We talk so often about breakups, but rarely do we discuss the breakups we experience from friends, whether we leave the friendship or are kicked aside. I have a group of women friends without whom I would be utterly lost. I can’t take all the inane crap that runs through my head to my husband. I need them. Losing one of them would be like a romantic relationship breakup, whether that sounds weird to you or not.
I share my life, my hopes, my dreams, my fears, with these women. To no longer have that person, to no longer be able to be there for that person, is hard to imagine. And yet, it happens, for various reasons. Kids, husbands, moving. Relationships change. People change. Friendships evolve. Sometimes, unfortunately, the evolution is only one-sided and one friend decides the friendship is no longer worth the effort. It hurts.
I’ve lost and left friends for various reasons. There was the time a friend thought I didn’t want to repay her a small loan. There was the time a friend refused to repay me a small loan. There was the time I wasn’t being a good enough friend. There was the time a friend I spent every day with went underground after high school without a word and didn’t resurface until two years ago. The HerStories Project presents in September My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friends. I’m proud to say I’m included in this anthology with a piece about losing a friendship and having no choice in the matter. Ties were severed, burned, stepped on, shredded, then littered into a landfill of friendship resumption impossibility.
The book is available for pre-sale now. It is filled with heartfelt, exploratory, and funny tales of friendship loss between women. Order it. You won’t be sorry. My piece, especially, isn’t typical. Shocking, I know.
This actually sounds like a great book….heading over to read now.
We loved your piece! Right away we loved your style when we first read your piece. And can I just say that your title would have been a great alternate title for the book: “Some of My Exes are Women”? Thanks so much for being a part of our little HerStories Project community!
Yep, we do have women exes. Friends for a reason, season , lifetime. Your usual writing excellence.
I am so proud to be with you in this book. To have my name alongside Arnebya Herndon – YES PLEASE.
I’m so excited for you! Just pre-ordered.
Oh yes, yes, yes. I can’t remember most of my boyfriends by now, even though the break ups seemed monumental at the time. But I still hurt from the friend I lost. I still talk about it. It’s been almost 20 years, and I still can’t believe the friendship is over. Sounds like this book is for me.
I’m thrilled for you. I’m still pained by one friendship break up in particular. It still eats away at me.
I lost a best friend. And it was 100% my fault. Well, 99.
Small comfort.
I think I am a good friend now; even a very-good one. But there were times when…I wasn’t.
Youth. Selfishness. Hormones. Loneliness. Plenty of excuses swim in my head.
But the deep-down reason that makes me burn with shame is that I was a not-good person.
I’ve been trying, since, to be better. I am better. Perhaps that’s my silver lining.
In any case, your essay will be brilliant (everything you write opens me up) and I will probably cry when I read these stories. That’s not a bad thing, though. Sometimes, we need to cry.
I know how this goes. I do have an “other ex” as well. I’m definitely interested in reading all of these, but especially yours.
Congratulations (on being in the anthology, not on losing a friend). xo