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Jelly World - For the Last Time!!!


by writingkid

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THE NONEXISTENT JELLY WORLD. Hello, I’m writingkid reporting in from... Jelly World? Of course not! Because, dear readers, I am about to prove beyond a doubt that Jelly World could not possibly exist. I know a few of you out there are shouting at me, “It does too! I've been there! See, look at this jelly!" or "My friend went. She told me about it!" or "But where does all of the jelly come from, then?"

Hang on to your Unis. We’re still at the beginning of the article. You’ll understand all of this eventually. I wandered around Neopia, got chased by the Chia Police, searched hidden archives, fell off Faerieland, dodged flying objects in the Battledome, floated through space, nearly got eaten by several creatures, and hid in the shadows until I found the answers to the most common questions about Neopia’s legendary Jelly World. And here are the answers that I sacrificed so much to bring to you.

Question #1: Does Jelly World Exist?

No, as I stated in the first paragraph, it does not. It was invented in the minds of some poor Neopians after they had drunk too much Borovan. Because rumors spread quickly on places like the neoboards, the awful rumor soon filled the whole of Neopia. TNT is not hiding anything, whatsoever. Come on, now, do you think they’d make a world and not tell anyone? If you created a world made entirely out of jelly, don’t you think you’d brag about it? Yeah. So would I.

Question #2: Did Dr. Sloth create Jelly World?

No, of course not! Jelly World can’t have been created by anyone if it doesn’t exist, now can it? If that's not enough evidence for you, just think about it: what good would it do for Sloth to create a world made out of jelly? Would it help him destroy Neopia? Would it cause pain and suffering (other than the occasional food fights at the neoboards, of course)? See? Sloth is clearly not involved in this non-existent place.

Question #3: Where does all the jelly come from, then?

You think you've got me stumped there, don't you? Well, guess what? You don't! Jelly, obviously, used to be one of those things that the tombola man gave out as prizes. However, after several petitions and a few rowdy protests, our friend on Mystery Island decided to stop giving out jelly and go to sand and things like that. Jelly, apparently, can make a mess if it's left out in the sun too long. The jelly you see now is sold or given out by older Neopians who stocked it up at before the tombola man stopped giving it out as his most common prize. See, I told you that you didn't have me stumped. I researched this all very well, you know. This however, is a secret known only to the oldest, most established Neopians. I'm putting my life on the line to reveal these secrets, you know. I hope you're grateful.

Question #4: Why is it kept a secret?

How many times do I have to tell you this in one little article? It does NOT under ANY circumstances exist! Why do you keep asking me this? Obviously it is not being kept a secret if it doesn't exist. Therefore, I am not going to dwell any more on this question because if you were paying attention to the rest of the article, you'd know not to ask something that silly.

Question #5: But I've been there!

Okay, back to neoschool for you. Don't you know that "But I've been there!" isn't a question? It doesn't have a question mark. Like this: ?. A ? is necessary if you're going to ask a question and therefore, if you don't have one, it clearly is not a question. See? Besides, anyone who claims to have been to Jelly World is delusional. You're overworked or you've spent too much time staring at the Wheel of Monotony. Take a vacation, for the sake of all of those around you. I hear that Brightvale is very nice this time of year. It's also possible that you could be a victim of mind control, so please visit the Hospital right away.

If you have a friend that's telling you about various trips to Jelly World, don't believe a word they say. It's part of the Evil Rumor Conspiracy (ERC) trying to make you waste your time looking for or being afraid of things that don't exist. They could also be mind controlled. If you cannot get them to the hospital, plan a surprise "vacation" for them and see if you can help them recover from this very severe mental illness.

Question #6: What’s the big deal about Jelly World anyway?

That's what I'd like to know! Why am I being forced (for the greater good of Neopia, of course) to spend my time and energy writing an article about something that only exists in the minds of delusional Neopians? Honestly, calm down, people! Even if you argue about it on the neoboards or provide false links to a place of your own imagination, it will not change the fact that Jelly World is as nonexistent as self-cleaning closets. Jelly World obviously shouldn't be a big deal. We all know that childhood fantasies can only last so long, but this is one you shouldn't be holding on to. Do yourself a favor and forget you ever heard of this place.

So PLEASE, citizens of Neopia, I beg of you – enough with Jelly World! Stop arguing about it and just deal with the fact that jelly world does not exist, it never has, and it never will! Neopia has many wonders, so why be so focused on what doesn't exist? Go and visit the Snowager or something. It'll be good for you to get out and get some exercise instead of playing on the neoboards.

Note: This article has been brought to you for the greater good of Neopia. Any arguments telling me that I'm wrong should be sent straight to the trash bin. Thank you.

 
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