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wocka
|
Doctor: "Stop worrying so much. Forget your troubles. Throw yourself into your work."
Patient: "But, Doc, I mix paint for a living!"
|
Forget Your Troubles
|
Medical
| 4
|
wocka
|
We child-proofed our home 3 years ago but they're still getting in!
|
Child-Proofed
|
Children
| 4
|
wocka
|
The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
|
Worse Children
|
Children
| 4
|
wocka
|
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's Not Unusual."
|
Tom Jones Syndrome
|
Other / Misc
| 4
|
wocka
|
"God give me patience....And make it quick!"
|
Bumper Sticker:
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
Q: What do you get when you cross a Scottish sheep with a Peruvian Mountain Goat?
A: The Dolly Llama.
|
What Do You Get When You Cross a Scottish...
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
Yo momma's so fat that a car hit her and she turned around and said "Hey! Who threw that rock!"
|
Car
|
Yo Momma
| 4
|
wocka
|
And Moses looked upon the Lord and said:
"We are your chosen people and you want us to cut the tips off of our WHAT?"
|
Good Question!
|
Religious
| 4
|
wocka
|
Q: Why didn't Cain please God?
A: Because he just wasn't Able.
|
Why Didn't Cain Please God?
|
Puns
| 4
|
wocka
|
Why didn't the zombie cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts!
|
Zombie
|
Other / Misc
| 4
|
wocka
|
How many roaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
You'll never know because when you turn on the light, they scatter!
|
Roach Joke
|
Other / Misc
| 4
|
wocka
|
Everyone has a photographic memory, you just don't have any film.
|
Photographic Memory
|
Insults
| 4
|
wocka
|
All believers in telekinesis raise my hand!
|
Telekinesis
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
Why did the lightbulb fail his test?
He wasnt bright enough!
|
Dumb Lightbulb
|
Lightbulb
| 4
|
wocka
|
Yo momma is so fat, she sat on a gamecube and made it into a gameboy advance.
|
So Fat #3
|
Yo Momma
| 4
|
wocka
|
Yo momma is so stupid she threw butter out the window to see a butterfly.
|
Butterfly~~
|
Yo Momma
| 4
|
wocka
|
Q: What do you call a schizophrenic Buddhist?
A: Someone who is at two with the universe.
|
The Schizophrenic Buddhist
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They like to keep their clients in the dark!
|
Lawyer
|
Lightbulb
| 4
|
wocka
|
Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them!
|
Frog #1
|
Animal
| 4
|
wocka
|
Mom: Why did you get a grade so low?
Junior: Because of absence.
Mom: Who, You?
Junior: No, the kid who sits right next to me.
|
The Absence
|
Children
| 4
|
wocka
|
Teacher: Larry, name two pronouns.
Larry: Who, Me?
Teacher: That answer is correct.
|
Random Answers
|
Children
| 4
|
wocka
|
Teacher: Name an animal that lives in the tundra.
Pupil:A reindeer.
Teacher: Good, now name another one.
Pupil: Another reindeer.
|
Reindeer
|
Children
| 4
|
wocka
|
What did the statue say to the other after a break-up and make-up?
I'm sorry I took you for granite. (granted)
hahahaha
|
Marble, Stone, They're All the Same!
|
Puns
| 4
|
wocka
|
At weddings old people poke me and say, "You're next!"
At funerals, I do the same.
|
Old People
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
What's the hardest part of skydiving?
The ground!
|
Skydiving
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
The skeleton walked into the bar and asked, "Can I have a beer and a mop?"
|
Skeleton
|
Bar
| 4
|
wocka
|
Recently, Today Tonight have held a survey. The results indicate that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population.
|
A Survey
|
At Work
| 4
|
wocka
|
I heard they were going to name a highway after Willie Nelson in Texas...
But be Warned: When taking this highway look out for pot holes!
|
Warning: Holes
|
Puns
| 4
|
wocka
|
Batman once wrote on the wall, "Superman is a wimp."
The next day, Superman wrote "Batman is Bruce Wayne."
|
Superheroes
|
Other / Misc
| 4
|
wocka
|
If a man speaks in the middle of the forest and no women are around to hear him, is he still wrong?
|
Forest
|
Men / Women
| 4
|
wocka
|
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other
|
Schizophrenic
|
Medical
| 4
|
wocka
|
"So what's your dog's name?"
"I don't know. He won't tell me."
|
Dog's Name?
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?"
"I don't know; and I couldn't care less."
|
Ignorance and Apathy
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
|
Two Peanuts
|
Puns
| 4
|
wocka
|
"Doctor, Doctor! My friend has only 59 seconds to live."
"Don't worry, I'll be there in a minute."
|
59 Seconds
|
Medical
| 4
|
wocka
|
There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who can do binary and those who can't.
|
Can You Understand Binary?
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buck an ear.
|
Pirates' Money
|
Puns
| 4
|
wocka
|
If the most common phrase in your house is "Somebody go jiggle the handle!"... you might be a redneck.
|
Most Common Phrase
|
Redneck
| 4
|
wocka
|
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
|
Conway's Law
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
The law of drunkenness- You can't fall off the floor.
|
The Law of Drunkenness
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
"Live in a way such that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip."
-- Will Rogers, Humorist
|
Will's Humor
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
Remember- There's a light at the end of every tunnel... just hope it's not a train!
|
There's a Light...
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
Politics - A strife of interests masquerading as a contest
of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage
|
Politics
|
News / Politics
| 4
|
wocka
|
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
|
For the Road
|
Puns
| 4
|
wocka
|
Actual bumper sticker on a jeep (the writing was upside down). "If you can read this, flip me over!"
|
Bumper Sticker
|
Other / Misc
| 4
|
wocka
|
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?".
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge".
|
The Neutron
|
Bar
| 4
|
wocka
|
Knock-Knock
Who's there?
A little old lady.
A little old lady who?
I didn't know you could yodel!
|
A Little Old Lady
|
Knock-Knock
| 4
|
wocka
|
What do you call a dinosaur that is able to give you a synonym for any word you give him?
Answer: A Thesaurus! :)
|
Corny ...but Cute!
|
Animal
| 4
|
wocka
|
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine!
|
Numbers
|
Puns
| 4
|
wocka
|
Don't let your mind wander. It's too small to be out on its own.
|
Mind
|
Insults
| 4
|
wocka
|
What's a ghost's least favorite room in a house?
-The living room
|
The Oldest Joke Ever.
|
Other / Misc
| 4
|
wocka
|
When I die I want to go peacefully - like my grandfather did - in his sleep.
Not screaming like the passengers in his car.
|
When I Die...
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
Yo momma so fat, she has to use the highway as a slip and slide!
|
Yo Momma So Fat...
|
Yo Momma
| 4
|
wocka
|
What do you get when you cross a praying mantis with a termite?
A bug that says grace before eating your house.
|
Praying Mantis
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
Why are all the numbers scared of 7?
Because 7 ate 9!
|
7, 8, 9
|
Other / Misc
| 4
|
wocka
|
Knock Knock.
Whos there?
Deaf person.
Deaf person who?
Sorry, can't hear you.
|
Deaf
|
Knock-Knock
| 4
|
wocka
|
Yo Momma's so fat, she wears a microwave as a beeper.
|
Yo Momma's Beeper
|
Yo Momma
| 4
|
wocka
|
Q. Why are families like chocolate?
A. They are mostly sweet, with a few nuts!
|
Chocolate
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
Yo momma is so fat, when she was laying on the beach, everyone was screaming, saying "Look it's Free Willy!!!!''
|
Ocean Sight
|
Yo Momma
| 4
|
wocka
|
Why do snakes always lose in court?
Answer:
They don't have a leg to stand on!
|
Snakes in Court
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
Did you hear about the two peanuts who got mugged on their walk down the street?
They were assaulted
|
PEANUTS
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.
|
Schizo
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
"Doctor! I have a serious pronblem, I can never remember what I just said."
"When did you first notice this problem?"
"What problem?"
|
Doctor Doctor!!!
|
Medical
| 4
|
wocka
|
Your momma so old she sat next to Jesus in the 3rd grade
|
Old
|
Yo Momma
| 4
|
wocka
|
I can only be kind to one person a day.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Today is not your day.
|
Today
|
Insults
| 4
|
wocka
|
How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 50... 1 to hold the lightbulb, and 49 to drink 'till the room spins!
|
How Many Irishmen...
|
Lightbulb
| 4
|
wocka
|
Q. How do you keep a jack ass in suspense?
A. I'll tell you tomorrow.
|
Suspense
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
|
Forest
|
Puns
| 4
|
wocka
|
Yo Momma is so fat, that when she finally lost her spare tire, she still had an 18 wheeler to go!
|
So Fat
|
Yo Momma
| 4
|
wocka
|
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: Because the chicken had the day off!
|
Chicken
|
Animal
| 4
|
wocka
|
The problem with keeping an open mind is that all my ideas tend to fall out.
|
Open Mind
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
Wat is die toppunt van geraas?
2 geraamtes wat woellig spyker op n sinkdak met n coke blikkie as n kondoom!
|
AFRIKAANS JOKE (Toppunt Van Geraas)
|
Other / Misc
| 4
|
wocka
|
Pappa : jy moet nou soet wees, ek gan jou tottie afkap.
Seuntjie : kan ma afkap, want sussie sin is klaar af en omgedop en dit lyk BEFOK!!
|
AFRIKAANS JOKE (pappa En Seuntjie)
|
Other / Misc
| 4
|
wocka
|
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
|
Deep Thought,,,,
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
|
Stupidity
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A: Because he felt crumby.
|
Cookie
|
Other / Misc
| 4
|
wocka
|
Q: What goes, "KCAUQ, KCAUQ"?
A: A duck flying backwards!
|
Kcauq!
|
Other / Misc
| 4
|
wocka
|
"Doctor doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!" "I'll deal with you later!"
|
Doctor! Doctor!
|
Medical
| 4
|
wocka
|
Q: Did you hear the joke about the jump rope?
A: No, I skipped it!
|
Jump Rope
|
Sports
| 4
|
wocka
|
Did you hear about the cannibal who was late to dinner?
He got the cold shoulder.
|
Cannibal
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."
-Poor Bear
|
Whinnie the Pooh
|
Other / Misc
| 4
|
wocka
|
What is black & white an red all over?
A penguin holding its breath!
|
Artic Cold
|
Animal
| 4
|
wocka
|
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world appear weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
|
Transformation Over Time
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
What is a robot's favorite food?
Nuts and bolts!
|
Robot's Food?
|
Tech
| 4
|
wocka
|
My little sister recently asked me:
"Why does the conductor of the band always wave his magic wand, but the players never disappear?"
|
Magic Baton
|
Children
| 4
|
wocka
|
Yo momma's so fat, she sneezed and caused a hurricane!
|
It's Windy Out Here!
|
Yo Momma
| 4
|
wocka
|
What did one penny say to another penny?
Let's get together and make cents
|
Pennies
|
Other / Misc
| 4
|
wocka
|
Yo momma is so fat if they named a hurricane after her it would have to be a category 20.
|
Hurricane
|
Yo Momma
| 4
|
wocka
|
Please submit any comments you have using this form:
Your Email Address:
Message:
Send Feedback
|
Contact Us
|
Other / Misc
| 4
|
wocka
|
Yo momma is so fat she used the Grand Canyon as her sidewalk.
|
Fat Momma
|
Yo Momma
| 4
|
wocka
|
I'm the kind of person who laughs at a joke three times: Once it's told, once it's explained, and 5 minutes later once I get it.
|
Laugh
|
Insults
| 4
|
wocka
|
Normal people believe that "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Engineers believe that "If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"
|
If it Ain't Broke...
|
One Liners
| 4
|
wocka
|
Knock-knock
GO AWAY!!! WE DON'T WANT ANY!!!
|
Warm Welcome
|
Knock-Knock
| 4
|
wocka
|
Q: Where do spiders go to learn new words?
A: WEB-sters dictionary!!
|
Spiders
|
Other / Misc
| 4
|
wocka
|
You might be a redneck if you answer to more than one nickname.
|
#2 Redneck
|
Redneck
| 4
|
wocka
|
Yo Momma's so fat, when she went in a hot air balloon there was a solar eclipse!
|
Yo Momma's So Fat...
|
Yo Momma
| 4
|
wocka
|
Q: What do you call an arctic animal shaped like a tooth?
A: A molar bear!
|
Polar Bear
|
Animal
| 4
|
wocka
|
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks
|
Dinosaur
|
Puns
| 4
|
wocka
|
You might be a redneck if your kids are named after the car they were made in.
|
Redneck Joke
|
Redneck
| 4
|
wocka
|
What door cannot be pushed, even by 10 people simultaneously?
The door that says: PULL
|
Unpushed Door
|
At Work
| 4
|
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