Babel:Igpay Atinlay

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Today's Featured Article - UnNews:U.S. corners Palestine rubble futures market

GazaWater1

SAFED, Palestine - U.S. President Barack Obama signed an agreement with Palestinean President Mahmoud Abbas today to trade in the processing of the region's urban rubble, having failed to reach any agreement to stop creating it.

The so-called Trans-Palestinian Partnership will gradually phase out tariffs, duties, inspections, and the role of the U.S. Congress in the movement of Grade A broken concrete blocks across national boundaries.

It was non-alcoholic beverages and mild gratitude to Allah as Mr. Abbas and Mr. Obama publically declared that a Palestine/US economic future "is buried firmly in the trenchant rubble that plagues our streets."

In a candid interview on Israel TV, Mr. Obama said he has thrown in the towel on a peace agreement between Israel and a Palestinian state, as he could hardly get his head around the Wikipedia entry, let alone reason with Abbas. Mr. Obama said at least all parties were better off with a financial agreement in the raw-materials sector.

The employment rate in Palestine also increased by 0.6%, as tens of Palestinians rushed to join the President's new "Palestinian Rubble Liberation Union (PRLU)". At the same time, a "Fatah Debris and General Workers Union" was formed to protect the PRLU Union members from the PRLU, and a "Hamas Union of Fragments" to protect the already established Islamic Rubble Movement. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Jew, featured on 5 July 2012. See the featured version.
Chicago Seven, featured on 5 July 2011. See the featured version.
Sunni days and Arabian Nights, featured on 5 July 2010. See the featured version.

Idday ouyay owknay...

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In the news

Onay isthay ayday...

Isaac Newton

July 5: X Day; Day After We Kicked The Brits Ass Day (Southern US)

  • 334 BC - Masturbation is accidentally invented by Plato in Athens. His diciple Aristoteles is later declared "Master of his domain"
  • 1687 - Isaac Newton (pictured) discovers gravity after being hit on the head by a falling fig.
  • 1689 - After outbreak of falling fruit, Isaac Newton officially changes gravity to 7.
  • 1946 - The bikini is introduced in Paris, France. Later, no bikini atoll was the trend.
  • 1967 - The first kidney transplant to be made entirely of lego bricks ends in tragedy
  • 1998 - Aliens fail to turn up and fry everyone to a pink crisp.
  • 1999 - Again, the aliens miss the due date.
  • 2000 - Yet again, the aliens fail to meet their contractual obligations.
  • 2001 - Cultists get seriously pissed off with yet another no-show.
  • 2002 - Kooks consider taking legal action against missing aliens.
  • 2003 - Aliens turned up, but not the right aliens. Bloody mocking tourists.
  • 2004 - No one turns up because no one expects the aliens to. And, yup, they didn't.
  • 2005 - If you are reading this, the aliens did not turn up for the 8th year running.
  • 2005 - Longest fart in world history. Produced by AMB.
  • 2006 - That's right, still no aliens.
  • 2006 - Zombies become extinct.
  • 2007 - Deal or No Deal? The aliens decide to take the money and not show up - again!
  • 2010 - The Church Of The Subgenius hijacks the Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 5 page
  • 2155 - Aliens almost turned up but missed a left due to wrong directions and landed on Venus.
  • 2156 - Aliens turn up and land in Tokyo but flee due to a Gundam Statue that lit up at night.
  • 19447 - Aliens appear as tourists, but at this point no one cares.

Oday'stay eaturedfay icturepay

Jesus on raptor

Some modifications have been made to the newest translation of the Holy Bible. In this scene (often called "Palm Sunday"), Jesus is now riding a raptor. While this was partially made to help make Jesus more accessible to Today's children, the decision was also made because certain Christians didn't want people to be able to say that Jesus was "riding someone's ass" that day. Both scientists and fundamental Christians question the historical accuracy of this account.
From the New Cooler Edition: "And Christ touched the Velociraptor, and the Velociraptor was tamed." Luke 13:37 (NCE)

Image Credit: Tshell
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Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 1 April 2008
This article has been featured on the main page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
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