Just back at my desk, about to start work on my weekly Sunday Mercury column and I have been stopped in my tracks.
But this time it isn’t the telephone ringing.
No, this time, it’s ... a constipated lion.
I kid you not.
Up here on the sixth floor of Fort Dunlop – the iconic building you can see as you fly across the M6 travelling in and out of Brum – I have been stopped in my tracks by a constipated lion.
From Dudley Zoo, no less.
Apparently the digestion-challenged King of the Jungle is enjoying a glittering success.
Intrigued, I halt my typing to find out more.
And I can now report that I have just learned something startling.
If you put edible glitter in a lion’s food, it enables you to identify whether or not they are able to poo again.
The zoo proudly announces that Mwamba, a 200kg Asiatic lion, is enjoying a glittering success because he is able to poo properly once more. Well done, my furry friend. Great news. We won’t hold the front page, though.
Hopefully, Mwamba’s passing problem won’t have affected his roar.
Mercedes Benz must feel confident that their flash cars are full of phwoar.
They can be macho even when promoted by a load of chickens.
Beaks poised, the feather-light chicks have been filmed throwing a few shapes to Diana Ross’s 1980 disco anthem Upside Down in the car-maker’s latest big budget campaign.
Thanks to computer trickery, the funky chickens barely bat an eyelid as their bodies are twisted and turned to the beat of the music.
It’s all part of the mean machine’s magic body control, according to the ads.
The commercials are being hailed as a roaring success. Unlike a Chinese restaurant’s bid to win new customers by hanging giant naked Buddhas off the top of their building.
Li Tsui hoped the 50ft statues would entice diners into his eatery to try his Fotiaoqiang soup (which translates as ‘Buddha leaps off the wall’ and is a reference to an ancient Chinese tale featuring the selfsame act).
But he was ordered to take them down only two days after putting them up in the Shangdong province.
Buddhists, known for their peaceful ways, were so angered that they began protesting outside.
The bare-bummed Buddhas should be melted down to create gongs to present to Ant and Dec for another 25 years.
There are fears there may not be enough plastic to keep up with demand for creating the awards the Geordies win every year.
Entrepreneurs have been discussing plans to create a company specialising in custom-made gongs for the presenters, who won the Landmark award at last week’s National Television Awards, bringing their total of NTA awards to 23.
They might call on the 50p Man from Benefits Street to help them when he finishes meeting the Dragons’ Den judges.
But if Ant and Dec really want to stand out from the crowd, then they should take some advice from Hollywood star Emma Thompson.
The 54-year-old award winning actress won new fans across the globe when she “photobombed” Lupita Nyong’o at the SAG awards.
Rivalling Jennifer Lawrence’s phenomenal Golden Globes “photobomb” face, Thompson appeared behind the graceful 12 Years A Slave actress on the red carpet and pulled her explosive expression.
The result was dazzling, maybe even brighter than a Dudley lion’s poo!