unloading cheese from the back of the Little Goat truck . Stan and Zoe slowly walk towards him .
    STAN
    It wo n't be like that for us.
    ZOE
    How do you know?
    STAN
    Well, for starters, you wax.
    ANGLE ON Olivia crossing from her berry stand to the cheese stand with a blueberry pie . She is about to place the pie on Stan 's table when she looks up and sees Stan and Zoe .
    OLIVIA
    Oh, hi.
    STAN
    Hi.
    ( awkward beat , then . )
    You remember Zoe.
    OLIVIA
    Right, hi.
    And then Olivia notices Zoe 's pregnant belly .
    OLIVIA
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Wow.
    ( then , to Stan . )
    Wow.
    At the same time , Zoe notices the post - it on the pie . It says , SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT .
    ZOE
    What is that supposed to mean?
    OLIVIA
    It's nothing.
    Olivia crumples the post - it and turns to Stan .
    OLIVIA
    ( CONT 'D . )
    ( re .
    Zoe 's pregnant belly . )
    I had no idea it was that serious.
    STAN
    I told you it was serious.
    ZOE
    ( interrupting . )
    What the hell does, `` sorry about last night'' mean?
    OLIVIA
    It's stupid. I was drunk and.
    STAN
    It was nothing.
    ZOE
    What was nothing?
    Olivia turns back to Stan , flabbergasted .
    OLIVIA
    You're having a baby? I did n't know you'd been together that long.
    STAN
    Well, they're not mine. but, yeah, we're having a baby. Two actually.
    On Zoe 's look of shock we .

EXT. FARMER'S MARKET - MOMENTS LATER
    The fruits and vegetables and flowers become a blur as Zoe runs out of the Farmer 's Market . Stan chases after her .
    STAN
    Nothing happened.
    ZOE
    Get away from me.
    Stan runs in front of her , forcing her to stop .
    STAN
    Nothing happened!
    ZOE
    You said, `` they're not mine.''
    STAN
    I did n't mean to say it.
    ZOE
    How could you say that?
    STAN
    I do n't know. I was flustered.
    ZOE
    Flustered?
    STAN
    I'm sorry, I'm not exactly thinking straight. I've been up all night watching Orca give birth!
    ZOE
    ( incredulous . )
    `` They're not mine?''
    STAN
    ( at a loss . )
    Well, I mean. technically, they're not.
    The minute he says this , he wishes he could take it back . Zoe just looks at him . She shakes her head .
    ZOE
    You know, all this time you're trying to figure out who the real me is, but who the fuck are you?
    STAN
    Zoe.
    She runs to a nearby cab and slams the door .

INT. ZOE'S APARTMENT - DAY
    Zoe enters the apartment and slams the door behind her . She runs to the couch and collapses in tears . Nuts wheels over and stands beside her .

INT. LE PAIN QUOTIDIEN - DAY
    Zoe and Mona are at their usual table . Zoe looks like she has n't slept .
    MONA
    Do you really think something happened with the berry girl? They both said nothing happened.
    ZOE
    Well, are they going to come out and tell me? And that's not even the point. He said, the babies were n't his. And if he says that, he thinks that. And if he thinks that, he's not really committed.
    MONA
    So, now you run?
    ZOE
    Why should I stick around for the end of the story when I know what it's going to be?
    Mona says nothing . She looks like she might say something and then does n't .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    What? If you want to say something, say it.
    MONA
    Do you know the end of the story? Ca n't you just give him the benefit of the doubt? He seems like such a good guy.
    ZOE
    You have n't even met him.
    MONA
    Yeah, and do n't think I do n't know the reason for that. You were never going to see this through, Zoe. Never. It was doomed before it began. Just like all of your relationships. You get out before you get hurt.
    ZOE
    You do n't think I'm hurt right now?
    MONA
    Every man is not your father. When are you going to realize that?
    ZOE
    You do n't know what you're talking about.
    MONA
    I've known you for thirty years. I know you do n't trust people. You and your grandmother, both. She's been engaged to Arthur for how long now?
    ZOE
    Leave Nana out of this.
    MONA
    She's never going to marry him. Just like you'd never marry Stan. No wonder you ended up with a sperm donor. He'll never let you down. It's your ideal boyfriend.
    Zoe 's face changes . She looks incredibly hurt .
    ZOE
    I used a donor because I wanted a baby.
    MONA
    I'm sorry. I went too far.
    ZOE
    Because I wanted to have a family. Because Nana is the only one I've got and she's eighty - four years old. And then it will just be me. So, yeah, you went a little too far.
    Zoe leaves Mona at the table .

INT. ZOE'S APARTMENT - MORNING
    Zoe and Nuts lie on the pillow together . Zoe scratches behind his ears .
    ZOE
    Guess it's just you and me again.
    Nuts licks her face . She gets out of bed and goes to check her belly in the mirror . It 's actually getting kind of huge .

EXT. ZOE'S BROWNSTONE - DAY
    Zoe walks down the steps . Stan is waiting for her on the sidewalk . His hands in his pockets .
    ZOE
    What.
    STAN
    It's Thursday. We have a doctor's appointment.
    ZOE
    There is no `` we'', Stan.
    STAN
    Come on, I did n't mean to say it, and that's not how I feel.
    Zoe shakes her head .
    ZOE
    I made a mistake trusting you.
    STAN
    Do n't say that. That's not true.
    ZOE
    You're not good for me. You made me think I needed you, and I do n't.
    STAN
    So that's it? Because of one stupid, asinine thing that I said, it's all over? This is how it ends?
    ZOE
    Yes. This is how it ends.
    ( then . )
    I do n't know why you're so surprised. I told you, nothing lasts forever.
    Zoe gives him a matter - of - fact shrug and walks off .

INT. DR. HARRIS' OFFICE - DAY
    Dr. Harris moves the ultrasound wand over Zoe 's belly . Zoe holds up her shirt and watches the monitor .
    DR. HARRIS
    Things look great.
    ZOE
    Good.
    DR. HARRIS
    So, I'll see you back in two weeks, and we'll start checking to see if the babies are dropping.
    ZOE
    It's hard to believe we're in the home stretch.
    Dr. Harris helps Zoe sit up .
    DR. HARRIS
    Now's the time I start discussing a birthing plan with my patients. Do you want me to wait until next time when Stan's here?
    ZOE
    Oh. Uh, no. He wo n't be here.
    DR. HARRIS
    He's out of town or something?
    ZOE
    No. He's just. out.
    DR. HARRIS
    Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.
    ZOE
    It's back to just you and me now. We've come full circle.
    DR. HARRIS
    Well, do n't you want anyone with you in the delivery room? You know, like a birthing partner?

INT. SHADYBROOK COURTYARD - DAY
    Zoe and Nana are speed - walking . Nana stops , excited .
    NANA
    Me?
    ZOE
    Yeah. Is that okay?
    NANA
    Of course.
    ZOE
    Good. ` Cause you're all I've got.
    NANA
    What do I have to do?
    ZOE
    I do n't know. It will be a c - section, so, basically, just stand there and try not to faint.
    NANA
    I can do that.
    ZOE
    Thanks, Nana. It means a lot to me that you'll be there.
    NANA
    Are you kidding me? I've been waiting my whole life for this.
    They pass Arthur , who is in his usual spot , but instead of leering at Nana , he 's in his chair with his head back and eyes closed .
    ZOE
    Holy shit, is he dead?
    NANA
    Sleeping.
    ZOE
    How can you tell?
    NANA
    He's been like that all morning. I wore him out last night.
    ZOE
    Wow. I did not need to know that.
    NANA
    We were celebrating.
    ( with a smile . )
    We finally set a date.
    Zoe stops dead in her tracks .
    ZOE
    Excuse me?

INT. SHADYBROOK DINING ROOM - DAY
    Nana walks Zoe through the Shadybrook dining room .
    NANA
    So, we'll put the band here and the dance floor right here.
    ZOE
    I ca n't believe you're getting married. What made you change your mind?
    NANA
    All of a sudden it just hit me, what am I waiting for? I love him. He loves me. What am I so afraid of?
    ZOE
    Wow. This is. really big news.
    NANA
    You do n't seem happy.
    ZOE
    No, I am. It's just. it just makes my situation seem all the more tragic. You're getting married and here I am.
    Her voice trails off .
    NANA
    Zoe.
    ZOE
    Do n't worry. I'm fine. I'm really happy for you.
    NANA
    I'm worried about you, honey.
    ZOE
    I'm fine.
    NANA
    I just do n't want you to make the same mistakes I made. I've been alone for over thirty years now, and that's too long. Sometimes in life you have to forgive and move on.
    ZOE
    Are you talking about my father or Stan?
    NANA
    Both, baby.

INT. ZOE'S APARTMENT - DAY
    Zoe has her box of photographs . She pulls out a picture from the very bottom .
    NANA
    ( V.O . )
    Because if you do n't learn how to forgive, you will always be stuck in the past.
    The photo is Zoe at age four and a man who looks so much like her , that it can only be her father . After a long beat , she puts it on her bedside table , next to the one of her mother . The two pictures , side - by - side make up a family . Zoe and her father in one shot and her mother from the hospital bed giving the thumbs up sign in the other . Over this image , we hear a quartet playing WEDDING MUSIC .

INT. CHURCH - DAY
    The music takes us into the church and there we find Nana , lovely in her wedding gown , and Arthur , dashing in his morning suit , standing at the alter holding hands . Both have tears in their eyes . Arthur lifts her veil and gives her the sweetest kiss . ANGLE ON Zoe and Bobby in the first pew , passing a handkerchief back and forth .

INT. SHADYBROOK REC ROOM - LATER
    Bobby leans against the piano singing a beautiful rendition of `` What a Wonderful World . '' Nana and Arthur are alone on the dance floor . It 's their first dance as husband and wife .
    BOBBY
    ( singing . )
    I see trees of green, red roses too. I see them bloom for me and you.
    Zoe watches , her hands on her belly . Mona stands beside her .
    MONA
    This song always makes me cry.
    ZOE
    Me, too.
    MONA
    Is it happy or sad? The words are happy but the song is so sad.
    ZOE
    I guess it's both. Happy and sad.
    BOBBY
    ( singing . )
    I see skies of blue and clouds of white. The bright blessed day, the dark and sacred night.
    MONA
    I'm sorry about the things I said.
    ZOE
    I know.
    MONA
    It was really shitty of me.
    ZOE
    It was. Especially because you were right.
    Mona takes Zoe 's hand .
    BOBBY
    ( singing . )
    And I think to myself. what a wonderful world.
    ZOE
    I do n't want to be alone forever, Mona.
    MONA
    Then do n't be.

EXT. FARMER'S MARKET - DAY
    Stan stares off into space . His beard is back . A CUSTOMER surveys the different cheeses on the table .
    CUSTOMER
    Is this new? The Zoe?
    STAN
    Yeah. This is the first week it's been out.
    CUSTOMER
    Can I have a sample? What's it like?
    STAN
    It's. very stubborn, overly suspicious and distrustful of men.
    The customer looks up at Stan .
    CUSTOMER
    Huh?

INT. SHADYBROOK REC ROOM - LATER
    Bobby pulls Zoe onto the dance floor .
    BOBBY
    Come on, you old maid.
    ZOE
    No.
    BOBBY
    Dance with me. One dance.
    ZOE
    Forget it.
    BOBBY
    Fine. But it does n't mean that I wo n't dance with you.
    ZOE
    What?
    Bobby starts dancing . But really dancing . Justin Timberlake style . Zoe smiles at the absurdity and then tries to walk away . But Bobby wo n't let her escape . He blocks her path and keeps dancing . This time turning around and shaking his ass triple - time , like Beyonce .
    BOBBY
    Haaaaaay.
    ZOE
    Go away, you freak.
    A crowd of old people gather round . They start clapping , thinking this is some kind of young person 's dance routine .
    BOBBY
    Smack it, Bitch.
    Bobby takes Zoe 's hand and smacks his ass with it .
    BOBBY
    ( CONT 'D . )
    You know you love it. Uh - huh. That's right. Smack it.
    The old people do the same . Trying to learn the hip new dance the kids are doing . Several octogenarian couples smacking each other 's asses . While this is happening , a weird look crosses Zoe 's face . Bobby jumps up and turns around to face Zoe . But when he lands on the ground , his feet slide out from under him and he hits the floor .
    BOBBY
    ( CONT 'D . )
    What the hell?
    An OLD MAN in the crowd looks down at the puddle .
    OLD MAN
    Damn it. Not again.
    ( then , checks pants . )
    Nope. Not me.
    A few other old people look down and check themselves . At which point , Zoe looks down and realizes .
    ZOE
    I think my water just broke.

EXT. SHADYBROOK RETIREMENT HOME - DAY
    The whole retirement community is outside throwing rice as Zoe , Bobby , Mona , Nana and Arthur try to figure out the logistics of the trip to the hospital .
    ZOE
    I'll drive.
    NANA
    You're in labor. You ca n't drive.
    ARTHUR
    I'll drive.
    NANA
    You do n't have a car or a license.
    ( then , to Bobby . )
    You drive.
    BOBBY
    We're in Queens. I do n't even know what side of the road they drive on here.
    ZOE
    Will someone please just drive me to the fucking hospital?
    All of a sudden , a white ROLLS ROYCE pulls up . Mona 's at the wheel . She leans out and waves .
    MONA
    This was my surprise for after the wedding, but let's hit it.
    BOBBY
    This works.
    They all pile in . And then the car pulls off , revealing a sign that says , JUST MARRIED . FINALLY ! `` Ensure '' cans tied to strings bump along behind them .

INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER
    Things are a bit frantic in the car .
    NANA
    Are you okay? Remember to breathe. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in.
    Mona looks at Zoe in the rearview and does Lamaze breaths .
    MONA
    Hee - hee, hoo - hoo, hee - hee.
    NANA
    ( joining in . )
    Hoo - hoo. Hee - hee.
    MONA/NANA
    Hoo - hoo. Hee - hee.
    ZOE
    Please stop. It's getting really breathy in here. I'm fine.
    BOBBY
    What about me? I have amniotic fluid on my Gucci tux.
    ANGLE on the mini bar , which is fully stocked .
    ARTHUR
    Who needs a drink?
    Everyone -LRB- including Zoe -RRB- raises their hands .

INT. LENOX HILL HOSPITAL - DAY
    Zoe is being wheeled into Labor and Delivery with the gang in tow . Bobby still has a glass of champagne in his hand . Nana grabs the glass and swigs it .
    NANA
    ( whispering . )
    Bobby.
    BOBBY
    What?
    NANA
    I do n't know if I can do this.
    BOBBY
    What?!
    NANA
    I ca n't go in with her.
    BOBBY
    Well, I certainly ca n't do it. I do n't do vaginas.
    They look at Arthur , who struggles to keep up with his walker .
    ARTHUR
    Do n't look at me.
    Nana starts to hyperventilate .
    NANA
    Help me, Bobby.
    BOBBY
    Nana, pull yourself together. This is the biggest moment of Zoe's life, and you ca n't let her down. I'd slap you right now, but I'm afraid your teeth would fly out.

INT. LABOR AND DELIVERY ROOM - DAY
    Zoe is now alone in a room wearing a hospital gown .
    ZOE
    Hee - hee, hoo - hoo, hee - hee, hoo - hee.
    Bobby enters , all sweetness and light .
    BOBBY
    Hey, girl. How ya doing?
    ZOE
    Okay.
    BOBBY
    Good.
    ( smiles , then . )
    So, I really do n't want you to worry, but Nana just passed out at the nurse's station and is now down in the ER getting stitches.
    ZOE
    What?
    BOBBY
    Everything's under control. Good thing we're at the hospital, right?
    Zoe jumps out of bed .
    ZOE
    Where is she?
    BOBBY
    Get back in bed. All is well. Arthur's with her. Now, on to bigger and better. who do you want to be your birthing partner? Your choices are me or Mona.
    Zoe starts to cry .
    BOBBY
    ( CONT 'D . )
    I know. They're shitty choices. Do you want me to call your scary lesbian friends from your group?
    ZOE
    I do n't know.
    BOBBY
    We're going to get through this, okay? You just have to really think about it. Who do you want with you in the delivery room?
    Zoe wipes her tears .
    BOBBY
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Who is the one person you want by your side?

EXT. 77TH STREET - DAY
    Zoe runs down the street with a blanket over her hospital gown .
    ZOE
    Taxi!

INT. TAXI - MOMENTS LATER
    Zoe jumps in . The cabbie looks at her in the rearview mirror
    CABBIE
    You're not an escaped mental patient, are you?
    ZOE
    Kind of.

EXT. 14TH STREET - DAY
    Zoe runs across 14th street . The blanket flaps behind her like a cape . She looks like a hugely pregnant super - hero . And suddenly , she has to slow down and then stop completely for a contraction . She leans against a parked van to steady herself .
    ZOE
    Ow. Son of a bitch, that hurts.
    OLIVIA
    Are you okay?
    Out of the corner of her eye , Zoe sees an enormous strawberry on the side of the van . And then next to it , she sees Olivia .
    OLIVIA
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Are you in labor?
    As soon as the contraction ends .
    ZOE
    Fuck off.
    Zoe takes off again . Olivia watches her go .

EXT. FARMER'S MARKET - LATER
    Zoe runs through the market looking for Stan . ANGLE ON Stan 's truck , where Stan and Fred are unloading cheese .
    ZOE
    Stan!
    Fred turns around and sees Zoe running . All belly and boobs bouncing towards him . Her gown starting falling off .
    FRED
    Whoa. I've had nightmares that started like this.
    ZOE
    Stan!
    Stan turns .
    STAN
    Zoe?
    ZOE
    Stan!
    STAN
    Are you okay? Do n't run!
    ZOE
    I ca n't help it!
    She keeps running towards him . He now runs towards her . They finally meet . Zoe is out of breath and can barely talk .
    STAN
    Are you all right?
    ZOE
    ( panting . )
    Great. I'm great.
    STAN
    Why are you in a hospital gown?
    ZOE
    I'm in labor.
    STAN
    What? What the hell are you doing here?
    ZOE
    It's you.
    STAN
    What?
    ZOE
    Nana's my birthing partner, but she passed out and needed stitches, and Bobby asked me who I most wanted with me, and. it's you. It's only you.
    ( then . )
    I do n't want to be alone anymore. I love you. You do n't know how much I love you.
    Stan does n't know what to say . He 's literally speechless .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    More than anything in the world, I love you.
    STAN
    I've been in love with you since the moment you stole my cab.
    Zoe bends over , holding her stomach . A contraction .
    ZOE
    Hee - hee, hoo - hoo, it was my cab, hee - hee, hoo - hoo.
    The contraction ends . Zoe can finally smile again . Stan laughs and throws his arms around her .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Ow. Ow. Ow.
    STAN
    I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. I just love you. I love you so much.
    ( then . )
    Let's get the hell out of here.
    ZOE
    Yeah. I think I really need to go to the hospital now.
    They kiss again . And then pull apart and look at each other . Stan has tears in his eyes .
    STAN
    Let's go have our babies.
    People clap and cheer as they hurry out of the Farmer 's Market . Even Olivia , watching from a distance , ca n't help but applaud the big moment .

INT. OPERATING ROOM - DAY
    Some fantastic song that makes us want to cry is playing . We are CLOSE on Zoe 's face . She is smiling . She does not look scared . And she does not look alone . WIDEN to reveal Stan by her side . And we PULL BACK and above the operating table and see Dr. Harris performing the C - section . He pulls out the babies one by one . We FOLLOW the babies as they get swaddled tight and handed back to Zoe and Stan . Zoe and Stan look at the little girls and then at each other . They are both in tears . Even Dr. Harris ca n't help but cry .

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - NIGHT
    It 's night . Zoe is asleep . She opens her eyes and takes a moment to figure out where she is . She turns to the side and finds Stan sleeping next to her , curled up against her in the tiny hospital bed . To the side of the bed are two bassinets . Each baby sleeping soundly in a little pink hat . And in the next bed is Nana , asleep with a bandage on her forehead .

EXT. 6TH AVENUE - DAY
    Nuts trots/rolls down the sidewalk wearing a sweater that says , `` I 'M A BIG BROTHER . '' We TILT up and see Zoe and Stan strolling arm in arm , each with a Baby Bjorn with a rosy - cheeked baby girl in it . Both girls have flaming red hair . A woman pushing a stroller passes by . She smiles at Zoe and Stan . They smile back .
    WOMAN
    Hi.
    ZOE
    Hi.
    STAN
    Hi.

INT. GRAY'S PAPAYA HOT DOGS - DAY
    They are now at the counter with hot dogs in front of them .
    ZOE
    Who knew you were such a romantic.
    STAN
    Well, it's the anniversary of our first date. Where else would I take you?
    ( then . )
    Cheers.
    They clink dogs and each take a bite .
    STAN
    ( CONT 'D . )
    What a year, huh?
    ZOE
    Incredible. Would n't change a thing. Well, except for the part where you dumped me.
    STAN
    And the part where you dumped me.
    ( to the babies . )
    Girls. Mommy and Daddy were stupid.
    The babies smile and coo .
    ZOE
    ( baby - talk . )
    Yes, we were. Yes, we were.
    STAN
    The first time we held hands was in here. It started out as a high - five, but then I strategically turned into a hand - hold.
    ZOE
    How do you remember that?
    STAN
    We both agreed that we were totally sick of weddings and hated when people wrote their own vows.
    ZOE
    That's right. I remember that.
    STAN
    So. I hope you wo n't hold it against me.
    ZOE
    What?
    Nana and Arthur come through the door smiling . Zoe looks at them , confused .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    What are you doing here?
    And then Bobby comes through the door .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    Bobby?
    And then Mona .
    ZOE
    ( CONT 'D . )
    What's happening?
    And Joan and Edward . And Jalisa . And Fred . And Carol , Lori and Sara with Dakota planted on her breast . And a priest . And we .

INT. GRAY'S PAPAYA HOT DOGS - LATER
    Zoe and Stan , still wearing the Baby Bjorns , stand face to face in front of the guests and the priest .
    STAN
    I promise to love you even though you still eat chicken McNuggets in bed. I promise to name cheeses after all of our children no matter how embarrassed they are by it. I promise to always check out your ass when you walk away, and I promise to love you more tomorrow than I do today, which does n't even seem impossible.
    And slowly , the sound of Stan 's voice fades out and the sound of Louis Armstrong 's voice fades in . And we watch Zoe 's face as she realizes that there are some things that really will last forever . FADE TO BLACK . THE END

Summary: Zoe (Jennifer Lopez) gives up on finding the man of her dreams, decides to become a single mother and undergoes artificial insemination. The same day she meets Stan (Alex O'Loughlin) when they both try to hail the same taxi. They run into each other twice more at a farmers market and a pet store. Stan convinces Zoe to go on a no-obligations date. Zoe is still uncertain whether she is pregnant or not and if she should tell Stan. The night she takes the test, Stan takes her for a romantic dinner in a garden. Things don't turn out as well as planned when he spills the wine and a fire occurs. At the end of the night Stan asks her to come to his farm during the weekend and Zoe finds out that she is pregnant. She goes to the farm determined to tell him that she is pregnant. They sleep together and afterwards Stan is confused and angry that she didn't tell him before and Zoe leaves the next morning believing that things are over between them.  However, Stan decides he still wants to be with her and they reconcile. They go to the doctor and find out that Zoe is actually carrying twins. Overwhelmed, Stan goes to a children's playing area to figure out what it means to be a father, but is suspected to be a pervert; this is soon cleared up. He finds a friend there that he can talk to about the pregnancy throughout the movie, while Zoe gets little support from her Single Mothers and Proud group when the group members discover she is no longer single. Stan takes the next step to becoming a father and orders a stroller for the twins. After many misunderstandings and comedic revelations, Zoe and Stan are walking into the Market when they run into Stan's ex-girlfriend. Due to Stan's remark that the twins are not his, Zoe believes that he is not ready to become a father to them, and breaks off the relationship. Later, the stroller that Stan ordered arrives and Zoe figures out that Stan was never planning to leave. At her grandmother's wedding, Zoe's water breaks and on the way to the hospital they make a pit stop at the Market. Zoe apologizes to Stan and they begin to work things out. He pulls out the penny that she turned over when they first met and Zoe promises to trust him more. Zoe gives birth to twin girls, one of whom they name Penny. In the end, Stan opens a store/restaurant next to Zoe's pet shop and after the Grand Opening speech Stan asks Zoe to marry him and she says yes. On their way home, she spontaneously throws up into a trash can and realizes that she may be yet again pregnant.