A/N: HEY LOOK I'M ALIVE! Haha, I'll talk at the end, I just wanted to explain how to read this. The paragraphs on left are in Ariella's POV, and the paragraphs on the right are in Ash's POV. The last part in the middle are in their combined POVs, with both thoughts from Ariella and from Ash, and some thoughts they shared.
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Obvi.
Why is it so hard?
These feelings that surround me are unlike anything
I have ever known before. I thought not having a mother
was hard. I thought having a father who hated me was hard.
I thought being a seer – or a shade of one – was hard.
But all of those things combined are nothing compared to this.
Why can't you just take me?
I don't have much to go before I fade completely.
I am sad and all too tired, and all I can think
is that I should have done something.
Because now, I can't process anything at all.
Now, all I can feel is grief. I would take death over this.
I would trade my life for hers in a heartbeat.
And even though I know that my death won't bring her back,
I might fade away anyway.
I'm not sure if I can hold onto myself much longer.
I might soon forget my name
and fade away.
Will you stay, stay till the darkness leaves?
Stay here with me.
The red haze of grief turned to bloodlust takes over me.
The only time it leaves is when I sleep,
and then it is replaced by horrible nightmares.
I know what it is, and I know I cannot escape it.
She used to help me, when it came.
She used to stay with me, until it passed.
But she can't any longer.
I know you're busy, I know I'm just one
He is a prince. I know that.
I know he has responsibilities at court things he must take care of.
I know he can't leave those responsibilities to come and see me
especially when he cannot know I am alive
But that doesn't stop me from wanting to see him
and for feeling betrayed when he does not show.
But perhaps it is for the best.
He is not the only one with responsibilities, now.
But you might be the only one who sees me completely
She was the only one who understood.
She was the only one who truly saw me
and the only one who accepted me as I am.
She knew both the good and the bad of me
and she didn't leave.
But now she is gone.
Because of me.
How are you so strong?
Your heart is really something.
How does he not break?
How does he go on, when he is not the one who died
and yet I mourn him just as much as he mourns me?
How does he possibly continue on with life?
I never thought he could love me as he does.
I never thought that I was worthy enough of a prince's love,
or that he could love me, of all people.
His heart is so big, and so beautiful.
He remains somehow pure and loving
despite the things he has seen and done.
And perhaps that was the best part of our love:
knowing he loved me, and loved me completely.
What's it like to feel so free?
Your love a complete mystery to me.
I know fey have no life after death.
I know she is nowhere now; nothing.
But I can't help wishing, for once, that we were like humans:
that she was free and happy somewhere waiting for me
without a care in the world.
I never understood how she could love me as I am
with these scars and curses, and the rumors that surrounded us.
I never understood how she could possibly love me.
I was never good enough for her.
And my unworthiness cost her life.
Do you cry, as I do? Are you lonely, up there all by yourself
Like I have felt, all my life
I do not want my lover to cry with me. They should not have to. Tears of mine will only hurt them, and I don't want the person I love hurt. I hope they are not lonely, like I am. I do not want them returning to the loneliness I knew they felt before we met each other, the loneliness we have both been feeling for our entire lives, the loneliness that was cured only with the help of the other.
I hope, even as much as I love them, that they have found another to love. It will make things easier for them. It won't bother me, if they have found someone else, whoever and wherever they may be now. If they have someone to replace me, all I ask in return for their happiness is that they remember always that I love them.
A/N: So! Talking time!
Does anyone know what "irvine" means? I tried looking it up, but everything online just said it was the name of a guy and a couple different towns. If you know, and tell me, then I'll write you a one-shot!
(Basically, this is to explain why I haven't posted anything in a couple months, so if you don't care about me/my writing then don't bother reading.)
So, here's why I haven't posted stuff in a while: I'm doing something called NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. I have to write 50,000 words in a month which, as you can imagine, is taking up a lot of my writing time. However, you do get something out of it: the "novel" I'm writing is a fanfiction novel. I should have it edited and ready to post by February-ish. So, I'm especially sorry to TheseWordsSpeak and Beautiful Redemption, because I told them I would write them stories, and I haven't written them yet. Sorry!
That's it for today! What say you?
Queen of Air and Darkness